10 Childhood Traumas that cause Nice Guy Syndrome

[@brojoDan]

Build Your Confidence and Integrity - join the FREE Brojo Self-Development Community on Skool here! www.skool.com/brojo-the-integrity-army-6491

[@aletheia3]

Probably the best youtube video any man can watch. Thank you.

[@brojoDan]

Wow, thanks! Happy to help mate. Get in touch if there's more I can do [e-mail]

[@fr0sty44]

Far out - #7 - so so much this. It sounds stupid now but I remember watching an episode of Donahue (old talk show in the 90s) where women were talking about being harassed in the workplace and my kid brain took that as “I’M GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE SENSITIVE NEW AGE GUYS, NOT ONE OF THOSE *SLEAZY* GUYS”. Far out. So much of #7 resonates and I’m pretty sure you’re the first person I’ve seen that’s ever spoken specifically about this. I had other school experiences like you described too. “Never be sexual it hurts people”. Still trying to unlearn this lesson to this day.

[@brojoDan]

Yeah bro that's a tough lesson to unlearn. Hope I can help with that. Check out this post which goes into greater detail on the solution to the #7 problem theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-tell-a-girl-you-like-her/

[@dennislindqvist1265]

I had a chaotic childhood with parents who were liberal but had experienced war. I became one of those nice guys who are impossible to live with so I decline all invitations. When I was younger, I kept up another facade, that I was dangerous, and even though that attracted many women, I was still impossible to live with. However, I have never engaged in bullying or physical violence against anyone.

[@brojoDan]

I'm happy to hear that you've been able to keep your dark side under control. That shows great promise for making further improvements to your confidence and authenticity. The story isn't over yet! You can come join other recovering nice guys in my Skool and get the Nice Guy Recovery course as a free welcome gift www.skool.com/brojo-the-integrity-army-6491

[@Man-ev4ki]

Great video, Dan. I'm a recovering nice guy and your comments about inconsistent rules and an emotionally distant father hit home for me. My parents provided food and shelter but very little nurture. I don't know if you're familiar with the show, but I learned more about healthy family dynamics and discussing issues from Family Ties than I ever did at home, which is pretty sad.

[@brojoDan]

Yeah it's tough when a tv show is more informative than real life. Your parents probably did the best they could but it wasn't enough. Get in touch if I can support your recovery further [e-mail]

[@stevearai3361]

34:34 I'm sorry you had to go through that mate. As a person who moved to 3 different countries during my child/teenage hood and struggled with language barriers, I understand how frustrating it is to be misunderstood by simply not knowing something. Parents and people in general need to listen to 2 sides of the story regardless of how it might appear on the surface.

[@brojoDan]

Yeah I'm seeing some research coming out now about how devastating it is for a child/teen to move to a different area, totally screws them up socially

[@latinboy906]

I've read Dr. Glover's book, but this was the most comprehensive video I've seen on traumas that cause Nice Guy Syndrome. Your course dealing with this looks very interesting. Same course that you have on Udemy?

[@brojoDan]

Thanks mate, and yes I've got one course on Nice Guy Recovery. It's on Udemy but you can get it free here www.skool.com/brojo-the-integrity-army-6491

[@edward3105]

Hi,are you a therapist as your profession? I can't afford going to therapists since I am poor. My parents abandoned me when I was like 13 years old ,after that moved from country to city at Highschool.There I was bullied and I suffered trauma. Now I am 32,and I am struggling to quit p0rn addiction,I think i have it from trauma.After Highschool I closed in myself playing videogames and fapping for like 10 years. How can I heal my wounds. Please help me,God bless you!

[@brojoDan]

I'm not a therapist but a coach, and probably more expensive than most therapists! However, I do run a free community for people like you, with courses etc that will help you make progress with your addiction www.skool.com/brojo-the-integrity-army-6491

[@rorysmith2415]

People who fancy bullies are evil. People who fancy bullies are warped, twisted, nasty, selfish, smug, cliched, cruel and depraved. People who fancy bullies are making evil win. I hate bullies, wife beaters, rapists, and child abusers. I have met loads of nice people who think they are nice. Being shy is not evil. Loads of bullies hate shy people. People who support evil are evil. People who want evil men to win are evil. Goodness and niceness are the most important qualities in life.

[@javieruli]

0:00 Intro 9:34 1. Chaotic/unpredictable parent 13:18 2. Emotional distant father 15:48 3. Inconsistent rules and unfair panishments 20:11 4. Peer bullying and otracism 25:45 5. Being judged on performance and achievments/punished for being less than 29:27 6. Enmeshment 32:13 7. Decent childhood but with random powerful and significant small events 37:36 8. The cultúre of man hating feminism 40:04 9. Validation and approval for people pleasing and dishonesty 42:28 10. Validation for high achievement 45:27 Outro

[@brojoDan]

Thanks mate

[@javieruli]

@@brojoDanNo problem, it's a pleasure. Thank you for your work.

[@paulsuttonvocalist]

Amazing video and it’s like your speaking about me. Thank you

[@brojoDan]

You’re welcome 😊 get in touch if there's more I can do to support you [e-mail]

[@B3arAbl3]

Thanks bro!

[@brojoDan]

No problem!

[@bigaddo]

I'm a nice guy that uses manipulation. I have had incel vibes in the past. I hope I'm not that. I had unpredictability as a child, at least with my sibling. It caused me to feel really bad for my father. But yeah the kind of soft expectation of I'm a nice guy as a strategy for getting sexual attention. My father was emotionally distant and acted as a foil for my mother. My mother worshipped me and my father tried to push against that but he was quite passive. He was a great man, loyal to his family. I miss him a lot. He had a lot of health issues and he is in a better place now. I do blame others. I want to change that desperately. I'm a useless person.

[@brojoDan]

Great self awareness there mate, that's a good start. Change is possible! Come join other recovering nice guys in my free Skool and you'll get the Nice Guy Recovery course as a free welcome gift www.skool.com/brojo-the-integrity-army-6491

[@BloodyHeck]

I had a good childhood and had wonderful parents. Sometimes being a nice guy is just because you know that if you speak your mind in front of your wife, the marriage is over, or at least she's going to make your life such a hell to teach you to never cross her again.

[@brojoDan]

Thanks for your patience with my response. I've read your other comments too. I can see you're pretty dead set on placing the blame on women. At Brojo, we are all about personal responsibility, and we believe that you only have toxic people in your life if you find them and allow them in. We also believe there are healthy women who treat men well in relationships, who become available once a man is confident and integral enough to find and attract them. If you wish to maintain the idea that it's all women's fault, I suggest you seek out Red Pill or MGTOW content instead of mine, you'll find it more aligned to your view on male/female dynamics.

[@BloodyHeck]

@@brojoDan I'm 56 and aside from some female friends, I have yet to find a woman I'd describe as healthy, so I can only choose from those that will go out with me. As far as maintaining that it's all women's fault, I'm sorry but there are so many examples I could give where, yes, it is their fault. I'm sure if it's examined, I'd have to share some of the blame but if your child throws a ball in the house after you've told them not to and even taken it away from them a few times, and they eventually play with it and break something fragile, is it your fault for having something in the house that's breakable?

[@brojoDan]

"Aside from some female friends" - so there are exceptions? Maybe there are more exceptions you're yet to meet... theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-red-pillers-shouldnt-give-up-on-women/

[@BloodyHeck]

@@brojoDan Yes, there are plenty of women who don't seem incredibly bat crap crazy but those never go further than being friends. There's no romantic attraction on their part but they like me as a nice person.

[@nevermindmine]

what lol. that is such a “nice guy” response. always talking some shit about women. please get help

[@ClaraKing-q7h]

I think the female version of nice guy syndrome is niceness which is a trauma response called fawning . Niceness is not even a concept or virtue, just a survival mechanism, i think i should aim for goodness and kindness from a moral level instead

[@brojoDan]

Yes I've recently been hearing about the term fawning, which accurately picks out a specific behaviour I see lots of people pleasers do. I talk more about the female version of nice guy syndrome here studio.kzbin.infos3PVthhL3dE/edit

[@ClaraKing-q7h]

I havent laughed like that in a long time 😂, thats exactly the kind of thing i would have said in school as a little girl just to be controversial and your school made you martyr and a sexual predator and tried to shame you at 8-10 years old !, thats disgusting and I'm so sorry you went through that ❤

[@brojoDan]

I appreciate the support! I have no doubt there was no malice in my heart when I said that. I was just a dumb kid trying to be edgy or something. However, it has been part of what's shaped me into a stronger man in the long run, so maybe it's good that it happened

[@daveo9844]

It f’d my life that’s for sure 🍻

[@brojoDan]

SOrry to hear that mate, get in touch if you want help getting on track [e-mail]

[@brojoDan]

What other types of traumatic events did I miss?

[@henryairconcepts2999]

I think you pretty nailed it. The emotional incest is the one I never heard about. Btw about it’s known for asian parents to expect their kids to be an over achiever. Here’s the video that I find it funny kzbin.info/www/bejne/aafFdIuMhqumgsk

[@brojoDan]

@@henryairconcepts2999 haha yeah the old Tiger Parents eh? Hard times under those pressures!

[@saifkahn]

Wow! I have almost always felt that people use me and disappoint me. Currently going mad on where I’m going wrong in my relationship. Hate the feeling of always being taken for granted /bullied / unappreciated.

[@DeeLee-p8c]

Hitler " no more mr nice guy"

[@brojoDan]

I don't understand this comment

[@Bitofa_nerd]

Someone has a warped view of the human condition. You have some growing up to do. Don't follow someone without formal psychology training and a clear lack of life experience.

[@brojoDan]

You seem to have a beef with me Aaron. Have we met? If it helps, I've been working the field of psychology in various roles for nearly 20 years, and have a BPsych degree plus dozens of other formal training qualifications. How much more do I need? And I'm 40 years old, how much more life experience do I need?

[@Jameskenomis3]

I agree with everything except 9:15. No worshipping women for me.

[@brojoDan]

Yeah not every guy is the same with this syndrome. While most have women-related issues, some don't. I have a video about the different types here kzbin.info/www/bejne/kIu0oquCjLxgp6c

[@gopony6798]

Good video but incels hating women is not the same as feminists hating men. Feminism has fundamentally always been about equal rights, not man bashing. I know a lot of feminists and none hate men.

[@brojoDan]

To clarify, Nice Guys and Incels are not the same thing, though there is some crossover. And the reference to feminists hating men is only about the experience/perception that Nice Guys have of feminism. While I believe there are men-loving feminists out there, they're awfully quiet compared with the extremely vocal man-hating ones, so we're more exposed to the latter

[@thomaseriksen6885]

I can see why you have to pay to get this advertised on the front page. Absolute rubbish, want to be a man just be one and leave us alone

[@brojoDan]

Leave who alone?