3 Ways Covert Narcissists Manipulate to EXPLOIT You & What To Do About It

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

I appreciate your extensive coverage of covert narcissism because it is such a pernicious and unobvious form of abuse, aptly lending itself to plausible deniability, given the fact there is no proof. Covert abusers thrive on this.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

I had no clue what the hell was wrong in my marriage. The actions and words never ever were the same. I was confused daily. 14 years of insanity with an upstanding member of the community; a lay minister in the church - a nightmare behind closed doors. No one would ever believe me. I am fine with that. Happy joyous and free since June 2017. I was the reactive abuser. I reacted soooooooooo badly to the baiting. I screamed and shouted and ranted and raged and swore like a sailor Such shocking behaviour which I was so ashamed of. Not one angry day since leaving!!!!!!!

[@cindy7733]

This is EXACTLY how I was raised. Always compared to siblings and to classmates and I always felt invalidated. Still now, as an adult!!! OMG. I don't have much left in me anymore.

[@MoPoppins]

It’s not too late to develop healthy boundaries! The narcs will be SHOCKED, and maybe that would be motivation to do it. Just be stealthy about it, and be safe.

[@lindagithaiga1974]

Cindy dear,You have more than you can imagine and the narcs know this.Why do you think there was invalidation?so that you don't realize what is within you and overshadow them or cut off their narc supply by walking away or asserting healthy boundaries.

[@cryptoroseaz]

Yes, clean the whole house and did not do one bathroom. Like clockwork, she gets home and points out the bathroom is not cleaned. Never enough...

[@davidskues7153]

Michele, thank you for voicing this point. We all need validation and love from other people as children. We need our parents to teach us how to love ourselves before we can love anyone else in a healthy way. When we are deprived of being taught how to love ourselves and even worse, trained to abandon. Abuse, neglect and despise ourselves by our parebts or caregivers, it does not resonate when people say, that you have to love yourself. We need to learn to love ourselves by reparenting ourselves as adults with a community of healthy adopted family. Then we become healthy and capable of setting and mai taining healthy boundaries to protect outselves from abusive relationships and open ourselves to engage in healthy relationships.

[@johnpaul2285]

Reverse psychology Up is down and down is up Hate is law and love corrupt Backwards straight ahead The living dead Coerced apology The list goes off

[@tinamcgee8032]

They can't stop lying 🤥 and I only have trust issues with those who have lying 🤥 issues...so exhausted and tired and depressed 😢

[@eugenelevin8314]

Their lying is not your problem to solve …..but….the fact that they cannot give you what you need is your problem to solve……ask yourself how all your efforts towards improving your relationship with this person are benefitting you and your happiness - there are 7.5 million people on this planet , is this the person who deserves your best? Listen to Michele and get some therapy too - find your strength as an individual again and then move towards a place of peace. God Bless Sorry about your pain - been there myself

[@bradmcewen]

I think all these revelations about a narcissistic relationship encounter, can be used to discern many interpersonal, political and world events. Beyond the localized narcissist there is much out there to not have any cognitive dissonance about. Evil is evil. Gaslighting is lying. Zero empathy is zero empathy. All current behaviors are a accurate predictor of future behavior. Narcissistic awareness day is everyday. Mostly quietly. But always there. Its really not a burden anymore than a whole host of self care potential dangers. Plenty of room in the brain to store it if needed.

[@olympics1234567]

Any responsibilities that my ex wife did, were considered a favor, and would need to be repaid at the rate of me doing at least 100 for each 1 that she did, and to her that wasn't enough, she would prefer 1000/1. They are like a parasite or virus, they use you up to get what they want and make you sick, but not sick enough to kill you, because then they would lose their host.

[@Wild-Flower12]

That’s so true 💯💯💯

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Everything was viewed as a favour!!! I was confused 24/7 for 14 insane years!

[@olympics1234567]

@@bronwyntanner4501 27 years and 5 children. They love caous, and will have you being like a dog chasing its own tail, until you start figuring things out. They don't even care about their own children, except to use them for power over you.

[@alllifematters]

After my third time of doing her dishes for her. She went out of her way to let me know that a plate had some soapy taste to it. I told her that she needed to rinse it off and "be happy someone else washed your dishes, if you don't like it then you can wash them yourself" 😄 ... Kinda shuts her up about the dishes... But she never stops trying to manipulate, dominate, invalidate.. it's who she is :/ When I was about 12 my mom found a poem that I was writing and she told me how selfish I was to write about myself like that and continued on to belittle my entire poem. I loved to write, but now I find it difficult to even speak effectively and clearly most of the time, much less wrote a poem. It's almost like I have difficulty accessing my feelings in that creative kind of a way.occasionally I have spurts where it will come through but not often. I honestly still don't understand how anyone could be okay with being so mean and nasty? And want to intentionally hinder a child? As if life isn't hard enough?

[@ChooseTruthAlways]

Exactly me, I m doing absolutely everything from nursing them to financial to psychological to washing cleaning to taking care of all the farm animals to the domestic. Gardening doctors appointments absolutely everything.... It's draining... 😞

[@selfesteem3447]

My Noe, Hard to see others stuck with narcissist. Hopefully,...Figure out a plan and get away from all that, don't waste your best years and end up with chronic fatigue. Life is too short. If it's family and a possible inheritance, if you're the scapegoat, chances are not good you'll get what is due. If you're a golden or not disliked could pay off and perhaps be worth it. Learning techniques to disarm and coping mechanisms to not let them get to you is all you can do. Take time for yourself everyday and go for a walk and meditation, tub 🛀bath.

[@acdude5266]

When I worked for a govt lab in NJ, I was caught between a colleague who obsessively wanted my job and higher income and a manger who was an aggressive narcissist protecting his controlling position. The latter used the former in a symbiotic relationship and triangulate us to undermine my position. The latter was exploitative but tolerated because he brought in work and there were narcissists up the latter. They rewrote narratives, mined me for information, and told colleagues I was incompetent and mentally ill. I was the only one in the lab formally trained in statistics and because of that became a target of competition, resentment, and labelled as a whistleblower. The lab in general was a toxic workplace

[@bronwyntanner4501]

My covert narc mother complimented all my friends and compared me to them - I never matched up - I never made the mark - I never knew where the mark was!!!! No contact since March 2013

[@aspehchannel]

My mom did this constantly … covertly comparing my older stepsister, friends’ kids to me. Everything & everybody is weaponized in the covert narc world

[@davidl5504]

I'm grateful for the opportunity to do shadow work and finally process it. My Grandmother would call me lazy and make me believe I was stupid. Lazy because I cut her grass and worked in her garden. Stupid because I couldn't understand what she was saying. "Southern accent" and very non specific about what she was saying. I was 10 years old at the time. I understand now why she was that way and where my mother learned from. I accept how I was treated as a child. I know now I deserve to be treated with respect,. And I will claim it. I know, now what forgiveness is and what it can do for me. I sometimes ask, why me? To such an extreme. And the answer is, I am better and stronger because of it. And I will to be a living thriving example for others. I forgive myself I am compassionate I love me.. It's my way of saying Thank you to all for the support. 💚

[@MaestroMaxim]

The validation one hit home, literally. The practice is a must!

[@wakeupalready2099]

I’m the opposite whenever my mom criticized what I do I just stop all of it and do bare minimum and when she complains about that I remind her how she attacked me last time I did such and such and I can’t win with her so why do it I get yelled at either way

[@timc2493]

Thirsty for emotional connection. Well put. That was me I didn’t even realize. The lovebombing really hooked me. 2 years my health took hits. I lost sense of who I was before I met her. Trying to heal childhood wounds now with help of a coach. I wished I knew about this decades ago.

[@johnmoresjr6997]

You are the best of the best.know your enemy to beat them..the NARC is on automation.we also are on automation too. WHY IS THE EMPATH CAN ONLY FEEL ONLY THE SHAME EMOTIONS AND the narc only experiences rage and anger.

[@kernailsingh1314]

U sound LIKE u HAVE alot of narcissists

[@fatimap.6307]

This is definitely my mother.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

I had the same mother!

[@brooke5395]

taking on more and more and more.... I didn't mind doing "everything" on the home front as a general rule. It was my job. However, "everything" sometimes is a shit ton with 3 kids, pets, 7 properties, doctors, dentists, lawyers, brokers, insurances, karate, baseball, birthdays, conferences, field trips, toilets, dishes, laundry, floors, beds... Things would slip. Sometimes pretty hard. And if he "had to" do any piece of any of it, he would lose his mind on me. So angry. He'd bark at me how I can't manage a house - he'd kick ass all over me if HE took it on. Well, he quit his job and I went back to work. And worked from home - and he couldn't even poke his head inside from the garage to initiate dinner. Thus, when the kids started to get hungry or bored or pretty much any need they had, they came to me. And I stopped what I was doing and took care of it. And he'd SEE ME DO IT and KNEW I was supposed to be working. Never jumped in. He'd jump in on getting a dinner plate though.

[@ninahund5773]

I was with a covert narcissist for five years. Wow, he was severely depressed, tried to protect his feelings onto me. Been 2yrs since I've escaped him, was taking him to court because I took off with his weapon andto save my life. I was charged, they said he was the victim. I got my own attorney and was ready to face him. A week before our court date... he took his life. No justice and I'm feeling so overwhelmed and in a state of shock. I definitely need some help getting through this nightmare

[@selfesteem3447]

Nina Hund, do not feel guilty- he had already killed off the true self long ago, typically a narcissist will do that around six years old or before. It sounds like from what you say he threatened your life, do you think if you had died in a car accident or some "normal" type of way that he would grieve loosing you or the loss of supply. It also sounds like your life was always in danger as long as he was alive. I feel if you continue to study narcissism very extensively you you will gain an understanding of the illness that took his life long before he ultimately took his life and replacing what you're thinking now with knowing narcissism very well that you should not feel bad about this to the extent that it is interrupting your living a good life and staying healthy and continuing progress. In some ways this could be compared to standing by one side and helping them through a terminal illness that was going to take their life anyway eventually with you being the caretaker and knowing that one day they would be gone, all that while watching them suffer and being glad that they aren't suffering anymore. And in some ways it wasn't like that at all instead it was where you tried to help him and apparently he threatened your life. Haven't you suffered enough? Give yourself the normal grieving time and enjoy your life. Continuing studying narcissism extensively is the single most healing modality. Arm yourself with knowledge so you know a narcissist when you see one and you can dodge them or manage them in the workplaces and in public as you continue with a good safe life and a better relationship in the future.

[@ninahund5773]

@@selfesteem3447 Thank you 😊

[@selfesteem3447]

@@ninahund5773 you are very welcome.

[@acdude5266]

When I worked for the government, I was between a director, former manager, and a subordinate who wanted my job. By the time I realized what was going on, my job was ruined. But there some indication that the workplace itself was a narcissist. It was a lab with an administrative customer / former overseer . I saw narcissism lol the way up. There was a shared benefit at all levels within the lab and up the hierarchy. I proved that they had misapplied statistical reasoning and methods. They destroyed my credibility, blame shifted, and triangulated covertly. They made my subordinate the hero and me the enemy. But the covert aspect kept me there from which they could feed off me.

[@alinehkayem6795]

Michele thank you! You put into words an experience that sometimes it is hard to determine

[@djignatin4043]

i validate myself.

[@rturney6376]

Excellent example !! My grandparents- same family? 😍😂

[@GaveMeGrace1]

Thank you-holding the line... in places. More later...

[@susanjaneterry1073]

I had not really understood the danger of his manipulation until I discovered what he did to the woman before me. For some reason, I could relate to her abuse more than I could for me. Brainwashed. Reading the court transcript that was his fight against her trying to get a restraining order was in black and white and impossible to disregard. He did it to her. He did it to me. He will do it to the next one. He just won't get to do it to me anymore. I'm done.

[@danielskyles6184]

So true. I was doing everything too.

[@napsguns]

Spot on

[@divinadivina2017]

Thank you so much. A lot of validation :)

[@JubileeLifeCoach]

100% my experience!

[@tehilagracie6466]

Difference between Co-vert and O-vert narc.?

[@biancabianca6800]

You explained everything so well and understanding. Thank you so much. And you are so beautiful and charming.

[@kunkunaku]

I'm obsessed with her. It's crazy.

[@seanthomas3570]

The COVERT NARCISSIST WIFE I new is dead to me and there's this whole different person who hates me and blames me everything. I tried going no contact about 20 times before I finally got it keep trying hang in there it was all act that she did she never loved you they're incapable of love compassion we believed that what we saw was real all of it was fake that's the reality our mistake was we loved her that's where we went wrong learn the lesson

[@seanthomas3570]

I was to at first but I tried everything to change back to the way it was but she just broke me down and take responsibility for her infidelity and except it. And forgive. Lies lies and lies. She intentionally wants to hurt me. I came out of it alot of tears . She would disappear to one of her boyfriends and come home. And I follow her around the house like a puppy. Cognitive dissonance bud. It's weird how the COVERT NARCISSIST WIFE gets a high on seeing us low and also supply from the new affairs. Run they will never be loyal to anyone else but themselves. Sorry these people are leaches and manipulators and great actors and we fell for it who knew the world would be like this they don't teach you this in school so hard to believe it's shocking to know there's people out there all around us with no real true emotion tending to be our wives and mothers sons and daughters bosses coworkers spread the word knowledge is power

[@kilpel2]

Lovely and educational

[@farfetched9296]

Learn to speak up and shut these ppl down.

[@javeriaharoon7957]

Is it a good idea to call out covert narcissist?

[@johnpaul2285]

💐🕊Michele

[@lejci38]

My father....dooped me for 50 years.

[@tamelashafer8852]

💜♾🙏🏼🕉

[@riskydabs3710]

When I watch your videos I get sad Not only do you remind me of her looks wise but I wish she had your mentality

[@kernailsingh1314]

U know can u call a PERSON because dont believe gursikh could he b narcissists because he groomed his WIFE LIKE the GROOMING gangs .is that narcissistic behaviour

[@kernailsingh1314]

My wife was a GOOD woman she did everything so UNDERSTAND was a narcissistic person .really cared had a ADDICTION and now trying to get back WITH her. 2 years ill too and when or if get better will help her. Was just GOOD liar. FOLLOW 10 SAT GURU JIS so we can not lie and that is BLESSINGS thanks glad u got out of a relationship 🙏