Holy sh*t. This is my experience, too. I’m a non-binary trans guy, who initially thought I was genderfluid. But as it turns out, I just liked to change my gender presentation sometimes (sometimes masculine, sometimes androgynous).

I don't know if I should say this but (1 I'm autistic and say way to much) 2 I should watch more of this before I say this too.. OK I thought you were a male to female transgender, I don't know if that makes you happy or not but that's oe I first visible saw you. I'm happy you can be you.

not related to the video but thank you for getting me into dog park dissidents like 4 years ago ! changed the trajectory of my life big time haha

I’m actually getting ready to come out and am creating a presentation. I’m watching this video because I want to convince my mom to let me bind cuz I was thinking of getting one for a “cosplay” (the real cosplay was actually identifying as female💀/j) and she said no for safety reasons 😭

I've been misdiagnosed several times by many different psychiatrists and psychologists over the years, but I now suspect I'm autistic and possibly ADHD. I've first been diagnosed with a stress disorder when i was 14, then it got changed to depression and then unspecified bipolar and then bpd and then back to bipolar and then they suspected stpd/psychosis, but it wasn't that either, and now i just have an unspecified bipolar diagnosis that they write is wrong, but they didn't bother try to diagnose me again. It's so fucking funny they didn't think i could be autistic when i have three professionally diagnosed siblings + more official autism diagnoses in my family, but tbf I didn't suspect it either because I lied to myself since I didn't want to be autistic because I didn't want to be bullied anymore 💀 also i heavily suspect i got DID, which has also been hinted at by my last therapist, but there's no treatment for trauma in my country, so having that diagnosis officially would also just stop me even further from getting help (another factor anti self dx. ppl don't think about is the discrimination you will experience if you're officially diagnosed). the only diagnoses i care about getting officially are those that will give me access to support, but the support for many disorders is very limited and not that specialised in the country i live in (denmark)

You look amazing, dude!

who groomed her

I’m auDHD and I don’t have a gender. I describe myself as gender less or nonbinary to other people because I feel like it’s the easiest for other people to understand. I also use afab to describe myself when ever it’s relevant in the conversation. I don’t necessarily identify with my sex, but I’m also not trying to change it to something else either. And because a lot of my trauma comes from the fact that other people are viewing me as a female, therefore abuse me in the ways that are mostly directed at females, I identify with certain experiences that female people have. I also am very factual and I don’t like when people ignore the fact that my sex is currently female, even if I don’t have a gender. It feels to me like when I talk about being fat and people try to swear to me I’m not fat and say to not call myself that… ummm, factually, I am fat. And it’s not a bad thing to be fat, so I will speak about it in factual terms. It’s not an identity thing for me; just like female isn’t about identity for me; it’s about speaking factually and referencing the experiences had because of those facts.

being around other autistic ppl is great, you're finally vibing on the same wavelength

Jesus Christ get over yourself! You're not that important

I'm autistic and I've got OCD (dx'd in that order) so these conversations are always especially interesting to me. Initially, my autism and OCD were collectively misdiagnosed as BPD (I'd feel deep anxiety when confronted with a trigger and would feel extremely angry when someone interrupted/ruined a ritual, something which was characterized as irrational anger rather than tied to having my feelings of safety messed with over something others didn't perceive). A few years later I described my rituals to a friend of mine, and they reassured me that's a common autism thing - it wasn't until years after that when it was explained to me that autistic rituals don't (usually) end in "or else..." Once I had that language, as opposed to the autistic-descriptive language I'd only ever used before - it was easy to find out that I definitely have OCD. I also found your talk about dermatilomania to be really interesting - it is actually one of my OCD rituals, and for me it's also linked to a loss of control, but basically only when one of my obsessions is triggered (e.x. if I watch a movie with an obsession in it, I'll have a picking episode, while if there's a huge change in schedule I will feel awful but not pick). My autistic habits and my OCD rituals have been easier to tell apart once I realized there was no "or else..." to the former. My route through the grocery store is autistic - I have reasoning behind it, and I know nothing bad will happen besides feeling upset if I have to deviate from it. It's very satisfying to stick to it. My performing things in prime numbers (stereotypical, I know) is OCD - if I don't do it that way I shut down with anxiety and feel immediately physically ill until I "correct" the number issue. "I have to put three exclamation points, or else..." It's not satisfying to have everything in primes - all I have is temporary relief of a "crisis averted." Cool video! Thank you for posting and sharing.

similar experience here! was diagnosed with anxiety, ocd, and panic attacks. I could never put into words what was happening when I was having a "panic attack" and felt frustrated because I knew it wasn't right because I wasn't... anxious?? like I was having a breakdown but without anxiety. it was a meltdown. it was an autistic meltdown. that's why 💀

I believe I’ve commented this before but I definitely relate, was diagnosed with bipolar at a VERY young age, like 12 or 13, also a more “informal” diagnosis that I don’t think is there anymore?? Although I’ve also not been to therapy in quite a while so maybe it is, I wouldn’t really know, but I doubted my diagnosis almost instantly upon researching autism and really fully undiagnosed myself a couple years after realizing I was autistic. I love seeing more autistic people self undiagnose because it’s so pushed onto us that diagnosis is definitive and doctors and therapists are correct 100% of the time which is SO far from the truth, they literally only diagnosed me with bipolar because I was having meltdowns everyday, as well as severe sensory issues, and they decided that’s a symptom of mania. Right now I am formally diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, and auditory processing disorder, and told by multiple therapists they think I'm autistic, but I'm not currently seeking a formal diagnosis because a) so damn expensive and b) arkansas's and other states laws banning autistic people seeking trans healthcare (thank God I'm not in those states, but still, in case those laws spread, I'm not sure if I'd feel safe even with a formal autism diagnosis)

I’m a butch trans woman. Thanks for this.

Yeah re: self diagnosis, I was the only person who could say that I was trans, so it never felt like a big deal to me to do all the research and come to the conclusion that I'm also autistic. Funnily enough every therapist I ever had as a teenager was like "you're fine, just a bit of anxiety!" and I felt incapable of explaining to them why I needed help. I was just too good at masking.

i was only ever actually diagnosed with social anxiety before i got my autism diagnosis, and i went to over a year of useless therapy for it... like yeah i am awkward and socially anxious, but most of my fears are not irrational and exposure therapy helps NOTHING, i just need a decent script and sometimes some help with that. i also think that had i been just slightly differently weird, i could've been misdiagnosed with ocd. i definitely have things about washing my hands way too often, getting obsessed with things (like that one time i kinda had an eating disorder bc i desperately needed to control SOME aspect of my life) and needing things to be done in particular ways, but i've apparently been subtle enough about those things, unlike i have been about freezing when someone randomly speaks to me in public

I’ve never called myself FTM either. Because biological s*x and gender are different things. If I were to describe the physical side of the transition, I would call it FTI (female to intersex). Because technically, my biology is intersex after transition (lack of breast tissue, ambiguous genitalia, the majority hormone being testosterone, uterus, etc.). I may be biologically intersex after transitioning medically, but I am a man in my gender (my gender is technically genderfaun, but it’s difficult to explain so I just say trans man).

this was a really cool and informative video!! sometimes i question if my OCD symptoms are really just autism symptoms, but i do think that i have both because i for sure get intrusive thoughts and compulsions from them. this was really cool tho cus its reminding me of how i was told i have BPD for a longggg time and believed it myself as well because of my high and intense emotions, meltdowns, etc. and then i realized im just autistic :3

omg ik im 4 years late but i did that book box thing for my art college submission and i put trinkets inside, and u could flip the pages in front and i painted different things on each page like one of them was a painting of my cat in the grass

nah those charts are confusing as hell!!

But on the same time, you don’t expect people to respect your pronouns if they think you’re a role player That’s the problem with tu cute

I also was misdiagnosed anxiety, when it actually was autism, lmao💀

First let me say that this is the first of your videos I’ve seen and I instantly subscribed! Late diagnosed autistic (49) in my early 50s who came out as queer around the same time. It’s taken me a long time to accept and acknowledge that side of myself, and I am devouring all the queer, autistic content can. I was diagnosed with OCD at 19, depression and social anxiety later. I was put on medication back then for the OCD. I did have a huge problem with intrusive thoughts since elementary school that definitely led to compulsions to at soothed those behaviors. However, in recent years, economic circumstances led to me dropping my ocd and social anxiety meds. The social anxiety meds never worked so I still have that, but it’s been probably been almost two decades since I’ve had any intrusive thoughts while my repetitive behaviors and other symptoms still continue. I don’t know if a person can grow out of OCD, but I do know that CBT was very useful for me and I can quickly change the course of my thoughts to prevent major anxiety. I also see a lot of things that therapists have told me was related to ocd like food issues, food touching issues, thriving on routine (I had the thought “wait- everybody doesn’t wash their hands and shower the exact same way every time???”) which I am thinking of in a different light since my autism diagnosis four years ago. So much of my life has become more clear since then. Thank you for sharing your opinions and ideas on this subject! I will definitely be going back to catch up on your content. ❤Kat

I’m sure talking about un-diagnosing yourself was a bit awkward, but I commend you for discussing the topic anyway. Thank you for your insights! 🌈

It's kinda funny, I'm autistic (not formally diagnosed, but I also have complex feelings on that) and have been given a lot of other diagnoses before finally getting to this one, and while some of those I think may be at least partially caused by autism (depression and anxiety) I also don't think those diagnoses were wrong. OCD specifically I think I differentiate because of the nature of how my compulsions manifest, they're based on genuine fear that if I don't do them something bad will happen, and often if I allow myself to act on them then they will try to become bigger with time. That being said, as I've gotten older and understood how to exist with that part of myself I've been able to make it a small enough issue that it's probably not diagnosable anymore. But that anxiety and impulse to do things repeatedly are still there, I just have far better strategies to deal with them now thanks to that being a very early diagnosis (not that the therapy did that much, but knowing what was up helped me find things that worked for me). And now that I'm finally working with someone who understands my autism, and the rest of me, along with my own figuring out that I'm trans I've been able to make a lot of those diagnoses into smaller things that just flair up from time to time instead of constant torture. So for me, it didn't seem to cancel out any diagnosis but it did help me understand how to regulate them in the ways my body needs and I am a far happier human because of it!

18:19 As a lesbian ciswoman, _I need to remember that nonbinary and trans persons have the privilige_ to deside if I am an ally or not.

thank you so much for this! i hadn't heard of the injection helper tool before and i'll definitely be looking into that for when i start T

next month will be 1 year of t for me, this video makes me so happy and excited and proud to be on t. can't wait to get older as a trans person <3

DUDE I know I'm late but I'm watching your top surgery journey (currently recovering and wanted to see different scar journeys since I've been healing a bit slower than expected since my stitches aren't dissolving) and it's wild to see how good your chest looks, I'm so excited for my healing whereas yesterday I was a bit down about the process so thank you so much for showing your process❤❤

This is me realizing I probably never had depression but rather ptsd because as soon as I got out of the abusive situations my depression disappeared. I have a lot going on but all anyone would ever say was depression.

as someone who is autistic and also has severe anxiety, i would love to hear more of your thoughts on autistic anxiety! i struggle to find the line between the two sometimes

I mean my little brother got both autism and ocd. Stuff overlaps and its confusing. Could be all autism related tho. Dunno. Anyway imma dip. My attentionspan is lobotomite level

this video was very helpful for me as someone who was diagnosed with OCD as a teenager but wasn't allowed to test for autism because i was "too well-adjusted" and they thought the diagnosis would negatively affect my future. i've always worried that maybe my OCD was actually just autistic traits, but hearing you speak about what you do and don't relate to, i realized i could relate to both sides, and i feel more secure in saying i have both. so thank you for this video!

I want to get tattoos and piercings when I’m older. It feels like something that would give me gender euphoria. I think it’s because being able to express myself and take control my body and how it looks feels more like I can control how I’m perceived. That’s just my view ofc and I’m really curious to see other people’s methods for gender euphoria. Have a great day 🥳

This is so relatable it hurts. Like. Maybe I'm not irrationally obsessed with and avoidant of something. Maybe I just really dislike it because I feel emotions really intensely so I don't want to interact with things that make me incredibly sad or uncomfortable. It's really been that simple all along.

This is super relatable, I'm a late diagnosed autistic female and my therapist who eventually referred me to be tested for autism was sure that what I thought were autistic traits: lining things up, liking routines, repetitive movements, were OCD. I don't think those traits are OCD for me. I actually think my diagnosis of OCD does fit me, though, because I also have distressing intrusive thoughts that I ruminate on and that feels very different from my autism.

As an autistic person with ocd I’m interested to see this video because I’ve always seen ocd as a natural outcropping of untreated/unsupported autism. It is based in pattern recognition, wanting control over situation and stimuli, and the general understanding that as autistic people the rules in place frequently make no sense and thus instating equally unreasonable rules for self protection becomes natural. I think because of this it near impossible to address ocd without addressing the route autism. (In the cases where the individual is autistic which like I really do think there’s a big comorbidity) That being said as an autistic person with ocd who knows many many autistic people with ocd and other mental illnesses that are “”””mistakenly”””” diagnosed instead of autism I believe that those diagnoses are likely in someways quite accurate it’s just that the entire treatment process is impossible without understanding ones autism. Interested to see how your insight effects my perspective, plan to reply to this as I watch

I am happy that you can get hrt before 18 I live in a red state so no way for me at least legally

I appreciate an anarchy rant. ✊

Interesting thing is that therapists ALSO have stereotypes about OCD that they've been taught in their education that prevent them from diagnosing people with actual OCD. I had extremely textbook OCD patterns in terms of the mental side of things (I had an obsessional thought then I would do mental rituals to try to quell the anxiety but it would only increase my distress leading to increased reliance on more and more extreme mental rituals). But because my compulsions were mostly mental and my obsessions were not about cleanliness or order but about morality, identity, and relationships, it flew under the radar of my first three therapists. (even though I have since discovered that these OCD themes are extremely common amongst sufferers). My therapist even once said "it's almost like you have OCD but instead of worrying about germs you worry about being a good personWhen I first found out about OCD I was like "Oh wow, this perfectly explains my horrible anxiety over the past three years". So similarly to autism, misconceptions in psychology about what OCD "looks like" lead to lots of people with actual OCD not getting diagnosed for a long time and to autistic traits being labeled as OCD because they fit the stereotypical (externally visible) OCD profile. The most important component of OCD isn't the content of the obsessions (cleanliness, symmetry, disasters, etc) but the cognitive cycle (obsessive thought, distress, compulsion, short term decrease in distress, returning of thought, and so on), because OCD really is despite its recent recategorization an anxiety disorder not a "behavioral" disorder. I just think it's interesting that misconceptions of BOTH diagnoses lead to the type of misdiagnosis that you experienced, because if that therapist really understood OCD, they ALSO shouldn't have diagnosed you with OCD when you had no obsessions and when your supposed compulsions weren't alleviating obsessional anxiety. I have since come to understand some things that I originally thought as part of my OCD as part of possible autism - things like dermatillomania, being bothered by asymmetrical body sensations, arranging and re-arranging visual things in my mind to make soothing patterns, feeling uncertain whether people like me (this one is kinda both), a preference for knowing things ahead of time, etc. Similar to you, a lot of these things are more about sensory regulation or preparing for social situations than the OCD distress cycle. Thanks for sharing your perspective, this was really interesting to hear as someone with definite OCD and possible autism.

YOO SICK DPD SHIRT

I want to say I’m watching you since 2017 and I’m so proud of you and happy for you ❤

I've got ocd, that's the diagnosis I've always resonated with the most, but dating an autistic partner realized I'm autistic as well

I think I have both! But yeah There’s so many disorders an autistic person can "fit" into - psychologists look at behaviors but dont investigate what’s causing the behaviors. Autistic people get misdiagnosed so often that I’ll bet that autistic traits are inaccurately influencing the way psychology understands other disorders. wish my previous therapists and doctors had tried to understand me better instead of making assumptions!

I kept my ovaries for the same reasons! I had a total hysterectomy (uterus, tubes, and cervix) because 1) I have endometriosis and 2) an increased cancer risk due to family history. I barely bled post-op, pain was manageable, and I was back to working from home after a week. It's been just over 2 years since my surgery and my quality of life has improved significantly. I agree that not having to spend time thinking about these body parts has been amazing. Ty for sharing your story!

I was just reminded of the one therapist i saw who told me i wasnt autistic because i had friends. I wasnt even looking for a diagnosis I just wanted someone to listen and like help me process my feelings about realizing I was autistic. Yeah that didnt happen, at least not from him. Also ive now realized that my idea of friends doesnt even line up with how a lot of people understand it

Not you mentioning dermatillamania as I'm literally picking at my face 😭

I try to undiagnose myself with OCD all the time because I want it to just be the autism but it’s a reoccurring diagnosis and I’ve had to accept the fact I just desperately don’t want this disorder. Love your makeup legend <3!!

Ur lipstick looks so good, I love the gradient!

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