20 Consequences of Emotionally Immature Parents and Tips to Heal

[@DocSnipes]

👌More videos can be found on this topic at: kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswjLCIdQqZcCBwfp4_qOPCaH&si=JMDAmA8r6yGaH7V- ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

[@1dripy-e5s]

Every time I tell my parents what causes me anxiety and stress they just do it more or say I’m being disrespectful. I know they went thru severe trauma but I can’t continue dealing with them. After years of counseling I was able to remove myself. I had such a hard time self regulating and therapy was a game changer for me.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@Fenrispro]

@@DocSnipes Hi i actually commented 10 mths ago.... u were busy didn see my comments? My old man is downright! hardcore and emo immature

[@anju8376]

growing up with an emotionally immature single mother is a special kind of hell. respect and protect the youth, and say no to elder worship. ✊🏾

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry you have gone through that and I appreciate you watching the video. What is your favorite tip to heal?

[@elfortney]

I second this. Big hugs. It gets even more eye opening once you become a parent yourself. And, for me, frustrating.

[@yerejun]

Sorry dear. I can empathise and it’s hard on you. oh I too grew up with an emotionally immature and unavailable single mother. But now that I’m a parent of my own, I understand how challenging and stressful it can be to parent, let alone singly (it’s not really about how good or badly you might be behaving) My rule is not to repeat the same actions to my child that my mother made to me that made me feel shitty. It takes a lot of honest deep introspection to get it remotely right and it will be a process. Hugs to you. And oh this might be hard for some but try to forgive her short comings esp when you are older.

[@brotherbear1036]

Ikr

[@unakoelln8105]

do u have any tips for me ??

[@BecomeConsciousNow]

Me, me, me, me and me. My coping mechanism to not get emotionally dysregulated and lash out was to avoid people and I still have that tendency today. I'm working on it. Thanks Doc for this useful video.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I do think you are JUST like me!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching the video.

[@Fenrispro]

why do u spell dys not dis?

[@zabavnaya-xt8tb]

I love that unlike all other psychiatrists you dont blame the people but help them to understand mistakes. Most people victimize their patients and blame their parents, but you help to understand parents not blame them

[@joy8801]

Most of parents deserve the blame.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much. I am so grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video.

[@miss.conduct8083]

There's another topic she addresses that is so hard yet, she does so with ease: Borderline Personality 😅

[@nikstar1313]

@@joy8801I agree, so many ‘parents’ have been confronted with politely asked, respectful and loving questions about their parenting choices and the narcissist parent will gaslight their adult children. It’s despicable and totally mind blowing. These people don’t deserve to be parents. Both of my parents were emotionally abused and narcissistic (one covert and one overt, addicted veteran alcoholic) and chose to carry on the pattern.

[@cathichristian4142]

@@joy8801 I agree with you on that one. And most of their victims of abuse are constantly taught to understand their parents pain and they would feel better. It has a reverse affect.

[@marykatherinerosson213]

There’s an incredible book called Running On Empty that I highly recommend, if you grew up in emotionally immature and emotionally neglectful homes.

[@DocSnipes]

I'll have to check it out. I love the title.

[@leodawn5913]

Yes, later I realized anytime I needed advice growing up the answers I got really just showed that they wanted me to go away not my problem, and come to think of it. My periods were never regular, and I had anxiety attacks that were paralyzing, but I had to move on from them quickly, and pretend they didn’t happen.

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video.

[@arbitrarylib]

Same thing with my cycles

[@AicimounLight]

I am sending you love beautiful stranger. How are you now? Did you see a doctor and found solutions. I hope you did! Love youuuu❤

[@nightwingphd8580]

I know this isn't one of your favorite topics but I found you in a KZbin search for it and I'm so glad i did.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you. I am grateful for your support

[@leodawn5913]

Unpredictable and inconsistent. Saying things like I never said that and doing a different thing each time I have the same need…Very confusing.

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry your parents were inconsistent and unpredictable. What tips would you consider using first to heal?

[@leodawn5913]

@@DocSnipes they did the best they could works great the 60s was a different time. They were kids having kids.😇

[@leodawn5913]

@@DocSnipes I decided to have one child and I’ll make sure to catch myself if I find myself acting that way, being consistent with my son helps me heal

[@nicole8511]

Thank you for doing this, I like how you emphasize putting your energy into healing rather than blaming. I hope you will consider doing a video for new parents. I think a big challenge when you have kids but do not have good emotional skills is that the baby's crying can lead to panic in the parent, and the sleep deprivation compounds it. Any short video for new parents on key emotional skills would be great. Thank you for all your amazing work

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Very good idea for a BUNCH of videos!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Until I do a video on that topic, here are the videos on postpartum depression: Postpartum Depression kzbin.info/www/bejne/epSVY2Cfq7l5fZI kzbin.infosearch?query=postpartum

[@nav_man9167]

Ditto on the video for new parents. My father definitely had an insecure attachment which has now led to me having an insecure attachment. Now I'm reluctant to have children lest I repeat the cycle. Trying to learn as much as I can so this doesn't happen. Thanks for this video.

[@ambrosehunter5164]

Emotional intelligence will one day explain to one and all healing these or those wounds took time. Things I must Learn. Things I must Earn. The greatest wealth is a poverty of desires. ~Seneca 😊

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I UNDERSTAND THIS NOW, Doc Snipes!!!! So many things are starting to fit together... my trauma, my blocking out all emotions, and ways to get myself regulated almost based purely on completely knowing what happened to me.

[@DocSnipes]

I am so glad this video helped you understand, Kitty Kat! Thank you for watching it

[@Sereneis]

Narcissists

[@aaronhess7781]

There is this great book on this subject; "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD. It is about this topic but goes into far greater detail and talks about how to deal with your parent better.

[@viviane_casella]

Don't try to understand narcissistic parents reasons, don't became their therapists or shoulder to lean on. It's all supply and it will deplete you and be used against you. It's not your job to understand them and it leads to nowhere.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video

[@cathichristian4142]

Well said! That was my experience exactly. I spent many years in therapy only to be told to understand my parents and to learn how to be compassionate and understanding. I never learned to take care of myself but I am getting better about that.

[@Jupiterodysseus]

It is hard when you grew up in a culture where you are expected to be a filial child and if you disobey or being ungrateful, you will be criticised because heaven lies beneath the feet of your mother. I am having tough time at work and my mum is not feeling well. She yelled at me and was mad at me when I rang her up the other day to ask her how she was doing. She said I didn't care about her and that my two other siblings are better than me. I am so depressed with the managerial work and then this. I have no support from my family. Whenever I try to talk about how my depressing my work is, they keep saying that it is my fault that I chose this career path. It is so heartbreaking to hear that. I send my parents money every month and paid for my father's medical care last time with the money I have earned from this job. I admit that I am an introvert and I am not family-oriented. Maybe I am not worth living. Maybe I am the black sheep in the family. Every day I wish that I was dead and these suicidal thoughts are killing me.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video

[@DIProgan]

Sounds like they don't deserve you at all

[@mareebrocklehurst9370]

Don't send money anymore your being used, you deserve better

[@NSEasternShoreChemist]

I sometimes like to call parents like this "fair-weather parents". A classic scenario could be with grades: *Child gets an A+:* OMG, you are awesome!! I am so lucky to have a child like you!! *Child gets a B:* I guess that's okay, but I'm sure you could have done better...right? *Child gets a D:* How could you? Stop being such a lazy, unmotivated slob and get it together!

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video and for sharing

[@almondmilksoda]

It's so true. It's conditional love. We will approve of you if you do what we want (i.e., make us look good). It's immature and incredibly narcissistic.

[@melissarey2973]

I love listening to your presentations while I'm walking.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Outside? In the sunshine? Never thought of that.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching, Melissa!

[@juicebox86]

Only just discovered your content, but I'm extremely happy that I did. This topic is perfect for my current situation. Really excited to dive into your previous posts.

[@DocSnipes]

Welcome! Thank you so much for watching.

[@lisaneff4180]

Thank you! While I have mostly healed myself over the last 7 years through hit or miss trying of many things and have come to my own understanding of my parents and self, it is still helpful to hear things explained by someone who specifically studied the topic. I suppose I’m still finding small pockets of disfuntion in myself.

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome! I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video

[@moyazflair6369]

The issue is when the parent continues to behave in goose bad behavior. You can’t just forgive and move on!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re absolutely right; when a parent continues to act in harmful ways, it can feel impossible to just ‘forgive and move on.’ Emotional wounds often stay open when the behavior that caused them is ongoing. Healing in these situations can sometimes mean setting boundaries and focusing on our own emotional well-being, even if it doesn’t involve immediate forgiveness. Have you found any strategies that help you manage these situations? It’s definitely a challenging journey, and you’re not alone in feeling this way.

[@AuthorAngieDeLisi]

Thank you 🙏 ❤ your explanations help me understand and validate my feelings that my mom couldn’t/ didn’t have the tools because of her emotional dysreguation/disregard due to her trauma it helps me understand and have compassion for us both l love how you teach ❤A+++

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for watching the video. What tips will you use first to heal?

[@aurorao.8594]

Excellent info, yeah I need to heal from unstable environments while growing up. Will have to listen again 😌 Thank you Dr Snipes

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?

[@aurorao.8594]

@@DocSnipes I found mos helpful when you explained how having a parent with inconsistent behavior can affect us, then I understood why I was insecure while growing up. 😇

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This is so good. I am really shy about talking about my emotions to others. I have too many and they are so deep. My caregivers took advantage of all my emotions so all I could do is pretend I did not need their HELP 💣 to save my self from all their games. 😵

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry that happened to you and I am so grateful for you, supporting the channel and watching videos.

[@davidsisson2026]

My Dad was warped. Very intelligent but emotionally immature. One example, i got kicked in the rear, without knowing i had done any wrong. I was 8 years old. That was the beginning. I was # 8 we were afraid of him. My mother had no idea and few avenues to intervene. She was also emotionally immature and overwhelmed with 9 children

[@DocSnipes]

That’s awful and I am sorry it happened to you. You can find more videos on PTSD at: kzbin.infosearch?query=PTSD

[@WanderwithTJ]

Same but oldest

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I had two chances of having a Dad. One chance of having a Mom. Three chances of belonging to a family. All for nothing.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you found mist useful from it? Here is the video on Healing the inner child: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f3ytgaemlrODaKM

[@lixxie144]

​@@mareebrocklehurst9370 That's right, she can't. But that isn't her job. Her job is to provide as many people as possible with ways to heal themselves, and learn how to help themselves moving forward. It is up to those people to make the effort to use the information. She's just making it more available.

[@DE0498]

4:50 this part hit me like a brick wall. I have always wanted to forgive my dad for what he did. I want to look past that and see how he might have been raised. The only problem is that I never had a relationship with either of his parents. I have never met or talked to my grandparents. I have no idea where I came from or my history. I know it’s generational but it’s so hard to cope with the fact that I’m all alone and I have to fix this all myself. I would also like to mention that my dad’s emotional immaturity led to alcohol abuse. He would drink more then he should around us and then vent about his life. I remember being 14 and my dad crying and expecting me to give him support. I never respected or looked at him the same. It’s something that I need to fix

[@DocSnipes]

It sounds like you're carrying a heavy burden, and it's understandable that you're struggling with this. Wanting to forgive and understand your dad's actions is a significant and compassionate step, but it can be challenging without knowing your family's history. Your feelings about your dad’s emotional immaturity and his reliance on you for support are valid and important. It’s not fair for a child to have to support their parent in that way. Recognizing the impact of these experiences on your own life is a crucial step in healing. You don’t have to fix this all by yourself. Therapy can provide support and tools to help you navigate these complex emotions and work towards forgiveness and healing. Seeking support groups or connecting with others who have similar experiences might also help you feel less alone. Remember, it’s okay to take your time with this process. Be kind to yourself and recognize that seeking help and acknowledging these feelings is a powerful step towards healing. Also, I'd love to know what you found most helpful in the video. Additionally, if you're looking to learn more on the topic or search for videos in the video library, please visit: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.

[@Spiritman597]

You are amazing, love u and your gift 4 helping others 😘

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?

[@marniejane88]

Yup both my parents were emotionally immature and emotionally unavailable. 😢

[@DocSnipes]

I'm sorry to hear that you experienced that with your parents. Growing up with emotionally immature and unavailable parents can be really challenging and have long-lasting effects. It's important to recognize your feelings and seek support if needed. Therapy or counseling can be very helpful in processing these experiences and finding ways to heal and move forward. I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Also, if you're interested in more videos on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. You're not alone in this, and there are resources and people who can help you navigate these challenges.

[@Evelyne888]

Sometimes it seemed like my mother/father were aware of their shortcomings but were too lazy to grow. Aouch. And blamed me that I was/am not like'people should be'.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for sharing that. It’s so painful when it feels like a parent might be aware of their behavior but chooses not to change, especially when the blame is shifted onto you. It’s not fair, and it can leave deep emotional scars. Recognizing this is a big step toward your own healing, though, and it shows a lot of strength and insight on your part. Remember, their actions are not a reflection of your worth. You deserve to be seen and valued for who you truly are, not for who someone else thinks you "should" be. Take your time as you work through this, and be kind to yourself-you’re doing important healing work.

[@LoveGod-go6pd]

That was not what I meant that was just a progress from the hard work and dedication that I never seen myself doing before

[@jimberry9664]

What a wise and brilliant mind . So buetiful l Love to hear such Wisdom . My mother died (of cancer)when l was 17 and cared for her from the age 15 - 17 during my formative years . No Father around or knowledge of who he was . 😢 but lovely to hear a mature ladies insights . My life has not amounted to much ! I struggle often to believe God Loves me . But l know He is a God of Love ❤️ mostly l feel like l am emotionally crippled and neglected. Isolated and looking forward to the end of it all .

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video. I am so sorry that happened to you and I am sorry for your loss

[@jimberry9664]

@@DocSnipes thank you . I pray 🙏 for more inner healing ❤️‍🩹 for everyone.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I'm working on developing my Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity....

[@DocSnipes]

That’s awesome! What tips from the video will you use first to reach your goals? Here are some videos on emotional intelligence: kzbin.infosearch?query=intelligence

[@nielsdahl2022]

Thank you ❤ so much for this video , it is fantastic and helping me enormously 🙏🏻

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video

[@amalgamating]

Doc, do you think addiction is a form of hyper vigilance?

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video. I think it’s mostly a form of numbing the pain or escaping it.

[@dddamaged7501]

In Jordan peterson's testing, he found a correlation between Ei and agreeableness. Disagreeable can learn, but they can also go to their default mode.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for waiting the video and for sharing

[@geralldus]

Very difficult to take on board, but helpful. Thank you.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. Thanks for watching

[@TranscendingTrauma]

So enlightening

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you. I am grateful to be of service

[@kathleenmacfarland1817]

Perfect teaching! I just found you Today April 17, 2024 …Subscribed Thank You ~ Excellent teaching and for me, Perfect Timing!!!!!!!!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks and welcome

[@mariaawake4502]

Not intentionally , but as a parent from a chaotic home I was inconsistent raising my child , and as a result she developed an anxious attachment style. Although she received a very good education and is doing well academically she is very accusatory now at age 23 and in an exploitative relationship, very manipulated so I can not reach her any more . I am at an advanced age, she is my only child and I am very worried about loosing her. Looking for advice.

[@billstock3663]

reading your comment I can't help but chime in, as someone who has gone through the experience of having a mother who was emotionally immature as a result of her own unresolved issues having lost her mother at age 11 and having a father that did not give her the attention and love that she needed at that age. As someone who was on the receiving end of this emotional immaturity I can tell you that the most important thing that I longed for but never really got was to hear my mother take responsibility for her flaws or at the very least not get so defensive when I or my sister would bring up our concerns which centered around her parenting flaws. Bottom line is that you must let your daughter know that you take full ownership of your parenting mistakes and let your daughter know that she can feel comfortable bringing up some of her issues that she may have with you, that is the most important thing of all because every kid knows that parents are not perfect but acknowledgement and making the effort to make your daughter feel comforable talking to you about her own issues with you will go a long way. If you can do that then you're in rare company.

[@mariaawake4502]

@@billstock3663 , thank you for your response. Yes, during the last couple years, I have successfully worked with an in person therapist to resolve my Inner child issues and according to the therapist have obtained a secure attachment style now, -before that I did not know anything about personality disorders. I apologized to my daughter numerous times for having been unaware of the problems growing up in a dysfunctional home had left me with and so did her father. We sent her psychology booklets on the subject and offered to pay for a therapist . Please consider, that both of us , my husband and I were very busy working and going to college at nighttime to reach a good standard of living - also for our daughter and that at the time there were few resources to spent on psychological problems.

[@inzichte]

My parents are like this.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and for sharing

[@RebLynnGreenBlue]

Doc, how do we heal the HP-Axes, please?

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video and thank you for your answer. Here is the video on 30 Strategies for Rewiring the Traumatized Brain & Undoing the Effects of Trauma and healing the HPA axis kzbin.info/www/bejne/bmWrnHdun5dnbrM Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@RebLynnGreenBlue]

@@DocSnipes Thank you so much!

[@biancascrob4793]

Very usefulll for me...but I still live with my immature mother at 54 years...at some point she needed me...such a tantrum...My healtlh is severly affected...I have my thiroid removed and hysterectomies.. and she is blackmailing me now after 23 years of me giving her support....

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=boudaries

[@LoveGod-go6pd]

I'ma sorry for fighting I don't want to fight at all but if I have to I will

[@anitach5901]

May be emotional intelligence natural or may be only modelled by environment. ?

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

🙏

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching

[@anitach5901]

@@DocSnipes What about my question 🤔?

[@jdjenny]

Thank YOU 🙏🏼

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome!

[@michellerodriguez-stuart2705]

Thanks!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome! Your donation fills me with profound gratitude. Your support is of great significance to me and is deeply cherished. It empowers me to continue producing content, and the impact of your contribution is immeasurable.

[@CourageToLiveTrue]

Attachment trauma

[@jimberry9664]

Mixed up in my Love language . Yes flat or tsunami more often lately. With war of terrorists and watching movie the sound of freedom 😊. Very emotionally guttural horror and emotional highs and lows . Outrage then weeping . Tears are prayers

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for waiting and for sharing

[@albatjay6841]

Yes Madam I am Miss Julia Momoh . I live in Number one Eeckhout straat in Eindhoven . I have being abused in many ways and I am realy seek and tired of the abuse me and my children are undergoing . Right now as I am charting, I just received an abused were by other people went outside for a work wereby they refrained me of going outside just to abuse me .

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@GissingRiva-g6o]

Allen Elizabeth Young Laura Davis Laura

[@boddyxpolitic]

Dr. Dawn You must be Snow White, because when I see you, I feel like 7 EMOTIONAL tiny diamond miners! How was that for INTELLIGENCE?

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching

[@LoveGod-go6pd]

Yes your right about that God angel 😇😇😇

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video

[@alforliniteaching5670]

Whoa.a doll.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@CourageToLiveTrue]

Caregiver can’t teach what they don’t know