4 Things: UPDATE on the SAHGF post, Men keeping men single, AH Misogynistic men

[@Carameldamour]

At 50, she should have said yes then divorced him later after making sure her name was on everything.

[@manifest2203]

My thoughts exactly.

[@noniboo1521]

That's exactly what I said.

[@shanellem6310]

I agree. She has already sacrificed most of her life with her ex BF. Why didn't she say yes, stay in the marriage until she acquired some skills & a job. By that time, her 16 yr old would be an adult. Then, she could divorce him if she wanted to

[@tadams827]

1 yr would have been long enuff.

[@missyjohnson4370]

Yep.......I was thinking the same to both stories!!!

[@KiraBKADestroyerOfWorlds]

So...she stayed with him for 30 years; had *four* kids with him; *never* got a job; spent that whole time "begging" him to marry her, and rolled her eyes when he finally did? I don't understand why she had this attitude about the proposal, when she *stayed the whole time."

[@cyd6548]

Because just like her ex, she overvalues herself.

[@sunniermoon]

No. I read that story and her comments back then. What happened is she begged for a while and dropped it like years ago as in she no longer cared. So, when he asked she was apathetic and in her mind it was like “you ask now?”… And he got super upset at her reaction like “she should be flattered and grateful” and shit just went downhill from there. She realized that he didn’t value her at all (a bit late for that if you ask me). But he was like “you should be happy and grateful”. She couldn’t bring herself to care. That is when she started thinking about exiting. But like that was 25 years too late!

[@Liteskinblacknotmix3d]

30 yrs of a girlfriend?? Girl bye

[@MsMakeba]

Girrrrl, because whyyyyyy?!?!

[@IndigoSeeress_Yaa7]

THAT part!!!

[@parklady4233]

Victim blaming. These narcissists have away of controlling you and making you submit.

[@cindychristian1700]

This is more common than you think! I told this story before, but here it is: In the 90s, I read an Ann Landers column where this woman told all women to never live with a man without being married because her 80 year old mother was left with nothing after her father died because he was never married to her. She got no social security, no pension, and her name wasn't even on the house!😢 Her daughter was trying to sell the house, she was his next of kin, to get her mother some income! Of course she said she'll look out for her mother but it made no sense to her that her mother would let herself be put into a such a powerless situation and why her father never married her! She stressed that women should never live with a man without being married!

[@jellyrolly]

Exactly! Even 7 years is too long for me. I would just break up with a man if he does not propose after 2-3 years

[@beepbopboop7727]

The fact that her kids had more self preservation than she did …

[@noniboo1521]

They will not be looking out for her in her old age. She will end up a homeless senior living on the streets.

[@carlahaiduk1878]

I think she was not the nice mother she think she is. They don't seem to care for her. Probably she doesn't listen to them . She always has ans answer for everything when people told her she had unrealistic expectations. She doesn't listen to people.

[@jasminepalmer1401]

​@@carlahaiduk1878 she's not! in her 1st post she talked about how her kids were bullied because she was not married. Basically the relentless bullying was to the effect that 'your mum would rather go to he11 than be married. She's a w**re" Kids saw it all and got the message, no matter what the social cost to your dignity or peace of mind stay with the money. So now they are. They're prioritising their own money so they can break free from their father's control. It's them or her, they choosing themselves because when they were children she chose herself.

[@AIBot929]

She is delulu, no degree or relevant expeeince but thinks she can go into marketing, but can't figure out how to download an app🤡 Thinks she's too good for Amazon, thinks the judge was "unfair"... I knew those kids couldn't and wouldn't help her because of their ages, they still need daddies money and are not independent adults. She is prideful... the world will humble her

[@Kikki305]

They had an example of what not to do

[@jaeshasway]

12:27 “Being a stay at home girlfriend is a terrible life choice”, and that’s an understatement.

[@BurbNBougie]

I do tend to be dramatically underselling some important things 😂😂

[@jaeshasway]

@@BurbNBougie I felt that one though. 😂

[@levelupgoddess9289]

1st story: but didn’t they tell women to have kids so that the kids will help u. 🤨🤨🤨🤨

[@filmcrit]

💯💯💯

[@mamat1213]

☠️

[@IndigoSeeress_Yaa7]

...all the lies they feed us.

[@tulip811]

These parents never help their own parents. They weren't fed lies 😂😂😂

[@oneandonly1990]

Having a child guarantees absolutely nothing. Your child actually has to like you or at least feel obligated to care for you. Women shouldn't wait on their children for anything really.

[@AIBot929]

I lost sympathy for the 30 yr gf the moment she 💩 on Amazon workers. She thinks shes too good to work for amazon as "she has nothing in common with an average Amazon worker". She made her bed, she should have just said yes to his measly proposal and divorced him later. She has done like everything wrong and she reeks of too much pride, the world will humble her.

[@VioletFlame-Ivy]

Bro, you are the one who has the real n@rcissistic qualities and acts very arrogantly. Don't forget, life will humble you as well.

[@jaeshasway]

Wow, that’s insane. People are people no matter where we work or what we do. We can at least find commonality in just being humans. ♥️

[@waitwhat1029]

Yup. This woman is one big long story of hello, consequences of my own actions.

[@tulip811]

Not after she "begged for 25 years" ?🤡

[@PandoraBear357]

Yeah, I work in an industrial setting(I run room sized machines and work with steel). I get paid more than 1/2 the office workers in the area. It may not be prestigious, but it pays all my bills and than some. Amazon pays a decent wage. UPS pays a very good entry level wage. I doubt with her attitude, she'd be able to keep pace with the people she looks down on and would get fired fast even if she did get hired.

[@charliebslilgurl1132]

Stop tyring to fight for custody. Let your 16yr old stay with her dad until you get yourself together. He trapped her and she allowed it.

[@nightwishisthegreatestband6355]

PSA! I just went through 25 year gf reddit thread myself. Apparently her ex made her sign a document when they had the second child that stated that they were not married and even though they are/were living together she is not entitled to anything. Like WTF!? It looks like they are from Arkansas.

[@noniboo1521]

She should have used common sense and married him!! That would have at least covered her for half of some of his assets!! Now, she will be homeless. It is no longer about love but survival. Put in a couple more years than divorce this AH. No retirement, no work history, no money!! This is why being a SAHM was a bad idea without the benefit of a marriage!!! She's up sheets creek without a paddle.

[@carlahaiduk1878]

In Brazil of you live together you have the same rights as a married couple. Don't they have the same in USA? They had the equivalent to a married life. They lived in the Dave house had kids and all

[@rachelryan84]

@@carlahaiduk1878 Sometimes sometimes not depending on the state you live in. But regardless of where you live it's harder to prove.

[@mamat1213]

@@carlahaiduk1878NOPE! If you don’t have a legal contract, you don’t have the same rights as married couple. A handful of states recognize “common law” marriage but it’s still limited doesn’t include all the benefits of conventional marriage

[@victorias5272]

This man played it smart. even if they got married now, his assets were all accumulated before they got legally married, so in most states, she still wouldn’t have access to it upon divorce. She might actually end up screwing herself over if she married him and started contributing to her own retirement account. Then that would be a marital asset and she’d have to split it with HIM.

[@propainaccessories]

Don't listen to the red pill. Half of the money don't come until 5 to 10 years of marriage. In my state, alimony is granted for marriages 5 years or more unless something else. Married under a year and you can anul. I still have PTSD from my 3 year marriage. The courts read me the riot act. There is no more 50/50. The courts are equitable and grant funds based on many factors. I was thankful we purchased an investment property during the marriage but I was forced to sell. I couldn't keep it and I couldn't keep the martial home because it was a gift from his parents. It was a lot.

[@iismyalias]

How do you have a bf/gf for 30 years if at least one of you has marriage on the table? She let him waste her life.

[@AB-qv9ku]

Then throw her away smh. I can see him grabbing some 35 year old Avatar to give "wife" and "take her place" once shes fully gone.

[@kayjeffs3741]

He waited because he's realizing he doesn't have the options he thought he had and he wanted to dodge child support and wants a nurse

[@dday3322]

🎯🎯🎯

[@louhortonsculpture]

😧

[@Xena395]

First update story is why I no longer see men romantically anymore, they’re out for selves. I will not attach myself and live under the same roof with one, unless he’s an unicorn. Even then, I’ll have to see what’s in it for me to do it.

[@jenbodhi1133]

Same, I actually did find a unicorn but I refuse to be in a relationship and move in with him, we just do a casual long distance friendship

[@IndigoSeeress_Yaa7]

...they think I'm "difficult " for not going to their homes for 1st "date"..then, dare say I "really don't want relationship " because I am a proponent of Living Apart Together..lol. I am divorced and my child's Father is deceased...I am well aware of what cohabitation with males consists of for women. I think not!

[@Tigerlily_Fresh]

​@@IndigoSeeress_Yaa7 I don't know where they get the idea of allowing a stranger to come into their personal dwelling like that. Then when some crazy woman robs him blind, it's not his fault! That's why & how those ppboys get their *** set up over seas. 🙄

[@jenbodhi1133]

@@IndigoSeeress_Yaa7 they don’t believe me when I say I don’t want to get married or live with a man, they eventually realize I’m not joking

[@blaackberry]

Girl Ive got a unicorn and Im STILL keeping an eye out for the bullshit. We're married, as its financially beneficial, but hes not gonna stick me with kids. I need to see that hes up to the 50/50 responsibility first.

[@waitwhat1029]

Oh I remember that one. Dude is horrible but lady is delulu. She's applying for high level marketing jobs with no degree in her fifties... Cannot wrap her mind around the facts of why she's not getting any calls back.

[@MoonMidnight3]

See another issue is that the SAHMs can be out of touch or even delusional bc they’ve been out of the job market for sooooo long. The job market and work culture is constantly changing.

[@winterinbloom]

Here's another reality, if you stay at home with your kids and then try to get even an entry level job after a couple years, you will be treated like the dog crap on the bottom of a shoe when you interview. After a couple years home with my kids I applied to dozens of entry level jobs, retail, fast food, movie theaters. I showed up positive and ready to go at the few interviews I got (certainly not acting like minimum wage, part time was beneath me) and the interviewers treated me like I was dumber and worth far less than your average sixteen year old with no work experience and limited availability.

[@MsMorgendorffer1]

Here’s the thing too though, it may sound harsh but it’s just another perspective I’m throwing in the ring… I’ve worked with women that have kids. And I had to work twice as hard because I had to do my job PLUS their job. The calling in sick to work because their kid is sick, the leaving work early because something happened at school, the leaving for a few hours during the day then coming back to work because it was kid related. I missed out on time off, lunch breaks and holidays. I always had to come in early and leave late because “school drop off and pick up”. I was continuously picking up the slack for women that have kids and are trying to do it all. I get it, I really do, being a single mum is no joke, and you need food on the table… But, employers and co workers have 100% gone through that before. That’s another reason why it’s harder for single mum’s to gain employment… picking up the slack for someone else gets old very easily.

[@tulip811]

And they hate women who work and are happy. They did this to themselves. A lot of them were told to not get married young, to have children in their 30s. They didn't want to listen to reason. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@winterinbloom]

@@tulip811 The only problem I have ever had with working mothers is how rude, nasty, and condescending they are to SAHM's. Literally the only problem, because someone else being happy at their job has absolutely nothing to do with me.

[@sjor3569]

@@tulip811apart from trad wives, I don’t know any sahm who hate working moms. Those are not the same kind of people.

[@creolenola]

The first one is interesting...she couldn't download an app for a chance at an interview, but she can upload her story (with updates to Reddit)....hmmm sus....

[@creolenola]

Also, I may get some hate for this but....the first OP seems like she skated by in life on her looks... Those yt beauty standards played heavily in her favor when she was young, but now as an older woman people are not enthralled, or interested in her looks anymore. Seems her notions of her abilities and worth are rooted in not just delulu but in her still being young, yt (or near it), and desirable. She is hyperfocused on people seeing her lack of experience, lack of education as secondary to who she is as a human being...lol...just like the trad wife reality (which borders on this also) I would love to see more wake-up calls for (especially) yt women who relied on their looks and compliance to the yt beauty standards when they were young to see how they are doing now when age is working against them.

[@BL-ur2sc]

Clock it! This is not the days of old. YT women are in the field and girl bossing it up! The cutes ones too. She lacks the work ethic and initiative needed for survival.

[@Lady_Danbury]

@@creolenolaGreat perspective! Totally agree. She seems very entitled and doesn’t understand why all of the help and support from strangers went away.

[@emilyfeagin2673]

I know people that are on FB all the time. Yet they tell me they don’t have internet

[@leydle]

If rolling her eyes was a automatic move, after he asked "Why'd you roll your eyes?" I would've smiled the biggest smile😁laughed and said "I thought you'd never ask" and then after some time divorced him.

[@amberparedes875]

That was my thought as well 😂😂😂

[@BenSwagnerd]

Shes had 30 years to build skills, make an emergency fund, do something for herself... she *needs* a job but getting an app is too hard? The fact that the kids dont want to help her at all tells me this isnt just her falling on hard times. Theyve been there and seen what she's like and they aren't falling for the delusion. Good for them.

[@4ElementGirl]

If she saved $1000 a year, she'd have 25k by now. This wasn't the 50s, this was in 1998. She could have a bank account and put money into it. Enough to tide her over while she found something. Or even do school online.

[@Diana734]

Guy in his 50s wants a caretaker. She should have married, then divorced him and the fact she wants her 16 year old to struggle with her.🙄

[@LisaSoulLevelHealing]

First one - give that man custody and schedule weekend visits. You can call her during the weekday.

[@SupraSoulStar]

I remember the first story and this woman was just as delulu in her first post. She was warned and given concrete examples how she might end up in poverty if she doesn't get her ducks in a row. Now she's acting like she was blindsided by it all plus wants to drag her 16yo into poverty with her. She doesn't make any sense at all..🤦🏾‍♀️

[@smfarrie2943]

She was in denial. I doubt she makes it. Sad as that is to comment.

[@annt7384]

She’s living within the confines of a belief system that mothers will always be protected and revered. So she felt free to do whatever she wanted within those confines instead of building a meaningful life. Maybe this is what a relationship with 2 manipulative narcissists looks like.

[@crestfire8008]

These pickmeishas have no accountability

[@J0knows]

I would tell any woman this is what men want for all women married or not. I have seen situations like this for years she is a pick me girl that aged out. The women who turned out like this turn to prostitution, whole areas in the south and in large areas in Mexico have women who the above including married women have been turned into this. Women work do not depend on men to do anything beyond nothing they don't care.

[@mamat1213]

@@annt7384right, I was really surprised by HER surprise that the courts aren’t sympathetic to her plight? They aren’t obligated to uphold “laws of fairness” but laws period. She doesn’t have any laws that really protect her in this situation and was lucky to get a formal eviction instead of locked out without warning 😢

[@RamenNoodle1985]

The last one is aggravating. The in-laws don't want her "affection" they want her to be a doormat. Husband is a major AH

[@mayarandolph8788]

She was too aggravated to figure out how to do the interview.... wtf go to a job center or ask your kids. Shes not delulu, she sounds lazy and out of touch.

[@toscadonna]

She sounds like she is in shock and is absolutely overwhelmed. Let’s not be so judgmental at a woman who’s been abandoned by her entire family. It could happen to any of us.

[@tulip811]

​@@toscadonnano it couldn't

[@cosmosadorabilis7677]

I find the situation with the children to be very strange. It might be because she never stood up for them, and she made the abusive husband the priority over them. After all they were bullied for their parents situation, and she didn't try to fix said situation at all.

[@lilred00051]

That's what I thought. When your parents are abusive but have money, you get this attitude of "I'm gonna get that money for all the abuse I put up with ". It's not healthy but I get it.

[@mamat1213]

Agreed! 😮

[@tulip811]

These moms don't care about their children because "they had it worse and survived" 😂

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

Ladies if u don’t have a retirement plan for YOURSELF start now. I don’t care how old u are, men do not care about your retirement or well being as you age and your kids don’t either. Self preservation is a MUST no matter if u are married or single. Trust BnB and other women, we have see it TOO MANY TIMES.

[@emilyfeagin2673]

I’m sorry I only have one upvote to give You are SO right

[@BL-ur2sc]

The lady from the 1st story is very much in delululand. She wants the life that she had with everything paid for. That is gone. She doesn’t want it for real or else she’d be cleaning a toilet somewhere! This also is a dead giveaway that this is an alabaster woman. There is an expectation that someone will swoop in and save the day. Any POC woman would’ve had multiple jobs and a full plan by now. Fast food, housekeeping, retail, call center, DoorDash, Uber, Instacart, Childcare..etc. She has options and skills but doesn’t really want to use them. This must have been what her oldest was getting at with the gas station job. Something is better than nothing!

[@smfarrie2943]

She interviewed for that gas station job. She wasn’t hired.

[@BL-ur2sc]

@@smfarrie2943 She did but she also was appalled when it was brought up. Probably interviewed like it. Just like in this story she is insulted by the job she interviewed being $2 above minimum wage and not a full time job. She could walk into a Dominos right now and get a job. She thinks she’s above that!

[@the.masked.one.studio4899]

I understand what you’re saying but I live in a shelter with mostly POC women. Homelessness is a lot more complicated than just getting a job often we’re held back by untreated/undiagnosed disability. Many women here are unemployed and sadly are not getting the medical care they need and blaming themselves as opposed to getting the treatment that they need to gain stability. Some of the caseworkers here are helpful but some are not and we are left on our own to find the help we need. I’m not blaming the caseworkers, they just often have more cases than they can actually handle and end up quitting. The “system” is helpful but they need to reallocate funds and crack down on corruption.

[@creolenola]

@@smfarrie2943 which is also telling.

[@creolenola]

@@the.masked.one.studio4899 So having worked with social workers and in 'the system' I have found that sometimes we encounter people who think that things have to be done for them, no. Social workers are here to help access the system and remove barriers to accessibility, not do it for the person..... I agree more money needs to be placed in the system that helps people with addiction and/or mental health issues that could be the barriers to them successfully accessing opportunities for housing, school, work, etc...I can give you numerous examples of people who expected me or the team I worked with to make the opportunity happen for them without them doing anything, that is delulu and dangerous thinking when one has a family who has a high level of needs like housing, food, safety, and consistency.

[@angellove1491]

Shout out to Lucy for standing her ground it’s saddening that her own husband didn’t stand up for her. He could’ve atleast said “dad I would appreciate it if you don’t get loud with my wife” simple.

[@constancep7632]

Never ever ever have children with a man before the marriage certificate is signed. No proposal and wedding date set after 5 years? Boy bye 👋 The legal protections of marriage are important! Or, you know, just stay single. I also struggle to feel sympathy for a 50yo who refuses to learn technological skills. My grandma is turning 98 this month, 98! and she can use FB and Messenger, including video calls. My parents are in their early 70's and have always kept abreast of technological advances. They had smartphones before I did!

[@AndyyWithAY]

I was hoping you did the update on story 1. I feel terrible for this woman, but she is so delulu. Being a SAHGF in your 20s and 30s with no kids is a fool's errand. At 50 with 4 kids it is life ruining. The world does not care that you are kind or a mom.

[@parklady4233]

You can’t trust these men even if you marry them. Mine quit his job and decided to act crazy and go on welfare.

[@TheEarthnYou]

He never loved her to begin with. It was hard to see, she was standing so close. She wrote off his rejection for personal fears or inadequacy, harmless... right?! But after 30 years with this woman he's more than eager to punish her the second she does to him what he did to her for thirty years!! When the judgement befalls him and his bloodline no one should shed a tear.

[@Emptytopfloor]

The immigrant couple: I am 100% certain the husband is Indian 😂, I feel sorry for the wife.

[@ccv_ca_cm]

The judge did their job - anybody can leave a relationship, a job, a marriage at any time. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but this is why you must have your own. A judge is there to uphold the law, not morality. Interviewer owes her nothing either. He met with her, called her “ma’am”…and she’s mad at him over this? No one owes us anything in life. Another really sad, cautionary tale.

[@carlahaiduk1878]

I absolutely disagree with you this man he lived a married life with her and she doesn't have any help. Here in Brazil if you live together in the same house as a married couple you have married couple rights. It's absurd that this mam who wanted to marry her 2 months ago leaves her with nothing. She is wrong and lacks self preservation. Yes. He is a monster? Yes. He is. He is a horrible man.

[@toscadonna]

@@carlahaiduk1878Males in America did their best to remove “common law marriages” in most States here, because they want to be able to use a woman to her maximum capacity then discard her as if she never existed.

[@adsmith1226]

@@carlahaiduk1878yes and also think about how older women were raised culturally to accept being a caretaker more then modern women are. The 1970s was not that long ago and that was barely when women started entering the workforce.

[@LuvsTruth]

Hetero men seem to want what they want, when they want. And, somehow expect a gf/wife to read the subtle or overt clues and go with it. There’s no thought to what she wants or needs. Just the expectation to somehow adjust her life to fit his agenda. It is an untenable situation.

[@michelledavidson1781]

Now he wants to "lock down" his "nurse with a purse".

[@dfya3294]

The thing is she doesn't even have a purse 🥴

[@candypettynettie487]

​@dfya3294 that part!!! She has nothing. No social security points, not even a part time job.

[@adsmith1226]

@alrightyeahuhhuhyeah but the unpaid labor she would provide as his personal nurse would still be well worth it even if she doesn’t have a purse.

[@candypettynettie487]

How did she stay for 30yrs? And not even stack her cash or make a plan? No self preservation at all. Did she think that the relationship would continue even after she rebuffed his proposal? Why does she think she's gonna get this great job and just breeze through life? I'm baffled.

[@tulip811]

Because she's thinks she deserves the world for existing. These women wait for heroes and princes to rescue them because they don't want to lift a finger. They are too perfect in their own eyes. My mom is like this too. Wasted 25 years and counting 🤷🏻‍♀️ they don't listen to advice because they love complaining

[@paulaw418]

Seriously. Not even some emergency cash stuffed in an envelope in her panty drawer?

[@Sunny-tc3ul]

If a woman is going to be a long-term girlfriend, make sure you have your own place and a job. So if ish pop off and y’all end up breaking up, you still have your place, a job, and your own car and you don’t have to worry about him kicking you out of your Place. STOP BEING SAHG’s.

[@manifest2203]

Story 1: at her age, she should have married him and divorced him later. I can totally relate to the story of not being able to adjust after living comfortably for many years, even though nothing was hers. This is why financial security and stability is paramount. Story 2: if m1s0gyny enters a relationship, there is no going back. From my experience, no amount of discussion and arguing will fix m1s0gyny. Story 3: this seems like t0rture. The wife can’t speak her m1nd at all. And if she stays quiet they have a problem with that too. In laws are never parents. At best, they deserve respectful distance. That’s it. Maybe a close rapport will come after many, many years. Story 4: that dude is the 🤡

[@rachelryan84]

Do the parents in law even know what they want because I disagree with my parents on politics. It sounds like they want both the capital R respect and closeness which is already pick a lane, and they want closeness right away which is not how emotions work.

[@nightwishisthegreatestband6355]

He made her sign that document that they weren't married and that she would not be getting anything should they break up except for support of their kids if they were minors, because at that tine he expected to get a job offer in a state where common law marriage is legal. But that didn't happen and he got promoted in their state of Arkansas. Hiw the hell did anyone not tell this woman not to sign that? That she was screwing herself over?

[@misslola007]

I dont even follow my own culture if I disagree with it. If ppl get disrespected by that, its a problem they have to deal with on their own.

[@PandoraBear357]

Same. I hate when people pull the culture card to enable bad behavior. Not every single thing about every culture is good, and pretending that the objectively bad parts are not bad just "different" is ignorant and ridiculous. For example in "my" culture, the groom still buys the bride from her parents. This monetary exchange can lead to parents selling off their underage daughter to a man much older than her, because shitty parents are shitty no matter what culture you are born into. Kidnapping a bride by forcibly taking her to your family home where your parents and other relatives will help you keep her from leaving, then contacting her family, who will then force her to get married to save face is also still seen as okay by some people as well. Forced and child marriages are still seen as okay to some of "my" people. I don't condone that crap though. I am in fact vehemently against it. Culture schmulture.

[@jojoone1099]

The first lady needs therapy. She thinks "covert contracts" are enforceable.

[@the.masked.one.studio4899]

First story, I want to mention when you’re faced with homelessness after dependence for many years you can be brought to a state of terror which can make daily tasks (even as simple as reading/comprehending directions). I’m autistic and have experienced homelessness and I feel like I can relate to this a lot. We often have a VERY hard time understanding that many people are not kind and will hurt you on purpose. Many/most of us do rely on someone to help us with housing stability and this can result in abusive relationship dynamics. When I’m extremely stressed I often can’t read instructions at all. The boyfriend sounds very unempathetic. Growing up my father was a Narc and my mother was (in comparison) loving. Us kids grew up to be very unfeeling and unempathetic (I’m working on it). Although we all loved my mother a lot, we resent being exposed to that abuse and neglect. My mother was undiagnosed with disabilities (and probably autistic) that made stability for her next to impossible. Back then there wasn’t many supports for mothers (where we lived) and she was left on her own being dependent on abusive men. I just wanted to give another possibility/perspective. I don’t know her so I couldn’t possibly understand her experience or her role in it.

[@monicaleonard501]

The 30 yr SAHM (1st story), lady is playing victim when she herself has allowed 30 years to pass with no ring. 2. He’s proposing now because he will no longer be spending time with his work wife. 3. Nothing u can/should do about it. You’re in your 50s with 3 of his kids. Why would u wait until you get the proposal to attempt to leave. 4. Why would any job be beneath when any job pays more than your position right now? 5. Leaving him in your situation is ridiculous and will backfire on you.

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Yes, that first story is DEFINITELY a cautionary tale. She would have had “some” protection if she was legally married to him, especially if she lives in a community property state. As a girlfriend, she has the same status as a roommate. She overly relied on him for her financial life, and now she’s playing serious catch-up in the work world. Things have changed dramatically in the past 30 years, especially with how technology is used on the job. Also, he has all the financial power, so if the children want access to dad’s financial help, they’re completely okay with letting her twist in the wind. That’s a shame. The redpillers are definitely keeping men single. That’s why there’s a loneliness crisis. If these men want a partner, they need to stop listening to that cr@p.

[@hyperplaguerat]

I don't think the woman in post 1 ever learned to be independent. She definitely self-sabatoged a lot and was in denial when he started to discard her. It seems she genuinely did not know how to deal with the idea of being responsible for herself.

[@yangguo1512]

Yeah feels very much like she went straight from a child dependent on parents to sahgf dependent on her partner.

[@Indyawillis85]

I heard this update and some of the comments yesterday and I couldn't stop shaking my head. I swear I aged 10 years hearing the delusion.

[@noniboo1521]

😂😅

[@karendaniel620]

First OP has been living in delulu land her entire relationship.

[@paulaw418]

That last one 🙄🙄 so he's mad that the hot girls always went for the quarterback, yet his scrawny ass expected to bag the head cheerleader? Oh but WE'RE the problem.🤦‍♀️

[@tuttyusbuttyus]

2nd dude is trying to test the waters to see how far he can go. He wants to see if he can control her/get away with saying crazy manbaby ish to her. If he's able to get away with it, he's only going to continue doing it and get worse. She needs to draw a firm line about how she won't be spoken to. I personally am not the type to repeat myself so the extent of my grace would be to let him know the first time he spoke like that to me that I don't play that. If he continued, then I'm done.

[@RRonco]

The longtime gf who is out on her ear needs an attorney who will pursue a palimony claim for her. She may very well have an action for support, but she is so far from strategic thought, it will take a thousand years for the light from strategic thought to reach her.

[@msnikkiwunderful]

I feel really bad for the first lady but I am so confused as to why she didn't just say yes and then work to get herself stable and then leave? I mean thats what these dead beats do drain the resources of women and then bounce.

[@angellove1491]

It’s nothing wrong with going into the shelter, Im in the shelter with my kids rn (1&3). If her kids are grown & are on their own roads to success it’s no reason to bring them down with you. Unfortunately it hurts but as moms we gotta do what’s best for our kids yk. If I was in the first woman’s position I would ultimately let my kids stay with their father & when I get back on my feet if they’d like to stay with me it’ll be no problem. While she was with him she should’ve been trying to save in case something like this would happen especially since he was a bf rather than her husband.

[@dfya3294]

That 1st story shows you that marriage is more than a piece of paper. She spent all that time as a gf & didn't think to do something on the side. So even before he proposed, you had no plans after the last kid turns 18 because he could've drop you after that since he wouldn't have to pay child support which would've been your last financial lifeline from him?! Like he could've leave you or force you out at anytime since she was the gf. Atp she should've just marry him, get your stuff together as in getting a job & your own money or a degree, downsize to that new house but make sure your name was on the deed, get your sad sob story ready for the judge, then divorce him after a yr or 2 when you got a little stable. She had absolutely no plans which is bold as a gf for 20+ yrs.

[@comkver]

You're right she's fifty years old and living in delulu land! Omg, it's life that's slamming heritage against the wall and she's out here thinking that everyone else is going to recognize what's happening. This is the pipeline for people who believe in fairy tales

[@ashassassin]

Im so glad story 1 is out there. Its the reality for the sahgf. I hope young women who are hoping for this lifestyle see this and realize thisnis their future if they dont have some kind of side hustle. No one hires a 50 yo with no work experience. She really shot herself in the foot. I feel so bad because shes either gonna be homeless or go back to that man in her knees and he will always have something to hold over her.

[@marisha.art.channel]

Whenever younger women say, they want to just be a tad wife and are totally OK depending on their husband and need an education or a job or a back up plan or emergency fund or anything because their husband is all of that, they should be required to read these stories. These women would have been better off being married, but even then the men in their lives clearly don’t even care about them, don’t like them, and don’t value them in anyway even as the mother of their children. Shit, I’ve met guys who respect their ex-wives or girlfriends, because that’s the mother of their children, regardless of the relationship, they respect her, and that’s rare I get it, but these guys don’t respect anybody clearly. Just another great example of why you either lock it down with marriage or you just don’t get with anybody

[@melizzamelizza]

She made a couple of mistakes, the first one thinking that judges do anything based on being nice. Judges go by the law. Second she should have married him did her year and then divorced him.

[@MoreVariousMoreBeautiful]

...please, no more updates on the SAHGF!

[@Tigerlily_Fresh]

How many times are we going to watch this happen over & over again until we learn to protect ourselves!? What was she thinking - that it won't happen to me!... My man loves me and won't do me like that?... I really need to know what the hell she was thinking about after all those years. 🤡

[@elipotter369]

Sems like she's not the brightest bulb in the box by a long shot - plus, she's arrogant, naive and lazy. I feel a bit sorry for her situation. Everyone is telling her to be an adult, but she doesn't have the skills and isn't facing up to getting serious, taking responsibility and going into survival mode. Seems like she's never bothered being self protective or realised she needs to.

[@oneandonly1990]

The first story just cements my choice to NEVER completely depend on my husband and never think my children will care for me. I will never be a SAHM. As much as I love my husband I just can't take that risk as men are inherently selfish. It seems like they can't help themselves! When they no longer "love"(aka you're not longer serving their purpose they have for you) they will drop you without hesitation. Also I have a beautiful daughter but I know once she gets older I'm on my own. In this economy chances are she's gonna be living off of me! As noble as being a SAHM is, it serves everyone except the woman whos sacrificing her career and time to be one. Im going to keep a job at all costs. Unfortunately if that means putting children in daycare, that's just how it's gonna go. Self-preservation is a must.

[@studiosandi]

So the insult thinks she should drop her standards rather than him drop his standards.😂😂😂😂 How are these people even surviving in the world?

[@islandgirl8067]

The more I hear of this story, the less sympathy I feel for this woman. She wants a high paying job when she has no work experience & can’t be bothered to learn how to download the software to fill out the application? How did she raise her kids that they care more about their father’s money than her?

[@jinaolen786]

I think they saw a living example of money = power, and from a survival standpoint, power's pretty important. Just as many of us are struggling to respect the 30-year SAHGF, her kids have probably felt the same emotions watching it all go down.

[@paulaw418]

I don't believe that her kids don't love her, they just don't want to live in a motel room in poverty or be homeless with her. They're not stupid.

[@elipotter369]

The father is threatening them with no help if they help her and they have limited means of their own. Plus, she's an adult, and they can see she's being arrogant and helpless and expecting others to take care of her. She may not have been a very nice mother and the father doesn't seem very nice either. So the kids weren't going to turn out emotionally healthy with compassion and good ethics, especially while they are still teenagers and young adults.

[@cycyj847]

Wow! After 30 years?! Didn't work for this long and had four children?! She really should've said yes and then divorced after a few years.

[@HashiraTengen]

All of that abuse because he doesn't understand english grammar?🤦🏿‍♀️

[@jeromehenry4484]

All that abuse is either a personality defect or an untreated mental illness. Either way, he revealed how he really felt about her. Hope it was very early in relationship, so she didn't invest years of her life into his life. When someone acts this way, either towards you or to someone else (you witness this behavior), don't engage/argue with that person, don't try to figure them out. Just get away ASAP and preserve yourself.

[@Isthisjoebiden]

Unless she was in a super religious small town, I do not believe anyone said that to her kids about their parents being married. There are plenty of kids with unmarried parents out here. Why would you have 4 kids with someone and stay past the 5 year mark. She should have left then, collected fat CS checks and got a career.

[@justanotheronlineobserver3387]

I mean, kids can get bullied over anything. Just needs to have a trait other kids don't consider normal

[@shaniceaj]

Depending on the neighborhood, kids will get bullied about that. If they live in an area with a lot of apartments- probably not, but kids that live in single-family home neighborhoods can experience what she said her kids did.

[@Isthisjoebiden]

@@shaniceaj that's why I suggested extenuating circumstances

[@theblaqkhaleesi9559]

This is clearly a whyte woman with an executive-type whyte man in a conservative area that is probably not in a big city. I can absolutely see this happening in a conservative, mostly whyte town in Texas or Utah, because I've lived and worked in schools in the former and they're largely homogenous where families know each other and go to less than a handful of churches.

[@Isthisjoebiden]

@@theblaqkhaleesi9559 Sure. But she also had all those kids without marriage in a conservative town if that's the case. She made a poor decision...4 times...

[@phoebevanderhorst7760]

There is a reason so many older women are living in vans and in their cars. Housing is very expensive these days. She might want to figure out some kind of vehicle because that's a lot safer than being on the street.

[@HEAVENLYSONGBIRD777]

This is exhausting 😢

[@Blech-h9z]

We've been letting people "run out of steam" for too long and that's why the world is the way it is. More people need to be told to STFU.

[@vanaphill2454]

Ladies, even if you get married, maintain a job and separate residence. Two places are better than one. Sublease your apartment if necessary or AIR BNB. But keep it.

[@mexme-me-2]

The story of the man wanting his wife to show his parents affection: Sir, you simply should have married a woman from your culture. Its really weird that yall marry women who also have their own culture and think that they should simply disregard their culture for yours is crazy to me. A woman from your culture would have known to agree with your father no matter how wrong he is. No wonder countries from these kinds of cultures are so held back in the world because men can't be questioned and elders can't be questioned and when elders and men are in one and their the ones running the country, then you see why these countries are stagnant.

[@BlackRaven000]

I laughed at the title. Affection in a "traditional" household where males are king and must be agreed with at all times or else? 😂

[@beverlypena4803]

She could be a maid cleaning hotel rooms. She seems to be chasing jobs she cannot do.

[@dangdeionn]

30 years 😮

[@hellohey000]

Story 1: she continues to make self inflicted mistakes. In this update she mention legal aid...?! I hope that wasn't her first option. At least go to higher end lawyers to see what they can do and if they can't help her then go to a legal aid. As for work she needs to humble herself and her expectations. The world is not kind, especially not to old women with no work experience, who expect everyone to just hand her things. She will have to work, starting from the bottom, and work hard. Btw, I noticed that she isn't reaching out to any friends or family members outside of her kids.That is interesting . Also she may want to look into Dependent Personality Disorder and see if she has that. Story 2: she needs to sit him down and explain that he is changing for the worst and that he can go through this stage of life alone. Then leave and never look back. He is a follower with a mind that is easily influenced as an ADULT!!? So unattractive. Find a guy with his own mind. Story 3: he wants OF models, who refuses to lower their standards for him, but he refuses to "lower" his standards for an average non-OF woman. The hypocrisy of it all is typical.

[@louhortonsculpture]

15:38 😅😅😅 she thinks anywhere is hiring. I bet she believed that “nobody wants to work anymore” too.

[@amberparedes875]

I would never stay as a girlfriend for 30 years! But, what about common law relationships? I'm not sure if all states have it or not, but she could of been somewhat "taken care of" after the fact.

[@valorie3157]

Depending on the State she lives in, there are laws protecting "Common Law Marriage" meaning you didn't have to have a marriage certificate to have the Union legally recognized... 30 years and children together would certainly seem to qualify... This only goes to show that Women must make their financial security a priority. It's easy to sit on the sidelines and judge her choices, but in the long run it seems that this was an abusive situation in which she was controlled and not allowed to cultivate a support system. Seriously, what kind of a**hat would treat someone like that if it isn't about power, control and manipulation?

[@propainaccessories]

Only 8 states have laid out common law marriage. 8. We need to wake up and stop the fantasy. Marriage isn't just a piece of paper and to leave those guys within a reasonable time. She wanted marriage for a reason and now she is learning why.

[@jinaolen786]

And I don't think it's a stretch to assume none of the southern states recognize common law marriage

[@theblaqkhaleesi9559]

​@@jinaolen786 Texas does if you've represented yourself as husband/wife.

[@jinaolen786]

@@theblaqkhaleesi9559 Ah, good to know, thank you!

[@elipotter369]

It does seem really strange how he went from "marry me" to kicking her out & coercing his children into not helping her.

[@jjohnsengraciesmom]

If the lady in the first story gets a job at Amazon, goes to job fairs, and goes to learn how to use a computer at a senior center, she can eventually turn her life around

[@elipotter369]

I don't think she's got the brains, attitude or energy to work for Amazon. If she makes an effort she could work as a motel cleaner or be an aged care worker if she is physically fit enough.

[@Kikki305]

No Common Law where she lives? This is missing something….

[@propainaccessories]

Only 8 states have common law. I was shocked because I looked it up to make this comment.

[@Kikki305]

@@propainaccessories Thank you for doing that. Wow only 8!!

[@Kikki305]

In 30 years no school no certification of any kind….

[@beverlypena4803]

If she REALLY needs a job, go to Walmart or fast food. Got to start somewhere. She is not trying to me.

[@Blech-h9z]

We can't rewind, so let's be kind. I have been delusional on occasion, and she's a deer in the headlights. I have been frozen by anxiety. Hindsight is 20/20.

[@cloud9beauty]

I do feel bad for the First Lady. I agree that she needs to keep her job sights low. Has she applied to McDonald’s yet? Not being rude, my first job was fast food. That dude is sick and she’s too naive to play the game aka saying yes to his pos proposal and move in silence.

[@elipotter369]

I doubt McDonald's would take older entitled ladies. If she's fit enough, she could be a motel cleaner in a rural area or she could do aged care, but she seems too arrogant for anyone to be prepared to give her a chance.

[@ruthjuliana9222]

Imagine being a girlfriend for 30 years 😂😂😂😂😂 a stay at home girlfriend at that

[@sylviaj270]

There is something strange about the first op’s version of the breakup. She said she rolled her eyes when he proposed. After 30 years they broke up over that? The ex seems to be awfully hostile. It seems like there may be some missing information.

[@tuushietime]

Yeah.... he doesnt love her.

[@elipotter369]

I agree. Neither of them seem like very nice people.

[@ABC3-2]

I looked at the text message and had to take a shower and pray afterwards

[@vrichards4363]

9:14 no allowance? No savings? No life insurance? No investments? Smh 50? Wow thats crazy. No type of self preservation.

[@Adreal357]

This is definitely a whyte woman

[@marieo305]

Lucy needs to cut her loss. OP will want 'respect' from the children just because he is going to be the parent. Doesn't matter if he is actual respect material

[@VixxKong2]

She might as well say yes after 30 years

[@adsmith1226]

I have to admit though I felt some satisfaction the he was rejected even though that may have screwed her more. I just like knowing that he was humbled and embarrassed even for a little bit.

[@BeastMaster228]

The last post doesn’t know the difference btwn “their” and “they’re”

[@elipotter369]

Lots of people make that error. And they throw in "there" too.

[@embo_5787]

Complains about OF, why aren’t you talking to your fellow men to have better discipline? The market exists due to demand. 😂😂

[@tulip811]

If no one offered themselves, no one would have access.

[@howboutno412]

@@tulip811 *nope!* This is a demand then supply issue. No one would offer if no one wanted it.

[@jenbodhi1133]

They are insufferable

[@saiyurikanda17]

The first two stories are chilling.

[@EmyN]

Regarding the last comments, people usually advise “better yourself or go after people that you have a reasonable chance” in response, but I say leave women alone, they don’t even like women, they don’t see us as human, they just want a romance because we have been all conditioned to believe coupling is the best thing you can do in life, plus they want sex. So no, I don’t think it’s wise to advice they readjust how they come onto people, rather they should grow some fucking empathy, but people keep giving the same advice, when it’s not the core issue

[@ccv_ca_cm]

#teamLucy

[@eurekamreum5458]

#freeLucy

[@kellarenna]

Being in your 40s and 50s (even 30s) w the title "girlfriend" is so unbelievably humiliating and gag inducing

[@AngelDeed]

Your comment is unbelievably close minded and old fashioned. A growing number of women do not want to marry ever.

[@user-kpkxgtj]

Only if the woman in question wanted to be a wife and was being strung along for years.

[@tulip811]

​@@AngelDeedthen stay single

[@naghmamalik]

You can't get strung along?? Like she was an adult with no legal ties to ExBF. How did she get health insurance? Like what delusional person doesn't take any steps to protect themselves. When you food, housing, and finances are dependent on another person, you better make damn sure you have a legal claim to it. This is why LGBTQ+ couples fought for marriage equality. It isn't just a piece of paper.

[@yangguo1512]

It depends on the specific situation. If there are no kids involved, may not be a problem.

[@foxy2796]

I feel like before women stay in these relationships for years they should ask themselves "if i didnt love this person what do i get out of this relationship?" Because like the late Tina Turner said "whats love got to do with it?" Women need to realize love should almost never be a reason for staying in a long term relationship. Focus on if he respects you, values you, is generous, kind, understanding, patient and reliable. Love is just a word to many. Focus on whether your partners actions show love not just if their mouths are saying it. To quote the house bunny "love is kindness with it's work boots on."

[@BigBiteDoughnut]

#paymoms is the only way to true equity

[@Singletary25]

SAHM, but never married...just SACRIFICED everything for the FUN OF IT!! I'm sorry but that was silly....

[@MoonBunny69]

The fact that she could've worked and chose not to plus not wanting to learn how to download interviewing apps... makes me think that she did this to her self and these are fruits of her labor.

[@elipotter369]

Her youngest was 16, so yes.