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@jaywellington65042 жыл бұрын
you see? This is EXACTLY what people need and what NO ONE else teaches, step-by-step details and the words to use when handling difficult situations. Dan you are the best. In all the years I've studied this topic, no one comes close to this successful system you've come up with nor can they deliver the advice the way you do. Perfection. Thank you so very much. You'll never know how many people you have helped.
@TheWizardOfWords2 жыл бұрын
And you'll never know--how grateful I am for your words, Jay :)
@Verdeangela12 Жыл бұрын
Well said and so true. Dan's delivery and instruction is clear and concise.
@anaisaguerrero54863 ай бұрын
You said everything i think everytime i watch him
@tristantully50299 жыл бұрын
This dude is INTENSE. this dude just yelled MAGIC! In the first 3 seconds
@bsmile449 жыл бұрын
+Tristan Tully (Troll status) He says it in 3 but actually yells it in the first 7 seconds. Lol. :P MAGIC!!!!
@DiskoDirumah7 жыл бұрын
Robert Brown "MAGIC" as he were the only queer guy in the world ,i laughed so hard till i cant remember why i laughed
@HabitualLover7 жыл бұрын
😂
@JPRibner10 жыл бұрын
I like the phrase, "That's interesting. Why would you say that to me?" It seems like it would be a good phrase to use to unnerve and disarm liars, sociopaths, and other people who try to manipulate.
@Cheryl_Haydon10 жыл бұрын
Agreed. I needed this line to use on my manipulative ex husband years ago....
@austinmckenzie62529 жыл бұрын
John Ribner thats interesting, why would you say that?
@John-ih7gp9 жыл бұрын
+racingirl1595 that's interesting tell me more
@bradmcewen9 жыл бұрын
+John Ribner Just what I was thinking. I didnt realize I had to have so many counter manipulating skills till I associated with a textbook narcissistic girlfriend. Yea I know. "That's interesting ? Why would I do that !"
@omegapointil8 жыл бұрын
"You talkin to me?"
@sidesplitters9 жыл бұрын
Instead of "why would you say that", experiment using: "that's interesting... what makes you say that". "Why" is confrontational and will get a negative response. It will also make you look confrontational to others, should people be around (like at dinner party, board meeting). PLUS, when using "Why" it is unlikely to get a truthful response, as it will cause the person to be very guarded with their answer.
@aceatkins1919 жыл бұрын
Excellent suggestions
@dallasguidroz93508 жыл бұрын
sidesplitters I like it I will try this Approach nothing else seems to work with A certain person in my life
@sidesplitters8 жыл бұрын
Dallas Guidroz Another word avoid is "but" - from the perspective of who you say it to, it sounds like you are negating everything that they had said prior to you saying "but".
@dallasguidroz93508 жыл бұрын
That's very true I forgot About trying to not using the word But it is hard not to sometimes because I don't like it when people do it to me.
@DiskoDirumah7 жыл бұрын
sidesplitters why would you say that? Tell me moree
@armidaleconcrete10 жыл бұрын
Hi Dan, I can remember a phrase from my insurance sales days to respond to a tricky question. " Obviously you have a good reason for asking ( saying ) that, would you mind telling me what it is?" Worked a treat. Geoff, Australia.
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Excellent Geoff! Same principle, and stated very nicely. I like it! Dan
@daisyjohnson53682 жыл бұрын
Thanks!!'
@TheWizardOfWords12 жыл бұрын
It's not so much the words, but the energy and confidence with which you say them. You are validating the perp while asking a question...that is not the normal pattern, and when you disrupt the normal communication pattern, you throw people off their game. If that's your goal, it's easy with good power phrases.
@CherryBerryFashion17 күн бұрын
Yes I agree Dan, If I said to someone - why would you say that? - using a fearful tone it would give me the opposite effect where someone would sniff out the blood like a shark that now they have power over you and can bring you down.
@forwardmediation3915 жыл бұрын
Watch, practice, watch again...repeat. The message is timeless and expertly presented by a HUMAN BEING who should be considered a pioneer in developing and promoting effective communication techniques that can be used by everyone. We celebrate and honor classics in many genre like cinema, theater, music, etc. This is a communication classic. Bravo Dan, this presentation is enlightening.
@pluton12636 жыл бұрын
Hello Dan, I found this video about a year ago. I wrote down those 4 effective phrases and kept them in my wallet. They are still there and it's amazing how much I use them. Thank you so much for all you do!
@TheWizardOfWords5 жыл бұрын
Chanda you are welcome a thousand times over!
@daynnite44622 жыл бұрын
Can you tell me a story about you using those phases.
@jaywellington65042 жыл бұрын
@@daynnite4462 Not without delving into the details of my personal life. ;) But I can assure you that I have incorporated Dan's lessons and phrases since 2015 and cannot say enough about how they've resulted in positive results. Try them yourself and you can answer your own question. Thanks for your interest, DAY n Nite.
@VanessaNeiditch Жыл бұрын
Your first point, is something I am LITERALLY asked to do by my admin at school. Not in an angry context but in the context of asking students to think about why they are giving me a certain answer. We need to find out what students are actually thinking, what's behind their answer. Super helpful.
@BubbaGanoush2 Жыл бұрын
This is the sort of stuff they should be teaching kids in Health class. Because there's fewer things more damaging to self-esteem than not being able to handle yourself in tense situations or when someone is being aggressive with you verbally. Learning how to deal with conflict situations instead of turtling or getting more aggressive in response is a key life skill.
@TheWizardOfWords Жыл бұрын
Agreed, BubbaGanoush2. I just received an email from a woman who teaches young people on the autism spectrum, and she reported that one of her students who was being bullied asked the bully "Why would you say that?" The bully was so taken aback he just turned and walked away. The teacher and the young person who had used the phrase were delighted. He handled it well--no escalation--just honest spotlighting. This training can be helpful, particularly to vulnerable people (that would be most of us :) )
@juliepreimesberger65715 ай бұрын
Amen! Teach it before we grow up to be bullies. Makes all the sense in the world. Junior high especially can be toxic to young teens - just think of the suicide rate! Dan, I think you're amazing and... You are needed badly in so many places, could you somehow clone yourself? 😅❤
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
Hi John: I'll look into Clean Language. Always glad to expand my thinking. One other consideration--these responses aren't designed to promote dialogue; they are designed to end it--with difficult people whose intent is not civil discourse. I applaud the mirroring and listening techniques you've mentioned, when the intent and context is meaningful conversation.
@tarawalsh-arpaia39282 жыл бұрын
Wow, that was perfectly stated. Why has it taken me so long to accidentally press the wrong button and land on your page??????????????
@JackieOdonnel Жыл бұрын
And THIS is how you shut down adversity or patronizing comments, and invite the person to actually talk to you as an equal. We need more of this in our society today.
@fayezfamfa9 жыл бұрын
This trainer is so energetic .. this what ppl needs in training room ...thumbs up for him .
@jahnimai6 жыл бұрын
He seemed to me, to be beyond vivacious, to be polite. There are Doctorate & Pre-cognitive Re-education and other titles from decades of study, training and then, applications. While indeed his presentation is energetic and for many, very engaging, underneath there is frightened guy running on his sympathetic nervous system. I hope i am wrong, because the kidneys & adrenal glands may become traumatically exhausted. Best wishes to all. I do not want to be magniloquent; there is plenty self help needed that i will do well by working. Best wishes, Hare Krishna
@mrhartley855 жыл бұрын
Jackie Joseph that’s exactly what I was thinking.
@PeacefulMomentsTV3 жыл бұрын
عندك الصح الطريقه ديالو ممتعة و عندو مايقول
@tarawalsh-arpaia39282 жыл бұрын
True. He really knows how our minds work and how we learn best. Don't take notes. Shout it into our brains until it is tattooed there just waiting to pop out at the right moment.
@ritaree123Ай бұрын
Amen 🙏🏾 Amen 🙏🏾 Amen 🙏🏾
@SharonLesliesoulseer6 жыл бұрын
really love how you are teaching to not react from fear and defensiveness and to respond from 'the inner master', to move out of attack and into a detached yet caring responses.
@TheWizardOfWords6 жыл бұрын
Thank you Sharon. I firmly believe that since there will always be negativity somewhere around us, and we can't totally wipe it out, we'd better learn to react constructively, as a testament to who we are. Having said that--I hope you're checking out my newer videos also-- and if you do, please let me know what you think now and again. Thanks again. Dan
@MickiAllen6 жыл бұрын
I've already started implementing these into my everyday speech patterns. I love 'em! Thank you!
@TheWizardOfWords6 жыл бұрын
Great. Happy to help your communication patterns, Micki. Dan
@annnemesh2 жыл бұрын
I remember watching this years ago, and trying it out on a guy who had a reputation for being an insane, temperamental genius. He started throwing a little angry shade at me in front of a group, and I responded with, "That's interesting _____. Tell me more." It simultaneously puts the person a little in the hot seat and at the same time shows them that you are really interested in their input. Forevermore after he was on my side. Thanks Dan!
@TheWizardOfWords2 жыл бұрын
You bet, Anatoli. The delivery in this video embarrasses me just a little, but the content is golden :)
@newmamaful11 жыл бұрын
LOVE this! gives you time to gather your thoughts (versus having a knee-jerk reaction and saying something in anger that you might regret...) and also gives the other person time to reflect on what they just said/did. win-win! Thank you, Dan.
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
Thank YOU newmamaful--for understanding when, how, and why these work-- Please like and share. Dan
@hollybailey35559 жыл бұрын
i like this, it's essentially taking back the control of the conversation and calling someone out on what they said in a nice way. Making them responsible for what they said , by having to explain. Using a question to shift the conversation. In sales you are taught this as a method to find out what the customer is looking for.
@hmlanding9 жыл бұрын
Dan, thank you for going over these 4 magic phases. People underestimate how difficult it is to handle a situation where someone is trying to tear you down. Thank you for giving us these phrases, hopefully this helps transition us from a reactive communicator to a proactive communicator.
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
Grant N You're welcome, Grant, for any help I can offer you!Dan
@trevormiles58526 жыл бұрын
Suck up
@AmyDCools Жыл бұрын
This video was in my recommendations. Even though I’ve been subbed to you for years I have never seen this one. Dan, this was awesome, and will certainly come in handy for that pesky toxic cousin of mine as well as creating dialogue for a story I am writing where one of the main characters get out of line saying really dumb things to the other character. Writing and being creative helps me relieve stress as I am a full time caregiver for my mom. You’ve helped me a lot with your videos, and I wish I could give a more generous super thanks. For now I will like, comment, share and give the occasional super thanks to my favorite word wizard. You truly rock!
@TheWizardOfWords Жыл бұрын
Thanks for the Super Thanks, Amy. This video was shot in 2009 and posted years thereafter. It's the first one I ever did. I was about 24 years old or so. I'm surprised you'd know that fresh-faced kid was me :) :). I turn 50 in a few days. HORRORS.
@AmyDCools Жыл бұрын
@@TheWizardOfWords Happy Birthday! Hey now, don’t call turning 50 a horror because I’m not too far behind you, lol! 😹
@TheWizardOfWords14 жыл бұрын
You respond by asking, "Are you always this curious?" And they will answer yes or no, to which you respond with the three-second look (make direct eye contact for three seconds) and maybe an, "Interesting," before moving along. Remember that questions such as the one you're describing are called "Challenge Questions" and the key is not to answer them, but to instead ask 2 questions for every challenge question someone asks you. This strategy helps you do just that. Hope this helps!
@shaguftashaikh10 жыл бұрын
Hi Dan, since the day, a few months back when my younger bro introduced me to your videos, they have helped me overcome my hiccups in communicating and become more confident. And helped me changed my attitude. And with new attitude, it led me to related videos including those on grooming and attire, which in turn helped me revamp my personality. Your videos also help cope on inner issues. Especially the ones on - How to deal with difficult people, how to consent without agreeing, how to kill the negative monsters within us, the danger phrases. All have gone a long way in changing me. Thanks.
@JudgeJulieLit6 жыл бұрын
That's beautiful.
@tatianahawaii133 жыл бұрын
❤️
@peculiarbvlogs3 жыл бұрын
I was gonna say this is absolutely beautiful! Now it’s my turn. Lol! I can’t wait to testify! The people I work around drain me but I won’t die here.
@tarawalsh-arpaia39282 жыл бұрын
How to consent without agreeing. I'm a lawyer and that one has me stumped. I must find it. This man is truly my saviour. Great teacher, too. Best of luck to you!
@missa26477 жыл бұрын
Watching this in 2018, and I'm blown! That's exactly how I throw people away when I'm about to lose it. I wonder what's in their head.. like why would they say such things. I thought that I was alone in this, and people find me odd. Stumbled upon your video while looking for Google Sheets training, and it was so meant to be! All the love from the Philippines to you wherever you are!
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
Hi Miss A: And all the love back to you from Mexico and North Dakota!
@katiephalen34833 жыл бұрын
I love this! I’m 51 years old. One of my best tools in communication in dealing with jack ass bosses has been silence! Ive seen people unravel when I don’t respond at all. They feel the need to keep talking while I look them in the eye, while they lie. They will keep digging deeper and deeper
@TheWizardOfWords3 жыл бұрын
Happy to help, Katie.
@timadams39758 жыл бұрын
These are good phrases to start off a argument with. Lol
@trevormiles58526 жыл бұрын
this is how ww2 started. what you took over Austria, that is interesting , let me see you do it again.
@kecia2254 жыл бұрын
🤣
@cosmonation18402 жыл бұрын
So true, don't do what this guy said, unless you like sounding like a pompous asshole.
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Thanks Marta! I hope you enjoy all the videos you'll find on my channel. Dan
@wmcpromo10 жыл бұрын
That's interesting tell us more!
@emiver309 жыл бұрын
Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor Inspiration!!! Please keep up with the good works.
@samnedumedja53239 жыл бұрын
Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor "That's interesting tell me more" is not by any mean a kind phrase; if anything, it adds more fuel to the fire.
@wmcpromo9 жыл бұрын
Sam N Edu Medja Interesting tell me more!
@samnedumedja53239 жыл бұрын
Robin van Bruggen You already know! So why don't you tell me more?
@brunocoriolano11 жыл бұрын
That’s interesting - tell me more. That’s interesting - Why would you say that to me? That’s interesting - Why would you do that? That’s interesting - Why would you ask that?
@MrsSasukeUchiha7 жыл бұрын
Bruno Coriolano idk...because I can😂😂😂
@JudgeJulieLit6 жыл бұрын
+Joseph Barclay Ross That's interesting -- you're not a police officer.
@cheapthrilll63236 жыл бұрын
JudgeJulieLit its more interesting when he's is dressed like one.
@maxvivendi81116 жыл бұрын
Bruno Coriolano ii
@kayebriones52836 жыл бұрын
Bruno Coriolano 👍🏻
@happygardener4426 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dan for helping to reintroduce the concept of respect. There are people who have not been taught or have had limited experience with respect. You have a gift of communicating ideas logically and succinctly while keeping them easy to understand. What we do does come back on us. You are sowing wonderful seeds of kindness. May you be richly blessed Dan! Keep up the good work. :)
@TheWizardOfWords6 жыл бұрын
Well thank you Happy, and I would hope you'll check out my other videos--the ones that aren't 20 years old, and let me know what you think. You're right about the kindness part; if kindness and mindfulness are not informing our communication, we'd be better off remaining silent.
@dmc8161 Жыл бұрын
Always the best!
@TheWizardOfWords Жыл бұрын
First video I ever published--and it was quite old when I published it. I was 22 years old--more than a lifetime ago--WAY MORE. I had more hair then. And thanks for the tip, dmc; always greatly appreciated!
@dmc8161 Жыл бұрын
@@TheWizardOfWords It just shows how valuable your words and teachings are; they are timeless! If we could only bottle that ageless secret sauce :)
@thementalcoach11 жыл бұрын
I think practicing these tools is the key (in the mirror, to the dog, etc.). Then, no matter what unbelievable thing someone says to you, you have a response without having to think about it. What I say (in place of "tell me more") is "tell me about it." Same great theme, just works better for me. Great content, Dan. Thanks for posting it!
@michalablahova87219 жыл бұрын
Pros: very good and useful tips Cons: this guy can cause somebody's headache very quickly. Tips: slowing down a bit and putting your voice little bit more down would make this performance much more approachable for me. It feels to me a bit aggressive.
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
+Michala Blaha Michala--this video was made about 15 years ago; you might want to try one of the more recent ones :)
@michalablahova87219 жыл бұрын
Thank you for letting me know. I like the new videos much more. Well done!
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
Michala Blaha :)
@missmariahlove35129 жыл бұрын
he's probably speaking loud to project his voice far enough, that everyone in the classroom could hear him and get their attention. This technique is also very helpful in teaching inattentive and sleepy student. :)
@missmariahlove35129 жыл бұрын
you can really see the difference between the skin of an asian girl to a caucasian girl with the visibility of fine lines and wrinkles and the plumpiness of their skin. nevertheless, they all look so fabulous with or without makeup. good job guys.
@MrOzzy163110 жыл бұрын
'come on son, clean your room!' 'that's interesting.... why would you say that?' xD
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
MrOzzy1631-- So your mother is a difficult person and you're trying to de-fuse her comments? Is that why you'd use these communication tactics your mother? You might be missing the point, MrOzzy1631--just a little.
@MrOzzy163110 жыл бұрын
lol you said you could answer every question xD
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Yes, MrOzzy1631, you can answer every question with these, but whether you should is a matter of intelligence and perception. You decide. . . .
@MrOzzy163110 жыл бұрын
yes sir :))
@stevendorsey48507 жыл бұрын
I feel like I know how this would play out. "Come on son, clean your room!" "That's interesting...why would you say that?" "Because its dirty! You've got clothes all over the floor, you haven't vacuumed this carpet in weeks, and...is this...pizza?....stuck to the bottom of your computer desk?!....CLEAN. NOW." *door closes resolutely*
@HypnoDaddy10 жыл бұрын
That's interesting...tell me more about this technique!
@kristybugeja76277 жыл бұрын
HypnoDaddy
@latishadaniels43047 жыл бұрын
HypnoDaddy Lol!
@MrsCookiieBoots7 жыл бұрын
That's so interesting... why would you tell me about that?
@imnotichibonatsu.78967 жыл бұрын
I am very interested to hear more about that!
@yokedupbra6 жыл бұрын
HypnoDaddy haha you beat me to it.
@strangeland40626 жыл бұрын
For the first 42 years of my life, I had zero skills to protect and deflect against toxic people, which made me an easy target. I've been building up my arsenal and I'll definitely add this to it. :)
@prmama7511 жыл бұрын
This makes sense. My friend told me when someone gives unwanted advice say, "That's interesting. I'll have to think about it." It works and gets you off the hook.
@Nolimit2far10 жыл бұрын
Answering a question with a question... that's interesting, why would you suggest that?
@Akshayakambhatla10 жыл бұрын
lol
@ОленаЛ-ь7я10 жыл бұрын
like jewish
@faustinkagesera172110 жыл бұрын
B NJ and
@paigeleigh25545 жыл бұрын
😁😁😁😁
@nemisis032310 жыл бұрын
he forgot to mention the ultimate comeback phrase to all insults.....drum roll, please,.....I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
nemisis crom, Paul Reubens would be pleased you remembered. .
@secondry210 жыл бұрын
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@MrsSasukeUchiha7 жыл бұрын
nemisis crom oh yeah!!!...that phrase is classic😂😂😂
@trevormiles58526 жыл бұрын
How about the ever favorite . Bite me.. lol
@randomyoutubeperson69546 жыл бұрын
Hahaha 😂👍🏼
@sujay73017 жыл бұрын
Thats interesting : 1.Tell me more. 2.why would you say that ? 3. why do you do that ? 4. why do you ask that ?
@Hakeeeeeeem9 жыл бұрын
This gentleman is a PRO, not only from what he teaches but from the way he gained the appreciation of his class students by saying what he said at the end, I am sure that we will learn a lot from him :)
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
+Dieygo A. Thanks Dieygo A. Be sure and subscribe and welcome aboard my KZbin training channel! Dan
@mzh-vw5ho2 жыл бұрын
Like this. Here's what I've done tha also works well. I say "is there something I've done that is bothering you so you would ask me that?" They back out of it and bend over backwards to apologize. Thanks for the 4 magic phrases! We need help with rude people!
@blancaw628010 жыл бұрын
I told my maid she needed to clean my bathroom one day. She said that's interesting tell me more. I told her I also needed the crystal chandeliers cleaned, the windows washed, the kitchen floor scrubbed and the bed linens washed and replaced. She never asked me that question ever again.
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
She must think you are a difficult person, if she continued to use that phrase; Is she correct about that? :)
@blancaw628010 жыл бұрын
I just have high standards and a low threshold for BS. LOL! Enjoyed the Video. Thanks for posting.
@z00h10 жыл бұрын
Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor That's interesting tell me more!
@blancaw628010 жыл бұрын
z00h That is all. :)
@blancaw628010 жыл бұрын
Nathan Knighton Not just yet. I think we will keep her around a little longer. Shamika has only been with us for 18 years. She is starting to grow on us. :)
@Inma.V10 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for these tips! As an introvert speaking English as my second language and with an accent, I need all the communication help I can get. So glad I found your videos! :-)
@Skeebled10 жыл бұрын
thats interesting, tell me more. :)
@Skeebled10 жыл бұрын
will do, thanks fuck head ;P
@Toarcade9 жыл бұрын
+N Knighton Lol don't listen to him, fuck head.
@izzyrich10 жыл бұрын
Interesting vid. Learned something USEFUL. And props for responding to the posts. Involved = good
@mylittlespectacle6 жыл бұрын
I saw this YEARS ago and it popped up in my side bar again..But I forgot the title and couldn't find it. I was SO happy to find it! I can share this with my teens now!!! thanks
@SarahRejsa-oi6bq Жыл бұрын
Your book Energy Vampire Slaying is pure GENIUS! I want to take all of your courses! I am looking for to doing that ! Thank you Dan.
@SarahRejsa-oi6bq Жыл бұрын
They are so lucky! They got to eat lunch with you .I want to have lunch with Dan!!!
@TheWizardOfWords Жыл бұрын
Please do!
@adriamaral3007 жыл бұрын
Basically you're answering a question with a question, rather than answering the original question. Usually, if someone is rude or doesn't treat you with basic people skills standards, it has nothing to do with you. Chances are they aren't aware. If you respond equally rudely, then the cycle repeats.
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
AA, these answers are for difficult people who are asking inappropriate questions--in an attempt to demean or otherwise bother you. My suggestion is that you don't answer the question because your answer and embarrassment are the rewards of the difficult person. I am not suggesting you be rude; there are many rude answers you could give, but that would be self-defeating and add more ugliness to a world in need of peace and grace. Please check out 5-6 of my 160 posted videos of the last several years--(this one was filmed 20 years ago, btw) particularly the ones on forgiveness and handling difficult people, and you'll see that we are basically on the same page (hopefully a little evolution on my thinking/presentation in 20 years!) in re: What gets rewarded gets repeated; what you say is about you and what others say is about them; if your communication is not mindful and compassionate, you shouldn't be speaking. I very much appreciate your taking time to comment and share your thoughtful views that obviously come from a place of peace and light. Dan
@tarapedroley372011 жыл бұрын
Hah! I am addicted to these videos! What a sense of humor! Love this video Dan! I really want to see more live training sessions in front of a crowd. Dan is such a crowd pleaser! funny funny guy!
@TheWizardOfWords6 жыл бұрын
Tara, I hope you've had a chance to check out my website. Lots of free resources--and many premium ones as well. www.danoconnortraining.com
@mekongman33397 жыл бұрын
That's how you escalate a situation with a crazy person. Lol
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!?!??! Hahaha thanks for your comment, China Lee! I appreciate you taking the time.
@hammer476910 жыл бұрын
I have watch this video over and over and share it with anybody I can.... I have used it several times and it works great! I am always amazed at what people will come up and say to me..
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Thanks, M.Adams. Happy to help! Dan
@rocioaguilera72556 жыл бұрын
You sent me an email saying that I hadn't seen this video. I've seen it gazillions of times, bur I always like it. I answer that way to difficult people. Thanks
@outofthegoldfishbowletcete7628 жыл бұрын
I prefer my three:- so what? too bad ok
@TheWizardOfWords8 жыл бұрын
Haha! Thanks Laura! I appreciate the comment!
@outofthegoldfishbowletcete7628 жыл бұрын
+Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor lol I like your too. anything to disengage from gratuitous stupidity
@outofthegoldfishbowletcete7628 жыл бұрын
Pádraig Mac Suibhne seriously? I have to explain why teaching people how to become manipulative is creepy?
@bbb-1-2-37 жыл бұрын
You're missing answer to "why are you still single?"...
@mercyrn357 жыл бұрын
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera LMAO 😂 I love all three of those replies!
@xvoui11 жыл бұрын
What would you say to someone that says "you seem to have a pre-programmed response to every thing i say ?"
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
If it were a difficult person, and that is the assumption with these phrases, of course I'd say "That's interesting; tell me more" and eventually they'll catch on to the fact that you are in charge of YOU, and they are not--and they'll go away. And isn't that what you want of difficult people--that either they stop their behavior, or they simply go away?
@xvoui11 жыл бұрын
Yes it seems difficult people have to have the last word.
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
Allow them to have the last word, and just pray that it is actually the last word :) Dan
@xvoui11 жыл бұрын
Amen to that.
@AlmantasVainauskasPolitics201410 жыл бұрын
Interesting,why would you say that? lol
@elsaannete385511 жыл бұрын
Ha! I use these on my husband. They definitely work.
@scottmarsh29912 жыл бұрын
So glad KZbin pitched me this video again. I remember it from long ago. It’s pure gold.
@TheWizardOfWords2 жыл бұрын
I was 22 when I made this video. I PUBLISHED it in 2009, but made it long before. Maybe it's time for me to re-do it? :) :)
@rosedevereux23912 жыл бұрын
@@TheWizardOfWords Hi Dan, do you remember where this was? (State and/or company)
@Gusoutgoing9 жыл бұрын
Hearing you speak, make me feel I got a fighting chance to feel like a real alive and breathing person and not just resource, just drill at me until iam dry and worn out!
@goscott210 жыл бұрын
This is very interesting. I think the magic behind these responses is that people love to talk about themselves and give their opinions. By asking "That's Interesting...Tell me more.....,etc" you end up disarming them and letting them get EVERYTHING out and be fully heard. Many times, you dont even have to give an answer but just let them keep talking. This is very clever. Will def check out your stuff.
@WomenWinningTogetherNetwork10 жыл бұрын
I agree with Scott williams. And sometimes I will say Very interesting and leave it like that. When I say that the other person is then looking for me to speak, but if I say thats interesting why do u say that or tell me more then they want to talk more
@dlwatib10 жыл бұрын
Another conversational "trick" that works well is to simply repeat back to the other person their exact words, with a softener phrase that turns it into a question requiring further explanation. Like so: A: "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain." B: "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain? Explain!"
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Yes!
@FreeGuitarSecrets-RG Жыл бұрын
This is the first video I've watched from The wizard of words 14 yrs ago that I have never forgot! And It's effect and message was so stunning and memorable that I am a proud subscriber of this channel in 2023!
@TheWizardOfWords Жыл бұрын
Many thanks, Robert.
@mariahaouat98569 жыл бұрын
Hi Dan O'connor, I am an engineering student (the only girl) and I'm having a problem with one rude boy who tries to judge me so I will tell him this phrases tmw. Thank you :)
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
rokysikander, Thank you and I will try to keep doing what I do best. . . . Dan
@itsonlymarcibratz19917 жыл бұрын
Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor U're Funny & adorable!👍✌😊
@widadpetrs46357 жыл бұрын
Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor
@littlescarlett1019 жыл бұрын
"Dave your mums dead" "That's interesting tell me more"
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
littlescarlett101 So Dave is a difficult person and you want to end the conversation--right? Seems odd, but I'll take your word for it.
@missa26477 жыл бұрын
^ That's actually how I responded when they told me the news about my mom.
@EvilTwin1236 жыл бұрын
littlescarlett101 Whoa dude. Break it to me gently(next time
@BrotherLeon201011 жыл бұрын
Scotty: Captain! There was a quantum filament inside the pattern buffers! I'm sorry to report that McCoy, Spock and a Security Red Shirt did not remateralize on the transporter pad! Their patterns are lost forever! Kirk: That's Interesting! Tell Me More! :)
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
Ahaaa-- Very insightful, BrotherLeon2010, provided that Captain Kirk thinks Scotty is a difficult person who should be directed elsewhere or shut down--:)
@SarahRejsa-oi6bq7 ай бұрын
Thanks!
@TheWizardOfWords7 ай бұрын
Well thank you Sarah!
@SarahRejsa-oi6bq7 ай бұрын
@@TheWizardOfWords My pleasure. BTW, - I am 49 and I feel like a spring chicken. 🐣♥️I keep forgetting my age, it really is just a number! LOL, I work in a nursing home and the patients are in their 80's and 90's, so compared to them I am young . AND also the job comes with a lot of physical demands and heavy lifting and constantly being on your feet, and lots of walking. All of that physical labor keeps me energetic. When I tell people I'm in my 40's they literally freak out and say "no way!" They can't believe it. They think I'm in my 30's.😀 Also working at a school with kids and having a 12 year old daughter (I had her when I was 37) has all kept me young. I believe my whole life is still ahead of me and I believe in infinite possibilities. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️😄
@Irinaav78 жыл бұрын
before even watching this video I actually asked someone why they would say something so rude (they were bashing me over something I genuinely think they were jealous about) and all they said were even more hurtful things but at that point I realized it wasnt worth fighting over.
@mindthependulum62457 жыл бұрын
My magic phrase that I made back when I used to work in a call center dealing with people who were unreasonably angry from the moment I said hello. The phrase, That's mildly unfortunate. With that, I take the piss out of their statement while sort of validating what they said and that I understood it. By using the word mildly, I also let them know that it's not the end of the world. If it's not a giant fatal catastrophe, then it's manageable and we are able to fix it. In other words, it let's them know that I will not cower under the weight of their ego and I can remain calm without being intimidated. If they were the kind of caller that would shout over me for extended periods, I would move the earpieces mostly off my ear, then bend the microphone up above my eyes. That way, if I did get a chance to speak, it would be hard for them to hear me. When they wanted to hear my response, I made them work for it a bit. I got that one from stand up comedian Steven Wright on how he deals with drunken hecklers. I can imagine this seems a bit silly to some, but when you work in customer service, or over the phone collections or tech support, these things can really make an efficiency of your efforts. Good luck out there peeps.
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
Hey Peshewa, if that works for you--and apparently it does--kudos for finding a way to deal with really difficult callers! Customer service can be trying--to say the least. Difficult CUSTOMERS are a different type of problem from difficult people who are simply intruding on your life or trying to put you down. You've made a distinction and it's a legitimate one. Your goal is not to dismiss customers (as it might be with the intrusive water-cooler pest); it's to serve them--however ugly they may sometimes be--without being intimidated or losing your dignity. It appears you've found a way to do that. Kudos! Dan
@mindthependulum62457 жыл бұрын
Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor Thanks Dan. There are tons of ways of dealing with difficult callers and yes, it's very different over the phone. Imagine working for a cellphone company in a call center. I went to that companies nearest store and hung out to watch what happens. People of all types and ages would be entranced by the shiny new beepy blinking thingy that they just got. As the store reps would advise them about proration and how the first bill would look, they just smiled and nodded as if they were still entranced by the new shiny thing, and the salesman might as well have been Charlie Brown's teacher. I even struck up a conversation with one of them in the parking lot, asked them if they had any idea what the salesman meant by prorated charges, the reply I got was, they were just wasting my time, I just wanted to get the new phone activated and leave. Most of the customer service calls I had were from new customers who just got the first bill, with prorated charges. They would scream about, how dare we charge more than we said we would! I worked there several years, and did not find a single first bill that was wrong. I had to listen to endless tirades and accusations of how my company was at fault for everything that ever went wrong in the history of man. By the end of the call, they were usually apologizing to me for being so bombastic. I had an older lady calling about her first bill. With each word she shouted, she shook the stack of bill papers clenched in her hand. She told me I better lower her bill right now! I asked if she was standing. She said yes. I asked her to lay the bill down on the table. She did, then I advised I just lowered her bill by a full foot. That joke could have gone horribly wrong, but she took a deep breath and then calmly asked me to explain what was happening. I admit, if that went wrong, I could have been fired. I like this video you made btw, zero complaints. I just wanted to share some oddly related tales from my past.
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
Thanks for writing Peshewa. (You write very well, btw--interesting and informative and funny.) I read every word and thoroughly understand. In my youth (shortly before this video was taken--this video that is twenty years old now) I was in customer service with Wells Fargo. Customers weren't quite as ill-informed as yours, but some were troublesome, nonetheless. Your lowering the bill a foot story was great and I'm glad it was well-received. :) Sometimes you just HAVE to do something to remind yourself you're still human, you're still funny, and you're still in charge of your own life. I get it. :) Please continue to watch, comment, and share. And whatever else you do--go to some of my recent videos--ones that aren't 20 years old. :) Dan
@cBadArsBiker15798 жыл бұрын
Perhaps you should switch to decaf coffee.
@rbennett72188 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry people...but this is funny.
@mspixiedust1006 жыл бұрын
LOLL I AM CRACKING UP
@fondoftheduh6 жыл бұрын
Christopher Campo That's interesting. Why would you say that?
@JuanCarlos-ez5yn5 жыл бұрын
Christopher Campo I was looking for the joke comment. Thanks.
@kriskemp5 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕
@Lunaxaton11 жыл бұрын
That's interesting. Wh- WAIT WHAT THE F*** DID YOU SAY?
@jules96286 жыл бұрын
Worked for this great doctor years ago. When people ask him nosy questions or rude questions, he would just stand there and stare at them or look away and be quiet for several seconds more or less and then just change the subject as if they never said anything . It was absolutely awesome .
@TheWizardOfWords6 жыл бұрын
Excellent and mindful way to handle inappropriate questions. It takes a very commanding personality to do that; apparently the good doctor was blessed with one of those! Dan
@Rareone1012 жыл бұрын
Needed this! I'm soo tired of verbal combat mentally & emotionally draining I will work on utilizing this and leave it there Thank you for this!
@MAXLAWLESSIBIZA9 жыл бұрын
You missed phrase #5 : "That would be an ecumenical matter..."
@walkonthedarxide93999 жыл бұрын
+MAX LAWLESS That's a Fr. Ted talk. lol
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
+MAX LAWLESS How Francis of you!
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
+Walk On The Darxide Now that was one of the best play on words I've seen in a long long time!
@mickeynotmouse9 жыл бұрын
*gets caught cheating on wife* WIFE: "OH MY GOD MARK WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS OTHER WOMAN??" ME, NAKED IN BED WITH WOMAN: "That's interesting, why would you ask me that?"
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
mickeynotmouse Really? That's how you'd apply this video?
@mickeynotmouse9 жыл бұрын
it didn't work
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
mickeynotmouse If you polish your shoes with peanut butter, that won't work either. Proper application with the proper tools is critical to success throughout all areas of life. You CAN put peanut butter on your shoes, but the question is SHOULD YOU put peanut butter on your shoes? Proper application is preceded by correct understanding, MNM. You have to understand this concept of 4 Magic Phrases, and then you'll know how to apply them. Don't put peanut butter on your shoes. . . .
@MrXxD4MI4NxX9 жыл бұрын
Hahahahaha that's fricking funny!
@tudvalstone9 жыл бұрын
mickeynotmouse That's interesting, tell me more!
@TheBigBang4203 жыл бұрын
I found it more valuable than my degree
@TheWizardOfWords3 жыл бұрын
Now that comment REALLY makes me happy V-Raj. I believe what my grandfather taught me: Education is the sum total of man's knowledge and experience. In other words, it goes way beyond a degree in anything.
@TheBigBang4203 жыл бұрын
@@TheWizardOfWords Absolutely right Knowledge comes from past experiences
@DuckyAKA11 жыл бұрын
Love the short, meaningful, and practical delivery of this and other videos of yours that I've viewed. They work!!!
@goodflowh5 жыл бұрын
I have seen this video before and I loved it but had lost it. After watching you and you have a unique voice and style so I can't believe it was you so long ago.
@cristopherapoyon8325 жыл бұрын
Mom: have you eat your breakfast? Me: that's interesting tell me more.! Mom:wtf. Are you in drugs? Me: interesting why you asking me that?
@angeljiminian53059 жыл бұрын
Here, a professional is sharing valuable info that is actually useful to many who are challenged when communicating and it is fascinating that some would choose to post their idea of joke. Like this video presentation was on Facebook where it is more common to get people's "interesting" commentaries. Humor in life is awesome being serious all the time is not the best choice. Humor has its place in life and in a number of situations. Sometimes humor is not useful and when humor is used at the wrong moment its effect is to marginalize others or put down others. When someone you don't know starts to joke with you and they don't KNOW you, then it can be very difficult to know if a stranger is joking or being serious. So people with good sense will not assume that the "joker" is not joking but rather address the issue raised. To address a topic and attempt to clarify it with intelligence and more information when another seems to have attacked you by disguising their comment in the form of a joke is what classy people attempt to do. Dan earned my respect in how he choose to handle that type of situation. My hat off to you Dan.
@paulaacosta99549 жыл бұрын
+Angel Jiminian that's interesting,why would you say that?
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
+Angel Jiminian Just saw this-- and wanted to thank you Angel. Bear in mind my philosophy that what people say is about THEM, but how I respond is about ME. It's fairly easy to keep a level head during discussions when you truly believe that. Again, I thank you for your perspective and will do my best to act with class (just in case my grandmother is watching!) Dan
@TheWizardOfWords6 жыл бұрын
Paula, interesting that you would play into Angel's hand and not even know it. If you truly want to learn communication techniques that are helpful, go to www.danoconnortraining.com and check out the free resources. FREE. Dan
@tsjasmine2810 жыл бұрын
In counselling we are taught that "why" is often perceived as judgmental, It is interesting that of the 4 questions you use, 3 of them are why questions. How do people react normally?
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Jasmine, let's move away from this video for a moment, because it's designed to provide a method of dealing with difficult people -- Let's talk for a moment about the word "why." In interaction with people, the "why" of things is crucial to understanding. (e.g. "Why are you not speaking to me son?" Son might be hurting, and it has nothing to do with you; son might be upset about something you did; son might be sick. If you understand the "why" you can determine how to be and what to do.) In understanding the meaning of life, the "why" of things is the most elemental of questions (e.g. "Why am I here?" In filling out our personal compass, we have to reflect on who we are, why we are here, where are we going and how are we going to get there. "Why" you are here seriously impacts what you do with your life.) In understanding business, the "why" of things impacts decision-making. (e.g. Why do people buy certain items, react to certain stimuli, want certain things. The answer will determine the business course of action.) Having said all that - your tone when asking "why" can turn it into a judgmental word in a heartbeat, and perhaps that's what your counseling instructor was conveying. Think about life if you did't know the why of things. And remember that one sign of the death of a relationship is one person ceasing to care about the "who" and the "why: of the other person. In other words, the opposite of love isn't hate; it's apathy. When one person TRULY begins to think/say/feel "I don't care," the relationship is over. "I don't care who you are, where you go, or why you did what you did." Jasmine, I believe it is vital to use the word "why" if the true goal is understanding. That's the key. What is your goal when you question "why"? If it is understanding, then you're golden.
@tsjasmine2810 жыл бұрын
Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor I see, so with irate customers or whatever asking "why" is a way to sort of diffuse the situation? another reason we are told not to ask why is because often they will not know the answer, that may be a good thing if they are reflective because they might go away and think about the why. However if they are not all that self-aware might they become defensive? TBH when i was told about not asking "why" i had a huge problem with it because it had been so helpful on my personal journey. So i guess i am asking, how often if ever do you get a negative reaction when asking "why"?
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
When your tone is open, and it is obvious that you are seeking understanding (rather than an opportunity to reprove someone) you'll generally get a positive response, Jasmine.
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
One other thing, Jasmine-- As you go forward in your studies, you might remember that no one has all the answers. Certainly I don't. So if an instructor tells you something that absolutely goes against your personal experience, question it. Teachers are sometimes people who read books and spout theory. Listen to your own experience and to your own heart when evaluating ideas (mine included, of course).
@tsjasmine2810 жыл бұрын
Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor Ok thanks for the advice, perhaps i'll try using "why" in a role play sessions and see if my tutor tells me off lol
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
Absolutely spot-on, Joan Bondar--spot-on. Dan
@barbaraeastwood164710 жыл бұрын
This video is fabulous. I'm a big a believer that most arguments involve a misunderstanding or lack of communication of some kind... Asking a person "why would you say that?" allows you to stay assertive but shows that you are willing to listen to the other person. I'm willing to bet that often you will find out there's a reason behind what they said. This is liable to clear the air allowing the person to get out some hurt feelings. And tell me more? Most people like to be given the opportunity to talk...I bet this is going to be super useful.
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Barbara: I hope you find these phrases useful! Dan
@bookies53099 жыл бұрын
Um...how do i comment on a video??
@nourshamayleh34239 жыл бұрын
+$corpion530 That's interesting! why would you say that?
@OhItsOkay7 жыл бұрын
That's interesting you ask. Why would you ask such a thing?
@JudgeJulieLit6 жыл бұрын
_Bookies To paraphrase Tennyson, yours is "not to question" how, but just (as now) to drop a comment, pow.
@Tester224410 жыл бұрын
Or you simply laugh out loud, and leave because you know its a waste of time, and a battle of who has bigger ego. And hug a person before you leave.
@One21Jiggawatts10 жыл бұрын
Best part was "Give them a karate communication kick.. Hee-Ya!!"
@autumnjoy59417 жыл бұрын
Keep YOUR head high. You have an amazing gift of gab and your using it to help those who have been abused or have a hard time sticking up for themselves. And for this I thank you deeply
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
You're very welcome Autumn; I enjoy what I do and thank you for your comment. Go to a few more videos--and you might see a slight age change--of about 20 years. Please continue to comment, like, and share. Dan
@KareenKircher Жыл бұрын
Easily the best five-minute video I’ve watched on KZbin this year.
@paulaacosta99549 жыл бұрын
so basically you have to be like a robot or a sociopath to have success in this society
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
+PATO Paula Acosta Ya think??
@schrodingerbracat29279 жыл бұрын
+PATO Paula Acosta Interesting! Tell me more!
@justangel1739 жыл бұрын
+PATO Paula Acosta That's interesting, why would you say that?
@Kensuke09879 жыл бұрын
+PATO Paula Acosta I'd agree with you, but then again, it's not impossible to be genuinely inquisitive when someone offends you so you could understand, avoid conflicts, and fix issues.
@noticetheknow-it-all43417 жыл бұрын
How do you mean?
@bryanh19410 жыл бұрын
This video is over the top for me. Too much passive aggressiveness.
@satishrathod20049 жыл бұрын
I told my maid she needed to clean my bathroom one day. She said that's interesting tell me more. I told her I also needed the crystal chandeliers cleaned, the windows washed, the kitchen floor scrubbed and the bed linens washed and replaced. She never asked me that question ever again
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
Your maid replaces your bed linens? Wow, where can I find her?
@nimiacastillo95667 жыл бұрын
satish rathod did you pay her more for all that work
@frankstoeknife36857 жыл бұрын
I figured out adding anger to anger doesn’t work years ago, but it can be hard to maintain forever. So this is another helpful diffusion technique, and a great distraction for the person you hurl it at, make them stop and assess their behavior for a second lol. Always great to find another path just in case the old ones wear out and the habitually irrational have become savvy to your ways
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
Hey Frank; I appreciated your assessment about the habitually irrational becoming savvy to your ways! Love the phraseology. I just may steal it sometime-- :) Dan
@meroe36511 жыл бұрын
"One more time!" LOLOLOLOL! You just whoop their asses with your energy. I love it! That had to be a dead room. I teach on college campuses and refuse to allow a dead room to slow me down! I love it, Dan!
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
Thanks, William. Yes, if you're sleeping through one of my presentations, you're either deaf or dead. . . . Apparently that's the way you feel about your classes too-- My guess is your students like your classes!
@meroe36511 жыл бұрын
That they do. I tell them I see class as a party of sorts and I'm there to party with them, not for them.
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
William, could you be my communication doppelganger? I know exactly what you mean.
@meroe36511 жыл бұрын
I might be, my friend. Loving your content. Learning a lot.It's helping me in my new endeavors as a filmmaker. The diva factor I have to contend with brought me to your videos.
@TheWizardOfWords11 жыл бұрын
Happy to be of help in any measure, William. Dan
@mouse90087 жыл бұрын
How to be the narcissistic victim? Is this the title of this?
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
Wow! I'd like to borrow those glasses--just to see what you see. Dan
@minimushrooom11 жыл бұрын
Ah but you can only respond to questions with the 'Thats intresting, why would you say that?' one and that just makes everyone really confused.
@Whitehero2610 жыл бұрын
'That's interesting, why would you ask that?' is one of the phrases.
@EPSuttaVinaya11 жыл бұрын
What if they respond to your question, for eg.: Someone: Hey you are a #%%$%! You: That's interesting, why would you say that? Someone: Because bla bla bla... You: [What would you say next?]
@Tijopi1111 жыл бұрын
Keep doing it. Someone: Hey you are a #%%$%! You: That's interesting, why would you say that? Someone: Because bla bla bla... You: Oh, why do you think that? The goal of arguments of any kind is to put YOU on the defensive. Say someone punches you- its to make you defensive and put the other person in power. Say someone calls you a name, its to make you mad and put you on the defensive so they're in power. The reason these phrases here WORK is because no matter what situation they're applied to, it ALWAYS puts the other person on hte defensive, thereby making THEM the defendant. Suddenly, these phrases makes the other person have to defend themselves/explain themselves. It's not necessarily these specific five phrases, but any phrase that applies to the situation that makes the person explain their action. That's why it works- its all about defensive communication.
@mray81810 жыл бұрын
oodleyboo I agree. I grew up with people who absolutely thrive on belittling others every chance they get - either to their face, or behind the others back. Giving any kind of "validation" response to their comment, subtly sarcastic or otherwise, is a mistake, and only energizes their thinking. I think the most effective question to any of their toxic noise coming out of their mouth is..."Well that's UN-interesting, why would you say that...do that....ask that..etc.,?" Believe me it works!! It immediately breaks the "power" thinking in their head, and you see they feel like a fool by expression on their face, and are confused now in their thinking, and start to stumble in their words. That's when you just walk away: You've nipped their BS in the bud, you didn't allow it to "flourish", your task has been competed. Simple.
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Michael Raymond Sounds as though that works well for you, Michael. Go for it.
@stevendorsey48507 жыл бұрын
I feel like the phrase, "That's interesting, tell me more.", in response to a belittling side-comment, following that they expound upon their logic, might be best followed with the statement, "I see. Well, thank you for telling me." I honestly feel like I would rather someone not like me openly, rather than in secret. In the latter, it's always the sidewase glances, the hint of disdain in their otherwise respectful dialogue, and the way they seem to leave each interaction slightly annoyed, but not outwardly so, that cause me to feel uncertain and discomforted about engaging with them. If I know someone doesn't like me, I can either learn why, and endeavour to be better, or avoid them entirely. Not so when they are not open or honest about it. Granted, I have become a bit "world-weary" with it all over the years, and some of my less-pleasant interactions may now be a result of my own growing lackadaisical concern for interpersonal relationships/communication, than simply a social barrier of social-anxiety and autism.
@missa26477 жыл бұрын
Just my thought.. maybe the way the phrases "That's interesting, tell me more.." (etc) are not "validating", but more of trying to understand why they think the way they do.. unless you are not interested with why they are bullying you. Most bullies and negative nelly types are thriving on something you don't like.. so if you say "That's un-interesting.." they know that they've already ticked you off. Just my thoughts. I've done this technique before, and the person usually shuts off, because they're either doing it for a no-brainer fun or they themselves are troubled individuals who need help.
@Lynnpenguin119 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. I am giving these magic phrases to my 9 year old son who is experiencing some bullying in school. We are both practicing them.
@TheWizardOfWords9 жыл бұрын
+Lynnpenguin11 Hey Lynnpenguin11, remember to tell your son that bullies are looking for a reward in the form of a reaction from your son. Remind your son that others don't define him, and they cannot FORCE him to react. Ignoring bullying is difficult and takes more strength of character than reacting, but IGNORING should be the goal. What gets rewarded (in the form of some reaction) gets repeated. Behavior that is ignored is no fun for the bully and will eventually stop. Bullying is epidemic in the United States and the quickest way to end it is in the hands of parents. Since the parents of bullies are too often bullies themselves, I guess it's up to the parents who are NOT bullies to end this. Tell your son no one can make him a victim and no one can tell him who he is. No one. Ignore, ignore ignore-- that's the best medicine.
@Lynnpenguin119 жыл бұрын
+Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor Thank you, thank you, thank you...we are looking forward to some MAGICAL communication today at school...
@IntoTheMystery1310 жыл бұрын
That "magic" at the beginning cracks me up. You are such a good public speaker! Thank for Shari yourself and your insights. This video has helped me out a lot, and made me laugh.
@orangegold110 жыл бұрын
"Hi, I'm Albert and this sentence is un-interesting". .... "That's inter---- er..."
@TheWizardOfWords6 жыл бұрын
Hi Orange, if you want to see something REALLY interested, check out my new website www.danoconnortraining.com. Then please let me know if you think it's interesting or un-- Dan
@kdunagan1008 жыл бұрын
Try my tried and true statements: 1. Really? 2. No Kidding? 3. I still don't care
@knownuser081510 жыл бұрын
600 dislikes. Tell me more.
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Hi Julius: I'd like to tell you more. Go to www.danoconnortraining.com and there you'll learn more-- :)
@knownuser081510 жыл бұрын
Hi Dan: do you learn more from feedback, too? :) It's not always the best way to show the verbal middle finger to your conversation partners (also, check the preview picture of the video). Greetings :)
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Julius Machinebacon Julius, I certainly did just learn something from you. In all these years (a very very old video--recorded probably around 2005 and placed on KZbin in 2009) no one has ever commented on that. I'd fire my video editor, but then I'd be without a job. So indeed--go through my other videos--and--tell me more! Dan
@knownuser081510 жыл бұрын
^ Is this a job offer? ;) By the way, you can change the preview picture of a video in KZbin's Video Editor, just a handful of clicks and it's done. Best wishes, Julius
@TheWizardOfWords10 жыл бұрын
Sure! Can it be a labor of love, done for the good of mankind? If so, you're hired, Julius. (I'd change my preview picture, but at present people are drawn to it, and you know the old adage about if it ain't broken--)
@funnyrunner1152 жыл бұрын
Very helpful for my current work situation. This will help to bypass my usual emotional response.
@renatajakielaszek7 жыл бұрын
sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to just stop caring...Thank you for your existing!
@TheWizardOfWords7 жыл бұрын
A thick skin helps, but I'll bet you still care, Renata. Having said that, I believe it's always good to remember that what others say is about THEM, whereas what we say reflects US and who we are. That thought helps to put things in perspective and can take the sting out of comments designed to be hurtful.
@renatajakielaszek7 жыл бұрын
Have a nice Saturday My Dear! Yes. Live life in harmony. Happy to be on the jorney. "Ironically, caring a little less helps you get more out of everything you care so much about. Detachment allows you to demand more and not settle.” In todays world getting detach is a very tough job.Attachment and detachment are two different sides of same coin.Getting attached to something in this world is very easy ,but getting detached to something is very very difficult.