How to Recover From Being A Favorite Person by Lise Leblanc

[@Adeltraut-l8y]

Beeing FP actually means, you got chosen to parent a nearly to learning resistant, nasty little child in an adult body. If you know who you are, have a big heart for kidz and your fix place in life, hosting Borderlines can bring a sweet and charming drive into your life. If you're a naiv greenhorn, thinking you've found the love/mate of your life, once you gave some care... seek for help before you got lost!

[@seowweetang2253]

Setting boundaries with a BPD is a futile attempt. They will keep violating those boundaries, blaming their FP for triggering them, hence why they had to violate those boundaries. By triggering them, I mean it can be literally ANYTHING. Even taking slighlty too long doing essential household chores from their perceived timing will trigger them and no amount of explanation will soothe them.

[@gladyscaro5794]

Lise Leblanc is so accurate on BPD. I was a fav person and it put so much pressure on me that I’m still recovering a year later. I’ve never felt overwhelmed with basic things, but now I’m working on not feeling overwhelmed over the smallest of things. It puts you in a tailspin. I loved her and didn’t want to leave but I felt like she forced my hand.

[@sharedjoys390]

Same!! And it’s been like 5-6 years. I still get really bad anxiety out of nowhere and feel like my chest is caving when hearing his name or seeing him…BPD is no joke on the other person. I have since gone NC but it is still an internal battle for me. I have moved once to get away from him and it looks like I’m going to again but it’s always there even with the therapy. It has gotten a little better over the years but dear god I have never experienced anything like this internal struggle in any relationship before. It has been alot of mindf… for sure. I pray we all recover and find some form of normalcy and happiness!

[@karlallenkarlcockles7114]

Being a favourite person can be really tough, sometimes the pressure is just too much, finding the right balance just seems impossible but you must have strong boundaries otherwise you'll just become a slave. It is workable if there's no drugs and alcohol involved. Good luck

[@donaldanderson1092]

As a diagnosed sociopath a BPD made me her favorite person and I ran with it for six years and literally thousands of guys. After a total of eight years she switched and can’t even talk about her past. It’s been twenty three years and all her chaos goes right over my head since I have the emotional depth of a puddle. She’s saved my life her being a nurse. Seventy seven now she’s sixty two so I’m fine ending my days with a BPD. She’s a lot more stable Now . I’m going to pass away a sociopath. Sometimes t.he pieces of the puzzle just have to fit no matter how much what’s on their face in the puzzle of life.😂

[@cheerscheers9819]

Your videos are very helpful! My mom has BPD. I first confused it with bipolar. She isn’t seeking any help, so I do for myself. My mother-in-law is NPD. We had to go no contact with her. I am subscribed, and 👍 could you dive into more family dynamic wisdom with these types of relationships? I am forever great full 🙏 for some of us, these videos are our only escape to “normal” Thank you for your time!❤

[@musyclover]

Are these diagnosis you have made? Perhaps you’re wrong. She could have BiPOlar or a version of. How do you know without professional diagnosis?

[@Miggysaurus13]

As someone who had BPD. I learned to detach myself from anyone and any outcome . I also read a book called psycho-cybernetic that helped me work on my self imagine . And when it comes to people , I don’t mind being alone since I don’t need anyone

[@Happy-Me.]

Hi Lise, please do a video on what happens to the Borderline after they are discarded by their FP as I'm sure that there are a few scenarios.

[@drivethruabortion280]

Every scenario. Human relations are a hellscape of one who cares\ one who is meh.

[@musyclover]

They find a new one

[@Happy-Me.]

@@musyclover That's too general a statement and I wish it was so simple for them, but it isn't. There are so many scenarios based on their age, financial status, whether they were alpha widowed/ imprinted on by their FP, family, friends and relatives status. From research it can be very difficult if not impossible for an untreated pwBPD to get over a Favourite Person that they were emotionally and romantically involved with.

[@drivethruabortion280]

Imagine calling yourself a Favourite Person, yet your ex has moved on. Smh.

[@Happy-Me.]

@@drivethruabortion280 You need to do some more research on this condition. Your ignorance is showing!

[@Ana77770]

Bpd is very tough. Imagine feeling emotional and no medicine can help. My favorite person, went through alot with me. But he recently understood bpd and he knows when I'm in a bad mood, he knows that eventually I'll feel good again. He knows how to act when I'm not well

[@musyclover]

DBT therapy works for BPD in some cases. Having BPD is not an excuse for bad behaviour or to expect special treatment. It seems you think it is perhaps?

[@williamanderson8932]

💯

[@seowweetang2253]

It just shows you're lower on the BPD spectrum. People higher on the BPD spectrum are impossible to have a relationship with. They will literally sabotage the relationship till it self-destruct.

[@joyblack1669]

It's so sad that people with strong fear of abandonment achieve just that.

[@xuser_Mmhghzi3210]

Your video came on the right time I’ve been looking for recovery tips for a month been losing my mind and I have some mixed feelings of anger and disgust oh and some trust issues

[@saraloveland4001]

The trust issues are rough. I was once a FP to two different people at the same time. One I had to go no contact with the other worked beside me to overcome the FP attachment and we're 12 years into a healthy marriage. I didn't realize I had trauma or trust issues from being both of their FP until a friend asked me if I wanted to hang out weekly and I had an immediate panic attack. I realized I had been shutting people out for 7 years because I was terrified of becoming the center of someone's world again. It definitely takes time and living life to recover.

[@mrsmucha]

Thank you for this video. I got caught up as the FP of a BPD. They are nice and friendly at first, then get more clingy as time goes. With my normal friends, i would go out to lunch or a coffee shop to meet but with the BPD she wanted to come over to my place where she would talk about herself and her problems for hours. She was extremely cheap and would only go to a restaurant if someone else paid for it. She always said "you are my best friend." many times over which wasn't true at all.

[@juliapanko9192]

mine also started talking only about herself as soon as she realised she is important for me. This switch was crazy. She became extremely egocentrical and then manipulative....

[@juliapanko9192]

Nothing to gain in these "relationships"

[@jnavy1999]

Being a favorite person and a romantic interest is tough, the constant jealousy: if a guy friend calls or texts too much I’m accused of being gay, if some female colleague asks work questions then romance accusations. One day I’m a life partner the next day I’m not worthy. One week she wants me to meet her family, the next week we need to just be friends. Walking on egg shells, why or how did I fall in love

[@clintonnagy1662]

Holy crap. I feel your pain. My ex BPD girlfriend was everything you mentioned. I thought I was crazy. One day I'm the love of her life, the next I'm a liar, cheater, and a fraud. I never knew what version of her personality I was gonna get?

[@Happy-Me.]

Hi Lise, your timing is impeccable as is the supportive information in this video! I'm no longer with my BPD ex and as her Favourite Person have never been given any closure or even been smear campaigned. I do get proximity stalked as we share a hobby which I know she will never give up as long as she knows I do it. She has hoovered me once and not again since I told her not to! It has been four and a half months now since I left her and she has exhibited no unstable behaviour. My sister believes it is the calm before the storm!

[@basebowman2542]

Shell be back

[@drivethruabortion280]

Way to villainize non villainous behavior. You're my least favourite person.

[@Happy-Me.]

@@basebowman2542 Well I hope not as I don't know where she's been!

[@DownHillgamer]

​@drivethruabortion280 yea they are still hooked on their ex lol. Under every bpd video asking and saying things. "When is my CRAZY EX going to come and do crazy shit for me? Cause I'm worthy of crazy behavior right!?!?" Lol

[@IshtarNike]

​@@drivethruabortion280no offense, but if you haven't been on the end of this behaviour then you wont understand what it's like. People with BPD are bery vulnerable, but it doesn't change the fact that their behaviour IS abusive. This person speaking is a victim of abuse and they're entitled to speak their truth. They didn't even speak about all BPD people, just their ex. I think that in fact you're the one who is villainising people.

[@SecretSquirrel33]

This is STUPID. EVERYONE has a favorite person. Whats she talking about?

[@marisokami5259]

it's also important to state that it seems most bpd fp relationships are impossible to "do right", it's a test you can't pass, as a writer i tend to use fiction to process things and i'm wondering what would happen if a literal angel descended from the heavens to support osmeone with bpd, they would never need the bpd person to be a friend back to them and they can absorb any pressure put on them effortlessly, i don't think that would go well at all because an angel even if they don't need to have boundaries for themselves, would put them up anyway for the sake of their friend, their friend keeps saying how important it is that you are okay and that they aren't being a burden, so don't let them, but even then there are just situations where you just can't win even if you are an angel because they'd be upset if you put up boundaries and they'd be upset if you didn't because they don't have the space to realise they would be unhappy with you no matter what you did. the angel in this thought experiment can't magic all their problems away so no matter what you do it wouldn't be good enough because they can't logically think about what they want, and it would get too complicated anyway because you'd have to pretend not to know any angelic knowledge you had while still using it because knowing too much would be creepy too, anyway point is, angels aren't coming down to earth to pretend to be human to be a person with bpd's fav person, being a fav person is a thing you have to do while being very much human and sometimes you can't succeed at it, even if you were a specially trained psychologist who's an expert in bpd, you still wouldn't be good enough for their impossible standards

[@soleanna7]

If they were truly an angel and they were able to read their thoughts and psychically predict in which moods they are then they might have a shot.

[@marisokami5259]

@@soleanna7 hmm interesting point, i'm not sure if it would work wether they could or couldn't but i think the question would be how the person with bpd thinks about their ability, figuring out boundaries can be very difficult because from what i experienced, people struggling with bpd are very averse to any kind of friction or conflict, a better understanding could deffinitely work but if the person with bpd finds out conciously or not tha their fp angel can predict them that well they might start to expect they can predict things that are less reasonable, like knowing the solution to a problem before told the angel all the details since the angel always knows to ask all the right questions. but even if the angel doesn't put up boundaries for the sake of the person with bpd learning to treat all their friends right and not treating the angel like a part of themselves, even if that's not a problem then there is still a big chance the angel would find themselves in a double bind sooner or later, a darned if you do darned if you don't. like if the person asks a question that they know the answer to but don't want to hear, like if they know they did something wrong and ask for affirmation that they're a good person but unless the fp angel lies they won't hear what they asked and if they don't get an answer they'd be upset too. i don't think knowing what the moods are and how long they'll last will be of that much use, perhaps there are lots with milder symptoms that would last longer because they can wait to ask difficult things of them in that time, but even if they don't ask anything difficult, sometimes the reason they get angry isn't something anyone can avoid, even if the angel CAN know, how would you talk to someone like that? i'm not sure if they could buy themselves that much more time even if they buy themselves months, it won't be years. but i think the real paradox comes in with what an angel fp would do after, it wouldn't be loving to pretend nothing happened, they would say that if their friend treated their mortal friends that way then they would be quite hurt, while they are not because they don't feel emotions like humans do, or if they are pretending to be human, they could blame it as having trained in social work so nothing their friend says can phase them. but i don't think it would be right to hide it either. hearing something like that will be a curveball to anyone, but people with bpd are very averse to conflict so hearing that they have hurt their fp will send them for a loop, an angel could take so much more than a regular person but the paradox is that that also means they are not afraid to speak their minds and can be perfectly strategic, but it might be the opposite of what someone with bpd really wants. for one they wouldn't be drawn into saying they'd be there for them no matter what, even if the angel has limits, if they are there for the bpd's best interest alone, they might one day sacrifice themselves for their friend, upsetting them by warning them in time so they don't lose things that are important to them such as their job or their family or endangering themselves, or even if they will be there for them forever, say it with intent which would be creepy, you don't expect your new fp to offandedly mention that once they bond with someone they will stay friends no matter what that person does to them or to other people, but an angel would not a lot of bpd people go that far of course, but the question is how would you balance making them happy with doing and saying the things that need to be done, sometimes the things we need to hear the most also hurt, like when you learn that a certain thing, was not your fault, it stings, but people with bpd might take that as a threat and lash out against it, sometimes splitting, even if they did everything they could, it might just loop around once again because if they could reconnect even though the bpd person didn't want them back... the right thing to do is to tell them how they got them to take them back anyway and to warn them not to let any human do that to them. sorry if this reaction was way too long, i'm not very concise with this topic, but then again perhaps that's the point we are supposed to learn, that things loop around like a snake eating its own butt Annuleren Beantwoorden

[@KazuyaSnakeSK]

I was my BPD favorite person She started seeing someone right before Christmas, now I’m all hearth broken and alone I feel bad, I thought I was over her but seeing her in social media with another man showed me I wasn’t, I wanna reach out, I wanna tell her I miss her, how I feel and I much I hated staying away from her during my “healing process “ I’ve been drunk for the past week trying to not think about it I can’t I miss her i don’t know what to do I know reaching out it’ be my downfall But I can’t bear to see her with another guy I know I must stay strong but I can’t I wanna just not think about her but I can’t I am sorry I needed to vent I hope everyone is doing well on their 0 contact and staying strong. Happy new years and I wish y’all well.

[@mpsangha]

I was with someone with BPD for 8 months. Trust me, you're better off for the long run to not be with her. It hurts now, but it's for the best. Being with her was not good for your physical or mental health.

[@arkbjorn]

Do not recommend heavy drinking when you are down. It can fuel many negative thoughts and feelings you might harbor.

[@canadianbacon587]

I feel you man. I met mine online and, unfortunately I ignored every red flag along the way. We met in person after a year of dating online and married in the spring. I knew she had mental health issues and, I felt like marrying her and showing the ultimate sacrifice of my life towards her would go a long and way towards her being fearful of me abandoning her. I’m empathetic and that’s exactly what someone with BPD will crush over time. I wanted to fix her and be there for her to grow but, that wasn’t an option. The more I was positive and supportive, the more she self destructed and took me down with her. Now, I’m waiting on divorce papers after 7 months of marriage. I’ve been completely discarded, had a smear campaign run on me as she laughs at everything I tried to do to help her and, my private life has now been shown to strangers because, I loved someone who loves to punish herself and others more than anything else. She wore a mask that was incredibly convincing. I’m broken as well, my “wife” now goes after men in front of me as I sit here wondering how someone could be so cold and unaware of the pain they caused. She even admits publicly she never loved me after almost 2 years together and now a marriage. I don’t know how to stop caring about someone who has done such an incredible amount of damage to me. I still at this moment want to beg her ti just be the woman I married not long ago. I hate this and I feel your pain. I’m sorry you had to go through this too. Idk reading others comments gives me some solace but, I fear this level hurt will never go away. Take care man, stay away if possible as it leads to more pain.

[@larssoncelticfc]

@@canadianbacon587I genuinely wish you the best mate, that sounds really rough. I’ve not been there to that extent but I’m able to spot red flags , even with that it’s difficult to stay away because of how they try to enmesh with you and place you on a pedestal. But I’ve learnt to keep my distance as I’ve known many over the years. The smear campaign must be so shit to deal with , I know how that feels when you are demonised ect.. when all you ever did was care and genuinely love people. I get how it can isolate you badly when you have been smeared like that. I hope you can find healing from the abuse you’ve been subjected too , it sounds like you’ve made a good start by reaching out, please try stay no contact as if you try reaching out she will probably get off on your suffering, that’s how fucking twisted they are. Just make sure you stay no contact. It could maybe help if you delete social media too, that’s what I did. All the best mate

[@andiwithani1215]

@@canadianbacon587it’s devastating. I went through something similar. They are severely mentally ill

[@MabelRD08]

Today my fp who is my manager at work didn't allow me to sit next to him when i was having an anxiety attack cause he was giving some feedback to my coworkers regarding missing procedures to avoid they repeat the same mistakes again. I felt like I was being annoying to him and attention seeker just cause i wanted to sit next to him for 20 min while ended my work and shift. I think I'm ok with it now; took me awhile to actually realize that I was overthinking and overreacting about his decision. It's so hard not to feel like a bother. Thank you for this amazing video🦋💜🌹

[@drivethruabortion280]

It's work, lady. He's your boss and others boss, not your kindergarten teacher for special needs kids. Grow up.

[@MabelRD08]

@nicolewilson283 it was just to sit next to him, on an empty chair (no talking involved) Thank you for taking the time to leave this comment...

[@summersalix]

"Favorite person" can also be seen in Autism and adhd

[@ChaoticAnswers]

Correct I have autism and ADHD and my favourite person has BPD. The difference is they can't do wrong on my end. On her end i sent a message at the wrong time. She asked HR To tell me to not interact with her eg don't say hello. It was so heartbreaking because it happened overnight 😢

[@Reid.Anderson]

Dear Lise, please can u do a vid on situational narcissism or narcissistic behaviors, possibly caused by a or perceived by a bpd partner if u believe that’s a thing. Prior to me understating what was going on, standing my ground against her accusations made her think I was gaslighting her, and bc I have a young child, it caused me to set more & more boundaries, probably didn’t help her but it was necessary. Eventually leading to her discarding me. Thanks! 🙏

[@twocandles1108]

How can she cheat on her favorite person?

[@carloschica1628]

The same way a child will lie to a parent

[@jasonbushell7080]

I feel like the only person left is Lise. Lise, are you seeing anyone? 😄❤️🙏

[@VictorianTimeTraveler]

Crap, I think I may have been doing this to someone, aside from the demonizing thing; he's a saint for putting up with me for as long as he did. I didn't mean to.

[@123janninha]

I have bpd, and I’ve always had a favorite person, but I never acted the way she described that person in that letter. To me this is being immature on top of having bpd… well, that was just me personal experience.

[@bluestripes6037]

Thanks for pointing this out. Do you want to do the throwing things, but control yourself, or do you not want to do that at all?

[@123janninha]

@@bluestripes6037 im not sure I understand your question. Could you give me an example please?

[@123janninha]

@@lonegirl62879 unfortunately a lot of them do! Bpd is a spectrum just as much as any mental disorder… there are absolutely key factors that make us all similar, like the longing for someone, the not knowing who we really are, the disassociation, but how everyone acts on their impulses and emotion dis regulation can very a whole lot. Traumas and upbringing is what shapes reactions.

[@bluestripes6037]

@@123janninha right, sorry not to be clear, what I mean is do you experience rage and the desire to act on it childishly but curtail the urge, or do you not experience childish rage at all?

[@123janninha]

@@bluestripes6037 I’ve only experienced extreme rage with my 2 husbands and my son. With my first husband ( son’s dad), I felt at the time that my rage was explained by how he was treating me, being a narcissist, now I see that no matter what, I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I used to throw things against the wall, yell at him, curse him out, break up and come back… I was also 17 when I got together with him, 19 when got pregnant, so I’m sure the age had a lot to do with it. I never acted like that with a friend. Oh! I did act like that when I was a teenager with my aunt, which was my care giver, after my parents died. I even broke her bedroom door one time from kicking it, cause she used to lock it… we did not have a good relationship and used to blame her a lot, and now even though I know a lot was my fault, I think she still played a big part of me being disregulated by not showing me love and being too strict ( I can tell you more details if you wanna know). Then when my son started growing, I notice I would lose it with him, and that’s when I started getting scared of myself and not understanding why I would do those things to someone that didn’t deserve and I loved so much. When my son was 7, I got together with my now husband of 9 years, and after we moved in together, I started acting very similarly to how I acted with my son’s dad, but my current husband never did anything to deserve my rage. I threw things against the wall, broke our bedroom door, called him names, talked down on him… so, more and more I got scared and knew for sure something was off with me, because I was acting like this monster, going from 0 to 100 to the ones I loved the most… long story short, after major depression and alcohol abuse in 2020, I ended up in a psych ward for talking about killing myself, and that’s when I got my current psychiatrist and started trying to take care of my mental health and substance abuse. I became completely sober in January 2021, and I noticed some of my anger and depression issues were still there… I had already asked my psychiatrist if I was bipolar several times at that point, and he would always strongly tell me I was not. In mid 2021 I came across cluster b personality disorders and when I read about borderline, I saw myself 100%. So I went back to my psychiatrist and told him: I know what I have!!! Borderline!!! He said: makes sense!! I’ll never forget 😂😂😂 then he gave me a list of places that did DBT, and I started doing it as soon as one became available, which I think it took 2 months at first… after one year of DBT, and taking Zoloft for CPTSD, I am very different and don’t act on my impulses like I did at all! I’m still not 100% “normal”, and I’ll probably never will be, but I don’t think I could be diagnosed as borderline anymore now a days… I still have SAD every winter, and that is very hard for me and the ones around me, as all I want to do is sleep, but I’m still trying to figure out a way of making my symptoms more mild. Anyway, I told you more than what you asked for, but I thought it would be good for you to know context lol. Let me know if you want to know more details about anything else… I’m going to write a book one day because I have soooo much to tell!

[@marcoaurelioalmeida1486]

Thanks from Brazil.

[@michaelstevens9109]

Really wish i had studied this before getting with my ex misses.. i could of understood her better and helped her seek help 😢

[@The_Rude_French_Canadian]

Yeah, I feel you…The love I had for my ex was already fading when I figured out was she probably BPD and now, I realize how much I’ve probably hurt her, but she didn’t care about hurting me or calling me all sorts of names when she spiraled. So she’s someone else’s problem now.

[@reneegardner2286]

I just discarded my FP on Christmas Eve. I'm trauma bonded to him also so it's very tough getting out of an abusive relationship when it's your favorite person too

[@PlanetOfTheApes999]

If you have BPD, you severely abused your FP.

[@reneegardner2286]

@@PlanetOfTheApes999 my favorite person is a covert somatic narcissist who's drained me for years. you have no idea the things he's done to me laid hands on me too, threatened me and stalking for years. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@PlanetOfTheApes999]

@@reneegardner2286 I believe you, so it was a case of mutual abuse.

[@reneegardner2286]

@@PlanetOfTheApes999 I was groomed for a year long distance and after yrs of abuse yes there was reactive abuse, not mutual

[@reneegardner2286]

@@PlanetOfTheApes999 if you're here at to watch videos and troll people genuinely commenting please find someone else to bother.

[@000FireAimReady000]

Very kind and thoughtful. Much appreciated.

[@DavidSMA]

Thank you for producing this video.

[@Happy-Me.]

The thought of this is horrifying! 6:17

[@joyblack1669]

The story sounds like Baby reindeer and a somehow with my story. In my situation I am the borderline person and my fp after two months of fights where she showed no empathy she blamed me for all and cut me off. I admire the people who try to relief people with borderline like the guy in your story and in baby reindeer.they are humans. Both men. In my situation was woman. I obsessed with her and still grieving. She used to admire me and love bombing me until she get bored and then disaster.!

[@hope426]

I am diagnosed with bpd an have a favorite person who has been traumatised by his past relationship with a woman who I’m pretty sure was also borderline based on the things he told me, I feel so bad for putting stress on him I just kept apologizing and he kept reassuring me until he got tired. We are in no contact now, I wanted to kms after he said he needs to think our friendship over. I didn’t tell him, I don’t want to make him feel bad. But I finally realised how toxic this relationship is for him. I know I suffer, but he spent so much time reassuring me, even tho he has so many problems of his own. But I can’t even apologize anymore because it’s just too much. I think we shouldn’t see each other ever again, it’s very triggering for me and tiring for him. It hurts a lot but it’s for both of our sake.

[@YouilAushana]

Ok, my ideas of favorite person is a bit different than the explanation. To me it feels like a person who is a friend I am needy with and seek constant validation from along with needing a close bond to feel validated. Sorry a lot of words going on their. 😮

[@rancos9]

Thank you Lise for the great and informative video as always. In your professional opinion when someone with BPD has engaged in emotionally abusive and manipulative behaviour in a relationship (but a significant time has passed since the relationship) can there be a change based on efforts of self improvement, or without treatment will they most likely revert to previous abusive behaviour patterns?

[@sohinisaha597]

Failure, sanity yes...felt the same. Thanks

[@JenniferRichard-n7m]

Way too many videos on narcissist

[@iamtheroadwanderer]

👍👍

[@jayeelol]

ts is so draining

[@jayeelol]

i have no attraction to the other individual and clearly want nothing to do with her and she just continuously reaches out

[@TheRobmaynez]

¡Gracias!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you!

[@KH-sg2od]

What if i became the FP but my ex partner with bpd ended it with me? Is it out of fear? or because she felt overwhelmed? It seemed she plotted hundreds of reasons in her head why it couldnt work between us all the sudden. out of nowhere. and then ended it. she would often tell me that shes used to toxic relationships and that she cant seem to cope that i am the opposite and i seemed ''too good to be true'' for her. I poured everything into the relationship and i tried to make it work all the time while she tried to run away or be avoidant. She would lash out to me at the most random moments and especially if i would open up emotionally bout what bothers me. making me feel unworthy and undesired. She still however tries to keep me around her in public and acts like we are fine. but as soon as we are alone. she gives me doubt or confusion on if there is still hope. But also if i text her. i do not exist any longer and she ignores me. I feel completely set back and lost from this relationship. Atleast she decided to go into therapy and i hope she is going to figure herself out.

[@mikekeats1804]

I feel this one. Always asking me what's wrong, are you going to leave me, I'm sorry, I don't think I'm the person for you etc. She ended it before I could. She gave me a card that read you are my favorite person, so the lightbulb turned on seeing this phrase online. I felt obsessed over and almost too many compliments at times. I had a dresser drawer in 2 weeks, and a shelf in the living room of my gifts displayed. Hoping she gets help, if this is bpd. I'm not a Dr., but the signs point to it. Lost my mind after the 4th breakup..I was in love, but I'm coming to my senses. I would have stood by her side with help, so that hurts.

[@nacchi1631]

...similar happened to me. Wanted to break up over and over. Idolizing me then devaluing me. Thinking I am a saint then evil. Cheating on me while i didn't sleep for 3 days for example cuz she needed me to call on me write me 24h knowing I have severe insomnia. It wasn't enough neber enough. Always fearing and having sometimes delusions about me that are so far-fetched and not based on anything. Cheated while violating boundaries right after she asked me for my definition of cheating. Her guilt made her confess. She always lied. I felt often like a parent I think I really was. Asked her to go to therapy. Paid it for her. If i didnt talk right away online she would go get drunk. Then i needed space and she got drunk everyday. Then I gave her an ultimatum over alcohol(those empty threats ones that are desperate attempts last resort over 2 years) over her alcoholism. Then she broke up woth me vilifying me that I was "using" her abandonment issues against her. Well...I didn't think of it like that I was desperate for her to be drunk everday just cuz I needed space and was having issues with Trauma part of stuff she causes to happen with her mother who is crazy, part from other events that were traumatic. I have DID so I went to "cyrosleep" and another alter tried. I was doing my best for two years. I loved her too much. Even when I was dying fjrst time she broke up woth me was shen I had a medical emergency I survived. "You are too good for me" to "ur evil" to "i am feeling too much guilt i dont deserve" to an infernal cycle. I tried everyday with boundaries. Always were violated. And I kept feeling I was in wrong. I wanted her to be okay. To be there for her. But then I felt more n more exhausted. I felt like a parent not a lover. Felt used not supported back even tho there were moments I say. The momemts I could feel loved. Sorey vent break up was last week so recent. Was idk how many breakup attempts or breakups from her. And everytime when i actually needed her to do sth like uhhh support me in medical emergency, through recent trauma...like why the heck. Ultimatum may never work, arent nice, and empty threats. Yet I just wabted her to live and not die of alcohol poisoning. I tried to keep her sober for years. I paid her therapy but she always avoided talking about things that make her seem "bad" to the therapist she told me. So she evaded truths, who knows, possibly lied to the therapist too. Lies. Were the first thing that exhausted me and my trust. Alcohol Clinginess to the point where i am not allowed to sleep Cheating same time as being clingy Breaking up in emergemcies i needed support or if i do any "mistake" like not in her perfect world version of me like being sad or angry over how i am treated and say opinion then ofc throw me away. Over n over. She realized it know. So in fact maybe she did try being consciouss in her guilt. But then she forgets it and acts the same even while we stay "friends" Still she is in need for me to constantly validate her. I do want to, honestly I mean she isn't a vile person to me if she is not in crazy mode especially. I wanna validate her ego. Maybe I am too much of an enabler. I didnt wanna lose her. Still support her as a friend. But reading about FP and BPD...everything is her i havent read or heard any trait she hadnt done yet to me or showed. I felt i was crazy. I was in wromg so often, i thought. I need to...digest this in therapy.

[@r.o.b.480]

Jesus is the rock that the BPD needs.

[@AlexRyan]

There’s so much suffering in the world today. The worst part is that it is the best among us, the most sensitive and caring people who suffer the most because they cannot turn off their compassion for the suffering of those around them. I am 99% sure that BPD is not an “illness” at all. Rather it is the natural adaptation of a prey animal to the predator filled environment that is our narcissist controlled world. The sad part is that most good men don’t know what women need and how easy it would be to provide them what they need to make them feel safe. I wish they did. If they did, women would feel more safe than they do. Women need a community of strong, caring, moral men who will protect and care for them and their children by putting the narcissists in their place. They need the moral order that makes civilization possible to be restored. If BPD women were constantly surrounded by strong men who genuinely cared for their wellbeing, I think they would feel and behave very differently than they do. Some of us REMEMBER when that actually existed, There was WAY LESS so-called “mental illness” back then. Marshall Rosenberg famously said: All unskillful behavior is a tragic expression of the unmet need. Narcissists ALWAYS try to steer the attention towards make-believe DEFECTS in their prey in order to break them into "learned helplessness" whereupon they will accept their new label as “defective” and do the bidding of any narcissist who offers to validate and protect them. Shame on the weak men who allowed the narcissists to break our girls like this. Shame on the weak men who accepted the false narrative that our broken girls are somehow “defective”. The truth is that the needs of sensitive women to be safe and cared for are not being met by our morally degenerate narcissist run-society. The problem is not with her. The problem is with us for allowing the moral order that once existed to be totally destroyed. When the moral men FINALLY hit the precipice stop being weak and DECIDE to take back their community and the world from the narcissists, I predict that BPD will completely vanish from the earth. Women will feel safe again. The good news is that this is FINALLY starting to happen. The spirit of #Asabiyyah is emerging. Here is a fascinating story of a good man who has finally had enough. He is only one of many. Owen’s father has the brain physiology of narcissism but his mom does not. Lucky for Owen, he acquired the brain physiology of his mom. This man has hit the precipice. search: S.L. Kanthan @Kanthan2030 “Talmudic way makes you insane. It creates loophole-seeking leprechauns”

[@jessebradford7130]

No, you're way off. Us men need good women. As for BPD, as you obviously don't know but I do from experience and from studying it, it doesn't matter how well you treat someone who has it. Plenty of good men out there. But hardly any accountability from women. What's more distressing and disrespectful is the complete lack of seeing it from a man's perspective. It's always seen as poor her, it's always the man's fault. So we don't count? We don't get hurt and unnapreciated? Wow.

[@mekman4]

Thank you!

[@LydiaKim-e9o]

Actually my FP is still my best friend going on 30 years of blissful friendship that surpasses sisterhood. I am the bpd person but she has been there for me without a doubt with love. I am very lucky.

[@drivethruabortion280]

I feel certain I will never be anybody's Favourite Person. Yay.

[@drivethruabortion280]

So, I will weigh in on behalf of borderlines...I don't think I am one, but have had some instances. Imagine being a kennel dog or a stray. And someone eventually adopts you. But, after a few days or even years, they decide they can't or won't care for you anymore. They can say it nicely, meanly, or not at all. But, they brought you back to the pound, likely unadoptable by now. Or they just dropped you off on the side of the rode and sped off. Man and woman romantic relationships are not Love, I don't care how much oxytocin floods your skull. Nature wants more people. It is Highly Conditional and one tiny thing can end the attraction, loyalty, etc. So, don't allow yourself obsession with the opposite sex. I say this as a man consistently abandoned and betrayed by women. But, I have some sympathy, not empathy, for the other side that wants the ideal masculine protector\provider\ friend only to feel alone or unloved. Personally, I do not believe in empathy. No one feels another's pain. You can imagine it. So, high to low levels of sympathy, or at worst pity. And most people will show you how pitiless they can be once you are a liability to their mental health, welfare, success or even just convenience. We are, each of us, a monster.

[@timweedon2785]

That's bs. Maybe you're a narcissist? Or a borderline? Empathy is the feeling you get where if you hurt somebody you'd feel bad, so you try not to do it. It's the feeling of being happy for others when they're doing good, but mostly it's that feeling that you try not to hurt people. Its not feeling their emotions at all