INFJ DATING | INFJ Love Addiction

[@Wenzes]

Have you ever experienced love addiction?

[@franciscosanchez2971]

This is a real issue with us. We're hopeless romantics deep at heart because we feel incredibly lonely all the time. We want to be understood and we want to share our inner world with a significant other. We show our love by fixing other people's problems and we find ourselves in a situation where we're constantly serving the other person to the point that the relationship becomes one sided. As a male INFJ, this doesn't work well with potential partners because we're too available and we find ourselves more as confidants in a friendship role than as serious partners who deserve as much as we put in. With the onset of the pandemic, it seems like others want to reach out to us more than usual because they aren't distracted with the usual things in their lives, and since we enjoy human connection, we mistake it for possible companionship. When those people don't respond to the level of our expectations we create a false narrative that we're being played and overanalyze the situation. It's important to note that we must break this tunnel vision of love vs loneliness and remember that we're all going through something heavy right now and shouldn't take advantage of the situation for our own personal gains. We can still care about people but recognize when we're becoming dependent on those interactions to fill an emptiness compounded by a social event that wouldn't exist otherwise. So having a healthy level of perception and self assurance is imperative to maintaining peace of mind and separating compassion from passion.

[@agentcovfefe6983]

Ya, but not going there again. I want peaceful.

[@haihai5293]

@@franciscosanchez2971 You sure you are not infp?

[@kacake]

I want a person who likes me for me, not because of what I do for them, who understands me and supports me

[@wendysmith9682]

We like narcissist. Chemical highs. They put themselves first, they’re survivors. We feel safe with them in terms of surviving. Their drama offsets our boring selves. Their social circle offset our small world. We attach ourselves to them. They’re literally our opposites. We are prone to codependency.

[@di380]

I believe I just love to be in love 🥰. I understand the message of being your “true self” but I don’t think I know what my “true self” is.

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

Have I ever had a love addiction ? Yes. Her and I met on an on line dating site ( Christian Mingle ). I really fell head over heels for her upon meeting her and us going on our first date. She just didn't understand how I had been so gentlemanly and complimentary towards her. She didn't hate it, she just did not process it too well. Two months later, she breaks it off with me and is up front about it all. She did not reciprocate with me due to her not being over her ex-boyfriend of whom dumped her unexpectedly and went away. He was not going to return back into her life, yet she held onto his memory. I did appreciate her honesty though. I got over her really quick and moved on enjoying single life. Yet I thought to myself for a small time, " Gee, she will never know how good she could have had it ". It's her loss. Oh well.

[@oceanbluek]

Came at the right time I have been experiencing this heartache being with someone for over a year and he ghosted me haven't heard from him since, its been over a month since the last time we communicated. It's hard and painful there are days where I feel like I am okay with it moving forward with life and days where I just grieve losing him and remember how he was there for me when I needed him. I try do things that I enjoy now but sometimes out of the blue he just appears on my mind. Watching this video made me realize to take the situation as it is that he isn't reaching out to me and its all in my head of what we could become.

[@sofianeso7799]

Let's be indulgent with ourselves and let time take its effects ☺️

[@sofianeso7799]

Hope you're doing well 😊

[@oceanbluek]

@@sofianeso7799 I absolutely am! Same to you

[@sofianeso7799]

@@oceanbluek thanks 🙏.. I hope I can get past this

[@CD-ej5cb]

So beautiful, thank you.🥰 "Show you through action, not through your imagination, that they can be that."🙌🙌 yess. Sometimes think love addiction is like sugar cravings. Gives you sugar high but not good for you, not stable.

[@Wenzes]

Absolutely!!

[@sandro_zg]

I am just in awe by the knowledge you have and how relatable it is to me as an INFJ. Feels like you cracked the code. It is interesting though that despite all this information being at hand, I still avoid exploring and understanding myself more and taking steps that would work in my favour.

[@russellbarton7565]

I don’t think I will ever fall in love again. I always fall for the wrong person and I’m the one that gets hurt

[@TroyPosey]

Are you in my head??? Am I really living in the Truman Show, and don't know it??? 🤣😂🤣 Seriously though, I have experienced this a few times in the very distant past. It wasn't until I discovered my twin flame in 2018 that I decided I needed to change my life to be the kind of man she would want to be with. Nobody has ever inspired me to change myself. And the thing is, she didn't even know I existed back then, and didn't even know she was inspiring the changes. I'm a better man today because of her. Hell, I'm still alive today because of her (but that's a story for another time). That's how I know there is something special about this girl, more-so than anyone else I've ever known...Even women I've known and dated in real life. I spent my life by the "I am who I am. Ain't no woman gonna change me." motto. Well, time makes fools us all, doesn't it? The old folks always said, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." How true that is. 😏 As for the Shallon Lester quote... That may be the case for some people, but not me. I don't think what I feel is a love "addiction", ,because i'm 100% positive I don't want to be her, I just want to be with her. And for her to love me, and accept me for who I am, and want to be with me because she likes me for those reasons. Also because we mesh well together, as we are very similar in a lot of ways, but also very different in others that would compliment each other...That "yin & yang" sort of deal. Also, for the first time in my life... The changes she inspired led to me getting my new job (just over the 1 year mark 👍🏻), getting out of debt (almost there!), which all built up to make me feel strong enough to stand proud and on my own two feet again. Like I AM good enough. The kind of man I need to be. Providing for his woman, and eventually his family.....Even though she probably makes over twice the money I do. But outside of having enough to pay my bills, keep a fairly new reliable vehicle, and a place to live, I don't really care about money. People are what's important. It took me almost [literally] dying alone last year to realize that. 👍🏻

[@marycain5668]

This was heartfelt & beautiful. I met the twin flame. Took my breath away. Because of that I transformed in incredible ways! He doesn't even know. He ghosted me. I was so happy to have this person in my life. I went on to do incredible things but he didn't stick around long enough to thank him. Very sad about that. Have no idea if he needed my validation. It was crazy chemistry. It was worse going through this for me then it was divorcing. Juvenile behavior. I'm better solo.

[@maccurry4702]

It's seems like the new you does care for money

[@TroyPosey]

@@maccurry4702 Since you don’t know me, I’d suggest keeping your comments to yourself.

[@ValleyData]

The depth of these videos are remarkable.

[@michellem775]

Thank you so much I'm going through this right now. My mind just keeps imagining a life with this person and it brings up all these crazy emotions good & bad. I just wish I could get things out of my head & stop obsessing about not only this but a lot of things. Your advice was really helpful.

[@danikaa111]

I’m going through this rn.. thank you so much for sharing your advices it’s like a cold shower for my brain thank u♥️

[@agentcovfefe6983]

Of course I want a healthy relationship free from love addiction, but in order for that to happen I have to feel confident that I have something valuable to offer this future healthy counterpart. My life has been anything but functional thus far, so it will take time to turn the mess I have made of it around. It will also take time to develop skills that I can feel confident about. 🤷‍♀️ I'll get off my arse ASAP 😁

[@grumpyschnauzer]

🤷🏻‍♀️ I just refer to it as being “invested in relationships, the well being of it, while also feeling passionate about studying relationships”.

[@agentcovfefe6983]

"DList Lover" hahaha (the name)

[@LostSoulAscension]

Like seriously! So helpful and a smile that lasts a lifetime. Wenzes is where it's at. Dang, yeah, this is soo gnarly!! Not people who we wanna be with, but people we wanna be. Dang...

[@litlife3113]

I'm an infp but I could relate to each and everything you said.

[@trendsetter8138]

Excellent video that as an INFJ I was teaching someone yesterday.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

This is perfectly accurate and what is going on in my life. It makes walking away from my marriage extremely difficult. All of this is spot on!!

[@kevinm5792]

Love.. ❤️ haha so much can be said about it. At its core, love is the annihilation of separateness. Or in other words, absolute oneness. It’s the fundamental nature of our reality. We, the INFJs can feel it so strongly that many intuit this without knowing or contextualizing it. To be addicted to love is not wrong, it’s merely the misguided pursuit of this oneness with the universe. Many of us have searched and worked to find this in others, but loving another person can be hollow and unfulfilling if we haven’t found it within ourselves first. Within ourselves is where we can notice that the wave and the ocean are not separate. The many beautiful aspects of us INFJs can seem fractured and at odds, but once we are able to dissolve this separateness within ourselves and bask in the love which is the entire ocean, everything changes. We can fill and take the form of any container floating in our waters and understand that we are an ocean too vast to be contained in just one form. This is when one knows he or she is ready for a true and deep loving relationship with another. Two oceans converging. Taking and playing with the many forms made available by the gods, but not losing sight of the vastness and oneness which is love. Reconnecting with the fundamental nature of existence. This is a journey most of us are still on, and may be on our whole lives. It’s the most meaningful journey one can strive for, but it has to start within. It has to start from a place we call alone until the day comes when we realize that alone is an illusion.

[@maccurry4702]

Then oneness is also an illusion

[@kevinm5792]

@@maccurry4702 Correct…. When two negative correlating wave lengths of light merge at a certain point, they cancel out. Think of this in terms of oneness and loneliness. Is the result oblivion? Is the merger of two or simple destruction? It’s none of the above, rather a state outside of any point of reference. For whatever reason, most are naturally inclined to see oneness as an illusion, and aloneness as a propositional truth. What I’m saying here is to flip that perception, and start from there. It’s a less obstructed vantage point to plot a course from.

[@blacko88]

Crazy.. literally split with my girl today, have a house and all sorts going off.. I'm trying to better my life and she wants to be stuck in the mud forever :( best give this a watch then haha

[@jeffreyrotsko5978]

Wow!!! This sure explains a lot!

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

Ooh yea addicted to ❤️😊😊😊 9:17

[@kusumakusuma8811]

Thank you I needed this.

[@simovtransportmedia1137]

I have just revover from love addiction situation. To here someone describe so good one of my tipical problems makes a smile on my face.

[@madhvishukla4332]

Thank you mam i am doing this a lot but i didn't had any knowledge about it but now i know where i should improve thank you mam your videos are very helpful ❤🙏

[@dawnb8906]

Hi Wenzes, I'm not sure if you have any dealt with the topic of how being an unhealthy/undeveloped INFJ correlates to certain mental health diagnoses but I would be rea.ly interested to hear your take on it. In particular the correlation with Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Listening to this video reminds me of the BPD attachment to a "special person" whom idealised and held on to despite objective evidence that that person is not interested/has moved on etc. There are many other correlations to that I'm noticing. I'm starting to question whether Big Pharma/Psychiatrists need to pathologise any deviancy from the "norm" can instead be explained by looking at our MBTI cognitive functions and other such systems instead? Hope this makes sense...

[@grahambates7162]

I've been thinking about this myself. Maybe every mental illness is an exaggerated form of a personality type due to trauma/neglect/abuse. I am an infj and have been with a partner who had BPD. My guess is she was infp. Her admiration for the special person(s) was off the scale. Any tiny criticism was like a dagger in the heart and she could become extremely abusive. Personally I can relate to what Wenzes is saying in this clip, but it's fairly mild, whereas bpd has no grey area at all and these patterns recur at the utmost extreme levels.

[@matilda4406]

@@grahambates7162 yes

[@matilda4406]

yes

[@flowgy]

Your saving my life.

[@nelacaro57]

I bet everyone can hear my heart battering when I’m around him 😂

[@Jewelsquiss]

I've been in 2 very serious relationships (1 was a marriage) with men who had multiple personalities. One even told me when we first started dating, that he was diagnosed with dissociative disorder, I didn't know that was the official name for multiple personalities. 😅 People think I'm crazy when I say this, but by the middle of the relationships, I realized it. Seriously, I could see them change. Someone told me that they were gaslighting me, but no that wasn't it. I've dating many narcissists and been gaslighted many times, it wasn't the same. Has this happened to anyone else 🤔? Edited: Oh and almost everyone I've dated has had some sort of eating disorder, which I thought was rare in men.🤷‍♀️

[@matilda4406]

That's very interesting. I noticed someone who was close to me with multiple personalities. What do you think drew them to you? Yes, it is different. It's a different coping method. To fit in with complex pathological environments. I was a bit shocked when I saw it because I didn't know they had it.

[@sunshineharmony5410]

Has anyone asked Wenzes about her amazing lashes? I have learned so, so much & it is truly transforming my life, but she consistently has perfect lashes & I need to know her secret! lol

[@leoralphvillamayor]

Wow very powerful.. thank you 🙏🏻

[@RC-ey4gm]

Thank you.

[@marycain5668]

Well I dont think I wanted to be him. I admired his looks. He was exotic; from another culture, speaking another language. But I accommodated him by translating English to his language. But the real time was way out of my comfort zone. He wouldn't text or call. Then he'd pick up the phone on the first ring. He'd never set up dates & couldn't stay over night. The last was a dealbreaker. I left him. He lied. Done. No more tolerance there.

[@soldiersleeves]

Thankx

[@shinoyashino7995]

Yes!

[@Otteracousticstorys]

I hurt 😢

[@19katsandcounting]

I actually did want to be with him, but he was married. 😂

[@TheFirstOnlyRealUltra]

#wow😍 🙏🏻🦄

[@imdjc4]

INFJs....in love ith love?

[@musicano-world807]

*Wenzes* Awesome vid. If you had One wish. what Would it be? let's build each other up xd