#254

My guest today is the awesome Elizabeth Day. Elizabeth is a very dear friend and a person who has affected my life incredibly positively. If it wasn't for her you wouldn't know about me. Back in 2019, she hosted me on her podcast 'How To Fail" which now has more than 35 million downloads. Elizabeth is an amazing soul who has found a way to use her vulnerability to dig deep inside to tell us about what we all feel but don't say or address. She now has a new book out called 'Friendaholic' it's a beautiful approach to understanding that friendship is not always better when there is more of it. Anyway I just used that as an excuse to meet my wonderful friend
Elizabeth Day is an award-winning author and broadcaster. Her chart-topping podcast, How To Fail With Elizabeth Day, is a celebration of all of the things that haven’t gone right. Every week, in a one-on-one interview, a guest discusses what they have learned from failure. Elizabeth has written two books off the back of the podcast: How To Fail: Everything I’ve Ever Learned From Things Going Wrong, is part-memoir, part-manifesto. It is also a Sunday Times top 5 bestseller. Failosophy: A Handbook For When Things Go Wrong was described by Alain de Botton as ‘beautiful, timely and humane.’ Elizabeth is currently developing her first screenplay - a fictionalised adaptation of How To Fail. Two of her novels have also been optioned for screen. www.elizabethday.org/
Listen as we discuss:
- Friendaholics
- What is friendship?
- Social media friends
- What makes a good friend?
- Dunbar's number
- Love trumps everything
- The break-up
- The Friendship contract
- Social conditioning
- Guilt is a stupid feeling
- Revisiting 1’s and 0’s
- Justin
- Connecting with others
- Quiet
- Scales of connection
- Why human connection is at risk
- Thank you Alexa!
- Game over
Connect with Elizabeth Day on Instagram @elizabday and find out more about her work here: www.elizabethday.org/about
0:00 Slo Mo Intro
1:00 Guest Intro
3:31 Episode
1:17:10 Outro

[@LAKitchen]

LOVE the 3-month "relationship audit"! This is path to a richer, deeper life..."pay attention to your energy"

[@mccallbecca]

In the past year I separated myself from a couple ‘friends’. With each one, I had shared important boundaries. One tried to cross the line right away, while the other took a longer, more manipulative approach to crossing my clearly stated boundaries. These were powerful drains on my energy. I disconnected the best way I could at the time. I’m relieved to have cut those away. Listening to Mo describe the quarterly evaluation and taking space sooner rather than later, I realize I can do better, From a space of love. Thank you Mo for sharing your process. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing your experiences and the importance of connection ❤

[@amirawahby2912]

True friends are very important. My best friends are those from school. We've been friends for 80 years. When we meet we are very happy and behave as if time stood still and we are still in school❤

[@Appleloucious]

One Love! Always forward, never ever backward!! ☀️☀️☀️ 💚💛❤️ 🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼

[@petejones5016]

The camera captured it ALL! 🙌🔥👌 What a beautiful conversation. It left me in love with you both and feeling deeply connected to you through your kind and gracious messages. Thank you! Please keep doing YOU. This world is better because you two are in it! 🥰🙏

[@stealthangel4402]

This gave me a totally different perspective on my current view of friendship, and has illuminated a lot of points from the other side that i previously had never understood or even thought about. Thank you both for sharing your wisdom.

[@upendasana7857]

I don't know why more people can't just be more direct with their friends and just say what they think and feel,not to hurt them or accuse or make feel guilty or judge but if you are unhappy with a friend but value them enough then talk to them about what might be bothering you,don't just ghost them or gossip behind their back or allow resentment to build. We need to learn to be much more direct and honest in our communications.I have had as intense communications with froends as I have any family members or lovers/partners.Friends really matter and can make a hige difference in our lives if we are able to enjoy happy and healthy friendships.I'd rather have good friends then just one partner in some insular relationship with no other friends around which alot of people tend to have. I agree we need different categories though and we often expect either too much or do not set healthy boundaries but then we live ina society where our relational intelligence is not encouraged and where our social relationships often are not valued.We are often starved also of relationship in this culture so many people are hungry for connection and to feel safely connected so it can become very emotionally charged as so many feel isolated and alone and without community or family support,no wonder friendships are often so fragile or fraught.

[@M.Y.N.D.E]

❤ The part about Guilt 😊 Thank you for the deep logic!

[@slavenanikolova6260]

Beautiful podcast, I'm so grateful 🙏 that you both show up so authecally in front of cameras and are creating such a soulful connection and conversation (exactly what two introverts do best 1- to -1), that made me reflect on my closest friendships... it is so true that friendships are not defined by the time we spend together, gender, background, age etc. or the things we do or not do in each other's company, but by the quality and depth of connection... I have noticed through the years that our inner body intuition is a great guide for that as we all need a person who is a safe base for us, someone who has the capacity to accept us just the way we are and speak to us openly with Love even about the things we may not want to face or not ready to hear, but it is so helpful and supportive to receive that message from someone who cares with love... It may sound funny but my intuitional wisdom had shown me that if I am able to fall asleep in the presence of such person (even if it is for only 2mins after a tyring day/week), my body intuition knows that it is a safe place to do so. Allowing myself to fall asleep eventough I may be embarrassed after opening my eyes and feeling very apologetic for doing it; seeing that face with an accepting smile, loving eyes and understanding that I needed and was comfortable enough to rest and replenish in their presence is the ultimate measure for me for a true friendship, as I know my body will never allow me to sleep in any presence that is less than safe, no matter how exhausted I might be... I'm very blessed to have a couple of those friendships, where both sides are always eager, exited and grateful to be able to make the time to see each other and reconnect irrespective of time and distance... Those are the friendships that make me feel alive and keep wanting me to catch up again and again always happy to create the space for each other whenever possible. No expectations or imposed hidden demands...

[@sabinagal9953]

Thank you both for this illuminating conversation.

[@susannahwilliams5568]

I amazing wondering if you

[@annelisescoates3854]

I am 80 Jeasrs old and hope both. Of you will rethink your Way of thinking about your Friends and Friendships in general.The older you get in Life you Need for the Tipe of Friends will change.

[@pq2667]

“Hi I’m Emma, and I feel connected” :) Thank you both, very relatable…..Mo’s a scary smart rock star, mm! Luv Peter (not one of the ‘97’)

[@annelisescoates3854]

The thing I hear loud and clear from both of you is your Ego.

[@a.krishna3924]

???

[@ahmedaboelela4894]

I got some ideas from the show. Really good talk. Just a side note, would you please fix the echo in your studio? Thanks

[@annelisescoates3854]

I wonder how you feel about People who don't feel comfortable with you.

[@veronikalambert6416]

😅thanks so very much for your honest words. What about relationships with our grownup children, who for me are older than you, Elizabeth. Each time I spend some days with one of my daughters, I feel exhausted and bad for days😊😢. I only see her 1 or twice a year. How to deal with that ???

[@LAKitchen]

I don't think "always there if you need me" is possible or appropriate with people we have decided are not worth the investment of time. Family included. We could and usually do have closer connections to friends than those who are related through genetic lottery.

[@user-gx5pg5ri3e]

Elizabeth Day And Mo Gawdat. To people put in a situation. Meta clear. Game over. Maybe im here or ? I dont think you can show that can you. Sorry. The book was touched on.

[@Lila-he3ts]

Why did it make me feel uncomfotable for her, when he just shut her down with her passion for the house wives?