1. IFS Self-Therapy Demo with Parts Around Social Anxiety: Trampoline Boy and Flower Girl

In this new KZbin series, I am sharing my earliest inner IFS sessions with my Self. In this first one, I explore the parts around my debilitating social anxiety. I meet a protective part named Trampoline Boy who points me to a wounded part initially named "Death" who unburdens and becomes "Flower Girl." Specific examples have been so helpful on my own IFS journey, so I thought these videos might be useful.
2 Disclaimers:
1. This is my personal experience. You may not see or experience your parts in the exact same way as I do. There is no right or wrong.
2. After many years of practice with Meditation, Mindfulness, and Self-compassion, I was able to approach my parts from Self (with open curiosity and compassion), but if you find that you feel numb, frustrated, or afraid of the part you are going toward, you may need to do an initial step of meeting those parts' concerns so that they can give you space to approach the target part with openness.

[@jahkey8648]

So incredible! You teach me so much!! So grateful for you. I’ve gone through IFS courses and your video offered such clarity! You’ve found your gift!

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you so much for your appreciation and encouragement. It means so much to me! IFS truly has been life changing for me and feels like my calling.

[@farnazmirjalali6662]

This is wonderful! I got emotional! Finding you is a great gift to me Christine.🥰❤️

[@theordinarysacred6664]

I am so happy for your compassionate witness. Thank you so much for expressing your gratitude.🥰

[@macaroon147]

I love trampoline boy, he's so concerned about you 🥲

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Aw, thank you, Andrew. He feels so seen and appreciated!

[@jackbrennan745]

Thank you for sharing. People need to hear these hopeful stories. ❤

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you for your appreciation, Jack. 🥰

[@kelleydrain1182]

Wonderful Christine! So helpful. Thank you. 💕💕I’m looking forward to following this series.

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Oh, thank you so much for your witness, Kelley. I’m so happy you found it helpful. 🥰

[@lauranelson9250]

Talking through your session, narrating it for us, is so helpful. It gets me thinking about doing this with my own parts. I feel curious about what will come. Thank you

[@theordinarysacred6664]

I am so glad, Laura! Your process may look different, but I am so happy to inspire you about the possibilities. If you can be open and patient with whatever arises, that's when the magic occurs!

[@jamesfitzgerald7452]

I am a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, waiting to start a Level 1 Training through the IFS Institute. I want to send my clients some links to your KZbin content. I wanted to get your permission first. These ar definitely the missing content people have been searching for, including myself. Thank you for your dedication.

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Aw, that is so kind of you, James. Yes, I would be happy for you to share my videos with your clients. 🥰

[@jamesfitzgerald7452]

@@theordinarysacred6664 awesome

[@onewomancircus]

This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing so openly 💖🙏

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you so much for your compassionate witness 🥰

[@Peem_pom]

Wow, i also have had experiences like this. It's so nice to hear that they don't feel at all like you, sometimes. Because otherwise i thought i was the only one.

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you so much for your comment. Yes, you are definitely not alone!

[@IFSwithMaryam]

Great! Keep on ❤️

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thanks, Maryam. I hope to release one per week, though next week I will be out of town, so may not get the next one out until the following week.

[@freetinkerer3878]

This was so wonderful. I have also felt there aren’t enough examples on KZbin. Thank you for your delightful contribution.

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you so much for your appreciation. It means a lot!

[@santinacoons3965]

Very helpful! Vivid description of the inner family!

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you so much for your witness, Santina!

[@jodhidee2851]

This is wonderful, I’m always so inspired witnessing others IFS journeys. I have been practicing IFS since 2019 and I learn so much about my own system listening to others IFS processes. This was really beautiful 🌸

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you so much for your beautiful witness, Jodhi! :)

[@pamelaoldacrehorsfield9252]

Thank you for sharing! It was very helpful to watch the process of Death girl transforming into Flower girl!

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thank you so much for you beautiful witness! 🥰

[@user-py7gc1yu4d]

Very nice

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Thanks

[@fionakimber9308]

Beautiful, but very emotional! I've always found it hard to keep checking in afterwards, I think I need to work with a forgetful part! Did you continue to do other IFS work at this time, as well as checking in daily? I find everyday parts have so much to say it's difficult to keep up with them.

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Hi Jane! Yes, I would meet with them, even if just for 20 seconds, each day to see how they were doing. I found that parts who thought I had to meet with them for a long time were the ones who resisted, but they were fine with 20 seconds, and I set a timer to remind myself. I have worked with many people who have parts who block them from this regular check in. Its really helpful to get curious about the fears and concerns of these blocking parts. I found that the consistency of checking every day made the parts feel less urgent to share everything at once. I did have some ambitious parts who would did several sessions pretty close together at the beginning, but I would generally work with a part as I noticed it, or a patter, and would go in and get curious about it. I have a regular time in the evenings when I journal or read, so that became a good time to do deeper work if/when parts arose.

[@Mr.Dan.]

Thank you for sharing your experince. Are you after that completly healed from social anxiety or do you feel that it still comes up sometimes? And why its not completly healed?

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Hi Dan, I don't have crippling anxiety anymore and do all kinds of things like lead groups and workshops that I'd not be able to do before. I do still have some anxiety at times, as this is human, but I/my Self is able to lovingly turn toward the part of me feeling anxious and get curious about their needs. There is a secure connection between my Self and my parts, so if a part still stuck in the past gets activated, it is very helpful information and I can go and retrieve them. Sometimes parts are just very young and need comfort and reassurance from my Self, but they and my protective parts trust that my Self can offer this now. I hope this helps. If you still experience anxiety at times, see if the parts who feel judgmental or upset by this will give you space so that your Self can feel curious about any parts who still need your help.

[@Mr.Dan.]

@@theordinarysacred6664 Thank you so much for your detailed answer and your time it helped me to understand more.

[@ezekieljeremiah8575]

I am very interested in your process and method to alleviate these things. However i am not familiar with "IFS". I couldn't find any video explaining what it is or what it stands for. I assume its a method for healing. Do you have an intro video or maybe you could say what "IFS" stands for. Thank you

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Oh, yes, thanks, Ezekiel. IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. It is a therapy for deep inner healing as well as a lifestyle. It was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. I do have a basic overview video here somewhere (probably from a few years ago), and I also have a self-paced course called "Internal Family Systems 101" on my website - theordinarysacred.com - for $42. I would also recommend reading Richard Schwartz's book "No Bad Parts" or Jay Earley's book "Self Therapy" to learn more. It truly is the most direct, effective, holistic, and compassionate inner healing model I have experienced.

[@ezekieljeremiah8575]

@@theordinarysacred6664 Thank you for your quick, detailed response. I appreciate it.

[@jahkey8648]

I’m curious, how long was this overall session?

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Great question. This took about an hour or less. I was able to sit right when the socially anxious part was active and at the forefront, and I was able to feel curious and open toward it (in Self), so it opened up fairly easily. I was in a meditative space with the parts and also coming in and out a bit to take some notes. I documented my first six Self therapy sessions and plan to make more videos about them. I've had many, many more since that I have not documented as well.

[@Peem_pom]

Could you also tell us how your outward behaviour changed as a result of working with this part?

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Yes, now my parts know that even if/when others criticize or reject me that my Self will be there to hold and comfort them, so they fear that less and are able to take more risk. At the start it was a process of "test, test, trust," with others to see if they were safe - giving them little bits of vulnerability to see how they handled it. If they handled it poorly, my Self would say, "They are not safe, lets create distance," but if they handled it well, my Self would say, "Its okay to offer more and continue to see if this is a safe person." Because my Self became such a source of love and safety, it was very easy to see the contrast when someone was not like that. I also went from feeling like I would pass out before meeting with groups to looking forward to it. Initially, if an anxious part would rise up, I'd turn toward it and reassure it that Self was present and it would relax. I now lead weekly groups and meet new people all the time. Sometimes I do get people who criticize me and treat me poorly, but I know that it is about them and not me. I hope that is helpful.

[@Peem_pom]

@@theordinarysacred6664 it’s very helpful! Thank you so much! I feel like I now know what happens after an unburdening

[@nicolemiller2430]

I have had severe social anxiety for 32years. I am about to give up my uni degree because of it. Do you think IFS can help me?

[@theordinarysacred6664]

Yes, I definitely think IFS can help you. Your anxiety makes sense. If parts of you who are frustrated or fearful of the anxiety can give you enough space to feel open and curious about the anxiety, you can ask it what happened that it needed to develop to protect you, what parts of you are stuck in vulnerable/traumatic moments, etc. and your Self can witness, reparent, retrieve and unburden these parts. Once you have a secure attachment inside between these panicking parts and your wise and compassionate Self, you'll naturally feel more able to take risk with those outside you. For now, know that the anxious parts are attempting to protect you from danger and see if you can appreciate their intentions. Sending you so much love. I encourage you to continue to research IFS and even find an IFS therapist or coach, if you are interested.