5 "Growing Up Poor" Habits You May Not Realize You Have

[@thefinancialdiet]

Looking for more TFD? Our podcast, The Financial Confessions, is back! Watch a recording of the live premiere of season 3 here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pYC8k4Cmra53m9E

[@CeciliaReinheimer]

Wow. This explains so much of my life. This is one of the best videos on KZbin. Thank you!

[@Crystalfeathers4]

Financial advice aside, sometimes it's just really nice to have someone out there who can validate the experiences and trauma that comes with poverty. Thank you for that.

[@KingDayDayDay00]

I think this is one of her best videos and I've been subbed for years

[@Patricia-hx4dh]

Amen

[@sageholla]

FOR REAL, and the financial effects of trauma are largely unspoken because capitalism relies on it

[@site_is_down]

I agree, it may sound absurd to hear people talk about what to do in order to survive and surpass poverty without them knowing how it actually works to be living in poverty. It hits us differently if the people in front of us really knew how it's like to be financially incapable.

[@ivanaandric5703]

Exactly!

[@WeheartPEACE_helene]

5:15 Problematic Relationships with Food 7:41 Poor Impulse Control with $ 9:14 Working too hard to justify purchases 11:26 Avoiding social gatherings 13:36 Being ok with discomfort I wanted to know the time stamps and there were none. So here you go if you're like me :)

[@diverstalent]

I needed this! Thank you!

[@karminiparsan9256]

Thank you Dear..much appreciated

[@aenwynn950]

Thank you so much!

[@no-internet-dino7845]

Thanks for this!

[@lisaahmari7199]

Thank you!

[@locsoluv94]

Another thing: Not accepting gifts or kindness from others. Too many times have people do nice things for me only for them to hold it over my head sometime later. Basically, I owe them something because they gave me clothes or food or a ride. Some people would be mean to me and when i would defend myself, they'd call me ungrateful because they also do nice things. So i stopped accepting kindness. I would never ask for things-even when i desperately needed it. And if people offered to do something nice for me "just because," i wouldn't believe that it would be "just because." I'd always concluded that there are ulterior motives.

[@Tiff7180]

I am with you and share in this experience.

[@steffiejoe]

This comment hit home!

[@reschellyn]

THIS!!!

[@claudiaj7605]

Yup. Sadly I feel you on this one as well.

[@Val--H]

That feeling of having someone throw what they did for you back in your face and making you feel like a charity case is the worst. It's the reason why I'm having to learn the simple act of receiving things without hesitation or controversy in my late 30s.

[@lisadioguardi5742]

One of the better habits I got from being poor was reading. Going to a movie cost money, but the public library was free. To this day, I'm the champion of finding free ways to learn things and entertain myself.

[@t.h.8475]

I could go to the library but couldn't take anything out. I lived in a township that didn't pay for the library. I would have to go to the library and read as much as I could in as short of period of time as I could. Since my parents would drop me off at the library while they grocery shopped. We went to town only on Saturdays. My bus ride to and from school was an hour and a half both ways. I was the first kid on the bus in the morning and the last kid off on the ride home. The only person on it longer than me was the bus driver.

[@Blueyez369]

Now that I'm more financially stable, I find I have no problems spending money on little things, but I struggle immensely with making larger purchases. I can easily find myself spending $150 at one time on a bunch of items I don't really need, but I can't spend that same $150 on one item that I really do. It makes no sense.

[@emmaphilo4049]

Same here! I am unlearning this bad habbit 🙏

[@mjj7781]

Omg, so true. It's like I know that f. e. buying one expensive pullover with good quality would be better than 5 cheaper ones. But I try to get there bc I bought a cashmere pullover that I would have never bought years earlier. But it's still hard for me with furniture.

[@B3anm0m]

I have this issue too!

[@lilamontoya5609]

Same

[@kenmore01]

I'm like that too. I think it's because as you said, you're more financially stable. You don't want to financially destabilize yourself. Small costs flutter by, but big ones can actually affect your bank balance. When I recently lost my job, I needed a car (I had been driving a fleet vehicle.) I "could have afforded" a newer, more reliable car and maybe in the long run, I should have, but I just couldn't bring myself to part with that much money all at once, especially with the uncertainty of when my next income will take place. I think that's the root of the issue. How financially stable are you really? When I was working, I thought I was doing very well, but one has to ask oneself (and anyone who is wise, will) "what if I lose this job tomorrow? Will I be okay for enough time to get a new job??" FYI, I'm still looking, and it has been three months.

[@charmandaNYC]

My dad grew up poor and he gets super easily sold on upgrades. His mindset is basically that the most expensive version of the thing must be the best and therefore must be "worth it." It was totally eye opening to me when I realized I actually prefer my $40 Express leggings over my $100 Spanx ones. Price does not equal quality

[@msaijay1153]

It isn't the most expensive that he wants. Combos give you more food than you need but people buy them because you get more per dollar spent.

[@prkp7248]

No, it is the most expensive thing, because you allways look at them and thing "damn, those things are probably way better", but you can't get it.

[@tracy_cakkes]

Yeah like there’s so many legging brands out there with Gymshark and these fitness “influencers” but mine from target are so much more comfortable and affordable Nowadays I feel like cheap stuff is better quality and often made in the same factories that the more expensive items are from. Or maybe I’m just cheap and love saving money lol Like with makeup. Even cheap makeup shocked me with how much I liked it

[@petelee2477]

Is he the target audience for that thousand-dollar HDMI cable that's essentially a scam?

[@karenk2409]

My Dad was a very accomplished man but when he bought something he often said, just get the most expensive one, because it's the best. Relic of a very poor childhood in the Depression.

[@JSanime]

Number one hit hard: I'm in my early 40's and it's still difficult for me to leave food any food on my plate, even if I'm full and even if it's just a few bites. Growing up, that was just something you didn't do. You weren't allowed to let food go to waste.

[@mariagordanier3404]

Honestly, it is a good habit!

[@dreamervanroom]

"Better belly bust than good food go to waste." So it goes to waist, oops.

[@tinad8561]

Yep. Unless it’s lima beans. /shudder/

[@patchworkmermaid]

If you took food and didn't eat it, you were a bad person.

[@nusaibahibraheem8183]

You shouldn't waste food regardless of your income. You shouldn't over eat either. Just eat it later or just don't get more than you can consume. This is something high income people should learn from you.

[@finurra3905]

Tell me why i’m 34, planning my wedding and burst into tears watching this. No one talks about this. Thank you for this video. I’m only now realizing i’ve had these issues all my life.

[@lucya3100]

"Growing up poor" should be a series on TFD, it is the experience of most people! Would love to hear more insights on this topic as I can so identify with the struggle to change the mindset around money, even now when earning more.

[@beckyenglish4783]

I work in an affluent residential aged care facility. People often laugh at the fact so many seniors stress about money even when it’s factually not as issue, but one has to remember that these people remember the War and Great Depression, and these have come back to haunt them in later years. This generation was incredibly resilient, and whenever I feel sorry for myself for whatever reason I have to remember that people have GENUINELY had to make do and mend.

[@Thejennmachine]

I have had poor impulse control with money in the past due to growing up poor. My thinking used to be “no one else is going to take care of me so I am” and I used that as an excuse to buy whatever my heart desired because I couldn’t ever get what I wanted growing up

[@grizzlybear4]

Same here

[@michellemarie1197]

That's the same with me

[@virginiaoflaherty2983]

I am 73. Only recently have I been able to use aluminum foil to make clean up easier. And I buy AND use paper towels. There are many examples, but those life long habits of thriftiness I always thought were a value choice - not be sucked into the consumer culture. Now I see most as a reaction to not having enough ever to splurge on Windex. This rich Boomer didn't have health insurance until I was 32. Now I have to be at death's door to go to the doctor.

[@perplex777]

Another issue from growing up poor: “hoarding”. Thanks to an eye-opening chat with a friend who grew up in similar circumstances, I realised that I have a tendency to hoard items “just in case” I’ll need them. The example she gave, you buy a pack of six drawer knobs (as they don’t do a smaller size) and use the two you need. We are both hardwired to keep the other four just in case we might need them in future. I’m also more likely to buy something potentially useful simply because it’s a good bargain / on offer (even when I don’t have a foreseeable need for it). And I’ll likely offer to “rescue” something (e.g. furniture) that a friend is passing on / throwing away etc. Thankfully I’m now in a position where I have a good level of income security. In the example of the door knobs, if and when I need any in future, I am likely to be able to afford to buy more - so why am I really keeping the extra ones now?! I have so much clutter that it having a negative impact on my mental health. Coming to the realisation that I was holding onto items just in case I might have need of them but couldn’t afford them in a hypothetical future has helped massively. I’ve begun a journey of decluttering and am able to donate things to charity shops and list things on e.g. free cycle so people who need the things I don’t can benefit from them. And it’s improving my mental health, so yay!

[@MrAragon131]

My grandmother survived (just barely) the great depression in the late 1920's and 1930's. When she died we found a bottle of cough syrup that had been prescribed to my sister when she was 2 in back of her closet. My sister is 53 now. It took months to sort through all that junk. Some of it was valuable but we almost threw away several valuable things because it was buried in a sea of garbage.

[@wge621]

So true. I feel really bad for my dad whose hoarding habit has gotten so much worse over the years. He hasn't been able to find work after moving to the US, in his home country he was a doctor. So he would buy cheap things on sale or just keep things if it could be of use to someone. I think it was his way of being 'useful' even though it ended up being a huge detriment to his life. Poor dad :(

[@frafranildo]

I had a similar realisation a few months ago, and threw away some house-repair related stuff. This year I'm way worse financially (mostly due to inflation), and today I needed a filter replacement that, you guess, I threw away back then thinking I would be able to buy a new one when needed. I have hated myself all day long.

[@cycleryder3444]

The food insecurity thing hit the nail on the head for me. I eat as much as I can whenever it’s free even if I am not hungry. I make six figures so money is not an issue anymore. My spouse thinks it’s weird of me to be this way but he’ll never get it. He grew up differently.

[@Iamjustherek]

Hoarding is too real. Every time I move I want to slap myself 😩

[@AmoritaStorre]

This was eye-opening. I've never realized that avoiding socializing is a money issue, but it totally is. I think I might have invented and cultivated an introverted persona just because books are cheaper than dinners. Damn.

[@lokiblue5125]

Me too!

[@xxxxMonkeyGirlxxxx]

Me also… I would love to go out but I can’t afford anything and going out to places will only make me want to spend money I don’t have so I stay at home… people keep saying I’m an introvert but I’m not. I go to free things but there’s not much of that.

[@anotherfoolishmortal5437]

Agree completely. I think the situation is compounded by not having/taking the opportunity to develop good social skills. Even now when I have enough, I don’t go out much because I’m not sure how to do it-for lack of better words.

[@dnfan1]

Same, books from the public library and video games because you can purchase some of them one time and then play online for hours with other people. I avoid the easy money upgrades and "grind" for those items. I say its fun, but I know in the back of my mind that I'm just unwilling to pay it. I have created hobbies that are cheap and keep me busy, but have caused a reduction in true in person social interaction.

[@AmoritaStorre]

@@anotherfoolishmortal5437 So true! I think you learn to enjoy it by practicing, just like everything else in life. Now that I'm used to not socializing, even when I do spend money it's on things that feel familiar, like video games, outdoor solo sports, etc. It's not bad per se, but the point is that now when I want to (and can afford to) be with people, my habits... sort of disagree?..

[@chococait]

"Growing up poor can sometimes feel lika a milion little traumas that never really leave you." Woah mindblown🤯 I suddenly remembered how my parents always made me feel that we didn't have enough money, and that as their child, I should be the one to adjust to their financial situation. Which honestly made me have poor relationship with money.

[@nusaibahibraheem8183]

How else would you live if you don't adjust to your parents' financial situation 😂. Leave and find new parents? Or would you rather they steal? I can't believe some of these comments. Your children will also have to live with your financial situation. That's how it works for everyone in the world.

[@ivanaandric5703]

You didn't have much money growing up but the worst thing is your parents dealt with it in a very unhealthy way towards you!

[@alizahmemon]

@@nusaibahibraheem8183 that’s not a very polite way to respond to someone sharing their experience. Speaking from my own life, because my parents shared their financial constraints with me more than my siblings, I felt extra guilty spending money for things even as basic as food (while my siblings could easily get what they wanted). It’s one thing to have a lifestyle based on what your parents earn, but it’s not the same as feeling as though your family’s financial situation solely depends on you.

[@RajniGeorge]

@@alizahmemon I hear you... the guilt one feels at asking for something, has to coexist with the outrage of seeing your siblings live a financially carefree life. My parents weren't even poor or even middle class, my mom just liked to verbalise her "worries" to me whenever my siblings wanted something and I'd end up foregoing. Nine year old me thought we were on the brink of financial collapse. I'm trying to undo that insecurity and it's a challenge everyday.

[@alizahmemon]

@@RajniGeorge I hope things get better for you! ✨ It’s really hard coming out of a mind frame, especially if one has lived in it for so many years. It’s great that you are aware of your insecurities and where they stem from; being mindful can really help you heal.

[@OGSarah]

When I was working 2 jobs and living in my car, I ate 50¢ IKEA hotdogs every single day for a few years. I’m financially comfortable now (debt free, own my own home as well as an investment property ) but I still have zero issue eating the same thing every single day. I literally don’t understand people who complain about “just eating that yesterday.”

[@godivademaus]

When I was just starting out; working in the city; in a prestigious law firm, I could have brought my lunch every day, but with an extremely active toddler and being a single Mom, I found a cafeteria type of sit down restaurant that would make me a made to order salad (greens, tomatoes, carrots green onions a handful of shredded cheese and dressing on the side, for under $3) I could go out to eat with colleagues, spend very little money, but also be part of the important social integration of working in a professional office.

[@edennis8578]

​@@godivademausAnd what does that have to do with someone who was so poor that they had to live in their car and eat 50 cent meals? Your situation was not at all comparable.

[@markbajek2541]

even though 50cents a dog is cheap wouldn't a $1 pack of 8 dogs and a $1.5 cent pack of buns work out even less per dog?

[@OGSarah]

@@markbajek2541 yes but I was homeless and was living in my car - didn’t have a place to cook.

[@TheSamjane4]

The problem with eating like that though is that it ruins your health. 😢. You stayed alive but now you damaged your heart. It all comes back to bite you when you hit 50. When I was a kid we never had milk or cheese becuase we couldn’t afford it. My mum would buy that powered milk but because it was gross we’d just have a bit on cereal and never drink it otherwise. Well guess who now has early onset osteoporosis at 49 😢 . The effects of childhood poverty can follow you through your whole adult life. 😢

[@scoopitywoop]

I never lived below the poverty line, but my family had wildly fluctuating wealth, and it gave me a lifelong fear that at any moment my money could vanish.

[@grumpybulldog19]

Same here.

[@unasaleniece3782]

I was born in the USSR and my family's money did vanish overnight when the Soviet Union collapsed. 30 years later I'm still struggling to find a balance between having a healthy amount in my savings account and disposable income. I feel bad if I don't save money but at the same time I have this little voice in my head saying "But what if the world economy collapses tomorrow and my money loses all value? All that effort for nothing!"

[@MrAragon131]

oh yes especially when wages are garnished or there's a 'mistake' and you overdraft your account and owe hundreds in overdraft fees.

[@GeeklingNo1]

I totallly get that! I will say, having an emergency fund is really helpful in having peace of mind that even if something goes horribly wrong you at least have a few months to figure out something else. My mom lost her job and we had three months of income saved for her to find a new job.

[@scoopitywoop]

@@GeeklingNo1 I have enough money to not work for an entire year, and I STILL have worst case scenarios going through my brain constantly. What if there's another recession? What if I'm blinded in a car accident and can't do my office job anymore? What it both my parents lose their money and I have to help them? What if what if what if...

[@wingspanbig]

I grew up poor. Didn't have food readily available to eat whenever I wanted. My mom was horrible with money. To her credit though, we never went without shelter, heat, or electricity. Instead of following in her footsteps, I learned from her mistakes. I got a nice little chunk of money when my dad passed away and that was a nice cushion. I actually didn't touch that money for almost 10 years. I've always been pretty frugal and save money wherever I can. One thing I can boast about is, I've never had to go back home for help. Not that I even could but I've been able to take care of myself without having to rely on anyone else. So looking back i'm grateful for the circumstances I grew up in. It really made me appreciate all the things a lot of people take for granted.

[@BlackOreoCookie]

Had about the same upbringing, my parents bought everything with payments and collected a bunch of debt for themselves. When they died though, I sadly didn't get anything (shady life insurance company that only covered PART of the funeral 🙄). I had to start from scratch and after a year I'm still living paycheck to paycheck while trying to save. I'm just glad I don't have to rely on social security anymore. I'm now in the process of starting my own business, I hope it works out. Wish me luck 😁

[@grumpybulldog19]

My mom keeps helping my uncles with money, they are 60+ years old. I'm very proud that I never asked her for money since I left house at 19.

[@wingspanbig]

@@grumpybulldog19 i know someone like that and it's sad. Super capable but because his mom enables he absolutely will not.

[@asadb1990]

i grew up in a household where my parents were barely getting by to being fairly well off. the only trouble has been my dad can't stay still in one home for more than a few years max. this did a number on my social skills and made me avoid making relations because they kept moving. then my dad loves to take us on trips but on a shoestring journey. he would skip meals, and skimp on food in every way possible. and he's mean and degrading to us all. made me hate going on such trips. now when i came into money after getting a full time job i initially spent way more than i should have. luckily i never spent more than what i have. Finally i got my post grad job 3 years after my degree with help of my wife and i got her to help control my spending while still living life. we still focus on spending on stuff we actually need. but we do live it up a little and we even enjoy trips in a way i never got when i was a kid living with super cheap parents.

[@yvettedean92]

That’s wonderful. Sounds similar to my experience, grew up low income and my mom was horrible with money. When my dad passed, I got some inheritance and 10 years later I bought a house with it as I saved it.

[@JohnsonKayla12]

This explains why I saved $6k last year and blew it all this year without knowing how. I grew up very poor, sometimes homeless in shelters or with other people who were not happy to have us there. We took on a lot of my moms emotional baggage as well from our living situations and felt somewhat responsible for helping her feel better. She’s a good person with 0 impulse control and it’s scary to see myself behaving in similar manners. I’ve never been late on my living expenses (rent, electricity, etc) but I’m just milling money away from other bad spending decisions. Thanks for this video & I’m going to watch others. If you were able to get yourself to this level, maybe I can too.

[@JohnsonKayla12]

Oh wow the part about clothing and keeping things that need to be thrown away. Wow. I spend a lot of money on essentials (food, etc)… WAY more than needed but I have like 2 pairs of jeans and have needed new clothes for years. Feels so validating hearing these things are related to my childhood

[@dreamchaser5758]

Good Morning 🌞. I know it's been two years but your comments resonated with me. I also felt a responsibility to emotionally prop up my mother. Food spending is easily justified as a need even if I'm hundreds of dollars over budget monthly. While leisure, clothing, and preventative healthcare is never justified or somehow I've tied that spending to my worth. I wish you well on my journey. I recall breaking my glasses that were already many years old and cried profusely.

[@mariawesley7583]

Ten years ago I read of a study where a child was left alone in a room with a piece of candy. The adult told them, "You may eat the candy at anytime, but if you wait until I return you'll get an additional piece." The children who were able to wait to get the 2nd piece ending up having higher incomes as adults. The psychologists determined the ability to delay gratification was the reason. I quickly saw the flaw in the study. Recalling my days as an Au Pair where the parents let their kids eat as much candy as they wanted I realized that because candy wasn't a scarce commodity to them they would have probably been able to forget about that 1 piece of candy in front of them. Maybe there were were other reasons for the difference in incomes as adults.

[@roxanneconner7185]

I also read about this study years ago, and then more recently read about a follow up study where they showed EXACTLY what you are talking about - that the ability to delay gratification is correlated with family wealth, so the first study was inherently flawed.

[@anniealexander9616]

@@roxanneconner7185 Maybe it's genetics and the family had wealth because they also could delay gratification.

[@helgaioannidis9365]

@@anniealexander9616 as a clinical and community psychologist I can assure you that's not the case.

[@anniealexander9616]

@@helgaioannidis9365 As a landlord of over 30 years, I can tell you that income doesn't have a large effect on whether or not a child will become successful. It's genetics. I have a set of tenants at the moment with a nice income but 3 Harley Davidsons and other wants are keeping them broke. The husband makes more than I do at our primary jobs. The difference is, I can delay gratification and I've built multiple income streams and have built wealth that far surpass his. A little over a year ago, a childhood friend of mine told me that my family has always been better than his. I took time to think about it. My dad had his first heart attack when I was 6 and died when I was 11. My friend lost his dad at 49 years old. I grew up on survivors social security. While my friend was playing football in high school, I was flipping burgers at a local restaurant. My mom took me to the bank when I got my first check. She said deposit $100 and keep $7 to spend. So I had to delay gratification and save up for a want. My friends dad sold their lawnmower to pay for his letterman jacket in high school. He taught his son to get what he wanted at the time no matter what. My friend lives in a junky trailor just like his parents did. Doors falling off the cabinets and disgusting green dirty carpet. I live in a 3000sqft cape cod with hardwood floors throughout in a nice area. My childhood friend has a mortgage, 3 car loans, over 20k in credit card debt, and his dad's funeral expenses. I'm completely debt free including no mortgage and I'm a landlord. My childhood friend has a cushy IT job working from home and an unbelievably good income. His income from our primary jobs is higher than mine. But my income from delaying gratification and building wealth far surpasses his. While he is still making payments on the vacation he took 10 years ago, I'm collecting rent from an investment made 10 years ago. While he is still paying for the dinner he ate last year, I'm collecting dividends from money I invested in stocks. When he told me his dad didn't have life insurance, I was disgusted. He had previously complained to me about having to pay for his dad's cable bill. It's around $130 a month. That could have paid for an ins policy but it all goes back to choosing wants over needs. My mom had a life ins policy made to each of her children when she passed. (My dad had ins also but I was a child. I think it was all made to my mom). Not only was her burial expenses covered but we all had money left over. This is when I knew he was correct in his previous statement. My family is better than his. Members of my family will do without a want to be able to give to each other. It's not because we were raised in a wealthy household. It's because we've been taught how to be productive member of society and we have the ability to delay gratification!

[@anniealexander9616]

@@helgaioannidis9365 My childhood friend and I both have 3 children. Guess whose children are thriving and which one has children who are failing! 🤔

[@kerynl.sanchez9891]

I confess that at times I’ve gone through uncomfortable situations due to my mentality of “it can wait” or “I don’t need it” 🤦‍♀️

[@AnaK-kx4lr]

Totally! Normalizing discomfort!

[@AlexaDonne]

This spoke to me on an uncomfortable level! You might enjoy this story: I inserted a Based On Real Experiences story into my last YA novel where a lower income teen knows her mother is going to yell at her for spending $16 on a lipgloss at Sephora, which she did to "fit in" with her rich friends. The copy editor questioned it because "that's not even that much" and I just had A Moment. You can tell who grew up more poor vs. not. I fought to keep the anecdote and thankfully many readers have related to it. But now I realize many many of my readers will not "get" it. (that, to fit in, you choose the least expensive expensive item you can in these situations, like you get the least expensive option at the expensive restaurant, and you desperately try to fit in even while having a panic about the money.) And the temperature thing is too real... I rarely turn on the AC in the summer, nor heat in the winter. Though you end up with certain rituals/preferences from it, I find. I just prefer open windows as long as I can stand it (breeze! air!), and then cozying up in a blanket when it's really cold. And then... my god yes riding out illness at home. With COVID and all the scary stories, I realized I had a really bad flu in my 20s that I rode out at home that honestly I shouldn't have. If I felt that way now, I'd go to the ER. Insane what you learn to troop through in a more "austere" childhood. And then I've always been on the end of taking the social hits b/c I'm so thrifty. It's befriending mostly other low income students at college (scholarship kids!) and segregating yourself socially from your wealthy classmates b/c you can't afford to go out/take lavish ski vacations over Spring Break. It's not even considering joining the sorority (even if you wanted to) b/c you know you can't afford it. I'm WAY more financially stable now (I have savings!!!) but I'm still mentally stuck in a lot of old habits and rituals.

[@ammalyrical5646]

Just out of curiousity what do expect ER doctors to do if you have a flu? Nothing wrong with calling the doctor, don't get me wrong, but the only thing you can do is riding it out at home (unless you can't breath or need other physical medical support of course or if your fever rises above 40C for a day or more). I got a couple bad flus as well in my early 20s and I didn't even have the luxury (in my mind, that is) to stay home ill so I went to lectures loaded on anti inflammatory pain killers and collapsed as soon as I came home in the early afternoon. The person I rented with brought home some nasty bugs. But my GP wouldn't have done a thing, same with very bad colds. Just stay home, drink a lot, and sleep. I'm Dutch and I think I would've kinda gotten that lipgloss story. Not because I lived through it but because in hindsight we didn't have a lot more money than that for food and housing. At the time I didn't realize we weren't as fiscally well off as I thought. I did get a no if I asked for things quite often and my parents set a budget (we knew it too) for seasonal gifts. Sinterklaas instead of Christmas here. I'm glad you fought to keep that little scene in. Fitting in is so important to many people (as an autistic person who didn't really care about it popularity was non existent in my brain and I still don't really get it at age 29). Teens should be able to have insight in these kind of situations. It's exactly that thing about it not even being that much money; for a poor person those $16 might make a difference to having decent meals for a week or just ramen. I'm still living near the poverty line but luckily not in the US and I grew up to be good with money. Our social safety net does really help me out. I'd still be living with my mom if that didn't exist. But at least I wouldn't be on the street. My parents wouldn't let that happen. Not something all poor people can say. Having several safety nets and relatively affordable healthcare (still expensive enough to worry me at times though) is a great luxury to have. I getting happier and happier by the day I don't live in the US. My brain can't even handle more than part time work in many cases here, never mind the high-stress job market in the US. At least here I can live off of a part-time income in decent comfort. I'm ready to get my degree and actually start working with it :D

[@AlexaDonne]

@@ammalyrical5646 I mean I don't know b/c I have never sought out emergency care. Ever lol. I'm a medical stoic. But now realizing the flu kills people every year--something I did not know in my mid-20s--and that having a high fever and sleeping ALL DAY is concerning, I wouldn't have been so completely alone with no one checking up on me--and might have explored what going to a doctor might mean. But I didn't HAVE a doctor. A GP--no one to even call with questions when I was ill. That's why ER. So many people literally do not go to the doctor and have no access/support networks. The ER, also, cannot turn people away if they don't have money/insurance. Regular doctors can. I'm not proud of it, but it's ingrained in me to batten down the hatches and not go to the doctor. Thankfully I was raised to prioritize the dentist due to my mother's bad experiences w/ poor dental care, so I don't skip those appointments and will put something on a credit card if I need to. Only as an adult have to realized a large degree of my medical stoicism is connected to class/wealth. I can afford medical care now--but I'm still terrible at seeking it out.

[@thegirlwiththecontroller1164]

I always get excited to see youtubers I watch comment on other youtubers I watch's videos. Haha. I'm so glad you fought to keep that anecdote in your book! My husband grew up poor and I grew up middle class, so we talk a lot about these kinds of things.

[@circumstantiallemon]

so random but i agree with the heat/AC thing!! i swear when i moved in with my boyfriend, the biggest luxury EVER was being able to be as cool as I wanted or as hot as I wanted in the house. such a small thing many people take for granted!!

[@circumstantiallemon]

i also love the point you made about choosing the cheapest “expensive” thing to fit in. so true!

[@MsCgagne]

One thing I still do is keep my oven door open after I'm done using it to "not waste" the heat.

[@loverrlee]

Low key that’s a good idea tho

[@franziskani]

This is a good idea because there is humidity in it - and it can evaporate if it is a bit open. And yes, if the heat does not go into the room it heats up cabinets more (so if you have food in them, that may affect it).

[@KathwithaK]

What's wild is that I've felt like I grew up pretty well-off, what people would call middle class. I thought we were rich when I was growing up, and my parents would say we were better off financially than some others we knew, and I should be mindful of that. But we rarely did any indulgent things, and we did quite a lot of what you talk about in the video, so I picked up those habits and it affects me now too. When I look at my family, they grew up in soviet-era Poland and my parents definitely grew up poor and we've had quite a few generations of poverty so I think that carried on through to my generation, because that's how I observed my parents behaving around money. I could never really make sense of why I felt this way about money before.

[@marvelousmrsmads2915]

My jaw was on the floor for this whole video. I grew up below the poverty line and now make almost 6 figures on my own in my early 20s and this explains so many of my habits I haven’t been able to articulate to anyone else, especially my partner who grew up in a much higher class. THANK YOU for this.

[@saraackerman8019]

Really appreciate this channel. I find one of the behaviors I do now is I overdo it at the grocery store because I love the feeling of security I get from having a full fridge.

[@Natalie-Cornacchione]

My boyfriend and I always do this

[@marksilla8276]

I feel called out (in a good way). I never would have thought that poverty was the root of these issues

[@lisaahmari7199]

Me neither. I am an extreme introvert so I avoid social gatherings like the plague.🤣 But the rest really make sense.

[@alfamaize]

One thing to add- this does get passed down. We were a middle class family (probably even upper) but parents came from not so much- so many of the things Chelsea talks about were passed down to us. Never realized any of these specifically, but for sure can identify with the issues- and the scary ones all relate to health- eating and healthcare. So for you starting families- try not to pass the bad parts down to your kids.

[@martinmaynard141]

I can relate to that. my father grew up in real poverty and while my mother's family were better off the Second World War started when they were both in their teens with the consequence that they spent their formative years with rationing. Then, due to various factors, I spent my 20s and most of my 30s in relative poverty and even now I still think twice about buying things which are not essential although, since I learnt to cook in poverty, I now don't have to worry to much about the day to day. I am now about to celebrate my 60s birthday and about 5 years ago I downsized to a cheaper country so it looks like the last part of my life will now be more affluent and secure thanks to some decisions I made in my 40s.

[@iluvzurara2]

Yes absolutely!

[@drmsd14]

You just blew my mind with this! I'm a first generation American who grew up in an upper middle class environment, but my parents grew up impoverished. Something from my childhood that I now believe was significantly impacted by the poverty they grew up in was when my older brother fractured his ankle in our driveway. He screamed at the time, all night, and my parents had him get on the bus to go to school the next day where, I assume, the school nurse had to address it. The kicker? My dad is a surgeon and I guess that just didn't enter into his mind as a possibility????? If he had encountered a similar situation at the hospital, I'm sure he would order an xray and all of that. However, he was in "dad mode" and probably thought "we wouldn't go to the doctor for this as kids." I guess he learned from that as my other older brother ended up fracturing his ankle and breaking his hand during various sports activities and those problems were addressed the same day.

[@sydney6268]

I was about to comment something very similar. I grew up never having to worry about money, but my mom grew up very poor and my dad grew up with very frugal parents, so they spent recklessly and then acted like ordering a soda at a restaurant would bankrupt them. It was all very confusing, and I feel a lot of guilt spending money and then essentially binge shop.

[@lydiefabre2660]

Same here. As a kid, i always thought that we were poor, because things were not repaired, "it s still working" or when I asked to go to a social activity or fun activity it was "it's too expensive" or saving "just in case". It was only when I was an adult that I understood we were not at all poor (but my grandparents were), we were just savings for later but maybe too much. My dad passed away before he could "enjoy" his money...

[@caterina6479]

Unpopular opinion here but I find it completely ok to sleep with fuzzy pajamas and socks when it's cold outside. I think it is overspending and environmentally bad to turn on the heater all day and wear only a t shirt ...

[@emmaphilo4049]

I agree 👍👍

[@mariagordanier3404]

I agree, but people can go to unnecessary extremes. I personally knew a woman who died at home of pneumonia! Too cold and too stubborn to get help...

[@franziskani]

I would draw the line at having a cold bathroom ;) Although people detected the benefit of cold showers during the price spike for energy.

[@anamitson6785]

I usually don't turn the heaters too in winter. I don't really remember how it started, I believe my mom made this thing when we had tight budget for some time. But the result is that I am so used to chilly apartment that every person, who comes over asking: "Why is it so cold here?" and I just: "What do you mean?" We can afford to use the heater now, my mom and sister sometimes can turn it on, but if they are leaving somewhere I won't turn it until my nose is really cold. P.S. The other day in the morning I noticed that there was steam coming out of my mouth, and I thought the temperature was fine until I saw it. (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

[@saresasmith]

I used to do this…. Now in my 40 sleeping in hot clothes cause me to sweat, which then cause issues when I damp in the middle is the night when I wake up to go to the bathroom in a freezing house. Now the thermostat is set to go to 67 at night and 71 in the day. Saving those few dollars isn’t worth getting sick anymore or doing the extra laundry.

[@vilandra.]

my father died when I was in school and our country was going through a bad time financially and politically. My mother tried and I admire her strength, but we were poor and I taught myself not to ask for anything that a teenage girl so desperately wanted to have. 30 years have passed, and I still remember how she cried in the kitchen because the factory that employed half the city had closed and she didn’t know what to do. Yes, this video hit close to home.

[@EdgarVerona]

I felt that whole "you can't imagine a future where you'll benefit from saving" situation. It wasn't until I broke into middle class income that it even became clear to me that I had a chance to live to retirement. It just didn't seem like a likely outcome to me, so why save for it? Ultimately that was a self defeating and could have been a self fulfilling prophecy, but when you're living paycheck to paycheck it certainly feels real.

[@KHBogWitch]

Shaking the mindset of poverty identity is really hard, too-moving past the idea of “I’m not the kind of person who _____________” (gets teeth cleaned regularly, goes to the doctor, buys new clothes, takes a vacation, gets regular maintenance on my car, uses birthday/Christmas money for yourself instead of regifting for the next family member’s birthday, etc) is something I’ve struggled with well past the time my income has put me into the middle class. I’ve found it very hard to move past, especially because I have family connections who comment on my lifestyle, whether they mean to criticize or just express surprise at my choices.

[@roosey]

Regifting good gifts or things instead of just used it ourselves omg so guilty

[@KHBogWitch]

@@roosey I’ve spent years lying about shopping I’ve done with the money/gift cards people have gotten me, when in reality I’ve stashed them away for next time so I never have to worry about finding room for gifts in my budget. I’d have done it with physical items too except my family all know what everyone gives each other so it’s hard to get away with. I think it’s a common practice but people don’t talk about it!

[@AlextheENTP]

​@@KHBogWitch It is very common. My mom usually refuses to give cash to women who struggle a bit, because she KNOWS they'll spend it on groceries or other home stuff. She gets them toiletries and sweets instead, so it's much closer to impossible to use them on other people.

[@TheSamjane4]

Yes..My teeth are ruined because as a kid we only went to the dentist if they hurt. So that’s what I thought you did. Never had any idea if you go regularly they can spot small issues before they become big ones. I never went till I basically needed a root canal and now my teeth are dust. When you are poor you just don’t maintain anything….you only fix it when it becomes desperate and that’s a hard mindset to shake. The only thing I’ve been good at is having my preventative health screenings but only because they are free 😏

[@TheSamjane4]

@@KHBogWitchI normally use mine to pay bills …or buy things my kids need and when they ask what I got myself…I lie. 😏

[@arelihobbs1433]

I realized I grew up poor when I got upset with my husband when he threw out the jar of peanut butter without scraping it clean. There was still peanut butter left in there! How dare you rich white boy! 😂

[@theylive2749]

Your poor husband.

[@user-gu9yq5sj7c]

What's wrong with scrapping the jar clean and not wasting food? It's good to do that. Why vilify or belittle that?

[@snoogles007]

Umm... so literally right now, I am looking at a peanut butter jar which I brought with me to work. My husband left bits in it, so I took it to finish the leftovers for lunch. I grew up very poor, he grew up upper middle class. Uhh. OMG.

[@franziskani]

I so get you ! I also hate it when food is thrown away. I discard mouldy food of course but I reprimand myself for not staying on top of eating it or cooking with it. When I cook soup I heat up water and slowly pour it into such glasses. (slowly or the glass could break, preferably doing it in the sink or the glass is on a plate). Then swish it around at bit and then the water with dissolved fat is added to the soup or sauce. we recycle glass and food residue in the glasses could start to stink (we do the trip to the center only every 2 - 3 weeks so it would stink in our garage).

[@edennis8578]

​@@theylive2749And yet if she was the one wasting food, you'd be blaming her for being a spendthrift. You would probably be demanding that the husband divorce her for wasting money. I've seen it in comment sections.

[@Goat.Cheese]

I grew up poor and now as an adult, I feel secretly guilty everytime I turn the thermostat on during the winter. I didnt realize how deep the feelings go!

[@kristyb5821]

I grew up poor but had no clue I was poor. However, we weren’t the traditional poor. We were cash poor but land rich. I’m from a long line of ranchers and my son is now the 10th generation. What saved us is our land was paid off in the late 1880’s early 1890’s. We had cattle, we had chickens, we grew our own fruit and vegetables, we grew our own hay, our own corn for feed for the animals. We literally lived off what we grew. What I didn’t know was what our overhead was. Between payroll, taxes, equipment to keep running, vet bills, etc we were breaking even every year. No profit = no $ for anything besides survival. I never even realized how desperate our situation was until I was in my late teens. It finally kicked in my brain that a bad year could mean losing everything. It was a lot to swallow to say the least. I completely relate to being in a more affluent area with a middle class income. We are living that right now. We’re financially secure but we drive older cars and certainly not luxury cars, live in a small 1,100 sq ft house while a block away are old historic mansions. We moved here because the public schools here were better than the private school we sent my son to. Even then my kid my the “scholarship” kid because he was so advanced the public school where we were at could not accommodate him because of his intelligence. He wasn’t being challenged at all and was acting out. It’s a lot of the same here. Kids getting new BMW’s or other expensive cars that my son knows he won’t get. He knows he gets my Jetta when he turns 16 which will only be 5 years old at that point. I think that’s great for a first car but he knows kids will make fun of him. They already make fun of him for wearing stuff from Kohl’s not Nordstrom. It’s hard on him but he knows he’s really lucky and he appreciates everything we give him. He’s a great kid, I’m lucky to be his momma. I seriously feel more poor since we moved here than I did when I was actually poor. I’m really grateful I got a scholarship to college. College was a pipe dream where I come from. You had 2 choices go to work or go to the military well as a girl you had 3 get married, have a ton of babies and be a housewife. I was the lucky one and got a full academic scholarship to Bama. It was unheard of for kids in my area. I took it and never looked back. I did it so my son would never know poverty, know what it was like to struggle to keep your head above water. Ironically, he’s the happiest whenever we go to the ranch. It’s what brings him the most peace, same as me. I get picked on when I go back to the ranch about being all city but it’s in good fun. If I could I would raise my son there on the ranch every day of his life. He learned the things that matter most right there at that ranch. Faith, family, friends that’s what’s important. To treat everyone with the kindness and respect you wanted to be treated with. How to help your neighbor. How to be a good man, a good son, a good person. The value of hard work and having an excellent work ethic. How to preserve when times are tough. Most importantly how to never take anything for granted because in a moment it can all be gone.

[@karenvitto3076]

❤

[@rebeccarittenhouse2203]

You got land, you’re not poor.

[@katemiller7874]

Ya quit putting your kid through that. School is tough enough buy him nice clothes so he fits in

[@pendlera2959]

@@rebeccarittenhouse2203 You need to work on your reading comprehension. That whole post explained how having land wasn't enough to keep them from being poor. Having land was their business, and they'd lose it all if their harvest was bad.

[@WhytePip]

I relate to a lot of what you have written. City & Country. Education. The costs of having land and animals. Growing food, having a warm home. Hard times. Blessed.

[@thirstwithoutborders995]

I feel like some of that "compulsive spending" with a sudden influx of money comes from living so frugally all the time, not from being unable to make longterm plans. Like, at last you have a bit of extra cash and could receive some joy. Being rational is easy to manage, if you have enough to just buy a new bag or have dinner with friends on the regular, but not that easy if your daily life is pretty dreary and you dream of simple things like that.

[@kindredanastasia]

lived experience says the saved money will go towards the next setbacks anyway, so why save? living in the moment at least has some pleasure with the stress

[@legoqueen2445]

Yes!!! Also on a larger scale! So I was out of home at 15 and my brother came to live with me when I was 19 and he was 16. Money was tight and we often went with little food. Come pay day we'd always get a treat for dinner even if it meant scrimping for meals for another 2 weeks. I'm now 47, there's been times when I've had money but majority of time I've had to struggle. Whenever I have been able to save money there's always been some sort of crisis where my savings disappear, so I feel like I've jinxed savings. I don't feel confident in long term plans because something always messes up and I'm back to poverty. I know I should work towards long term gratification but those instant 'rewards' are hard to give up especially when you feel like the next crisis/fuck up is going to hit you any minute now. I do have confidence and resilience that I can cope/survive anything that comes my why because I've always have so far but my relationship with money is almost superstitious. Even self-destructive.

[@AlextheENTP]

​@@legoqueen2445The crisis that steals your savings, ah, that is so relatable. In fact, even when it's not a crisis, but an objectively good thing that takes your savings, like a wedding, down payment or school fees for a better education, it's difficult to not feel the sting of that entire lump being "gone" and having to restart saving for the next goal at 0.

[@legoqueen2445]

@AlextheENTP I was homeless as a teenager. Managed to get a roof over my head but in my twenties stuffed around a lot, travelled but also had bad drug habit and mental health issues. Money has never been a motivating factor in my life. But I had my son at 27, got my life together, worked hard, sent him to a good school. I returned to Uni and got 3 degrees. I had my dream career all planned out! We wouldn't have been rich but stable. Then I got chronic illness at 35. Couldn't work or get out of bed for 5 years. Had to return to work because government didn't think I was sick enough for disability pension. Worked for 4 years until my illness and mental health collapsed, finally government accepts I'm disabled and give me a pension. Our saving grace is the house I live in is owned by a friend and the rent is very cheap, so when I've had low income, we've still survived. My son is now 20 and works so that helps. But I can't work. I've always been creative so I'm hoping I can hustle some extra funds with my artwork and writing (I self published a book coming out March 8 #evesreturn ). I'm the most over qualified person on a Disability Pension! There's a rental crisis in Australia and I dread the day we have to find another rental because I can't generate enough income to rent elsewhere. It really feels like no matter what I do, I'm destined to poverty though I refuse to stop trying to get ahead.

[@franziskani]

@een2445 Hi Lego Queen. Please listen a bit to the Dave Ramsey show it might change your psychology around having an emergency fund. you can pat yourself on the shoulder when you take money from it. The crises that absorbed your savings - were predictable most likely. Not what or when or how much it costs. But that there will be something ! We had a small inheritance and a life insurance being paid out. As if the house had taken notice ;) I get your jinxed remark ;) I remind myself how lucky we are to have that windfall (the inheritance) and that it is to be expected that you must invest into an old home. When you budget (household or company) there needs to be the fund for the planable unforseeable" like repair costs, spending on healthcare, being unemployed, .... We do not pay rent and have not mortgage, but we better get plenty of money aside every year. And if it is not the house then it is the car ;) If you could not avoid throwing money (the savings) at the problem you would have been in debt w/o your savings. Which would be even more expensive and stressful because then you would have to pay interest on top of it. Unless of course you felt compelled to help out people - and w/o savings that would not have been possible. (So it would have spared you doing sth unwise - where you do not get the money back and the recipient does not even get better). Either way I recommend the Ramsey Show. They talk about emergency funds, about not lending to family or friends (you either gift them and assume that they will not be able to pay it back). Or how to plan once you have basic emergency fund. Then you can work on 6 monthly salaries emergency fund. (which helps if you ever become unemployed).

[@fredbloggs5902]

A habit I’ve noticed is a tendency to stash cash (and other resources) in multiple locations.

[@jillpruett4772]

I am 73 years old going on 74. Both my parents grew up poor in the Great Depression. My father was told at age 10 (mid 1920's) by his mother that he needed to get a room and board job. He was part of a family of 9 children. My mother grew up with an immigrant father who worked in a lime quarry to support a family of five children. My mom always grew a big garden and we preserved tons of food. People talk about the 100 mile diet. I grew up on the 100 METER diet as so much of our food came from what we grew. I really like the connection to my food. I like to describe myself as an underage survivor of the Great Depression. And, yes, I am terribly paranoid about food waste. But we never lived in a mortgaged house growing up, and debt was anathema. I swear my dad would consider Dave Ramsey a spendthrift.

[@chrisulastone9151]

My grandpa was an orphan during the depression. On Thanksgiving he would pick that turkey drumstick so clean you'd think it was sitting in the desert for years. God bless you and thank you for sharing your story.

[@mariagordanier3404]

LOL--my parents grew up in the Great Depression, and ditto re Dave Ramsey!

[@SnattoGarro]

05:16 Problematic relationships with food 07:40 Poor impulse control with money 09:17 Working too hard to justify purchases 11:25 Avoiding social gatherings 13:36 Being okay with discomfort

[@angieemm]

You're the MVP!

[@abiola33]

Thank you. Not all heros wear capes. 😊

[@vaneyjane]

Perfect. Thank you.

[@thisbeem2714]

It is so true about avoiding social gatherings because of money. Or hanging out with people but not buying food when they do and just surviving the hunger in order to hang out.

[@KingDayDayDay00]

My social life is dead and I have no friends because I just stopped going out besides family gatherings. Mostly that's because " I don't want to spend that money" This means no dating, no friends, no events. It really has taken a toll on my mental well-being, but if I don't sacrifice, I'll always be "poor"

[@emmaphilo4049]

That's hard, I hope you'll make it!

[@sweetlikeme]

Yes people don't understand especially when you have bills to pay. I had to distance myself from them going out every weekend with nothing to show for it.

[@nobodynohow8039]

Be careful; this is one that follows you after you are successful. A better strategy is to host in your house and have everyone bring a dish, everyone pitch in on a pay per view, etc. go to regular church and community events, or even volunteer.

[@MsJassi13]

Hmm i think depending on how dire your situation is going out and dating etc should be a financial priority. For some people going out and interacting with others is just as necessary as like a gym membership - their brain just doesn’t function right without it. Maybe you could try bumble friends and specifically look for people who wanna hang out with money conscious people so you can go to cheaper places or some third spaces

[@virginiaoflaherty2983]

Hiking, walking, picnics in a park. There are many good suggestions. If you go to expensive events you will only meet people who go to expensive events. If you participate in community events you will meet community minded people. I know a young woman who made an event of episodes of Downton Abbey. She made scones and tea and set a tea table and watched the show with her friends who were also interested in the drama. Then they talked about it. It could as easily be popcorn and football on TV.

[@louise6268]

We were middle class when I was a kid, but one day my mom told me we were 'in the red' and a few months later my parents divorced. We went from a 4 bedrooms house to a small 2 bedroom appartment with old stained carpets in front of a highway. After that I was consistently the poorest in my friend groups We still got by, but this sequence of events has obviously influenced how I deal with money. I'm constantly worried about my money disapearing, being scammed, unpredictable spendings..... I am now known as the one who spends the least and saves the most. Sometimes my friends will discuss splurges and I'll think to myself how I took 4 months to research yoga mats because I treat every purchase like a long term investment

[@katherinemorelle7115]

I went to two high schools. The first was full of mostly working class/lower than working class kids, like me. The school had a “bad” reputation. But I made lifelong friends there (my best friend from high school is still my best friend, 22 years later), and I fit in, for the most part. The only place I spent a lot of time around kids outside my socioeconomic class was at ballet. Then I moved to a school in a very upper class area. It was a public school, but it offered so many specialty courses that the vast majority of the students there would have gone to a private school, but went there because it had so much to offer. I went there because it had a very prestigious dance school within the school. But it really opened my eyes to just how classist our society was (and also how poor my family were). My old school had a bad reputation, but it was the e rich school that had all the drugs. There might have been fights at my old school, but for the most part we stuck together- not so at the rich school, with backstabbing and an astounding lack of loyalty going on. Over 20 years later, the area surrounding my first high school is now middle class, and it magically dropped the reputation. My daughter goes there, and it is a good school, but the thing is, it always was. It always had great teachers, and always offered things that made learning very student led. It’s not really much different to when I went. But there’s no housing commission kids going there now, so it doesn’t have the reputation. And people will tell you Australia isn’t classist. Don’t listen to them, we very much are.

[@ber1779]

Australia was a colony

[@TherealHRHMarissa]

I’ve always felt this way when people talk about “good schools” and “bad schools.” I was homeschooled, got a GED, learned software engineering at a really cheap college, and am now more financially comfortable than I ever thought I’d be. People’s obsession with getting their kids into the best schools seems way overdone to me. (Granted having a stay at home parent to homeschool me was a huge privilege and is different from going to a school that’s underfunded)

[@seabreeze4559]

yeah at university the middle class are sleeping around and sneering at the working class for having one kid out of wedlock with the only person they ever slept with

[@Maialeen]

I see your point about the reputation of the "poor" school being unfair. But the "we all stuck together there unlike the BACKSTABBERS at the "rich" school" part is a bit funny. It sounds like a plot point in a very cheap stereotypical American high school movie. It's this people with less means have higher morals story that's popular but untrue but people really want to believe it. It didn't really have anything to do with which school was considered better, it was just by chance.

[@katherinemorelle7115]

@@Maialeen or… teenage girls who are raised to be entitled are b:tches. That’s really all there is to it- entitled people act entitled. Rich people are more likely to be raised that way. And when someone is entitled, they’re more likely to throw someone else under the bus if it might benefit themselves. That’s not to say that poor kids never do it, but there is very much a pattern that I’ve noticed throughout my life, in which people from higher socioeconomic classes are more likely to put themselves first, even if it means betraying a friend. This was more pronounced in high school, but it certainly wasn’t the only time I’ve noticed it.

[@TanaChiarantano]

I have the “not spending mentality” problem. It also shows up as an “overworking when unnecessary” problem. My therapist is tired of begging me to go on a vacation. There’s a reason why paid vacations are a right in my country, I know that. But it is SO hard to say no to gigs...

[@shiny_x3]

Be careful with that...you can end up burnt out and unable to force yourself to work and that's much worse.

[@oanaheller2166]

I too have the "not spending mentality". I saved up and cut down all non-crucial exenses for 8 years in order to buy a house without a mortgage or a loan. I bought the house in December 2021, and now, even though it was my big goal to buy the house I find it incredibly difficult to shell out money for the different renovations and updates necessary. Yes I have money for them, I budgeted for them. But I am having literal meltdowns about it: paying the architect and fixing the roof. My biggest fear that makes me work much more than needed is "we will starve!". As a kid we were really poor. There was food but not the kind I liked, cheap food my mom could make out of almost nothing, like pork liver paté sandwich with slices of pickles... that os what she packed in our school lunches. I don't know of you ever ate pork liver paté made traditionally but it's disgusting, tastes like blood with salt and herbs. Rationally I know we won't starve and that we have money for all the house repairs, but damn it's hard spending it.

[@CaptainSoftboy501]

Pls take advantage of the vacations if its a right in your country. You deserve it but also do it for us in the U.S. X'D

[@TherealHRHMarissa]

I also am just getting past the “overworking when unnecessary” problem. I hadn’t connected to financial insecurity as a kid, I thought I was just a type A overachiever. But that is totally what it’s from.

[@TanaChiarantano]

@@TherealHRHMarissa I totally get it! My family didn't have money problems either, but as a queer gal, I constantly dreaded the idea of being kicked out so I got used to working A LOT very early on. As a teenager, I figured that if that were to happen, at least I would have money/experience.

[@pwetty4r4]

This hit on so many levels. I didn't even grow up poor, but my parents did, and they refused to spend money on anything. I related to so much of this

[@marissasperry8398]

This is SO relatable. I especially identify with avoiding medical treatment to avoid costs. When I was growing up, we would avoid going to the doctor by any means necessary due to the cost. I would feel so much guilt for asking my parents to take me to the doctor if my condition got to that point. I have health insurance through my employer now, and I still feel like enrolling in a plan is a life or death choice, even though I have the financial means now to go to the doctor if and when I need to. It is so hard to break the habits I grew up with and I am so thankful to see other comments of people who understand!!

[@chrisulastone9151]

Definitely get the plan. It's worth it in the end and so are you! I put off fixing my teeth until I was 33 and could afford to get braces. I wish I had done it sooner.

[@hilaryboutonverville2325]

Same for me! It has to be unbearable for me to finally go to the doc even though I now have insurance. I can’t stop the voice that says, just deal with it because this is going to cost more than you can spare.

[@catiepalermo849]

I have really good insurance and I still have to force myself to even go to preventative doctor/dentist visits (which are covered 100% by my insurance.) I have the mentality of "doctor is expensive, can't afford it" even though logically I know I'm not even going to have to pay for it.

[@larag1764]

It took me a long time to get over the deep anger I felt towards my parents due to their lousy skills with finances and all the negative feelings and beliefs I had as a result. I'm extremely proud of being a financially secure adult whilst acknowledging I still tend to have occasional behaviours due to my childhood. I really appreciate you breaking down the barriers to so many topics with stigma.

[@calibby85]

You should be proud! Right there with you. I still have a lot to work on and behaviors still creep back sometimes, but I've come a long way.

[@TheSamjane4]

Don’t be too harsh on your parents….they may have never had money to spend before.. I grew up poor and never learned any financial skills except how to stick to and survive on a shoe string budget. As a result I couldn’t make money work for me as I had no idea how to use it to gain wealth. So I’m still poor with no assets. We are all just doing our best with what we were taught growing up.

[@risingphoenix4306]

Right out of the gate you nailed it. I grew up very poor and food insecure. We frequented food pantries. Now that I’m a nurse with a good income I always overbuy and hoard food. It drives my husband crazy. But I’m like, you don’t understand. 😭 I was reading my diary as a kid ( I only had one so it covers all of my childhood) and I wrote “please God don’t let us starve.” 🥺. My childhood was so %#&$ hard. Most of my family never “got out” and are still very poor. My mother still goes to food pantries to…this..day…. She gives away most of it away and then calls me asking for money for food. 🤦🏾‍♀️. PS. I do help my family financially but it’s like filling a bucket with a hole in it. 😞

[@erikalevy9567]

I get that. I grew up with my parents constantly fighting about money, trying to keep up in a middle-middle class neighborhood, where we clearly had less than most of my schoolmates. A lot of my money decisions are based on not being my parents, so not trying to keep up with my peers, buying second hand wherever possible, and living below my income (also a nurse)….these are not necessarily bad, but I definitely have to push myself to spend and not deprive myself. And I definitely food hoard. Don’t feel bad, you’re not the only one.

[@miriamchalmovianska863]

You dont owe them anything. So maybe its time to cut the money eupply. Then they need to start taking care of themselves...

[@jochenschrey2909]

Excuse me, how would you all define the starting point of food hoarding? I understand 3 weeks are currently officially recommended, to make it through quarantines and stuff?

[@erikalevy9567]

@@jochenschrey2909 Well when you have two huge sets of shelves in the garage packed with food (non perishables) you are at Zombie Apocalypse levels of hoarding. Because it was on sale , or because it might not be available later…which in the case of wet cat food has actually become a thing. I don’t need an intervention, but I do periodically need to throw stuff out.

[@tahsina.c]

@@miriamchalmovianska863 that's cruel and also unsolicited advice. Ppl do this a lot on the internet but never irl :/

[@tomatopaste799]

Thanks for this. I grew up poor and often tell my girlfriend that my destitute upbringing is central to who I am and completely shapes my personality. It’s so hard to explain but you’ve put it into words better than I could.

[@ayandanxusani3336]

Growing up poor constantly makes me feel like I am one crisis away from being poor again and the fear of that makes me incredibly stingy on things I need. I recently had a terrible ear and tooth ache and it too me 3 days of extreme pain to finally give in and see a doctor. But because I know that necessary expense may set me back during the month, I would have easily managed the pain until an unknown date. If anything I hope this year I am able to have a healthier relationship with money and my feelings towards it. Thank you for this video.

[@zacharynolan9553]

I’ve never seen a video that has been more helpful in helping me explain some of the “illogical” things I do… as someone who now works in a highly-compensated tech job, i haven’t understood why i still have these behaviors until now. Amazing video, thank you

[@AyH25]

I wore melted ballet flats through high school and through college! I was basically waking barefoot because of the holes in the bottom. Also got trapped in a parking garage once because you had to pay to exit and I didn’t have money or a cell phone or call for help/money transfer. Also had to stop my car at a toll booth once and get out and beg the cars behind me for change bc I didn’t have any….yeah fun times. Much better now…

[@Eirliss]

I'm so sorry! I had similar problems with shoes and clothes, therefore was bullied at school. I'm glad everything is better for both of us now!

[@deniseb7370]

You are so right about all of this! I’m 53, and I’ve spent years trying to figure out why I have some of the habits that I have, like keeping a lot of food in my house, even though there are only two of us now. I grew up in a lower income household, but it was nothing in comparison to how broke/poor we were when we first got married. This was before internet, cell phones, etc., so the isolation was unbearable combined with not having enough food. I didn’t even know there were resources out there that could help. We toughed it out, but it has stuck with me.

[@Chahlie]

When I was 20, with a 6 month child, only married for a year, I literally starved. I wound up in hospital with a massive pelvic infection and weighed only 83 pounds. I was painfully unprepared for the world. I remember my doctor telling me to go on welfare and I had no idea what she was talking about or how to do it. She said "look in the phone book under W". Serious. I had worked since I was 12 and my parents were reasonably well off. I'm 58 and my kids are grown but I still grow enough food for an army :)

[@deniseb7370]

@@Chahlie I totally understand this story! I went from 130 to 105 in a year’s time. I asked my mom if she could give me $20/week until I could find a teaching job - we’d just moved. She said “no”. A week later I did get a teaching job, but I had to wait a month to get paid. I saved the good food for my husband who was working every day. I, too, had worked since I was around 13-14, and this experience definitely has had a long term effect on me psychologically. I have food in every corner of my house now, lol!

[@jaydee9308]

OMG yes, it's food for me as well 😔

[@TheLily97232]

My mom grew up in extremely poverty and she's lowkey a food hoarder and I never understood why. But knowing what she went through I get it

[@shiny_x3]

Oooh me too, one of my fav possessions is my stand-up freezer, so I can have extras of everything. I do try to eat the food I have on hand, but I have a really hard time throwing away food that I bought that i didn't turn out to like...it just sits in the back of my freezer for years.

[@rocioiribe5841]

the biggest thing that i've realized about myself growing up poor is simply that i have a ceiling on what i even think is possible. like i'm serious. like i don't even think that doctors will ever believe me and that "getting help" is something that people with money and privilege can do. it's sad. i have an inflamed nerve on my right foot that has gotten worse over 4 years and in my eyes it's seemingly trivia. i am afraid to go to a doctor for it b/c i don't think they'll listen or believe me or help, or tell me i need time off work and i can't afford time off work.

[@cindyhetzler4333]

i advise you to hurry to the dr because it could be diabetes and you could lose your foot

[@TherealHRHMarissa]

You deserve to be listened to and heard! (And also we need universal healthcare and sick leave)

[@kagitsune]

That's super legit. Ugh, I hope you find a way to get the care you need and to be able to take care of your bills.

[@TheSamjane4]

I get it. I often skip,the doctor because I think what’s the point if I can’t afford the medication anyway.

[@katemiller7874]

God I hope you went to the Dr. I’m 55 they still don’t listen to me you still gotta try dear

[@WarlordXial]

The temperature thing has to do with tree cover. Poorer areas have more concrete (strip malls, parking lots, highways) and get hot, richer areas become cooler areas because they have tree cover (takes up space, expensive, takes water to keep trees alive, etc.) that regulates ground temperature better. Vox or a similar agency did a video on this recently in Arizona!

[@mariagordanier3404]

You are correct!

[@franziskani]

The wildfires in California: A rich neighbourhood was spared, there were enough golf courses around them. Low vegetation, green. Of course those golf courses need insane amount of water (in a semi-arid region).

[@cassandruhhh]

I grew up poor and as a result have a very poor relationship with food, so I really resonate with that part of the video. I struggle with NES (Night Eating Syndrome), binge eating, and overeating. I have had people comment about how I unnecessarily finish my entire plate, even if I’m full. It’s so hard to explain it’s this thing in my brain telling me to finish every crumb because otherwise I will be hungry later, and it is wasteful. It’s really hard to change that mindset as an adult. It took me until age 26 to even come to this realization about myself.

[@chrisulastone9151]

I also struggled with a borderline BED in my teens and 20s. This journey is lifelong. I find that freezing food, giving it away, and reminding myself "to waist or to waste," "finishing your plate if you're not hungry may harm your health in the end and won't feed hungry children in the rest of the world," "I didn't create this system," help a lot. Obesity is very expensive to maintain as you age with the health problems that come with it. Things don't always work out perfectly but we can try. Composting scraps and feeding leftover food to animals (like chickens) it s another good way to reuse the food without eating it. Wishing you the best and don't forget to practice self compassion. No one is going to take care of our bodies but us.

[@larissajoy]

1. Problematic relationships with food 2. Poor impulse control with money 3. Working too hard to justify purchases 4. Avoiding social gatherings 5. Being okay with discomfort

[@lokiblue5125]

Wow never realized that the reason I wasn’t social in my 20s was because I was broke and couldn’t afford anything but cheap thrift store clothes and a $15 drink was too much of my budget since I lived in LA. I didn’t want to move back to PA and be a “failure” so I just never went out and spent all time at Barnes and noble, pros, museums. Still like to read but I now feel like I wish I knew that about my psychology. I’m in my late 30s, making a ton doing what I love (bestselling indie thriller writer) and am so much more social with my mom friends. I thought that I was doing it to make sure my 4 year old knew how to be friends with people- I didn’t, I grew up poor and moving a lot, so I didn’t see the point since we’d just move again in a year. Anyway, I’m loving having family friends and doing things together. I a L ways thought I was an introvert but now I think I was just socially inept and insecure.

[@ber1779]

What if you had a teacher who encouraged you to be pen pals with your old friends and kept in touch with your previous teachers? (stamps and envelopes paid by the teacher) I’m becoming a teacher and am wondering from a student’s perspective if that will help, or what the teacher can do to help.

[@lokiblue5125]

@@ber1779 I’m not sure 10-18 year olds are that great at writing letters. Now it’s a lot easier with FaceTime so it would probably be a lot better but then it was just phone and that felt weird.

[@chrisulastone9151]

Another thing is that I had little in common with my peers. I was working 60 hrs/week to put food on the table at age 16 and my college roommates were shopping and sleeping in. I wasn't jealous, I was just tired and couldn't quite relate. Many of us also have family issues which contribute to the poverty, which further divides us. Let's stay home and make tuna sandwiches is not really a 20 years olds idea of a good time!

[@ariesleocap]

@@ber1779 I moved 11 times before age 14. (Tried pen pals, but we moved so much it always fizzled out.) BUT one time I moved during the school year and the teacher had the entire class write me a card welcoming me to the class. I was 8 years old and it’s hands down the nicest thing a teachers done for me. I think she assigned me a partner to show me around too. It was the easiest move I ever had 🥰 I can tell you’re gonna be a phenomenal teacher! Best of luck!

[@Jennie8684]

This explains so much for me. I grew up middle class, while my husband grew up in a relatively poor household. We are now very well off and my husband enjoys that lifestyle very much. However, he has most of these attitudes to money and a fear of “running out”. I on the other hand, see money as a resource and am confident that we have plenty. It explains for example, why the other day, when we replaced some tea towels, he was desperate to keep the old ones “just in case”; and why I have to tell him to turn the heating/cooling on when he’s home alone, but is happy for me to do it the rest of the time. It also explains why he thinks our (responsible, sensible and practical) 30 year old daughter (who has a successful career & is paying off her house), “doesn’t worry enough” about money and security.

[@user-et9mc6gv3y]

He seems very sweet!

[@Jennie8684]

@@user-et9mc6gv3y He is, usually 😂

[@citrusjuicebox]

Growing out of these habits has been a huge struggle for me. But I try a little bit every day to be kinder. To me, to everyone.

[@fancynancy2888]

This is such a great topic! I grew up in a working class family so while that is different from poor, I can connect with some of the topics mentioned but from a different angle. Food wise, my family could afford food but it was a tight budget so most meals were homemade, restaurants were once or twice a year, and McDonald’s was a treat every few months (my sister and I had our own burgers but split medium fries and beverage between us). If we ever went to the movies, we snuck in our own snacks and drinks 😂. We had one family car (used) and major maintenance work meant that the family budget was tight for a while. I learned the importance of self-reliance, hard work, and resourcefulness and I attribute this to coming from both a working class and immigrant family (I scratch my head at people that get rid of perfectly good clothes because a button is missing or a hem is undone.) I learned about money and bills as a child because as the eldest child and who spoke English, my parents opened bills with me, have me write cheques for them, and I would speak with utility companies on their behalf -my parents never wanted to involve me since I was a child but they had no choice since they did not speak English at that time. Because of that, I never asked my parents for the latest toy, gadget, or clothes because I knew my family’s reality. While I am now middle class, I feel like a fraud and that I am still working class. I have some things which I did not before (my family did their best and I was always loved), I still find myself with some habits (I cannot throw out leftovers, I save glass food jars for storage, I drink milk after the expiration date if it is fine, I keep my devices until they are obsolete and need to be replaced because it is expensive to keep up with the latest if they are still useful.)

[@yeseniah7373]

Sometimes, parents doing their best and loving children is not enough. People need to do family planning. If you can't afford it, don't have a second child. Don't even have a first child. A life of limited and stretched resources is hell and can have life long consequences. My relationship with my parents is tense because of past and current poverty issues.

[@EmpressG]

Some people would call your habits sensible 😊 Saving glass jars to keep your food (much better for the environment, and much better for your food because it doesn't absorb the chemicals from plastic...also, why pay for stuff that you can get for free???), not throwing out leftovers (saves food waste and sometimes even tastes better the second time around!), not having the latest and the greatest tech at every possible moment. Why keep up with The Joneses if they're not paying your bills? I really don't get why people look down on others who have habits like this. Sensible habits let you stretch your budget for the fun stuff. I get by with the basics for the basics and spend my time, energy, and money on travelling and enjoying the world around me.

[@tinad8561]

Been there…particularly the feeling like a fraud part. In all the moves we’ve made (and there have been quite a few), only two have been into new-build middle class developments, and I felt very uncomfortable both times-exposed, almost, like somebody was going to call me out as not belonging.

[@nusaibahibraheem8183]

Home cooked meals are far better for you

[@Kfroguar]

I don't know where you live, but in casual conversation in the US working class and poor are used interchangeably. Obviously there are different levels of financial stability within the umbrella of working class, and these are colloquial definitions, not sociological or polisci. But anyway a lot of what you said is very familiar to me. I use old jars for storage a lot because it reminds me of home. Plus there are no recycling services near me and it feels so wasteful to throw away glass like that.

[@misezbe]

I can relate to a lot of these issues; another to add is being highly sensitive to wastefulness. Especially with food. The idea of buffet lines or all-you-can-eat situations is really triggering for me.

[@patriciaa4451]

I'm definitely working on my impulse control in spending on smaller items I don't necessarily need. I grew up with 4 siblings and my parents worked as teachers. Our parents took loans to put is through school. I'm only just finding my feet financially as an adult and it's definitely an adjustment. I feel like I have too much and not enough. I'm scared of going broke and not enjoying my money at the same time.

[@babykiwer2005]

Growing up poor turned me into a dragon that hoards their gold. Even after having money I shopped at thrift stores.

[@michelejohnson6459]

I love thrift stores the outfits I get the most compliments on are from thrift stores.Have you been in a retail store lately?Macy's ,dillard's, yuck!😅

[@natashadavies9569]

Charity shops are great (UK here hence the different terminology). I had already built up a good wardrobe from charity shops, wealthier or more spendy friends and regular shops in my younger decades but since 2017 I pledged to Only buy second hand clothes. I had ours for undies and footwear if I needed more. Once the habit stuck I've occasionally bought new but it's not only saved me money but is just so much more sustainable. These days even expensive brands just don't seem good enough quality for the most part and I've never understood paying £60 for a bag that isn't even real leather. Doing anything budget wise is obviously a lot more fun and less oppressive when one has a choice though

[@GenXWitch67]

Me too. I find real joy in having a beautiful unique home. Not everything is 2nd hand but most of it.

[@КалинаРайчева]

Loved this video! Thank you Chelsea! I would add something to the last point about discomfort - a habit of people who have grew up with less seems to be agreeing to take on and clinging to jobs that may feel uncomfortable (and could sometimes be detrimental to overall functioning). I feel like this has to do with the idea that each opportunity, however incompatable or inappropriate, must be seized to ensure there is some stream of income at least.

[@GeeklingNo1]

I totally agree that when you're poor, reckless spending can be seen as fun and freeing. When I got $ from graduating highschool I decided to blow it all on a ps4. My dad was pissed but it was my first time buying something that I wanted without worrying about consequences. Since then I've been trying to give myself permission to make 'reckless' spending a part of my budget. When I got a new job I rewarded myself with buying a new cane that I've wanted for a while. I'm giving myself a spending budget just for buying something I want and it's really helping me feel less trapped by my finances.

[@chrisulastone9151]

This behavior reminds me a lot of binge eating when you diet too restrictively. It's like the rubber band just snaps. The worst thing is the sharks that take advantage of this (like furniture rental places). I think your plan of meeting yourself halfway is an excellent strategy. In time you may even find that you don't need to splurge all the time. Wishing you well in your journey to balance.

[@CaliHinojosaVids]

Chelsea decided to come for me in 2022. I haven’t been through the whole video yet, but my big issue is overspending on groceries out of fear there will be no food.

[@meg39818]

To this day, I still see my mom eyeing up plates of food people leave in food courts or at the table next to us. When I was a baby, my mom was a single parent. I never went hungry but she did. Sometimes she would bag up the food from other tables at the mall and take it home. Sometimes she’ll still say to me when we see someone leave food “You know, back then that would’ve been coming home with me.” She now has a net worth of $2million. She taught me to work really hard. I have a PhD and a six figure income. I’ve saved enough for a house deposit but it never feels like enough. Still, I like to spoil her at fancy lunches where we don’t use takeaway containers at the end.

[@grrrgrl101]

My mom told me similar stories and it breaks my heart. She never felt like she could earn more/do better on her own and to this day it still affects her.

[@roxcyn]

That's a great change! What field did you go in?

[@meg39818]

@@roxcyn PhD in pharmacy and I work in clinical trials now.

[@roxcyn]

@@meg39818 - that's a great field!

[@susanf4857]

God bless your mom. ❤️ I can't imagine how hard that was for her. I love that you spoil her every so often.

[@mariayanez4200]

One thing I have noticed about growing poor is that I often get extremely anxious while grocery shopping. As an adult, I now have the means to buy whatever I want but the thought of actually spending the money makes me panic so much. I'll often just leave the store because I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. I make a list with the prices ahead of time now and it helps a lot. That way I'm not overwhelmed with all the prices and I've come to terms with how much I'm going to spend.

[@seqka711]

Yeah, this is part of what I love about buying my groceries online. In the store, it's so hard to compare prices, add things up, take them out of your cart, etc. Like if I pick up a pack of donuts at the bakery section of a store, and then rethink it by the time I get to the deli, I can't just take them out of my cart then and there. I have to go back to the bakery section, put them away in the right spot and feel bad that I put my hands on the products. That makes me less likely to do it. And it's easier to keep to a budget since everything just adds up automatically. All in all, every time I do end up back at a grocery store for some reason, I feel lost and anxious and wish I was using my app instead.

[@angelfieseler5358]

I grew up poor, when my finances got better my milestone for that transformation was that I could buy anything I wanted at the grocery store. Today I like to not spend that much on food but I make it a game not because I can’t spend money. I relate to the no doctor thing I always thought it was because my parents were stoic not because we couldn’t afford it

[@karladenton5034]

@@seqka711 getting my groceries via pick up or delivery was a game changer for me. I started doing it even before the pandemic. Now the only place I really 'shop' for groceries is at the farmer's market or road stall - I can't resist the fresh fruit and veggies.

[@seqka711]

@@karladenton5034 I should look up if there are any farmer's markets within walking distance of me, since that's a good idea!

[@myriamcroteau7006]

That "Being OK with Discomfort" hit hard for me and I can give you an obvious example: my partner and I moved in together in an new apartment last summer. We kept my mattress because it was a Queen size instead of is double size one; his was too small for the both of us. But the thing is, I had no bed to go with it. I had been sleeping on the floor for over 10 years because I felt like buying a bed was a luxury I could not afford, even a basic one. I'm not even sure if my partner endured it two weeks before he had enough and bought a simple metal base on Amazon because he was already sick of having to get up from so low every time he had to go to the bathroom during the night. Me, I would have still waited, I was used to it... The first thing my best friend - who had never seen me with a bed - told me when he saw my new bedroom with the mattress actually on a bed frame for the first time was "It's about time!". Even last week, I had no choice to buy some new winter boots because my old ones died on me and boots are an absolute necessity at this time of year when you live in Quebec; still I felt guilty for buying them even if I used the money my mom had just given me for my birthday/christmas. I knew it was ridiculous to feel like that, but that feeling was still there... I'm really looking forward to growing out of poverty!

[@loe3175]

I was at Dollar General this week and talked myself into buying $3 worth of lipstick and nail polish by, in the aisle, I said to myself outloud, "I NEVER buy myself things like this (and I don't) so I can have this!" This video hits home pretty hard. I noticed also that I don't have to justify buying food -- but a personal beauty related product takes a pep talk.

[@dragondancer1814]

My husband is doing time (don’t ask), and I only make just above minimum wage, so I have to stretch the money as far as I can. My Christmas list this year? Fuzzy socks for sleeping in (the bed in winter is freezing without him) and long-sleeved T-shirts with fun sayings I can wear to work (extremely casual retail environment). I don’t even like to take advantage of the employee discount where I work because we need the money more for paying bills, taking care of our younger teenager (the older one is in college), and sending some to my husband. Every so often though, he’ll twist my arm over the phone and insist that I treat myself to something. He’s in prison and he’s giving ME a pep talk! Go figure!

[@themeechelle]

Oh the food one hit home. My dad has always eaten very quickly and we always had "spares for the spares" on things. And he grew up very, very poor

[@alishagreenawalt3127]

I never thought I was poor growing up, but this is way too accurate. Even though I'm now financially stable as an adult I still do this; and it never seemed odd since my mom's whole family still goes out of their way to stretch a dollar even though they don't really need to. Definitely something to think about.

[@Dan_Chiron]

This will sound awkward, but I learned to not have savings because every time I had a considerable amount my parents would take it. Sometimes they asked, sometimes not, but how could I refuse anyways if that money was used to pay rent and some other house expenses. They were not greedy, they just had a very low income and were trying their best to provide for us. I used to think "well, they gave me the money in the first place", but unconsciously I learned to spend it as soon as I got it.

[@momentsformoms9467]

I’m sorry. I learned this too but from my sons dad always taking my work checks and any money I ever got.

[@karladenton5034]

THIS. Not me, but my late husband. I was a 'save up for it' and he was a 'spend it before it disappears'. This led to multiple instances of me going to make a purchase with money that I thought was saved, only for him to have already spent it. Eventually we did meet somewhere in the middle by saying 'purchases over $X we both have to agree on BEFORE hand' for me, but line items in the budget for purely frivolous spending for him (for both of us, really, but I tended to save mine LOL). There were a couple of rocky years early in our marriage until we both ironed that out and got to the point where we had enough discretionary income to put those line items in the budget.

[@OzSteve9801]

Here's one that many people go through. Money was tight when I was growing up and any time I got money my father would "look after it" for me because he said I couldn't be trusted with it. This meant I never saw it again. When I left home and married, my wife did the exact same thing. It took a friend to point out what was happening and convincing me it was time to be with people who had my interests at heart. I still have a problem in thinking that the money "isn't mine" and have guilt spending it for anything just for me.

[@jamess9387]

This really resonated with me, particularly the parts about going to school with a bunch of rich kids and feeling poorer as a result and keeping things that are in disrepair and making them work.

[@feliciaw.9248]

This one hits hard. Number 3 had in tears. Thank you for this. You shone a mirror up for many of us to reflect. You made me aware of deep set issues that I could not articulate before. 🙏🏾

[@roserobb]

Re: temperature, look at the ecological environment around areas of different income. In the Boston area its particularly stark. The line between Brookline and Allston is stark and easy to notice because Brookline is so green in comparison. In the summer it is noticably cooler to walk in Brookline than in Allston.

[@tracyfitch4873]

Growing up we had low middle class years and poverty level years. My dad was a contractor and his income greatly varied from year to year, season to season. My mom was a teacher’s aid and made no where close to a living wage. She basically worked the job to get the insurance. We were on welfare off and on, only ever wore second hand clothes and ate a lot of spaghetti! We were basically raised on junk food, because it’s cheaper. The struggle I face now in my adulthood is that my husband and I have careers and are now considered upper middle class, but the rest of my family is still very poor. It is a constant struggle between the guilt of having more and the expectation that we will spoil them. And, I do. I take my family on vacations that I pay for and buy them things (especially my nieces and nephews) probably more often than I should. I don’t know if that is healthy or not… but, if I have more and they don’t isn’t it right to be generous? Or is there the danger of being taken advantage of? I’m really not sure. But, my love language is giving and receiving of gifts, so I gain joy from being generous with my family. Curious to see a video on that kind of dynamic.

[@blooj3663]

You shouldn't doubt yourself for helping them out. Feeling worried you will be taken advantage of is a valid concern but is also a worry brought on by a middle class way of thinking. Its so easy for people who used to be poor or working class to forget how it feels sometimes.

[@melissahood2960]

If your family asks you for something you don't want to give, please be honest and say, "I really love that I can help with your education, but I don't feel comfortable paying for car repairs". Be honest. Poor people asking for help isn't taking advantage. Poor people asking for Gucci handbags is taking advantage. This is coming from the poor daughter of a rich Dad.

[@franziskani]

Does your family show envy, does it put a strain on the relationship. Or are they acting entitled ? It is a bit tricky if you spoil them (it is more harmless with the kids, in the natural order of things kids are receivers) - it could put the adults in the family in the weaker position. It needs a lot of character to be the giver and maybe even more to be the receiver that has a good attitude. If you are close as a family, you all might be able to pull it off, so that you being wealthy and giving is a blessing for all. As for the kids - it is possible that you create very nice, lasting good memories for your nieces and nephews. (I had a generous god mother, and even though I tend to be frugal because of my childhood experiences she also taught me how money has to be spent (eventually) so it can do good. She did not throw around with money, she had a good income no marriage, no kinds, she saved - and parted easily with money if it could buy nice experiences with her god children (she had plenty of them, she was very popular, very engaging personality). One danger is if your gifts are much better than those of the parents (think birthdays or Christmas) that they feel humiliated. Or outpaced. - Or they are very happy that you spoil their kids ..... and there are no awkward feelings at all. You have to watch them a bit. And maybe not making too much of a fuss when the gift is handed over. (which could make the parents feel bad that they cannot provide those things. The kids will know anyway and they will remember when they are adults and have children).

[@cutecheerfreak1]

I really felt the being middle class but living near and going to school wealthy people thing. It has a weird way of making you feel destitute when there’s nothing wrong. I too was kind of poor as a small kid and didn’t notice it the same. Thanks for the video. I have a lot to unpack.

[@Snowbird5779]

Damn #5 hit me especially hard. 😅 I have gone a long time before replacing needed items (think contacts, clothes with holes, broken glasses, etc) both out of a guilt for spending money on myself and a “it still works” mindset. This despite being able to safely afford the new item, and often being physically uncomfortable with the current item. I will say though this whole video was incredibly relatable and thoughtful as someone who grew up poor. Thank you so much for another wonderfully insightful piece. ❤

[@aliismybff]

This came right after my therapy appointment today about my insecurities (which is all of the above). Thank you for this!

[@CVV000]

What she said about thinking we will not have certain things anyway and being uncapable of planning long term is so true. I grew up not traveling anywhere due to not being able to afford it, and now that I have a job that pays well, traveling has barely crossed my mind despite it being something I think I would like.

[@feliciakellerboyle4922]

wow! I just listened to the intro and I already relate so much. I never felt so poor as when I moved from an apartment complexes where everyone's mom was broke and everyone's dad was in jail (including mine) to a the land of white kids (I'm white), parents where were still married, and $40 t shirts. I felt so out of place. For a while I wore even baggier pants in rebellion and hated everyone because they "didn't get it." It didn't help that my mom was still cleaning "rich" people's houses. It took years of diligent money work to heal the wounds of this experience and I continue to learn more every day. Recovery from financial trauma and poverty is so important. Education is key! ❤️

[@maripaes]

Omg I needed this video so much. I am trying so hard to improve my financial health after growing up poor and having serious panic when trying to deal with money. I cried watching this… thank you very much. I needed this in my healing process.

[@blackoutballer]

This completely explains why me and my sister are so different from personality to how we deal with money! I’m older by 3 years and my parents were really poor and struggling immigrants. My parents started to become successful when my sister was born. I have every personality trait and habit you’ve listed but since I’ve never remembered actually being poor, I never realized this is why I am this way. Mind is blown!

[@brittanymann810]

I grew up poor and we ate a lot of fast food and process foods. Which I believe contributed to my need and at a time obsession with eating "healthy", organic & unprocessed foods. Which is pricey but I do feel is worth the value.

[@l.m.n.2338]

I went vegan once I started working because the only food we had was bulk frozen fries and chicken wings for dinner everyday (tasty now and again, but gross and boring every day). I now still eat fairly healthy but relax because I know my other alternative is not fried food from a wholesale store.

[@dnfan1]

Man, the clothing part really hit me hard. I was just arguing about socks the other day with my fiancé (who came from more secure background). They each had a dime size hole in the bottom. I was trying to say that it didn't bother me, and the holes hadn't grown to a size yet where I found the socks didn't work. That I could just keep wearing them until then. He was telling me to throw them away and get new ones. I used an argument about being eco-friendly and using things fully. Now, I'm wondering if I learned that talking point to not discuss those money lessons that have been engrained in me.

[@maralenah3825]

I feel like using things to their full potential is the correct thing to do in this case? Like maybe try mending them so you don’t have to wear holey socks but I have had a lot of conversations with people who grew up “comfortable” who are way too ok with just throwing things away in favor of replacement and It just doesn’t seem right to me.

[@KaylaKasel]

In this case specifically, you could definitely mend/sew/patch them easily & keep using them. If the holes are only on the bottom, it shouldn't be that visibly when worn either. Or if they're beyond saving, you could reuse them as rags, or shredded fabric stuffing for pillows, a microwave heater bag stuffed with rice, etc depending on how crafty you want to get. Good luck to you regardless!

[@Problematiqu3]

I would totally have the same argument with my boyfriend! It’s definitely more of a being unnecessarily wasteful issue.

[@monstermcboo7282]

Cheap Dickies or Hanes socks I trash when they develop holes. My good wool or silk blend socks get darned. Buy quality when you can and treat ALL your belongings well. That’s just basic wisdom.

[@dragondancer1814]

Being “deep blue collar,” I’ve been repairing the Hanes socks that my husband and I wear for years. Holes in the toes? They get darned. Holes in the heels? That’s when they finally get “retired” and used as dipstick rags for our cars. We’ve always performed weekly system checks on our vehicles (checking fluid levels, testing the lights, checking air pressure in the tires) to keep them running well and detect repair/maintenance issues before they become a huge problem (a habit we both picked up as volunteer firefighters), so those worn-out socks get a second life that way. And they may be those 10-pack Hanes socks, but they’re still worth repairing! On a deep blue collar paycheck, anything more than $10-12 for a pack of socks is nuts to us!

[@loverrlee]

Thank you for this video. I did grow up poor. I had food insecurity. I still struggle with it today. I also never got to celebrate birthday parties with my peers and missed many school trips because I grew up poor and we couldn’t afford birthday parties, presents or trips, leaving me feel socially isolated from my peers. Thank you for highlighting that a lot of what I’ve dealt with are hardwired into my brain and it’s very hard to unlearn.

[@lisaahmari7199]

Chelsea, I am so grateful you are helping people the way you do. Could you please do many more videos on poverty mindset....and how to overcome it? You have hit a very deep nerve with a huge part of the youtube population....in a good way.

[@llamasugar5478]

I remember telling someone about how I was starving one summer and one of my house cleaning customers basically saved me by feeding me each week when I came to do her house. (“This is great! It’s like having my boys back at home!”) My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, turned a shocked face toward me. “WHY didn’t you tell me this was going on?! I would’ve helped, you know I would’ve!” I told him it never occurred to me to ask _anyone_ for help. I started working at 13 so I could have things without asking my single mom; self-reliance just became a habit.

[@TheEmzies]

My parents and I just had a conversation about this. It's been really hot in New Zealand and I have been keeping the air conditioner (heat pump on cooling) on to make it more pleasant inside the house. My parents won't do this to save money on power but in reality the cost is minimal compared to the comfort of a cool home (and is something we can both afford). It took me ages to get over the mindset that turning on the heat or cooling was wasting money.

[@lolipena8051]

#4 and #5 hit home. I would go out but did it responsibly. I would eat a pb&j before going to a restaurant I couldn’t afford just so I could interact. I’m glad I didn’t spend just to fit in it. #5- I went one whole winter without fixing my heater in my car. Other things mattered more. I agree all my old habits are still with me. Feel so guilty to eat out as deep inside I get the waste of money feeling.

[@indiradahan]

I had a friend who grew up very wealthy… Her parents gave her $250,000.00 for a down payment on her first home, and she still exhibited those things that you are mentioning.

[@blooj3663]

@@indiradahan she must be a very rare exception. or maybe she has an eating disorder so feels guilty about the food not the money.

[@indiradahan]

@@blooj3663 No her parents are like that too. Very odd.

[@franziskani]

@@indiradahan maybe there was other scarcity going on. Or her parents were the first in this family system to do well - so they were weathy persons that had grown up poor. That can still spill over to the children.

[@indiradahan]

@@franziskani No.. the entire family is very well off. Just extremely frugal.

[@AG-ng2sm]

The heating/AC story! I have rather high salary for my age and education and could comfortably afford to pay an electricity bill twice as high than I usually have. But somehow refuse to turn on the fan in a summer and definitely refuse to install AC in the house I own (got a mortgage as a single 29yo women, wild, right?) because it costs money (that I have, but refuse to spend). So it's 14°C in my house right now and just today, I was thinking to myself "I'm not even cold!" wearing merino wool underwear and the extremely warm and fluffy joggers. Dreading to take a shower indeed. I learned I should not tell my parents that I love visiting them because it's always so warm in their flat. So now I officially commit to getting myself the thermal comfort I deserve. Thank you Chelsea!

[@franziskani]

Be careful with going THAT low with the temperature. On a summer morning you see condensed water vapor = dew drops on the vegetation, especially grass. Same happens in the house. You would be surprised how much water vapour is in the air in a house where people live, breathe, cook, shower, ... You could get mould in the house. For real. the dew point is around 13 degrees. Moist insulation does not insulate anymore. and if the water falls out in the wood construction or in the brick wall mould WILL grow. One cannot always see or smell it. This can lead to major health problems, auto immune diseases and what not. Also: you cannot invite people to come over at 14 degrees C. Maybe you could keep the house at 17 - 18 degress and have a wood stove in the sitting area ? For being cozy. Then you would have the best of both worlds.

[@eliseoarroyo2030]

Every point you mentioned really made me think that was something that was my fault. It was just my environment. I will do better now because of this video. Also I was throwing punches into the air when you mentioned keeping up in social gatherings. I ran up my credit card on liquor just to hang out with people that semi liked me. After that fiasco I never paid off anything, yet. After today I’ll be better with my spending cause you shown a light to a problem i never thought of. I needed to hear this.

[@klh6977]

You explained exactly the way I still am now at 44 where I went from government cheese poor to upper middle class income by busting my ass for years. But I can’t seem to change my thought process around money and resources very far from when I was a kid. Most people can’t understand it and most don’t believe me that I grew up the way I did. It is helpful to know that this is a real thing that people like us deal with and it’s not just all in my head. Thank you for this video.

[@CinziaDuBois]

Thank you! I've suffered from both swings of eating disorders (both extremes) and it took me a long time to recognise the relationship I had with food was inherently connected to money. Edit: also, yes. The heating issue. I never turned the heating on in anywhere I rented until I was 27, and I moved home at 19. I once woke up with a layer of frost on my bed

[@Qweennothing]

Thanks Chelsea, always honest and insightful. This really hit home in a way I didn’t expect. I grew up poor, and so many of these resonate with me. I used to get anxiety and freak out when I was shopping and making purchases over $100, even though I was making a good salary and I needed nice suits to wear to work. I just had a mental barrier that things shouldn’t ever cost upwards of $100. I am so fortunate that I studied hard through university and worked hard to be in a stable well paying job, own my own home and have 3 wonderful children. But there are still regular instances where I feel like I don’t have the skills to cope with this much more affluent lifestyle. Having grown up in tiny 1-2brm apartments with bare bones furniture, I struggle to manage a large house, garden and all the things that we own.

[@AnaMariaFernandezPujals]

Omg Chelsea… I relate so strongly to your specific experiences which is why I first started following you - what 7 years ago now? - all that time ago. Your experiences and former relationship to money resonates so much and I am writing THIS COMMENT because your particular story about dreading the shower because it meant getting wet and being cold just hit so hard. Yes… I am also now like a lizard in winter. Totally traumatized and just need the heat to keep the trauma at bay. Thanks so much for pulling all of this research into a great digestible mix of anecdotal stories, lived experience, pop culture references, and citations - there is tons of this work out there and the trauma of being poor is so well researched and documented… it’s just sadly not all that well understood and given compassion for by the general public including those of us who experienced it! Thanks again for a great video. 🙌🏼🙏🏼

[@Chahlie]

Oh God yes, I absolutely refuse to be cold now.

[@tinad8561]

Yep. Our house was always cold; I had a whole collection of knee-high dress socks that got worn under everything, sometimes layered. Now I’m a lizard 🦎 and will not put up with cold feet. (Uggs, for all their faddishness, are genius for that.)

[@Veratheprettiest]

Coming from a childhood of never having enough, I've been spending recklessly ever since I got an actual paycheck. It's comforting to know I'm not alone with this issue, I thought I was just broken.