4 Evil Things Narcissistic Parents Teach Children

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Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 4 600
@jennicuervo8265
@jennicuervo8265 5 жыл бұрын
I remember as a child always wishing I was born into a different family.
@silveradotow957
@silveradotow957 4 жыл бұрын
It's past ,use the present better
@godfirst7452
@godfirst7452 4 жыл бұрын
😭
@silveradotow957
@silveradotow957 4 жыл бұрын
U can't ,sow now, trust God firs
@bellavanilla7294
@bellavanilla7294 4 жыл бұрын
Same here.
@spikefivefivefive
@spikefivefivefive 4 жыл бұрын
I had always hoped and believed that I was adopted. And that I had normal relatives out there somewhere.
@chrish6001
@chrish6001 6 жыл бұрын
The parent doesn't even have to say they don't like the child. The child can tell.
@charlesdaubner7667
@charlesdaubner7667 6 жыл бұрын
@Nita Frank I'm so sorry this is what you received from your father. I hope you heal fully from this. The "Silver Lining": You have a level of compassion and understanding that you wouldn't have otherwise.
@tonitoni9392
@tonitoni9392 6 жыл бұрын
My mom told me she wish she got an abortion with me,that she saw no good in me but then say she loved me....I hated her
@ginadean4206
@ginadean4206 6 жыл бұрын
Oh yes my mother told me I should never have been born,,that she hated my father but she had to get married because she got pregnant with me,,,, for many years I've been trying to gain my mother's approval, but I had some therapy and learnt that it's better for me to not have a relationship with her,it still hurts that my own mother doesn't love me, my self esteem and self worth is non existent, my mum told me terrible things like I was bad and evil,,I'm going to try focusing and telling myself what I like about myself I need to learn how to self love
@someperson2500
@someperson2500 6 жыл бұрын
Chris H mine only likes me when I’m like them or do things they “approve” of
@IgorBgd
@IgorBgd 6 жыл бұрын
@Nita Frank It should be liberating for you to know that you did nothing wrong, that he was just not strong enough to be a good parent. You are free now, you can enjoy the life and be yourself without feeling guilty for anything.
@Hawaiiansky11
@Hawaiiansky11 2 жыл бұрын
Worse than teaching that you are unloved, they teach us that we are unlovable. So when someone does come along and offer us love, we don't trust it. When people treat us kindly, we are used to kindness being followed by cruelty, so we push it away.
@sarabegay6339
@sarabegay6339 5 жыл бұрын
My parents never said I love you. I used to hear "Why aren't you like your cousin Barbara". I wanted to shout "because I don't have her parents."
@leonotarianni7733
@leonotarianni7733 4 жыл бұрын
Bloody hell.....that was the worst thing ever, being compared to cousins especially when manipulated into thinking I was inferior to them. And on topics where I excelled in the uncles and aunts completely ignored. Bias
@silveradotow957
@silveradotow957 4 жыл бұрын
U is u, u can't be else ,else who's gonna bee u
@EscapingTheMadness
@EscapingTheMadness 4 жыл бұрын
This is truth
@robertcristando8007
@robertcristando8007 4 жыл бұрын
That’s a pretty sophisticated response from a kid. How old were you when you said that to your folks.
@chenks54
@chenks54 3 жыл бұрын
I had parents, and from the outside, everything looked fine, but the reality was that I never had a mum and dad. I could never go to them for help. My father was useless (or so I believed at the time), always saying me to "I don't know, go and ask your mother". My mother was either too busy (but had enough time to tell me that I was nothing but a nuisance!), or having one of her headaches. Many years later, I found out that my father, a Ukrainian refugee, had spent the war years, taken, as a teenager, from his family by the Nazis to work in a labour camp in Germany, and was never to see his family again. After the war, he came to England, met and married my mother. Obviously, his experiences during the war had left him extremely lacking in self-confidence along with very low self-esteem, which was exactly how my mother intended to keep him, never allowing him to make friends, or even spend time with me. Another thing - when my father was three years old, his own father died in an accident so he had no experience of fatherhood himself, having been brought up by his older sisters and mother. I remember him being more like her servant than her husband. Every time she called his name, no matter what, he would come running to her. This happened a lot when she saw him alone with me. Consequently, I had no parental upbringing as such, I was fed and watered, as it were, and given a good education, but that was it. There was no love in our household, only lies, desperation and anger. They're both gone now and I've never felt the need to grieve over them!
@AFFTFOMSICHTS
@AFFTFOMSICHTS 5 жыл бұрын
Goes back to the saying “people will forget what you did, forget what you said, but they will NEVER forget how you made them feel.”
@marijkenoevers3023
@marijkenoevers3023 5 жыл бұрын
Michelle, can you now understand after all this what happened to you, that it was part of your choice to get to this higher level of Consciousness? Your warm Compassion for all the "victims" is so strong. Could you get to feel like this without passing through hell? All who passed through some hell (or Plutonic Hades underground process) in some of their incarnations are in fact very courageous souls who chose this way for getting in their adult life "Light Workers". I call them SPIRITUAL LIGHT WORKERS. I hope every victim will once realize this. Once they called these persons SAINTS, but I prefer not to stick these wonderful BUTTERFLIES on a calendar! Love to All
@Ariels888
@Ariels888 5 жыл бұрын
Percisley! My mother convinced my sister and I that we had schizophrenia!
@32starsandsugar
@32starsandsugar 4 жыл бұрын
This is my nmoms favorite quote lol
@menew_mind_life_designs
@menew_mind_life_designs 4 жыл бұрын
One of my favorite quotes 💞💞
@menew_mind_life_designs
@menew_mind_life_designs 4 жыл бұрын
“You can’t be your dad’s favorite...he was the one that fought me to abort you...so, he can’t love you.”
@jamie2204
@jamie2204 5 жыл бұрын
My mother would always tell me, "I always wanted a boy, when I found out I was having a girl I cried. I never wanted a daughter." When I finally realized she was a narcissist I called her out and she lost her mind. She turned the entire family against me. We moved across the country and now I live happily without any of my family in my life. She still emails me periodically trying to convince me one of them is dying of cancer including my dog. I fell for it the first few times before I realized it's just an insane tactic to draw me back in. No contact truly is the only way to escape.
@user-pk2mk3rh8i
@user-pk2mk3rh8i 5 жыл бұрын
Oh .... my.... god..... I thought I was reading a comment I wrote and forgotten about, I swear to god my mom told me the same thing - that when she found out I was a girl she cried. My mom grew up with divorced parents and later had a step father who abused them, and she said “I just want a son so a man will love me because your FATHER never did”. My mom has said she was in the hospital having a “heart attack” trying to get me to talk to her, she’s mailed letters to my house saying my brother was in a terrible accident and I have “no idea” trying to guilt me and then I called him and he said he just rear ended someone and that he’s just going to go to court and that was it, the list goes on and on.. these videos talking about narcissism really ... gave me closure in a way. I cannot BELIEVE I wasn’t the only one, I just thought my mom has a difficult personality and that’s just what it is. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and it’s so sad how many people can relate ...
@cicigardner2593
@cicigardner2593 5 жыл бұрын
Jamie Dougherty omg same is happening to me, they emotionally manipulate me to come back, but I stopped listening
@mjade1673
@mjade1673 4 жыл бұрын
👏good for you 👍😇🤗
@EscapingTheMadness
@EscapingTheMadness 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah they do use someone Heath issues as a way to get you back in their life so sad!!!
@wms72
@wms72 4 жыл бұрын
My mom told me "I NEVER WANTED YOU." She would chase me with a knife when I was a preschooler, and laugh to hear me scream in terror. She would lock me in a closet from before lunchtime until before my dad came home. Told me if I told my father, she'd poison him.
@EscapingTheMadness
@EscapingTheMadness 4 жыл бұрын
I’m praying for any body with narcissist parents and siblings 🙏🏾
@user-bc5cf5kr4s
@user-bc5cf5kr4s 4 жыл бұрын
Me.
@jacquelineagurs1518
@jacquelineagurs1518 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you god bless you always 🙏🙏
@dnk4559
@dnk4559 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your prayers. I will join you!
@fabiancaius
@fabiancaius 2 жыл бұрын
thanks
@fashionglobally.2075
@fashionglobally.2075 2 жыл бұрын
Please pray for me please 🙏🙏🙏
@7iscomplete818
@7iscomplete818 5 жыл бұрын
Am 38 and still feeling this hurt. And no one can understand. Because most people have normal parents.
@shahadah1451
@shahadah1451 3 жыл бұрын
A lot of children have narcissistic parents.
@luvajenoel4248
@luvajenoel4248 2 жыл бұрын
I'm adopted and although I was grateful for not living with my birth mother because she was abusive and crazy. My adopted mother wasn't far from her from using me to clean the whole house an clean up after other people in the house, to beating me till I bleed sometimes to telling me I'm dumb or stupid to waiting till I got my first real job an started taxing me every single month the list goes on but I'm taking my life into my own hands and learning to say no 🙏
@tiafrogwife9254
@tiafrogwife9254 2 жыл бұрын
I understand even tho I’m just 16. Your feelings are valid. And you’ll be okay. WE all will be okay. Keep going ❤
@sunnyshinecreation
@sunnyshinecreation 2 жыл бұрын
@@luvajenoel4248 I love you
@deannang455
@deannang455 2 жыл бұрын
I'm 38 and leaving this relationship. I live with disabilities and they deny me healthcare and refuse to share food, yet demand I owe money. Having a career in journalism and public advocacy, allowed me to speak out, to which my family is ashamed of me. She gives tokens, but bribes don't solve injustice. This is not just about me.
@nikkid4890
@nikkid4890 5 жыл бұрын
Zero nurturing, and brutal emotional games, including rejection for ever questioning them. So cruel
@thaistomp
@thaistomp 5 жыл бұрын
they will burn in hell for eternity.
@nikkid4890
@nikkid4890 5 жыл бұрын
@@thaistomp I truly hope so!
@forgetfamily3754
@forgetfamily3754 5 жыл бұрын
@@thaistomp No they won't because most of the time they don't realize what they did. You should realize that no matter what they did, they just didn't know, they were stumbling in the dark as we all are. You can and should get away from that behaviour especially when it's a parent but heaping on judgement to them is wrong, we as individuals are only doing harm to ourselves wishing harm on anyone else. Think about that and really take it in. We only harm ourselves when we wish something bad on anyone else no matter what we believe they did. I am not trying to protect myself...I am a Narcissist and yes I really am yet I didn't know that just a week ago. I'm seeing clearly what I did and my love was suffocating to my children and I didn't know how else to act. I did nothing to harm them that I realized until lately because I had forgotten so much that I actually did but once I listened and really heard them tell me the truth and let it in started remembering many incidents I 'd forgotten and I'd forgotten my childhood too. Once I started remembering the 'hell' I'd gone through and my siblings, I knew this has been going on forever because My father went through hell to with his father. I'd always thought I was the lucky one because he didn't physically harm me in any way but the emotional abuse is worse. I had that done to me and without realizing it, and wanting to protect my own children so badly I ended up doing the emotional abuse differently but it was still the same. Abuse is Abuse and emotional seems worse than physical because we can't prove anything. People can change though and with me changing now because I know the truth of what I was doing, we can then heal ourselves and through that heal the ones we did harm to. I feel so lucky I've lived this long as I almost died a few times over the past 5 yrs. because now I have a chance to tell them all how I realize I'm the one who did harm to them and I need to ask forgiveness but even as I say this I know they just know because we all have more then our 5 senses and when there is evil we can feel it, yet can't prove it, and when someone knows they've done harm and they do love so deeply it can be felt and change the whole course of our lives so the next generation doesn't have to continue to do the same. Find kindness in your heart or you only do harm to yourself. :)
@thaistomp
@thaistomp 5 жыл бұрын
Forget Family all you narcissist cowards will be punished in due time...
@ludicrousone8706
@ludicrousone8706 5 жыл бұрын
@@forgetfamily3754 you're still doing it. Trying to gaslight everyone and overstepping boundaries. Our anger is justified and how we deal with it is up to us. You have no say in it.
@thisisme9391
@thisisme9391 6 жыл бұрын
My mom would always say that I was crazy and stupid every time I had a different opinion.
@janetdaily5774
@janetdaily5774 5 жыл бұрын
My mother is 83 and still insisting that I come up with untrue stories about her behavior. She only admits she's wrong when it is politically advantageous for her. She has intentionally deleted all memories which do not match her chosen beliefs about herself. I spent thirty plus years in and out of mental institutions because of that woman. And guess who shoved all the pills down my throat? Yep. Mommie dearest.
@CantTameBeauty
@CantTameBeauty 5 жыл бұрын
My mother would never tell me I was stupid but she would tell me my opinion was wrong. I'm 29 and she still does it. I finally cut her off.
@t.c.494
@t.c.494 5 жыл бұрын
Any examples of your opinions they thought were crazy?
@nopcshere6097
@nopcshere6097 5 жыл бұрын
That sounds like my former mother-in-law talking. She was a raging narcissist up until she expired at 93.
@christianstv8354
@christianstv8354 5 жыл бұрын
Same it sucks
@inactiveaccount753
@inactiveaccount753 6 жыл бұрын
Both my parents are narcissistic. Best thing I've ever done is delete them from my life. I choose positive ppl in my life, and I choose ME.
@livingfree7153
@livingfree7153 6 жыл бұрын
My future is righteousness good! Chose YOU💙Just because they’re blood doesn’t mean they’re healthy for you! 🙏🏻😇🙏🏻
@lilfairycupcake
@lilfairycupcake 6 жыл бұрын
bingo! shit can them from your life.
@LelaStrika
@LelaStrika 6 жыл бұрын
I Tube well done!
@mso2013
@mso2013 6 жыл бұрын
thats sounds... odly narcissistic...
@laurachisholm1087
@laurachisholm1087 6 жыл бұрын
Wow this video really hits home! It's so awful and confusing growing up like that but you are so right! Once you know your inner truth no one can take that from u 💕
@l.5832
@l.5832 4 жыл бұрын
Hah! "You're just like your father!" I heard this so many times and my father was a loving person. Finally I looked her in the eye and said "Yes, well I could do worse. I could be like you!". I have been ostracized and disinherited but I am SO GLAD I SAID IT!
@roisin33
@roisin33 2 жыл бұрын
Mine says the same, except he’s a perverted old drunk, if I have a sip of champagne on my bday, I’m just like him and abusing her?? 😂😂😂😂
@dreamingofnorthernlights
@dreamingofnorthernlights 2 жыл бұрын
@@roisin33 heck girl, have the whole bottle on your birthday.
@jerzykorkuz3130
@jerzykorkuz3130 2 жыл бұрын
Sad but brave.
@woochatming9917
@woochatming9917 2 жыл бұрын
What was your mom’s response?
@simplyzay23
@simplyzay23 2 жыл бұрын
oh I swear im using this next time
@Aa-ls4kd
@Aa-ls4kd 5 жыл бұрын
Well stated. Children of narc abuse have a more sophisticated form of PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder) they have what's called CPTSD( complex post traumatic stress disorder) years and years of layers and layers of unresolved abuse. Primarily the scapegoat child suffers from this disorder the most.
@Ida-Adriana
@Ida-Adriana 5 жыл бұрын
And in the DSM-V there are no distinctions of PTSD, just the one type, whereas they made distinction between child molesters and paedophiles who haven't 'acted out' yet. Interesting priorities. One of the men on the council who vote on what goes in our out of the DSM is some kind of paedophile activist. PTSD treatments can further traumatise someone with CPTSD.
@areannarobertson7576
@areannarobertson7576 4 жыл бұрын
Omg yes! And I am her!
@Aa-ls4kd
@Aa-ls4kd 4 жыл бұрын
@A Berryman I said "primarily" Golden Child has no idea what the scapegoat really goes through. The golden child serves a different purpose, it needs to be reminded from time to time what it can be like if they don't do as they are instructed. Golden Child is abused in a different way , they are put on a pedestal, only later to crash when society doesn't. Narcs always seize the opportunity to garner supply , you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. My guess is your abusing the scapegoat as well , scoring points with your narc mom by abusing the scapegoat by proxy on her behalf. She set you up to do her dirty work , to drive a wedge between the children and garner supply through you from the sidelines where she can maintain her mask and angelic persona. What a vile wicked woman she is.
@Resvrgam
@Resvrgam 4 жыл бұрын
Sadly, children of narcissistic parents, often become narcissists themselves. It’s like every other cycle of abuse.
@lelev.5758
@lelev.5758 4 жыл бұрын
@@Resvrgam tends to be the golden child who often becomes a narcissist, not the scape goat child.
@quotivation47
@quotivation47 6 жыл бұрын
Damn straight sister. This is not a sob story. I am a guy and I feel you on this as well. People don't understand how toxic parents can truly screw up their kids.
@farfetched9296
@farfetched9296 5 жыл бұрын
So bad to a point it fucks up their life....
@calliek.8013
@calliek.8013 5 жыл бұрын
@@farfetched9296 Even so bad, it can actually have a domino effect and screw up the grandparents life (narcs parents). I've seen it happen in my own family. My grandparents were narcs too- constant gaslighting to protect their narc son (my dad).
@GustavoDeath94
@GustavoDeath94 5 жыл бұрын
@@calliek.8013 Yeah those mothefuckers are aways cleaning the shit of the others like they. And using real kind innocent people as scapegoat.
@1MysteryZ1967
@1MysteryZ1967 5 жыл бұрын
Trel Spiegel truth.
@wayneelliott1180
@wayneelliott1180 5 жыл бұрын
Trel Spiegel - so true! I am a twin and mother dearest decided I was to be the absolute enemy while doting on my brother. She never used my name until i was in my 20's, denigrated every achievement, designated me as slave to the whims of my twin. Crushed any confidence. When i finally dealt with the depression and damage she caused, she attacked me for it. Her ego was more important than the health and well being of her child. Waiting for the glorious day she dies and takes her toxicity all the way to hell. To those who battle the poison of the narcissist here's some advice: You can't change them, they can't give you what they don't have, research the disorder and understand the tactics, and remember you are not what they say you are, you are much, much better than them. Strength to you - you are not alone.
@robinmurray5266
@robinmurray5266 6 жыл бұрын
My mother is almost 71 and still a narc. You can't say a word to her her that she twists it around into something bad.
@jennybarrier5153
@jennybarrier5153 5 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry you are experiencing that. Keep your head up and remember how truly sad and empty she must be to behave like that.
@Gravitywalker20
@Gravitywalker20 5 жыл бұрын
I hope you disowned her by now.
@Sedum54
@Sedum54 5 жыл бұрын
I tried to keep a relationship until it nearly killed me at 58.. my life force was disappearing. 5 years on from estrangement I am feeling better..but it is sad it had to happen.
@maireadmcveigh5200
@maireadmcveigh5200 5 жыл бұрын
ni a
@JoeTheCroat
@JoeTheCroat 5 жыл бұрын
It doesnt matter how old they are. They are narcissistic forever. Nothing will ever change that.
@alexanderroc3359
@alexanderroc3359 5 жыл бұрын
My mother used to threaten me by saying "I will send you to an orphanage if you do not do as I say ". I wish she had!
@007Fusiion
@007Fusiion 4 жыл бұрын
Mine used to threaten she’d kick me out..I wish she had
@frasei
@frasei 3 жыл бұрын
wow my mom would make threats so send me to a mental hospital she does this still i’m a minor and i hate it
@toohollywood8825
@toohollywood8825 3 жыл бұрын
@@frasei same!
@Nightdreaux22647
@Nightdreaux22647 3 жыл бұрын
Send her to the very bad, poor, slump, dirty retirement house / nursing home once she can't do anything anymore and just laying on deathbed
@elviragraydon4199
@elviragraydon4199 3 жыл бұрын
I would get threatened with being sent to a group home.
@aprilthomas1489
@aprilthomas1489 6 жыл бұрын
Emotional starvation. Thanks for that term. That is exactly what I am experiencing.
@eej1983able
@eej1983able 6 жыл бұрын
Me too. Thank God for my husband and my Dad
@witchyhour
@witchyhour 6 жыл бұрын
I only started growing when my mother disappeared for 5 years, without leaving any contact info. I flourished! The only way to grow under a narcissist is to get away from them, completely. They will trim your wings and throw you crumbs, so you're comfortably kept within their reach and control, they'll undermine your every action and thought that might lead you down a positive path in life. You CAN'T do better than them, EVER! They were prettier, smarter, thinner when they were your age... Seeing you shine would be like telling her she's not good enough, you're better than her, and mirrors know what happens to the prettiest of them all! 🙄
@witchyhour
@witchyhour 6 жыл бұрын
@Old Heathen 🤞💖 Yes, you can! And in our cases, we SHOULD!
6 жыл бұрын
You're cute! ❤ & I like your glasses 👓
@misstery5942
@misstery5942 6 жыл бұрын
My mother was incapable of hugging me
@elirien4264
@elirien4264 5 жыл бұрын
My "mother's" favorite phrase when she was angry was, "get out of my sight!". Like a queen dismissing a clumsy servant.
@nikiyubari8410
@nikiyubari8410 4 жыл бұрын
I thought this was normal.
@chrissyrocco796
@chrissyrocco796 4 жыл бұрын
My mother used to say. Get out of this car I’m gonna run you over. When we went to bed she would say the devil is gonna reach up and pull you down to hell.
@runningsrage5895
@runningsrage5895 4 жыл бұрын
omg I'm sorry both my parents are like this too. My dad says get out I'm working like in a rude voice.
@lydias.8075
@lydias.8075 4 жыл бұрын
@@nikiyubari8410 it is normal.Not all parents that say these things are narcissistic.
@mbjos5962
@mbjos5962 4 жыл бұрын
I always catched that phrase ''Get out of my sight'' from my mom when she would give the silent treatment me when I got punished. So hurtful.
@bridgetsieger2261
@bridgetsieger2261 5 жыл бұрын
This is the first time in 43 years someone has been able to explain this pain to me, and why I feel so confused. Thank you, Michelle.
@Orangig
@Orangig 3 жыл бұрын
45 for me don't feel bad 😢
@ptanyuh
@ptanyuh 3 жыл бұрын
From one daughter of a narcissistic mother to the two of you, I love you both
@Samantha-to6dy
@Samantha-to6dy 2 жыл бұрын
I’m. 43 learned yesterday
@jimmyjams1974
@jimmyjams1974 2 жыл бұрын
I’m 48. Realized my family of origin is this way at 47.
@GirladyLocks
@GirladyLocks 2 жыл бұрын
53/54 years for me. *hugs* to you all!
@paultascione7335
@paultascione7335 3 жыл бұрын
I once believed that my suffering was a curse but now I understand that with great suffering comes a great breakthrough which some people never experience.
@misstery5942
@misstery5942 6 жыл бұрын
People don't believe what my mother does they believe the facade
@thewolf14
@thewolf14 6 жыл бұрын
They trick people.
@misstery5942
@misstery5942 6 жыл бұрын
Well they can all peck eachothers eyes out now because they are going to IMPLODE without mebas their scapegoat
@pacha777
@pacha777 6 жыл бұрын
Learn about scapegoat peopke
@misstery5942
@misstery5942 6 жыл бұрын
I honestly don't think I can handle any more of it. I have removed from them and have told my daughter what they see and I just pray that the cycle stops and that my daughter doesn't allow them to do it to her when I am no longer here. Just want to live without them consuming any more of my time
@pacha777
@pacha777 6 жыл бұрын
Miss Tery I may be a little bit in the same situation thay you are right now... You have a daughter too. How old is she? What is the situation right now with her, you and them? I may relate a lot...
@garyg1254
@garyg1254 6 жыл бұрын
I think that many will agree with the following statement..........."If only I knew then what I know now"......
@livingfree7153
@livingfree7153 6 жыл бұрын
Gary G AMEN! 💙🙏🏻💙
@Connie938
@Connie938 6 жыл бұрын
Yes
@saracandy1857
@saracandy1857 6 жыл бұрын
Yes I think I thought those exact words just recently
@nsu777
@nsu777 6 жыл бұрын
I just posted one of these videos with that very statement to Facebook
@thereseward7852
@thereseward7852 6 жыл бұрын
Right on - how different life would be
@stregadisalem732
@stregadisalem732 6 жыл бұрын
I heard “you’re just like your father” my whole life.
@shirin8609
@shirin8609 6 жыл бұрын
Same here! Any time I was showing some trait my mom arbitrarily found undesirable, it was always, "Well, you're definitely your father's daughter" or "Oh my God, you're just like your dad!" with a huge, exasperated sigh afterwards, like my dad was some huge loser and I was a carbon copy of him!
@kater3058
@kater3058 6 жыл бұрын
I heard this too growing up 💔
@cmcih227
@cmcih227 6 жыл бұрын
Yup my mom admitted she loved my brother more than me because I reminded her of my dad. I'm 39 and I keep her at arms length now
@nacarreira777
@nacarreira777 6 жыл бұрын
Father's kinky hair, big feet, too-broad shoulders...I totally hear you there.
@p.f.h.2146
@p.f.h.2146 5 жыл бұрын
This! If my mother isn't talking about I am just like my crazy father, who I look like and act like, she's saying that I am just like my aunt who is a malignant narcissist, who she always knew I would be like since I was a toddler and never be shit.
@kimbyrd2298
@kimbyrd2298 4 жыл бұрын
You are so correct. The envy. The stealing of your dreams and desires and friends. Destroying your reputation quietly behind your back. Stealing your place in the family and pushing you out, quietly poisoning everyone's perception of you. The self projections, making you and others believe that as a child you were and are an evil person. ..Spot on. I remember sitting and listening to my mother tell lies to people for no apparent reason. It was not until I was in my 30's that I realized that the lies that she was telling and asking me to coahborate were viciously slandering me.
@blueamenaa749
@blueamenaa749 2 жыл бұрын
Same. It's so disgusting. Then they play the victim.... 🙏🙏🙏
@Hawaiiansky11
@Hawaiiansky11 2 жыл бұрын
I spent 37 years of my life wondering why I kept getting into abusive relationships with friends and lovers alike. Then, last year I finally remembered being tortured by my narcissistic female parent and maternal grandparent, forcing me to stay in a relationship I didn't want when I knew for a fact he was cheating on me, and forced me to give up on someone I loved dearly who loved me dearly....it taught me that love = abuse and abuse = love. She literally destroyed my life. And I hope she burns in hell for it.
@Sanjiscumslut
@Sanjiscumslut 2 жыл бұрын
You didn't deserved these disgusting things
@Killua_Zoldyck3407
@Killua_Zoldyck3407 Жыл бұрын
I figured it out when I was 12
@christinahavel4081
@christinahavel4081 Жыл бұрын
3 decades…3 decades I’ve had to go through this. My late husband absolutely disliked her. She hates the fact that I got happily married. She was livid. I could hear it in her voice. I just want to add that I knew what she was from a very young age. I knew something wasn’t right with her.
@SanaaStark
@SanaaStark 5 жыл бұрын
The narcissistic parent is truly pathetic - I've read somewhere that the child never stops loving the narcissistic parent but themselves cuz the parent taught them that. I can resonate with that. I've read many books on psychology to finally realize; that I'm not the problem, they are. And that every child deserves love. XOXO
@vibrantspirit5403
@vibrantspirit5403 7 жыл бұрын
Every mother is Not a good mother. One of the best things to do, is lose attachments to anybody that is not good for you.
@xenatron9056
@xenatron9056 6 жыл бұрын
the hardest thing is working out WHAT is good for you, coming from a place of weirdness, you have to make a lot of mistakes...and they can damage you even more.
@davidekback3963
@davidekback3963 6 жыл бұрын
I did what u wrote! I recommend it, so at least ur mind will get some ease!
@5333cate
@5333cate 6 жыл бұрын
in the eyes of a child.....yes the mother is good......
@ellanina413
@ellanina413 6 жыл бұрын
There is a spectrum of good and bad moms and dads. It's sad if/when we have to lose attachments to our parents. But there comes a point when there is so much hurt that you just can't force a relationship with that person. You want to love that person, but knowing that they will never change. Sometimes, losing the attachments for those who are not good cause losses of those who are good for you.
@christinekleinschmidt4676
@christinekleinschmidt4676 6 жыл бұрын
Too true
@ladyladychickchick9133
@ladyladychickchick9133 6 жыл бұрын
I'm just coming to the conclusion that those people who raised me aren't really my parents- on the soul level so I don't feel bad about no contact with them. Good talk, thank you!
@richardlitwin4046
@richardlitwin4046 6 жыл бұрын
That's more common than you might think. I am a Jew but my adoptive parents hid this from me as long as I knew them. I can forgive them for preventing me from my community but I don't know if God will.
@lefl_1
@lefl_1 2 жыл бұрын
I feel this…their not really my parents
@elvieann4949
@elvieann4949 4 жыл бұрын
I'm in my 50s and I've been living my whole life with my mother's voice in my head saying "I love you because you're my daughter and I have to, but I'll never like you." It has made it impossible for me to have relationships and friendships because I always think people don't really like me that they're only putting up with me. People wonder why I never keep in contact with them and in my mind I think I'm doing them a favor.
@ilianavaleria1787
@ilianavaleria1787 3 жыл бұрын
Because what your mother said simply doesn't make sense. Maybe try working on the concepts of that sentence separately because you can't put together the first part and the second (EITHER you love someone or you don't, to HAVE to love someone doesn't exist as a feeling, it is societal pressure but not feeling). You have to break down the whole thing into three separate parts, come to terms with each one and then acknowledge deeply that what your mom said is insane and let her go. So: being clear about what it feels like to be loved, to love and maybe being clear about your mother simply not wanting to have you and not recognising it herself, and this leading her to give mixed signals would erase this part of the trauma. I say this from experience with narc father.
@gracejustice2331
@gracejustice2331 3 жыл бұрын
awe.....that's what I do with my family and then they guilt trip me that I don't care that's why I stay away vs. they have done something wrong. you can't win. life is too short, go live it, don't let them win.
@suselperez2409
@suselperez2409 2 жыл бұрын
You're doing yourself a favor by staying away from these soulless people.
@taniamachin766
@taniamachin766 2 жыл бұрын
Dude that's exactly how i see my mother. She brought me here as a "oops, I'm pregnant. Now i have to take care of her. In the mean time, let me treat her as a slave and a robot."
@JupiterWisdom1111
@JupiterWisdom1111 2 жыл бұрын
@@taniamachin766 That's exactly my experience. My mother tried to get rid of me by drinking certain concoctions but it didn't work... growing up it's obvious she saw me as a slave and still to this day she thinks I'm only here to serve her every need. Not anymore I told her today I'm not your slave! She's almost 82 good luck to her, I'm taking back my power and getting on with my life. I'm cutting her off once and for all, something I should have done years ago... I feel a weight lifting off my shoulders
@jakepeel776
@jakepeel776 6 жыл бұрын
I feel this on a really deep level. One thing that is worth mentioning is the narcs complete disregard for autonomy. They HATE seeing other people being comfortable within their identity; including their own children. They expect everyone to conform to their beliefs, and if you don't conform they will dismantle you with words or alternatively pretend that you don't exist. I was constantly cycled through bout of idealization and devaluation as well. One week I'd get ignored and everything would be fine, and then the following week everything I was doing would be wrong. I was made to look like a monster and she had everyone SO convinced that I was the bad one...When in reality I was just being used as a scapegoat. I was only a kid.
@ein8117
@ein8117 6 жыл бұрын
bingo! cut contact with my narcissist emotionally abusive mother & she's pissed that im doing well without her. she filled a missing persons report on me (in 33 yr old adult!) just to try to worm her way back into my life. the detective who contacted me relayed that my mom just 'wanted to talk' after years of telling me I wouldn't amount to anything. unbelievable. cutting ALL contact is the only way to deal with these kind of people for one's mental & spiritual sanity
@violetbenson1283
@violetbenson1283 6 жыл бұрын
ein Preach it!
@cmcih227
@cmcih227 6 жыл бұрын
Omg! Same here my mom is a Christian and I mean she believes she is perfection. She cut me off when I needed her the most..during my teen years because I wasnt like her. Everytime I entered a relationship she would tell me it won't work. I was married for 5 yrs and been divorced for 3. As soon as I got divorced she was "sorry it didnt work" and would say its time for a change..meaning becoming just like her. The moment I started dating again after 2 years mind you she told my 2 kids your mom is a whore! She wanted me to abort my youngest because she didnt like her dad...I could go on and on. My brother and I grew up in insanity literally. My dad was a narcissist also...I have spent my life trying to be aware of my actions and words so I dont do the same thing to my children. I have also had to do and am still doing major work to change my views about myself.
@shawnajohnson6655
@shawnajohnson6655 5 жыл бұрын
Jake Peel I’m so sorry. There is a way professionals say to not agree with a narcissistic parent. Stay ‘confused’ when they want to do something or have you do something. It has made a HUGE difference in my world. Here is the professional counselor of family relationships for over 40 years: Jerry Wise He can explain it all so clearly.
@shawnajohnson6655
@shawnajohnson6655 5 жыл бұрын
Crystal Louis You are awesome! I am learning how to ‘Self Differentiate’ from a narcissistic parent. Here is the relationship expert of over 40 years helping people through narcissism. His mother also was narcissistic. Jerry Wise- He has over 100 clips on KZbin. I think you will find his advice SO clear and helpful.
@persiamotorman
@persiamotorman 7 жыл бұрын
My sister says she looked at my mother and decided to do everything just the opposite. My sister was the most charismatic person I've ever met, but it was a good charisma, not the evil kind that narcissists can have. The whole room would light up just by my sister's presence. My mother was a never ending fountain of negativity.
@corsicanlulu
@corsicanlulu 7 жыл бұрын
u always have a choice even as a small child. ur sister's a great person for that. it would be too easy to say "well that how my mom was"
@weblogic117
@weblogic117 7 жыл бұрын
trauma can't be excuse there is always someone who had it worse yet turned better, nor is judgement, line between compassion, abuse and suffering, management of stress and anger, karma, there is cost and reward in everything..
@beam8250
@beam8250 7 жыл бұрын
persiamotorman what a lovely sister you have! ❤️
@cathyann5014
@cathyann5014 6 жыл бұрын
I am happy for you and your sister, on the other hand I had an older sister who swore she would never be like our mother and she turned out just like mom, if not worse...but she can not see it, in her eyes she is the most perfect, beautiful woman to walk this earth...her mask is slipping as she ages...she needs constant praise and catered to like the Queen she knows she is and if you dont let her control you...hell has no fury like a woman caught with her mask off! so I had more then one source of negative energy coming at me while growing up....
@livingfree7153
@livingfree7153 6 жыл бұрын
persiamotorman Yes!
@dreamsofturtles1828
@dreamsofturtles1828 6 жыл бұрын
Not long before my nar mother died she told 2 things that shocked me: She told me that she hated herself . This first one i believed and her saying that was like pieces of a confusing puzzle falling into place. The second one was that i was a better person than she was. This i could not believe because she had brainwashed me into believing i was a horrible person. I spent my life people pleasing, desperately afraid others would find out what my mother "knew" about me. But these days i am absolutely determined to undo that. I am going to reprogram my brain. I remember what a loving sister i was to my little brothers and to animals. I remember how i raised money at the age of 11, on my own, to send money to starving children in Biafra . I know i wasent born bad and thats a start.
@laurenpaterson3475
@laurenpaterson3475 6 жыл бұрын
dreams of turtles sweet heart same thing happen to me told I was useless and a disappointment
@AK-is3xt
@AK-is3xt 6 жыл бұрын
The power of Jesus was confirmed to have heal the traits from someone I personally talked to in a laundromat that actually felt like Holy Spirit.. I know it sounds weird but all of us are connected- I can prove this theory. After you finally understood “puzzle pieces falling into place” lost time what were they doing-all sorts of absolutely miracle feeling enlightenment.. tell me I’m wrong
@dreamsofturtles1828
@dreamsofturtles1828 6 жыл бұрын
lauren paterson yes, they all seem to say different versions of the same thing, its a projection onto their children of their own self hate. I wish u healing and realization of the Goodness that u ARE. 🌻
@jeffdodson8532
@jeffdodson8532 6 жыл бұрын
dreams of turtles - God bless you and thanks for sharing.
@nelo4real
@nelo4real 6 жыл бұрын
dreams of turtles , God bless you. I want to add that you are a blessing. My parents were kids during the Biafrian war. I bet your charity helped one way or another. Thank you.
@ToniaFilsAime
@ToniaFilsAime 2 жыл бұрын
My Mom taught me I didn’t matter! She taught me that other’s came before me, especially if it would interrupt her happiness/plan. Even as an adult she invalidates my feelings or experiences. So, after years of this I finally got my power back and I have designed the relationship I have with her. She’s has always been emotionally abusive, and I thank God for delivering me from the spirit of obligation. I’m ok with my relationship with my Mother being surface level only, because that’s all I can give her, and all she’s ever been capable of and now I finally understand that and I’m set free! :). GOD is good!
@mm-zn1hb
@mm-zn1hb 2 жыл бұрын
I hope god can save me too, if I can wait for that day.
@mm-zn1hb
@mm-zn1hb 2 жыл бұрын
@delightful heights Thank you🥺 I'm still going on but in a pessimistic mode. Cannot find the solution to tackle this difficult situation. Don't know if the way I'm walking is right or wrong...
@KAMALAISHERNAME
@KAMALAISHERNAME 2 жыл бұрын
This the one right here!
@emmalouie1663
@emmalouie1663 2 жыл бұрын
100% this resonates with me, my mother is also like this, she has always treated me as if I don't matter
@Sage-qh3zg
@Sage-qh3zg Жыл бұрын
The Spirit of Obligation 👏
@user-dp4bu8jy4b
@user-dp4bu8jy4b 5 жыл бұрын
My parents never hugged or said l love you..never praised us when something good was done. We were always being put down, degraded and being used in some way.
@Noemie291
@Noemie291 4 жыл бұрын
How could they not say love you to that face
@menew_mind_life_designs
@menew_mind_life_designs 4 жыл бұрын
Hurt ppl hurt ppl 💕
@Noemie291
@Noemie291 4 жыл бұрын
@@menew_mind_life_designs is that a song? Lol
@maomao3051
@maomao3051 5 жыл бұрын
my mom is worse than this. I have to separate myself from her to keep the positive attitude and love myself !
@contrarymary7638
@contrarymary7638 5 жыл бұрын
And to keep sane!
@no-yp7gi
@no-yp7gi 5 жыл бұрын
I feel so bad for you, try doing something you love. Planting, drawing, sports or whatever. Have someone who isn't a narc to talk to.
@melisentiaheylen6061
@melisentiaheylen6061 4 жыл бұрын
Same. Telling everyone I abused her, when she is the one who abused me. Now she phoned and is acting as if she did not do a damn thing wrong. Wants to visit me. Do you visit your "abuser"? Lol. I'm never letting her in my house ever again. The mind games she plays is soul destroying.
@linslay2003
@linslay2003 4 жыл бұрын
Same here for me. I have to be alone in my room or some other place either playing guitar, watching KZbin, writing fiction, playing Minecraft, and/or listening to music in order to keep happy and sane. To stay away from her constantly trying to strip away my individuality and invalidate my emotions.
@HawkBando2112
@HawkBando2112 4 жыл бұрын
Same.
@milaspasic7734
@milaspasic7734 5 жыл бұрын
Also, I was never getting emotional support. For example, if I was crying, my dad would tell me to stop acting. And my emotions were always put aside and as he says "fake"....
@beach-life
@beach-life 4 жыл бұрын
oh my god tht happened to me too. i find it so difficult to cry now.
@jenlotus17
@jenlotus17 4 жыл бұрын
That is definitely trauma. "Holistic Psychologist" says when a parent denied your reality you overreact later in life because you were not heard as a child. We are suppose to feel safe , heard, and seen. When that is missing it is just as much of trauma as other kinds of abuse. We have to "reparent" ourselves and forgive and love ourselves to break these patterns. Also check out "Louise Hays."
@morningsong8077
@morningsong8077 4 жыл бұрын
Narcs can’t stand true displays of emotion.
@dnk4559
@dnk4559 3 жыл бұрын
Same. I love that I’m not so alone as I thought I once was, I hate that so many others have suffered the same way.
@tatianahawaii13
@tatianahawaii13 2 жыл бұрын
Hugs
@abigailslade3824
@abigailslade3824 5 жыл бұрын
I have to admit I really enjoyed telling my toxic mum how lovely my husbands mum was, revenge is sweet 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@runningsrage5895
@runningsrage5895 4 жыл бұрын
damn I wanna do this one day
@ts676
@ts676 3 жыл бұрын
Same, i know the feeling and my mother in law is her sister😏
@ladennayoung2939
@ladennayoung2939 2 жыл бұрын
@@ts676 Her sister?
@ts676
@ts676 2 жыл бұрын
@@ladennayoung2939 my mum and mother in law are sisters
@ts676
@ts676 2 жыл бұрын
@@christwarrior9124 I married my cousin, my husband is my mum's nephew 😊
@elizabethcameron5763
@elizabethcameron5763 5 жыл бұрын
My mother, literally over my father's deathbed, said to my siblings and me that, "she wanted her husband but not his children." I am with a good therapist for PTSD that I have from living with my narcissistic/violent mother. I am 60 and am healing. That is because I have had no contact with her and choose to take responsibility for my pain. It is HARD to be the child of a narcissistic mother, but healing is possible!! Blessings to you all.
@LachkiB
@LachkiB 4 жыл бұрын
I'm very sorry. I now know something like that.
@fashionglobally.2075
@fashionglobally.2075 2 жыл бұрын
God bless you ❤️❤️❤️
@fairymairah
@fairymairah 2 жыл бұрын
no offense but you and your Siblings need to pack your things except maybe Electronics. and run far away !
@daryl8915
@daryl8915 5 жыл бұрын
You have just described my mother, my life. I thought I was alone. No one believed me, her sickness was always in the dark..thank you.
@far6311
@far6311 6 жыл бұрын
As a person who has never had a father, was brutally neglected and abused by my birth mother, and all but tossed to the trash by the woman who adopted me, I have never been able to grasp how important it is to have your parents. I got great grades in school but I was told I was stupid daily. I always had boys (and girls) fawning over how pretty I was, but my mom would say how hideous I looked. It hurts me to remember that I have never known a happy childhood. I don’t get it when people cry over missing their families, I’ve never wanted mine.
@richardanderson4916
@richardanderson4916 6 жыл бұрын
That breaks my heart. I am so sorry you had to go through that. How tragic! I will pray for you.
@keiakeia6182
@keiakeia6182 6 жыл бұрын
I feel you!
@Doriesep6622
@Doriesep6622 6 жыл бұрын
Make you another family and bless you.
@Whshonda06
@Whshonda06 6 жыл бұрын
I feel the same lack of understanding when people cry and miss their family. My mother was and is the same way and I continually had to escape into video games or fantasy books to make my life bearable by imagining that I was in some super hero origin story where one day all the pain would be made clear and I would understand the purpose for all such abuse as a child. I get by now by imagining that I am like Bruce Wayne and a loner that puts on his Bruce Wayne mask every day to show the world but his real face was that of Batman.
@ritacampbell3833
@ritacampbell3833 6 жыл бұрын
Me too. The teachers, my relatives, all the neighbors raved about my performance in school, my good manners, my good grooming, etc., but nothing I ever did was enough for my mother. She always made me her “bad daughter.” I could never figure that out. Why did other people give me positive feedback, but not the person I was supposed to be closest to and safest with? So I agree. People rave about their good memories of their moms. I just stay quiet, I had good times, but there were more bad times than good, and yes, she starved me of love. She never let me feel I was ever good enough. She was inconsistent. She was moody, I never knew what I could expect from her. She was strict. She was grim. I felt I was an inconvenience to her. She even told me, when I was 16, that I wasn’t her favorite. She acted like she would have been much happier if I had not been born. We get what we get, and we have to go on, but I have no nostalgia, really, about my mother. She had good qualities, but she could have been warmer and more loving to me, but I guess it just wasn’t in her. It’s not fair to be a child, and to be made to feel so unwanted and inconvenient, that way. She told me thousands of times that she’d made the huge sacrifice of bringing me into the world “because my father wanted a daughter,” she’d say. Never once, never one time did she ever say - I wanted you. Not one time. Children aren’t stupid, they notice things like that.
@Captain-Cosmo
@Captain-Cosmo 4 жыл бұрын
I was 47. My father, a kind, gentle, and loving man had been dead for 5 years. And it hit me that my mother was and always had been a monster. I never looked back. She is 85 and dying, I hear. I dont wish suffering, but I will not see her again. I believe she tried to poison me to death when I was 3.
@Hugging_Cactus
@Hugging_Cactus 3 жыл бұрын
i feel your pain. when i was going through my divorce, my father (divorced from my mother decades ago) was dying of ALS slowly and horribly. we already buried 2 brothers in consecutive years prior. my twisted mother sent a letter addressed on the outside to me, but it was written to my father. it was a horrible attack on him and his children, but vailed in concern. now i know that was a sick smear campaign from a evil monster. she is in her late 70’s and still manipulating my last brother to attack me. he is narc psychopath in his own right. i’m 53 and figuring all this out now. God bless - stay strong.
@Captain-Cosmo
@Captain-Cosmo 3 жыл бұрын
@@Hugging_Cactus I turn 55 this year. I am stronger and a better person now that I was when I wrote my original post nearly a year ago. Of course I wish that my mother had not been a monster. But there are people in the world who are, and some of them happen to be parents. Call it the luck of the draw, but it happens. Many narcissists are pathological liars, but they lie to no one else like they lie to themselves. Focus on recognizing and purging from yourself any of the awful traits in her which she may have put inside of you. It requires brutally honest introspection. But I do believe that it is the key to healing.
@Lyrielonwind
@Lyrielonwind 3 жыл бұрын
I also think she tried to poison me a few times.
@Hawaiiansky11
@Hawaiiansky11 2 жыл бұрын
The opposite of love is not hate; it's apathy. I felt nothing when my narc mother died. It wasn't even really a relief, because my siblings still treat me like the 'problem child' even after she was gone. So I have now gone no contact with them, and life just keeps getting better.
@LysGyngell
@LysGyngell 5 жыл бұрын
My entire childhood was made up of making a mental list of all the things that i would NEVER do when i was a mother..and it consisted of 'never do that because it hurts'. The physical abuse stopped once i reached her height ( apparently, so she informed me years later, because she was afraid that once i was her height i might turn around and hit her back, cowardly witch, ok to hurt others, but afraid of being hurt herself) and then the verbal and emotional abuse really ramped up in my teens...and then the rest...she finally died when i was 49, and all i've ever felt was relief. She was, according to all who didn't actually have to live with her, a walking paragon of virtue. She wasn't.
@timmitchell3870
@timmitchell3870 5 жыл бұрын
My favorite line was always from my sister. "We always loved you no matter how awful you were."
@Hislittlelamb
@Hislittlelamb 2 жыл бұрын
My mom cursed me with, “Your husband’s going to hate you” when I started shaving my legs. That wasn’t even close to the other hateful things she said, like the time I went to her when I was 12 and constantly bullied by my older sister & brother she said, “stop pestering me, you can all kill each other for all I care” which actually meant “they can kill you for all I care”. A year later she told me to stand behind the car of my older sister who was getting ready to pull out after chasing my brother with a kitchen knife in a murderous rage. I sought safety instead so she scolded me for “not doing as I was told” (getting run over) then blaming me for my sister getting away. Hard to look back on now. I’m 67, a mother, grandmother and just this year got into therapy with a therapist that understands and quickly pointed out the dysfunctional family pattern and my role as Scapegoat. I’ve been in therapy several times in my life and this is the first time a therapist has recognized the issue. I’ve since had to go No Contact with my family of origin and extended family/friends that are still in what I now call a Mind Control Cult, who are invested in maintaining “the family image” of our Covert Narcissist mom as some kind of saint when I know she’s anything but.
@ludwigbooth4882
@ludwigbooth4882 5 жыл бұрын
I've learned more watching a couple of these videos than I have paying for two years of therapy.
@user-bc5cf5kr4s
@user-bc5cf5kr4s 4 жыл бұрын
Right? I love Michele. ❤
@PurplePinkRed
@PurplePinkRed 2 жыл бұрын
Agreed! 👏 Therapists who aren't versed in narc abuse will often gaslight their clients and give them problem solving strategies that would absolutely work with any reasonable person. Sadly, we are not dealing with that. You have to be very strong to come through years of being told you are seeing things wrong when you definitely aren't by "professionals".
@omgimover4075
@omgimover4075 6 жыл бұрын
My heart goes out everyone who was raised by narcissistic parents! I got just found about narcissism a few months ago due to the bizarre behavior of my ex narc boyfriend. I was only with him for 10 months & I’m experiencing PTSD. I feel blessed that have 2 normal parents that showed me unconditional love. I couldn’t imagine growing up with these demons
@Pippin514
@Pippin514 6 жыл бұрын
Your two parents that SHOWERED you with unconditional love WERE part of the problem...grooming you for a world of Narcs you would not be prepared for!! Over sheltering like that is/are lies and sets you up for failure and great pain in all areas of your life...SMOTHERING love can be debilitating and crippling! Did your parents know it consciously? I don't know! HOPE I am not upsetting you.but, think about it, please. You a beautiful person....and in some cases for"some" others to see as prey...Yet, you are a beautiful person and no one should take that away!! SAD! SAD!! SAD!! Just beware in the future and get to know people well...WELL! Put'em to the test or multiple tests many times... Shame we have to live this way! If you or any of us are lucky ...someone or more than one will see that goodness in you...in us.. and cherish it instead of destroying it! LOVE AND VALIDATION
@yvonnedwyer6793
@yvonnedwyer6793 6 жыл бұрын
Almost40born78 -
@MR.AIRWALK
@MR.AIRWALK 6 жыл бұрын
And demons they are... unfortunately all of the sexually mollested children grow up to be narcs.
@TheMonica82
@TheMonica82 6 жыл бұрын
God Bless you, but why did you "fall" for a Narc then??? Something IS missing in you from your childhood - that's how the Narc trapped you. Mine is abandonment and loneliness. But, my God has shown me and healed me... Many Blessings~
@Pippin514
@Pippin514 6 жыл бұрын
@@lightinthedusk Thank You for your reply. I am with you all the way on that. Just saying *smothering* is yet *another* narc tactic/behavior all designed to keep that person as property...Guilted into shame if seeking to growth *away* from parents and living their lives to the fullest...because these type parents can't do without that grown child...shamed into leaving...growing...living! And *not ready* for what's *out there.* MY NF(alternately covert and overt and an *enabler* to my NM...MY NM(covert) was brutal...Often overt behind closed doors...and aided by GC NB...Was The Ultimate Set Up and Destruction for me...for most of us here...It is the usual dynamics depending on how many narc siblings were conditioned into screwing up the scapegoat picked...US! THEN GO TO CHURCH! So, dear fellow survivor...I know your plight well. I am only 16 months NC and still processing this madness...Trying to believe there is more than this for me here on earth...now that I know this... I want to know what it is to be in unabused settings with nonabusive people...Just once in my life. WOKE SO LATE in life. How are you doing!? All the love!
@linasuraini8046
@linasuraini8046 6 жыл бұрын
i can't believe every single thing mentioned was exactly how my mum treated me and it's making me so emotional right now. it took me 24 years to realise how toxic my mum is. how i am emotionally damaged because of her. i cut her off from my life and it's the best choice i made.
@chrisk1208
@chrisk1208 5 жыл бұрын
It took me over 30 years to realize the same thing. I woke up thanks to mybwife after my 'mother' nealy succeeded in destroying my mariage by ruining the maternity period if pur first born. I remember crying out in despair to my wife: 'you can't expect me to cut ties with my parents.' But I did. It had been 6 years and ut saved me and my mariage. But I am still strugling.
@UlyssesAlexandreAlves
@UlyssesAlexandreAlves 5 жыл бұрын
Lina Suraini for me it took 29 years. And I still wonder how can’t my brothers, sister, father and everyone else see who she really is. They choose to attribute her wrongdoings as “bad humor”, and sacrifice themselves and their sanity, their right to have their own lives, to support her. She has been smearing me to them since after I left home, where I was still living with her because of being the youngest child in the family. The others have got merried, and then they were not suffering her direct influence as bad as I was having to stand the abuse. But eventually I found out there was nothing wrong with me, which is what I was gaslighted to believe. All my youth and early adult age thinking there was something wrong with me, even that I had asperger syndrome or something like that. Now I’m happy that I found out the problem was actually “narcimadness” at home, and I’m studying all I can on the subject. I’m also happy for my sister, who has merried a decent man who is not toxic. On the other hand I feel sorry for my eldest brother , who after going through all this nightmare at home with our narcissistic mother, he ended up getting merried with a woman just like her! I almost fell for this trap, but thanks God I was able to detect narcissism in the girl I was talking to for some time. Now I’m building strength to win over these demons by watching to these very helpful videos. The important thing is that there’s hope. We can see there’s light around the narkness. Hope you all the best in this healing journey.
@kailevelsup5058
@kailevelsup5058 5 жыл бұрын
Don't feel bad it took me 28 years. I still haven't been strong enough to cut off completely
@wayneelliott1180
@wayneelliott1180 5 жыл бұрын
I was in my 40's before i addressed the fundamental damage "mother" did to me. She attacked me for it of course. Strength to all of you who are suffering.
@jessicabenitez8567
@jessicabenitez8567 5 жыл бұрын
Good for you I'm still working on getting away
@chocoboasylum
@chocoboasylum 6 жыл бұрын
I once dropped out of a vocational training because it wasn't my thing. My mom was sitting on the couch, crying about how all the women at her work had such successful children and she was ashamed and afraid to talk about me. So I told her to tell them that I was dead so she wouldn't have to talk about me anymore. I was so done with her.
@tofujelly
@tofujelly 6 жыл бұрын
love it!!! Good for you!!!
@lnpiparo
@lnpiparo 6 жыл бұрын
Sheer brilliance on your part. Honestly, life is way too short to be abused further by this emotional vampire 👏
@thewolf14
@thewolf14 6 жыл бұрын
Mine worried about his reputation. I was 12.
@detoxlady6777
@detoxlady6777 6 жыл бұрын
That's the most frightening story I've heard in a long time, tugged at my heartstrings. Talk about total unacceptence, and you must know in your heart that you were a child like all children and you did not deserve these negative emotions, these feelings of unavailability.
@Jaded_Ink91
@Jaded_Ink91 5 жыл бұрын
Everytime one of my cousins got a fancy job, or got accepted to an expensive prestigious college. She always says,' Why don't you do this, like (so-and-so)'. I was never successfull enough, never pretty enough, anyone I brought home, she didn't approve of. I had straight B's, never did drugs, never went to Juvenile. Never had illigitimate children. But it was never enough......
@justrenee1304
@justrenee1304 4 жыл бұрын
I still can't believe I used to think this behavior was normal. I used to think everyone treated their kids this way. The media did not help this belief as everywhere you look manipulative and over bearing parents are normalized. But it's not okay. I am so grateful for videos like these because they help educated me. I want this family narcissist cycle to stop with me. I want to grow and be healthy mentally. Sending hugs to anyone who needs one!
@ericakane53ify
@ericakane53ify 6 жыл бұрын
Wow. Listening to this I grew up with two narcissistic parents. And I was the one that got the hell. Your so right, it took me 39 years to realize that I chose to accept that. That’s just how the are. They got so upset when I took stance and I told them I’m no longer anyone punching bag. You don’t control me nor the way I see myself. Your not in control, learn to control yourself.
@thewolf14
@thewolf14 6 жыл бұрын
47
@rydersonthestorm7175
@rydersonthestorm7175 5 жыл бұрын
Sometimes I feel so guilty because I was in the same boat except I didn't get the hell. I did well in school and sports so I think they loved the respect they vicariously got through me but each one of my siblings got hell because they couldn't measure up. My little sister gets the absolute worst. They call her dumb, stupid, prostitute almost every day and she is just a typical 20 year old who is only months from moving out. I'm so sorry you've been on the receiving end so undeservingly.
@LadywatchingByrd
@LadywatchingByrd 5 жыл бұрын
Then a silent treatment for years.
@contrarymary7638
@contrarymary7638 5 жыл бұрын
Go Girl Go! X
@fredmad4988
@fredmad4988 5 жыл бұрын
That last sentence ever too powerful.Learn To Control Yourself.
@aknudsen93
@aknudsen93 5 жыл бұрын
My mom used to say the same thing to me growing up, "I love you, but I really don't like you right now". As an adult I always thought, "what a strange thing to say to a child".
@democratictotalitariansoci1462
@democratictotalitariansoci1462 5 жыл бұрын
that's at least something, both of my parents never said that they love me, and never hugged me. they only gave me daily dose of criticism. but, on the bright side, I won't be sad when they die.
@BLITZY261
@BLITZY261 4 жыл бұрын
That saying is a MASSIVE RED FLAG of a narc. Unconditional love...zero conditions.
@BLITZY261
@BLITZY261 4 жыл бұрын
@@democratictotalitariansoci1462 What a comment. If you had made this comment two years ago before i swamped myself in knowledge about narcissism, i would have thought HOW CAN YOU NOT BE UPSET AT THE FUNERAL OF A LOVED FAMILY MEMBER... ..BUT I GET IT NOW.
@vanessasmith6925
@vanessasmith6925 3 жыл бұрын
I had freckles as a kid, mom would lie to me saying that if I would put cream on my face they would go away. I never thought of my freckles as ugly until she said that. She would make different herb rinses for me to wash my face and say it would get rid of my freckles. They never dissapeares. It was like I wasnt pretty enough to be her daughter. She once told me: I feel like the way you look on the outside is not really you. Aluding that I am prettier on the inside than on the outside. How am I supposed to have a healthy self image when my own mother didnt accept my appearance since I can remember...
@Innocent_Villain
@Innocent_Villain 3 жыл бұрын
​ @waki That's not necessarily anything in any good way. My relatives, for example, know well that regular smug preemptive "I LoVe YoU" recitations followed by any number of embedded barbs set a framing of "I said I Love You so what follows must be considered to be from a place of love, and I get dibs on that now, so if you don't like what comes next then you're coming from a place of hate and choosing to be a hateful person, and choosing the consequences of choosing hate". It's an insult and a threat of violence, with plastic hearts and bows. Sophisticated narcissists master the dark art of BS, where nothing necessarily actually is what the blissfully ignorant outside observers of the Special Wonderful Family assume at face value.
@karen_louvor9348
@karen_louvor9348 6 жыл бұрын
Bawling my eyes out. I was raised with narcissistic parents.😭
@rhondicee4061
@rhondicee4061 5 жыл бұрын
Karen Thornton it's nice though you aren't alone
@sandraotero5951
@sandraotero5951 5 жыл бұрын
So Sorry babe. 🙁
@silentgrove7670
@silentgrove7670 5 жыл бұрын
@jerrodbulgin2261
@jerrodbulgin2261 4 жыл бұрын
My mom used to say that I was the devil child because she had dreams about how evil I was too. Wow! Anyone who knows me and doesn't know my family, knows, that I am one of the most compassionate, imitate, loving, honest, passionate, empathetic and understanding person they have met. So many people trust my wisdom and respect me. What a huge loss for my distorted family!
@skylarbrooks4524
@skylarbrooks4524 6 жыл бұрын
after they mess you up, they tell people on the "outside", "oh, she has no confidence". What th?: it's a good thing i can see through that! thank you & you are a beautiful person.
@berg8970
@berg8970 5 жыл бұрын
For forty years I was shackled to the BS my monster instilled in me, I am finally free and life is good.
@frasei
@frasei 3 жыл бұрын
congratulations that is amazing 🙏🏾
@braveknight2000
@braveknight2000 6 жыл бұрын
My mother loved telling me one day how much I was like my father's mother. And then the next day she'd tell me how much she hated, you guessed it, my father's mother. Thanks Mom!
@JonasAnandaKristiansson
@JonasAnandaKristiansson 6 жыл бұрын
What a legendary mother. Shameful..
@Vaibhav-ue4gk
@Vaibhav-ue4gk 6 жыл бұрын
Same here! My narc mom demonised my father's parents and made me believe how i was like my father's father and my brother my father's mother (btw my father and his parents are also narcissistic)........ It feels good to relate with people who have gone through the same thing
@TheMonica82
@TheMonica82 6 жыл бұрын
That's a Shameful thing for a mother to say! Like you couldn't figure out what she was saying! I pray that you are healing~
@lailapastor4233
@lailapastor4233 6 жыл бұрын
Same here😣
@witchyhour
@witchyhour 6 жыл бұрын
I was lazy and worthless and lacked a sense of humor, just like my father! No need to add later on that she hated him, she'd abandoned me with him for about 3 years, from when I was 2 through 5, and when we reappeared ans took me to live with her and her new man, oh, I meant her "husband" that she never married, at that point, it was clear to anyone around that I was lazy, slightly autistic, not the sharpest knife in the drawer and had no sense of humor, like the father (the father that she chose to marry and have a child with, not me!). Is this really only going to end the day one of us is gone? 😕
@Officeoftheformer
@Officeoftheformer 5 жыл бұрын
“Now, I love you. But I don’t LIKE you” with a southern accent, was my mom’s favorite quote. She’s passed away now, gone 6 years if I had to sum up my relationship with her in one sentence, her saying that to me would be it
@misstery5942
@misstery5942 6 жыл бұрын
This is how my mother made me feel my whole life I hope my daughter feels how much I love her, I couldn't handle if she ever felt how I feel from my mother. I want my daughter to feel loved, nurtured and protected... eternally
@denisekinzle1672
@denisekinzle1672 5 жыл бұрын
Me too,!
@shannonbishop8473
@shannonbishop8473 5 жыл бұрын
Miss Tery , I too had a narcissistic mother and I have a daughter. We have empathy. They do not. I really believe our daughters will know that.
@henriettevandam166
@henriettevandam166 5 жыл бұрын
I'm sure... Your daughter knows you love her with all of your 💕.. No doubt about!!!! Because.... You do!!!!!
@forgetfamily3754
@forgetfamily3754 5 жыл бұрын
I felt the same yet I ended up doing the same harm to my own daughters and son since I didn't understand I was doing it too. We all say many horrible things in anger and believe me when I tell you, in her heart your mother didn't not mean what she said to you....she just didn't understand where her own anger came from. She was hurting inside and said it in anger and maybe she meant it but she was actually saying it to you, meaning it of herself. She was hurting from what she went through as a child too, never forget that! At first I couldn't handle it that my perception of my life, my children growing up with me, was so off to what they would tell me happened, I just couldn't remember those horrible things I said or the way I treated them when I was angry. I was angry a lot but that is leaving since I forgave my parents, now when I can realize how much I was like them I know I have changed because information is power and now I have the power to change for real and have the guts to take that blame away from them and onto myself yet I can also forgive myself because we seriously have no idea what we are doing and how much harm we do unintentionally when we continue the pattern.
@mdgsk824
@mdgsk824 6 жыл бұрын
You know that family bond is screwed up if you have to deal with personalities you would never otherwise nvm be friends with. And if you've known someone all your life but still don't feel close, that says alot.
@christinekleinschmidt4676
@christinekleinschmidt4676 6 жыл бұрын
Chris I have a bipolar 2 mother and a narcissistic sister. I am very scared with the abuse from both of them. My husband (now deceased) helped me to love myself.
@jennybarrier5153
@jennybarrier5153 5 жыл бұрын
Yes!!! I love my mother because she is my mother but I dislike her as a person
@jessicabenitez8567
@jessicabenitez8567 5 жыл бұрын
Exactly how I feel
@chasingtheunknown3763
@chasingtheunknown3763 5 жыл бұрын
could be a victim of abuse too lol
@eeaotly
@eeaotly 5 жыл бұрын
Christine Kleinschmidt You lost the only person who helped you and you remained alone with the persons who harm you. This unfairness of life is something I have never understood. I have recently lost a good relative and remained with a narc relative. Had I've been asked, I would've changed them in a second. The only good thing a narc can do is to reincarnate. During the present life he ia stuck at a primitive level. He could very well life 300 years - he would never change and evolve one bit. I feel no remorse for regreting that good people don't live longer on the expense of narcs.
@trinnysaysno
@trinnysaysno 5 жыл бұрын
She straight told me once "that i needed to change everything about myself, and theres nothing good about me when I was like 17." I was confused for like 25 years because I had food, clothes, a roof and rules. I just wished I could go back un a time machine and tell myself, "it's not your fault, hang in there" and what to look out for. She still tries to tell me I'm a bad person. I never bought it, but she has convinced a large number of family members.
@Brio9
@Brio9 5 жыл бұрын
Trinada TV Why do you still bother with any of them? Turn your back and disown the lot. "No contact" is the best gift you can give yourself.
@bodaciousbethany0
@bodaciousbethany0 3 жыл бұрын
My aunts were always telling my mom & I that I was such a bad child. & Telling her to beat me & get me in line. She died. A narcissist aunt that has a very similar personality. It's her job to tell everybody how terrible I am. No contact since 2018.
@taniamachin766
@taniamachin766 2 жыл бұрын
I feel you, my mother always told me that I have to change my "attitude" just because I confront her with the truth.
@Nolantheshark23
@Nolantheshark23 2 жыл бұрын
You’re not alone. At 40 I finally woke up and realized wait it’s by me ! It’s my parents! Sending prayers and healing.
@JaniceAsa
@JaniceAsa 4 жыл бұрын
ICONIC!!! We can make the choice to become survivors and release our victim status. We can’t choose our parents but we can choose ourselves. This video was everything for me, thank you!!!!!!!
@TheDayUDeserve
@TheDayUDeserve 6 жыл бұрын
My mom would say all those things to me.... I have social anxiety now because of this. I’m a young adult and I’m trying to get over it but it’s extremely hard.
@specrit
@specrit 6 жыл бұрын
@Ingrid Weiner chill that's his/her mom you are talking about lmao
@heathalee
@heathalee 6 жыл бұрын
I had the same problem and i realized that if i thought about all the positive traits i would like to have and presented myself to others as having those traits and treating myself as my own best friend that it was a lot easier. Its like having a shield so you don't feel so exposed to other people. The best part is when you understand that you really do have all the positive traits you admire in others, theyve been there all along. It helps to be a little detatched from the social interaction but not closing yourself off. Soon you will see that people like you just the way you are when given the chance to get to know you. Those that reject you are usually the ones you wouldnt want in your life anyway.
@jenniekelly571
@jenniekelly571 6 жыл бұрын
Hi Cophii, I have found many guided meditation videos on KZbin, and they are great. They have positive meditation to listen to in the morning and guided positive meditation for you before sleep. What you think about before you go to sleep, whether positive or negative, is what stays in your brain's subconscious; so try to keep it positive. The practice she mentions of telling yourself 3 things you like about yourself, or if you're proud of yourself because of how you handled something makes a HUGE difference in your anxiety. Your Mom didn't love you, but I am a Christian woman, and whether or not I know you, I do love you ❤ and many people who see your comment love you too!!!
@JessyingAround
@JessyingAround 6 жыл бұрын
I'm going to the same situation here... I left home and I'm trying to fit in society but I can never feel like I belong anywhere, I can never feel like I'm going to be enough for anyone... It's really complicated!!
@tigerbiteme
@tigerbiteme 6 жыл бұрын
Cophii I was the same way. Until I gave my life to Christ. He will show you your worth. I hated my name until I was 25.
@marcovermeulen9188
@marcovermeulen9188 7 жыл бұрын
They are never happy for you. You don't achieve anything because you deserve it or you worked hard for it. You are nothing. They cannot even see who you are as a person. You are what you can give to them. Win or lose they are never a part of it. They don't feel with you. They don't care how you feel. It is all about how you make them feel. And don't believe that they ever going to change. They don't. I think they don't even deserve our time. It's all wasted with them. Every conversation is a waste of your time. I often think they live in their own head. They live in an internal world. There is no external world for them. Like a computer. They cannot learn and feel by themselves. They don't understand the world. They don't understand people. There is no work in progress. There is a constant emptiness in those people. And it is our job to fill that hole. Nothing more nothing less.
@dashamarkovich7447
@dashamarkovich7447 6 жыл бұрын
Marco Vermeulen What the hell. This gave me the creeps...you described my parents to a t. This made me feel shock...
@trelltinsley3181
@trelltinsley3181 6 жыл бұрын
Perfectly described my step dad, he claim me if I accomplish something then is right back to putting me down cause of school or not having a girlfriend or cause I haven't moved out yet, he goes back on his word 24/7. Is mentally abusive and has been the devil in my life for the longest then has the nerve to use god to justify his wrong deeds
@juliemosz6647
@juliemosz6647 6 жыл бұрын
Soooo true!
@laizkie2526
@laizkie2526 6 жыл бұрын
Exact description of my mother
@witchyhour
@witchyhour 6 жыл бұрын
@@robdrich8556 It helps if you see them as rabid poodles: cute and you want to love them, but they're deadly.
@kathleendrake6500
@kathleendrake6500 2 жыл бұрын
Pure Genius. You hit the nail on the head. You fully understand what narcissistic parents do to a child. Then, as adults we have to unravel the crushed soul and begin open up and find our emotional self. Extended family affirms self-loathing and hatred, religious abuse, and we do not know why we hate ourselves, but we do. Adult children do not know it was projected onto us or placed upon us. We think we did it. It takes many years of counseling, psyche classes, and bible studies to try to figure it out. Usually you just stumble onto the answers somehow. The last generations, children were told they were to be seen and not heard.
@lizkrinsky5209
@lizkrinsky5209 5 жыл бұрын
When you said, “I love you because you are my daughter BUT I don’t like you”... I just lost it. I’m in tears and I’m shaking. I heard that so often. I tried so hard to be a good daughter and could never succeed. I did not understand then that I would NEVER be a good daughter in her mind because that was her game. I was always the peacemaker between mom and dad, mom and my brother, mom and whoever. I developed migraines and ulcers. After I got married and moved away she still terrorized me. The sound of the phone ringing made me jump through the ceiling and left me shaking when I got married I was also the barrier between my mom and my husband. She resented me getting married. She resented that his parents loved me. She always tried to start fights and make me decide between him and her. It was relentless. At the age of 38 I had a grand mal seizure out of nowhere. Out of every test known to man, they said it was due to extreme stress. I got cou selling and all kinds of things poured out of me. I felt it all happened, I was treated like I was treated because I was a bad person. My counselor wanted to know what I thought was so bad about me... and I now realize how superficial these “faults” were. That they were things that most people dealt with me to me they were fatal flaws. Like I was not worthy of the air I breathed. And I sobbed saying how I really wanted to be a better person so that things things didn’t happen. When I was better, it would stop. I had never spoken about the things my mom said to me or what she did to me because I thought I deserved it and I felt I was speaking ill of a good parent. When I finally shard to my counselor what had gone on, he looked at me and asked why I thought I deserved that. And I said because I was a bad person. Why else would a parent do that. Eventually we spoke of narcissism and that I needed to set up boundaries and if necessary, cut off contact. During the seizure that I had. I didn’t breathe for four and a half minutes. It really messed me up for a while. I had to re-train myself to read, and prior to that I was an avid reader I had to re-train myself to read music. Eventually it cane back. I almost died. My counselor told me if I did not make boundaries and if I kept up the relationship as it was, I may not get a second chance should another seizure occur. I tried the boundaries. It didn’t work. It was all of nothing with her. I cut her off. Then my grandmother started calling me. Her friends started calling and harassing me. I tried to talk to her but the abuse would just start up again. So I stopped calling. And in time her friends started calling me again. And then she got sick and my brother and I got harassed constantly about having to see our mom. We were afraid to pick up the phone. We finally spoke to one of them. She was in the hospital and I said the only way I’d speak to her is if I could speak to a counselor first and talk to the counselor about what had happened and how to handle it. This was 2009, and I had lost a good job, was trying to find work, and I did not need to have to deal with mom and her barrage of hate on top of it. I was afraid I’d have another seizure, or something and I could not afford to risk that. So the hospital arranged for my brother and I to talk to a counselor. Guess what? The counselor was a friend of one of my mom’s friends and she told her EVERYTHING that my brother and I discussed. Her friend then yelled at us and told us what terrible people we were to say such things about our mom “who never told a lie in her life”. I do not have the words for the betrayal I felt. I tried to report the counselor for an ethics violation but the hospital just cut us off. Then they threatened us with a restraining order. All my brother and I wanted was to get some help in dealing with our mom. We didn’t want to get shredded to pieces. We were at a vulnerable time in our lives. We were trying to find jobs after the economy crashed. We did not ask for, or want money or help from our mother. We just wanted to be left alone. It was lie she dragged us in and forced us in just so she could continue torturing us. I’m 58 years old now. My mother ruined my life. Yes, I exist. I have a job. I survived. But I will never have those years back to have my own life. To have confidence. To have a husband because she ruined my marriage as well. Yes, I do have more confidence in myself. But I can’t trust anyone. It’s just me and my dog. What I says here isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. My mother was a monster. I wish I had known about narcissism years ago, and had done whatever I needed to do. I’m glad it’s being spoken about now. If you are young and reading this, and listening watching the video, take heed and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. Walk away from the narcissist and never look back, while you are young enough to have a life.
@karens2881
@karens2881 Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. Another great validation 👏
@veruc_w
@veruc_w 7 жыл бұрын
Being myself is the last thing that my parents wanted to see. They were always jealous of any signs of my soul expressions cause they've lost that ability in the process. Cause of that jealousy, they needed to destroy it in me (a soul murder). Now I don't know how to express my emotions, what are my wishes and how to make decisions without taking into account the expectations of all the people around me. :( .........searching a way to reconnect with myself again Thank you, beautiful but painful video
@tamarajessup1398
@tamarajessup1398 7 жыл бұрын
veruc w 💔
@mllekamell
@mllekamell 6 жыл бұрын
Hi veruc - same here. What helps a bit are also the Videos of Richard Grannon, he describes some very powerful methods in some of his videos, especially on becoming aware of emotions ... all the best.
@laurenpaterson3475
@laurenpaterson3475 6 жыл бұрын
veruc w same my mother never said well done
@dashamarkovich7447
@dashamarkovich7447 6 жыл бұрын
I have similar challenges. I recommend family systems with jerry wise. He has videos here on KZbin. I have gotten past victimizing myself and the forgiveness part...im in the step that is focused on helping learn the proper skills as well as be more joyful. The trauma can reallt get you down when something triggers them. I was also blessed with a daughter and being able to be the opposite of my mom. Also the love I've experienced for my daughter is what confirmed to me that I truly was not loved because now I know what that love is like. I feel sorry for anyone who has kids and never experienced that. I have plenty of sadness in my life at times but that sounds pretty dang sad.
@michellewara3646
@michellewara3646 6 жыл бұрын
I made my own you tube channel and in the past month I have had no confidence in making any more videos, my mother put me down 😓 I can’t bring myself forward to make any more. I am mentally messed up I hate myself all I want to do is help people and be happy but how can I if I can’t help myself? It’s so hard everyday is a struggle.
@KraziAnnRKissed
@KraziAnnRKissed 5 жыл бұрын
My ex husband made my daughter at age 8 write "I will not be a drama queen" 200 times. He made her do that because she stood up for herself. Now, she's afraid to. She'll be 10 next week. I'm fighting to get her away from him.
@esmeraldav025
@esmeraldav025 3 жыл бұрын
I hope you two got away from that toxic man
@WildflowerAnn
@WildflowerAnn 7 жыл бұрын
To say this gets hardwired is the understatement of the year. I can attest that there are mothers who do say the most horrifying, sadistic things to their daughter. It’s too bad it took me 56 years to finally figure out what the hell was going on in my life.
@MsBeachboxer
@MsBeachboxer 6 жыл бұрын
Deborah Green Eggs & Ham Great to hear I am not alone in the length of time to realize it. I mean, I knew she was Jekyll and Hyde, recovering alkie - dry drunk, which I thought was her problem, but Whoa! My Caretaking compulsion, knowing that was my purpose no matter what, kept me fighting and taking her abuse till she died with only me there holding her hands. I only felt a stunned relief when her heart stopped. My journey back to reality began that day.
@michaelmorgan6576
@michaelmorgan6576 6 жыл бұрын
Better later than never.....Seems like we all have our cross.
@AndreaDanford
@AndreaDanford 6 жыл бұрын
I have a question...Were you proud of yourself that you did not become abusive to her?? I was proud of my self that I never became abusive to her. But one day a month or so before she died, she looked me right in the face and said " I really wish I had of had more children" It went all over me, and I said.."You know for once in your life Im going to have to be good enough, because Im all you have.There is no one else" She said why did that upset you? They never get it...Never.......she was superior and abusive to the end.
@MsBeachboxer
@MsBeachboxer 6 жыл бұрын
Andrea Danford Proud? I don't know if I'd use that word . I was doing what I expected of myself. I was the one who took care of things when she couldn't She was a recovering alcoholic who hadn't jad a drink in many years, but lots of rage still. I really thought I loved her a lot, but I see now how much I took fm her. She was very abusive to her Dad when he got old. I felt so bad for jim when he was in the seniors home. I went on my own after I saw her treat jim like a child. Funny how we remember those things No, I treated her well & kept her happy .
@NotAnAnimator
@NotAnAnimator 6 жыл бұрын
*hugs*
@Torbis101
@Torbis101 2 жыл бұрын
OMG you just described my upbringing & adulthood. And to this day... & I am beyond middle aged now, I still have deep seated issues.
@kevinjamison8359
@kevinjamison8359 2 жыл бұрын
Me too I'm 63 But I have healed d a lot Hang in there! Good luck
@Nina-vv3ev
@Nina-vv3ev 5 жыл бұрын
God I could still hear the pain in your voice from what your mom said... And I have been through the same
@susandidit
@susandidit 5 жыл бұрын
Kelli R. Morris n
@forgetfamily3754
@forgetfamily3754 5 жыл бұрын
The trouble is Nina, you will always hear the same until you heal and your Mother heals too. We all are connected and your mother had this done to her too. We have to stop the blame to heal. We have to learn they are not Evil they just didn't realize they were harmed so badly too. We repeat the pattern until we understand what it is we are doing. There is no way to escape but there is a way to heal.. stop being the victim and start healing. Forgiveness is the only way. I am not a Bible type...or religious but I read some of the Bible and there was a part that said...Forgive us our trespasses as We forgive others. Forgive them Father for they know not what they do!! :)
@Rettequetette
@Rettequetette 5 жыл бұрын
@@forgetfamily3754 Sorry if this sounds rude to you, but that doesn't make any sense. If a person has hurt you really bad but doesn't acknowledge how they hurt you, you don't have to forgive them. It won't make any difference if you forgive them or not - as long as they don't recognize how they effed up your life, there is only one way and that is breaking up with them. Otherwise, they will keep hurting you for the rest of your life. A narcissistic person feeds on your empathy. You can't heal as long as you keep in touch. Also, it is NOT the child's responsibility to take care of any damage that has been done to their parent in the past.
@amasion2882
@amasion2882 5 жыл бұрын
Forget Family : I agree forgiveness is part of healing and moving forward. However, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily include reconciliation or re entry into a victim’s life. Especially if the perpetrators refuse to accept ownership of their actions and make reasonable efforts to modify their behavior, including consulting with mental health professionals.
@silveradotow957
@silveradotow957 4 жыл бұрын
@@forgetfamily3754 day no,it's called choice, between good Anna evils,,
@annap2523
@annap2523 5 жыл бұрын
This was so relatable it felt like a punch to the stomach.
@humanpikachu1753
@humanpikachu1753 6 жыл бұрын
I have an abusive father who, when I was younger beat me up regularly.. his response after doing so was, “I did it because I love you, I don’t want to see you doing bad things”.
@sharonwong773
@sharonwong773 4 жыл бұрын
bruh i have a mom who does the same thing, that woman whips me with cables
@catsmeow3478
@catsmeow3478 Жыл бұрын
Emotional starvation and disdain. Recipe for ruining kids. My brother drank himself to death and I struggle daily to be happy and healthy. Neither of us had kids nor successful relationships. Thank you for these videos. Recently I’ve been going through all the things my mother projected onto me that I believed for so long. When I acknowledge that all those things were actually what she denied about herself and projected onto me, it all makes sense. The healing is difficult and lifelong. The early trauma set me up for repeated narcissistic relationships and trauma. I just learned a few years ago that I’ve had lifelong CPTSD. I’m 60 and went NC with both parents a few years ago and my healing is finally accelerating.
@ginacheselka6086
@ginacheselka6086 6 жыл бұрын
This video made me cry and very sad and I am soooo sorry that you and anyone else reading this had to deal with a narc Parent. Being a Mother myself I can't even wrap my head around making your child(ren) feel this way. I want everyone to know you are amazing they are the sick people and you never deserved feeling this way you needed to feel Love acceptance Safe and Beautiful inside and out and that your Mother is and was Proud of you and Completly Blessed because they had you as a Child!!!!
@NewWorldAstro
@NewWorldAstro 5 жыл бұрын
This made me choke up. Comments like these really help. Darkness descends on all of us who had Narcissistic Parents, like a cloud it can linger for years. Finding out, you suffer an ongoing grieving process, Thank you for your comment and love. And love to you too.
@lordsesshoumaru8596
@lordsesshoumaru8596 5 жыл бұрын
you had me until the mother part, my parents started swinging and momster came down to tell me they were going out to dinner with friends... the next day she apologized for forgetting my birthday...
@kurtrichter5500
@kurtrichter5500 5 жыл бұрын
Michele, you are a saint. I wouldn't be able to talk about how my parents treated me as a kid/teen without becoming emotional. Props to you for talking about it calmly and knowing how to overcome it.
@amandajoyner6717
@amandajoyner6717 5 жыл бұрын
This is totally my mother. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not crazy.
@patrickconnolly7799
@patrickconnolly7799 2 жыл бұрын
My parents would get each of their 7 children alone and say similar and horrible things to us separately. 45 years later, we discuss it and recognize the pain we suffer together. Inconsistent normality rings so true with me.
@emmacowles50
@emmacowles50 5 жыл бұрын
You're a very beautiful person inside and out, it sounds like you've gone through alot. Keep on shining. These videos are very helpful - thank you x
@2011empe
@2011empe 5 жыл бұрын
She's probably covert. With all respect.
@astralflux9079
@astralflux9079 6 жыл бұрын
My mom always said that to me!! “ YOURE MY DAUGHTER AND I HAVE TO LOVE YOU BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN I LIKE YOU!!!”
@mojohnson5134
@mojohnson5134 5 жыл бұрын
Astral Flux SAME!!!
@johnguzman5575
@johnguzman5575 5 жыл бұрын
Astral Flux yeah my step mom said the same thing about me to several other people..... she’s still a twat even to this day.
@KYRA_FX
@KYRA_FX 5 жыл бұрын
Same lol. Today she said to me "the best thing you could've ever done for me is not be in my LIFE ! How about that ? I'd love for you to not be here" I replied by telling her that if she didn't open her legs at the age of 18 and hoe around, I wouldn't have to be here.
@gracebe235
@gracebe235 5 жыл бұрын
Astral Flux ......I was the youngest of 4 siblings.....my whole family was narcissists. Being the youngest, I didn’t know better at a very young age.....they all said the same abusive phrases to me......”Respect your elders!”.....”Don’t do as I do-do as I say!”......and so on. Being the youngest and outnumbered, I believed all of the horrible programming they were all filling my head with. My brother said to me; “I hate you as a person-but love you as a sister.” This really messed with my head! This, along with all of the other crappy things they said to me, made me feel like I was faulty....inferior.....broken.....less than....as a human being. I have nothing to do with them anymore. I am still working to put my past behind me.....I am in my 60’s. All I can say about them at this point is, what effing assholes!
@rhondarichards1287
@rhondarichards1287 5 жыл бұрын
Astral Flux OMG!!!! MY MOTHERS EXACT WORDS!!!
@zofiajaneczek184
@zofiajaneczek184 7 жыл бұрын
Your comment “I love you because you’re my daughter but I don’t like you” I’m floored this is EXACTLY what my disordered mother told me repeatedly for decades! I spent decades of my life is self-punishment and self-destruction mode. Yes, my NM instilled that I was a failure since birth, always comparing me and my supposed lack to others who are prettier, skinnier, richer, healthier etc. She did similar to me competing with me to a degree when I was younger. She never wanted me to shine too brightly it was never acceptable for me to be adequate nor win in life. I was never loved and at fault for everything terrible in her existence. She has repeatedly told me over the years that she would have been better off if she never married and never had children. My mother was often times the bringer of absolute doom & gloom, she’s the most negative person I’ve ever met in my life. My decades of abuse have left me being an extremely aware pauper. It’s uncertain if my horrible luck will ever allow me a life beyond just basic survival. I’m choosing to help myself but the journey is hard and long! I bet there’s a plethora of seemingly unsuccessful adults chasing themselves in a circle, unaware that their faulty and damaging family programming has left them to a life of struggles, suffering, poverty and seemingly endless bad luck! Kids suffer the sins of their parents.
@scottcooper8942
@scottcooper8942 7 жыл бұрын
Zofia Janeczek My mum said similar thing I don't like u I love u I have to I'm your mother like its a chore
@zofiajaneczek184
@zofiajaneczek184 7 жыл бұрын
Scott Cooper I’m so sorry you experienced a mother who made you feel like a burden onto her. I had to go NC with mine, she turned malignant and was hell bent on making me her personal slave.
@scottcooper8942
@scottcooper8942 7 жыл бұрын
Zofia Janeczek I know how u feel all lo I've been no contact with my biological mum it's like she possesses other women there's at least one women at work gym etc that wants to find a way to have control over me.
@zofiajaneczek184
@zofiajaneczek184 7 жыл бұрын
Forgive And be free thank for answering and I’m so sorry about your daughter. I left a comment on another post for you. What’s been done to anyone in the narcissists path can’t be undone. My heart will probably always be heavy due to the abuse but time will make things easier. We can only do our best to heal as well as possible in the aftermath. Thank you for caring.
@dudewtfdoesittake
@dudewtfdoesittake 7 жыл бұрын
Zofia Janeczek welcome to the club.
@TheWackyGal
@TheWackyGal 5 жыл бұрын
Omg. Just omg. All my life, whenever I hear how great someone else is, I automatically think I'm a failure. I've just now realized it's my narcissist mother's words that I've internalized! When I first heard you mention envy I thought that was weird, but now I get it. She used to say things like that "how did I get such a rotten kid" blah blah blah. Wow.
@desertrose9513
@desertrose9513 5 жыл бұрын
I never understood why my mother never lived me , why I see the contempt and hostility in her eyes, but now I do. Thankyou Michele for being a survivor of narcissistic abuse and for sharing your personal experience.
@superslyko123
@superslyko123 5 жыл бұрын
I would wake up in the morning and literally say to myself, "Ok, what's going to happen today?" Enough, Let's get over it. No Contact & Start putting myself 1st. :-)
@jariahguernsey
@jariahguernsey 2 жыл бұрын
I relate to this so much! My mom is a narc. I have intentionally tried to be the absolute opposite of my mom. Unfortunately I look like her, so of course she has told everyone my whole life that I'm "just like her" "isn't my daughter so beautiful, she looks just like me" I consider it an insult to be compared to her at all because I've worked so hard not to be like her.
@PurplePinkRed
@PurplePinkRed 2 жыл бұрын
I get the same thing! I told my mother that a neighbour said that via text. Literally ignored it and proceeded to talk about something else. So weird!
@not-even-german4892
@not-even-german4892 2 жыл бұрын
, 😬😬😬😬😬😬
@deborahstoker935
@deborahstoker935 2 жыл бұрын
My mom was narsisstic. With my daughter I over corrected.Always telling her how wonderful she was on everything! Now I would say my daughter is like her grandma. What I was trying to do back fired.😢
@mariebrown8207
@mariebrown8207 7 жыл бұрын
You are the first person who I have heard who has communicated this so well. I had the same thing. It took me so much longer to catch on. I did learn to be the opposite type of parent and to end the cycle. My children are grown and I'm enjoying healthy and loving relationships.
@jesseniarodriguez8337
@jesseniarodriguez8337 6 жыл бұрын
Marie Brown thanks for commenting , this gives me hope. I am a new mom and I worry so much that I’m going to be just like my mother because of the saying “we become our parents.” I love my mom and she did her best but I hope so badly that mine and my daughter’s relationship is the opposite and that she is able to come to me for anything without feeling judgment or ridicule. My mom criticized everything I did from day one and to this day I can’t share everything. I make the mistake in telling her and she always has something to say. If I don’t do what she wants even though I’m a grown woman, it’s like she withholds her love. I would never want to do that to my own daughter. It scares me.
@mariebrown8207
@mariebrown8207 6 жыл бұрын
You'll be a great mom and you won't repeat your mom's mistake because you know how it feels. Be tough and don't allow her to try to bully your baby as she grows. Wishing you lots of joy!
@eponymoususer8923
@eponymoususer8923 4 жыл бұрын
I was finally good enough when my mom died. I could please the "good for me" requirements and be "good" and not have her undermine my success by questioning and managing every corner of it.
@Sedum54
@Sedum54 5 жыл бұрын
It was sadly impossible to be me AND maintain a relationship with my mother. But I didnt make the decision until I was nearly 60. Advice:Do it earlier than me!
@brez7894
@brez7894 5 жыл бұрын
Wow! I did till 50. She never was happy with me with everything I did for her. She used to brainwashed all family members against me based on lies! At 50, after many damages I resigned from my family. I was disappointed of myself why I didn't that much much earlier 🙁☹ She sabotaged every single happy occasion in my life 🙁 She and her siblings used to use me as their punching bag for their shortcomings....
@forty2alz22
@forty2alz22 5 жыл бұрын
I sadly was 57, after one yr of no contact , I have brief contact but no phone acess... for 4 months..
@contrarymary7638
@contrarymary7638 5 жыл бұрын
Exactly the same better late than never x
@Kalilah555
@Kalilah555 5 жыл бұрын
Im learning life all over again at 48.
@amberbrittany7546
@amberbrittany7546 4 жыл бұрын
As soon as me and her aren’t living together anymore I’m seriously contemplating this.
@ahskincare3150
@ahskincare3150 3 жыл бұрын
My mom used to say I was like my Dad ,who was a Jeckyl and Hyde ,crazy ,abusive alcoholic .She would call me selfish because I wanted my needs met more, and closeness to her more than she wanted with me. She would say I was too sensitive .I felt I had a problem because I was sensitive . It was so painful having such insensitive parents.I loved them though.
@natalie73animals
@natalie73animals 6 жыл бұрын
This brought tears to my eyes. My mother told me she didn't like me, but that she liked my brother. Also, she said I am just like my father too. I was placed in a role to take care of things early on; so, she told me she trusted me, but didn't like me. She also felt that because I was direct I was stupid, and that is why she trusted me. My brother is a pathological liar like she was. She competed with me as an adversary. She even bought the same car I had bought. She compared me to my friend to try to cause problems in my friendship when I was in high school. I knew what she was doing and it didn't work. My mother would open the door to the bathroom and pull the shower curtain back to inspect me. I was fit, but she would criticize me. She called my friends and their mothers and talked bad about me. As an adult she would call in the early a.m. hours before work to wake me up and would call several times in a short period of time. She loved to torment me. I hate to say it but when she passed away it set me free. I never wished it on her, and felt bad for her situation; but I don't miss her.
@mercurialgem_
@mercurialgem_ 5 жыл бұрын
it must feel good to finally be free....
@emilyr3155
@emilyr3155 5 жыл бұрын
Sounds like a psycho not a narc lol
@brez7894
@brez7894 5 жыл бұрын
Familiar memories and expressions 🙁☹😟
@Kalilah555
@Kalilah555 5 жыл бұрын
Soo sorry for your pain!!! I had very similar experience with my Mom. She passed away 6yrs ago. On her sick bed, she did apologize. I didn't even know what to call it until a few years ago. Understand IT'S NOT YOU!!! It is a mental illness they have mostly caused by a trauma they experienced in childhood that didn't get dealt with. THIS IS NOT TO SAY IT IS OK FOR PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP!!!! It just helps you process how evil works, in order to let the mind began to proceed forward, and let the heart began to move towards letting go and one day forgiving. Forgiving is truly for us. God Bless your healing process!🙏🏽
@RM_80
@RM_80 5 жыл бұрын
This is worst than death in my opinion
@joellenwalker9830
@joellenwalker9830 4 жыл бұрын
You are an amazing young woman. I’m so sorry your mom was a narc and treated you so awful. You are a beautiful person and thank you for sharing your story.
@launabanauna8958
@launabanauna8958 5 жыл бұрын
As a child, I was told many times that my father didn’t want to have kids, but my mother forced him to have my brother and me. My dad always said that he wanted to travel around the world, and not spend his time and money on kids. Also since I was the oldest, whenever something went wrong with us kids, my mother would say that I was older, so I should have known better. We were only 4 years apart. Why was I responsible for every situation?!
@anthonycorradolalli9621
@anthonycorradolalli9621 4 жыл бұрын
A MILLION thumbs up, Michele! God is mightily using you to heal!
@micheleclarke9689
@micheleclarke9689 6 жыл бұрын
I'm almost 65 & a child of a narcissistic mother. It wasn't until I started working in mental health, that I realized my childhood wasn't normal. She told from the beginning I was ugly; was bullied by my mother until I started school, where I was furthered bullied by the girls; everything that went wrong was my fault; I wasn't to make her look bad in front of her friends; always favored my younger brother; always being put down in some manner in the same breath she would "compliment" me; after my divorce, she told me that I wasn't much of a mother to my sons...And this is the condensed version. All of this made me very rebellious as a teen. I did everything just to see her twist in the wind. I only hung out w/ the guys, because I didn't trust females. I didn't care then & don't care now what people think. I was blessed, however, to have a father who listened & was basically my teacher in how to live my life and I prayed that if he had to die, he wouldn't go first, because no one would be around to love me. He passed at age 93. Then, my younger son married a girl JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!! I sucked it in for 13 years until she got stupid last year around my birthday. I told her about herself. She takes it out on my son, but I had to get it off my chest. He's grown -- he can handle it. Thank God, they divorced, she found another victim and got pregnant. Now I'm dealing w/ my 3 grands who are going through this living hell, especially my oldest grandson. I'm trying to be that support for all three. I'm retired and I have more time now. I have a fighting spirit & I let God pick my battles. My mother is in assisted living at age 96 and is still as narcissistic as ever. My problem is trying not to feel that deep-seeded resentment towards her. Still praying on that. BTW-- my name is Michele. Thank you for this video.
@mojohnson5134
@mojohnson5134 5 жыл бұрын
Beany 57 Lmaooooo
@lee02jepson
@lee02jepson 5 жыл бұрын
I know its hard but stick with those grand kids, you will help them in ways you just don't know. Small little hugs mean SO MUCH! My mother cut me off from my step-grandmother when I was 4 1/2 yrs old but she had lasting impact on me as a child dealing with a narc mother. I still remember her hugs, some of her words to me. My mothers hugs were cold + short + 'I have to do this" sort of things. My step-grandmothers were warm, soft, full of love. She passed before I could thank you for her love but I know her spirit knows how I feel. She was a very wise woman!
@kbear6863
@kbear6863 7 жыл бұрын
'You're just like your mother/father' know those lines all too well 🙄
@hibiscusfreak
@hibiscusfreak 6 жыл бұрын
Yes. Ever wish you'd replied "If it's such a bad thing to be just like my father, why did you marry him?"
@orls9068
@orls9068 6 жыл бұрын
I have heard that so much from my mother and I have said to her why the fuck did you have children with him. We have proper blazing rows at times, just crack up eventually from all her games.
@jax99888
@jax99888 6 жыл бұрын
My mom says that to me very often
@UaghBrian2000
@UaghBrian2000 6 жыл бұрын
K Bear Same here, especially at a young age I was often told I was just like my father and honestly thank God because he has more common sense and is level headed while my mom, who’s in her late 60’s,still complains about bad things that happened to her decades ago and can’t enjoy the present moment.
@williamjclinton2998
@williamjclinton2998 6 жыл бұрын
Hmhmhmh yes 😭😭. My mom tells me and my sis that 'we dunno how 2 be alone'
@4N4712
@4N4712 6 жыл бұрын
Another type of envy/competition I feel is instilled in kids at a young age is when parents compare their former child-selves to their current offspring. "ohhh at your age I didn't/did do this/that" Things like: "Why are you failing this class? At your age I excelled in school!" "At your age, I wasn't that fat!" "What is WRONG with you? At your age, I knew better." etc. etc.
@femmeNikita27
@femmeNikita27 6 жыл бұрын
Yes, thanks for Your insight. 100% correct. This is what they do.
@thcu
@thcu 6 жыл бұрын
My mom would try that with me as a teen. I would tell her that that was a personal problem
@datruthteller2537
@datruthteller2537 6 жыл бұрын
I was raised with a narcissistic father & a selfish mother. I used to often caught myself doing this to my 12 year old son until one day while him & I were having a heated argument he blurted out that mom you said you were an empath but you’re acting like the narcissist. I had to look into myself after that. I love my baby boy, he’s so much smarter than his years.
@thcu
@thcu 6 жыл бұрын
@Helena Gentlegirl if I knew what I do now I'd ask to see these children
@thcu
@thcu 6 жыл бұрын
@Helena Gentlegirl oh I know it wasn't. I just wish I knew that then
@AskHack
@AskHack 5 жыл бұрын
I watched my ex narc scream at her daughter until she bawled her eyes out at Disney world, when I looked into her eyes it was just blank rage, I will never forget that look. She also was abusive towards me and just became a horrible person. I feel so bad for her daughters and really for her because you have to be absolutely soul less inside to treat people you love that way.
@DerAua
@DerAua 5 жыл бұрын
My belief for my entire life is that something is wrong with me and that's why people despise me. I thought that if I could find what I did wrong, I could make other people like me. I was constantly looking why I seemed incapable to make friends. I thought maybe I was acting weird, maybe I had Asperger syndrome, maybe I looked strange or the choice of clothes I made weirded people out, I talked too little or too much. I felt like I am just not a real human being. I thought if I did only a tiny mistake others would hate me for it. Now I start to believe I just never made the next step. I couldn't see friendship and compassion when others gave it to me freely, I didn't dare ask for a date, a job, a meeting over a cup of coffee. So I stayed alone and others probably believed I simply didn't like them because I never dared to ask or reciprocate anything. I thought I was being intrusive for even just asking someone how they are (I am absolutely serious). I was aware that other people had plans on the weekend. I was aware others had best friends, girlfriends and family members who helped them (for example) move. I even helped others do that. Several times I helped from 7 to 10. Today, more than a decade later I wonder why I didn't ask any of these people for help. I did it all myself, not even daring to hire a company. I wonder why I worked in market research at a hotline where I explained complex studies to customers, later built a team around this and led it, never once had to write a CV after my university, why I so deeply believed that I had no social skills and no one could ever like me. I wonder why I spent my weekends at home alone never asking anyone whether they had time, never asking the women out who had winked at me (!), or done something else that I thought was meant to get my attention (I believed I must have been wrong when I saw things like that, even though I could reliably predict from the body language when couples would find each other). I spent my entire life believing I could only be an intrusive nuisance when I would ask someone if they wanted to spend time with me. So I almost never did. This sounds so weird when I read it. Now (today) at 36, I start questioning that behaviour. This video seems to ty it together. The projection of evil on the child by my narcissistic father. There is no dark spot on my forehead which everyone else can see. Thank you so much. Now I am going to figure out what I feel, whether it's fear, sadness or excitement or something else. And what I want. Scary to think so selfishly.
@marthas.4456
@marthas.4456 5 жыл бұрын
I know how hard is to change our thinking habits. If your parent installed into you a negative self esteem you will always criticise yourself for anything but you can overcome it. I hope you will succeed. Try a therapy. Good luck xx
@spiralsun1
@spiralsun1 5 жыл бұрын
Der Aua YES!! I never stood up for myself because deep down I felt I deserved it, felt like any self worth was just fake... even though tests showed it wasn’t. The early programming you get trumps everything. I am extremely intelligent and so I made these things that much more complicated and unreachable. So really IQ doesn’t matter much except that now I can use it to overcome the more complicated obstacles I have made for myself. Good luck and be thankful for psychology and good people who help you with this 😎❤️🧘‍♀️
@karim-a7469
@karim-a7469 5 жыл бұрын
Der Aua You have great self-insight! Cheers to recovery and stepping out to foster new friendships.
@truthmerchant1
@truthmerchant1 5 жыл бұрын
I felt the same way, like I was a terrible person who would make people miserable by my presence because that's what I was told every day growing up. They programmed me to feel guilty for being alive and that I deserved nothing.
@jessicabenitez8567
@jessicabenitez8567 5 жыл бұрын
I can't stand my mother she ruined me
@runningsrage5895
@runningsrage5895 4 жыл бұрын
same :/
@theREALESTrealistUNPOPULAR
@theREALESTrealistUNPOPULAR 4 жыл бұрын
How do you begin healing from the hurt? after accepting that ive never felt love, how to start feeling better? im so angry and livid
@Kronikalrag3
@Kronikalrag3 4 жыл бұрын
@@theREALESTrealistUNPOPULAR Find your own self worth ....What i mean by that is find your fulfilment , your craft ,your hobby....and use it to fill the void , for instance if it's art your into , vent your frustration onto the canvas , if you love to write , write out all the things on your mind in no particular order get it out. meditate to clear your mind start new routines. hope it helps i am currently going through the very same transition.
@EscapingTheMadness
@EscapingTheMadness 4 жыл бұрын
Sorry to hear that keep your head up 🙏🏾
@kevinslattery5748
@kevinslattery5748 4 жыл бұрын
Jessica B Only temporarily ruined 🤗 Clump all those memories of her, everything she told you, all those thoughts and throw them as hard as you can into the rubbish bin. Refill your mind with a better way. 😊
@kareemmefriend1293
@kareemmefriend1293 6 жыл бұрын
Wow,...mind-Boggling...how you've survive narcissist mother and a narcissist husband and raising your children normally is simply inspirational and quite an ACHIEVEMENT!!!
@amberbrittany7546
@amberbrittany7546 4 жыл бұрын
Interesting. I had a narcissistic mother and my past two relationships were abusive with narcissistic men. I finally realized it was partially because my own mother but down my self worth down so bad that I got with them and stayed is because I thought it was what I deserved.
@kareemmefriend1293
@kareemmefriend1293 4 жыл бұрын
Amber Brittany Wow.... I hope your making good progress in your life journey Amber 🌹
@amberbrittany7546
@amberbrittany7546 4 жыл бұрын
Kareem me Friend I’m trying to unfortunately she is still living under me and my dad (we both pay bills she doesn’t ) . We just got into it the other day And she told me things she always told me my whole childhood that gave me flashbacks hints why I’m here and watching these videos. That she regrets having me and having children , that she wants nothing to do with me, and that she had to love me but doesn’t like me as a person. Projects all of her lack of empathy onto me says I’m the terrible person. Even picked on my looks growing up and compared her looks to myself saying she looked better than me when she was my age. And always with hatred “you’re just like your father !” She always instigated me then tried to get all my siblings against me. I was gas lighted to think it wasn’t abuse stop whining others have it worse oh she and even my siblings Use this excuse that she was abused in her childhood she’s mentally ill etc etc. I’m sick of it and I’m honestly contemplating cutting her off 100% when she’s not living with me anymore. She may have mental illness which has gotten worse but she has always been like this and incapable of loving anyone but herself
@kareemmefriend1293
@kareemmefriend1293 4 жыл бұрын
Amber Brittany Check out Sam Vaknin, he's really good and a confessed narcissist, LIVE, LEARN AND OF COURSE...GROW 😃
@kareemmefriend1293
@kareemmefriend1293 4 жыл бұрын
Also check out OTTO KERNBERG... he's really good out of Ithaca NY CAMPUS 😃
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