10 Indicators That A Person Cannot Be Trusted

This video is a sample from the Dr. Les Carter KZbin channel. Enjoy!
Trust is one of the most essential ingredients for any thriving, gratifying relationship. Some people, however, do not prioritize trustworthiness because of other self serving priorities. Dr. Les Carter identifies 10 distinct indicators to help you determine if a person can or cannot be trusted. By becoming aware and tuned into their schemes, you can avert future disappointments.
Dr. Les Carter is a semi-retired psychotherapist who spent 41 years in private practice in the Dallas, Tx. metroplex. He now resides in Waco, Tx. He has conducted over 65,000 counseling sessions, written extensively, and has presented many workshops and seminars.
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[@harrislaugenourtheresecath8510]

One thing I would add to the list: LYING! People who exaggerate, omit telling the full story and who just outright lie in order to protect a fragile ego are never trustworthy. They always have only their own interests at heart.

[@nacarreira777]

They are HUGE liars....especially lies by omission.

[@brettkimball6612]

You know my ex? Who doesn't...

[@laquicha8159]

Lol, that does seem like an obvious inclusion on the list regarding untrustworthiness!

[@powerofgrace0419]

When you are dealing with a narcissist, you cannot trust them with the truth

[@kellyclark-easley5590]

Just Observe not Absorb, smile, nod, sent them Love Light, and skip merrily on your journey. What valuable treasure did you acquire? Wisdom! Rock that Shit! It's your guide, celebrate it! Arm yourself with it, it's your gift now? Those bitches can't touch you now, that 3 ring shit show will be comical next time it comes around. Mmmmkay? Just Smile an Nod Bébé, Me and Charlie Sheen, still Winning!

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

To be open and telling how you feel is dangerous. Especially to the wrong people.

[@elcee7800]

So sad to live in a world like this where you can’t communicate. Almost like a fascist society.

[@nanali7245]

I agree. It’s extremely sad when those wrong ppl are your family

[@elcee7800]

@@nanali7245 : Yes, Nana, it is 100% wrong within family! The family is the rock, the brick and mortar in the wheat field. My mama always said: If you don’t have family you don’t have anybody. I highly urge you to step up and set that straight with your family now, when it can be corrected. Deliberate effort to keep family together is paramount in this world!

[@tayogreatajibade3830]

@@elcee7800 Family can be toxic deplorable ungrateful I can't called that Family It's better to be alone than being in a bad settings or find ur own soul Family

[@lennie1703]

@@elcee7800 I have only my sons. And my birth family rejected me after I had a child outside of their religion. I tell them that their value is within and of themselves. Not because of other people's skewed value system, or even my own highly biased favourable opinion, (I think they are wonderful!). But, based on their own realisation that they have as much place and worth in this world as any other human being.

[@aaronfischer9885]

"Don't take criticism from people you would never go to for advice." ~ Unknown

[@chocolatebutton3247]

Well said! 👍

[@rbnutwood4659]

Or lectures!!

[@thisisme3238]

Especially, if you want an honest opinion.

[@mahnamahna3252]

🧡

[@gingerisevil02]

I needed this, thank!

[@somewhatstrange2097]

I take issue with numbers 1 and 5, which are both very common in survivors of narcissistic abuse. When you live in a household in which any information you disclose, no matter how seemingly innocent or trivial, is inevitably used as a weapon to attack you with, you quickly learn that disclosing anything unnecessarily can be a very dangerous thing to do. As a result, it can take a lot to feel safe doing so. As such, 1 and 5 come not from untrustworthiness, but a learned expectation of untrustworthiness in others.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

I too found #1 challenging since Dr. Carter often tells us to be cautious of how much information we give the narcissist because of how the narcissist will use that information against us. Discretion is on the front shelf of the wise builder of good relationships.

[@conndapierce5869]

Yes just like they say anything you say can or will be used against you.

[@anonymousanomaly9538]

I believe that Dr C is referring to people that you can NEVER get close to, not those that are appropriately guarded with people they don't yet know well or legitimately cannot trust. Have a great weekend!

[@bobgriffin316]

Les Carter is simply talking about narcissists when he talks about untrustworthy people. You need to learn as much as you can about narcissism here on youtube. After you get to really understand it then learn to distrust narcissists. You can also get good at realising who is not a narcissist and you can slowly build up your trust in these people. You will find that you can trust these people much more than you can trust a narcissist. Of course you will not be able to trust them fully either but you certainly will be able to trust them much more than a narcissist. Best wishes.

[@dinacolon1640]

You are totally correct.

[@xenajade6264]

I usually agree with this guy but my experiences are different. He says when someone shows up to help you in times of trouble that means they're trustworthy..in my experience they offered to help me and then held it over me as an example of what a great person they are and insisted on my gratitude. I was then supposed to be indebted to them and they would never let me forget this one time when they put themselves out.

[@deb9784]

So true! They use their kindness and generosity against you so you feel indebited to them! Manipulation!

[@pelicancovebeach2873]

He’d agree with you on this.

[@xenajade6264]

@Sainthood Yes of course there are people of good character, without a doubt! But I do not attract them. I attract the wolves in sheep's clothing. Don't know why but it's happened time and time again. Anyway thanks for your thoughtful reply💚

[@Jens0215]

You just described my mother. She’ll give you the shirt off her back and the shoes off her feet, but she expects your house in return.

[@barbarastrayhorn4667]

It's sad when you're always waiting for the other shoe to fall. You're being nice, what do you want from me? That was my childhood. I learned to not trust anyone even, especially, family.

[@user-kq4kd8be2t]

Ironically narcs will accuse you of being untrustworthy to others because you will not reveal your thoughts and plans to them when requested. I know I've been in that position.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Classic projection. Dr. C

[@MsAngelIsFree]

I had a boss like that. I recognized she was a narc early on so I stayed vague about everything to protect myself. The foolish ones who told her or her flying monkeys their business would always be burned later. I say foolish bc they never learned from their or other people's mistakes and kept giving her more ammunition. I used to tell them, anything you say can and will be used against you

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

WOW, spot on! The first thing the narc did was question my integrity, call me a liar and say that no-one trusted me.

[@2okaycola]

@Krishna Patel what you think of you matters. 🙏🏽 Keep them out of your head mate since being around them is equally as pleasant. Learn from the experience

[@angelamwatts]

All of the love in the world one may have for a human being is absolutely worthless if you can't trust them.

[@thisisme3238]

Agree, if you don't have trust...you have nothing.

[@jengable4888]

Agree 100% !!

[@dejana225]

So true! 😬🙏

[@jengable4888]

@Brian Chambers ..I think people should put themselves first only to a point. When you are in a FUNCTIONING relationship, there MUST be compromise. Meaning, it is NOT a dictatorship, but a partnership, where two individuals work TOGETHER toward a solution. However, if one of individuals displays behavior (Lies, cheats, steals, manipulates, gaslights, financially abuses, physically abuses, emotionally abuses- that have not been listed) that causes the other to distrust, then whatever was done needs to be acknowledged/addressed. This could happen in a marriage, friendship, employment situation, academia or other interpersonal relationships. For example, "Brian, when you were spying on me through a cell phone app, that not only caused high agitation because my privacy was violated, but depending on what was done after the initial link, could be considered stalking, and it is ILLEGAL. How do you think it makes me feel ? Now, because I caught you, my trust for you has been broken." 1) Explain the specific behavior 2) Ask the other individual to acknowledge how it made you feel 3) Explain consequences of actions. If necessary, get local law enforcement/ or federal LEA depending on what was done. This all depends on the severity of the situation, for not all relationships can be repaired, depending on the amount of damage done, especially if it was done with INTENT.

[@jengable4888]

@Brian Chambers ..That is your choice with how you conduct yourself in a relationship. However, just do not expect any woman in a normal circumstance, to engage in a long term relationship. In my opinion, most functioning, successful relationships are 50/50.

[@novemberecho3807]

I've had things I said used against me later so I tend to keep a lot of things to myself out of a sense of self preservation.

[@andreah6379]

What I am constantly shocked about is how common it is for others to consider other their "friends". When really the vast majority of anybody around all of us are acquaintances at best. It's as sincere as saying, "Have a good day."

[@sallylee8174]

well many of us have to learn, including me.

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

Yes! There's a crazy woman at work who I am dealing with at the moment who I just met and she's constantly telling me we are bff's 😂 I'm like, you've got to be kidding, I just met you". And she's constantly dropping hints at how tight we are and how we share secrets to each other (she does, I don't) and she reminds me everyday how trustworthy she is as she gossips about every single person at work. I know to be careful of that "quick friend" so I'm trying to distance myself but she makes it impossible bcuz she gets her feelings hurt easily. It's mentally and physically exhausting. She sucks the energy right out of me. I meet these kinds of weirdos all the time, I don't know what to do. I want to crawl into the crevice of my baseboard and never come out.

[@mervyngreene6687]

I remember when I got my first full time job out of school. The first thing my Dad said to me was that don't assume that work friends are real friends. At first I thought he was being paranoid. But then he explained what he meant. It is important to have a civil work environment. So, you should be kind to everyone. But in some professions, especially competitive ones, you have to be careful. In my first job, I was hired as an editor for a couple of publications for a growing publishing company. During my first couple of weeks, the other new editor was very friendly, she would frequently ask me join her for lunch or drinks, etc. I just assumed that we were in the same boat. She was a white woman and I was a black man. This was back when everyone else at our level were white men, so I just thought that she was looking for an ally. It turned out that she considered me as a rival. My Dad's advice saved me avoid a lot of hassles.

[@wmluna381]

Keep your enemies closer...

[@miriamhavard7621]

💗

[@notagain779]

@ Mervyn Greene, Your father was so right! Also, as you say, if it's a competitive field, (and a creative one) where talent is part of the hiring process. In my case, other employees were expecting promotions from the inside. So, if you're hired because your experience and credentials are superior, watch out! Their egos are bruised, and your work will probably get sabotaged in underhanded ways that are hard to prove, but over time you see the patterns of behavior in people who exhibit jealous attitudes and feel victimized. Funny though, they're usually also late to work, lazy, and the first to be out the door at the day's end. They'll say, "What's the use of working hard in this place, anyway. The boss always has his favorites." This was not at all true. He expected EVERYONE to have a strong work ethic. I'm glad your Dad's advice helped you side step the duplicitous nature of the other editor. 🙂

[@joannedavis1991]

Yes and although many coworkers date and get married, it’s always a good idea not to date your coworker because when it goes bad, it can really be bad. It was a rule I followed through out my career and never regretted it.

[@lindajoubert6205]

@@wmluna381 I don't think the colour of either of your skins mattered in this. I'd say it was the position you each held. Often in the workplace someone is jealous of another or worried that the other may perform better and get a raise or promotion or more positive attention.

[@anesasosevic2813]

People who cannot earn my trust are: 1# those who break their promises; 2# those who donot take responsibility for their behaviour and actions; 3# those who use goodness of others; 4# those who do others harm; 5# those who spread naughty lies about nice and good people with aim to hide their real nature Some of them are only immature and some of them are unfortunately narcissists. Dr. Carter, thanks for one more worth life lesson!

[@hadessimpett6477]

I stopped trusting others in general after number 1, 2, and 3 happened over and over all of my life. You are smart.

[@gregh2322]

It's not that I don't trust others, it's that I trust myself more.

[@dogie1070]

I see you’ve met my family!

[@hadessimpett6477]

@@dogie1070 are we in the same family?

[@anesasosevic2813]

@@dogie1070 🙋‍♀️

[@rbnutwood4659]

I don’t trust those who say ‘Trust me!’ 🥴

[@Splassshhh1234]

or,,,To be honest with you

[@thisisme3238]

Why not?

[@stephena1196]

@@thisisme3238 because they say, "Trust me" when they notice you don't trust them. Trustworthy people are more likely to just accept you don't trust them or explain what they are doing and why; not just say, "Trust me". Another thing you may hear is, "Don't you trust me?" Like you've somehow hurt their feelings by not trusting them and you're expected to say, "Of course I do" to save their feelings and avoid embarrassment or awkwardness. The best reply I've found to that is to answer, "Of course I don't trust you".

[@thisisme3238]

@@stephena1196 I see your point, but don't necessarily agree with you. Thanks for your viewpoint though...👍

[@stephena1196]

@@thisisme3238 you're welcome.

[@rosettesionne9139]

Yes. It is not because people are "nice" to you that they are automatically trustworthy. I learned this lesson the hard way. In my own life experience I met someone who was really nice but when I said something a bit off she started making fun of me or mocking me or rage at me I discovered that she was nice only when I was perfect in her eyes but when my imperfections appeared her niceness vanished. Everybody can be nice but trust requires much more than niceness, it requires stability, consistency and most of all time. Trust is not something to give to the first person we meet just because they act friendly. For me the best way to know if I can trust someone is based on how they behave during my vulnerability, if they become abusive and put all into me I shut down my trust the same day.

[@purplefish0947]

Well said

[@thisisme3238]

You are a very wise person!

[@DannyPansters]

Absolutely. There's a big difference between nice and kind. If a person struggles to understand this my advice would be to run!

[@elcee7800]

Trust is precious. It needs to be earned by both sides.

[@TexasbyStorm]

Sometimes I'm vague about revealing more about myself as a response to red flags that the person inquiring isn't trustworthy.

[@yinyang7412]

I was going to say something similar, in that I find myself responding in a lot of the ways the video listed when I'm interacting with people I don't trust.

[@goesfarfliesnear1447]

@@yinyang7412 Yup, I just keep it superficial. If it's someone you have to work with or the like, it's in your best interest to be civil but you do not owe any more than that.

[@callonthenameofjesus1459]

What you are describing is also sounding like when we “gray rock” the narcissist. Not giving info to the wrong person is what we’ve been advised to do.

[@gregh2322]

Narcs specialize in unsolicited advice and criticism. The unsolicited advice can often be pure mind games, while the criticism can be the most hurtful kind.

[@raindropsonroses3919]

Yes I have Asperger’s syndrome , and attract narcs. I find social interactions very difficult, and it’s often a sore spot for me. I’ve had narcs tell me “see, this is why you can’t make friends” almost like they relish it. They relish the pain the unsolicited advice causes

[@thisisme3238]

@@raindropsonroses3919 No one can understand unless they have walked in your shoes. Stay happy, you don't need them!

[@DannyPansters]

It also tend to be useless advice, because all they really want is not be inconvenienced by your pesky problems. They only want to be able to tell themselves "there, solved that for ya". At worst it is intentional malevolent gaslighting, at best it is platitudes.

[@peanutsassyathena]

I have a different opinion in regards to your list. In my younger life I was a very trusting soul, but I learned overtime (decades) there are actually very few people you can really trust. How often have you heard someone disclosing details at the water cooler in a gossip session and you know: 1) This is either a breach of trust as the content was said feeling it would be kept private; or 2) It's embellished or the facts are just wrong. I've learned decades ago to keep my private thoughts private to prevent becoming the new topic at the water cooler. Now according to you that would make be "untrustworthy" because I'm not "open" which it's really the other way around. I've learned I can't trust people to keep private information private. And this includes family. Rumors can move faster than the speed of light in families. My position is don't give people ammunition because if you do they can't wait to being firing.

[@TK-ij2xi]

You just described what everyone in a narcaship practices. Non-info for lack of fuel.

[@kavannahlight5378]

When I realized that many of us walk around with shame that doesn't even belong to us, but rather, a great big 'shame ball' thrown at us that we caught! All narcissists, (and many of the rest of us as well) can throw those balls because shame is such a PAINFUL feeling we want to get rid of it! That was a very POWERFUL lesson for me. Thanks Dr. Les, your insights are GOLD.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They transfer shame, hate, anxiety, low esteem and other emotions like this.

[@thisisme3238]

Agree

[@helierhefortuneteller]

My narc mother cheated throughout her marriage to my narc dad. But constantly got on me about premarital sex & having bfs & having children before marriage. & When my father turned around & did the same thing. She played victim & couldn't take it. Also she went back to church. When she was out partying & with random guys. She wanted me to party right with her. When she decided to stop. I had to also. Despite us being 28 years apart.

[@kathysemrau2301]

Narqs run in families. Friends are not perfect, but being there for you is very important.

[@kathysemrau2301]

Thanks. I truly hope my family grows up and does right by me. My brother, sister in law and rotten have stolden my settlements. How can this be possible? How could this happen in my country? That is mine for my pain and suffering and being tortured by a bunch of narqs. They blame me, but l just want justice. JUSTICE FOR VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND SURVIVORS OF ABUSE. Were is my justice.

[@blankslate8912]

Also beware of people who are jealous and envious of any success or achievement you may have but revel in any misfortune and calamity that may befall you. They will laugh at and enjoy pointing out your perceived quirks and dismiss any knowledge or ideas that you bring up that they can't take credit for. A friend is someone you can say no to. A friend is also someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway.

[@susanmcdonald5094]

Betty McG - My life has been an open book due to my husband's businesses & associates. I have a Screaming desire for Privacy. That does not make me an untrustworthy person. In fact, most in my world would trust me with their children's lives, without a blink. In short, privacy can be a shield for an onslaught of inquisitive minds that have no need to know.

[@DiannaDiary]

I work with a nurse that is highly respected and knows exactly what to say to people. Everyone likes her. The only thing is she talks badly about those people to me and I often wonder what she says about me when I'm not around. I've seen her steal things while in meetings from people's station. She laughs at their confusion which really is upsetting. She works her innocent looks and it's very scary how she carries on.

[@auntihooha]

My sister was a nurse and the biggest sadist I know. I used to be scared of her hurting me when we were kids. She is also sickly sweet in public; people think she's sooooo nice.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

Some sadists seem to go out of their way to appear overly sweet, "dripping honey". Makes no one believe it, if you so much as say a bad word about that person. Then YOU appear to be the mean, cruel person.

[@lesleyharrison9926]

@@auntihooha She displays narcissistic traits.

[@teelynnsaldana7721]

@@SnarkasticSunny That's my sister...She HAS to control and if you dare to confront her she flips and will turn family members against you..

[@shahadah1451]

My niece is a nurse and one of the meanest women I have ever met.

[@sickofcrap8992]

I wish there had been all these informative videos and other information @ my fingertips thirty-some years ago, before I got married. 😖

[@elenamigaldi7404]

Right?! Me too.

[@notmygovt]

Me too😔

[@gtharo]

Same Here! 😖😖

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

Me too. Except for me it's only 28 years 🤡🤡🤡😎. I ignored red flags but I certainly didn't realize the mess I put myself in.

[@triplekids3]

Me too!

[@susanirwin6237]

One indicator for me is whether someone can be trusted is when a person talks nonstop. They fill the time and air with idle chatter and don't ask about me. They talk about other people and gossip, "they said this or that. " They are having one long monologue with themselves. I know if they can't keep secrets of others they won't keep my secrets. Big red flag for me!

[@solasgorm]

A person suffering from an anxiety disorder can often display quite a number of these reactions to various situations. Please don't rush to judgement.

[@lindaalbright255]

In some of these cases, it could be that the other person is trustworthy and can be trusted, but they believe that you (the inquirer) are not, thus they will not share personal information. One example is if the inquirer is a socialite prone to gossip. And why do you need to know about me?

[@AxlAX]

Absolutely! I follow my intuition overall. Learn to listen through silence 🤐.

[@sydneymartin7638]

Yes! My one “friend” is a gossip. I learned the hard way to watch carefully what I share as she is going to report it to the world.

[@lindaalbright255]

@@sydneymartin7638 From my point of view private communication with me is a privileged one to one event. To then repeat this to others is nothing less than betrayal of the trust implicit in that communication, and furthermore, such "friends" are merely using your information to further their own social ambitions -- they obviously care nothing for you.

[@kristenbrown4526]

The mindset- crisis reveals character, is how a covert got me. Had I listened to my gut, I would've run the other direction but, his behavior during my personal crisis was overwhelmingly (yes, I even told him it felt like too much) supportive and I fell for it. I then paid dearly for that support for 5 full years. Funny how even though all 10 applied to him (and his family) I just kept going forward in the relationship. NEVER AGAIN!

[@ShayLove84Fam1st]

Same here😪

[@jengable4888]

Thank you for posting ! Another sign that someone is not trustworthy is when they purposely triangulate and play both sides to a particular situation. Currently, I am dealing with someone right now who is like this. She is shady and my gut is telling me that she is sinister ! It is like a total Jeckyl and Hyde scenario, where she appears to be scheming behind the scenes, so to speak.

[@Sebsoulmate]

How interesting that someone I used to work with who is untrustworthy will tell people who are honest, open and self-disclosing that they "lack certain social skills."

[@june.w.1288]

That's gaslighting putting the blame on others. One of the things narcissists often do.

[@MoPoppins]

Good thing you had the self-awareness to know what was going on. 👍

[@stylis666]

"The fool says in his heart there is no god." Projection and gaslighting. If it wasn't for over 5 billion victims, the irony would be funny as fuck.

[@Good_Vibes...]

This is a really good list of indicators. In the workplace, when a manager deliberately omits to provide a worker sufficient/critical information to perform their job is a clear sign a person cannot be trusted.

[@CF-wn2ce]

This happened to me, long before I even knew about narcs....when I accidentally saw proof of her omissions and sneaky shit amd confronted her,, she got coy REAL fast. I said nope.im.done with this shit.

[@Good_Vibes...]

@@CF-wn2ce It's good when you can recognize the behavior quickly. Glad you got outta there. I have a low tolerance for bs.

[@mikeray1544]

"Trust and and you:ll be trusted....said the liar to the Fool'

[@sarahspencer1010]

I have been unreliable in years past, but it was due to depression and trauma as a result of living with a narcissist. Also makes me wary of being too close to people, at least not quickly or easily. Seems a few of the things that apply to narcissists can also become traits for their targets, but for different reasons. So confusing.

[@lithiumike]

Heh. I WAS feeling pretty good before I listened to this video for this exact reason. I kept having flashbacks of my sharing myself being thrown in my face later on and the like. I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking what you said. 4 years of depression after that relationship and I'm still more guarded than I like over interactions with new people.

[@PeterLJohnson55]

Thank you Sarah. Your first sentence is also so true for myself. Depression messes with a whole lot of things, bipolar2 even more so. While much can be said for the desire to be reliable, being reliable takes concentration, commitment and effort.

[@stelladee325]

So terribly sad when these 10 items completely describe one’s parents.

[@sallybyrd3712]

I was thinking exactly the same; so sad the ten points describe parents and siblings.

[@Jewels1573]

Or one's son

[@ronaldmcdonald3965]

Or my older cousins

[@MoPoppins]

The one upside to this is that thanks to the early lessons, I was able to dodge a lot of bullets when dealing w/ others out in the world. As an empath w/ the purest of hearts, I’ve never once had to lie or misrepresent myself, which all narcs interpret as STUPIDITY. What they don’t know is that the “secret” weapon I developed throughout my formative years is SELF-RELIANCE. By not needing them, and being able to do things for myself (which all kids w/ narc parents MUST do, or risk being a vulnerable codependent who perpetuates the family dysfunction), I can simply walk away from these useless POS. 😂 I’ve never met a narc who wasn’t shocked to see me walk away so nonchalantly. They all seem to conflate kindness & giving w/ codependency. I don’t think they know what (healthy) empaths are. They’re also suspicious of anyone who gives w/o expectation, because in their minds, it’s too good to be true. As perpetual projectors, they conclude that if THEY aren’t capable of it, then “no one” is. 🙄

[@michelmurphy1979]

💔

[@Heather-xz8fk]

I feel so naive that I have trusted untrustworthy people. I've been an idiot.

[@lu_re7198]

🤪 As for #1: Keep in mind that the person you’re evaluating is also evaluating you. If you’re peppering someone you just met w/ personal questions, that can seem rude/prying. Also, expecting immediate trust/confidence from others can make you seem desperate /clingy (red flag). Sometimes long term friendships build slowly over time. Try discovering things you have in common first... And as for item #5: People have millions of reasons for not sharing...Maybe they can’t afford to go out, they’re caring for a sick friend, or they’re a homebody...in an abusive relationship, not sure if they like you or they just like to read books and talk to their parakeet.😄

[@hadessimpett6477]

I think my experiences with those kind of people where they are nice until they backstab you. I only had one real/genuine personwho passed that wasn't completely two faced.

[@billywong7775]

I could think of a few more Someone who gossips around and generally tells you things you don't ask or tells you about other people that you don't even know or ask

[@MoPoppins]

Yup. Their way of recruiting flying monkeys….and plenty out there, too. 🐒

[@helierhefortuneteller]

They talk about these people badly. Then a few days later they're hanging out with them. 🤔

[@Rubiastraify]

I agree - if they gossip about others, they're also gossiping about you. As the old saying goes, "Thy friend has a friend, and thy friend's friend has a friend, therefore, be discreet."

[@SirenaSpades]

And of course then talks about you, when you leave the room.

[@helierhefortuneteller]

@@SirenaSpades & go check to make sure we left. I was sleeping. My aunts looked in the room to make sure I was. That's what woke me up. I laid there quietly & heard bits & pieces. How 2 faced can 1 get? That's how they operate.🙄😒

[@VK-tl5dp]

Most of these signs are apparent in my narcissistic siblings. Helps me to understand why our conversations are so one sided and exhausting. Thankyou.

[@Queen-of-Swords]

To test my sister, I timed how long it took her to ask me how I was, in a telephone conversation. 45 minutes!!!! 😆 Even then, it was "How are you" - "I'm fine" - THE END.

[@izzycurer1260]

A lot of these are just symptoms of having trust issues themselves. It doesn't necessarily mean they're narcs or bad people.

[@kimlec3592]

@Nobodys Business Thank you for writing this.

[@raindropsonroses3919]

If they are always the victim and never the problem. For example, “I’m so unlucky all my exes were crazy”. Or they sulk until you apologise, even when you’re not at fault. Huge red flag 🚩

[@echase416]

Yup. Projection and Petulant are words that come to mind. 👍

[@MJ-qb5ph]

The apology when you have done nothing wrong to appease the sulk - agree - massive red flag

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

OMGosh the sulking until you apologize for something you didn’t even do! Every single time- i was like… what the freak just happened?! Yes, huge red flag.

[@jengable4888]

Right ! Because ALL of the ex's were crazy ? Really ? NOT !!

[@kaworunagisa4009]

The first one has nuance though. Some people were groomed from an early age to fall into a certain kind (-s) of toxic relationships, so it's not a surprise that "all of their exes are crazy" or "all of their bosses are jerks". That's the kind of people they subconsciously gravitate to, and it takes _a lot_ of work to root out that grooming. The sulking thing is true though. People who do that can take a hike.

[@staywellandstrong4199]

This comprehensive video is priceless. I love that it is delivered with diplomacy and thoughtful compassion. Many thanks 💕

[@alexxdaye1]

ALL of his videos are just as amazing! He's so helpful to us all!

[@carolnahigian9518]

amen

[@Merito932]

"They don't tend to say what they really think and feel" In situations where narcissists want to charm or to win someone/audience over, they would say what the listener like or agree to what they're saying.. While in other situations where they dislike someone, (never to an audience) or feel threatened by or jealous from for all the screwed reasons they usually have, and ESPECIALLY in front of an audience, they will jump through hoops to criticize and belittle whatever others are saying They contradict themselves depending on the situation, no real beliefs, no original thoughts..etc It's all about tactics and manipulation to them.. I've lived that firsthand & saw it executed to others

[@christar9527]

I’ve seen them contradicting themselves left and right and it made me feel like I was going crazy. Now I see them for what they are. They spew out whatever suits them at the moment. They are nuts and can make others nuts but when you know the mind games they play it doesn’t effect you anymore.

[@rebeccabiage6271]

Yes, so true! There's nothing authentic, genuine or individual about them (certainly not with my former covert narc).

[@carefulcarpenter]

I post on a YT channel "Beau" where most of the users fit your description. If you really want to know how narcissists think---- I suggest you check it out. I try ver hard to employ Dr Cs wisdom when dealing even with these types of twisted minds. They argue just to prove others are stupid in their minds.

[@Lucky_5090]

Some of these indicarors are behaviors if people wirh ADHD. They are not doing these things on purpose, it's just how the person is hardwired.

[@joannedavis1991]

I would also add that when you do something great or something good happens to you and you tell your friend or family member, they get quiet or aren’t joyful.

[@andrearenee7845]

What hurts is when you've shared your deep emotions and trusted, and it is used it against you. Especially when it's a parent who has already done enormous damage during childhood. It never seems to get better.

[@PotterSpurn1]

Gossips are untrustworthy and so are those that break confidences with a line designed to make you feel unique, special - a confidante : "don't tell them I told you..." [or] "you are the only person I've said this to, so please keep it confidential....etc.." Its a lie.. They don't find you special, you are their useful idiot. No you are not the only person they've said this to. They've used the same line on others they've told too - so they've told many people. Only that line was designed to stop each one they have told from comparing notes, realise they've been lied to about being the only one confided in and then collectively or individually calling out the gossip with evidence of others the narc had confided in. Narcs are also adept at situating themselves as a middle man to play one side off each other to create division and conflict. They will say to Person A nasty things (usually lies) about what Person B said to them about the Person A they are now talking to (in confidence - just to warn them, of course). They then say the same thing of Person B - nasty things (usually lies) about what Person A said to them about Person B they are talking to (in confidence - just to warn them). That means that Person A doesn't trust Person B and vica versa - neither really knows why the other is distancing from them due to neither one of them realising they've both been 'played' off against each other. So if either Person A or Person B attempts to overcome any perceived animosity toward the other, believing only they were effected - and as an act of forgiveness, it is likely that the other won't respond - having believed that the forgiver or olive branch extender is basically two faced. Both gossiping and shit stirring to create division rely on classic divide and rule tactics of the abused person(s) who mistakenly trust the person they can't trust at all. Divide and rule insulates the gossiper from being perceived as a gossip and it protects them from any deceit they are spreading to maintain control over two other parties. In other words, they are having all the fun and think they are so clever. Meanwhile, those they've 'played' believe the narc thinks of them as special or they wonder why someone else who did seem to like them doesn't seem to anymore - without having a clue why that is - and never being in a position to find out either. Narcissists believe that everyone they interact with is a useful idiot, not someone to be respected with no boundaries crossed. So, if the listeners (victims) fall for their lies and deceit, it's basically their fault for being so stupid, niaive and trusting and nothing at all to do with them for being untrustworthy, nasty and troublemaking.

[@lillybell44]

Well stated...

[@gwillis01]

I agree that "Crisis reveals character"

[@danikawilliams8290]

I agree that crisis reveals character but it can be revealed through genuine help (good character) or an opportunity to enjoy a show or stab you in the back while vulnerable (bad character). I’ve had experiences where someone showed up to “help” in times of crisis only to discover they were only there to enjoy my misery and to have something to talk about.

[@aprilcreary6202]

I love your commentary and advice . Im in a community of distrustful people who collectively seem to try to make being untrust worthy, unaccountable, unloving, and unwarranted callousness to destroy other individual's for selfish gain the new norm. They try to deflect thier lack of integrity onto you and make you seem to be the problem for seeking honest mutual engagements with others a bad thing or crazy. I cannot express the craziness of engaging daily with these kinds of problematic people that are influxing our society. Trying to disestablish your belief in moral integrity, trust, accountability and any form of establishing a mutually healthy relationship beneficial to both parties. They want you to feel this is not the standard anymore. Yet they insist in thier inappropriate behaviors for the purpose of trying to modify you by implementing psychological reprogramming . Thtough consistent negative manipulation tactics for the purpose of exploitating you for thier own selfish gain and bringing down your moral. They are not going to be successful with me so they collectively get angry at you for not compling in thier wicked games . Its good to have reinforcement on your platform of standarized societal norms and the appropriate way we must conduct ourselves when engaging one another in society on all levels. Thank You

[@ladyjustice1474]

Sounds like you're surrounded by corrupt politicians, and the 1%.

[@aprilcreary6202]

Yes Stacy in every crack and corner transnational organized governmental terrorist are trying to take over

[@dmrenterprizes4101]

A mouthful you said there, friend. But I feel you. I so know what you are talking about. Hold strong though. You are not alone.

[@annetcell-ly4571]

I don’t expect a friend to be everything in one even though I wish for that. Nor can I be everything to all people as I have worries too, and I get tired. I have a friend I meet for a coffee and a chat; I have a friend that I go to the movies with because we like to review them, and a friend I share the same activities (exercise) that I like. This way my expectations of conversations and trust are all a matter of degree.

[@iratedwithfrauds5592]

I used to be so naive and would trust anyone. The problem was that many times I got burnt. My Achilles's heal would be known and used against me. I stopped being able to trust. I really can't trust anyone anymore, there is always doubts about why is someone trying to get close to me.

[@thisisme3238]

I can relate too

[@tashasmith2245]

Agreed

[@MoPoppins]

It’s ok…take your time. It’s not your fault that people try to take advantage of the pure-hearted. 💔❤️‍🩹 One thing I _would_ recommend, and challenge you to do for your own benefit, is to build/develop your INTUITION so that if you *did* encounter a trustworthy person-even if it were one in a hundred or a thousand people you encountered-you’d be able to identify one. All the best. 🙏✨💕

[@iratedwithfrauds5592]

Thank you Mo Poppins. Many blessings to you and all who have left a comment. 🙏💕💕

[@TheBigdog868]

I understand. I felt better once I realized that (almost) everyone is working their angle instead of focusing on being a better person. Society has been crumbling for many years and this is the result. It has nothing to do with you.

[@Kelly-oe8kr]

Is only giving superficial disclosures a sign of me being untrustworthy or of you not having earned that level of trust yet? Not every person you meet is worthy of hearing your story, neither am I required to verbalise every thought I have. Every narcissist I have encountered covertly interrogates their victim to 'find dirt', then weaponises everything you ever said (even omitting details to change the context of what was said) and throws it back in your face. Once bitten, twice shy!

[@june.w.1288]

Yes that's so true. Narcissists prey on people who are too naive and too open about themselves. I learned this the hard way too, that I should not give out personal information so easily. First get to know that person and learn to identify narcissists, only then confide in someone. Don't point out your vulnerabilites to others unless you are sure they are not malignant.

[@pinkmillenium1]

Yup

[@kimlec3592]

@ Kelly : so true. thank you for writing it.

[@aliceputt3133]

There’s also a bad weather friend. They are there for you when you are in trouble but if anything good happens for you, they are upset. You being in trouble makes them feel superior and they are happy to do things to make you feel beholden. This type will actively sabotage your good behind the scenes.

[@robannmateja5000]

Thanks for sharing these indicators. One thing I've learned, though... is if you put yourself out there for someone else, and it isn't reciprocated, sooner or later, you are just better off conserving your energy, and perhaps, respecting the apparent "fact" that the other party just doesn't care that much. So one can practice the indicators for trustworthiness, but if someone doesn't want to engage at that level, it's better to realize that and get on with life. At all times, it is good to be empathetic and respectful, but also be mindful if the effort to be trustworthy is really worth it.

[@lindarosebuchanan1650]

Thank you Dr. Carter. You responded to me so kindly two years ago. I'm fighting for my life. In other words, I'm doing the work. Be well.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I want the best for you, Linda. Dr.C

[@craigslistrro709]

One thing I learned: The work place is no place to test the trustworthiness of people and it's certainly no place to be transparent with your personal life... Boundries are a good thing.

[@MarigoldSundays]

Adding to #10, if you share your personal failures, they won’t empathize. Instead, they’ll compete by implying they’re far too superior to ever fail that way

[@christinehaworth4924]

I for the most part normally agree with Dr Les Carter but some of the things on here describe me, especially about being open. I am quite a private individual and I don't like telling all and sundry, especially work colleagues my personal business.

[@christinalw19]

I have learned to not be so open until I think I can trust a person. Especially those manipulators that easily draw you out. That scares me now. Gossips.

[@stephena1196]

I don't think Dr Carter meant for you to tell all and sundry your personal business, but that saying something about yourself which is reciprocated is a way to build trust with someone you are already on friendly terms with.

[@diane2413]

I think you have to to take these ideas in terms of a situation someone would encounter with you. Even people who aren’t likely to be too open would still be open enough to share information with a significant other or a close friend about plans for the weekend. It’s not so much as whether it ever happens but if it happens constantly and consistently

[@christinehaworth4924]

That's the thing though. Just because a work colleague (especially if I am new to a workplace) asks me questions, I simply do not want to provide them with my personal information. End of. I don't wish to make friends from work colleagues. I simply prefer to keep my work life and personal life separate. That is all there is to it.

[@diane2413]

@@christinehaworth4924 that is perfectly reasonable and not in what this is about at all. It is whether it is something you do constantly and consistently with long term personal relationships such as close family members and friends or significant others that have proven their trustworthiness over time.

[@user-zp1sr8kn6k]

Dr. Carter each point is exactly correct. I add my favorite one: You don't trust me. You need to trust me. Using blame, criticism, manipulation while all the red flags you mentioned are furiously waving, guarantees the person is totally Untrustworthy. Thank you so much for clearly showing these indicators. They are incredibly useful !

[@mmneander1316]

That is an extremely good rule.

[@donnadaisy333]

I agree with you wholeheartedly. My ex didn’t trust me, and I never was able to get through to prove my integrity. It absolutely was a deal breaker for me. I’m so glad to be free of that stinker!

[@bruji2001]

They are unnaturally talented with the truth. They can make it into anything they desire💯

[@steve-o6413]

Trusted or Trustworthy, one sure way to tell if they are is by the amount of lying they do. Everybody lies occasionally but a habitual liar may not even think they are, and will lie over the smallest details of their conversation, just to make themselves seem important in the eyes of others. They are easily angered and will often go into a uncontrollable rage, or physical confrontation when challenged. When asked why they lost it, or they may even volunteer why they lost it, is because they already have a made up version in their mind. They will place blame to everyone or everything else to Justify their actions, while always seeking reinsurance from you, like saying, do you know what I mean, or asking you if they were right to do what they did, or wouldn't you have done the same thing. Possibly the greatest lie of all is when they tell you, and look you straight in the eye and say, you can Trust me. Trust, like respect, is earned by the actions of a individual and not by the deeds or achievements they have claim to they have done. Thank you for the Video...

[@mal8447]

Reassurance.

[@susansherlock7474]

I think we also have to admit that we all have these traits now and again. We are only human, however, the issue comes when we behave like this on a regular basis and use the behaviours to bully and alienate others.

[@MarlanWarren]

"You don't really need to know that much" was the family motto in the family that I grew up in. Now decades later, last night I asked my "frenemy" N who owns the building that I live in if I needed to be present when the building inspectors come the next day. His response was: "How do you know about that?" Oh Puhleeze! There was a building inspector notice on the front door weeks ago. He took it down but I saw it. I just didn't understand why the secrecy because it's basically so trivial. But as you explain, Dr. C, it's just the M.O. of an N.

[@patriciabrammer9177]

I agree with the post below If someone lies to me, they lose my trust

[@Liz-sc5dg]

This is my mother. A definition of a mother is not always nurturing, caring, loving, trusting, open.

[@goesfarfliesnear1447]

Thank you! Super helpful. I would also add ALWAYS listen to your gut. If something doesn't sit well or you hear another person talking bad/gossiping about someone else, just disengage (you could be next). I think we all would do well also to watch and listen very carefully to how someone acts and what they do. If what they do doesn't sync with their words, that's another indicator of untrustworthiness. Don't be in a hurry to bond with anyone...and don't say anything you wouldn't sign your name under. You never know when someone will repeat it. I would rather have a small circle of those I can trust than a large group of "friends." Quality over quantity.

[@savorydave2]

I agree completely - listen to your gut, and be the turkey not the deer. Let me explain - as a hunter I have observed that a deer often when hearing or sensing something that it doesn’t understand as a threat, will stop and look intently; and even snort and stamp their hooves in frustration. This makes them vulnerable. On the other hand, turkeys don’t smell well at all but have incredible hearing and vision, and if they hear or see anything at all that they don’t understand, they simply turn and quietly go the other way. Don’t be curious about why your gut says something is wrong - trust it! Needing to understand everything was my mistake.

[@privateaccountfor1252]

This was really helpful. I just had a falling out with a friend whom I thought was supporting me in surviving seriously abusive and harmful group proxy abuses/proxy stalking. Everytime refused to allow her to coerce me into doing things her way she got angry, passive-aggressive, rageful etc... She always used excessive emoji's, which I've thought weird. I trusted her because we suffered from some similar type traumas as adults. My mistake! I keep learning from your excellent channel and others, such that I make wiser relationship choices, with strength. Many thanks🙏

[@ethelbarton6668]

sounds like you trusted her because she mirrored your traumas.

[@privateaccountfor1252]

@@ethelbarton6668 Some of them. Yes. I was amazed how positive she appeared and that she did not let her traumas get to her. Now I realize that I allowed my experiences with ongoing proxy abuses/stalking to be used in such a way that I became her project. When I started being more assertive in resisting coercion and making my own decisions things turned sour. Now I feel it is likely she has been betraying me for quite sometime. Every negative experience is an opportunity to grow & learn, although maintaining that perspective is certainly challenging. Thank you for sharing your insight with me!

[@privateaccountfor1252]

One thing I will add is that organized gang stalking is simply narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopathic abuse. All it takes is one person with connections to put a person on a list. Beware online helpers with this phenomenon. I am NOT referring to helpful Narc therapists & coaches. I've had people try to convince me I was victim of things that never occurred. Meanwhile my very real experienced traumas get ignored, and even covered up. This gang stalking is a narc/psychopathic game that attempts to trick people, including people in authority, into opposing one another and covering up abuses by perpetraitors by attempting to create paranoia against the victim in those in a position to help. Very Sad!!!

[@june.w.1288]

There are a lot of narcissists who seem eager to help you... They give you advice, even when you don't ask for it... But deep down, you can feel that they hurt you. They try to coerce you to do things just the way they want it. They try to control and manipulate you. They are nice only to learn your secrets. Maybe one sign how to recongnize them is a lack of boundaries: they go too personal they want to have a say in such personal decisions like how many children you want or wether you want Covid19 vaccinated or not. These are personal matters but even when you only met them recently they try to influence you... They have big theories and can talk for hours about them... They make you uncomfortable, usually they make you feel bad, make you feel stupid.... Especially if you trust them with your problems. If you tell them you will feel worse afterwards. If you have success, on the other hand, they will not be proud of you they will not congratulate you they won't be happy for you. They will just dismiss it as unimportant. The only person who can have success, who can be the leader, the wise person, is them.

[@gregward8451]

Trust is earned…..of the 10 items that make people untrustworthy…..its not that easy. If people have betrayed your trust, then you are careful in trusting others….which actually explains these 10….its not that YOUR untrustworthy, its that you are untrusting……experience make the the man!

[@TS-rd7oy]

I am very guarded with my responses and don't let people get too close, not because I am not trustworthy, but because I have been burned and don't trust others. I do not agree with the good doctor's assessment on this at all.

[@gailwood3248]

Another wonderful explanation of what a healthy relationship should look like. Thank You!

[@craftyhobbit7623]

I have found 4, 6 and 7 to be the ones that reveal a person's true character. Some of the other points could be down to the other person being cautious with you, or shyness. 4 show s that they like to be hurtful to everyone and doesn't show any consideration for others. 6 just shows a tendency to lie, lie and lie again. Some people are persistent liars and will lie about everything. 6 is the biggest though - how many times have you needed help or reassurance from someone and they aren't there? (You of course, have to help them every time they are in trouble, but they never return the favour.) Anger can be an indication that a person suffers from extreme anxiety so a person would have to be angry all the time, or have these other traits for it to be a red flag. The most hurtful one is 7, especially when it comes from a family member or partner as you're left dealing with troubling things on your own.

[@Nina-vv3ev]

Exactly the first one is kinda me bc I have issues lol but I’m trustworthy

[@christar9527]

They all pertain to the so called family I had but number 6 really hit home. My egg donor wanted my help even when I was doing horribly myself but she never once, even during my childhood, was there when I needed her. She wouldn’t want to even answer a simple question. I was practically dying and she simply didn’t want to know about it and at the same time expected me to be there for everyone else at her command.

[@pearlonion5343]

They continually bully you then demand, you "forgive them," omitting their repentance (changed behavior) from the equation.

[@susanmunoz7688]

As always this is such wise advice. Following this can be so helpful. I was raised in a family that believes that your word was your bond and shocked that many others have a different way.

[@amandaroberts5111]

Susan me too, l was raised like that, and got hurt when people turned out to have very different values, my dear Father used to say 'We only learn the hard way', and that is so true. Once we have learned then we can be more mindful of who we let get close to us!

[@susanmunoz7688]

@@amandaroberts5111 Hi Amanda, thank you for getting it! I am sorry you had to go through this but, now we have tools for good! 👍

[@bowlingbbabe]

Same

[@susanmunoz7688]

@@bowlingbbabe we can all make it to peace and happiness as a great sisterhood and brotherhood ! God Bless you

[@joannedavis1991]

Susan that goes for me too. I was raised that way and I find that those people that do not keep their word are also habitual liars.

[@daletrotman9782]

I had two pastors that were fair-weather friends, who at the end betrayed me and ruined my reputation.

[@karenkushla3975]

Dr. C, you described my ex-husband to a T. I wish I knew these tips 39 years ago, when I met him.

[@thisisme3238]

Yeah, can relate to your story, but for me it would 22 years ago.

[@muslimwarrior9891]

What does it mean to a T?

[@e.conboy4286]

Karen, 57 years here. Anniversary yesterday. I got 2 roses from grocery store. Is that a consolation pride, do you think? Now I know my value to him.

[@karenkushla3975]

@@muslimwarrior9891 each situation Dr. Carter talked about my ex-husband used to gaslight and demean me.

[@e.conboy4286]

@@muslimwarrior9891: Hi Muslim Warrior,…. ‘ to a T’ generally means that some one agreed with something another person said, which is a nice thing. I hope you and your family are safe and well. Best regards from Alabama.

[@Georgia.O]

Almost as much as I appreciate the wisdom shared, I love the calm, reassuring way it is delivered, especially for such demanding topics. Thank you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased!

[@mikeseitz2792]

Narcs love to take us down muddy roads, don't get stuck! At the end of the road there is always an individual "U" turn that leads back to strength and peace.

[@janetpattison8474]

This is a gr8 talk. The first point is so relevant. I’ve had friends for years, then I finally realized that they never disclose anything personal. That realization is a game changer!

[@dawnbailey1132]

For me Dr. C, this is the most timely one ever. I was just told I have to leave my home of 18 years. I don't have the means to do it. I think rejection by someone you've loved all their life, is one of the cruelest of lifes hurts.

[@amandaroberts5111]

Dawn that is awful for you, yes rejection like that is just terrible. l hope you get through it and find support and come out the other side happier in time.

[@dawnbailey1132]

@@amandaroberts5111,thank you for your kindness and empathy. I have no words for this.

[@amandaroberts5111]

@@dawnbailey1132 Dawn where are you? Are in in the USA?

[@dawnbailey1132]

@@amandaroberts5111 yes I am.

[@sylviekins]

Dear Dawn, I am so sorry to hear this- hugs from Australia💕

[@theyrekrnations8990]

people overlook simply keeping your word

[@tamarbatyah7]

Criticism and unsolicited advice are the biggest red flags of all! It's them trying to psychologically box with you and just the beginning of more problems. Don't get in the ring with them (even if you can win the verbal match), keep them at a distance! Life experience has shown me this.

[@sheldonk5747]

There were two former friends I had in my life I had recognized this in them last year. It was always there but I really opened my eyes to it. In your description of how you can tell was as if you knew these two individual names that we're friends of mine. Luckily I had long dismissed them for my life. Well worth it. I am a new subscriber for certain.

[@regalchange]

Your tools have been blessings in my life. Thank you for your calm confidence and composure.

[@toodleloo2253]

There's so many people who will show you one side in certain situations, another side in others. It seems like much of what you're going to get depends on your "position of power" or what they need from you... :/

[@gracegarce8026]

This list is so accurate. I have a friend that I came to meet with all the pleasantries but in time he is revealing these flags. This only validates my instinct not to trust him

[@laurenhall1070]

I definitely had to make a decision, but I've been making it for year's. I finally came to the realization my best friend of 34 year's is just to much to deal with. I feel bad, but she is jealous of my friends, fiancé, my family ect. I also see the inconsistencies all the time with her. Her word is garbage. Plus, it's the 5 alarm for all her issues, and she has alot. She is never thankful when I help out. I'm doing the slow fade, I finally just apparently don't like to be stopped on anymore. It takes effort to have a relationship and being grandfathered in, doesn't give someone a right to be treated on the back burner! I'm over it, and I don't trust her or even enjoy her company anymore! Sadly

[@mmneander1316]

11:15 "The best way for you to know if an individual is a trustworthy person is for *YOU* to be that fully trustworthy individual, because that gives you a good gauge to measure the rest of humanity by." -- Very glad to hear someone say this. Same holds IMO for living according to the principle of Fraternal Love, which makes it easier to spot narcissists.

[@lizaman5787]

very enlightening as always! Number 1 also means that someone who is very reticent or super cautious about disclosing private stuff obviously does not trust easily

[@kathleenbotelho3307]

The narcissistic person is very sneaky and a very good liar.

[@sandyjarvis4471]

Dr. Carter: Your teachings continue to blow me away and I've learned so much from your videos in a few short months! I sit and nod my head "YES!" to so much of what you say. So many lightbulbs go off in my head and the puzzle pieces are now fitting together for me. I only wish that I had this info 21 years ago when I first met my husband. At least now I know what/who I'm dealing with and your info has helped me to understand and deal with the perplexing dynamics of my marriage. I can't believe how many red-flags I ignored from the very start of the relationship. But since discovering you, I feel stronger and confident in how to deal with things, what to ignore, what not to say, etc. Thank you so much!

[@julieb8445]

My ex was so secretive and would never open up. I never understood why he was like this until I left him and found these videos .Now as our daughter gets older she sees it . I don’t feed into it or what she says. I don’t want her to see her dad in a negative light as I know she needs a father in her life . However, it’s hard to see he is now talking to her the way he was to me. I need to figure how to navigate this and not cause any issues.

[@nmartin5551]

Good luck with that. I’m not sure having a father at this cost is worth having a father. If he’s demeaning her, he’s undermining her self-worth, and she may well repeat the pattern (of finding a narcissist for her choice of date/partner).

[@SirenaSpades]

It's called THERAPY.

[@julieb8445]

@@SirenaSpades thanks we’ve done therapy

[@-cMc-]

Non trustworthy person is very malicious when angry.

[@cautionhumanbeing749]

Being a private person does not make you untrustworthy. It means you have your own boundaries. Also some people are naturally introverts or get over loaded. Also, people often mistake Asperger's people for being critical when that's not where they are coming from. Not everyone is attached to the idea, they are just interested in improvement.

[@BK-qp8zp]

I think another indicator is when you realize that they're trying to lead you to certain conclusions, to get you to be on their "side".

[@TheBigdog868]

Yes. They're predators. Always working to get you where they want you 💯

[@Roseal43]

I watch your videos regularly and its heartening to know we have super empaths like you selflessly helping people to understand that they are victims of narcisssts and your videos go a long way in helping them regain their self esteem and to cope better. Unfortunately, life situations keep many empaths bound to the narcissts in their lives, be it parents or spouse. On a lighter note sir, i like your choice of shirts and T shirts! 🙂

[@ZiggyLu-og3zp]

This was very helpful. I’m with someone who does all of these. I felt uneasy with him like he couldn’t be trusted. Now I know. Very helpful.

[@susandawson3358]

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do or say,it will get twisted and used against you and you will reap a negative label. This is why some people don't open up to others.

[@jelambertson]

A friend of mine is always saying “don’t doubt me” and yet he’s a person who is barely educated. He got through high school and became a sanitation supervisor in NYC. Not a dumb guy but he doesn’t read much. He’s offended when I suggest that his information might be flawed despite that I always make it known that I don’t know everything and what I think is correct could also be wrong.

[@persefonestella3892]

Each of these observations is very helpful. I think it's worth it to evaluate each of these signs to get a better idea of how trustworthy someone is. Thank you for really giving this some thought and sharing it in such a nice video.

[@shahadah1451]

1. Superficial with personal disclosures--they do not go deep. 2. Inability to learn or discuss their mistakes. 3. Give but cannot receive unsolicited advice. 4. Easily critical. 5. Generally evasive, coy in revealing plans. 6. Fair-weather friends. Disappear during difficulties. 7. Consistent inconsistency (plans never come to fruition, late). 8. Routine mismanagement of anger. 9. They may like affection, but not encouraging or kind in general, no sensitive responses, low empathy. 10. Like to discuss their successes, but ONLY those, nothing else. Not honest about their negative aspects.

[@G.G.8GG]

A former coworker had to be seen as the most knowledgeable, most magnanimous, most generous person in the office, always insisting others go first and managing everyone in the department like kindergartners. They didn't mind because she always brought food and provided information. But one day an innocent misunderstanding took place between her and another worker. It was no one's fault, just one of those things. The other worker burst out laughing, even though she had been just as inconvenienced, but this woman was furious then and as far as I know remains so today.