Addressing Autistic Trauma: Interview with Paul Micallef

[@user-ij4hp5nn6g]

"Just because you don't understand me, doesn't mean I'm wrong"

[@j.b.4340]

I feel this one. It’s constant abuse. It’s the constant rejection. It’s being paid less than my peers, because of personality shortcomings, but doing better work because that’s how I compensate.

[@MissingRaptor]

Thank you for talking about both children and adults. I often feel frustrated because we may be having a problem and the only resources available are geared towards the parents of autistic children. Taking a quick look at how an adult can try to heal themselves is super helpful.

[@naturally_rob]

This. It's so very frustrating. The majority of resources regarding neurodiversity that I find are geared towards parents of children who experience it, not adults.

[@Uatemysoul]

I think one of the biggest trauma I had around autism *I'm also ADHD. was when I was working in a bottle redemption center. Lots of audio stimuli. I had to count bottles all day. I count well in 3s so I'd count bottles in 3s to keep things moving and keep a tally so I didn't lose track. Boss didn't like this. I can't stand ear wormy pop music so I would ask to turn off or change the station to something a little better for background for me. Co workers didn't like this. I would wear ear protection most of the time to prevent distractions and block out a lot of sensory issues. boss didn't like this. The last straw for the boss, was when this lady came in with 3 bags of 2lt bottles. Would not stop talking. I counted her bags. I lost count, or didn't not sure. She claimed to have $30 in bottles I counted $26. She complained, boss fired me. I haven't really had a job since, and I some days wonder if I ever will. + Last month I got a Jury summons. I have a overall fear of crowds, situations I'm unfamiliar with, a complete feeling of lost agency, for upwards of 3 weeks. I want nothing to do with the justice system and do everything in my power to stay as far away from a court room as humanly possible. I was losing my mind. Every waking moment was filled with a sense of intense dread. The unknown of it, I honestly don't really have words for how I felt right up to the point that I was told on the phone by * I'm guessing it's whoever reviews things. " You are excused." I'm a bit sorry for oversharing, but well this is an autism video. I also feel like after the pandemic I feel uncomfortable generally everywhere that isn't home or at a friend's house for D&D night. Even places I once liked to go like, game shops, town hall tabletop night. I enjoy shopping despite the irritating music they put in most stores, but now it's a feeling of how fast can I get my shit and get out.

[@chriscohlmeyer4735]

A note on Jury Summons - typically there will be a phone number to call about serving / appearing for selection, the person answering is experienced in noting cues in your questions and responses that would excuse you from appearing they may however ask you to come to their office or report for the selection process. If reporting for the selection process you will likely be diverted to a court officer who will excuse you from being forced to sit around waiting to appear before a judge to be dismissed. I know that making that call or reporting for the selection process can be overwhelming but it is better to do that then being picked up for non-appearence.

[@chrislister570]

I've been saying for years that teachers and caregivers and family members need to understand is that disabled people aren't only dealing with the disability but with the trauma of years of struggling and being mistreated as well.

[@andyclausen5521]

Really disabled. Since many years. And I still care: For "family" ..... 😮😮

[@elizabetha.1171]

You've made a tragic event when I was 16 make so much more sense, I always have hated large attention and when my family sang happy birthday to me, I said I'd prefer they not and after they did I said "f@#$ you all," I was scolded severly as the bad teenager and now think I was speaking my truth of not wanting the attention, I don't even know where the cussing came from bec I didn't really cus growing up, I still don't like it but just tolerate the things and sensory overload today as an adult, I've never been diagnosed but they're thinking my daughter may be ASD as she has same sensory issues and throws tantrums

[@9000ck]

that's the clearest explanation of complex trauma i've ever heard. thanks! challenge by choice..another great metaphor.

[@galespressos]

That’s so true. It is the best I’ve ever heard too!

[@SeattleXP22]

My case: growing up with what I believe was undiagnosed and unsuspected autism, in a household with a lot of chaos due to parents' turbulent marriage. Layer on a good dose of bad social experiences at school. Ability to cope ==> overwhelmed. I remember as a child having several years of chronic respiratory and GI problems. Result: major social anxiety and social avoidance which I've experienced since a teen. Only years later (fairly recently) did I connect all the dots. Greatly appreciate you sharing your experience!

[@ThriveCollective1188]

One of the major reasons we have trauma is that we generally only feel safe after lots of processing of a situation before during and after it. Modern human life is increasingly fast paced and anyone that requires more time to process invariably won’t get that need met. Think of Birthday party overwhelm. It’s going to happen every year for most kids. The reaction/meltdown then creating humiliation and shame plus resentment or anger towards family that’s not validating struggles and seemingly wilfully retraumatising

[@HaakonOdinsson]

My autistic trauma comes from childhood abuse and abusive narcissistic relationships, especially the last one I had which was 13yrs. I doubt I will trust anyone else again. I’m trying my best to heal with my therapist. I count myself lucky to have one and one that is also on the spectrum. Wishing you all health and that you find the support you want and need in you journey ❤💪💪

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Just started viewing this video listening. 50 something near 60 yrs old. Awaiting testing w formal dx. Just at the outset tears and frown started. I so relate to trauma and feel I’m def autistic. Makes me think of a kindergarten traumatic experience w teacher and then some …. Thank you 💙💙👊

[@naomistarlight6178]

I'm autistic and feel like this was very helpful. Especially that I have to know what it is specifically about going outside/doing something. There are many sensory reasons tasks like going to the grocery store, for example, is hard for me. But when I break down what makes it hard specifically, then I can find ways to adapt.

[@sandygoodson9258]

I'm bringing up my grandson now 11 and he hasn't been to school in a year and half. He always struggled with school and the final straw was a teacher yelling at him across the playground he hasn't been back since. CAHMS are having conflicting thoughts, one says aspergers and adhd and his new Dr says no it's trauma,. But this vidio makes so much sense. Thank you

[@ushere5791]

we as autistic people have such high-resolution sensors that signals like loud noises and abuse, which others may only perceive as spikes that fade quickly, put us straight into saturation and keep us there for what seems like an eternity before slowly fading. i.e., we may still be hearing the baby's ear-splitting screech in our heads for several minutes after the baby has actually quieted down. so, with us, spike can equal trauma. add to autism an abusive and neglectful birth family and a narcissistic sibling with me as the truth-teller and scapegoat. i was so frequently yelled at (loud noise, yummy) and hit at home that being neglected felt like heaven in comparison...i was smart and different, so i was constantly bullied at school...sib and i were only barely allowed to mix with the neighbor kids, so i was never safe, and i was so completely isolated that i considered suicide at age 7 or 8. that's how bad the complex ptsd was for me. thanks to paul, i now know that not always knowing when i'm hungry (which i thought was a side effect from a medication that i take) can be part of autism, so even though i work so hard to be socially acceptable that i have most people who know me convinced that i'm not even an introvert (i AM an introvert) OR autistic, i had a bad public meltdown less than a year ago because i was both hypoglycemic and overwhelmed with ear-splitting noise that went on for hours on top of the usual filth, chaos, and disorder of the nursing home where i was visiting a family member.

[@BrokeStudentBeauty]

Wow, this video is so powerful. Thank you!

[@user-kx7oi9co6w]

Thanks, I've been struggling to understand how I ended up with a diagnosis of complex trauma when I wasn't abused as a child. My childhood was traumatic, but only because I was separated from my mother as a baby and raised in an adoptive family feeling completely different and alone. With no frame of reference I felt broken/damaged/defective/worthless. I felt like an alien marooned on a cold, desolate planet with no hope of escape. It is a special kind of hell because it is invisible to everyone else. You become a chameleon to survive and try to swallow all the negative emotions, but eventually they become too strong to contain. Minor triggers cause intense, angry outbursts and everyone struggles to understand where the emotions came from. I'm just completing a diagnostic assessment for ASD and am ticking all the boxes, which is surreal as not long ago I would never have imagined that I could be on the spectrum. It turns out that things I assumed were perfectly normal, like my vocal stimming repertoire, are perceived as weird by other people, yet nobody ever said anything to me about it, including my family, wife and daughter! This video has really helped me to connect the dots and understand why complex trauma and autism share many symptoms. I assumed that my symptoms were either indicative of complex trauma or ASD, but I think the most obvious conclusion is that I have both.

[@andyclausen5521]

After leaving a wrong church I am having a trauma, then covid measures. Really awful!😮

[@JoULove]

Paul is a great advocate and explains things very well. Great video!

[@galespressos]

❤ @Transforming Autism Project , @Autism From The Inside … what a super talk, it’s so much that way, what’s happening, explaining so much of it. This is so much it, and what happened with me very recently in the place I was in with an emergency and suffocating feeling. Having agency to be able to leave was quite important. Felt released to be able to leave. When not able to leave had to internalize it and the result was an immune system crash, at least that is my impression. Before it was Fukushima and next Pandemic which cause memories to recur. I think I handled it well but there was still the memory, and also connected with not being able to go home and losing my home and mother who is alive but lost her faculties with all the stressors and bad conditions and developed Alzheimer’s. On a side note, I don’t think the anxiety is wrong. We are canaries when we sense acutely and know internally that the environment is wrong, unhealthful, causing damage. Maybe we cannot detox as well and so are more sensitive and have reactions that we are aware of our senses. Maybe other people can detox better or maybe they cannot sense their own body feeling sick and being harmed. Of course, there is a learned component, trauma, to warn us away from similar situations but that may not be an accurate assessment by our body of that particular situation. It’s just an early simple alert, maybe like a smoke alarm going off when a kettle is releasing steam, so it may miss, but generally, I think it is pretty accurate, looking at patterns and saying…oh no..here we go again..danger!

[@misty_moss]

Yes, I feel also that the anxiety is not wrong - and the dismissal of that anxiety by others only makes it worse.

[@ellen_3]

Excellent interview!

[@belindakent2786]

This So True. But I have a hedgehog cafe. Still Sheilding. But nature helps. Thank You for talking about this. Interested to listening to this.. Am still Solitary. But Always supporting My Autistic Grandkids. That stops me from suicide. Thank You.

[@aspidoscelis]

"Don't push people"-yes. This is important.

[@andreabuntpercy]

So many check points are here for my autism journey so far. One brilliant conversation, thank you both!

[@mothercandymaker2271]

the music at beginning of vid was almost a sensory issue

[@terrigoulding559]

I agree, perhaps more calming music would be beneficial.

[@Star1412s]

How can we teach more people to avoid traumatizing autistic kids? I volunteer at a hippo-therapy center, and the therapist rarely allows the kids to say no. Some of the kids get words mixed up and will say no when they mean yes and she'll still scold them for it. It's not hard to tell what they meant by their tone. But even when they really do mean no, she won't respect it. Almost every kid I've seen with her for longer than a year has had a meltdown at one point or another because she wasn't reading their cues, or wouldn't let them say no to an activity. She even started desensitizing a kid when the kid was already upset once. I tried to call her out on this once and she shouted at me, and stayed mad at me for weeks, AND blamed me for the parent's reaction too. I'm not a therapist, just a volunteer. So I don't think she'll listen to me.

[@NeighborhoodOfBlue]

@Star1412s That therapist needs to be fired. Anyone who doesn't respect boundaries should not work with children.

[@ivanyaros]

Thank you so much for the video! It is sooooooo helpful 🙂

[@robbiegibson4112]

Definitely. Thank you for sharing and discussing this topic.

[@vynedvyne59]

Brain spotting is a technique found to be beneficial for both AsD and TraUma❤

[@normantouchet4185]

This is stunning , it's more about me than I learn yet , so for.

[@sheri6089]

I think there is also the fact that humans unfortunately feel the need to show/feel superiority over another-so (adult) bullying takes place due to perceived difference so vulnerability of neurodivergence is taken advantage of for people with autism.

[@AbbysalWarrior72756]

I went through this

[@azucenabustos1078]

Thank you!!! Im finaly being heard

[@EspeonaSparkle]

Very important video!!! More people need to know about this!

[@andyclausen5521]

And please: We need a translation into german......

[@jennidesilva5995]

Opening statement THANK YOU! ❤🧡💛💚💙

[@jasonpinson8755]

Great topic thanks.

[@normantouchet4185]

I'm still having flashes popping in my mine n eyes , I'm not sure if I'm ready to go as for as it takes.

[@TheRealTMar]

Even the best intentions of family, neighbours, teachers etc., it's still abuse even if they weren't aware of it. Seriously, I got blamed for being bullied too! Sure they understood bullying is wrong, but apparently, I was 'inviting' it..... I was just a child trying to defend myself because I wasn't protected! Bullies weren't told to stop their behaviour and I don't remember ever anyone being punished. I was safe at home, bullies couldn't get there but still everything was your own responsibility. On the one hand, that makes you creative, responsible and mature but it also causes you to be poorly understood. And my boundaries weren't understood/respected a lot. And it was often like: 'don't be ridiculous, just try/do this'. That pushing sometimes lead me to be slower with things, like cycling. In The Netherlands cycling is a number one way to get around but it didn't come naturally to me because of motor issues. They kept pushing me while I was very, very uncomfortable trying to balance on just two wheels. I still keep feelings to myself usually and I have exploded from that a couple of times. Because if no one tries to understand why you're in distress, you don't address it any more and you're on your own trying to deal with it. It's very unhealthy and perhaps it's part of the reason why I'm exhausted a lot. As for food triggers, I had several as a child. Still don't like mushrooms because of the texture(who likes soft rubber, right?) but most others are gone because of a changed palate and because some foods are of much better quality these days. But I will not forgive that teacher at school camp berating me for having a meltdown over sloppy, watery, disgusting cucumber salad which I refused, but got it dumped on my plate anyway. He lectured me about hungry kids in Africa and that we have it tons better here so we shouldn't refuse or complain about food. Whatever his 'good intentions' were, it's still bloody gaslighting! In those days, cucumbers were mostly water, no flavour at all and any dish you put them in, would become slimy mushy slob what wasn't fit for anyone. He had no regard for my emotional condition and apparently had no interest in my needs. And the school was special education even (LOM-school for Dutchies). A school which in hindsight didn't suit my academic needs as everyone moved to practical education. I took a little detour and graduated VWO(school level which gives straight access to any university) 7 years later. But in those days there weren't any schools for smart kids with certain challenges. These days I occasionally buy organic cucumber for sandwiches or simple salads. They're much more firm and flavourful. I need taste and texture, I can't bear tasteless and sloppy. But I think what remains mostly is anxiety dealing with things I can't control, I can't stand being disturbed, sensory issues and I still feel misunderstood a lot. I feel I need more autonomy to control where I am, where I work and the kind of work I want to be doing. That last thing, I have a basic plan sorted and there is a department at our organisation I would like to get into and have a more predictable schedule that isn't subject to factors like work influx in and people available to do it. Because when your roster even changes on the day itself, it drains a lot of energy from me and I want to be in a position where I am in control of that. At least, I am now very much aware of the kind of emotional abuse many people are still being subjected to. You also see it in online behaviour a lot. And those that do it, often get it back from me because I know what they're about, I know what they do and I know how to put bullies in their place. It is basically also the current geopolitical situation on this planet: Democracy versus autocracy. Autocrats are the bullies, gaslighters who want to control you, push you and don't respect your boundaries. Democracy is the opposite: freedom with responsibility, unconditional respect, equality, equity and institutional social support.

[@tuvoca825]

Is there a hybrid between the 2 traumas? Someone can have repeated major traumas that have some characteristics of both.

[@NicciAW]

I don’t think Rain Man helped… I’m 51- safety thinking is the biggest. Thought of as loud, excitable young one, but now very quiet. I have to prepare for the future.

[@Skoopyghost]

I relate to my ASD, and I have very mild PDD-NOS, but I don't go by the diagnoses anymore. That diagnosis lead to a drug addiction because I was treated like a freak and mishandled by people. I don't mind you thinking that I'm a freak. Opinion is an opinion. I don't go by a diagnosis that you use to mock me, do nothing for me, and discriminate against me. I don't lack social skills I see the world differently. Also. The rainman thing. I can hear a song, and repeat it from memory it. I can focus on a thing, and I can become really good at anything I put my mind to. It could be my autistic trades, but I refuse to go by a diagnosis where I'm less of a human being to people. The Rainman stereotypes just allows hypocritical people to feel hypocritical when they are hypocritical.

[@lanni8224]

I have a question 🙋‍♀️ my daughter has traits of being on the spectrum, ADHD she is very controlling/ this is how it’s presented. She has allll characteristics of PDA more then anything. Would love more information if anyone knows about this ! ❤

[@Sakichii]

If most of the signs we attribute to autism are trauma, what actually is autism at its core?

[@johnfgriner]

It’s being a person who is being honest, loyal & authentic in a world full of lying, fake, phonie people who think that you are bad because you are not like them

[@stevedpattison1]

When my autistic 4 year old grandchild has a melt down ( loud tantrum) what should be the proper response if any?

[@kuibeiguahua]

Space and time?

[@lechini4827]

Dont put more attention on the child. Try to give space. Remove thing/person situation that got the child "going".

[@JasmineTea127]

Use your own brain to come up with a solution.

[@kuibeiguahua]

@@JasmineTea127 please

[@anonpsude281]

@@kuibeiguahua say this happens in public transport for instance.. it isn't as straightforward as it seems

[@squigglymilton1312]

IM SCREAMING YES (autistic adult here) lol

[@annak29]

Please get assessed for DYSAUTONOMIA

[@andyclausen5521]

Me not: Feeling any Fear. I am a man. With sorrow.....

[@andyclausen5521]

True people do not like changes😮

[@alisont5115]

This interviewer's questions/prompts and responses were so long, this interview seemed to be more focused on the opinions of the interviewer and not honestly be holding space for Paul's direct experiences. I see this interviewing dynamic so often with domineering, attention-seeking, neurotypical interviewers. It was distracting and disappointing to see it here.

[@williamread8153]

🌸 Ｐ𝐫Ｏ𝕞Ｏ𝓢ｍ