When Vulnerable Narcissists Make Themselves Into Victims and YOU Into The Problem

[@incognito3599]

I regret so many times trying to prove to people i was the victim, instead it made me look like the narcissist or the problem. If the smear campaign happens to me again in my future life, I will just be a lone wolf again and ignore and just focus on what makes me happiest🌺🧚🏾‍♀️

[@lindac6919]

Yes. Somehow they always come out smelling like a rose. Best to disconnect and make a new life, as soon as possible.

[@Corina-dq2my]

Vulnerable Narcs method is to make you appear reactive and critical etc. If you stay calm and focused in the Narcs presence, then the method won't work. May even backfire.

[@_YohAsakura_]

Narcissist will use crocodile tears to escape accountability even though they know the truth , they feel bs fire the white because she”cried”.

[@mirraco323]

My ex-girlfriend checked so many of these boxes. She would treat me poorly, and then act like the victim when I would eventually express how her behavior hurt my feelings. She always viewed it as an attack from me on her, and then over time she successfully convinced and manipulated me to think this was “abuse” by me. Luckily with the help of my therapist, I now see how expressing my feelings after being the victim of her selfish behavior is NOT abuse. Treating people shitty and then demonizing them when they do anything other than deal with it, that is abuse.

[@Corina-dq2my]

That's true. They try to make it so you are the bad guy. They don't want to take accountability. It's all about protection of the ego and validation for the grandiose self. There is no "you". I hope you are doing better today 🙏 😊

[@Mattheus217]

I have experienced the same thing and that definitely played a role in our divorce. She painted me as the source of all our problems. I am willing to admit when I do wrong, and work on improving, but it just seemed one-sided.

[@peterknyk1942]

I've grown so weary of the narcissist playing the victim role and blaming everyone else for her dilemmas and problems and accusing me of causing everything and anything that's going "wrong" in her life....it's exhausting! 🥺

[@PITTSBURGH06]

THEY ARE THE POS! KEEP LIVING YOUR LIFE AND BE HAPPY!!

[@Bawkr]

I can't believe how long and the fact that she convinced me to forget about narcissism for a few years. Just how many times I tried to explain reality to her, that I definitely regret the most, from here on out she gets to live out her reality and I will live mine. I've finally realized everything I suspected I was right and man does it feel good after all of this time to finally be okay with myself knowing what she is and why I will never be able to resist something she is saying, a lot better to go with the flow and then head out when I can.

[@incognito3599]

I regret so many times trying to prove to people i was the victim, instead it made me look like the narcissist or the problem. If the smear campaign happens to me again in my future life, I will just be a lone wolf again and ignore and just focus on what makes me happiest🌺🧚🏾‍♀️

[@Escherlife]

My Mother is a full blown covert Narcissist. She will constantly criticise, belittle me and is a professional dream crusher. Whenever I act hurt by anything she has done or said, she will immediately pull the victim card, get hysterical and claim I’m hurting her by calling out her behaviour. It’s as if she has been throwing rocks at me all my life and whenever I say stop, she says how dare you accuse me of anything...poor me...poor me! while she stands there with another rock in her hand

[@desertangelfish140]

Sinister. I'm curious the name of the planet these people come from? They went sent a rule book of how to play nice with the normal natives of the planet. LOL

[@selinap9999]

This sounds similar to what I experienced yesterday. Whenever I say a minor thing about my mom's behaviour (that has been very passive aggressive, using a disrespectful tone etc.), she bursts out in tears, locks herself in her room for hours and demonstratively cries for hours...moreover, she screams: "what's your problem with me? We just don't get along anymore! Everything I do is wrong" and completely throws herself in a victim role. Just to clarify: this is about a simple comment such as kindly asking her to be a bit softer and less harsh to me...I tried to phrase it in the nicest way possible and cannot understand how someone could be so unwilling to acknowledge a small wrongdoing of their own...I also reflect on how I behave, so I don't understand this...I've only come into touch with this content about narc mothers, yet her behaviour certainly isn't normal or healthy and I really struggle with her victim behaviour and her making me look like a villain...

[@Thehardscrabblelife]

My mother as well. It wasn’t until she died that I was finally able to let go of all of it, and actually heal.

[@lindac6919]

You said that so well. Thank you.

[@brendastein404]

If Standing Up For Yourself Burns A Bridge, I Have Matches. We Ride At Dawn~

[@ktwhimsy6946]

My ex is some kind of hybrid narcissist… he will only play the victim if he can also play the “hero” at the same time (ie. Claiming to have “sacrificed” so much for the people around him) when in reality he was just draining them of resources (me included) - he likes to tell people he spent a fortune on me & my kids, and that I took advantage of him, when actually he lived in *my* home for 6 years, was unemployed the entire time, and literally did nothing but sit on the couch while I worked 12-14 hour days 🧐

[@XtineJohnes]

Yeah I had one of those. He still claims to others that "he contributed financially" whne he really didn't.

[@walkaminutewithme4787]

Oh yes!!!!

[@dreamdiction]

Suffering hero fantasies.

[@exiebrewington6970]

Sounds familiar

[@KellenAdair]

Hero fantasies sums it up. The sheriff deputy lapped that one right up! But, the poor little victim. What else could he do? With the cracked ribs he gave me, if he'd have actually fallen on me, like he Repeated, he have likely punctured a lung. And possibly even pierced my heart, as well. Never the Villain in their own little scenarios of rewritten Hx.!

[@ccre88trixx]

My (suspected NPD) mom always claimed my dad was loud, angry, and abusive. The only times I ever witnessed my mom and dad arguing or fighting, and especially when my dad would lose his tamper at her, she literally provoked him. She instigated the problems then played the victim, claiming he was dangerous. She does the same thing to me. If I'm annoyed and don't want to talk to her I can express that, but she'll continue to try to talk to me anyway pushing my buttons until I explode and then play the victim like I lost my cool for no reason, knowing full well she provoked me. It is infuriating to deal with.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yep

[@SgtD1981]

My mother does the same thing so I cut her off. My father enables her

[@erik7386]

Yep

[@lindac6919]

My Mom and older sister acted like my father was some kind of monster. He was a very mild fellow. He just reacted to things like a person. Mom and Sis were the ones who had a malicious system that they continully fed.

[@Tasia71144]

Just went through this with my step dad on Super Bowl Sunday. Goes out of his way to be snotty and sarcastic then when I stand up to him my mom gets all mad at me and tells me to cool my jets. After 40 years of his mind bending games I am done. I love my mom but she is willingly under his full power, she always takes his side no matter what. Even when my sister and I told her what he was doing to us when she was not home she still blamed us. I am done and am quietly UN friending her and all of the flying monkeys surrounding them, there are a lot. But am nevertheless quietly walking away. I love and will honor her as God commands but I am no longer available for either of them to feed on. Most of my family is either on their side or refuse to believe anything I tell dad them except for one uncle. ❤️

[@TYGZus777]

It's amazing, isn't it? I left their virtual reality arena (Facebook) altogether. I can no longer tolerate their hypocrisy, lies, and passive-aggressive games.

[@Tasia71144]

@@TYGZus777 I hear you there, I still have a lot of flying monkeys to get rid of.

[@katjo71367]

I left the FakeBook arena of my Family of Origin *(most of them 4.5 year ago and the rest of them 3 yrs). It is freeing. Yes, I am tempted and di feel left out because now I have 2 grandchildren. I'm sick of pretending there isn't an elephant in the room. I had a Narc mom who died Seot 9, 21. My grown son married a narc girl the first time. Then he divorced. Not sure about the 2nd one, but her adoptive mother sure is! Flying monkeys are everywhere. I can only pray for my grandkids and trust God! Unfortunately there is a LOT of $$$$ involved, which complicates life!

[@allieeverett9017]

Oh and they will feed on you, or anyone else they can. Send them packing!!!

[@kennethlapointesongwriter3330]

A narcissist needs/wants to ALWAYS LOOK GOOD no matter what...whether it's being dominating or being a victim. Remember: they accept no blame or responsibility for their actions. I've often wondered several things 1. how do they sleep at night? (amazingly, apparently fine) 2. they can bs their way through anything and come out smelling like a rose to others. And YOU'RE the bad guy lol. They're THAT clever and skillful. They're CP's...Clever Poison. Dump them.

[@desertangelfish140]

I see them as carbon monoxide.

[@eugenelevin8314]

This was spot on correct - it’s how my relationship always went with my wife. I would desperately try to right the wrong( which was all a false perception of the narc fueled by disregulated emotions) She would push and push and insult until I would explode in anger and end up apologizing for my behavior (which justified that I was the problem) - I accepted that there was something wrong with me - until I found myself again -thru videos like these

[@Mattheus217]

Yes, I am familiar with that situation and have lived it. Praying for better days ahead for you, brother, and for all of us.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Spot on. We don’t owe anyone anything. We don’t need to explain or defend our reality to anyone, especially to those who are narcissistic.

[@floxendoodle942]

So many golden nuggets of wisdom in this video! My favorite takeaway, however, is the idea of “not burping the baby,” that is, not letting the narcissist feel relief (the burp) by letting them dump their negative emotion onto you. Ignore, ignore, ignore, gray rock, gray rock, gray rock. In regards to their playing the victim, I saw this the other day when my narc mom was acting overly dramatic and exhausted because she had to pay her bills and do her finances for several hours. She’s done her finances her entire life, so this was no biggie. You’d think she had done complicated brain surgery all day. She was just trying to get sympathy and play the victim. I just ignored her pathetic display and then asked my dad how he was doing. Such mind f_ _ _ _ _ y. 🧐

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes. These people deserve an Oscar but the mask slips when others aren't around.

[@MaestroMaxim]

My mother had me look like the problem hence I was sent to treatment centers… 20 plus, years later I discover the dynamics and put up boundaries resulted in me being shunned for causing problems.

[@braingamesballsortgame718]

They ABSOLUTELY WANT their scapegoats to toe their line because it is a HUMONGOUS task for them to find a new scapegoat who will be as submissive as us and don't give a shit to their abusive behaviour, character, and nonsense.

[@Bornintoclusterb]

DARVO is the worst!!! Great video Michele, love that you’re touching on covert smearing most people assume they smear using negative words.

[@vandit6354]

You just described my mother. Antagonising me, telling me I am 'projecting' telling everyone theres 'something wrong with him', convincing my GF that I am mistreating her when I stand up to my mother.. etc... etc.. My (now ex) GF unfortunately believes everything my mother tells her, convinced her to tell her private information about me such as that I used to be on anti-depressants and that I suffered from anxiety (all caused my my mother)... Not only did my mother have zero sympathy, she used my anxiety against me by threatening to take away my home, tore apart my relationship with my GF, apparently went on a 45minute rant to my auntie claiming my anti-depressants must've not been 'strong enough' for me because of all my 'problems'. Suffice it to say, my mother and I are now on zero contact, and I had to cut out my GF as well as I'd lost the mental energy to attempt to undo the damage shes caused.

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

ex girlfriend is also a narc. narcmother has also sadistic personality disorder - meaning your pain energizes her- so she wants more and more of your pain until you are dead to satisfy her sadism NC.

[@andynolan8071]

An excellent description of the dynamic with these people. I hav been through this with my ex wife. I wish that I had this knowledge at the time. Fortunately I was resilient enough to know my reality. I eventually saw what the game was and realised that it is not necessary or even possible to see anything eye to eye with these people and once you accept this and stop caring what they think they lose their power over you. Unfortunately they still influence the children and I now have children with mental issues. Social services are unable to see what is going on and facilitate what is nothing short of child abuse. Children grow up to be damaged adults. If only this knowledge was more widespread much suffering be avoided. Thank you Michelle for making these videos and spreading awareness.

[@mererreuga7740]

I'm sorry you have gone through that and that it's affecting your kids. Remember to keep a record (screenshots, emails and such). I'm glad your kids have you, you'll be able to help them protect themselves. Hugs

[@Cmac1328]

My ex accused me of so many actions and behaviors that were not “me”, and which my true friends validated as such after the breakup, cuz I was dumbfounded and bewildered by all the provocation. Thank you for the clarity and validation. Also, sorry to hear you got Covid…but glad you are on the mend. Feel better!

[@avibhagan]

Mine is going around and bad mouthing me , at kids parties, to all the parents. She is accusing me of spreading lies about her . One of the parents spoke to me to try to get my side of the story and I said nothing. It turns out that they simply don't believe her, and that she's ruining her own reputation, but she thinks that I'm saying things behind her back. She is literally doing it to herself. Now, she has banned me from taking my daughter to any parties for her school friends. She lies and tries to pretend that there are no parties, and does not tell me that both parents are invited to make sure I don't show up. Lol. She also keeps calling me a liar, despite her continuous barrage of lies. My daughter tells me about all the parties, after the fact. (of course she would)

[@djer05010401]

Damn. You could have been talking specifically about my narc mother and how she's been manipulating the family and telling pretty outlandish lies. I really hope I can get to the place where I can let go of it, and the family members who believe her. It's probably one of the most difficult things I've ever tried to do.

[@stephena1196]

Or specifically about my dad.

[@taraarrington2285]

She could be narcissistic borderline. God bless

[@Bawkr]

I think my mom was super covert and not a severe narcissist but definitely neglectful. I would describe her as some one who relied on the government and schools to raise us she was on autopilot laying down %80 of daylight. She's paying for that as well she has fiber mialga etc. other health issues. So done with the ex in my house & my mom but at the same time I'm trying to forgive my mom. I think I have but what I'm thinking is that I don't need her in my life especially at my age. I saw some texts that were outright lies on her phone by complete accident when she handed me it. I think she turned me into the scapegoat at a certain point or maybe I always was. I think that I did act out a bit when I was young and now I see why it was because my mom wasn't being a loving parent to me.

[@taraarrington2285]

@@Bawkr I'm sorry to hear that she might be borderline my mom is narcissistic too

[@lindac6919]

Please get out as soon as possible. My soul was so crushed. I'm 63 and still f*cking miserable from Narky Nark Nark mom's inocculation.

[@lisalambert81865]

I had a grandiose narcissist that use to play the victim as in he would tell people he is trying so hard to help these woman that just keep using his goodness. He once started an off the chart fight with me and recorded it when he had me worked up but then went calm but pushing buttons. They he edited it and at the end of it he says see what I have to put up with. Then accidentally gave it to me on a sds card to use in my phone. It played one day when I was listening to music on my phone. It was eye opening.

[@woodhullchick]

You are a breathe of fresh air. You have broken down experiences that I have dealt with to a T. I thank you. You will see me soon in your coaching

[@Rosesandpearls_]

She's a real gem. Michelle has helped me so much over the years.

[@sleepsound3107]

This is unbelievably on point. After being in a 10 year marriage with someone who has since been diagnosed Borderline, this is exactly what happened in our relationship. Over and over again.

[@cindy7733]

You are spot on, once again!!! Story of my life. Mom bringing out the worst in me. Treats me like the problem and I feel that way all of the time! She's so covert. I need to escape this house. It is sheer madness and I was able to ignore her but now I'm getting so triggered and defending myself even though I know it makes things worse! So hard! I WAS letting go and ignoring the nonsense for months but now with a new job and so much more stress....just so hard.

[@Princess0ftheLight]

Hang in there 🤎

[@desertangelfish140]

Hope you're doing okay. It's not you. Keep looking at things objectively. She's sick and you're not. Stay true to you!

[@cindy7733]

@@desertangelfish140 Thank you. Hanging in there. Taking it one day at a time. So exhausting.

[@MrAnarchris]

Exactly what happened to me

[@miaw5399]

Sums up 30 years and so much confusion and pain Wish I knew this at birth so I could somehow prevent so much pain on me, thanks M 😞

[@laurajean1691]

Michele, I just wanted to let you know that it was your videos that opened my eyes to see that my husband was a narcissist. After educating myself I realized that he is a malignant psycopath narcissist, I went through the biggest fight of my life divorcing him, 20 months of fighting in court, $85k in court fees, no child support, it was worth every penny for the peaceful life me and the kids now have. I feel that this has been one heck of a journey, my ex narc has ghosted us 4 months ago and we couldn't be happier about that. Now everything is final, I got my name back, I'm going back to school, buying a home, living in a new beautiful community with a wonderful church, getting closer to the Lord! I'm going to unsubscribe now because I don't want to keep spending time watching narc videos and focus more on me, my kids, and those that truly love me. I feel the need to say Goodbye and Thank you for educating me. God Bless you Angel 😇 keep doing the Lords work, I know you're blessing many as you blessed me. You're a Beautiful soul!

[@Joe-hf3cn]

And of course she doesn't even extend you the courtesy of replying

[@BBFCCO733]

My father was abusive to us for years growing up. When my mother threatened to leave him, he put the blame on me for wanting to become an adult and put on a show of words but constantly cheating behind my mother's back, who was heavily in denial. As he got old, he never stopped with his put downs and control but when I went NC he went into victim mode. The world revolves around him and never once would he admit what he has put me through. Basically if you don't play into their world, if you God forbid want to be peaceful you will be their target because they have no empathy.

[@TYGZus777]

They get worse as they age.

[@TYGZus777]

It's so hard because they have re-written family history, and the only people who can verify the truth have died. They have stolen family relations and gloat in their manipulation accomplishments. Anyone with an ounce of civility doesn't dare to contend with them, as their rebuttals are deadly. It just deepens my gratitude for the few people who don't fall for their theatrical victim games. Thank God for those people! Also, I am so very thankful for you, Michele!!! Thank you so much for this helpful service that you provide.

[@lindac6919]

Mom threatened to take me to a psychologist. I straightened up and flew right, and walked the fine line after that. I knew it was a trap. Even at the age of 12, I knew that she wanted a label to paste on me, that she could use to cripple me and own me.

[@alimccreery755]

I have two men in my life who are both doing what you are saying to me . Thank you for wording it perfectly and helping me to open my eyes and understand what is going on. Many thanks to you. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way. 🤗

[@cairosilver2932]

IMO part of the issue is the narcissist frames the situation in a binary way, where one person is 100% the problem and the other is 0% the problem. This rarely occurs and I think the thing is the narcissist tricks us into adopting the same attitude, upholding that just one person has caused a problem. Then they turn our attitude around on us to treat it that it's us who are 100% causing a problem. If you treat it that the narcissist is like 98% the cause of problems then they have trouble turning it around because they can't stand even being 2% the cause of problems.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes black and white thinking. There's always grey area. They rely on others ignorance.

[@abstractedaway]

3:42 The NPD tactic of sickening those around them to upstage them, and center themselves, is really similar to Munchausen's type abuse. They're exhibiting those they've sickened, and that's their supply. Narcissists will wreck it all if they can control everything around the repair bill. Oddly, I learned about Munchausen's syndrome long before I learned what NPD was, but prior to identifying the covert vulnerable narcissist in the family, things that seemed off included: "needs to be needed", "emotional vulture", "declaws cats, clips wings, pins down people", "mad that it matters others got hurt", "every gift comes with a lasso attached". I thought it was some form of OCD fixated on our sickness and infantilizing us out of fear of being alone. Then the mask came off and it was something far worse - malignant and machiavellian underneath. The upside was that knowing that for certain made distance and recovery a clear choice.

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

I think you meant Munchausen by proxy - and I agree on that.

[@abstractedaway]

@@user-zy8gk2nn7d Yes, munchausen by proxy primarily, which is abuse - though faking one's own illness to manipulate others can really damage other people involved too.

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

@@abstractedaway yes- :) my narc mother pretending to have a heart attack - and me taking her to ER :))). narcs have both muchausen and muchausen by proxy - excellent remark of yours!!!

[@tinamcgee8032]

Michele you are right on point I have been going through this for years with my family, thank you for shedding the light 🙏❤️

[@yvettekastur4795]

My mother was the vulnerable narcissist. I've been in ACA recovery for eight years and have made a lot of progress but this has been the hardest part for me. It's been hard to come out of denial because of the covertness and because she was such a victim. Her mom died giving birth to her, she was put into an orphanage, separated from her eight siblings and her foster father raped her from ages 9 to 14. I heard about that until the day she died at 80 and I was 50. She made me her therapist, so it's been hard for me to come out of denial also because of that and because I think I'm complaining about nothing and feel guilty for feeling angry because of her rough start. I wished she would die many times in my adult life and when she did, I felt relief. I am, now, ready to address this trauma, fully, and your videos are helping me and I appreciate them, very, much.

[@alimccreery755]

This situation is also happening with the person who owns the house I’m living in. Everything you are saying makes sense. Thank you 🙏. I’m so greatful for people like you.

[@msjxm]

Omg. ‘It might sound crazy….’ It doesn’t sound crazy at all, actually I want to cry from relief that someone is describing what I’ve experienced. Not just one of those points but all of them. I have never heard anyone describe their characteristics/provide examples that are almost identical. Thank you so much 🙏 Thank you 🥺

[@genevieve10022]

100% You explain so well EXACTLY what happens.

[@uponcripplecreek1]

So true, thank you Michele, glad you’re feeling better!

[@Mattheus217]

When I first heard you describe this and calling it “reactive abuse” I was dumbfounded and amazed. I have been subjected to this for a long time and it has been used against me at counselors, etc. You get conditioned to think you’re the problem or that you’re the reactive one or that you’re out of control when in reality you’ve been tricked into being dumped on by the other person. Then, just as you described before, the amount of time between the abuse and your angry reaction gets shorter and shorter and instead of your calm former self, you’re a touchy anxious person

[@sulajkovski]

Thank you Michele for your good work.

[@kelseydavis2600]

I’m going through this, well have been going through this for 8 years now, and I’m literally at my wits end. We just had our second child 3 weeks ago, he knows I’m extra sensitive and could be prone to postpartum depression, yet he still pushes and does what he does to make me feel horrible. I am trying to get out but I am clueless where to begin. We recently moved to a new state, with no family or friends, so I feel more lost then ever. I feel I should show him videos like this, but pretty sure it will go nowhere as any other conversation I try to have… Much love to anyone going through a difficult situation

[@XtineJohnes]

The narc brain is overly obsessed with rank, order, who is 1st 2nd 3rd, trying to single out someone as "the problem", that doesn't have any ability to "zoom out" and only focuses on small things, blames, shames and just can't get along with others as a result. It's a horrible problem. I'm so glad this is being talked about.

[@blueminutes4686]

I'm 59. You have summarized my entire life in this video, despite having watched countless NPD videos and relating to some of the issues. At age thirteen I began reading self-help books to fix ME. I'm sure I have read a hundred or more. Nearly everyone has regarded me as too sensitive and immature. I was bullied by people who had once been my friends. After hearing you today I don't know which person I am, the victim or the narcissist. Five years ago I began going numb within a few days beginning with my feet all the way up to my ribs. I am still just as numb. Every step hurts. It took 3 months to be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I'm nearly done. Tired fighting to function and push through pain and stiffness. Tired of people.

[@sanimal.social]

This is so terrifyingly true. It is exactly the experience that I had. When I stayed calm and rational listening to all the complaints of persecution and injustice done to my ex, that was never enough, so his anger and rage would build and build until I was upset, anxious and angry myself - my heart would be racing listening to the horrible things happening, and then finally when I showed my distress for his situation, he would stop - and although I observed this pattern, I just couldn't understand it. I just knew, that if I blocked that raging energy whilst listening to him, and if I maintained my boundaries he would say "you're not there for me, you're not listening to me", but if he could get inside and put those awful feelings in the pit of my stomach, then he seemed satisfied. And it was so strange that the same stories and complaints would be repeated again and again, eventually on a daily basis. I thought maybe he had OCD, but finally discovering what covert narcissism is, I can see exactly what was happening and it explains everything. It was so strange that I would end up experiencing the horrible things he'd been describing to me over and over, as though I became brainwashed and ended up living it myself - and then he would show my sympathy and say "Oh, you're going what I was going through, and I can give you advice about it". Thank God I left, I was all but completely destroyed by the end of the 23-year relationship.

[@alimccreery755]

You are totally on point with everything you’re saying and I’m aware of it now.

[@shelbythorne2473]

Thank God you are feeling better. You always take such good care of us watching your videos, so here's to hoping you feel 100% soon. Big hug and ty for this video.

[@judiebering4649]

You are the only one who truly understands.

[@coreyanderson7424]

Listen. Use your empathy ( for those of you who are empaths, especially), to gauge the situation. You know what the Narcissist is about. But you know they're vulnerable. Very vulnerable. And you know that other people, sometimes are being love bombed. Don't try to prove what's happening. But do use your instincts and intelligence to your advantage. Figure out what won't work, and what will. And do what you gotta do. Exposing them is not hard when you remember that you have the ability to play your cards very well. I have successfully exposed even a vulnerable Narcissist who was very crafty.

[@izawaniek2568]

I love and Thank you for every single sentence in This message. Thank you Michelle.

[@Stardust12397]

Thank you for existing

[@LeeYvesMexico]

The most important thing to do with a NARC is not to get stuck on sticky fly paper! That's perfect 😊 stand in your circle of truth.

[@venusianpearl]

You have saved my life today. I wish you the best of what life could ever offer a person.

[@minkqua]

It amazes me how accurately you described what I'm going through right now. Thank you for explaining a lot of the behavior I'm seeing and truly didn't know what to think of it or how to process it all.

[@DonSambrook]

Very powerful insights.

[@mirag.9089]

Thank you. 🌷

[@ellellellelle111]

You just get it. Thank you.

[@SkarGig]

@6:30 thank you for talking about this sickening and disgusting mind game. It makes me feel so confused and i try to explain what is happening as its happening and he looks at me like im insane.

[@davidsutliff8312]

So first of all just want to say I love you and you are an absolute godsend! Second of all, it's not so simple as not playing the tug of war with her. Because then she runs to the kids and says see your dad doesn't care what I think because my feelings never matter. That's how she gets me!

[@bschultz213]

But how can the person get help if they refuse to see they need help? Or they feel ganged up on and the reply is more gaslighting? Still havnt covered that.

[@hawkspirals3483]

OMG you’ve nailed my ex, she divorced me AFTER my stroke, committed financial abuse in the divorcee process; and still plays the vic…

[@alimccreery755]

My Aunt on my mother’s side of the family did this to me. I had a funny feeling about taking her up on the offer of visiting for a holiday. I have reflected on the events of this situation and realize now what was really happening. I stay away from my family totally now. After they helped destroy my mother they thought they could do it to me. No way.

[@allieeverett9017]

My aunt (my mother's sister) was her last abuser, and my mom was a covert narc VICTIM in the biggest sense. I stay clear of them since my mother's death. They're all over the top nut-so. It's been a peaceful 8 years...

[@alimccreery755]

@@allieeverett9017 I’m glad I left home when I was 16, there’s no way I would want to live too close to my family so I get what you’re saying. I stay in contact with my brother but that’s about it. Family drama is way too much energy to get involved in. I’m very limited when it comes to friendships also. I don’t feel bad about bringing the weed wackier out, sometimes it’s necessary 👍

[@philsmith3842]

Spot on again

[@SkarGig]

My mantra while I try to navigate leaving this person "I know what is happening." Lets just say gaslighting and crazy making is his passion in life. Hes so good at the WEIRD mind games.

[@hide_and_go_sikh]

When it comes to narcissistic parents and siblings... I consider my mother and sister overt narcissists. Now that may not be the appropriate terminology however I understand that this is a growing field of research. So let me explain. My mother and sister are the sort of people who scream and rage all of the time. It appears that they do this as a way to gain emotional control over other people. And I believe they do this as a way to feel in control, because they do not feel in control. And it's coming from a place of fear. What they fear is not being in control. However my father is very different. He says it is best not to speak. And throughout the course of my life he has only acknowledged my inadequacies. Everything negative about me and none of my positive qualities. Unless it is something he wants me to do then he tells me how great I am at it. I consider him one of the world's foremost manipulators. But he says it is not manipulation because manipulation is based on Deception. This is negotiations. It's unfortunate my father is someone I have had to negotiate with my entire life. I just love my children and love spending time with them. There is no aspect of negotiations to the love I have for them. My father hates the common people and just doesn't want to be around the peasants.

[@maddyG7414]

Biggest sign for me is confusion. A near constant sense of: wtf is going on and how did this conversation go this way?? With the healthy relationships I have now, we always come to an understanding of some kind, even if it doesn’t happen right away. But with the two people I had to stop contacting that mirrored all these qualities, I felt at a loss in so many moments. Small things would be taken personally and then blown into a big thing, the competition and exaggerated envy got really bad. Years of being nitpicked and poked has left its mark.

[@vaishalipatel3204]

It tool my 26 years to learn that my husband is a malignant narc. I took the blame for all his projections and constant blame for our problems. Its taken it toll to get them to see what they are doing it toxic. Now i know the truth i am no longer playing their games. Flying monkeys cut off, narc contact grey rock and it feels so alien cos this is not me but i choose to know my truth snd protect my sanity. Thanks for another great video. I am now trying to understand the impact on self

[@shannonlankton]

I can’t even believe how spot on you are. Do you know anything about daughters that are identical twins!!?!! Very close twins to

[@philsmith3842]

Please get well

[@bubblywaters3116]

Thank you I sooo needed this tonight. 🙏

[@DerrickJerome.]

Thank you🙏🏿😌

[@sixfeetunder0105]

Its far from crazy it is so contagious and they keep using others to discard the emotions they cant handle and project them onto you. Like they could pick on you and harass you, then you are becoming angry or stressed and you cant handle it, and you put your limit and stay STOP and be a little agressive because its the only way to make them stop and then they say ´ youre so agressive / scary «

[@anthonyrist5626]

Michele, thanks once again, spot on for me, I would like to share my story but there is to much to tell. Your videos are a big help,

[@wendypoisson9601]

Makes perfect sense. You are spot on , that's my life

[@catsgonuts]

Thank you!!!

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

This is deeply complicated when a child or adult is in such a household. They will blame genetics, mental illness, etc. and never take responsibility.

[@josephbrommer538]

This was exactly what she did to me, almost to the letter, the absolute description yet to how she would blame me for all of the problems. Including all her cheating on me was my fault.

[@jessietremblaylemieux1086]

Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤❤❤

[@Songe467]

I got trapped in the middle. My covert mum babied me and used me to get sympathy attention, fretting and fussing and worrying over me so people would trip over themselves to praise her, help her and tell her what a stellar mum she was and then my traditional narc Dad would make a lot of noise about me been selfish, irresponsible, lacking leadership, been too reliant and needy. It was horrible. I spent my childhood hating attention, trying my best to ignore everyone around me and stay invisible and just do my best to stay out of the way and do what I had to get through school.

[@malindaallen718]

A relative actually said that she "wished I worried more about her" because she is old and poor and has no close relatives except me. She will deluge me with texts, pics, and gifs if I am late with my morning text to her. I won't see these immediately, because I'm busy and don't always have my phone at hand. In other words, I have a life. When we get in touch later in the day, she emphasizes how worried she was, envisioning me injured or worse. She has contacted friends who don't live close to me and gotten them to drive to my home to check on me. More recently, she has asked for my neighbors phone number, which I haven't given her. I am older than her, and I also have no other close relatives; but I am independent. My default mode is "I'm safe and well, and so is she." Her anxiety, if that's what it is, is unfortunate. It feels more like control to me. Whatever it is, don't want to be a prisoner of it.

[@christiner3357]

Thank you for talking about this! This is my ex husband! But, when co-parenting, you do have to combat their lies to protect your children!

[@paperjawa]

Projective identification and transference

[@lindac6919]

My mother was the continual victim. How awful I must have been, a tiny child abusing a 50 year old woman. How awful I must be, now.

[@pamelar5868]

❤

[@pamelar5868]

❤

[@mariolys442]

Thank you

[@johnpaul2285]

Ful of it up to the eyebrows Hope you get better quickly Michele 🙏🌻

[@masquarra]

Feel better love!

[@rocknrollbuff]

Great 👍 advice, on a personal level divorce is the worst to do through, especially is your older than them and as they always declare, or write about setting you up . They are all scammers , Glad you recovered, stay health

[@hide_and_go_sikh]

I haven't shared all of my great ideas. I share my B shelf ideas. I keep my A shelf ideas on standby for someone with the appropriate financial compensation.

[@PoncePappas-zo1ot]

Gimme a minute. That’s all I’ll need

[@anjachan]

my brother loves that! but not anymore with me.

[@lavonnebenson7409]

Oh wow ... exactly.

[@desertangelfish140]

Playing the victim to me, means you are an incredibly weak individual that constantly makes poor choices and had issues dealing with the consequences. It's the trait of a master manipulator. A clever way to have you lower the bar and have minimal expectations.

[@Corina-dq2my]

Please do a video on Vulnerable Narcs in the workplace. Very similar dynamics. But how it translates to a work environment. Thanks for mentioning that!And yes, it does work to stop caring what they're doing. Because it causes the spotlight to naturally come off of you that way. So now who's the problem?

[@stylist62]

So sadistic beyond belief, harmful and cruel of course they don’t have anger they love hurting people. Let go distance yourself and deal with crap from those who don’t know you, know the truth and stick by it. Loosing certain people can be a blessing 🤣 everyone s perspective is different it’s what makes relationships fun 🙏🥰

[@hazelmarieb9934]

I just got discarded very suddenly by someone who twisted around what i said to accuse me of victim blaming. I should have seen it coming because shes done it twice to me before and like a sucker i went crawling back thinking it was my fault giving her honest heartfelt apologies and making real effort to improve myself. Well this time i had improved to the point of a better job and making more friends and when she suddenly flipped me being vulnerable to her into me being a victim blamer i went to my friends with the messages who immediately told me she was being abusive amd i needed to end it and go no contact. So i did. Its been easier to fall out of love with her because now i see i only loved who i thought she was. I do not love who she really is.

[@tracy.28]

If you don’t give them what they want, they behave like kids. It’s mind boggling to see a grown man act like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum. I have to remind myself of his inappropriate behavior every-time he try’s to get close to me. Like no get away I know who you really are. Label me crazy put me in a mental institution, I don’t give a damn what people think as long as that thing never enters my life again. Because I know I will heal and be healthy again. But he won’t unless he opens his true heart. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Every Goliath has a sling shot with his name on it. I just pray to God that he has mercy on this fool. Because nobody could treat Gods children anyway they want and not get handled accordingly. Amen.

[@FaithFashionFinances]

Right, they take on the .... I am going to make my kid's/partner's problem my victim story and then they just deflect and spout this story and use it to get sympathy from others. Meanwhile, leave out how they treated you, or anything they did.

[@lionsoultribe]

Had to subscribe ❤😊

[@mandyc1452]

I’m going through it right now. Just around the holiday. I have video evidence but I know they would just use it against me and make me be the aggressor in the situation. 😢

[@hide_and_go_sikh]

They say that you are like the 5 people you are around the most. This is exacerbated by the narcissistic dynamic. If you're significant other is a really hard-working reliable person then the Narcissist might mirror that. But then if that relationship ends and their next partner is a psychopath then the narcissist might start mirroring Psychopathic behaviors.

[@ishmaeldaniels1944]

Your right

[@dumpybear8664]

The family court system doesn't give sh*t about YOUR truth. Takes one allegation to ruin your life. Even if you prove they were wrong.