#1 Way the INFJ Fails in Dating and Relationships? Tips on Dating for the INFJ from both sides.

[@shaylasanchez100]

As an INFJ, I fall in love 100 percent right away because I trust the person. I think that they love me like I love them. Then I spend the rest of the time falling out of love because they don’t love me like I love them. It’s a recipe for disaster. INFJ’s fall in love backwards. At the end of the day, we can’t think, “they must not really love me because if I were them, I would have...” We can’t use our love as a measuring stick. No one will ever love us like we love them. I see that so clearly now. And we cannot love less. But we can be a little more selfish with our time/efforts sometimes and listen to people’s words more instead of just analyzing their micro expressions and actions. That helps. Perhaps being an INFJ means never finding a soulmate, but just because people have limitations that we don’t have doesn’t mean we should respect their love less. My mother taught me that other people are not like me and that some people can only love so much. It’s a hard lesson but accepting other people’s limitations is much better than being alone. It’s about learning that most people are not as intense as we are. I fell in love with another INFJ when I was very young. He died and I just knew that I would never find anyone who would love me that way again. The key to happiness is lowering my expectations. My fellow INFJ’s...The other person is your priority, but you feel like you are just an option to them. You are not an option. You are in fact their priority. They just don’t process emotions like you do and your intensity overwhelms them but they can’t find your kind of love anywhere else so they stay. They won’t give up on us, but we will give up on them-not because we don’t love them but because we give too much, it’s draining, and they begin to take us for granted. We just need to put some of that energy into fulfilling our own needs, instead of helping others. But it’s more fun/exciting to help others. Set a boundary and say no. Take your time back. Now every time you do that, focus on how it feels. That’s what it means to love yourself first. My boyfriend says, “there’s you, there’s ME, and there’s us.” To me it’s more like, “there’s YOU, there’s me, and there’s US!!!” Why can’t I just think more like him? That’s the curse of an INFJ, but that’s also why people are so drawn to us. Remember, less is more unless you are in love with another INFJ. Lol.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Shayla. Did you see the video on LOVE and TRUST? You are spot on and if not I think it will really resonate with you. But a lot of what you say in the above comment I am working through. Alone vs Accepting limitations is very hard for me since I have resorted to walls instead. I am not sure what the best answer is??? Working toward that for sure. You make a great comment and very valuable to anybody. TYWC - Marty

[@shaylasanchez100]

Hi Marty, Yes, I saw your love and trust video and it was fabulous. I am really enjoying your videos. I should have lead with that! I wanted to say that I am struggling as well, but I have learned a lot in the past few months. As an INFJ we are up in our heads and we love extravagantly. For example, I wrote a poem about my first kiss with my boyfriend. (Will post the poem if you want.) It took me 3 days to write. When we got back together, I wanted him to give me a copy of the poem because I had to delete it (long story). I thought, he never even framed that poem and if he didn’t keep a copy of it, then he just doesn’t love me. Why? Because I spent 3 days writing that! But then, to my surprise, he kept all my pictures and they were still in the frames!!! So I was both delighted and confused. I got teary eyed. And yes, he sent me a copy of the poem. Then I realized that poetry is MY medium (I write children’s poetry books) and music is HIS medium. Can I remember the name of the song that reminded him of me when we broke up? Yes. Roulette. Do I know who plays it or could I identify it playing on the radio? No. But his song is just as important as my poem. He probably didn’t put 3 days of work into finding that song; however, that doesn’t make it less than. It’s the feeling that counts. We struggle with that as INFJ’s. We love with our minds often while others love with their hands. My bf is composing a song for me on the guitar and he likes to cook for me. He brings me back down to earth when I get up in my head too much (he calls it fretting or spiraling). People don’t love like we love because everyone has their own medium. I just told my bf that I told our doctor we are going camping. He already knew I forgot the name of the camp ground. He said, what did you say... “it’s by my house, I’ve been there 4 times but I forgot the name of it”? I laughed so hard. He KNEW I would forget. And that camp ground is sooo important to him. So we, as INFJ’s are very fallible. We just don’t see ourselves that way because we work so hard at being perfect. Lol

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Shayla. Yes, of course send it. Not only will read but others as well... As for the comment, yes, all true and well said. I forget my own name! lol Nice that you have a person like that in your life. Never perfect. But in the end always worth the effort if the effort is there in return. TYWC - Marty

[@shaylasanchez100]

Thanks Marty! Okay, let me give you some background first. This poem is about my first kiss with my boyfriend. My bf and I were walking down an old country road, coming from a party. He kissed me goodnight by my car. As he did, the people in the truck down the road flooded us in light with their bright headlights. Then they started singing the kissing song, lol. But I was in a bad place that night because I had to pick out my mother’s casket. I almost didn’t go to the party but in the end I went because I just needed a hug from my friends. Okay, so here goes... God’s Dart I’m so thankful for my Mr. Right- a godsend to my unsettled heart. He rescued me on my darkest night. Blessed by these words... “May thee never part,” a flaming arrow did yet ignite the enchanted realm that dreams impart. A damsel lost and a wayward knight, on a lonely road, struck by God’s dart brave true love’s kiss in a blaze of light. Hot, burning hope sparks a brand new start.

[@marty_glenn]

That is very nice and special. Let me see your emails. Write me the shortest email you can on relationship with Mom and Dad and relationship with them and their relationship. You have to be short and to the point. TYWC - Marty

[@katied2754]

Something I read once that hit me deep... "Stop expecting YOU from people"

[@marty_glenn]

Oh now you tell me. lol Catch the marker.... ;) TYWC - Marty

[@patrickfrericks8867]

You hit the nail on the head! This resonated so deep with me. I am starting in a new relationship and I have been on the verge of ending it because we are so different but that is what is attracting me. You just helped me so much with your statement.

[@angelacarleton9575]

That is what I learn is my mistake in any relationship because I expect the same from those I relate to whether it is friendship or romantic.

[@angelacarleton9575]

That is my biggest mistake. So now I don't expect that in people "but" I don't jump quickly into a relationship because one has to know someone a bit more before you can "trust" anyone now a days.

[@Nina21_]

I can't believe we INFJ's , will always feel like outsiders, i've always believed that i'll never find someone who gets me exactly and reciprocates the effort i give and it's sad..

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Nina... Always know that the less I say the more impact your comment has and means... Well said. Sorry, it is correct. TYWC - Marty

[@marshalmashiat]

INFJ's one of the biggest mistake is believing too much soulmates. Warning you. Been there done it.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Shin... What is a soulmate? ;) TYWC - Marty

[@marshalmashiat]

@@marty_glenn It is a bullshit story INFJs invented like all other idealistic ideas they have. BTW Your insights are very helpful. THankyou

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Shin... I agree. No soulmate talk here okay. Thank you for the compliment. TYWC - Marty

[@Pinkdaimonddragon]

He’s right. I never found someone I can equally match with. So I had to learn how to hold back . Because I was always giving and doing a lot more then them. Don’t give your gifts to people who don’t deserve or appreciate them. Your treasures has no value ,in their eyes. This sucks because you know ,you have so much to offer. But most of the time . You will never get it in return, not even a 50%. This is why sharing is so important to me. I like sharing and I been sharing and helping people for years. But when it’s your turn most people disappear.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Vickey. Well said. Find those self protecting boundaries and set them firm. It is tough and there is no doubt about it. TYWC - Marty

[@_._gyokan_._]

I found someone who gives about as much as I do. But I have noticed Im extremely demanding of my partners to have an equal intellectual capacity, which Ive only found once and got burned by it. I feel like a douche saying it but its the cold truth. Im not conceited I swear😅 My current partner cant level with me intellectually but I dont mind. She doesnt bother me when Im working, lets me do my own thing, supports me, and most importantly- doesnt try to teach me how to live and just kinda goes with my flow, which Im VERY appreciative of.

[@santiagoscho]

those who care, don't matter; those who don't, matter. people are so twisted. they like people who ignore them. INFJ fears being a bad person. he tries to understand others, thinking that others will reciprocate, but in reality, it doesn't happen, so he gets mad and ends up becoming a bad person. hahaha!

[@Lizzloth]

Why cant we have a genuine infj dating site, Or social site. Im looking for genuine friends or associates that wont get offended if i dont disappear for a couple days but also not narsissistic cuz im allergic to those people🤧 . Is that too much to ask for? 😭

[@solutions4tenants141]

Yes how about an INFJ dating site ? In a city of a million people… we would have like 10 people to choose from LOL.

[@fredocorleone3280]

INFJ idealizes. Falls in-love. People-pleases the target. Loses power in the relationship because of the people-pleasing. Other person starts taking advantage of the INFJ. INFJ begins to not like this person. Starts seeing the negatives of the person. Walks away. Target is confused, realizes they were too overbearing or domineering...starts chasing after the INFJ. It's too late for the INFJ, moves on to another love target.

[@marty_glenn]

Funny. I think the order is a little different for me not too far off the mark. Well said. TYWC - Marty

[@ivanaa156]

Just wanted to say I fully appreciate your effort. Just binge watched many of your videos and continuing to do so. This one hits home for me, especially the statement of accepting the likelihood of being alone for the rest of my days...I can relate 100% and I agree with you on that it is disturbingly sad yet kind at the same time. (Only an INFJ can understand this contradiction, so I am safe here stating that 😁) You indeed are a brave INFJ and we all benefit from it tremendously 🙏 so thank You and keep up the good work whenever you feel like it 🍀

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Ivana. Thank you and I appreciate that. Honestly I did not know what else to do but start to let it all out. Too much to write. That is why and how the videos just come out so frequently. I do try my best to be worthy of a viewers ( your ) time with regards to content. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty

[@ebsfxxedits1038]

Me too mate

[@destree6348]

I give you so much credit for putting this out there being a fellow INFJ. You are saving a whole lot of people from future grief and heartache if they listen. The example relationship you gave was exactly what happened between me and my ex-hubby. Thankfully I am now in a much better spot mentally because I found someone who understands me and supports me and stands up to me when I start picking or any of that stuff. I met my equal. We both had to go through a lot of crap to find each other and I'm not letting him go. Lol! I've learned so much from my past in what not to do's that now I can thank my ex for making me learn who the heck I really am and what the heck I really want. Thank you for

[@marty_glenn]

You know you’re not the first to say this and I appreciate the words. What I find most important and interesting is how closely connected we the people are. :) I hope they do listen because life doesn’t have to be so hard. Good for you and congrats. Thank you for watching and the comment. - Marty

[@yodab.at1746]

Just 'slightly' intense, we are....

[@marty_glenn]

Yoda. Intensity, I have much. Anger in those, passion they have little. For those, passion cannot be seen, for they see only anger. - INFJ Jedi Master

[@sarahsnyder3798]

Thank you for this info. I wish I knew this earlier. I'm 60yrs. and still single.

[@carieyounginsurance]

So intense!! I embrace it though- and I have learned to love my super powers...all of them! And there are many, I’ve embraced I may be alone- like Yoda or Jesus or Buddha Haah I’m okay with it

[@berserkerbard]

I’m so lucky I’ve found an INFJ partner who fell in love with me as quickly as I fell in love with him. I put it down to prayer as I spent most of my life thinking I’d never find someone who sees the world the way I do (never been in a relationship before at 26 years old) but after feeling drawn towards a specific dating site after praying sincerely about it, I found him within 2 weeks and we’re considering engagement now. I always felt like the odd one out, but I’m so fortunate to have an INFJ best friend and a boyfriend who see eye to eye with me, values are pretty important to us and meaning is paramount. Advice I would give: don’t be afraid to start with big talk in a blossoming relationship, if you can start with solid foundations on big topics, the small stuff won’t be an issue. INFJ’s always look at the big picture, don’t ever pretend you’re happy just talking about sports or the weather when the world needs putting to rights. I’ve based my friendships on this too and I have great friends. Be your best self.

[@stephyLynn7]

How is the engagement coming along? I am an infp and we both have talked about marriage and that we are both eachothers “person” but navigating the unclear practical steps and not wanting to pressure him is really hard. I want some insight into your process so I can understand what will help my situation. I am taking an internal approach by trying to live in the moment but I feel like he has a set of random things I have to hop through before he magically decides. And I’m 37 so it’s hard for me to hear “you’re the one” but also “I don’t know how to take that big step” in like JUST FREAKING do it 😅. You continue to grow and learn together as life goes on…my view is love is a commitment and so hearing “you’re the one but I don’t know when” is hard and I feel like I’m being played (I know I’m. It but I don’t know how to help him without it being pressure) or does he need pressure? I don’t know. Help!

[@coridoor71ify]

Thank you for this. I never felt lonelier than when i realized the person i was with could never be what i needed him to be despite all the love, help, and guidance i could provide. Leaving served the highest good for both of us because he realized he could never be enough which came out in passive aggressive/ hurtful ways. He was essentially pushing me to break up, because i was the stronger person. No matter how much i loved him, functioning as my infj self caused him pain, and not being myself could never be an option. Im alone now, but never lonely. I now know to be happy in a relationship, I need someone who I respect as equal as they are.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi C... Always remember the less I say the more impact your comment has...I understand and know EXACTLY what this is and feels like. Well said: 'I'm alone now, but never lonely.' TYWC - Marty

[@stevemiller887]

If you weren't lonely you wouldn't have made a point to say it. the fact is, if your living alone it is quite normal to feel lonely in varying degrees.

[@blesskarmel]

Yes. I can completely relate. We have very high standards for people and for ourselves. I mean if I can see who I am why can’t you see who you are?! Contrary to the generalization that INFJ’s are not good w casual, or mostly casual relationships, I find that a lot easier. Kinda sad.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi No... What you said makes sense but allow me to say this another way... ;) What you really mean is you are keeping a wall up (good thing and not bad) and keeping the relationship at a specific distance thus maintain a level of casual that is fitting to you and the understanding that if it goes another step closer it will crumble or turn to shit. What do you think of that angle of view? TYWC - Marty

[@kisigma1102]

True fact I'm a aquarius too it truly a blessing and curse

[@arunamalla1705]

I have been called crazy, evil, wierd, freak, abnormal. It’s true. I am 32, so far I dated only one guy and got dumped for being “too good to be true”. 😝😝🤪

[@Mientjie1976]

Same!

[@marty_glenn]

You did not get dumped for being to good to be true. You got dumped for making him feel insecure 100%v of the time. There is a BIG difference. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@arunamalla1705]

Marty Glenn Insecure?

[@commonsenseneedtobepractic1861]

❤

[@ryanbarker3978]

@@arunamalla1705 INFJs are perfectionists, hard workers, and intense achievers. We scare the hell out of people who don't understand us.

[@MrRoombastic]

Its hard accepting the fact that I cant hold other people to the same standard I hold myself. Cause I hold myself to way to high of a standard, and its not fair to hold other people to a standard im working full time to keep

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Mr... Correct. Lesson learned and so correct. TYWC - Marty

[@silentgrove7670]

It's not fair to hold someone to such a standard. Relationships are about acceptance of each other not holding people to standards. That is in fact egoic love which will fail.

[@annam8983]

Agreed

[@FernandoLeon8]

We are just a bit too intense sometimes, people love us and they hate us for the same reason. I think we can learn to moderate ourselves. We also need someone with an immense amount of compassion. Relationships are the best mirrors for our blind spots. I'm still single. But with every true intimate relationship, I learn something about myself. I have learned to let go, to turn a blind eye to someone's flaws, because no one is perfect and to accept who I am, unapologetically, and do the best to try and explain myself and disclose my feelings instead of harboring resentment. Remain open to the possibility of that person to arrive in your life and trust. Thank you for the video.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Fernando. I have nothing to add and you are on your way. Practice what you are preaching Fernando and HAPPINESS WILL BE YOURS. Good job and well said! TYWC - Marty

[@sportyspice7847]

Understanding the other person is of utmost importance. Once you just can’t understand another’s actions… it’s time to end the relationship, and not blame yourself. I’m 60 and am only figuring this out today. Enjoy your videos as they are always insightful. My opinion, INFJ should match up with another INFJ but we are hard pressed to find those diamonds in the rough😊 Just treat your partner the way you would like to be treated and have less expectations for the other person. My marriage failed..so I’m not an expert. I just have a lot of experience as to what I could have done better. 😊

[@marty_glenn]

I am not sure about this: " Once you just can’t understand another’s actions… it’s time to end the relationship, and not blame yourself. " This I will say: If it works for you, you will never give a person more than you should but maybe relationships will be cut short since the number of fingers pointing back in your direction could be many. I cannot say it is bad advice though... ;) TYWC - Marty

[@josephwilliammusic]

Very accurate, my past relationships same thing happened. Had amazing time with them for months, then out of ‘nowhere’ I start to get ‘moody’ with them, I didn’t know why. Start to critique them, criticise them for not doing enough which inevitably pushes them away. Ofc I don’t want to do this! And am very hurt while it happens and especially when they leave but it’s some automatic process. I guess self awareness is key here, recognising it starting and stepping back. I’ve been called ‘crazy, evil, weird’ before for this, going from critiquing to then being overly loving, they must think ‘wtf?’ Haha. Thank you for this video

[@marty_glenn]

Joseph. You know the key to your post is the last sentence. I’ll touch on that within a follow up video. That dynamic of criticism to affection and caring is a big deal. I know exactly where you are coming from. The other person does not have a clue where they stand with you. Very tough position. Wait for the video.... coming soon. 🏆👍 - Marty Thank you for watching and the great feedback/comment.

[@skierjmps]

You love the idea of that person not the reality of that person. The powerful tool of intuition - generating split-second conclusions and insights - betrays you. Please consider that you may be placing a heavy burden on your partners by assuming (judging) the way they SHOULD act, feel, love, respond, etc in every situation. Trust your judgement a majority of the time, but know that there are specific instances to re-evaluate how you think about your relationships (not limited to romantic). When something, or in this instance someone, acts contrary to your expectations it creates frustration, anger, and other disagreeable emotions for the feeler. You are the feeler in this situation. You make judgements, create expectations, and enforce them on your partner. This is unfair to them and to you! That being said, you are not evil or bad. You are an individual with an amazing gift leading you astray. Solution: Daily practice of observing behaviors as objective instances and outside of a perceived pattern. That person who drove into a pole in the middle of a vacant parking lot isn't an "idiot" - they could have suffered a heart attack, become psychotic from being pushed far to hard at work and at home, etc. Judgment is a tool of the INFJ. A little overpowered - which is where Marty and his channel really come in handy (as an aside; Marty, thank you for your effort in creating this content!) - but invaluable for yourself and others. That being said, take some time to really see your partner and understand where they are coming from rather than slap them with labels as tempting and natural as that is. This may open a whole new perspective and awareness for you. Please take what I have said with a grain of salt and use my advice as it suits you. Much love and all the best, Another Joseph

[@tianrenchu8684]

Thank you for sharing your insights! One thing that might help us INFJs overcome our disappointment and high expectations in relationships, in my opinion, is remembering that although the other person might not always be thoughtful the way we are, or excel at things the way we often do, they also have qualities that we don't. For example, being able to accept others for who they are, being non-judgmental and open-minded towards people, or even being authentic are things we often struggle with. I don't think we are "superior" overall, but simply that we tend to focus too much on flaws and this makes us blind to the ways in which the other person also contributes to the beauty of our relationship. Those are just my thoughts :)

[@marty_glenn]

Nice comment. Thank you for sharing and always a good idea to see and feel the other side. Keep that malignant narcissism away from you. TYWC - Marty

[@BookWorm2369]

I often get sad when guys feel inadequate after spending time with me, and then disappear. 🙁

[@marty_glenn]

Yep. I get it and that is sad. It is. I hope it changes for you. TYWC - Marty

[@BookWorm2369]

Marty Glenn thank you.

[@kisigma1102]

True fact I push alot people back

[@geensjc]

Enjoyed this video, thank you! The more I learn about INFJ, the less crazy and alone I feel.

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. That is how it should be and no you are not. TYWC - Marty

[@raymondsmith9512]

INFJ love isn’t superficial nor on the surface. For me the love I give is much deeper. I don’t put off on people toxicity, insecurities, behaviors or stressors that one can burden another with. Love for me is well-being mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Also independence, autonomy, identity and individuality. If you truly love someone, you won’t dare take these qualities from another or alter in anyway. To love is to love someone for who they are and how they treat you, not for what they can do for you. As INFJs we are true advocates for people because we understand human nature, we don’t condemn because we know people are already condemning themselves

[@SKHartman]

Yes, surrender to being single sounds so attractive to me-many many times I wish that were the path I had taken. I am an INFJ married to an adult with ADHD. Thirty years of damage to each other and only late in our life are we even beginning to navigate it. I am now constantly having to acknowledge how brutal my intolerance can be, and how a person who has had a life of feeling less than due to his ADHD was just constantly having that feeling reinforced by my actions, words, and yes thoughts. And on the flip side, the torment of seeing, thinking, knowing, doing so much more quickly than he is able and how frustrating that is for both of us. As if as an INFJ I didn't already feel alone enough in the world, making the choice to be in this relationship and staying committed to it has definitely amplified that feeling epically.

[@marty_glenn]

Wow. I am sorry. Glad you have a found a good path. Life..right? What else can I say, really?!?! Thank you for the comment. Others will find it very helpful. TYWC - Marty

[@chloeauil4027]

This is so true, I have had a hard time in some relationships for putting a lot into them, expecting the same effort and trying to understand what they need by analysing them and the things they find valuable, without realizing that it isn't reciprocated. I learned to be alone, and enjoy it, but after finding someone who really puts in the effort I am open to putting my all in again. I feel appreciated, loved, and pushed to be a better person and to improve my knowledge.

[@marty_glenn]

Good for you. Not easy to find but it is out there and always self reflecting; helps. TYWC - Marty

[@xxx-im7hv]

I'm 25, never been in a romantic relationship, stressed with how much people around me are pressuring me to get a boyfriend because they say I'm getting older as if getting a boyfriend will get me any younger. Getting into a romantic relationship is never easy and dealing with all these people too.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi xxx. What they are doing to you is a very bad thing and it is called: Projecting (It is abuse and shaming) They are not loving you. They are abusing you. Your life is yours to live and all you ever have to say, and only once or twice and then maybe, maybe a third time firmly, " Please stop!" After that it is absolutely abuse and is shaming to a very bad degree and will hurt your self esteem in very insidious ways and it will take a very long time to heal. I hope this makes sense to you. You are fine. Have plenty of time and the only clock that matters is yours and your desire for children. Other then that... You are perfect! TYWC - Marty

[@xxx-im7hv]

@@marty_glenn thank you so much for telling me this. I am actually tearing up right now. Lol It's actually bothering me so much to the point that I don't want to join family gatherings because i know some people there are going to bring this thing up and ask me questions about it. I even questioned myself like what do i lack, am i not good enough? And the likes.. Btw, thank you so much for all your kind words! I will surely take note of that. God bless you, Marty!

[@marty_glenn]

Hey xxx. My pleasure. let me say this another way for you... Why do you go to the family gatherings? You are already in your head and alone. You need to look at that part first. If the family actually cared, sorry to say this, they would say what I am right??? Do they care about you being alive or dead? Yes! Do they want you to be happy? NO! They want you do be their version of happy. Is that empathy??? NO! So do what is right by you and you will find out very fast how really cares and who does not. I understand. Do I care about you? No. Do I care that you are alive? Yes. Do I care if you are happy. Yes. Does it matter to my life? No. See my point here and we are total strangers. Now plug and play this with family members and you will clearly see the truth and reality in what you hold so dear to your heart within the word and organization of: FAMILY Be happy XXX. Practice TRUE EMPATHY and stop with the word and organization of FAMILY. I am a total stranger and caring for you more then they are. What does that say to you? Go with that and find happiness in small crumbs and one day you will be able to bake a cake of happiness out of those crumbs. TYWC - Marty

[@tiwiogunye]

I'm also an INFJ, 17, never been in a romantic relationship, and this is the most annoying thing ever 💀 I've literally had people say they're worried or concerned. I don't understand how my life affects them at all. At first, I would get sad about it but now I don't even care at all, if anyone mentions it, I just shut my brain off and zone out.

[@xxx-im7hv]

@@tiwiogunye you can do that and it'll work until it gets so repetitive and already annoying. Lol. I don't want to want to care about their opinions anymore. It's tiring.

[@edwardwright886]

I've always had relationship problems. My last one ended in divorce after 20 plus yrs. I've always known that I see and process things differently then others. I only recently started know why by watching videos like yours about INFJ's. If you asked me a few years ago about INFJ. I would of said what's that? I'm 50 yrs btw now. Thanks for your videos, I'll be watching more of them. Just found your channel this week so you might see a message or two later. You do come off a little strong at times. But I can see your really passionate about your beliefs and respect that about you.

[@marty_glenn]

Thanks Edward. Strong is a nice way to put it. I think once you understand me; it becomes invisible. But before that.... it’s tough to take. I can’t change it. I can’t and I wish I could alter it or ? No such luck. I appreciate your criticism with IQ and get it. Yes! Now that is one thing I am not lacking: passion As for comments. Awesome! I would love my channel to be about the comments and not the videos but that would never happen. What a goal it would be to accomplish and how amazing the channel would be trying to accomplish said goal. Welcome to 50. I’ll be there in September. Funny thing is: sucks to have lost half life to others who don’t even remember they took it. TYWC - Marty

[@songbird389]

This hit home so hard it made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing. It's so heartbreaking to have to accept that I will never be loved the way I am capable of loving another. I have known this for a long time, but it's amazing to hear it from another INFJ.

[@marty_glenn]

I get it and I do believe it is a mile stone in the acceptance and life of the INFJ. TYWC - Marty

[@kimkeck6266]

I am laughing so hard at every single video......you are the male version of me!! Never in my life have I been so attracted to a man with tattoos....I am a classic snob with a heart of gold....an angel and devil when messed with! You have brought joy to my life! I have found my tribe here....no doubt about it! Thank you very very much! I do not feel alone anymore! You are perfectly describing me and my life PLUS now I know why I roll the way I do! Keep up the excellent work! By the way, at age 57 I have never ever commented OR put myself online in any way shape or form! I am anxious to hit the comment BUT I shall! 🌷🙏💪✌️😂

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Kim. Well I hope I can continue to keep you in a my good circle of life cuz I am pretty complicated. Lets see how I do. Thank you for the wonderful complement and that is very discriminating in a great way with the tattoos. You do not normally like them? TYWC - Marty

[@cynthialudewig8408]

This has been amazingly descriptive as a girlfriend who has "fallen in love w/an INFJ" and have been in the most difficult behaviors... This has helped me!

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Cynthia. Glad I can help and you are brave. Very brave. Not easy to be with an INFJ. Can you imagine what it would be like being with me? TYWC - Marty

[@Amz11_13]

I'm not crying, you're crying! INFJ here 🙋

[@marty_glenn]

;) TYWC - Marty

[@AgeofMachines]

Some gems in this vid. The part about getting withdrawing being alone is something I can totally relate to as well as that square diagram and cherrypicking whatever relevant info I need at the time. Dual purpose; one part protection of FOR them and they other is protection FROM them.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi AofM. Exactly. Glad you can relate and found good details. TYWC - Marty

[@elizabethjean2709]

OMG, the screen door analogy.... My God. I've never heard that before but the..... Speechless

[@JaneTheOnly]

This made me cry but in a good way, hit home and I’m learning. Helps me understand why I’m always resented and gaslit for fostering the dreams of others, trying to help them actualize their dreams and believing in them and how much of a gamechanger it would be to set less of an impossible to meet standard or perhaps just couple up with someone who can be communicative and bravely vulnerable enough to tell me their truth/limits without feeling less-than for it or me feeling like I’ve done wrong by caring so deeply. Thank you for your service here.

[@marty_glenn]

It is always tough dealing with an unknown self and also with others of same. Glad you found the viedo worthy of your time. TYWC - Marty

[@medusagorgon9]

This is my second video...3 minutes in and I’m so grateful to have found this channel! Brilliant!

[@marty_glenn]

Thank you and very happy you found it worthy of your time. TYWC - Marty

[@charlottepipe4129]

I am an older female. You described my dating/romantic life. Men end up hating me because I refuse to prop the male ego. Hence, I made the decision ten years ago to leave it alone. Thanks.

[@marty_glenn]

Well. Maybe try again soon when you are ready. ;)) TYWC - Marty

[@arod3702]

I want to thank you and any others involved with your channel. Im sure you will understand how listening to someone like yourself can hit an INFJ like myself who only recently learned about and was able to identify as INFJ.. I only seeked to understand why i was the way i was after everything you said word for word happened to me.. I lost my wife of a 12 year long relationship and our 3 children for lack of knowing nor understand myself.. Truth is deep inside myself I have always felt I was living in a place or reality that was foreign to me, I've never felt home here.. As a child i would mimic people's joy and happiness but I believe I always knew I would never experience it the way they do.. It was my maturity and intuition that allowed me to survive the masses without fear of being reticuled.. Im hopeful of my future after watching someone like yourself.. You have inspired me to continue growing and adapting one day at a time to become an empowered INFJ.. God bless you and yours brother. You have truly changed outlook on life and im greatful🙏🙇..

[@marty_glenn]

That’s fantastic. Really. You know you look, by your picture pretty hard, you might find some of my content in a way... I am not sure but know that what is amazing to me is no matter how hard or soft it seems at the end of the day we all want the same. Being able to talk about it and show it is 100% a different story. I have always believed that is the key to change and self discovery. Best to you and thank you for the kind words. It’s just me so I am the start and the ending. TYWC - Marty

[@robertjohnson4401]

This is spot on for me as an INFJ. The relationship starts out with hope and promise. Then over time, it gradually moves to disappointment. You realize that they are too limited, shallow and incomplete. Sometimes crude, crass, immoral, abusive or hypocritical. So the relationship dies as you back away. If I want to be in a relationship, it would have to be in an extremely one sided relationship. I haven't been able to pull this off for any length of time. In fact, I can be in a social setting and see a couple and the woman's interaction with others and know within the first five minutes, that I would not consider them for a relationship. The men that are with them have been with them for years and decades. This is how I know I am different. I realize that the men that are with these women are as much as limited as their partner.

[@marty_glenn]

Fuckin Rights! Or the woman is not happy or the man and how about when she looks at you and you can then tell 100% of EVERYTHING and then you feel sorry for her and you feel sorry for him. They you realize you could have that but that is not the way you are it goes and you forced to get up and leave the view. TYWC - Marty

[@USSJ2Otaku3084]

As an INFJ, I'm a very intense being and I acknowledge it very well. I had many friendships where they would always say "Damn, I feel so bad 😔" or "You shouldn't have gone all out like this 😪😒". When it comes to love, affection or appreciation of any means, I don't just go 100%- no, I go all out to 5000% percent. The unconditional love I have for someone is like 7 galaxies. Despite my efforts, this in return can cause someone to be uncomfortable and yes, even at times, overwhelmed, annoyed and etc. You see, I have quite high expectations of myself and at times expect the other to do the same in return. However, I won't make such of a fuss about it, but I will remember it. It's like as if you take a 100lb bag of Turbinado sugar and place that right next to 1~3 sugar cubes. After my experiences of what I went through, all the while, noticing the changes, I go from hot like 20 sun's to the temperature that's on Neptune. A teacher used to tell me "Don't have too high expectations of another that's similar to yourself; you'll be disappointed that they're not showing the same efforts. Not everyone is like you and nor will anyone else pull off the same efforts like you". So whenever I fall deeper than the Mariana Trench, I catch myself and then I just suppress myself and go cold. It honestly feels like I'm shielding myself from being hurt, which is true due to the high expectations 😕. Nowadays, I don't expect anything from anyone 😶. I have such low expectations of another person and won't expect much of them in return 🤔. Just because I have low expectations of someone doesn't mean I'll settle for less 😅, it's just the aloofness comes out. I'm glad I learned this lesson at such a young age and I've been single for quite a while. My singledom and solitude taught me so many lessons; both subtle and loud. This video is a memento of it to keep myself in check, should I ever get into a relationship in the future. If I retract myself, I'll have to explain my reasons for doing so; "it's me, not you" sort of thing. I have good boundaries...it's just as I mentioned above, I'd rather suppress it, being safe than sorry...then putting that sort of excruciating pressure on someone.

[@marty_glenn]

....Safe than sorry. ;) Now how can you argue with that and not lowering or settling yet accepting the truth is a great way to look at it. Not easy but I bet it gets easier. TYWC - Marty

[@jamielake-boyd3600]

Age changes everyone. Things you care about when you are younger are just not as important as you get older. We understand life and Situation more.

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. True. TYWC - Marty

[@codycobbs6171]

Marty first off I want to say thank you, what you’ve said here in this video is incredibly insightful to the INFJ, being personally married to one for 3 years now we’ve experienced quite the spectrum of personal conflicts. During this video I went and apologized to my wife and told her I’ll never be able to match her capacities. I’d say as for you I know you feel regret for your actions towards others, but I want to encourage you and say that don’t treat yourself to harshly for your past failures. If you hadn’t made some of the mistakes you’ve made you probably wouldn’t have the deep understanding and internal working of yourself as well as you do now. Which in turn as people watch your video will help them to understand their own personality helping many people struggling with the same issues. To which I know that I and my wife are personally grateful. So you really are doing good for everything you know. Thank you again and I believe that one day you’ll find the right one for you.

[@marty_glenn]

You fucker Cody. There is all this fucking water in my eyes. The fact that you told her, 'that you will not be able to match her', might have saved your marriage. What an incredible thing to do and the honor and respect you shared with and for your wife will give her so much energy to understand and help both her and you deal with inner abilities that are often uncontrollable. I can say, part of what you need to do is keep doing you, have impeccable honor and respect for self and lastly... Do NOT ever give up, be fearful of failing and most important be afraid to try. The INFJ is laser focused on effort since the INFJ already knows the truth. This will help you: Write down the things the INFJ keeps asking for or doing and keep the list near you and ask for help from the INFJ; that is all a part of the effort. In closing, do not ever let the female INFJ be the leader where you become the follower. What I mean is be a man. The marriage needs the man to be a man and the woman to be a woman. You have a tough go but this will save you and her and will ultimately tell you that you are in fact married to an INFJ. Your effort (Honor and Respect) = INFJ Commitment and Loyalty (She will never leave you as long as you do what you know you must) Thank you and well done. I hear you. TYWC - Marty

[@codycobbs6171]

Yes Sir, I’ll do my best. And Honestly the thing I do appreciate about my wife the most is she does help bring out the best in me and has a high believe and expectation. I’ll be keeping your advice close and starting a list tonight. Thank you again and keep doing the great sincere work that your doing.

[@jdh1406]

This made a whole lot of sense. Thank you. :') And I felt so heavy watching you explain - really appreciate and admire you for the work you do. Sending love and light even as you are healing. :')

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Judia. Thank you and glad it made sense and mattered. Nice compliment. TYWC - Marty

[@crinanthethane9386]

I often wish that I could just experience interactions the way most people do. Relationships are delicate dances......I seem to have two left legs. 🙏🏼❤️

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. That is a dream for all INFJs. TYWC - marty

[@barbarasardella7680]

I'm an INFJ. I've been married 5 times. I should have remained single.

[@marty_glenn]

Life is a journey and now just need to find out what that certificate and ritual means to you. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@commonsenseneedtobepractic1861]

❤

[@andreaerel6419]

I'm going to need listen to this a few times. On the first pass , and many of your other videos, I'm left with a lump in my throat. I've been single for 16 years, now 55. I am attempting to date again, or I was. My son told me recently when I enter a room I command (energetically)a way of being that is overwhelming for most people especially anyone living small. Watching you is like looking in the mirror. I get it now. I am fine alone but wow. I need INFJ friends! I'm not sure of our purpose other than look around and try not to judge and be alone while looking like the weirdo. I don't know what I'm saying really but thanks and it would be fun to meet! Are you familiar with human design?

[@marty_glenn]

Well said and: You: and it would be fun to meet! Me: I have a plan so wait for it. ;) You: Are you familiar with human design? Me: Nope. What is that? TYWC - Marty

The problem I have found is not understanding the dividing line between accepting the other's way of loving and, in effect, that they are abandoning you and hurting you. Thank you Marty!

[@marty_glenn]

I cannot as of today accept the other way of loving. I only know my way and I think it is the best. But what do I know? TYWC - Marty

[@EmeraldEdge72]

I thoroughly enjoyed this and have at times seen myself doing this picking on or bullying of other people not on purpose of course, but I can see how. Your visual example of the pegs above the human faces were top notch and I am going to utilize that as a visual learning tool. It really looks like an equalizer so I'm calling it that. One thing that I have come to realize over the years is that some people just want to be as they are and are incapable of learning new things so I really try to just let them be and very much hold myself back. It is also difficult when someone tries to connect with me and I know they're trying, but I refuse the connection because I don't want to fall in love and be disappointed again. That thing about attracting cluster B's is so true and it sucks because all I find myself are consistent liars and it's like nobody wants to tell the truth, it is like they view it as a weakness. Part of the reason I hold back because if the truth is not being said then my information given out is wrong. Again it sucks because sometimes it's fun that we unconsciously pick up information the other times it really sucks because we may only become aware of it later or much later. The way I see much older people only now starting to figure this stuff out. Regardless I am glad for your informative video.

[@marty_glenn]

Well said and it makes a lot of sense. Sadly it is all so true. I have and do the same with people I meet. The hard part os dealing with people who think I want more and all I really want is casual. TYWC - Marty

[@ambilaevus7607]

Yep. This is most of my relationships. "I'm too smart for a woman" and "demasculinating". I chose to be a hermit in 2016 for just this reason. When I get hit on I can see how it'll extrapolate out and fail with time. There's no point if it ends in pain.

[@marty_glenn]

I get it but I think it could be easier. Are you sure "demasculinating" is the right word and what you are doing? I am just asking. Don't yell at me lol just asking. TYWC - Marty

[@commonsenseneedtobepractic1861]

Me 2 sister ❤

[@ambilaevus7607]

@@marty_glenn Sorry for the delay, just found your comment. Well what I do is if something isn't done & I have the time/means after a while I do it. I've been told by at least 5 boyfriends I should let the stuff sit in a pile for ages incomplete until they get around to doing it for me. Tasks that were incomplete for 3+ weeks (like putting up a shelf) were what caused two of them to tell me I was demasculinating them. I seem to become a combination of " the Mom" and "the boss" within 6 months of most relationships because I'm somehow smarter and have more moxie. My son's Dad told someone that I get more done in one morning then he got done in a week or two. I just gave up. It's not worth the grief to suppress my static settings because over time having to suppress myself causes me to not trust them in addition to slipping into a haze of depression. When trust is gone there's no point, my soul checks out. An ex boyfriend from 2008-ish wanted to get back together last year and I just couldn't because trust could not be reestablished even though I still love him & would still get out of bed at1am to go help him with a flat tire. He will never accept my ingrained habits and quirks even though we have fun hanging out. Hope that makes sense?

[@johnnyaceadams7694]

Can you say rockin' wordsmiths here?! Holy moly! New to this group, but I'm kinda feeling at home with the amount of creative and lengthy comments! How many of us learned to express ourselves best through writing long ago?!

[@marty_glenn]

Me! TYWC- Marty ( Want to talk on the phone LMFAO )

[@BuckyHoover]

This helps with shadow work. You're able to put words to the things I don't understand about myself which will aid in correcting it. An that's going to be a lot of work. I just discovered your videos an by far the most helpful. Thank you for doing this.

[@marty_glenn]

My pleasure. Saw this too. - M

[@AlbinoCrow]

It's hard if you're an INFJ and a Virgo. I know it's different but like if you believe in both you know it is intense. Now I kinda understand why my relationships failed. Also, every time I think of the ideal person I see it as someone who will see me in a detailed way. I stopped engaging in relationships now and it has been years because I came to the realization the same as the man said that it can be tiring and it's just too much for me. I tell people that I guess I am born to be alone. I know it is sad but there are tons of reason.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Soil. I do believe in both but I do not believe in double whammy. ;) So one is more all inclusive then the other so for example if there is a doubt or deciding factor then I would look to the supporting pointer of the Virgo to make a decision. I hope that makes sense. Same with the moon or water sign stuff. My grandfather died alone and from a very early age I have always believed I would be the same and do the same. So far I am on track but I am working hard to avoid that. Really hard. That should not be the destiny for anybody. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@AudaciousErin82Baby]

I'm a female virgo INFJ as well🤗 and yes-I TOTALLY get where you're coming from! I've been single for almost none years now (due to limited males in my religion) but even when I stumble upon a potential mate-they don't seem to measure up to what I think that I need in a mate. To understand me, love me and my quirks, be thoughtful and unselfish-is that too much to ask? 🤷lol Apparently yes, lol, I'm uh *come closer* I'm still single, lol. But I'm digressing, or am I? Point is, I just wanted you to know that you weren't alone in your astronomical predicament 😘💕 Hang in there-he/she is out there.

[@magangajoy]

This trait has also affected my career in such major ways. I cant tell you how many jobs I have quit. I have been fired though. I always quit. And I realize its this thing of giving your 1000%, ad then realizing my employer is not giving back even 25%, and most of the times, is just taking happy and contented. In fact, at times, even giving negative 100% knowing very well I am more than committed to meet the deadlines and the goals and I shall meet them. And then I start seeing the light, I start getting resentful, but I keep pushing on. In the past, I have just walked out. Then lately, I started speaking up for my self, but it was too ate. I just had to quit. And in all instances, the employer would call and ask why, and I would be thinking, its been 2 years of me trying to explain why??? Burn out is real.

[@marty_glenn]

Yes burn out is the result of extreme effort with little or no reward. Nothing to recharge and show appreciation for efforts. You cannot have maximum effort with zero reward. TYWC - Marty

[@stevenash4408]

This installment was very helpful to me. My relationships seem to never last longer than six months then I usually get the comment "You just don't get it", which perplexes me, because I have very close long term friends, but I will be damned if I can make a relationship work. I am a gay male with male, mostly straight friends that I get along with wonderfully. My love life not so much. Being an INFJ I have always felt a little like a square peg in a round hole. I read as much as I can about personality type and relationships but you, in 20 minutes, made it much easier to understand from a totally different point of view. Thank you.

[@marty_glenn]

HI Steven. I get it and I do believe the Gay Male INFJ has a unique thing going on too. Did you watch my other video and I think you will see my knowledge and feelings about the gay male INFJ come out. TYWC - Marty

[@stevenash4408]

@@marty_glenn Marty, I did watch the other one shortly after, very insightful. I really enjoy listening to your vids, it makes me feel so much better knowing I am not alone. Thank you, Steve

[@marty_glenn]

Hey Steve. Thank you and I appreciate the words. Ditto. TYWC - Marty

[@patrickfrericks8867]

Marty- thank you for your videos and especially this one. I'm 55 and single because of everything you said in this video. I read a comment below and it changed my way of dealing with my "head" struggles. Your statements at about the 10:40 minute mark brought it all together for me. You about made me cry, I felt your emotions start to well up and mine did also. But anyway, thank you again for these videos, I feel like I am finding my way at 55 yrs old. Keep up this awesome work.

[@marty_glenn]

You are very welcome and that is great to know. Especially that another comment was able to combine with anything I say. That is truly what helps anybody see reality as one voice and two ears seems to be not enough but when it is 2 voices and 3 ears ( I have no hearing in my left ear ) it gives a little more weight to the ability of the 3rd voice and additional set of ears to take it in and embrace it. Thank you for the comment and it is great to know that I am sure others have also read a great comment from another that was very helpful. Always doing my best and thank you for the supportive words. TYWC - Marty

[@magangajoy]

I watched this video by an ESTP and then ENTP describing typs. And they said they are drawn like a magnet to INFjs. That being with INFJs make them feel like they should be better people. But, that INFJs are slippery. I think this video explains why. The INFJ gives 100%. The ESTP/ENTP gives -25%. The ENTP/ESTP is 'like wow! This is great!' The INFJ with time is like 'nooo. What did the hell I get myself into,' and slowly starts withdrawing and then WHAM!!!!! The door slam happens. And the ENTP/ESTP is left wondering what the hell hit them on their backs...lol!

[@marty_glenn]

I need to become an expert in the MBTI and I am working on it. Just wait for it... I am going to crush it in so many ways. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@yafanna3]

Many failed relationships, 3 divorces. I've been accused of having a file cabinet for a brain. Consciously, I don't judge but I say I assess what I see and decide from there whether I can manage a relationship or not. My nightmare is that, my grandchildren will be effected by my idiosyncrasies .Prayers and good intent goes out to all . A song by Little river band just popped in. "Lonesome loser" Check it out and sing along !

[@marty_glenn]

Wow. That is harsh. File cabinet. Not nice. Will do... TYWC - Marty

[@meagiesmuse2334]

I read somewhere that INFJ has the hardest time being married of any of the types. I am an INFJ-T, a Pisces, and a strong empath. I left 2 great men when I was younger because I felt they did not love me enough, though they claimed to love me as much as they were able. I wish I had known why I felt this way back then. I have now managed to be married to a wonderful man for 35 years, because I realize that I will never feel that anyone loves me as much as I love them, so I got real and accepted it, and try to appreciate him and have to work hard not be too critical. It is painful sometimes, but better than living alone, for me anyway. I have 4 INFJ friends and only one of them is still married. I have never dated another INFJ, but I can see why that might be the way to go. My husband is ISFJ-A. I think it is wonderful that you young people have information like this to learn from before you make the stupid mistakes that I did.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Marilee. I am not sure what you mean by young lol funny, but I am different in that I marry once and only have children with one woman. As for the INFJ - INFJ and the woman vs men. Let me say this: The man needs to be the INFJ and for obvious reasons but it does create trouble either way. I do not aty this point agree with the INFJ - INFJ because I do not see how that could work as a male and the desire to be 'hero', if that makes sense. I still believe that there is no magic type for type other then hard work and the desire to work hard and CHOOSE to do so for that one person. TYWC - Marty

[@meagiesmuse2334]

@@marty_glenn - Thanks for your reply. The MBTI matchmakers say my best match is ENTP, but I've only dated one, and I would definitely put him in cluster B. They say all categories should be opposites except the N/S, which should be the same in both partners. I am not so sure that opposites are a good idea. What do you think? My first husband was ESTP-T and that created constant conflict. It was much harder than my current marriage, so I do think we should try to find a partner who is mostly like us, but not totally, so we will be challenged to improve, since improvement is our middle name as INFJs, lol.

[@marty_glenn]

Marilee. You are missing it all. Allow me to help you... ;) When a person has TRUE EMPATHY, go watch my video on it, this is what a person who has that will do or say... 1. Hi Honey, I thought about the way I treated you the other day and I am sorry. 2. Hi Sweetie, thank you for letting me know you were angry but would you next time not yell or call me that, it hurt my feelings. Guess what happens???? Responses: 1. I understand. Thank you for coming back now and telling me. It means a lot to me and I know you care about me. 2. Yes. I am sorry I called you that. It was wrong of me. Thank you for telling me and I will try harder and do my best. Guess what grows from this: The choice to continue to choose that person to be in your life and to choose to continue. See what I just said. Do you see the word LOVE or CARE or any of the other crap? When was the last time either of those words actually made you happy or solved a problem? I will wait for my answer from you... If you think I just came off like an ass or Mr Know it all, maybe I did, or maybe I did not, but is the message right? Does it go against the main street? But is it true? Would that type of relationship exchange make you happy? Now for the Marty Glenn... " What in the fuck does MBTI have to do with anything I just said? " Let me know what your thoughts are. TYWC - Marty

[@meagiesmuse2334]

@@marty_glenn - I think we are talking about entirely different things, or else our life experiences have been too different for us to be on the same page. I did not want to write a book, so maybe I was not clear. Sorry if I somehow offended you. Thanks for your opinion. When I spoke like you suggest, and I did, over and over, I did not get what you said above. I've never known a Narc to apologize. Different strokes for different folks. Peace.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Marilee. Maybe. I think I got it right. No you did not offend me at all. I was trying to help by just adding examples and or ? Wait... Yes maybe different pages. I think I lost something in the short hand. Sorry about that; so true, lost in translation. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@stephyLynn7]

I’m an INFP and I relate 1000. He is an infj and has a hard time with time management and we have a lot of challenging external circumstances and it’s so hard to not expect him to “fight more” but the thing is both of us do a ton of very small things daily to stay connected like we are in 2 different life rafts and holding onto the same rope to stay together and we pull towards eachother to stay close but the circumstances of daily life (we aren’t living together but both desire to be married someday….but he is still thinking about it…the “right time” the “universe will tell him” I don’t know) anyway it’s tiring and difficult because I know that it would be so much less of a struggle if we hopped in the same boat because 75% of the challenges Are circumstantial outside things that if we came together would be alieviated… I need deep quality time to connect and sometimes he is ok with small frequent kiss hug and me stopping by work and that holds him over but if I’m holding out for a quality time date or just chillin and something comes up (that’s completely understandable like a health issue or work emergency) then it really hurts me and I feel neglected. I love him and am doing my best but spent too many years in the past with a narc who abused me through neglect so it’s triggering and it’s hard. And I work better with a framework and plans because that helps me feel secure. But knowing he has to grow in this area (and he is) is a grueling pace because infjs take FOREVER… it’s worth it in the end but it’s challenging to be so patient.

[@Unknown-ph8ii]

This is super informative and educational, great video! That's exactly how, many of my relationships have failed. I been trying to make things right and acknowledging why the relationships failed so I'm now putting that knowledge with my new relationship. It really is frustrating but we'll do anything for someone who love.

[@marty_glenn]

Set boundaries. That is the key and keep doing what you are doing. TYWC - Marty

[@SoyCaudillo]

Finally I understand more of me or yet it was nice to see someone understand... Its so complex yet easy, Thank you!

[@marty_glenn]

You are welcome. TYWC - Marty

[@belinda.davie.coaching]

The deep truth of this made me cry - INFJ

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Belinda. Sorry. I get it. TYWC - Marty

[@4Saken876]

People told me that i give up too easily, but am able to know when something won't work no matter what i contribute. My overimaginitive mind makes me able to look at multiple scenarios at the same and plan my moves ahead. J.M

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. Give upi early if you already have the experience to know the outcome. Soar with eagles and do not ever scratch with pigeons. - Marty

[@Deebee950]

These are fascinating but also terrifying.. i feel sad to realize this is why things have happened but it’s enlightening, thank you 🙏

[@marty_glenn]

Sorta have to see the dark before the light; right? TYWC - Marty

[@PopoSimTalia]

I do recognize that pattern. Its so hard to get into a relationship. And once in being told I am perfect hurts... THat I have no faults hurts me. Because I feel suddenly the pressure that I cannot allow any fail, and even become more carrying in response which creates an even greater distance... it ends in me becoming so tired... feeling alone while in a relationship... Feeling it being onesided. I broke it up, I couldn't look at the crumbling confidence and self doubt my partner was having about themself. It was getting me angry at them. Even if I tried to make him see I am not as perfect as he perceives me.

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Popo... 100% true and I have destroyed so many people and a few I really loved. Well said. Truth. TYWC - Marty

[@silentgrove7670]

Love is selfless. It means you accept the other person as they are. It's not about being disappointed by what they cannot give you that they do not have, its accepting what they do have that makes the world a better place for the both of you. It's not just INFJs that do not understand this basic property of love. People think love is about getting , it's about receiving.

[@marty_glenn]

You are not wrong. ;) How does love grow? It grows by what you do for others and not what is done for you. You love your children and you do for them and they do not show appreciation or love back. ( You have to wait an eternity for it to come back to you ) but the love that a parent feels for what he or she gives to the children is the love only a parent can feel. More simply put: The love one feels for a pet. TYWC - Marty

[@silentgrove7670]

@@marty_glenn Receivership of love goes both ways. I find some of us are better at the giving and have issues with the receiving part (myself included). There is sometimes the imbalance that can occur. Your video highlights some of your ideas of the imbalance for an INFJ. I am not an INFJ btw. I am ENFP. The reason I like INFJs is they see the world in a different way that helps me grow and access different parts of myself.

[@marty_glenn]

Imbalance? Please do tell me what you mean. Well said. Look forward to hearing back. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@santiagoscho]

the INFJ curse: shining when alone, miserable with someone. the high moral compass is our comfort zone when it's a dread to outsiders!

[@marty_glenn]

V ery well said in simple terms. My video is now 10 seconds. TYWC - Marty

[@losingobernables1829]

I loathe small talk and when X person asks "how are you?", I'm bothered that they would waste my time with something so insignificant and shallow as opposed to how you described as something intrusive. The difference a letter makes.

[@marty_glenn]

So true. TYWC - Marty

[@skierjmps]

Posted this below in response to a comment where someone was cycling between criticising and loving their partner. I wanted more people to see this advice, as it has helped me immensely in my life (see the original post at the end of this comment): You love the idea of a person not the reality of a person. The powerful tool of intuition - generating split-second conclusions and insights - betrays you. Please consider that you may be placing a heavy burden on your partners by assuming (judging) the way they SHOULD act, feel, love, respond, etc in every situation. Trust your judgement a majority of the time, but know that there are specific instances to re-evaluate how you think about your relationships (not limited to romantic). When something, or in this instance someone, acts contrary to your expectations it creates frustration, anger, and other disagreeable emotions for the feeler. You are the feeler in this situation. You make judgements, create expectations, and enforce them on your partner. This is unfair to them and to you! That being said, you are not evil or bad. You are an individual with an amazing gift leading you astray. Solution: Daily practice of observing behaviors as objective instances and outside of a perceived pattern. That person who drove into a pole in the middle of a vacant parking lot isn't an "idiot" - they could have suffered a heart attack, become psychotic from being pushed far to hard at work and at home, etc. Judgment is a tool of the INFJ. A little overpowered - which is where Marty and his channel really come in handy (as an aside; Marty, thank you for your effort in creating this content!) - but invaluable for yourself and others. That being said, take some time to really see your partner and understand where they are coming from rather than slap them with labels as tempting and natural as that is. This may open a whole new perspective and awareness for you. Please take what I have said with a grain of salt and use my advice as it suits you. Much love and all the best, Another Joseph Original post: Joseph William Very accurate, my past relationships same thing happened. Had amazing time with them for months, then out of ‘nowhere’ I start to get ‘moody’ with them, I didn’t know why. Start to critique them, criticise them for not doing enough which inevitably pushes them away. Ofc I don’t want to do this! And am very hurt while it happens and especially when they leave but it’s some automatic process. I guess self awareness is key here, recognising it starting and stepping back. I’ve been called ‘crazy, evil, weird’ before for this, going from critiquing to then being overly loving, they must think ‘wtf?’ Haha. Thank you for this video

[@marty_glenn]

This is worthy of a video and I have my ideas on this. Thank you for sharing. TYWC - Marty

[@einfrie]

I am grateful to watch your video. to realize, "there's nothing wrong with her, but me".

[@beinlive9492]

Bro.. This is so fucking true. I really appreciate you talking about this. I really do ❤️❤️❤️

[@marty_glenn]

Thank you and glad you found the video worthy of your time. TYWC - Marty * Sorry for late response

[@christinamurley6616]

I only recently found out I was an INFJ. .. who left an abusive marriage with a narcissist. I am learning a lot. My intuitive intelligence was biggest threat ...I am very giving and loving. As all of us INFJ are. But we have judgement side to us. A tough one for others to deal with. I think compassion to those who love us is necessary. I am in love now deeply with an ENFJ / P. He is so aware and caring. I am learning to voice to him the moments my 'panic'. I call it my panic ....sets in. It's not him ...it's me panicking ..then we negotiate a way that both of us. Together. ...can negate, avoid situation that is triggered in me ... He has explained so sweetly. That I am forever in his mind. It's only when he is stressed or work commitments , that his focus shifts away from me. I feel deeply his energetic shift. I explained this. We now share and 'acronym ' that represents. Where his focus is ...... It's not that he isn't thinking of me. Or that he has stopped loving me. He is just stressed by many factors. Now I am soothed and secure. It's takes work on both sides. But of is so worth learning to allow others to love is ..their way. Not our way ...

[@marty_glenn]

That is all good. Very great! That is what MBTI is about and the along with solid and open and trust / truth communication great things can happen. Smiles! TYWC - Marty

[@christinamurley6616]

Thank you. That means a lot to me. 🤗

[@christinamurley6616]

Thank you. This is my aim, I am wanting to grow from my past abuse but mostly to enjoy him...he is a very special soul. Our goal is to enjoy us , while creating this safe environment of open discussion, trust. Respect. No obligations or conditions. Nothing is right or wrong. It's just sharing how we feel in this moment .... to learn and grow from. He has is trigger points. Too. It's not easy. But so worth all effort. Thank you so much for creating this forum...for INFJ

[@marty_glenn]

;) - Marty

[@brendarichardson6020]

It’s easier to be alone. It’s exhausting trying to relate and reach for something that isn’t there. It’s kinda lonely-or maybe I just think it should be lonely but for me, I’m also fine with it. There’s nothing I need from another human. If I can’t find something like I find inside myself then I don’t want it. It’s a waste of time. Find someone who sees my soul and touches my mind- not likely!

[@haksiiboy6169]

Being an INFJ, I always decline opportunities of dating. I mean, when I see an opportunity of getting a GF, I would be like ' wow, she's beautiful and it's your chance man, but she's too beautiful to be in my life,' something like that.

[@marty_glenn]

That is not an INFJ issue is it? I am not seeing the connection. Do you think that is more of a self image? Maybe I am not looking at the same as you. TYWC - Marty

[@sarabartel1013]

Oh my goodness, it's in words! Thank you! It definitely comes out in weird ways, and sometimes we don't realize how much it's affecting us until it seems too late to keep putting energy and time into.

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. I said it. I tried my best. lol :) TYWC - Marty

[@samtavoosian3059]

How many times you said you were going to do something and you never failed! Damn on point. It’s also a great way to get shit done though

[@marty_glenn]

Yep. TYWC - Marty

[@Xyz46786]

Came back to watch 7 months later. Cried again. Exactly what I’m dealing with right now in my relationship... myself.

[@marty_glenn]

Great. Happy to add value to your life. Keep trying. TYWC - Marty

[@darlinkhate9254]

Hi, this is honestly what my current relationship looks like. I'm an INFJ and im just gonna go and spill my problem here. I am tired of my relationship, from the start I know we wouldn't be on the same level in terms of idk mindset. We've been going on for almost 3 years now and I am tired of demanding the bare minimum and like almost wanting him to change himself towards me because I fully know I am not getting the treatment I deserve. I know most of this is my fault, I've tried breaking up a few times but he seems eager to understand me??? and live up to my expectations but I'm just-- I couldn't bring myself to end it again because technically he isn't doing anything wrong?? Idk. I just feel like he doesn't know my love language and my triggers and he doesn't seem to care. He's becoming obsessive in a sense, but I know I've done quite damage for him as well because I've been done a few times and said some things in almost an abusive way, pushing him to be better and such. What you said really resonates with me because in the beginning, that's exactly what I did, I pushed aside the obvious appearance of gaps, I had given my best without any second thoughts, and when I realised I don't deserve the treatment I was getting, i pushed everything away and basically doorslammed him. The only thing that got us back together is my comfortability with him, the familiarity with the person. I just dont want this to keep going because there's no point and I know we wont grow together and we're not good for each other but I dont know how to make him understand. I know this isn't a good thing to say but I'm basically just waiting for him to end things first. I am so done with the frustration of speaking with him, wanting him to understand and still getting the same results everytime. Thankyou for this video, I admire your ability to explain things in such creative way, I'm glad I found your channel

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Darlin. From the age of 25 - today. What you just wrote is me. It is the same. I get it and you are not alone and thank you for the kind words. Always doing my best. TYWC - Marty

[@thisisgeorge2117]

I am just reading through so many comments to see how you all think. It’s painful honestly. I have always thought it best to look and see any small thing a person for or says out of love and put it on the positive side of the scale. And any failure that isn’t horrible is easily forgive and not counted against the person. Additionally, if you love, then think only of what you can give, and find joy in that. Make loving others your goal instead of needing others to match your way of loving. Generously account any good, noble or beautiful act to the love bank. Count every blessing and remember that no one deserves anything, but all things given are gifts to be thankful for. Gratitude grows out of love and humility.

[@evadebruijn]

No 1 rule don't fall in love with potential.

[@marty_glenn]

Oh boy... That one is so tough. Well said and truth, but shit, so harsh. Is there a middle ground to consider and should you? How is that defined and where and what do the boundaries look like? I will let you think about that as I do every day. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@danparks8894]

This is so hard to hear as I now face divorce after 20 years. I’ve been hanging in there but didn’t see some of these truths I display. They are spot on. I wish I wasn’t an INFJ. The insights I have seemed amazing but being such is so hard. I have ADHD on top of this personality type so imagine how hard I’ve had it, until diagnosed, without the INFJ issues adding to a lack of executive motor functions. Explains a lot…

[@marty_glenn]

Very good and are you sure it’s ADHD or Judging with a complete lack of Si and Se and extremely low perceiving. Just askin’. ??? TYWC - Marty

[@haleystansell3328]

As an INFJ, I can relate to a lot of what you are talking about in this video. So far I have been in a relationship with my ENFP bf for over 2 years now, and there have been times where I feel like I care/love him more than he does me. It’s not that he is doing anything wrong, but I just start thinking and have honestly caught myself distancing from him. It hurts me, but at the same time makes me mad that I am like this 😅

[@marty_glenn]

Hi Haley. Not only do you have an INFJ issue but also a female issue. Let me explain... For a male / female relationship to work the foundation of the relationship must stand on this one very point: " The male must LOVE and CHERISH and ADORE the female. The male must always feel this more then the female." TYWC - Marty

[@artistrg3487]

Marty Glenn So us straight INFJ females are just doomed then? 😅

[@nishikinoshana1777]

I must say that i can totally relate with how you try to explain stuff to others so that they can truly understand what you're trying to convey 😂 its a struggle actually because i had to make sure that everything i said is right and easy for others to understand hahahaha

[@zahoorshah2824]

Your 43 and single 😂 I am 18 and I was worried of being single.

[@marty_glenn]

49 and you will not be single. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@fazzaustralia8932]

That is so true Marty, I've been through this and it's really interesting to read the comments here. I feel everything you are saying and I've knocked back offers because of this. I left my ex years ago, I just got up one morning and said "I can't do this anymore" packed my stuff and left. But it did deeply effect me and she was devastated...

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. That is hard. I understand and know what you did and are saying. I truly do. I have nothing to say for there is nothing to say. Those are moments in life that are personal and yours to own and learn from. What else could or can I say; nothing. TYWC - Marty

[@fazzaustralia8932]

@@marty_glenn This happened 20 years ago and I've hardly dated since. I only found out a few months ago that I'm INFJ, I knew nothing about any of this and I get what you're saying from one of your other videos where you say that you "missed typed yourself". I totally get it! But for me it's probably the first time I've ever felt part of something, but yeah I'd rather be another 'type'. I've watched plenty of channels on KZbin on INFJ's and it's like we are so revered it's bullshit, If people only knew what it's really like. The other thing is, (and you'll just have take my word for it) you and I are so much alike. I too have strong FE. I can see that you are 'T' where as I am an 'A' And I'm 50 years old. I have learnt so much from watching your channel and I think what you are doing is fantastic the way you conceptualise everything. Keep up the awesome work Marty and I really appreciate your replies! All the best too!!!

[@marty_glenn]

Will do and thank you. My next videos will be done by Sunday 20 - 30 of them and they will.... (I will let you decide) - M p.s. Added so others know: " I do not follow the T or the A, but those who do, I am okay and do not judge or show my opinion on the subject. Keep choosing personal freedom. "

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

"I had a woman who gave me her soul, but I wasn't ready to take it. Her heart was so fragile and heavy to hold, and I was afraid I might break it." -Dan Fogelberg, Part of The Plan.

[@marty_glenn]

Yes well said and I think there is a lot of hidden truth inside this comment for some other types as well but for the INFJ for sure. TYWC - Marty

[@chloeauil4027]

I haven't lowered my expectations... but by understanding what my partner values and how he shows care, I have found it easy to accept those things and to reciprocate those ways for him to feel appreciated as well.

[@marty_glenn]

That is a great way to handle it. Very well said. TYWC - Marty

[@CaspiDrako]

I have a question. As infjs, how do we distinguish between a healthy relationship where one person is an infj and the other person isn't but they are still doing all they can for the relationship, and a relationship in which the infj is the only one trying in the relationship? I often feel as if I'm the only one trying (due to the thing discussed in the video) so I think it would be helpful to be able to easily identify if that is true or if it's just how I'm feeling. Thoughts?

[@marty_glenn]

...get your answer? TYWC - Marty

[@CaspiDrako]

@@marty_glenn yeah, I suppose I just want to be able to catch it before I become very attached to people who take advantage of what you described in the video. In the past people have taken advantage my giving nature and never gave anything in return. But I will probably learn the signs earlier the more experience I have in life since I'm still pretty young. Anyway, I like your videos and I hope you continue to make them. ☺

[@marty_glenn]

Hi CD... Wait for them to commit. Then you wait 3 - 6 months. Force yourself. They are already committed. You have what you want and now only have to wait to make sure it is safe. You have nothing to lose. TYWC - Marty

[@CaspiDrako]

@@marty_glenn okay, thank you 😊

[@marybethgeary2114]

Fail every time, struggle with my children too..... it’s like I talk to much, I’m a truther, they are sick of hearing me. I’m am so full of love it hurts.

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. I have learned to be their for my kids on the second but I let them, come to me. It is the only way they can exist in this world as my offspring. TYWC - Marty

[@marybethgeary2114]

Marty Glenn perfectly stated.......

[@marty_glenn]

;) - Marty

[@Ericnaheyg]

Thank you for this video. This is so true to the point that its scary.

[@thomaschandler6802]

Wow you just described every relationship I have been in and I said exactly what you said I'm tired and I just choose to be alone because it's just not worth it

[@Only1Nancy]

Yes, totally factual! After failed attempts, I now consider myself a serial single person.

[@marty_glenn]

That is tough place to be and I get it. As long as the door is not 100% shut who am I to judge or anybody to judge or say you are wrong to do so. TYWC - Marty

[@elizabethjean2709]

This got deep real quick. ✍🏾

[@amandalolab]

You are so needed on KZbin!

[@marty_glenn]

I am glad you think so as I am sure some others do as well. Thank you for the supportive words. TYWC - Marty

[@datguyisgone6681]

Ok Marty now I’m getting freaked out , I can feel that I will be single for the rest of my days , I can feel your words, I have 6 children whom I’m not with currently for the same reasons you spoke in this bud, I can’t handle this shit anymore, your vids are great but for now it’s to much time to fly you are appreciated

[@marty_glenn]

That is okay. Honest and transparent comes with consequences. Some bad and some not so good. Life journey.... TYWC - Marty

[@mahfuzrahman5316]

oh my God! i watched the video and read some comments and realized how much i can relate to all of them! we are not really having any issues in our relationship, we fight occasionally, but i guess it happens in all relationships. but there were times when we fought way too much because of how she didn't do enough for me but we got back to normal soon when she told me the whole story from her side and she also apologizes back when she understands my point of view. overall, we do good together, but sometimes I feel bugged, now it seems that's because of my higher expectation from her.

[@marty_glenn]

Well there you go. Now you know. TYWC - Marty

[@teebee5326]

I like the way you explain things. 'Im an INFJ and an empath. So basically born doomed. Anyone who favors this combo...i would trade you in a heartbeat because even with empathy towards others...it is still a fail. It's hell. Blessings to everyone on here.

[@marty_glenn]

So in the future.I promise this might help if you leave off the ' empath ' label. Here is why: You are an INFJ and that also includes the care but what you really want to do is create ' true empathy ' and remove the mental imagery of the ' em path ' you carry around with you. Do you see the difference and why? TYWC - Marty

[@marty_glenn]

Also, I do want others to read your comment and see what I wrote and then decide for themselves just as we all need to do. - M

[@sylmen1111]

I always think I’m the asshole so I just don’t put people through it, I feel like damaged goods.

[@marty_glenn]

Wow... " I feel like damaged goods ". I do not have any words for that. It is true and a real feeling. We both know you are not. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@davidtrinks6141]

Thank you for explaining myself to me and how I think...all the information was spot on...

[@marty_glenn]

Glad it helps in any way. Small things matter. TYWC - Marty

[@bethanyhowlett4044]

This is incredibly accurate. Found this really relatable and helpful... wow. Thank you.

[@marty_glenn]

Thank you. Glad you like it and it was on point. TYWC - Marty

[@stevemiller887]

We all need to stop worrying about ourselves and seek to fill each other's cup (need) seek to serve instead of seeking to be served. Seek to understand instead of seeking to be understood. Seek to accept instead of seeking to be accepted. Come from a place of love and forgiveness. This is the key that will unlock the door of the heart of the person you are with. And if the one you're with can have the same attitude the same desire and will then your relationship will have a greater chance for success! And contentment as you both mature as individuals and as a couple. As you are free and encouraged to self actualize and become the best form of yourselves. through the mutual acceptance understanding and serving of one another. However, if you cannot be of the same mind of filling each other's cup then it is time to leave.Until such time as you both bring this resolve to the table. Otherwise the relationship fails to become mutual and at that point it is just a matter of time before it is destroyed. The bottom line is the right person for you will be the one who makes you feel loved and respected and brings out the best in you and you in turn do the same for them.

[@marty_glenn]

Great advice; the holy grail. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@kitkakitteh]

we both worked this out and were happily married forever til he passed. Truth.

[@marty_glenn]

Very good for you. There is always the next journey if you choose. I hope you do. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@marty_glenn]

Yes. Not so for just the INFJ but there are aspects that do make what you are saying unique to the INFJ and similar types. I get it. - Marty

[@tommieshonestadvice7182]

You've explained this sooo well as an infj I can relate

[@marty_glenn]

Always doing my best. TYWC - Marty

[@lucy7574]

thank you marty, this will save me so much pain i bet. i feel a stronger connection to you than to people in my life.. wish i could meet you one day and just have a conversation

[@marty_glenn]

I am sure that is not like winning the lottery. ;) TYWC - Marty

[@lauraalvarado9638]

I don't know if you're going to read or answer this but I have to tell you, in my current relationship (6 years with an ENFP) I did exactly what you say. I looked compassionately, I accepted that I can't expect the other person to be like me or to "measure up" I reminded myself everyday of all the reasons why I loved him, I excused some little signs because I thought I was being overdramatic and overanalyzing things. He took me for granted and wanted to leave me for another person that he described as the only one that can understand him, and the only one that he really felt the butterflies with. She didn't want anything from him and so he's trying to keep me around, because he says that he needs me. I don't know how I'm going to approach my next relationship if there's any. Perhaps I'll just die alone.

[@marty_glenn]

Boundaries? Reading this, I read none. ENFP male, you typed him, is going to equal very high on the malignant narcissistic scale. Based on the second half of your comment you confirmed it. What part of the six years, first or middle or last two years, did you know it was over and too insecure to leave? Just asking? And you said, small flags, I bet they were not small, and what did you tolerate? I bet you were a carpet for him to walk on. Find those boundaries and bet this does not happen again and based on your comment, I would rather be alone and die alone. TYWC - Marty

[@lauraalvarado9638]

@@marty_glenn Thank you for your answer. It's very difficult to explain the complexity of the situation with a small comment but he was nothing but good to me, until he wasn't, and the moment he showed it I walked out, I was never a carpet for him to walk on. Before he knew that this new girl didn't want anything with him, he told me that he just wanted to give his relationship with her a chance and for me to stick around in case everything backfired, and I ended it, knowing that I'll not be a plan b. The little red flags were little and I excused them because I know he isn't quite neurotypical, and how you said on the video I lowered the standards knowing that he cannot be as warm and empathic as I am. But the lack of empathy that he showed me on this situation has caused an unexpected doorslam from my side and so I learned that that's a compromise I'll never do again, as you said, better be alone that making compromises on your core values.

[@thechickenfriedredneck910]

Exactly. I accepted my fate a long time ago. We are in compatible with humanity. We will be alone.

[@marty_glenn]

Sad. Not sad. Sad. ;) TYWC - Marty