3 Keys to Breaking Away from Family Dysfunction

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@Travelerofthesouth]

This whole thing sums my whole family up.

[@kirasussane1556]

I think one of the most difficulty things is to put limits but not react to family dysfunctional patterns. At the beginning it may seem that if you don't react you're allowing yourself to be abuse but there's a difference between putting limits,allowing abuse and falling into the same patterns.

[@user-kz3gk1tp7z]

Since I was born I was told to be against myself for just being me and I became so good at it I thought there was something really wrong with me. Now I'm learning how to respect myself although I can't deny I'm having very tough times. This information is gold. Thank you!

[@amberfuchs398]

They programmed us to fear being our Self, bc being our Self meant getting abused into compliance. No contact helps bc then you're no longer getting the external abuse and can finally deal with undoing their programming. That's the Self differentiation Jerry talks about. We grow past the old toxic programming and become our Self. I'm allowed to be my Self and they're allowed to have all their feelings about it very far away from me.

[@rochellecaffee1417]

I feel angry about the lying that they did to me.

[@USAcit]

Happy Thanksgiving!! May God sprinkle tons of blessings your way for all you do to help others.

[@jerrywise]

Happy thanksgiving!

[@carolinelevene8898]

Thank you for your wisdom Jerry ! After 40 years of therapy I can honestly say that the last two years of knowing you have shown me to go on another path to which I am forever grateful .. Thank you … keep on with your amazing videos .

[@ninanam7924]

authentic pearls

[@edgreen8140]

Your mention of the supercell vs. functioning individually is wonderful.

[@jerrywise]

Im glad it resonated Ed

[@Rob9mm]

pseudo self

[@user-vi3sz3fg2r]

@@Rob9mm Super self

[@kareemmohammed5270]

amazing insight, much appreciated as always Jerry.

[@sv8156]

I so desperately needed this! Thank you very much indeed!

[@jerrywise]

You are very very welcome!

[@elisabethfung658]

Thanks for this video, Jerry. It really helped me to see what keeps me tied to the dysfunction in my family of origin. Anxiety!

[@shelleybain705]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@dhuhaal243]

Big thanks from Kuwait 🙏🏼.

[@karenishness1]

Have a great holiday, you wonderful, decent, kind, sweet, good, sane man.

[@judybrown5581]

Thank you Jerry.

[@jerrywise]

You’re very welcome!

[@adrianadelassereed]

Hello,Jerry!!! Thank you so much for these videos!!! They keep getting better and better every time. I wish I had this information 30 or 40 years ago. I am extremely anxious to watch your next video!!!

[@rochellecaffee1417]

The problem is that, because i am targeted by people with money, i can not get away from them.

[@Emile-philia]

Excellent video, Jerry. Thanks.

[@jerrywise]

I’m glad it was helpful Emil!

[@wendylee3928]

Very timely topic, Jerry! Great to get support, your videos are supportive and validating. Thank you!

[@singingheartjewelry]

Thank you so much Jerry. I can't tell you how many times you've helped me - and I mean in a seriously big way.

[@KastenBuleleng]

Many many thanks Jerry. You are my go-to on my journey to being a better and healthier me. GBU. Regards from NZ.

[@theliftingchiro]

I greatly appreciate your work. You have helped me tremendously Jerry. Your knowledge far surpasses any other expert on this topic.

[@eluz8856]

Thank you for this video!

[@Fullspeed18]

Indeed, that's the point, do I truly share the same vision of life that my mother has? Not at all. I wanna enjoy life, I don't wanna cry. Do I believe shaming, guilting and controlling is the right way to treat people? Not at all. My Mot is live and let live. As long as nobody annoys me, I don't cause damage to anybody. I see things, life and relationship completely differently from my mother. As simple as that!

[@Misskundalini444]

Wow you propped up on my timeline just in time . God bless you ! And thanks 😊

[@jerrywise]

Glad to know that my video came on time. Thanks for your kindness. You are very welcome

[@Misskundalini444]

Hey Jerry , do you offer any resources like sessions ? I’m still in the grieving process and I can’t help but see myself in the lenses of them discrediting and invalidating my experiences . It’s really effected my self esteem and my adults relationships as I’m trying to actually be myself and have a life. Your videos really resonate with me especially the one mentioning the ways we chose to protect ourselves as a child through dissociation. I realize I’ve been dissociated my whole like life stripped of the opportunity to love and appreciate myself in a safe space . Anything that wasn’t validating them as “wonderful parents” and their need to always be right almost in a competitive way towards me as child . I’m 28 and I honestly find myself living in this scared child like state ruled by shame that was placed on me and attached to my identity.

[@Donken98A]

I want you to understand that your feelings are validated. Watch more videos on KZbin from other narcissistic recovery coach, and you will resonate. Be safe

[@sensitiveself]

Jerry, your videos just keep getting better and better!

[@jerrywise]

Thank you Frances, I’m glad my videos are helping you❤️

[@bob7023]

Thank you!!!

[@jerrywise]

You’re very welcome Bob!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you for great advice.

[@grantsanders3620]

Thank you Jerry for your insights with family dysfunction. I appreciate all of the material on your channel, and have a question: What is the best response to a difficult family member who asks why I never reply to emails?

[@adrianaalvaradorodriguez6454]

Hahaha, my brother used to ask me that same question and tried to ashame, before I went no contact with all those whackos. I recall answering something along these lines "I just don't have the habbit." It really worked for me but it's been the very best to just walk away, now that's a nice and great answer to all of their questions.

[@rochellecaffee1417]

I don’t learn THAT WAY. By “data” transferred to tangibles. I and all human beings learn by an EXAMPLE of healthy behavior. That is the POINT of PARENTS. Jerry, i wish you could live in MY SHOES.

[@lambchop6278]

Thank you for yet another excellent video. The advice about detaching within is excellent. Today showed me that I have more work to do here. I find watching fictional characters act out codependent or Narcissistic behaviour to be illuminating. For example, the behaviour of characters in "Everybody Loves Raymond" TV series (my parents remind me somewhat of the parents of the character, Amy, in their rigidity and controlling anxiousness). And, this video talks about narcissism and Codependency in two main characters on 'South Park', the adult cartoon: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f5DUdp6QnJ1seq8. For me, watching dynamics with the Codependent 'Butters' character has helped a bit. Specifically seeing how he is surrounded by abusive people. Seeing how much of a hyper critical bully his father is, reminds me of how my own parents act towards me. Also, the Narcissistic character, Eric Cartman, loves to prey on Butters, because Butters was moulded to be overly self effacing and overly 'good' by his hyper critical, power abusing parents. ....I am coming to grips lately with how negative and controlling my parents are. How nitpicky, and inclined to try to make me feel bad about my self, especially if I dare to act in a more gregarious, confident manner. I suspect that they are much more unhealthy than I can effectively realise. My parents are totally undependable in judging whether I am being "too selfish", as the two of them are locked in a Codependent/Narcissist outlook on life; even my mother who is the Codependent half of their dynamic, is still distorted in her judgements and I believe tries to keep me in a subservient psychological role and doubting of my power. It's actually quite abusive. The subtle or at least the way that this is all presented as if it is totally NORMAL, is the worst part. And the most abusive part. I despise how my parents effectively prey on my self confidence and use me to power trip, and how it's impacted me, whilst my two siblings seem to have escaped this treatment. I don't know why. But it is part of the abuse. And part of being trained to see my self as powerless and less than. EDIT: I also wanted to add a question... If one is and has been quite Codependent, and has been slowly getting out of this, but comes up against criticism from one's family, that is along the lines that one is "shamefully selfish" .In the past, such heavy critism from my family deeply affected me, and saw me become even more intensely Codependent and self abandoning. And I've come up against some vicious behaviour from Narcissists who hated when I started to get confidence in my self, and they resorted to a smear campaign so as to punish me. My father has acted in a similar way when I later also got strong in being finally able to not take to heart his verbal abuse directed at me (he actually almost became violent). ...And here we are again, with what would seem like a similar scenario. And again, I am in in ...in the box, as you say... And it is a little difficult to know for sure that my perception is correct (or at least more accurate) and that of my parents' is just the power tripping of their usual toxic pattern. ...One thing I know I HATE, is how touchy and quick to jump on, people in my family are when it comes to traits that they actually have no right whatsoever to be critical of in someone else. What I mean is, I am so tired of being stuck within their system and subjected to their hyper criticism, as opposed to being immersed among relatively healthy people who give a more accurate assessment of who I indeed am. I think that one does 'The Pendulum Life' as you describe elsewhere... swinging from trying to be assertive but tending to do so clumsily, back to being passively self abandoning and Codependent, because usually one is stuck in relationships with people who continually reinforce a distorted perspective about true assertive behaviour, because they themselves are dysfunctional, but convinced that they are normal and that it's you who has all the fault. It really is quite a fight to break out from under all of this brainwashing.

[@Goldenheart2911]

Jerry I seriously can't imagine where I would be on my healing without the knowledge and understanding I have received from your videos. Anxiety is the glue.🤯 Unbelievable.💯🎯 This video resonated with me 💯. These examples could be taken straight from my extended family childhood, toxic narc marriage and with the narc family rules and the codependent family systems rules with my own children. I can't even believe how many puzzle pieces came crashing into place while watching this video.🧩 One of the hardest things I am grappling with now Jerry is through my healing and my childrens' healing we have become so different that it is like an outsider looking in. I try to have patience and empathy for all of the codependency and family systems rules that are still going on without me, but it is very difficult and it can sometimes feel like an out of body experience if that makes any sense. I just have such a low tolerance for it now and I either walk away or get off the phone, not because I want to, but it becomes a necessity to preserve my peace. This is not even just with family, it's with work, friends and parents of my kids friends. It's like so many of the people we know are all in this dysfunctional bubble that we have somehow escaped from without it popping and setting everyone else free. I keep reminding myself this is my choice to become awakened and aware and to heal. I know it's not my job or responsibility to bring this awareness to those who honestly I don't think could even handle it or want to acknowledge that there is an issue. I see them struggling with how much we have changed and their fear is really real to them; which I understand because it was always real to me. It took a lot for me to release that fear and to trust that the world isn't as scary of a place as I always thought it was. Letting go of those beliefs has helped me tremendously as a mom and has allowed me to give my children the freedom and independence that they deserve and desire. They went from having no friends and being home on Xbox to becoming social butterflies and really enjoying and experiencing life at an age appropriate level like they should be. I'm staying strong and it is an inner battle to not let that fear creep back in. The ripple effects of my recovery and healing are spreading throughout my family and friends and I do notice improvement which is a blessing. This whole idea of pinging will be my new area of focus, because it definitely applies. Thank you for the journaling suggestion. I think that will really help.💛 Jerry wishing you and your family a happy, healthy and blessed Thanksgiving. I appreciate you so much and I'm so grateful from all I have learned and continue to learn from you over this past year.🍂🦃🫶 God bless 🌏🕊️💪✨

[@godzillamanstreb524]

I’m so thankful for you Jerry🍁🤍🧡….this is so good☺️…..never could express anger ….so happy I’ve changed that for my own family