181: Depression? What You Can Do with Michael Yapko

Is depression affecting you or someone you love? What do we know about the best ways to overcome depression? And how can we mitigate the ways that it impacts our relationships? This week, our guest is Michael D. Yapko, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, marriage and family therapist, and author of 15 books including Depression Is Contagious: How the Most Common Mood Disorder Is Spreading Around the World and How to Stop It. He is internationally recognized for his work in developing strategic, outcome-focused psychotherapies, the advanced clinical applications of hypnosis, and active, short-term non-pharmacological treatments of depression. Dr. Yapko has been a passionate advocate for redefining how we think about and treat peoples’ problems, especially the most common ones of anxiety and depression. Michael shares how he approaches treating depression and provides some steps that you can take if you’re dealing with depression yourself.
As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it!
Resources:
Visit Michael Yapko’s website to learn more about his work.
Pick up your copy of Michael Yapko’s book, Depression Is Contagious: How the Most Common Mood Disorder Is Spreading Around the World and How to Stop It
FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship
Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE)
Visit www.neilsattin.com/depression to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Michael Yapko.
Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out
Transcript:
Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. It's come up again and again in conversations that are happening in our Facebook group and elsewhere, what do you do if you or your relationship is impacted by depression? In other words, if you're feeling depressed, what can you do to help and get better, and maybe how can you mitigate the effects that your depression is having on your relationship with your spouse or significant other, with your kids, with the other people in your life? Because depression is relational, it affects us, but it also affects how we interact in the world. And then there's also the question of what if your partner is suffering from depression, what can you do then and how can you stand the best chance of helping your partner recover from depression?
Neil Sattin: So, these are important questions because depression is affecting more and more people. And I just want to say too, I have a personal story that I'll talk about in a little bit about my own experience with depression in my life, in my family. So, this is personal and I'm prepared for a powerful conversation with today's guest. His name is Dr. Michael Yapko and he is one of the world's foremost experts on depression and its treatment, both for lay people and for therapists who are learning how to help their clients more effectively deal with depression. Among many books... I think he's written more than 10, are the books Depression Is Contagious, How The Most Common Mood Disorder Is Spreading Around The World And How To Stop It. And also, the popular book, Breaking The Patterns Of Depression, which as he just told me, is entering its 19th printing. So very popular work and very helpful in terms of ending or mitigating the effects of depression on your life. We will, as usual, have a transcript of this episode, you can grab it if you visit neilsattin.com/depression or you can text the word Passion to the number 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript for this episode. I think that's all I have to cover for now. So Michael Yapko, thank you so much for being with us here today on Relationship Alive.
Michael Yapko: My pleasure. Thank you, Neil.
Neil Sattin: So, let's start by creating some context because I think a lot of us feel like we know what depression is and yet there are a lot of common misconceptions about what actually constitutes depression and what the causes of depression are. So, could you start us out with a little bit of background on just answering that broad question, What is depression and what do we know about what causes it, and what doesn't cause it?
Michael Yapko: Two very huge questions that I will try and break down in a reasonable way. What is depression? Depression is technically defined by the mental health profession as a mood disorder, but it is in fact much more than that. Depression's tentacles reach into every part of a person's life, from their ability to work, their ability to relate to...

[@nikhilvishnoi100]

This was tremendously helpful. I am currently undergoing therapy and instead of dealing with my past all the time I'll focus on getting to action plans and actually doing those actions instead of just ruminating more and more. Again, thank you for undertaking this podcast, it really helps.

[@rexlaner4713]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/bWPVi6CFaKiijZo

[@MR-pr8tp]

I discovered Dr Yapko on another KZbin. This is exactly what I needed and definitely a better understanding of depression. How can you deal with an issue if you don't understand it? I purchased one of Dr. Yapko's books already and will continue to buy more. His advice and communication skills, his explanation of depression is extremely helpful but most of all "hopeful". What is better than getting your information from a Dr. of psychology versus some individual with hype and with out evidence and practice. For me this is the best!

[@marymccormack4837]

Very True. Knowledge from the correct source is Vital.

[@Benny.13]

You know how hard it is to find a good therapist that you can connect with or is any good.?!even that is a struggle that puts you in a tailspin thinking you’ll never get help.

[@titteryenot1136]

help yaself

[@katejones2172]

Exactly

[@azurelynx5]

This was an awesome presentarion Niel👍🏾. Your experienced & learned guest Dr Yapco, taught me so many skills for a more peaceful and productive life, through your interview. The poscast has also given me defined clinical labels for the behaviours I experience in my own life... Rumination, Attributional Style among others. I have benefitted significantly and will definitely share the love (Cognitive Behavioural Theraphy). Thanks again. Paul Harris... Jamaica West Indies 🇯🇲

[@brianparks2039]

I love this guy!

[@wf4758]

Find this so relevant and concise!! He nails it

[@vickilynn9514]

Life and our isolating culture are often disempowering. Most ppl don't get to choose a fulfilling ob, they have to take what they can get. And women in particular are disempowered financially in relationships and lack choices. This is not passivity, just reality for so many

[@janie88ful]

YES, IT ABSOLUTELY IS THE TRUTH.

[@cleopatraoatcake7364]

Yes! I wish there were a way for people who talk about dealing with depression to include this "global" reality in their thinking! It is reality.

[@andreassumerauer5028]

The Conversation starts at 5:12.

[@kimberlysmithcarlson1777]

Amazing discussion with some really wonderful applications and real-life strategies to overcome depression personally and interpersonally! Thank you :)

[@scotscub76]

Some great points. But, heres some of mine as a person who has had shock therapy. Just because you think it doesnt mean its true, yes but its still painful as hell! Also "Depressed people arent fun? Robin Williams, Marlyn Monroe, Spike Mulligan, Paul Merton, my friend who took her own life or me being hilarious when Im having suicidal thoughts inside!" Sometimes forcing yourself to do things only re-enforces and proves the fact that you can't enjoy things like you used to. It feeds off itself and often robs you of the qualities you need to get yourself out of it. "How much suffering does a person have to experience before they change " There are people who try 100% to recover and dont. Which again re enforces the hopelessness. I do 2 hrs meditation a day or i cant function at all.

[@7Aum]

Mick, find that " inner family" consept. This conversation is retraumatizing.. Dont bother to care..You have this loving strength within.I just started learning my ways.Hugs🥰🥰🥰

[@attheranch873]

Well said.👍

[@indirajayaraman4758]

Great advice for all. Thank you

[@coldfever94]

Start 5:20

[@Onlinesully]

I didn't listen to all of this talk. But I listened to a few pieces My personal experience on experiencing horrendous trauma and loss was that close friends and family just wanted to send me to the doctor to resolve it all. I really needed their help with the real losses and consequences. I found it frightening how quickly I collapsed and more frightening how fast people very close to me said "it's ok not to be ok, and there's lots of help out there" which translated to the doctor will make you better.

[@wf4758]

Hi so sorry you've had such awful experiences. Dr Yanko did a session in Australia ( on youtube) worth watching all the way through. some excellent strategies . Good luck

[@Onlinesully]

wf4758 It will be ok soon glad you liked some video

[@JillofAllTrades2]

@@Onlinesully It’s a long walk mate. A challenging, lifetime walk. Now I’ve been turned on to this guy, I’mna put some pep back into my step 🙄. Going to research self-hypnosis n if that doesn’t work, book a hypnotherapy session-with Dr Yapko if available.

[@Onlinesully]

@@JillofAllTrades2 Lucky to be on that position. hope that all works out nicely for you. there’s a lot we can do and so much that I must do

[@carolkotcheck6065]

I just started reading his book ( found in a free library box) about families and depression, and it concerns me. He’s seeming to say that adults, looking back at childhood traumas, should think that their memories are just projected by them, , just due to their own “personalities” that everything was “ambiguous “. Because, he points out, different kids have different memories of the same family upbringings. It’s the way kids THINK about a parents sex abuse , say, not the sex abuse done o them, itself. I’m using such an extreme issue to point out the flaws, I feel, of his take on how family systems can help make depression happen. He insists that no one is a victim, but that it’s kids fault that they may nor be a “good fit” for the personalities who bring them into the world. Of course we can all work on ourselves as adults, but his idea that it’s children’s “projections onto ambiguity “ that cause a persons makeup, seems hypocritical. Two kids can have different memories for the simple reason that they’re treated differently, hello? He’s bending over backwards to “not blame parents”, even if the worst happens and I feel like I need a shower after reading this. In no way are kids “getting it wrong:, or “projecting their personality traits” onto what parents do to them. Some one in therapy reading this , trying to work on themselves and go forward, would be undone if they read this dangerous drivel. Facts are facts, they’re not made up, “ambiguous projections” or in any way their fault. Shame on this manipulative quack.

[@tiantianzhang8476]

I feel like you might have mis interpreted his take on this matter. I don't think he insisted on no one is a victim, rather as a victim, what you can do to move on and have a fulfilling life.

[@carolherbert5952]

Take the best, leave the rest.

[@David-oj9lx]

thank you 🫡🙃

[@askhadshidukov3661]

Thank you for your work

[@woutpols69]

Great advise, love the video

[@camilo678]

Depression is contagious, what a great book.

[@angelagartland7639]

Very valuable

[@jobeoffice6604]

Highly valuable information consolidated into a short interview. In addition to this, listen to his video HOW TO PREVENT DEPRESSION

[@tno2007]

I think you meant... 'How to recover from depression'

[@reg8297]

There is always a reason I've gone thru nearly 50 years of abuse abuse by my parent abuse by abuser parrner i met and he brainwashed my kids to hate me not listen to me a further 20 years i still feel terror to this day what was done to me as a person its not how a person learns to cope there is only so much a person's mind can take and i would be considered a strong person

[@kimberlysmithcarlson1777]

Part of the healing process is identifying what happened to you and processing the emotions that you had to suppress while being abused...You are on your way to recovery even if it feels like its just getting worse! Keep up the good work Reg!

[@bigsngigs2008]

Sir thank you for this video...🙏

[@catalinalarrison]

1:19:50 how to support

[@aquadisiak9357]

Really found your information extremely valuable. Excellent delivery easy to understand an excellent voice. Is it possible to change your hairstyle?

[@billburket4842]

You don't like the Mrs. Doubtfire look?

[@dianasasina9328]

My fear of offering " Correction " isn't because He Might Get Angry but be completely Ignored ALSO so why try again and again and again KNOWING the consistent response over the last 50 controlled years ... I guess My "Risk Factors " for Clinical Suicidal Depression would be Being In A Very Long Term Mentally, Emotionally, Psychologically, Financially Abusive Marriage .....

[@terrymalone9816]

Can't go on , can't move on, stuck here

[@janie88ful]

YOU COULD TALK TO ME.

[@janie88ful]

Isolation. ,,,,,,,, Depression Find your tribe. This isn't dress rehearsal,. It's the only life we have. Now, let's get on with the show.

[@terrymalone9816]

@@janie88ful ready now

[@kamarsumrall1911]

I get it.

[@terrymalone9816]

@@janie88ful ready to talk

[@cetinmetin9193]

We have a brain between two ears. I think about the meaning of the brain being between the two ears and the proximity of the ears to the brain... Right behind our two eyes is our brain. The effects of sounds and images on the brain may be more effective than oral medications. Since humans are a part of nature, the sounds and colors of nature should be more effective than drugs in curing mental illness. The sound of water, the sound of birds, the sound of wind. The city noise has taken all these good things away from us. Bird nests are circular and in layers. Our brain and intestines are circular and layered. Our ears are circular. The inner ear is circular and in layers. When you throw a stone into the lake, the water expands circularly in layers.

[@kimberlysmithcarlson1777]

Wow yes what great insight!!

[@ramabalaji4068]

After listening to this session , I don’t need to go to the therapist . Took notes and clear steps to follow. Basically just be smart , be conscious, don’t believe all your thinking and feeling , use your logical mind not feelings, stay away from things that drive your reaction , just stay away from trouble. Let the past go . Don’t ruminate. So if you are depressed , you are being stupid ! Sorry

[@jankowalski6338]

And you don't.have bread eat cake.

[@peterbosanko4404]

I wish the presenter would just shut up and get on with it

[@JillofAllTrades2]

Yes. Too much babble. I use the KZbin playback feature which speeds up or slows down the speed.

[@montesa9136]

Psychotherapy is not covered by medical insurance. How many people can afford the cost, energy, and years of time involved? Ever tried shopping for a therapist when you have Severe Chronic Major Depression? It's not possible to muster that much energy or motivation.

[@wildflowerwind6941]

Exactly. And I tried to make an appointment to see a therapist with a major medical company and there are no appointments available.

[@montesa9136]

@@wildflowerwind6941 @Wildflower wind - Yes, I hear you. The advice these videos offer often is not grounded in reality. Unless you won the lottery and have unlimited time, money, energy, resources & motivation, seeking things like Psychotherapy is ridiculously overwhelming. Most people who are severely depressed can't even get out of bed or shower, let alone dedicated years of their life to counseling. To be fair, these people are offering the best advice possible, the problem is that it's not practical for most of us. There is NO CURE for mental illness, only "Treatment" or "Coping" strategies. For me, I've lived a Cursed life "Coping" with Severe Chronic Major Depression. I no longer have any interest in another "coping" mechanism. I've applied for Physician Assisted Suicide. I figure I deserve permanent peace

[@JillofAllTrades2]

? Which medical insurance doesn’t cover psychotherapy? Mine always have. Additionally, some companies offer EAP (Employee Assistance Program) for their employees which is a free service where the employee can see a psychotherapist whose visit is covered for free by the program in order to get a referral/recommendation for ongoing psychotherapy. On a personal note, I have seen my knee-jerk coping mechanism of suicidal thoughts (coping by escaping) disappear by 99.9%. I have done decades of psycho/talk therapy, meditation, creative visualization, binaural beats (or whatever the audio program using the different brain-wave lengths is called), mindfulness, positive psychology, paradigm shifting (my label for seeing the glass half full vs. half empty), mindfulness (being aware of/catching my thoughts), among others. About 10 years ago I added drug therapy and have worked with a psych nurse on tweaking the meds. I have work to do on my mindset (lack of focus/distract ability leading to thoughts of disappointment in myself and depressing myself-another tho woefully ineffective-coping skill) but I can only remember a single brief and fleeting thought of suicide in the past several years. That is incredibly significant for me bc for decades prior to that (beginning at 13 with a serious suicide attempt that landed me in ICU for 3 days; I’m now in my 60s) it had been my MO/coping mechanism. I hope you find relief.

[@carrie-joylloyd5785]

@@montesa9136 l am in uk and feel exactly the same. Unfortunately no end of life options. Only suicide. I have battled for over 40yrs and can’t go on. My thoughts are with you.

[@montesa9136]

@@carrie-joylloyd5785 @Carole-joy Lloyd - Thanks for the comment. Would you like to exchange email addresses so we can chat?

[@t.c.s.7724]

Way too many commercials. Impossible to watch.

[@NeilSattin]

I had accidentally changed a setting that automatically created way too many ad breaks! Sorry about that - all videos will be fixed pronto!

[@JillofAllTrades2]

@@NeilSattin Thanks

[@indunilfernando1336]

Take medication then try every other thing

[@Death.trooper3117]

Kaya ngayun alam ko na ang dapat kung gawin kasi mali nga ang aking doctor at nurse at company na nag tatrabaho sa akin kaya ito I makakarating sa FSA and jesus name amen and I will give me your opinion of God please give me a chance to speak with my love oky lang salamat kaya ibig sabihin ang laki ko na ganoon lang ang ginagawa nila ng basta gagamitin ka na lang ng ganoon ibig sabihin mali sila kaya hindi tama ang kanilang ginagawa sa akin alam ko naman kaai hindi sila tutuong nag alala sa iyong kalagayan kaya mali sila lahat salamat good kaya nga yun alam ko na ang dapat kung gawin ayaw lang nilang makinig hindi ka nila pinakikinggan at isa pa dahil sa ang aking pag kakaintindi pira lang ang pira ang kanilang habol sa mga katulad namin kaya nga mali kayo kala ninyo kayo ang tama ona kayo ba ang basta basta na lang ang kailangan sonsondin kaya nalalaman mo itong sinasabi ko bago pa lumala at mga raning victims kaya isa lang ang sasabihin ko salamat panginoon of god ang tutuo ang iyong unawain siya ang gumagawa ng paraan kasi nga mahirap mag salita kahit ako marami pang dapat malaman kaya lang mahirap mag salita pa sa ngayun kasi kailangan alam ko na talaga bago ako mag hugas sa tao o kahit kanino man kaya salamat kaya kayo mga FCA and god bless the world of the world and god bless the lord of God please do I have a God and jesus name amen and God bless the people who have been given the power of God please do I will give you my blessing and jesus name amen bye mamaya na lang ako kasi nga alam ko naman na I have been given a chance for our life to come back soon

[@ronwell2976]

🫡🫡🫡🫡

[@Death.trooper3117]

Salamat amq sa iyo sa aking ginagaw pqrq mqlqmqn ko talaga kaya nakikinig mona ako salamat panginoon sa iyo dahil ako ay ang nakakaalam ng aking ginagawa ang ng yayayri kaya sana maunawaan mo ito aking data sana walang mag nakaw ng aking personal information technology services for the United states of America ay to be happy and be able to see my life thanks again to my prayers and I will give your god the best chance to speak with your father and his son and his son who you have time for you to be with us and jesus nine amen salamat po ama

[@janie88ful]

ALTHOUGH TOTALLY TO MUCH BABBLING. THIS WAS A TREASURED MESSAGE FOR MANY. LESS WORDS,. MORE IMPACT.

[@titteryenot1136]

i had a negative experience bumping into my sister (that I hardly see) in a supermarket,,I wasn't very well,anxiety,I told her and started crying,(relief to talk to family),,she quickly replied"she was meeting a friend for coffee and had to go"ard off she went,,,never seen her again,happy it happened now,,it's good to see someone's true colours,,ps eckhart tolles books helped me help myself