i worked at a transphobic camp for three months

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[@marsm652]

hey! I was the kid that asked for your autograph at camp! im trans btw

[@graveyardpansy]

oh my god hi mars !!!! meeting you was so delightful truly made my summer so much better :) ❤️

[@marsm652]

@@graveyardpansy thankyou so much! I was so happy to meet you, and you made me feel more comfortable in my cabin full of cis boys lol

[@nailinthefashion]

the wholesomeness nourishes me

[@siginotmylastname3969]

@@nailinthefashion agreeeeeeeed!

[@marsm652]

@@dewilew2137 no

[@narc3angel]

“trans ppl are obsessed with gender” cis ppl:

[@Phoenix-np1iu]

"My SoN cAn'T wEaR pInK! tHaT's FoR gIrLs."

[@klem1182]

"oh, we need to group kids? maybe by their abilities? age? nah, nah, let's group them by being a girl or a boy!"

[@apollo4950]

@@fdfffgfff7345 the irony in you commenting this. Beautiful.

[@ThylineTheGay]

@@Phoenix-np1iu i read that in OT's voice (one topic, a great youtuber if you don't know of him) also your profile picture is hilarious

[@ThylineTheGay]

@@fdfffgfff7345 no one does that lol

[@Autoluminescentt]

I think what a lot of cis people dont understand is that like little things that seem sort of harmless if done once or twice are like insanely exhausting if every day you're dealing with them

[@s0Shi]

This exactly, it’s too exhausting to even begin to explain to someone who doesn’t have to hear the same shit everyday

[@jackriver8385]

especially the frequency. if one random person one time made a weird comment it would be waaaay less exhausting than having to deal with that every time you interact with a cis person.

[@griiiim]

That's because other people not supporting your delusion exacerbates your cognitive dissonance

[@SAM-BVCK]

@@griiiim get the fuck out. This channel is clearly not the place for your transphobic bullshit.

[@ConfettiCasket]

@@griiiim "if I use these big words I don't understand and have never actually heard in a real conversation, surley everyone will think I'm literally Jimmy neutron and take me 100% seriously 🕺"

[@eliott4615]

very disgusting how now a lot of these places use a "trans inclusive" type of marketing to draw more ppl. it's enraging to think that the trans kids there were put in uncomfortable situations when their parents probably sent them there thinking they would be in a good, safe space

[@WhichDoctor1]

Its the modern approach to business. You don't have to spend money on providing a good product or service. Just spend that money on advertising and marketing instead.

[@marocat4749]

Itsliterally cooperate inclusiveness, which is very superficial thinking j6st a course does solve, fill in any problem with diversity. Not to challenge the aproach, just a presentation.

[@Thim22Z7]

This is the perfect example of rainbow-washing Say its inclusive to draw more trans people there and take their money Dont do anything about how inclusive it actually is *profit* Its so disgusting really, yet because (most) these of organisations are in it for the money and not to make the world a better place they dont give a fuck.

[@cr1mzone77]

this is actually giving me so much confidence to leave my transphobic job rn, omg, im not alone-

[@graveyardpansy]

you’re absolutely not alone and there are better options out there !! stay safe :)

[@cr1mzone77]

@@graveyardpansy i have an interview for a very queer staffed starbucks on monday! its just so nice to have a new perspective reminding me i shouldn't be nervous to go to work, and its seriously helping me not back out of puttinf in my 2 week notice. thank you so much

[@emm2097]

@@cr1mzone77 good luck on your interview!!!

[@lucidthomas4402]

@@cr1mzone77 hell yeah!

[@nailinthefashion]

make an escape plan and execute it, cupcake, hope your interview went well~

[@kazoo3872]

the fact that it was advertised as a SAFE SPACE for marginalized communities makes it an even bigger slap in the face that they would do that. jesus christ I hope you and all the other trans folks that worked at the camp are doing alright, that sounds like actual living hell. side note, I like the scraggly beard :)

[@FinntasticMrFox]

Cis people see the one or two times they make mistakes and fail to understand that we see every single cis person's "just one or two mistakes" every time we engage outside of majority trans spaces. It's mind-numbingly exhausting.

[@jellyrock9963]

This!! Cis people will never understand :"(

[@vixa__J]

Like everyone I know happens to make one or two mistakes. *in every conversation we have* so there is no escape.

[@wanusanus4061]

@@jellyrock9963 I'm cis and l do, l experience a similar thing as a black person seeing the occasional racist remark online like once every day or other day. I think a lot of people experience this

[@mousearson9053]

@@wanusanus4061 Completely valid point, sucks that we all as a community have to deal with overcorreting others misconceptions or personal preconceptions on a daily basis- multiple people's multiple mistakes each day is so emotionally taxing

[@ThylineTheGay]

@@wanusanus4061 yeah, it's an experience shared by a lot of minorities.

[@spilledteaissadtea3037]

If it makes you feel better just know that those trans kids probably appreciate your support. If I was there and I knew that I had 8 staff members in my side that would’ve helped me deal with the bs that was that camp. You’d probably helped a lot of kids by being yourself. I wish neither of you had to deal with that and I’m sorry that it happened.

[@graveyardpansy]

i definitely think that’s true and thank you for the reminder !! it sucked, but i am glad for the trans kids that were there that there were so many trans staff :)

[@spilledteaissadtea3037]

@@graveyardpansy my philosophy is simple. I thinks it’s very important to remember the good because the bad can be so overwhelming at times that we forget that good events happened. Honestly that’s usually how I find myself in a depressive spiral tbh. Not saying we shouldn’t vent just try not to get overwhelmed.

[@marocat4749]

Would still be good if the camp were to pressured into actually caring at least a bit, but guess could be important, if shouldnt be nessesary

[@spilledteaissadtea3037]

@@marocat4749 oh no I completely agree with you. That camp could’ve done so much better than what they got. That was some major BS.

[@ptowzapotato4157]

It's so frustrating, that there were 4 "clubs" they could easily have a girl one, a boy one, a non-binary one, and an any gender one. Like I don't love separating groups by gender anyway, but this wouldnt be that hard.

[@beep3242]

Yeah, I was thinking that. Totally could just have girl, boy, other, and fuck it as clubs. That's still imperfect, as you said, but SHIT would it be so much better!

[@DeadpanVT]

Why they separate little kids I don't understand like why not have an all inclusive club.

[@diffhandle]

@@DeadpanVT They split the kids into 4 equal size groups so they can play games against each other.

[@lupineallen5039]

Those groups would not be equally split. I think it would be better to just have 4 groups that have nothing to do with gender

[@fdfffgfff7345]

Non-binary is a social construct meant to limit individuals from expressing their true gender

[@bebop9152]

i personally think scraggly beards are cool

[@graveyardpansy]

very transgender of me i must say

[@ZijnShayatanica]

@@graveyardpansy THE TRANSEST.

[@FlotsamCarnage]

Yea when the video started I thought "ohh cute beard!!"

[@black-nails]

same, i just wish to have such beard lol

[@neopets97]

I'm a researcher and am very tempted to give one of those trans 101 at my next group meeting. I'm the only trans person (that I know) in my lab and am constantly misgendered. It's never malicious and it's generally a very inclusive environment, but I still feel like after working there for a year and giving many signs that I am not a woman, I gotta say something (to be fair, I rarely correct ppl but I wear pronoun pins and have my pronouns everywhere) edit: also that sucks that they didn't even consider the trans campers

[@graveyardpansy]

if you feel comfortable doing it, go for it !!

[@jackriver8385]

I think at some point we shouldn't have to keep correcting. it's up to people that want to maintain some sort of relationship with us to do the work and get it right. I hardly ever correct anyone either but everyone around me knows that I'm not a woman at this point, and I've been out for 1,5 years

[@aru8536]

Wow. You must be fun at parties

[@T4Tea4two]

Oh my gosh, making the trans people do the dishes has me fuming. What the fuck? Also, I think you touched on a super interesting point regarding "trans inclusion". Some places will throw around the term "trans inclusive" when trans people are on staff, or to say that they dont discriminate during hiring, but will disregard the further implications of the term (listening to trans people, prioritizing their wellbeing, doing research, etc.) It's like, they think "trans inclusive" just means "trans people are included" and not, like, considered or valued. Anyway, brilliant video as usual~

[@T4Tea4two]

what's even worse is, inevitably , these places not considering and valuing the perspectives of trans people literally leads to excluding trans people, like what you had described with the nonbinary counselors not being able to participate in activities which have been thoughtlessly gendered. In the end, any "trans inclusion" that doesn't center trans people's needs and well-being will eventually be exclusionary and self-defeating.

[@ollieno971]

I read this before I watched the video and I thought the dishes thing was just like them having to do dishes just like normally like everyone else and I was like ??? What why is that bad lol

[@plzleavemealone9660]

Why should trans people's wellbeing be prioritized?... I thought we wanted equality.

[@T4Tea4two]

@@plzleavemealone9660 I just mean to say that most cis (not trans) people's impressions of trans people and their experiences is far from neutral. Trans people are routinely denied the ability to be knowledge-holders over their lives and experiences in ways that cis people aren't (i.e. "you dont get to characterize or express your internal experience of your gender on 'x' terms, I dont believe you" or "I dont believe or care that the way you're being treated or referred to is hurtful or exclusionary". This is what sociologists would call "Epistemic Injustice".) Most of this is just a result of being raised in a cis normative society, wherein people acquire a learned suspicion or disregard for anyone who isnt cis. If folks wanna say they're trans inclusive, they kinda have to activately subvert these impressions by talking to trans people and valuing their input, even if they don't always understand. Trans people shouldn't be actively prioritized over cis coworkers, but they should be actively considered and valued by supervisors in a way they socially and historically haven't been. That's what I meant by prioritization.

[@ThylineTheGay]

@@plzleavemealone9660 prioritised to the extent that cis people are. also prioritising trans inclusion doesn't mean excluding anyone.

[@raspberrycream]

Shout out to my university, who also says they're trans inclusive but doesn't let people use their chosen name until it's legally changed, not even in the grading system where the admins all have their pronouns listed (students cannot add their pronouns 😌)

[@BigMamou367]

Just to let you know I'm a Divorced Woman. 21 years later still using my married name due to the hassle of the name change. Then I would have to follow it up with changing so many other legal things. And getting a universal ID for me is next to impossible. I'm just trying to let you know that things sometimes are next to impossible for everyone.

[@raspberrycream]

@@username.not.known2473 There's already a visible place in their system for preferred names. They don't let anyone fill it out. When you legally change your name, then you can fill in the preferred name, and the old one stays. Sometimes, things are transphobic whether you think they're a deliberate "slight" or not. Institutionally forgetting that trans people need to be able to actually use the preferred name system that you already have is also transphobia.

[@theaureliasys6362]

@@username.not.known2473 I'm sorry, but that's shitty design. Better is possible. Judy take the L.

[@raspberriesrrandom]

Same. So scary. We hate all of that.

[@majesticfalcon6402]

@@username.not.known2473 regardless of whether you think it's transphobic or not, it's terrible design. Things can be designed with preferred name fields and one's legal name can still exist within the system. I changed my preferred name at the uni I go to, and the very next time I logged in to a uni service they were using my preferred name. Also the argument "it's the same system for all people so it isn't discriminatory" holds very little water. Example: It's really difficult for trans and cis people alike to get gender-affirming hormones, does that mean that the system is "equal"? No, because the availability of gender-affirming hormones only affects people who need them

[@rai1578]

Sadly, "trans-inclusive" settings or organizations actively being exclusive to nonbinary people is the norm, not the exeption, at least in my experience . Some are even actively hostile to nonbinary people. Even ones that are actually inclusive to binary trans people often forget about nonbinary people and are horribly uneducated about it

[@Hellakiddie]

I learned this the hard way this year.

[@raggletaggle8827]

"There's a lot of people and horses that I miss" The makings of a great country song, right there!

[@moonym6555]

That camp must have felt like such a trap to all the marginalized people who applied and got hired. I would also cry! I am glad the non-binary (and other marginalized) campers who who went to that camp got some adults who where in their corner!

[@phoenixb.c.2079]

I, as another trans person, really admire that you're able to like. Take yourself seriously. I know that sounds awful LOL but like as a trans person I have always felt the need to question myself when I have had very similar concerns to this issue... I'm always like, what if I'm overreacting? And push my feelings to the side because I know that cis people are going to see me as this whiny overreacting trans person. So when I hear you talking about this stuff and being like, rightfully upset, and seeing that you experience a lot of the same stuff and allow yourself to be angry over it... Idk it's cathartic for me. It makes me feel like I'm allowed to be angry. That just because I'm the only one in the room who's upset about it doesn't mean I have to just ignore my feelings.

[@ZijnShayatanica]

THIS RIGHT HERE.

[@the_sky_is_blue_and_so_am_I]

THIS SAME!!!

[@m00fc4t3]

same, when talking about trans issues to cis people i feel like they just see me as oversensitive and it’s such an awful feeling

[@bobtheball5384]

This experience is very similar to what being black feels like ngl. As a black person, it's always like you have to watch your temper, or you're label as that angry black person and it makes you question if whether or not your anger is justified. Not any better being trans sadly.

[@rwar3206]

Working at a transphobic place for THREE MONTHS sounds like hell. Hope you got paid huge bucks for that but at the very least your hair is a very big vibe rn EDIT: seventeen minutes in and I think you should recieve a metal and the opportunity to just stand in the middle of the camp and start screaming. I'd've lost my mind I have no idea how you had the patience to deal with that

[@graveyardpansy]

we did the math once and figured out that considering we were working all waking hours of the day we made abt $2/hr lmfao… but thank u, it was a lot to deal w but i do have cool hair 😌

[@cabin_quilt]

This situation really sucks because summer camp absolutely can be a formative space for kids to experiment with and discover their identities. Summer camp was how I realized I was gay haha. That summer camp also was known to be super inclusive (even though cabins and counselors were still gender segregated) and every workshop I went to asked campers for their chosen name and pronouns. By 2017 I had been back and forth on whether or not I was trans for years, and I thought that this camp would be the perfect place for me to experiment with different pronouns in real life (since I had already been using they/them online and found it really euphoric). So, in the workshop, I introduced myself with they/them pronouns. No one acknowledged it, and for the entire three weeks I was referred to with she/her. I understand that I was completely pre-transition, had long hair and a feminine name, but having my request completely ignored cemented in my mind that the possibility of me being nonbinary was not worth consideration and would never be taken seriously. It took me over a year to get up the courage to request they/them again, and even then I hedged it with "but obviously I look like a girl so she/her works too." I wonder how things might have been different if I had been given the space to actually express my gender identity and have it taken seriously when I was a teen.

[@KatBambi]

Yeah, I know this was a small comment made, but as someone who has worked as a camp counselor for about 5 years now at a sleep away camp, the amount of labor issues present is super fucking prevalent. Like working 24/hr a day for 5 days with only a singular break on Thursdays for 30 min after a staff meeting. Getting paid like $1.50/hr and shit. It’s all “legal” too, because it was a school district sanctioned camp. It’s really really wack the amount of labor they expect you to do even when you’re not supposed to be working. But overall I keep going back because I love being a counselor. It isn’t the kids’ fault that the adults are shit

[@baIthazar]

Kind of telling to see "the world doesn't exist to serve the trans >:(" type comments, especially the ones rambling off about how trans people 'want to be oppressed', when this camp was specifically advertised & had policies to be trans friendly towards both staff and children. It was an entire point of theirs to be inclusive, but you're getting upset because someone of the group they're targeting with their marketing is helping to correct the issues they had with the material they were teaching? Imagine you go to a camp that claims they're gonna teach you to fix motorcycles, build pcs, or some shit like that, only for a couple of people there to actually know how to do it & have experience with it and they get people who read a wikihow on it an hour beforehand to teach it.

[@theyoutubeanalyst3731]

Or going to a getaway for anime lovers just to get laugh at for liking anime.

[@fdfffgfff7345]

Other than in random camps, trans people have been the most accommodated, spoiled, and oppressive people in America.

[@Jeltea]

@@fdfffgfff7345 Except when they are being killed and the murder is not punished cause "Trans Shock" is a thing. You clearly don't know how bad trans people have it if you think there spoiled and treated well.

[@tatiana4050]

@@fdfffgfff7345 other than in law, streets, schools, work, relationships, clubs, bars, jails, internet, army*

[@eternallustformedusa4844]

@@fdfffgfff7345 trans people are the most oppressive? to who? the cis?

[@ezraonamonday.]

Good to see you are well. Just commenting mid-video here, with the whole “pick a side” notion. I am infuriated just listening to your experience, being a trans/non-binary person myself. UUUGGGHHHHHH I’m so sorry you and the other trans and non-binary folks there had to put up with that absolute crap. Regardless of not wanting to defame the camp for legal reasons, thank you for voicing your experience nonetheless. If anything, I hope someone who is a higher up from this camp finds this video and uses this as a self reflective learning tool to improve upon and to actually implement the inclusivity that they spoke so highly about in their self advertisement. Much love to you, my friend! 💜

[@williamquist6195]

so sorry you had to experience this. im also trans and i (bc of the transphobia and micro aggressions i have experienced) always expect transphobia when im around cis ppl. even in lgbt spaces :( sidenote, love your hair!

[@fdfffgfff7345]

I always expect Christphobia around trans ppl :\

[@ptowzapotato4157]

The summer camp I go to in upstate NY, is thankfully extremely trans friendly, and the place that let me explore my gender, and kept me alive through middle school. Extremely trans, gay, and neurodivergent, both in staff and campers (including a bi and non-binary director). And has gender inclusive cabins and bathrooms. Unfortunately we do not have horses. And do struggle with racial diversity (being based in Unitarian universalism). I hope you do find the radically inclusive summer camp of your dreams. (If you want to bother giving summer camps another chance). Disclaimer I have personally only been a camper there so I do have some rose colored glasses and don't know much of what goes on behind the scenes.

[@howdyhoward]

can't say i was surprised about the counselor info session but telling you they changed the camps and then going back on that word is just so wrong and shameful

[@meganvincent5381]

This fucking camp was literally like "We're trans inclusive...unless we don't want to"

[@NefariousSpineLizard]

I am non-binary and constantly lumped in with women, namely because as an AFAB person, I recognize the social interpretation of my body as well as the inherent danger that lies in being born as one, so I have a lot to say on those issues. I have not transitioned in any way because as a gender fluid individual, I waffle between roles and I feel I'd want to go back at some point - if I could have both sets of bits, that'd be my ideal. I do find that "femme" clothing tends to have a lot more variety and is a great deal more comfortable for me too, and given our climate there is hardly a cause for the snappy suits I'd prefer when feeling masc. But I digress, the point is, I feel I have suffered a lot of disrespect from both binary cis and trans people since coming out for that point alone. (I also have a lot of health issues, and I feel the hormonal changes to my body would be unknown, so I have slowly made my peace with this and even learned to embrace it) On that same note, it is immensely hurtful when the people in your life misgender you when talking to strangers about you, or dead name you while respecting the pronouns of your binary trans friends.. yeah. It really stings and feels incredibly invalidating. I in no way try to take any spaces away from binary trans people, and I recognize their journey and how much more difficult and different it is than mine and us having out own team is fine with me. I just show support for my trans brothers and sisters; I still do not want to "pick a side". I go with the women more often than not, purely for safety reasons. :/ But I would be lying if I did not point out how much this feels like me coming out as bi/pansexual.. like I was in flux, disbelieved, suspected of weird shit when I'm just out here tryna live my one life and embrace who I always was and want to be. Sorry, this turned into such a weird rant

[@MIurbex]

touch grass

[@sentientbean9853]

That pick a side issue could've been so easily solved if they changed gender with colors, as in separate the kids by their color of choice between yellow and purple or something.

[@potato._.1]

do you have any tips on telling the difference between actual inclusive spaces and ones like the camp that say they are but aren't?

[@Itri_Vega]

I remember when I was a kid/teenager and deep in the closet due to having no knowledge about trans identity, especially non binary identities (I usually introduce myself as a trans man because it's easier to explain in an extremely binary country like Germany, but I feel somewhere between transmasculine non binary and trans man. Testosterone will probably affect that perception so I'm not clinging to one specific label just yet). My mom desperately wanted me to take part in holiday camps and I did not want to. I didn't know what it was back then that made me not want to go. One time, my mom succeeded and I went to a camp that had horses and all. I love horses, but this was the late 90s/early 2000s so it was seen as a girl's hobby and I was surrounded by girls. I was constantly depressed (unless I was on horseback because horses are such powerful and gentle beings, so they distracted me from my misery). Listening to your story makes me realise that I was extremely dysphoric and just didn't have the words for it. I know for a fact that many things made (and still make) me dysphoric. But being miserable and being unable to tell someone why feels like drowning. I'm also neurodivergent, being with other people 24/7 is extremely draining for me, especially when I have to mask my dysphoria and act as if sleeping in a room with unfamiliar people is no biggie. If any parents watch this and read this comment, please make sure the camp is truly inclusive, even if your child is cis. And please respect it if they don't want to go. You can't force them to be more social.

[@metroid_gauntlet]

forced participation with chronic pain, THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT! I've never felt so validated. I have EDS and it's really horrible sometimes, especially as a kid. Long story short, I went to one of these camps too as a kid and one of the counselors took us on a hike, it was required. My ankles hurt so bad I was crying, she took us in a circle and I started bawling cuz I was in so much pain. But since it was "required" I had to just endure it. The counselors felt bad, I could see it in their faces, but yeah. THANK YOU for saying that you have NO idea how much I needed to hear that. Thank you

[@AdmitthatijustdiditX]

It's a little weird how similar this sounds to the Christian groups I was in when I was younger. Or even when I was in Boy Scouts. Damn, it's all so infuriating. I don't mean to take up space venting as I wanted to relate to how they always use the excuse of "We are sticking to tradition for the sake of well, whoever"

[@pascalcampbell3075]

only 10 minutes into this video but as a trans camp counselor so many things you say are horrifyingly relatable from the faux-progressivism in a lot of camps to the horrible labor practices

[@fishflopper7k]

I'm so sorry comrade :/ I hate that us trans folks are expected to deal with so many stupid things that cis people thought were good ideas

[@silasreed1]

It’s so frustrating. (Also I LOVE your pfp, it’s so good /pos)

[@theophora]

Don't we all love when "trans inclusive" people put the irrelevant and non specific opinion of old cis people over the comfort and safety of trans people. This entire thing makes me so angry and sad. Sorry u had such a shitty experience and im so sorry for those kids as well wtf. I don't usually have a problem with hearing sad stuff but this genuinely gives me secondhand dysphoria omg. Thats so godawful.

[@BeccaRaptor94]

Ashton: **looking immaculate** Ashton: “you can see all my flaws. Please don’t bully me.” Lol you great no worries

[@griffinnguyen945]

so happy to see you back! you aren't overstating anything, so many of those policies are just blatantly transphobic

[@seph5911]

Thank you for talking about the mistreatment we face in workplace settings. Getting hired while staying closeted yet dressing "masculine" (shorter hair, slacks and button-ups) is impossible right now.

[@partytime8092]

I do this at my children's mental health job. The kids ask me my pronouns all the time, lol.

[@solar6284]

I want to cry even just hearing this. I have always hated arbitrarily separating things by gender. Like vehemently. It just reveals the transphobia that people harbor and it always sucks. It's very inspiring to hear you stand up for yourself and other trans people because I know that takes a ton of emotional labor and courage. (Also, I'd totally love to hear about the racism part of the camp if you were interested in sharing since I've always wanted to go to summer camp as an (Asian) kid but it was always advertised very white and exclusionary for a LOT of people.)

[@OO-pg8nr]

thank u so much for sharing- i felt some of the points u made in this video in my bones!! i worked at an "inclusive" camp this summer as well and experienced soooo many similar issues. as someone who also grew up going to summer camp (in nc lol) and having it be a mostly safe/ happy space for so long it was super disheartening to step into another counselor role as a trans person and have such a bad experience. one of the things i tried to keep in mind was just how big an impact counselors are able to have on campers, and how even just the presence of trans staff had the potential to change kids' lives (and in my experience we 100% did). i really hope ur able to cultivate a better camp experience in the future if that's something ur interested in! queer-led and queer-specific camps are also incredible places if u ever have the chance to participate in one-- tldr i just wanted to sat that this vid rlly resonated with me and i wish u all the best!!

[@demondarcy3911]

ashton with a lil stubble got me feelin some type of way 😳

[@ghoul_defined3882]

This is exactly what I need rn. So glad you’re back!

[@nailinthefashion]

i woulda walked away the very second they said "pick a side" tbh. i'm literally a cis male but the fact that the enbies couldn't just form a third "tribe" ........................ even though they chose to implement clubs in the first place and could let the rules evolve ............ no thank you, i'll read my "horse stories" book somewhere, anywhere else, actually ...

[@virtueisdead6673]

This just sounds horrible. Wish they could be held accountable for stuff like this. Sending love and healing vibes 💕 You all are valid and deserve love 💕💕💕💕💕

[@wolfsign9168]

So my experience with something vaguely related, isnt as serious. I worked out im not cis like maybe a year ago? At first i came out to my eSports team at the time and everything went well. After that i didnt tell anyone for ages because i was in the denial phase XD. Im still working shit out yk Once i started telling ppl I started to feel more misgendered? IDK if that makes sense like before if someone read me as a girl it wasnt so bad bc no one knew otherwise but now they knew it felt like it didnt matter because it was totally unavoidable. Im nonbinary, Currently id as genderfluid (They/Them). I play a lot of eSports. and I have a lot of women friends (both cis and trans) and almost all the eSports inclusive spaces that they are involved in are explicitly womens space. I constantly get invited to private events for women, but when i try to find out about the policies of the different groups they talk about binary trans women and thats it. In some of the spaces you have to take a selfie and link ur social to 'prove ur a woman'. And I get it, they want to keep it a safe space but they market themselves as LGBT inclusive etc. I was on a women/nonbinary only team made by my friend and we entered lots of womens tournaments and i just had to repeatedly misgender myself because i didnt want to ask every single organiser if nonbinary ppl are allowed. Or in some cases I was pretty sure they werent but I didnt want to force my team to find a sub/forfeit. Its not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it made me feel like i dont have a place in the hobby i love most. My friends were by no means at fault they always respected me but it still felt weird being asked 'do you wanna join our womens only scrim' or 'have you joined that womens discord, all the women r so lovely' IDK thats kinda a ramble but yeah ur exp made me think of it

[@testosteronic]

I know what you mean about feeling misgendered more, bc before ppl assumed and that was it, and now they know but they what, can't be bothered? And w strangers it can be like "but I'm trying to present differently! Please at least be a little uncertain before you gender me!" And the women's only thing is painful, my local nonbinary social group was started bc the founder was so sick of being treated as "woman lite" by "nonbinary inclusive" groups that were really just women's groups that wanted to be seen as lgbt friendly

[@wolfsign9168]

@@testosteronic Yeah :D Its stupid but im glad its not just me with those kind of experiences

[@gpettus9508]

@@wolfsign9168 It’s not stupid. Stop saying that. You’re invalidating yourself for feeling validated in an inclusive space. There’s no reason you should act as though your feelings and thoughts don’t matter, when they are literally what signals you to whether/how much you are actually being included. You’re not wrong to think any of these things, and being categorized as “a woman but not” is still misgendering, just with a mask of shallow acceptance.

[@notebeans3134]

Honestly shit like that bothers me more than outright transphobia. I'm also genderfluid and use they/them pronouns, but because I am genderfluid primarily between nonbinary genders I typically just simplify and say I'm nonbinary. And people *still* misgender and completely fucking ignore me when I say I use they/them pronouns, that I'm not a woman, when I repeatedly and consistently correct them without really making a scene about it - I just comment "it's they" "I use they/them" "I'm not a woman" every time it happens. I get ignored. And I don't like being lumped in with cis women because I'm just *not* a woman, but I definitely don't want to be lumped in with cis men either.

[@NefariousSpineLizard]

@@notebeans3134 My mom purposefully misgenders me to family and friends. She doesn't deadname me, but it is somehow worse.

[@praalgraf]

i really like the scraggly facial hair look actually

[@majesticfalcon6402]

"Non-binary people pick a side" has me LIVID

[@arzule4318]

youre literally so comforting to watch i love u

[@wolfsign9168]

:D Am excited to watch! Dont worry that ur busy, life comes first yk! Glad to see the videos whenever ur able to make them

[@theweaverssystem2773]

I'm glad you're back. Sorry I can't be on your Discord anymore, but I'm glad to see you back.

[@pistachio2x4b]

holy shit your hair is iconic

[@gateyt7245]

i havent seen ur face in ages , but u popped in my reccommended and here we are ! ! glad ure in good health ashton

[@aaronymous9]

Honestly, this perfectly displays a lot of the reasons I can’t go back to summer camp even though it played a major role in my journey to understanding I was a transgender man. But now that I’ve come out I know I would face shit like this, because it’s happened before. And I’m worried it will happen at work when I start next year. It’s kind of made me realize that for Transgender people, Especially those who “look transgender” ( I hate using that word but basically I’m referring to those of us who transphobes would typically think are transgender or LGBT at a glance. ) we either don’t get a job, don’t go out in public, don’t do experiences that are enjoyable for us or we do those things and have to constantly deal with discomfort, fear and dysphoria for some of us. It’s a lot of the reason I choose to do online school even though it doesn’t fit my learning style and is very hard on my brain, I choose it only because it’s better than crying in the girls restroom after being misgendered and yelled at for going to the mens room. I’ve gotten better about trying not to let insults, micro aggressions and constant misgendering get to me so I can actually start to make money for myself and my family but I shouldn’t have to “toughen up” to just simply work. I know what I face won’t be as bad as other transgender folks especially since I am a very masculine person who is starting to get ready for testosterone, surgeries, legal name changes, etc. but it’s still horrible that any human being has to go through this stuff. It feels like my only options are to be a sad broke shut in with no friends or someone who goes outside and has friends, but I have to deal with my existence being denied and disapproved of every moment. Maybe I’m being overdramatic but I feel this is what’s happening because my mental health lately really speaks for itself, and this is extra difficult for transgender folks who are part of other minority groups or are still children. I wish everyone reading my little transgender ramblings the best, and I’d love to listen to anyone else’s experiences, I do realize that despite this I am a lot better off than a lot of people as I do have a relatively accepting family, I “pass” ( hate that word but using it for the sake of getting my point across ) relatively well and I have access to being able to medical transitioning that others can’t so I’d love to hear another perspective. I’m also a transgender man so I’d also like to hear how your experience might be different as a transgender woman or somebody who is or falls under the non-binary umbrella, only if you are comfortable sharing however, I know it can be very mentally taxing to talk about this stuff sometimes, again I wish everyone the best.

[@chugbat]

i missed ur vids so much that seeing this upload made me SO emotional

[@christopherscroggins5528]

This was difficult to watch, I am so sorry you had to experience this shit

[@christopherscroggins5528]

Additionally... I know you don't want to say the camp name but I really think you should reconsider so that more trans kids/staff will not have to experience this in the future. I understand that is complicated and potentially a legal liability, just maybe consider it or look for a work around so you aren't involved but there is still a way for trans people to know to avoid this camp.

[@graveyardpansy]

yeah i thought about that… i’ll keep thinking about a way around that, i just worry abt a PR fiasco lmao

[@christopherscroggins5528]

@@graveyardpansy I can't imagine why the camp wouldn't want people to know about this /j

[@sillydog583]

great video man it's good to see new content from you. i'm so sorry you had to go through this, it's good that you spoke out about it because this kind of thing happens a lot and most cis people don't know or even think about it.

[@clarclaire]

i work at a summer camp, albeit a much smaller one, and one of the things that bothered me this past summer that i really apprecate you touching on is how much extra work is expected in summer camp enviroments. i had multiple convos with my coworkers trying to explain to them that we shouldn't be expected to give up our break because "thats what we signed up for".

[@luxaeterna7801]

I’ve missed you! So sorry that happened to you, hope you’re alright . Also love your hair and look

[@TealVT]

holy shit ashton i haven't seen you for a few videos and your hair looks INCREDIBLE

[@theodoreftm269]

WAIT I WAS WATCHING ONE OF YOUR OLD VIDEOS AND NOW I'VE SEEN HOW FAR YOU'VE COME. CONGRATS 👏 👏 👏 👏 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@lilumartini]

See that is the sad part, like you said. The kids are learning how the real world is going to treat them :(

[@doctordemon9324]

This right here. So many people don't realize how gendered a bunch of activities and groups are. It sucks so bad. Sorry you had to go through that. You're stronger than I could ever be ♡

[@jo.k.4210]

lookin forward to the essay!!

[@finn3264]

i’ve had a similar experience as a trans/nonbinary summer camp counselor and can empathize and i wasn’t even payed to be there

[@samleviclifford9923]

thank you for working with me I’m sorry i dragged you into it but Ik we did something good for all the trans and queer campers we met this summer I love you sm 💛

[@verstone2486]

damn they were like are you boy nonbinary or girl nonbinary lmao

[@bertmobile]

the camp i go to isn't explicitly advertised towards trans people, but it's pretty great. yes, the cabins are gendered, but i wouldn't even be surprised if that gets changed in some way at some point. the last time i went there, everybody was expected to introduce themselves with names and pronouns, and all of the counselors' name tags had pronouns on the back. it might not seem like much, but it makes a huge difference. there are multiple trans staff members, and even more trans campers. some kids even set up a trans support group that now has a groupchat - i hadn't realized i wasn't cis yet, so i got added to the groupchat later, but it was pretty great. of course, it wasn't perfect, but most (if not all) of the issues came from annoying campers, not the adults, and these issues did generally get addressed. basically, it's the only place i've ever been where being trans (and generally queer, there are also a LOT of non-straight people there) is pretty much considered normal. in fact, seeing trans and non-binary people just casually existing in this way was pretty much what sent me into my own gender crisis that made me realize i was agender. also there's a really nice lake, we stan

[@Auracrazykoko]

Watching this video is both making me relive the horrors of my last year at my overnight camp where I was the camp's first, and at the time only, transgender camper who was out. I was told of two trans dudes who came out several years after they had aged out, but I didn't know either of them and they'd never been out while being campers, so it really wasn't relevant anyway; and the TWO times I did overnight trips with my high school and I was forced to choose a side, despite the adults running both of the trips being well aware I was nonbinary (and one of the trips being a retreat for a "leadership in a diverse society" class, HA). Thank you for all the work you put in, even if you never should have had to.

[@jchval]

There's so much parallel between what you experienced at this camp that purported to be inclusive, and existing as a disabled person. Places claim all the time that they're accessible when they're really not. Disability and my existence as a disabled enby is so similar to your experience at this job, and everything you talked about reminded me so much of what it's like to be disabled in a society that just doesn't care (and at times it feels like they're actively pushing me towards death which is terrifying). The huge amount of emotional labor required, the lack of interest in what I need accommodations for from abled people, the absolute refusal to educate themselves, the constant micro aggressions, the lies about something being inclusive and accessible, the being made to do something not fun while abled people get to participate in all the fun planned activities, the lack of consideration of my disability when planning events that they then invite me to, the exasperation of the abled people around me when I speak up about the treatment I'm receiving from others or about inaccessibility. All of it. Being disabled and trying to exist in public is so similar to what you experienced at this camp all summer. I'm sorry you had to go through that job.

[@kylie.sparks_]

I am so sorry to all the trans and non binary people who have to experience these types of things all the time. I'm cis and I don't understand why it is so hard for people to educate themselves. I'm constantly trying to learn more so I can be as loving and understanding as I can to those around me. It's just ignorance. calling it an inclusive camp and literally separating people into gendered groups is so upsetting. They used propaganda to bring more people in and completely put trans kids in uncomfortable situations and probably caused so much dysphoria. They didn't pay money to get treated like that. And the workers didn't sign to be doing more work. I really hope the world gets it's shit together soon!

[@kazh8639]

Not what I expected for the comeback vid but I’m excited to watch anyway! Hoping it wasn’t too bad 😭😭 (haven’t watched yet)

[@ThePMRadio]

Gah that's fuckin rancid. I don't know how you could deal with that. I would get so frustrated and angry dude. Good on you for leaving and glad to hear you and the trans staff still are in contact!! >:]]]

[@rowan-priince1860]

honestly it makes sense why it all got to you so much. They marketed themselves as inclusive and then turned around and slapped you all in the face

[@LittleMissLounge]

When I went to outdoor school (essentially weeklong summer camp for sixth graders) in middle school in the early 2000s, our cabins were single-gender, but the groups we were assigned to for activities were mixed-gender. I don't get why they segregated these clubs in the first place? I'm assuming all the campers were doing the same activities? Anyway, were they obligated to have the trans talk (like a sexual harassment seminar at work) because it's clear they didn't give much of a shit. Especially since they made an effort to hire trans people yet were ready to have a cis person lead the talk. Edit: Also, you just know every time AD or someone else criticized some bullshit, the higher-ups were probably like, "We were nice enough to hire these transpeople [sic], and here they are screeching and demanding special treatment. No good deed goes unpunished 😔."

[@gfklug]

Seeing your beard made me cry thanks for not shaving to record makes me very happy

[@ashton.1d]

Bro, you're so pretty 😭🛐❤️

[@Kamilp03]

When I was attending a place called boys and girls club in the summer I was told to pick a side by a staff and I was very uncomfortable and the activities were unnecessarily gendered and I was forced to pick a side based on how I express myself and now I don’t feel comfortable expressing myself the way I want bc I know it’s gonna happen again

[@lynn6760]

Looking great!!! Love your voice

[@skyjaden2975]

Thanks for sharing this ❤❤ great to see a vid from you. I'm sorry you experienced all that 😪😪❤

[@leeoelias6237]

I love your eyebrows they're so freaking cute

[@ameliaphoebe-fleur9867]

i dont know why but i havent seen your vids on my recommended in ages (even though im subbed) and i havent even watched yet but i missed your wonderful takes so much!! big fan :D

[@bldyvmit5472]

I'm a new subscriber! Watching your videos really gives me confidence in myself :3 thxx

[@iulianecsulescu6296]

The algorithm recommended me this video so I'll leave a comment for the engagement to keep it going

[@sweetzzz2924]

Oh my gosh ur hair is so pretty!! And I love ur voice :D

[@laneatkinson6441]

Unrelated, but your look is AMAZINGGGGG and I'm loving the facial hair!!

[@a5hmustd1e]

this is beyond fucked up. i’m so sorry, Ashton. thank you so much for being brave enough to share.. i’ve been considering volunteering at a camp that claim to have policies that seem to sound very similar. i’m for sure gonna look more into it.

[@Alex-pn2hn]

The king is baaaaack

[@john-si9yc]

Queen

[@sleepy-emerald]

Ohmigay- Ashton, your hair is absolutely magnificent!

[@lindseyw5023]

Hi! New sub! I’m a few minutes in and I can already tell you are such a kind soul :)

[@87654321j]

Welcome back Ashton hope you have a fabulous festive holidays ☺️☃️🎄

[@Name-oe4fq]

I just watched your video today where you mentioned you won't be posting as much bc you'll be working at a camp😭😭😭😭

[@_y0inks581]

Haven't seen your videos in forever! Love the facial hair lol

[@alexonline2340]

i won't bully you for your little beard, it looks good! :D

[@gjhartist3685]

Hey! Fellow North Carolinian here! As much as i love living here i do think there are a lot of pockets of uninformed people who just don't know anything about trans issues. Its really frustrating when the same people take it upon themselves to act like they do for business reasons. :skull:

[@purplegrant]

Horses! Now I know what all the ribbons in the background of your older videos are for. Always wondered.

[@deept00t10]

your hair is glorious

[@1Hawkears1]

Wow wow loving the hair

[@fightvale57]

Hey there comrade,I wrote a really long comment,like video response length with some queries.Thought to send it as an email but see no public one,but no matter- Heres a bit - This reminds me a lot of a struggle that took place during the civil rights movement,and actually caused tons of issues and infighting. Progress never seems to take place fast enough. When a community has been disenfranchised for so fucking long,no one wants to hear that they need to wait. No one wants excuses as to why there a learning curve for certain people to get on board,to learn and apply the new verbiage ,to figure out what needs to be reflected in the law or how to retrofit preexisting ‘traditions’. It’s never soon enough ,the wait has been too long *ages* ago. It should not be the burden of the underprivileged to decolonize the minds of the masses all the while suffering oppression by those very hands “until.” I get that and sympathize with that. Recognizing and sympathizing with that, there does seems to be effort on behalf of this camp to integrate these new ideals and equality to their establishment. That is just it though, it is already established. “Rome wasn’t built in a day’. The should have paid for a consultant , and It appears that they prematurely labeled themselves progressive but it also seems as if that was something they seemed to have dedicated themselves too.It seem as though they did make an attempt to do research and apply that. Their presentation was outdated, yes. But considering, these details are changing quickly. I don’t want to make excuses for these people, and had it been more egregious, I would be quick to call this an excuse and yet again, however,freshly out of date verbiage seems like it can be described as a ‘reason’ not an excuse. Im in the queer community, actively and I wasn’t aware a space should be put in between trans and woman. The last I saw that was acceptable was trans*woman/man. I wouldn’t dare say the distinction does matter, clearly my privilege doesn’t permit me clarity on the severity but to call that transphobia seems an unfair diagnosis. It seems, that at will corrections would fix this, which seems to be why they ran it by you all. The solution of re-write seems to have been your idea,then one that you volunteered to do. I have no doubt that you worked hard and did your best but you also mentioned that you reworked material you’ve used (smart). You stayed up later than others and applied your wide range of knowledge (and Im sure the kiddos are better for it) but you volunteered to do that. I hate that capitalism underpays and doesn’t value the time of employees, but being that, that is the nature of this beast, Id attribute this issue to that rather than the hatred of trans people.This with the full recognition of the disparity in pay with trans people as a whole. I think that it was a good idea to pass the jurisdiction to the trans folx that are present at their facility. That just makes sense,and I think in another situation you’d prefer that. You even mention that you are an orator and that you have experience that the cis people don’t. You volunteered,and seemingly didn’t ask for additional payment before. Always get what you are worth but that seemed like an experience that you should learn from. Never volunteer your services, offer up your specialized experience and expect compensation when that was never discussed. It doesn’t seem as if they took advantaged or had malicious intent at any point,in my opinion. Lazy.unexperienced,ill equipt,okay but I can tell you now capitalism gonna exploit, particularly if you offer,it isn’t okay but that’s a whole other conversation. I'd imagine my privilege (not being sarcastic) doesnt allow me to see it but 'insidious' seems far beyond what you mentioned but ill stop here.

[@kinny6823]

Wake up babe, new Ashton Daniel vid dropped

[@burrhe]

Wait, MtF, FtM are outdated? I still see lots of trans people using those terms. What's the preferred/up to date terminology, if anyone minds educating my ignorance :)

[@roswellgrey2115]

I'm pretty sure it's just trans man/trans woman or AFAB/AMAB

[@reesemalo]

AFAB and AMAB are used more often now

[@nunonanem]

@@roswellgrey2115 is it short for assigned female/male at birth?

[@Lucinearrie]

@@nunonanem yes

[@emlem8420]

transfeminine (or transfemme) and transmasculine (transmasc) include not only binary trans people but nb trans people who might feel their identity is connected to masculinity/femininity