I Lied to My Husband About My Sexual History

[@amarie6223]

I don't think this will sit well with her husband, because he may not be able to trust her anymore.

[@davidbgooch9587]

As he shouldn't. Guaranteed she has lied about more

[@godeacs358]

If my wife lied about that, divorce may be in the picture. How can you trust someone ever again?

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

You should expect your spouse to reveal things you didn't know over the course of your lifetime. Especially if you married young. Most people don't come to terms with the reality of their childhood until decades later and have old unfinished business they learned to hide, because the alternative in childhood would've been unsafe. The root of this is her not having safe parents that she could trust who would look out for her and demonstrate unconditional love, and it seems she found a partner that possibly has a similar mentality. I'd love for him to hear her story and not make it about himself and how she's wronged him. I'd love him to look at her and show her what she's never had which is to say I love you no matter what, and I'm so sorry you felt you needed to do that to feel love from someone. And maybe even feel some level of anger towards her parents for not making a better home life that met her needs and kept her safe. I hope they can both use this as an opportunity to consciously be better parents themselves and ensure their new baby doesn't grow up to endure a similar plight.

[@TheSuperNick1134]

I wouldn't trust her after that either. My first thought would be what else has she lied to me about. And it would spiral from there.

[@JustinCase780]

He probably wasn't a virgin either.

[@lux-veritatis]

I told my fiancée just about every horrible detail about my dating history within two weeks of meeting me, and he did the same for me. If someone won’t accept the truth of who you are, then you definitely don’t want to marry them.

[@onward-fp2fz]

This is how it should be in my humble opinion

[@sbentsen2714]

Correct, the dude in this made it clear through his reactions that he couldn't handle the truth, so to spare him she hid the truth, I kinda put this on the guy because he didn't create a safe environment or conditions to tell the truth, which is understandable he was coming from a place where there's safety in religion and purity is the ultimate virtue. But on the other hand she should have been honest, she didn't have the strength to be. It's a bit of both but I put this more on the guy, he kinda set himself up for that without even knowing it

[@alluringbliss4165]

2 weeks is early (IMO), maybe you knew it would become something meaningful.

[@JustinCase780]

@@sbentsen2714 He set her up either way. She was put in a horrible position by a control freak that was hungry for sex straight away and absolutely was no virgin himself.

[@coldandugly9251]

@@sbentsen2714 What a load of nonsense, isn’t this considered victim blaming, from the word go she has lied and deceived him knowing full well what his values were and he’s the bad guy!!! Make it make sense, he was never given the opportunity to make informed decisions about the rest of his life because she actively went out of her way to lie to him about something she knew was important, I can only imagine if the roles were reversed what the response would be.

[@kalilikescheese]

Why would him setting a boundary before getting serious with a girl get considered being unsafe, but when we women do that, it’s called healthy and self-loving? Make it make sense.

[@JustinCase780]

Christian control freak household most likely.

[@GameChanger597]

It wasn't his rules that made her feel "unsafe." It was when she answered his question, his judgements towards her made her feel ashamed and she was then hesitant about being honest.

[@intergalacticglobalistslayer]

John will always pander to his demographic

[@Alexander44665]

Thank you!

[@oldschooldude7729]

@@intergalacticglobalistslayer And these Christians have the nerve to wonder why the red pill is gaining ground. Because men get tired of hypocrisy. WHICH IS NOT SUPPOSED TO COME FROM THE CHURCH!

[@jameywilliams1153]

Amazing that anyone would make fun or demonize the husband. She trapped him by lying. He held a standard she didn't and he wanted that for the mother of his children. She deceived him and took the choice from him.

[@Stanley_Baby]

Absolutely right. It’s now being called misogynistic for a man to have standards when looking for a wife. While women have any standard they want.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Wah fucking wah. where have the real men gone? they live in a past that never existed.

[@neechee5150]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 said, "Wah fucking wah. where have the real men gone? they live in a past that never existed" Prima facie indictment and conviction of misandry, sexism and female chauvinism right there. 'The level of hostility to your posts is escalating and the misandry and sexism is coming out more and more. Here is something that you need to own--real women do not go around determining who is or who is not a real man or what a real man is because they know that they have a full time job making sure that they are real woman first.

[@Joe-iq1bu]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 all your problems with men come from feminism and single mothers raising boys

[@elfascisto6549]

​@@saintejeannedarc9460 real men marry virtuous women, which doesn't include liars and promiscuous women.

[@wadewhite7469]

John said her husband is unsafe because he would have stopped dating her if she told him the truth when he first asked. Guess i dont know what safe means.

[@pinkkfloydd]

Lying because she's afraid things might not go her way if the truth is out there makes her a child.

[@thecramptons]

😂

[@Princess-us5so]

Let's not play dumb we all know that women are judged about their sexuality.

[@Princess-us5so]

​​@@pinkkfloyddWell yeah she was 17 lol. This is something that adults even do

[@Kivlor]

This is why I roll my eyes at the phrase "I feel unsafe." It's just an emotional "I win" button. "You're bad, I'm good. Because you may not be happy with whatever horrible thing I say to you."

[@joemushroom11]

Love Delony but he takes the L on this one. She lied because she was scared, then continued to lie while dating, then lied when they got engaged, then lie on their wedding night, then lied when they got pregnant. Her husband has every right to be mad and distriust her.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

It sounds like she lied that one time. She did definitely hold onto that one lie and is only ready to confess it now, but it's not like she kept lying year after year, as you describe.

[@joemushroom11]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 that's not how lying works. If you are consistently omitting the truth, you are lying

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

​@@saintejeannedarc9460you're a woman huh? Its so easy to tell who the females are in these comments because they all think its ok to lie and rationalize too.🤦‍♂️

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 irrelevant

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@pinkkfloydd It's very relevant. OP is making her out to be a habitual liar and there's no evidence she was. I bet you guys judging her like she's a damn criminal or psychopath won't think twice about lying when it suits you.

[@justinh.1290]

The difference between 1 and 7 will be massive to this man. This will not go well.

[@scottlaux6934]

Then he is a loser

[@tricianottingham1785]

I don’t know if it’s necessary the number but the lie.

[@pwstroud]

@TravelingGringo-gj4wcyour sound very insecure

[@MikeyPaper]

​@@pwstroudclassic shaming language

[@chs75]

@@scottlaux6934 No, then he is a man with standards.

[@victorialombardi]

This relationship has survived on a lie. It’s not going to end well, and if I were the husband I’d feel absolutely broken and wouldn’t be able to look at her the same way again. No one can convince me otherwise that a partner’s sexual history is absolutely important and can be an understandable dealbreaker.

[@eva.1749]

yes. this society has trivialized sex to the point where absolute strangers do it with each other. a person's sexual history can tell you so much about them.

[@neechee5150]

@victorialombardi With that point of view and belief, women on this post would call you a misogynist if you were not a woman. I respect your objectivity on this issue, your critical thinking and your ability to empathize with the man involved. Many women on this post are not capable of or simply refuse to empathize with this man and what he has gone through and will have to face. They are, however, very comfortable judging this man on a severe paucity of information. Kudos to you.

[@reneegabbard6437]

She was young when she told him this. She panicked.

[@seanransburg3592]

Panders to women, crushed men

[@JC-qk5nt]

I agree. Rightfully or wrongfully sexual history matters. It's shapes people into the people they become more often than not.. So to have perceived her as someone who had only slept with one other person once to find out they slept with 7 people multiple times may be too much to handle for the guy.

[@luissantiago1487]

That’s not fair to say he’s not a safe person to speak the truth to. She lied! Thats the issue. Yes she was young when she did what she did, but he ask her because he too has choices as well. She didn’t allow him to make a choice to stay with her because of her lie.

[@pinkkfloydd]

Dr. Deloney loves to paint men as villains. Unless the woman does something really, really bad, he sides with the woman almost always.

[@diggernash1]

@@pinkkfloydd Because of the demographics of his audience.

[@christinebutler7630]

She lied, knowing he wasn't going to marry a tramp. So she trapped him into a life that is a lie. I'd advise him to get the kid DNA tested, too; she's not to be trusted and who knows whose the kid really is.

[@mildchaos6037]

@@christinebutler7630 DNA test won’t really matter. He likely already signed birth certificate so if it’s not his he still has to pay child support

[@Bonkermcbonk]

​@@mildchaos6037 that's not true.

[@felixcat2566]

So, a man that saved himself for marriage, made the choice to maintain that standard, is in the wrong for wanting that in a partner? It’s not wrong that she did the act(s), she lied. It wasn’t safe to say that to because he didn’t feel safe to be with someone who did what she did. She lied, and he lived that lie without consent. John, the husband is not a monster for wanting to share that intimacy with his wife. Not safe…that’s such gaslighting it’s ridiculous. What if he lied about something because he felt unsafe to share the truth? Like the fact he was a virgin in a society where that’s viewed as strange? How safe did he feel in that moment?

[@emmajones8590]

Not safe? It wouldn't be the first time a man beat up on his partner, because there was something he didn't like.

[@felixcat2566]

He wasn’t her husband. He was a boy she was dating that opened himself to his girlfriend and asked for truth. And was lied to. Assume all you want, he never touched her. She is not a victim, she lied, and misled a man who wanted a life that he sacrificed for. She made choices that she didn’t take responsibility for. He has a choice now, and no matter what, he loses. John is putting this as if the husband is already wrong even though he hasn’t even been told his life is over.

[@GameTime-yj6qv]

Dr John with a rare terrible take and advice on this one. He kept excusing her behavior and lie as if it was nothing, and even blamed the husband for being "unsafe"

[@terrencelee9366]

@@GameTime-yj6qvnah this isn’t rare for him at all. He seems to know his main demographic and panders to them well. I’ll never forget him telling that 22 year old man that he need to get two more jobs after he got cheated on by his wife 2 months into the marriage.

[@andrewformentera8507]

@@GameTime-yj6qv she said he was possessive

[@elladeon]

John is completely misrepresenting. It is entirely reasonable to want someone who is honest (big one) and who is on the same page with morals, with sexuality, and with their approach to relationships. In this case, this woman appears to be willing to manipulate and compromise however necessary to get what she wants. For some guys, it's giving them sex, and for her husband, it's lying to him about that. She prevented him from making a clear and known choice until he was in a position that he can't undo it.

[@cgggg5988]

Yup!! John missed this one.

[@elenabob4953]

​@@cgggg5988He didn't missed anything, he just wanted to show compassion to a person in a difficult spot and try to counsel them how to proceed to try to save ( if possible) the current relationship.

[@PowerGurhl]

That’s a good points it could also be that she sees her self as a good person and feels shame about her past as she never did this again. She was also 15. I don’t think she knew a lot about manipulating or what not .

[@cmichelle9986]

Question- are you Protestant?

[@billmartin1663]

Absolutely. John always comes down against men. Always attacks their motives -- even virtuous ones.

[@Al-ph6gl]

"Hes obviously not gonna leave me" dont say that too fast. Its hard to know your wife is a liar.

[@adamadamski1040]

I don't think he will leave, but nothing is ever going to be the same again.

[@Stanley_Baby]

Bet she doesn’t put it to the test 😂

[@Stanley_Baby]

@@adamadamski1040yeah probably because of the kid though not the lying skank

[@aetank_yyteawu3436]

@@adamadamski1040 probably not, but a wondering mind is more tempted than a sound one. He’ll likely become more susceptible to cheating.

[@augustusplays7896]

Def should not tell him lol

[@khalilwilson2586]

There’s no way he said “he wasn’t a safe person, so you had to lie to him” this is a decision she made because she wasn’t comfortable with her own history and was ashamed of it. This has nothing to do with him, it is 100% on her and how she knew/ thought she was in the wrong. We have to stop blaming the people who are lied to and give excuses for those who lie

[@pinkkfloydd]

It's pretty obvious Dr. Deloney thinks of men as inferior to women.

[@khalilwilson2586]

@@pinkkfloydd yeah you can clearly see the different advice he gives women vs men. In one episode where a woman cheated on her husband with his best friend he called the best friend deplorable, had no character, shouldn’t be allowed to work as a fire fighter anymore, etc but the woman just had to shed her past and try to build a new marriage. It’s kind of comical at this point.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@khalilwilson2586Umm no that ultimate advice was to divorce and keep HIS baby girl safe. How about you go watch that FULL video again because you clearly didn’t the first time. Dr. John is tougher on men but he still calls women on their BS. I’ve been ride or die with him since day one. Have watched every single video.

[@UranusRising]

Disagree. While she did make the decision to lie, she did so because she sensed his judgment of her which was a threat. She clearly was going through some difficult transitions in her life and as a teen made some poor decisions and Mr. Judgy Pants would have likely condemned her for that based on the idea that she had with one person one time 🙄. That is not a safe position to be in. Personally, I'm of the opinion that she just should have walked away rather than subject herself to a fundamentalist holy roller.

[@khalilwilson2586]

@@flashthecorgi2053 of course you’re here trying to defend him if you’re a day one supporter you are clearly biased. If you think he gives both genders the same treatment then you will never be persuaded. He’s good to listen to for entertainment but it’s okay to say he’s not giving out the same treatment to both genders. Every time a woman calls and has problems with her husband he always tries to paint the husband as an abuser saying she doesn’t feel safe around him and never tries to push back on women’s side of the story but the moment it’s a man he has all the pushback. Just be honest with yourself

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Perfect marriages or relationships are a myth; each one is different. What works for one couple may not work for another. However, I've come to realize that there's always a solution to every problem. Five years ago, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of marital difficulties, but we managed to reconcile. It was a rough patch, but we navigated through it

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

Your words carry immense weight, and I earnestly hope my sentiments align with yours. Despite our current separation, I cannot envision my life without her; my affection for her is profound. I long for her presence, and I'm prepared to make any necessary changes to bring us back together. We've explored various avenues, including therapy, in our pursuit of reconciliation

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Moving away from someone you hold close is invariably tough, but in my particular situation, I was supported by a spiritual counselor who prevented the unraveling of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I appreciate this guidance. I'll quickly search for her online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that this approach will also bring me the results I desire; I miss her dearly

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

You definitely should... I promise you will not regret it.

[@Princess-us5so]

That's awesome 💯

[@eaglesrj7685]

Yea it’s going to ruin him. The relationship was built on lies. He was saving himself for someone that was saving them selfs as well. Not going to end well

[@juyhhkjitth9245]

grace

[@eCouchPotatoe]

He compromised that anyways. He knew she wasn't a virgin.

[@DavidMedic447]

@@eCouchPotatoethere’s a big difference between one time and a whole history

[@eaglesrj7685]

@@DavidMedic447one compared to two off a near full court basketball game 😭

[@davidbgooch9587]

​@@eCouchPotatoeglad you promote lying

[@anthonycortez4569]

She lied to get the nice guy. Happens all the time.

[@archaicamusement3871]

This

[@WalrusesAreTheOne]

Is he the 'nice guy'? She outright called him possessive.

[@FreeDumb101]

@@WalrusesAreTheOne That's how the nice guys are

[@cpispartofme]

​@@WalrusesAreTheOne according to her he never said he owns her but the way he talks shows it. That's why she is so afraid. She should keep it 2 herself.

[@DM-wc6jg]

@@WalrusesAreTheOne what people don’t understand is a lot of nice guys actually aren’t very nice. They’re manipulative because they change who they are to appease their partner and then expect their partner to reciprocate without sharing what they actually need. There’s books written on this.

[@andrewarner2452]

Build your foundation on lies and it makes living in the truth impossible.

[@marjorie619]

You undoubtedly lead a perfect life.

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@marjorie619 He never said he did, idiot. Stop thinking you're owed a relationship. Stop being mad not everyone has the same values as you. Grow up.

[@Diashi1267]

@@marjorie619 Expecting someone to not deceive someone into marriage and a child isn’t expecting perfection

[@elenabob4953]

​@@Diashi1267You have a pretty cynical view on what marriage is. If the deception level is used why even bother marrying.

[@dewilew2137]

Build a belief system based on ridiculous, misogynistic, unscientific and unrealistic standards for women, and expect women to not be honest with you. Men have no idea what this kind of shame feels like, because no one has ever shamed them for the exact same behaviors.

[@yallcrazy302]

As a woman it was upsetting a guy I was seeing had been with 5 and some were hook ups. So I sympathize with the husband

[@pinkkfloydd]

Yep, both people are allowed to have their own standards. Don't know why so many people in the comments think it's cool for her to lie and angry he has different values than them.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@pinkkfloydd No one thinks it's cool for her to lie. Some like myself think her willingness to come clean now actually means something though.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@agricolaregs I'm going to guess that was made up to make some sort of a point. Lets say it really happened, are you going to think you're w/ a completely different person and be crushed, even if he's been a faithful husband for years since? And will you hold it against him forever and not trust him because he told an exaggeration lie all those years ago?

[@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish]

​@@saintejeannedarc9460a lie Bout something he clearly cares about, let's not forget.

[@Girlgonewise]

This is not her husband’s fault at all. She lied to him because she knew he would not proceed with the relationship. She took the choice away from him.

[@KihmJones]

If his standards were so high and he wanted a virgin he had the right to say, you’re not the one for me from the start, but he had wiggle room in his values! She is not the only one at fault!!

[@evil1143]

@@KihmJones She's entirely at fault for lying. Own it coward.

[@evil1143]

@@KihmJones Own it.

[@mr.fettesq.7705]

​he lied about her sexual history....it's entirely her fault. Good luck with your hoe phase by the way....I'm sure it will totaly work out for you

[@karahupp4589]

I think that was pretty clear.

[@timreid9556]

So a man having preferences and wanting honesty in a parter is...... UNSAFE, according to dr john..wtf

[@JoseDiaz-rd9fh]

Agreed this guy is a simp plain and simple

[@tofumar]

"I knew he wouldn't have continued the relationship if I told the truth" Why did you rob this man of his agency? I don't even agree with him about the sex. But this is a violation

[@pinkkfloydd]

Apparently only women are allowed to have values, preferences and standards, and they are owed relationships with whatever men they want.

[@Chet_24]

She lied about the number to her husband. I guarantee she said a number she thought was low, and was still surprised how the husband may have raised an eyebrow over it. I wouldn't be surprised if she's really been with 20 or 30+ dudes.

[@joane24]

@@Chet_24 She said on the call that she told the husband it was only one before him, so no need to bet on anything. The she said on call the call the real is 7. And I think she's telling the truth now on the call. Not to mention 20-30 like you suggest, between the ages 15-17? I don't see that.

[@mindingmybusiness6309]

These are red pilled junkies that you are talking to ​@@joane24

[@billmartin1663]

It's fraud on her part. She obtained what she wanted by lying about something that was very important to him.

[@saltomanga]

John is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy on women

[@ralegade7710]

He’s so empathetic 😂😂😂😂

[@sthembilethanjekwayo_za]

Well someone has to. Because society won't.

[@benjaminpadilla1464]

​@@sthembilethanjekwayo_zaOk Little Princess 🥺

[@Joe-iq1bu]

@@sthembilethanjekwayo_za women are children exhibit A

[@deathst3v3n]

@@sthembilethanjekwayo_za you are really out of touch with reality no wonder woman are delusional these days!!

[@LeonC0704]

Damn, John is making more excuses than she is making! And saying he is not a safe person to tell the truth is DISGUSTING and UNETHICAL. She even HAD TO CORRECT YOU BRO, check yourself

[@lanni8224]

John oyoyoy

[@Assaultpro18]

Exactly what I was thinking

[@Marc_It_Down]

big facts

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

I didn't hear her making excuses either. She pretty much owned this outright, and never let herself off the hook about doing wrong. I think that's why John wanted to be gentle on her. He is a therapist and he wanted to make sure she was ok, and why she slept w/ so many guys in a few years. He also wanted to make sure she wasn't so afraid to tell him because there might be some danger there. It's just what therapists do. She owned it, and didn't put it on the husband. Her mistakes, her fears, her cowardice.

[@gregnagy7569]

He coddles all female callers...

[@DeaconChriss]

It’s crazy how a woman can be honest with a stranger, but lie to the man who would literally die for her.

[@tshep7031]

I thought the same thing while watching. This random dude got to know before her husband. Really sad if you think about it. I mean I understand if it was like a real therapist. But she didn't even need to call. All she asked was should I keep lying. Like she really could've figured that out on her own and not told thousands of Internet strangers before her husband

[@dox1755]

damn thats a bar

[@JillCrato]

@@DeaconChriss He wouldn't die for her.That's an exaggeration. He expects her to be perfect to assuage his ego.She could never be perfect enough for him.He's living in a fantasy world!

[@DeaconChriss]

@@JillCrato it’s not about being perfect, it’s about being honest enough so that someone can make a decision if they want to be with you. Hiding your past from someone is lying, especially if you know what they expect out of partner and whatever standard that they set. It is not up to the individual who has to lie to determine what the other person find important to them.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Many women dont even enjoy random sex (if they are not borderline personality or narcissistic) with some random person they mostly feel like it didnt even happen, Its probably hard to explain that if woman is emotionally healthy she isnt happy about the sex. because healthy women desire connection and conversation women are very attracted to verbal communication with the partner maybe therefore she married at such young age 19 years old because she realized it.

[@yankeefederer1994]

People can argue that he shouldn't care as much as he apparently does, but that is his choice. Her lying about it to a life partner is unacceptable. She knew he cared about it, and kept that from him. Reverse the roles with the lie in any other avenue of life. If he lied about a p*rn addiction you won't have a mass of well-supported men argue that he was in the right for lying about it. Lack of accountability in today's culture is pervasive, and John is bad at seeing it in women far more often than he does in men.

[@alluringbliss4165]

I agree. John is so biased it’s unhealthy and dangerous- 3 jobs 🤧

[@jeanninerossouw5921]

a porn addiction is not the same as a past you are embarrassed about. She did not cheat on him , she had a past, which a lot of people have.That does not mean she can't and has not changed

[@LawfulNutral]

Yeah, they don’t treat men and women the same here. Women get the kid gloves and far more empathy than the men that call in. It’s just a reflection of society.

[@WillIam79-c7f]

​@@jeanninerossouw5921No accountability.

[@davidbgooch9587]

@@jeanninerossouw5921 she lied end of discussion

[@brutalisaxeworth3024]

Let's just call this what it is, folks. She manipulated him into a relationship with her by lying. Plain and simple. The amount of women in this comment section trying to rationalize why this is okay and she should continue to lie and manipulate him is, to be entirely candid, disgusting. I knew that manipulation is to women what violence is to men: an evil way to secure what you want at the expense of others. ...But the absolute shamelessness that some of you display around the use of manipulation is not something you find among the majority of modern men, who almost unilaterally understand that using violence to get what you want is evil and wrong. This should be DEEPLY reflected on by those of you who condone this behavior.

[@Chet_24]

It's because a lot of the women in this comment section rode the c carousel

[@sminem6572]

Exactly. This comments section makes me sick. It reminds me why dating in cities (and the West in general) is a death sentence. Go out to the countryside. If that doesn't work just go to a different country. I am actually so sad that women have been conditioned this way.

[@theredstar6493]

It's because half the women in this comment section themselves took part in manipulative activities like her 😂 Women would Continue to support and justify the manipulation tactics by their flock and then cry about men joining "red pill" Communities

[@devin3607]

Its not all bad just drop your delusions of marriage and just hook up with these garden tools. 😎

[@grit2785]

She found her nice guy and provider!

[@kekejefferson9219]

If you feel you need to lie that's not the relationship for you.

[@catherinenelson4162]

In some instances, that's true. In some, it's not .

[@Mica-e4p]

Sometimes people are just embarrassed. Let. It. Go.

[@devankurmitra4118]

​@@Mica-e4ps.t.f.u ,if that's important for someone ,then it is. I am sure the wife wouldn't like it if he asked for 6 free pass to sleep with some otherwise women. What a kunt

[@GTRKT-qr5sf]

​@@catherinenelson4162Its always true. A relationship isnt a true relationship with lies...

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@Mica-e4p No. You are a child who's afraid of being held accountable.

[@powergrower]

This has nothing to do with the guy being unsafe. He had a standard and she knew he would leave so she lied to get what she wants.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Oh yes it does. He wasn't her safe place to fall, as Dr. Phil used to put it better. As soon as she started to tell him the truth, which she did at first, he couldn't handle it, didn't want to hear it and shamed her into the lie. Unfortunately, she obliged him and compromised them both. The were both weak kids. I don't completely blame him, but neither do I completely blame her. John picked up on something important. No man wants to hear it though. Men are perfectly entitled, women have to serve men. That's what you want and it's always ALWAYS her fault, because she serves and he takes whatever he wants.

[@powergrower]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 It's not his job to be "her safe place" espescially when she's already lying on the 3rd date. Telling the truth when it's easy and there are not consequences means nothing. Integrity is about doing the right thing even when it's hard. In fact espescially when it hard. The guy was fair and told her upfront he didn't want to be with someone who just sleeps around. She then lied to get what she wanted. Now that she has what she wants she feels guilty because she knows she lied to get there.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@powergrower I see, so she has every obligation to him, but he has absolutely none to her. Not even to be kind. That's exactly what I was saying about entitled men. And no, he wasn't upfront about what he wanted in terms of virginity and then she lied. You're misrepresenting, or you failed to hear that properly. He asked and she was answering honestly, until he reacted in such an exaggerated way. I doubt you're Christian, so of course you're going to pose a higher standard for her than for him. Most of you guys do.

[@neechee5150]

@saintejeannedarc9460 said, As soon as she started to tell him the truth, which she did at first, he couldn't handle it, didn't want to hear it and shamed her into the lie" The narrative is very clear on this. All the man did was act surprised and or shocked.. He said nothing. You do not have some kind of ESPto know what he was thinking. You were not there to witness what took place so you have no knowledge or fact to back your claim. You also refuse to acknowledge the fact that we are only hearing her interpretation of what she saw and you refuse to acknowledge that her guilt for telling two lies is the filter through which she saw his facial expression. This makes it all but impossible to be objective and neutral. Everything points to the husband being the same age as her give or take a year and yet his age is never mentioned as a reason why he may not have handled this as smoothly as possible. Strange how you continually point out that her age has to be considered but hot his. He absolutely did not shame her into the lie. At no time did he take away her ability to tell the truth. That kind of thinking removes her responsibility to be honest regardless if it is comfortable or not. Being uncomfortable and being broke up with due to telling two lies about something that was important to both of them (she purposely chose a man who did not believe in premarital sex) is not being unsafe in any ways shape or form. Until he makes hostile disparaging comments or worse there is no safety issue here. Receiving the natural consequences of your actions is not being unsafe.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@neechee5150 I'm not claiming to have any sort of ESP, and am only going by her account. Whether he meant to shame her or not, that's what happened. That is clearly what she felt and how she interpreted it. His age has nothing to do w/ anything btw. Likely he's the same or near the age as her, big woop, doesn't factor. I'm sure I made it clear that it wasn't a safety issue, like him being dangerous. He just wasn't a safe place to fall. When you ask a very personal and delicate question, to someone you barely know, have some damn tact and delicacy when you ask it. This is what I mean by pointing out blaring double standards. Of course she shouldn't have lied. Of course we know that was wrong. But as I also pointed out, they were both young and dumb and he handled that like a bull in a china shop. He dropped the ball, then she dropped the ball and the rest is history. I'm sick of hearing that he has nothing to do w/ anything, because he does.

[@richardeknormis7688]

When a husband feels like he “owns” his wife it’s because they are committed to each other… She also “owns” him… this isn’t just a thing men feel or a one way street

[@Helden_Daddy]

THANK YOU! This is the Biblical description of marriage: you own each other. Your life becomes DEVOTED to each other. I don’t know when that stopped being a goal and the epitome of romance, but my gosh to call that idea “controlling” is just freaking ridiculous and always pushed by people who don’t know how to love

[@Kivlor]

@@Helden_Daddy Stopped back around the 1500s with a guy named Luther. That's where the whole "we don't have to be devoted to each other" concept crept into Christian marriage.

[@leahartlee29]

@@Helden_Daddy People who know how to love are in love with the person- the WHOLE person. Not some immature idiot, who thinks he owns his wife's body since she was born. THAT is an insecure man, and I am so glad I don't have one of those!! That will be the first man to cheat on you too, while expecting you to have been as pure as the driven snow, LOL!

[@yelenaangeleski3354]

When you tell another person that you "own" them, you're telling them they're your slave and you their master.

[@yelenaangeleski3354]

​@@Helden_Daddy Absolutely nowhere does the Bible use the language of ownership when speaking of marital love. Nowhere.

[@Ccee5471]

Dr. John simps so hard for the ladies haha, instantly paints the husband as the bad guy... yikes

[@les2681]

If you want red pilled content go somewhere else. If you think compassion and understanding from a professional counselor trying to help is simping then I guess I want to watch the world burn.

[@diggernash1]

You can tell that his audience is majority women; painfully obvious.

[@jonrazo7912]

Right? She doesn't have the craziest sex history and she seem nice, but she lied about something that her husband takes very seriously. That's bad. What would the Doc say if he had lied about the same thing, or how much debt he had, how much money he made? Lies kill relationships.

[@maskedentrepreneur22]

@@diggernash1 yup he simps for women hard and always blames the man for everything and always takes accountability away from the women

[@Ccee5471]

@@les2681 I am very far from red pilled but I think he mocked the husbands values right off the bat and was very dismiss, seemed like he was justifying her lying by making the husband seem unreasonable for having a value/standard. No way he would have done that about a woman if it were a man calling in.

[@ashleysalazar2012]

Because she lied she didn't give him a chance to process this and decide how he feels about it. For all we know he may have been okay with it but now he really cant trust anything she says because she lied about something that's important to him. I think when it comes to sex/purity culture ect, you have to be on the same page.

[@GameChanger597]

She already said he definitely wasn't okay with it bc he was shocked and bothered when she said she'd only been with one person one time. The shame she feels comes from the judgment he passed on her about her personal life before they even met so she immediately felt she couldn't be honest. But in my humble opinion, I don't think it was even his business to ask that kind of question on a third date to begin with. That's very personal information and it was very nosy of him to ask her so openly and then criticize her when he didn't like the answer

[@texan903]

@@GameChanger597 likewise, it will not accomplish anything positive by revealing this now. All of her history was before him. She isn't cheating now, so she should take it to the grave.

[@timreid9556]

​@GameChanger597 and by asking he was hoping not to waste anyone's time. Sorry, some are for relationships, some are for relations.... your number helps categorize you.

[@katiefountain2407]

​@@timreid9556asking a person their body count gives the vibes that you grew up super religious / sheltered or that you're still a child. And assuming you're not an imbecile you can test a person's vibe/character without being rudely inappropriate.

[@katiefountain2407]

​@@GameChanger597agreed. It's an immature question anyway. But definitely not a third date topic if you're part of purity culture. At the third day you're typically not even holding hands yet.

[@Burnout1997]

Young women always say body count doesn’t matter and then lie about their number because deep down they know it does…

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Does your porn use matter, or your own body count? How about your lies, I suppose it only matters if it's the woman? You red pill guys wonder why you either can't get into a relationship or keep one when you do. That would be why. Gross double standards and impossibly high standards that you would never maintain for yourselves.

[@BirdDogey1]

She has been ran thru more times than a football field tunnel.

[@ZOne_26]

Ohh the irony.. lol

[@yuvalgal-shahaf2782]

Noooo, it is because they know society is dumb and misogynistic.

[@quoththeraven9]

I don't think it's about the body count, it could be about the circumstances that led to those encounters and the societal pressure to be a certain way.

[@mattyyoungcloudsart3008]

John seems to often dump on people who have been raised to value purity. Forget that this woman didnt value truth enough to be honest with her partner. And lets be clear, Im a liar and a fornicator, not righteous by any stretch... It's just strange how unevenly he treats the lying woman and the man who doesnt want to be lied to.

[@joea9222]

Agreed, he even tries to make the husband sound stupid to the wife when he's never even talked to him to get an understanding of what she's trying to portray him as.

[@mattyyoungcloudsart3008]

@@joea9222 1000%! What a sad perspective.

[@JudePi-jx7yo]

He's seen the damage from being raised that way.

[@mattyyoungcloudsart3008]

@@JudePi-jx7yo what about the damage from not being raised that way? Or are you one of the "the more sexual partners the better" type?

[@davidbgooch9587]

Pretty much a modern day male feminist and he does it because mostly woman watch him. Its all about money not being genuine

[@jeremyclee]

Dr John definitely taking an L here. It’s not about what she did, it’s the fact the she lied about it and he was clear about his priorities. He could have asked about something benign, but it’s important to him and she lied for years

[@Helden_Daddy]

For real. How is sexual history being important to him a problem with him? He is he “unsafe to talk to” when she admitted the only reason she didn’t tell him was she was afraid he’d leave. Aka- I don’t want him to have a choice, so I’m just gonna lie! Love Dr. John but he has some mind blowing takes sometimes. This called 1000000% will use this as ammo if her husband is angry with her. “Well I didn’t tell you because I didn’t feel safe telling you!!!” It’s like he’s helping insecure, selfish women gaslight their husbands

[@aimes9524]

Because as a culture, we’ve moved away from the backward idea that a woman must be pure for her husband. That dude probably masturbated every single day at minimum. Historically, it’s always been the woman who has to be the virgin. People don’t sympathize with that anymore.

[@whocarescrapsa]

It is actually very simple. He has chosen money and female popularity over honesty and his reputation. He is saying women should lie on their cv to get a job and shames the employer if they fire her. The real world is very different. This is exactly why men are not getting married as much because we know we are being lied to.

[@MikeyPaper]

It IS about what she did. Shes a cheap 304!

[@swackhammer2139]

This is 100% accurate, Delony completely missed the mark on this one

[@cuteyalexia]

If you were afraid of him judging you, just don't continue on with the relationship. I know that it's easier said than done, but I 'd rather be someone who loves me, flaws and all, than lie about myself to keep someone.

[@mindingmybusiness6309]

Exactly

[@sometimesising1016]

She was 17. Give her a break

[@Daft_Sage]

@@sometimesising1016 An then she was 18 and she didn't tell him. Then she was 19 and she still didn't tell him. And then she was 20 and still didn't tell him. I empathize with the situation she found herself in, but its not a one time thing. She kept up the lie for multiple years.

[@Alexander44665]

@@Daft_Sage How dare you inject logic into this conversation 😆!

[@user-if4ke6en9r]

@@sometimesising1016now she’s 24. 11 months ago there was no children in the picture, she could’ve easily told him then. Excuses excuses

[@gtaoceansprings]

John is so wrong! He’s not unsafe he just has standards!!!

[@jontechentin2474]

Agreed, he calls being territorial nonsense! BS

[@madmartigankilmer89]

By “unsafe”, I believe John was inferring that he did not make her feel like she was free to tell him her whole history without being judged harshly for it… or ending the relationship. I don’t think he meant it like she was physically in danger.

[@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish]

​@@madmartigankilmer89that's perfectly safe. You end the relationship.

[@Illtechnica]

He has to be strategic with women's stuff. Women make up a sizeable portion of his base. Women react to HOW a man says something more than WHAT he says. To men, it will come across as "he's soft!" He's just walking a delicate line.

[@afreakwithoutaleash]

Yeah it's not about him feeling unsafe to her. It's all about her, only caring about what she wants. She screwed him over by not telling him in the beginning and now she's gonna screw him over again by telling him. She's not doing it for him, she's doing it to relieve herself of her guilt. Makes me so mad

[@ridiqulos]

I don't know how I feel about this. I don't think I would want to know. If a big part of my relationship revolved around a certain belief I had about my significant other, and I got married, and had a child over 6 years she lied, and now she's having guilt? She's about to tear apart our whole world. Feels selfish, that she's not only the root cause of the initial problem, but the guilt she is feeling is her own doing and now she's about to blow up our whole world. I don't know, maybe it's better to not tell me and swallow your decisions. I am aware it's wrong, but right decision is 6 years, a child and a marriage too late.

[@II-SPONGE-II]

what and then youve based your entire relationship and could be with her for the rest of your life based on something that's not real? she's was okay with lying to him up until now, she could end up lying about other things when they hit a rough patch or something and just break up further down the track and then he would have wasted even more of his life

[@jpc9923]

The whole world that’s blowing up is based on a secret. It’s not real. Time to find out if his Christianity is as strong as he wants hers to be.

[@Kivlor]

@@jpc9923 Bruh. Even the Catholic Church, the most anti-divorce organization on the planet, says that deception about significant character qualities in contemplation of marriage is grounds for annulment. It's under the term "Error in quality of person." Don't shift blame to him.

[@astrozoo]

Yup, sounds like their relationship is OK as it is, better to keep it that way.

[@crystalglopez91623]

Yes if she’s a born again Christian and in a beautiful marriage … she’s not cheating and this will hurt him. He won’t ever get over the thought of her doing those things with 7 people. Don’t tell him Lora !!!!

[@LminorH1990]

Her husband could have cared a lot about her sexual history, but he also may have gotten over it if she’d been honest. My husband was not always a Christian and did not always live by such values. I remember how nervous he was making his past clear to me, but I couldn’t help but appreciate him more when he made sure he was honest with me before our relationship progressed. I always thought some of the things he’d done would be a hang up for me but when we talked I just felt that the present was way more important than the past.

[@FDB-8]

Do women care about what men have done sexually in the past?

[@LminorH1990]

@@FDB-8 a lot don’t. For me since I’m religious and waited until marriage I think I thought it would matter. But like I said, when my husband told me about his past it didn’t impact me or our relationship. I just came to love him all the more for his honesty.

[@moonbuni59]

I think some women care while others don’t, just like some men do and others don’t. If she would have been up front with him when he first asked maybe he wouldn’t have cared. Speaking from a women’s point of view I would have cared, but I would have cared more about the lying, especially after all this time.

[@amastrolia1789]

This happened to me. 10 years of marriage thinking, because i was told, i was the only man she ever had sex with. Absolutely crushed me and sent me down a dark path. I withdrew, grew bitter and resentful. Part of my issue was thinking i was special because "i was her only one" rather than being special to her because of who i was and how God made me. I placed so much of my identity and value in being her only one and since that was gone, i didn't know who or what i was. It's been 3 years now, and our marriage is stronger than it ever has been because there are no dark secrets and God helped me recognize my identity is in Him, not being my wife's only one. Forgiveness is so hard, but so so worth it! She lied because she thought i wouldn't date her. She thought. I was so smitten... and am again

[@yelenaangeleski3354]

You were her only one from the moment she met you. 🙂

[@McOofy]

Man y'all are so gullible.

[@Veracityseeker7]

This is why you can't put your all in any one other than Jesus. People are full of sin. You can't let them control you to this extent.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

This is beautiful 🥹. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏿❤️

[@devankurmitra4118]

How many was it?

[@nourtohme4998]

Sleeping with 7 men at 15 is not equivalent to a teenager buying cigarettes man. That husband has every right to feel betrayed.

[@JustinCase780]

He wasn't with her during those early years. And, he went so creepy at the get go being a control freak. She's a great person...this is stupid.

[@ktw70]

@@JustinCase780 It's very stupid. He has no reason to feel betrayed because she did not cheat on him. Also, having sex is healthy. Smoking cigarettes is objectively unhealthy. Most adults will have multiple sexual partners before they settle down, and many people have sex for the first time as teenagers. The fact that the caller feels so much shame about this is so sad and unnecessary. They are happily married and have a child. If this is really a deal breaker for him, he's a controlling, abusive loser.

[@JustinCase780]

@@ktw70 Yea, John was telling the caller "you have to have that conversation...when are you going to do it...don't wait until Monday...get the baby out of the house" Say what? Get the baby out of the house? She shared that she was shaking just thinking about telling him. Sad as F! She shared that he's very possessive. This was all his doing from the beginning not hers. People stopped using the term gaslighting this year because it's become trite but damn why is she so fearful and shamed. The guy sounds like a total control freak jerk hiding his loser qualities behind religion for control. She should tell the guy she was a porn star and shatter his brain while he melts like a child that didn't get his favorite ice cream flavor (o.k, this one was just a joke) But, seriously...why should she be sooo worried about his childish reaction. Either drop it or drop him and sadly I think the latter is her more healthy option if he's such a person of perfection standards which obviously exposes that he's an immature clown.

[@BarnzTT]

​@@ktw70Having so much sexual partners is not a good sign. Do you even have proof as to what you are talking about? Having multiple sex partners can be a sign of trauma or can lead to trauma. It is a sign of impulsiveness and lack of sexual discipline. Do you those traits are good for a partner to have? Statistics shows that women who have nore than 5 partners have significantly higher divorce rates. Even now, women are very sexually liberated, but are more depressed and angrier compared to women in previous eras. Please educate yourself before commenting, as this can be very destructive opinion offered to other individuals.

[@ktw70]

@@BarnzTT You should educate yourself. What you just typed sounds like copy from Focus on the Family.

[@Carolinefdq]

I think it's really important for a couple to talk about sexual history and similar topics to see whether they each share the same views/values about sex and intimacy. I also think a person has a right to uphold standards when it comes to their future spouse/partner. As a woman, I personally didn't want to be in a relationship with a man who had a sexually promiscuous past (or what most people call a "high body count"). I just didn't want to deal with the baggage that comes with all that. There's nothing wrong with having standards like that. And I was able to find someone who aligned with my views and standards.

[@theclassicstare5713]

Totally agree. I value intimacy. I could not date a man who was sexually promiscuous in his past. We don't share the same values surrounding sex and intimacy. Men like that tend to look down on women who have "high body counts" after living the same lifestyle. Now they want to date women who have a more conservative approach to sex and relationships. I don't want those types of men approaching me.

[@meggold3422]

It's definitely not an easy conversation, especially since we want to focus on each other and not think about our pasts, but putting our pasts out there, as well as showing ourselves and our partner how much we've grown since then is a very important part of intimacy and growth as a couple. In our case, we were friends first, and he met my two kids, so the biggest part of my history was already out of the way by the time we became an item. He was compassionate and understanding about the rest. A typical college freshman has a lot more complications and broader histories these days.

[@brianmott9010]

He married a woman that he didn’t know, she lied to him and knew he would leave so she manipulated him. This is going to happen with all the only fan girls

[@elpusegato]

And John will tell them how brave and special they are, and how terrible their husbands are for not being cool with being lied to about being married to a hooker

[@mattbackus]

“I lied to my husband about my sexual history.” …”your husband can’t be trusted, he’s too controlling!!” Epic…

[@pinkkfloydd]

Apparently only women are allowed to have values, preferences and standards for relationships. Men should just have no standards and accept whatever comes his way. Absolute double standard.

[@bk7256]

Exactly 😂😂😂

[@elenabob4953]

I understand that he tried to be empathetic but in this case he takes the L

[@archaicamusement3871]

He was about to tell the husband deserve it 🤣

[@DickLongflopp]

This was one of the worst takes he’s ever had. He’s actually getting worse the more popular he’s getting. Gosh man

[@ralegade7710]

How convenient that she didn’t start feeling guilty until after she popped that kid out. She feels like she has leverage and security so she feels comfortable in telling him.

[@psi23k]

Wow, you're right.

[@LfC_Muffin_Man]

You spot on

[@jonathanfitzsimons786]

Still trying to figure out why this is his fault

[@scratch57]

gotta get on your white armor and feminist lenses, bro. then you'll see the world as Delony does, where everything nice-sounding women do wrong is men's fault.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

​@@scratch57because women are perfect little cinnamon rolls who never do anything wrong🙄

[@BeardedDad91]

Because he's a man and she's a woman.

[@Jonathan-mm5zx]

He did not marry the girl he thought he married, he was manipulated. That insecurity will continue to eat her and might even end the marriage. There is no way out to a happy ending without telling the truth.

[@OfficerPolaris]

When will you men tell the truth about YOUR sexual history?!

[@cgggg5988]

Yup. Johns gaslighting the whole thing as the husband being wrong about what he was wanting in a partner is wild

[@Diashi1267]

@@cgggg5988 he has a bias where he transforms any situation as the women being a victim without moral agency who just reacts “something in your body didn’t feel safe” while men bare full accountability and need to ‘man up’

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@OfficerPolaris Women are allowed to ask the question, too. And men don't have a right to lie to trick the women, and vice versa. No one said women aren't allowed to care about a man's sexual history. YOU said that.

[@Whereempathsgather]

Men can have a huge body count but that's okay because you know, they have no guilt soiling all the women they don't care about, because they have needs!! Men need to be accountable too! THAT'S THE FN TRUTH! Don't tell him!! If you do accept the consequences!

[@thedopaminestop2355]

7 people from 15-17 is gonna make him throw up 😭😭

[@richardwilson2452]

fr fr When a woman lies and then you find out about her past later, it isn't like "oh, that happened before I knew you" it's like it happens then when you find out. It's like suddenly 7 guys just f*cked your wife.

[@chrisjohnson926]

100% I am not an advocate of lying but she needs to keep it to herself.

[@CherryFlower24]

It's always ironic that men would think that but if men had just as opportunities than women to have s*x, they'd have probably 10 times more. Not to mention men are known to even resort to f*ck dead people, women in retirement homes and even animals....

[@Luis-mz6dx]

Love how automatically becomes the bad guy when at a young age he only wanted to hold his values and she is 100% the victim.

[@cheezeball6109]

If she tells him, he has to walk at that point. He doesn't/didn't want to marry the town bicycle. Any self respecting real man would. She is evil for getting to the actual marriage, and having a child, and dropping this bomb on him at this point with the child.

[@markyorkston2371]

Wow! John really blew my mind with how wrong he was. John recognized that her history was a problem but also made it the husband's fault that she hid something that is actually problematic.

[@YELLOW08Z06]

100% I’ve seen enough of his videos where he does what is nice rather than what’s right!!! That female is nasty and a lier! For this I’m unsubscribing

[@chinwenduchinwe586]

​@@YELLOW08Z06@mark... Are you sure you both are hearing properly...?

[@marlongonzalez6586]

John you really got this one wrong. People are allowed to have boundaries on what you do and don’t want. If he knew before and then started to complain late in the marriage. Then it would be a different story. But she lied to him the entire time.

[@simplygina7703]

I agree with you 100%. It was so selfish of her not to tell him the truth. Plus what about stds? Some are asymptomatic and people can go decades carrying them without realizing it. She jeopardized his life for the safe of her own comfort. Shame on her

[@mirabella2154]

7 sexual partners from the age of 15 to 17. Wow. I guess nowaday it's even worse.

[@Wintersnow889]

Sometimes when someone young has a lot of sexual partners, the chances of them being touched at an early age inappropriately groomed bt someone older is EXTREMELY HIGH

[@Wintersnow889]

So when a girl is 13-18 doing that a lot it could be a major reason why, or low self esteem. So many reasons could b thats why its not the best to judge (not saying u r but others)

[@davidbgooch9587]

​@@Wintersnow889thats just an excuse.

[@mirabella2154]

@@Wintersnow889 Yes. Often that is the case.

[@meggold3422]

I know many people who have been abused and assaulted when they were young. She had her experiences from ages fifteen through seventeen. It's likely that at least the first experience wasn't consensual.

[@CG-MP]

I take the man's side on this one. My husband and I also grew up with extreme purity standards and high expectations. When we started dating, I was a virgin, he was not. Growing up as we did, I had assumed he'd never been with anyone either, and I was shocked when he told me. The difference is he knew it would be important to me and he told me everything very early in the relationship. He knew there was a 50/50 chance I'd end things, but he let me make my own decision. And it was **hard** to get past. I did consider ending things. I do not believe I was overreacting. I'd been raised with extreme, extreme standards for myself and everyone around me. "Your first kiss will be on stage during your wedding" kind of standards. I was taught that having sex outside of marriage was cheating on my future husband. I **felt** like he'd cheated on me, even though it was literally not true, and it took time for me to let go of that. His patience, his honesty, his genuine regret, it all helped me build trust in him. Those hard conversations helped him open up and tell me about the things he went through in his teen years that let him down that path. I got to know the **real** him, not the nice Christian guy I thought I knew. The caller deprived her husband of that intimacy. There are whole layers of trauma she's never unpacked with him. And she waited 6 years to do it, not until right after they had a child together. If I was in her husband's situation, I don't think I could trust her ever again.

[@neechee5150]

I have to wonder how many of the female posters on this video would be as forgiving, nonjudgmental and as reluctant to condemn your husband as they are this woman. I applaud your courage to speak out even when it is not PC with many of the female posters on this video to do so.

[@wLBlue]

Possessive? Here we go...she will call him toxic and controlling to the next runner up as she plays victim and lies again.

[@jameswilkerson4412]

Or he shouldn’t have sounded possessive in the first place and she’d have been more open to telling him something closer to the truth.

[@wLBlue]

​@@jameswilkerson4412...sooo...it's his fault she lied? She knew he wouldn't have continued being with her because of her past. Say this hits close to home without saying it hits close to home. You a sad sorry man.

[@Entreri007]

​@@wLBlueshe was a kid, we all have a past.

[@YashKumar-tj3vt]

​@@Entreri007 right but don't lie then i am sure he would have understood if she tells the truth in start and played that "trauma in tennage years " Card. He would get emotional and hugged her definitely.. Now this is called positive manipulation which means i did tell the truth but in a way my husband is emotional and has empathy for me. But she just straight forward lied.

[@LaCantressa]

She got what she wanted out of him. Now that they're settled, she wants to blow it up. It's all about her.

[@jennalavena]

yep. it’s scary to admit to something like this but it is true

[@jacobmoreno6339]

She was 17 bro

[@jennalavena]

@@jacobmoreno6339 just because someone was Seventeen doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t take accountability. The only thing I agree with that woman on is the reason why she lied is because it wasn’t safe for her to do so because if she told him the truth, he would have left. She was protecting herself, and 17-year-old would probably do

[@neechee5150]

@@jennalavena The fact is that they had ONLY been on three dates when she told him at least two lies. One was that she only had sex with one person. The other lie is that she did not enjoy sex with that one person be they male or female and was embarrassed by it. Both of those things are patently false. She told the second lie to further conceal her promiscuity and the fact that she enjoyed being promiscuous at the time she was being promiscuous. Having to face the natural consequences of being dishonest, decoevomg and manipulating has nothing to do with something/somebody not being "safe". Anyone who thinks they have the right to lie without any consequences is arrogant, immature, irresponsible, childish and entitled. She gave herself the right to lie so that she could get what she wanted. She is not a victim of anything but her own dishonesty. Nothing prevented her from saying, hey this no premarital sex thing and being a virgin is not my thing and I do not agree with it ,so goodbye and let's go our separate ways. You be you and I will be me. Nothing stopped her from doing so other than her desire to date a man of this man's character and integrity. She wanted to marry a man who did not believe in or engage in premarital sex. She wanted a virgin man and to be his first and only vagina and yet no one calls her out for this like they did the husband. Duplicity, female chauvinism and sexism are alive and well in the posts for this video. At any rate, she chose to lie, and thus she can not be a victim of her own dishonesty. It is called accepting responsibility for one's actions. Facing discomfort and shame from lying is not being unsafe. Being called out for lying to someone is not being unsafe. Those are both natural and logical consequences for lying and deceiving someone to get what you want from them. This is also absolute proof of a lack of character and a lack of integrity.

[@jennalavena]

@@neechee5150 you know what i meant and John said the same. it wasn’t safe for her to tell him because she knew he would have left.

[@Godchaserforever1973]

This exact same thing actually happened to me. Then after 23 years she divorced me after cheating on me. Now 4 years divorced

[@unknowncomment85]

that is why you only marry a virgin

[@georgybest5135]

Sooooo...the past matters?!? I AM SHOCKED!

[@theclassicstare5713]

It matters if you intend to build a life with someone with a set of beliefs integral to who they are as a person. Naturally, they want a partner who mirrors those beliefs and lives life in the same way.

[@helixmoore7636]

It depends.

[@stephaniereich1098]

It does when it comes to people with deep religious values.

[@hu_ni_1]

​@@stephaniereich1098thank goodness religious values are crumbling

[@OtisFlint]

@@hu_ni_1 Agreed, but it matters to a lot more than deeply religious people. Only simps are ok marrying a woman with a bunch of history, and there are very valid reasons for that (like the direct correlation between body count and likelihood of filing for divorce). That said, 7 people in someone's teens is not a big deal.

[@BunnySlippers82]

She had no right to strip him of the choice to be with a woman who holds stricter morals than she does. He shouldn't have been judgmental, but that doesn't negate the fact that she took his ability to choose based on facts that are dealbreakers for him.

[@karaa7595]

She held those values by the time they met. People change. Each Christian is at a different point in their relationship with God.

[@CRobinsonpk]

Why does John assume traditionally masculine men are unsafe ? Bro she lied about something pretty important to him. She says he’s a great husband. Stop insisting she’s “unsafe”

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

Because a huge majority of his audience is women and he wants to pander to them.

[@JDogB-tc3lx]

He is the kind of guy that would sweet talk a girl away from you behind your back so he can get in her pants. Then he would make you look like the bad guy when you get mad for him smashing your girl behind your back. Guys: Don't trust men that always take the woman's side.

[@andrear7181]

If she is worried, then deep down inside her she knows that this was important for her husband.

[@PristineAutoDetailing]

I did this same thing to my wife and hid for 10yrs. It was hard extremely for both but we are now able to build something new and it's way better while still some difficulty.

[@stephengallagher2209]

Not the same. Men and women.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

It's not the same when it comes to you. Keeping a secret for 10 years Yes, VS your wife, keeping a secret for 10 years. Because if a man keeps a secret for 10 years then it will be hindering on the marriage, but it won't be a marriage ending situation. However, if the woman kept a secret, especially as being a sexual prosecutor before they got together, and even during the relationship and the marriage Then that can be seen as a marriage Ender, and that's not just the fact that's the truth and reality.

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

​@stephengallagher2209 actually it is the same. You are conflating 304s for pure women...it DOES matter to a pure woman. Only 304s would want a man with experience because they have a lot themselves

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

​@wordsalad01 yes, and I, as a woman, don't want my husband to have multiple women pair bonded to HIM. Those are red flags...each and every one of those female bodies remembers my husband and pose a risk if they walk back into his life. People REALLY need to stop listening to masculinists like Andrew tate, fresh and fit. They are just as misinformed and destructive as feminists. They pander to the rich and 304s and then try to apply their logic to normal and pure people. They want pure women, but make 304s with "at least 50" other men's future wives. They ARE part of the problem but are too blind to see it.

[@davidbgooch9587]

​@@BIGEAGLEDUDEwhich it should be a relationship ender automatically

[@aoatheshed]

He had standards an she lied to fit the narrative. She isnt who he wanted or thought she was. Poor husband an kid because if he is a "man" like she says she is out the door

[@Helden_Daddy]

That’s what’s crazy and so heartbreaking and no one cares. His life is about to blow up. He wanted to save himself for the woman who fit him and she just carelessly lied about fitting the bill so he wouldn’t choose to wait form someone other than her. And now it’s too late. There is NO getting that chance back. She robbed him of his choice. And the insane thing, is that he might have STILL chosen her, if given the chance!!! But she didn’t love or respect him enough to even give him the option. “But but her pain” yeah sure life sucks, get a helmet. Ya think her husband has no pain or issues he’s dealing with? Doesn’t give her an excuse to manipulate him into being with her

[@elfascisto6549]

​@@Helden_Daddy true

[@emmajones8590]

In that case, he's not such a great guy then. I see you have put inverted commas around the word 'man', implying he's not much of a man. I agree. I have known dozens of couples where one (or both) partners were unfaithful. The affair ended or the one or two night stand never amounted to anything anyway. They talk things out, get over themselves and continue on where they left off. But this isn't even about an affair. She never had an affair. It is just about some guys from the past, long before she met her husband. Him making a complete drama about them, would be a sign of insecurity, inordinate jealousy and pretty pathetic to my mind. However having said that, it is no longer just about the ex boyfriends, but about her concealment causing trust issues.

[@coxrocks25]

If he's a godly man, I think he'll seek God's guidance and strive for grace and forgiveness. It's not right what she did, but divorcing her now isn't going to bring him happiness. But it is possible to move forward and build a stronger foundation once you both have opened up completely. If this is truly the only thing she's lied about, it is totally overcomable.

[@Tryhardlzzl]

​@@coxrocks25 He should break up with her.

[@jkneeland89]

When I met my wife, we were both virgins and that was important to me. This is one of the reasons I married her, I wanted to wait until marriage, and we did. I love how John is completely disregarding the husbands' feelings here and saying he is "unsafe" because being with a woman who was a virgin or had a low body count was important to him. This is disgusting. He doesn't hold her accountable at all for placing a lie at the foundation of their marriage.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

He did hold her accountable and so did she. So what should he have said to her to properly hold her accountable? He said shame was appropriate, and some guilt was appropriate. He repeatedly used the term lie and so did she. Should he have called her names, told her she was worthless and irredeemable, like most of the guys are saying, and said she had no right to be forgiven and deserved to be deserted for the wortheless and hopeless person she is always destined to be? I just wonder how much is ever enough. She was sorry, in tears and admitting it all. Never good enough though, never ever ever ever. Don't make mistakes, because men will never forgive you.

[@jkneeland89]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 Lying is not a mistake, that is a deliberate act meant to deceive someone. He did not hold her accountable, he downplayed what she did and tried to put her husband on blast for having standards. Also said her husband was “unsafe.” If a husband deliberately deceived his wife into thinking he was wealthy prior to marriage and then revealed afterwards he was broke and in debt (and had no intention of changing that) I’m sure you wouldn’t be so forgiving of him and you would certainly hold him accountable. It’s a double standard.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@jkneeland89 How should John properly held her accountable? You never answered that, at all. I also wonder if you're Christian and that's why you waited until marriage and if you're Christian, where is charity and kindness? Because John, while not letting her off the hook about lying, still showed her kindness and empathy, but that seems to make you really mad. You want zero kindness, zero understanding for her, just beat her up, slap her around, make her feel worse, because clearly the shaking, trying not to cry, the shame and guilt weren't enough contrition for you. You seem to want her in a broken down, not able to function state and for John to just hammer on her some more. It's pretty gross actually.

[@ceciliaramos2280]

Now you want to tell him the truth now that he is trapped with a baby and you know he won’t leave. You are such a wonderful person. 🙄

[@CF.]

Yep, exactly

[@funicon3689]

its practically a cliche at this point

[@christinebutler7630]

Probably not his baby, either!

[@ufchighlights1]

😂

[@rachelgooden9981]

He’s gonna think about all the other men she’s been with

[@saidmohamud2036]

Why has everything that's tied to women's freedom movement become taboo to have preferences on? Dude's entitled to have preferences on his future partners sexual history just like she's entitled to it as well. John really took the not safe thing too far. She thinks he's going to leave, that's why. Imo it's kinda risky for people to call in. John casually inserts major ideas into people's heads

[@pinkkfloydd]

Apparently only women are allowed to have their own values, standards and preferences, and women are somehow owed relationships. They think lying is okay because they are afraid the consequences, which is how children act.

[@Princess-us5so]

But John's right about her not feeling safe. If she did feel safe she won't have told. If she thinks that he's going to leave then it's not emotionally safe to tell. Society is a bit harsh on women's sexuality.

[@saidmohamud2036]

@@Princess-us5so she's not entitled to have him as a partner. He gets to make his own decisions. Her not telling him because she knows he'd leave makes her manipulative

[@JoseDiaz-rd9fh]

​@@Princess-us5soshe created that unsafe environment by withholding information that possibly could have ended the relationship. This is ridiculous logic. If you want a certain kind of man or woman there are things you have to do or avoid. She feels guilty because she knows she did him dirty plain and simple. The truth will set you free she just needs to tell him and let the chips fall where they may. Men are allowed to have standards to brushing aside our preferences when women usually have a long ass list is hypocritical as hell. Men don't ask for much from women beyond not having a high body count and having a peaceful home

[@Dansyoung]

Dang it’s almost like your past matters…. Just as it does when you get a credit card, a job, a passport, etc.

[@CrystalM1917]

The past only matters if it matters to the person you're with. I was a virgin when I got married but also only wanted to marry a virgin. That's why it's best to wait for what you really want.

[@OtisFlint]

@@CrystalM1917 It matters to all men. Women care about a mans future, men care about a womans past.

[@CrystalM1917]

@@OtisFlint I know that with myself and all my virginal girlfriends, we wanted virginal men to marry. Thankfully all of us married within our religion(Pentecostal Holiness) and were able to achieve this.

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@CrystalM1917 This is the real issue, Christian men that look outside their specific denomination. I've talked to many Christian men that ONLY dated outside of their denomination, even preferred worldlings because they WANTED pre-marital sex, but knew they couldn't pull that off within their own church without ruining their reputation. Once they are ready to settle down & marry, suddenly they want a woman as pure as snow. But in the interim, those men racked up dozens in body count. It's rare for women to ask men their body count, and a Christian woman would be embarrassed to ask.

[@Princess-us5so]

​@@jeromehenry4484EXACTLY 💯. ITS all ego, insecurities, and hypocrisy. There's no real reason to be concerned about someone's past. What's her past got to do with you? It is the ones that have the most notches on their belts the main ones concerned about body count. As much as a lot of men sleep around and they want to be concerned about a woman's body count. But yet want to willy nilly add to a woman's body count. That's why I get a little heated about this body count thing and I'm a literal virgin!

[@Murdokk73]

She got ran through in 2 years. This guy is going to be absolutely devastated when she tell him that he’s lucky number 8 lol.

[@archaicamusement3871]

🤣 its so tragic that is funny.

[@jasminesuarez8358]

Ran thru? Plz. She had too much fun as a teenager. Would he look at a teenage male the same? He would accept it as him being male. Never apologize for the past.

[@Gunzalo70]

@@jasminesuarez8358 women and men can not be held to the same standards on everything. Unfortunately its the truth men prefer women no history and women prefer men with experience. also science has proven its not healthy for women do act this way (not implying its more healthy for men} (here's the name of the study) The Function of Casual Sex Action and Inaction Regret: A Longitudinal Investigation

[@KoolAidSquirt]

@@jasminesuarez8358says the female

[@jamesleigh6166]

When women give their body count you have to multiply the number by 2. She said 7 so its actually closer to 14 lol.

[@KevinH.-fi9lj]

Yeah, I think Deloney is wrong on this one. The fact that we're scared to tell someone the truth doesn't necessarily mean they are dangerous to tell the truth to.

[@calebjay8833]

This a tough one for me. I’m in a similar position. I lied about my body count when asked on the first date when she asked me to put my body count on a “loser scale” (I’m waiting till marriage but didn’t in the past, and she was waiting for marriage all along). I told her it was 1 and it was 5. After 5 months of dating, I wrote a letter and came clean, profusely apologizing . The relationship ended as a result about a month ago, but the breakup revealed a lot about who she was through how she treated me, and I’m glad I told her for lots of reasons. Honestly is always best. If someone can’t offer you the forgiveness that Christ has offered you, they will not cherish you as a partner. Simple. Learn from my mistakes.

[@archaicamusement3871]

You did the right thing. Saying the truth protects you.

[@nochso6835]

You shouldn't have lied. Stand on your record as a man. The greatest thing you can do when builidng a relationship is give clarity. You did the right thing to confess and apologize. Also, you didn't wait till you were married and had a kid to tell the truth. I don't understand how women commenting here don't realize how evil that is - years of deception and trapping with a child. I guess they are just built different.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Yep, the truth protected you from being w/a holier than thou, who think sexual purity is more important than any of the other Christian values we are called to. Forgiveness is the only one that we are told, that if we don't do that one, we aren't forgiven also. Christ never put that stipulation on sexual purity though. He spoke kindly to the woman at the well, even though he knew she was married 5 times and was commonlaw w/ her current sexual partner. He also told those about to stone the woman caught in adultery to cast the first stone, only if they had no sin themselves. Yet the red pill bronies in these comments are in a feeding frenzy, throwing stones w/ blood in their eyes, and it's simply gross. I really hope that John was wrong in possibly perceiving that there was good reason why she never felt safe to tell him the full truth. She started to, but she could tell by his sudden reaction that he didn't really want that. The way your ex posed the question to you in such an ugly way, "loser scale". That was a massive red flag right there to talk so contemptuously and judmentally on a first date. Yes, your lie was wrong and you know that, but she shamed you right into it. Then shamed you again when you did tell the truth, then punished you for it, rather than forgive, as she is called to do. I suspect Mr. Perfect might not forgive her either. Most of the Mr. Perfect poison pillers in these comments don't want her forgiven and want him to divorce her, incl. some that pretend they are Christians, but don't know how to act like it. How old are you two? I'd love to pick your brain a bit on this. You hear of these 30,40, 50 year old virgins, still supposedly waiting for the right one. Bet they've been sent several great husbands, but acted like your ex acted when a good man came along. This guy could well be the same. He has a very good woman, but might be too sanctimonious to recognize it. And could well be a hypocrite anyway. Reacting in horror that she wasn't a virgin, yet he dated her for 4 years before marrying her. Very doubtufl he waited all those 4 years to lose his own virginity, so yeah. He judges her so harshly that she chickened out on telling the full truth and then proceeds to do what he judged her for. She's fully the only wrong one though, Yeah, kind of doubting it.

[@StoneAgeWarfare]

I really don't get how you admit you were wrong but blame her for not being Christlike at the same time? We can forgive, but staying around deceivers is a bad idea. Seriously, would you be all that trusting of the devil after he asked for your forgiveness?

[@calebjay8833]

@@StoneAgeWarfare I’m saying in the case someone rejects you in the first place for your past. Also, isn’t calling me a deceiver pretty harsh? It’s not like I kept things hidden long, I came forward with the truth long before the relationship progressed into an engagement or marriage. Regardless, beforehand I had accepted that it may be the demise of the relationship, and it wasn’t that that was so upsetting, it was the stuff that was said after, which I’m not going to get into.

[@Alexander44665]

Yeah, she lied because she knew he wouldn't have continued the relationship if he knew the truth. She stole his right to be informed before marriage. Per usual, John is being biased in favor of women. He asked her if something happened to her at 15. Notice how he makes excuses for her poor decisions. Men don't normally get that same treatment. Also, notice how he shamed the husband by calling him possessive. Also, her texting the husband and saying they need to talk tonight is basically torture for the husband. If I was married and my wife pulled that, I would tell her that we are talking about this now. I'm not going through the whole work day wondering what she is going to tell me. Then again, he is pandering to his audience. And everyone wonders why men are abandoning society 😂.

[@Princess-us5so]

Are y'all so concerned about men taking away women's agency when they lie to women?

[@leahartlee29]

Abandoning society? Big baby! Bye!!

[@Alexander44665]

​@@leahartlee29 I love the shaming language. But then again, that's all you likely have 😆.

[@intergalacticglobalistslayer]

Isn’t being possessive literally the entire point of marriage? John’s take was wild in this one

[@offgrid123]

​@@Alexander44665 look who is being a woke little baby now😅

[@MrsBax]

Girl forgive yourself and move on. That is the enemy keeping you in the shame of your past.

[@krishanpaul2]

and make sure the next guy is cool with your history before marrying him. or if he doesn't need to know, then tell him he doesn't need to know and everyone can make informed choices right at the beginning and no one wastes time and no kid is born to a future broken home. if she didn't lie, she wouldn't be in this mess.

[@MrsBax]

@@krishanpaul2 I totally agree

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@krishanpaul2 Actually, I'm sick of hearing that. She's taken full responsibility and puts none on him. She wouldn't be feeling so shameful and guilty if he didn't make her feel that way when she started to tell him the truth. Because she did set out to do that. I wish she had thought enough of herself to walk away from him.

[@krishanpaul2]

@@saintejeannedarc9460 you used the word "truth" in your response. everyone would be much better off if she told him the whole truth. guilt is eating her from the inside BECAUSE SHE DIDNT and you are suggesting she do the same thing next time. do you even care about her?

[@1Icyman]

​@@saintejeannedarc9460he's not responsible for her feelings. He asked a question and she lied. That's on her. It's like lying about how much you make so you qualify for the loan. He wanted a wife who had respect for herself but instead he got a girl who's been ran through. 🤮 7 partners before 18 years old. That's disgusting. Now she wants to hurt him to ease her guilt. Typical woman. 0 accountability.

[@lyssettsepulveda6327]

She couldve refused to answer the question. And he could chosen to leave or stay. Its that simple.

[@pinkkfloydd]

Exactly. I don't know why people are so angry about it. A lot of people in the comments think it's okay to lie to get what you want.

[@lyssettsepulveda6327]

@pinkkfloydd I agree, if she felt like lying, it's because she knew he was going to judge her. If you don't feel comfortable then he's not the right one.

[@BunsenHoneydew001]

That's a moot point, since they can't travel back in time.

[@lyssettsepulveda6327]

@BunsenHoneydew001 I get that but someone might benefit from it.

[@deadbeats4417]

Yeah but if you refuse they’re gonna assume it’s really bad

[@sum1whoistom129]

John is so wrong. Imagine telling your spouse your 100k in debt and turns out it's 700k. That's just money but this is much bigger. John doesn't have to take then callers side every time. Hes a joke

[@Biolo-G_KJ]

Give her a break man. She was a young teenager with issues. 7 is not that much. From 15-17 is rough yes but comparing that to over half a million dollar debt is wild. If John would do your approach she would just feel bad and lonely and maybe not tell her husband. That will help no one.

[@Boppy2k]

@@Biolo-G_KJ🤡

[@Biolo-G_KJ]

@@Boppy2k great response

[@nleem3361]

Debt is an ongoing problem. Something a teenager did and regrets now is not the same thing. People change and mature. If we can't forget and forgive a person's past, what's the point of becoming a better person?

[@Proudme04]

If your a Christian forgiveness is something that dwells at the foundation. It WILL be very challenging but forgiveness..

[@scratch57]

woman lies about sacred values -white Knight delony "she doesn't feel its safe to tell the truth" yes, it objectively means she's "less than..."

[@danite22]

Amazed at how quickly John discovered that it was all the man’s fault. He’s so good at that.

[@archaicamusement3871]

😂

[@adrianratlief1312]

@danite22 Who hurt you?

[@danite22]

@@adrianratlief1312, did you edit that response to make it more clever?

[@adrianratlief1312]

@@danite22 no. I edited it to be directed at you

[@hail9814]

Yeah. There's a lot of language and ideas that I appreciate John for, but I think he's incapable of seeing women as anything less than perfect. I can't tell if it's overcompensation or genuinely completely blue-pilled white knight. If you take what he says and mix in you know... Some fucking self respect, his message works out okay.

[@AS-ng5pi]

This is probably my number 1 fear with my wife. I was a virgin, I only was interested in a virgin. If I were to find out she lied about that....I really have no idea what I would do. For me that is a huge issue. I disliked how Dr John downplayed its significance to many people.

[@MMos-dy1fp]

Where the hell do you find virgins nowadays? It's problem in this case is more the lying. Why to lie to a guy you have no connection after two dates? Just find a new guy.

[@sminem6572]

To be fair its more stressful for women because it is literally impossible to tell if a guy has already done the deed. For women there is the hymen; if it ain't there and she wasn't an athlete, she is a liar.

[@JosiePC44]

@@sminem6572 Oh please. You've never heard of a tampon?

[@sminem6572]

@@JosiePC44 LOL you literally know NOTHING about anatomy and it's scary. Tampons do NOT break the hymen, where did you learn biology!?

[@doubledaredangames]

I was a virgin too and it still bothers me that my fiancé was with other men. Of course they all treated her horribly or turned out to be weirdos or cheated on her. That’s why nice guys finish last I guess 🤷‍♂️

[@needmoney666]

The lie erodes his trust in her and marriage without complete trust by both partners is seriously at risk.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

The marriage is at risk. She tells the truth. She could lose everything if she doesn't tell him. She's destroying herself and will lose herself from within.

[@OtisFlint]

"obviously he's not going to leave me"...don't bet on that sweetheart, you lied about something that was very important to him.

[@YouMissedBro]

​@OtisFlint and it wasn't one or two more, it was SIX more 😂 people don't even like to buy cars with more than 1 previous owner. Girl got a JV basketball team as a roster of bodies

[@dewilew2137]

@@YouMissedBro Jesus Christ, you’re a 🐷. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@dewilew2137 Keep malding people value sexual history than you. Absolute immature child.

[@Jacobpas]

Husband has standards and boundaries that she knows she has crossed. John: “He’s not a safe person to open up to.” No, John. She’s done something wrong and fears telling him because she has to be accountable and might lose something she values, not because he’s unsafe.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Nah, I think John is right. When she tells him the truth, he'll most likley be as sanctimonious and judgmental as when she tried to tell him the truth and he recoiled and shamed her into lying. Is she responsible for lying? Yes, and she's taken full responsibility. He won't though, even though he pretty much pushed her into it and then he'll punish her for telling the truth. Sanctimonious hypocrites do that sort of thing.

[@Stanley_Baby]

It’s guys like him that are responsible for the ruining of masculinity and the creation of universal female victimhood

[@lesleewatson4266]

Wrong of Delony to call the husband unsafe… he was safe. The girl was a liar. Delony got it wrong w this one. He’s spit balling.

[@thebullgator]

Yeah and without enough context starting saying stuff about “only THOSE people have sex…” He handled this terribly.

[@tobiramasenju6290]

Delony always sides with the females because his audience is mainly women. Remember the guy who got cheated on and Delony told him it was his fault for working to support his wife and new born.

[@agricolaregs]

I’m a woman. I agree. This is awful. It’s fraud. If a man lied about something so important, he wouldn’t be so sympathetic.

[@archaicamusement3871]

​@@tobiramasenju6290the 3 jobs guy 🤣

[@tobiramasenju6290]

@@archaicamusement3871 yup 😂

[@leviontiveros5219]

As a husband that has experienced something very close to this. This is a super heavy topic. It’s not the fact of the number of partners, it’s the fact that you did not speak truthfully. It does feel like you can’t trust the other person. Please go get a counselor. Have them mediate the conversation.

[@CF.]

She lied and took his choice of whether or not to pursue a relationship away from him. Their relationship is based on a lie. Now that she essentially baby trapped him, she’ll tell him because he can’t leave. 🤔

[@christinebutler7630]

Oh, he can leave! At least she definitely has a way to make a living!

[@sonicmoj1]

I would leave as a husband and let the chips fall where they may. There is no baby trapping.

[@Princess-us5so]

She didn't trap him. How is he trapped?!!!

[@Kivlor]

@@Princess-us5so Now there's a kid. If he decides this lie was a deal-breaker, he gets to see his daughter half-time or less, and gets to pay for that privilege to his lying wife for 18-25 years. That's definitely "trapped"

[@CF.]

@@Kivlor 👏 perfectly stated. Thank you. 🙏

[@PopFizzPaperDani]

She chose to lie, she should live with her lie. Hurting him to appease her own guilt is selfish.

[@davidbgooch9587]

No he deserves to know he was lied to

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@davidbgooch9587 Yep. It's not her decision to determine what he should or should not know when he's been lied to. People deserve the truth, especially from those that supposedly love them.

[@yelenaangeleski3354]

Both selfish and foolish.

[@emmajones8590]

@@davidbgooch9587 Does he? Would he want to know? I doubt it. This reminds me of the interfering 'friend', who discovers that a marriage partner cheated, who then goes and tells the other partner, because they 'have a right to know'. Whether they would want to know or not, is something they don't find important.

[@Gloriagal78]

Especially since she professes to be a Christian. She should know that if someone is a true believer, they are a a new creation in Christ, and the old has passed away, and everything is new. If God forgives her, then she needs to forgive herself, move forward, and not destroy her marriage.

[@suttonfarms2343]

If you lie on a job application and get caught, you get fired.

[@maximusdecimusmeridius5438]

The problem is she sold him a false bill of goods. She never gave him the choice.

[@leahartlee29]

What did he sell HER? I bet he wasn't a virgin either!

[@Chet_24]

@leahartlee29 I'll bet he didnt lie to her like she did to him

[@emmajones8590]

@@leahartlee29 He might have been. But to be honest, a guy in his twenties or older, who was a religious virgin, or even one without the religion, is something I would find pretty offputting. I would wonder if he was a latent homo, had a micro-p., was impotent, a momma's boy, or something of that nature. It is just something very unusual in Western culture.

[@GTRKT-qr5sf]

​@@leahartlee29He clearly said it was important to him and the way she speaks of him makes it pretty evident that he was indeed a virgin...

[@dhritikapoor2897]

I don’t know why dr John advised you to tell him but I would recommend not to . He is happy in his life . Leave him be. Why ruin his peace of mind and wreck your marriage to simply make yourself feel less guilty. Consider this constant restlessness and insecurity as your punishment for lying and manipulating him. Don’t confess to dump the burden onto him

[@yusufraage8554]

Honesty is the way to go.

[@sds6303]

As long as she isn’t cheating on him then who cares about her sexual past? Same on his side

[@yusufraage8554]

@@sds6303 The husband cares and I would care. Probably she also cares that is why she lied about it.

[@nyapayton7087]

​@@yusufraage8554 I would respectfully argue that the past is the past, it was years ago and it doesn't affect how much she loves him now so it's kinda irrelevant to talk about it now

[@mariamaalouf2138]

@@nyapayton7087 If it is heavily weighing on her mind and affecting her ability to be happy in the marriage due to the guilt… It is very much relevant. Plus, “secrets will kill us” is a statement that often rings true.

[@kobe1181]

That's exactly what happened to me and my wife after 22yrs she admitted to me that she kept a secret from me about her sexual past. Until now, it's hard for me to swallow. Retroactive jealousy in the making!

[@EKL-qu7ih]

Retrospective?

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

Dump her, past actions dictate future outcomes

[@kobe1181]

@TravelingGringo-gj4wc the first time we met she told me she's with only one person sexually but after 22yrs and 3 kids she told me she's with 2 guys when she was 17. The crushed me and until now I'm not the same anymore. I look at her differently. I wish I could turn back time.

[@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish]

​@@kobe1181it's not jealousy that you're feeling hurt by. It's the loss of trust.

[@karaa7595]

​@@kobe1181that is extremely emotionally immature of you to hold TWO s*xual partners against your wife of many years and three kids later. Grow up. Life is short. And the Bible says love holds no record of wrongs...

[@matthewgarcia2119]

You absolutly missed this one John. The one thing you should count on is being honest. I understand her position because i did the same thing but fessed up literally an hour later and explained that I lied because i was ashamed and I cant be the Man I want to be if I lie about basic things about my life. I left her with it and told her that if she wanted to continue then im here but if not I understand. We will be married 12yrs in December. You need to tell him. If he loves you, he will forgive you. Im not saying it will be easy but he will. I just cant believe you let it fester this long. Good luck to you. I hope it works out.

[@neolives]

If the husband is a man like she claims, her marriage is more than likely over. Is a mistake to tell someone a big lie like this, all her excuses are garbage

[@williamjohn8633]

even if she never tells, he will know something is off subconsciously. But you're right, this will just expedite the divorce process

[@meggold3422]

I don't think that marriages should end because things get difficult. Biblically speaking, only abuse and infidelity are good reasons to end a marriage. She didn't cheat on him. She had a sexual past before they got together, which isn't great, and wasn't entirely honest with him, which is far worse. But she sounds fearful and remorseful (and, due to her very young age when her history happened, might have also been abused by a "partner" or family member), and I think their relationship can recover with intense couples counseling. I don't think we should be rooting for more marriages failing, especially in a world where marriage is disregarded as antiquated or unimportant.

[@helixmoore7636]

Him using this as an excuse proves he's a loser. If she's been faithful all these years theres no reason

[@antonioordonezvallenas9201]

​@@helixmoore7636 The lying for 6 years would be the motive, not the fact that she slept with 7 people before him.

[@williamjohn8633]

@@meggold3422 she built a relationship on lies and then baby-trapped him to secure his resources -- is that not considered a calculated form of abuse? The Bible has nothing to do with this. Christian marriages have high divorce rates too. He should do a paternity test before filing for divorce, because I don't see the husband ever getting over this

[@rabidgator6473]

Dr. John, quit telling women to tell their husbands, “I made a mistake”, bull crap she knew what she was doing when she was 15, and she knew what he thought of lying and she did it anyway. She has no integrity, respect for him, and he shouldn’t trust her. And quite telling these 304’s to throw the child in his face. If he’s not “safe” then why is she still with him !??

[@ItsMrstoyouboo]

Who hurt you boo boo?

[@Opxbest]

@@ItsMrstoyouboo probably a 304. I don’t blame him

[@meggold3422]

Did you know everything you were doing at fifteen? Is having sex in your mid-teens a healthy expression, or crying out for positive attention from family? I was seventeen when I had my daughter, and the father was twenty one, so I know a little bit about the subject.

[@meggold3422]

@@Opxbest Promiscuity happens in both sexes. Also, when you're a young teen, there are many reasons for promiscuity, from abuse to neglect to simply needing more in general from family.

[@Chet_24]

For real. She feels safe enough to spend his money and live at his house, but not tell the truth. Makes sense. She's definitely just not lying to benefit herself.

[@noblelionzgaming6194]

She can’t even answer the question about her hiding anymore lies.

[@anitah2404]

I noticed that too. Why did she have to think so long about it? You’re either the lying type or not.

[@joetheboy04]

Shes not feeling guilty of lies. She feels shame. Shame means she sees her identity as a liar. The vagueness when the question was asked was her feeling more shame. " Oh goodness, I'm a liar."

[@erinwelsh6433]

She told him she wasn’t a virgin and he still married her…. 🤔 She was a very young teenager dating and experimenting with boys. That’s like one guy every 3.5 months. Now she’s a grown woman who settled down and no longer lives that lifestyle. She never cheated and never gave him an STD. I recommend keeping the peace since they have a child, so there’s no need to add extra stress to the family.

[@neechee5150]

@erinwelsh6433, " She never cheated and never gave him an STD" . There is no direct evidence to support either of these two positions. At no time in the narrative does she say "I have never cheated on my boyfriend, fiance or husband" Dr John let her off easy. DR John only asked how is your marriage. She answered wonderful which is a subjective assessment that does not automatically contain factual information regarding her cheating on him at any time during the relationship. Dr John never specifically asked have you ever cheated, ,and so from the facts as far as we have them, you are making an assumption. Has she been 110% faithful to him since they started dating? You do not know that and neither do I Also Dr John did not ask her if she gave her husband an STD and she said nothing to address that specific concern either. Once again you are making an assumption based on what you want to believe not what the facts tell us. Did she give him an STD? You do not know that answer and neither do I. You are assuming things that you want to believe that are not supported by the facts as we know them. Many of the women on here automatically assume that this woman has not cheated, gave him an STD or that she has not had ongoing contact with one or more of the people that she had sex with. There is also no reason to believe that she only had sex with boys/men. I trust that this woman has sufficient competency of the English language to know that the term people automatically includes the very real possibility that she is talking about women and men combined when talking about her sexual history. She chose a specific word and that word has a specific meaning. Here are some facts. First this is not about sex this is about purposely lying to this man and at very important life events such as engagement, marriage and having a child,, and she chose to continue lying to him By the facts as we know them we know that her guilt and desire to come clean came fairly recently. It is fact that only after marrying the guy and having a kid with him does she really see the need to come clean. She even stated that she did not think that he would leave her now. Second this woman cheated him out of the chance to make an informed choice, and she chose to tell and to maintain her lie to get what she wanted. She even said so. Third, we have no idea if one of the "people" she had sex with is now in either her or his social circles and she knows that there is a high risk that this person be they man or woman is going to spill the beans. Dr John needs to have the man/husband come on and let him tell his side of the story in order to bring clarity and detail to this picture and also to see if parts of her story are corroborated or not by his. If we stick to the facts as presented, there are limited conclusions that can be made about this situation.

[@ElizabethSotiria]

I don’t think she’s going to tell him..

[@kimberlymason7080]

Why do people always feel the need to ease their own guilt and tell someone something that will only hurt them and achieve nothing else. Ask God for forgiveness and forgive yourself and move on!

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

Forgiveness is gods job not her husbands, he deserves to know.

[@BuryMeInBabylon]

Stop lying and move on

[@deadbeats4417]

@@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346what will it do if he knows? Either he will be super upset, have retroactive jealousy and use her past against her(yes even if she never lied he still will), or he will leave and the child will be fatherless.

[@daniam707]

So let me get this straight, if John Delony’s daughter kept herself for marriage, and some guy who has run through many girls and known as the “ the area He goat” lied about his past to get with John’s daughter to which she later found out, there is no problem then? Is his daughter being unsafe if she expresses her frustration and betrayal? We all make mistakes, but you cannot build marriage on lies. All that said this lady is not her past mistake and deserves forgiveness to move on with the marriage.

[@MMos-dy1fp]

Nah, only women are allowed to lie about their past.

[@michaelcarter266]

Let’s all take a moment to look at the male and female double standard on this issue.

[@vivianvandermerwe1380]

Here is the thing She is feeling the weight of her lie and wants to get rid of that feeling, but what she must understand is that by her telling her husband the truth it will then just transfer that burden to him. She can then not expect him to just accept it and all is fine because she has now come clean and the weight has been lifted off her. Fundamental lies like these unfortunately have consequences, and if she wants to make sure her marriage survives this then SHE needs to carry this burden for the rest of her life and rather keep her mouth shut. The alternative is he might not accept this and it will end in divorce. Tough situation as the marriage is built on a lie

[@brutalisaxeworth3024]

And then when her husband cheats on her and lies about it, she gets to remain silent, because she is in no position to judge him. Then their relationship becomes a living hell. Truth is the only way, and yes it may come with some consequences, but it will be better than them running into an ex of hers, and it coming out then.

[@astrozoo]

Right, the husband will feel the need to act out and get even. It's better let the issue rest.

[@sameerajafri747]

​@@brutalisaxeworth3024well no ...he can't cheat because that compromises his own values and ethics. Do you betray yourself based on other people?

[@sameerajafri747]

​@@astrozoohow does that make sense? You're not mature enough to be in a relationship if you'd compromise your values because you want to get your partner back 😅 she didn't cheat on him. She lied to him. So you think it's equal for him to then cheat and lie??? Guess he's gonna have to reveal that to his future partners

[@brutalisaxeworth3024]

@@sameerajafri747 You missed the point entirely. Let me spell it out: She lied about something about herself that compromised his values and feelings in order to manipulate him into staying with her. Therefore, if her husband were to lie about something that compromises her values and feelings, she would not be in a position to judge him as ethically lesser than herself without being a complete hypocrite.

[@taxcattle]

"Unsafe" is a word constantly abused to avoid accountability. If she had told him about her history, an unsafe person is one who flies off the handle, physically accosts her, forces her to conform to his standards of behavior over her own, etc. A person saying he has a preference for women with lower body counts and leaving the relationship is not unsafe. She didn't feel unsafe. She felt like he wouldn't give her what she wanted, so she lied. She is the one who is unsafe. Her behavior constitutes fraud, which is a form of coercion (it is a substitute for violence when you are trying to get someone to do something they don't want to), and is the only unsafe behavior anywhere in this conversation. If she lied to take investment money from him, she'd be rightly labeled a con artist and tossed in jail. Instead of just money she took the rest of his life, and instead of being held accountable is being asked how her victim made her feel "unsafe". Then if she runs with this and goes around telling people, she'll be implicitly calling her husband abusive, which will have completely different connotations to sane people and could ruin his reputation. I wish internet gurus would stop pushing this "unsafe" nonsense, it just encourages people to gaslight their victims instead of improving their own behaviors.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Your whole statement was one big gaslight. You proceeded to unpack how he wasn't safe then made her out to commit violence, ruin his life, when all she did was tell a lie. Then proceeded to be the kind of woman he was looking for all along. She was faithful, loyal, married him, gave him a child and hated that she told a teenage lie so wanted to confess take accountability and make it right. Get a grip bud.

[@sueblack5794]

Why would you marry a person you couldn't trust enough to tell them about your sexual history? Do these people not any type of friendship/true intimacy?

[@lilotron2482]

You don’t get to decide what is trivial for others to care about and lie. If we spin this logic every man can lie about his height, job, net worth, talents, etc. and bring the truth to the table after you have a CHILD together. Now that he’s stuck with her she’s happy to spill the beans and force him to deal with

[@MMos-dy1fp]

Sadly women's lies are harder to reveal. Should men bring a lie detector to their dates? 🤣

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

@@MMos-dy1fp It would be damn nice if you did. We'd find out about all the things you lie to us and yourselves about.

[@meggold3422]

The guy, in my opinion, has already shown a great deal of understanding for accepting this lady as his wife even knowing she was with someone before him. This shattered the expectations of how he saw his Life, as well as of his parents and faith. Now he'll be faced with yet another shock, this one shaking their relationship down to the foundation. I'm guessing they're going to need serious couples counseling after this, because his trust will likely need to be rebuilt entirely. Hopefully he'll see that she is the girl he married, but was a young lady that had made some serious mistakes by the time he met her, and they were hard for her to face. I'm praying for them and their baby.

[@leahartlee29]

A mature adult male would see that already. The amount of adult males here on this subject are as few as hens teeth, as the saying goes. Maybe he will realize he married a woman who, like him, is flawed and has a past with mistakes and youthful self discovery. No, that would take a mature man, and he isn't one!

[@neechee5150]

@meggold3422 Kudos to you. You are one of the very few female posters who have not been hard on this guy and disparaged him You are one of the few women who have demonstrated that you can have empathy for the husband and what he is/will be going through

[@MMos-dy1fp]

The amount of past passengers of D carousel in this comment section is damn too high.

[@davidbgooch9587]

Man aint it

[@MikeyPaper]

​@@davidbgooch9587nugguh...

[@hadenanderson563]

First date: "Hi. My name is Laura. I identify as a debt-free virgin with no tattoos."

[@whatthefifty]

Haha some of us will get this reference

[@noisyboy7231]

as a guy she's better off not telling him. if it were me I could not get over it no matter how great everything else is

[@deadbeats4417]

Finally someone being realistic here, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.

[@Tryhardlzzl]

​@@deadbeats4417 beta energy