10 Things You Need to Say NO To // Get Self-Respect

THINGS YOU NEED TO SAY NO TO // GET SELF-RESPECT
There are a lot of things in your life that you're saying yes to that you need to start saying no to - some of them are obvious, but many of them are not. And saying no to these big ones is not only for your own self-respect but for your mental wellbeing and the quality of your most important relationships.
Many of them have to do with people pleasing and a lack of healthy boundaries, and some are just bad habits. But after we're through today, you're going to feel a whole lot more in charge of your own life and choices and a whole lot less confused, overwhelmed, stuck and frustrated. I hope you love learning these ones!
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Here's a similar list on my IG for you to save: / b1noijcbez2
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#getselfrespect #sayno #boundaries

[@juliakristinamah]

HEY! Thanks for watching and extra thanks to those who gave this video a thumbs up - I appreciate you. What's one thing you're going to start saying no to ASAP?

[@GirlMomma]

My mama- who has lived with me since I moved out with my 3 year old at 19.(so basically my entire life) I really need to work on saying no to her. She is narcissistic but possibly dying this third round of needing another kidney transplant, so it's hard for me to stand up to her manipulation because I'm scared of regretting it for the rest of my life if she dies. To start with an actual goal I guess I will say no to her cooking Thanksgiving for my family this year. I'm 39 years old and I've never been allowed to cook a meal for my husband or family in my own home because that's "her thing." So I'm going to ask if I can do the cooking this year. 😁👍 (I'll let you know how that goes... She's too weak to throw anything at me so....😆)💜 Thank you for all you do, Julia.

[@juliakristinamah]

@Babs Franklin Yes sister! Music to my ears.

[@juliakristinamah]

@Malinda Vogel If you're sick YOU NEED TO REST! Good for you.

[@juliakristinamah]

@@GirlMomma sister - just because someone is dying, it doesn't give them an excuse to be a jerk. You can speak up, set your boundaries and hold your ground without being rude or mean and I think you will grow a lot more if you let yourself own your wants, needs and preferences - even with you mom - than if you let her walk all over you until the day she dies.

[@GirlMomma]

@@juliakristinamah you're absolutely right. 💜(says my head,not my heart) thanks for the advice.

[@DAna-cq2tq]

I was not allowed to say "no" to my narcissistic husband. I was controlled by him. He gets angry and makes me feel guilty and abuses me emotionally if for example I say I don't feel like going to the movies tonight. This is one example of thousands other examples. He doesn't accept any boundary. So I finally left him 4 months ago after living with no boundaries for more than 20 years. I'm extremely proud of myself and respecting myself more and more everyday.

[@alyx19]

I'm so happy for you!! You rock girl!!

[@mistilove2686]

I'm going through the same thing 😂.I feel for you . Know how it is. Not good. We do everything we can and it's not good enough for them..

[@mistilove2686]

It's been 30 years for me. I'm 50. No longer have a life . No say in anything if I try I get told I'm starting trouble 😅.

[@mistilove2686]

No respect and I'm feeling like I'm not even a person anymore 😭. Have alot of ailments and they don't care. They are selfish and self-centered. I can't leave. I have nowhere to go and know one to help me.

[@irisvanlimburgstirum9878]

@@mistilove2686 😭 Pray God you can get out of it.

[@charlesmccaul5767]

1. Staying in situations or interactions you're not OK with. 2. Saying No to conversations which you don't want to have. 3. Justifying our choices to people to whom it's none of their business. 4. Say No to apologising to people who don't like what you like or think you should like or dislike something. 5. Don't apologise for your goals and dreams. 6. You need to stop saying No to feeling pressures or obligations to do other things. 7. Say No to being an A-Hole to yourself. (Belittling yourself) 8. Say No to waiting for other people to change so you can be happy 9. Start saying No to taking responsibility for other people's thoughts and actions, feelings and choices. 10. Hmmm. I must have missed one!

[@MagsChase1229]

Health, take care of our health. Do not neglect it for other things that are not as important.

[@winniecantonese]

thanks a lot.

[@winniecantonese]

6. Say No to things and people that are not healthy to ourselves...You can take the choices to treat yourself well. Be honest to yourself. No sorry for self-care.

[@mm-sv6hd]

Being willing to walk on eggshells around anyone is the missed point, I've catched it from instagram post

[@kasey77]

No is a complete sentence.

[@juliakristinamah]

Amen.

[@GirlMomma]

This is my new motto. 👍😁

[@mytwosense5223]

Suggestion : put that on a t-shirt, that's catchy

[@kasey77]

@@mytwosense5223 hahahah...thank you!! great idea!!

[@TheMehkey]

Not really, but i get the idea

[@ErikaK]

We don't need to do things that we don't want to do, we need to respect ourselves and put ourselves first, not caring what people think or say...

[@juliakristinamah]

Isn't it so simple? A wonder why we make it so complicated.

[@ErikaK]

@@juliakristinamah yes!!! The fear of being rejected, fear of judgement, fear of getting hurt. When we are seeking for approval and validation. I really love your channel thank you so much ♡

[@ErikaK]

@@denverskywatch777 ♡♡♡ I'm so glad !!

[@ErikaK]

@Anton Boludo:) ♡

[@moulee7448]

I like it!

[@heidicameron2015]

When I had to give up a good long friendship I cared about it more than she did I said good bye for my sanity.

[@juliakristinamah]

Sometimes it's necessary to respect the fact that some people are not offering what we want or need.

[@terrilynn6148]

I hear you Heidi! Ive had to give up both of my best friends. It was painful. But now I have my sanity back too. And so much more energy to put on myself and my goals. 😊

[@christamaranda]

good for you, girl.

[@evei11]

I got rid of a nasty friend aswel. I hadn't realised how bad it was until I actually got rid of her. I felt free I was generally in a better mood and just happy. Some people are really not meant to be in your life, they may not act on it now but if you feel a negative sensation GET RID OF THEM, as it's only a matter of time before those negative feelings you have are confirmed. Much more careful now😊

[@newearth4071]

Me too.

[@TiffTheTyrant]

A quote that helps me when thinking about delaying happiness waiting for someone ELSE to change. ‘Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.’

[@juliakristinamah]

AMEN SISTER!! That is one of my favourites and I say it often.

[@kennethmcphee9555]

Powerful

[@lisapurnell2064]

Love that ..and so true.

[@niharika9414]

Haha true but funny too

[@claudiahamilton9884]

Thanks for that one. Love it and will remember it when its time :-)

[@kristenalbert2012]

Damn! No wonder why I have so much anxiety. I need to start saying NO to 50% of these. I have a lot to work on. ☹

[@juliakristinamah]

Siera - what a powerful insight!! keep us posted on how it goes. You've got this girl

[@jenniferedmondson5019]

Same here.

[@shabnamrafique7730]

You'll get there in the end.

[@angel772921]

Thank you for this..I had to walk away from my entire dysfunctional family over a year and a half ago and move to another country..after 5 decades of covert abuse a big NO came from my soul when a seemingly " innocent" email from my brother sent me wretching into the toilet..I am an empath and took on all the responsibilities of my family...it nearly killed me ...I was dead inside. ..my mother passed away a month ago...I did not go to the service and remain no contact with my family..I have suffered enough and now it's time to mend my broken heart...much love strength and blessings to you and all here present...💖

[@phoenix9999]

I feel your pain. I had to separate myself from my mother who has all the characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder except for one. I was tired of the emotional and verbal abuse. Unfortunately, there are some people who don't know my mom well, who invalidates my feelings and tell me I should speak with her. I just recently declined a wedding my mother will be attending. That person kept trying to convince me that I need to go. I don't know how you deal with the judgers who don't understand but I'll take advice about what to say if you have any.

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes sweet Angel - you absolutely need space to heal. Sending you so much love and strength.

[@thisismycomment8611]

💗💗bless your heart thank you for your words it helps me feel less alone and more sane. I relate. Keep doing you. No contact will save your life.

[@angel772921]

@@thisismycomment8611 not alone! We're in this together and breaking a cycle of abuse which is and can be transgerational..it's massive work but only for the brave of heart..that's YOU..much love 💖

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@@phoenix9999 I walked away from my whole family too and the environment often don't see their dominance. I recognize the controlling behavior from the others trying to tell you to talk to her. They guilt you while the perception is reversed as if you are the bad person and your mother the left behind mother victim. It's awful but I'm happy you distanced yourself and cut off their controlling patterns. I'm still wrestling with guilt now and then. Also suffered from manipulation at work and it's hard to stop the conversation with your supervisor but I should do it from now on by saying 'I'm not going to have this conversation'. Because it's manipulative and labeling and one way traffic transfer. Bless you.

[@jessicastoch7042]

I'm Jess, I'm 24 and I found you because I have depression and anxiety, and I am trying to change that. I want to be happy and feel confident.

[@meadowbelle]

I've apologized for a lot of things in my life, but one of them WASN'T my dream of starting an Etsy shop. Now I make a full time living doing what I love. Thanks for the reminder to keep saying yes to yourself! 💕

[@carlosgomez-gc2is]

I lost a relationship for not knowing to say no. I was pleasing her all the time, at the end I lost myself and she walked away, so is greater than we believe

[@tonimehring6495]

I'm going through the same thing right now. 😔

[@shabnamrafique7730]

I think this is a generational thing we are taught to please others, and subconsciously we allow the teaching to take place through observation, if it's the only thing we have learned in childhood it's the only thing we know. It is a behavior we can un-learn especially if taught the consequences of people-pleasing; narcissistically abusive relationships teach us these exact consequences. It's hard to leave a narcissistically abusive relationship even when individuals want to; because the external factors work in such a way that it becomes difficult to leave. This is what society is failing to understand. That's not to say it isn't doable.

[@queenroo4082]

I learned to say no about 5 years ago. I feel so free now. I don’t have to , and will not do anything I don’t want to do. No guilt. Just freedom for the things I do want to do, and the people I want to do them with. That’s happiness

[@livingxo]

Saying no is so important! We often feel like we have to be everything to everyone but then we often forget to be good to ourselves in the process! Thank you for the tips. I love your passion.

[@TiffTheTyrant]

Oh my gosh you are doing the lord’s work with content like this. You have no idea how much I needed this today. You rock!

[@juliakristinamah]

Thank you sweet Tiffany! So glad you're here.

[@larryfritz1726]

I'm saying No now to my family and it's been the best decision. 1 year & counting

[@juliakristinamah]

Sometimes it's necessary to say no - even to family.

[@larryfritz1726]

@@laurenmichelle6420 Man, when you had enough of the back-biting you'll make that change believe me!! 🙏💜💜

[@larryfritz1726]

@@juliakristinamah 💜🙏💜love you

[@reenasingh-id9zh]

I have watched so many videos where they talk about random negative people in your life or negative or abusive family members but none for those family members who we love but are unable to be available to them round the clock . Some days i too feel exhausted that why i am compelled to say yes to whatever they ask and if i say no ,i feel guilty later on .

[@larryfritz1726]

@@reenasingh-id9zh It took 65 years before I said No, Please Don't Take as Long as I did🙏💔✔

[@danielpriddy2288]

My ex husband broke my neck in 2012 over my dead husbands ashes. Etc etc. I stayed. He did horrible things after that. I stayed. I endured it. I had bought a new house up north. I took possession of the house in aug 2017. 1 mo went by and he threatened to smash my brains in w a fricking hammer. I had got myself where I could walk 50 steps from 10 steps bc of mobility problems. I left that day. I started researching why I stayed. How to love myself... and what that means. I love listening to ur advice! U r 1 of my favorite inspiring life coaches! Ive learned how to make the boundaries for ppl like what u talked about in this video!!! Every word in the video above is part of respecting urself enough ... loving urself! Ur amazing Julia!!! Women like me (who I was) need u!!! Thank u for inspiring us to be ok with who we r... and teaching ppl how to matter and be happy!!!

[@roseh1132]

Sorry you went through that, glad you're safe now.

[@terrilynn6148]

You’re so very authentic, real and organized in your content. I really enjoy your videos! This one hit home. Boundaries are my toughest challenge. I’ve recently set up goals including 5 year and ten year. I’m 54 and don’t have time to waste. In my friend group, I was forever the counselor, life coach, even punching bag etc for folks repeating the same things over and over and needing me to hear the daily drama. It exhausted me, derailed me from focusing and left me scattered. I’ve had to let them go. It was painful but I need to focus on myself, my career, my health and my sanity. I even deactivated my FB account. Now that I’ve had that energy back to direct toward my goals I’ve scored amazing job opportunities I never thought possible (interview on Tuesday!), been running daily and so much more. I now wake up and instead of reaching for FB, I reach for motivational videos and feel thrilled to watch your new ones each time! You really validated all that I’ve been saying NO to, and I thank you! Needed this! 💜

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes ma'am yes!!! Get it girl and way to take charge of and responsibility for your own life and happiness. Standing up and cheering for you!!

[@terrilynn6148]

Julia Kristina Counselling Thank you! 😁

[@thisismycomment8611]

Never too late. I support your journey.

[@terrilynn6148]

Thisismy Comment Thank you and I support you too. 💜

[@MagsChase1229]

Wow, Terri I am so very happy for you. I hope the job interview last year went well. Yes, the over and over. I admit sometimes I was the one calling about my issues. Also, someone keeps telling me same things. I walk away, gentley, I've told person..."can we stop talking about that one guy"....there is an apology and then in 2 days or so the guy is brought up again in conversation and I end up moving around and leaving room. (it's a family member who talks and I live with.) Otherwise, things are pretty good, many blessing here. Look at life, and people and nature, you'll see sooooo many blessings, with gratitude on a daily basis, things change, the Universe / God force gives you what you want. Meditation is key.

[@juliepeterson4905]

You’re so strong, smart and healthy. Very inspiring! Wish I’d learned all this in my twenties. Great information.

[@juliakristinamah]

J Plerson - I absolutely don't come by any of it naturally - I've done a LOT of my own personal work and healing to get here which is why I'm so passionate about teaching others how to as well.

[@dymphnatherese2595]

As a highly sensitive person, you set a wonderful example of a healthy nuance when that person made a comment about working mothers. Just seeing that helped me a lot. Thank you! 😊

[@juliakristinamah]

It puts a bee in my bonnet, that's for sure! Really glad it helped. We have some work to do to get the gender equality we need, but we are making ground. Glad you're here Athena.

[@GirlMomma]

Guess I tend to forget that I'm a person too.🤔

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes, you for dang sure are!

[@GirlMomma]

@@juliakristinamah thank you. 💜

[@supermichaelssecondchannel4342]

The health of my body is what I need to focus on more. Specifically the food that I eat. Thank you again for the video.

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad it connected - glad you're here.

[@DesertVox]

The health part is so central, because it dictates the rest. For some ppl, self-development should start with taking good care of their health, which will make the rest of other steps so much easier. Some ppl can ingest literal garbage and still perform relatively well, and so they can skip this cardinal rule of self-development.

[@sassysandie2865]

Desert Vox they can skip it when young but believe me, it catches up to you when you get old! Good advice!

[@juliakristinamah]

totally agree.

[@davidknn2]

Julia you are a light in the darkness. Thanks for what you do

[@juliakristinamah]

Thank you friend. So are YOU.

[@jenniferedmondson5019]

I concur 100% . I just found Julia’s channel and I’m so thankful for her advice!

[@pattyhill9278]

I want to stop waiting for other people to change before I can be ok.

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes sister - YES!!

[@selfdevelopmentlab4078]

Patty Hill -- so insightful! Love it!

[@ItsMeNanaD71]

My dream is to have a small hobby farm/homestead & teach my grandkids things my grandparents taught me & connect to nature.

[@christmasmorning7685]

Me too, without the grandkids.

[@fabiancanada8876]

That is an awesome dream. We (wife, 2 girls 4+7) are living on a small homestead and love it. I hope that my children can stay on the homestead or the neighbour property and that we can live together as a family and that we can help them with the grandkids as well one day :-) Family&Health are top priorities to us (not to society which makes it hard sometime but it is really important to us and if things go well is a very strong bond which makes it better for everyone). All the best!

[@Heather.C.ButterflySage]

Being responsible for my own emotions and being there for myself. I really appreciate your content and delivery. Thank you!

[@juliakristinamah]

That's it! And you are so welcome - grateful to have you here.

[@Brian-rs4ug]

I heard a pastor once say “If you get strong enough in God you won’t care what people think about you.” I thought that was a very insightful statement. Trying to please others is a fool’s errand. People are fickle and unpredictable. Certainly we should care about others although boundaries and self standards must be put in place in any healthy relationship.

[@ginagonzalez1530]

We don't need to share our dreams and desires to people. We don't know how they feel about us and they could sabotage it by being negative about it. Or people you expect or would like them to help out and end up disappointing you by not being supportive. There are things we should keep to ourselves

[@preciousjohnson6701]

I don't know how I found you, but I'm glad I did. I needed this.

[@juliakristinamah]

That is music to my ears! I'm so glad.

[@admirbarucija2018]

This is exactly what I needed!!

[@justjonelle]

Yeah but it gets easier the more you do it.

[@admirbarucija2018]

Jonelle D Yeah that’s true, though I always seem to lose friends as soon as I start setting boundaries and respecting myself.

[@shaymay2892]

​@@admirbarucija2018 they are not your friends! Say no is weeding out people that don't belong there.

[@soccer5623]

Hi Julia, as a medical practioner, loving your videos , they are helping me and my patients.

[@kimsullivan]

My dad often goes on rants about politics, and I've purposely been avoid dealing with politics and news lately. Yesterday he started on one of these rants on the phone, and I started ignoring what he was saying and doing stuff online - that is often a way I've dealt with it in the past (not the healthiest). Then he paused, and asked me if I was paying attention, and I actually said, "No, I am trying to protect myself. I can't handle emotionally and mentally thinking and talking about this stuff so I checked out." At that point, I realized that I could have just said this from the get-go, and saved both of us from wasted breath and hurt feelings. But, this was the first time I actually spoke up about this with my father. Baby steps!!!

[@torhildsagenghansen6074]

One say I like: - Not my cirkus, not my monkeys. :D

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes sir!

[@ThePossumone]

Torhild Sageng Hansen circus Yes I agree

[@tammyileene4060]

I like this way of saying no. "Not my circus, not my monkey's" And then i can add another animal to get the point across.

[@shabnamrafique7730]

How about "I don't have a circus and monkeys".

[@justjonelle]

Hey my name is Jonelle I think the algorithm found you for me. And I'm so happy it did. You jus popped up. And I listen regularly now. Thank you. 🙏🏾

[@juliakristinamah]

Oh I love it! So glad you're here Jonelle.

[@CMoore8539]

+Jonelle D Be Sure to subscribe and hit the bell so you don’t miss any of them.😊♥️

[@anitaroempke7310]

So grateful you take up this, after many years of putting my health aside, I was suddenly diagnosed with cancer, My boy was 11 years old, I realized if I do not move NOW, I'm not going to survive...., I moved in ONE week, good friends helped me, and during 5 years I had 25% possibility to survive, still here...... Good that you remind of this, the moment you get a diagnose like this, you will realize that Now I am not among the normal healthy people anymore, it did'nt show on the outside, and I do not wish this upon Anybody, so PLEASE listen to Julia Christina. Please, save your lives. They will never change, I have tried with a couple of people they will never change.

[@pukasmom]

I agree 100%! So many people Love to start drama and we don't have to bite the hook! We don't need to explain who we are to anyone .One day I'm starting a non profit...

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes you are sister! What's the first thing you're going to do to make that dream a reality?

[@jessicagarcia7105]

pukasmom that’s my dream as well! I would love to start a homeless shelter in my home town for women and men but mostly women. In our state, the only way you can receive help is if you are a woman going through domestic violence, where you have to report it to receive help or you are a drug addict. There are more places to help men than women and children and it sickens me. God bless u for your dream

[@tamaramainardi9068]

Learning to say No can be really hard. Becoming complacent is too easy. But when you realize you need to put yourself first it’s such a freeing moment. Thanks for sharing, it’s something we need to talk about more. I heard your podcast with sunny! You were really inspiring to listen to 😊

[@juliakristinamah]

Tamara! So good to connect with you sister. It's not ALL about us - but it's not NEVER about us - most of us need a lot more balance in that area, that's for sure.

[@CMoore8539]

Hi Julia! A friend of mine suggested that I listen to you because I’m married to a Narcissist. Thank you for creating this channel! It’s totally Awesome!!!♥️

[@juliakristinamah]

Welcome Cindy! I can imagine that is not easy AT ALL. I teach a ton about boundaries on here and they are ESSENTIAL for dealing with any tough relationship so you are in good hands ;-)

[@CMoore8539]

Julia Kristina Counselling Thank You So Much for commenting! You just won over a new subscriber.😊♥️

[@newearth4071]

Hi beautiful, please go also to Lisa A . Romano life coach channel which is professional in NARCISSISTIC abuse and CO DEPENDENCY matters. Wishing you health and happiness. GOOD LUCK my friend. 🙏🍀✌💜🌈🌞🧚‍♀️💃🌹

[@CMoore8539]

Sussan Mahdavi Thank You, Susan! I will check her channel out.

[@newearth4071]

@@CMoore8539 Hope it helps you, because she is a victim of Narcissist herself, she has felt the poison by her flesh and blood and deep to her bones. Wishing you healing very soon 🙏🙌💝❤🌹🧚‍♀️

[@phoenix9999]

It's funny Julia, if I said to my friends, the things I say to me, they would hate me. I never thought it was that big of a deal until you mentioned it in that perspective. Great analogy.

[@sarahbeee5240]

This resonated with me. I have trouble saying no to family. They use and mistreat me, my mom has Alzheimer’s. So I thought by helping them it could keep the family together but then I realized she would not want me treated this way and she would be appalled. I stood up to them, they mocked me, I held them accountable, they don’t speak to me anymore. I have peace.

[@misty1tl]

These are all so good. Saying no to conversation would be my first step. I need to set boundaries for myself. I tend to participate in gossip and then feel like crap afterward.

[@helenkennedy4661]

I am so tired and disgusted when people demand to know my reasons for being a vegan. I am over it, they want me to apologize for not eating their foods. Crazy stuff

[@mrararatovich]

I'm not vegan, but yeah, that's crazy

[@amberv4223]

I’m vegan too sweetie. I understand your pain. You don’t need to justify your values to anyone. You choose everyday to stick to them in the face of immense societal pressure to conform. You’re doing an amazing thing so just know that 💚

[@dhruvakoranne3465]

Hey Julia, Budding psychologist here.. I also have a hard time saying no. Thanks for these videos. People need access to mental health like this.. Kudos.. #Respect

[@leahcahoon6987]

I am proud of you and your drive to use your mind and help others with decision making and setting boundaries. I do agree however that our kids need us too. You’re great Kristina. Loves.

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks sister. Grateful to be a part of your journey.

[@longislandny696]

I’m so happy I found you.You made my day, I really needed to hear this. I’m in an emotional abusive relationship that I’m trying to escape from. I’m saving my money and leaving the state. I will continue to watch you as I prepare to make my escape.

[@keysyun1430]

I often challenge my desire to leave a situation with “your expectations are too high” , because I’m quite an idealist indeed

[@joyoverley5259]

As a child in a majorly dysfunctional home with an highly abused older sister - 9 yrs older who was angry ( for many good reasons)and so critical. Mother left us with her parents when I was 6 months. I was a smart survivor who found being self-deprecating, caused the older jealous sister to lighten up. Now, for me to stop the survival technique used as a child. I can do this NOW!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Great video! You’re one of the only other counselors on KZbin that I’ve found. It’s inspiring to see you master your KZbin craft. I was so excited to see you on the Sunny show!

[@juliakristinamah]

Ah! So good to connect with you! I'm so grateful for this incredible community.

[@heidicameron2015]

I wanna combine my love of crochet with my love of art!!!

[@GirlMomma]

That would be awesome! 💜

[@juliakristinamah]

sounds amazing!

[@jammyjay917]

Love this advice.... Love yourself and do what you want to do. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Live your own life. And yes us mum's are made to feel guilty in society. I step away from negative people and I'm learning to stand up for myself more now....we don't need to explain or justify ourselves to anyone unless we want to, otherwise no. Keep away from drama and live your own life 😊

[@ElaineKeet]

Hi! I’m Elaine. I came across one of your depression videos... I believe it was the one regarding “ helping someone who may be depressed” ... I was having a relapse of depression symptoms and watched your videos to try to see if there was any hope for me. Just want to thank you for making your videos they are helping me tremendously

[@juliakristinamah]

Here with you sister. You've got this. You are amazing, strong, resilient and brave. Do remember to take good care of that head and heart of yours.

[@marlenechaves1687]

Hi Julia, found you on KZbin about a year ago and follow you on IG and Facebook. Love your down to earth and authenticity!! Thank you for your passionate commitment that comes through in every message!

[@juliakristinamah]

Thankful for you Marlene - and big kudos to you for investing in yourself. I hope you're proud of you!

[@xiaohongwan4090]

A lot of thanks to Julia for making this topic! I have been a very soft, kindly and empathetic person but my inability to say no loudly has caused a lot of mental stress in my life. Some people are too needy, and sometimes it is a better way to help them by steping back and making them help themselves.

[@selfdevelopmentlab4078]

"Sometimes it's better to help them by stepping back and making them help themselves." -- I totally agree, Iris Wan. Seems counterintuitive, but it's what's best for you AND them. :)

[@chrismcevoy2503]

Saying no to conversations I really don’t want to have really connected to me Julia been there done that.

[@LindaMcification]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Julia. My name is Linda and boy, I had issues with boundaries. You are so much appreciated.

[@juliakristinamah]

Hey girl! So glad you're here and that it connected. Yup, that lack of healthy boundaries can really kick our butts- good for YOU for making working on them a priority.

[@tbltbl3599]

Julia, I can't thank you enough for your spot on insight. I first watched your people pleasing video last week and learned so much in that. I'm 55 and starting to realize that by always saying YES I am getting so exhausted, esp because many of these people don't really care about me. My true friends are fine with me saying NO and it's easy for me to do with them. Thank you sooooooo very much. You really are the BEST!! Todd

[@christinewilliams3110]

Hi Julia...I have discovered you at a critical time in my life. The youngest of 5 adult siblings who are not direct, take offence when I AM, are carrying baggage from our distant childhood relationships with our parents.....I am 66 !! I wish we could relate better and openly! When I say NO somehow I feel shamed for being truthful. I feel like tearing my hair out!!.......so thank you for your thought- provoking dialogue.

[@loriwalton7850]

One day I want to open my own Floral Shop🌸

[@juliakristinamah]

Okay Lori, what's the plan and what are you waiting for?

[@christianlamb]

Do it!!!💥🔥❤🌹🌻🌼🌷⚘

[@mcdowell356]

I want to go motorcycle camping in the dessert

[@funanimalsounds]

Get on with it then

[@christinecarranza9950]

Hi. I actually found your videos through the topic of self-sabotage. Your videos are really helpful and make me feel okay. Thank you.

[@juliakristinamah]

Hey Christina - love to hear that! Really glad you're here.

[@lisafarrell6334]

Thank you so much for these videos. I share them with my children. One thing I love about your videos, is the pace and delivery. Pace is so important and you got it! Have a wonderful day.

[@koreanmohammed9741]

Hi I am Korean Mohammed, I found you some how listening to other therapist and found that your videos resonated with me more than the others. I have been learning from you so many amazing things about myself that I didn't understand about myself by listening to your videos every single day! I am very grateful because you have become my 5am routine, I wake up and play your videos while I am getting ready to head out every day since. So Thank you so very much for the amazing advice I even started talking to a real Therapist,so thank you so very much ❤️

[@nivedithashetty8699]

My dream is to use all my money once I'm old and start a trust to take care of stray animals.

[@christianlamb]

Great topic!! So many of us need to here this so we can start setting better boundaries and respecting ourselves and others by being more honest. Been planning a video on boundaries as well. Thanks so much!!🔥🔥❤❤

[@juliakristinamah]

Boundaries are huge, aren't they Christian? Glad we're on the same page with this one.

[@pianomi7596]

I find it harder to say no to my old beliefs, at times i self doubt and saying no to that is challenging as it starts as a self care but then leads into questioning if my choices are legit.. ufh. But thank you for this video. I dont want to take any crap including my own. It helped me realize that ❤

[@millyscott6762]

I am so thankful to have found you.I am an empath learning to set boundaries.

[@coleenrh1965]

Literally LOL to " count the bristles on your toothbrush " 😂🤣😂🤣

[@raymondstoter6290]

I have an electric toothbrush try counting the bristles while the item is moving, not easy , xx

[@juliakristinamah]

@@raymondstoter6290 lol!!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Ha! (face to palm)

[@terrilynn6148]

🤣🤔😂🧐🤣

[@christianlamb]

Ditto!!🤣😂🤣

[@kathrynmann6130]

Your words are so valuable....thank you!....I am taking them to heart!

[@juliakristinamah]

Really grateful you found this helpful Kathy. Sending you love!

[@c.banuelos300]

It struck me to my core when you said waiting for other people to change. I started to cry. I guess that I have known it all along. Hearing it shows how important it is.

[@roberthaynes4639]

I'm retired Army I served 22 years and I'm 40. I was married for 17 years to a narcissist. I didn't know or notice till the last 3 years of our marriage. I am a man and was belittled and controlled to the point that I lost all respect for myself. I alienated all family and friends for this person. I never said no because of the rage that it would cause if I didn't comply with their agenda. I have been divorced now for 3 years and in a new relationship. I am still suffering from complex PTSD/narcissistic abuse syndrome. I still find it hard to say no but when I do I feel guilty. I also feel like I'm saying no in a mean or angry way. I'm working on it. Videos like these encourage me that it is ok to say no thankyou.

[@anmi5202]

Greetings from an Italian living in Germany! I love your videos! Very eye-opening ...thanks for your work and effort you put into these topics!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Hey Anna - thanks so much for watching - really glad you're here.

[@k.ambriz9789]

Thank you so so much for this video! I've been working on codependency and not feeling responsible for other people's issues. I didn't even realize I was doing it but now I do and it's so unhealthy! Now I can listen to people without getting excessively worried about them or upset. Yay!

[@juliakristinamah]

This is everything! So good for you Kat.

[@k.ambriz9789]

Julia Kristina Counselling thanks! I signed up for your boundary boot camp. So excited!

[@zandilemnisi6771]

I'm a typical nice girl who hates being in uncomfortable conversations thanks for this

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

One thing that I have learned from setting healthy boundaries and saying no to what inflicts harm on me or someone else and yes to self love and reflection is that once you know yourself and what you are capable of doing or wants to do then you are able to go get it, find yourself a healthy support system and folks who can encourage and believe in you and see you for the potential of tomorrow and the triumph from strife from yesterday. I am rewatching this video 5 months later as a reminder to keep going. I've currently had friendly conversations with folks in business like fortune 1000/500/100 companies. I've made friends who are into things like modeling, fashion, acting, music, writing, finances, I even dared politics and religion, but that's not my cup of tea darlings. Hope is a very useful tool. It allows you the optimism to look ahead so you don't get stuck too long, bit it gives you a pessimistic point of reference to assure that within growth, there are at times adversity and strain, this isn't set in place to hold you back, but to show you just how strong you actually are and what you were made to handle. Typically on average, everyone is so much more than what they have ever been credited. I have ideas that are being valued and invested in, if someone can see something in me, then, I can easily spare the time for you. See, it's reciprocity and equality. Give and receive, taking is a tool used during specific moments, not a lifestyle choice deriving to your own pure satisfaction and gains. That's rude. Like expecting mom's to "do it all/be the best/trophy wives". I started watching Julia Kristina Counseling KZbin channel about 3 or so years ago, so I'm relatively new here, I know nothing, but I'm sincerely appreciative for the opportunity to learn and advance myself. One step, one day, one breath. That's all it takes, anything that gets in the way, say "No" too. Sometimes, you gotta say no to the things you like, to make room for the things you're gonna love. Letting go of what other's expect you to be is hard, but it's attainable. Promise. I believe in You World, and I truly with all my heart believe that the values instilled and learned here will carry you over in your life. Julia Kristina Counseling KZbin channel has saved me a million times over and her lessons continue to encourage me to improve and hold out for a healthy and loving future. Until then, I am enjoying the work on myself. Good luck World, I am proud of you and I fully support and believe in You. With all my heart and love, "Take Good Care" ps: hi shifters

[@MrLleal]

Julia Kristina, I love your videos!. I started wacthing them just.....for practising my English listening (my native language is spanish).... Now I am so engaged! By the way, I almost understand everything already, hahaha. And I enjoy so much your wonderful pieces of advice, your encouraging energy and, last but no least, your adorable voice! Thanks a lot!

[@juliakristinamah]

Congratulations friend! And I'm so glad you're here - thank you for your kind words.

[@user-cn1yn3vq4h]

Staying late at work when i have personal plans afterwards 😕

[@juliakristinamah]

Yeah, that's gotta be a no-go. Boundaries are needed at work too - and you and I both know there's always more to do, so it's up to us to set the limit.

[@sherylacuno3505]

I would like to thank you for this. I now feel free from the shackles of what-people-think fear. I feel I like a different person now. For the longest time, I had been neglecting myself until one day I realized people will still hate people no matter how good or nice you are to them. I decided, I was done and wouldn't be a "YES MAN" anymore.

[@robertmeyer8387]

Hi Julia Kristina, my name is Robert, I first started listening to you Friday when I KZbin searched “letting go of resentments” and anger. It’s job related and always feel like I’m thrown into the fires without training or direction. I like to listen to you because a lot of topics relate to me...people pleaser, hard to say NO...you’re helping me, you remind me of my therapist, and she’s awesome too. Thank you

[@user-ey4rc5tu4t]

Moms are just as shamed for not working. Moms don’t win.

[@juliakristinamah]

It's not fair and not right. We need to let women make their own damn decisions for what is best for them AND their families.

[@thehealingroom1111]

Hey I'm Sophia. Just came across your channel in my healing journey. Sharing you with my friend Lynn as well. xoxoxo

[@jessicagarcia7105]

I’m a 36 yr old woman who struggles with BPD and your videos are helping me more than anything else’s on the web! I praise you for that! I have been actively seeking treatment since I was16 and trying to handle this disorder the best way I know how to alone. Yes I have a husband but at this point, if I wait on his help, I will never get better. Thank you so much for all that you do. You are saving my life and giving my kids’ their mother back one video at a time!

[@bonkahermitakaintjudge9228]

At the risk of being told that I should not be saying sorry when I have nothing to be sorry for I am sorry that in today’s day and age you had to be confronted by narrow minded people regarding having a profession and being a mother at the same time. Knowing when to say no and when to or not to apologize can be confusing time. Likewise when you should or shouldn’t allow cognitive dissonance to occupy your thoughts or disregard it. Thanks again for another great presentation and for covering those important issues. Take care.

[@bonkahermitakaintjudge9228]

Thanks for the thumbs up 👍. I appreciate all constructive feedback.

[@peameem]

I want to spend my time doing art. Practicing and working and maybe someday doing something that I'm proud of.

[@juliakristinamah]

Anything preventing that from starting now?

[@peameem]

@@juliakristinamah I just retired. And I'm settling in so that I can do it. I am susceptible to being distracted by all the many things that need to be done. So I am just working on finding a balance. I really love listening to you I have been listening to you for a few years. And I appreciate your upbeat, helpful messages.

[@heidicameron2015]

Have just done that I was not interested in the friendship anymore.

[@buknimanna]

Julia, I just discovered your channel tonight after much research on self negativity issues. I’m just trying to figure out how to just not survive & fake it every day! I love your truthfulness & really, you’re just a truth teller bad ass councillor who I can hang with that makes so much sense! I need to re-watch everything because I can’t stop! Thank you for these! God bless!

[@brittbritt9791]

Literally got tears from this video! Thank you so much for making this. It is exactly what i needed. You are our gift, thank you 🌺

[@coleenrh1965]

Found you last week and I'm glad I did!

[@juliakristinamah]

I'm so glad you did too! Welcome Coleen.

[@paulrolfe7421]

Hi Julia, I found you because I was "Stuck" and not getting things done in my life. i googled and found you. I think the black and white video look draw me towards you. there were many options. I like your videos and content. I'm a 60-year British man living in Scotland.

[@juliakristinamah]

Hey Paul - really glad you're here - and thanks for your kind words - I appreciate you.

[@khadijameknassi6246]

That's my favorite word to say NO specially I say NO To things that is not beneficial for me. And NO To negative thoughts and to negative people.

[@lyubashakakasha]

The one that really hit home and hard to swallow was saying no to waiting for other people to change and the one that followed that tied closely to it regarding people's opinions, beliefs, etc. I find that this one is so important for a real peace of mind. And yet I find myself still wishing someone was just a tad different for my own happiness. Now I will make it a habit to allow the other person to be as they are without feeling like I have to change them. What a relief!

[@SimplyDonna]

Julia you rock life. Love it

[@juliakristinamah]

You too girl!

[@georgia5713]

This is ironic. I so needed to hear this today. Thank you.

[@juliakristinamah]

Oh so good! Don't you love it when that happens?

[@OriolesPhillies]

Julia, this is so helpful. I was close to someone I respected, but I think he was insecure or had issues with control. He often spent time with people that were not healthy whom he could 'help'/influence. I didn't enjoy things they chose to discuss - ridiculing others, gossiping, put-downs, etc. I didn't want to be with them, and he got upset that I didn't like 'any of his friends.' I liked many of his friends who are healthy, but to him, it was not acceptable that I didn't want to join their demeaning conversations. I think he wants everyone to agree with and approve him, so my not being able to do so was off-putting. It was disappointing but I am feeling better about my life. I think I was tired of agreeing with and supporting everything he said/did to avoid his defensive reactions when I didn't.

[@terriwhalen7988]

Julie, you are doing a great job here. We must be self awareness within ourselves and listening to negative self talk, and we are responsible for our own happiness and we can't change anyone, not our responsibility.

[@carriei7017]

Amen sister!

[@rach940]

Hi I’m Rachel. I’m owning the dream of one day wanting to buy a house by the sea! Love your videos and share them with friends. Thank you for posting them x

[@juliakristinamah]

Ah!! Rachel - put that dream into a plan and it will be yours. Thank you so much for being here - I appreciate you ❤️

[@funanimalsounds]

Why?

[@claudiafagim8202]

Thank you so much. Your videos are doing an enormous change in my life. I can't thank you enough. It's exactly how I felt all my life struggling to say no. Each day I am feeling more free and empowered. Thank you , thank you, thank you.

[@cicyzoe9755]

Girl, I'm I glad I found your video in my recommends! Growing up, I was alert to what I want and how I want and I had no room for tolerance. Down the drain, relationships, family, friends and people closed to me called me names...Strict, wicked, miss too perfect. This played a lot to my friendships, I became a young lady without friends coz they either thought I was too strict , wicked or claiming to be perfect. I got pregnant at 22, and changed from everything I believed in to everything I never believe in but merely loved to please and hang in there to survive in a world that didn't understand my kind of person. I compromised my values and believes into people pleasing and got a few friends(I'm a friendly friend who respects and invests in real friendships) but the betrayals served as a reawakening. At the moment, I live in a foreign country and basically have no friends. I be shut them all off. I now understand, I put friends a lot before myself and climbedountains to save people who didn't need being saved until I stood alone with no savior Through out this journey, I left the abusive relationship and in laws, I basically cut off from friends. I've had the opportunity to compare me ...My earlier self being one who never compromised her wants and needs, values and respect, to one who did everything people pleasing in order to fit in. Right now, I found me. I found me and I believe I'm better off in my original self. As long as I put me first, i don't have to apologise for putting me first. But then, the reality I've had to face is, watching all these people come back trying their hand at taking a piece of my former self and having to withdraw because I've understood both worlds and how to.out my priorities in place. However, there's times I kind of feel a little depress seeing my former friends partying , and all. I sometimes feel left out. But when I remember the drama and toxic nature of hanging out with people who want to be served but cant serve, who eant to havr a say in ones life, who want to own your story and want you to give while they take and as much as judge you for.not giving enough, it kind of scares me, but comforts me because, my inner peace, respect and silence is much more important than the noise. I've come to acknowledge the fact that I'm introverted, as much as I'm open minded, open handed , and always want to help, I cannot afford to lose myself in trying to help others while leaving me out. It's a process, and youre the reason I prefer to seek answers on the internet than ask familiar faces around me, coz everyone seems to be charging towards the opportunity to take advantage and it's a little hard sometimes finding people who can do stuffs for you without negative ulteriorr motives.

[@terrilynn6148]

Stephania Edwards I hear you. Giving, giving, giving and then finding that when your needing help but standing alone is a painful wake up call. I’ve had to let all my friends go too. And, I’ve found me! Now I’m my own hero, my own best friend and positive changes are happening daily. Thanks for sharing your truth. 💕

[@tracyhiggins8981]

Hi Kristina, My daughter found your channel while looking for some help with her anxiety. We both watch every video together an it gives us both tools to help her/me cope with th overwhelming feelings So Thank you so much 😊 Thank you

[@juliakristinamah]

Hi to you and your sweet girl! So good to connect with both of you - and really glad you're both here.

[@sassysandie2865]

I find as I get older I say no a lot more. When I fill myself up with good and healthy things and habits I’m able to have the energy to do more for myself and others. As a Christ follower I like to give to others but I do have to give to myself in order to do that.

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes sister! You can't give on an empty tank.