3 ways the narcissistic parent blocks the scapegoat child’s growth

[@normagaunce9630]

The narcissist knows exactly what they are doing. They might play dumb when they are confronted but they know.

[@jackherer_078]

I’ve said it so many times to my wife, who wants to confront my mother. Confronting them does nothing but make them a winner. Either way, you end up looking like the ass and they get to play the victim. Just as they like it.

[@whoopdewhoop7154]

Exactly! I think the best thing to do is to leave them alone. Completely!!

[@obscurum6]

They are evil.

[@aimeem8156]

I wish you were right. The delusion can be very strong

[@whoopdewhoop7154]

@@aimeem8156 mmmhmm!

[@1RPJacob]

"Seeking approval and love from broken people is not what healthy people do."

[@qrisstrongmountain780]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - ~Albert Einstein~

[@kimlec3592]

@@qrisstrongmountain780 Very few people are insane. People are exhausted by hateful parents partners "friends".

[@flamingrobin5957]

labels "broken" "healthy" are not so helpful . what is helpful is the complicated process of understanding what went wrong , why, and how and with who. this could take many years to get to a place of sensing growth and fitting in with functional people.

[@samf.s.7731]

They can never be happy, and they're not trust worthy. They'll love bomb you, don't fall for it! They do that so that you can trust them again, and as such they will take advantage of that. Once you start forgetting and caring again boom, they'll remind you of who they are.

[@marcosgomes6651]

I feel like creating a survival group of narcissistic mothers and fathers, because we are alone, so we could create an artificial "family" to survive in this chaotic world.

[@micheleparadis2808]

At first, I was their golden child. When I became too independent for them, I became their scapegoat. Thank you

[@micheleparadis2808]

@@wes555 You're not a child anymore. You KNOW intuitively that your parents are responsible for their own lives, not you. You don't owe them anything, you have been used, treated as a convenient object enough. Enough. Leave. And yes, I know how it feels like. I also doubt very much that narcissists would "terminate" themselves but even if they did, it would be a relief for everyone concerned. Enough.

[@bonezbaaaby]

​@@wes555You haven't lost everything. You have your sanity, your will to live, your awareness of the situation. Seek support and get away and sever all contact. Don't just roll over dead. Run and regain life.

[@JCTBomb]

Same!! I was the goodie two shoes until I began to think critically and seek things that weren't in his agenda. When I told him I didn't feel loved, he snapped and screamed at me and called me names and insulted me and from then on out I was targeted by him and he got the family to gang up on me too when there was conflict that came up. Totally disgusting behavior. Around others, he's "such an amazing man" but behind closed doors, he was a total sicko and monster. he punched holes in the walls, mooned me and my family while drunk one holiday when I was a kid, screamed and violently spanked me and my siblings, yelled at my mom all the time, etc. Not a good man, but at church he was such a servant and such a kind man! What a load of shit, ha! UGH. Its been around 2 years or so of no contact, I am slowly working on cleaning up my soul, mind and heart from all the damage he's caused me so that I can have healthy relationships moving forward. I am too scared and triggered to feel safe around people right now, besides my best friend and a few close people to me... but I am working on all the areas of issues he's projected onto me and am healing by crying and angering and journaling etc etc... I'm making progress!!

[@turtnturtle]

same

[@annabelle1471]

nice quote- don’t just role over dead

[@JessPeachy143]

My entire life I was always struck by the contrast between how well the outside world viewed and treated me, versus how badly I was treated at home and felt. I both saw my value, and also hated and devalued myself at the same time. It was so confusing & exhausting to grow up with such an internal conflict about myself.

[@jolorna3654]

Still in it, still fighting my way through

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Why cant we call the police or some other authority to report this systematic insidious abuse? How can we get justice for the lifelong psychological damage these people cause to the scapegoat? Why is the only option to walk away and lick your wounds? Why is there so much support for other kinds of abuse, but not this kind? My mother deserves to go to prison, for dehumanizing her child and crushing them with years of confusing psychological games and mistreatment.

[@benweiss5539]

The pain is nearly invisible to the outside world but those who experience know better. The sense of justice you seek is by being the change you want to see in the world and rising above this type of abuse. Let your story be the light for others that were neglected so they may walk a more harmonious life

[@HeartFeltGesture]

​@@benweiss5539 My questions are rhetorical. Of course the abuse is invisible to the outside, the clue is in the word "covert". I am of course rising above the abuse otherwise I would be dead from suicide. There is no justice served from waking up and healing, it is about healing and rebuilding only. The story of other abused people is the same as my story, covert narcissists all read from the same playbook, regardless of creed or culture.

[@pelletier4432]

This information wasn't available the way it is now. These abusers convince the outside world they are the kindest people to know. I hear your anger and totally agree with how you feel.

[@christar9527]

Agree! In my mind it’s no different than a physical child sacrifice like when they’d throw the child into a volcano as an offering to a god. These people aren’t parents, they’re criminals. Both of my narcissistic parents were trying to kill me, slowly but surely and they nearly succeeded numerous times. I was so sick I spent my life in hospitals either physical or mental ones. All because of their, and other people’s narcissistic abuse. My only hope is that they are paying for it in the afterlife, as in suffering immensely in Hell 🔥.

[@christar9527]

@@benweiss5539 Easier said than done.

[@emmabrooker166]

My mother’s narcissistic abuse really ramped up when I was 14. She went from being quite neglectful to being highly controlling to the extent that I wasn’t allowed to spend time alone in my bedroom; I had to stay up watching tv late at night with her because she wanted company; she disposed of all my soft toys one day while I was at school; if I invited a school friend round she’d suddenly give me domestic chores to do; she took all the money I earned at a Saturday job; she stopped buying me clothes so all I had was a pair of her old jeans and my school uniform. She told my grandparents that i didn’t want to visit them because I wanted to see my friends instead (completely untrue). She didn’t want a child but just some kind of living being in the same house to use as she saw fit. It’s all had dreadful lifelong consequences in all areas of life.

[@basilrose]

❤❤❤

[@qrisstrongmountain780]

I think I understand what you went through. When your narcissistic mother realized you were old enough to meet her desire for a companion, your role switched to meet her own needs. It's hard to subjugate your own wishes, hopes, & dreams because someone demands you do so. It takes courage to find out who you are now!

[@David-eu1ms]

Jeff Dahmer said he wasn't trying to kill his victims, he just wanted them to be zombified, narcs are the same.

[@sannajohanna5579]

She did not want you to become a sexy beautiful woman. My mom was abd is the same: everything went quite ok (not all but anyhow) before I got a teenager and it becamexworse when I turned 20 and started dating. The hell became. That tine I really started to see her nature. I am sorry for your experience. I feel you and your pain.

[@annikaakerholm6433]

I completly see your points and I would say the part of the n mother just wanting some living beeing in the house with her to do with as she likes matches my experience. I was truly terrafied of what lengthts she could go for until some years ago. I'm also getting to know myself now +40. I feel free but there is plenty of hard days and a lpt of self work to do every day. Resently I went to a retreat I've known about for years, not beliving it would help but it did! In that retreat you let your emotions out in a safe environment and you get to mentally kill your abusers. It took me several days to agree and really let emotions out, because I didnt think I needed to anymore but after I did my confussion stoped. Now it's other leveals of life and better shots of pulling throue.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

My biggest heartbreak was being forced to kick people I cared for and who genuinely cared for my well-being out of my life, while concurrently forced to accept exploitative people into my life, who merely used me. Being told as a youth that good is bad and bad is good is a massive set up for years, if not decades, of dysfunctional relationships of all kinds.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Yes!

[@pomhubnz]

I’m the scapegoat adult in my family led by a narcissistic mother and I hate it. I wish I hadn’t been born sometimes. The older I get, the harder it gets. The scapegoatism doesn’t stop. It’s horrible.

[@bradyryan5105]

Cut ties with the witch and her flying monkeys

[@MsVaughnTV]

@@bradyryan5105this is *exactly* my situation and YUP 🫡

[@moonsummersong]

I'm the same way. Don't give up. We need to reprogram ourselves and our core beliefs and vibrations. I believe we were born stronger than them, with a light, and that is why we were attacked, because their fragility felt threatened

[@SkyePhoenix]

Do you have any kids of your own? I was my mother's scapegoat. I recently went no contact with her. I have 2 grown daughters and it's been a long hard road out of hell.

[@pomhubnz]

@@SkyePhoenix No, I don’t have any children, which I have chosen not to have because I would never want them to be subject to her treating them lesser than what they’re worth as she already does that with me!

[@meredith2803]

I used to think everything would change once I moved out (which I did at 16). I’m 42 now and even though I’ve been physically out for years having to try and rebuild my life has been the ongoing work in progress. You live in a prison and take it with you if you’re not careful, can’t really be helped if it’s all you know. Thanks for another wonderful and enlightening post Dr Reid, plenty to think about.

[@aom5220]

Can we be friend?

[@Hawaiiansky11]

It's worse than prison, because your brain and body are developing, while you are learning how to play the game of life with all the rules inside out and upside down. It's more like growing up in a cult.

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@aom5220 Why can't we be friends why can't we be friends

[@dennisrobinson8008]

You have to relocate far away

[@kendraowen2841]

Still stuck .... physically as well ... I went on to marry an abuser and left him in 2010 ... now I'm stick back in the house. I got a degree ... to do what I already knew I could do ... only to constantly hear "we are looking for someone experienced" for a couple of years ... then "but you haven't utilized your degree" from then on. Anything not that career .... "you are over qualified". So for years I went on interview after interview. He of course would find an excuse to tear into me while I was getting ready to leave for an interview. Gotta remind me I'm worthless, lazy, and stupid before I go try to convince someone I'm Smart, hardworking, knowledgeable right? So then I drove rideshare for awhile ... which does not pay well enough to live on ... so still stuck. Now I work remotely for my brother. I revel in my being stuck ..... hey you wanted to fucking make me worthless, stupid, and lazy so I'm going to sit here and fucking annoy you when you should be a empty nester and I should be rid of your sorry ass.

[@fredhubbard7210]

This is an insanely unrated channel. For several years I was fed up with most channels about narcissism. Those popular channels focussed again and again on the narcissistic parent (saying how awful the narcissist was.) This is the way the narcissistic parent wanted it--being the centre of attention. Thanks Jay for turning the focus onto the victim, and the victims' ongoing struggle, and the victims' path to healing. I am 65 yo, and learning to come to terms with my own struggles, and my gifts. I have never been happier. It is fine to say go "no contact" with your Narcissistic Family System... but that really is only a crude starting point. Learning to accept one's own values, gifts, core beliefs, passions and struggles is so much more nuanced, and complex. Going no contact is just akin to taking the garbage out. Building a life again is so much more rewarding.

[@smoozerish]

I agree. Very few channels focus on how the narcissist victim heals

[@markartist8646]

65 here too and finally appreciating the insight and level of recovery that was not available earlier in my therapy endeavers. Kudos!

[@Thysta]

Agree. Focusing on the narcissist is the ultimate way of wasting your time. Jay's channel is absolutely the best. Plus, when you just sit there and watch others talk about the narcissist, you again feel like "Do I matter at all? Or is it still all about that idiot?"

[@joannabrites9857]

Sending you hugs well said I’m 58 and just learning who I am. But boy it feels good.

[@flamingrobin5957]

you have a good point. but many videos are necessary to show you how to first see the narcissist as a problem since you were programmed to be blind and need them. the early stages of narcissistic recovery are just understanding and getting perspective shift. readiness to change takes time since we only know what we know until we know differently.

[@christinebravomom5711]

I wasn't allowed to have good relationships, period. Our covert narcissistic mother made sure my siblings disliked me. She was also always telling me to grow up and move out as soon as possible and not to ever bring my kids home, because she wasn't going to baby sit. It wasn't until I was actually on my own that I realized how poorly she had prepared me for adulthood. The only skills she taught me were for the household tasks she didn't want to do. When I failed at something she knew how to do, but had never taught me, she'd point out my mistakes and laugh. I was never hugged or heard "I love you" or "I'm proud of you." I didn't learn until I was fully grown and on my own that I am highly intelligent and artistically gifted. The first clue I had that my mother was seriously messed up was when my own parenting instincts were the opposite of the way she treated me.

[@gracebechlem5575]

Every time I watch one of your videos I feel rage. I’m 38 years old and still can’t get over what my mother did to me. I’ve never heard anyone explain what it’s like to be raised by a narcissist like this before. It’s very profound and enlightening…but also there’s the rage.

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

First step in the grief cycle💚

[@kaoutar6921]

Check Sam vaknin you will understand a lot of things andfeel releaf in so many way .

[@izawaniek2568]

Narcisists are broken and highly dysfunctional people, Once we get that, it is game over. It takes time, effort and a lot of pain to break the trauma bonds and grieve properly but Once you are done, you are born again to a totally different world. Thank you.

[@obscurum6]

If only it were that easy. When you've been surviving all your life you were never alive.

[@liliya_aseeva]

The worst thing is to be the only child. Both roles are changing constantly. You soon learn to recognize the mood of your oppressive parent just by her (or his) footsteps

[@satoriceramics6010]

So real

[@solidstate9451]

I was one of 3. And the other 2 convinced me that our mother was a saint and that I was the problem. I tried to kill myself to make life for my mother better.

[@TIOLIOfficial]

2:35 - "I am superior, because my child reflects who I am". "I am superior, because my child does NOT reflects who I am". 3:05 - "The narcissistic parent pressures the child into agreeing with the treatment they are getting". WOW. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SAYING THIS.

[@sannajohanna5579]

Few days ago while walking outside I realised that actually, I am a lovable, kind person. I just never heard from my parents that I am lovable. I am sensitive, I have such a great intuition, I love snimals and cry if I see them suffer, so I was called ”stupid, crazy, a fool who believes everyone and everything that is said (so it is so fun to lie to me…! Simply: I was ridicule in all ways.) Never heard, that I am actually a lovable, good person. Only now, when I’ve been in no contact for some months, I start to see myself differently. It is pretty exciting. Still, I have moments of deep grief 😢and ANGER. 🤬 And then, of course, I feel that I am bad because I feel so.

[@Gladiator_in_a_Suit]

So relatable!

[@christinebravomom5711]

I hate how sad I feel that my family was so broken, but I think I should be sad. I needed and deserved better from them.

[@ingrid5944]

I understand you and I can relate A LOT!!! It's soo soo important to notice good things about ourselves when we've been abused and neglected for so much time, specially by our own parents. It's called self parenting! Be the best mom/dad to yourself and you will be a beautiful flower!! ❤❤

[@moirabij734]

This video helps me understand why it took so long for me to grow up and become a responsible adult. It's because my parents didn't want this for me. They wanted me to live in the pain of addiction and self loathing. Thankfully I found the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous where for the first time in my life (at age 30) I had people who supported and cared about me. Any such demonstrations from my parents were superficial and not genuine, I felt. I am now nearly 52 and my life is my own to do with as I please. I strive to learn and grow every day. I am so grateful for your channel, Dr. Reid, and for everything it has taught me. Thank you. 🙏💮

[@annia474]

Same here, I am 55 and started living my life free from them a couple of years ago, I work, travel, and live a peaceful life,

[@franciscoguevara9727]

i got sober and realized i had so much stuff to unpack so also joined support groups for trauma , and i got validated and beelived by a safe enough person there and thats also when i started being more gentle on myself because i had this tools modeled and started speaking up and setting boundaries for myself a lot more because this was modeled, but being believed and validated was important because the survivor can blame themselves and litttle by little istarted being a lot more gentle with my language towards mysellf , and started having healthy boundaries to protect my inner child and my worth dignity and space, and thats when my authentic self came out a lot more, I can use my self-protective instinct to defend my space, its safe to protect my inner child now, and i dont have to supress my feelings because im not a kid any more, i can have gentleness and healthy boundaries healthy selfprotective instinct do defend my space, and stay in integrity to my inner child , and that shows me who is safe enough, to get my needs met , selfrespect through boundaries / healthy anger is an important way to stay true to my inner child and find my safe enough people take up my space in the wordld and its also advocatefor my needs, little by little organically healing in this process because today is healthy to put myself first in a healthy way and love honor listen attune and protect to my inner child , and get my needs met through healthy relationships , and take up my space and share my truth! Its good and healthy and valid for me to do that. Theres a lot of healing possibe, and support groups, therapy models, videos on youtube, and a process to keep unpacking healing, and staying true to my inner child taking my space and finding my safe enough people, to get my needs met with, after healing from this type of bullshit, were worth it, and we matter and can be gentle on ourselves and have boundaries nad keep finding safe enough others, to connect with and get our needs met! take good care everyone!

[@meowmeow1stgen668]

I got sober too. 8 years tomorrow. Thanks for sharing ❤

[@moirabij734]

@@annia474 , that's wonderful. We do recover. 🌸

[@moirabij734]

@@meowmeow1stgen668 , congratulations. Life is so good (most of the time) without being inslaved by addiction. I am sure you know the slogans but to remind myself as well...let go, let God. Keep it simple. One day at a time. 🌸

[@smoozerish]

I wasn't allowed to date as a teenager, and any interaction with girls was frowned upon. Left me feeling very unsure of myself around women in later life.

[@juneelle370]

Think of how many people never get a chance in this lifetime to even just understand all this before they die. It’s an absolute treasure to be able to know all this. Every single day is precious…. this was all just a very expensive and long, painful lesson and the silver lining of this lesson can be used for great value in the rest of the days of our lives ☀️ all the more precious because free & finally understanding… I walk the world, interactions, the days differently and growing from this place 🌀 Sad part is, you have to let people who don’t want to understand go… my sister was an enthusiastic golden child… to the point where not only would she join in with him directly but she would set up scenarios for him to abuse me like a child putting a ball on a little league ball-stand. She’d tea it up-for him to hit it… to hit me. Lie after lie… no empathy whatsoever… and my mom wouldn’t protect me and she actively abused me in her own special way. It’s sad because I really could have a relationship after all they did and just move forward in equal respect and care, but they can’t let go of the games, the “status”, the triangulation, one-sidedness, the betrayals. It’s sad but you do have to just let go… I’ve held on so long and just been dragged through mud and rocks… Now, I just have to heal and grow. The no family thing stinks and of course my fear of it is what made me hold on and do so much for so long to try to have family, to try to be so loving that they would love me too… but all that pathological false hope did was do me further harm. Protecting myself and directing love towards myself and others and only ever going to get close/be close with people who are capable of mutual love/respect/care/concern/appreciation🌼 Thank you for everything 🌊

[@joannabrites9857]

Wow, so good to know I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing you helped me today

[@juneelle370]

💞

[@cynthiafortier2540]

June that was beautiful, makes me feel good about going no contact with my family of origin. Finally putting ME first. The peace is amazing!!

[@juneelle370]

@@cynthiafortier2540 💙! I’m happy for you! personally, I’m on limited contact and internal letting go/awareness/distance/protection

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Idk you but I like you, your insightfulness is so refreshing..kindred spirit. Bless you!!!

[@l.5832]

My narc mother used all these tactics. I sure wish I had known 50 years ago what is readily available to be known now. I would have lived a very different life. I thought I was so defective almost died in my early 20s from self hatred and self neglect. Narc mother couldn't care less.Just proved her point how defective I was. Yet I was a straight A student and athletic. She just would not see any value in me and it almost killed me.

[@aena5995]

Suhana Noor this scares me tbh I just turned 22 never had any relationship and worst part I started uni late so now I would probably have to wait for awhile before I can really move on with my life so imma be studying for awhile idk when I will find someone I don't feel in control at all it's like god has something else planned and somehow I get redirected back to this place ugh 😩 I just wanna switch countries or just get away from her even studying feels hard asf

[@kaoutar6921]

Same here I felt dead

[@kaoutar6921]

​​@@aena5995same here 22, I started uni when I was 18 I failed some semesters and passed some , I feel behind in life. Studying is almost impossible, I didn't know about this whole thing of Narcissism and I couldn't do anything depressed most the time the bad thing is that I went back to her and talk to her about my life and what I want to do, BIG mistake but it was because I didn't know. I was studying engineering but with that amount of stress and disregulation I didn't make it. I lost 4 years in university got out with no degree. I'm 22 now and now that I know who she truly is I am planning to start all over again with a new technique to deal with her and also dad , none of them is healthy, the technique is to do it Secretly I will never share all the information with her, the details and just anything new and that I am excited about. Never give up on yourself honey, life is too short to waste with these people. Another thing I do is to go out joining volunteering work , go for walks , learning languages, in general putting myself out there where I can meet people my age . ❤

[@writer1986]

I was the family scapegoat while my big sister was the golden child (and the rest of my siblings were treated randomly based on my mother's needs). Even as the first college graduate and career woman in the family, I was only treated with passive-agression. I'm now estranged from my family, and although it hurts to know I'm not viewed as a family member, I'm mentally sane and happy with my own little family.

[@KelsoFox]

Proud of you for leaving and gaining self-esteem, something they will never have.

[@alicemariecuthbert9276]

This one was so on point, and necessary for understanding and revelation. In my family of 8 siblings, the golden child was my mom's favorite. The golden child, who could no wrong, was my arch nemesis. Because of the response and reaction of people to the difference in the quality of our singing voices and looks, She worked very hard to interfere with and worked to ruin, or right out destroy my relationships with immediate and extended family members, and outside the family relationships as well. Imitating my identity, as her own. It was like the movie "Single White Female." I was suicidal over the feeling of helplessness, and hopelessness, to get away from her constant reach into my life wherever I went. In the midst of all the smear campaigning, and interference with others, then tried to brainwash me into believing "family is really all you have!" Yet, if they ostracize, reject, misunderstood and/or treat you like they don't really want, like or love you, then you have nothing. Right? Even when I married, they boycotted the wedding because I didn't let my husband speak with them first, and the ONLY way I knew my mom would come, was to invite the favorite golden child, who even on that day, tried to sabotage it and took another appointment, and didn't stay until the end. The next time my husband and I saw my mom at church, she looked at him and said "we need to talk." I immediately thought, "about what?". I know now they really wanted an opportunity to work on his thinking in order to try to get him to see me as defective, change his mind about marrying me, then tell everyone, "see he didn't even want her." Thank God, we will be celebrating our 12 year anniversary this year. 🥳 Living happily in another state, away from all that dysfunction, while I am growing more, and getting freer from the effects of living so many years, unbeknownst to me, as a scapegoat of my family, which explains it all now. Thanks Dr. Reid. God bless you and your work along with others who are helping me heal on this beautiful journey.❤️

[@juneelle370]

I’m so glad you have a loving husband and got away!!! Endless meddling is exactly for the purposes you described and mind games (lies!)

[@sh6460]

So glad they didn't pull in your husband and you got away!

[@alicemariecuthbert9276]

Thank you so much for your encouraging and supportive responses. I really appreciate them! God bless you both! 🙏🏽❤

[@rdh53]

I am so glad to know that you escaped and rose above the pettiness of family. I never really saw this sort of family dynamic until my father died and his 4 sisters all boycotted his funeral. I sense that he had been the golden child growing up and none of the siblings understood or saw that there was likely a dysfunctional mother engaging in triangulation to control her brood. I think that when my father married, he was perceived as having escaped from the manipulation and never seemed to have any emotional affection for any of his family. The dysfunction seems to have been generational and the next generation in which I live still has to bear scars from the trauma. Family is important but sanity is necessary. I escaped at age 68 when an aging narcissist could no longer maintain her mask, became clumsy, and a lifetime of manipulation and treachery became obvious. If I knew then what I know now, I would have abandoned the whole lot of narcissists after college, moved far away, and, pursued a life free from dysfunctional emotional vampires. At least my last years will be free of treacherous triangulating social saboteurs. Get away from these people at all costs. Their only interest is in themselves and they will use you until nothing remains but a desiccated shell.

[@Shimmerin]

Having them torpedo friendships.... Yup. It's just so tiring.

[@qrisstrongmountain780]

Wow! I can see how my parents tortured me over my lack of talent in sports and math now. I can also see a lifelong pattern of them driving away any friends I had & forcing me to drive them away as well. They would demean and harass anyone kind to me, my mother would say they "weren't good enough" to be my friend, and my father would say "better off alone." I used to say that I was like a shoebox, you could shake it and hear the broken glass. That was from decades of walking on eggshells to keep from setting my parents off. Never being taught anything, never being given any approval, and having to hide any personal growth when I reached high school took a horrible toll, because I was socially inept. Being invisible was necessary to my survival. My sister was the golden child for my mother, and my brother was the golden child for my father. Neither have ever tried to understand my point of view, & none of us communicate anymore. I'm trying to figure out how to move on to more fulfilling friendships now, but I feel like a moth, beating myself against a bright window. They have good lives & I'm still trying to survive in the shadows.

[@johncollier3175]

My parents had the very same playbook! You have more than your siblings. You have a keen sensitivity, endurance, and wisdom which comes from suffering. I would rather have the mastery and adeptness of the English language which you have than math or sports ability. Plus, there are few people who have a poetic gift, which you have. You might find some kindred spirits amongst the great poets--Issa, Goethe, Yeats . . . You are quite a valuable person, and don't you ever forget it! Laurie (John's wife--We share a phone)

[@Babu-kr3cr]

Don’t focus on their good lives but on how good you can make your own life now.

[@qrisstrongmountain780]

@@johncollier3175 & Laurie. Thank you for your soul-warming kindness. It's been far too rare that someone has "seen" me for who I am, as opposed to the black sheep that I've been painted. I'm very grateful. I'm at a turning point, and this group is making a HUGE difference. Thank you & God bless you!

[@johncollier3175]

Yes, dear soul--I am convinced that this sad world desperately needs good people like you to roll their sleeves up, to try to hold back the tide of pure evil. What we have suffered was for a reason. None of us deserved any of it. We have the great power of empathy. I always knew immediately which of my students had been abused. Other teachers could not see it. As for the false god of math which our society gives carte blanche to, I would point out, that horrific atrocities in our own time have been committed under the banner of data, however skewed, however falsified, however corupt.

[@johncollier3175]

I forgot to add, that this message is from Laurie, and that I always felt that black sheep were extra special. If I might suggest, that all scapegoats who were robbed of our artistic paths by narcicisstic parents, should go out and buy the biggest box of crayons for our well deserving, long suffering, and patient selves. And lastly, to quote Tiny Tim, "God bless us everone!"

[@KELSEYYYYY]

Does anyone else get a sense of fog when they watch videos like these? It's like something about this video resignates but part of me is in denial about it and it's hard to hear/digest this information.

[@benweiss5539]

It’s difficult to digest because it’s barely coming into our conscious awareness and it contradicts the lies we believed in for so long. So when we hear this truth we need to act on it and create new experiences to reinforce it deep in our subconscious and our bodies. 90-95% of our days are run by subconscious programming

[@ireda9031]

100 percent agree with this. It contradicts the subconscious programming we were forced to adopt to keep ourselves safe and avoid annihilation. It was never a conscious choice to see ourselves as bad. Its a matter of survival and the perceived need for safety is always at the forefront of the subconscious mind before it can focus on anything else. You can't begin to tear down walls you think are protecting you and keeping you safe (whether from abandonment, annihilation, any number of things that would mean death to the mind of a young child who is completely dependent on his caregivers for survival during their formative years). It doesn't begin to resonate until you actually challenge those beliefs that looking at yourself as bad or less than is actually hurting you and not keeping you safe by keeping you in relationship to people who don't value you. Surround yourself with good people and do things that reinforce the belief you actually are worthy and it will slowly start to shift but it won't always be a smooth or linear trajectory. There is also the cognitive dissonance that can happen with the incongruity between their words and actions and within their own behavior when they are valuing you to when they are suddenly devaluing you or how amazing they can seem to others vs. how they treated you personally. It can make it easy to doubt your own perception and experience as real at times. And its also a tough pill to swallow. Denial is often the first step in the necessary but painful grieving process of coming to terms with what happened. It will only resonate when your subconscious mind stops holding on to what was so tightly and starts seeing what is and grieving that loss. And that part can be exhausting and painful to come to terms with. Sometimes denial can feel less overwhelming. Its a lot to process at times. Especially if it contradicts everything youve been taught and told your whole life.

[@qrisstrongmountain780]

Yes, it can be hard to hear this and process the truth about what happened. The brain fog is the barriers you put up as self protection years ago. Everyone has a learning modality, either reading, listening, or tactile-kinesthetic (your sense of touch). I LOVE that Jay has key phrases appear on the screen, along with talking about this subject, because it engages two parts of our brains. Listening to it & watching it multiple times may help with overcoming the "fog." Processing it may take longer, I've been journaling my reactions to the messages so I can put the past in new perspective. God bless you on your journey to healing!

[@KELSEYYYYY]

@Qris Strong Mountain yes, sometimes I think it's easier for me to hear criticism when it's written down rather than verbal.

[@markartist8646]

Agree- The denial and subconscious conditioning has to get illuminated then reinforced- keep at it!

[@kristaweber5495]

This makes so much sense. Thank you. I was so beaten down as a kid that, when I got good grades, I thought there was no way I was actually good enough to have earned them. I thought that when I received As it was because my teachers pitied me. That's so twisted and sad. I'm so grateful people like you are addressing narcisism so people like me can make sense of our lives and heal.

[@ankurdave7784]

I agree. I am also a “scapegoat child.” I estranged from my parents several years back. However, when our parents raised us treating us like a scapegoat, so do others in society. We experience the same in other relationships such as work, friends, intimate relationships, etc. Ultimately we should not be afraid to be in our own skin and we should be ready to live on our own two feet alone without the world’s support. While society may tell us to cultivate good relationships and not burn bridges, staying in relationships does not mean we be everyone else’s scapegoat and people walk all over us. Self-respect is underrated and must be cultivated.

[@CurtisMoe]

Petee Walker's book, which Jay mentions here, was a game changer for me in recovery. Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving.

[@kylabutler9851]

WOW! IT took 55 years to find out what I went through has a name to it. You Describe my childhood to a "T".

[@chilloften]

Yes my mother would do crazy stuff. Park the cars all crazy so whomever was dropping me off could not even pull in the driveway. Locking me out. Coming outside and beating me up in the front seat of a guys car. I could go on & on.

[@warrenbradford2597]

The three ways informed in this video: 1) Deprivation of Emotional Nourishment. 2) Devaluation of the Scapegoat Child. 3) Trapping the Scapegoat Child in the Narcissistic System. I must recover from these methods to heal from the damage caused from the cult that is my narcissistic family.

[@properpropaganda9831]

You can do it. I am doing it.

[@warrenbradford2597]

@@properpropaganda9831 Thank you for your encouragement! I needed that!

[@aena5995]

​@@properpropaganda9831 how Suhana Noor this scares me tbh I just turned 22 never had any relationship and worst part I started uni late so now I would probably have to wait for awhile before I can really move on with my life so imma be studying for awhile idk when I will find someone I don't feel in control at all it's like god has something else planned and somehow I get redirected back to this place ugh

[@chanteynk7324]

Hello fellow survivor of narcissistic abuse. I will adress the three poonta in hope to help you. 1. Jesus loves you and wants you to know your identifying in Him. He dies die you and HE says in His word "Come into me you heavy burdened". HE says ask and you shall receive so please dear pray and ask Jesus to come into your precious life and help and guide you in all areas of your life. He will. I left the narcissistic church I attended while studying. It affected my personal life and my school but the abuse, contempt, berrayal, loneliness and hopelessness affected my confidence at school. I felt like I could achieve nothing. Though it took longer than it needed, I finished my Bachelors of Science in Chemical and process Engineering and I am now enrolled in my Masters. It was not an 3Asyl road as I had c-PTSD, wantwd to drink, smoke and throw up(beginning of bulimia) my pain away. I started to self-harm lightly all while studying. I was in a constant State of limerence and still in the narcissistic fog. But praise be unto God I overcame by the grace of God and with Jesus Christ. 2.

[@dancinginthepurplereign4126]

In high school I had a very nice bf who genuinely loved me. My sister alongside with my mother sabotaged that relationship. But when I was in a toxic relationship, they loved the predatory, much older guy. I was also around toxic friends, I couldn't have a good bf because of my narcissistic ex bf.

[@chellelezley8400]

Word. After meeting my son's abusive father, my mother said "I understand that man". Arms around you, babe.

[@stacykelly7651]

Thank you again for another great video. I wish my younger golden child brother (8 years younger) could truly understand what life was like for me. I went no contact with my NPD mother in August of 2022. My mother has driven away everyone. She is now sick with liver and lung cancer (alcoholic and smoker). My brother is the only person in the family who is there for her. He sees how "difficult" she can be but he doesn't seem to want to accept/understand/believe the level of abuse she inflicted on me. I will not go back and take care of her. I will not call her. I am afraid that by deciding that I had to eliminate that abuse from my life, my relationship with my brother has changed forever.

[@pelletier4432]

Everything changes when you stand up for yourself, and this is such a hard aspect to deal with . My mother is aging, and once I turned away, I lost my younger golden child brother. This is normal from what I understand. I hope you are staying true to what you need to do for yourself. It's hard to process.

[@christar9527]

Good. No contact is forever.

[@RapturereadyforJesus]

When our mom passed my brother had written something about what great parents we had. I told him they were abusive. He is in denial. He still dislikes me to this day.

[@leahflower9924]

@@RapturereadyforJesus sometimes only scapegoat received abuse and other siblings don't receive it and don't see it

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Similar. My mother is horrible to me, I'm not even allowed my own thoughts. My brother is the golden child. He has been her apologist. He coukd have put his foot down and insisted that respect means everybody gets treated well, not her definition that I submit to her narrative. But he has never put a limb out for me. He is on his own when they need help.

[@PatriciaDeschaine]

These videos have been truly lifechanging and enlightening. I sometimes feel like Dr. Reid was a fly on the wall in my home. I found a letter that I had written and mailed to my parents as a second grader as a project to learn to write a letter, address and mail it, and since it was a Catholic school, to show honor to my parents. It thanked my parents (NPD mom, enabling dad) for being such wonderful and loving parents (I remember choking on those words, btw, but I wasn't going to say anything to the nun) and apologized to them for being such a bad daughter; the letter concluded with a commitment to behave better, and to be a better child during the next year. Bam. Mic drop. I was 6 years old. I was never perceived to be a good daughter up to the day of my mother's death when I was 62 years old, at which point I found out that she had "intentionally" left me out of her will, declaring that I was to be considered as predeceasing her for the administration of her estate. The Golden child swept the awards ceremony, for best actor. I was in relationship with her to her last day.

[@juneelle370]

I’m so sorry… that sounds so incredibly painful. 💜 I’m glad these videos are helping you. They’re helping me too

[@brandivolpe]

I was also intentionally left out of my mother's will. I paid her mortgage while I lived with her 7.5 years, took her out to do things she liked doing, did grocery shopping and unpacking, house cleaning, taking her to doctors and keeping her company during chemo treatments, and more. When her boyfriend returned from his jobs' Christmas party with her, she went to the bathroom, he roughly grabbed me by the arm, got in face, and told me I needed to help out more. I was scared and freaking out but I managed to hold on to my anger and shook him loose and told him if he ever touched me again, I would do to him what I was too young to do to the ex-stepfather (SA at 12yo). My mother ultimately left the stepfather, but asked me why I told someone outside the family about it (I told her own sister that she was close to!) and at 13 yo she accused me of liking the SA! So, the day after her boyfriend grabbed me, I received the silent treatment from both. She asked me 2 days later if it mattered if he was drunk. Seriously?! The thing she took his grabbing me was his drunkenness? It became crystal clear that once again she would protect the crap men in her life over my safety (12 yo and 41 yo). I planned my escape then and there...I was gone within the week. I went low contact and finally went no contact a year later when I ultimately realized that there was nothing I could do to prove to her that I was a human being who deserves love and respect. I was shocked to find out I was written out of the will. Not anymore. I loved and cared for her; I accepted & supported her decision to stop chemo. Her actions scream who she was. None of my friends consider me selfish, rude, entitled, and every other horrible thing that witch and her family hammered into my childhood brain. Those narcs and flying monkeys never had our best interests in mind. All they did is lie to enforce the belief we were subhumans. I hope you're able to absolutely reject everything they ever said - how can we trust anything they said or did? I wasn't there when she died. I cried for less than a minute. Still no contact with her flying monkeys 9 years later. The trash took itself out. Only realized she was a narc and I was the family scapegoat last June. The road to recovery is tough but so worth it. Sorry for being so long winded. Good luck to you. I wish you and others peace.

[@Babu-kr3cr]

Can you contest a will like that?

[@brandivolpe]

@@Babu-kr3cr if the person isn't mentioned at all but is considered an expected inheritor, yes. The person who has the will would be better protected to leave $1 to the person they are attempting to exclude so the court/law understands that the excluded person is recognized but is purposely being excluded from the inheritance. A will should also include the phrase "if person A contests the will, they get nothing." This way the wishes of the will owner are protected. That phrase wasn't in my mother's will. I chose not to contest the will because it would force me to deal with a lawyer and those toxic family members I had gone no contact with several years prior. I also realized it didn't matter if a judge ruled in my favor because upon further reflection, I didn't give a crap about owning 45% of the house. My mother had been very clear in life and death that she would tolerate any male's abominable behavior but wouldn't respect my boundaries of treating me with respect. Ultimately, good riddance. No more negative and abusive anchors/nooses around my neck 😁

[@RawOlympia]

What an insightful channel. Yes, instead of growing up, we got ground down.

[@CryptopediaNetwork]

I just realized this is what happened to me my entire life I'm 36 😢 😞 this is extremely traumatic

[@katray7452]

My Narc family has always forced me to act against my own character and beliefs for so long, No contact was the only way to set myself free, They now blame me for disconnecting when they spent a lifetime pushing me away,

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Some of us grow up too fast, to escape the role. Marry young, get full time jobs, have families, etc. Literally become an "adult" during developmental years, because childhood wasnt liveable..

[@kathymetzger9681]

My mother created so much havoc with who I was dating and ultimately my fiancé it was better just not to get involved. I have never been married and at 60 I don’t regret it. It just made life easier for me.

[@The_green_zebra]

Thank you so much for your videos. It seems every video helps to open up a new window into such a confused mess of a childhood that has bled into my adult life. Every video helps a little bit more with the understanding and eventual healing. Thank you for taking the time to create such great content.

[@sannajohanna5579]

This is very good information, thank you. It just makes me feel angry. Not about you, but what happened, my position in the family, my stolen youth.

[@joannabrites9857]

Omg you are always right on point. I never heard it said by anyone. But that is exactly how I felt my whole life growing up. There was a huge hole in my heart, an aching emptiness that is impossible to describe. Thank you. I’m going to ck out your course.

[@dawnwilliams9524]

John’s story is very similar to my upbringing. There was always danger outside of the family and no-one knew me like the family did. It was very difficult to step out into my life. My father was in the forces which I realise had a double-impact upon being imprisoned in the family system. I like your phrase: ‘deprived, devalued and trapped’. This explains it perfectly. Feeling trapped can often be a place I go to in relationships or how I feel in my life. Thank you for explaining what I have found difficult to understand or to explain.

[@joannatoth5848]

My parents still use their flying monkeys my siblings, stepparents, they have tried to use my son and two ex deceased husbands, they have used my friends, my church congregation, my employer, and I am58 years old and have been living on my own since I was 17 yrs old, they are in their 90’s and their spouses in their 80’s!! It is horrible and yes you feel like you are in a prison you can never get away from!!!

[@kathleenmorrison8450]

The only way to be free, heal, and have a good life is to go no contact and never look back because these monsters never change!!!

[@merrill5780]

I was an only child since my sister was 15 yrs older and out of the house. I was STILL the scapegoat. I lived a nervous wreck. I was alone and hated at school too. Probably because my anxiety made me so annoying to people. Continued in my work. Now I keep totally alone. Safer, but absolutely useless and pointless as a life.

[@Joelswinger34]

Thank you so much for this! Part of the reason your videos help me so much is that I know you must have had similar experiences, yet you are a fantastic person. It helps validate the invalidity of the narcissist's opinions!

[@juneelle370]

Yes ! It’s so inspirational that he actually went through it and came out of it so well… and with so much hard-earned wisdom and study to share with people who’ve been through it too! He’s like a scapegoat guide :) showing how we got to such a lost, rocky, thorny place and pointing the way to freedom! 💛

[@FieryKTarot]

I can tell u that as an adult when I tried to assert my growth..my mother would and will SHRED me.

[@corinneblair8795]

This is amazing!! Thank you!! Abandonment Depression is very real to me.

[@SandraMurray-cd7tb]

A fantastic and interesting video. My mother sabotaged many of my friendships and relationships and I couldn't understand why. This video is so helpful in explaining what was going on. Thank you.

[@aom5220]

Can we be friends?

[@moonsummersong]

As a scapegoated child, I am incredibly grateful that I found your channel. You are explaining intricacies I never even realized. Thank you for helping all these beautiful souls who were hurt.

[@lorrainew7529]

This is so useful as I begin my journey to recovery. Thank you! 🙏

[@lovesings2us]

Thank you, Jay, for yet another insightful video - this one helping me having a bit more patience, kindness and self-understanding as I still struggle, at the age of 67, with friendship and relationship issues. I yearn for a healthier, wider support system of friends and coworkers, but the most important step for me right now is to better understand the roots of my loneliness and lovingly accept myself as I am.

[@portcitypersona]

My mother gets upset if I sit outside on a nice day and read a book and feed the birds. She made me sit in the bottom front door where everyone can see me and I feel awkward. She never once said she loved or cared. It is baffling. I almost feel it is an Oedipal thing...reversed. I was away for 4 days and returned to my room ransacked and personal effects gone through and tossed away. When I saw her she immediately began saying I am crazy, she does not trust me, and all kinds of mean things, with a sneer of hate. I am used to this. The issue is, I lost my apartment and she offered for me to rent the downstairs(separate door, driveway(I never had a driver license and she still tried to tell me I should not drive for some reason). I knew this would be my only chance to be close to my Mom. Well, she likes the rent money and invades my privacy, I feel watched, and she picks on me as usual when she feels like it. She openly said a gift I bought her for a birthday was terrible and handed it back in front of 20 family members at a dinner(it was just a guided life journal and really nice..) She will not say anything if I sleep for a week, but will if, as I said, I start getting better and having a couple of friends. I had a female friend over one night to watch movies and my mother put her down after she left(who would want to be around me?). I have had 3 people overnight in over a year and she said I run a flophouse(whatever that is). I have always walked on eggshells and even still do not even flush the toilet if I know she is asleep. She openly despises me so the hope of any progress with her is over. But now she is going back on a deal we made for when I wanted to move. It seems she wants me here but hates having me here. I pay more than my old apartment and use much less resources. I shovel and help anytime. I was allowed in the backyard until it started to get nice out. I was not even near her area, and she did not mind at first as long as I did not talk. When I returned from a long weekend where I pet-sat, when I saw she raided my room(leaving drawers open to show that she did) but she installed a lock to the upstairs where I have never been invited , and said, drunkenly on wine, "I don't trust you". That hurt. My step father just follows her. If she is hating, he is hating. I can not leave but I have to. Homeless and free or depressed, despised, and somehow controlled. She even took my medicines and demanded SHE give them to me. When I finally said no more med control, she accused me of being a bad person and said I was a bastard, which I was used to being called as a boy. Of course there is so much more, but I know people do not read much anymore. I am alone and I feel my heart sinking. I feel like I am 10 again.

[@MissTooni]

❤❤

[@user-ns9kq2ln1u]

Why is this exactly my sit😮uation. I thought i was the only one.. I'm looking for homeless shelters desperate to escape prison ... Stay strong ❤❤❤

[@BlackAbe007]

I’ve always been confident that I was correct. The problem is that the situation is so unusual to those who have not experienced this type of challenge and one is left feeling isolated from most circles. Thank You for your work. Ps, I would make an exceptional case study for you. You may consider contacting me if you wish. Together, we can make Serious Impact. Be well.

[@sophialewis5474]

Methinks I would make a good case study too

[@SkapeGoat-oy5gh]

A lot psychologist should listen to this man to learn something ..... especially onces in Europe

[@leocampa6230]

As a teenager some of my classmates came to the house to invite me to join them for church breakfast. Mom got angry and told me to close the door and that they weren't my friends or they would've come before. I pushed them away at school after that

[@stanleydrive740]

Dear Jay, I am so filled with gratitude for this video. There's so very much info here that I so needed. It's like someone finally handing me a key to freedom. I am probably old enough to be your mom & have sought these answers since early childhood. I experienced everything you described!!! Thank you so very very much💙💙💙💙

[@annabelle1471]

listen: number 3 is a key point! most people wouldn’t believe that’s even possible. most people think that nobody would even think like that! it could happen even from a mother of father or grandmother or any relative for that matter.

[@nicselectronics81]

Was a machine for 39 years, could not make a mistake. Insanity.

[@antiprismatic]

Holy hell the twisting thay goes on in yhis is undescribable. Im been trying to learn about this for 20 years and im 36 and still dont have a clue what happened to me. Not like im completely idiotic. I just can barely put together how to ride this bike of proper mental health.

[@sahra8013]

Such a timely vid, leaving the chaos soon and it just hard not to have doubts leaving everything you know at 20. This vid reminded me why I’m moving out, thank you Jay!

[@markartist8646]

If you leave you'll do fine. This is rare and useful insight that can be empowering to your own development and self confidence to move on and be strong. Sometimes the act of leaving is the very moment that your personal power kicks in! Stay strong.

[@Spitfireseven]

Each new video exposes a set of new realizations. Believing you are not deserving is installed by the parent. Wow! What a realization! As now one more false assumption evaporates.

[@wakiliiregi1840]

You just described my life... Thank you for this. I was just watching in amazement

[@jreid-heal-narcissistic-abuse]

You are so welcome

[@ordered_saddle5]

I was born to a narcissistic mother and enabling father ... I still don't have a sense of self.or haven't known who myself is b/c I have mastered from childhood to suppress myself to prevent myself from their wrath and shaming.

[@johndeal4381]

My problem is I have no support system, i.e. friends. My dad created so many flying monkeys where i live that everyone thinks I'm 'crazy'. I live in an apartment by myself totally isolated from people. I would like to move to another town, but really can't afford it. I was on disability for depression since 1993. I never had a girlfriend, dated or got Christmas or birthday cards. Never got to celebrate Valentine's Day. I've been alone all my adult life. I'm 67 , but will not give up. I go to the gym daily to keep my sanity. Living in a small town in NC. Everybody know everybody else's business. I'm known as the band director's son. Your videos are very helpful, Jay. BTW, my brother lives down the street from you.

[@pammitchell4592]

Thank you for this profound and accurate explanation of why these parents seek to undermine and destroy other relationships. When it first started happening to me, I could tell a new relationship was threatening to the narc family system, but it was hard to quite pin down what motivated all the vitriol and sabotage.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

Steve's dad sounds like my mother. She enjoyed terrorizing me. My home growing up I thought of as an insanizalum/orphanage. My dad wasn't much better than my mother. I was the worst child in the family & my DNA relatives let me know that for yrs until I woke up & realized I was better off with those ppl out of my life. I'm so much happier & have so much peace with those ppl farfar away!!!

[@BigHeartNoBS]

Thank you for this. Screw them, I will not have them stifle me.

[@alicemariecuthbert9276]

@rdh53 Amen!! At 62, I am finally enjoying "My Own" life with people who celebrate me without the dysfunction of family who instead just tolerate me!! "Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is!" And I don't mean Alka Seltzer!!😊

[@audhumbla6927]

[@RawOlympia]

breathe and go into nature ... you are wonderful and perfect as is.

[@Portondown]

I have always felt stupid! I am 73 years old and only now found out it was not my fault. My father was eventually committed to psychiatric clinic. The information here is so powerful it makes me cry.

[@ros1520]

My Father told me I was selfish and stupid my whole life, I believed it till I was in my 30's and very well liked and respected in my job, and managing people who had University degrees when I only had a high school education. That experience helped me to start changing my opinion of myself. I'm guessing you are pretty intelligent which is why your Father called you stupid. And this information makes me cry too!

[@Lynda812]

Living evil narcissism abuse in my past and seeing my daughter go through it, makes me soooo sad. 😢

[@stephanieh7240]

Thank you. So much of this resonates with my life and relationship with my family of origin.

[@taniabluebell3099]

I like the examples provided. It helped me link some of my own experiences with my mom. In middle school I had a best friend. I spent almost every weekend at my friend’s home. I was treated like one of the family and my friend’s family provided the support I lacked at home with my parents. I remember my mom bitterly asked me when I was 13 or 14 years old, “you like it better over there… you wish our family was like theirs”. I don’t know what prompted her to confront me. She must have seen the joy they brought to me and couldn’t disguise her envy.

[@kevinmasterson5733]

Thanks Jay. Once again you hit the nail on the head. I identified with all of the examples. Any time I would try to break out of the family system my mother would attempt to suck me back in with guilt and manipulation over my father’s illness

[@AR-gn2yk]

Thank you Jay. Such valuable insight because these do happen in families. It happened in my family and I was the scapegoat. Scapegoats really have to work 10x harder and be 10x stronger in the end and this might be the only benefit from this situation

[@FieryKTarot]

My favorite quote is Catherine airds "if u can't be a good example you'll just have to be a horrible warning"

[@MickeyDs-mp7yr]

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 4:40 - 7:00 was EXACTLY what happened to me. Absolutely killing it in my career - ZERO validation - just more hurtful criticism.

[@kylabutler9851]

WOW! You are telling my WHOLE Childhood! Thank you!

[@greggpatten2165]

"What's the point of being more of nothing? There is no point." You stated that very well. It was with some difficulty that I realized that I was thinking that on a very DL level. That one hit pretty close to home.

[@sunshinereggae2781]

Happened to me…just shut off myself and went into agony. Had no motivation to do anything because they told me nonstop I am not good, I don’t make efforts and so on. I never heard anything positive. Affected my life very bad….

[@gratefultobehere]

😅 healing aha moment. Thank you ❤️‍🩹

[@bosheihab6463]

with these parents...the only way i thrived was to fly abroad to study for college. i found my community and felt valued. my narc mother would spy on my social media accounts and leave horrible comments on pictures of me with friends hugging and smiling. the amount of growth i've experienced during those 4 yrs in college compared to the yrs i've lived with my parents are impossible to compare. now i'm back home and it's the most devastating thing...i still feel so lucky and very grateful that i found other mother figures who nurtured and boosted me to grow further. continuing to live with these demons is so dangerous. it is a matter of life or death.

[@normagaunce9630]

Thank you for sharing. This helps to clear the confusion that the narcissist creates.

[@sandywhat2429]

Discouraged from getting an education keeping you uneducated and small, poisoned against other adult family members, isolation, parents depression and hopelessness poisoning us.

[@Jess-cc2rg]

I've literally been researching narc abuse for years. This channel is soooo good!!!! I don't think I've heard anyone speak about narcissism in all the nuances that come with it before

[@eternal_ks]

Crying while watching this.

[@Ocean19856]

Your content is absolute genius.

[@tee57449]

recent subscriber .. thank you for this content 🌹

[@speakpoetry674]

thank you

[@pryncecharming2133]

All of these videos surmise my experience. And thank you to everyone who has commented. Your responses show me that i am not alone.

[@Mangomanyes]

One. Of your best videos Jay

[@psilon2270]

I appreciate the video very much, Jay. Thank you.

[@rachel14rod]

I'm crying after listening to this. Feeling fraudulent about my abilities struck a chord with me. Thank you for your videos helping me understand myself.

[@bellbranda]

This is my older sister, she is always starting shitv with me and others around me. I have lost several friends because of her. She is always so difficult but she needs my energy to regulate herself. Essentially an energy vampire. This lady year I've distance myself from her and it's been the best!!

[@itz_kale7791]

It's as if you know my whole life's story. I have felt all these things that you have described. I am 46 and still waiting on the approval I will never get. My candidate did all the the things you have mentioned in this vlog. Thank you Dr. Reid for this validation and the work that you do. It is life changing.

[@jreid-heal-narcissistic-abuse]

Thanks for sharing!

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Getting punished, pathologized for their emotional trauma responses; given punishments and isolation out of the blue, when they have natural, self protective defense reactions..

[@mac-ju5ot]

The head games my ex boss played was almost as bad as the head games my dad use to play ..asfor my sister she'd go through my wallet Everything in my family and my boss family was about status and money.

[@JaynardManback]

Always so insightful. Thank you for all of your help.

[@stevenhowe6677]

Might sound daft but took me 50 YEARS to understand the wierdness of my family, when I got that 'lightbulb moment' it really did feel like I had started to GROW for the first time i a long time, I actually felt like I had eventually reached manhood.