Thank you for this. The most exact explanation of being a scapegoat child. Thank you ❤

Replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts

Mary, thank you for helping us reflect on our experiences. I could write a long diatribe that confirms everything you describe. It's sad and painful knowing there will never be resolution beyond accepting that the lifelong abuser, my mother, would never change, that walking away was the only thing I could do to pursue healing. I wish I could have had a healthy relationship with Mom, but she didn't want that. Knowing this, I wish Dad had developed the mettle to confront Mom about her demons and force her to get help, or force her out of the family. Then again, perhaps I would have never realized what was really going on had he seen it through.

They see it and still refuse to believe it. I have photos and documentation....i will sue these creeps.

I was looking at the title and realized hey that's me. There are times I think about my family but I don't regret walking away. If we did meet what would we talk about? - certainly not the good old days. I talked to a guy that interacted with many people through years and he made a statement "it seems we all get highs and lows in our lives". My childhood was a low but now that I'm old I have a pretty good stress free life. So take the bad and make it into something good. The best revenge for lack of a better word is to live well.

I had to leave mij familie because i was the scapegoat. It was not possible anymore to take the abuse. My health could not take it anymore. I am grandmother because of narcessist in the familie. They treatet me realey bad.

I just stumbled in to this world of KZbin family narcissism. I'm a male who had a similar situation, but I was too strong for them, so they kicked me out at 16 and I'm now 48. I've reached out a couple of times, and my insane mother called me every name in the book and told my extended family terrible lies, even that I was a psychopathic nazi, to keep them away. Sometimes there's no fixing. You've done the right thing. Let go.

Also, perhaps because they then can continue to not make internal changes in themselves. Basically, an easy distraction.

3:18 the sibling abuse got worse when surving parent went into a care home. But its the parent that is control. I'm glad I'm starting the process of removing myself.

bless you..... mine happened at 61

I'm sick of being the scapegoat. It has ruined my life and left me suicidal. I have had therapists, but I don't think they ever really got it. How do I find a therapist that is an expert in scapegoating? I don't really see it listed as a specialty anywhere and I believe it is what I need. I am about to just give up for good. I have good insurance but I really need to find someone good.

When I went no contact I deleted and blocked email/phone numbers/social media so that I couldn't hear from anyone. I did the same for persons who had contact with any of them. I wanted zero debate nor discussion. I wished to protect myself as much as possible.

this is the end of the line

my oldest daughter will not talk to me because I would not attend my mothers funeral she has totally cut me off thats her loss i still to this day would not go to my moms funeral

I understand your pain however speaking as a parent with an estranged adult child cutting parents out of your life is strait up wrong. There are better ways of dealing with parents. Siblings can be abusive and yes estrangement and loving from afar is fine but again with parents its not acceptable. You as an adult can get help to change yourself and still maintain parental contact. Sorry but you are WRONG.

I'll be criticized if I go to their funerals and criticized if I don't. I'll be treated terribly if I do. So I've come down on the side of, Make an excuse. Sorry, it's impossible to get away. My current life's work, fortunately, makes that easy.

32 years olld and still living in this situation and hate it here, no way out since I am too broke to afford to move out. it hurts me everyday.:(

Sadly my Dad just died.What a smear campaign I am receiving.OMG

Love the video.wow

I had to decide on low contact with my family. Mainly my Mom, as my father was never around, so I didn’t grow up knowing him, & he has since passed away. My Mom was physically & emotionally abusive throughout my childhood. She continued to be emotionally abusive towards me into adulthood. Putting some distance between us has helped me stay out of the drama she likes to create between me & my siblings. She is narcissistic & lives in extreme denial. She is very disconnected from herself & doesn’t know how to be a friend or a mother. The two things I most need from her. I know it’ll never be, so I created a distance between us with little contact. Sad, but necessary. She’s too toxic to keep trying to be close. I’ll never get my needs met by her. I know this & accept it. Finally. I do long for a mother who I could be close friends with. Sadly, she isn’t capable.

I did a great deal for my family. Then my brother stole $10k from me. I dumped him

Thank You ❤

Thank you Mary ❤

I finally moved 1500 miles away to put space between myself and my narcissistic siblings.

I am proud of you! You're a strong woman!

I recently found out my parents married in six weeks … my mother is a narcissist. Nightmare growing up with a mother who can’t love.

i am the scapegoat of the family. i deeply want to go no contact with my family. they bully me to the point were i feel like i have no choice but to give up on myself. i hope i have the courage and life skills to leave. (they didnt teach me how to drive.") i feel stuck currently.

*I'm suffering from chronic unemployment.*

I am the scapegoat, I never did drink the koolaid.❤

At the same time a kid doesn't have to be super intuitive either the oldest child is many time the scapegoat for obvious reasons and someone has to be scapegoat.

I reduced contact with my toxic mother and brother and my life is wonderful. I was also the family scapegoat and now I live a happy life. I went twice to a therapist and she was surprized I wasn't upset on my brother, but I healed. So I realized who deserves to be in my life and who doesn't. My family are my two best friends and some acquaintances and friends. We have nice events from time to time together. I love my new family. Thank you God for releasing me from toxic, mentally ill family members!

You're so wise, thank you

The “acceptable me” -I can 100% relate to this concept. (At 3:52)

Tank you for your time your knowledge and for the validation . Tanks to people like you , people can understand the madness behind all this .

The pieces of the puzzle never stop coming ..Every part of this craziness his hard as fuck . Now i just cant imagine giving my trust to anybody

Thank you. Amazing video.

No sense of self and designated as the “scapegoat”. Still

I've seen the smirk and heard the chuckling as I cried. That B.......

It's hard to go through mental manipulation and not question if you're the one going crazy, even if your siblings are going through the same thing.

I'm sorry you went through this. Thank you for sharing your story.

I’ve suffered family betrayal trauma and narcissistic abuse and suffer from complex PTSD and emotional trauma and suffer from mental illness on 4 medications for schizophrenia and suffer from addictions

1:40 Journal

6:19 wow that person's parents actually admitted it

It's disturbing... 41 years of abuse and I finally am conscious & know it's not my fault. The incredibly sad part of all of this, I tried committing suicide at 14 because of the abuse and then my Mother made sure I was drugged up by the Doctors and told everyone i was crazy. And now realizing the torture I was put through as the family scapegoat- My whole life has been the avoidant shell of myself trying to survive. I feel the only answer is to go no contact

On the flip side, many families are being ghosted by siblings and other family members and they have no idea why. It is heartbreaking to see the grief and devastating consequences of those actions for all involved. Wishing you well on your solo path but I would never provide blanket support and encouragement for these actions without personally knowing all involved and the history.