Dating Over 50: How to BEST Answer Tough First Date Questions About Your Relationship History!

[@magsteel9891]

Most recent first date at a restaurant I was asked "so what are you looking for?" I said: a nice meal with good company.

[@2ndActTV]

Great answer! :-)

[@DougHardy541]

Cheeky answer. Definitely an answer that tests the sense of humor of your date.

[@jcnlaw]

Great video! I have so many great first date stories! When I was dating, I always went in with an open mind, an upbeat attitude, kind spirit, and a sense of humor. First dates are a chemistry test. Period. If there was no chemistry, that was fine. No second date. If there is great chemistry, then you may want to find out more about this potential romantic partner on the first meetup, without being intrusive. Relax. Enjoy the process. Be kind. Be an interested listener. Meet some terrific people along the way. The more women I met, the more I understood what I didn’t want and what I did want. Bottom line: get out there and meet people face to face. Keep it short and simple. Listen to your gut.

[@2ndActTV]

Great advice Jonathan, thanks for your comment!!

[@greg33770]

Thanks Jonathan....I agree with everything you said.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Good advise with a wonderful attitude! Thanks!

[@metoor6036]

You just took the words out of my mouth!!!!! I’ve been healing and working on myself after 27 year Marriage!!!! It’s time NOW for me after 31/2 years taking care of ME MYSELF and I!!!! I wouldn’t wanted ANYONE to take ALL MY BROKEN CRUSHED DAMAGED TRASH and SELF CONFIDENCE UP !!!! THANKYOU 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 for sharing this message!!!!!

[@janetkirsten6233]

Love Silke's topics and resolve. As a qualified language specialist on relationship construct, I have strong advice which is. DO NOT TEXT.. at all, for first 3 months. Don't text, email, send cute photos, just DON'T. I have researched this for 20 years and know my stuff. Also avoid serial daters, they have not worked out why they break up every year and are lining you up for the next. Also, I do not buy the " drifting apart " saga. Couples do not drift apart. There's a cause behind the drift. Love Sandy's work

[@monicaDD]

Thanks for the reminder about letting someone earn my trust. I’ve found myself “bullied” into answering very personal questions

[@2ndActTV]

It is amazing what some people will ask! Thanks for watching Monica!

[@GwenMotoGirl]

Sandy is amazing! Her contrasting answers explaining what to say or do and what not to say or do are so helpful. These are tips that I can implement as I’m getting back out there. Another great episode. Silke, you and Joni laughing together in the intro brightens my moment. I always laugh with you.

[@2ndActTV]

I agree, Sandy is amazing! And I like that little clip of Joni and I as well, glad it makes you laugh too! :-)

[@jcnlaw]

Personally, I really like the guy in the first part of the intro with the pretty blonde woman dancing in the background. Just my opinion. ;)

[@Wildevis]

One thing I have learned , is that I will never know everything and still have a lot to learn and change and there is always room for growth and improvement, we just need to be open minded and willing. Yea there can be tricky and uncomfortable questions and no matter how prepared you are, there is always a question that floors you a bit. I know my ex asked me when I lost my virginity, goodness what does it matter, I obviously did lose it as I was married and have 2 children, but what a stupid question to ask (imho) as that was in the previous century, who cares as it's not important now and does not change or define who you are!!

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Erika, I totally agree! That would completely turn me off if someone asked me that on a first or early date! It does not matter, especially at our age!

[@AlexBenson-yt4cs]

Hello

[@julialednicky7542]

This lady is so sharp with excellent suggestions. Thank you for having Sandy on.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Julia, yes Sandy is great and has been a recurring guest since we started this channel! :-)

[@maggiew7293]

Sandy is one of my favorite guests. I agree with you, Silke, that some people have a rude way of interrogating about our past. I met a guy that had a list of 121 qualifying questions that he wanted to ask me after spending 30 minutes lecturing me about his political beliefs. I love the advice to focus on what we have learned...brilliant. Thank you.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Maggie, and OMG - I couldn't even imagine sitting through that! Bless you😂.

[@joerockhead7246]

Thanks Silke, & Sandy. I've been on first dates that seemed more like interrogations.

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Joe, thanks for watching! Yes, hear a lot of complaints about interrogations! 😊

[@bernardzsikla5640]

The questions that are most important to me is, how long since your marriage? (I really, really prefer divorced women) How long was it? how long since your last relationship? and the biggie, what is your definition of a relationship? I have a very specific definition of what a meaningful relationship and its not once a week; First dinner, a movie, then *dessert* There is a lot of what I consider is relationship inflation, and I was guilty of that, and it is important to me that the woman has a certain level of self awareness and honesty to herself. Frankly, I don't expect complete transparency on the first date, but a hint of self reflection and self awareness is very important to me.

[@2ndActTV]

Self reflection and self awareness is huge, I agree! And I believe that can be ascertained without asking/or divulging deeply personal information on a first date. Thanks Bernard!

[@lizanneward1484]

Good podcast and yes, so important to have done the work on yourself. One puzzling thing is that men will make a comment to me about my being attractive but why am I still on here or coming back after a gap? It feels like a sexist comment in that if I’m attractive, I must have had dates because men would have wanted to date me so what’s wrong with me that I’m still on online dating?

[@2ndActTV]

Yes Lizanne, that's always such a "back handed" compliment! Like, "why is someone like you not married?" It's amazing how often questions/statements like that are made!

[@andresherrera4158]

When the subject of "why didn't it work out between the two of you?", I usually say that there are three versions to the same story: her version, my version and then there's the truth. The truth is the hardest to even know ourselves because we have a tendency to lie to ourselves when the truth pains us in some way, so our need to feel what we feel and feel that we're not wrong for feeling that way can, and usually does, make us gaslight ourselves into a alternate reality. Sometimes we don't recognize our own weaknesses or wrongs even when the rest of the world sees it crystal clear. My Ex-to-be once said to me in what I called a (moment of clarity), "I don't want to be wrong, I can't be wrong, it hurts too much!" and shed some tears, the only tears I saw in 12 years; then the moment was gone and I never saw her vulnerable self again. I can relate, but that approach removes every chance to change and evolve. Good luck in your next journey everyone and let's bring our guards down, but not our swords.

[@DougHardy541]

Sandy makes answering these tough questions seem easy-like calm waters. The “reasons” for your divorce/end-of-relationship question seems tricky, because of in the words of Obi Wan Kenobi, they “depend greatly on our own point of view”.

[@2ndActTV]

Yes, great point! And "your point of view" is what "you" can control and work on!

[@sandrablake2362]

Here’s a 78 year mature WOMAN who is from the OLD SCHOOL. I ve come to understand that the same types of people that we dated or knew in our younger years ARE STILL OUT THERE IN OUR OLDER YEARS👏👍🏻👊🏻🥰! It’s a matter of values and preferences and boundaries ect. Or, go with the flow of the KNEW DATING STYLE/STYLES😱? I appreciate learning new things and being flexible or make changes to make things more harmonious, but not at a danger to my sanity health or life! I want to feel safe protected respected valued, all those positive emotions and feelings I have. But I also know how to be RECIPROCAL WITH THE GIVER. 👊🏻! AINT NUTN BUT LIFE SO JUST LIVE IT AT YOUR PACE AND WITH LIVE N RESPECT FOR OTHERS. EVEN IF YOU CANT VIBE WITH ANOTHER IN THE WAY YIU DESIRE THEN JUST WISH THEM WELL N MOVE ON😉. Life is TOO SHORT TO STRESS N WORRY 🤩👏🙏🏼

[@richardpauly1635]

I agree what she said great information

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Richard!

[@mypov4343]

Taking responsibility for your past and having a growth mindset is what it's all about. Once you have that it will increase your chances of finding somebody like that!

[@2ndActTV]

YES!!

[@paulshinn5394]

Good solid info not what you but how you say it

[@csstudio3648]

This was great information. I really needed to hear this. Thank you!

[@2ndActTV]

So glad, thanks for letting us know!

[@sylvesternjunda2337]

thanks to hear I am around you so that you can get it

[@sylvesternjunda2337]

so please did you have a question for me??

[@eddy2561]

I swear not making this up! A couple of years ago on a first date the lady was peppering me with questions and she grabbed a napkin and started taking notes!! Another lovely lass wanted to know my "secrets" ... Best advice I've ever received was from my 30-year-old son: Dad, shut the f**k up on a date and like Dr John Gray writes in all his books, the woman should do most of the talking. ;)

[@2ndActTV]

That’s so funny, I remember you mentioning that before! Perfect for this video, and thumbs up 👍 for your son’s advice! 😀

[@eddy2561]

@@2ndActTV Thanks Silke.. two weeks ago my son married the lady he met on Match, a very smart and beautiful women from Scotland. /eddy

[@2ndActTV]

@@eddy2561 That's terrific!! Congratulations Eddy!

[@stewartmckay9830]

It's good to see all you older ladies wanting to take the bus to pond town 😀 God help us old guys

[@MyFrankieee]

I love this answer how long have you been single ? Longer than I’ve been double ❤brilliant 😊

[@conniesybert2704]

Thank you for all the insight!! Here is my question, I have been a widow for 20 yrs. I have not ever been asked to marry again. I hesitate to tell a new man in my life this number because I have had so many bad facial reactions and/or rude hurtful comments. I usually just say it has been a long time and I have healed and I am ready for new love. How can I address them if they press me for the number without coming off rude (because that is not my way)?

[@Goldenhour24]

Best answers for a date? If I wanted to be prepared for an interview, I’d apply for a job

[@chrisduhaime5689]

It's tuff uncharted territory. More importantly what you don't want . MARRIAGE is not an option. Not getting burned . No lawyer's!/ Control freak/ personality disorders / DR jackal MR HYDE / who's really hear by the 3 rd drink. / not interested in being judge by other stereo types. Looks like 8 out of 10 are out the door!. At best a agreeable [ Boyfriend Girl friend ] with some understandable boundaries . Be faithful to each other. Leve the past the past . After 50/ 60 There's not much time left.

[@lauriepeifer7297]

On a recent date the subject of the app we met on came up. I stated this particular one has been interesting because it's 90% plus all young guys hitting me up. Pretty much all 20's. (I'm 56) He immediately responds with "so, what's the youngest guy you've been with?" Say what??? 👀🤦‍♀️

[@shellshelly5552]

I really enjoy 2nd Act and this combo of these two great women. However, I personally disagree with the question, “if your ex was here now, what would they say ended the relationship?” I definitely get the point, however, if you were married to a controlling narcissist, you could not know the answer.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Shelly! And I would "blanket remove" any advice if it pertains to a "controlling narcissist. There is no resolving those kinds of situations, just get out! Thanks for watching!

[@snörre23]

I would not reply to any of those, thats not a job interview.

[@mirola73]

Why did you get divorced ? No woman should ask me that question as they simply won't believe the lengthy answer they'll get.

[@joncrane88]

I think i want sandy She is awesome

[@videoettaceo8900]

No one EVER "plays a part" in their own abuse. EVER. EVER. EVER. What is the responsibility the abuse victim has "to do better???"

[@nighthawk20011]

How do you bring up suicide? I know not right away, but I do a lot of volunteer work and serve on the board for the AFSP. I've never had a long term relationship, but think that had suicide not come into the picture I would have had a long term relationship.

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Jason, I'm not sure I exactly understand your question. Do you mean if someone has tried to commit suicide, when should they bring that up to a new partner? If so, in my opinion, that is down the road, and would not be until you know you are in a committed, loving relationship ... if ever, that's very heavy for someone else to understand. This is really not my area of expertise in any way, as someone who volunteers for AFSP, what do you think? Very interesting question!

[@woodliceworm4565]

Modern dating feels like ... Bring out the comfy Chair because no one expects a Spanish Inquisition. Look into the bright lights - because work site light units with LEDs are cheap these days, drink some wine (19 crimes hard chard ) and fit the lie detector on then start your dating interrogation. Tips - Never tell where the bodies are buried and there are many ways to make the ankle bracelet look like jewellery put those court documents away first and also don't discuss visiting hours on a first date As Silke stated we are all broken or damaged. Think of it this way in all the myths and stories of adventure many monsters and harmful entities are encountered many cause harm some provide help however the legacy of the journey is the achievement of adventure and the gaining of wisdom, such a lived life is not free from damage and that damage can pop up at unexpected times esp anything DV or trauma related. Every one of us has made errors and been impacted and a lot have taken the fall from narcs and others - here's the rub - if you are one of the good guys you can sense it right off the bat in others, A nod is as good as words when you see it. I respect the advice because those questions can come at you from the outfield and it pays to be forearmed, it comes down to who you're talking to and their personality - when comfortable the talk will flow, if the claxon goes off it is unwise to say too much. Also on a first date, listening is a better choice IMHO. If the Fates decide that it is to be so the pasts will reveal themselves although I suspect in unspoken ways first.

[@2ndActTV]

Love it! You have such a way with analogies that nobody else would think of - I keep coming back to "that blog" or "podcast" you need to do! And BTW, when I said "we are all broken and damaged" I didn't mean me 🤣😂🤗 JK

[@woodliceworm4565]

@@2ndActTV I am not sure broken and damaged really represent the concept no one wants broken things. It's more like going into the cave to take on Smaug, losing and coming out a bit scorched - wiser a lil annoyed and more experienced in dragon fighting. (been there broke my Sword, got the tee shirt, carried on).

[@PerfectInterview]

So if you’re just giving pre-planned, rehearsed answers to these questions it’s really just a job interview. Not much chance of actually getting to know one another, which is the purpose of the date.

[@2ndActTV]

Getting to know someone is the ultimate goal, but you have to get through the first date first! Often, on first dates, people are thrown by questions that can bring up self-sabotaging responses, especially when talking about "divorce". So it's good to be prepared for "typical" questions. This is really all about the first date, once you determine you want to see each other again, the deeper conversations start. As Sandy said, "it's like peeling an onion". Thanks for watching John!

[@joedonlewis9820]

Ugh if I have to talk like this I don't have a prayer. Is anybody trying to come together and get it on?

[@robertvarner9519]

Just give name, rank and serial number.

[@2ndActTV]

LOL, I guess that happens based on some of the comments we get! 😊

[@woodliceworm4565]

No no What do you earn? what do you do for a job?GP1 - is that your car? (yes)GP2 is it a work vehicle? (no I drive it all the time) how much do you earn? Gp3 - GP Ghost Point. - Point of potential ghosting

[@EleazarRivera-r3c]

Sandy ur amZing. Women

[@martinsaunders7925]

Well ,that didn't work,try again. Don't expect an honest answer from a woman unless she's your sister or a woman of negotiable affections. Don't answer your father's question about his new choice of stepmother is suitable. Tell him you're not going to call her mom,especially if she's younger than you.

[@patlerette5516]

You are allowed to not answer questions. If someone has no sensitivity then move on.

[@2ndActTV]

Agreed! Thanks for your comment!

[@rosswardrop465]

Stay single.i rather have my car.

[@Gary-lj7pi]

Not this way 4 men .. So i kidda call bs ..

[@martinsaunders7925]

Firstly,don't expect an honest answer from a woman unless she a woman of negotiable affections,or your sister. Secondly,it's not a sons place to decide if his father's choice of a stepmother is good no matter if she is younger. Just don't expect the son to address her as mother.

[@jcool4358]

Try: are those your real teeth? Or, are you chewing gum?

[@woodliceworm4565]

some of them