5 Reasons Therapy is NOT Working For You

[@tiller6750]

11:20 "Often, in fact, the work of mental health is not about decreasing discomfort, but about increasing our tolerance for discomfort." This was the hardest lesson I learned in therapy.

[@amarbyrd2520]

I think that's true ... at the sane time I've always thought that approach just makes us, especially if we're survivors of abuse at the hands of narcissistic parents (or partners), that much more acceptable of abuse ... which is not what I thought therapy was supposed to be about 😮😢

[@debrablizzard]

That would be the Cognitive Behavioral or Solution Focused answer to your problem However being a trauma therapist, I tell people that they can actually get rid of the overwhelming feelings, flashbacks or nightmares with EMDR or other trauma focused therapies. Look into it. It also takes a skilled therapist to do this. Choose wisely.

[@Aquarius_Chick]

My therapist asked me if I was scared to "get better" and I told him no I feel like I've lost hope that I will ever get better! I've been dealing with mental health issues since 12/13 years old and I just turned 41. I am on disability for my mental health diagnosis' and the place I go for mental health help is for low income patients. They have a HUGE turnover rate with therapists and prescribers! It's hard to "get better" when your doctor's are constantly changing and your new doctor thinks the medication you were on for years is now a bad fit and want to change it all around just for that doctor to be gone in a few months and now the new doctor disagrees with the last one. The same thing goes with the therapist. It takes A LOT for me to open up bc of childhood trauma and trust issues, etc and when I have to start all over again with a new therapist by the time I start to get comfortable with my new therapist they are now leaving and I am being passed on to someone else. Also if you don't fit well with your prescriber or therapist they want you to type out a email to the director of the company explaining why you want a different doctor/therapist and if they don't "agree" with your reasoning they will not allow you to see a different doctor/therapist there! I've looked all around my area for other doctors who accept my insurance and all the reviews are the same things I am complaining about at my current doctors office. It's sad that when it's too late everyone says "I wish they would have just asked for help!" Or something similar and yet there are so many REALLY trying to get help but this is the ONLY options they have available for help! I've even been told "maybe if you are struggling this much and feel like no one is helping, etc maybe we need to consider inpatient care!" That only makes me feel silenced kind of like "I better not complain and just go with what I have to so I don't get admitted!" And that's just to get some half ass, bare minimum help. I literally am going through losing not only my prescriber but also my therapist at the same time AGAIN! I've been going to this office since September-ish of 2020 and I have probably seen AT LEAST 8 prescribers and at least the same amount of therapists if not more! Why is it so hard to get help😞

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

I wrote an article on Medium why it's hard. It covers C-PTSD. You should read it.

[@Aquarius_Chick]

@@alexandrugheorghe5610 I've never heard of medium. How do I find the article?

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

But yeah, the short answer is: therapy offered by the state is not trauma therapy. Moreover, due to politicians that suffered childhood abuse and who refuse to go to therapy to get better, you get an oppressive system that perpetuates trauma. Honestly, I'd try to do freelancing, earn money, save, and when have enough, go do NARM therapy or Tim Fletcher's RE-ACT/Lift. Make sure to save for at least 2 years.

[@lydiamurphy2007]

It's also a way of negating blame and places the development internally when it doesn't work. It must be you not me or the system

[@lilafeldman8630]

Can you tell us the title?​@@alexandrugheorghe5610

[@vl_looper]

I wish I‘d known this 20 years ago. Tomorrow I‘m giving it another go, trying a new therapist. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

[@Matty-oc8db]

How'd it go today?

[@vl_looper]

It went well, thanks! It was a trial session, the connection to the therapist felt good so we made a time for next week as well. 👍🏻

[@indridcold8433]

Mental therapy is among the most powerful of treatments for mental illness. However, one must be social and associate with humans comfortably. If one is reclusive and suspicious of others, mental therapy will not work because you will never trust the therapist. Myself, I have not had friends since 2000, nor have I trusted anybody since then, also. Mental therapy can not work for me. I could never trust anybody enough to lower my defences. I have depended only on myself for too long to allow trust in someone else. I am not likeable. Thus, others will want to do abusive things to me because I am not likeable.

[@ebashford5334]

4:14 That was my experience with my most recent therapist. It felt like "therapy lite" as if I had recent problems and could get back on my feet with a little help. When you have chronic emotional problems going back to a damaging childhood, some therapists aren't ready to deal with that.

[@upendasana7857]

totally !! sometimes they literally are not equiped or have no idea how to help but cannot just admit that or say it

[@mylene_b]

I also feel like in my experience there are only so many tricks and tips a single therapist can teach you. After a year or two or three years, they taught you everything they can teach you and there's nothing more to it. There's only so many times your therapist can tell you to write your thoughts, see how logical or illogical they are, write how they make you feel, then write why these thoughts don't make sense (aka I'm catastrophizing or fortune-telling for example).

[@bethmorrell1962]

Sometimes a therapist is just bad at what they do or they get lazy at trying to help. A therapist needs to know when to communicate to you and ask questions when they might see these concerns that you mention ( like a bad fit or expectations) my experience has been a therapist did not let go of me and help direct me to a better situation when I was unaware of my choice to find a better fit or type of therapy. I expressed what I wanted and how I didn’t feel like I was getting what I needed yet the therapist ignored my concerns and kept cyclically repeating things. I thought it was me as the problem or I wasn’t trying hard enough but I wasn’t getting any guidelines , understanding my choices it was like I was just a paycheck. I did experience one very helpful therapist and this is when I realized how some therapist help to perpetuate a clients stagnancy. Your points are valid only only if you actually have a therapist who also is competent.

[@treentje]

Before watching: it wasnt working for me when the focus was toooo much on negative emotions and I was overanalysing. This was exhousting me to the point of bringing me into a negative spiral.

[@quinncreel6091]

This. Also therapists are only human. Life is tough for everyone and they are as lost as we are.

[@chrishart7300]

@@quinncreel6091 No. Therapists are highly trained, and need to be trustworthy and capable. If someone is lost they shouldn't be showing others the way.

[@ortiznikko]

​@chrishart7300 Sorry pal, therapist are people too. We are professionals. We go through 4yrs for a bachelor's, 2 to 4yrs for a master's, one year unpaid internship, and two years paid internship. That's a lot of education and experience. But, even a mechanic has to fix his car every once in awhile, and sometimes he may want help with doing the work.

[@ortiznikko]

Could be you and your therapist had competing approaches and weren't geling well. Could be you have to be uncomfortable to grow. It is hard work and research shows that clients typically experience relapses or get worse before they start to feel better or see results. Think about setting a broken bone. Sometimes, you have to break the bone to properly set it right. But, it could also be true that the therapist wasnt for you. And it can take a long time to find a therapist that is a good match for you. We are all different from different cultures and backgrounds. Don't give up.

[@dianamiftakhova5047]

I have the same tendency

[@jourdanzz]

If you’re reading this, I want you to know it’s not your fault if therapy isn’t working for you. The fact that you even tried to do therapy shows how much you care to work through your troubles. Sometimes the therapist is not qualified or equipped with the right tools to guide you through your therapy journey, it’s not your fault. If you’re a highly self aware person (like myself), it can be even more challenging to find a therapist that has the skill set to work with a highly self aware person, it’s not your fault. Sometimes the therapist isn’t trained in the modality that you may benefit from, and that’s not your fault. This is also your reminder to not give up on yourself. Take what applies from this comment and leave the rest. Take what applies from the video, and leave the rest. Wishing everyone a successful healing journey 💕

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I personally find it VERY easy to talk about my feelings, thoughts and issues, but I don't know how to SHOW emotions and drop my "I'm good / ok / no problem / I get it" facade. 😢

[@thecreecher3286]

I work as a peer specialist for three different states in my area(Ohio,Kentucky,Indiana). The most common reason I hear therapy and treatment isn’t working for my clients is under qualified therapist. The therapist in my area that are really experienced and have been fully certified don’t take insurance and are too expensive for all my clients to afford. For example I live near Cincinnati a major city and there are only 12 therapist in the area that deals with did. Not a single one of those therapist take insurance and the average cost is 200 a session. So I set my clients with the best insurance will pay for, but they get dropped because the therapist can’t handle their complicated trauma.

[@jerzygrl8896]

This 👏💯 My therapist is definitely under qualified for me. Looking for a new one.

[@flowerchild89]

My ex therapist would have me come into sessions and then ask me how its going. It was like she expected me to lead therapy. She didn't follow up on anything that I told her previously. I had zero coping skills. She never took notes about what I said. I kinda felt like a number. I didn't get homework. She wasn't right for me. I need extensive trauma therapy. It's difficult to find a trauma therapist.

[@piotrskreczko7154]

You were nothing but a pay check to that therapists as many clients are. It's nothing more than a scam.

[@SonicaLuda]

My experience with my last therapist. When she was "on," she would share some tools that could help me. But most of the time, I got nothing. Never a follow-up and we never resumed where we left off. Evey session was brand new.

[@evieyak]

this is EXACTLY what i needed right now. literally was writing about it and writing to my therapist about it as this video popped up. thank you.

[@daviddanielsson3643]

I started therapy in 2022 for C-PTSD. We're still in the first stage (of 3) "Safety and stabilization". It really is a long process. The extent may differ depending on what you're working on (I was prepared that it could take years, but then again it took me three and a half decades to get the right help). So if all the other boxes are checked - give it time.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

I hear you. I have CPTSD, BPD, OCD, chronic anxiety, AvPD and depression. I've been in therapy since 2018 but nothing has changed or improved. My therapists (I've had 3) have been good, and I've tried psychotherapy, EMDR, CBT, DBT, IFS and ISTDP, but CBT and DBT feel very dumbed down to me. And I can never get to a stage of REALLY starting EMDR or IFS, because in Australia, unless you're rich, you only get 10 therapy sessions each year. It's just not enough.

[@MaduroMan]

Thanks so much for this. It helps to have a list to keep everything in check. I go to therapy for PTSD and anger issues. There were times in the past that I'd blow up at people and it (obviously) effected my relationships. In the moment of therapy and the years it took, I didn't recognize that anything was happening or improving. UNTIL- numerous times in the past few months, I recognized moments that I would lose my temper but I actually stopped and asked myself why I was feeling this and I changed my outlook of the situation and didn't lose my temper. I shared this with my therapist and she explained to me what I was doing and I had that "head exploding" moment as she called back to things we talked about and things I said in therapy. It was like the Karate Kid finally understanding why Mr Miagi had him do all this "wipe on wipe off" stuff. I didn't understand or think therapy was doing any good but in that moment of clarity, I realized how Ive changed my outlook and approach to things that I typically lost my cool over too now stop, recognize the anger, change how I react to it.

[@user-KG71]

The issue for me is meeting a new therapist (mine retired), and they want to start with my Teens (I am 50), and have been involved with therapy since 15 years old. It’s extremely frustrating

[@rita.amstlv]

Hi, I had a therapist who was jugdemental and said that I was the worst case (case?) that she had come across. I am not a human but a case. I did not feel a connection.

[@hunnybSue]

My last one told me I was very difficult to work with. And of all her clients I was making the slowest progress. My self esteem was even lower after that. When ever I tried to say anything she would tell me just remember you have been through some very traumatic stuff. I'm just so confused about therapy now. I just need to accept I can't be fixed.

[@hunnybSue]

My last therapist told me I was a difficult client, I told her that at our first session. And out of all her clients I was making the slowest progress. That really hurt, after that I started looking for a way to leave.

[@Livingwithgratitute]

I feel “stuck” with my therapist because there aren’t enough specialists available in my area. I do 95% of the talking and she gives very little feedback and absolutely no homework. She rarely follows up with me about issues I’ve mentioned in previous sessions. It leaves me feeling like she just doesn’t care.

[@christina_cl]

My last therapist was similar, and she kept wanting to work on something I didn't have a problem with (I still did the work just in case, but it didn't do anything for me). You probably need to find a different therapist, as annoying as it sounds. If the relationship isn't right, then you're just wasting your time & money. Maybe you can try something like BetterHelp if there isn't anyone in your area? I haven't tried it myself but I'm going to look into this next as I am also having a hard time finding someone that specializes in my issues.

[@windjager2177]

My old therapist was like that. I had to move halfway across the country to find a better therapist

[@TheJ0k0r50]

Why don’t you tell her?

[@Livingwithgratitute]

@@TheJ0k0r50 what am I going to say, “I don’t think you are a good therapist”? I can’t do that. If I quit seeing her I won’t be in therapy at all because where I live there aren’t enough therapists available who treat my issues. In addition, I prefer in person sessions which are also very hard to get these days. The way I figure it, something is better than nothing. I’m not happy though.

[@Limemill]

Remote sessions these days are very much a thing. You can find someone online

[@slarti42uk]

It's uncanny sometimes how the right video gets made for you just when you need it. Thank you for this. Suffering severe social anxiety among other things, it is something the I feel I don't want to get better from, because I don't want to be around people. I think the fix I'm looking for is more, how not to feel like such a bad human being for not feeling this need for social connection, which everyone else seems to extolle as something you can't be part of the species without feeling. For whatever reason that part is broken in me and I do feel it's who I am not a thing I have.

[@gmansard641]

I have done all these things and it's still never been effective for me. I really believe that I am a rare type that just does not benefit from it. I REALLY have tried all these things! It just does not work for me.

[@thatchickencat4562]

Yeah thanks for this video, I needed this…. like right now. All 5 of these reasons apply to me. I’ve had multiple therapists who simply weren’t for me, where I didn’t feel comfortable. So I wasn’t honest… I’d dismiss some things and exaggerate other things or lie a little. I was too scared to ask myself certain questions, and id rather just stay the way I am now than try to heal, because it’s soooooo uncomfortable and it feels like it’s gonna make me worse off in the end than if I do nothing. Tough pill for me to swallow but it’s true.

[@devilsadvocacy]

It doesn’t work for me because I’m autistic and need a roadmap, not a place to vent. Plus, I suspect, the profit motive

[@HaakonOdinsson]

I’m autistic too, I know what you mean. Been let down a lot by so-called support services, so, lost faith somewhat

[@paulensor5665]

I’ve watched loads of your videos (sorry I rarely comment!) but I just want to say, I think what you are doing is great, and in such a positive and supportive manner - just know you’re appreciated all over the world!

[@pekuperihankorkutuniversit9040]

For me, the reason is number 5! I realized this, and I quit therapy because I now know that I don't want to heal. I just enjoy saying to myself and others that I want to heal; that's all. I have recognized it and stopped doing it. I will start again if/when I confidently KNOW that I want to change things this time.

[@shaz4532]

There should be an introductory session with each new client, explaining the true nature of therapy, and immediately eliminating all of the client’s misconceptions which will form blockages to him or her getting any benefits from therapy. Setting realistic expectations that will give the client better focus! Great video!👍❤️

[@fseesauras]

There are a bunch of different types of therapy, and no one true nature of therapy

[@audreysng8246]

Summary: 1. Wrong therapist 2. We are not honest in therapy 3. We're not doing the work 4. Our goals are not aligned with the purpose of therapy 5. Maybe we don't want to get better

[@vitamindubya]

Sounds very victim-blaming

[@heisljulius]

sounds like esotherics. She should also add 6, we don't believe enough that it works

[@bipolarkeyboard]

Wow, cant believe your still making videos. This channel helped me so much in my journey. Thank you!

[@miss2slick]

So much insight in this video. It made me realize that I have a strong therapeutic relationship with my therapists. But that my partner likely does not. Therapy hasn't been going very well for him over the past 2 years. He has complained that his therapist doesn't use CBT, but also he expresses his own hesitancy for therapy, that going to therapy means admitting there's something wrong with him. He struggles with that shame, fear, and perception. Could you do a video on how one might overcome that? Thanks for the insight, Kati.

[@christina_cl]

Amen to that! Such an important video. I've heard so many times from friends and family that "therapy didn't work" when what they tried to get was either an immediate fix from the therapist and no work on their side, or they wanted to change another person. Therapy will help you only if you are willing to do the work and make some changes in your own life.

[@thedharmawitch]

When you've changed therapists a bunch of times, while giving several a fair chance, and are still mostly getting nowhere, how long before it's reasonable to give up therapy altogether? I feel I genuinely try to do the work outside therapy but I've basically just been labeled treatment resistant at this point (a label I hate but whatever). I've been at this for 12+ years so this has been a really discouraging experience and I feel like I've failed somehow.

[@thedharmawitch]

Should mention I watched the whole video as well, and am not at all expecting therapy to be a magical fix, nor do I not want to get better. I feel I am pretty honest in therapy too, it's possible this is a blind spot but I do feel I'm fairly open, it's just not always easy to verbalize what I'm feeling.

[@hunnybSue]

I've been in therapy for approx 20 years. I'm still broken. I just can't build up enough trust to be completely open and honest. After a session I would go home and wonder what I was doing..

[@loveandwisdom9995]

I appreciate this video topic, it helped to clarify what therapy is and is not. It shed light on some areas I have been working thru. Thank you!

[@Bassett743]

From my own experience therapy doesn't work because the problem simply cannot be solved or altered. I stopped therapy this year because this was my issue. I've felt a lot better since because talking about an unsolvable problem over and over again was stressing me out.

[@soojpark11]

I was asked by my therapist - Do u want to get better? At first i was a bit confused and almost offended but i said yes and no. I want to get better but at the same time i realized i would feel lost and insecure, anxious if i didnt have this ED problem. Im desperate to get better but scared. Thank u for helping me see clearly.

[@carelesslyraha]

one of the hardest videos for me to watch, but i think i have to be aware of what is going on inside my head. thank you.

[@sViviftie]

I clicked on this video even though therapy actually IS working for me. Increased my life a lot. It took a while to figure out how much that being possible depends on your own mindset and a therapist you align with, though.

[@Hereismytwocents2011]

I tell my therapist the truth, that I want to get better, but part of my mind fights me on it. But, she acts like I won't make progress, if I'm not going forward. The whole point of me being there, is for her to help me understand why I feel this way, and how to fight this other voice. If I could just magically get better, I'd do it on my own!

[@DarthJarJar10]

This is probably one of the most important videos anyone who has had substantial exposure to therapy, should watch. I'm still feeling the ripple effects of betrayal trauma, much of which was perprated by former sibling who works in the mental health profession (I've cut ties there twice - it's not my job to fix that person and their issues), but also genuine grief which I've hardly worked through, separate significant knocks due to a parent's younger-onset dementia, a diagnosis of ADHD which has been hardly appropriately treated because it was overridden by the needs of a diagnosis of epilepsy. For a long time, mostly due to a lack of understanding or a refusal, perhaps due to what they viewed as lacking evidence as their mind was changed, I've not felt understood or even fully supported by my therapists. And with my current one in particular, things have been really stuck, and only when I raise that I am questioning what we are doing, do accusations of me withholding or issues around my tardiness suddenly emerge and this is besides my being quite clear that she has misunderstood certain scenarios or dynamics... As my life is sufficiently overwhelming and busy, with money being tight too - since my health plan actually owes me for prior therapy sessions - I think this helps me make my decision.

[@tommycwills]

I am a licensed psychologist and I think this is a phenomenal video. Going to send it to all of my clients from now on 😃 thank you, Kati

[@Federico-zm1ym]

Thank you thank you for your good advice

[@kotkotlecik7310]

I've been trying my hardest to get help, but all therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists have only made things significantly worse. This year I went to a psychiatrist. She suggested I'm only there to get a prescription and when I said I didn't want therapy, she said: 'Yeah, it requires maturity'. How much maturity did that took? I've tried everything and there's simply no help. 'There, there, don't worry about that' is not helping.

[@GnosticMindTrain]

I've been in therapy on and off for years and I don't even know my labels/diagnoses, I mean, I've gotten some in the past, but I disagree with some of them and some problems I have don't even have labels like my weird possibly illogical spiritual beliefs or anger. My audience tries to diagnose me a lot and it's annoying. Therapy for me is just feelings but no solutions.

[@Oja811]

When I was in therapy and I struggled with 5. Not so much for the reasons you gave, but my catastrophizing. The even though I am good now, what if it is worse in the future. My therapy was state paid for, which was a program I had lost and would not be able to get back into but could stay in. I live fairly isolated and she and my case manager were people I got to talk to every week. However, when we got to the point where my therapist brought up ending it because it was no longer needed, I was able to switch the mindset and went 100% in making the arrangements for life after community mental health. The all or nothing thinking worked in my benefit there.

[@modelglue]

I know you were being facetious, and I get the humour, but I want to say how not weird you are! You are very relatable and kind.

[@gallagjg]

Thanks- needed this, and now. Good timing.

[@michaeljhanousek290]

How would I know I need Therapy. How to find the answers to, if or when, therapy would be a good choice. How do I tell? Thank You I do enjoy all of what you have to say. I have tried 4 time in all, so I will think on your 5 Reasons, they seem will founded. Cheers.

[@kathys-n-pa]

I think I have the wrong place!! When I went to therapy the first time I went in and was honest, very broken, I needed to see a therapist more than once a month. I didn't get that till I was over the fact that I poured my heart out to this person and felt I knew more about her than she did me. I asked about Journaling that I didn't know how to do it and would like to try it, she printed out a paper for me that told me why Journaling is good..I was like wtf.. Besides me feeling like I was just talking to a friend, I didn't really get any type of homework, I felt I was putting so much into this but yet I still didn't have any answers. After dealing with that for a few months I went to another therapist within this facility and came to the fact that it's the facility. Now I'm truely gun shy to go. What did help was a change in medication, I know I still need to go but really don't have it in me to go through all this and it's still not right. At least that's what I think

[@teen-at-heart]

Such a great video! Thanks so much Kati. A perfect list and put together sooo well.

[@kayrenahogan2454]

I think telling my therapist how I felt overwhelmed her. Now I feel like I can’t tell her anything.

[@wildlyshy9885]

Hi Katie. I’m not sure where to post questions for “Ask Katie Anything,” so I’ll just post my question in the comments… I was recently diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and I was hoping you could cover this in a video because I’m in a whirlwind of emotions. This diagnosis is usually given to children so it feels strange to be diagnosed as a RADkid as an adult. I love my therapist and I trust her, she’s been so much help unraveling my past and helping me make sense of everything. This diagnosis makes sense to me and my life patterns, but I wasn’t raised as a foster kid, I did move around A LOT as a child, but overall I’m not sure how to think about this diagnosis. Thank you XOXO

[@karasmusic123]

Kati, I love your gentle approach! You are inspirational! ❤️

[@christineewing3492]

Hi Kati. This video could not be more timely for me. I have cPTSD and have been seeing the same therapist for just over 2 years now. I experience a lot of flashbacks regarding prolonged childhood trauma. In the beginning, I did think my therapist was going to practice EMDR on me, and then I wouldn't have these disturbing flashbacks anymore. Ho hum, naive me. I just wanted someone to take my emotional pain away. I am not allowed to Email my therapist in between sessions anymore. In the beginning she invited me to do that, but in the last few months, she has said that Emails are for admin purposes only. I felt really upset about this, like a level of support from her had been withdrawn. I'm assuming the same rules now apply to all of her clients, but I don't know and I can't ask. There was some conflict between us about the sudden change of "rules". From my perspective, it has changed what was a very good and open therapeutic relationship. We have resumed sessions after her usual month of leave in January. But nothing feels the same. I feel less inclined to open up. I have felt awkward and uncomfortable in the two sessions we've had this year. I didn't feel that way before. I don't know what to do.

[@marysullivan3881]

All 3 therapists I saw were behaviorists. Change your current behavior and everything will fall in line. Another helped me with anxiety using EMRD but still overall same lifetime cloud hung over me. Things began to change when therapists presented videos on youtube about covert narciscistic parents and the family dynamic. The more I learn now the better I feel. Lifetime guilt and shame that resulted is being resolved.

[@Musicandfilms7]

This is a brilliant video, especially the fifth reason explanation, it helped me a lot, thank you!

[@CalicoCooperFan]

How do you determine when therapy just isn't working and it's time to stop? Let's say you went to 5 different therapists. They were able to help improve 80% of your original issues, but not make any improvements on the remaining 20%. You try other therapists, but they, too, are stumped and the 20% remain. How do you determine when to try another therapist versus quit therapy and just learn to live with those remaining, unresolved issues?

[@thekidintheredhoodie2374]

I mean think of it this way, doing one of those at least gives you an opportunity to get better, and maybe even reduce that 20% down to like 10. The other just keeps you where you’re at. I think only you can really make that decision for yourself. And for what it’s worth, I don’t blame or judge you for whatever you choose. I’ve been in therapy for 4 years. This shit is not easy, no matter how many people make it seem otherwise, and seeing no to little progress over time can FUCKING drain you, in some cases make you feel even worse than you did before

[@tabathajc1981]

I have a great therapist but I have had so many losses the last year with death and divorce that I have cycled with my Major Depressive Disorder on top of it. I’ve been on the radar for inpatient for two months now. I was 51-50 on January 2nd. It is hard.

[@theshih-tzudad4068]

I had one therapist who asked me why I was so angry about something. When I told him, he said "Are you building monsters".... I fired him!

[@fritzginger15]

What do I do if I don’t want to get better? (Really all of the reasons you listed surrounding that applied to me) I am afraid to get better because it feels like a lot that I won’t be able to manage long term. (Fear I’ll just be “surviving” again until the next time I fall apart) As well as apart of me wants to stay in the state I’m at (or get worse) to eventually work up the courage to die. I know my counselling sessions are a big part of what’s kept me alive the past few years. And I have made progress in the last 2 years but I do little conscious work outside of sessions. I don’t want to stop it because i view therapy as my life line. It helps me stay above water. But I also feel sometimes like I’m wasting mine and my therapist time.

[@aprilc4601]

Oh, I do feel the same way you do. It's my lifeline. You are not alone

[@Farmchic3185]

One of mine was obsessed with me turning of the tv to sleep but not why i have it on, night terrors, anxiety. Another one fell asleep mid session. Next she talked about her issues almost more than i did. I dont know who to go to next

[@mylene_b]

One of the reasons therapy doesn't work is because you see your therapist for an hour a week or a month. They're not with you 24/7. My point is they're seeing a fraction of your life, but you still gotta live on your own the rest of the time. Another reason why it doesn't work is because we emphasis too much on an individual therapy when sometimes we need a more collective approach (couples' therapy, family therapy, friends therapy, etc.). "Talk therapy forces you to reiterate the event which can be retraumatizing in some cases". You're artificially forced to reopen closed wounds and closed chapters to "better understand them". You're supposed to be "mindful and exercice mindfulness" when you're literally told to rehash dark and negative emotions from the past. Finally, we have to talk about how capitalism and the post-covid inflation is ruining the mental health of so many people. People got laid off and are still getting laid off right now, massive layoffs. Let's not pretend that economy is disconnected from our mental health. Someone struggling to pay rent isn't gonna have $150-300 to spare for an hour on individual therapy. Heck, they don't even have $150-300 to spare for groceries.

[@melinapaixao82]

Oh my Gosh! I had the wrong therapist! That’s why I don’t want therapy… I feel weird because she was nice but I never felt comfortable or heard.

[@TheAlixour]

Great video. A lot to think on. ❤

[@dabbler1166]

In my non-professional opinion, the reason therapy feels like its not working (and sometimes even fails) is because in far too many cases, people with anxiety, depression, etc. NEED some medication and are ONLY getting "talk". There is a Physical something in their body-chemistry that is out-of-whack and remains unaddressed....so, they talk and talk and talk and still feel crappy. They need a PSYCHIATRIST but are only getting a counselor, who cant prescribe an (often needed) Drug. So the chemical imbalance never gets corrected.

[@ToyotaTom04]

There is no good evidence that any mental health condition requires medical intervention. Psychiatry is a pseudoscience

[@anuruksuriyaarachchi3988]

Honestly, I'm currently not in therapy but in the past, 1. Therapist lied to me telling pseudo-psychology (Ex:- Schizoaffective Disorder = Schizophrenia + A personality Disorder, BPD patients are so Grandiose and similar to ASPD to show me that she has a great knowledge on cluster B personality disorders) 2. Didn't make room to explain what my actual fears are but rather tried to "prove" me that I've no/little Schizophrenia telling that I might have optical illusions so better change lenses, your internal voice might be a trauma response even though it was the diagnosis given by the Psychiatrist and professor. 3. Falsely said that I've obsessions but only a little bit of delusions even though I recognize that I haven't identified most of them to tell by then and if it's a delusion and I would go to hell, don't think about it as I've no ability control them. 4. Said that even she was bullied without telling me how but confidently stating I was less bullied than her without even asking me what happened. 3. Made me extremely angry by shaming my knowledge on Psychology. 4. Previously I was diagnosed only with OCD and I should say that the OCD diary part was making the symptoms worse, I sent her them after doing my homework but it was incomplete as the internal dialogue said too many things to me that I couldn't write them all. She told me to stop compulsions and seeking reassurance even though I can't and I literally believed in them. Although, with the time, these obsessions decreased just because of medicine having no therapy for months. 5. I never knew what even the goal of therapy was but I wanted to stop feeling things that others don't so I wouldn't be responsible over them and I would be free since my consciousness doesn't no what's going on any longer. 6. Honestly, I thought I've no control over my actions. So, therapy didn't give the slightest comfort. 7. 5 is quite true. I was sent to therapy but I was like, what the .....?? Why am I here?? What does this mean?? 8. I also felt bad about getting healed in that way explained in 5 The thing is, my mind believes that therapy is nothing which works for me and I'm scared whether I would attack the therapist since I meet that person face to face.

[@williamorr3084]

The biggest issue is that there's not enough available options for therapists... Governmental funding dropped immensely... Or the therapist is located way to far away for sessions.

[@SandraLeeWyllie]

Therapy RUINED my Life!

[@danielroy8232]

it's really fun when you have court ordered therapy and you're not allowed to pick your therapist, so you're can be stuck with one who doesn't fit.

[@KimsLantern]

Towards the end of my time seeing my therapist, I started to feel like my therapist was rushing to get off the phone with me. Our sessions started to get shorter and shorter to sometimes 20 minutes and although I understand she probably had more clients, I started to feel like I could barely scratch the surface in our sessions anymore. The last straw was when we had a FaceTime call and she began eating during our session. Is that okay? Is that even normal or appropriate? I didn’t feel like it was.I began to wonder ‘wait, why I was in therapy again?’ It kind of really hurt that I’m trying to talk about something that mattered to me or really upset me, only to be either cut off and told the session is over or for her to start eating food while I’m basically spilling my heart out, especially when I barely have enough time with her anyway. That was a year or so ago. I want to get into therapy again but I feel like there are slim pickings of therapists that have the right expertise in the areas I need. I had one therapist that I tried before her who I couldn’t believe had a job in therapy, as she came off pretty aggressive and had a mean girl streak. I feel like I don’t know what therapy is for anymore in a way.

[@LE_AZ]

I keep getting short term therapists all the time and my insurance won't pay for long term which doesn't help me when I keep explaining myself over and over again. 😞

[@indridcold8433]

Mental therapy is a powerful treatment that can do wonders for most. This is, of course, if the person with the mental illness is social. For us social cripples that trust nobody, have no friends, and suspect everyone of havig nefarious reasons to talk to us, mental therapy wil not function.

[@elvenrights2428]

Issue with mismatch can arise when therapist don't communicate their therapy style with client and don't check whether this type of therapy is right for client. Therapists went through years of education and so, they should be more knowledgeable regarding it than clients (unless client is therapist themselves). Sadly, i stumbled upon one of such therapists, squandered 1000 eur for misaligned therapy instead of moving on promptly to another therapist.

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

I love my therapist and with miss Kati here it’s like double whammy on those emotions/hoarding/grief

[@kassidiscott4589]

Can you do something similar to supervision? I love it here.

[@mateusnanet]

In computer science and computer engineering, programs that "fly" refers to well made code that runs very fast, like astronomical entities (they are at very high speeds); and a "fix" is a shorthand term for bugfixing, which refers to improvements in software.

[@Degrassigirl2530]

I just hate person center approach. I want a diagnosis and a treatment plan. I don’t want to talk about my week or “what’s new” I want behavior change. I just don’t understand talk thearpy.

[@TheRisingSun3418]

You know, after being through all the things I've been through, you'd have a difficult time "getting better" too. I mean really honestly, I've been dealing with MDD and cPTSD for as long as I can remember. But in the past 5 or 6 months, it has grown FAR worse. It's like everything and everyone that I've lost in this life has suddenly all resurfaced simultaneously. They're all their own respective experiences but they seem to all be stuck together, like a massive ball of wet fur. I can't explain what it does to me, all I know is that it is so much worse than before. And you know, at this point, I have absolutely zero faith that anyone or anything can help me. It's not that I don't want to get better, it's just that I don't believe it can happen. It's not in the cards for me.

[@rgac24]

She is right. You have to find a therapist that you feel comfortable talking to about everything and one that has the right techniques and communication. My last therapist was not good fit it just seemed getting no where. Then I finally changed therapist and found one that fits me. But me the hardest doctor who is good fit and willing to work with you is phyctrist. In over decade I have tried 7 different phyctrist. The ones that worked decided to retire or move. The others don't listen to me or provide medications to help my situation. Then I'm stuck for 2 months or more to see different phyctrist. This time, I'm going to try. phyctrist has his own practice and takes Medicare and medicaid.

[@SuperJess135]

Is needing more validation even a mismatch thing or ??

[@Elianalivinglife]

Therapy didn't work for me, because I was misdiagnosed with anxiety, eating disorders, but those were symptoms of Autism combined with ADHD, I have wasted so much money and time on therapy that didn't work as it was not Autism and ADHD inclusive, because of misdiagnosis. Now I suffer from trauma for being late diagnosed (31 years).

[@solesurvivor005]

Thank you for the video. Quick Question: a 3 year diploma in counselling or 6-8 years of study to become a neuropsychologist, what are your thoughts on this? P.S: decision is to be made by a person who is changing his career in 30s.

[@stormthrush37]

I know at least for me a large part of things of why it's not working is because we're living in a very politically unstable time in our country. Yes, you can cope to some degree with some of this with therapy and other methods, but if you're paying any attention at all and according to current polling data we're looking at a very real possibility of four more years of a man who's under indictment for 91 criminal charges related to trying to overthrow democracy to try to stay in power after losing an election and has now progressed to flat out saying he wants to be a dictator without any limits on his power, and a very large number of people are willing to go along with him despite this. That's scary stuff any way you slice it, to realize some large number of people want to see our country descend into even more violence and civil war.

[@anthonyrist5626]

Thanks Katie for that.

[@skybite]

A lot of times that my former therapist is in denial and would rather avoid the issues.

[@nicolemarie1909]

Awesome advice

[@Instkarma9765]

What about a therapist that turns the focus on her experiences? It’s very odd and takes time away from my session

[@emilyhope7468]

I just wish I could find a therapist with a similar mindset or disposition as Kati. Does Kati have a list of recommended therapists (online)? I know she recommends Betterhelp but there was something I didn't like about this.

[@devilsadvocacy]

They were fined almost $8 million by the Federal Trade Commission for leaking protected health information (about patients) to social media sites, particularly Facebook. Stay the hell away from Better “Help”. It is neither

[@mouvement784]

Sometimes the reason why therapy doesn't work is wrong diagnosis.

[@christina_cl]

It's true that if you focus on a diagnosis, it could lead your therapist in the wrong direction, but I think that if you try and focus more on what your actual symptoms and problems are, you can still make progress and improve parts of your life - even if you don't "fix" the initial diagnosis. For example, my parents pushed me to get therapy for "videogame addiction" when I was younger, and my therapist quickly realized that that wasn't the issue and we ended up working on other things like social anxiety. I am a million times better with social anxiety now because of it, even though that wasn't the initial reason for getting therapy.

[@upendasana7857]

A person is way more than a diagnosis and if a diagnosis is the only thing or the main thing a therapist focuses on then the therapist needs to do better.A therapist after a certain amount of sessions should have some idea of what the issues might be or how deep seated,diagnosis is just a guideline and many diagnosis are BS anyway so....they're treating a person NOT a diagnosis

[@amyscarlett5502]

​@@christina_clyeah, but the thing is, your therapist noticed the inicial diagnosis was incorrect, and let it go. If they didn't, trust me, then the results would've been very different. In my case I spend years trying to solve my "Treatment resistant depression", with no success, only to discover it is actually gender dysphoria, and having major breakthroughs in months

[@GnosticMindTrain]

Yep, I was misdiagnosed once and I suspect it's something else, never got confirmation though oddly enough.

[@jocelynharris-fx8ho]

My father had a Phd in Psychology yet he treated my mother, my sister and I, horribly. My beef against counselors, is that they have NO RIGHT to counsel you, when THEIR own lives are a mess. Like the Bible says: "get the speck out of your own eye, before you take the board out of someone elses '".

[@vitamindubya]

Not everything can be fixed with therapy.

[@cartoonygothica]

Even though therapy could benefit me, I am not ready to do it at this time. As an autistic, I often don't like change being forced on me, especially long-term change. When I talk about my problems, I just want to vent and get sympathy. If anything, I want my circumstances to improve first.

[@Woxxx-kb5wm]

I just started therapy and I’m having such a hard time opening up to my new therapist. I think it’s probably a bad fit but also I can’t be honest with her or any therapist, it feels unsafe and too vulnerable. I’m also not sure I’m ready to get better so maybe it’s not a good time for me to do therapy.

[@kaleido9631]

I thought the number one reason would be "Some issues cannot be helped by therapy." That has been true for me. Therapy is not a cure all for everything, even everything mental. Sometimes it's medication related, or something you should really talk to a preist or pastor about instead.

[@heatherwiner2883]

I believe depression keeps me from doing the things to get better. Taking many, many medications left me with too many side effects.

[@mireia8273]

So it can only be the client's fault? Lol

[@katiunddu]

I have a wonderful therapist.

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

Is that possible?

[@windjager2177]

What exactly

[@loraleepooley3669]

I wonder if Katie is still doing any private practice? Just curious.

[@GeorgePalmer-m8m]

There was this guy where I live who was a little rough, but he was gay. This woman was over at his room every night. He said some pretty crude things about "slapping a woman and teaching her a lesson", or something like that. That comment didn't bother the women one bit, because he was gay. In my case, they have put something in me that has destroyed my sex drive, so why would I protect women?

[@SchwarzesSchaefle]

I have been confused about therapy all my life and after trying multiple times (because that was what you're "supposed to do" in my social circle), I decided it just wasn't for me. I successfully turned my whole life around in my 20s, after deciding that therapy wasn't working for me (i was basically agoraphobic for a few years, I used to self-harm, drink too much, smoke, overall unhealthy lifestyle). Now ten years later I have quit all those self-destructive habits and after getting my GED went on to university where I am currently getting my MA - and still each time I voice any kind of frustration or negative thought, my upper middle class academic friends suggest therapy, and still I am confused about it. The fundamental confusion, and this may well be related to how my brain works (I suspect being on the autism spectrum), is that therapy and the language used (including in this video!) seems very "wishy-washy" too me and instead of resonating with me, just makes me confused about what exactly is meant. Fundamental things such as "doing the work" or "healing". How are they defined? How do I measure tem? How do I know when I am doing "the work" or am "healed"? I had specific goals (quit smoking, for instance) and then figured out a way to do that and then did it. In that way, I knew what "healed" looked like - no longer smoking and what "the work" entailed - in my case going cold turkey and just dealing with the symptoms for a few weeks while keeping myself distracted with work, exercise etc. When I was in therapy, I felt like I was regurgitating the same, usually negative thoughts and feelings each week, which only reinforced them and thus made me feel worse and wasn't really telling me anything new - I know my issues, I knew where they came from, I knew what I wanted. I just needed a "push" I guess and realized that therapy was going to keep my from actually making those changes, because after all I was "in therapy" and waiting for a "breakthrough" to give me that push. This does relate to the "doing the work" aspect mentioned in the video, but I still don't understand why therapy is needed instead of just...doing the work oneself. I also don't understand why people who love therapy seem resistant to the idea that a) it really doesn't work for some people and that doesn't mean those people "don't want to get better" or "aren't willing to put in the work" and b) that there is a point at which even late capitalist society with its self-improvement ethos needs to just let people live. The last bit applies to my friends who ask me if I "am in therapy" when I rant about my lack of dating success. No I'm not, but I'm a human being and dating is a mess, I don't think I need therapy just because I don't have a picture perfect romantic relationship right now. Instead of working on fixing whatever may or may not be wrong with my patterns of thinking, feeling and acting, I am currently working on accepting myself as I am, flaws and all. This should be something therapy can help with, but to me it feels antithetical to therapy culture. Because it goes against the narrative that there is "always something to work on". There may be, but who decides that? My friend who suggests therapy when she just can't be bothered to listen to me? No. I decide that. And I've decided my life is fine as it is and I deserve to enjoy it, rather than overanalyzing and picking it apart for the odd chance of "growth", whatever that means.

[@ladysparkymartin]

I was in a dual diagnosis Kaiser program in LA that my GP referred me to. Alcohol and depression. First therapist was a bully. Second therapist was great but she moved on. Third therapist was great but I could only get an appointment once a month for less than an hour bc of delays and admin stuff. My anxiety and cravings only accelerated every time. Done. Nope. I know my comfort zone is pain. I get that. But the alternatives might be impossible. Without black there is no white. I wish well for all but I might just be me.

[@deadpoetoftheyear]

o god. dont ever say anything about a magic wand. that is what abusive therapists say when you leave them or when you cant comply with really shitty things they want you to do (i dont mean hard things, i mean damaging things). then they sigh and say i dont have a magic wand!!! they always say that. please dont say that. its heartless and cruel. abusive therapists say that to "prove" that you didnt try hard enough, when in fact you tried more than is humanely done. its gaslighting, telling the patient they never tried (and that they never tried their whole life even before therepy, cuz the therapist magically knows this). what about their part? im so scared for people in therapy, because they are such easy victims.

[@marielarsson6718]

Or maybe the therapist doesn’t have the right education. Still there is no proved treatment for complex trauma for example. Sick and tired of the phrase ”maybe you dont want to get better”.

[@benjennium]

I've had 3 therapists over 15 years, and none of them ever gave me any work to do outside of our sessions. Wonder why I never made any progress ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[@TheJ0k0r50]

Why didn’t you ask for it?