10 Signs Of A Troubled Jealous Person

Jealous people are deeply insecure, and they operate with the presumption that they can and should possess you. Dr. Les Carter highlights 10 primary signs that will help you identify this troubling pattern of life. With insight and awareness, you can determine to be no one's possession, but a unique person in your own right.
Dr. Les Carter is a semi-retired psychotherapist who spent 41 years in private practice in the Dallas, Tx. metroplex. He now resides in Waco, Tx. He has conducted over 65,000 counseling sessions, written extensively, and has presented many workshops and seminars.
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[@MyThoughtzAndOpinionz]

The craziest thing about jealousy, is that people could be jealous of you for ANYTHING. Somebody could be jealous of you because you’re simply taller than them 😂

[@valerietaylor9615]

I envy tall women, but I try not to let it get out of hand.

[@valerietaylor9615]

I envy tall women, but I try not to let it get out of hand.

[@KL-zg7lu]

As a tall woman, yes. Short men often seem butthurt

[@valerietaylor9615]

I've always liked tall men, but most of the women I know are married to short ones.

[@y0urSJ]

yeah its sad man...as someone whos tall i can relate. people are so weak nowadays

[@tamrinbekker8518]

I have a jealous coworker with ALL of these signs!

[@kimhumiston2686]

I HAD a jealous bullying coworker.

[@tommyparkerparker]

@@kimhumiston2686Me also. You get accreditation from the boss for a job well done and then the jealousy of a coworker ruined my chance for a promotion.

[@fcrowson6480]

SAME.

[@Abcdefghijk1263y]

Same. I stay quiet, don't talk anymore... Just strictly professional... My great boss knows, thank goodness.

[@Monicaaa13]

Mine is always an overweight older woman

[@denisegilmore88]

80 per cent of bullying is caused by jealousy.

[@m.935]

That's my realisation of the year as well. Saved my mental health.

[@denisegilmore88]

@@m.935 I read it somewhere years ago and it makes total sense. Sad, jealous people cause so much negativity in the world, it's just a shame.

[@nancybaumgartner6774]

pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth The seven deadly sins are now acculturated “virtues” in the USA

[@kellypolfleit3942]

That’s great insight

[@denisegilmore88]

@@kellypolfleit3942 I also think that bullies, generally, have a lower iq than the average person.

[@beautyshines2124]

Jealous people are very insecured, selfish and low self confidence individuals regardless of their status in life.

[@christinalw19]

I feel sorry for jealous people. They were not taught to appreciate their own worth, or be thankful for what they do have. 😕🙏🏼

[@winstonsmith9533]

They can't appreciate the good things that other people do: "Go Elon!"

[@suzannesmith5339]

This is my favorite post of all Dr. Carter. Your last couple sentences took me almost 60 years to conclude about who the N. decided I would be. I loved 4:00 …”so what are you gonna give me next…even the giving has a “taking” angle.” Even discovering new hobbies, new outlooks on parenting and letting children go, new ways of enjoying holidays, not getting drawn into drama/gossip, makes the N. annoyed. It’s so unpleasant being the primary person who gets scrutinized, and is the comparison focus. Thank you always for making our awarenesses even clearer.

[@leonap4814]

Christina... I also feel sorry for them. Im thankful for what i do have. Im not concerned about what i don't have.

[@christinalw19]

@@leonap4814 right. We are given what we are meant to have.

[@michignamymichigan]

Gratefully facing the day is life affirming, healing, and life giving.

[@dazmindleon]

A parent being jealous especially a father is the worst

[@NEO_RKX]

YES.

[@arafatrafi9873]

Learnt it the hardest way

[@johndelaney2957]

I say the opposite.

[@arafatrafi9873]

@@truthseeker2391 we know😔😔😔

[@gutsandgrittv5076]

Yes it’s soul killing.

[@nn3444]

Envy = i want what you have Jealousy = i dont want you to have what you have, so my intention is to take it away or destroy it...

[@susanlovesjava4961]

You have those backwards

[@dealightful5745]

Envy - I want what you have Jealousy- I don’t want you to have what I have

[@jamaica2010ism]

I thought jealousy was - I don't want to lose what I have.

[@dealightful5745]

@@jamaica2010ism That is correct!

[@jazzyjoanna]

Very backwards

[@sarahf.s.2961]

When they secretly hate your success, they will compete wirh you in everything. That's how you spot fake friends.

[@sharonjones5173]

Envy is “I really like what you have and I’d like to have it too.” Jealousy is “Why do you have it and not me?” And I hate you for having it.

[@evoz4489]

Its actually the other way around. Jealousy can sometimes be a tool in healthy levels to self improve, to emulate someone you hold a respect for. Envy is toxic jealousy...the I hate you kind.

[@Monicaaa13]

Jealous people think they are more DESERVING of what you have. They want to feel superior to you, and they think they ought to be superior (but something about you threatens them). That’s why they lash out in anger

[@BrandiRayburn]

i am an empath. being an empath makes me a target and i refuse to be a target. i refuse to be anybody's target.

[@cherylvergin1757]

So, you refuse to be an empath?

[@shantelhoward1970]

I agree I'm also a empath I've been getting attack left and right SMH😡

[@emmsue1053]

@@cherylvergin1757 Read the comment again.

[@ellie5901]

@@shantelhoward1970 This also resonates with me. The conclusion I have come to is they see a light in the empath that they do not have themselves. They may know that deep down something is missing in them to feel such jealousy and this makes them feel threatened.

[@merlingeikie]

Nope Self styled empaths are narcissists of the grandiose variety, unique, god like, special, rare and special

[@scamdemicpoliticalvirus1123]

Jealousy is lack of understanding of one’s potential ✔️

[@PurplePinkRed]

Good point!

[@olgakim4848]

It’s extreme insecurity.

[@strugglingmillennial1298]

It’s exhausting that there are so many people like this around. It makes me glad to have a small circle. Being an Empath makes you a walking target!

[@maureendibari2384]

Jealous people can be dangerous

[@martineastland2455]

Don’t make them that way then. Newton’s law of physics applies here. Each action has an equal reaction. If they’re getting jealous, you must have done something to make them feel that emotion or it wouldnt have surfaced in the first place. Its a biochemical reaction to something you’ve done thats hurt them. Sink that in and you’ll see where I’m coming from.

[@maureendibari2384]

@@martineastland2455 sometimes it a person's past history with someone else that changes the way they look at the next partner with jealousy with suspicion

[@martineastland2455]

@@maureendibari2384 when we’re repeatedly subjected to the same toxic treatment by each successive partner, when all we did was show them love they claim they never had, i’d say it was a clear gender flaw.

[@RealMuzik4]

They will like kill you. Perfect example: Yolanda Saldivar killed Selena because of jealousy. 😢

[@rachelsimbhu3965]

Oh they are , extremely dangerous

[@goldbrick2563]

1. Dread of being alone 2. Disapproval of emotions 3. Taker 4. Diminished view of person 5. Create isolation 6. Controlling 7. Impenetrable reasoning 8. Prone toward anger 9. Fear powerlessness 10. Contemptuous outlook on people

[@ruthparks5120]

Thank you for being so thoughtful and helpful❤

[@goldbrick2563]

@@ruthparks5120 youre welcome, i was actually looking for this list in the comment section b/c I didn't want to sit through the video and no one had done it yet. So I decided to be mature and listen to the whole video and make the list for others. Though looking back, I could have done a better job by including timestamps and/or been a little more descriptive on some of them

[@ruthparks5120]

@@goldbrick2563 I'm usually the one that "performs this service" being the people-pleaser that I am. 😆 but been and us real slump lately & not on my game. I've noticed when I do it No one ever really appreciates it, or at least no one ever mentions it, So I wanted to be sure until you thank you. Lol It is helpful.

[@goldbrick2563]

@@ruthparks5120 😄 i always appreciate it so much when people like you do it. I always press the thumbs up, but rarely take the time to reply and say thank you. I will start doing that now.

[@donnacoben4798]

​@@goldbrick2563thank you

[@jussaraarundel9953]

Jealous people need to find a place of peace like Guss, the happy creature.

[@Rys12.3-4_5]

Jealous people are similar to narcissist , the same characteristic of narcissist ..

[@jennifercooljeo6552]

It’s envy not jealousy

[@nishurao7932]

They are pathological narcs.

[@tah2606]

The narcissist has all the qualities also. At least the one we deal with

[@Jipjip-m6f]

Jealous people are sick

[@pj61114]

And makes the object of their concern Sick.

[@mrvapor4791]

Defo

[@kayjones6147]

An elderly member of my family once observed: "Jealousy is like an eating cancer." I can't argue with that.

[@hannahb3854]

Jealousy is a illness in the end it destroys people’s lives

[@randy_cbc8811]

Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? - Proverbs 27:4

[@biggooeyyy]

A jealous person.. will want to know everything about you & will want negative reactions from everyone else. Instead of talking about your achievements, they have a field day about your failures. You will always be the topic of discussion even if you’re not in the room. They’ll always view you as competition or as your enemy. They’ll compare everything. They’ll want to be better than you, but God forbid you’re better than them.. they’ll seek revenge. Jealousy is a disease.

[@marinat187]

Agree with every word.

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

Absolutely tremendous, I agree, Thank you , Peace, Love and respect to you :-)

[@thomasanderson468]

You’re already better than them hence why they are jealous of you lmao

[@audreymichael8338]

omg that's my sister, she pretends, she cares and likes me, but I feel,,lies, 2 faced, and back stabbing me,,lies to everyone,,😢she's the middle one and I'm youngest,,we have 16 children,,and mom an dad had favorites,I'm my mom's, and she my dads..she told my sis,,I should crash my new car..my husband says,,,she not allowed here, she evil...😢

[@abbasjoy4785]

It's from hell...literally

[@ronw484]

I knew a woman who was married to a cheater. He'd always accuse her of being suspicious, insecure and jealous in an attempt to gaslight her into thinking she was crazy. One of his favorite things to do when she suspected him of running around behind her back was to sarcastically start singing the song "Suspicious Minds" to mock her and try and make her feel guilty and ashamed. She got fed up with his manipulations, hired a private detective to follow him, confirmed that he was in fact a serial cheater and divorced him. In any case, over a lifetime, I've seen lots of people use the "You're just jealous!" excuse to try and cover up misdeeds and it's always been accompanied by accusations of the person being "suspicious and untrusting" along with manipulative comments such as, "You must not think much of me as a person to think that I'd treat you that way or do things like that!" Generally speaking, I've learned that if you smell a rat, it's not your imagination-it's because there's one scurrying around in your life.

[@wsurfs]

VERY TRUE...BINGO..!!

[@taraarrington2285]

This is a similar situation I have with my mom. She wants my children to 1) undermine me 2) disrespect me 3) shame me4) because I love them 5) more supply for herself. She hired a detective to dig up dirt on my boyfriend and me and when I confronted her about it she said something like I wouldn't waste my time and $.

[@donnaatienza8001]

Yes indeed.

[@kerstinpalmberger8085]

To say you r just jelous is also a manipulation sentence!

[@neenah4027]

I actually spoke to a PI during my first marriage. He saw that I was not ultra-rich and had a 1-year-old daughter, and told me, don't waste your money, you need it. Every person who has hired me to check on their spouse's cheating has been correct. You already know the answer.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

Remember your self-worth, control your emotions, and never settle.

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

Thank you , I agree, Absolutely tremendous, Peace, Love and respect to you :-)

[@Intergalactic2000]

Jealousy people are sore losers.

[@AllyKit]

Jealousy is a terrible thing and causes great loneliness. My closest childhood friend told a mutual friend that it must be nice to have what I have and that I married for money. (I didn’t.) My sister has always copied and tried to one-up me so we are not close. I have been dumped by friends because I was seen as “competition.” They didn’t want their boyfriends around me. I had to let go of my best friend bc she expected me to pay her way every single time since I had more money. She would start fights and say I have never struggled (I have!) and act entitled like I owed her. The final straw was when she walked into my new home for the first time she broke down crying. And not out of joy. After 20+ years of cutting these jealous people out, there is no one left. It’s pathetic to have no friends or close family at my age. Why can’t people who supposedly love you just be happy for you?

[@katalynbabe]

Same here

[@69LOLIN]

They can’t because they themselves are not happy! Surround yourself with happypeople!

[@dannym6552]

@ ally you expect too much from trash only thing they know to do is screw ppl over

[@preeceknowledge-gh5ws]

All u need is Jesus stay strong 🙏🙏.

[@gobigirl1]

I saw a quote saying, "Good friends halve your sorrows and double your happiness." I finally saw that with personality disordered people it is the reverse.

[@angelhanhiae369]

Jealous people need to love themselves..jealousy is at the bottom of the consciousness scale. It’s a sickness.

[@treystewart2708]

Jealousy is an ugly trait!

[@jengable4888]

I would strongly agree !

[@vernabryant2894]

I have a family member that is jealous of me.I have always been respectful of this person.

[@qineonmorame]

Best to stay FAR away from jealous toxic people, including family. They are miserable deep down and it's best to isolate them from non jealous people.

[@kayjones6147]

Let's put it this way: "Jealous people aren't happy unless they are making you unhappy."

[@gaynorbishop9749]

This has made great sense. 'You don't have a relationship, you have an arrangement ... ' What an eye opener. Sad when it's family members too.

[@sups024]

I say it wasn't a relationship. We have a history. Not an arrangement for me. My theme is, he can't even live his own life, be damned if he'll live MINE. Forgot the title to the song.

[@tommyparkerparker]

I have one family member who is narcissistic and jealous. Very trivial and petty. At family gatherings, when I see this sibling, I go and just leave when the gathering portion is over. I’m sorry but I’m 58, I have no room for drama in my life.

[@travelgo3720]

Negative emotions seem to be tied to some form of control.

[@DrLesCarter]

Yep! Dr. C

[@healingandgrowth-infp4677]

Jealous envious prone people go beyond feelings. Everyone gets jealous you are a liar if you say you don’t. But these type of people take it to extremes. They befriend or pretend to like and respect you while trying to tear and destroy you slowly mistreatment out of envy. I learnt the longest experience I’ve faced with envious women were based on my weight. I work out for my health. If they just took better care of themselves too and put in the work they wouldn’t have the energy and time to take envious to a whole other level of hatred and everything mentioned in this video and then some. I’ve had many bitterness and abuse even by my own mother. Took many years to understand it is not me or because of me.

[@katalynbabe]

Yes just had this happen to me. Frenemy

[@emmsue1053]

Yeah, as said there's mild envy then there's nasty jealousy.

[@thankyou1741]

imagine your friend that has a family & support is beautiful is jealous of you when you have no family or any support and begins to compete with you for the man you like. Honestly, I didn’t know humans get this sick.

[@NEO_RKX]

It’s fkn pathetic lol… the most pathetic shit I’ve ever seen. So many people are like that lol

[@sage9836]

Describes those "I hate you but don't leave me" types. I wish I were more sympathetic but it's hard for me to deal with someone who is cutting a person down WHILE making use of their time, energy, money, or belongings. I have yet to find a nice way around it.

[@DrLesCarter]

Exactly. Dr. C

[@SonicSpeedfan23]

Kinda wonder if that’s my situation right now, even though I don’t want to think of it like that. But sadly I’m starting to wonder if I care about this or if I’ve gone numb

[@garssympa500]

And, they're experts at gaslighting. They will lie to your face... anything not to lose you.

[@markthomas2436]

Lots of narcissistic people have some of these traits, too.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Yes I wonder how much jealousy and narcissism overlap

[@Cherrybee61]

It's my Sister.

[@Raffnix58]

Soo true, they create separation so poisonous 😢

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you dr Carter. There is no relationship with a jealous person, you are treated as an object and arrangement. It is impossible to call that transaction a relationship. Terrible state to be in.

[@AngelaBachert]

Absolutely 💯 Competitive when nobody's even tripping or even thinking about them. Sick.

[@anesasosevic2813]

Never be angry with people who are jelaous of you, instead of it - respect their jealousy. Because they would like to be YOU.

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

I like that definition a lot, but I'm afraid that jealousy is much more evil than this. It's not just the wish to be good as someone else, it's rather the wish to be signficantly better than someone else. At least to my understanding ...

[@anesasosevic2813]

@@Mehmet-rw9bu Your opinion is okay. We are going to listen to what Dr. Carter will tell us. 🙋‍♀️

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

@@anesasosevic2813Yes, let's learn something😀

[@JR_M_615]

That's envy.

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

@@JR_M_615 I've confused the two 😅English isn't my first language though. However, the difference between both definitions is quite subtle, if you ask me.

[@justice8563]

This described my two sister to a tee. They consistently try to control me by smearing my relationship’s, damaging my property, telling me I owe them and then try and gaslight me that it’s my fault. They are very hateful and damaged individuals.

[@missnyssah8048]

We have the same sister 😢

[@mariankeller5852]

My mother called jealousy the Green Eyed Monster....you can't MAKE someone love you if they don't ..you can't MAKE someone stay if they won't..People do what they feel....if they aren't committed to you..they will leave you and won't care how you hurt....chose your love relationships wisely..and don't allow anyone to treat you badly..you are more valuable than that..

[@audreyguilbeaucalhoun5713]

My mother called it poison …

[@cymbolichuman433]

I have been victimized by jealous people. If anyone has to be jealous... I don't want to put up with that. They can take it and shove it.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Jealousy and envy both very empty emotions used by very empty people…. Let them go

[@lesterdiamond6190]

My brother is a slave to an endless list of jealous grievances. He has absolutely no control over it.

[@Libra_Girl.]

One thing they do is say something you literally just said that was a good point or whatever, even if it was just a few mins ago, they then act like they didn't know you said it. If you say something like yeah I just said that they act all surprised, say they didn't hear you, or even say no you didn't say that. (This also could be envy?) I have found that people myself and others have trouble with who are jealous are also envious. Anyway, all of this also describes my Narcissistic ex to a T! He literally exhibited all 10 of these signs on a regular basis.

[@kynathomas4809]

💣💣💣💯

[@JAYNEmM1962]

My husband to a T also. Omg its like there's a book on narcssitic people .

[@sharonrenedavenport8995]

Ditto !!

[@alissar6804]

I have experienced with grandiose narcissists. Its like they shut you out, but The words get to their ear and they use it.

[@susanhewitt5602]

They hate it when you call them control freaks... Because they ARE control freaks!

[@Miss_PANDAS]

This was very insightful. I see all these traits in narcissism. I believe the heart of the issue is low self worth. They hate themselves, and you cannot appreciate and love others if you're self loathing. The contempt they have for others is projection. They need you to feel as bad as they do. They want you to feel worthless and to be as destructive as they are. Jealous people are inevitably self destructive. Great video!

[@majestic-1]

Sounds exactly like someone I know! never really knew how to put my finger on all of these characteristics and traits but now I get it. Makes for a very very rude dangerous person . Total takers! Very distorted way of thinking.. Their shallowness, judgments & jealousy are just the tip of the iceberg! Sad way to live life.

[@vladquebec]

What is also annoying for peopke like that is the people enabling them, they're almost worst than they are.

[@DrLesCarter]

They are like a little kid hiding behind the mean mother's skirt. Dr. C

[@vladquebec]

@@DrLesCarter Thanks for your response, I love the analogy! :-D

[@hebertjerome]

Jealousy and narcissism both come from a place of extreme loss usually in childhood abandonment death of a mother or father etc. to break up of a family these are the things it is sad that these people are so traumatized by life that they can’t even comprehend the results of their own actions

[@BigKeesh32]

I knew it‼️ I couldn’t agree more

[@larainehruby1376]

This video just answered my question I had about a neighbor who was impossible to reason with and I wound up shouting. Shouting is not the “normal” for me. Now I’ll save my breath for cheering on people on my team! Thanks so much Dr. C!!

[@rhondacain6297]

I have turned into someone that isn't me in the past, I was reacting with over-the-top emotions to someone who has none. I learned!!!!!!!!! So there is no regrets, every day I learn something, I've made an additional effort to learn more about different people's personality as well as my own.

[@rohannim3100]

He literally changed the definition of "Jealousy"

[@Haiokbai]

A woman at work didn’t know me but hated me. Seething, rabid, every time she saw me. I had looks, confidence, a boyfriend (now husband), and was successful at work. She created a narrative that I had a crush on the coworker who sat beside me just because he kept yapping all day and I didn’t know how to make him stop (I was also 24 and naive). She was insanely, insanely delusional. It was SCARY. It was horrible to be around that. Weighed me down quite a bit.

[@medievalknievel]

Anyone else have a jealous supervisor who feels you want to take their job from them? Specially, if you don’t even care

[@amanda-clairebennett6132]

Jealous people are dangerous and can stop and prevent your progress in life. Insecure and unbalanced emotions can make a person disrupt, and cause tremendous CONTEMPT and harm. I agree bullying can be part of jealousy if it occurs in the right context.

[@thegodblogger3812]

Jealous folks can be very possessive of intangibles, such as relationships, influence, popularity, strength, and independence.

[@a.pieceofpie]

I think that's envy

[@thegodblogger3812]

@@a.pieceofpie Basically a distinction without a difference....but ok

[@tina8796]

My neighbor is like that. As long as you do favors for her, she's all smiles but the minute she thinks she has to do something for you her REAL personality comes out. It's all about her and her house, her car, her this and her that. She was playing all the neighbors for a while and then going behind our backs and talking about each to the other. She's the type who can ask you for favors, drop in on you and call you but she doesn't want anybody dropping in on her or calling her. We finally got fed up with her and we've all cut her off. Also telling everybody's business to the other one. Rotating around the neighborhood. That was her everyday activities / entertainment. So, she's dead in the water now because nobody does favors for her anymore or listens to her lies or phony sob stories and she has nobody to gossip to. I've met some loony birds in my lifetime, but nobody comes even close to her looniness

[@timhawthorne62]

I understood it as: Envy is of who the person is,and jealousy is what the person has.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

I understand it precisely the opposite way.😊

[@ruckerbrady8342]

I think you may have it backwards

[@Spectre8282]

I told mine he needed to find a constructive hobby and that Im not doing it your way: piling shit on top of shit.

[@Chrissy726]

Jealousy = I don't want you to have what I have Envy = I want what you have

[@SitesWithAds]

After months of learning from videos like this, this line was like turning on a light in a dark room: "If the jealous individual is incapable of accepting my uniqueness, then it's obvious we don't have a relationship. It's simply an arrangement." Wow! This statement is very helpful to me in understand what happened. Thank you.

[@maaikek8593]

So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

[@maaikek8593]

So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

[@maaikek8593]

So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

[@maaikek8593]

So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

[@reneela3471]

Not hatred toward rivals but disrespect of the individual who is very gregariously flirtatious creates anger because of the disrespect

[@breathemindfully1340]

I wonder how many lives this is going to save. Just keepin' it real. Bravo Dr. Carter.

[@tawanawilliams6296]

She said she wanted to talk. I told her she doesn’t know how, as I had tried before. But I said ok…..the first thing I pointed out she said “ I don’t care”…. I just shook my head and shut it down. She saw nothing wrong with refusing to care. It’s loca and the relief I felt being rid of the relationship is kind of sad. She is so troubled. I feel so much compassion for her terrible childhood but she is spirit crushing and nobody who cares for themselves will stay around her.

[@dannym6552]

You are both not compatible move on love 💕

[@sugarcayenneseven1454]

This very precisely describes the histrionic narc momster that "raised" me...every. single. point. this is a horrible & destructive way for a parent to behave with a child. I'm nearly 60 & still workn very hard to allow healing & reclaiming my life. ⚡💜⚡

[@sharonjones5173]

I’m 62 and am at the same place you are. Momster describes it perfectly.

[@SuperKarineka]

I had a friend in the past, after the friendship ended badly, she began contacting one of my friends to speak poorly of me, even sharing personal and embarrassing things. His attitude became negative towards me. She quickly left her boyfriend she was intending to marry, and then married him. She then sent a wedding invitation to one of my siblings.. She lied and told the sibling how she missed me and never wanted to end the friendship....years later the male friend sent me a message, "we love you" i thought that was odd, but we never spoke again....its shocking that someone would go that far to hurt another person

[@thomasmcnerney576]

Ah...but you are smart and self aware. Good for you!!! Remember to ALWAYS keep the lid closed on the proverbial "Pandora's Box" in dealing with this type of person/people. Once you let them back in it starts all over again. I would rather have a roach infestation...at least you can get rid of them.

[@SuperKarineka]

@@thomasmcnerney576 Thank so much you! I needed that! That is the truth!, I totally agree...wish you all the best

[@thomasmcnerney576]

@@SuperKarineka You are most welcome. Remember that it is the familial events that we wish to share and remember. In difficult times it would be easier to reconnect with these people because you do not have to "set up" the series of events in order for someone to understand a back story. Problem is, as I wrote, once you reestablish contact all hell will come back into your life. Plus YOU will be labeled and berated as the one who started all the problems. So...better to just have a NO CONTACT with the people who drain you emotionally and spiritually. Remember, You Are Not Alone in this warding off of evil spirits in the human body! 🙂

[@thomasmcnerney576]

@@SuperKarineka This one is a short mantra... "If they do not add to your life in a positive way, then there is no need for them to be around you!" 🙂

[@deemaysie6568]

That is a VERY cruel story you related here. (If it's any consolation, I have had similar experiences). It is unfathomable the level of hatred that some people show!! If you don't like someone, stay out of their way - live and let live!! (Sadly, not how MOST people think, though!!)

[@camuyana]

I never had any problem in him having female friends but in almost every single time he got involved with them in an adulterous behavior and now I am going to be filing for the second time for divorce because I did so in 2008 but could not go through with it. Enough is enough!

[@littlechick63]

Beware of men with "female friends", and vice versa.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

@@littlechick63some generalisation…..

[@GiancarloSamaniego-g1m]

Unfortunately, I have a friend like that.. 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@kamed.]

Can't help but to notice how CHILLED Gus is. Thank you Dr. Carter. Another awesome video!

[@reginathornton7433]

I have seen this against me in a jealous person who was insecure, unhappy & a bully & yes, insulting; Cutting me down & not happy with my spiritual strength of peace & joy & doing ministry. I always forgive this person. Not a spouse or living with me. I sought counseling to be sure I can handle being around this person in ministry. I can, yet I keep a distance.

[@dannym6552]

You need to leave if you can

[@AngelaBachert]

Notice we detach from them but they stay latched to us. Stalking,prying into your life in the Most manipulative cunning ways. Who stays so concerned with trash??? I know I don't.

[@timmywitty1432]

Quit enabling, leave.

[@lostlibrarian8180]

Life with my ex-husband was a two-fer deal - narcissistic AND jealous. That's a deal nobody deserves. Took me many years to learn that. And thanks to Dr. Carter (and God's direction) I'm realizing I wasn't the one who was so "wrong". Thank you, Dr. C.! 🙌

[@barbarastrayhorn4667]

Hear you. Must have married his twin. Finally left mine. What a sad, mean person.

[@AngelaBachert]

Ppl usually think of women being jealous but I dealt & still deal with an extremely jealous narcissistic man. It's really really sick & exhausting. Everyone is a transaction...not a genuine relationship!! Isolates you Big time. They are deranged & insecure...don't let the beginning of the false bravado fool you.

[@jeanengstrom1267]

You have something they don't. Doesn't have to be material...but you either can't or WON'T share it with them. ☠️

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

Yes, they ALL have 100% of these traits 💯

[@pavla2055]

You just described almost every way in which my covert narc mother acted . Besides me being her rage targeted scapegoat , she railed against the neighbours and pretty much all other relatives behind their backs of course - some of the ones she spoke the worst about were actually her flying monkeys - never knowing what she really thought of them . Much of the rage was very jealous fuelled - little attempt to hide it . Once as a teenager I accused her of being jealous of me during a verbal abuse session . She amusingly screamed back at me 'I'M JEALOUS OF NOBODY !!!" . Another day another lie . NO CONTACT is the only way to achieve some peace from these people .

[@pegihaider813]

Yes, that's true - about having to eventually just go no contact. I had to do that with my very narcissistic & jealous mother to have any peace at all.

[@TheCoffeeCat]

Dr. Carter, that distinction you made between envy and jealousy is very important. I find that a lot of people use the word jealousy when they actually mean envy. It's a very common misnomer.

[@Exjwdanny]

Sweet Gus has zero interest in jealously 🤣 . I do! Thanks for another great talk, Dr. Carter.

[@stellaercolani3810]

Thank you...the growing is painfully slow.

[@lienlael3196]

Dear Dr. Carter. You have no idea how helpful your teachings has helped me during these last year; I've been listening and learning. If I didn't came across these videos, I will continue to be a victim of abuse. God bless you, and thank you. Hugs to Gus ❤ from a far friend.

[@JR_M_615]

The possession thing - my x didn't want me to interact with anyone else. She didn't want me to have friends that I've had since grade school. She didn't want me to go anywhere without her. She would even get upset if I was just polite to a female cashier or waitress. It was so smothering I burned out. I couldn't take it anymore and left her because it didn't matter what I said or did to try to help her she would behave crazy.

[@rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693]

Same!

[@wendyfarha]

That shows a deep insecurity and a fear that she would lose you. The sad thing is that by displaying that behaviour, she ended up losing you anyways.

[@JR_M_615]

@J H I went through absolute hell trying to help her. You have no clue what I went through. Your comment is not helpful at all telling me I should've stayed in that hell. No way was that what I was supposed to do at the expense of my own well being even sanity. You really should think before you blast things like this off in comments, instead of making what you say about you how about considering the person you're commenting to and whether or not what you're saying is really helpful or productive. This comment you made is neither.

[@pryzmcat]

My ex to a T. And man let me tell you, if I was kind to any other woman, no matter what age or what they looked like, I was punished by her, as she proceeded to flaunt her"assets" for anyone who would pay attention. Of course now in hindsight, and learning over the years more about this type of personality, I realize that in no way did this person love me at all. Her passive aggressive behavior is now in full light. But unfortunately, hindsight is often 20/20. Good judgement and wisdom comes with experience, but often life experiences and wisdom comes from bad judgment.

[@AngelaBachert]

​@@pryzmcatYou realize they never loved you they just want to be you!! Wth

[@wsurfs]

My husband is and has always been very jealous of me and I have told him that if he doesn't stop, he'll ruin what relationship we have left...!! So, now he has gone "underground" with his behavior, but it's still there...all the time...!! SO......What do you do when you are NOT a jealous person, but the NARC you are with is the jealous, possesive one and creates situations and gaslights and turns everything you say around and accuses you of being the jealous...suspicious....crazy......one..!! It's maddening........exhausting....crazy making...!! It's hard to defend....reason with...or have a normal conversation/relationship when all this subterfuge has been going on....FOREVER...!. I'm worn out..!!

[@timmywitty1432]

Leave.

[@marinat187]

Run !

[@brg2743]

Jealous people act like they are also envious. I see no difference in them. They are both. What a patheric way to live. Childish.

[@jeffreyjackson5229]

"Powerlessness" and your elaboration is spot on. Exactly the vibes that I get from her.

[@callalilly1988]

Let's get a video on envy.

[@mcm9619]

Interesting I thought jealousy and envy were the same. I wish I had had your input about 20 years ago. Thank you for your humanity.

[@morningsong8077]

Same

[@lisabaginski9155]

Literally had an issue with an increasingly jealous person in my group of friends today. This explained a lot. Thank you!!

[@msgreen1545]

I believe this is what I'm dealing with at work, 😡

[@judysangregorio2787]

A WONDERFUL description of the shenanigans jealous people create, and how pathetic they truly are! Number one for me is how you CANNOT reason with an unreasonable person! All your tips are on point! Hi to Gus there on the comfy chair!

[@joannajohnson696]

Thank you Dr. Carter & Gus! Yes, the narcissist does refer to people as a thing, a possession, isolated, controlled, scripted. Yesterday, my AH offered to go to my favorite $5 store with me. (which he NEVER does) As soon as we arrive he says he has to URGENTLY go to the restroom. He disappears for over 45 minutes (to go #1). I had no idea where he was & what was going on I am standing at the front of the store getting concerned. Hence, I call him and ask, where are you? His response, "I am at the other end of the parking lot (a block away) sitting under a tree." Now I ask, Why? Then he admits, which I find extremely disturbing,"I can see you looking around for me." I am thinking, "WHO DOES THIS?" Yup, a narcissist! Breadcrumbs. He promised a good time & gave me a weird experience. We did get to go in store an hour later. But the feeling of good changed.

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

I'm looking forward to this one. Actually, I look forward to all your videos, but jealousy is a particularly exciting topic.

[@asimplecadence]

Gus is always so cute!! Omg, I didn't realize that jealousy was fearful anger. Whoa.

[@mmaidofsteel]

Hi, jealous person here 👋 I am jealous and insecure in romantic relationships - I have abandonment trauma from eldest-child/ unfinished project syndrome. I felt relief however listening to this as I do not identify with many of the points. In my experience, the jealousy I feel has primarily effected me as I turn it inwards and use it to pick myself apart. It has no doubt damaged my relationships but as I am growing, I feel much less need to have control of any partner. I’m actually much more likely to finish the relationship altogether (the ultimate control, I guess?). I am developing an awareness of how my anger hurts others, and myself and learning healthier mechanisms. The sad thing about a complex emotion such as jealousy is, it's rooted in truth; abandonment, not being chosen, being good enough until someone better comes along, had very damaging and lasting effects on a person's psyche. I feel that, unlike this video implies, you can struggle with an emotion like jealousy, and be a good person. They're not mutually exclusive. This content makes some overgeneralisations.

[@rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693]

Yes, I lived with a jealous narc. I could not even have coffee with a friend without fighting to get "permission".

[@JR_M_615]

Same.

[@Donita1213]

After only 4 months of dating my ex demanded that I move in with him. We only lived 5 minutes away from each other. I'm realizing I not only dotted a bullet, I dodged a surface to air missile...🤤

[@rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693]

@@JR_M_615 love and prayers ✝️🙏

[@rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693]

@@Donita1213 love and prayers ✝️🙏

[@shanaadams1458]

This video came across my feed at the absolute right time🎉

[@joannewilliams2658]

You're good therapist, Jealousy has never been me, I always trust until proven wrong and it has to be something really bad.

[@Prince_Yonte]

Dont listen to anyone in the comments this was a good video. It helped me. Its just hard dealing with these people in the workplace.

[@Glade-hr4th]

Oh my! Every "sign" is my brother! He was always a weird, violent and jealous kid and he's never out grown it! He's always thought he has something to "prove" or be "bigger & better" than ANYONE! I've realize, over the years, it's not just me he's always mad/jealous at. He's angry with himself because of his deep insecurities and doesn't know how to cope with it. He can't seem to realize that I have my own life! We are different people! I am NOT trying to take anything away from him! I mind my business and do NOT interfere with his or his families lives! THEY ARE STRANGERS TO ME!

[@rorywright5692]

We called it the green eyed monster!

[@salettamyers8845]

Hey Rory, I have green eyes🙄🥴😳😆😆😆

[@rorywright5692]

@@salettamyers8845 I have hazel eyes!! And we’re not monsters!!😂😂

[@salettamyers8845]

@@rorywright5692 🥰🥰

[@salettamyers8845]

@@rorywright5692 🍪🍪😆

[@rorywright5692]

@@salettamyers8845 I just had a small piece of my son’s Birthday cake and a scoop of ice cream! Would of been way more, but I have Drs checkup this coming week! Don’t want Dr to say I got that Covid spread going on!! I hate that scale!!🤪🤪

[@lisaking4386]

Number One: They throw a rock at your garage door. Number Two: They knock over your mailbox. Yes, I had both of these happen to me many years ago, same person. Never even dated him. I nicknamed him "Ernest T." Remember the Andy Griffith Show? Mayberry RFD, or whatever it was called.

[@jonstersmall2716]

Jealousy is a natural emotion to experience in the days of instant gratification and social media.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Well…not necessarily

[@ShoshiPlatypus]

What you are describing is a narcissistic person. I have been closely involved with two such people and they tick all your boxes!

[@kidrn4u]

Great content as usual! Thank you. But that super relaxed doggie in the background...it’s everything!😁