How somebody treats you is their karma..everything to do with the other person...I despise that whole construct..because not only is it widely pandered, it gives people a false sense of security. I've left relationships because of what I perceived as an unhealthy relationship dynamic. So, to say only one person is at fault for breaking up a relationship isn't always true. Yes it was their decision, but as to why that decision was made, could VERY WELL have something to do with the dynamic not just them waking up one day saying well my needs aren't getting met so I'm going to decide to move on today..

I like though

WTF

Every second of listening to you feels like you see right through me, in a good way.

Have you had your thyroid checked? You have a bump on your throat, I had a bump... I had surgery to remove my bump because it was precancerous.

I cannot wait to read your book ❤

I need reassurance and safety in my relationships and it is good to know now that it is biological. And the need to tell the truth about our feelings and needs is so real, the worst thing for me that causes me a lot of anxiety and stress is walking on eggshells. Loved de video!

I can totally relate to your story Jillian about feeling that cold/distant energy. Last year I dated a guy long distance for almost a year. 3 weeks shy of being together a year he started to pull away and I could sense this energy. I asked him about it and he said was feeling overwhelmed and he just needed space. I said ok. I had plans to go meet him that weekend and I asked him if he still wanted to me to come visit or he needed some space/ time alone but he said he still wanted me to visit. We live 5 hours apart. When I got there he was distant he sat in the chair across from and there was no physical intimacy the whole weekend. He acted like I wasn’t even there. The day it was time for me to go, he told me he was depressed and just wanted to spend the day in bed. I remember in my gut my intuition said there is something definitely wrong and I just need to get out here. I don’t know what he said to me but I remember crying and saying I was tired of being sad and he said he wanted to go back to bed and wanted me to go lay with him but he was still cold and distant, it was awkward and I just felt I can’t do this anymore. I kissed his forehead and said goodbye. He was silent and I left. If I knew then what I know now that he was an avoidant and I was anxiously attached I don’t know if things would’ve been better but I do know his words didn’t align with his actions. I tried to reconnect with him 6 months later to see if we could have a friendship long distance and keep in touch, he said he would like that but again actions didn’t align with words and I ended up doing all the investing trying to keep in contact so I just said I’m not reaching out anymore and he hasn’t made any effort to do either. Sometimes you just have to let them go and move on as hard as it is. But I still can’t believe I put myself out there again for him to show me that I’m not important to him in his life. I should’ve listened the first time he broke my heart and not let him do it again. I trusted maybe we could make it work without the romantic component but I was wrong.

Ima a tabby and a black dog in one baby.

I wish you are my friend :) thank you

Sorry that you were put through that.

Your videos are so amazing I’m so happy for you

Omg congratulations on working with Matthew! 🥳

Thanh you❤❤❤

THANK YOU

black cat energy doesn't sound very submissive, which is how a woman should be. So no, this doesnt work. The woman needs to chase.

Reflection questions: 1. How do I deal/cope with my loneliness on a day to day basis? 2. How do I conceal my shame? What do you do to cover up the things you don't particularly like about yourself or the things that you are particularly ashamed of? 3. How do I numb muself from emotional discomfort? Is there stuff in my life I am avoiding dealing with? 4. What's the mountain that you need to climb this year?

Great analysis, thank you! Just a quick off-topic question: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). Could you explain how to move them to Binance?

Telling yourself that just reinforces the pattern, it’s what led me to a few really painful experiences - with good and bad people

THIS IS A FACT ❤ Have a great day Jillian ! Always love listening to you

Jillian has so much wisdom...

I'm going to go with intermittent reinforcement, this is why your world is all about him. It's literally addictive and it makes it so that you get that dopamine hit when she gets the positive reinforcement. It's the box that delivers random treats in the study with the rats the box became their lives. I don't think morally she's in the wrong for having fun on her end. Smiles are smiles. Technically it isn't her commitment to keep. And this dude would be doing this regardless of her. I think focusing on the intermittent reinforcement is the best way to cut it off.

Men are given similar advice. They are told that wife/gf lose interest in their partner if they know everything about them. So wife/gf should be kept at a certain distance and never be vulnerable to them.

This video is fantastic. Thank you for breaking this down in such a clear way

This is a potential red flag that wasn't mentioned, probably because it's very subtle and specific, but I'd like to bring it up in case anyone has insight. What happens when someone seems great, but your nervous system tells you otherwise? I'm dealing with something I've never experienced before. I'm with someone who's extremely dedicated to our relationship, says they love me deeply, is always willing to have hard conversations openly and with minimal defensiveness, has taken my needs and feedback into account, and is in general kind and positive toward me. But there's something deep in my gut that feels ("knows") that something is off. No matter how much I self soothe, take distance to focus on myself, have conversations with them about issues, talk to my therapist and introspect about my own anxiety and my own problematic dynamics, I remain deeply unsettled and insecure. I have this deep sense that they're just very, very good at deceiving themselves and me into believing they're doing all the right things and being a good partner. There's a hollowness and inconsistency to their behavior that feels uncanny and is making me feel slowly like I'm going crazy, because there are objectively so few true red flags. My one insight is that I saw how they treated their former partner--with the same apparent integrity and commitment, but they ended up lying to them, building up mountains of resentment they never revealed, having questionable relationships with other people, and then breaking up with them a week after telling them they were committed for the long haul (AND they were trying to have a baby together). Through all this they were nothing but the "perfect" partner--going to therapy and couples therapy, having hard conversations openly, not taking poorly about their partner, owning up to their mistakes and committing to improve, taking the reparative actions their partner asked of them to atone, etc. Their breakup seemed necessary, but the amount of carnage and hurt and lies they dragged this person through for a solid year in the name of "commitment" to their relationship is just shocking. After witnessing this I can't shake the feeling that their only real concern is SEEMING like they're a good partner. It's tricky because I also don't want to hold their past mistakes over their head because I know people can improve, and that often toxic relationship dynamics bring out the worst in people. I've also behaved really badly in the past. But it's impossible to really settle into trust with someone when you sense that they're both 1. Not honest with themselves about who they are and how they feel, and thus able to build a relationship on lies that will ultimately crumble and 2. Will drop you or your needs without care or warning once they realize you no longer fit into their vision. I'm still in the relationship because a part of me worries I'm just being anxious and self sabotaging or projecting my own insecurities about my honesty and ability to be a good partner. And they are generally kind and accommodating and attentive. But I don't know what to do when my nervous system is constantly tuned to high alert and unable to relax into trust.

Having gone through and led group recovery for men I was amazed at how most/many of our “problems” are covered with our coping/numbing methods. Many, attempt to deal with the numbing method as they see it as the problem (ex drinking), but they simply switch to another. So a man with a drug issue gets clean but finds he now over eats or watches porn (or any other mixture of “vices”). The core issues usually revolve around pride, fear, shame and those often have come upon us relationally. Thank you Jillian for the clarity and encouragement you bring to the arena.

Complete respect to you on the topics your bring forward. You’ve obviously done the work in order to be able to lead. Vulnerability and courage only feel icky until you move yourself through whatever it it your emotionally up against! It is the way to honor ourselves and gain personal wisdom. ✨💖✨ 🙏

PS: I love your taste of music. I will see the band when you always give your thumbs up to bands and stuff because I was in the business and it’s really cool. You have a great taste. Good music vocabulary.

That rings very close to my heart. My mother had just passed from lung cancer. My business partner stole my business and my wife left to go work with him. Talk about betrayal I was listening to a Navy seal talking about betrayal. He said it’s just like it’s like getting thrown out of an airplane without a parachute heading in the ground and not dying and seeing your wife come down with another guy strapped to her and they just walked by you. That’s betrayal interesting take on that. I love everything you do I just want you to know Paul.

7:58 My Ex

thank you

A man who does not - eventually - experience reciprocity in romance will - eventually - grow disinterested, cut his losses, and move on.

Thank you so much for this amazing video! A bit off-topic, but I wanted to ask: I have a SafePal wallet with USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). What's the best way to send them to Binance?

How long does it usually take?

It is incredible witnessing all the vulnerability for which I am sure we are all deeply thankful. As I went through similar betrayal, it felt quite soothing. I am grateful for all the work and can't wait for the book🙏

What a dog of a man

I got a similar text... the day before Thanksgiving my fiance text me that she was with another man in his car on their lunch break. It's been over a month and everyone expects me to flip a switch and be over her and back to who they knew. But the problem is, I'm not over her or how this happened and I can't remember who I was before she was in my life. I want to thank you for all the insight and wisdom you extend to all of your subscribers. I'm far from healed, but one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I pre-ordered your book.

You are so strong, thanks for helping so many people including me 🙏🏽

Good morning! I’ve been enjoying your videos for a few months since I’ve become aware of you. Your work is so important!! Your straight on conversation that focuses on not only personal responsibility but you demonstrate how to even see what might be our truths. No shame. Just straight talk. I notice that you receive very little feedback in comments and I believe it’s likely that few would take the chance to put public comments that could expose their rawness. That’s such a vulnerable thing to do, to make personal comments on this topic. I too resolved many of the issue you address….. But it took long hard personal work. I dearly hope your book does well and that countless others find it helpful and shortening to their journeys! ❤

Happy New Year dear Jillian! Thank you so much for your work🙏✨

This was super helpful..thank you for always speaking truth.

My favorite podcast, please discuss emotional incest and how to deal with this issue when you’re a partner of a man and how to handle the situation with him and his unhealthy mother. 🤍

Just went through a hard situationship where this girl didn’t communicate and dropped off and blocked me. It hurt but I’m going to be better for it

Good, human and humble words.

Damn! I thought she was trans.

Thank you. Very simple explanation

Favorite podcast of 2024

Just discovered you in my 'enlightenment' period where I was really digging deep into my relationships with my parents and how that's affected me and this has helped me make leaps and bounds on how to heal and move forward ❤

This is the majority of modern women's mindset. It's actually clear that women get bored and leave more than men.

Thank you so much, Jillian! you and your posdcast are among the many things I'm grateful for for the last two years!