Midnight plan : When I can’t sleep, I get up and fold my laundry, fix my closet n my clothes, or straighten my book case….

Yes,,, You are reinforcing even more…. To your brain…. I do same w fear flying…. I am bored with this complain…. I don’t do it,,, I say to myself, eventually I will sleep…. N get two hrs of good sleep , I say oh well. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

This is really helpful. Thanks.

This was fantastic! I hope more people see this

Yes, most people want to fix the problem because they can’t be emotionally regulated when others are struggling. So they want you to feel better so they can feel better being around you. So another way to be a better listener is to separate your energy and be able to stay calm in the face of others being somewhat distressed.

Thank you!

exactlyyy... 🙌

It’s hard to switch your mind to positive thoughts about yourself when you’ve been put down a majority of your life by others and yourself. I just want to be better

Thank you

I laughed out loud when you described the husband that can sleep! It is so true.

Nick, I SO appreciate your videos and newsletters 🙏 Three years ago, at age 45, I got severe anxiety for the first time in my life. It lasted months before i sought help. My family doctor, you, and Emma Mcadam were instrumental in helping me navigate the debilitating feelings of impending doom and catastrophe...non stop heart racing, shortness of breath, and insomnia. I cannot express my gratitude to you and Emma for helping to educate me (and countless others) about anxiety...which was quite honestly, the worst thing I ever went through in my whole life.

I hear so many people say "I have anxiety" Well...yes...everyone does! The challenge is excessive anxiety. There is nothing wrong with having anxiety.

Essentially, the whole point of dealing with an anxiety disorder is 'unlearning' the habits that keep the disorder going. In particular, the habit of chronic worrying about unpleasant thoughts and the habit of using worry as a coping mechanism for dealing with stressors in your life (e.g. googling symptoms in health anxiety, seeking constant reassurance).

Thanks for the information.

Thank you

Chronic resentment and insomnia brings my anxiety to heightened levels. Been trying to catch myself in self criticism and replace it with Self compassion. Having some difficulty though. Quiet emotions are tough to find.

Wonderful videos.

Hello, What if you have anxiety disorder which is easily triggered by insomnia? After a bad night instead of feeling tired, my anxiety symtoms flare up risking.

I try this for a year with no luck. I’m curious if this works for anyone else. I saw this video and it took care of everything. No issues of insomnia since kzbin.info/www/bejne/nWe0fGiLer1_j8Usi=o6Cx1pXrxUFn96r5

Hi, I've been watching you for months. From reading your articles on Medium then to watching videos on KZbin. And I really like your work, sir. I had a heartbreak 7 months ago, and I really struggling to work on myself. I feel no motivation. Someday I'm on the top, and some days I don't feel like getting up. And I really want to move forward, I'm done being a kid. Can you make a structure video? on how Can start taking charge of my life. Even though I started gym, walking more, keeping my body in motion. But still, I feel I'm falling behind. Hope to hear from you soon...

Unpretentious, down-to-earth wise.

This is someone who makes you feel at peace already by how he speaks and looks. Top it up with all the balanced wisdom :)

Thank you

Thank you

Thanks for this Nick! I always get great advice and direction from your videos. This one did strike a cord and mustering up "assertiveness" to deal with a person who shows narcissistic tendencies ;), is a very good start from a personal viewpoint. I do agree with the comment below as well - we can really only change our own behaviour but can use techniques (as per the "cheatsheet" - THANK YOU) to begin to shape the relationship going forward.

I am currently going through a benzo withdrawal any ideas?

This is SO helpful! Thank you! I have anxiety, which I probably leaned from my mom, cuz she is super anxious. She is 88 now, and since Dad passed in 2019, she is so much worse. She does exactly what you said, she gets anxious about being anxious. Especially about her health, blood pressure, heart (she had a heart attack). So.... my older brother and I do a whole lot of calming down with her. Bonus -- big brother is a therapist. 😁

You can change your behaviour as willingly they're want to.😢😮

Great advice. Funny I end up doing that naturally when my sleep quality gets really bad.

Thank you for the advice on this. I have struggled with insomnia intermittently in the past and this is a technique that I will keep in mind to use in the future.

Thank you so much. I have been struggling with this issue. I will start tonight doing this.....

I think your thoughts on values misalignment with regard to relationship problems is extremely unhelpful & even harmful/dangerous for a good many people. I see it as giving those who have a lot of relationship issues & already attribute those problems to the other people in their lives not agreeing/aligning with them 100% on everything (or on core issues), an added excuse to push people out of their lives & to further isolate. This is even more problematic if that person has a substance abuse disorder & that person uses relationship issues & other people not aligning on virtually every or certain core values/issuee as an excuse to push people out of their lives & just drink themselves to death because no one can meet their expectation or hope of virtually 100% agreement on core issues. I think a better approach would be acceptance, & to not in any way set up disagreement on certain core values as a scapegoat to throw the baby out with the bath water with regard to relationships. Just look at James Carville & his wife Mary Matalin. They disagree on almost every fundamental political issue, yet in light of that, they choose to navigate through all of that core values misalignment morass to find some thread of core commonality & to also focus on their love. So I think focusing on exploring commonalities & love over differences is a much healthier approach. Relationships may or may not work out in the end for a myriad of reasons, but giving them every chance possible rather than a focus on core values differences is a much better approach to help people keep more relationships & love in their lives.

Not very practical. More like an exchange of information between the two of them.

What can I do if I missed the grieving period? Can I start grieving now? I am sometimes jealous (the kind of jealous where I want the same thing but am also happy for the other person that they have it) of women my age that spend time with their mothers. Like my mother died when I was 12 years old, in 2015. And I somehow decided that I want to be tough and not cry about it. I was also kind of relieved, because before I was so afraid my mother would leave me (because she did two times before my fifth birthday), when she was dead she left the final time. I was also sad and angry because she was the most important person in my life, I was an only child and I had a single mom. I was also relieved because I didn’t have to care got my mother anymore (she was in the wheelchair and had Multiple Sclerosis).

Thanks for #3. It’s hard to do.

Thanks for your videos and newsletter helpful

Helpful!!!❤

What are emotionally immature men filling in me? - remind me of my father (familiarity) - I want to win over my father, that he finally sees that I am worthy of his love, time.. (emotionally immature men are a place holder for my father) - they remind me of my mother who needed me, who I had to help (she depended on me , so I was safe, because she would not leave me) I have this problem, that I find myself in either one side of my parents relationship. It feels like I am acting out their relationship. Either I fall in love with someone that doesn’t show interest in me, that might even be unavailable (because of long distance). I am too afraid to ask the person for a date (because of fear of rejection and because I think as a woman it’s not my part). Or I end up with someone that I don’t like, love or respect. I give this person a chance (because I always hoped my father would give my mother a chance and would have decided to live my mother). I just don’t want to be with this person, if I am honest. 1. Conflict avoidance 2. Reassurance-seeking 3. Defensiveness 4. Low Assertiveness 5. Gaslighting 6. Poor Boundaries 7. Stonewalling Patterns or points? How can I show my interest in someone I would like to get to know? Without getting embarrassed? How can I find out if he just wants to be kind and is not interested in me or if he is interested in me and in getting to know me. Am I having to many hopes? Wouldn’t he have asked for a date a long time ago (I met him first 6 months ago, I met him within the last three months aprox. 7 times in Christian groups)?

How many sessions would you suggest.. I had two with no effect and because I have to pay for it I stopped going to EMDR

This was great. Thank you

Thank you

Nick, “we need to focus our attention in the present or in the future instead of in the past that we don’t want”. But if the same people keep doing the same wrong in the present… how not to focus on their wrong doing?

Honestly, Nick, you really are incredible! Your deep understanding of the emotional body is amazing. You have clarity and compassion in abundance. I learn so much from you every time I come to one of your teachings. I'm currently committing myself to the 'worrying' practice. I wanted to communicate my gratitude to you for the work you are doing.

My 69 y/o client says her husband controls her and disrespects her almost daily. So point 2 is difficult for me to swallow. They do have some core differences in lifestyles. He has brain injury s/p motorcycle accident, PTSD. She has depression. She is working on emotional health but he not so much.

Have recently heard of CBT-I (for insomnia… I think I got the abbreviation right?) Anyway… peds NP here who forever talks sleep issues with my teens and who personally struggles with insomnia despite all the “sleep hygiene” stuff I preach daily… soooo… would love if you might want to do a video about CBT-I and explaining some of the principles/tools? 😊

You are very helpful and inspiring, Nick. Thank you for the work you do.

Great video and extremely helpful and useful!

Brilliant - thanks, Nick.

Very useful for me as I struggle to forgive people, and I needed this advice now

Thank you so much for doing these videos and sharing your wisdom :)