20 Consequences of Emotionally Immature Parents and Tips to Heal

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com
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Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
AllCEUs.com provides multimedia counselor education and CEUs for LPCs, LMHCs, LMFTs and LCSWs as well as addiction counselor precertification training and continuing education on many of the videos on this channel. Unlike other providers like CE4Less, AllCEUs includes a weekly LIVE Stream Webinar with your unlimited continuing education and professional development membership.
CHAPTERS:
00:00 20 Consequences of Emotionally Immature Parents
00:11 Maturity vs Intelligence
01:35 Maturity vs Intelligence | Emotional Intelligence
02:32 Maturity vs Intelligence | Boundaries
04:10 Radical Acceptance vs. Blame: What happened?
07:27 Support the Channel
07:53 Consequences of Emotionally Immature Caregivers
10:53 Consequences of Emotionally Immature Caregivers 2
16:03 Consequences of Emotionally Immature Caregivers 3
26:10 Solutions
28:44 Solutions 2
30:52 Summary

[@DocSnipes]

👌More videos can be found on this topic at: kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswjLCIdQqZcCBwfp4_qOPCaH&si=JMDAmA8r6yGaH7V- ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

[@anju8376]

growing up with an emotionally immature single mother is a special kind of hell. respect and protect the youth, and say no to elder worship. ✊🏾

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry you have gone through that and I appreciate you watching the video. What is your favorite tip to heal?

[@elfortney]

I second this. Big hugs. It gets even more eye opening once you become a parent yourself. And, for me, frustrating.

[@yerejun]

Sorry dear. I can empathise and it’s hard on you. oh I too grew up with an emotionally immature and unavailable single mother. But now that I’m a parent of my own, I understand how challenging and stressful it can be to parent, let alone singly (it’s not really about how good or badly you might be behaving) My rule is not to repeat the same actions to my child that my mother made to me that made me feel shitty. It takes a lot of honest deep introspection to get it remotely right and it will be a process. Hugs to you. And oh this might be hard for some but try to forgive her short comings esp when you are older.

[@brotherbear1036]

Ikr

[@unakoelln8105]

do u have any tips for me ??

[@BecomeConsciousNow]

Me, me, me, me and me. My coping mechanism to not get emotionally dysregulated and lash out was to avoid people and I still have that tendency today. I'm working on it. Thanks Doc for this useful video.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I do think you are JUST like me!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching the video.

[@Fenrispro]

why do u spell dys not dis?

[@iviaqua]

Every time I tell my parents what causes me anxiety and stress they just do it more or say I’m being disrespectful. I know they went thru severe trauma but I can’t continue dealing with them. After years of counseling I was able to remove myself. I had such a hard time self regulating and therapy was a game changer for me.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@leodawn5913]

Yes, later I realized anytime I needed advice growing up the answers I got really just showed that they wanted me to go away not my problem, and come to think of it. My periods were never regular, and I had anxiety attacks that were paralyzing, but I had to move on from them quickly, and pretend they didn’t happen.

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video.

[@arbitrarylib]

Same thing with my cycles

[@AicimounLight]

I am sending you love beautiful stranger. How are you now? Did you see a doctor and found solutions. I hope you did! Love youuuu❤

[@marykatherinerosson213]

There’s an incredible book called Running On Empty that I highly recommend, if you grew up in emotionally immature and emotionally neglectful homes.

[@DocSnipes]

I'll have to check it out. I love the title.

[@zabavnaya-xt8tb]

I love that unlike all other psychiatrists you dont blame the people but help them to understand mistakes. Most people victimize their patients and blame their parents, but you help to understand parents not blame them

[@joy8801]

Most of parents deserve the blame.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much. I am so grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video.

[@miss.conduct8083]

There's another topic she addresses that is so hard yet, she does so with ease: Borderline Personality 😅

[@nikstar1313]

@@joy8801I agree, so many ‘parents’ have been confronted with politely asked, respectful and loving questions about their parenting choices and the narcissist parent will gaslight their adult children. It’s despicable and totally mind blowing. These people don’t deserve to be parents. Both of my parents were emotionally abused and narcissistic (one covert and one overt, addicted veteran alcoholic) and chose to carry on the pattern.

[@cathichristian4142]

@@joy8801 I agree with you on that one. And most of their victims of abuse are constantly taught to understand their parents pain and they would feel better. It has a reverse affect.

[@SatanenPerkele]

Yeah, I have and still do suffer from most of the things listed. And I understand why my life is so painful. But I try my best to support and love my inner child.

[@DocSnipes]

Supporting and loving your inner child is a great step towards healing and

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I UNDERSTAND THIS NOW, Doc Snipes!!!! So many things are starting to fit together... my trauma, my blocking out all emotions, and ways to get myself regulated almost based purely on completely knowing what happened to me.

[@DocSnipes]

I am so glad this video helped you understand, Kitty Kat! Thank you for watching it

[@Sereneis]

Narcissists

[@aaronhess7781]

There is this great book on this subject; "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD. It is about this topic but goes into far greater detail and talks about how to deal with your parent better.

[@NSEasternShoreChemist]

I sometimes like to call parents like this "fair-weather parents". A classic scenario could be with grades: *Child gets an A+:* OMG, you are awesome!! I am so lucky to have a child like you!! *Child gets a B:* I guess that's okay, but I'm sure you could have done better...right? *Child gets a D:* How could you? Stop being such a lazy, unmotivated slob and get it together!

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video and for sharing

[@leodawn5913]

Unpredictable and inconsistent. Saying things like I never said that and doing a different thing each time I have the same need…Very confusing.

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry your parents were inconsistent and unpredictable. What tips would you consider using first to heal?

[@leodawn5913]

@@DocSnipes they did the best they could works great the 60s was a different time. They were kids having kids.😇

[@leodawn5913]

@@DocSnipes I decided to have one child and I’ll make sure to catch myself if I find myself acting that way, being consistent with my son helps me heal

[@melissarey2973]

I love listening to your presentations while I'm walking.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Outside? In the sunshine? Never thought of that.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching, Melissa!

[@nightwingphd8580]

I know this isn't one of your favorite topics but I found you in a KZbin search for it and I'm so glad i did.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you. I am grateful for your support

[@Jupiterodysseus]

It is hard when you grew up in a culture where you are expected to be a filial child and if you disobey or being ungrateful, you will be criticised because heaven lies beneath the feet of your mother. I am having tough time at work and my mum is not feeling well. She yelled at me and was mad at me when I rang her up the other day to ask her how she was doing. She said I didn't care about her and that my two other siblings are better than me. I am so depressed with the managerial work and then this. I have no support from my family. Whenever I try to talk about how my depressing my work is, they keep saying that it is my fault that I chose this career path. It is so heartbreaking to hear that. I send my parents money every month and paid for my father's medical care last time with the money I have earned from this job. I admit that I am an introvert and I am not family-oriented. Maybe I am not worth living. Maybe I am the black sheep in the family. Every day I wish that I was dead and these suicidal thoughts are killing me.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video

[@DIProgan]

Sounds like they don't deserve you at all

[@mareebrocklehurst9370]

Don't send money anymore your being used, you deserve better

[@AuthorAngieDeLisi]

Thank you 🙏 ❤ your explanations help me understand and validate my feelings that my mom couldn’t/ didn’t have the tools because of her emotional dysreguation/disregard due to her trauma it helps me understand and have compassion for us both l love how you teach ❤A+++

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for watching the video. What tips will you use first to heal?

[@nicole8511]

Thank you for doing this, I like how you emphasize putting your energy into healing rather than blaming. I hope you will consider doing a video for new parents. I think a big challenge when you have kids but do not have good emotional skills is that the baby's crying can lead to panic in the parent, and the sleep deprivation compounds it. Any short video for new parents on key emotional skills would be great. Thank you for all your amazing work

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Very good idea for a BUNCH of videos!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Until I do a video on that topic, here are the videos on postpartum depression: Postpartum Depression kzbin.info/www/bejne/epSVY2Cfq7l5fZI kzbin.infosearch?query=postpartum

[@nav_man9167]

Ditto on the video for new parents. My father definitely had an insecure attachment which has now led to me having an insecure attachment. Now I'm reluctant to have children lest I repeat the cycle. Trying to learn as much as I can so this doesn't happen. Thanks for this video.

[@ambrosehunter5164]

Emotional intelligence will one day explain to one and all healing these or those wounds took time. Things I must Learn. Things I must Earn. The greatest wealth is a poverty of desires. ~Seneca 😊

[@vivianevenancio6502]

Don't try to understand narcissistic parents reasons, don't became their therapists or shoulder to lean on. It's all supply and it will deplete you and be used against you. It's not your job to understand them and it leads to nowhere.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video

[@cathichristian4142]

Well said! That was my experience exactly. I spent many years in therapy only to be told to understand my parents and to learn how to be compassionate and understanding. I never learned to take care of myself but I am getting better about that.

[@lisaneff4180]

Thank you! While I have mostly healed myself over the last 7 years through hit or miss trying of many things and have come to my own understanding of my parents and self, it is still helpful to hear things explained by someone who specifically studied the topic. I suppose I’m still finding small pockets of disfuntion in myself.

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome! I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video

[@juicebox86]

Only just discovered your content, but I'm extremely happy that I did. This topic is perfect for my current situation. Really excited to dive into your previous posts.

[@DocSnipes]

Welcome! Thank you so much for watching.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This is so good. I am really shy about talking about my emotions to others. I have too many and they are so deep. My caregivers took advantage of all my emotions so all I could do is pretend I did not need their HELP 💣 to save my self from all their games. 😵

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry that happened to you and I am so grateful for you, supporting the channel and watching videos.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I had two chances of having a Dad. One chance of having a Mom. Three chances of belonging to a family. All for nothing.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you found mist useful from it? Here is the video on Healing the inner child: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f3ytgaemlrODaKM

[@mareebrocklehurst9370]

​@@DocSnipes you can't cure everyone

[@aurorao.8594]

Excellent info, yeah I need to heal from unstable environments while growing up. Will have to listen again 😌 Thank you Dr Snipes

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?

[@aurorao.8594]

@@DocSnipes I found mos helpful when you explained how having a parent with inconsistent behavior can affect us, then I understood why I was insecure while growing up. 😇

[@davidsisson2026]

My Dad was warped. Very intelligent but emotionally immature. One example, i got kicked in the rear, without knowing i had done any wrong. I was 8 years old. That was the beginning. I was # 8 we were afraid of him. My mother had no idea and few avenues to intervene. She was also emotionally immature and overwhelmed with 9 children

[@DocSnipes]

That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you. You can find more videos on PTSD at: kzbin.infosearch?query=PTSD

[@WanderwithTJ]

Same but oldest

[@Spiritman597]

You are amazing, love u and your gift 4 helping others 😘

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?

[@nielsdahl2022]

Thank you ❤ so much for this video , it is fantastic and helping me enormously 🙏🏻

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video

[@TranscendingTrauma]

So enlightening

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you. I am grateful to be of service

[@geralldus]

Very difficult to take on board, but helpful. Thank you.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. Thanks for watching

[@tomtbi]

I'm working on developing my Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity....

[@DocSnipes]

That’s awesome! What tips from the video will you use first to reach your goals? Here are some videos on emotional intelligence: kzbin.infosearch?query=intelligence

[@jdjenny]

Thank YOU 🙏🏼

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome!

[@kathleenmacfarland1817]

Perfect teaching! I just found you Today April 17, 2024 …Subscribed Thank You ~ Excellent teaching and for me, Perfect Timing!!!!!!!!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks and welcome

[@LoveGod-go6pd]

That was not what I meant that was just a progress from the hard work and dedication that I never seen myself doing before

[@michellerodriguez-stuart2705]

Thanks!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome! Your donation fills me with profound gratitude. Your support is of great significance to me and is deeply cherished. It empowers me to continue producing content, and the impact of your contribution is immeasurable.

[@jimberry9664]

What a wise and brilliant mind . So buetiful l Love to hear such Wisdom . My mother died (of cancer)when l was 17 and cared for her from the age 15 - 17 during my formative years . No Father around or knowledge of who he was . 😢 but lovely to hear a mature ladies insights . My life has not amounted to much ! I struggle often to believe God Loves me . But l know He is a God of Love ❤️ mostly l feel like l am emotionally crippled and neglected. Isolated and looking forward to the end of it all .

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video. I am so sorry that happened to you and I am sorry for your loss

[@jimberry9664]

@@DocSnipes thank you . I pray 🙏 for more inner healing ❤️‍🩹 for everyone.

[@inzichte]

My parents are like this.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and for sharing

[@dddamaged7501]

In Jordan peterson's testing, he found a correlation between Ei and agreeableness. Disagreeable can learn, but they can also go to their default mode.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for waiting the video and for sharing

[@amalgamating]

Doc, do you think addiction is a form of hyper vigilance?

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video. I think it’s mostly a form of numbing the pain or escaping it.

[@LoveGod-go6pd]

I'ma sorry for fighting I don't want to fight at all but if I have to I will

[@RebLynnGreenBlue]

Doc, how do we heal the HP-Axes, please?

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video and thank you for your answer. Here is the video on 30 Strategies for Rewiring the Traumatized Brain & Undoing the Effects of Trauma and healing the HPA axis kzbin.info/www/bejne/bmWrnHdun5dnbrM Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@RebLynnGreenBlue]

@@DocSnipes Thank you so much!

[@mariaawake4502]

Not intentionally , but as a parent from a chaotic home I was inconsistent raising my child , and as a result she developed an anxious attachment style. Although she received a very good education and is doing well academically she is very accusatory now at age 23 and in an exploitative relationship, very manipulated so I can not reach her any more . I am at an advanced age, she is my only child and I am very worried about loosing her. Looking for advice.

[@billstock3663]

reading your comment I can't help but chime in, as someone who has gone through the experience of having a mother who was emotionally immature as a result of her own unresolved issues having lost her mother at age 11 and having a father that did not give her the attention and love that she needed at that age. As someone who was on the receiving end of this emotional immaturity I can tell you that the most important thing that I longed for but never really got was to hear my mother take responsibility for her flaws or at the very least not get so defensive when I or my sister would bring up our concerns which centered around her parenting flaws. Bottom line is that you must let your daughter know that you take full ownership of your parenting mistakes and let your daughter know that she can feel comfortable bringing up some of her issues that she may have with you, that is the most important thing of all because every kid knows that parents are not perfect but acknowledgement and making the effort to make your daughter feel comforable talking to you about her own issues with you will go a long way. If you can do that then you're in rare company.

[@mariaawake4502]

@@billstock3663 , thank you for your response. Yes, during the last couple years, I have successfully worked with an in person therapist to resolve my Inner child issues and according to the therapist have obtained a secure attachment style now, -before that I did not know anything about personality disorders. I apologized to my daughter numerous times for having been unaware of the problems growing up in a dysfunctional home had left me with and so did her father. We sent her psychology booklets on the subject and offered to pay for a therapist . Please consider, that both of us , my husband and I were very busy working and going to college at nighttime to reach a good standard of living - also for our daughter and that at the time there were few resources to spent on psychological problems.

[@biancascrob4793]

Very usefulll for me...but I still live with my immature mother at 54 years...at some point she needed me...such a tantrum...My healtlh is severly affected...I have my thiroid removed and hysterectomies.. and she is blackmailing me now after 23 years of me giving her support....

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=boudaries

[@anitach5901]

May be emotional intelligence natural or may be only modelled by environment. ?

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

🙏

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching

[@anitach5901]

@@DocSnipes What about my question 🤔?

[@jimberry9664]

Mixed up in my Love language . Yes flat or tsunami more often lately. With war of terrorists and watching movie the sound of freedom 😊. Very emotionally guttural horror and emotional highs and lows . Outrage then weeping . Tears are prayers

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for waiting and for sharing

[@albatjay6841]

Yes Madam I am Miss Julia Momoh . I live in Number one Eeckhout straat in Eindhoven . I have being abused in many ways and I am realy seek and tired of the abuse me and my children are undergoing . Right now as I am charting, I just received an abused were by other people went outside for a work wereby they refrained me of going outside just to abuse me .

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@alforliniteaching5670]

Whoa.a doll.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@LoveGod-go6pd]

Yes your right about that God angel 😇😇😇

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video

[@boddyxpolitic]

Dr. Dawn You must be Snow White, because when I see you, I feel like 7 EMOTIONAL tiny diamond miners! How was that for INTELLIGENCE?

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching