12 Potent Strategies Narcissist Use to Sabotage Breakup Attempts. "Humanization" Trick & Others

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This is an excerpt from the 5.5 hour video seminar entitled: "Escaping Narcissistic Abuse - Stages 4 and 5." Find it here: bit.do/Stages_4...
Explains how narcissists will sabotage a person's efforts to break free from a relationship with them. I describe 12 distinct patterns of manipulation.
1. Manipulative / turn up the “gas” in the gaslighting
2. Aggressive and threatening
3. Passive /covertly aggressive
4. Sabotage, triangulation, poisoning minds
5. Willing (insincerely) to negotiate
6. Agreeing to stop problems
7. Agreeing to go to therapy/treatment
8. Humanizing themselves by talking out their abuse history
9. Begging for another chance
10. Suicide threats or attempts
11. All out attack/destruction
12. Replacement
ABOUT ROSS
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. Ross’s “Codependency Cure™ Treatment Program provides innovative and results-oriented treatment. His expert educational and inspirational seminars have earned him international acclaim, including his 21 million KZbin video views and 230K subscribers. In addition to being featured on national TV and radio, his “Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 138K copies and are in 9 languages. Ross provides expert testimony/witness services.
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#narcissisticabuse #divorcinganarcissist #leavinganarcissist #LifeAfterNarcissism #thriveafterdivorce #rossrosenberg

[@charlotteboyett-napper4780]

My ex covert narc boyfriends ex-wife supposedly committed suicide in their old house which he still owned a year after their divorce. Lots of sympathy for him for sure. Then I find out he had had an affair of 6 years with another woman who lo and behold died suddenly too. I decided not to be victim #3!!

[@isaacsanders9203]

Crazy! Run! Hope you’re well!

[@optical-illusion9996]

Creepy

[@tammyneal7471]

I know a narc (or sociopath) whose wife died under what I think are dubious circumstances. About half a year later he must have gotten bored and focused on me. He then weaponised an illness I had and I think when he could not win against me mentally, he would implement covert physical attacks. ie spray poisons on me then say "his wife used to complain about him doing that too".... the implication as plain as day. An evil little sod. No use trying to deal with him - no conscience, no morals. I think the police are even suspicious of his wifes death, and they took my issues seriously at least. I've gone no contact and installed security. He has found a new source now and the grooming has already begin. I hope she survives it

[@Andypandieful]

Sadly classic.

[@jomo3321]

Wow sorry.i feel scared now. My mom won't stop harassing me. Sorry not looking to take away from your trauma just realizing how serious it is. Thanks. We got this. I pray for peace n love for all

[@hugmc]

A demon can’t be saved. You WILL die trying too save them. SELF-LOVE. 👍

[@tubu___pltubu_pl7131]

Sacha SŁONE you are a PSYCHPATH ANd NACI!!! YOU CAN NOT LIVE withou KZbin... You are a stalker... Ross Rosenberg You too...

[@longislandny696]

Amen to that!

[@hugmc]

TUBU___pl tubu_pl sorry too about your narcissism

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

Right on!

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

@@hugmc it's so evident isn't it? They find any clear spot open to jab. Not loving, not kind - they come out vicious and ready to attack who ever they can find. He just had to post that like it was fact but doesn't know those people at all!

[@ThePropheticClock]

I'm glad I found this channel. So many focus on why you should hate the narc that's easy! I'd rather learn how to love myself than hate him...

[@performancewithoutlimits3093]

Completely get that... Hating them feeds them and we need to transition from that important stage of being furious to giving our energy to ourselves. Best advice to save me was " In all matters consider what is in your own best interests, with consideration for others but without self-sacrifice".. Now, I've never been happier.. Best wishes.

[@elsmonteyne3859]

@@performancewithoutlimits3093 agreed! ❤

[@jewelsbarbie]

Andy Cawley wow, thank you for sharing that quote of advice. the man I’ve been seeing for almost a year accuses me of silent treatment every time we argue (I make sure to tell him that I need a day to think things over so that I don’t say anything I may regret later). He constantly tells me that I’m running away/ purposefully avoiding him, that I’m a sick person, and tells me if I was “mature” I would pick up the phone when he calls and stop acting like a baby. (I think I am realizing, as I’m writing this, that he is being unreasonable, but maybe I’m in the wrong? 🤷‍♀️) We have been arguing frequently, as of late. I thought I was ready to be in a relationship after escaping 9 years with a covert narcissist who broke me mentally, emotionally, and physically. Now I feel just as confused as I was in that relationship 😢

[@kimberlytrent5245]

Right on ❤️💕👍

[@lynnwilliams8295]

It’s easy to hate them. It’s hard and a lot of work to love yourself.

[@LinYouToo]

When I was a child my mom used to threaten me by telling me she was going to throw herself down the stairs… That’s how she tried to control me. As a middle-aged adults these days I put a stop to all that nonsense. Setting boundaries and consequences was the hardest and most courageous work ive ever done on my own healing journey.

[@kevinsmith5318]

Wow. This all so spot on. I tried many times to leave her over the course of four years. The suicide threats, stories of abuse... but it is the crying that will always haunt me. It wasn’t crying crying but more like a agonizing howl like a wounded animal. And so true that in the end i was replaced. Unfortunately by that point i had become trauma bonded to her (i have since learned) and the script had flipped over to me chasing her! What madness. In my second month of no contact. No hoover attempts so far.

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks for sharing Lance! In case you are interested on the 5.5 hours Ross's video seminar around this topic, please see this link: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/escaping-narcissistic-abuse-stages-4-and-5

[@SibylDreams]

They use :1) fake promises that they will change and fake apologies, 2) future faking-now they want to meet your needs and dreams, 3) triangulation, 4) guilt. They play the victim. They make you feel responsible for their pain, 5) shame. They insult you and question your ability to function on your own, 6) ghosting. They disappear for a while to trigger your fear of abandonment, 7) sex, 8) money or whatever they provide, 9) your children, 10) your own past. They bring it up to crash your self-esteem, 11) big words of love, 12) family and friends to talk you over. Please break the trauma bond. This is not love

[@rainforest.4577]

Just wanted to mention here, they have no friends. The weird thing about "having no friends" is, the narc has no friends bc they hurt people. The empath has no friends bc they've been hurt so often they self preserve. They both have the same "no friends" issue, but for different reasons.

[@biancavonmuhlendorf2608]

One needs to stop relating to a person, who has a stone instead of a heart

[@HUYI1]

more like a black hole of nothingness instead.

[@peterklein4349]

@@HUYI1 No, black holes , that are their eyes..

[@HUYI1]

@@peterklein4349 good point, the eyes are the windows of the soul after all. 🤔

[@CFoles-bh5uu]

@@peterklein4349 hahaha so true this made me smile.

[@CFoles-bh5uu]

@@peterklein4349 so so soooo true lol over here. Cynically spot on

[@miclaguna949-ho1yn]

My adoptive dad was having an affair for the longest time. I met his wife ( girlfriend at the time) when I was eight, or nine.. My adoptive mom hired a private detective, or someone to just find out where they lived ,and I guess that's how she found the address. So, she took me there ,and that's where I met the two of them. My adoptive parents ,were not good for each other. However, my adoptive mom couldn't accept that if you were to talk about it. That, or, she would just blame everything on my adoptive Dad. She never takes responsibility for her own opinions or her own thoughts.. Mom always chose fights with Dad when he came home at night. Dad always worked late, and came home late. He was never a bad dad for the the record. He may have had a temper but you really have to poke the Bear in order to get it out. He never drank he never did drugs. He was a dentist. Mom helped put him through school with the help of her family. I remember one time they were fighting.. and as a child ,I call the cops.. i was acared.. I didnt understand.. I just wanted all the screaming in the fighting to stop because it was everyday every night I couldn't take it. I know It takes two, not just one however, my mom really provoked my dad. She pressed him to the point of turning him into someone he didn't want to be. And this kind of behavior would make anybody angry. Mom put me on recordings to say that my dad was not a good dad and then I was afraid of him. Because I was a child I went along with it. But I don't blame my dad now for leaving.. i iust blame him for letting this unstable family, this woman especially, to adopt me. I wish there were psychological evaluations before I was brought to California from Romania. Its frightening how much these people can get away with. Especially my adoptive mother's s side of the family. It should not be that easy to adopt children for a reason. The mental health of the baby should be caref for.. and this family completely failed on that much. They just care about image. And money. And maintaining their false sense of reality. Finally , dad, wanted a divorce however, they remained separated for the longest time after my adoptive mom tried killing herself when I was in the sixth grade. I saw the gun, I even put the gun away back into its holster. I saw the alcohol, the pills, downstairs in the kitchen.. i saw alot of blood when I had to come back to get my clothes, and to go live with my uncle, and auntie.. it was all horrifying. I've lived with friends, teachers, boyfriends, girlfriends, dad, and mom. When I was like I think 10 or 11, I was put into foster care for 6 weeks because they said I was a problem child. But I was just a child reacting to my environment. These are narcissistic adults who know what they're doing and don't care what happens to the child. Would rather blame their toxic shit onto their children. The children are always the one who have to suffer the most. For a long time I was in a dark place myself. Now i am in a much better place in my mind. I face my problems ,and I face the bullies. I'm working on some health problems right now because I have a fibroid however, after I heal, thats hrn I can start planning to leave. It will take time. I just have to be patient with myself, and try to work with news ways of thinking, learn some new tools to help get myself through this as sane as possible. I'm also looking for a professional, who specializes with NPD ,and BPD ,and abuse in families..who can give me some legal advice, in terms of how to protect myself. I have to be wise. Im Fortunate to have a roof over my head, food, and clothing.. but this still all comes with a price. If I could choose which family could adopt me, I would have chosen someone else. But babies do not get to choose their family. All we can do as people, as individuals, is to choose who we want to be in this world. These people had the audacity to go across the world to adopt someone else's baby, all just to maintain an image. They didn't want me out of love, even though they act like they love me in front of people. But they're just showing off for attention. That's what narcissistic people will do.. they show off your accomplishments for attention but then invalidate you behind closed doors, and gaslight you. These people have way too many personalities.. I cannot keep up with it.. and I don't want to. Narcissism ,and love do not go hand in hand. Narcissistic people ,are incapable of real love. They're just really good at hiding it, and pretending to be something they're not just to keep people at Bay. They don't have the right chemicals in their brain to be stable enough. I was brought into this gaslighting, emotionally invalidating, family, who can get away with a lot. They can turn it on ,and off when they want. People have no idea, except for the people in the family. But no one has the balls to say anything. But that's only because they're getting something from it. They don't want to ruin their chances of being provided whatever they're being provided. And they're scared. They had their own biological son..he was 14 years older than I. And it's not like My adoptive mother could never have kids again.. My brother killed himself in 2009, many years after my mom tried killing herself, during the separation of my dad and her.. My adoptive brother, had a job, and everything. He was a Doctor, he had it all. But not his mental health.. and that.. that shit ,eats at you.. He was made to force his true feelings down for so long that it finally caught up with him later on. And my brother had no one to confide in. And given our age Gap, he couldn't speak to me.. I just wish I could have been there for him.. No one deserves to live in that pain in silence. And if anyone ever will understand it would be me. I was treated the same way. To know that these people are capable of doing this ,and to not give a fuk.. I don't feel sorry for these narcissists. We all know that pain hurts. Why continue it? Only unstable hurt people. Healed people, try to heal people.. people who try to heal, don't try to hurt those around them. its just.. knowing what I know now, I understand why my adopted dad never want to have kids again after that however, in order to appease my adoptive mother, he just probably went along with adopting another baby ,instead, like some trophy.. These people talk about having responsibilities however , they fail to realize the lack of responsibility in this much.. and thats a choice. Going across the world, adopting another person's child into this mess, and hiding behind denial, and money, living behind a fantasy way of thinking.. is nothing to be proud of. And it doesn't matter how rich you are, or what type of lifestyle you can provide. If people are fake nothing will ever feel enough. Not the wives not their families not the job's not the car is not the big homes.. they will always feel empty. And there is a reason for that. Whether they're doing this to somebody else's baby or doing it to their own blood, it's still not healthy, it's still not right. I come from a family full of high ,and low IQs of narcissistic thinking, borderline personalities, codependency, and trauma bonds.. The more I learn of this behavior, and this personality types, the more I see it around me, the more I see the cycles. There's so much more to this.. The worst thing we can do is become the very same things that we're subjected to in our environment, to become the very same things, amd people, that we were influenced by. Not all of it is going to be healthy, or right-minded, and that includes family as well. It's not just society ,or politics, or the entertainment world.. it's inside our homes as well.. This type of low vibrational mindset, has been going down through generation to generation.. this mindset has made history in itself.. this happens around people we hope that we could trust the most, and the ones who claimed to love us, are actually the ones who end up disappointing us the most. Sometimes , you don't get that bond with your family, that mothe,r and father relationships, that human connection.. Pretending to be something and staying consistent are two different things. People who are programmed to become narcissistic, made an excuse in their heads at one ooint in their lives, and became the very same things they were subjected to. At some point they knew they had a choice but gave up inside anyways. We cannot allow people to work us down like that to the bone. Remember, a narcissist is just a bully, and a bully, is just full of low self-esteem. There's no power in that, unless you give it power. We all work with insecurities and low self-esteem. It's a part of being human, and growing up..Nobody is perfect, but that doesn't mean we have to destroy other people over it. I'd rather be alone than to be around people who made me feel lonely. The vibes are so different from each other..

[@lindacourtney5380]

I hate to admit this, but I was married to 4 different Narc's. I NEVER KNEW I WAS ATTRACTING this type of demon into my life. I'm an empath , and trusted them all. Oh my God, have mercy on this old 78 year old, thankfully living alone now. I NEVER KNEW THIS TRUTH ABOUT THESE HORRIBLE EVIL DEMONIC CREATURES!!!!!!! I'm a Christian, and we are taught to TRUST and LOVE everyone. NOT SAFE WAY TO LIVE*****!!!!!!!!

[@hugmc]

Linda Courtney know that feeling, thank God I woke up 🙏

[@Gemelli2906]

I am living alone also. No more drama. Also I'm afraid of attracting another psycho!!

[@kky.x]

We’re taught to love everyone, not trust everyone. Read the bible. There are sooo many warnings against evil people and it teaches you to have discernment which is incredibly important. We know them by their fruits (actions) not their words This is why the word of God is so valuable. It’s our armour and defence against evil

[@Prometheuspredator]

​@@kky.xI agree. Communion with God and reading the bible will direct you life as it gives warnings for us to remove ourselves from the presence these type of people.

[@dgontar]

17:23 They're not hurting. It's just an act. These people don't have feelings. They're PRETENDING to regress. To have feeling means to be conscious, and evil people are not fully conscious. And the reason for that I think is that to be conscious means, in part, to be connected to the unconscious and the authentic self (spirit). But these people are pretentious and only exist in their superficial selves.

[@RantTherapist]

Ooh-wee Dr. Ross, you are stopping evil dead in its tracks! I believe that this information saves lives. Truly.

[@optical-illusion9996]

So so true, well said

[@smac1823]

Omg therapy with the narc. Exercise in futility. My narc told me he’d “have her [the therapist] on the couch in five minutes”.

[@phineasjwhoopie4615]

And do anything to obstruct or sabotage your entire life!

[@jensbasement3862]

Personally, I don't talk to many people about my own experience. If I do, its more generalized than personal anymore. Recovery can be a slow process, and you have to be sure that every block you are stacking to build your newfound temple, is strong/sturdy enough to balance the rest of the blocks required. That requires your own self-trust. I do believe your temple is only as strong as your self-trust. And its important to not share information with people who would try to knock down every brick you stacked to rebuild your walls. Validation should come from yourself, and that is what I've learned from this experience. You cannot trust ANYONE else to build your temple for you. You must do it, one brick at a time.

[@peterklein4349]

Self Love Disorder/Deficient.. You've got to do it on your own...!

[@atlasheyzal9178]

These videos are helping me make it through the very 1st day alone in my own apartment after leaving my narcissistic wife, which happens to be Thanksgiving. I’m so terrified of what she is capable of.

[@donnaforrest2315]

I wish you the best. I am couple weeks out and it’s amazing how much these videos have helped me. I didn’t even know what a narcissist was a week ago. Now I know I am just as important as a rock or a sofa or a stick to them, it makes it easier to look at myself and move on because there is no point thinking i can change anything. I have to move on. He does not care because I am not appealing to him as a supply because I didn’t take his shit. It’s wild because through these videos I see so clearly the way he manipulates his daughters (specifically the youngest who he treats like a wife, helps turn her against her mom) really odd and the way he manipulates his number one employee (who is his money maker) gas lighting him saying he isn’t smart enough to move to another job and that he couldn’t handle being a real foremen....when the guy would make 2x the money anywhere else and manages 2 million dollar plus projects for him. I see my x’s power as a father, a boss and omg!!!!! His poor x wife of 22 years, he still tracks her and is obsessed with what she is doing. I also see his support network of people that think he is great and puff up his ego. Plus I see all the toys he has and I learned in one of the videos that all the toys and second and third homes(boat, jet skis, snow mobiles, motor cycles, etc) they are all part of the supply needed to make himself feel big. Super cool understanding. Who knew....a narcissist???? It’s really powerful to be able to heal when you know you mean nothing to them and never did mean anything to them.

[@barbaras5874]

I am wondering about narcissism in my family. I struggle with intense feelings of depression and guilt if I don't visit or call my parents when they expect me to. I long to be free of this. If I don't do these things my mom uses tactics to make me feel guilty and then I go right back to keeping her happy with me. It's like I am so afraid of living my own life because of the guilt from my mom. Like I feel responsible for her happiness. It feels like a very dark energy and drains all my energy.

[@roshimafair7603]

Best thing you can do is move away and either go no contact or very minimal contact without visiting or speaking directly with them

[@soulywomen]

My mom is narc. Shes 86 now and has had a guilt grip on me my whole 44 yrs. Do yourself a favor. LIVE your life. On YOUR terms. Do what works for you. If it works for you to tell them "I'll call you every other Sunday afternoon to check in", then do exactly that. If it seems doable and not too stressful. That way you are still there, but when YOU decide. They will hate it, try to buck it, argue, act like you're terrible...they can deal with it. They WILL deal with it. You canNOT live a life of guilt worrying about them and their feelings. Trust me. I feel like half my life is gone and ruined. Run. Run now. If you suspect they are like this, then you are probably right. It's one thing for parents to want to see how you are and check on you...its another when they want to dictate to you how you should behave to make them happy. Good parents set kids free. And dont guilt. Bad parents think they own you. Go live your life. I wish I did.

[@barbaras5874]

@@soulywomen Thank you so much. You are so right. I feel much like you. For me it is this constant debilitating fear that one of them will die and then I will be left feeling regret for not seeing them more, and that is what keeps me stuck and not able to be free to live my own life. And the way my mom reacts when I don't call for a week. I think that parents should be there but not expect their kids to call and visit all the time. They should let their kids go and be free. And freedom is also about freedom from attached energy and feeling like you need to make everyone happy all the time.

[@soulywomen]

Barbara, I totally understand...I'm an only child and I too felt like you, but at the same time it cant hinder you living. I think if you truly know that you've been a good 'kid', that if something tragic were to happen, you would know that they knew you loved them, but that you also had your own life too. You can always find something to guilt yourself about when someone passes, but normally if you keep yourself in check, you know you didn't do anything wrong. Just the best you could. I'm not sure how I'll feel when my mom goes one day. I think shes a vampire and will never go, frankly, lol. But I know I'll feel freedom for sure. Probably some residual guilt for how I should have been, according to her calculations...but I know I've done more than the average person would have. Good luck to you! No need to cut ties, just need to draw some boundaries and do things on your terms - she WILL get over it. If you enforce, she will eventually comply. Dont wait til your 60. Start small now! Xoxo

[@barbaras5874]

@@soulywomen Thank you so much, that makes much sense! I think my whole life I tried to be the 'good girl' keeping everyone happy before thinking of myself, and I never said how I really felt or what I wanted. Yet, when I would go and visit them, I felt like a kind of volcano of feelings take over, and I felt suffocated, especially when I was there for a week or so. Now, I don't go there that much anymore and only for a few days at most. I feel guilty that I don't feel like I am so close to them, and it probably comes from a lot of pain from when I was younger, which we have never spoken about. The biggest block to my happiness is my constant guilt, and I know you are right, I must get over this and live my own life. I will survive if something tragic would happen and even if I felt regret then, I would still survive. Thank you for your advice and good luck to you too with regards to your mom.

[@nrgbunni.]

BPD’s can often be interpreted as being manipulative but at the end of the day they just will do anything to avoid being abandoned like they’ve been in the past. It’s coming from a place that isn’t intentional and is a product of trauma where as narcissists and ASPD’s everything is deliberate and an attempt to manipulate you into doing what they want.

[@SB-xs1pn]

Narcissists and most people with ASPD are products of trauma as well. Very few ASPD patients are born that way.

[@morganfalkdesigns]

What is ASPD?

[@musikgirl7]

Morgan Falk antisocial personality disorder

[@LDuke-pc7kq]

It's still toxic and traumatizing to the victim regardless of the label of the personality to disorder, and it's still a product of lack of empathy on the border lines part regardless of it being intentional or not. If someone knows they have BPD and have the potential to be emotionally abusive to another person they need to stay out of relationships until they can be safe for others, that is having basic empathy and respect for others well-being and not putting others in a position of codependency, guilt or possible harm

[@Mooseboy240]

manipulation is deliberate whether you admit it or not. Yes Bpd want to be loved but they do everything they can to abuse their object of affection and they damn well know it.

[@BradConroy_guitar]

With my ex we went through each one of these stages. I saw the hurt child at the very end; so broken, fractured, and shattered to the core. A truly tragic sight that still haunts me now and again.

[@kimberlytrent5245]

I know 😞

[@randomtriviachannel]

Gosh, I thought it was just me. Thanks for sharing this. Haunting indeed.

[@Anita1984isuponus]

Glad it's only haunting you from a distance

[@Prometheuspredator]

We were also a hurting child during their abuse as well. This took us back to our injured inner child of negative events that were inflicted upon us during our childhood and in life. We learned to grow and manage our trauma and we want to heal, but a narcissist refuses to reflect about the abuse they have inflicted on others as doing so causes them to experience an narcissistic collapse and must be dismissed and immediately replaced and directed to a target of their choosing. We can not afford to allow someone to hurt and abuse us as it is here we are delivered back to our hurt inner child and attempting to pacify others.

[@williamwarren5269]

These narcs a hosting demons unawares.

[@cheatednomore6430]

William Warren I believe it! My adoptive parents were both psychopaths and what I witnessed of them and saw in their eyes and the sadistic things they accomoplished was straight out of a horror movie or a book with a theme of demons and possession.

[@jenniferfrances8793]

Their eyes change, you can see it. I think Jezebel controls them. That is why people fall for their fake love and charm so easily. Devil’s grin 🤮

[@cjennings6179]

Parasites need hosts. Freeloaders need Suppliers to meet their NEEDS.BASIC NEEDS A roof water Electricity. Simple. Safety..

[@queenleahjenkins1766]

I call it " Working for the Devil and they don't even know it".

[@hugmc]

William Warren believe me they are not unaware . The more I learned too observe and listen the more I have learned they know.

[@tbd5082]

There was never an emotional connection.

[@blackwalnut1943]

TBD never but they follow you obsessively

[@jennie5103]

TBD damn. That’s probably true. Only on your side (the sensitive, sane one) fuck. This comment will stick with me. Thank you for this.

[@CarterSams]

It's not even a real person

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I'm starting to type up all the red flags that I didn't recognized - from literally, day one, and even before we went on a single date, in hopes that I read it and remember that it was all an act. So many times, I told myself, "He's a fake, a phony, a fraud," and even once remember saying, "There is something _very_ wrong with him." But could not put my finger on it, didn't know what to call it, and was stuck on believing that he was a sweet, kindhearted lovable loser, who just had so much bad luck* and trauma in his life, and just needed patience, love and understanding to heal. lessons learned: 1. Don't date anyone who needs to heal. I recognize that my ego feeds on helping others. But that is a mistake, I have now learned. You can't love someone back to good mental health. Especially if they have their heart barricaded. 2. Someone who has a series of bad luck in their life is either lying about it, misstating a lot of it, or making their own bad luck. Same with things like people who constantly have drama in their life, continual rejection, etc.

[@DivineDissident]

Exactly

[@Canaday291]

I experienced the begging for me not to leave or divorce my narcissistic ex husband many times. I so wish I had not fallen for all of his future faking and lies that he would change as he only got worse and always resorted back to his abusive , cheating, and self absorbed behavior .

[@Jenniferde2007]

My husband was a surgeon and was the exact same scenario, promises, gifts, you name it. He was verbally abusive, physically abusive (I left) and his crying was also part of the way he tried to persuade me to go back. I am a nurse and I knew better, but it took courage as he might have killed me. Thank God we had no children.

[@ebutuoywrw]

@@Jenniferde2007 yes right choice

[@3Heartsxx]

@@mangosteena he's no more than an empty creature. He has nothing of real value to offer you or the world. Be glad you've got an inner light inside. These types are spiritually bankrupt you still have a chance.♡

[@shinosukenohara5721]

You never mention compulsive lying in your videos. That is what mine does, and they truly believe I buy it, after all this time.

[@hugmc]

I wish there were narcissist surviver groups in every country, so we could meet and associate with each other, I think it would be good for us and uplifting and positive.

[@cjennings6179]

They need to GET THEIR WAY. WIN.

[@heathermcdougall2399]

I managed to make my narc leave of his own free will.It felt like a fight to the death, but I was so fed up, I was up for it. I literally sent him crazy, constantly asking for money, instead of giving it, refused to as much as even cook him a meal. Refused to wash his clothes. Refused sex. Constantly screamed at him over every tiny little thing . When he'd inevitable explode, I was sarcastic and told him, I didn't care- go on, freak out, so what? Silent treatment? Good! Now I'll get some peace from you - great! Way beyond negative supply, entering the totally toxic supply area. Narcs will actually run away of it gets totally toxic for them. MY house, My home and YOU'RE leaving, not me.

[@sandradaily6019]

Great advice gonna start NOW

[@maxinecraig9801]

I LOVE this haha! Love love love

[@kimwalker5645]

My Son and I both totally recognise these things in our relationships . Luckily we both escaped with our lives, our sanity is returning with knowledge that we have discovered in hindsight. Thank fully these videos are available and wishing we’d had these resources when going through it, the damage and length of it would have been reduced. Much love to all that have been affected by these damaged individuals. I always used to think my love could save them. Now I know better❤️

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks for sharing.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Love that expression: induced conversation - followed by oh oh oh the dreaded word salad!!!!

[@odette8905]

Amazing Ross! Every word you speak about this issue resonates precisely with my experience. You are phenomenal in your clarity, understanding and explanations. Thank you.

[@prant8998]

It’s hard enough getting over the narcisssit breakup, throw in the guilt of a real suicide, and you have a life changing traumatic event. I just met someone where she just got divorced and her huband killed himself, it was ten months later and she was a mess. The suicide threat is real and powerful. You have to be strategic, get out slowly, and don’t look back.

[@LisaMitchellGD]

Dr Rosenberg's voice is so soothing and comforting

[@oliviamiller7434]

Oh man, you nailed it. Word for word. He survived the suicide attempt with brain damage. More dangerous than before. All I did was enrol in a local education program.

[@ebutuoywrw]

wow

[@2legit2Kwit]

Jesus. Mental disorder. Hope you didn’t give up you

[@dianepease1537]

Talking to him would only bring up angry on my part and he's so good about flipping the whole situation on to me and making it look like it's my fault when actually I'm trying to solve a situation or problem and he makes it look like it's all me and defeats the whole purpose of me talking I'm not talking anymore

[@gypsypath1]

Damn! This perfectly describes my ex-husband! 😡🤬 Edit to add: Except for agreeing to therapy. When I asked him to go, his response was literally “I don’t need to pay someone to tell me everything is your fault!”

[@faithstanding8548]

My husband said "I am not the one with a problem, why would I go to counseling?"

[@Jenniferde2007]

@@faithstanding8548 My husband was an MD/PhD *(Otolaryrngolgist) and he felt that the counsellors were not educated enough to counsel him.

[@kam0406]

That's okay. It saved you money. Narcissists don't change, even with therapy. Even the best therapist will acknowledge this.

[@Jenniferde2007]

@@kam0406 You are right--it did not change him and I have been free of him since 2001--he is now some other woman's problem/

[@kynathomas4809]

😲!!!!

[@echase416]

"He says he's going to stop" sounds like the Honeymoon Cycle in domestic violence.

[@stephaniehepler8341]

I was gaslit into believing I was bad with money & couldn’t be trusted. Couldn’t make unilateral decisions. He controlled our money. He convinced me I had no value, so my needs went unmet while I lived in shame. It was a relief when I woke up from the fog to finally realize that none of what he said was true & I am in fact a trustworthy, responsible, competent person.

[@_Louise__]

My (then, 13yo) son pointed out this about my ex-partner while I was in the relationship: "He only wants you for your looks and status, he doesn't actually want you in his life". I sat with this a while, not understanding why someone would want to do that. I've even thought he was narcissistic for the past 6 months since the relationship ended. I've just realised his traits were more aligned with ASP - high risk acts and focus on monetary gain and power, rather than a need for "supply". So good to understand it better along the SLDD healing path. Thank you Ross

[@elizabethfreer1948]

Yes..makes sense..but I have close to a PHD in narcissism..well said..the more boundaries you set firmly the more fearful they become..the more fearful they become the more control and power they try to enforce..they don’t give up..because their “interior” Lack of self esteem and their false ego..cannot let go..the worse you empty that cup the more flying monkeys they source..desperate they stop at nothing ..empty souls

[@Hawaiiansky11]

It occurs to me that many of these therapists specializing in Cluster B / narcissistic spectrum disorders do so because they themselves needed to go through the healing process from being abused themselves.

[@Indrani_Mukherjee19]

Just got out of a narcissistic abusive relationship and managed it quietly slipping out of his eyes.This video preps me about future possible harassment that I may face.I am so grateful to you sir!I am more aware about my self care now.I fit in SlDD category;this info is vital for my safety and recovery.

[@RossRosenberg]

Thank you so much for the support. In case you are interested in more info, the complete seminar can be found at: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/escaping-narcissistic-abuse-stages-4-and-5

[@tomsalzano8120]

This helped so much, Ross. Stage 5 had been a sticking point where I had gotten deceived a bit in the past, but am listening to my 'gut' now, and know somehow that the BPD / CN's actions aren't lining up with her words. Like dealing with a SNAKE ! I see through it now. Thank you Sir !

[@lynnwilliams8295]

My ex narc threatened suicide. It scared me to death of course and I of course got upset. Finally I realized it was a manipulation. The next time he did it I said “that would be unfortunate. Your family would be so hurt. But just so you know I will go on with my life. It was your decision and I’m not going through life feeling guilty for something you did. I am well aware you are using that to manipulate me” I said it in a calm voice. I kept my anger at bay. Needless to say he never did it.

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks so much for sharing!

[@everhopeful3957]

You are simply a genious Mr Rosenberg. A true warrior.

[@asidod7]

Im a recovered narcissist and all it took a few regressions to heal my soul.. So here is food for thought... Because i see alot of people on this thread that are hating... Remember narcissist are people that are hurting...

[@Jannahisgoal]

Wow 😯

[@queenleahjenkins1766]

Yes I believe that is true but there comes point where I believe they çhoose to behave the way they do because they want to be avenged more or rather than they really if ever want to be healed.

[@queenleahjenkins1766]

I believe there is hope for the narcissist that truly wants to be a better person outside of what they have been made into by the abuse this life has brought them.

[@H33t3Speaks]

Have you tried actually hurting yourself? 🙃

[@AdrienneJung.M]

Thank you for this...I am trying to heal a very emotionallylly abusive marriage to narcissistic husband. Watching videos like this and reading the comments is very disheartening. I don't think it is helpful or accurate to otherize narcissists as soulless demons without hope who deserve no compassion. Everyone has trauma or one sort or another and we try to cope with it in different ways. Narcissists try to protect themselves by through bravado and ego that covers up any vulnerability. Codependents (like me) loose their ego and self by deriving all their value to their position and usefulness in someone elses life. At the end of the day, everyone has the potential to become a narcissus. If codependents can recover and become stronger and more assertive, why can't narcissists change as well? My theory is that most of these channels are created and viewed by people who have been wounded by narcissists. We are sad, bitter, looking for explanations for our experiences.

[@daniellatan9016]

Thanks for this, Dr Rosenberg. I agree with you about their willingness to negotiate and go therapy. This is the stage many of us SLDs think our narc partners have actually changed. We are so wrong. Not falling for it! I have given up on therapy; the one i went to actually sided the narc

[@moonchild650]

What does SLD stand for? And ASPD?

[@daniellatan9016]

Self love deficit disorder or previously known as codependency

[@moonchild650]

@@daniellatan9016 Thanks!

[@anitashehu9784]

@@moonchild650 ASPD -Anti social personality disorder

[@Ross_Embossed]

@@daniellatan9016 What about ASPD? Also what's the P in *"PNARC"* stand for?

[@amemabastet9055]

Having a mother with these traits, I have come to understand that she too was a victim of an abusive family. She distanced herself from the situation, but she never healed. As an adult, I am now stopping to internalise her externalising of her own pain. Even though I, my spouse and a few friends can feel a "demonic presence" when she's around, she's not inherently evil. But the consequences of her coping strategies are irritating.

[@3Heartsxx]

Sage and prayer are your friend. ♡ :)

[@barrydworak]

Agreeing to stop the problems. Hmm... Thank you! Self-control can be a short term relief for the other person, but self-control for anyone falls apart when we have a few drinks, are really tired, get injured or sick, etc. Then you find out that you're still living with the same monster.

[@kimgordon3695]

The healing process begins in Love

[@saminarose80]

Gas lighting example after I told her 4 examples of her yelling at me for hours when I was a child she said: I never yelled at you. those times were the only times and you’re making it too big. Later she says, I asked your dad and he says that I didn’t yell too. You had nightmares every night when you were a toddler. That’s probably were you dreamed of all the yelling!!!! And I asked my dad if he remembered and he said that he told my mom that she yelled. Who should I believe? Anyways that was so extreme of a gaslighting that I just couldn’t excuse with bad memory! Later she said she is sorry and she says that she loves me. I want to believe that so desperately! She started to give me compliments that feel so fake because I’m not used to her not criticizing me. At the same time she very subtlety says things that upset me. I whether get angry or if I can successfully shut down the feelings when She’s around, I have a panic attack later when I think about what I was told. She keeps saying that we are mother and daughter and that we are stuck together for the eternity which makes me feel so stuck. I feel guilty for going no contact and not being nice to her. I feel like going crazy when she is around! Boundaries work only for a day or two, with a lot of effort to convince her. I started to think of who I should become and I feel so confused about what makes me happy! I can’t shut down the self talk that repeats her words! I feel trapped. I’m so scared that I’m too damaged and will never be able to fix it all! I isolate myself because I’m afraid of hurting and getting hurt. I don’t know why I’m doing the things I’m doing any more. I wish I was never born. Life feels too complex at the time for me to be able to find a solution!

[@marilynwisbey9446]

Leave and build your own life. without her.

[@Justtobewholeagain]

I can relate..........

[@camom474]

Be strong for your soul. My mom was like this then I married a man who is completing this destruction and I only learned all this a few years ago. My life has been a huge lie and a cover-up. He uses the gaslighting from mom to brainwash me and tells others that he is the victum. It has been bad since I have learned of our condition. Haven't been allowed to have money or bank account and I don't even have a car to drive anymore and he won't pay insurance or DMV. I need emergency advise to get to a safe house with 3 kids and end my nightmare fear for life. May God Bless you and give you love and healing.

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

It's not your fault that you're the daughter you did not choose this person to verbally abuse you and manipulate you the problem is with Society they have us feeling this internal guilt will it's your family well it's your sister well and then one day I grew up and said I don't care who they are I'm protecting The inner child I'm the parent of my soul and I'm not going to allow someone to be so mean to me I literally had to break up with my sister because she is so hateful and mean to me and she leaves me in a state of confusion with her lies upon lies even when I show her the proof she doesn't believe the proof you need to cut the umbilical cord and walk away find your fuzzy happy place

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

Surround yourself with quality happy grounded people who treat you with kindness

[@Christynmaine]

Now I understand what the infantile behavior was all about! More people should be aware of this as it truly scared the bejeezus out of me.

[@alteredcatscyprus]

Brilliant, I would never have thought of the “humanizing self” as a tactic they were using, but that is spot on and a revelation for me. Thank you.

[@fifilafleur5555]

My narcs sent in a vicious flying monkey to harass and abuse me. He threatened to sue me and damaged my property as well as horrifying emotional & verbal abuse. The ringleader narcs continued to gaslight and invalidate me attempting to rewrite my childhood history of sexual abuse. Everything was denied even though I had discussed it all in therapy since the age of 21 and told my dad’s wife. Some of my family members knew but said I was lying. I recently ended up in the ER with emergency high blood pressure from all the stress and harm. I’m now on blood pressure medication and my physician’s assistant thinks I’ve also developed diabetes. They ostracized me and threw me out of family business.

[@trentsc4929]

You must be a really great person for them all to treat you that way. That's some serious envy and deep resentment that bubbled up from your relatives. I know what you are going thru and my 2 cents is let people like that cannibalize themselves and give thanks that you are not them. ✔

[@TailoredReaction]

The past is the past and nothing you do going forward can ever change what has already happened. Being a victim becomes comfortable to some people and they never seem to be able to move forward into a future that doesn't see them being victimized over and over again. You have to choose what you want.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Tailored Reaction, what a cold fish response. Some of my abuse was criminal. People serve hard time for some of the things that were done to me. Are you one of these individuals?

[@peterklein4349]

@@fifilafleur5555 When you can, disengage from your family bc you are a threat to them Or maybe a complaint at the police station

[@3Heartsxx]

I empathize and understand you, and your situation. Sorry that happened. You didn't deserve that. Got my support. ♡♡♡

[@yaquelinllerena9239]

Masterpiece work.

[@myrahouse2368]

They are genius.... really how they manipulate us, unbelievable it’s just incredible how they do it.

[@jensbasement3862]

Not all of them are. They just know how to play your heart, and give massive guilt trips. Your mind can be so controlled, you won't even feel like a human being. They need to train you into being dehumanized. It depends upon your level of codependency, the trait the narcissist thirsts for.

[@deborahparker1731]

They have the help of Satan him self. Once your awake to the games and tactics I find the it to be quite the opposite.

[@isaacsanders9203]

If you had little empathy it would be easy to lie as well. We’re human, they’re reptiles

[@MaryOKC]

After almost 33 years of marriage ... and it’s the persons fault who they target for his relationship problems...I could write a book...

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

Write it! ♡

[@accordionchick]

Maryj , i agree... write the book. I wrote a book. My first two husbands were narcissist, but the second one was the absolute worst. But then I married a third time and #3 was just plain over the top kinky .... I ended up finally writing a book on my third marriage ... read it....FROM WIFE TO DOMINATRIX.... My pen name Carmen V. Stern

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

@@accordionchick you survived I hope you have peace and joy now

[@jennie5103]

Write the book!!!!!!🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@lisavaden9903]

My story could be a Life Time Movie

[@stevennelson2055]

I was one of the slds trapped by suicidal threats, for 6-7 years. This 1000% on point.

[@RossRosenberg]

Thank you for commenting, I'm glad that I can create relatable content for you

[@DaniaW-t2n]

How to really uncover the narcissist? When there’s no obvious fault but they gaslight you

[@hugmc]

D Wiley learn as much as you can. And it will open the door of understanding . But gaslighting is a red flag whether they are narcissist or not.

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

You already uncovered the narc, as your Aware of it already, what your looking for & wanting is definable PROOF before you leave, this is a trap that will keep you there, WHY do you need PROOF & confirmation of what you already know? That is the question you need to be asking of yourself The PROOF you seek is just an excuse to stay, Because you really don't want to end the relationship, so you need to put the focus on yourself ask yourself WHY am I choosing to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, what purpose is it serving ME, the answers you receive from yourself is your Key to Healing Said with much Love Kindness and Respect to all ✌💖

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

Ps DONT learn the narcissists it just keeps your focus on THEM Learn YOURSELF & why you put up with them types in the first place, learning YOU is more beneficial than learning them, the more you study them the more your re-living them & the experience at thier hands, the more detrimental it is to your mental health, you CANT ever figure them out but you CAN figure yourself out then heal the parts of you that needed the narcissist Your brain knows NO DIFFERENCE between an event happening in the past or now , so by learning narcissistic you in effect keep yourself in the trauma of it over & over again it's disempowering to you but ALL EMPOWERING to the narcissists as long as your focused on THEM in ANY WAY they own you and are STILL controlling you Learning YOU disempowers them and ALL EMPOWERS You Don't fall into the trap of learning them, you don't need to, you really Don't, You DO need to 100% focus on YOU YOU & YOU, ask yourself WHY you "selfharm" "Self abuse yourself by using others to do it for you Others self harm with drug abuse drinking cutting themselves etc WE use people to self harm self abuse Ask yourself WHY you do this to yourself Said with much Love Kindness and Respect to all ✌💖

[@cynthiakelly9621]

@@azaleaslightsage1271 thank you, so well put, understandable

[@MrDebanane]

Azaleas Light Sage but how do you avoid them, if you cant see them? How to know, who you are even dealing with, if you dont learn their tactics? I think learning about it protects you.

[@lisavaden9903]

I wished I knew about Narcissistic and co-defendants years ago I could have saved myself a whole if hurt. Keep up the good work

[@kellylough1569]

Look at the positive side of your encounter. Narcs helped you to finally recognize where you needed to work on yourself beginning with Self Love. I know, I know as I've also been through the anguish

[@elenaappleton2932]

Me too!!!

[@soulywomen]

Does a narc literally KNOW what they are doing or is this just the way they are and they dont "get" it? My mom is 86, she did have a terrible mother growing up, very physically and mentally abusive. My mom seems to have stunted at age 7. I liken myself to being my mother's teddy bear...she used me as her confidant, best/only friend, life sized doll, doted on me , told me what to wear and how to fix myself up for my first 18 yrs, and if I didnt comply, she would melt down into a heap of poor me hysterics. When I began dating and ultimately married, she got mad and hated my boyfriends and husband for taking me away, began hoarding cats and became a messy, slobby, wreck of a person blaming everyone else for ruining her life. Now at 86, my dad is dead, my mother lives nearby with 4 cats and guess who has been guilted to helping her. She tells me she needs me, I'm all she has, begs me to not leave her, how could I turn my back on an elderly person... I should have done it 30 yrs ago but my dad wouldn't allow it and I wanted a relationship with him. He knew what she was like but said, "shes your mother, you know her. She loves you." I HATE. MY. LIFE.

[@hugmc]

Jill Burrus yes they know what there doing.

[@faithhope4480]

My mom's 85, This week i've finally decided to stop... I keep trying and she just guilts me and lies and my sister is no different. My mom has now started taking her shit out on my kids and slanders me to my kids and who knows who else she lies to about me. She's doing okay financially and has used that to manipulate who ever she can. It's just sad. I am sorry you too are having such a shit experience, I get it and just realized i've been making excuses for her and feeling sorry for her. BUT reality keeps rearing its ugly head and this year was particularly heart wrenching, and i've felt so depressed, because i've kept trying only to be faced with the same results over and over. I"m just realizing that i need to care for me.

[@soulywomen]

@@faithhope4480 wow...sounds soooo similar!! Its nice to know I'm not alone. My husband's mom just died and I wish so badly it were mine. His mom was amazing. I hate to wish death in someone but shes been dead for years. She has little money and no one and I too keep feeling sorry for her and making excuses when it is she who chooses to be the way she is. And she too has slandered me and my husband many times. My kids, both teens want nothing to do with her. My husband keeps telling me to get her financials together, find her some daily help, and to bow out. I think it's time I do. I'm like you, the depression is too much.

[@Noname-oo9gn]

This hit home me too I need to stop caring for uncaring family and take care of myself.

[@peterklein4349]

"She tells me she needs me, I'm all she has, begs me to not leave her, how could I turn my back on an elderly person..." No, she has herself. And when someone is begging for not leaving, something is terribly wrong... And she knows it !

[@obiwan9236]

It's usually the same story different narc with these foul creatures of destruction!

[@obiwan9236]

@DJ ForJustice Hey bud call me the Jedi knight of narcissistic abuse recovery. I got these losers number! lol

[@linlinsmuumuu]

I wish there was a class I could attend in person 💕🤗 thank you for this

[@sweetrose813]

Before I found my freedom from narc abuse, my narc husband would set me up. Take me somewhere and then abandon me. That was his favorite thing to do! Or he would run way ahead of me going down the street he love to see me panic so hurt and Confused

[@mariamiia1]

This is incredibly informative, thank you

[@RossRosenberg]

Glad it was helpful!

[@RossRosenberg]

For more information, you can find the complete video seminar here: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/escaping-narcissistic-abuse-stages-4-and-5

[@planetmchanic6299]

You don't have to look for love when it's where you're coming from.

[@morganfalkdesigns]

Try growing up with one...as your parent.

[@CFoles-bh5uu]

Dang. Yea my ex wife's mother is a complete narcissist or is a hardcore borderline personality disorder... I see that my ex has so many of these traits now in her 30's. It's so difficult as there is no middle-ground or co-parenting. :/ I hope things have worked out for you though

[@blueskiesforever114]

Morgan Falk hell! Pure hell on earth! No peace with a narc.. ever! Older they get, the worst they get

[@louisegarner8888]

Thankyou for this video, it explains everything I was needing to hear regarding narc discard and then some as regards my ASB neighbour, WOW!! Your voice is very pleasant to listen to and your content is detailed, full of experience and great research as well. You're good work helps heal and free so many of us and we are so very grateful!! 💞

[@RossRosenberg]

You are so welcome Louise

[@countrygal9]

Thaaankkkk u Dr. Rossenberg! Good visual..Ur R soo righhht! Boundaries do notttt worrrk with these toxic people... I now, due 2 ur video, learned to: Avoid the "fight back"--the "fight back" that only fuels the toxic person, and gives them more ammunition against "us kind, open hearted, recovering 'people pleaser' type of women"! We need to appear to be callous and to remain calm when speaking to these toxic persons, and be suuurrre to stay ouuut of the "wrestling ring" ... Anddd we need to keep our conversations with them very basic--very black and white! This is what Ive been doing and will continue to do, inspite of the toxic person "using those actions I do as a means of protecting myself", against me in their smear campaign towards me to their family by stating how mean I am due to my callousness--me not calling them--me not telling them I love them like I used too--and me not sharing info about my life with them! He even, upon me stating that I want to break up with him--along with me giving verrrry detailed valid reasons (resons such as his constant put downs of me) for my request to break up, he threatens to blow his head off and leave a note behind citing me as the reason and that his family will hunt me down and kill me for screwing him over--a man who, he states does nothing butt lovve me, by me breaking up with him! And then after he states such horriffic things, he then tells me how much he loves me and how his life woukd be nothing with me! WTH?? Theres soo much more to this story.. Anyhoos, the experience is all soo insaaane--a total "mind F***" for suuure! But atleast I have learned my lesson! Neverrr everrrr agaiin will I fall for such persons! Spoke to the "Chrystal Brame Justice dometic violence foundation" about this .. They as well as u, doctor, gave me great insite as to how to navigate and escape such a toxic, verbally, emotionally abusive person .. They sent me a pic of the Power and Control wheel, as well as a safety plan. The power and control wheel soo helped me make sense of the very things that maaade no sense to me.. Im forever greatful for them and for u Dr. Rossenburg!

[@dominics7565]

Thank you Dr. Rosenberg! This was awesome & helpful as always. 🙏🏽

[@ballerina5876]

Broken people using their defence mechanism to prove to themselves and others they are not broken but strong instead.The same defence mechanism being used in a form of strategy of acting as victims and traumatised humans when necessary by bringing up their core shame ,trauma and abuse .Or simply faking core shame,trauma and abuse?

[@elizabethseiden6667]

Hi Ross! Amazing video! I went no contact with my narcissist dad for one year! My sister called a friend of mine to get my number on behalf of my dad to drag me back. My sister gave me my brothers number and he insisted that I call him for Christmas. At first, things seemed fine, although he seemed angry and told me a bunch of lies about going to my brothers promotion. Then he said fifteen years ago, he went to Vegas. I lived in Vegas, I told him and he wasn’t there. He said that I’ve never met his thirteen year old twins that young enough to be his grandkids. He’s 77 and his wife is twenty years younger. She supports him as a full time baby sitter. I thought, he’s broke and just wats to use me for gifts so he can take his family out to dinner. He said he’s doing some oil deals and because of Trump he can’t make money with his immigration business. I spoke to him three times. I just changed my number. Although, I miss my sister and brother I had to do this. Also, both my dad and brother said that they’d be able to see me in person after the Co Vid is over. This made me believe that they don’t give a damn about me!

[@LifeLift421]

Wow, you are spot on with the steps.

[@dgontar]

16:12 A lot of these narcissists unconsciously read you (through their psychic ability and very keen social sense) as a victim of your parent and somehow pretend that they are the abusive parent that you had at some level, and they do this to sustain an unconscious, veiled threat. You see, behind all their pleading and desperation at the end of the relationship is a veiled threat insinuated unconsciously and this is done through their insinuation as your abusive parent. The veiled threat principle is very Oedipal or Electral, and goes back to early childhood. It was written about by Freud. It creates an irrational fear of something bad happening if somehow you assert your self-hood and self worth. An assertion of self-hood could be through working and becoming financially independent or by socially connecting to someone (in significant way) who is outside of the abusive dynamic, either outside the pathological family or outside the pathology of the significant other. Another assertion of self-hood could be through directly challenging or confronting these people.

[@DianeonMaine]

This is great info!

[@НаталияГорохова-з6у]

I see it too, no effect , neutralization process, no fear of them anymore

[@bobfrederick2184]

38 years wasted(31 married) when I finally realized what was happening. Left 6 weeks ago, just starting to really see it was ALL a fantasy. Started to see the gaslighting in May of 2019( it was going on since I met her thinking back on it) and called her out on it. My relationship was ALWAYS my fault and I always apologized year after year. She begged me not to leave, but i couldn't take the LIES, deceit and disrespect anymore. Already has her next supplier in the wings, just went through the smear campaign. She isolated me from ALL my family back in 1998 and chipped away my friends till I had none by 2013. The ONLY person I had was her, i figured out she was having an affair in May 2019, was told I'm acting crazy and I needed therapy for myself and she agreed to marriage counseling for both of us but would sneak out at night to be with her new supply. I could swear I was being drugged to knock me out and started to write the mileage down on the car every day. Around 2 to 3 days a week the mileage would be 20 miles off, seat and settings would be to her height and she still would call me nuts, even when I would show her the proof the subject would change. 14 different email accounts and at least 4 dating sites that I've found her on , it was obviously going on since the 90' s, I just didnt notice working 14-16 hours a day, she hid it well. She also put spyware on my phone to see where I was all the time, phone conversations, etc.... I never knew she was that "tech" savvy, I'm a " tech" idiot and have no clue. I can't TRUST anyone and that's a sad place to be in....I've been in therapy for a month, it feels like it's going to be a long process... Thanks for the videos !!! God Bless People !!!

[@Anita1984isuponus]

I hope you're doing better, that was so cruel.

[@regulardude7961]

Wow incredible info thank you.

[@RossRosenberg]

Welcome

[@shaanz2.087]

Thanks a million for your valuable enlightened videos. Warm regards from Mumbai

[@1313utuber]

Weird that they hate abandonment But they create and set up the scenario

[@MessiahHasReturned]

They are narcs and psychos from birth. My sister was and is a covert, my grandma was a covert, my mother was an overt (still hoovering all view years) my stepfather was and is an overt, my "best friend" during teenage was an overt, my girlfriend (now since 13 years) is a covert and all her 3 sons from her ex who is an overt narc are 2 narcs and one antisocial spycho. But thank god I learned during the last year what I'm dealing with and now prepare - secretly - to leave. I'm done, really I'm so done with them you can't imagine. It's a total spycho terror what this guys are rolling out.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Teenagers are temporary narcissists by nature. 😀

[@SaraFJones]

I have had strong issue with abandonment! I’m now trying lots of changes to show myself that I’ll be fine, look at relationships differently, get more rejection experiences, stand up for myself more! Any other suggestions, let me know!

[@2legit2Kwit]

Suzie Q stop giving an f about validation of self by others and give yourself the love you deserve.

[@swatiahuja6040]

May I please ask are you doing better now? I hope you are. I am just so scared what is to come for me. All alone , so scared to be alone

[@kellyleighread807]

The ex said these words. I got a therapist. Then had the police to asscort him to therapist. The discard came 24 year's later, I was arrested. The report read "I think she has mental problems". He thought this was to help? The ex learned how to better bully us in therapy. A covert passive aggressive narcissist to the core. I heard about this behavior problem, the day after the thirty-six year's marriage.

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

Exactly true....Covert Ex went from ignoring me all the time to suddenly he was hanging on me....putting his arm around me, holding my hand....and he wanted to go to counseling. We did, and he sat in Counseling LYING BIGGER THAN HELL...."I'm a perfect person, and my parents were perfect (Alcoholic mother/Dad left when he was born/Dad was a sex creep, etc)....and because I am Perfect, I know that Jackie is not perfect and her parents are not perfect." Then he compares himself to Clark Gabel in Gone with the Wind....and talks about 'chasing me down for a year'.....and more lies. I decided ...Why pay a counselor to here him lie....I could hear him lying at home for Free. I ended Counseling....that was my final decision to File for a Divorce....no matter what happens. Living with him was living in HELL.

[@heathfranklin9305]

If they make contact, make critical remarks to them but do as if you're concerned. This will cause narc injury. Example, my narc kept calling and when she tried to devalue, I told her, "You're such a negative person", you're destroying yourself with your negativity. You need to see a psychiatrist," this would send send her into a rage. I kept doing it. Kept dealing those critical blows, sending her into rages that would last hours, draining her of all her energy. She stopped making contact to prevent the injury. Grey rocking is only for those that are living with the narc and feel physical attack from a narc rage, anyone else will be more effective by turning the tables and becoming the predator instead of the prey. If you grey rock, they will ramp up their attacks, trying to get reaction and it will be exhausting and a brutal experience. You must understand that the narc is engaging in psychological warfare. You must fight. Don't just sit there and take it like a weakling. To fight the Narc, you must become the narc, but only with them. They can't take it. If there is one rule that I wish I had known, it is exactly that TO FIGHT THE NARC, YOU MUST BECOME THE NARC! Pummel the motherfuckers. It's easy once you get used to it. You must become the most toxic thing the narc has ever experienced.

[@elsmonteyne3859]

So true

[@donnaforrest2315]

That’s great!!! I love it! This is what I would say to my guy who is overweight by 50 pounds: “you know, you really rock all those huge stretch marks around your stomach and back, how did you get them??? they don’t even seem to bother you. You just go shirtless with your baiting suit and comfortably sport them. I admire your confidence to do that”. About his huge double chin that you cannot even see his jaw line: “You know, in this picture of you when your 25, your jawline is really chiseled and defined , look how handsome!!!! How long have you been hiding it with your beard?” I like you with a beard. Back handed compliments! Omg! I’m seriously having so much fun. What a freaking dick hole this dude has been to me. I wish I was smart enough when I was dating him to give him a taste of his own medicine. I would not contact him ever again but it feels good being a dick back to him on this post.

[@faith8252]

This is exactly what I have been through.....it is hard to find the right help ..

[@RossRosenberg]

Ross has a 5.5 hours video seminar around this subject. In case you are interested, here is the link to it: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/escaping-narcissistic-abuse-stages-4-and-5

[@letssee9]

I had to laugh at myself for even knowing what the acronym "ODA" IS. I found this video after going through all of this and coming out the other end. ALL accurate!

[@iammaximus614]

Pls make a video on What should we be looking for in a Counselor or Therapist ✌️😎

[@aungar2403]

It is very difficult to find anyone that understands this condition.

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

You don't need to understand the narcissists You need to understand you You DO not need to learn the narcissists You DO need to learn YOU Why you self abuse by using another to abuse yourself? Why do you self harm using another human to harm you? Why do you accept abuse in the 1st place? Trying to understand narcissists just keeps more enmeshed in them, You will never understand a narcissist unless you yourself are a narcissist, it's a waste of your time & energy, Some will say "oh but you need to learn the narcissists so you don't get Sucked in by them again, NOT TRUE You WILL get Sucked in again unless you learn YOU & WHY you attracted them in the 1st place, Besides you already know how a narcissist operates because 1 already operated on you, 1 has already abused you, so you already know exactly what they do & say to suck you in, But if you learn YOU learn Why a narcissist targeted you in the 1st place, THIS & THIS ALONE stops you ever being sucked into any narcissistic or cluster B personality types EVER Again You will spot them a mile away & run from them instead of to them, I speak from experience as I myself dated 4 narcissistic personality disorder types & 1 complete psychopath It was only in learning MYSELF & why I attracted them and then put up with them why I allowed another to abuse me , WHY I continuously self harmed myself using other people to do it for me, then blaming them always looking at them, NEVER looking at myself, When my worst abuser of all was ME MYSELF & I Said with much Love Kindness and Respect to all 💖

[@tbd5082]

Yesssss! He is right, the regression happens

[@Giantfloatingballoonhead]

I’ve been struggling to understand why my late parent never left the marriage despite the obvious signs of a personality disorder in their partner. But after watching this video, I realize they were scared for their lives. I refuse to suffer the same fate because someone much older than me refuses to get help and would rather destroy everything in their path.

[@cathy_clarinet]

Great video Ross. I’m a follower on IG, now finally getting to your videos. 👏

[@marjoriemurray4381]

Wow, I ,now, have learned that the man I am legally bound to is not just a covert malignant narcissist, but is actually an ASPD.

[@performancewithoutlimits3093]

Well that realisation is a step in the right direction.. Good luck on your journey

[@ShortStoriesbytheSea]

But you don't have to stay legally bound.

[@hf.o.6568]

She told me a long time ago that she didn't remember what happend to her in her childhood, now she's telling me she's reading a book that reminds her the abuse she was suffer. My question is: could she be faking abuse for wanting to make a person stay?

[@tbd5082]

H F.O. Either way, it’s not worth it. Work on you and why you need to help her. Help you. You must understand/innerstand You are important, you matter, you are enough as you are.

[@happylifestyletv2727]

All of these potent tricks was tried by my ex husband but he failed. He said he will commit suicide but I don't believe. Later, when I showed I was not affected, he started making stories about me below the belt, I cried in silence, but I kept on being quiet, not reacting, not fighting, later he asked for another chance but I am sure enough of myself.. Then he still stalking me, later he moved on after several attempts of coming back to me.. I never knew its a narcissist until I found this channel. Thank you..

[@RossRosenberg]

Thanks for sharing. 🙏

[@TheSahand68]

This is just brilliant, life changing, binge-watching it, ... it is sad that this whole system of self-protection is derived from own experiences of the people who went through hell of narcissistic abuse ... something damn goooood came out of narcissistic hell! I should consider myself lucky not to be exposed to this sh...t to degree where my mental health was compromised ...

[@daianmata5945]

Thank you !🕊

[@kalenna6785]

Depends on what type of narcissist. Mine keeps pursue even I went no contact and never buy into any bullshit. Still, this spirit would not go away. It is super delusional, it though that I still want it after all the mind fuckery.

[@TanyaKatherine]

Why are there red and green translucent splotches over the screen at 14:17?

[@smac1823]

This might sound crazy, but my life would be so much easier if he was like this. I'm 1000% certain he qualifies as a malignant narcissist, but he's been pursuing the process of eviction then bouncing back and loving on me like the beginning then pursuing it again and bouncing back then pursuing it again then finalizing it leaving a judgement against me then loving me again. I wish he tried to keep me around.. Just so I had time to plan. Anyone else deal with this? COMMENTS SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED

[@borealiswan2363]

Don't plan, leave ... to save yourself

[@performancewithoutlimits3093]

At heart, they have a need for emotional energy, they think this is love... they don't care if this is positive or negative.. and they don't care ever about your needs. Just check this out by asking them "how are you meeting my needs?" .. and stand back!.. psychopaths unfortunately

[@borealiswan2363]

@@performancewithoutlimits3093 very good point about confusing love for emotional energy

[@camom474]

Yes me too. Right now. I cannot bear it all. The help out there isn't really available to help me pack up and move to a house quickly for my safety.

[@peterklein4349]

"again [] again [] again" Classical "hoovering" ..

[@CarterSams]

Omg I did it!!! I set the stage 5 boundaries without knowing what I was dealing with. (Covert)

[@HUYI1]

so on point and detailed, especially the constant threat of suicide too.

[@garypuckettmuse]

Here's a narcissist/co-dependent break up story you've never heard: Once my husband tried to wrap his mind around me divorcing him he secretly planned to have me put in jail. He was about to be charged with spousal abuse (by the cops, not me) so he thought, hey, good idea --I was always denying he was beating me to the cops so he started going to the cops and claiming he was the victim. And the cops used that to force me to bring charges against him so it backfired on him but picture this -- the cops show up at your door and take you to the police station. A female officer gets you alone in a room and tells you flat out "we know you've been physically and psychologically abusing your husband and we're bringing charges against you. You're going to jail" So you have to say "What? It's the complete opposite!" Talk about gas-lighting -- this is the cops. And the police say "we have your husband in the next room and he's filed a report against you." I thought they were lying to me! I couldn't believe it!! Then they said, "Well were bringing charges against one of you today so is it going to be you or him?" Meanwhile I've got an eleven year old daughter and a completely crazy husband and the cops are suggesting I go to jail for a year and leave him alone with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He want to jail, acting like he was mad at me and no remorse for what he tried to do to me which was put me in jail. Guess what? My husband blamed me then years later of course "remembered" a completely different "story" So I had to live with him gaslighting me about that INCREDIBLE NIGHTMARE too. If I was leaving him he was putting me in jail to keep it from happening. To make himself the center of attention and the Only Parent in the house. To stop the divorce. When people say "they will do *anything*, believe me they will do anything if you so much as ever slight them or hurt their tender little feelings about themselves. Please,, people -- ladies -- hear me THERE IS NO HOPE. DON'T WAIT TO LEAVE UNTIL YOU'RE TOO EXHAUSTED AND BEAT UP TO DO IT. DON'T WAIT UNTIL HE'S ALIENATED YOU FROM EVERYONE IN YOUR OWN LIFE. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF THE WORK FORCE TOO LONG OR UNTIL THE KIDS GROW UP. GO NOW. EVERY DAY YOU DO NOT LEAVE IS A DAY OF YOUR LIFE THAT IS MAKING YOUR LIFE WORSE. PERIOD. I'm standing with everyone who leaves. You will feel a guardian angel around you and it will be me.

[@Alice-pk9yc]

Agree 100 per cent! My own mother has tried to pull similar BS by projecting everything she’s been doing to me onto me. I’ve been NC from her for 2.5 years and I’m still terrified of her. She has ignored a letter from the police telling her to leave me alone. She lives in delusional land. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THESE DEMONS.

[@AmourofgodShinelight]

Thank you so much for this Ross, Absolutely tremendous, Very informative and insightful, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 😃🌌🌈💚💗💛💙🕊🦁🕆😘♱🐎✌👽🦄🍏🍎🍄🚀🎆🗝☘

[@tjempathictools5215]

Mr. Rosenberg......... Please consider the use of acronyms could distract or stop people from hearing the value of what you have put together to be heard. Especially in a situation where the assumption is all the different distinctions and their correlating acronym are so easily understood while making efforts to understand and consider what is being said. Too, this is also one where the pathology in operation would also readily use in order to separate someone from their own sense of self and self knowledge. What is the effect of using such terminology?