3 Keys to Healing from the Scapegoat Child - Webinar

[@fugitivecolours998]

The idea of saying to my inner child "you can live with me now" just made me bawl (in a good way).

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Awwwww 🥰🥰🥰🥹

[@DevonExplorer]

Yes, me too. I can hardly see for typing as my eyes are still full, lol. :)

[@nikstar1313]

Oh my gosh! I just googled my childhood plush toy and burst into tears! Woah.. thank you ❤ I have had pics of me at 3 and 11 on my phone screens for a while too. I never noticed how scared and helpless I look. Inner child work is challenging. Sometimes when I can’t connect with her I pretend I have a foster child that I am looking after. It seems to help. Thanks sooo much again Mary 😊

[@mrskmonster]

I developed severe scoliosis as a child and I absolutely believe it resulted from my unbearable place in my family and therefore the world.

[@Bronte866]

Yes. I have a painful chronic illness that I know was caused by their abuse. Science is finally catching on to what we always knew.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I laughed out loud when you were talking about going no contact with your family, and how they responded by throwing their toys out of the pram. Thank you because I needed that.

[@ScottishLass1]

Hello Mary, I am sitting here sobbing again after being a scapegoat for 66 years. It was your piece on The Inner Child that triggered me. Kaye.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

sending love

[@sll110]

me too, totally same

[@sll110]

@@scapegoatchildrecovery Thank you so much for creating thid healing community

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

💚

[@krisluvsutube2684]

Your videos are very good. Thanks.

[@AldaJónsdóttir-u6z]

OMG . This is " the missing limk " I love this so much. Thamke you 💕💕

[@BarbzSA]

Thank you for your videos. It's taken me 10 years of therapy to really realize that I was definitely the scapegoat in both my families: mum and older brother and then with stepmother, Dad and younger brothers.. Patrick Teahan also has very good videos about childhood trauma.

[@user-kz3gk1tp7z]

One of the self-awareness vídeo I've ever watched as a scape goat. I'm starting to open my eyes not as fast I would like but secure... I wish I had this valuable information earlier in my life, but it is what it is I suppose everybody has their own timing. Thank you so much

[@kellygarland1624]

Love your videos Mary. I'm also the family scapegoat very painful situation no one gets it unless you've lived it yourself......

[@24JJ821]

My situation is slightly different in that my adopted twin, and I were targeted as being too sensitive and my twin who has advanced stages of MS is constantly smeared to myself and my siblings. The biological child is the golden child and the flying monkey. The other members are the enablers. I finally took a step back as my mental health was suffering from hearing so much trashing of my twin and them trying to triangulate me against her. Now I'm the family scapegoat, so much of the negative energy that was placed upon my twin has now shifted onto me, mostly with tactics such as the silent treatment, smear campaigning, and gaslighting. I hope they keep it on me and not her. Your videos are helping me to heal now so I thank you Mary for your amazing virtual support and validation through these videos.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

aww thank you and thank you for sharing some of your story - it's heartbreaking - especially when you say - i hope they keep abusing me and not her. 😰. Yes - there are NO loyalties in dysfunctional families, roles can change on a whim according to the needs of the elders/ authority figures, it's all so insane, toxic, messed up, mind boggling.

[@24JJ821]

@@scapegoatchildrecovery So true Mary, the meanness and bullying in place of empathy and compassion is apsolutely mind boggling. Being scapegoated feels healthier than enabling the abuse, as long as I keep a distance.

[@freedomwarrior5087]

Hopefully you can be there for your sister and limit or go no contact with the rest.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

JJ that is just terrible. You sound like a very strong and decent person. Compassion to you and your twin.

[@sll110]

every word, you are talking about me, deeply appreciated... 😘😘😘😘I look at you as my spiritual sister.. God blessing....😘😘😘👍👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Thank you 🌺

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

My brother killed himself and even after that there is zero improvement. Big family lots of them look good on the outside. Also a very destructive sibling- now - uses “ depression” it is a manipulative stance- I say with absolute respect to those who have mental health struggles, myself included. Also the enabling parent gets away with so much.

[@metteroansyvertsen3728]

Lifesaving❤️🙏❤️

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Awww happy to help 🥰

[@taylorpresley4604]

I think being the family scapegoat sets us up to be scapegoats in the world. How can we stop this, is it a sign of unhealed wounds?

[@A.S.Harfenklang]

💗💗💗 Thank you! So many details and experiences... well thought through and structured and presented in a caring and lovely 💗💗💗 way. Many traits hold true for different kinds of traumata, I think that being the scapegoat in some respects is part of many other traumata, too. Thank you and greetings 💗💗💗 from Germany

[@Sippamanicola]

Thank you thank you a million times over ❤ I can’t put into words the HOPE you have given me in validating the full spectrum of experiences growing up as a child as well as barely escaping this family cult as an adult at 51. Thank you for choosing to share with us Your comprehensive insight into this challenging situation. This is a major step forward for individuals experiencing being scapegoated as a child and as an adult. I feel so grateful❤️

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

You’re very welcome Catherine. I’m delighted 😃 it’s so helpful for you 🎉🌺

[@carolyngartner6865]

Excellent presentation! I would like a video on how to cope without family support once you have gone no contact. I am single and without children and find that this causes me a lot of anxiety.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Thank you Carolyn, I'll make a note of your suggestion and add it to my list of videos to record - thank you.

[@Vivley93]

I would like to know the same as I’m currently going through this exact situation

[@freedomwarrior5087]

Work on healing while limiting contact. If you can handle contact this will give you good practice.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

My support now comes from within. My family was causing great harm to my peace and well being. Good riddance mean family!!

[@CICKXZY]

I got involved in community work , church , got a new job .neighbours, friends ( that are aligned ) they are all my family now

[@Karen-uw3de]

Hi Mary! Thank you so much for presenting this education for us. You are the second expert I have found on this subject in the last week. Excellent work. So needed.

[@CICKXZY]

My dominant narc sister cried her eyes out & hugged me to get me back when I escaped to America

[@nancyginsberg1566]

Being the scapegoat, my toxic family has managed to be such a dominant & convincing force in my daughters life, (who is now 35), that she treats me like the child with no respect (similar to how my mother treats me) and has minimal contact. I have gone almost no contact and my mental health is so much more healthier. I guess the baton was passed on to her. Would love for you to address that area sometime. Thank u so much for being so specific on the traits of the scapegoat. Things make so much more sense to me now at 58. Love your videos. So happy I found you.

[@minguelina2501]

Yes is True!! Tread your innerchild good !! Is gonne help to make here att peacs and give here all the love ,she have not recevi !! I try now to speak to my innerchild almost everday !! As little child I had allot fear ° the fear show up when I get trigger !! That is wy I am speking to hear is a must!! Thank ypu for you info 1✨️🎀🤗

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

well done, sounds like you're doing amazing work there with your inner child.

[@robertadimatteo4858]

Hi Mary, You always say to stop when you feel your nervous system acting up I can't seem to stop listening even though it feels like open wounds that have to be healed. My question to you is how do you cope with life when you have no one that you can trust I'm 60 years old now and I wanted to make a will I don't even know who can execute it because of trust issues? And to make this even more complicated and more traumatic my 32-year-old son joined in on the scapegoat abuse since he was little with the coaching from my bullying narcissistic parents

[@kellygarland1624]

This is my life everything you say is what I've lived...totally makes sensexx

[@stevensvideosonyoutube]

Thanks for identifying with that sort of thing.

[@annia474]

thank you, the first years of life Iived with my gran, at the age of 7 my mother took me violently away with her

[@lizkeyser1540]

Thank you so much! I hung on to every word.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

awww so wonderful to hear, thank you Liz, glad it was helpful to you.

[@divaextraordinary]

STOP:You cannot fix people. Focus on creating a very content, joyful, productive and positive life for yourself. Time away from concerning yourself with these losers. In the process you must put a distance from them, and cut off complete contact if you must. You are spending too much time, energy and effort thinking about them (the ones scapegoating you) and worrying about yourself. STOP IT NOW, TODAY, THIS MINUTE!!! START NOW to build your new joyful chapter, the greatest part of your life from now on. Now THAT IS HEALING!!! 🎉😊👌👏👑 Time away fr

[@kitsmith693]

Great channel

[@kamcdermetmcdermet8256]

This is so EXCELLENT!!!!

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Thank you so much - delighted to hear you found value with it.

[@elenlowen8364]

I've listened to other certified professionals addressing scapegoating, but non do it as well as you...thank you, thank you and thank you for your work!

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

Thank you so much, I appreciate the feedback ☺️

[@chilloften]

It’s so hurtful though to not have that good fallback on support. It’s so weird & it’s painful to describe. I need a better story to tell others, because I kind of freeze when asked anything near my family or my work.

[@windsofchange31]

@chilloften~Just something I learned over the yrs.... re: being asked about family. You never have to explain nor justify, ever. You can just say calmly: " oh we are not close" and let it be. If anyone attempts to pry w/your given answer, that is a red flag, they are narcing you. Look 'em in the eyes (if you can mange that) and just smile and walk away b/c it is none of their business... period. You owe no one anything, but you can care for, respect, protect, and honor yourself...yes, you can even if no one ever did that for you or taught you, innately you know how. Peace and understanding to you~ winds

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@windsofchange31 this is a helpful response. Thank you.

[@Gemmarose9012]

I have begun saying they’re dead because in a way they are. It stops all questions.

[@Bronte866]

I now simply tell those who are rude enough to ask that my family were all killed in a tragic accident when I was 4. The end. Now shut up and get away from me. I don’t care who doesn’t like it. I come first now. Many people start asking things because they sense something and are just drooling to know something painful so they can torture you further. I’ve paid my dues & owe nobody my story.

[@chilloften]

@@windsofchange31 I hope I can remember this, it’s so slick. I know at holidays this year someone at work asked me what I’d done for Christmas. It felt so intrusive, and then I told a lie. I’m just frustrated that my nervous system can be hijacked by this.

[@alibobo2009]

Thank you for your work. This is a little funny - I was compared to “Marilyn Munster” by people who knew my family - remember her?

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

I can't say I do - sorry.

[@sickofit5547]

Yup she was the healthy human of her family. So people knew your family was dysfunctional.

[@silviavianna5512]

Great!!!! Love this class!!!

[@thetruth3325]

Thank you. Can you do a video on scapegoat anxiety we experience even after breaking out .. them booking us an appointment to speak to someone is their downfall!!!! Because thats when we learn what we were dealing with.. they essentially tell on themselves.. Low back pain can be another phsyical ailment.

[@stevensvideosonyoutube]

I get the routine,or from distant people in their family roles, more than I get it from my mom.

[@kitsmith693]

It’s hard to know which parent is the ring leader, both violent. I think my female parent had the control, I was born into a power struggle. Neither parent intervened in sibling bullying, it was ‘telling tales’ where’s other siblings were encouraged to tell tales so they would make up tales to tell.

[@scapegoatchildrecovery]

yes they work as a tag team

[@CICKXZY]

I always has food issues .I'd fast .starve myself , went thru a bollimic phase

[@Onetwelvefourth]

“You’re on your own kid!!!!” Absolutely no empathy or support from the parents.

[@PoorMansAlmanacNews]

I was just reading how OR is planning on reevaluating and contracting for emotional, mental, and behavioral health structures and maybe you should see if they would contract with you and others with more appropriate understanding therapy practices like reactive abuse, narcissism, scapegoating, and social shunning. I feel sociology addresses and looks into these dynamics it has on not just the individual and perpetrator, but those that are ensnared into the drama and blame the individual. More validating course work is needed and it would be an opportunity to be funded and give those low income access to these approaches. 400 million and it's all being questioned on how it isn't being effective or utilized.

[@devinsmallwick4208]

What exactly are the 3 keys?

[@awolfgang9848]

Education understanding boundaries Self compasion,

[@arisenshine8873]

I appreciate a lot of what you are saying, but I think the primary driver of scapegoating is not taking responsibility for things done that aren't right, some actions being more severe than others. Trauma is secondary, probably arising from the fact that people aren't taking responsibility for things that they have done that aren't right; and part of that trauma is put on the scapegoat by blaming them. We don't blame others for trauma, although scapegoating families do quench the emotions that come out of trauma because everything has to look perfect all the time. The narcissistic/dysfunctional family has to look perfect and refuses to take responsibility for anything they have done that isn't right and/or causes others harm.

[@ekkamailax]

If a non-family member systemically abused you for over a decade, you can seek justice through the legal system, and you would be applauded for your courage. But if you want to seek justice against your narc parent, you are seen as petty and cruel.