This is an amazing podcast! Keep up the great work guys😊

I just read “adult children of emotionally immature parents” That book and this pod cast hit the nail with my ex and his family.

Guys can you do a podcast for the unfaithfuls after the relationship fails that is caused by their emotional immaturity along the recovery? Watching this video I see how I'm still checking the boxes of the immature mentality but struggling getting out of it. I don't know what to do after the R ended and being left alone with this way of living. Still saving for counseling tho. Thanks for this amazing podcast. So spot on.

I'm the unfaithful and my betrayed partner left me. But I dragged myself to watch this anyway, realizing myself is still living with this mentality. And I want to encourage anyone like me to continue self introspecting. I know it's hard to address our defects in characters and sometimes feels like pointless to do this after the relationship ended. But let's do it anyway for our ex partners for they deserve us living amends for the betrayal EVEN if they are no longer be here watching and giving a darn word to us now; for ourselves for our better meaningful lifes; and everyone around us; and our future partners.

I am so glad you talked about triggers. Samuel, I followed you while you were at affair recovery and remember you talking about this. My husband and I are going on almost 6 years post affair and I am struggling with helping him on his triggers. I know exactly when he is triggered but how can you run interference when they’re seeking out triggers? Watching KZbin videos that bring them on, refusing to accept any help from a professional, claiming their people they watch on KZbin are always right and that’s all they need. For example we were watching a show and the triggers started, he made several negative comments to me in front of our daughter. I apologized, and walked away because in the moment staying in the room I think was making him angrier. I truly want him to be at peace and to be happy. It seems as the years pass though it is getting worse. Is there such a thing that the betrayed seeks out things knowing it will make them upset?

You guys keep nailing it. Thank you!

These conversations do give me hope that I can get my husband to begin the healing process in earnest. And, recently, I’ve come to accept that he may never challenge himself to do the work. At the very least, these talks offer deep insight and are nourishing for me. Thank you.

Awesome podcast James and Sam. I cried at certain times during this. Particularly talking about childhood and remembering thet i was a sensitive kid only learning thst being sensitive and having emotional needs was probably something my parents weren't capable of supporting and it almost felt like a burden so i would self soothe in isolation, innocently, at that age. When i chose poorer coping strategies later in life through pornography, acting out and betraying my wife so many times, at the cost of being intimate with my wife, i am really regretting my choices now. Thank you for further opening my eyes, giving me hope that i can move towards being a better man and just that ounce of courage through hearing your message.

Gentlemen, you have just helped me put the jagged puzzle pieces, from 40 years ago, in their rightful place. I’ve got to catch my breath.

This is frickin incredible. So much intensity in 12 minutes. Ty so much ❤🙏

Please do this very carefully with a skilled therapist who will hold the marriage and protect it. I had my partner and his friend announce this on me “therapeutic separation’ and I was shocked and head spinning re truama of betrayals …. Over 1 year apart in no man’s land - so much destruction to the connection and it’s actually dying … we have had awareness of communication issues but sadly little healing and with all the different advice from so many people - we are not going anywhere because he does not want to commit to rebuilding yet…

With tears in my eyes I watched this video. After 40 years of smokescreens and obfuscations, you are affirming what I am just figuring out. I am deeply appreciative of your work.

What a great podcast cast. My husband cheated 3 times in 15 years. He does mot have a sense of urgency at all. And I'm starting to loose faith we will make it.

This Was awesome. Sounds like you’ve met my husband. He does all of it and then some. I feel hopeless, abandoned completely alone by what’s happened. We’re still in the same household however, I think I’ve finally checked out. He’s Done Nothing but gaslight me, lies , denial everything negative he’s on board. He’s never owned his multiple affairs. I found out about one, thought it ended there. No such luck. So many, many too many . My head hadn’t stopped spinning yet, zero remorse is what he has, better yet doesn’t have. Wish he’d watch this segment. Maybe the light bulb would finally turn on in his head. Mmmm.. I really don’t think so, doubt it. 😕 Sam wish you’d do both programs AR and this. By the way exceptional work. Thank you so much to both of you 🩷

Such valuable information. I must show this to my spouse. For decades I bought into his denial snd pushed down my feelings because he first and foremost blamed me, so on top of my anguish was my sense of shame. I think the way you present your experience and expertise will disarm many who are in denial. Your discussion gives me clarity and hope. I don’t know where we’ll end up, but this helps reinforce that there are accessible paths to healing. Thank you, gentlemen.

Spot on. Half measures avail us nothing.

I so appreciate your videos. I wish I could share them with my husband but I know that, for now anyway, it would only serve to push him further away. One day, I hope!

THANK YOU BOTH so much for creating this community. Your professionalism has a way of articulating EVERYTHING Ive tried to cover with my unfaithful. This podcast is a POWERHOUSE. He remains in denial about his deception, refuses disclosure, & runs in the other direction when I try to talk to him. Coming from 2 men, he actually listens to you. More often then not, before the end of recording, he gets pissed off & storms out. THANK YOU AGAIN!!

Great episode. Keep up the good work.

🎤 I HAD A LITERARY HEART ATTACK CAUSED BY MY spouse …when I found out about his porn WATCHING and REPEATED AFFAIRS OUT THERE .

Is it trickle truth when , the betrayed has discovered that the unfaithful lied about information that they disclosed. ?

“ BREAKING THE MORAL CODE “ …..MORALITY AND A CLEAN CONCISENESS WILL KEEP MEN OUT FROM “ the mental illness “ “ problem” ….. I SUFFERED TONS FROM HIIM NOT HAVING A MORAL CODE AND LIVE BY IT AS I DO .

🎤THIS IS WHAT WOMEN ALREADY KNOW …..EMOTIONAL ABUSE ….yet men think our emotions is 💩 …..Very validating to us the real VICTIMS .MONETARY COMPENSATION SHOULD BE GIVING FOR ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING …..

🎤 🗣️🗣️ …..MY “ husband “ should watch all your videos as he is the BETRAYER….. I SUFFERED ENORMOUSLY AS I AM A BELIEVER IN TRUE MONOGAMY .

LISTENING TO THIS PODCAST HEELS ME AND VALIDATES ME AS A BETRAYED PERSON .

YOUR PODCAST ONLY MADE ME REALIZED HOW MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE TRUE MARRIAGE MATERIAL …..🎤 most men should subscribe to your podcast .

PEOPLE CHOOSE TO NOT BELIEVE IN BETRAYAL TRAUMA ……THIS IS VERY SERIOUS “ BUSINESS“ AND VERY SAD TO SEE HOW PEOPLE TAKE IT SO LIGHTLY…..THIS EPISODE DESCRIBES ME SO WELL …..I DO NOT FEEL SAFE AT ALL AND IN THE WORLD , AS A BETRAYED .

TRUE ….ALL BETRAYAL STARTS WITH GASLIGHTING ……I HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING THIS SINCE THE DAY 1 of MY MARRIAGE …..HE STILL CHEATS ….AFTER 18 years of marriage …..HE IS VERY ANGRY MOST OF THE TIME …..THANKS FOR TELLING TRUTH …..I ALWAYS APPRECIATE TRUTH ONLY .

Sam, in the Greek, the word perfect actually means complete.

Sam and James are 100% correct! Change is absolutely possible, but you have to want it and you have to work your ass off to make it happen. You can’t do it for anyone else, have to do it for yourself. Good things come not to those who wait for them,but for those who work for them.

"The people we surround ourselves with, need to be people that challenge us!" I love that!!

How do you get an intensive with James??? ❤️

During an undiscovered limerent affair, what emotions does an unfaithful have with regards to their spouse and kids? Without outright confronting them, which would tear apart the family, what can the betrayed partner do?

Wife of 30 years has recently become unfaithful, full blown limerence. I see some of what you’re saying in her. She doesn’t know that I know but possibly suspects it. Any advice on what I can do to position myself for a reconciliation at some point?

Thank You for the validation. 4 years in and my spouse is still reactive and shows no empathy.

Exactly where me and my partner are at and have been at, but the ball is truly in his court now. Ty for the validation and help with my sanity ❣️😇

Shame is more “ I am bad” Guilt is “ I did something bad”

I disagree with your definition of guilt and shame. Guilt is you feel bad for your transgression Shame is you feel bad that others can see your transgressions. Both are normal and nessasary but can and should be reduced by repentance, confession and forgivness by those transgressed against.

Great episode

Thank you so much for this. You will never know how much that you have helped me through this layer of hell that I have been in for 4 months now. First I found out that my husband of 24 years has been having an affair for at least over a year. Then 2 weeks ago found out that she has had his baby. (The skank got pregnant on purpose trying to trap him.) He ad I also have a little 12 year old boy. I'm suffering so so so bad.

Hello. My name is Suzanne & I am healing from betrayal trauma. I learned 2 1/2 yrs ago, my husband cheated 3 yrs after we married. I suspected, details were confirmed by MALE FRIEND WHO SAW HIM, I asked repeatedly & he lied manipulating me for the next 32 yrs. I want to send PERSONAL THANK YOU for creating this channel. Ive discussed many of the topics in your podcasts with my husband in attempt to heal him & NOTHING seems into work, until you produced these. HE, the unfaithful & disrespectful, will listen to a MAN'S point of view much more willingly than listening to the #$%! wife. Seeing a female professional LFMT did not work. He OGLES & GAWKS at women in public in front of me & she was another target. 💔

The denial, lying and gaslighting was worse than the affair my ex wife had. After a year of "he's just a friend" "Ya we slept in a bed together, but all we did was cuttle" "He is saying we had an affair because that's the way he jokes around" "You are blowing this out of proportion, its not a big deal" "Ya I sent those naked pictures to him, but that's how we joke around with each other so it's really not inappropriate" etc. The denial and lying was laughable and infuriating at the same time. Even when i would tell her the truth sounds better than your lies, she would stand firm. I never got an admission, any apology or any closure. That was really hard in the moving on process.

Thank you for all the content you produce 🙏 Please don't stop, if anything, more content would be awesome 👍

My ex wife at the time of D day told me she wasn't going to counseling because they would try to convince me that she was having an affair and if I wasted out money by going myself she would leave me. I didn't go out of fear of losing her and a big mistake on my part. I had to go through a year of her denying, lying and gaslighting as well as just drop it, just get over it, it's not a big deal before I got enough self respect to divorce her. The day I told her was the only time I saw her cry. Wasn't long after that she flew out to be with her AP. Shortly after the divorce she was engaged, pregnant and then married. Divorce care helped but eventually I saw a counselor for 2.5 years to really walk me through all the anger, self blame, and trust issues I had and then eventually forgiveness. I finally did get remarried years later to an amazing woman. I never did get an admission of guilt or an apology, but I accepted years ago that will never come. I hope my ex has forgiven herself and done work to deal with what she did and teaches her kids to not do that to anyone else. I have to admit I occasionally wonder about the why's but have to remind myself this was her and there is no logical explanation.

Yes!

This is a great video!

I really need your help…

Thank you for such a valuable video, Sam and James. You are helping so many people. Thank you again.

Thank you Sam and James! Create a 12 step program for the unfaithful! They need to live it everyday!

How does untreated/undiagnosed ADHD play a role in an unfaithfuls ability to attune, empathize, and follow through with boundaries or commitments made with the best intentions?