12-21-17 How to be a Man at Christmas | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #61

A basic guide. A secret baby. Takes a few calls.
New 'ONWARD' Tee Shirts avail at www.theovon.co...
www.livetree.com
Thanks Sherb for your mastering. Thanks Kevin Best, Bobby Small, and Jaystarr Fulfillment for them shirt.
Two tickets to the GUNT SHOW!
Gunt Squad:
Matthew Snow
Renee Nicol
Ryan Wolfe
Angelo Raygun
Carla Huffman
Robyn Tatu
Beau Adams Yoga
Max Bowden
Shawn-Leigh henry
Roar Hanasand
Laura Williams
Not Even Wrong
Xela Person
Open Mind 101
Deanna Smith
Mona McCune
Suzanne O'Reilly
Rashelle Raymond
Chad Saltzman
James Bown
Brian Szilagyi
Monica Hynes
Matt Eckenrode
Arielle Nicole
Greg H
Dave Engelman
Dylan Clune
Calvin Doyle
Robert Doucette
Jacob Ortega
Jesse Witham
Andrea Gagliani
Scott Swain
William Morris
Qie Jenkins
Aaron Jones
Jon Ross
Kevin Best
Haley Brown
Ned Arick
Milo J Garcia
Lauren Cribb
Ty Oliver
Tom in Rural NC
Christian from Bakersfield
Brian Martinez
Matthew Holland
Charley Dunham
Casey Roberts

[@cliftonnobles5600]

Food doesn't have to be enjoyable every time you eat it. We're so fortunate we can simply select anything we want, whenever we want it with regard to eating and with no preceding effort. It's your meat vehicle - how well it performs depends largely on the fuel you choose and that fact is not going to just go away no matter how much you do or don't enjoy certain foods.

[@fargoth7]

Straight up dude, it's so freeing once you stop letting taste rule your diet

[@fargoth7]

Nothing gets my goat like when people see healthy foods and say "I don't care for the taste"

[@jv4vidss]

Tickling a kid at a party is questionable. Especially these days.

[@NotYetEst]

Jimmy D'Amora When did he mention tickling kids? He said to tickle your significant other.

[@dylanjohnson8541]

Theo! I’m about to call in just to tell you how funny you are. You killed it on the Stevie weebe show

[@aramatena]

yea that was funny and interesting

[@shaneeaston7112]

Theodopolis, I hope you see this, using your quick wit and humor to get some of these dark artists to think about their feelings is a lost art these days, especially on the interwebs. Its hard to find a positive influence in this negative world. Thanks for giving us something to look forward to during the week. "Onward"

[@slickrick1654]

The bad sex bandit!

[@johnnie543]

The Dark Arts Soldiers reporting for duty, Sir!

[@cf9076]

Dude I used to run out of gas all the time when I was broke. Usually in traffic somewhere, while trying to make it to a gas station. Sometimes I would only have like a dollar or two in loose change to spend on gas. I had to push my truck a lot.

[@TheLexiconn]

Merry Christmas. Love you, Theo!

[@GoldenFlower11235]

"Be needed don't be needy" - how to be a man at christmas

[@JC-11111]

What in the fuck have I stumbled into!? 🤣 And only almost exactly a year after the fact 😆

[@BIGDICK242]

THIS DUDE IS TOP OF THE PILE.

[@jv4vidss]

This shit just gets better every week Theo.

[@ethendickson9874]

Anybody would pick up a family in some hats 😂💚

[@PaulRubio49]

24:24 You just can't knock that.

[@coledenny6247]

Theo is a real time southern storyteller. I want to listen to him talk about alien obductions on a stormy night

[@lauryncobb8170]

Abductions

[@lauryncobb8170]

obduction noun plural -s : an act or instance of drawing or laying something (as a covering) over

[@lauryncobb8170]

obduction /əbˈdəkSH(ə)n/ nounGEOLOGY the sideways and upwards movement of the edge of a crustal plate over the margin of an adjacent plate. "movement of the ophiolite so far south before obduction is unlikely"

[@shaneeaston7112]

P.S. Joe from Pittsburgh....First off Im sorry you're from Pittsburgh. Secondly, sounds like you might have some old Pittsburgh ghosts in your closet as well. You need to hit up that hotline and do a little purgin'. Get that mean Joe green outta your Terry Bradshaw "Ya know" ONWARD

[@Jamesballsworth]

Shane Easton yeah, I was trippin. I even mentioned on the 3rd call that I appreciated him sharing the story, even though he didn't have to and how easy it is to judge people. I even admitted that the situation struck a chord in me. I just found it shitty that he went out with the dude and his chick and then hooked up. It'd be different if it was just some chick with a boyfriend, but he personally met the guy, one of his fans. So I did call and I did purge, sir. I even went to one of his shows and he met my girlfriend and I, which after hearing that story made me think twice. But Theo's a good dude and obviously the girl wasn't The One for that guy. Called the hotline again today to wish him a merry christmas and thank him for putting my messages on even though I was heated. Always will be a fan, unless he fucks my girlfriend. And yeah, pittsburgh sucks.

[@Douceeee]

Damn that rap was firee

[@miurasvlamborghini]

I appreciate that Memphis shout out. M-town represent!!!

[@TheCubicleReview2]

Beautiful intro music sir, thank you so much!

[@pinkscrooge]

one of the 3 wise men brought condoms to meet baby jesus and chris hansen sends him to desert prison

[@theclark77]

What about those old couples that have "holiday sex" or "special occasion sex" and are getting ready for that special night on Christmas. I had an old schoolmate that had parents like that, only had sex on their birthday or on holidays when they'd get liquored up. What a way to get close to the Holy Lord then by fuckin ...doing the thing that Mary missed out on before getting impregnated by the God's son. I guess it's kinda poetic really.... fuckin on Christmas is like paying tribute to Mary. hmmm.

[@dj_coldshower]

"Hot canal" with the chili hahahahaha

[@art_by_ngl7128]

Rough holidays... Pass me some of that dark arts hamster hombre !

[@aarongraham2281]

Yo bring Simon Rex on as a guest some time!

[@TheoVon]

Aaron Graham thats a good idea. I will!

[@jv4vidss]

Theo Von my favorite rapper

[@williamdennison4173]

I seen my first Theo Von Podcast today 12-24-17 it was your 12-21-17 podcast I thought it was very interesting I love your comedy you are one of my favorite comedians Keep up the great work I will be a regular listener from here on out. have a great day and a merry christmas dude

[@johnnie543]

William Dennison Welcome to the Dark Arts Army, soldier!

[@HippieDippieBS]

you speak so much resonating truth I want to make one of my new years resolutions to call in with a humble opinion.. just to participate. I already donate on patreon.. thanks Theo!

[@greatspacecoaster8759]

A year later...still laughin my arse off!

[@uniquawalker3269]

U saved my christmas i was scrug mcduck for i hear this

[@nhdyz]

I listen to you all the way from Montreal !! Love what you're doing man, i'm crying of laughter

[@jimbridey]

Merry Christmas Theo to you and your family. Your podcast is number 1 to me. Thank you 😊

[@Barry_Fink]

Great show this week Theo, hope you're having a great time back in Louisiana with your family, it's been a big year for the podcast o can't wait to see what we can do in the new year

[@SpaceBetweenEnt]

Beautiful episode, Theo!

[@zacharysavage7916]

Love you theo

[@clark9992]

Wrap up my wife's Christmas present in her favourite shirt? I'm willing to give it a try. I'll let you know how it turns out.

[@kismetology8031]

theo 'I play with my nose a lot bc I dont do drugs anymore' von

[@Beanso]

Damn, baby Jesus was gangsta.

[@rayfuckingrules386]

Theo you are truly a man of mans.

[@rippie___]

Merry Christmas to all you dark artists out there

[@sea8278]

37:37 Feelings

[@CarlosChavez-bi7zc]

Shout out to Yohanis Borat for that fire intro.

[@Lamedvavnik]

2 minutes in and I’m already laughing

[@willgibson4596]

lmao theo von the real o.g

[@wombathijs4560]

That hair drippin off ya neck boi...merry xmas theo

[@Aiur]

Wanted an onward shirt, think the website is down :/

[@krazzledazzle304]

The DANG LORD

[@TheFarmacySeedsNetwork]

rofl... love the rap!

[@jv4vidss]

What up tiny sand who? Holla atcha boy!

[@CarlosChavez-bi7zc]

Jimmy D'Amora shout out to Tiny Sand Dunes!!

[@6Diego1Diego9]

look at them hamps in the back

[@calebstimson5467]

“Where the gristle don’t miss ya” is one of the many/few reasons why Theo Von is my favorite comic

[@davegass1650]

Theo ... You are so fucked up ! Lol ! You are Hilarious ! I think I am going to name our new puppy Theo . I am not kidding .

[@bat_freak89]

Cat daddy gang

[@wolfstatus]

I love u theo!!!!

[@bigleebrink]

You know.

[@iMertin90]

Merry xmas Theo

[@JK-tg4rw]

bob blow lol....Let's not leave "CHRIST" out of "Christmas"... :)

[@iMertin90]

I ain’t religious so the way I say it doesn’t matter

[@JK-tg4rw]

MAGNUS I was just joking, I knew Xmas is just an abbreviation. :)

[@matthughes5945]

Where's that nexflkx special at Theo Von.

[@1bassman2007]

Netflix "No Offense"...

[@Lentilky1980]

You guys have to calm down about this girl-thing. I can understand why Theo regrets it and why he doesn't want to do that sort of things. But come on..what about the girl? She was the only one who did something wrong. She had all the info and contacted Theo when she knew that she was going out with this other guy. So she is to blame, not the guys. Us women get away with way too much. Put the blame where it belongs.

[@JK-tg4rw]

Lenty I think any perceived negativity is probably coming from him violating; Guy Code.."No HOES before BROs" Lol

[@Lentilky1980]

I don't agree. The blame is all on the girl. She knew that she was on a date and that she was going to go out with the guy again. She also knew that Theo was just in town for a couple of days. I don't know what the girl said to Theo, but if this was me, I would have thought that she wasn't that interested in the other guy and that was why she contacted Theo. Why shouldn't he say yes? Who wouldn't? The term "bros before hoes" is the stupides thing. Not many guys turn down a girl they like if the girl makes contact. We all want attention and we all want to be with someone. The girl did something wrong, and I guess the other guy is glad he found out.

[@Lentilky1980]

Yeah, it's always two people. But one didn't know that the other one was in a sort-of-relationship. It's not fair to say that both of them is equally to blame. That's the same as saying that if someone in a relationship has an affair with a single person and the single one doesn't know about the relationship, it's that persons fault. The person in the relationship is to blame, not the other one. The one with all the info is to blame, not the person who doesn't know.

[@Lentilky1980]

Yeah they were on a date, but it was a first date. So maybe he thought that she didn't really like the guy and was moving on. Totally agree that he deserves better, and she may be cheating again.. but my point is just that the blame is hers. And we women get away with too much when it comes to these things.

[@Lentilky1980]

True. And I would agree more with what you said if they were in a relationship. But this is why I only blame the girl.. because she was the only one who knew everything about everyone.

[@theodoregideonshisha7919]

wrong, wrong, wrong. Unless the girl is your wife, you're engaged and stuff, it's not even your business. She is a free being, Theo is as well. It's up to them, what activities they do. If I meet a girl who is dating someone and she want to give me a piece, I feel no duty to think about a guy. Why would I? Does he own her? No. She's free to do whatever. And even if they talked about it and promised to share their bodies with each other only, it is not my business to decide for her. It's her choice. And the same I expect vice versa. If I want the girl and I want to give her my full self, I ask her to marry me. Or at least to be mine during trial period. And I promise her the same. But still I believe she is fully free and responsible for herself. And if you recognize we are fighters/hunters/seed spreaders, how can you pull that beta male move out of your sleeve and to moralize that guys should stick together. Opposite is true. For suree I think that she did good thing to tell it, cos honesty is th best. And I understand he felt betrayed, but how can you blame the other guy. What is between you two, is between you two. But what was between Theo and her is between them. Theyy both wanted it and I see no reason to call him a dick. Or making a dick move. Or request an appology.

[@cliftonnobles5600]

"I don't know if it's like that..." x_x DED

[@Eunos_FD3S]

Nah... a single woman is going to do what she wants. There is no "taming"

[@mindslightlylifted]

Ded, eh? Sorry you have to joke that way, it is a part of life, however.

[@tntbutterfly]

fuckin' love you bro. fuck.

[@macc6354]

Yo Theo don't go back on call of duty Black ops 3 pimpin cause you gon just lose again

[@porkrolleggNcheese1]

I agree with the first caller. Messed up you did that to a fan. You should think of going to Sexholics Anonymous. You are an addict! Lost some of my respect you've built up with these intimate podcasts.

[@brianlewis1372]

porkrolleggNcheese Take it easy bud.

[@waynekreedir9393]

Dream Guesterinos I'd like to see with You-Theo On This Past Weekend. Yelawolf Joey Diaz Bobby Lee Macaulay Culkin Conan O'brien Tim Burton & Johnny Depp H3H3 Podcast Post Malone Steven Tyler Gary Busey Simon Rex Jim Carrey Dave Attell Martin Short Norm Macdonald Bill Burr Kyle Mooney Key & Peele Randy Savage Randy Travis Ice-T Don Rickles Rodney Dangerfield Danny Kaye Seth Rogen & James Franco And another Human who's not a White Male.

[@CarlosChavez-bi7zc]

Wayne Kreedir Some Dark Artists like Lisa Ann or Mia Khalifa.

[@morimemento8351]

kid tit city

[@jewfedmuzik]

THUMBS UP if you LIKE before even watching kuz you KNOW it'll be GREAT and FUNNY! as always. You rock, Mr. Theo Von.