18-Year-Old Sister Is Dating a 50-Year-Old (Is That Okay?)

18-Year-Old Sister Is Dating a 50-Year-Old (Is That Okay?)
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
kzbin.info?...
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudsleep.com/delony
- Hallow - www.hallow.com/delony
- Thorne (25%Off Orders) - www.thorne.com/u/delony
Get John’s Questions for Humans Conversation Cards:
bit.ly/3wkym67
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/Delony and get on your way to being your best self.”
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...

[@troyspears6470]

Im 27 and couldnt imagine dating a 18 year old…

[@jacobrodriguez7771]

it's great you should try it.

[@jacobrodriguez7771]

@squid park That's a low IQ thing to say...and the ironic thing is, in the past age gap relationships were FAR more common than they are now. So you make no sense.

[@Lulalily]

Same

[@Squiffsquiddled]

@squid park He says somewhere below he likes trolling on this topic. Probably gets a kick out of riling people up -- without understanding just how this is actually hurtful to former victims as well as friends and families of victims.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

And? You're NOT them, so stfu

[@pandabear7177]

As someone who was in an abusive relationship, the WORST thing you can do is cut things off on your end. All it does is push them further into the abusers arms.

[@aarondavid5866]

what abuse?

[@jakes658]

​@@aarondavid5866From the creepy old man dating an 18 year old girl. That's disgusting behavior...

[@JC-xu1cz]

The age difference at her age is extremely inappropriate. An older man with a girl just past puberty. There in an imbalanced of power, and maturity. He most likely is a predator.

[@Annavslv]

@@JC-xu1czwell he is

[@robstacey4082]

​@aarondavid5866 Abuse is probably the wrong term to use but don't be snarky lol

[@blahblahblah4544]

It's weird. When I was 18 I thought I knew so much. Now 18 seems so infantile :/ No matter how smart the person is.

[@-KMA-]

Indeed and when you have children that age yourself, you see how immature the mind is compared to someone who is 50. So easy to take advantage for a desire.

[@paolaristori6179]

How true.....

[@blahblahblah4544]

@@-KMA- Yeah, like I've talked with very intelligent 18 year olds but they seem pliable. Like they haven't quite reached an understanding of boundaries and standards yet. So most likely the man is going to try and mold the girls boundaries and standards to suit whatever unhealthy standards he has in mind, which most likely won't be considerate of her as an individual. It will most likely play in his favor and not at all hers. So while young people can have brilliant minds, maybe even genius, they still lack experience that give them ideas of where their boundaries and standards are. They don't have as much resolve. So I really hope she ends up learning, growing and obtaining resolve.

[@bryansmith7238]

I'm 33 and i can't even look at an 18 year old without rolling my eyes.

[@ranip7644]

😂😅

[@user-mt4bh5sm5o]

@@bryansmith7238 so you like saggy nasty wrinkly used up bodies? Gross

[@andrea6053]

When the crap hits the fan, and believe me it will, your sister is going to need you. The groomer/ abuser’s best weapon is an alienated and isolated victim. That’s when they do the most harm. Don’t let him win in doing that. You may not agree with your sister’s choices , but keep showing up. She needs you now more than ever, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

It will? Really? Show us the PROOF

[@annavictoriadelgado]

I agree with you so much!

[@victoriaa7081]

I would also say do not always talk about the groomer and the negative impact it will have on her . Humans, especially at that age love forbidden things and you don’t want her to set out on proving you wrong.

[@standground8284]

Is there a slight possibility that you’re wrong? It’s almost common knowledge that women at the age always date older men. When women are younger usually guys their age don’t qualify because women view them as bums for not being as established as men over 30.

[@xoxo-vp7ww]

@victoriaa7081: YES!!! …or be afraid of sharing certain things because she doesn’t want to hear ‘I told you so’ or feeling foolish etc.

[@florencia2771]

My parents did not protect me from a predator psychopath who was 36 when I was 17-18. The relationship with my parents was forever damaged. I rarely talk to them, maybe once a year. PROTECT your DAUGHTERS from these psychopaths.

[@floridahomesteader7983]

I was 17(F) and met a 29(M) year old. We ended up marrying 2 years later. Let’s just say it didn’t work out.

[@shachede6828]

As you can see there is nothing her parents can do due to the state law. If your parents said YES GO AHEAD and date that man then that’s just wrong, this girl her parents and siblings have tried all they could do she can never say they didn’t help. She will have herself and the predator to blame. It’s unfortunate

[@soulistic87]

If your parents told you to stop dating him would you have listened?

[@florencia2771]

@@soulistic87 I encourage you to get educated. You have no clue was abuse and neglect does to a child. Before you can ask something to your child YOU HAVE to be a PARENT.

[@Girlgonewise]

You were old enough to know better. Don’t blame your parents, take responsibility for your actions.

[@carolineb7796]

When I was 17, I got involved with a man in his 50’s. I had just exited an abusive relationship, and he was initially a shoulder to cry on. I didn’t see it as bad then, but also didn’t tell anyone about the relationship - I am now a 48 year old woman and see now how vulnerable I was back then, and how manipulative and selfish this man was.

[@joisagirlsname]

I'm 43 and this is the first time I've considered myself old enough to date a man in his 50s. 🤮

[@Whatif623]

You weren't alone, there's a lot of predators out there.

[@Rno352]

I did the same thing after being sexually assaulted. I just want a “safe space”. Thankfully, it all worked out but yea I’ve been there.

[@Golfing422]

I’m 49 and I couldn’t imagine dating what I view as a child. My oldest daughter is 24. Shame on this sick man.

[@r3games1985]

All of my friends are 40+ and have Wives at least half their age. So all sick men?

[@Yourenotsmart1999]

@@r3games1985yeah it’s pretty weird and creepy

[@CyeOutsider]

​@@r3games1985Yes. Sick and pathetic.

[@MichelleA-qn8ow]

@@r3games1985 yes

[@favoredessence]

@@r3games1985 HELL YEA

[@zmarrera]

I am 25. I had a child at 19 with a 59 year old. I don't see it as a positive experience.

[@deirdrekiely6187]

What the hell were you thinking? Let me guess, he's not around to care for the child, right??

[@sameerajafri747]

​@@deirdrekiely6187she was 19. Their cognitive functions aren't fully developed. That's the wrong question to ask. First tell her you're glad she got out of an abusive relationship

[@tmorg32]

Kind of a terse reply since she already acknowledged it isn't a good situation.

[@LSSYLondon]

Children ruin lives of course that wasn't a good experience. Your body is destroyed due to childbirth.

[@sierrarain1440]

@@deirdrekiely6187Maybe dial down on the victim blaming and grow up.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

I have 17 and 20 year old daughters. This call infuriates me. The guy wouldn’t be around if he met me. He would run for the hills!

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Gabriela, I know that dudes creepy, but adult is adult. Maybe the age could be raised a couple years but that's about it.

[@jacobrodriguez7771]

No man is afraid of women, hopefully your daughters have a father who can protect them.

[@jacobrodriguez7771]

An 85 year old man can "date" your 20 year old if he wants to, free country.

[@u.2b215]

Keep in mind that we don't know the full story. That being said if your 20 year old decided to be with a 50 year old you'd be able to do nothing about it. Your options would be going to jail and possibly losing your daughter in your life or trying to convince your daughter why "loving" a 50 year old is wrong.

[@reginasemenenko148]

​@@jacobrodriguez7771No. My husband and I would never allow it.

[@starlingswallow]

Gabrielle, please have you and your family do a background check on this disgusting man. It cost money but it's worth it. I'm sure this isn't his first teenager/victim. If he has a shady background, which I'm sure he does, show it to her!! He may be manipulative and twist it so he's the "victim", but it will at least plant a seed in her mind. And as John said, stick close to her. ❤ If you try to change her mind, it will drive a wedge between you and she may distance herself and send her into his arms further 😢 I'm so sorry.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

He could have sexually assaulted women and been to prison even … scary

[@mimimonster]

I agree with you 100%. If they pay a private investigator to look into his background, I am confident there is a TON of stuff that needs to be discovered - so much that it would probably break them up.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

Disgusting man? LMAO.. WTF is your problem? You DON'T even know the guy!! I suggest you get counseling

[@miketheyunggod2534]

You people are weird.

[@femvetusa5263]

You don’t have to spend a ton of money to check this creep out. At least in the beginning. Go to the white pages and give as much detail as you can. Where are male family members to teach him the error of his ways. Absolutely stay close to her! He will isolate her, keep her a penniless. BE HER LIFELINE!!!

[@tiffanynicoley]

I’ve been that girl where I was 15 talking to 40 year olds online who told me I was "so mature" for my age. And now that I’m 30 I’m like wow what was I thinking. When I look at an 18/19/20 year old (let’s say like a celebrity) I cannot be attracted to them because wow they just seem like kids to me now. Being attracted to younger people after a certain point is just plain weird and creepy. Besides the fact this dude was actively grooming this poor girl.

[@paulcosta8297]

You are a discriminatory biology and nature denying PIG. When women are most hot is an objective reality having nothing to do with the age of the person perceiving reality.

[@stephanie-atarahrose.8149]

at ages older than 15 people can regret decisions they made . most times groomers aren’t involved .still can make bad decisions at ages 20,21,etc

[@KufLMAO]

There is a difference between “younger people” and CHILDREN. WHICH A 16 YEAR OLD IS. A CHILD. Once you’re 18 idgaf. Blurring the lines like you are is playing right into these people’s hands

[@Excitegaming0]

Anyone under the age of 18 sure. 18 or above should have freedom of choice unless we change the laws and 18 is no longer an adult.

[@dawnofchristmas]

THANK YOU I just don’t understand why some people think just cause it’s legal it’s ok. I’m 21 and I notice a huge difference developmentally even between 18 and now. I can’t imagine being 50 and DATING A TEENAGER ????!

[@sensimania]

7:23 - Sometimes (unfortunately) that "one day" doesn't come until after she's had 4 kids and endured lots of emotional/physical/financial abuse

[@Kelli-ru7yy]

That's true. Sad stuff.

[@aimeerebecca1]

Extremely true and more often than not the case …

[@samyish]

That can happen regardless of the age gap.

[@ethanriley2939]

I’m 23 and I couldn’t date an 18 year old. Have you talked to one? They are children.

[@srirachachicken]

Same, it would feel really really weird to be with someone 18. The brain development that you go through between those 5 years is no joke

[@user-mt4bh5sm5o]

Stop infantilizing adult women

[@iiyyxxnn]

I've talked to plenty of mature adult woman. Have you?

[@user-lu9hq6jv4v]

I can relate…this is a fantastic sister, speaking!

[@alexjaeckle2612]

You’re not that much older 😂😂

[@NerdyGirlLiveLove]

Just be there when she runs. Needs a safe place. Let her know ur there.

[@breeeque]

They seek out young kids with troubled lives … kids who have issues, parents out of their lives… easier to groom them n play the whole “well they dont love you but I do.” Or kids with very low self esteem. Its sick as hell

[@florencia2771]

Exactly

[@BAKER22-l4u]

They? LMAO.. Who are they and WTF is your problem? You DON'T even know either person

[@matthewbrown3420]

18 year old is an adult and certainly not a child. 16 isn't exactly a child either and not quite paedophilia but it is pretty bad.

[@Nerissadesouza]

If 18 is an adult ehy can't they drink??? The reason 18 is considered age of adulthood/consent so we didn't have to wait until 20s to be able to sign contracts and work proper jobs. They had to find a good balance where it wasn't too old or too young. Legality=/=morality. Just because the law says 18 is an adult doesn't mean that's true neurologically. There is a country where age if conSent is 9. ​@@matthewbrown3420

[@aleffel9668]

The part that makes me even more mad is that in a lot of states this is how the law works. And in some states the age of consent is even lower. Absolutely absurd and maddening to hear stories like this. They are KIDS. They don’t know what they are doing, even though they think they do

[@u.2b215]

Such nonsense. 18 year olds are not inherently kids. They can act childish or childlike but so can 30 year olds in this day and age. All this sister has are assumptions and accusations, no proof. And even if there was, even a 16 or 17 year olds can decide who they want to be with and since we have forgone the role of fathers in weeding out prospects we have only ourselves to blame if daughters end up with the wrong one. However we cannot call someone the wrong one just because they are a lot older.

[@millennialsecularandauthri3338]

At some point AOC laws need to have a hard and fast points, because that’s how laws work. We can’t just throw people in jail because it was bad vibes or felt creepy to an outsider.

[@BarnzTT]

May not be a popular post but maybe we should also raise the voting age then?

[@TheFlyingZulu]

An 18 year old is not a kid. That's an adult. People mature at different ages... but how in the world would it be possible to say that certain 18 year olds aren't mature enough yet to do things?

[@dcarr-kr7hk]

@U B2... "However we cannot call someone the wrong one just because they are a lot older." Yes, we can. He's nasty. She's young. Were my life mine to bet against, I'd place one that (with time) she will come to regret it and see that most (if not all) of the naysayers did it out of love for her. Having once been an 18 year old girl (who had had old men "interested" in me at an even younger age) all I can say is "YUCK"! He's living "the life" (knowing EXACTLY what he's about) while she is simply deluded. 😞

[@FrankS111]

I am in my late 30s and I have NOTHING in common with an 18 year old today let alone if I was in my 50s. He’s with her for one reason and she’s with him because she has massive daddy issues.

[@Dan16673]

Always

[@Alvin-xs7db]

Well thats obvious

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

Exactly!

[@-KMA-]

You’re so right Frank. Girls need their dads as well to show us how to be treated and protected and when we lack that, this is the behavior that ensues.

[@JKNat9004]

Yep!

[@cathyosullivan718]

I’m happy a lot of men are also commenting that this is wrong. I see Hollywood men (and sometimes women) doing this all the time.

[@bee12355]

And it is still wrong. Hollywood is toxic

[@sensimania]

Yeah, when Henry Caville started dating that 18yr old, I lost all respect for him. I know he wasn't as old as 50 (he was early 30s at the time), but in my eyes his attractiveness disappeared

[@melissabrock4114]

Hollywood isn't the real world. it's a very sick, twisted place

[@blacklyfe5543]

Ain't nothing wrong about that

[@leapinglaura7343]

And Picasso and Chaplin. They're so repulsive.

[@OlgaSuner-dx7fq]

This is what I like with Dr. Deloney very direct, raw, straight to the point doesn’t play diplomacy crap that most high educated people in his field put out to the public and most importantly connects with people and puts himself in their situation. Good man at heart we need more professionals like him 👍

[@AshleyLebedev]

I COULD NOT AGREE MORE with John. Accept it and show her healthy responses and life and about your life and friends and excitements and happiness. TRUST me, at some point she’ll start to want that, with similar young girl experiences. Plan sister trips like tubing, concerts, a weekend retreat etc. She won’t be able to go home after time and relate to him. They will not have ANYTHING in common. Encourage her talents and personal passions so she goes out and pursues them. If she has those things she’ll wake up eventually. Deep down you must remember she knows its weird or even wrong. She knows its not a good feeling to explain it. This happened to my friend with a teacher at our school. You have to just choose to smile and play that long game. Dont criticize, just live by example so when she leaves she thinks she chose it. Sisters > guy and sanity > predator will eventually win when you do it that way.

[@mle011]

Excellent advice. Show her what she’s missing subtly, what she’s missing by not being on her own or being in a relationship with a peer and not a predator.

[@diahill1945]

I once had a young girl say that after she left her perpetrator , he would get so angry because I was the only person he couldn’t get rid of . I was always nice to him so not to give him any reason to cut me out . Little did he know I couldn’t stand him . She thanked me very much because I was her main support, and she always knew I was there for her .

[@driftingdandelion]

thank you.

[@alimcc]

When I was 19, I became strangely infatuated with a 55-56 year old man, who took full advantage. I look back and I do not understand what I was thinking at the time and why I reasoned it out to think anything was okay about it when that just was absolutely not the case. I was nice to him bc I liked him but it quickly escalated into some sick relationship that now makes me queasy. I can tell you that while I was 19, I thought there was nothing wrong with it but in hindsight I was in a very bad headspace and should’ve kept way far away. Idk if I was going through some kind of rebellious phase or what but months after it happened I finally got back to my senses after confiding in my mom what happened, reported him for harassment to my workplace as he was a co-worker, and quickly found new employment. This guy was 100% a predator. And no- I don’t have daddy issues. I have the best dad I could’ve asked for. Parents are married and I had a happy home life.

[@dcarr-kr7hk]

@Ali... It is easier for those who disagree with you to just run to the daddy issue scenario. (Particularly when those who disagree are men.) I am glad you came to your senses. You told your story beautifully. ❣️

[@alimcc]

@@dcarr-kr7hk thank you for the kind words 😊

[@John-du2mq]

I'm sorry this happened to you even though you were of legal age and you made a choice. Have you found out exactly what it was that lead you to make that decision to enter into a relationship with this person? I think being very specific can help others avoid the same thing if they are thinking about it. Was it the money and resources? Was it because you knew it was not something everyone did?

[@alimcc]

@@John-du2mq I think it was a negative headspace and low self esteem. He was very nice, but in a love-bomby kind of way. He gave me flowers, complimented me to no end, and even bought earrings for me. Niceness does not mean someone is good for you. I learned that valuable lesson through the experience. It was a choice but it was a very irresponsible one in the end. In thinking about it, I also think I was naive in thinking that someone his age would never actually take advantage of me, considering our age difference and his supposed maturity.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Ali, there are ACTUAL predators in the world. You being 19 and making bad choices with an older guy ain't it. Yes it's weird, of course.

[@juliemorales6665]

If I ever had any questions about why Dr John has this job, which I don't, this show would without a doubt alleviate each of those questions. What a heartbreaking incredibly frustrating call and what a thoughtful, sensitive, heartfelt and supportive response to the caller.

[@kellylott9296]

I just want to thank you John. This world is truly trying hard to normalize these kinds of situations. Popular podcasts such as the Whatever Podcast is preaching the beneifts of being with young girls. (18+) and i just appreciate your take on this. So thank you

[@nicolemarie4216]

Ugh I hate the whatever podcast.

[@respectabletampodcast]

This story makes me sick to my stomach. Thank you for handling things so well, Delony. Get well soon.

[@kathyalex778]

I was 18 years old when I was still in highschool. Dating someone in college that was 20-23 would have been still too old for me at that time

[@BAKER22-l4u]

Everybody is different. DON'T judge people you DON'T know and get counseling

[@user-lt1jd1ye3v]

Same for me when I was 18. And I am 27 now.

[@mimimonster]

If this caller family sees this, please hire a private investigator to look into this man’s criminal past, and otherwise. Chances are, there is plenty that needs to come out and could potentially change things.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

LMAO.. Wow do you need counseling.. You DON'T even know the guy

[@tmanwheeler8270]

@@BAKER22-l4u are you Him?

[@alexandrabaldwin8281]

@@BAKER22-l4uexactly..that’s why they want to look into him to make sure

[@dilaranur-iu8vn]

Great advice actually

[@michelehaan3738]

I love the example of the boxing match to illustrate how we need to “move in” to win a relationship with a hurting person…so true…

[@larissaalcorn3406]

Trust your instincts. We had a family member growing up who was a creep. No one ever had any proof that he was a predator, but he was absolutely vile in even just regular conversation. Instead of everyone saying "under no circumstances is he allowed at family functions when children are present" THE CHILDREN were told never to be alone with him. The responsibility for protecting us fell on US. It created a life where every family party was anxiety inducing. I still feel the panic creep up when I talk about it. Do not let this man around your family if your instincts are telling you not to. Doesn't matter if he's following the law or not.

[@WaltuhBlackjr]

We’re you able to keep yourself from that creep 😢

[@user-lt1jd1ye3v]

I don’t know why they just didn’t invite him 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

[@larissaalcorn3406]

@@user-lt1jd1ye3v That's the question we all asked after we grew up. No one had an answer beyond "we didn't want to cause problems in the family." 🙄

[@larissaalcorn3406]

@@WaltuhBlackjr Enough so that he never laid a hand on me.

[@tundeterez]

The sister was looking for a hero and found someone who wanted to be that for her. He is taking advantage...so sad. But it's great to hear that she has so much aupport from here sister esspecially.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

He's taking advantage? LMAO...Where's your PROOF? Show us or STFU

[@oncetwice5942]

What can a 50 yr old man have in common with a 18 yr old? Like she said I think there was grooming involved. He could have dated someone at least in their mid 20’s, not a 18 yr old.

[@pitbull7885]

he wants her body and then dump her. it happened to me when I was that age with an old man and I was groomed too!!!

[@oncetwice5942]

@@pitbull7885 That’s so messed up. Idk how people like him sleep at night.

[@robr268]

Al Pacino girlfriend is 29 and he's 83. That's 11yrs older then this girl.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

Grooming? LMAO.. WTF is wrong with you? You've NEVER met the guy!! I suggest you get counseling

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Men are biologically inclined to be attracted to young women. It doesn’t sound nice or sell books, but it’s statistically verifiable and quite obvious. Much like hypergamy doesn’t sound nice, but it also is statistically verifiable and quite obvious. Just how young is subject to debate and law, but ultimately every man would do what DiCaprio is doing if given the option.

[@jackieruso6493]

Legal predatory relationship is all I need to say. The manosphere will think this guy is a legend and that's sad.😢

[@user-lt1jd1ye3v]

Manosphere is a collection of butthurt, broken in-celibate individuals

[@arviejustiniano2359]

No. they would not

[@jackieruso6493]

@@arviejustiniano2359 Sometimes, it seems that way since they all boast about men dating much younger women.

[@MRkriegs]

A large population of men want younger women without kids, baggage, or trauma that can provide children when the couple could be ready for children and is in no rush. That all seems very reasonable to me but creepy grooming does happen often by men and women and it makes any larger age gap relationship seem bad. Manosphere can get out of hand on these topics but they have good points as well. Just my opinion.

[@CaraJohnson01]

​@@MRkriegsyou think an 18 year old dating a 50 year old doesnt have insane daddy issues and baggage 😂

[@rifasheriffdeen9513]

It’s even worse in my country. 60 year old rich man with a 22 year girl. Rich & powerful men get away with everything

[@aprilwashington3150]

At least he let her get pass her 21st birthday. I feel like that's the least a man or female could do.

[@Saralv]

Is his name Till?

[@ompatel5570]

@@aprilwashington3150ye, but hes 10 years older than 50. id still say its worse

[@KufLMAO]

@@ompatel5570you’re a dumbass

[@isabellopes890]

If he was broke and sick, it wouldn’t nor young nor old.

[@pnwpariah8691]

Great advice John, this is no laughing matter, but I do have to say when you said “it’s the Holyfield, Mike Tyson move “ I just thought, bite the dude’s ears off???

[@ruthirwin8222]

I know someone who married a man older than their father and when they got back from honeymoon there was a letter to say he was ill and it just got harder

[@samuelcohen2362]

As a North Carolinian, I want to adress that the different counties have specific rules on age of consent. I believe that Boone and the North Western portion of the state have the 16 year old consent laws, but I don't believe it is the entire state. Not all of us in NC are crazy 😂 Edit: Just looked it up and it turns out the entire state has a minimum age of consent of 16. However so do 30 other states, 31 total. Some states have it at 15 😮 Was going to initially delete the previous comment but will leave it up as an example to research before commenting! 😅

[@iamthedaughteroftheking3704]

That’s terrible and sad. It needs to be 18. There are many victims

[@samuelcohen2362]

@@iamthedaughteroftheking3704 18 legally, but many guys have an unspoken rule that they don't go lower than 20. If there is a "teen" in the word like eightTEEN or nineTEEN then they are still a teen.

[@ThatEflatGuy]

@@samuelcohen2362honestly I feel uncomfortable with any age gap beyond 5 years in either direction. I don’t judge other adults whose preferences are different, but I would likely be uncomfortable around them. The obvious exception to judgment being adults dating “legal age” teenagers 🤮

[@emilydiamond8345]

Many older men have their heads in the sand & don't see themselves as the creep. Sorry, but they make excuses for themselves & find ways to justify their behavior. If it was their daughter, it would be a different story...

[@Amila-ym7ny]

They probably wish they could date their daughter lmao

[@mariad4183]

Stamp mailing a birthday/Christmas card is the best way to be in touch - while far enough away from their drama (for your own sanity)

[@blahblahblah4544]

The bread crumbs work. Tell her she's beautiful. Smart. That she's totally talented. That she's special and capable. Keep those thoughts alive in her. Because most likely this man is controlling abuser. And he's going to be saying the exact opposite. Those bread crumbs go looong way.

[@dabd8175]

Sounds like you've done this B4 😂

[@blahblahblah4544]

@@dabd8175 Haha or it's just really good advice haha

[@batkat0]

​@@dabd8175 Tbf these people follow the same playbook over and over because it works when you're young and vulnerable. It's a tale as old as time.

[@madiwelsh187]

Oh my GOSH your advice to her spoke to me. Your analogy with Tyson and Holyfield is amazing. Thank you.

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

This is the best advice, and it carries into so many situations.

[@chrysanthe1297]

Exactly don’t distance your self from her. Because the day he messes up or the day she realizes what am I doing. You’ll be there for her when it counts.

[@ponderosapondhomestead4344]

Good advice. Too many people think they can’t go back to family. Allow them to come home.

[@laser_focus7962]

I'm 30 and the idea of sexually engaging with a 50 year old turns my stomach. As a teenager, the idea of grown men turned my stomach. I don't understand the late "revelations" women go through with old creepy men.

[@episodechan]

why does engaging with a 50 year old sexually turn your stomach? im 35, im not really into 50 year olds in that way either, but there's nothing wrong with it if I or you had been into it, we are adults, just like they are

[@314jrock]

Just because a 50 year old like much younger women makes him creepy.

[@Deans-jm3uf]

Excellent advice. When she’s ready she needs an easy escape plan, a support system and not feel she will completely lose face for choosing this scumbag

[@AZ_TONY]

Looking good John, keep putting in that work 💪🏽

[@cucar8363]

Yikes! No no no please.

[@millennialsecularandauthri3338]

Love is love

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

@@millennialsecularandauthri3338e ? You mean lust for as child????

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

@@millennialsecularandauthri3338 And this ain't love. Love is willing the best for another, among other things. This is an attraction between two people based on maladaption.

[@libbylee9-997]

​@@millennialsecularandauthri3338 my cousin loved me in the biblical sense when I was six. Love is not an umbrella term and love does NOT mean sex with younglings. You're fucking disgusting.

[@1bellamoon]

What incredible advise he gave this woman. Tyson vs Holyfield analogy was spot on

[@1jbunceiii]

Fresh and Fit would love this!

[@MrJimmy3459]

Fresh and Fit are horrible guys

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

​@@MrJimmy3459 that's why they would love it lol

[@314jrock]

@@MrJimmy3459 Fresh and fit are awesome guys.

[@jfluffydog2110]

​@@MrJimmy3459no, they're great guys.

[@thanishasanthosh2204]

@@314jrock Only morons think anything those knuckleheads say is valuable lol, thanks for letting us know

[@annavictoriadelgado]

When I was 16, I went on a guided tour to Europe with a group of Puerto Ricans (I'm Puerto Rican). We spent 3 weeks traveling throughout Europe and it was a great time. However, I remember there was a 30 year old man in our group who was always trying to get my attention. At the time, I thought he was a nice guy who liked talking to me, and I thought it was such a kind gesture that he bought me gelato in Italy. Jesus, I'm 24 now and I can't believe I used to think like that! Our brains are truly not developed when we're so young. I was a chubby teen who didn't get a lot of attention from the opposite sex, so I was flattered to have somebody find me interesting. It is so insane to think that he was most definitely a pedo who was almost twice my age. These ages of consent are insane. If it was a 16 and 17 year old who like each other or whatever, then that's not so bad (although I wouldn't recommend relations so young). However, a fully grown man with a minor is just... I have no words. Lord have mercy.

[@R_A_3000]

Young girls with older guys was kind of normal in Puerto Rican culture. I'm of Puerto Rican decent but I live in the states and family from the island would try to hook me up with younger girls. I was 20 they tried to hook me up with a 15 year old. Now in my 30's they tell me to get a girl in college. It's crazy.

[@LilEagle2015]

Nj is also 16…. It’s horrible and sad and when crap like this happens everyone who loves the person involved truly feels helpless…. I appreciated Dr. John’s direct response here

[@MRkriegs]

majority of states is 16

[@paulcosta8297]

You sick loser for wishing what is normal and healthy be illegal. Shame on you.

[@rrickarr]

This girl already is 18 so why are you discussing the legal age of 16?

[@coureenlawrence4915]

​@rrickarr because she is still a teenager. Her body is still developing. We are living in a perverted world.

[@batkat0]

​@@rrickarrBecause it highlights how many kids are at risk to be taken advantage of with no legal consequences.

[@JohnThomas-xl2ro]

This is one of those situations when the men in her family should have made that man fear for his life if he went near her.

[@Kamingo170]

Then they'd be in the wrong because both parties are legal

[@steevo8754]

If I was making this poor choice My older brothers would have to taken care of the situation without lifting a finger

[@songriver1232]

​@@Kamingo170 idgaf. I would have made that man fear for his life

[@Kamingo170]

@@songriver1232 have fun with jail/prison time then? I don't know what else to tell you lol. You sound really dumb.

[@Mike-sj9si]

I had a family friend (who I'm NOT friends with) who "dated" (spent time alone with, had sex with) a 17 year old girl. He was also married (to someone closer to his age). Then people in my community blamed the 17 year old girl for "hurting his marriage"

[@katiechipley3735]

Wow, hearing this story moved me to leave a comment that I hope the caller sees. From 17-21, I "dated" and moved in with a man who was 20 years older than me and had a very checkered past. I grew up in a middle class home with my basic needs met, but in a home that was full of emotional turmoil and lacked love and stability. I am now 26, 6 weeks from finishing my master, I am a great social worker and I plan to pivot to help you women like this. I met my groomer and eventually abuser while working my first restaurant job. The next 4 years would be filled with traumas and domestic violence but the 2 people who never gave up on me were my dad, my older sister who lived 24 hours away and myself. I'd like to share how you can still protect and nurture your sister as it is likely this relationship must first run its course. 1- maintain contact at all costs. The groomer will isolate you from family, friends, hobbies and jobs. My sister called me every week. My dad took me out to dinner every week. They never wanted to interact with my abuser but continued to spend time with me whatever that looked like. 2- encourage birth control with your sister. Is she connected to a good doctor? Does she have a plan for any circumstance? This caller is a mother so you are a prime source of knowledge for your sister. This must be done with care and love, not judgement. 3- encourage your sister to be connected to education and hobbies. Through my social work education, I learned I was in a domestic violence situation and became friends with women my age who became aware of my situation and showed me that I could have a different future. 3- assess if your sister is open to therapy or support groups. I would not approach it and tell her it's becuase of her relationship but rather the background that you both came from. 4- the biggest thing was i only kept contact with people who did not tell me what to do and kept their opinions about my relationship to themselves. I know how hard this is but most people do not have the training to effectively approach and educate their loved ones in a way that enacts change. If you keep yourself as a supporter and not a judgment, she will open up to you one day and then those talks can occur. I wish this caller all the best. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[@user-jj3xp7sw5m]

okay...dr john's advice here is amazing

[@theundone777]

Old men marrying younger girls under the guise of religion has it been happening since our country was established. It's just more visible now and people are starting to get angry about it. Before they just let it happen. That being said, in many states any attempt to raise the age of consent or marriage often gets voted down by certain groups of people.

[@alluringbliss4165]

it's been happening throughout history.

[@theundone777]

@@alluringbliss4165 you are right, I only said this country because he said something to the effect of " what's happening to this country?".

[@j.davila4523]

@@theundone777 it’s basic evolution, men prefer younger more fertile women, youth beauty etc, and women want the best man they can get, someone wiser, more established etc that comes from older man

[@rrickarr]

Are you going to raise the age of consent above 18!!!!!!! 18 year olds can be sent to war, so what can you do?

[@user-qv6jr1dp1t]

@@j.davila4523Bruh. You can date an adult woman 18-24 that’s young and fertile. This man has been grooming this girl since she was a minor and only able to consent to s*x and nothing else adult like, because perverts run the world. It’s perverted. There is no need for a 50 yr old to seek out minors. It is pure perversion

[@mikesmith-wk7vy]

i hope she wasnt serious when she told her sister that it would change their relationship , still love your sister the same as before dont let that get in the way of the relationship

[@Twinruler334]

Best advice ever!!!

[@Melivisiona]

Such beautiful advice.

[@knattttt]

Dr. John 🤘

[@deschutesdegenerates5260]

Same with the guys my age (mid 20s) who only go for 18 19 year old girls. Keep a close eye on them!

[@jacobrodriguez7771]

The idea that there is something wrong with a mid-20's guy dating 18/19 year olds is laughable.

[@deschutesdegenerates5260]

@@jacobrodriguez7771 what do you have in common with 18 year old girls that would make you exclusively go after them? Nothing inherently wrong with dating younger girls but only going after girls that that age is a red flag

[@deschutesdegenerates5260]

@@jacobrodriguez7771 you are also defending a 16 year old dating a 50 year old saying he isn't a pedo so I think we can make an assumption about what type of guy you are!

[@jacobrodriguez7771]

@@deschutesdegenerates5260 did I say that I or anyone else should “exclusively” “go after” 18 year old girls? Study evolutionary biology, it’s a fact of human nature that men are attracted to youth/beauty/fertility. When a man of any age has the ability to provide very well materially for a mate/offspring, it’s been consistent across time and cultures that they pursue younger women. Natural and normal. And what is this obsession with having things in common? Who gives a crap what movies/music/hobbies/interests someone has. That’s what platonic friendships of the same sex are for. Romantic relationships are for creating children and raising them successfully. Men of just about any age can make babies…women not so much.

[@user-lt1jd1ye3v]

I’m a 27 year old girl and the lowest I’ll go is 23.

[@kikimauharuyumi]

I was that sister for 10 years. What snapped me out of the trance was a combination of the real him showing itself and seeing the wonderful lives of my old friends and associates once social media became a thing.

[@ntrier]

I need to call into this show!!

[@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord]

Let's pray she won't get pregnant!!!! I was dumb before 26, so I totally understand her mindset.

[@user-lt1jd1ye3v]

We all were. Our brains didn’t finish developing till 25!

[@batkat0]

​@@user-lt1jd1ye3vThat's not technically correct. Our brains are always growing and developing. The true part is that we hit a major milestone in our mid20s in the growth of our prefrontal cortex. The PFC is often called the seat of good judgement.

[@bethford6884]

I agree, North Carolina legislators should be ashamed of themselves!. It is truly disgusting.

[@paulo7200]

Why? 20-year olds should be considered as children?

[@wreckers_band8825]

@@paulo7200 the caller mentioned the relationship started before she was 18 so she was underage. 16 yo are not adults yet in NC they can consent to sex with a 50 yo. That is disgusting. The parents try to do something about it but they were told is legal.

[@paulo7200]

@@wreckers_band8825 Age of consent in NC is 16. Interracial dating, gay relationships also used to be called "disgusting". Other people manage their affairs, you manage yours.

[@slickdawg5976]

@@paulo7200 🎯🎯

[@judidunn1533]

It’s legal in 30 states

[@nerdpro9043]

I almost married a 21 year old predator who I dated at 17. Parents didn't see a problem with it, siblings didn't see a problem with it. He was manipulative and smart and the only reason I didn't marry him was because it turned long distance and my body would physically respond with rage whenever he texted me after about 3 months of being treated that way. I didn't know it was wrong that he was doing all that, but my body did. And then my mom told me to apologize for breaking up with him. Toxic families can have horrific consequences. Im so glad my body knew something was wrong.

[@myrnalane7928]

I agree, I am friends with a young woman. She is 33. He is 66. I am 65. I set an example and support her the best I can. I like her and explain that I am worried about her.

[@melissazabower339]

This breaks my heart.

[@SL-ud7tf]

No. It's not ok. I hope this lady gets through to her sister. This reminds me of UK that has a similar situation Philip Schofield (50s at the time), and he took his time and quietly and gently groomed the boy from age 10 -11, but his media friends are trying to silence the story. He hooked the boy and offered to be a media friend and mentor, then took him out places and offered him work experience on his own TV show, which became permanent. But when the boy started telling people he loved Philip, the boy was removed from the show and hushed with lawyers. Meanwhile the industry is covering up. Sad.

[@terricox3559]

I don't agree with what Phil Schofield did in the slightest. But he wasn't 10-11, he met him at 15, and slept with him at 20. Still vulnerable and in my eyes gross and taking advantage, but still

[@lorralorra222]

Do u really believe he was 20 when that happened, I don't think so...

[@lavenderkisses9461]

I love this advice!

[@VanJR.]

Gabe started with the correct answer to the question

[@24wallachian]

I am almost 38 and a 50-yr-old man would be too old for me.

[@episodechan]

no it wouldn't, it just means you aren't sexually interested in older people, im 35, and Im not really into 50 year olds either, but there's nothing wrong with it, people who think there is are crazy

[@episodechan]

dont be brainwashed by these arbitrary rules people make, if deep down you want to be with a 50 year old, go for it, no one in their right mind would even question it

[@user-qv6jr1dp1t]

@@episodechan Arbitrary rules… I am an 18 yr old girl who has an amazing father and have never once been attracted to men THAT OLD. Middle aged. Funny how it’s only fatherless, mentally ill girls/women. Because it’s perverted. A 50 yr old probably has kids that age. Or at least is supposed to

[@judekiv]

Idc people like that 50 yr old man should be locked away forever

[@Mike-lo5lj]

Family should take matters into their own hands.

[@spaRKLES88604]

After 18 there’s not much you can do as legally they are adults. But you should still suggest and guide your child if you find them in this situation

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

Just because one police department said they can't do anything about this, doesn't mean nothing can be done. The police department could be wrong. Law enforcement merely enforces the law. Call an attorney who can research the law and interpret the law and bring up examples where the attorney won similar cases. See what they think about this case.

[@u.2b215]

Why should something nee to be done about it? There's not remotely any indication that any law was broken, all we have here is disgust because it doesn't agree with a contemporary societal norm. If this was a 18 year old boy and a 50 year old woman Delony wouldn'y have been so quick to call it disgusting or the woman a predator. Delony would have asked more questions about the male in this equation and what's wrong with him.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Sadly, it's just the way the law is. 16 is the law unless he's her school teacher.

[@jacobrodriguez7771]

No law was broken, end of story.

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

If a lawyer or private investigator can prove improper advances before the sister was age 16, then you have a case. Simple as that.

[@el676]

Unless they have proof he did stuff with her 15 or before, or with her at 16/17 in another state where the age is 18, nothing can be done.

[@bevbayb3029]

I’m in SC and the legal consent age here is also 16 …

[@Victoria_Loves_Jesus]

I was literally always attracted to men decades older than me, even as a teenager -- unfortunately we don't live in the same kind of world as 100 years ago

[@williamlackey123]

Excellent advice

[@Matt-cr4vv]

I really hope she maintains a relationship with her sister despite how frustrating it will be as she remains with this guy. But he is clearly abusive, although probably unknown to the full extent, as a 50 year old who groomed a teenager to lead to entering an official relationship once it was legal to do so is clearly an abuser to some degree. Sadly their relationship will probably be abusive and he will mess with her mentally to keep her around as long as he can and at some point having a relationship in tact with her is going to be important. Men like him feast on isolating these people to make it as difficult as possible for them to have any viable options to leave the relationship. But keeping your relationship as healthy as it can possibly be under the circumstances will likely be key eventually when she finally gets to a point where she sees the issues and may be ready to leave this. Seeing some illusion of hope to escape things may eventually be key if abuse exists. But if she’s isolated it may last much longer than it would have or may lead to it never ending.

[@blahblahblah4544]

18 year olds are babies :/ Doesn't matter how smart they are.

[@314jrock]

If 18 year olds are babies, then they shouldn't be able to vote, make decisions for themselves without parental permission, join the military, smoke, get credit cards, have sex, get into relationships, and so on.

[@adrianavm100]

Truly good advice.

[@ArcaediusCommentary]

Hell, I'm 15 and would never date a 13-year-old.

[@dcarr-kr7hk]

I call this (10:31) "lying in wait". (He saw her vulnerability, and offered "comfort" until...) In the end, it doesn't matter what he was doing. He KNOWS that it is inappropriate but, as it is completely to his advantage? He's a pig so he doesn't care. (Why a pig? Because he LIED to her big sister to cover "the relationship". Why hide if you know you are in the right?? 🤔)

[@bethanyjohnson8222]

I'm 30 and started dating a 48yo when I was 22... I can't imagine dating a 22yo now. I feel like it's been too long at this point.😢

[@mariwitt_]

how can anyone not think its creepy for a 50 year old to be attracted to an 18 year old?? idc if its technically legal 18 year olds still act like children. this man is perverse needs to be locked up

[@bryanblake8607]

I am more upset with the guy because he knows it’s wrong and knows what he has done is wrong along with the laws can’t do anything about it.

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

There's something called Clare's Law in England. Maybe in the US too? This law gives you the right to look into other people's criminal record if you think they might be dangerous.

[@slickdawg5976]

Even if the man has a criminal record, by US law their both consenting adults. The young lady may regret this relationship later in life, however at this point she has every legal right to date whom she wishes.

[@sensimania]

@@slickdawg5976 Yes, but the point is that there might be criminal convictions that he hasn't told her about. And the basis of those prior convictions could potentially be outside of her tolerance appetite

[@slickdawg5976]

@@sensimania Now as a woman you know better. Im certain you understand if she wants to be with that man, she's s going to be with that man. He could rank #1 on the FBI terror watch list, if she's in love with him, she's would hide him in grandma's attic if she thought it would work. Their relationship simply must run it course at this point.

[@Steve-lk1eb]

Hard to protect your loved one from a predator from 5 hours away.

[@bp6877]

Sounds like the NC statute hasn't been updated since the 1700s-1800s; remember that the life expectancy was around 40 years old, and the economy largely agricultural. Marriages started early for economic and other practical reasons, if not for love.

[@thermalreboot]

Hate to break it to you John, but legal age of consent is 16 in 34 states, 17 in 6 states (including Texas) and only 11 states set it to 18.

[@-KMA-]

Doesn’t make it right

[@thermalreboot]

@@-KMA- Are you in favor of criminalizing anyone having sex with anyone under 18? Should abstinence be the law?

[@slickdawg5976]

@@-KMA- Doesn't make it wrong either.

[@rrickarr]

The woman is 18 so no law has been broken and this has nothing to do with the police!

[@user-qv6jr1dp1t]

@@slickdawg5976if you need to find a mentally ill person to do something for you cause no sane girl will, then yeah it’s probably wrong. No sane kid that’s a minor is dating a 50 yr old man(mind you they started talking here in this story when she was still in school). Only girls with father issues do. Normal girls that age with a father figure do not. Why not be with a young woman that’s an adult 18-25 that’s beautiful? Because this man is a pervert. It isn’t an issue that they are ,,dating” now that she’s 18, the issue is people grooming their ,,partners” when they were still minors in high school. It’s disgusting for somebody middle aged to date a minor no matter which law allows it. And every sane parent knows that which is why most strict, normal parents would move to another country if needed to prevent this perversion. But the issue is, it’s usually rhe girls with family members who kinda don’t care and just let it happen. Even for this girl in this story, yeah her sister cares but she STILL STOPPED TALKING TO HER and let her figure it out

[@ufchighlights1]

There is no reason for a 18 year old to be with a 50+ year old. 🤢 Clearly this girl is lacking a father figure model in her life and using that relationship as such.

[@pitbull7885]

maybe she doesn't want to work and he has money and she wants someone to care for her?

[@kgrimes4934]

Even you make the big jump he has money, that doesn’t explain why he is dating an 18 year old. There’s nothing you can surmise that wouldn’t fit with a 29 year old. Not even if it’s just about sex.

[@appgirl25]

Clearly he is a predator. She is a victim.

[@LTay12]

@@appgirl25how is he a predator

[@314jrock]

There is a reason for an 18 year old to be with a 50+ year old. They love each other.

[@doloresaquines1529]

In most Member states of the EU the age of consent is set at 14 to 16. In Italy and Austria, for example, the age of consent is 14.

[@rrickarr]

Not quite!!!!!! If someone that young wants to be in a relationship, the person they are dating cannot be more than 10 years older!

[@CyeOutsider]

That's fine if their sexual partner is 14, not frickin' 52!

[@LaniLanilei]

Hello Dr Delong

[@foedeer]

If a 50 year old grown man tells you, an 18 year old, that you are mature, it is because he has the maturity of an 18 year old okay? My god 😂

[@314jrock]

Not True. Women always say that females mature faster than males but older women get mad when men their age date much younger women.

[@-KMA-]

Barely legal is pedophiliac behavior to me but 16 is even worse! There are people that wait and pray on these kids and literally wait until they are of legal age. Men think it’s fine but if you’re a damn female and have been subjected to sexual, predatory behavior your whole life.. it’s absolutely disgusting and shameful for a man to prey and they know that females who have issues with parents know exactly what to do..

[@BAKER22-l4u]

Wait and prey on people? LMAO.. WTF is wrong with you? You've NEVER met them, so stfu

[@paulcosta8297]

Wow God forbid men pursue legal, optimally hot young women. What a delusional brainwashed NPC you are.

[@episodechan]

not pedophilliac, that means someone who is into children, at 18 ur a legal adult

[@aquaticllamas28]

Why do people give a damn what their siblings do? I know I don’t let them do what they want, give them advice but if they don’t listen, so what.

[@barbaraday7662]

This one hits close to home, I was 15 and got involved with a 25 yo to avoid a volatile home. In my case my own mother endorsed it unfortunately.

[@alexleggett6270]

I typically defend age gaps but i would never defend this particular situation. Hell i think age of consent should be bumped up to 20 since the brain doesnt stop growing into the 20s. I hope her family helps her realize that this isnt the best atmosphere for her. Jeeze!!

[@user-lt1jd1ye3v]

Doesn’t fully develop until the age of 25 and boy, did I feel that 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@RuthT90]

Same, I have no problem with healthy age gap relationships but there is definitely a lower age limit that shouldn't be crossed. There are very few 20 year olds that actually know themselves and understand reality.

[@episodechan]

@@RuthT90 I dont agree, I think there's plenty of 20 char olds that know what they are doing and they are legal adults too

[@episodechan]

no need for it to change to 20, there are perfectly mature people that are mature enough before the brain stops developing

[@winkA1]

Totally agree. I’m in an age gap relationship myself of 16 years which is wonderful … but the key is I was 29 when I got into it. An 18 year old is still mentally so young, with no idea who they are. It’s predatory …