These sound a lot like the 4 agreements.

Love that Kill off soul by comparison- to be undeserving- wow!

Oh James, thank you for such a personal and meaningful video. You are helping so many of us.

How do you deal with your husband who has a large amount of of narcissistic tendencies, 2 different affairs 18 years apart . Recovered from the first affair which took a long time with a marriage counselor and a marriage intensive at winshape . Now getting a divorce I am going to counseling he refuses. I feel like he never dealt with his emotional issues the first time .😂😂

I appreciate your video so very much. I was wondering if you could ever touch on how the unfaithful can have boundaries with the opposite sex. I mean, I know somethings are obvious, like texting other women and flirting, and things like that. But I found that there are a lot of slippery slope behaviors that my unfaithful husband does that are not only triggering to me, but feel unsafe. However, the truth is we live in a world where he has to interact with women both at work and out in public. He is an outgoing guy who loves to get attention by joking around and he has a long history of emotional affairs. He has gone years without acting out, but it’s these general boundaries that we both seem to be unclear on. When we’ve seek help in the past, it’s only touched on the big thing like pornography, meeting up with other women. You both have such a good way of breaking it down and clear terms. I think that you would do the best job of this topic.

Thank you so much once again! My Unfaithful husband takes notes on each of your episodes, and I’ve seen an improvement so thank you again James and Samuel😊😊😊

I agree it’s like Totally free therapy! Neither of us are “the unfaithful”, we’re just codependent- or immature in our relationship, but I glean a lot from these talks!! Thank you.

Wow I luv your podcast I wish I could get my soon to be ex husband to listen to you All ! He blames me for acting crazy ! Went to a weekend intensive with dr ramani the narcism expert psychologist! Realized I was having reactive abuse !

This is so f'n confirming!!! I've suspected all these things but was ALWAYS accused of being paranoid/insecure/crazy,etc. Every single point on this video is exceptionally VALID.as I am now. TY

My husband while having the second affair stated I have not cheated since the first affair with a grin on his face ! ( probably a narcissistic glare)😢😢

I wish my 2 time unfaithful soon to be ex husband would follow you both ! Just found your podcast ! Only people he talks too are his parents who enables him bad behavior!!!

I wish my 2 time unfaithful soon to be ex husband would follow you both ! Just found your podcast ! Only people he talks too are his parents who enables him bad behavior!!!

What do I do if I and we are stuck?

I just found your channel ! Husband having second affair ! Blames me for everything . His parents don’t hold him accountable for what he is doing to me or my kids . Husband not talking to any friends who might hold him accountable!!!

I don't want to stay and I don't want to let go. I never believed my spouse would cheat. Shattered

What a wonderful video, thank you both. This is definitely what we need during this holiday season. My husband and I have both watched this separately and will discuss it together to help us navigate these holidays. Merry Christmas to you both❤❤❤

Here’s some reality. I was used for sex from infancy by family members and others. My mother knew and did nothing. She did ultimately leave my dad to plunge her and my four younger siblings into abject poverty as she tried to raise us alone in the early 70’s. Having been told repeatedly that I was loved while being abused I believed they were inseparable and that I was being loved by being promiscuous. My mother died of cancer in 1980. I had repressed my past and didn’t even begin to resurface until I had accepted Jesus in 1989 and was already married with three kids. I have reoffended several times over the years. My husband is emotionally closed off and is a hard worker. We have always teetered on the poverty line and counseling has been hit and miss. I find myself here, trying to find a tiny bit of hope for both of us to find healing.

There are world class, famous parenting classes, books and ministry just as there are similar offerings like yours for marital issues because these are the most valuable relationships to society and solving or alleviating stresses or big issues in them is some of the most valuable as well as profitable work we can offer each other as well society. Great point, Gentlemen! Thank you. So grateful there are such dedicated souls to helping make changes in these uncomfortable situations.

Not only are you right on about needing outside help, you are God sent. I am an unfaithful female in therapy for CPTSD for over 40 years on and off. You have given me hope that we can get through this together. Thank you.

Have both of you been listening to me explain our marriage to the betrayer and anyone else I have talked to about it? Some of this is verbatim things I have said. I'm not even a therapist. I'm just a betrayed spouse. No one listens though -- even professionals. Seems no one can hear. And it seems like mostly, not many can relate nor do they care. It is so beyond traumatic.

This is an amazing podcast! Keep up the great work guys😊

I just read “adult children of emotionally immature parents” That book and this pod cast hit the nail with my ex and his family.

Guys can you do a podcast for the unfaithfuls after the relationship fails that is caused by their emotional immaturity along the recovery? Watching this video I see how I'm still checking the boxes of the immature mentality but struggling getting out of it. I don't know what to do after the R ended and being left alone with this way of living. Still saving for counseling tho. Thanks for this amazing podcast. So spot on.

I'm the unfaithful and my betrayed partner left me. But I dragged myself to watch this anyway, realizing myself is still living with this mentality. And I want to encourage anyone like me to continue self introspecting. I know it's hard to address our defects in characters and sometimes feels like pointless to do this after the relationship ended. But let's do it anyway for our ex partners for they deserve us living amends for the betrayal EVEN if they are no longer be here watching and giving a darn word to us now; for ourselves for our better meaningful lifes; and everyone around us; and our future partners.

I am so glad you talked about triggers. Samuel, I followed you while you were at affair recovery and remember you talking about this. My husband and I are going on almost 6 years post affair and I am struggling with helping him on his triggers. I know exactly when he is triggered but how can you run interference when they’re seeking out triggers? Watching KZbin videos that bring them on, refusing to accept any help from a professional, claiming their people they watch on KZbin are always right and that’s all they need. For example we were watching a show and the triggers started, he made several negative comments to me in front of our daughter. I apologized, and walked away because in the moment staying in the room I think was making him angrier. I truly want him to be at peace and to be happy. It seems as the years pass though it is getting worse. Is there such a thing that the betrayed seeks out things knowing it will make them upset?

What happens when you just get overwhelmed and completely shut down. I had a lot happen...discovery, moving, etc. I just pushed everything down for like 3 months just to keep the peace but now it's rearing it's head again now that stuff has calmed back down. How do I keep myself from doing that again...from just going into a survival mode where I push all thought of it out of my head and pretend like everything is fine? I'm realizing it did more harm than good and don't want to do it again.

You guys keep nailing it. Thank you!

These conversations do give me hope that I can get my husband to begin the healing process in earnest. And, recently, I’ve come to accept that he may never challenge himself to do the work. At the very least, these talks offer deep insight and are nourishing for me. Thank you.

Awesome podcast James and Sam. I cried at certain times during this. Particularly talking about childhood and remembering thet i was a sensitive kid only learning thst being sensitive and having emotional needs was probably something my parents weren't capable of supporting and it almost felt like a burden so i would self soothe in isolation, innocently, at that age. When i chose poorer coping strategies later in life through pornography, acting out and betraying my wife so many times, at the cost of being intimate with my wife, i am really regretting my choices now. Thank you for further opening my eyes, giving me hope that i can move towards being a better man and just that ounce of courage through hearing your message.

Gentlemen, you have just helped me put the jagged puzzle pieces, from 40 years ago, in their rightful place. I’ve got to catch my breath.

This is frickin incredible. So much intensity in 12 minutes. Ty so much ❤🙏

Please do this very carefully with a skilled therapist who will hold the marriage and protect it. I had my partner and his friend announce this on me “therapeutic separation’ and I was shocked and head spinning re truama of betrayals …. Over 1 year apart in no man’s land - so much destruction to the connection and it’s actually dying … we have had awareness of communication issues but sadly little healing and with all the different advice from so many people - we are not going anywhere because he does not want to commit to rebuilding yet…

With tears in my eyes I watched this video. After 40 years of smokescreens and obfuscations, you are affirming what I am just figuring out. I am deeply appreciative of your work.

What a great podcast cast. My husband cheated 3 times in 15 years. He does mot have a sense of urgency at all. And I'm starting to loose faith we will make it.

This Was awesome. Sounds like you’ve met my husband. He does all of it and then some. I feel hopeless, abandoned completely alone by what’s happened. We’re still in the same household however, I think I’ve finally checked out. He’s Done Nothing but gaslight me, lies , denial everything negative he’s on board. He’s never owned his multiple affairs. I found out about one, thought it ended there. No such luck. So many, many too many . My head hadn’t stopped spinning yet, zero remorse is what he has, better yet doesn’t have. Wish he’d watch this segment. Maybe the light bulb would finally turn on in his head. Mmmm.. I really don’t think so, doubt it. 😕 Sam wish you’d do both programs AR and this. By the way exceptional work. Thank you so much to both of you 🩷

Such valuable information. I must show this to my spouse. For decades I bought into his denial snd pushed down my feelings because he first and foremost blamed me, so on top of my anguish was my sense of shame. I think the way you present your experience and expertise will disarm many who are in denial. Your discussion gives me clarity and hope. I don’t know where we’ll end up, but this helps reinforce that there are accessible paths to healing. Thank you, gentlemen.

Spot on. Half measures avail us nothing.

I so appreciate your videos. I wish I could share them with my husband but I know that, for now anyway, it would only serve to push him further away. One day, I hope!

THANK YOU BOTH so much for creating this community. Your professionalism has a way of articulating EVERYTHING Ive tried to cover with my unfaithful. This podcast is a POWERHOUSE. He remains in denial about his deception, refuses disclosure, & runs in the other direction when I try to talk to him. Coming from 2 men, he actually listens to you. More often then not, before the end of recording, he gets pissed off & storms out. THANK YOU AGAIN!!

Great episode. Keep up the good work.

I’m the betrayed and I am soooo hurting! Thank you for this. How do you can set up intensive with you guys? 💔

🎤 I HAD A LITERARY HEART ATTACK CAUSED BY MY spouse …when I found out about his porn WATCHING and REPEATED AFFAIRS OUT THERE .

Is it trickle truth when , the betrayed has discovered that the unfaithful lied about information that they disclosed. ?

“ BREAKING THE MORAL CODE “ …..MORALITY AND A CLEAN CONCISENESS WILL KEEP MEN OUT FROM “ the mental illness “ “ problem” ….. I SUFFERED TONS FROM HIIM NOT HAVING A MORAL CODE AND LIVE BY IT AS I DO .

🎤THIS IS WHAT WOMEN ALREADY KNOW …..EMOTIONAL ABUSE ….yet men think our emotions is 💩 …..Very validating to us the real VICTIMS .MONETARY COMPENSATION SHOULD BE GIVING FOR ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING …..

🎤 🗣️🗣️ …..MY “ husband “ should watch all your videos as he is the BETRAYER….. I SUFFERED ENORMOUSLY AS I AM A BELIEVER IN TRUE MONOGAMY .

LISTENING TO THIS PODCAST HEELS ME AND VALIDATES ME AS A BETRAYED PERSON .

YOUR PODCAST ONLY MADE ME REALIZED HOW MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE TRUE MARRIAGE MATERIAL …..🎤 most men should subscribe to your podcast .

PEOPLE CHOOSE TO NOT BELIEVE IN BETRAYAL TRAUMA ……THIS IS VERY SERIOUS “ BUSINESS“ AND VERY SAD TO SEE HOW PEOPLE TAKE IT SO LIGHTLY…..THIS EPISODE DESCRIBES ME SO WELL …..I DO NOT FEEL SAFE AT ALL AND IN THE WORLD , AS A BETRAYED .

TRUE ….ALL BETRAYAL STARTS WITH GASLIGHTING ……I HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING THIS SINCE THE DAY 1 of MY MARRIAGE …..HE STILL CHEATS ….AFTER 18 years of marriage …..HE IS VERY ANGRY MOST OF THE TIME …..THANKS FOR TELLING TRUTH …..I ALWAYS APPRECIATE TRUTH ONLY .