5 Things Narcissists Hate That Normal People Love

[@nmhtv3427]

I get a little piece of myself back every time I watch a video

[@clarajohari6185]

Me too

[@jdclay9403]

I so get it. I did not know that narcissist people existed until i dated one for six months. I knew something was off but a family member told me to give him a chance. It was the weirdest relationship that I’ve been in. Everything in this video is so true! At the time I did not get it, I did not understand. He broke up with me, but he begged me to stay when I wanted to breakup with him at three months. Now I understand. Beware of the narcissist. Smh.

[@goonervillegonad3662]

Pity them. You know you were never the problem. You'll replenish very soon, but don't harbour bitterness. Be glad you now know how to identify them.

[@nmhtv3427]

I feel bad for him nothing else

[@smileitsjustagame2937]

Same. In the scapegoat in my family and the best feeling is independence.

[@reneejones6887]

I was married to a Narcissist for 29 years, I finally divorced him 3 years ago, my grown kids sided with him,so I hav no relationship wit my sons, they hav no respect for me, I removed myself from all of them, he never taught them to respect me, all toxic, I’m just learning about narcissism, for years I though I was going crazy. I finally feel @ peace!

[@johnsonadenuga3162]

you mean for 29 years and u dont die/

[@loveeaother3180]

sad but understandable Peace is awesome

[@maggied.7596]

Oh so true . I walked away from a marriage of over 40 years. The whole family took sides.... HIS.. they all saw what he was doing. Told me they didn’t like how he treated me. When I finally made the break . He poisoned and cultivated them to be his supply. It’s been 6 years since I left and 2 years since he died and the poison lives on.

[@reneejones6887]

Denise my heart ❤️ goes out to u, I hope u find peace! That’s a lot of years, then hav to deal wit more drama,it seems like it never ends! I feel like my ex ruined my kids! He’s there best friend, & according to my youngest son I’m the bitch that all my sons hate!

[@angelfierypetals5252]

I was told he did this to me because I was actually to sweet for him and he was hard core bully (was jealous of my innocent nature so he wanted me hurt angry and dirty) all he ended up getting was me to withdraw and cry- we had a daughter together. (I couldn't even slice onions without him co.ing in with his hostility showing me - this is how you slice onions It was a nightmare- 1985- even into last summer when he waved papers in our 30yr old daughter (daddy's little girl- and yes he wouldreward her for slandering me she's been abused and doesn't acknowledge his abuse only my failure as a woman and my weakness) he was yelling look what your mother did to me (He finally got a normal job and the STATE not me had his employer withhold decades old unpaid child support) my granddaughter defended me this past two months ago- (after he told her what a Terrible person she is) @(12yrs old) he left the state without saying goodbye to them. My granddaughter said yeah he loves us as long as we agree with everything he says.. (He wouldn't allow me to have ANY friends was threatened if anyone liked me- ) I still do not understand why he ostracized me- he made me feel like a freak of nature. When in Fact being with me made him look Good so I was told by elders - made me think- Yes I am in counseling &therapy PTSD - afraid to leave my home. Have pancreatic issues- dying alone. I am hurt and angry sometimes (too weak and pain to care most of time I just sleep because of the medicines for digestive tract cause drowsiness the fight flight freeze I pray I heal so I can work (I'm happiest when I'm providing for my family and grandbabies (even if she makes me feel unwelcome 98% of the time)

[@jonkallas7326]

The Power of "No". Narcissists hate when people say "no".

[@SCI_WALKER]

normal people, like you and me, however, love hearing no. i mean everybody should really just say no, all day long, to every question as a general principle! that sets a healthy boundary, aka a big beautiful wall that mexico will pay for.

[@jonkallas7326]

@@SCI_WALKER I was looking at my phone when this popped up. No one ever responds to my comments. Point well taken and with a smile at that. Peace to you and yours. ^^)

[@SCI_WALKER]

Peace be unto you and yours as well, friend. ❤️

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

Despite the criticism, this is true. I think you're talking about an outsized response to "No."

[@stephenireland3816]

jon kallas Yes they hate a blunt NO! And if they can punish you for saying No they will try, especially if they have any sort of power over you. I’ve learnt to pick my battles. They don’t forget or forgive what they perceive as betrayal and will wait till the day you ask them for help to get revenge.

[@sugarandspice2136]

I got a job promotion and when I received the offer letter, I jumped up and down and screamed, full of joy and my ex was like "you need to bring that down & stop being so excited." He really brought down the moment while making me feel bad for expressing my genuine feelings for something so amazing.

[@jamilgotcher5456]

A self absorbed person can see other people's flaws but they are blind to their own.

[@evolutionrhythm4416]

And we have many ... Flaws that is. Evolution didn't care about perfection it " cared" about getting the genes into the next generation ( reproduction). Maybe a false self delusion of perfection is also a narsacistc trait.

[@GeorgWilde]

Every person is blind to own flaws and don't know themselves. Thats "normal".

[@evolutionrhythm4416]

@@GeorgWilde That's not necessarily accurate. E.g. If you study a evidenced based human behavoiur topic like evolutionary psychology, you can be aware of the "why's" of certain human behavoiur. For example, why does narcissistic behavoiur exist. On the proximate level it can be seen that a narsicist may personally benefit by manipulating a person with a more agreeable personality. Ultimately any form of behavoiur that benefited survival & reproduction in our evolutionary past was more likely to be inherited than a behaviour/ psychology that didn't. This is the ultimate reason why , on average, many people may " not be aware" of the specific psychology/ physiology that ends in X behavoiur. I.e In our modern environment,. some behavoiurs are now malaptaptive. I.e. The genes have developed a physiology inc psychology that was specifically for a quite different environment than the organisms finds it's self in. E.g. Humanities Hunter gatherer past environment of evolutionary adaptations. So, even when people are aware of their feelings sometimes these feelings motivate them to behave in ways which isn't even in there own best interest ( though may still be in the genes interest.e.g. Have unprotected sex ) . A comparison with the natural world may provide a more obvious example. Moths can often been seen fluttering around electric lamps. Their evolved behavoiur motivates them to head for light. In the past using light ( the moon / stars ) as a point of navigational reference became a moth adaption as it contributed towards an increase odds of survival and reproduction ,for the particular moths species. In a environment with lots of artificial " moons" e.g. electric light. This " head for light" moth adaption continues , in some moth species, to provide a reproductive advantage as the lights bring moths together. Humans , on aversge, cconsuming more than needed high calilorifuc food ( fats, sugar) is a maladaptive behavoiur. In the past fat and sweet food was a rare resources thus a behavoiur evolved ( love the taste) to motivate humans to seek out certain forms of food. Now everyone corner shop sells huge amounts of foods high in fat, sugar and salt. Thus human obesity is primarily due to a animal that is not adapted for a fast food , sit in traffic, sit in a office modern culture. Of course this is a average. I.e. being aware that " good taste"does not necessarily mean" healthy good food" can mean you are not slaves to our desires.

[@jaymimcbride5846]

Georg Wilde Not true. “Normal” people recognize and try to change their faults. Narcissistic people don’t believe they have faults AT ALL so no need to change. Big difference

[@normanblohm2612]

You can develop a habit of recognizing your own flaws one way I do it is if I have a negative thought about another person or something about them annoys me I am mediately try to find something similar about myself and every single time I do. It’s not fun facing that stuff but it’s better than continuing crappy behaviors without realizing and correcting it. Every time I think oh my god that girl is so loud and annoying why does she think everyone needs to know her opinion. And look at me now

[@simonaodesser5258]

I can only say, what a shame these videos about narcissists were not available to me 40 years ago. So be it, good thing they're available to everyone now.

[@jinnybarber3701]

AMEN...40 years ago wud have helped me

[@lovingmind2784]

I have been with a narcissist 48 years,tried everyway possible ,I thought why is he happy now I am upset ,it has been exactly like in the video all this time,I don't know how I survived, well I went very deep into religion the last 22 years to keep me going but he did not budge a tiny bit at all ,so it means they will never change.

[@sdeepak3165]

There was no such analysis before 40 years either, sorry for this.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Use what you learn and know now and share it with others in Jesus name. You can't change the past, and God allow everything to happen for a reason. You can end up being a blessing to someone else that is going through, or went through what you went through. Whatever satan mean for evil God will turn it around for your good and for His glory in the end. God have the final say, and HE will and can heal you through it all and keep you, IF you let Him in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. AMEN.

[@melodysanquist]

My narc husband once told me, "I'm not happy, I never was happy and I'll never be happy so stop trying to make me happy!". Our divorce was final 7 years ago and I've been happy ever since. :)

[@michellewright99]

😄

[@mral4381]

No doubt there are people like Michele describes but many things she describes can be attritbuted to more than just narcicissm. There is a growing number of influencers that claim expertise in subjects more complex than they understand. Not disagreeing with all of her points but the misinformation now prevalent is likely to sabotage as many people as it helps.

[@casperinsight3524]

It's eye opening to realize that not everyone thinks the same or has the same goals, values or morals 👀

[@Roedygr]

My narcissistic mother went nuts whenever she heard us kids laughing. She would always accuse us of plotting against her.

[@YouMe-jc6wk]

I never understood why my dad would come after me every single time & whip only me. I heard my sister confess to always blaming me for everything, just so she wouldn't get in trouble & she laughed about it. My sister learned from early age from my mother that I didnt matter. For my mother to remember my birthday or how to spell my name correctly meant to her that she would have to care about me and that will never happen. I'm 52 & my mother refuses to have a relationship with me. I know it's not me but the child in me still wants a mothers love. I have learned to love myself and surround myself around healthy loving people. I am very blessed!

[@pauldharmer]

My father is my narc hes the same way , I have two kids I've never had an argument with either of them. Never punished either one, we buy things for each other , we laugh, show empathy, compliment each other .....and my dad hates it

[@chrisgould101]

Ill telk you one thing that realky affected me. I'm school, I was like the class clown . Heck I was the whole school clown. So I had a sense of humour, and many other adults liked me. At home my narc mother (narcs don't heh genuine comedy) wouldn't allow humour . Imagine having to stop being your entire self just because your around someone who doesn't even have a humour gene (luckily I was adopted) and cover it it was so confusing . So .. no real love and no real humour two huge parts of who I am, could never show themselves in my own family environment. It's really sad. I'd have a lot more happiness and confidence today if in were allowed to just be myself. I was also too honest and too smart, eventually I figured her out and called her out. She tried to charge me but withdrew when i responded and she realised all her lies would have to be sworn statements in court.

[@SovereignStarNetwork]

Lmao seems about right

[@redrumax]

My mother always complain I laugh too much, I must be crazy, I laugh too loud, what will the neighbours say. LOL

[@Mijn24]

I love everyone who is struggling with this... we need to move forward together !!!!

[@pegasus5148]

The Narc is a sadist pretending to be a good person. They enjoy abusing others and getting away with it. Your misery is their happiness.

[@robindelancy7097]

@@pegasus5148 👍👍👍

[@jenn210]

Yep! Agreed. My therapist has taught me how to be consistent, taking time each day to process each negative feeling as it comes, throw it away & keep moving forward! No matter what just keep moving forward! It's so important not to continue to dwell on on any one instance/ get stuck, holding on tight to anyone negative feeling. Its natural to have them, but its not healthy to let those feelings continue to control us & stop us from moving forward. No matter how many times the same memory & feeling hits keep processing it & throw it behind. We each recover by doing what works for us as individuals. Its so true to keep moving forward together. It feels good to know we are not alone!

[@CarolDudeck-bl7kz]

Agreed

[@cobiesweet4203]

I love you too

[@willowclay3137]

They hate anyone that gets more attention than them.

[@pegasus5148]

So true

[@joeldwest]

Lydia Ponce me too

[@elles4115]

Indeed.

[@yepok6520]

... AND theyre ALWAYS looking for it

[@sharonchevalier922]

@hoodiewoman louisiana I thought of my dad who came to see me only once twirling baton and said he forgot to put film in the camera. I still remember how crushed I was. 10 years old. He didn't come to my graduation either.

[@heidikaminski7337]

I left my narc abuser and I am ALIVE again! Being with him was like being in a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. They're emotional vampires. No heart. No soul. They will never change! Leave them and never look back!!!!! No contact!!!!!

[@stardust2938]

You could escape,i grew up with a narc dad...my life is completely destroyed by him

[@juliepeterson4905]

It’s all I’ve ever known, I don’t know how to get free.

[@stardust2938]

@@juliepeterson4905 i know what you mean,they get into your head...

[@lauramahkuk3733]

Can u message me. Look for "laura lynn" on fb. Im struggling and in it 5 years now and the thought of suicide recently came to me. When i read what narcissist was, this is him 100%. Please and thank you. Im also wondering if there is a support group for being a victim of these types of ppl? Thank you.

[@stardust2938]

@@lauramahkuk3733 there are private facebookgroups you can join

[@BC-hc7yq]

This is so true. They can’t stand to see you happy. They will treat you with anger and talk cruelly until you are miserable and then they feel in control again.

[@alleng9755]

So very true

[@Acetyl53]

I think the lattermost is the truest aspect though. The narcissist is like a vampire, they feed on the vital essence of others and they have no reflection. The narcissist does not see himself reflected in anything because he has no self. He's not a real person, he's a concept. His ego is either absent or so damaged and malformed it's unusable, Thus, he must control. In these sorts of rituals and festivities his lack of capacity for coherent dynamic behavior is revealed. There is no "opening up". There is no bonding. There is no seeing new sides of each other. There is no connection. He can't, and he knows it. "I am no one, therefore, I can be loved by no one." "I am nothing, therefore, I can connect with nothing." Visibility is vulnerability. Connection is impossible and the attempt will cause mutual harm. Change is death. No matter what he does, someone must be harmed. There is nothing else.

[@wolffboutiquefashion9930]

I was happy last night u til he made sure he stamped that happiness out

[@rachellerockel]

Yep, exactly. It’s devastating.

[@JJ-ps9xe]

You have just meet my mom.

[@HeideCannon]

When you take the time to put focus on yourself, to put down healthy boundaries, the narcissist will accuse you of being self centered and of course YOU are the narcissist. It's mind boggling and so unhealthy.

[@kimessex3678]

I think you really know that you are a narcissist this is why you're talkin against this young lady keep on being a narcissist

[@leahkeyworth1825]

@@kimessex3678 not necessarily. Seems this woman is just having more confidence in herself, you don't know exactly what her mother did. You seem like a narcissist as you blame her; have no empathy and basically put her down.

[@leahkeyworth1825]

@@kimessex3678 plus who says 'young lady' what the hell has her age got to do with anything. You don't ever know her age lol. By saying 'young lady' your acting like your older, more superior and have better life skills. God knows how old you are; but you sound the toxic one. I guess I will get a message calling me a narcissist 😂😂😂. Narcissism is not just about not agreeing with what a person says; it's about a constant lifetime of physical and mental abuse. Educate yourself before you judge others.

[@shelliebill]

You are absolutely 100% spot on!

[@sikiescordova1826]

Become what they don’t like 👍 👍they criticize everyone so it’s easy to know what they dislike..there extremely lazy ppl .

[@shannoncats5549]

I will never understand mothers that are jealous of their daughters. Never ever, even if I lived for a million years. SMH

[@TheKim369]

You should have grown up in my house. The worst part for me was that it sounds so horrible to say about a mother, and so arrogant to say about myself, it took decades for me to admit it. After all, what is so special about me, that my own mother would be jealous of me? Being able to finally realize and admit what was going on was so liberating, yeah, it happened the same year she died, so maybe that was liberating too.

[@TheKim369]

@rj zander Not just that, having a good circle of friends, or performing well in sports or academics, having a talent for art, or baking, or playing an instrument. Basically being the center of attention, even briefly, for just about any reason.

[@nancystoneritter4444]

My mom was jealous of me because she was only girl in my dad's family and baby of her family. She got all the attention, then when I was born I was main focus. Not my fault, but she would tell me I HATE you and wish you would die, from my first memory. It took years of therapy to help me get over the emotional abuse. It still hurts now but she's deceased now.

[@TheKim369]

@@nancystoneritter4444 I'm sorry to hear you went through that. It's a terrible thing for the death of a parent to bring a measure of relief, but the death of mine was a relief, and it sounds like the death of yours was too. It's sad that these mother's don't apologize before they die, but they don't, so, as bad as it sounds, the sooner they go, the sooner the relief. I wish mine had passed a decade or two sooner, but I'm glad for whatever years of peace I get. I wish you many years of peace yourself.

[@TheKim369]

@@coachkristenmd7725 I'm so glad to see those two letters following your name, if they're not yet a fact, I hope they're still in process. If I had pursued medicine, I'd have heard daily how I thought I was so much better than every one else, and how I'm nobody special. Then she'd have bragged about my accomplishment out of my earshot to strangers, and at the same time sought the sympathy of closer people by telling them about my constant arrogance and selfishness. I don't know if we ever recover, I too am estranged from my family, she caused it, but they were self centered, small minded and jealous, focused on looks rather than integrity, and I was their favorite target, so I'm better off - maybe you are too. Me making real contributions drove mine 'round the bend, she couldn't stand that I had any real value in the greater world. It sounds like you are poised to make her head explode - good for you! Best wishes!

[@narcsinart7179]

narcissists make holidays so miserable for us all until *we* are the ones who eventually hate the holidays

[@mamathemeat]

Yeah I don’t like holidays anymore

[@marathonfortruth4768]

Grace Eversley Yeah because MISERY LOVES COMPANY. Nobody that sick inside wants to go it alone.

[@cindyhill4864]

Happened to me

[@cyansloth1763]

Sooooo true. Especially if they abused you and so every holiday is riddled with flashbacks and pain ya no holidays till I'm healed. I can empathize with so many people but narcissist/psychopath/sociopath people I just can't comprehend.

[@bwinmaine]

It has been my experience that holidays are perfect opportunities for narcissists to practice their trade. They are free to be as controlling and self-centered as they wish because anybody who resists will cause a stink and it is the resistor, not the narcissist, who is seen as being the asshole causing the stink.

[@alexhorvath5519]

This makes so much sense why I was so depressed in my marriage. I suffered for seven years not knowing narcissism was a type of person, not just something wrong with me all the time. Love your videos to confirm the truth

[@linda8274]

On Valentine's day, he gave me flowers... and said: "Like I don't do enough for you". Keep these videos coming so more of us know we aren't alone and NOT CRAZY.

[@sabrinaflipse7732]

Linda :(

[@colingilpin2930]

Linda what a relief to know I am not crazy

[@bootlegbaker1215]

My husband brought flowers and a giant card to church as a grand gesture to make him look good. I'm allergic to flowers and he knows this. I asked for a cheap $20 gift. He spent his money on himself and bought me crap

[@katiewaters1956]

don't respond to the negative...you deserve the flowers, just like I deserve dinner...always has to show me the price....

[@donnalangley117]

Mine said Mothers Day was invented just so women could get more gifts. At the time, I thought wow that is really twisted.

[@beckyqueen2409]

1)Holidays, festivities, special occasions. Because they are jealous that other people can be genuinely happy without faking it. Their narcissistic supply comes from not giving you what you want and then seeing you suffer. 2) Narcissists hate happiness. Narcissists have a goal to kill your happiness. They are not normal. Happiness in someone else is a threat to their false self. Narcissists don't feel happy or genuine excitement. They mimic other people's emotions. The ability to feel genuine happiness is something that the narcissist will never have. Their unhappiness is not your fault. 3)They hate when others look good. 4) Narcissists hate when others are successful. If narcissists can't take credit for your success, they will squash your success. You cannot trust anything that the narcissist says. Trust your gut. 5) Narcissists hate when your children love you. This is so true. I have relatives who are like this. Gosh!

[@tobiastho9639]

Becky Queen Thx

[@hakuchanyuuki9240]

Thank you

[@KH-gk8mf]

My mother actually said it was “disgusting” that my aunt (her sister) and my cousin (my aunt’s daughter) would say, “love you!” to each other on a regular basis. That’s when I knew there was something seriously wrong with my mother. I was just a teenager when she said it, and my first thought was that I never heard her tell me she loved me and that it would be kinda nice. 😞

[@acharich]

@@KH-gk8mf 🙏🏾♥️

[@coolwater55]

Narcissists hate when their children love others.

[@almamyers4]

1. Holidays - because it’s not about them. 2. They hate happiness 3. Hate when their partner look good. 4. They hate a Family members success. 5. When your children want to spend time with you.

[@Karyn3112]

Alma Myers my narc loved holidays, it gave him a new audience to to garner attention from.

[@aisarachel]

You're wrong. Anyone who thinks this way is wrong. Abuse is abuse. A Narcissist is a closet case abuser, master manipulator, baiter, and trapper.

[@aisarachel]

@@Karyn3112 I agree. Anything festive is good for a Narcissist, because they love to practice manipulating people into believing that they themselves are good, when they are secretly abusing their wife and children behind closed doors. Or they're living a secret double life that they are very good at hiding. They're evil.

[@anitacarter8060]

Alma Myers .. I agree ☝🏻 💯

[@jamesroberts6248]

That sounds like my WIFE!

[@AshaGlenn]

Yes, I learned to hide my happiness as a child because I saw early on that this would cause me to be punished in some way.

[@noraabdulla2486]

Asha Glenn me to they r haters

[@eddieignacio3077]

Jesus :0 I hope you are good now. You should check out the book Letting Go the pathway to surrender by Dr David Hawkins. Also Sedona Method and Byron Katie here on KZbin. Also COURSE IN MIRACLES is also powerful and real. Plus just FUN and SELF RESPECT! :-) Do fun things outside like kayaking! Hiking! Go to dog training clubs etc etc. :-)

[@CSWLoveMusic]

I can totally relate

[@AmandaRules4ever]

I was punished severely for wanting to be happy, for what little good/happiness I had, and struggle with being happy for myself and for others, for fear of punishment and unmet emotional needs.

[@foxiefair123]

Yeah, somehow it causes “payback”.

[@anastasia2788]

I watch these video and just cry because I finally feel like I’m not crazy, that someone understand me and I’m not thinking that I’m the only one suffering with this. God bless

[@KM-js3kr]

Are you narcissist

[@jrydergraham24]

Ohheyanastasia same love. Same 😩

[@realtorry4790]

Same ❤️

[@yogib8]

me too...I thought something was wrong with me...when he left on September 1st, my first night alone...I woke up in a panic ...I was in tears wondering if I were a narc. I was truly traumatized...I am still working through it.

[@olivest509]

I hate family gatherings, but only because my family is so full of narcissists that it's pure misery being around so many of them for several hours are a stretch.

[@rickrossh]

Same here, both my dad & step mom

[@namechangedtopunty7659]

Olivest I live next door to a narc and her family, everyday their throwing stuff in my garden.... it’s become a cat and mouse game for them, and watching me come out of my house to look at what present they’ve left me, gives them so pleasure...... they are twisted with a mental health problem

[@bEEBO178]

Same!

[@streetracer1o124]

Pureita Griffiths wtf😱🤣🤣🤣that’s hilarious the fact somebody and grown ppl Would do that 🤔huh I thoughts that’s a kid/teenager thing 😂

[@nakedglass]

@@namechangedtopunty7659 these days I'd probably stick a bunch of pins in the item and throw it back over and wait for the hilarity of them panicking over what it means. The narc mind will assume all the worst of course.

[@kels3y]

My dad is a narcissistic abuser. He has abused my mom and little brother with his narcissism (verbally and, occasionally, physically) since I was born. I’m 13, and it has been so hard to realize that I have been abused, because it didn’t feel like abuse until lately. Your videos really help. Thank you.

[@Love4life527]

Stay strong. Pray and ask God to help you.

[@BlueAvians]

I was brought to tears reading your post. I'm angry that this is happening to you and your family. Know that God loves you and it isn't your fault. Don't keep silent. Please tell a teacher or other school official about the abuse so they can help. They are mandated reporters and your father will have to answer to his misconduct and back off for at least a while.

[@redheadedfreckles2]

kelsey🍯 God bless you honey

[@narcsinart7179]

@Star Light until her mom is ready to leave, she is stuck with him. you have to learn how to live with these sickos and protect yourself, the authorities can't . hope you have a nice aunt or grandma that will take you in on weekends or whenever sweetie, God bless

[@scotnick59]

My dad was a Narcissistic Gaslighter: all about him. What he never learned that it made him look like an immature ass to others around him and always did

[@AshaGlenn]

Sabotaging special occasions... This happened my whole life with my mom!

[@mohitgarhwal5049]

Can you share one short story... I amm with you..

[@earthhealer1174]

The way they hurt children is the one thing that doesn't deserve *ANY* forgiveness *AT ALL*

[@kristinaclark3357]

Yep! Heartbreaking!

[@nikiannecoleman]

Shannon Dwyer My father is a narcissist and he has always been a brutal and sadistic man. My siblings and I are all adults now but he still tries to control us.

[@OBSIDIANSTARK]

Amy Shakalis wow Amy reading your comment just broke my heart. I sincerely apologize you went through ANY ounce of that but I am glad you weren’t ‘successful’ commuting suicide and that you REALIZED YOUR SELFWORTH (which is priceless), found some peace and made the choice to be happy if that means not speaking to either of them. That notion outside of context is tragic but with the reality of your situation seems to be the most helpful solution to give yourself the best shot at doing you to the fullest, good, bad and indifferent as long as u found your peace. Wish u the best generally speaking. Again, I’m very sorry that was a major part of YOUR story you were forced info & endured that but I’m glad u are were u are now. You’re writing the pages of your journey at your own will as we all SHOULD have the right to do.

[@Star-jb5gj]

I agree. They should burn 🔥

[@dinavienna]

Amy Shakalis you give me hope for a sane future - I am at my lowest at 37 but want to get better for the sake of my small family not my family of origin

[@Ladystardragon]

I always hated when they said that women in abusive relationships have low self-esteem... Some of us were genuinely happy, carefree, with a decent self-esteem before this scumbag came into the scene and destroyed as much as he could!!

[@puremaledark8305]

Rebecca Petrovic goes for men too. I was such a care free, loving spirit till a dated a girl with npd, bpd. It really made me an ugly person eventually.

[@godgeoussolflower]

To attract the narcs into your life typically means you have like self worth. Narcs don't stand a chance with high self value women. They don't get to that stage of destructing your life b4 u dismiss them.

[@lelalewis8279]

@@godgeoussolflower mostly this is a fact, and i believed it to be true until recently. When i met my ex fiance i was on top of the world; recently divorced, good job, new house, i was independent and rockin' it! He saw a life he envied, and wanted to be part of it. At first he Lifted Me with compliments and admiration, but once we moved in together he slowly sucked my self confidence away. He took away every extra dime i had, destroyed every relationship i had (including my son), sold off my belongings, and abruptly left me homeless...it was so unexpected, and i didnt realize this was happening, i honestly thought i was helping him rise with me, and that he was just projecting past traumas onto me. I believed love would heal all and see us through...i did not know what a narcissist was :( In the end i had no strength to help myself, i was emotionally and mentally bankrupt, and so numb i literally had to talk myself out of ending it all on a daily basis. I was a strong woman when i met him, and now I've been a hermit for 2 years, my anxiety is insane, i don't talk to people because im too scared to, i have below zero self worth, and physical health deminishing. I say I was strong when I met him, but I am still strong I just can't feel it yet and I know I will in time. I am truly grateful for all of these videos and people sharing their experience because this is how I learned exactly what just happened to me. every video I watch about narcissist and narcissistic abuse describes him in every word, I spend more time looking for the things that don't match his personality but there aren't any. Because of these videos I have hope now, nobody would listen to me and help me figure out what was happening, it was like I was the disease. These types of people seem to Target anybody, and I wish I had the knowledge about narcissistic abuse that I have now, but I will be sure to use this knowledge to help any other person I see who might be going through the hell I went through. Either way don't make the assumption that narcissist will not Target a person with high self-esteem. Nobody is safe from this type of person unless they are educated enough to see amd understand it. :) have a great day! 🤘

[@mewbao4744]

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SISTER ♡♡♡

[@DeborahSNelson]

@@lelalewis8279 WOW, I agree. I was also on top of the world, recently published author, and yet he targeted me-never felt better, loved being single and alone in my penthouse on the beach---However, I think there was a crack in my spiritual armor, though, because I had stopped meditating for a couple of months after meditating for 10 years. I think there is something that does attract them, a place in us where we have become weak or vulnerable for a time, and they slip their foot in the crack of our vulnerability, and we attracted them at that point. The higher we are, the more attractive we are to those who want to use and abuse people.

[@SGWndrWmn1211]

My husband is definitely a narc....he sabatoges every special occasion, Anniversary, family gathering etc...he also displays so so many other narc traits. Can't deny it anymore. I deserve my peace and joy back. 2019 im breaking free of this miserable , emotionally abusive "marriage"

[@suzesinger6762]

GOOD ! YOUUUU GOOO.GIIIRL !!! XXX ;)

[@sboloshis1188]

Seems dangerous to post this if he’s crazy. Have you ever told him you intend to leave? It seems a shame to throw away marriage. Has he seen a psychologist or done any counseling? Your guessing at his psychological labels based on the internet. It’s a start maybe you are right but why not be sure or at least try to fix it.

[@SGWndrWmn1211]

@@sboloshis1188 no its fine he wouldnt find this. He actually left on his own aka discarded me right before Christmas! What a surprise right?? We did try counseling and all he did was twist and conceal the truth. Tried 2 different psychologists actually. The 2nd one actually was the one that told me he has NPD....after that i started doing my research into what Npd. This is how i ended up here. (Months after she told me he has npd) this is the short of the long story. I didnt diagnose him thru the internet on my own. And no there is no salvaging this "marriage"...im glad he discarded me and ive blocked him from making contact w me. 2019 is gonna be a great year!!!

[@sboloshis1188]

Stephy Orona his loss then.

[@MatthewRedeye]

Please let me know when you're single

[@PhoenixCat72]

My Mother started ruining my birthday when I turned 12. I have learned to keep my distance because I refuse to let her spoil my special day any longer

[@toptiergamers5656]

Karen Redmond she wants you to be in fucked up relationship 2 kids before 16 life wicked run woman run they want you to settle in life

[@Amber-wy9om]

She probably has narc jealousy. Look up nu mindframes KZbin channel on narc mothers.

[@NarcSurvivor]

They are jealous, because they feel as though we are taking away the spotlight, attention and validation from them. They are also envious because they want to take away our happiness or progress in anything.

[@pegasus5148]

The Narc hates your happiness. It has to all about them and all they want is sadistic supply by hurting their targets emotionally.

[@24kstar]

Yes, and they feel entitled to take away our happiness and progress. Their thinking is, "How DARE you be happy? How DARE you have a life of your own? How DARE you succeed? You are NOTHING. I am EVERYTHING." And then they'll go about destroying you to level the playing field.

[@to-acpro-iw1748]

Absolutely spot on.

[@sunshines4555]

THAT'S EXACTLY IT!!!!!

[@laurenm9563]

So damn sick!

[@knowledgeseeker4116]

To all the narcissist you have been exposed! I hope that every body listens to this. Great video!

[@joeo7257]

Leroy, Good point, anybody exposed to one is aware of their junk. The Narcissist will still reject any of these examples applying to them.

[@maviskaitoo8413]

Hahahahah

[@northstar5919]

Then they become dangerous so be careful

[@stevenwoods2965]

I lived through a relationship like this for 7 years. I got out and have never looked back. Some people are beyond help.

[@hendrina]

So thankful for my dad for being the normal, loving and proud parent. If it wasn’t for him, I would probably be a total mess. Kudos for sticking with my mom and being the calm one. Now it’s my job to protect him, now he is becoming an elderly.

[@sarahadair5890]

My dad made all the difference as well. Even being active duty military, he managed to bring stability, sanaty, joy, and make-believe to our lives. I hope to bring the same to mine. ❤

[@Terrormitzsu]

When you're sick, they neglect you. Don't expect them to bring you food or water in bed, unless they think they have an audience to impress. They may be preoccupied with drugging you up, unless you're in a lot of pain. Then, they'll act like they don't realize (you're nothing anyway), or you're faking it, or they're conveniently no where to be found, ESPECIALLY when you need them. If they're in the hospital with you, pretending to be the enduring, dutiful caregiver, they torment you when no one is around. They'll upset you while you're literally down, blame you (which is ridiculous because you are literally sick enough to be in the hospital), then storm out. (Likely to use that time away to cheat on you, if a spouse. That way you can lay in bed worrying, and it's harder to heal.) Gaslighty stuff. Personally, I think it's the devil. What they do is criminal, imo, and many of them should be in jail. They send ppl to early graves due to stress and create mental disorders (anxiety, depression) in otherwise emotionally healthy, happy ppl. They're cold and malignant.

[@TechnicJunglist]

👏👏👏 i am going through this now & making a conscious effort to get out. A narcissist's tentacles run deep

[@redeemed3856]

Terrormitzsu Thankfully soon enough they will All be in *Jail* - HELL!! I’m counting the days ...

[@ncgal384]

The devil is out to steal, kill & destroy. Empty shells and completely emotionless. Narcissist are the freakin devil! Light outshines the darkness! When you understand this then you know the true darkness that lurks in this cold world we live in.

[@Terrormitzsu]

@Daisies and Lillies, putting them in jail is walking away - and throwing away the key. Also, if you're in the hospital or bedridden, it's a bit difficult to walk anywhere in that situation. I believe that was at least a theme in my original post, reading comprehension much? They're more sinister than a lot of obvious criminals. Just because they're sneaky and insidious or you can escape that doesn't mean they don't need to be in jail.

[@makeupbyshay341]

Unfortunately my best friend died in July from drinking and the drinking started due to her abusive husband. She's the one who helped me get into domestic violence program and to get away from my spouse. And so yes what he did was kill her basically. I refuse to let anyone kill me. I'm 3 weeks no contacts and the happiest I've Been Love Gone no contact and she's found me and it started all over again so this time I'm very serious about staying hidden. Not being able to be found means I am unable to be manipulated which means I keep my joy and I keep my happiness and it literally is life or death and so my main goal right now is to not be found! I know that if I am found all of my joy goes down the drain and I don't want that anymore. The way they treat us is Criminal. And Karma will get them.

[@neerudutta4906]

My experience is don't give them information that is important flip things give them the opposite info/keep your secrets just yours.

[@2mammaR]

True. You have to keep things to yourself.

[@keiranritchie8329]

So true, unfortunately since I've stopped telling others my plans things have started working out 😒

[@joanramsey4002]

Oh my, I had to keep narc colleagues out of the loop to stop their antics. They were demonic troublemakers for sure.

[@tt8877140]

I was just thinking this today I am so smart to this as I was raised by one and married twice. I pick them constantly. Now my narc bf Of 11 years is learning from me. I share to much on things. Just things and strategies in general.

[@carissacrash]

Yeah, I’ve learned that quickly from a young age. My father doesn’t know anything about my personal life whatsoever.

[@Miss_M85]

So so on point. He ruined every holiday, and got angry about everything and had tantrums about nothing. He tried to ruin my happiness and he did for awhile.

[@pegasus5148]

The narcissus is a sadist and that's why they enjoy ruining holidays and ruining things for you emotionally. They want to sabotage our joy.

[@elles4115]

Tantrums for nothing is so true. And that leaves us standing there like wtf just happened?

[@hunterlange5973]

Hope you left him behind.

[@jesseleeward2359]

Vacation on the beach with my Aunt was like military. Everyone had to inform her what they were doing. My sister was criticized for looking fat in her bathing suite. My mum wasnt allowed to have the lap dog sleep in her bed. The dog had to be washed all the time. My aunt's back was sore. She relentlessly criticized someone for shaving their head for cancer awareness. It was terrible summers

[@shirleyburgon4105]

I lived with a narcissist for 36 years and had no idea what was wrong. All these are like a revelation to me and pieces are falling into place . I always knew things were wrong and not normal but only now can make sense of it all. Every single one of these 5 behaviours explained made me quietly shout “yes, yes, yes! That’s what happened to me” I feel I can begin to heal and begin to reclaim my self worth and sanity.

[@richardcudog2590]

These people are cursed for life, what a miserable existence.

[@kikikiki3216]

Hmm only God can deliver them

[@kcla3131]

They are so cursed. Yet they always have a group of ppl ard then all the time!

[@lauradelregno99]

@@kcla3131 yep but they fake friendships

[@miraclesforus2]

@TV Eyes Salvy it.s a painful exist ence for their victims. They have no moral compass compassion or conscience. You gotta get that rigjt.

[@noraabdulla2486]

RICHARD CUDOG true

[@kcla3131]

Now I know why I have always had trouble saying "no". I've been around narcissist for 37 years and I am 37.

[@mindlice575]

Sounds like me... Narc parents.

[@jannekegerritsen301]

So sad but i just hit with the realization too its a strange phenomenon

[@alexc2265]

Well, an agreeable temperament alone is enough to cause that, but that definitely can be a cause and I’m sure you’ve endured a lot.

[@ladennayoung2939]

@@alexc2265 No. Being raised by someone with NPD generally cause that. Because you end up being codependent, and you don't want to say no. Because you want to please everyone. They raise you to be that way on purpose. So, they can control and manipulate.

[@starsingleton5347]

It's hard when you don't have the money to leave.

[@merel0076]

Yes narcs trap you in situation when you have no recourses but just plan it slowly all time you stay with a narc is time stolen from ur life

[@suzannelaforce6988]

Yes, you need money to leave, so start saving now. Even saving coins will give you hope. Put them somewhere that the narcissist can't find. Keep saving. Rely on sympathetic members of your family. Be brave and be determined to break free. There are abuse hotlines in almost every city too.

[@johnbernard7280]

Star Singleton tell me about!

[@johnbernard7280]

paratrooper73 Thank you but it’s to late for me.

[@johnbernard7280]

Earl Raymond My mother is a basket case, my sister hung herself 3 years ago, I can’t have a relationship with my little brother and there I nothing that change that. I never know my father was a narcissist until recently. Looking back everything makes sense now. Their is a lot more damage than I can ever explain. I don’t have the energy left to start over. It’s to late.

[@PaulHattle]

I think we can safely say that they are sad, insecure, paranoid souls.

[@JustPlainDeb]

My ex tried to save our marriage by saying “you can be in charge and I’LL be the miserable one. “ I knew I needed to go.

[@drlarrymitchell]

When you close the door and you feel relief- you need to pay attention to that.

[@amirarosemusicUK]

Agreed!

[@feefeeali4945]

I totally thought it was just me... Why was I do much calmer AWAY FROM HIM? Covert narcissists are so disorienting.

[@alleng9755]

Yes recognize and remember

[@derisgarden]

I'am..

[@raymondrosa7239]

I am a empath !! You can imagine what I’ve been through, but I understand now, I am in control now !! Moving on and going Beyond !!! I create my reality !! Go within !!!!

[@nattig.4987]

Same. I understand you. These videos make me feel so much stronger. Shake em off!! Stay strong.

[@austanicasolutions2974]

It took me almost 10 years to leave one. That saying “if I knew then what I know now...” I’m mostly just disappointed in myself for even staying this long. I sacrificed so much. I sacrificed my happiness. I lost myself. He moved me away “into a bigger” house for show and tell especially when people came over because he wanted them to see what we had and “how far we’ve come.” Ultimate “couple goals” is what he wanted. He is best friends with my mother, he turned her against me completely. The only person I have or I should say “had” by my side he took. Now my mother and I don’t talk at all. I’ve bailed him out of jail for a senseless act HE did. I’ve gone to places I cared not go to because “he likes when I look good” when I’m out with him all the time. I lost my job. He’s stalked me. I tried leaving before, he took random pics on google and sent it to guys to tell them “these are all the men she’s sleeping with” when I didn’t know not one of these people. He’s chased guys away that actually cared for me while him and I weren’t together. I took him back after “I’m gona change.” He’s told men when I break up with them I always call the police and put them in jail when we break up. He’s pretended to be sick and “having a stroke” when I wanted to move on while secretly messaging someone I chose to date “I know you’re still talking to my woman. We are still together” I took him back after “I’m sorry. I’ll change.” He so happen to “pop up” in places I go. He took a brick and smashed my side mirror and took all the caps of my tires so my tires would slowly deflate. He slashed the tire on my brand new car a night before I HAD THE BIGGEST INTERVIEW OF MY LIFE. He said “I don’t know what I was thinking I just can’t do it without you. We can both have each other’s phone anytime.” I took him back. The list goes on.. 2 days ago he left the house and went for a “meeting” with someone. God knows who because he is just so dam secretive with everything. Money. His family. You name it. As soon as he left the house I called the one friend I had left after knowing how depressed this situation made me and I packed and left. I took only the clothes on my back, my car and my passport. Things can always be replaced. Your time can’t. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow but even though the hardest part is leaving. Because I’ve always “left” but didn’t LEAVE. I have no job. I lost it all because of him. But I had 2 peaceful nights of sleep so far. Even though I still wake up sometimes because my anxiety of always feeling like I have to watch over my shoulder is there, I’m proud that the step I took is now a step closer to my greatness and purpose. Listening to these videos gave me the push I need to leave. I regret marrying him because I had so many signs not to. Losing myself is one of the deepest cuts I will have to heal. “I just don’t sympathize no more. I can’t be victimized no more. I just don’t sympathize no more. Cause now I understand.” Anyone who is feeling depressed, have anxiety or just feel like you can’t get out listen to Lauryn Hill “I GET OUT.” And really take the words in. Depression and anxiety may be now, but it’s not forever. Xo.

[@rosiestewart870]

they come in all kinds. mine housed me in a bug-infested, one-room basement apartment. when we had a two-yr-old and a newborn, we were living in a tiny, run-down, rented trailer. my parents had to buy a house and rent it to us, so their grandbabies could live in a decent home. they kept the deed to the house, so he couldn't sell it. after he died, my daughters learned that he had a large, secret, out-of-state savings account. they did not share it with me---after all, "you divorced him."

[@nrsimmons178]

Your story sounds like mine on steroids! I'm just enjoying under a month of peace and freedom, but I still feel like he's going to swoop in at some point and take it all away again. How are you doing? Have you gotten the chance to put your life back together?

[@cloudy1164]

I believe u r very smart not having kids with the person. Enjoy your freedom!!! Celebrate every day !

[@jakester3876]

God be with you.

[@lisac7956]

I know someone who is a pathological narc. Everything you say here is 1000% true.

[@Eadl-er3hs]

It’s been three weeks of freedom so far and your videos are helping more than you’ll ever know! What a confusing journey

[@vanessaparker6232]

They screw with your mind. You have to be strong and get rid of them as soon as possible or they will do their best to destroy you.

[@judithbissett237]

Me too. I left 3 mths ago. Very quietly. He thought i was in a hotel pouting. He never called trying to make me feel unimportant I was already in my apt. The movers snowed and packed me. He couldn't do a thing. Im happier than I have ever been I will not allow him to steal one more moment of my joy ever. Keep up the good work. We got this.

[@mixberry3181]

Good for you! I wish you all the best!

[@mixberry3181]

I'm in a situation right now,....planning my exit

[@L00shkin]

Hows your freedom been?

[@lrowlands53]

I’m definitely convinced the narcissist was the most negative thing I’ve ever encountered. I just can’t get her out of my head.

[@weedylock]

I feel you, these video helped to clear most pain and sadness from my psyche, only anger is left which i hope to purge asap, broke no contact rule after 3 weeks because she owes me money and the rest of the day went down the toilet, constant thinking :(, now i have blocked her everywhere and started proper no contact :D

[@vivalospepes1402]

My narss was in my head for 30 years. Finally broke free period better late than never. Your time your energy is more important than wasting it believe me. Concentrate on something other than that narcissist. Don't waste anymore time on a narcissist it's lost time. Do yourself a favor forget them. There are also other videos out there by peace and harmony which are really good. It was Michelle's videos that introduced to narcissism. It was a lifeline when I was being tossed at sea! Thank you again Michelle for all that you have done. Everybody hang in there there is happiness on the other side.

[@vivalospepes1402]

@@weedylock you will get over the anger. Just chalk it all up to experience and forget it walk away. You will be free. You will be happy you will be at peace! Good luck to you;)

[@rohithreddy75]

UlTrApLeX Use your anger in gym.It helped me immensely using this.It will make your health better as well.

[@somyan8540]

I never even knew such people existed. Such kind.

[@soozeekew1]

It’s comforting to go from an “eraser” to someone who values you in every detail.

[@newlifenewhope5905]

I think my ex actually discarded me, because he couldn't make me unhappy! Of course I would be upset when he was abusive, but thankfully, that wasn't every day, and I am naturally optimistic, so he wasn't able to keep me down. He did blame me for his unhappiness. I did everything in my power to make him happy, but I realised at some point that he was determined to be unhappy!

[@24kstar]

They like watching you scramble to make them happy, too, all the while knowing that they'll never let it be enough for them. It's a twisted game that they play, because they want to be the puppeteer.

[@htc2630]

+K Star So interesting that u use the term puppeteer (spelling?) bcoz the narcissistic, user and abuser in my life frequently refers to himself as the "puppet master". he enjoys nothing more than being able to control all aspects of any given situation in order to make sure that the outcome suits him. he truly is a parasite and I have broken free a few times only to have him come back around and weasel his way in by playing on my emotions while displaying the "pretend/fake" version of himself (the part of him that I fell in love with 15 yrs ago when we met...little did I know back then, that the version of him I fell in love with didn't even exist) and being the exact person that he knows I long for him to be, simply in order to get his claws into me again so that he could end up doing some devastating, hurtful thing to just destroy me and then when I respond with sadness, depression, etc (although I do my very best not to), he uses it against me as a reason to leave, stating that he is sick of my constant moping and negative mood. this combination of being hurt and then being punished for being hurt by the person who hurt u is so emotionally and psychologically devastating. . And all the while he seems to be enjoying himself quite immensely. I know quite well that him running away and leaving me once again is actually a blessing. I should be grateful to be rid of him but it's so hard. his games and manipulation and disrespect and abuse have worn me down and I know that at some point he will be back to push his way into my life once again but I have to b strong. I have to remember That I have already allowed him to steal 15 years of my life and my happiness away from me. I deserve to be happy if he doesn't deserve one more minute of my time. I wish there was a way to move away to get away from him completely Forever so he could never find me . I think that's my only hope.

[@newlifenewhope5905]

H TC If you could move to another city, that would help you to make a fresh start, because it would not only put physical distance between you (of course, he mustn't know where you live!), but it would help, psychologically, as well, because you wouldn't have constant reminders of him and the things you have done together. You would need to change your phone number, too, so that he can't talk you into revealing your location.

[@zaynab6284]

You go sista

[@RealLifeFinance]

Yup you got it right

[@lisaspikes4291]

I recently got a kitten. It was not a spur of the moment decision. I take pet ownership seriously. But I decided it was what I wanted. It was over a month before I told my mother I had adopted a kitten. And as I expected, she had nothing but bad things to say about it. The thing is, I’m 55 years old! It’s none of her business if I want a cat!!! I’ve lived with this all my life. She’s done this every time I’ve made a decision about my life or something to do. Luckily, I usually push on and do it anyway. But it’s disheartening that I always have to fight someone who should be supporting me.

[@KH-gk8mf]

Sounds familiar. 😞

[@vivianviljakainen5098]

Sounds like my mother.

[@pamelalansbury94]

I hope you and the kitten are having a very lovely life 🥰

[@misha2197]

Yep, sounds like my mother.

[@peachesandcream.2612]

Lisa Spikes - 59 - years old and I know now that you can never underestimate the spite in a jealous narcissist! My mother was such a patently evil narcissist that she would actively try to destroy anything that was making me happy - even going behind my back to do so! I wish you and your dear little kitty a lovely happy life together. God Bless 💕

[@RealityCheck1980]

“We can feel good about ourselves even if the person doesn’t see any good in us”- I really like that part

[@RealityCheck1980]

The only thing is my husband would put together nice anniversary trips, but at the end of the relationship he said he was tired of faking it...😳

[@ladennayoung2939]

@@RealityCheck1980 Some things are a blessing in disguise. If you went separate ways then so be it. Praise and thank God for the now, and how He kept you, and brought you out of that.

[@dizzeydaisy]

I’m going through this right now. All of a sudden it’s “whatever makes you feel comfortable” now that he sees me happy, pulling away and focusing on my needs.

[@sohara....]

❤

[@Londyn77]

There are narcissists who don't want you to look bad, if they think its bad for their image. Narcissist parents see their children as an objects and extensions of themselves.

[@nikiannecoleman]

Stacey Kowalski That is my father to a tee. He sees my siblings and I as his little clones and because we aren’t and have our own personalities he hates it. He puts on this happy family act in front of the world but the minute no one outside of the family is watching, he puts us all down. He also constantly criticises and tries to pit us against each other. None of us fall for it.

[@rightfullyso7062]

Wow... you are heaven sent ! Words have never been spoken truer

[@shemvekhthewanderer8782]

Thank you

[@agathadolan362]

Oh my God!!! I just realized that my husband is a narcissist for definite! I wasn’t sure before but now I am. I’ve been struggling with him for almost 17 years! This video just blew my mind! Thank u so much for making such a detailed video and explaining everything so well! 🥰

[@Brittany25-j6f]

Time to go!

[@thomas-fq1wi]

Mmm i was convinced from other video's that someone in our company was definately one , but now i think its me lol only kidding but i do hate holidays

[@sabrinamorell1222]

Hopefully you got out! 17 years is enough

[@Meira750]

I have to say, my narcissistic mom was pretty good about holidays and birthdays. It was a way for her to say "look how great I am. Look at the presents I give and the parties I throw for my child." As a kid tho, I didn't realize that was her motive so I enjoyed them. She wasn't so big on the non-gift occassions like national holidays. hmmm.

[@harperlewis1526]

EXACTLY! until the kids get older and she can't monopolize the time with them (grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc) then she sabotaged and stressed everyone out since she couldn't have total control. "building our own traditions."

[@MellyMae44]

OMG! The very first item you brought up - holidays, birthdays, special occasions, YES! My husband never liked/felt comfortable with family celebrations, and always ruined them. Before I ever heard of narcissistic personality disorder, I knew the issue was these special times didn't focus on him, so since he wasn't the center of attention, he had to ruin these happy times. Every Christmas is so stressful for me, because I know he'll try to keep my family away, because he knows I want them around, but that would bring me happiness - can't have that! Ruined countless anniversaries because "why go out for dinner when there are leftovers in the fridge?" Yeah, me heating up old spaghetti, happy anniversary! They hate happiness - YES! After nagging at me for an entire weekend to ruin anything possibly enjoyable for me, he asked me "do you think I ENJOY being miserable?!" Yes, he does enjoy being miserable, because he cannot be happy. Yes - he chooses to be unhappy. Yes, constant anger and arguing, because he needs to tamp down my happiness. Being with a narc, you're always on the defense. because you're always being attacked, and it's exhausting. To the narc, nothing about you is good. You're never smart enough, strong enough. You're always accused of being lazy, or not pulling your weight, and the reality is the the narc is the one not pulling their weight. It IS a hamster wheel, and you can't get off. Being with a narc is soul sucking. It's so hard to leave them, because your friends and family are long gone because they have run from the misery, and now your support system is gone, and you're left with a bottomless pit of depression and despair.

[@pspcraft]

Change happiness to "joy"... they will never have joy. Most are demon possessed.

[@imabeloveddaughter]

pspcraft jezabel demon spirit. very dangerous

[@miraclesforus2]

Yes it.s pure evil. no pill can fix this. RUUUN

[@StillAliveAndKicking_]

My narcissistic boss does get joy, when he orders staff around, walks over them, talks at them.

[@noraabdulla2486]

pspcraft i see

[@yakupcemil1790]

We have inner demons.

[@marydonovan6681]

Well said. I was married to a narcissist, who also was an alcoholic. When I would get ready to go out to the grocery store, for instance, I would put on lipstick, no eye make up, and brush my hair he would have to make a comment. A favorite was “Where do you think you’re going, to a beauty contest?” When we were married and the ceremony says to “love, honor and cherish”, his interpretation was “dominate and control”. I’ve made a new life for myself and attended a 12 Step program on a regular basis. It’s for those who have been efffected by someone’s drinking, Many active alcoholics act like narcissists. He walked out on me, and by doing, I was spared any guilt of making the break. Keep your excellent videos coming. BTW we’ve been apart for 49 years, and he is still on his smear campaign against me.

[@JesusLebtUndRettet]

addicts of heavy drugs as well....of course......what could be more selfish=narcissist then destroy a home/kids/family even themselves just for a high

[@stevencastellano1613]

When I got married I asked for love honor and obey (both ways) the pastor said love cherish and obey. I honored her and outright refused to honor me. No one knew my accomplishments and showed me no respect. I obeyed her and she would tell me no. I obeyed, I honored, she not only didn't but let people think I was sexist at her church.

[@gc8024]

Still drinking too?

[@frankjuster8726]

being in the grip of addiction is not the same as narcissism.

[@m.j.2939]

My narc husband has turned me to alcohol to cope making me more ashamed and giving him more ammunition against me. When he publicly tries to mock me about drinking (but it's fine of course that he does) as usual, I just pipe up now and say "well I have to cope somehow!" Shuts him up quick.

[@island661]

I love holidays, without my family. 🤣

[@YouMe-jc6wk]

You made a very important comment. Holidays are the hardest with narcissists family members.

[@debcobern312]

I was married to a narcissist for 17 years *together for 21...and I can tell you it was a nightmare. In those days there was no way to understand what was going on because there was no information out there...no internet to find out the "why" of it all. My narc. was also physically abusive and would do everything he could to start a fight over nothing so he could knock me around. If you are in a relationship with a narc. GET OUT! Don't try and survive it...GET OUT!!!! Not only for you but for any children or even pets you have because even your pets are in danger!!! I got out and it was the best thing I ever did for me and my children. I just wish I had done it much, much, sooner. God bless!

[@agee7777]

i hear you, luckily i didn't marry her and got out after just a couple of years, but we have a child.

[@SophieBird07]

Deb Cobern people gripe about the internet, but it has saved my sanity. “The truth is out there”, hahaha.

[@karenkaye6087]

Yes, true. My ex-narcissist husband abused my beautiful English Springer Spaniel to get to me besides his physical abuse of me. He didn't have a heart and was truly selfish. I was so anguished in trying to keep him from hurting my dog. It was truly wicked of him.

[@miniaturerose2805]

This is making an insane amount of sense. My narc used to drive me to work. Any time I was in a good mood they'd bring something up to try to make me miserable and it worked

[@divinetime6115]

Narcissist envy children just like they do adults. There is no difference between an adult and child. Try to keep them away from children, you need to go along with courts etc. Feel very lucky if they leave and don't want to see the children. It's a very scary thought but true

[@NarcSurvivor]

This is very true. They envy children, even their own... I have just done a video on this.

[@danielleallen8125]

This is true and I never thought I would ever say this, but.. I WISH my child’s father was not involved. I would even give up child support for mine and my child’s peace and sanity.

[@24kstar]

Yes. There is no low that they won't stoop to. Any normal parent would be humiliated and ashamed to compete with and try to sabotage their own child. But a narc? They'll do it with pride.

[@terridavis-cole7178]

Divine Time , wow you are so right!! I agree emphatically! . My ex-husband was so cruel and took a lot out on the kids. I was so glad he left for so many reasons. My kids are doing well now

[@debbiehowes]

It is a sad truth when it comes to children, courts & narcs. 10 years of courts, finally I gave up everything just to be free. They care about no-one.

[@SouthernGirl-ce7ws]

Fathers that are jealous of their sons is truly sick I'm happy again

[@paulcooper5748]

Yes ive very much dealt with that its sooo fucked up that a father would feel jealous of hes son were is the love there.

[@mindlice575]

My father is a successful anesthesiologist. I'm a self taught musician and audio engineer. I told him once that I wanted to major in mathematics and he told me "a degree in mathematics and a dollar 50 will get you a cup of coffee."

[@mindlice575]

... and I'm not successful at ALL.

[@alexc2265]

It’s like the father jealous of the mother’s attention to her child in the Oedipus complex. Sick.

[@BethanyKay]

11:50 about the appearances OMG!!!! This is my relationship to a scary degree.... I'm tired of putting down my looks for him to feel good about himself!!

[@kerryinnes9456]

When I was pregnant with our second child our son. My narc and his mother was at me to get my tubes tied. In the end I said to him if he is over having kids he needed to get fixed. Because I was not sure I was!

[@AmbleWithWen]

I wanna cry son real talk I wish I would’ve found your page sooner

[@jenimolloy]

Were all in this together, friend. You’re not alone. 💜

[@gabbynieves1629]

right????!

[@the_hulk392]

Same here!! I can now see that I was not the issue. She was fake the whole time. 9 years of control over my mind and emotions. Using my disability to make her persona look like a "savior" when it has been abuse for so long.

[@lovettatobeyea190]

Wendy jean-louis Same here!

[@chetpomeroy1399]

I wish I knew everything Michele has told us in her videos 40 years ago.

[@Stephieandcheech]

Narcissism is on a spectrum. Not every narcissist will exhibit these traits. Nothing complex is ever this cut and dry.

[@georgia9555]

Yes this is not all right.

[@narcsinart7179]

narcissism may be on a spectrum, but the personality disorder is a whole 'nother thing kzbin.info/www/bejne/jIfah6WqlrWLi7M

[@juliequirion5123]

I like the way you explained it

[@Tara-id3rk]

It’s certainly a spectrum. My husband is a narcissist and certainly has many of these traits, however he isn’t “empty” as most people describe narcissism, he has empathy in some (few) situations (death of a child, for example), and he has tried to make me happy during parts of our life. However, some years have been absolute nightmares.

[@jeffshannonmusician]

When we say "narcissist" we mean full blown NPD not a spectrum. She's talking about full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder not just someone a little narcissist.

[@prophetsj1180]

You speak SO Eloquently Michele. And off course SO convincingly. !!! Every thing you say is spot on.

[@1Life2Live007]

What gets me most about this narc is he says he does everything to try n make me happy. But really no. He doesn’t.

[@redwoods7370]

When you finally have had enough and confront a narcissist and have it out with them, they'll drop you like a hot rock no matter how close you have been and go on to the next victim. They have no sentimentality or loving feelings for you or have your best interests at heart. The can't change, they won't change and it is always your fault. Good riddance to them. They cause unhappiness wherever they go.

[@almondey63nubian71]

Omg. U are so right!!! The day I had enough and had it out with them, they never wanted to talk to me again. There is an evilness about them. Nasty human beings.

[@terribishop5313]

Your videos have opened my son's eyes and saved his life. I and my five little grandchildren thank you! Many, many thanks!

[@juliepeterson4905]

My life is trapped in the same toxic moment all the time. I can’t feel my emotions due to narcs. I’ve tried so hard to make them happy but I’m miserable. I’ve been erased.

[@deninebren1]

I just ended a 7yr. relationship with a man that has every single trait of a covert narcissist. I remember when we first started dating he would do things that were so out of line, especially for a new relationship. He also hated social gatherings, holidays, everything you mentioned in your video. I'm an: emotional wreck from this relationship. I had never met someone like that before so I was a good target for his manipulation, gaslighting, lies ect. He is very well spoken and a master of manipulation so I was constantly doubting my GUT feeling I'd have with him from week one. My family said I am a different person now that he is out of my life, because from what I"m learning they all try to get back. with you. Becky Q thank you for your excellent and knowledgeable videos. First time in a long time, I don"t feel crazy,

[@cristobalhuerta1504]

I ended a 7 yr. Relationship that was nothing but drama jealousy it took its toll , went to jail for 7 months on a drug charge looked me up wanted a new relationship because she had changed and was with God , I told her I no longer had the love or trust for her , I dated her for 3 months my gut feeling turned out right again , wanted total control , back to smoking crack , I ran her of my house blocked phone , I don't support or no longer tolerate this evil people , hope one day they ask for forgiveness ,.......

[@terik7304]

I had the same with my ex its was dismal

[@terik7304]

Sounds like the same guy exactly

[@ianrust3785]

I understand that narcissists have psych problems but you people are clearly obsessed with monstracizing them, it looks like psychological projection and victimology tbh.

[@larrywheeler9917]

You described my brother. Lived with him and couldn't figure out how he supported himself. He claimed he was working but my neighbor told me he "housesits" for a working woman. Now he drives her car. He won't even buy toilet paper.

[@Hannah-pn2gs]

He does the same thing when it comes to when I get compliments from other people, he never compliments me however when others do, he says yes, she looks good and quickly brushes it under the carpet and changes the subject.

[@rickcudog8886]

Im still trying to wrap my head around the fact that these people function this way, it's absolutely bizarre! It's been along winding road for me but atleast iam no longer blind.

[@aimeemoore3448]

It's so confusing!

[@rickcudog8886]

It's extremely confusing, life is tough enough as it is and then when you add this shit to it , it's like.........fcccck!!

[@drewmoorex8232]

@@rickcudog8886 z z z z zzz? z z ?z? ??Zzz??? ?? ?? ?? ?

[@danxcastle5200]

It's the one's that acknowledge how hard life is that want to see you suffer more.

[@wunderdoggy]

The weirdiest thing is how they all act the same like pre-programmed robots,,,all the same behaviours. If their free will is so hindered what does it say about the rest of us.

[@littlemissyjess]

I have a narcissistic sibling and this is the best video that I have seen which helps to explain why every birthday I have, Christmas or holiday has been sabotaged. This actually makes me feel a little bit at peace with past events. Thank you!

[@theforeigner6988]

Focused on pleasing an unpleasable person. Wow. Exactly. Thank you

[@jeannetteturner3948]

Thank you for this video. Life with a narcissist partner is real hell.

[@cowboyjeff5952]

But the sex was good isn't it?

[@hawkeye3905]

I finished my 5 year long narcissist marriage yesterday. Everything you say is so comforting to me right now x

[@sohara....]

*Best wishes!* 🎉❤😊

[@hawkeye3905]

@@sohara.... thank you! Wow, my message was three years ago! Life is good 😊

[@NothingHiddenEverythingFelt]

907 DISLIKES ARE PROOF THAT 907 NARCISSISTS WATCHED THIS VIDEO. 😉😅

[@naida6958]

My husband

[@amygirmay6007]

Anon Smith one of them is my husband 🤣🤣

[@mantan9400]

Interesting Theory which is probably 100% true but with no concrete evidence. If that makes any sense.

[@patrioticprolifer]

Exactly because they dont want their secrets out there to warn unsuspecting future victims

[@patrioticprolifer]

This is mine 100%

[@gloriaterry333]

My sister is one, she showed me a different aspect of herself when I told her the truth, she’s a hero online, she tuts her own horn and she always made me feel less, I told her about her children and how they need help in behavior, they hurt my grand daughter they kept playing after they broke her leg. But she called my mom crying as if she was the victim. My little grand daughter is okay now but we don’t speak. She works in a university and councils people on career paths , she has a business and gets paid for helping people, she met the Dali lama, she wants to help humanity and she told me to fuck off. So we don’t speak. I’m happier without her and without her destructive children.

[@karamlevi]

Gloria Terry wow . The Dali Lama part is the best juxtaposition with leg break n kept playing. My compassion to this awakening. Narc confirmed. Aka move on now fully encouraged n required. Hero, Scape Goat, Lost Child, Rebel... all patterns we all live a lil of but Nacs own that Hero don’t they? I’m stepping up in my life n getting ignored hard when I do well or argued with by my narcs... The fav is to give no low attention to major levels attained n then nit pick n condemn normal life circumstances as if they are errors... Half way thru cleaning up some clutter... all on your own... your called a pig... Then feel sad n lose power to clean up... goal accomplished = you not happy n proud. Fuck let’s love us past there hurt. Stay Safe Peeps Today 💪🏽🌚🌹🌞🤙🏽 Let’s avoid being hero’s n become healthy adults... let’s live in that solution:-) One day today now🌀

[@Tasia71144]

Its really tough when it is a family member or family members then they even enjoy making holidays miserable all the more. What awful people. I will still pray for them, but so glad I know what is going on now and can finally defend myself and not feed them anymore.

[@mrmopar8939]

They get jealous of other people's success. Exactly my brother.

[@annbiggs7270]

This is so very true!!!

[@faithyourfear6401]

I am so IN this convo! I will simply say, from my own experience, that my narcissist(s) don't handle truth well. We were taught, not overtly, at a very early age to lie to our mother for our own preservation. Gotta tell them what they want to hear! Such a disservice to all concerned.

[@WebbSC12]

I'll go you one better: The 5"things" are surely good to know. The important thing is that when they see the power/control shifting from them to you, they will strike back whether in an outright manner or a deceitfully two faced way if it suits them.

[@knitnkitten]

This is SO true. I lost so many happy years with my children because of this🥺 Luckily my kids are resilient and kind and forgiving❤️

[@khalongaier418]

Oh so u r a narcissist paren ryt ?

[@dgontar]

9:16 Your happiness threatens the narcissist because it is being caused by something that doesn't involve the narcissist. The narcissist needs constant appreciation and admiration and attention. If you're happy not because of the narcissist the narcissist interprets this as a failure to appreciate him or her.

[@fsdfmsbcxx]

Here's the real top 5 what Narcissists hate: 1) Correction (Reprove) 2) good advice 3) questioning own opinions 4) doing good to others 5) readiness to bury own prejudices

[@Mother_Earth777]

fsdfmsbcxx so true not what this women is saying... they like gathering for the sake of attention

[@karennaturallyartby]

Good list

[@bobjrodbobjrod4034]

They also hate honest answers! It kills them!

[@Ah-ed6ie]

The forth one I differ because that's agenda.. I know someone who's sends cards or gift to ppl they haven't talked to signed as couple that they haven't talked to in years only via social media and other hasn't even met at all. (Arguing couple ) only one gets more abuse.

[@chrisbova9686]

She's complaining about smart people who are not easily amused, anyone who can't get excited about watching tv because it is so clearly propaganda, well they must be a narcicist. If you are too smart to believe the lies everyone else believes, you are a narcicist. So if you think the news lies, ...

[@elizajarrett252]

my mother cut off all of my hair when I was four "because I couldn't do it myself" she wouldn't let me have it any other way for 8 years and whenever i bring up how much pain those years of my life brought me she'd say, " you got some many compliments when your hair was different" it was all about the attention it brought her.

[@FoxFox-lx3cv]

She's Satan XD

[@amyavani7017]

Omg i had a really similar experience with my hair. My mom made me have my hair cut like a boy. Everyone mistook me for a boy constantly and kids made fun of me. Even though i told her i hated it, she made me keep it like that anyway. It was essentially a bowl cut. On a girl.

[@Lyrielonwind]

@@amyavani7017 Same with me. Everyone would believe I was a boy from 8 to 12 years old. She would dress me with my sisters old clothes so all my classmates will bully me and my father was making money but I was always old-fashioned dressed.

[@thinkingallowed7042]

@@amyavani7017 In my case it was my father who insisted that my hair was cut short from the time I was a toddler to about 13, in a sort of pudding bowl cut. All the girls at school had long hair except me and a couple of others. I longed to have long hair like everyone else and hated having such short hair because I stood out and all little girls want to have hair like Barbie etc. A bob would have been fine but it was a boy's haircut. People thought I was a boy. I was also dressed like a boy out of school uniform. It's very cruel to make your daughter feel like a freak and unfeminine and not pretty. Parents who do this have no idea of the scars this leaves.

[@Hy-Brasil]

Girl you nailed it when you started talking about road trips going somewhere fun only to have them start some petty shit. then they'd blame me for it. And holidays. I LOVED holidays until they came along.

[@youtubingbabs]

Hope you get to love them again some day!

[@neebomar]

I am in tears because I've been trying to figure out why things have gone a certain way in my life. I've been watching your videos all morning. It's like you know the feelings that I can't express because I can't explain it. I thank you for your willingness to share and create videos to help people. I'm literally existing and I want to live. Now I can...bless you!

[@jasonteague9685]

WOW, bless the heart of thoughs who have gone though this with peace love and light.

[@healthyscents]

My narcissistic mother fed me enough fear and negative to land in my narcissistic husband's hands, now that I have worked on myself and found out that I have been victimized by the very people I am supposed to trust, I feel paralyzed, guilty for having my children stuck in the situation and exhausted from the energy draining and drama. I am lost.💔

[@rayfisher5770]

I feel like I'm in a horror movie when everyone in the audience is like "RUN RUN!!! Dont go upstairs, go out the door. Their after you RUN!!! " Thank you for this wake up call. Much needed many blessings to you.

[@sunshinecompany1]

Some types of narcs want their partner to look fantastic all the time in public.....cause we are an extension of their power....the trophy wife? 😉

[@brotherskeeper376]

Only if it’s for their supply.

[@mlynnea]

Yep but treat them like dirt in private

[@AnaRose13206]

My marriage in one comment 😞

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yep. That is their way of looking like they are a good provider or something.

[@ladennayoung2939]

@@mlynnea Exactly

[@royadair5078]

I appreciate this young woman sharing her knowledge with me so that I can learn how to distinguish between Normal Relationships vs. destructive Relationships . Thank you and on to the next video.

[@jelenawilson2969]

Thank you!

[@jessicae2222]

I developed mental disorders because of my parents’ and siblings’ narcissistic abuse growing up. I was suicidal, about to take my own life. This was summer of 2016. I forced myself to go to therapy. I mean, this was a MUST for me! After therapy, I began to take care of myself. They kept telling me that I’m being selfish, when personal hygiene rarely existed for me. I thought I was going crazy for most of my life. Now, I’m able to take care of myself. I practice thinking positive thoughts to generate positive feelings; do chores; take care of family members, and practice personal hygiene. I’m finally, mostly at peace with myself. They’re still continuing to bring me down. I just walk away. They think I’m being rude, but I’m simply taking care of myself now. So, take care of your own soul, no matter what, to have a peace of mind. Take care, everyone! ❤️

[@katiewaters1956]

letting go of trying to make them happy and focus on you being happy/positive is the key....I hope everyone who sees this realizes that they won't ever be happy...your happiness is a trigger.....let it go is so true...enjoy your life!!!!!!! you deserve to be happy

[@FruScarpia]

Every word you say hits home. Amazing how you pointed out that hatred for holidays - when you are a child, that’s the most obvious thing you recognise being “a little strange” and “different” about your family.

[@cesardelcastillo4642]

Wow... I can't believe it... You describe my relationship on those 5 points... Thanks for opening my eyes

[@cesardelcastillo4642]

@@braziliantx Thanks Vania... I finally did, and I can tell the first weeks hurt like hell, but now, my only regret is why didn't I took that desicion much earlier

[@thomas-fq1wi]

If they 5 points are anybody's relationship i dont think they should be waiting for a name for it before getting out of there

[@rsosa312]

Oh my gosh. This was my life for 31 years. So many ruined anniversaries! Even though it's too late for me to "use" this advice to deal with the situation, it helps so much to gain some validation; some support; some closure. Thank you.