My mind just did something more extreme to cope. No, I did not develop full blown DID but... well, my mind did dissociate quite a bit. So, how do I cope with the traumas and their consequences? They're just gone. With it being CPTSD, well, almost by definition, it is childhood trauma. Which for me was extremely prolonged. Basically, from 1977 to 2000. Most of that time is just... gone. Couldn't tell you a single thing that happened in my life in 1983. Just 1 thing in 1984. And on and on. 1990? Extremely vague memories. More like hints of memories. Been doing a bit of personal research and I think I should consider seeking professional help. For a potential diagnosis of OSDD or maybe even actual DID. Just because so much of my childhood is just gone. Although, for the life of me... I can't say I am aware of having alters. Maybe I developed DID, dissociating completely for years... to then, later in life, re-integrating. Which can happen as well.

I hate the not good enough or waay too much days!!! I was gonna ask at the beginning what are your thoughts on trying to make your yt channel your "job". Ive always liked your energy and content i tjink hou could do it. I like what you decided though too!! I'll tell hubby to keep his ears open, he is an IT guy for the state we live in and hybrid and they're always asking is anyone knows anyone cause bids are open for projects. We were tboned in nov 2022. I still haven't gotten a new vehicle because damn they're expensive. I bet labor alone for you is 3xs the price of the part lol

If I see anyone looking for graphic design/social media support, I'll send them your way for sure!!! I hope you can find some relief from the burnout soon! <3

Burnout sucks, but you'll get through this too - you've come too far to let this stop you! 🐢 Also: Sadie! ❤

you look like joy from inside out. thnaks for your video

So well explained and exactly what it's like for me!! Thank you for putting it into words

3:25 for skip

I hate receiving gifts because I feel like Im not worthy. My daughter is having a birthday party for me today and I'm freaking out! I don't know how to receive gifts and even though I love every gift because it's from their heart and shows me that I matter, I don't believe I matter myself and I don't know how to react properly when opening gifts. I'm trying to look up proper ways to react when opening gifts. I've always been shy and felt unworthy to receive gifts. One of my grandmother's was AMAZING at giving amazing gifts and they'd touch my heart what shed give me and Id say thank you but didn't know how to express myself. (Like the dry eye commercial guy) One time I was about. 8yrs old and after opening my gift from my grandmother my mom said "Wendy, you don't appreciate anything do you?" That killed me inside because I think I overly appreciate things. If that's possible.

🤘🏻❤️🐢🦒

Totally a rocking montage 👌😂

You're rocking it friend! I hope that your new place is great and you're settling in nicely <3

🎉

I never understood why people just cant get that plans are well..plans. I been through the toddler stage. I have 1 girl and had 3 boys under 4. I also deal with daughter, now 23 and the oldest boy, now 17 who need a lot of daily help. Nothing but support from me! I was super excited to finally get real concrete answers, so I say congratulations! You knew!!! I hate walking out of appts feeling like I didn't get it all out, but honestly it would take days. Lol 💙💙💙

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Please consider saying "complex trauma" many times in your videos, as most people think CPTSD is "childhood PTSD". This serves to confuse a great deal. I am hoping when DSM-5 gets updated with this diagnosis, it will be called "Complex Trauma" rather than CPTSD.

From what friends on the spectrum and professionals have explained, trauma disorders can look similar but the behaviors mistaken for autism are actually trauma responses, so the source is different. In my case, I have a lot of friends on the spectrum and they explain that if I had it, I would likely exhibit some common symptom or behavior like stimming, or special interests, or a fear of change and a love of routine. I am actually sort of the opposite in these areas. I rotate my hobbies and interests because I get bored of them easily. I don’t really do anything that can be considered stimming, even in panic attacks. I have tried fidget toys at the advise of my friends and usually just put them down after a few seconds because my brain just doesn’t work that way. If I don’t break up my routine I will abandon it altogether because I get bored with doing the same thing every day, and I am usually the one begging others to try new things with me. Ultimately, I’m also super aware of social norms and when I am having issues and adhering to them becomes difficult in the moment, I’m painfully aware of it. I’m always scanning for body language and usually pick up hidden context clues, though my brain often misconstrues the meaning. When someone is annoyed because of a bad day at work I’ll pick up on it but turn it to ‘they are annoyed because they don’t like me.’ But I appreciate the fuck out if my friends on the spectrum because they get it, even if it’s for different reasons. Idk what sensory overload or a meltdown feels like but they recognize when I’m overwhelmed from my hyper vigilance, or when I’m having an emotional flashback and acting in a negative way due to it. All they need to know is ‘she is at her limit. Ask if she wants help or space,’ and I try and do the same.

I cannot even begin to count how many times I’ve told myself ‘I can’t give up today. I have dogs.’ I also remember being really comfortable with the covid restrictions. I said ‘can we make it 10 feet’ and ‘do we even have to have small social gatherings with 4 or less people? Can it just be like two instead?’ As far as music goes, sometimes leaning into it is helpful for me because it makes me feel less alone. I’m not very open when I’m in my feelings so I don’t really talk about it, and therefore never really get that from social situations. But I have to switch it up with a movie that has absolutely nothing to do with my shit. Something that is purely escape entertainment, or a tv show like Dr Who, where it can get heavy but doesn’t end in a bad note.

your videos have helped me feel way less alone, glad you're still around <3

I am autism. Naw but i got it 🤣

Oh yeah, if any ghosts from the past are watching and wondering how we’re doing: it’s going amazing, the therapy is working, and while it really is a lot harder and more expensive to do this with no help, the reward of knowing we’re doing the right thing? That shit’s absolutely priceless 🥰 May everyone have the day they deserve today!! 💜

Congratulations to you and your brother! May the universe grant you both peace and joy <3 And may the stars bring you others to light up your constellation of friends again

Well I don't have flashbacks that often but like normally depending on what it is about my body just shuts of and like half of brain is awake replaying the moment and i'm just like when is it over please please and then it's like waking up from a nightmare

Congratulations! Happy to hear from you. I hope you and your brothers the best. It’s good to see you’re doing okay!

I thought I said dislocation

Ehh if you want to walk your cat or whatever around town no one can tell you no. There is no law saying you cant walk your pet. Private companies like grocery stores or whatever are just that a private company if you break their rules so be it. Most people throwing a fit over an ESA isn't because its a misbehaved animal its because their service dog was 50 grand to certifie and all you need for an ESA is a certificate from a mental health professional. So to me what it boils down to is a superiority complex thing or something. Sort of lame honestly. And quite frankly i aint got a dog in this fight (pun intended) because i have neither. 😂 and its funny that some veterans who fought for our freedoms would try and tell someone they cant walk their dog around town. Seems sort of scummy but hey freedom is freedom even if you use yours to be a jerk

Secondary comment to say I can empathize too well with having a friend group dissolve, except they didn't, except it's only me who's not there anymore, oops. :c I hope you can find connection with others if that's something you want.

Hellooooo Kelela!😌🫶

really good to know you are still here

It's so good to hear from you! I know a small streamer who wants to work towards hiring a video editor. Should I point them towards your KZbin channel, Patreon, or some other place?

Good to see you again! :)

Congrats on the adoption. Wishing you and your bro all the best with everything currently and going onwards

If you ever need someone to talk to dm me, I can be that friend for you. I always consider you a friend in my mind. Ps glad to have you back missed your videos

I'm glad you formerly adopted/became guardian thingy of your Brother. You are 100% the person he needs. You two deserve the world ❤

From the first 20 seconds you completely explained how I feel. It’s really hard to imagine it day-to-day. I’m sure some are dramatic but it’s difficult to trust movies. I appreciate this video a lot

Thank you for the warning, choosing to not watch the rest of the video at this time because I'm actually doing ok today and want to keep that going lol. Your description is spot on! I never even thought that I had PTSD because all I ever knew about it was very dramatic versions of it on TV. When I was diagnosed I was like woah this all makes so much sense

My partner still doesn't understand what happens to me. Lots of therapy only to realise people don't take non-veteran seriously about seeing people die at home instead of a battleground. I usually hear the same sounds and sensations, but the images I experience are random. People mistake my aggression for anger too much, so I keep all of it to myself. I'm just scared and don't want to be killed before I can defend myself, but that is not what is really happening, and it just feels that way. I stare off at nothing in the distance, my breathing increases a lot, and sometimes I sweat a lot too. I always get aggressive like I'm under attack by some unseen person. Then I knock on my forehead to help spot differences in my perception. After the flashback, it's like my soul got drained out and now it's filled with emptiness and napalm. I also feel extremely alone, like the last living soldier after a huge war. No one wants to hear that, so I have never had the opportunity to fix what's inside me and I blocked myself out of my childhood memories. It's like I turned 20 and that's all I can remember clearly after that point.

My new doctor, after two years of me having PTSD and explaining to her what I can and can’t do at the moment, thinking that telling me “I’d like you to take your dog out twice before next appointment” is going to just make me do it. Well duh I’d like that too, I’ve been trying for two years. So now I’ve got pressure on me making it infinitely harder to do and then having to say to myself and her that I failed, which stirs up depressive feeling.

I've been living with PTSD (not military related) for a few years now and it's a struggle. I'm so thankful for my wife because sometimes I can't tell I'm getting triggered but she gets it right away. Sometimes when we go out she will grab my hand or randomly give me a kiss and even start rubbing my back and I didn't know until recently that she did that because she could tell I was starting to go to that dark place even when I couldn't tell. I'm starting to get better with avoiding my triggers but it's so much easier with her it's like walking around with my own personal angel idk where I would be or even if I would have made it this far without her.

Yes when it hits me. I see flashes of different experiences I had. And I go into panic attack and whatever I'm doing I have to stop or just go be by myself. Some last for a minute others last longer. When I get triggered. I never know when my tools are going to work.

I’m experience dissociative symptoms. I also used the car/passenger example with my therapist! Thanks for this video.

Thank you. Ppl don't understand man

Ha-ha… yeah, that’s a lot 😅

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Looking forward to seeing you again :)

welcome back!

i hate myself cause everybody 'it's so easy' 'u are just lazy' 'u are manipulate' today i well tried job for 3h and i feel like everybody hate me cause 'job isnt that hard u just lazy' and i found you and people still hate my but... thank u cause not alone

If somebody does not remember almost anything of their childhood, gets distracted easily, always forgets basic things, seems sometimes not to focus or like "checked out" or is thinking about other things when you talk to them about something and you find communication difficult and as if that person never listens to you or never fully listens to you could it be dissociation? How to know if somebody else is dissociating?

Complex ptsd to me doesn’t feel like I’m actively in panic crisis mode 24/7 but I’m always on the edge preparing myself for the trigger and this is exhausting and to explain that I don’t need active help in that moment is so confusing to explain to anyone esp loved ones

finally, someone who gets it

You’re so funny I’d love to be your friend in real life if we ever met 😊