17 hard questions about Christian marriage (for my church)

[@sarahfaith316]

Question Time Stamps for Quick Reference: 0:00 - Intro 1. 1:27 {Leading When You Don’t Feel Worthy} How do you lead as a husband when you’ve betrayed and dishonored your wife and are not “worthy” of the respect of your wife’s submission? 2. 6:15 {Submitting to Overbearing Leadership} How does submission work with an overbearing husband? Is it ever OK to say, “You’re overstepping your role”? 3. 22:24 {Earning Your Wife’s Trust/Respect} How does a husband win his wife’s trust and respect? Are there any virtues or goals that might be helpful in earning her trust? 4. 28:03 {Spiritual Intimacy in Marriage} What does the Bible say about pursuing spiritual intimacy in a marriage, and how might a husband initiate and a wife respond to that pursuit? 5. 32:03 {Can a Wife Pursue a Career?} Is it God’s ideal design that the wife is a housewife or stay at home mom rather than having a full-time career? What if it isn’t part of God’s will for them to have children? 6. 43:32 {Wife Provides = Husband Neglects?} Does a husband submit to his wife by being a provider? Is a married couple living in sin if their roles are reversed? 7. 43:56 {Submission & Initiative in Harmony} How do submission and taking initiative fit together? 8. 47:35 {Servant Leadership in Marriage} How does servant leadership look in your marriage? And can you elaborate on “according to her gifts”? 9. 51:20 {Meaning of “Weaker Vessel”} What does “weaker vessel” mean? 10. 53:59 {Headship & The Fall} Is Adam ruling over his wife in Genesis 3: 16 a godly ruling or a domineering ruling over his wife? What does this mean for husbands and wives today? 11. 57:49 {Finding a Good Counselor} What are the necessary considerations for finding a trustworthy and appropriate marriage counselor(s)? 12. 1:00:12 {When a Wife Refuses to Submit} If a husband wants to exercise headship and his wife struggles with this, what should the husband do? 13. 1:03:31 {Marital Dynamics} We are very much best friends but how can we learn the husband/wife part? 14. 1:06:37 {Following Jesus’ Lead} How does Jesus lead the Church, and what can earthly husbands take away from His example? 15. 1:12:29 {Why the Church Struggles} Why does this topic within the American church hold such a minority position? 16. 1:16:51 {More BibleThinker Content!} Where do we find brother Winger’s talks/videos? 17. 1:17:09 {Comp. vs. Egal. Divorce Rates} Are divorce rates substantially different between Christian complementarian couples and Christian egalitarian couples? Does anyone know the research?

[@WillPower46]

What about when you do everything as Mike has instructed and your wife still makes your life hell?

[@Dkenhoney]

@@WillPower46 "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Lead by example, forgive, show kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, placing her needs before your own. This is HARD. It is also what Christ orders us to do. Eventually if you do not give up then things will go to one of two places: her heart will soften, or she will leave you (even if not physically/geographically). I suspect that many men give up before actually seeing it through. You've seen the pictures of people giving up right before they break through to the prize; it's a real thing. Don't give up. This is a lifestyle of obedience to the character and headship of Christ, regardless of the response from anyone, especially those that we love. Sometimes the wives still leave, but it's not for nothing that God also gives us a picture of his love in the book of Hosea, who's wife lived the life of a prostitute. God told him to buy back his wife when she was put up for sale by her "lovers," demonstrating that true love does not give up even when someone does the worst that they can. Jesus DIED for us. So it is that we are to serve unto death. That is our calling as husbands. Sometimes we are rewarded here on earth with the peace and reciprocal love that we desire. Sometimes our reward is in heaven. Even still, die to yourself and serve your wife as if she is Jesus. It will be worth it in the end.

[@Jericho-xs3ju]

Ah yes. More simping for women. Worshiping t them and putting them on pedestal. Everything is the man’s fault no matter what no accountability for entitled women There’s is no biblical marriage taught here. No biblical order whatsoever. Most men that can stomach going to your churches or watch your channels are hard working providers that desire the well being of thier wives and children. The examples you speak of are the exception. They are not your audience. You create a situation where there can be no leadership or leadership authority because women can say that they don’t feel safe which means anything and everything It’s the mentallity that if your wife is not happy and does not want to submit because you as a man don’t do enough dishes sweep enough floors change enough diapers after coming home after working your rear off for your family and or not being a spiritual leader because he does not read his bible enough or listen to enough Christian music or whatever and your wife does not submit or have s x with you that no matter what it’s your fault as a man because you don’t follow Christ enough Jesus was perfect and they still crucified him. Mike. You say your not a feminist but why do you spend so much time on rare exceptions to make a point women don’t need to submit. What about teaching your men about the nature of women. And how to find a good woman. Mike. You’re 100 a male feminist.

[@MakeAmericagreatAgainEVH]

@@Dkenhoney wonderful reply

[@eternalgood1846]

Blessings for your kindness, shalom.

[@Bonend482]

That first question really hit home. Let me just say to you, men, as a wife whose husband did not fulfill his role the first 10 years of our relationship, who lost my respect, and who struggled with feeling like he could not lead me after his mistakes…. When he was ready to stop making excuses and listen to our pastor's guidance, it took just a couple of weeks, and a decade of mistrust and hurt was washed away. My husband often felt inferior to leading me because I had been a Christian my whole life, and he only became one a couple of weeks before we met. But instead of staying in that state of insecurity this year, he read through the whole Bible and found us a serious Bible-focused church. Now we talk about the Bible, and I am genuinely in awe of him. This means that you can work to “win” your woman back, and she will respect you again and trust and follow you again. But you have to respect yourself first, drop the bad attitude, get up, and follow God.

[@mariealaimo5915]

This is my situation, only I’m still waiting after being married for 33yrs . I pray, but I don’t tell him what I need from him anymore , and pretends everything is fine and never chooses to bring up that there’s a distance between us. Please pray for me. I don’t know what else to do.🙏🏻

[@Bonend482]

@@mariealaimo5915 praying is good but God calls us to action not passivity. I separated from my husband 2x over the past 10 years. I was about to make our separation more permanent last year and gave him the ultimatum that he either goes to seek counsel with me with our pastor weekly or I was going to move back home. I never considered divorce but I was prepared to remove myself because his behavior was emotionally abusive and damaging to my health. I always made it very clear to him my displeasure and I didn't enable his behavior. I was in counseling for 5 years because even though I was the victim of the situation my people pleasing and controlling nature contributed to the issue. My husband didn't not change until I changed myself into the woman of God I was called to be. Do not just “take it” that is not what God is calling you to do. I'll be praying fornyoy my sister ❤️ be bold and be the example for your husband 1 Peter 3:1 “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives”

[@Bonend482]

@@mariealaimo5915 I will be praying for you, my sister, but with all love and respect, your actions enable your husband's poor behavior and only get in the way of the intervention you ask God for. God commands us to act, not to be passive or sit in our victimhood. You only worsen the situation by pretending everything is fine and not asking/telling your husband what you need. Many women do this to “keep the peace,” but being a peacemaker does not mean there will be no conflict. Peacemakers know how to manage conflict. I separated from my husband 2x over the last 10 years and was prepared to leave more permanently last October. The only way he could prevent that from happening was if he would attend marriage counseling with our church pastor weekly until we got our marriage back on track. I also participated in individual counseling for 5 years to deal with my issues. It did not matter that I was the victim; I had to face my sinful nature and deal with that before I could ever expect my husband to address his. I stopped focusing on what my marriage lacked and concentrated on my walk with God. I was not silent about my needs nor did I pretend everything was okay. This made things very uncomfortable for my husband but they have to be uncomfortable to be encouraged to change. You can only control yourself and what you do, if you wish to keep the status quo continue to enable your husbands behavior and your own victimhood. If you want things to change then you need to act, seek support, seek guidance from your church, but do not live in sin my lie in G to yourself and to your husband that everything is fine when it is not. The hardest lession I had to learn what what a hubutial liar I was convincing myself of things that were not true and telling people things about myself that were not true. There is hope for your marriage, it is never to late for change to happen but you have to be willing to do the hard things for that to happen. 1 Peter 3:1: Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.

[@lisak1895]

@@Bonend482 Great encouragement!

[@casherdwitchey9151]

@@mariealaimo5915 you reap what you so sow.🦭❤️

[@kevinpulver4027]

Been happily married for 32 years. But I'm eagerly listening, 'cause I want to get BETTER!

[@giordanovirgile201]

@@kevinpulver4027 this is the attitude that has kept you married for 32 years 👏🏽 keep at it

[@kevinpulver4027]

@giordanovirgile201 Thank you. I am very blessed to have a wonderful Godly wife. I also was privileged to hear some wonderful teaching on relationships by Dean Sherman. Also available on KZbin in 8 parts.

[@Rc4C]

Amen

[@clementinescriven732]

period Kevin! praying for many more years of happy marriage for you and your partner🙂‍↕️

[@rebeccabrown8908]

I love it whenever Mike talks about his wife. It's so obvious how much he cherishes her and that she is a wise and godly woman. Hats off to you, Mrs. Winger, and thank you for supporting your husband's ministry so he can bless all of us with biblical wisdom! You two are a treasure. Thought-provoking questions and insightful responses. I appreciated this video.

[@sarachalupnicek4524]

@@rebeccabrown8908 what comes first... The chicken or the egg

[@TheRealMonnie]

Been with my wife for 23 years, but about 6 years ago things weren't going well, and we both knew it. After I dove in to marriage teachings, things got VERY good. Recently my wife told me she was considering leaving me back in those darker days. I thank God he put good teachers in front of me. It was 100% my fault for not doing the research to understand women in general, but specifically MY wife. It's just been getting better and better, because as time goes by I keep learning how to be the man God wants me to be.

[@xavroy07]

@@TheRealMonnie if you don't mind would you add some of the things you changed? I'm nowhere near getting married but I want to add to my "be a good future husband" checklist. Was it just following the godly layout for marriage? And did you get anything else along the way. Thanks!!

[@myk_3D]

I'm a simple man. I see a topic that has nothing to do with me. But Mike is Preaching, so i click

[@loricruzan6361]

😂😂😂

[@cbak1819]

Teacher's gonna teach.

[@Lilmrs1]

This, yes. 😂

[@2000dns]

Same

[@farmingmama]

Yes.

[@DixonsPickins]

I’m a simple man. Mike Winger uploads. I watch. God bless you, good sir!

[@kimberlywright4988]

Jesus is Lord! Can someone please help me to buy some groceries for me and my 2 daughters I lost my job. $150.00 would help with 2 weeks of groceries thanks and God bless in Jesus name for your help $wimmyes

[@DizzeeY]

I too am a simple man. Marriage problems from a Christian perspective. I watch!

[@Repent.Believe.obeyJesus]

Its good for single men to watch something they can be prepared for

[@farmingmama]

Same!

[@snuggisthecute]

Wow, hearing about these marital struggles makes me so grateful for my husband. He is a very good leader and inspires me by example to be more patient, more generous, more positive. His faith in God encourages me to trust God more.

[@nccrchurchunusual]

Awesome! I hope he starts a men's grp using Lion Hearted book.

[@cerberus3721]

I don’t have a husband yet but I like watching your teachings and hope this gonna help me in a future marriage to do good for God and my husband!

[@briarpatchson3039]

AMEN ✝️

[@sandrakozlowski6921]

Been listening to Mike and others since our Lord called me about 4 years ago. We used to argue all the time. We’ve come together under Jesus in submission and mutual self sacrificial love toward each other. Sometimes we stumble over each other saying, “well what do you feel like doing?” in trying to yield to teach other. We laugh and flip a coin. It is amazing! My husband makes the final decision on the tough stuff. So wish we’d been saved 35 years earlier! Our marriage is so wonderful now. Our kids are all unsaved and amazed at our new and wonderful relationship! Thanks Mike-my husband rarely sits down but when one of your videos comes on he’s always listening. God bless you and keep you on His path!

[@StephenLoney]

This comment was a blessing to read. Thank you for sharing!

[@abbycrown]

This is amazing! Thanks for sharing and I pray your children also come to know the Love of The Lord Jesus! ✝️❤️🥰

[@AdriaMcFarland]

Question 2... I knew it was true because God delivered me from an abusive marriage. But I have fought with my conscience ever since, for 6 years. The way of reasoning through this with scripture, this has just brought me full freedom and I am so grateful.

[@heidihouseholder727]

Celebrating 34 years today! ❤️🙏💕 Marriage is not always easy, but it is worth it! By God's grace, we celebrate today!

[@StephenLoney]

Even as a single person, this has been an encouragement. How good to learn and be mindful of these things before marriage. But also, the warning about "one upping" is good to be reminded of, for various contexts. How can we meet and gently encourage others, where they are at... Blessings.

[@kristyleavitt8007]

One of my pastors often said “the best time to learn about how to build a healthy marriage is BEFORE you’re married”. So, good on you for taking the time to learn about marriage now! This will help you immensely when you are married.

[@Dangregs2121]

I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear this. Getting angry because I feel like I’m not getting the respect I deserve has been the one and only problem I am having and fighting with almost everyday. It causes things to get worse because of my ego and own actions. Thank you Mike. She comes first and I need to do what I am made to do for her which is sacrifice and respect unto the Lord no matter what

[@MakeAmericagreatAgainEVH]

👏

[@morninglynn6281]

As a wife who is a natural leader, i have told my husband that if I am taking over and not realizing it to look at me and just say "follow" 😂. Communion is so important!

[@lowlyman4christ998]

Straight truth sister that's a good word

[@Bonend482]

I love this! So often it is talking about possible scenarios and then coming up with “buzz” words to address those issues when they arise instead of arguing or saying hurtful things. ❤

[@Charles-e4x]

This was such a timely video. As a man who desires marriage, a lot of these questions bounce around in my head and I struggle with a lot of the insecurities mentioned and fear messing things up. Your answer to question 12 in particular gave me a lot of peace funnily enough. I want to be the kind of man who loves his wife no matter what. God bless, Mr. Winger.

[@ashsainv]

May God bless you with a Godly wife Charles!

[@michelleanderson7828]

Going through a very bad rough patch...both too hurt by the point. You gave this woman much to pray and think on, Mike. I greatly appreciate your ministry ❤ May the Lord make his face shine upon you and your family!

[@Kraken_015]

You're not alone! Honestly though...how many men would listen to this? It's usually us (women) searching for understanding and hope 😭.

[@kaymojil7669]

@@Kraken_015 yep, there are men here trying to correct and reference text as if they didn’t even watch the video

[@Bonend482]

I have been in your place, just 1 year ago I was preparing for a more permanent separation. But God rescued our marriage. It took 10 years of prayer on my part, and continuing to follow God despite what my husband did (the hardest part right there, and I didn't always do that well) Over the last 6-9 months God transformed my husband ah my marriage and I feel like I have been living the “honeymoon” phase of marriage now that I never had.❤

[@puppymom5559]

@@Bonend482 can you share what you did/didnt do to restore your marriage relationship? Any resources, books, etc?

[@heathercommonsense377]

God healed my husband's heart, too (well, He gave him a whole new one). We were in a very dark place in our marriage & all I could do was trust God. My husband said he didn't love me and wanted a divorce. I & our 4 kids were devastated. Here we are a year later, and my husband has had a complete turnaround. Only God can do that. Now we have a happy & God-centered marriage.

[@Ben94729]

As a 17 year old, which i do not think God is going to send a woman to marry her soon. So i'm just here in case. Atleast i can learn about self control and Godly marriage to glorify the Lord.

[@freedomfighter4990]

A wise young man!

[@ikw4384]

Hehe same here😅

[@DizzeeY]

Yup! Same here! I too am 17, and when I really think about it, if God where to send me my future wife right now, would I dont think i would be satisfied mainly because, i just dont think im mentally, spiritually (and definitely not) financially ready.

[@JRRodriguez-nu7po]

Consider MGTOW, the current crop of young women including in the Church are toxic chameleons.

[@davidbermudez7704]

Stay in prayer for a godly woman that’s filled and led by the Holy Spirit, rooted and grounded in the Scriptures and who loves Jesus God bless you young man I'll keep you in my prayers

[@alyssarose916]

Mike, I'm not even married, but this is perfect timing. I don't know why, but this is just very comforting information right now. Thank you!

[@Catinpikt]

Very good advice from Mike for question #1. Do what you are supposed to do. Lead and control yourself. Respect from your wife will follow over time. Be strong brother. It is a battle we all face as husband

[@Fan-vm3sv]

Mike!!! Congratulations for passing the 800,000 subscriber mark!!! That just totally blows me away, and I celebrate with you. I’ve been watching that total daily, and feel so very excited that your ministry’s reach has grow so tremendous to God’s glory! Kathy Alba.

[@TLWishere]

Thank you Mike for this. From my personal experience, it's harder to find biblically-based, practical marriage counseling videos that don't just fall into people's opinions. To get this online is a treasure. Thank you for extending your video for your church to the rest of us online. Definitely going to share this video with other married couples.

[@Kurea47]

I like what Warren Wiersbe says regarding the "weaker vessel". _"There's no weak and strong, there's only weak, weaker, weakest. The only strong one is God."_

[@xbluesaintx]

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

[@karenmazzu]

This quote is priceless

[@TimTheDrifter]

@@Kurea47 I heard that "weaker vessels" mean that women don't have the brute strength of a man.

[@augiemusky]

Weaker vessels are often the most precious and beautiful.... your sturdy bucket next to your fine crystal goblet.​@@TimTheDrifter

[@viperstriker4728]

@@TimTheDrifter In psychology it's been noticed that women are on average higher in personality trait neuroticism. The benefit of this is it give them a great intuition at sensing potential threats. The drew back is it greatly increase the chance for depression. So I think of 'weaker vessel" to be both physical and emotional. In video game terms, the guy is the tank class, well the women is the glass canon. The glass canon has a lot of power, but your team only gets access to that power if the tank protects them since glass is fragile.

[@melindamercier6811]

Amen, Mike! Thank you for another great series of Q&As. If Jesus wanted husbands to MAKE their wives submit (which seems to be what most of these questions are getting at), He’d have given them specific instructions on how to do that. Instead, it is the responsibility of the wife to do so, which is why it is a direct command to her. The same as a wife can’t MAKE her husband love him self sacrificially, the onus is on him to do so. We have our jobs, and they have theirs. A good marriage is one where both fallible spouses strive to fulfill what was commanded of us and repent regularly when we fall short.

[@taaron5595]

In the answer regarding the meaning of the weaker vessel, I think your answer was good, however, it’s been explained to me that the Greek behind to words actually referred to pottery. There would be stronger vessels that were tougher, harder to break, and able to carry heavier duty stuff, and then weaker vessels that had great importance in the home, akin to fine china. It would be treated with great respect, care, and celebrated as a thing of beauty. It would have a unique purpose in service to the household. And although it was more fragile, and had a different purpose, it was still every bit as important as the stronger vessel. I feel like this understanding gave a more full picture of what weaker vessel would have meant to the people of the time.

[@viperstriker4728]

That is cool. I was just thinking of the concept of iron and glass and how well that maps onto men and women. Both are refined materials of great value. You can get glass that is less fragile or steel that is more decorated, but there are always some jobs one material is better at then the other. Like try making a steel window, or a glass knife. It can be done, but the results aren't quite right.

[@sophielesher8002]

that’s very interesting! but the original text was hebrew not greek. so I wonder if the hebrew has the same meaning

[@viperstriker4728]

@@sophielesher8002 Well most of the Bible is Hebrew I believe he was referring to 1 Peter 3:7, which was originally Greek.

[@jordo613]

Winger gettin all up in our bizness. And I'm here for all of it.

[@iamNOTaronpurschemorales1966]

Mr. Winger, I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you do, thank you.

[@RansomedSoulPsalm49-15]

Great timing! I just got married on the 13th! Praise God ❤🙌🏻🙏🏻

[@Prophetic494]

Thank you Mike! Been watching your videos awhile and they have been helpful to my marriage and my role as a husband. You encourage me to seek out a more biblical response for my marriage and family. Thank you again! Your ministry has blessed me greatly!

[@peachfountain]

🥳🥳🥳 so excited for this topic. The more I learn about marriage, the better my family life will be. God bless!

[@Getoutofthewoods]

I really appreciate these questions all located in one place. I know some of these are answered in the Women in Ministry series, but this makes the tough questions even easier to find.

[@dawnlivingston6236]

Thank you so much for this video, thank you for the wise advice it's been the best advice I've ever heard and I'm 63 years old. I have a troubled marriage. But it's so refreshing to hear all the things that I've truly believed in all my life.

[@tiasherrill6920]

I have a wonderful marriage of 12+ years, and I have felt since the day I met my hubby that God drew us together. God being so present in our marriage has blessed us.

[@cheerfulmouse]

Winger team... I really hope you clip for a short the part in Q15 that says... "It's not a 'bug' it's a feature" that whole thought is really good to share with people who misunderstand scripture in these ways!! ❤

[@julianahlopez]

Thank you for taking the time and seeking God and His word to help us on becoming a godly spouse.

[@j2jenison]

A La Miradian! I went to Biola University and could tell that your depth of knowledge reflects the wonderful evangelical presence and history in that area!

[@bdunning1284]

Mike, thank you for covering these topics. I recently got engaged, and I am getting married next fall. My goal has always been to be a man of God and to try to be God honoring towards my future spouse, but sometimes it's difficult to know how to practically apply what the Bible says. Thank you for your ministry and practical applications!

[@Jacqueline_Oat]

For the whole thing about women and careers, men and the household; I think it's easiest to compare it to birds. Both uphold and clean the nest, the female more than the male because she's there warming the eggs. Both forage for food, the male does it more because he's helping the female since she can't leave the nest as much. Both keep the eggs warm and protect them, the female does it almost all the time, but the male still takes his part to let the female stretch her wings and get her own food and find resources for the nest too. They both do everything, but they have different ratios for what they do, the young will grow, they will learn, and one day, they will fly away to start their own. Both parents of the now empty nest are saddened by their young leaving, but also happy for them now that they are starting their own lives.

[@serafin1352]

Brother in Christ- Thank you very much for this discussion. You have brought out very important reminders and guidance on marriage.

[@krustysurfer]

Thank you Mike that was a very well-rounded teaching covering a lot of questions that are commonly asked God bless you and thank you for being a man of God

[@cbak1819]

When first married I thought we would worship and pray and study together. I was met with cricket on worship. Praying I would hear husband praying in ways I didn't see in the bible , his theology was off. We were 10 years in Christ. In or 40's. All the things I said he has changed his mind on except 1. But he fought me even through scripture. I know now I have to say it and let God nag him not me. God can get to Him. Say it and let Go, silence can deafen that inner voice.

[@GracieDontPlayDat]

Are you in America? In America we have a terroristic Gnostic cult that attacks people until they dissociate or turn Gnostic. Maybe you live somewhere Godly away from Hollywood or D.C., but I left my husband to his own devices, and now it’s like no one is home-dissociative identity disorder. This is what is happening to people who are sinned against or have to live with their own sin without Christ to relieve their consciences. I always wonder if I had given him an ultimatum sooner if he would have been saved.

[@sarahpfeuffer1396]

For the topic of finding a good marriage counselor (question 11 at time stamp 57:49. I agree with all Mike's points. May I also suggest finding a counselor who practices what they preach. In other words, they have been living a happy healthy marriage for several years. It may be awkward to ask thie counselor about their own marriage but it has been very helpful for me and my husband. That's how we found a good counselor.

[@dorotheapeach9606]

Thank you for ministry! Always look forward to your new videos!

[@279msj]

Thanks Mike for giving me a better understanding of a biblical marriage.

[@koushik990srpt]

Thanks Mike! Great wisdom in here! I can resonate with a lot of what you said!

[@lukematheson6150]

37:00-38:00 -- I love your work. Perfect answer. God knows people won't all have the same life circumstances.

[@ThePossumone]

Such a good word Feel convicted not condemned about how I bring things up with my husband Challenging to tell the Truth in Love ❤

[@thesetruths1404]

I can't say I heard a single non-Biblical answer, or unreasonably described guidance, as an answer in this teaching. Shabbat shalom

[@angeldotel5786]

12:46 whoa. the way mike broke down what was actually happening in that story + the significance behind subtle, overlooked details honestly blows my mind. here im thinking this is just some random story put in the bible for the sake of david’s lore and boom- it’s so much more than what meets the natural eye 🤯. wow, God.

[@Ramser03]

All good stuff, couldn’t agree more. Thanks Mike, God continues to do great things through you.

[@georgwilliamfriedrichhegel5744]

It's good to get a video like this. One of the things lacking in complementarian content is a discussion of practical examples for sex roles in marriage (and in other areas like church leadership). I think my main questions are: 1) What if the husband just makes poor (but not necessarily sinful) decisions? Like, what if he wants to drain their 401k and invest in some newfangled KZbinr crypto scheme? 2) What if the wife has significantly more knowledge/experience in an area? Should she still defer to the husband? Like, if she's a financial advisor or accountant, wouldn't it make sense for her to be in charge of their finances (especially if the husband has no knowledge about this stuff)? I definitely think that having more case examples like this would make the complementarian position more palatable to some people...a lot of opposition to it, I think, it based on fear that a woman will be expected to obey her husband completely in every single detail no matter what.

[@danieljohnson270]

This is a very helpful set of questions. I think that often discussions of complementarianism -- by both critics and complementarians themselves -- fail to make obvious analogies with leadership (authority) in other domains. A couple of things seem obvious to me. (a) A good leader recognizes when his or her subordinates know something more than he/she does in a domain and will eagerly take advantage of that expertise. Bad leaders try to do everything themselves. Think of NBA franchise owners: they need to take responsibility for everything in their organization, but the good ones defer to their basketball people for basketball decisions; the micromanaging owners are bad leaders. (b) Subordinates in an authority relationship can and often should, even forcefully, point out to the person in authority when they (the subordinate) has expertise that the authority does not and when the authority should defer to their judgment. When Jerry West was the Lakers GM, he should (and I imagine often did) tell the owner, "hey, I'm the basketball expert, not you, and I want to trade our reliable center for 18-year-old Kobe Bryant. You should go with me on this one, no matter how attached you are to that center." A wise owner will listen when he is told that, and in fact be grateful for it.

[@JanMiller-s6l]

My husband has bankrupted us 3 times, has made us broke over and over again with foolish get rich schemes. I have moved over 65 times in34 years of marriage. I now have nothing left. Every time he gets us in desperate situations all of a sudden he is so repentant and wants us to go to church but then tapers off. I now live in his parents house. Tired, depleted. worked my azz off for him. Tired of religious platitudes. I have never had stability. I no longer trust or respect him, I am committed as in keeping the marital bed sacred, perhaps love him as in care about his well being but no longer feel "love'. Its been abused, manipulated, controlled, isolated. I love Jesus so I dont give up but ohh to dare to dream anymore, to hope is painful. I will focus on my walk with Jesus and let him work on his own walk.

[@commentator1984]

Being a "Goddly" leader/husband is the best way to mend her broken respect.

[@shanepetersen7797]

This is a great video is so great! So many helpful and unbiased thoughts that challenge both sides of the marriages this video gives healthy language that we can use while having conversations with our spouses!

[@mable552]

Regarding question 3, as a married woman of almost 40 years to a wonderful kind, caring, godly husband, my advice would be to husbands is to not say you are going to do something, but rather, I'm thinking about doing this or that, and ask the wife for input. You are right, Mike, sometimes we do have insight in something that our husbands do not. And vice versa. This way the husband will not feel they are going back on their word and feeling insecure that they have no authority. Talk it out and listen. and wives pray for God to give your husbands wisdom. If things don't turn out for the best, i see it as an opportunity to offer grace and encouragement. We learn from our mistakes. But being kind and gracious will cover a multitude of mistakes.

[@Bonend482]

Exactly! We were made to be a helper, and the Hebrew word used there is ezer. Ezer carries a deeper meaning of strong support, rescue, and powerful assistance, often used in the context of military aid. Throughout the Bible, God is frequently referred to as "Ezer," emphasizing his role as a strong protector and rescuer for his people. As a woman, it is our role to follow, but in the same sense that a President has advisors, we are there to be advisors for our husbands. We are not there to be an empty vessel that follows a man around like a zombie.

[@explorables_media]

Thank you for this! I’ve been praying for direction on a matter and believe I heard the answer in this video.

[@dtjiv89]

Mike, I knew I liked something about your content AND your manner-- you're a Free Church guy! I spent 7 years in So. CA in a free church!

[@music2myear]

That's relatively recent. I don't know all the details of the transition, but he was a pastor in a Calvary Chapel church for quite a while.

[@iyo93]

Thank you for speaking the Word of God. Thanks for helping me live my life more biblically. God bless you!

[@ChamberedMaiden]

1Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 🍃⚖️🙏🏾⚖️🍃

[@Repent.Believe.obeyJesus]

"HIS" "HE"

[@vikkiromance2817]

My wife and I (this is her husband as we share this KZbin account so that we only have to pay for the basic KZbin premium 😅) almost a month ago now made a conscious decision to wake up and do Bible study and prayer together and before we go to bed, we do the same. We are halfway through our study on the gospel of Mark and our relationship as well as our relationship with God has already grown and changed so much. I would encourage anyone else to do so and see what kind of changes God has in store for you. Starting our day with Jesus and physical fitness sets the tone in such a positive way and ending the day with Him feels like it has brought us so much closer together

[@meaganarnold6587]

#4 is such good advice. Talk about conviction.

[@aerogers4117]

Question 2, when you mentioned involving the church, I immediately thought of how that worked with wives at John MacArthur church.

[@rebekahwebster3104]

Could you give more context to what you are referring to?

[@Thrillingg]

Thanks, Mike! Thoughtful content.

[@reesereyes6986]

I'm single. And I wish the married people in my family would all seek counseling. I'm afraid not one of their marriages is something that I aspire to have. Looking at them, it's like these are the examples to avoid. 😢 There are very few married couples that I know of who have healthy communication and mutual respect.

[@kendall00012]

Praise God Mike, I have been telling my husband this for so long yet in one ear and out the other! Because I truly believe that if the man is leading the way Jesus tells him too the wife will honor and respect him no matter what, all will be in harmony! I have never heard another teacher/preacher say this! God bless you!!!!!!

[@dalu_ogue]

Amen. Thank you Brother Mike ❤

[@maritzaverdugo691]

Single with children however this video was great information to teach my son and daughter❤

[@sarahpfeuffer1396]

Mike, thank you so much for setting the record straight and explaining the studies of Christians that walk the walk actually have the best marriages. This is so hopeful and encouraging to me! Also thank you so much for you and your wife for encouraging men to include women in making big decisions and involving her in decision making. And that ultimately the man has the final word. I think this is so important that the man has the final say and the women submit to his decision (as long as it doesn't go against God's instructions of course). I try my best to live this out in my own marriage And it brings peace and well-being in our home. I also feel so happy that by submitting to my husband I'm first and foremost submitting to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ whom I love the most. I feel the need to say also that one huge key to success in our marriage is Jesus revealing to me a deeper need for me to forgive my husband and let go of the hurt and resentment. And at that same moment Jesus did a deep work of healing in me. This has been huge for my marriage and it also brought a positive change in my husband as well. The fact that My marriage is saved and I have a peaceful and happy marriage is a miracle from God and now part of my testimony of the goodness of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God bless you!

[@StretchMn]

@@sarahpfeuffer1396 That was wonderfully explained!

[@sarahpfeuffer1396]

@StretchMn thank you!

[@shellyscholz1256]

Proverbs 31 shows a woman working at home making all the financial transactions and decisions. My parents didn’t have a perfect marriage but they were perfectly paired financially. He was an investor and she was a saver. She worked at home doing laundry and ironing for nearly every teacher in our school district and some other people. She also babysat a lot of kids, preschoolers and their siblings after school. She made crafts and sold them.

[@JanMiller-s6l]

The woman is Proverbs 31 was working OUTSIDE of the home. She had servants taking care of her home. Go reread it. Proverbs A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female SERVANTS 16 She considers a field and BUYS IT; OUT OF HER EARNINGS she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that HER TRADING IS PROFITABLE and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in SCARLET 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in FINE LINEN AND PRUPLE 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and SELLS THEM and SUPPLIES the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She WATCHES OVER THE AFFAIRS of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. SHE HAS SERVANTS, HAS BUSINESSES, AND IS VERY WEALTHY. Her husband is made wealthy by her and with her and they are known throughout the city for it. Footnotes

[@mimimimz6719]

This is why saying or being complementarian or egalitarian cannot work. Real life and relationships are not that simple. We cannot strictly adhere to "rules" that either camp promotes. Read your Bible and pray.

[@melaniehughes8909]

I just want to say, as a wife and mom of 3, when Dad decides that, since he's reacting out of anger, he wants everyone on restriction for a month or 3 or 6, it's mom who's expected to enforce this unreasonable punishment on her beloved children who she's now convinced are being treated unfairly!!!! This makes her take the side of the children because her husband is being a bully to them and she's not having it!!!! Just decide together what is both appropriate and attainable for all parties involved. This will prevent angry outbursts and create a bond between family members. Maybe even bring the kids into the whole discussion too. Make them acknowledge their wrong and agree to a punishment that they know is fitting. It takes away the BAD guy and makes everyone equal

[@heatherm503]

I wish my husband would take on more of a leadership role. I think he likes to have less responsibility so leaves it to me. I’m glad he thinks I’m capable, but it feels like having another child at times instead of a husband and partner. Struggling to figure out how to discuss this without him being hurt or defensive. He probably feels like he does a lot, and I don’t want to keep score, but my job is more demanding and I still do 90% of taking care of the household, including the typically “guy” stuff like repairs and yardwork, etc. It has chipped away at my attraction for him as well…

[@MakeAmericagreatAgainEVH]

Yes! 🙌 it does

[@caiquegarcia5172]

I know this video will be great as always! Thank you so much your videos Mike! Can you make one about dating/ courtship? As a 20 year old, I would like find a wife, but I want to have a saint relationship before marriage. Topics that I think would be nice: 😅 1. What should you look for in a future wife/husband 2. How to have a holy relationship 3. Tough questions before marriage to make 4. Healthy habits to keep a Godly relationship between your future spouse and God (how to bring God to the relationship) 5. What the man and the woman needs to become before marriage. (Financial, spiritual and emotional) Thanks Mike I hope you can help more Young Adults in this crazy world ❤️

[@briarpatchson3039]

Also, Study ✡️PROVERBS 31

[@farmingmama]

My husband used porn for many years and now says he doesn't, but he has no interest in actually loving me. 21 years of pain and I'm just so tired. I tried to be good enough, but I can't make him happy. It feels utterly hopeless to just see the future stretching out before me, never being loved, only being yelled at and treated like I'm worthless because I don't look/act like his porn women.

[@CC4ever994]

I’m single. But thank you. Thank you. Thank you. God continue to bless you and your ministry. From Wales, Uk

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

Speaking from experience, it is like night and day the circumstances in my relationships that I have had before I became a Christian and then after a became a Christian.

[@nathanelder5285]

When thinking of leadership in the home I think it comes down to this; although both the husband and the wife have different gifts and take on different responsibilities, the buck stops with the Godly husband.

[@yousaywhatification]

Amen 🙏 Bless God, and may God bless your marriage, Mike. God's goodness is so beautiful. My wife and I have had some recent conflict around this subject over the last few days. Our argument had grown yesterday, and we have been struggling with our relationship, roles, and expectations. Jesus has been so faithful to us. His timing is so extraordinary. I was looking for some wisdom or advice, and I didn't even know all the questions that I had. But, through a fellow servant, He has provided. Hallelujah! Mike, you have given me/us a lot to ponder and reflect on 😊. I shared the video with her as well. We are a newer couple who have only been married a few years so far and just joined our church a year ago. We are growing together, and sometimes, it is a struggle, but we look forward to Jesus guiding us on our journey and bringing us closer together.

[@toddkerestes594]

I love your videos, ill be honest with you, i dont always agree with everything you say, however i am learning from your videos. In fact i will tell you, i have changed my mind on some topics from listening to brothers and sisters. Thank you for your service

[@FemFantastic2.0]

I had a husband who didn’t want to work and I absolutely refused to support him. To me that made the marriage null & void.

[@yvonnecrozier4536]

A definition of submit for thought... inclined to yield to another.

[@jaykay3839]

I edited to try to clarify a couple of things: What can a wife do if she has a sneaky husband who pretends? If I don't do things the way my husband likes, he gets very passive aggressive. I met him when I was 16 and he was 23. Sadly, my mom allowed us to date and we fell into sin. I got pregnant when I was 17 and he was 24. I came from an openly dysfunctional family. My husband's family hid their dysfunction. To this day, they deny it. My husband allowed his mother to get away with mean and sometimes dangerous treatment of not only myself, but our kids! This went on for decades. I didn't react well to his behavior. Honestly, I still don't, but I'm just so fed up with the games and his neglect in the bedroom. That involves even more games. It's like he enjoys my being stressed out and upset. Most of the time, outwardly, he's like a clown, always joking and laughing. He has everyone believing he's a great guy. I even believe it a lot of the time. He's very energetic and does a lot, especially when people are watching. It's all very confusing. He moves houses every 4 years or less, not because he's in the military or anything worthy. He just likes the stress and chaos of moving repeatedly. He lies all the time. About everything. And he says these lies with a straight face and acts offended if I don't believe the lies. He does piddly little mean things like ordering my food wrong and pretending he didn't. Poor me. He has no idea why it's always me. Recently he started doing it to our youngest child, who has autism. Over the last few years, he's gotten worse. His many job changes cause problems. He's led me to believe there was something going on with a younger woman at one of those jobs by bringing home a heart shaped plant with little red decorations and just smirked at me as he told me that she'd given it to him. It always takes me a while to process things and when I brought it up later he's acted as if I was crazy and asked if "this is still about a plant?" He lied to me about our annual trip to a nearby state to visit our baby son's grave. He insisted there were no hotel rooms available that weekend, so therefore none of us could go. He could have just said he didn't want to go because he had something to do. I would have taken the kids and gone without him. But instead, he lied and prevented me and our kids from going to visit our baby son's grave for our son's birthday. Initially I believed that there were no hotel rooms available, but then I just randomly ran into a friend of a friend who just happened to be traveling through the same town where our son is buried during the same weekend we were supposed to travel up there and she just happened to mention that she had her pick of hotel rooms. I was shocked. Not only was that an insane "coincidence" (obviously God led me to be involved in this unusual conversation) but I could not believe my husband would lie to me about something so hurtful. What kind of person prevents a bereaved mother from visiting her baby's grave? I only ask to go put flowers on our son's grave once a year. And before we'd moved away from the area where our son is buried, I made him promise me he'd bring me back once per year for our son's birthday so we can polish his headstone and lay flowers on the grave. How could my husband be so cruel? That was when I finally realized that there was absolutely nothing he wouldn't lie to me about. I've tried talking to him about all this stuff over the years to no avail. He just wants to pretend that either everything is fine or that I'm crazy. Nothing is resolved. And as a Christian woman, I'm expected to pray for him and tolerate everything, right? I have no biblical reason to ask him to leave. But then a few weeks ago, as I was running late and leaving the house, I forgot my water bottle so I ran back inside for it. I walked in on my husband soaking my mini waffle maker in a deep container of water. I was shocked and upset. I asked him why he did that. He acted annoyed and insisted it was fine. I was very late and knew arguing would do me no good so I left. When I came back he'd left my waffle maker on the counter for me to use. I flipped it over and sure enough, there was the warning on the bottom to Not immerse it in water. My husband is not a complete idiot. He designs buildings for a living and has built his own house, including the electrical. He knows that electrical appliances and water don't mix. I took a picture of the warning on the waffle maker and showed it to him. He again looked annoyed and mumbled that he had looked it up so he knew he shouldn't have done that. And yet. He didn't warn me, or get rid of the waffle maker to keep me or our kids safe. He just left it out for me to use again. I no longer feel safe in my own home. What does a wife in this situation do? This is so insane I don't think people will believe me. In fact, I went to my family with it and all they did was ask if he's ever done anything like this before. When I asked my sister if she would be concerned if she were in my shoes, all she said was she would not be concerned unless I believed he thought he had a reason to do this to me. This was the response from my "strong Christian woman" friends. I feel like anyone else will react the same way. Why are evil things done by "Christian" men to their wives dismissed?

[@kaymojil7669]

Woah, sister, this escalated more and more as I read. May God give you wisdom. If this man is like Nabal, may God give you the wisdom and bravery of Abigail. I think you need more than the comments of a video. I think you need to seek help and possibly protection. That man might indeed be trying to actively to harm you. Father in Heaven, please protect this family, please lead them in spirit and in truth!!!

[@ingela_injeela]

My dear sister, this sounds very dangerous! Is it safe for you to stay in this situation? Please seek wise counsel!

[@leah9127]

Praying for yours and your children's safety. I hope you find someone to reach out to for support. You are loved & Jesus knew you were worth dying for, so never underestimate your value or how precious you are to God. Stay safe sister x

[@cbak1819]

Praying for you Sister, do many wives are in your shoes. 😢 keep praying and do not grow wiry of doing good.

[@cbak1819]

Don't let the devil continue to mess with your mind. Focus on Jesus you and your household. Being a gentle and quiet spirit.

[@robertemard9452]

I like some of your content Mike. I don't have time to go through all 1 hr 24 min. I did listen to number 1 at tt 1:27. I guess what stood out to me is your expression "betrayed and dishonoured". It seems to me you should have defined these broad terms a little more because it matters whether or not you mean adultery or merely some other form of betraying and dishonouring that does not include adultery.

[@kevinpulver4027]

Wow I didn't expect question number 2. Mike, I was part of a church that actually taught Abigail was in SIN! Disagreements on that and other issues, (Corrie Ten Boom in sin for lying to the Nazis to save the Jews) (Amy Carmichael in sin for not having a man leading the ministry that saved hundreds of Indian girls from S__ trafficing) (Bosses can be just as selfish as the Unions that oppose them) (It's always right to have authority, but authority is not always right) (It's carnal and shameful to flinch if someone strikes you while preaching the gospel) eventually led to myself and another brother being kicked out and branded as unsaved rebels. When our wives left that church months later, they were branded as unsaved also. There have been at least 2 other couples kicked out after that; and 6 pastors children who have left in disagreement. It's an ugly mess and a great opportunity to love your enemies. I must have listened to your Romans 14 message a dozen times. It's such a New Concept!

[@EssentialOilStories]

These videos are really helpful. Im learning more on how to consider context when studying scripture.

[@losthylian]

Your cut from question 1 to question 2 at ~6:02, your globe's position is almost flawlessly maintained. I demand to know what sorcery is this!

[@NotEasyButSimple]

😂 I was thinking the same.

[@cbak1819]

# 3, first suggestion is the #1 issue in my marriage and countless other wives I know. My husband leaves no margin in his life for bringing most things to me. And he said " it's your fault" you reject my ideas every time so I don't bother talking to you about it. God made wives to see differently then it's the husband to take that to God. But instead he thinks it's from God and just does it, the wife is left suffering.

[@MakeAmericagreatAgainEVH]

THIS!

[@trackydoo]

The marriage bed isn't always a "giggly teenager" problem. Sometimes it's a "I grew up hearing how sex is bad and dirty, except in marriage". But how do you go from viewing as bad for so long and now it's good?

[@cashwalk7253]

This

[@joshuacavender1536]

Try it with your spouse, and you'll likely see the light. Well, hopefully.

[@mrpacifism209]

God is teaching me about marriage because he wants me to marry. I don't know when exactly... But I feel like God intends it to be soon (ofc "soon" is different to God lol)... I haven't met the lady that I would marry yet, but I believe he will provide. I trust in his timing, and even if He does not provide it, I will never stop worshiping Him and growing with Him.

[@RN_We_got_it]

Thank you Mike I love this!

[@84rstarr]

So well said! This Christian Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist approves

[@LilJbm1]

Such good word! Makes me depressed as a divorced man that all of this really can end up just not mattering at all if both people aren't seeking after God.. it'll still end up in divorce and broken homes. But, it does clear my conscience and helps me keep going! I pray God fixes my family whether that's totally overhauling my mess of an ex wife or bringing me a real woman of God 🙏 It can be discouraging when you did all this and one day the other person just stops pretending to believe ☹️

[@rachelbrown2685]

For question 11, I would add the principal of a biblical counselor. My parents saw a "Christian" counselor who suggested unbiblical advice (watching adult material). That made things worse, but no big surprise there.

[@michellehand2271]

You are such a blessing Mike. Thank you so much for this video.

[@staystrongdisciples]

I love the way you lovingly answers these hard questions🙂🙃🙂

[@CdnEnjoyLife]

People have left churches because they do not lead in real life problems anymore. My humble opinion. It's time to teach people how to understand scripture to navigate through real life.

[@christabewley]

Pray for me. My Christian husband of 30 years has decided that he doesn't love me and is unhappy and has left the marriage. He still goes to church and that betrayal is the hardest to take.

[@davidbermudez7704]

I almost got married to a Christian woman who was divorced but I humbled myself before God and asked him for wisdom. So after much prayer, reading and studying the Word of God, and deep concentration I stopped the arrangements for the wedding because I spiritually discerned something was wrong. Today we’re brother and sister in Christ!

[@DMC33]

You mean she returned to her husband?

[@Berean_with_a_BTh]

​@@DMC33That doesn't automatically follow. What if he, as an unbeliever, abandoned the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:15)? And what if he's now in another relationship?

[@Mb2IseeU]

I don’t understand?

[@RCGWho]

​@@Mb2IseeUScripture says that marrying a divorcee is adultery UNLESS they divorced because of her former husband's adultery OR it happened before she knew the Lord.

[@bio.Luminescence]

When you love and respect someone there is no need for all these rules of who needs to submit to the other and who needs to accept to be humiliated. We all have things we find attractive in someone and things that automatically disqualify someone in our eyes. I am a virgin and only desire another virgin man. I have self control and require that from the other person. Can’t help it either. Wish I could. Maybe if someone truly repented from his past and has been celibate since then.

[@CombatWombatQRF]

53:17 hairs might be hindered!!!! Hahaha gosh I love Mike and his sense of humor!!!

[@winterwoodcottage3657]

My husband and I talked today about Gen 2:24. I think that Gods plan would have afforded a wife a lot of protection if a man is to leave his home and become useful to his wife and her family . For example Moses and Jacob who both worked as shepherds for the family for a number of years. It may also explain why the Concubines dad was hesitant to see his daughter leave in Judges.

[@rebekahwebster3104]

Can you elaborate more on what you are talking about?