It’s so hard to grieve a biological family and members of an adoptive family. Getting clarity hurts. But not as much as getting shut down and rejected over and over again. Moving on with friends and people who want to heal and grow. Hearing them say this is who I am. Take it or leave it. Well, I’ll leave it. Thank you. Now I can open those slots and fill them with people who really care.

I don’t have an abuser - so I did not report an abuser - I’m a stalking victim- and I did report all the proxy stalking- nobody believed me.

After the last flash of anger, I did not stick around ! I could see where it was going. Well explained. It is normal for someone to have a bad day or get angry, but when they start taking it out on you , walk away, and fast, some people cannot, and do not, want to change, and no amount of love in this world can change and heal them. Keep well all.

My advice to everyone here: Stop acting like victims-it won’t help you move forward. Both your mother and mine were emotionally immature. We can label them, hate them, vilify them, or choose to scapegoat them for our lives not turning out as we intended. However, that mindset is playing the victim, and it will only send you spiraling downward. Our mothers were simply entitled brats who were never held accountable, and as a result, they became immature bullies-nothing more, nothing less. They are emotionally stunted. Do not let their immaturity enable yours. Instead, learn from the experience. Grow from it. Develop emotional resilience from it. Let it build your character in a way that doesn’t resemble their behavior. The best revenge is to not be like them. Stay strong. Surround yourself with people who value you. Stand up to bullies, and teach others through your actions how to love and respect one another.

As soon as he brought his new girlfriend of five days to come and pick up our children for a visit, all I could think was, poor girl :( I have a sinking feeling in my stomach imagining the abuse he inflicted on me and what he may do to her Infront of her small child. I was lucky to get out alive. How do I stop feeling responsible if he does end up killing her or seriously hurting her? I haven't said anything as he has told her I'm a psycho and that I'm jealous. when I moved on with my current partner and had another baby, my ex turned up unannounced , pushed through the door when I opened it and twisted my arm round while I was pregnant with my new partner. I hope this lady will be ok I really do

All of the above !

Dating is so bad for me . I’m always running from men and always scared

We do not love them! We think we love them through survival!

We believed they did not meant it! But they did meant it!

They did not meant it- is very seductive to think for us, for them and everyone else! Who wants to admit this person meant Bad/Evil intentions!

I met a guy 4 weeks ago and he told me that he loves me after three weeks, calls me 10 times a day and can’t respect when I need alone time, I was curious and liked him in the beginning but now I don’t know, he’s so pushy and he told me he wanted to be boyfriend/ girlfriend after we met two weeks. It was a vi long time since I was in a relationship so it felt good in the beginning all his good sides but I don’t know if I can believe it. He said some nasty stuff to, we where watching a movie and there was a black guy in the movie and he said, look a ni***r, I was mad at he said and he’s just laughing and said oh maybe that’s wrong to called them that, after I got mad and saying it was disrespectful. He bought me a toothbrush after 4 dates telling me ah now you almost live here. He also told me my dear friend was not good, we have a friend that knows her too and that friend told him that my long friend was not good. I feel it’s so pushy and klingy he also tell me that oh now you are mine . You are so good and I never met anyone like you. I never had a person telling me so many good things so I’m not use to hearing this so I don’t know what is normal and not. Last night he told me like 10 times how nice he is. Last night he admitted that he had love bombed me and he wanted to start over and he told me that I should tell him how he should be and act. I had a strange feeling in my gut and felt very overwhelmed.

Narcissist and BPD are two very separate things. So STFU!

My mom made me wear very short hair cuts as a child. Mom got dementia , she knew my brother but she thought I was her sister.

I really need this . My abuser was just locked up Sunday and bailed out today by family. I feel bad for him bc I had to kick him out and he has charges against him now but I know he deserves it

Now we are seeing in a nationwide scale here in the US

Too long , boring and repetitive. Let go , find some interests and or hobbies get a dog or cat and love it and it will love you. Read a bout the life of the late prince Philip. Watch The Crown.

Needing friends is insecurity. Friendship is a plus not a necessity.

I try breaking up with my partner but then he gets sick and it makes me feel guilty 😢

I don’t feel any sympathy for my abuser and I’m a mental health therapist. He has a personality disorder but that doesn’t excuse it for me and his life is so effed in a lot of ways but I could truly care less . So I felt sorry for him until he got abusive and then I never had this problem lol.

It is so sad for them. What a life to have to live with such a debilitating personality disorder. I met one I had a deep crush on, and he sabotaged our connection and just shredded my self confidence because of his constant rejection of me. Since then I’ve learned that it had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him and his insecurities. 😢

As a caseworker, I see a ton of emotionally immature parents today. From 20-38 years old. It’s very very difficult to help these people

I was never good enough but my mother was also jealous of me so my failures gave her pleasure.

I have long struggled to reconcile the two sides of the narcissist~to learn whether the 'good' side can possibly be genuine given their alt indifference, cruelty or terrorizing behavior. I try to avoid 'splitting' or dividing my world into devils and angels so wanted to believe the "stack of pancakes" theory that authenticates both sides or says each layer is genuine. Yet for me Vivian's analysis rings true or confirms my own experiences. As after drawing a boundary at friendship, I had nonetheless long been ensnared in a confusing chaotic cycle with a predatory narcissist able to repeatedly run out my clock and circle back due to my memory impairment. But if God has ever intervened to protect you from a narcissist, then you know He will *unmask* that person~rip their mask clear off their face even to expose their true self. It can be devastating even terrifying ~yet once seen, is impossible to forget or unsee. God is love +

My gut told me my husband is cheating on me and has our whole marriage. So now we are in the final end days of our marriage. He had the nerve to ask me after I signed the papers if I was happy. He cheated, he got the divorce rolling, he paid for it, he treated me like crap. I asked him if he was happy and he told me that he is sad. I guess he is sad that his source is almost gone.

Controlling & demeaning beyond words until her death at age 85.

For anyone that is still new to this discovery. As someone who has been through this for almost 15 years, Vivian is 100%right you keep doing more becoming more invisible feeling worthless until you lose yourself or possibly your life they drive you insane than tell the world that you are crazy whilst you provided them with evidence that they set you up to produce and they weaponize it against you no body will believe that you are the true victim "GET OUT" they never chang they only become more hurtful your abuse becomes their stress relief, don't fool yourself don't hold out for change you are lying to yourself you will become bitter and confused and isolated and your life hopes and dreams will fall into disparity and you will be the one to blame because you did not leave when your gut and your senses told you to also don't try to save this person they don't think they are the problem they will blame you for making them hurt you

They love pulling your hair as you try to walk away from their verbal abuse or any argument that they turn an twist your words to suit them or try to make you seem unhinged

Thank you ❤ I relate

7 years after posting this, you may have saved my life. I’ve read so many books, taken so many courses, joined support groups, multiple therapists…. this is the first time I’ve seen this truth in full. Thank you.

Love your earrings!!!

hi vivian im christian just wanted to tell you im 17 turning 18 currently i dated a girl which i really loved still a part of me does i feel like shit because im away from her she also gave me that high you mentioned she was a bit abusive like you said testing bounderies but i really wanna go back to her we dated like 4/5 times before she started doing homeschooling in the morning of today i told her im sorry that i caused her pain its been a year since we last communicated i really dont know what im doing currently cause everything at school just reminds me of her im in a relationship currently with someone who actually cares alot about me and sees the small things but i feel like our relationship is slowly decaying and i dont know why id wanna do all this to myself again if you do get this please im in need of help

I appreciate your video so much. I needed to hear this today.

Thanks so much for this video and for the insights. The reason i feel like a "failure" at times is that I bottled up all the bad emotion and never spoke of the things I never agreed with. The Feeling of guilt rises from the fact that had i spoken things, perhaps, could have been different (good or bad). I have learned that it helps to speak, as you rightly say that any emotion or feeling is a messenger. It's one of the lessons I take along with me.

Unfortunately when this is your family of origin is much more difficult to admit and see it, because they play mind games with us!

No, they do not lack empathy! ALSO, WHEN WE SAY NARC, WE DO NOT MEAN ONE PERSON! THEY LACK HUMANNESS! AND THEY DO NOT DESERVE ANY TOWARDS THEM EITHER! PERIOD!!! YOU ARE TALKING WITH SUCH KINDNESS AND EMPATHY ABOUT THEM AS THOUGH THEY DESERVE IT! WHICH IS MISLEADING FOR THE VICTIMS WHO UNDERMINE THE PROBLEM!

I remember when I was addicted to my lover LORD it was a nightmare after letting it go, I so much free after then...but I must say Prayer had a lot to do with His help was my escape🎯

Love your channel

Breaking a really good person's heart is the absolute worst feeling in the world, it quite honestly nearly killed me 😞

Viviana,I hope one day i can tell to the public "he is gentlemen who undrestand that I was abused by a psychopath cult" I'm happy for you for having a great man in your side❤

Thank you for this ❤

It’s hard when you’re both good people and love eachother. I left my family, life and hometown for him and it’s been almost 2 years and I still don’t feel like home here and don’t see myself in this new state for the long run. He can’t leave not dues he want to ever due to his children. Mine are grown. I’m going back home and losing him but I feel I’m losing myself staying

I do too. I feel SO bad for my abuser....He IS mentally ill, and apparently had a traumatic and abusive childhood (if it's true) and i really don't think it's his fault that he is awful abusive person. he wasn't always that way just became it once he felt comfortable. But no matter what happens i just feel SO bad for him. My heart brakes for him. I can NOT imagine being him or living a life like that and feeling enraged 24/7 like he does.. I can't imagine not being able to change and he HAS to hate himself??? I can't imagine being so messed up to where you feel nothing but anger and hatred and want to hurt people. Especially nice people who care about you. I know he is narcicist and sociopath. But yes i feel bad and i can't stop and nobody understands. but yes, i am a empath and always have been. Actually it was even in my DNA i had some mutation that makes me more empathetic than most people. So it's genetic i can't help it. And i hate it to be honest. Would rather be an awful person so i didn't feel pain. But i know his DNA makes him who he is too. He was probably supposed to be a warrior or killer or supposed to be fighting off bears and dinosaurs or something. I'm one of those people that thinks everyone is special all types of people. And nobody is better than anyone else. I also have a history of severe childhood narcicistic abuse, so i dunno if that is what makes me attract all these narcicists. I hate it SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

Wow...video 7 years old..but so relevant right today...similar to the Bible❤. Thank u, good to know I'm not by myself in feeling sorry for my ex😊.

I feel so sorry for him, he's an orphan with no career prospects and I am a doctor, my career has always been steady. I was beaten up, abused verbally on a daily basis, financially supported him, and took care in every way I could. He has made me hate myself, he dehumanised me told me I was nothing but a horrible person who deserved it, and for the longest time (even today) i do feel that I deserve the abuse. Coming from the medical field, sympathy and empathy was deeply inculcated in my brain and I would always believe he didn't deserve such a horrible person like me. I was a rambler and would often spill out secrets, which was his excuse to isolate me from all my friends and family, never take me to meet his friends because I was the reason he had to leave all his friends. He often blamed me for ruining his life and career and made me attempt suicide 4 times within the last 6 months. One time when I was at his house I tried to end myself and he got so abusive and hit my all over my body saying "if you want to die then go fucking die but do not do it in my house as I would lose the next 30 years in jail". I still chose to forgive him thinking I was so selfish to try and end my life because it would destroy his. Yesterday I finally lodged a complaint against him and I still don't feel he deserved or that I did something wrong. I hope I find the courage to fight this

thank you for sharing Its a work in progress.

What a kind and thoughtful video you've shared. Thank you : )

Why she just didn't kick him out .

Thank you so much

How do I help out as a bestie when my female friend keeps going bak to her abuser

Oh boy 😮this explains so much !!Many many thanks 🥰💜🫶🙏