4 Magic Phrases You Can Use to Respond to ANYTHING | Power Phrases for Work

[@TheWizardOfWords]

HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!

[@jaywellington6504]

you see? This is EXACTLY what people need and what NO ONE else teaches, step-by-step details and the words to use when handling difficult situations. Dan you are the best. In all the years I've studied this topic, no one comes close to this successful system you've come up with nor can they deliver the advice the way you do. Perfection. Thank you so very much. You'll never know how many people you have helped.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

And you'll never know--how grateful I am for your words, Jay :)

[@Verdeangela12]

Well said and so true. Dan's delivery and instruction is clear and concise.

[@anaisaguerrero5486]

You said everything i think everytime i watch him

[@TheWizardOfWords]

It's not so much the words, but the energy and confidence with which you say them. You are validating the perp while asking a question...that is not the normal pattern, and when you disrupt the normal communication pattern, you throw people off their game. If that's your goal, it's easy with good power phrases.

[@tristantully5029]

This dude is INTENSE. this dude just yelled MAGIC! In the first 3 seconds

[@bsmile44]

+Tristan Tully (Troll status) He says it in 3 but actually yells it in the first 7 seconds. Lol. :P MAGIC!!!!

[@DiskoDirumah]

Robert Brown "MAGIC" as he were the only queer guy in the world ,i laughed so hard till i cant remember why i laughed

[@HabitualLover]

😂

[@JPRibner]

I like the phrase, "That's interesting. Why would you say that to me?" It seems like it would be a good phrase to use to unnerve and disarm liars, sociopaths, and other people who try to manipulate.

[@Cheryl_Haydon]

Agreed. I needed this line to use on my manipulative ex husband years ago....

[@austinmckenzie6252]

John Ribner thats interesting, why would you say that?

[@John-ih7gp]

+racingirl1595 that's interesting tell me more

[@bradmcewen]

+John Ribner Just what I was thinking. I didnt realize I had to have so many counter manipulating skills till I associated with a textbook narcissistic girlfriend. Yea I know. "That's interesting ? Why would I do that !"

[@omegapointil]

"You talkin to me?"

[@sidesplitters]

Instead of "why would you say that", experiment using: "that's interesting... what makes you say that". "Why" is confrontational and will get a negative response. It will also make you look confrontational to others, should people be around (like at dinner party, board meeting). PLUS, when using "Why" it is unlikely to get a truthful response, as it will cause the person to be very guarded with their answer.

[@aceatkins191]

Excellent suggestions

[@dallasguidroz9350]

sidesplitters I like it I will try this Approach nothing else seems to work with A certain person in my life

[@sidesplitters]

Dallas Guidroz Another word avoid is "but" - from the perspective of who you say it to, it sounds like you are negating everything that they had said prior to you saying "but".

[@dallasguidroz9350]

That's very true I forgot About trying to not using the word But it is hard not to sometimes because I don't like it when people do it to me.

[@DiskoDirumah]

sidesplitters why would you say that? Tell me moree

[@JackieOdonnel]

And THIS is how you shut down adversity or patronizing comments, and invite the person to actually talk to you as an equal. We need more of this in our society today.

[@BubbaGanoush2]

This is the sort of stuff they should be teaching kids in Health class. Because there's fewer things more damaging to self-esteem than not being able to handle yourself in tense situations or when someone is being aggressive with you verbally. Learning how to deal with conflict situations instead of turtling or getting more aggressive in response is a key life skill.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Agreed, BubbaGanoush2. I just received an email from a woman who teaches young people on the autism spectrum, and she reported that one of her students who was being bullied asked the bully "Why would you say that?" The bully was so taken aback he just turned and walked away. The teacher and the young person who had used the phrase were delighted. He handled it well--no escalation--just honest spotlighting. This training can be helpful, particularly to vulnerable people (that would be most of us :) )

[@juliepreimesberger6571]

Amen! Teach it before we grow up to be bullies. Makes all the sense in the world. Junior high especially can be toxic to young teens - just think of the suicide rate! Dan, I think you're amazing and... You are needed badly in so many places, could you somehow clone yourself? 😅❤

[@armidaleconcrete]

Hi Dan, I can remember a phrase from my insurance sales days to respond to a tricky question. " Obviously you have a good reason for asking ( saying ) that, would you mind telling me what it is?" Worked a treat. Geoff, Australia.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Excellent Geoff! Same principle, and stated very nicely. I like it! Dan

[@daisyjohnson5368]

Thanks!!'

[@forwardmediation391]

Watch, practice, watch again...repeat. The message is timeless and expertly presented by a HUMAN BEING who should be considered a pioneer in developing and promoting effective communication techniques that can be used by everyone. We celebrate and honor classics in many genre like cinema, theater, music, etc. This is a communication classic. Bravo Dan, this presentation is enlightening.

[@fayezfamfa]

This trainer is so energetic .. this what ppl needs in training room ...thumbs up for him .

[@jahnimai]

He seemed to me, to be beyond vivacious, to be polite. There are Doctorate & Pre-cognitive Re-education and other titles from decades of study, training and then, applications. While indeed his presentation is energetic and for many, very engaging, underneath there is frightened guy running on his sympathetic nervous system. I hope i am wrong, because the kidneys & adrenal glands may become traumatically exhausted. Best wishes to all. I do not want to be magniloquent; there is plenty self help needed that i will do well by working. Best wishes, Hare Krishna

[@mrhartley85]

Jackie Joseph that’s exactly what I was thinking.

[@PeacefulMomentsTV]

عندك الصح الطريقه ديالو ممتعة و عندو مايقول

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

True. He really knows how our minds work and how we learn best. Don't take notes. Shout it into our brains until it is tattooed there just waiting to pop out at the right moment.

[@ritaree123]

Amen 🙏🏾 Amen 🙏🏾 Amen 🙏🏾

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You respond by asking, "Are you always this curious?" And they will answer yes or no, to which you respond with the three-second look (make direct eye contact for three seconds) and maybe an, "Interesting," before moving along. Remember that questions such as the one you're describing are called "Challenge Questions" and the key is not to answer them, but to instead ask 2 questions for every challenge question someone asks you. This strategy helps you do just that. Hope this helps!

[@pluton1263]

Hello Dan, I found this video about a year ago. I wrote down those 4 effective phrases and kept them in my wallet. They are still there and it's amazing how much I use them. Thank you so much for all you do!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Chanda you are welcome a thousand times over!

[@daynnite4462]

Can you tell me a story about you using those phases.

[@jaywellington6504]

@@daynnite4462 Not without delving into the details of my personal life. ;) But I can assure you that I have incorporated Dan's lessons and phrases since 2015 and cannot say enough about how they've resulted in positive results. Try them yourself and you can answer your own question. Thanks for your interest, DAY n Nite.

[@VanessaNeiditch]

Your first point, is something I am LITERALLY asked to do by my admin at school. Not in an angry context but in the context of asking students to think about why they are giving me a certain answer. We need to find out what students are actually thinking, what's behind their answer. Super helpful.

[@SharonLesliesoulseer]

really love how you are teaching to not react from fear and defensiveness and to respond from 'the inner master', to move out of attack and into a detached yet caring responses.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank you Sharon. I firmly believe that since there will always be negativity somewhere around us, and we can't totally wipe it out, we'd better learn to react constructively, as a testament to who we are. Having said that--I hope you're checking out my newer videos also-- and if you do, please let me know what you think now and again. Thanks again. Dan

[@hmlanding]

Dan, thank you for going over these 4 magic phases. People underestimate how difficult it is to handle a situation where someone is trying to tear you down. Thank you for giving us these phrases, hopefully this helps transition us from a reactive communicator to a proactive communicator.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Grant N You're welcome, Grant, for any help I can offer you!Dan

[@trevormiles5852]

Suck up

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi John: I'll look into Clean Language. Always glad to expand my thinking. One other consideration--these responses aren't designed to promote dialogue; they are designed to end it--with difficult people whose intent is not civil discourse. I applaud the mirroring and listening techniques you've mentioned, when the intent and context is meaningful conversation.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Wow, that was perfectly stated. Why has it taken me so long to accidentally press the wrong button and land on your page??????????????

[@hollybailey3555]

i like this, it's essentially taking back the control of the conversation and calling someone out on what they said in a nice way. Making them responsible for what they said , by having to explain. Using a question to shift the conversation. In sales you are taught this as a method to find out what the customer is looking for.

[@annnemesh]

I remember watching this years ago, and trying it out on a guy who had a reputation for being an insane, temperamental genius. He started throwing a little angry shade at me in front of a group, and I responded with, "That's interesting _____. Tell me more." It simultaneously puts the person a little in the hot seat and at the same time shows them that you are really interested in their input. Forevermore after he was on my side. Thanks Dan!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You bet, Anatoli. The delivery in this video embarrasses me just a little, but the content is golden :)

[@newmamaful]

LOVE this! gives you time to gather your thoughts (versus having a knee-jerk reaction and saying something in anger that you might regret...) and also gives the other person time to reflect on what they just said/did. win-win! Thank you, Dan.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thank YOU newmamaful--for understanding when, how, and why these work-- Please like and share. Dan

[@MickiAllen]

I've already started implementing these into my everyday speech patterns. I love 'em! Thank you!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Great. Happy to help your communication patterns, Micki. Dan

[@shaguftashaikh]

Hi Dan, since the day, a few months back when my younger bro introduced me to your videos, they have helped me overcome my hiccups in communicating and become more confident. And helped me changed my attitude. And with new attitude, it led me to related videos including those on grooming and attire, which in turn helped me revamp my personality. Your videos also help cope on inner issues. Especially the ones on - How to deal with difficult people, how to consent without agreeing, how to kill the negative monsters within us, the danger phrases. All have gone a long way in changing me. Thanks.

[@JudgeJulieLit]

That's beautiful.

[@tatianahawaii13]

❤️

[@peculiarbvlogs]

I was gonna say this is absolutely beautiful! Now it’s my turn. Lol! I can’t wait to testify! The people I work around drain me but I won’t die here.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

How to consent without agreeing. I'm a lawyer and that one has me stumped. I must find it. This man is truly my saviour. Great teacher, too. Best of luck to you!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks Marta! I hope you enjoy all the videos you'll find on my channel. Dan

[@wmcpromo]

That's interesting tell us more!

[@emiver30]

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor Inspiration!!! Please keep up with the good works.

[@samnedumedja5323]

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor "That's interesting tell me more" is not by any mean a kind phrase; if anything, it adds more fuel to the fire.

[@wmcpromo]

Sam N Edu Medja Interesting tell me more!

[@samnedumedja5323]

Robin van Bruggen You already know! So why don't you tell me more?

[@missa2647]

Watching this in 2018, and I'm blown! That's exactly how I throw people away when I'm about to lose it. I wonder what's in their head.. like why would they say such things. I thought that I was alone in this, and people find me odd. Stumbled upon your video while looking for Google Sheets training, and it was so meant to be! All the love from the Philippines to you wherever you are!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Miss A: And all the love back to you from Mexico and North Dakota!

[@katiephalen3483]

I love this! I’m 51 years old. One of my best tools in communication in dealing with jack ass bosses has been silence! Ive seen people unravel when I don’t respond at all. They feel the need to keep talking while I look them in the eye, while they lie. They will keep digging deeper and deeper

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to help, Katie.

[@AmyDCools]

This video was in my recommendations. Even though I’ve been subbed to you for years I have never seen this one. Dan, this was awesome, and will certainly come in handy for that pesky toxic cousin of mine as well as creating dialogue for a story I am writing where one of the main characters get out of line saying really dumb things to the other character. Writing and being creative helps me relieve stress as I am a full time caregiver for my mom. You’ve helped me a lot with your videos, and I wish I could give a more generous super thanks. For now I will like, comment, share and give the occasional super thanks to my favorite word wizard. You truly rock!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks for the Super Thanks, Amy. This video was shot in 2009 and posted years thereafter. It's the first one I ever did. I was about 24 years old or so. I'm surprised you'd know that fresh-faced kid was me :) :). I turn 50 in a few days. HORRORS.

[@AmyDCools]

@@TheWizardOfWords Happy Birthday! Hey now, don’t call turning 50 a horror because I’m not too far behind you, lol! 😹

[@timadams3975]

These are good phrases to start off a argument with. Lol

[@trevormiles5852]

this is how ww2 started. what you took over Austria, that is interesting , let me see you do it again.

[@kecia225]

🤣

[@cosmonation1840]

So true, don't do what this guy said, unless you like sounding like a pompous asshole.

[@sujay7301]

Thats interesting : 1.Tell me more. 2.why would you say that ? 3. why do you do that ? 4. why do you ask that ?

[@michalablahova8721]

Pros: very good and useful tips Cons: this guy can cause somebody's headache very quickly. Tips: slowing down a bit and putting your voice little bit more down would make this performance much more approachable for me. It feels to me a bit aggressive.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

+Michala Blaha Michala--this video was made about 15 years ago; you might want to try one of the more recent ones :)

[@michalablahova8721]

Thank you for letting me know. I like the new videos much more. Well done!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Michala Blaha :)

[@missmariahlove3512]

he's probably speaking loud to project his voice far enough, that everyone in the classroom could hear him and get their attention. This technique is also very helpful in teaching inattentive and sleepy student. :)

[@missmariahlove3512]

you can really see the difference between the skin of an asian girl to a caucasian girl with the visibility of fine lines and wrinkles and the plumpiness of their skin. nevertheless, they all look so fabulous with or without makeup. good job guys.

[@Hakeeeeeeem]

This gentleman is a PRO, not only from what he teaches but from the way he gained the appreciation of his class students by saying what he said at the end, I am sure that we will learn a lot from him :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

+Dieygo A. Thanks Dieygo A. Be sure and subscribe and welcome aboard my KZbin training channel! Dan

[@thementalcoach]

I think practicing these tools is the key (in the mirror, to the dog, etc.). Then, no matter what unbelievable thing someone says to you, you have a response without having to think about it. What I say (in place of "tell me more") is "tell me about it." Same great theme, just works better for me. Great content, Dan. Thanks for posting it!

[@brunocoriolano]

That’s interesting - tell me more. That’s interesting - Why would you say that to me? That’s interesting - Why would you do that? That’s interesting - Why would you ask that?

[@MrsSasukeUchiha]

Bruno Coriolano idk...because I can😂😂😂

[@JudgeJulieLit]

+Joseph Barclay Ross That's interesting -- you're not a police officer.

[@cheapthrilll6323]

JudgeJulieLit its more interesting when he's is dressed like one.

[@maxvivendi8111]

Bruno Coriolano ii

[@kayebriones5283]

Bruno Coriolano 👍🏻

[@MrOzzy1631]

'come on son, clean your room!' 'that's interesting.... why would you say that?' xD

[@TheWizardOfWords]

MrOzzy1631-- So your mother is a difficult person and you're trying to de-fuse her comments? Is that why you'd use these communication tactics your mother? You might be missing the point, MrOzzy1631--just a little.

[@MrOzzy1631]

lol you said you could answer every question xD

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes, MrOzzy1631, you can answer every question with these, but whether you should is a matter of intelligence and perception. You decide. . . .

[@MrOzzy1631]

yes sir :))

[@stevendorsey4850]

I feel like I know how this would play out. "Come on son, clean your room!" "That's interesting...why would you say that?" "Because its dirty! You've got clothes all over the floor, you haven't vacuumed this carpet in weeks, and...is this...pizza?....stuck to the bottom of your computer desk?!....CLEAN. NOW." *door closes resolutely*

[@happygardener442]

Thank you Dan for helping to reintroduce the concept of respect. There are people who have not been taught or have had limited experience with respect. You have a gift of communicating ideas logically and succinctly while keeping them easy to understand. What we do does come back on us. You are sowing wonderful seeds of kindness. May you be richly blessed Dan! Keep up the good work. :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Well thank you Happy, and I would hope you'll check out my other videos--the ones that aren't 20 years old, and let me know what you think. You're right about the kindness part; if kindness and mindfulness are not informing our communication, we'd be better off remaining silent.

[@strangeland4062]

For the first 42 years of my life, I had zero skills to protect and deflect against toxic people, which made me an easy target. I've been building up my arsenal and I'll definitely add this to it. :)

[@mzh-vw5ho]

Like this. Here's what I've done tha also works well. I say "is there something I've done that is bothering you so you would ask me that?" They back out of it and bend over backwards to apologize. Thanks for the 4 magic phrases! We need help with rude people!

[@adriamaral300]

Basically you're answering a question with a question, rather than answering the original question. Usually, if someone is rude or doesn't treat you with basic people skills standards, it has nothing to do with you. Chances are they aren't aware. If you respond equally rudely, then the cycle repeats.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

AA, these answers are for difficult people who are asking inappropriate questions--in an attempt to demean or otherwise bother you. My suggestion is that you don't answer the question because your answer and embarrassment are the rewards of the difficult person. I am not suggesting you be rude; there are many rude answers you could give, but that would be self-defeating and add more ugliness to a world in need of peace and grace. Please check out 5-6 of my 160 posted videos of the last several years--(this one was filmed 20 years ago, btw) particularly the ones on forgiveness and handling difficult people, and you'll see that we are basically on the same page (hopefully a little evolution on my thinking/presentation in 20 years!) in re: What gets rewarded gets repeated; what you say is about you and what others say is about them; if your communication is not mindful and compassionate, you shouldn't be speaking. I very much appreciate your taking time to comment and share your thoughtful views that obviously come from a place of peace and light. Dan

[@Nolimit2far]

Answering a question with a question... that's interesting, why would you suggest that?

[@Akshayakambhatla]

lol

[@ОленаЛ-ь7я]

like jewish

[@faustinkagesera1721]

B NJ and

[@paigeleigh2554]

😁😁😁😁

[@nemisis0323]

he forgot to mention the ultimate comeback phrase to all insults.....drum roll, please,.....I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

nemisis crom, Paul Reubens would be pleased you remembered. .

[@secondry2]

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[@MrsSasukeUchiha]

nemisis crom oh yeah!!!...that phrase is classic😂😂😂

[@trevormiles5852]

How about the ever favorite . Bite me.. lol

[@randomyoutubeperson6954]

Hahaha 😂👍🏼

[@mariahaouat9856]

Hi Dan O'connor, I am an engineering student (the only girl) and I'm having a problem with one rude boy who tries to judge me so I will tell him this phrases tmw. Thank you :)

[@hammer4769]

I have watch this video over and over and share it with anybody I can.... I have used it several times and it works great! I am always amazed at what people will come up and say to me..

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, M.Adams. Happy to help! Dan

[@blancaw6280]

I told my maid she needed to clean my bathroom one day. She said that's interesting tell me more. I told her I also needed the crystal chandeliers cleaned, the windows washed, the kitchen floor scrubbed and the bed linens washed and replaced. She never asked me that question ever again.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

She must think you are a difficult person, if she continued to use that phrase; Is she correct about that? :)

[@blancaw6280]

I just have high standards and a low threshold for BS. LOL! Enjoyed the Video. Thanks for posting.

[@z00h]

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor That's interesting tell me more!

[@blancaw6280]

z00h That is all. :)

[@blancaw6280]

Nathan Knighton Not just yet. I think we will keep her around a little longer. Shamika has only been with us for 18 years. She is starting to grow on us. :)

[@HypnoDaddy]

That's interesting...tell me more about this technique!

[@kristybugeja7627]

HypnoDaddy

[@latishadaniels4304]

HypnoDaddy Lol!

[@MrsCookiieBoots]

That's so interesting... why would you tell me about that?

[@imnotichibonatsu.7896]

I am very interested to hear more about that!

[@yokedupbra]

HypnoDaddy haha you beat me to it.

[@Gusoutgoing]

Hearing you speak, make me feel I got a fighting chance to feel like a real alive and breathing person and not just resource, just drill at me until iam dry and worn out!

[@prmama75]

This makes sense. My friend told me when someone gives unwanted advice say, "That's interesting. I'll have to think about it." It works and gets you off the hook.

[@dlwatib]

Another conversational "trick" that works well is to simply repeat back to the other person their exact words, with a softener phrase that turns it into a question requiring further explanation. Like so: A: "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain." B: "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain? Explain!"

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Yes!

[@elsaannete3855]

Ha! I use these on my husband. They definitely work.

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

I prefer my three:- so what? too bad ok

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Haha! Thanks Laura! I appreciate the comment!

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

+Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor lol I like your too. anything to disengage from gratuitous stupidity

[@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762]

Pádraig Mac Suibhne seriously? I have to explain why teaching people how to become manipulative is creepy?

[@bbb-1-2-3]

You're missing answer to "why are you still single?"...

[@mercyrn35]

outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera LMAO 😂 I love all three of those replies!

[@TooDarkforSunday]

This is the first video I've watched from The wizard of words 14 yrs ago that I have never forgot! And It's effect and message was so stunning and memorable that I am a proud subscriber of this channel in 2023!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Many thanks, Robert.

[@Irinaav7]

before even watching this video I actually asked someone why they would say something so rude (they were bashing me over something I genuinely think they were jealous about) and all they said were even more hurtful things but at that point I realized it wasnt worth fighting over.

[@mekongman3339]

That's how you escalate a situation with a crazy person. Lol

[@TheWizardOfWords]

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!?!??! Hahaha thanks for your comment, China Lee! I appreciate you taking the time.

[@goscott2]

This is very interesting. I think the magic behind these responses is that people love to talk about themselves and give their opinions. By asking "That's Interesting...Tell me more.....,etc" you end up disarming them and letting them get EVERYTHING out and be fully heard. Many times, you dont even have to give an answer but just let them keep talking. This is very clever. Will def check out your stuff.

[@WomenWinningTogetherNetwork]

I agree with Scott williams. And sometimes I will say Very interesting and leave it like that. When I say that the other person is then looking for me to speak, but if I say thats interesting why do u say that or tell me more then they want to talk more

[@Inma.V]

Thank you so much for these tips! As an introvert speaking English as my second language and with an accent, I need all the communication help I can get. So glad I found your videos! :-)

[@Skeebled]

thats interesting, tell me more. :)

[@Skeebled]

will do, thanks fuck head ;P

[@Toarcade]

+N Knighton Lol don't listen to him, fuck head.

[@jules9628]

Worked for this great doctor years ago. When people ask him nosy questions or rude questions, he would just stand there and stare at them or look away and be quiet for several seconds more or less and then just change the subject as if they never said anything . It was absolutely awesome .

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Excellent and mindful way to handle inappropriate questions. It takes a very commanding personality to do that; apparently the good doctor was blessed with one of those! Dan

[@mylittlespectacle]

I saw this YEARS ago and it popped up in my side bar again..But I forgot the title and couldn't find it. I was SO happy to find it! I can share this with my teens now!!! thanks

[@xvoui]

What would you say to someone that says "you seem to have a pre-programmed response to every thing i say ?"

[@TheWizardOfWords]

If it were a difficult person, and that is the assumption with these phrases, of course I'd say "That's interesting; tell me more" and eventually they'll catch on to the fact that you are in charge of YOU, and they are not--and they'll go away. And isn't that what you want of difficult people--that either they stop their behavior, or they simply go away?

[@xvoui]

Yes it seems difficult people have to have the last word.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Allow them to have the last word, and just pray that it is actually the last word :) Dan

[@xvoui]

Amen to that.

[@AlmantasVainauskasPolitics2014]

Interesting,why would you say that? lol

[@izzyrich]

Interesting vid. Learned something USEFUL. And props for responding to the posts. Involved = good

[@tarapedroley3720]

Hah! I am addicted to these videos! What a sense of humor! Love this video Dan! I really want to see more live training sessions in front of a crowd. Dan is such a crowd pleaser! funny funny guy!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Tara, I hope you've had a chance to check out my website. Lots of free resources--and many premium ones as well. www.danoconnortraining.com

[@scottmarsh2991]

So glad KZbin pitched me this video again. I remember it from long ago. It’s pure gold.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

I was 22 when I made this video. I PUBLISHED it in 2009, but made it long before. Maybe it's time for me to re-do it? :) :)

[@rosedevereux2391]

@@TheWizardOfWords Hi Dan, do you remember where this was? (State and/or company)

[@Rareone101]

Needed this! I'm soo tired of verbal combat mentally & emotionally draining I will work on utilizing this and leave it there Thank you for this!

[@mindthependulum6245]

My magic phrase that I made back when I used to work in a call center dealing with people who were unreasonably angry from the moment I said hello. The phrase, That's mildly unfortunate. With that, I take the piss out of their statement while sort of validating what they said and that I understood it. By using the word mildly, I also let them know that it's not the end of the world. If it's not a giant fatal catastrophe, then it's manageable and we are able to fix it. In other words, it let's them know that I will not cower under the weight of their ego and I can remain calm without being intimidated. If they were the kind of caller that would shout over me for extended periods, I would move the earpieces mostly off my ear, then bend the microphone up above my eyes. That way, if I did get a chance to speak, it would be hard for them to hear me. When they wanted to hear my response, I made them work for it a bit. I got that one from stand up comedian Steven Wright on how he deals with drunken hecklers. I can imagine this seems a bit silly to some, but when you work in customer service, or over the phone collections or tech support, these things can really make an efficiency of your efforts. Good luck out there peeps.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hey Peshewa, if that works for you--and apparently it does--kudos for finding a way to deal with really difficult callers! Customer service can be trying--to say the least. Difficult CUSTOMERS are a different type of problem from difficult people who are simply intruding on your life or trying to put you down. You've made a distinction and it's a legitimate one. Your goal is not to dismiss customers (as it might be with the intrusive water-cooler pest); it's to serve them--however ugly they may sometimes be--without being intimidated or losing your dignity. It appears you've found a way to do that. Kudos! Dan

[@mindthependulum6245]

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor Thanks Dan. There are tons of ways of dealing with difficult callers and yes, it's very different over the phone. Imagine working for a cellphone company in a call center. I went to that companies nearest store and hung out to watch what happens. People of all types and ages would be entranced by the shiny new beepy blinking thingy that they just got. As the store reps would advise them about proration and how the first bill would look, they just smiled and nodded as if they were still entranced by the new shiny thing, and the salesman might as well have been Charlie Brown's teacher. I even struck up a conversation with one of them in the parking lot, asked them if they had any idea what the salesman meant by prorated charges, the reply I got was, they were just wasting my time, I just wanted to get the new phone activated and leave. Most of the customer service calls I had were from new customers who just got the first bill, with prorated charges. They would scream about, how dare we charge more than we said we would! I worked there several years, and did not find a single first bill that was wrong. I had to listen to endless tirades and accusations of how my company was at fault for everything that ever went wrong in the history of man. By the end of the call, they were usually apologizing to me for being so bombastic. I had an older lady calling about her first bill. With each word she shouted, she shook the stack of bill papers clenched in her hand. She told me I better lower her bill right now! I asked if she was standing. She said yes. I asked her to lay the bill down on the table. She did, then I advised I just lowered her bill by a full foot. That joke could have gone horribly wrong, but she took a deep breath and then calmly asked me to explain what was happening. I admit, if that went wrong, I could have been fired. I like this video you made btw, zero complaints. I just wanted to share some oddly related tales from my past.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks for writing Peshewa. (You write very well, btw--interesting and informative and funny.) I read every word and thoroughly understand. In my youth (shortly before this video was taken--this video that is twenty years old now) I was in customer service with Wells Fargo. Customers weren't quite as ill-informed as yours, but some were troublesome, nonetheless. Your lowering the bill a foot story was great and I'm glad it was well-received. :) Sometimes you just HAVE to do something to remind yourself you're still human, you're still funny, and you're still in charge of your own life. I get it. :) Please continue to watch, comment, and share. And whatever else you do--go to some of my recent videos--ones that aren't 20 years old. :) Dan

[@TheBigBang420]

I found it more valuable than my degree

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Now that comment REALLY makes me happy V-Raj. I believe what my grandfather taught me: Education is the sum total of man's knowledge and experience. In other words, it goes way beyond a degree in anything.

[@TheBigBang420]

@@TheWizardOfWords Absolutely right Knowledge comes from past experiences

[@mickeynotmouse]

*gets caught cheating on wife* WIFE: "OH MY GOD MARK WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS OTHER WOMAN??" ME, NAKED IN BED WITH WOMAN: "That's interesting, why would you ask me that?"

[@TheWizardOfWords]

mickeynotmouse Really? That's how you'd apply this video?

[@mickeynotmouse]

it didn't work

[@TheWizardOfWords]

mickeynotmouse If you polish your shoes with peanut butter, that won't work either. Proper application with the proper tools is critical to success throughout all areas of life. You CAN put peanut butter on your shoes, but the question is SHOULD YOU put peanut butter on your shoes? Proper application is preceded by correct understanding, MNM. You have to understand this concept of 4 Magic Phrases, and then you'll know how to apply them. Don't put peanut butter on your shoes. . . .

[@MrXxD4MI4NxX]

Hahahahaha that's fricking funny!

[@tudvalstone]

mickeynotmouse That's interesting, tell me more!

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

Your book Energy Vampire Slaying is pure GENIUS! I want to take all of your courses! I am looking for to doing that ! Thank you Dan.

[@SarahRejsa-oi6bq]

They are so lucky! They got to eat lunch with you .I want to have lunch with Dan!!!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Please do!

[@mokshalala]

Great 4 questions. Retain your power and self control by not being put on the defensive by a person and "explaining" anything...when ya don't have to.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Absolutely. That is the point. There is nothing negative or spurious or nefarious about it. Retain your power. And if you want MORE power and more communication techniques, stop by my website at www.danoconnortraining.com and have a look around. Dan

[@MAXLAWLESSIBIZA]

You missed phrase #5 : "That would be an ecumenical matter..."

[@walkonthedarxide9399]

+MAX LAWLESS That's a Fr. Ted talk. lol

[@TheWizardOfWords]

+MAX LAWLESS How Francis of you!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

+Walk On The Darxide Now that was one of the best play on words I've seen in a long long time!

[@cBadArsBiker1579]

Perhaps you should switch to decaf coffee.

[@rbennett7218]

I'm sorry people...but this is funny.

[@mspixiedust100]

LOLL I AM CRACKING UP

[@fondoftheduh]

Christopher Campo That's interesting. Why would you say that?

[@JuanCarlos-ez5yn]

Christopher Campo I was looking for the joke comment. Thanks.

[@kriskemp]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

[@BrotherLeon2010]

Scotty: Captain! There was a quantum filament inside the pattern buffers! I'm sorry to report that McCoy, Spock and a Security Red Shirt did not remateralize on the transporter pad! Their patterns are lost forever! Kirk: That's Interesting! Tell Me More! :)

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Ahaaa-- Very insightful, BrotherLeon2010, provided that Captain Kirk thinks Scotty is a difficult person who should be directed elsewhere or shut down--:)

[@renatajakielaszek]

sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to just stop caring...Thank you for your existing!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

A thick skin helps, but I'll bet you still care, Renata. Having said that, I believe it's always good to remember that what others say is about THEM, whereas what we say reflects US and who we are. That thought helps to put things in perspective and can take the sting out of comments designed to be hurtful.

[@renatajakielaszek]

Have a nice Saturday My Dear! Yes. Live life in harmony. Happy to be on the jorney. "Ironically, caring a little less helps you get more out of everything you care so much about. Detachment allows you to demand more and not settle.” In todays world getting detach is a very tough job.Attachment and detachment are two different sides of same coin.Getting attached to something in this world is very easy ,but getting detached to something is very very difficult.

[@frankstoeknife3685]

I figured out adding anger to anger doesn’t work years ago, but it can be hard to maintain forever. So this is another helpful diffusion technique, and a great distraction for the person you hurl it at, make them stop and assess their behavior for a second lol. Always great to find another path just in case the old ones wear out and the habitually irrational have become savvy to your ways

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hey Frank; I appreciated your assessment about the habitually irrational becoming savvy to your ways! Love the phraseology. I just may steal it sometime-- :) Dan

[@TheWizardOfWords]

rokysikander, Thank you and I will try to keep doing what I do best. . . . Dan

[@itsonlymarcibratz1991]

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor U're Funny & adorable!👍✌😊

[@widadpetrs4635]

Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor

[@angeljiminian5305]

Here, a professional is sharing valuable info that is actually useful to many who are challenged when communicating and it is fascinating that some would choose to post their idea of joke. Like this video presentation was on Facebook where it is more common to get people's "interesting" commentaries. Humor in life is awesome being serious all the time is not the best choice. Humor has its place in life and in a number of situations. Sometimes humor is not useful and when humor is used at the wrong moment its effect is to marginalize others or put down others. When someone you don't know starts to joke with you and they don't KNOW you, then it can be very difficult to know if a stranger is joking or being serious. So people with good sense will not assume that the "joker" is not joking but rather address the issue raised. To address a topic and attempt to clarify it with intelligence and more information when another seems to have attacked you by disguising their comment in the form of a joke is what classy people attempt to do. Dan earned my respect in how he choose to handle that type of situation. My hat off to you Dan.

[@paulaacosta9954]

+Angel Jiminian that's interesting,why would you say that?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

+Angel Jiminian Just saw this-- and wanted to thank you Angel. Bear in mind my philosophy that what people say is about THEM, but how I respond is about ME. It's fairly easy to keep a level head during discussions when you truly believe that. Again, I thank you for your perspective and will do my best to act with class (just in case my grandmother is watching!) Dan

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Paula, interesting that you would play into Angel's hand and not even know it. If you truly want to learn communication techniques that are helpful, go to www.danoconnortraining.com and check out the free resources. FREE. Dan

[@tsjasmine28]

In counselling we are taught that "why" is often perceived as judgmental, It is interesting that of the 4 questions you use, 3 of them are why questions. How do people react normally?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Jasmine, let's move away from this video for a moment, because it's designed to provide a method of dealing with difficult people -- Let's talk for a moment about the word "why." In interaction with people, the "why" of things is crucial to understanding. (e.g. "Why are you not speaking to me son?" Son might be hurting, and it has nothing to do with you; son might be upset about something you did; son might be sick. If you understand the "why" you can determine how to be and what to do.) In understanding the meaning of life, the "why" of things is the most elemental of questions (e.g. "Why am I here?" In filling out our personal compass, we have to reflect on who we are, why we are here, where are we going and how are we going to get there. "Why" you are here seriously impacts what you do with your life.) In understanding business, the "why" of things impacts decision-making. (e.g. Why do people buy certain items, react to certain stimuli, want certain things. The answer will determine the business course of action.) Having said all that - your tone when asking "why" can turn it into a judgmental word in a heartbeat, and perhaps that's what your counseling instructor was conveying. Think about life if you did't know the why of things. And remember that one sign of the death of a relationship is one person ceasing to care about the "who" and the "why: of the other person. In other words, the opposite of love isn't hate; it's apathy. When one person TRULY begins to think/say/feel "I don't care," the relationship is over. "I don't care who you are, where you go, or why you did what you did." Jasmine, I believe it is vital to use the word "why" if the true goal is understanding. That's the key. What is your goal when you question "why"? If it is understanding, then you're golden.

[@tsjasmine28]

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor I see, so with irate customers or whatever asking "why" is a way to sort of diffuse the situation? another reason we are told not to ask why is because often they will not know the answer, that may be a good thing if they are reflective because they might go away and think about the why. However if they are not all that self-aware might they become defensive? TBH when i was told about not asking "why" i had a huge problem with it because it had been so helpful on my personal journey. So i guess i am asking, how often if ever do you get a negative reaction when asking "why"?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

When your tone is open, and it is obvious that you are seeking understanding (rather than an opportunity to reprove someone) you'll generally get a positive response, Jasmine.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

One other thing, Jasmine-- As you go forward in your studies, you might remember that no one has all the answers. Certainly I don't. So if an instructor tells you something that absolutely goes against your personal experience, question it. Teachers are sometimes people who read books and spout theory. Listen to your own experience and to your own heart when evaluating ideas (mine included, of course).

[@tsjasmine28]

Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor Ok thanks for the advice, perhaps i'll try using "why" in a role play sessions and see if my tutor tells me off lol

[@glynnaschmehl200]

I was thinking, people should encourage each other more instead of trying to compete. Kind of like - your strength gives me strength.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

TOTALLY agree. We should learn to appreciate one another for the things that make us the same and the things that differentiate us. More appreciation, less competition. Dan

[@megazoned3973]

This works. I’ve already been doing this I asked a guy who insulted me in front of someone “why would you say that?” It stopped him dead. He responded, looking perplexed, “I ... I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry” Try it.

[@littlescarlett101]

"Dave your mums dead" "That's interesting tell me more"

[@TheWizardOfWords]

littlescarlett101 So Dave is a difficult person and you want to end the conversation--right? Seems odd, but I'll take your word for it.

[@missa2647]

^ That's actually how I responded when they told me the news about my mom.

[@EvilTwin123]

littlescarlett101 Whoa dude. Break it to me gently(next time

[@Lunaxaton]

That's interesting. Wh- WAIT WHAT THE F*** DID YOU SAY?

[@cristopherapoyon832]

Mom: have you eat your breakfast? Me: that's interesting tell me more.! Mom:wtf. Are you in drugs? Me: interesting why you asking me that?

[@kathyabeauty]

Excellent advice!

[@rocioaguilera7255]

You sent me an email saying that I hadn't seen this video. I've seen it gazillions of times, bur I always like it. I answer that way to difficult people. Thanks

[@bookies5309]

Um...how do i comment on a video??

[@nourshamayleh3423]

+$corpion530 That's interesting! why would you say that?

[@OhItsOkay]

That's interesting you ask. Why would you ask such a thing?

[@JudgeJulieLit]

_Bookies To paraphrase Tennyson, yours is "not to question" how, but just (as now) to drop a comment, pow.

[@Tester2244]

Or you simply laugh out loud, and leave because you know its a waste of time, and a battle of who has bigger ego. And hug a person before you leave.

[@bryanh194]

This video is over the top for me. Too much passive aggressiveness.

[@autumnjoy5941]

Keep YOUR head high. You have an amazing gift of gab and your using it to help those who have been abused or have a hard time sticking up for themselves. And for this I thank you deeply

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're very welcome Autumn; I enjoy what I do and thank you for your comment. Go to a few more videos--and you might see a slight age change--of about 20 years. Please continue to comment, like, and share. Dan

[@KareenKircher]

Easily the best five-minute video I’ve watched on KZbin this year.

[@paulaacosta9954]

so basically you have to be like a robot or a sociopath to have success in this society

[@TheWizardOfWords]

+PATO Paula Acosta Ya think??

[@schrodingerbracat2927]

+PATO Paula Acosta Interesting! Tell me more!

[@justangel173]

+PATO Paula Acosta That's interesting, why would you say that?

[@Kensuke0987]

+PATO Paula Acosta I'd agree with you, but then again, it's not impossible to be genuinely inquisitive when someone offends you so you could understand, avoid conflicts, and fix issues.

[@noticetheknow-it-all4341]

How do you mean?

[@satishrathod2004]

I told my maid she needed to clean my bathroom one day. She said that's interesting tell me more. I told her I also needed the crystal chandeliers cleaned, the windows washed, the kitchen floor scrubbed and the bed linens washed and replaced. She never asked me that question ever again

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Your maid replaces your bed linens? Wow, where can I find her?

[@nimiacastillo9566]

satish rathod did you pay her more for all that work

[@mouse9008]

How to be the narcissistic victim? Is this the title of this?

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Wow! I'd like to borrow those glasses--just to see what you see. Dan

[@barbaraeastwood1647]

This video is fabulous. I'm a big a believer that most arguments involve a misunderstanding or lack of communication of some kind... Asking a person "why would you say that?" allows you to stay assertive but shows that you are willing to listen to the other person. I'm willing to bet that often you will find out there's a reason behind what they said. This is liable to clear the air allowing the person to get out some hurt feelings. And tell me more? Most people like to be given the opportunity to talk...I bet this is going to be super useful.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, Barbara: I hope you find these phrases useful! Dan

[@goodflowh]

I have seen this video before and I loved it but had lost it. After watching you and you have a unique voice and style so I can't believe it was you so long ago.

[@One21Jiggawatts]

Best part was "Give them a karate communication kick.. Hee-Ya!!"

[@minimushrooom]

Ah but you can only respond to questions with the 'Thats intresting, why would you say that?' one and that just makes everyone really confused.

[@Whitehero26]

'That's interesting, why would you ask that?' is one of the phrases.

[@EPSuttaVinaya]

What if they respond to your question, for eg.: Someone: Hey you are a #%%$%! You: That's interesting, why would you say that? Someone: Because bla bla bla... You: [What would you say next?]

[@Tijopi11]

Keep doing it. Someone: Hey you are a #%%$%! You: That's interesting, why would you say that? Someone: Because bla bla bla... You: Oh, why do you think that? The goal of arguments of any kind is to put YOU on the defensive. Say someone punches you- its to make you defensive and put the other person in power. Say someone calls you a name, its to make you mad and put you on the defensive so they're in power. The reason these phrases here WORK is because no matter what situation they're applied to, it ALWAYS puts the other person on hte defensive, thereby making THEM the defendant. Suddenly, these phrases makes the other person have to defend themselves/explain themselves. It's not necessarily these specific five phrases, but any phrase that applies to the situation that makes the person explain their action. That's why it works- its all about defensive communication.

[@mray818]

oodleyboo I agree. I grew up with people who absolutely thrive on belittling others every chance they get - either to their face, or behind the others back. Giving any kind of "validation" response to their comment, subtly sarcastic or otherwise, is a mistake, and only energizes their thinking. I think the most effective question to any of their toxic noise coming out of their mouth is..."Well that's UN-interesting, why would you say that...do that....ask that..etc.,?" Believe me it works!! It immediately breaks the "power" thinking in their head, and you see they feel like a fool by expression on their face, and are confused now in their thinking, and start to stumble in their words. That's when you just walk away: You've nipped their BS in the bud, you didn't allow it to "flourish", your task has been competed. Simple.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Michael Raymond Sounds as though that works well for you, Michael. Go for it.

[@stevendorsey4850]

I feel like the phrase, "That's interesting, tell me more.", in response to a belittling side-comment, following that they expound upon their logic, might be best followed with the statement, "I see. Well, thank you for telling me." I honestly feel like I would rather someone not like me openly, rather than in secret. In the latter, it's always the sidewase glances, the hint of disdain in their otherwise respectful dialogue, and the way they seem to leave each interaction slightly annoyed, but not outwardly so, that cause me to feel uncertain and discomforted about engaging with them. If I know someone doesn't like me, I can either learn why, and endeavour to be better, or avoid them entirely. Not so when they are not open or honest about it. Granted, I have become a bit "world-weary" with it all over the years, and some of my less-pleasant interactions may now be a result of my own growing lackadaisical concern for interpersonal relationships/communication, than simply a social barrier of social-anxiety and autism.

[@missa2647]

Just my thought.. maybe the way the phrases "That's interesting, tell me more.." (etc) are not "validating", but more of trying to understand why they think the way they do.. unless you are not interested with why they are bullying you. Most bullies and negative nelly types are thriving on something you don't like.. so if you say "That's un-interesting.." they know that they've already ticked you off. Just my thoughts. I've done this technique before, and the person usually shuts off, because they're either doing it for a no-brainer fun or they themselves are troubled individuals who need help.

[@meroe365]

"One more time!" LOLOLOLOL! You just whoop their asses with your energy. I love it! That had to be a dead room. I teach on college campuses and refuse to allow a dead room to slow me down! I love it, Dan!

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Thanks, William. Yes, if you're sleeping through one of my presentations, you're either deaf or dead. . . . Apparently that's the way you feel about your classes too-- My guess is your students like your classes!

[@meroe365]

That they do. I tell them I see class as a party of sorts and I'm there to party with them, not for them.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

William, could you be my communication doppelganger? I know exactly what you mean.

[@meroe365]

I might be, my friend. Loving your content. Learning a lot.It's helping me in my new endeavors as a filmmaker. The diva factor I have to contend with brought me to your videos.

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Happy to be of help in any measure, William. Dan

[@catherine8326]

Thank you! Responding to that toxic comment/taken off guard: (buys me time): That’s interesting 1/ Tell me more 2/ Why would you say that 3/ why would you Do that 4/ Why would you ask that

[@TheWizardOfWords]

You're welcome, Catherine.

[@orangegold1]

"Hi, I'm Albert and this sentence is un-interesting". .... "That's inter---- er..."

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Hi Orange, if you want to see something REALLY interested, check out my new website www.danoconnortraining.com. Then please let me know if you think it's interesting or un-- Dan

[@alfredomojica6235]

the sound of the marker tho

[@HiddenHandMedia]

MAAAGIC !!!!!

[@AMcDub0708]

I think these questions uncover a persons true motive. It helps you to be compassionate where they were truly asking an innocent question and also teaches them gently that perhaps their question was inappropriate, without becoming unhinged. “Are you expecting?” That’s interesting...what makes you ask that question? “Oh I thought I heard someone say you had good news and jumped to conclusions, I’m sorry” “When are you two getting married?” That’s interesting....what makes you ask that? “Oh I just know you have been together for quite a while but I realize after talking it through it was rude of me to weigh in” “What race are you?” That’s interesting...why do you ask? “Uh that was rude of me. I was just genuinely curious, please forgive me.”

[@TheWizardOfWords]

Excellent examples, AW 08. Thank you! I agree that the content is helpful, but my delivery could use a little maturation. I did this video when I was about 21 or 22 years old--and now that I'm more than twice that--I deliver the same message without the yelling. Live and learn :)

[@DuckyAKA]

Love the short, meaningful, and practical delivery of this and other videos of yours that I've viewed. They work!!!