11 Surprising Reasons Therapy is NOT Working

[@soheston]

0:27 You don’t see progress 0:36 You feel uncomfortable Sharina ir trie feelings with your therapist 0:53 No clear goals for your therapy sessions 1:08 you don’t feel challenged in your therapy sessions 1:35 Not feeling heard or understood by your therapist 2:01 Not feeling in control of your therapy sessions 2:20 You don’t see your therapist often enough 2:36 You don’t do your homework 3:01 You don’t feel empowered by your therapist or therapy session 3:23 Not feeling comfortable with your therapist 3:48 No connection with ur therapy and ur daily life

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@janetslater129]

@@stevensantora2976 I am not one for doing homework for therapy. I figure that I'm doing a lot outside of therapy (and I do journal, and do art as way to process stuff), that giving me homework would be just another thing to do. I've flat out told my therapist that I would only do the homework to please her, not to because I want to.

[@thejonespackchannel]

The very first time I got a therapist, I was a naive 20 year old girl. I would go in and I was nervous so I would just ramble about stuff like tv shows and she just listened. So basically we chit chatted for an hour about random crap. Eventually I asked her, “Are we gonna do some mental exercises or something?” And she says, “We will soon” but we didn’t. I only spent about 4 months with her but I definitely look back and think she did NOT give direction, so I felt I really wasted a lot of time & money. Thankfully I have a good one now.

[@aeh323]

Some therapists use client-led techniques especially Person Centred Counsellors. That was how I was trained. We do not give exercises or homework and we do not direct the client. That works fabulously for some clients but others prefer more therapist directed approaches like CBT. The important thing is to find what works for you

[@dabbler1166]

You are right. No direction is a problem. Back in the 6o's and 70's, alot of therapists *would* give more specific advice. It was called "Directive therapy". Probably, approximately 1980 I'd guess, things shifted and now therapists try to justify their (whats the word, detachment? or lack of involvement) by saying: instead of giving you the answer, they want you, to discover the answer, so that you'll believe it deeper and be more likely to act on it if you figure it out yourself. The problem is: many people dont figure it out. Meanwhile, your seeing the "therapist" another 6 months longer and your bill is getting higher, and longer. I see no problem, after you've described and given some details about whats bugging you, for the therapist to say: based on what you're telling me it sound like the problem is "X" and i think the 2 best things you could do about it are..... but good luck finding one like that.

[@elianad2083]

​@@aeh323Definitely not DBT (Mindfulness).

[@go_better]

In my experience, with all therapists I worked with - we didn't heal completely, but everyone of them taught me something, gave me tools I use up to today and they really help me navigate life.

[@passaggioalivello]

I have been abused by my last two therapists and am now so traumatized that I have lost all faith in psychotherapy.

[@SjarMenace]

Dafoq

[@kirstinpilling2638]

I'm sorry this happened, thank you for posting. You matter❤ I also have had a shattering experience & lost faith in the mental health system. Sending you ❤

[@phoenixhogg8716]

I'm so sorry you experienced this. I experienced more trauma with my first therapist. I thought it was normal for a therapist to bring her own stuff to the room . It wasn't until I saw a different one and she said I'm sorry your experienced this. I don't trust in any of the profession anymore

[@deborahwales1717]

I have had one psychologist after another for abuse. I have found them rude, judgemental, and the last guy I had I came to think he wasn't even one. We had 3 doctors in nz from overseas that had forged documents. I have being misdiagnosed by these so called specialists for years. Finally I was feeling burnt out with it and decided to quit and as a Christian rely on God's work. I've now made much more progress and learnt from watching lots of posts online that my real diagnosis is complex ptsd from narcissistic abuse. I have had more healing from these channels and I now find psychologists are all so ignorant that I wouldn't bother seeing one again. They have led me down the garden path for decades!

[@deborahwales1717]

Completely get it ! I had Buddhism forced on me in one place!

[@gmansard641]

I desperately wanted to work on specific things in my life, but repeated attempts at therapy went nowhere. I really did not know what to do, but whenever I asked about it all I got was the runaround of "what do YOU think you should do?" I had thought about it and thought about it and thought about it for YEARS I had thought about it and still did not know how to address things. The therapists I saw did NOTHING. They just sat there saying almost nothing while I talked. Changing therapists made no difference, while I ran through THOUSANDS of dollars, I believed them when they said it was worth it, that I had to keep trying. At the end, when again I asked "how do I address this" all I got was "what do YOU think you should do?" Never again.

[@aeh323]

Therapy is not advice unfortunately. It is about sitting with the client to help them find the way through themselves. I hope you find what you’re looking for

[@PapillonBleuNoir]

That’s the most infuriating question that can be asked in therapy and I don’t know how any self-respecting therapist can ask it. If I knew what to do I WOULDN’T BE HERE ffs. I’m here because I’m lost and you supposedly know how to point me in the right direction. How does this question make sense to anyone?? I totally know what to do but I’m coming to therapy asking about this for funsies? Jfc. Still makes me so mad.

[@dabbler1166]

@@aeh323 People like you are the problem! You CAN give SOME advice. This isnt even logical. If you truly have no advice, how would you as a therapist even know how or where to guide them, in order to "find their way through" ? Sounds like your patients "take forever" to "get well". Job security at a patients expense seems unethical.

[@elianad2083]

​@@aeh323If I wanted to do that..why not get a self help book..I don't know. It's frustrating.

[@elianad2083]

​@@PapillonBleuNoirI know. Sometimes I think self help books help me more.

[@joshdotblack]

It frustrates me that "everybody needs therapy", but when therapy isn't working the usual answer is either "You're doing therapy wrong" or "Get a different therapist" - the answers in this video are either one or the other. So many of us imagine therapy to be a medical practice, a doctor diagnosing symptoms and treating them, and it just isn't - its the mental equivalent of personal trainer at a gym. Thats not to disparage therapists and personal trainers, they do good work, but there's only so much that falls in their domain. If you went to the gym and were struggling to keep up with your PTs plan because you had a broken leg, no amount of changing trainer or having a growth-attitude will fix that, trying will just make you bitter. You need to go see an actual doctor, then go back to your PT to start building your strength up again. So, too, with therapy for some people ❤

[@JesseGreenwood-h1o]

I agree, and would add that there's a quantum aspect missing from the entire basis of therapy that I am still trying to get my head around, something about leaving the back-and-forth behind entirely, and just DECIDING to heal, but even that is gym work...but at some point, one has move from the damage to being a no-damage person, and that means removing attention from problems, something therapy isn't. Life's little ironies...

[@aeh323]

I’m a therapist and I often use the gym analogy, except my PT will advise me and I don’t really give advise - that’s not my role. Often clients seek answers that no one in the world can solve - it’s more about acceptance and understanding yourself, but unfortunately a desperation to seek “the answer” can make people vulnerable to unscrupulous advisors

[@dabbler1166]

I have to reject that going-to-the-gym and the personal trainer analogy. That smacks waaay too much like the therapist is the all-wise spiritual master and the patient is some ignorant clueless student. Most folks have a reasonaable amount of intelligence if they're not severely psycho or autistic. I feel that a much better analogy is "a good listener" who "takes it all in" (what the patient tells them) and then tells them: it sounds to me like this all started when...and you're immediate problem now is....and i think the 2 best things you could do right now to deal with it are.... Wouldn't 8 out of 10 patients be more grateful for that? I think so. I think they would feel more "helped", which is why they're going to therapy in the first place.

[@dabbler1166]

@@aeh323 Not your role? Back in 1960-70 it may very well have been. It was "Directive Therapy". While there is some danger of "unscrupulous advisors", thats a minor thing in most cases. People can always change therapists. I dont buy the part about "answers that no one in the world can solve". I'm actually going to say thats "just plain BAD". Sorry, not sorry. While there may be some lone patient like that, in the overwhelming majority of cases, people just want some advice, an action-plan or to gain some insights and feel like they are GETTING somewhere. Most therapists are not evil cult leaders.

[@matc6221]

#3. The worst mistake I try not to make at the beginning of a therapy session is tell the therapist how I have been lately after they ask. Its so easy to say 'I was in a low mood for 3 day's'. Before you known it the session is on your resent low few days rather than the true deep rooted issues. So unless your house burnt down try and say you're Ok, but would like to continue with the childhood trauma help or whatever is the deep issue. Only yesterday I ended up wasting a session by answering 'I was a bit depressed on Halloween '. The advice was good but the time was wasted on not addressing the core issues. And my therapy sessions are every 2 weeks.

[@orangeziggy348]

Another thing is undiagnosed issues are getting in the way. After 13 months of therapy of which half were cancelled by her, I finally realized I have autism and adhd, and I quit bc of her cancellations. She cancelled so many times that I had no more trust in her.

[@Katimorton]

Ugh.. having them cancel a lot isn't ethical or professional. I am so sorry :(

[@leventali3931]

Why do psychologists and psychiatrists report back to your doctor about your clothes appearance. It happened to me More focus on my clothes instead of my mental health. I not going get bullied. I never want to see a psychologist or psychiatrist as long as I live. Bs

[@D.M.S.]

I honestly see no progress because of my circumstances, and I'm not in real control of my circumstances, which is why it won't get better. I'm jobless since a year and every time I have something to do I made progress, but now I'm without job, alone, lonely and everything gets worse.

[@rvaldrich]

Seconded. I think therapy is often symptom management due to circumstances we have little to no control over.

[@elianad2083]

Same..

[@elianad2083]

Even when I had a job, I still felt lonely. I worked in call centers. Sometimes I enjoyed the Camaraderie with my co-workers. I pretty much stayed to myself. Then a group of co-workers invited me to lunch. I was thrilled..then it ended up having a drink after work. We would laugh and talk. I felt happy. Until one morning I walked in the bathroom to find them gossiping about me.

[@robynbratt3458]

After my first ever 3 sessions, I already have my therapist trying to sell me a meditation retreat and that’s just broken what little trust there was. I don’t want to be sold to, especially since the sessions themselves are already on the expensive side. I don’t think I’ll be going back.

[@Alayhoo]

That’s terrible! I’m pretty sure thats a violation of their ethical standards.

[@elianad2083]

I see that a lot on here. I get into the therapy video..then the sales pitch comes on where they try to sell you a weekend at some meditation "resort"

[@GK-qc5ry]

This came at the right time for me. I haven't been getting what I want for the last 4-8 weeks my therapy was just talking about my week and interactions. My therapist didn't really talk just listens. I don't feel challenged and most of the homework has stopped now.

[@elianad2083]

Same

[@marcos2606]

I connect with some of the things you said in this video, with a couple of exceptions. Most therapists (from the analytical school) do not give homework. Also, I found the idea of having a clear goal for each session quite daunting.

[@FaeEvergreen]

Same. I had asked many times for guidance or prompts, etc, and my therapist was basically like "whatever you wanna talk about!" like... I have ADHD ma'am, you're the professional here not me?? Why are you relying on the sick person to guide the ship, what the hell lmao

[@ScottBecker-c1k]

Therapy helped me, but not to the extent that I wanted it to. One of the biggest problems that I ran into in the past was the same problem that I ran into with teachers in school. They would say "Don't listen to the others. I am right. The others are wrong and don't know what they are talking about." When doctors are on a six month rotation, this can become very confusing over time. I finally decided that I had to choose what worked for me.

[@NovemberMe5213]

Therapy didn't work as well as it could have. Because of the attachment issues I have. The alliance wasn't healthy. My current therapist is great, she understands the importance of the relationship we have. She really wants to help and is so flexible for what i need to progress.

[@nehdoll]

I needed this. I know I might never trust my therapist (and that's okay because I'm not seeing her to trust her), but I know i need to do more beyond just doing my homework to progress forward in my sessions. I'm going to work on some notes for EMDR. Thank you, Kati. I feel like you're my therapist, too.

[@elianad2083]

Does this really work? EMDR?

[@collegeman1988]

It’s important to find a therapist you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and emotions with, and she can listen to you and offer feedback. The therapist I’m seeing now isn’t the first, so once I established a good rapport with her, which I did by asking her a lot of questions and confirming that she did listen to me, I’ve made it a regular habit to plan out my therapy sessions and what I want to discuss with her. I don’t do this for every session, but when I’ve written an outline of what I want to share with her, there is more I can get out of each session and make progress.

[@AuntieBri5]

I was with my last therapist for a decade before i realized that, in the end, she was not right for me. It took many other clinicians (one of them was you, Kati, when you answered my question) telling me that I should move on from her. There was enmeshment anf countertransference towards the end and very loose boundaries from the beginning (thanks to your videos again, Kati, I was able to figure that out). It was professional at first, but quickly turned into her sharing about her personal life and we would spend time talking about her during my session, which I liked because it took the heat off of me and I like listening to others. And the way she shared was always trying to relate to me, so it didn't feel as if it wasn't natural, so i welcomed it. I love her and I'm very protective over her. She is my FP. I will defend her to the end. But we didn't part because of a miscommunication that turned into me finding out that she truly didn't understand my way of thinking at all and didn't specialize in most of what I'm diagnosed with. So, under much pain and with the guidance of others, i decided to seek out a different therapist. However, i will always defend her and be protective of her because she saved my life. But it also just feels as if another person has left me and was just stringing me along for a decade.

[@goblin1226]

Being in therapy for a decade should be sign enough that it's not working.

[@AuntieBri5]

@goblin1226 I have been in therapy on and off since I was 13. Unfortunately, with what I have and the traumas of my past and the traumas I am still enduring, I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably be in therapy for the rest of my life. I just have never been able to form a healthy relationship with any of my therapists (I've only had two that I've ever been able to trust, including this one that I just left). I've had to hop around a lot to even find someone willing to take me on. I know I'm too much to handle and that's why most therapists won't touch me with a 39 and a half foot pole. I recognize this about myself. But I've been in a couple IOP programs where they've tried their absolute hardest on me and encouraged me to just keep taking one step forward. I don't want their efforts going to waste. It would add to the already mountains and mountains of guilt I already carry.

[@goblin1226]

@@AuntieBri5 oh ok, sorry to hear that. I'm sure you're not too much to handle tho, but even If it was that way, it would still be ok. You have the right to take your place in the world. I hope you'll find the help you need.

[@deborahklinkner1730]

I had to get out of the marriage I was in & move 2100 miles away before finding a wonderful therapist. Would have never healed as I have without leaving where I was at

[@cubstep1944]

I haven't got anything out of the multiple therapists I've been to, but I got a huge benefit out of the therapy I've done on myself

[@geralldus]

The therapist is there to clear the path for your growth. So unless you are motivated to change and are willing to work it doesn’t work. The therapist isn’t there to heal you, you are there to heal yourself.

[@ToyotaTom04]

That makes no sense to me. It’s saying I have to know everything and do all the work without knowing what to do

[@gravitypointinstitute]

I really appreciate how candid and direct you are in this video - spot on.

[@simplepixel5617]

I'm currently in therapy, but I'm finding it hard to understand what I should do outside of therapy sessions. Could you make a video that shows an example of what you would do after therapy in between sessions? How would you approach things? How would a normal day go about for you? Like guidance on what to observe or do on a daily basis, both in normal situations and during crises, as well as ideas for homework that can help me make better progress.

[@ynotw57]

I had therapy with the same person for over five years and going over the same things. One thing that continuously came up was “you just need more confidence” which was a detrimental thing to say. I told my therapist that continuously telling me that was like the big sign in the power plant from The Simpsons which read “The beatings will continue until morale improves.” Don’t tell me what I need. Help me GET what I need.

[@bbmiller412]

My first experience with a therapist outside of a hospital setting was not positive. I knew that it wasn't a good fit when the therapist downplayed the reason I ended up in the hospital. As I left the appointment she made an off-hand comment about my weight. I have had negative thoughts about how I struggled to put on weight, which made this a sensitive subject for me. I lucked out with my second therapist though. The second therapist has proactively made shifts when I appear to get stuck. More recently the therapist has been guiding me to talk more about my emotions. I tend to dance around expressing them by simply listing what has happened in the past week. Even when he asks me to recall times in the past, I'll tell the therapist what happened while avoiding identifying the emotions associated. The therapist is good at asking questions, but not forcing me to venture into anything I may not be ready to address.

[@TheresaCler]

I've been in therapy for 7 years with 8 different therapists, after spending thousands of dollars I am still in the exact position I was when I started. They're just like everyone else, they tell you what you want to hear so they can take your money.

[@Jenny_Digital]

In the UK, it can be months, followed by very sparse and short sessions, unless you pay the extreme fees of private, and they run away from anything complicated.

[@IMemorialI]

I brought up something I've been struggling to deal with the last 3 years and when I explained it, afterwards my therapist was like, "Wow, that really sucks and doesn't sound like there's anything you can do". I never made another appointment and I haven't heard from them since either. I've been out of therapy for about 2 months and my mental health has been rapidly declining

[@TrainerLiz1]

Sorry she had that response. I hope you find the help you need and deserve

[@elianad2083]

You should have told her you don't think she is in the right line of a profession and walk out..or/and then made a complaint with the board of medicine.

[@Darkstormyrain]

Out of four therapists. Only one has given me homework and it was only one time I've been trying this for four years with no luck, they all become let's talk like, we're friends instead of trying to help me

[@janetslater129]

Yeah. That has mostly been my experience too. However, I have also flat out refused to do homework, as I feel like that I already do therapy "stuff" out of session.....like journaling and drawing/art stuff, plus, I'm already also busy during the week, so it would be one more thing for me to "to do." I've even told my therapist that if she assigns homework, I would only do it to please her.

[@Darkstormyrain]

@janetslater129 I'm different I wish I was given something to work on someone who pushed me. Instead every one became hi how are the kids doing.(Me) they are great, how was the books I lent you? (them) great I'll have them back to you next time.. Friend relationship not therapist patient. I got a diagnosis and maybe the first few weeks were figuring out my past then they all went downhill to after waisting money.

[@Potato-uh9gv]

My autism is a barrier, I don't know how to not intellectualize everything

[@stoneyvowell1239]

All reasons I had to fire the couples counselor. 2 years of absolutely no progress or even able to acknowledge a problem or a goal.

[@Katimorton]

Ugh :( I am so sorry

[@jpierce8148]

It’s because you don’t get much time and by the time the therapist understands what’s going on it’s time to swipe your credit card 😭😭

[@appsawcee]

LITERALLY THIS

[@elianad2083]

An hour is way too short. Because by the time things start "clicking". Times up. Another hour of my week wasted.

[@cindyfoster1351]

My life has been very complex. I've seen 4 or 5 therapists, and it's always talk therapy. I don't think it is right for me. I need more. I don't need my therapist to agree with my understanding of how my trauma impacts my life. I need to know how to continue to heal even though my trauma is still happening.

[@DK-tq3fy]

Many therapist don't set clear timelines amd goals for therapy. They just keep going as long as insurance is good.

[@Paatrikklives]

I didn’t see any benefit from talk therapy until I went on medication for my ADHD. I think sometimes we need to manage any neurochemical difficulties we may be having before we can start healing the heart.

[@northernnonesuch5572]

I have tried for twenty years to make progress with therapy, every time I get a good one they stop seeing clients because 30+ is a LOT of shit to deal with... which I understand. But that always leaves me slogging though therapists who are either falling asleep in session or want to be domineering and talk AT ME. Seriously, all the good ones are gone.

[@h.huseyinozturk6212]

I think growth happens when we are BACK in our comfort zone. Because we push our boundaries, make mistakes, and our brain assesses it in a calm way when we can feel safe again in our comfort zone. Just like how muscle growth happens. You first make them diminish, and then they regenerate stronger while you rest.

[@MarleyLeMar]

Probably for every response here, someone can recount the opposite experience. I've had ups and downs with many healing approaches and services. Overall, it's been positive, though, and I think that's mainly because I keep making adjustments and there are always new methods. At present I'm finding many of these KZbin content creators the best value. Also, I am mindful of my standards for friendships. And, I did a 30-day digital detox using a medical protocol recently, so my comment here is an intentional priority. One of my most reliable resources is the comment communities on these helpful channels, in moderation.

[@sparrowwilson4514]

Therapy works if you’re willing to work on yourself. It’s the same as trying to quit smoking. If you have no desire to change, you just think you have to, you won’t be successful in making that change. You have to acknowledge the problem/damage that your behaviour is causing and have a sincere desire to change. You can drag a horse to therapy but you can’t make it introspect.

[@JulieHerrick]

1 hour a week would be amazing. At Kaiser, the next available session is always about 6 weeks out, and it took even longer when I wanted to switch therapists. But the therapists are currently on strike demanding to make it better.

[@appsawcee]

For anyone who has an online therapist PLEASE just find an in-person one. I’ve had like 4 online therapists none of them were helpful. I’ve had 1 in person therapist many years ago and she was very effective and helped me a lot

[@elianad2083]

I am 62, and have had countless therapists over the years, but even "In person" ones..doesn't necessarily mean it will help.

[@rethalockhart5452]

Ive had a therapist that told me i didn't feel a certain way. Said she knew better bc she had been a therapist lonher than id been alive. I said well I've been inside my head all my life so i whim. 😂 walked out. Had another that has zero personal boundaries first visit i knew what neighborhood she lived in, he child's name, school, teacher and when she stepped out of the room, i had her pulled up on social media. Told her she was too open and she had put her child and family on possible danger she needed to keep some most personal information personal. Had another that only wanted to talk about a certain tv show bc she didn't get to see it..... got mad when i said I'm not here to talk about what was on tv. Die said i lived in the past. Found one that has finally found the balance between push, relate similar personal experience and when to back off. Sometimes, it feels like talking to an old friend and sometimes she kicks my tail. I see her every few months to check in our if something pops up i need insight on. Love her too bits

[@Jenny_Digital]

My local hospital tried throwing me into psychology, and it failed because she started with the line “I can have you locked up”. Not only that, but she didn’t listen, but attempted to tell me what I _’needed’ to hear._ Good therapists need to be good listeners.

[@jonorgames6596]

I'd add (in my experience), misdiagnosed, and not, thus, working on the real issue.

[@leonievh1223]

Thanks I think a lot of us didn't think about it like this and end up stuck❤great tips thanks for sharing with us

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! So happy to help :) xoxo

[@lilwombat]

i gave up on it was going to therapy for about 8 years it really never helped me but i was so deeply miserable and it was what 99% of people would recommend. i kinda dont have much faith in it but i think i would only recommend it if you have a specific issue, you know exactly what it is, its not too complicated and youre not making progress alone. ive made more progress from watching tiktok videos lmao

[@elianad2083]

Same here..

[@a.o.9594]

So yeah I got to the point where the session where just me complaining. I decided it wasn’t worth it so I stopped. The issues I have left is just a lot of stuff I can not do in the room of therapy.

[@Mmyythandle]

Idk if when I’m not in therapy I’m just suppressing emotions but I feel like I’m overall more negative when in therapy, spending 50 minutes every week basically just venting, she reassures me that I’m being to critical about myself, and then I go about the rest of my week doing the same thing everyday but maybe with a little more compassion for myself but then I feel like the compassion turns into babying myself and being TOO forgiving anytime I don’t do the things I should or shouldn’t have done. It’s kinda like taking antidepressants to me, I can’t just take a pill, continue to deal with toxic people, skip workouts and healthy eating and expect to feel better. Both times I went to therapy (I started again three months ago after a few months off) I feel overall more sad.

[@Becca-lh7mr]

It could be that you've been suppressing emotions and that therapy is bringing out some sadness. The compassion for yourself will likely help some if you're used to being criticized (by yourself and/or others). At times I also question whether I'm "babying" myself, going too easy, and just not getting enough done; in fact, this was a huge struggle for me in starting therapy in college, having been a "straight-A" student my whole life and then starting to experience more emotions and having a hard time doing things that used to be "easy," or at least , I was getting more things done, previously. It took a long time for me and much work with some helpful and some more harmful people in the therapy world before I really started feeling better, and there were definitely times I considered quitting therapy or would go back to being quite critical of myself during the rest of the time outside of therapy (and many times inside of), sometimes just to "survive." I've learned that, sadly, there's only so much you can do at one time, and a lot of the growth comes from little steps over time, giving your brain the chance to change. Also, being forgiving and compassionate towards yourself isn't the same as "babying" yourself or having no boundaries for yourself. I've found, with the help of a wonderful therapist practicing it with me in session, that I can now be compassionate AND encourage myself to do better, having more self-discipline now than what looked like self-discipline before, but was really just intense fear and the desire to do things right and gain approval and acceptance from the adults in my life. Reading that you feel like you spend most of your sessions just venting and it seems to have more a negative effect on you than a helpful one, I wonder if you could maybe do some journaling in some fashion some days (I shoot for one day a week, or whenever my mind is feeling overwhelmed and I feel like I can write down some words, even if it makes me feel more sadness/pain in the here and now) and then bring that journal to your sessions and try using it to figure out what you need to address, or asking/letting your therapist give you feedback on what it seems like your main struggles are over time and week by week and ask you some gently-probing questions to figure that out. If they don't seem to be doing that already, maybe you can ask them to, or find someone you can bounce things off of like that. Like Kati preaches, be a detective - be curious, and if you're not finding that to be working, get some help with practicing it! I've found that it helps me to work with children, be compassionate (while still holding firm boundaries) with them, and then try to talk to myself and give myself caring touches - hugs, belly or back rubs, etc - like I would one of my children. Hang in there, and I'd love to hear what you think of my advice/experience and if any of it seems helpful or like a good-fit to you 😊

[@Becca-lh7mr]

Wow, sorry that was so long, I just felt like maybe sharing some of my learning experience/growth/healing process could maybe give you an idea or help you feel less alone or critical of yourself

[@Mmyythandle]

@@Becca-lh7mr thank you 🙏. I especially like the part about what looked like self discipline but was just fear and need for approval. Phew. The hardest part about healing is realizing just how much I’ve been moving in fear.

[@JesseGreenwood-h1o]

A third point I'd like to address is, the elephant in the room of social-change issues that keep all of us down, that can't be solved in a therapist's office, but only over the long haul of a change in group consciousness---and we know how dicey it is getting the rest of the world to commit to something at all, let alone expecting the torturers of the world to suddenly get sick of themselves and evolve.

[@Dancestar1981]

Absolutely

[@JesseGreenwood-h1o]

Nutritionists might be of more help in some cases. I was depressed, was assigning it to past history, and then found out by accident that the depression went away when I took some (herbal) aspirin for inflammation. Also, when I look back on my traumas, I would have recovered far more rapidly if I had just had a source of good, prolongued hugs. This culture sucks at hugs, except in movies.

[@anuruksuriyaarachchi3988]

1. Yes 2. I don't care. 3. Indeed! They were emphasizing on a misdiagnosis attributing all my talents to it. 4. Yeah, it's really challenging for me to say how I suffer too. 5. High levels! Especially with all those who I met in country. Made me super angry. 6. How? Somehow, responsiblity? 7. I denied going there 2 weeks ago as they distanced the frequency as I left my previous psychiatrist who lead me there. 8. Yeah. I also agree with this. 9. Yes, kinda motivated but I witnessed their violence implied on patients at the ward. 10. How not? 11. Yes. I try to share but they don't wanna listen. The 1st thing they say is not to research about our mental illness while they also kinda hesitant to give updates or diagnoses. They even say lies like my increased paranoia isn't paranoia and it's just anxiety.

[@Aufwiedersin]

Actually watching KZbin videos helps me much more but I don’t want to quit yet

[@Treasuredhealthspace]

Most important...if you can't build trust... the help you need might be limited

[@kathymcgirt8944]

I have a question- I used to work in an environment where therapy was court-ordered and it was up to me to refer the client for those services. I didn’t have a lot of resources to work with because most of my clients couldn’t pay for therapy. The clients had very complicated issues - how to help them therapy-shop?

[@ACHRAF1644]

Thank you ❤️

[@ericabajenske7329]

why cant therapist ever admit therapy just doesn't work. they always say its the clients fault.

[@Ricorcam]

My problem with therapists was their lack of knowledge about neurodivergence. After 2 years of research by myself (while in a heavy burnout) I found out about my autism and childhood trauma and now I'm doing what is possible to do my own treatment. Now therapists or psychiatrists for me only when I get better financially and can pay for specialists that are neurodivergents themselves. I'm literally traumatized with average "professionals".

[@WhitneyMallett-tw4fy]

#7 can also be due to a person not being able to afford frequent sessions. I was required to see my first psychologist (work initiated) - they had firm control on goals & schedule. I expected the same from my second psychologist. Once again it wasn't my choice - I had no clear goals and the psychologist didn't take control as I expected they would. I cannot recall being asked to much in the way of homework by either psychologist. My experiences with three psychiatrists are similar, maybe I'm just too passive.

[@lilafeldman8630]

I never found therapy helpful, until i was 30 and ended up in the couch of a trauma informed psychiatrist. There should be more psychiatrist that counsel.

[@elianad2083]

All they do is say "How does that make you feel"..same old..same old..

[@go_better]

Ayy, the favorite therapist just uploaded!

[@SandAngels73]

People on the autism spectrum often do not respond the same way to therapy as neurotypical people do. CBT was long used in autistic people as a form of therapy despite being criticized by people with autism as making problems worse. Psychology is finally starting to recognize the validity of the complaints the autistic community has long been saying. As someone who is neurodivergent myself, I can confirm that therapy does not work the same in neurotypical and neurodivergent people. Our brains run off of different operating systems much like an apple phone vs an android phone, and so the updates required to improve our brains and fix the problems and bugs are not compatible with each other. Neurodivergent people need therapists that are specialized in neurodivergent people and are familiar with strategies that help neurodivergent people. With the wrong therapists, therapy can be traumatizing for us. Unfortunately, neurodivergent people who live in small, rural communities are so often disadvantaged when it comes to therapy because there usually just arent therapists available in these small communities that are equiped with the ability to offer them the help that they really need. This is also true of people suffering from trauma/complex trauma disorders such as PTSD/CPTSD that require more specialized therapy.

[@kinetic-cybernetic]

If these are surprising, i have totally lost my sense of awe

[@kittywitty6507]

I had one therapist started comparing his problems to mine and saying his were worse😅 you couldn't pay me to ever go back to one again. I do Mala beads and eft tapping it works and its free.

[@Mydogsmybestfriend]

@katimorton are you still going to do “ask Kati Anything” videos for the free subscribed?

[@Gebruikersnaam35]

And sometimes therapy doesn't work, because therapy has limits it's not a magic pill. It can be helpful, but sometimes (maybe even "often") it is not. And it's nobody's fault.

[@okidoki1538]

thank you !

[@Katimorton]

You're welcome!

[@dabbler1166]

Why doesn't Therapy work better for more people? I think there are two main reasons: 1. 70-75% MORE patients also need some sort of MEDICATION (i.e....a tranquilizer, anti-depressant, etc) and are NOT getting it. Its that simple. and 2. Patients/clients are simply NOT "doing the work" of therapy. Excuses. Apathy, and laziness. In 1960, you may have seen a PsyCHIAtrist. Now, we have "advisors" and "Life coaches" and motivational speakers for a million things and a year and a half later after having begun "therapy" (and even in REAL therapy) folks aren't cured. They are still "working on it". Absolutely pathetic. But far too true, too often.

[@Mtz2604]

Great video, you need to evaluate the quality of your treatment, at the end therapy is an investment on your health, your mental health. This helped me to check myself, I need to commit more with my process.

[@paigemalloy4276]

My main problem is that she leaves long silences after I'm done sharing what's going on. . . I'm sure there's a good reason, but it makes me super uncomfortable and slightly frustrated since the sessions last a limited amount of time and I feel like she's wasting it. Another issue is that she expects a recap of my week and wants to focus on current events, when there are underlying issues I really want to work on. I don't know. It's likely I need to find a new therapist, but I just dread the idea of it. . . I have so many f*cking issues and it usually takes at least a _month_ before they get a grasp of what's going on inside my head and start to directly work with me. I've had four therapists in the last ten years and this has been the standard for each one. (There's been gaps of a couple of years between therapists. It burns me out so badly, and makes me want to just stay away from the whole process) Not to mention that recapping/reliving everything completely throws off my mental and emotional equilibrium and has caused me to spiral into a depression several times. I just don't want to keep putting myself through that again and again and again.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I agree therapy is a lifelong journey...

[@Conta20071]

Question off topic, are LCSWs supervised by psychiatrists? Thx

[@elianad2083]

No. LCSW stands for "Licensed Social Worker". MSW stands for "Masters in Social work" most social worker's with Masters are therapists..

[@hunnybSue]

I've just stopped seeing yet another therapist, I am so confused now. I left the last few sessions wondering what I achieving. My therapist said cbt works for everyone. To me it just feels like gas lighting. I was also told I was a very difficult client to work with, and out of all her clients I was making very slow progress. To me I was being put down again. It was like I was back in school again and I wasn't trying hard enough.

[@elianad2083]

Unfortunately CBT is not a one size fits all. She is incorrect and badly misinformed.

[@Kaia6485]

Most therapy doesn’t work because it doesn’t get to the root cause of the issue.

[@tslinger21]

Which is: life is a pointless, way to lengthy exercise and the world’s a shitty place to have to perform it in. In my opinion at least.

[@elianad2083]

Which is usually childhood trauma..

[@Kaia6485]

@@elianad2083 Mostly, yes! That’s why inner child-trauma focused work seems to be the most promising type of therapy.

[@timledbetter1781]

I don't necessarily say it doesn't work. My issues are situational. No therapy can change my attitude on how I want my life to be. And I don't mean, a glamorous life

[@InfinityHealthPilates]

Do you have any resources on free or reasonably priced therapy online? I have insurance but I still have to pay over $100 a week and I can’t do that anymore. But I need help and feel there’s no where to go.

[@fembot521]

I find therapists I have seen don’t really know what they’re talking about and know nothing about narcissistic relationships. I get more help from KZbin for free. Therapy is expensive and it’s frustrating and difficult to keep trying and trying to find someone.

[@Diamond.art0]

I had a therapist who told me straight up she didnt want to work with me but would work on the issues i had with my m it helped in a way but in a way there was a few times where she did a bit of grey area things n im just wondering how do u know that those grey area things that the therapist does is right or wrong

[@nothanks7892]

How about therapy is part of the money grabbing machine now and if people get better then they have less customers. All they need is for you to think you are getting better. Thats centered around a lack of personal accountability which she calls ownership.

[@OriginalPhil]

At 3:11 do you mean that we need to work on our confidence before we go to see a therapist? I hope I’m hearing that wrong, because that sounds like a hopeless paradox otherwise.

[@almighty.saumya]

Some therapists don't wanna give therapy and put any effort to understand. They just want people to ramble and vent and get money. These kinds of therapists tarnish the entire name of therapy

[@charthers8903]

Knowing a bit about this gen I would say the main reason is: You actually have to LIVE in between sessions, therapy is not a substitute to living

[@daniels4209]

like will be given.

[@Katimorton]

Yay! Thanks :) hahah

[@BEACHDUDE71]

You can try to help, but it won't work for everyone

[@AMeise-vy4fk]

Solve the 11 Points by youreself and you dont need a Therapie any more

[@elianad2083]

??

[@appsawcee]

1 Hour a week is way too little. Pretty sure therapists only see us as a subject/liability.

[@cassiebecker6644]

It’s a lot of me just venting tbh so my friends don’t have to hear it

[@elianad2083]

No, they are too busy wanting to talk about themselves..

[@joshtroy344]

A therapist's and patient's goals often conflict. A therapist will refuse to help a patient accomplish his or her goals. Those relationships will never work. I stopped seeing a therapist for that very reason.

[@Mr.Inman14]

Hey, I don't really know how to say what I'm going to say but I've been single since the age of thirteen (thirty-seven now) and a girl I met like a year or so ago recently got married. I'm not happy about it. In fact, I'm really angry that it wasn't me. I even fucked up the future of me and this girl after I found out she was 10 years younger than me by saying I wouldn't date her bc of her age. I'm pretty desperate to find someone and for once be happy. What's wrong with me?

[@elianad2083]

We won't find someone if we are desperate. Men or women will see that and run. You have to love yourself first and your flaws. You can't pour from an empty cup. I guess it's when you are not looking, that person will come in to your life. You never know where love will find you. But it will.

[@GnosticMindTrain]

My whole life.

[@mysocalledmidlifecrisisvlo7521]

People don’t have the $$$$ to try 5 or 6 therapists and many of them are straight up cons. I have seen 20 therapists and only 3 have i actually made progress with. I am not anti therapist at all but sadly many of them do not sympathize with where their patients are coming from. On the other hand, I have never walked out of a 12 Step meeting without gaining something new (CoDA or ACoA).

[@amydungan6134]

What if your therapist doesn't really give homework buy tells you to reflect on what you talk about with them

[@FollowAtheism-wk7jy]

therapy is largely a waste of precious time. therapists have NO POWER to fix anything. What can a therapist do with the existential problem of life's intrinsic absurdity? NOTHING! What can they do about injustice done by others? NOTHING! The only real solution is to accept what physically has to be done and then DO IT. For example, if life is objectively absurd and pointless, then its time to EXIT. A therapist has no power or rational argument otherwise. Concerning injustice, GET REVENGE! If I were to bring up specific examples, a lot of people would agree with me.

[@tjjones-xj7kq]

@Katie Morton. You need to do a video about the people who find therapists Facebook or other social media posts and see they like a different political party. Then even though the therapist has been helpful and never let it be known the client no longer feels like they can be there therapist. I see a lot of posts about about saying how there therapist is so great but now found out they support Trump by digging up accounts online. Like sure the therapist should make it private BUT leaning people aren't black and white is HUGE. If therapy is going great it shouldn't matter as long as they aren't pushing there views. Some people are way to sensitive. Personally my T is strong left leaning. Me I'm pretty right leaning. Therapy is awesome and I don't care they vote democrat. I think this intolerance with it when they only found out by searching the internet isn't healthy! Talk about being able to see both the positive and negative. IMO if the T doesn't shut me down or say I'm wrong for leaning right..... it's not a problem. How they vote doesn't effect me one bit. I even have friends that don't vote the same. You just don't make it a big deal. (After all they both aren't ideal or my first choice. It's usually voting for the better when neither are my first choice...)

[@elianad2083]

I stay away from social media and talking about politics such as Facebook, Twitter etc. It just makes me more depressed.

[@HesGotaGun505]

You forgot #12: Your therapist never wanted to help you recover, since doing so is against their own material incentives. I will trust a therapist when one emerges who isn’t hiding a mountain of failures under BS HIPPA concerns.

[@TheSchmuck2]

it's because they're not doing hybrid DBT/IFS. That's it. Use a model that actually is accurate.

[@elianad2083]

Not many people like DBT, it is boring and complicated..

[@inspectre27]

My therapist, who I love, upon being presented with a list of Reasons to Die that nearly filled a page and a list of Reasons to Live that had 3 items (2 of which are so unlikely that even mentioning them was laughable plus one other that won't exist in a few years), didn't really dispute any of it. Even someone with whom you have spent 11 years and is the only reason you leave the house the one time a week that you do can be unhelpful and probably is fairly indifferent. But since there is no one else, and having been prevented from becoming unalive twice now (fostering the possibility that I'm actually in Heck and even my end won't be an escape), what else is there? Inernet people for whom kicking someone when they're down is a favorite pastime? Actual human contact with those who imagine new ways to harm you, physically and mentally, at all times? It's either pay someone to listen to me cry once a week or complete isolation. She's the sad highlight of my life, but that light isn't very bright. OK, it is now time for you to kick me when I'm down, and for the only person here qualified to respond to fail to do so. Have at it.

[@daisy7066]

Lack of progress not the client's fault!

[@SchwarzesSchaefle]

Perhaps it doesn't work because you can't individualize societal problems? But hey, blaming and "treating" those who are already powerless is easier than fighting to make the world a place everyone can thrive in.

[@Lssj100]

In my NON-professional opinion if you arent actively trying to get OUT of therapy, you are doing it wrong

[@inspectre27]

I do see your point, but my perspective differs. My take is that EVERYBODY should be in therapy, forever, even if it's just once a month. I feel that the benefits to one's mental and emotional health are helpful, even to those without a condition or disorder. One goes to the gym to keep the body healthy, one goes to the therapist to keep the mind and heart healthy. I don't think it's a very popular opinion, though.

[@Lssj100]

@inspectre27 that is a unique opinion Ill give you that

[@non-applicable3548]

You should collab with famous therapist Daniel Henschel

[@truehuman9449]

Who has came out of drugs after successful therapies?