5 Hidden Ways Narcissists Fake Being Helpful Around The House

[@narcabusecoach]

Download Free Guide That Answers Top 10 Questions emotionalabuserecovery.com/

[@annpolese3160]

The "help" only creates more work for me.

[@savezelda]

@@annpolese3160 lol

[@dsmusicbird]

Their help, is never help. It always makes it worse.

[@cindys7514]

We threw my granddaughter 's first birthday party on the rooftop of the building. My children and I worked very hard for days preparing and decorating while the SIL threw up every obstacle to try and stop us and on the day when the guests were all there he hovered around the table rearranging the plates of food and looking at me pretending he wanted my approval and showing off in front of everyone as if he did all the work.

[@tzivier3061]

Danish, you nailed it. I have trained him to do his own laundry, take care of his appointments, do the dishes twice a week etc. He is learning how to carry his own weight.

[@johnm3544]

I bought an expensive gourmet birthday cake for my narc mother, none of my narc brothers wanted to give me something towards it after the fact. My narc Uncle had phoned me a week earlier to tell me that I should buy a gourmet cake for her birthday party, I had already decided to do so. At the birthday party everyone was very pleased with the cake which was gorgeous. At the party my Uncle's narc wife interjected saying it was just as well that my Uncle had pushed for a cake or there wouldn't have been one. The smug self-congratulatory smile all over his face was sickening. My mother then thanked him profusely, she new I had bought it but said nothing to me about it. When I reflect on this and many many other happenings I know that going NC with my family was right.

[@nomeanpeople]

I got wise to this years ago, it's an exercise in frustration. He will bring home boxes of garden produce & quietly expect me to can it.( I always had hoped that he would finally quit being so cross with me if I would learn how to can/preserve foods, but it didn't matter, none of what I tried so hard to learn mattered) the last few minutes he would ask " need any help?" or do such a chaotic, messy, job while pushing, & shoving me around the whole time that I just gave up. The last time he brought home produce, that was the LAST TIME . nope, no more, I love saving food as much as the next person, but not with a heaping 35 years of abuse that came along with it. you ain't going to sit there like a king, watching television while I do the work, last time, last straw, it's over!

[@rosinacapace9872]

Only vacuums, when he's on the phone, so he can give the illusion of helpfulness. Says things like, "I didnt know you needed help. All you need to do is ask." I do ask. He also sees me struggling all the time. No guilt. Walks right past. Most used excuse: He makes the money. Until recently, i worked full time too. We have a severely diaabled child, who has completed public schooling & needs constant supervision, therefore I am caring for our son & no longer work. Im also responsible for the upkeep of the house, paperwork, errands, ....everything else. Very lopsided. Glad you made this video. 🙏

[@aliceroberts1980]

Yep my narcissistic husband works so that some how means he doesn’t have to do anything! If he forgets the trash he will bitch about why don’t I do it !!!

[@fancypinkg]

But asking isn’t getting. I know it to well

[@LindaNormam]

True true true, I have to treat him like a child to help, then he does it with anger.

[@blatevola01]

OMG! You gave a perfect description of my first husband's behavior. Any time I started a large home improvement project, he'd disappear faster than the Energizer Bunny. He'd only reappear when it was time for bed and disappear again early in the morning if the project continued into the next day.

[@faresalynch4978]

4:50 you are so right about the narcs saying give me a chance that was his favorite line give me a chance and as time went by I started telling him I gave you Decades of chances glad it's over

[@MegaRose1958]

My Toxic ex loved doing things around the house. He loved cooking, washing clothes , vacuuming, doing the yard. He loved doing more than I did.😂😂😂 We had a beautiful garden when we were together. He knew how to fix things too. I give him that credit. Now depriving me of sleep, calling me out my name, pinching; pushing, throwing my ph; purse and eventually punching me was the last straw.

[@williambowes-xt2sm]

Oh my God! How awful! :(

[@marijakinkela8610]

Fake is what they are, what they do, what they think... Life is fake in their presence, with or without audience they crave for attention.

[@azya5994]

Oh, so true.

[@PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

My favorite was claiming 50% credit for the work I did simply because they were okay with waiting if I wasn't able to get to the task right away

[@savezelda]

God bless you for all you've been through. I don't know how you're so well adjusted. Another epic video.

[@kcs9928]

When i left my husband and ended the conversation, i told him I didn't love him anymore . His first response was that " That's the same thing my mom said ". This was before I knew what a narcissist was.

[@Rickettsia505]

I was working nights, he would allow the toddler to wake me, and decide to vacuum while I was asleep.

[@vanessagovender7014]

Sometimes, begging becomes the order of the day... There presence actually adds to more drama...

[@fancypinkg]

To get rid of responsibilities ,being enraged for something insignificant most of the time right before they said they were going to help, that way you don’t even want to ask for it knowing they will do things with a bad disposition with anger and cursing it’s also a thing. Also , you end up doing things cause you got tired of asking for help , it is harder when it’s a two people job and you got none to help you. And my favorite, criticizing only the things you haven’t done yet ,but the ones you did are invisible and never happened, cause you know “ you sit in your as.. all day. I guess the cleaning fairy was the one this whole time tackling the chores.

[@sickofcrap8992]

WOW! Sounds like my X.

[@MissNancy]

Oh, something else he said regarding me doing housework at 9pm and asking for help (while he watched TV) ... "You do it better." 🙄😖

[@MR-ly4xt]

Same! Also whenever there's any painting to be done in the home, I get "you do it better, I don't know which brush/cloth to use" etc. any excuse!

[@Shve18-o6x]

Yess... they hoard everything and never take responsibility to dispose it off... which again we have to do it😢

[@Rickettsia505]

My ex left the home for his new supply. Every time he came to get our daughter, I had a large box or bag of his crap waiting for him to take with him. He couldn't say anything because child was watching. He was furious.

[@Rickettsia505]

"You're so much better at it."

[@savezelda]

@@Rickettsia505 that is sick

[@monicarai1497]

That's how they exercise control over you. First they pretend like they are being supportive and helpful. When I moved countries to be with him he was all lovey dovey in the start. But the minute I tried doing things in the house while he was working he will start belittling me that this that and the other has not been done properly. It re-triggered my trauma's Danish,because growing up my narcissistic mother would do the same thing to me.If I washed the dishes, she'd wash it again citing that it's not been cleaned properly. What could I have done? Walked out of one hell directly into the mouth of another. But today when I look back,I'm grateful that God pulled me away from those people. I don't want to ever be associated with them again.

[@cfleming7156]

My narc spouse wanted me to text him by 1:00 pm from work, as to whether or not I was going to cook dinner (which I cooked almost every night). Him: "I need to know if your not going to cook, so I can get something else". He was unemployed!! Left him 1 month ago, NO CONTACT!

[@azya5994]

Wow. Glad you are done.

[@aliceroberts1980]

My narcissistic husband helps by doing a crap job and messing things up so he doesn’t have to help at all . Or he wants to help after he does something horrible if I say I don’t want help he has an excuse for him to blow up and start bitching at me about how he’s trying to help and I’m so ungrateful. Or he wants all kinds of praise, cause he folded the laundry. My brother use to do this too so than you wouldn’t ask for him to do anything again.

[@MR-ly4xt]

I can absolutely relate to this. He wants a medal for occasionally washing the dishes (which is all he does when asked) and I'm supposed to thank him. Of course I get no thanks when I hoover, dust, clean the bathroom, clean floors, do washing on a daily basis. I used to confront him about how little he did, but it was like talking to a brick wall. He insisted he did his share! 😮

[@kcs9928]

The last 2 are triggers of mine with my ex. I experienced all of them but some reason these 2 are the ones. Also when they come into finish a task or take over something you were doing for the child and then you are labeled like you did nothing and they also do that and share this to their flying monkeys

[@subalsarkar6412]

been there, feeling like no matter how hard i tried, i just didn’t stand out. then i picked up Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and honestly, it changed everything. chapter 3 opened my eyes to how energy works-it’s not about effort, it’s about alignment. people started noticing me in ways they never had before.

[@monicarai1497]

Yes. Some will make exchange deals with you. I was heavily pregnant at that time but I was still cooking and cleaning and arranging everything.

[@Arrtists]

“Don’t you know my back? Don’t you?”

[@yolipurpleflower9784]

I grew up surrounded by lazy narcissists who refused to do their household chores. The housework fell on myself and two other of my sisters.

[@dsmusicbird]

Sometimes he swept the floor, when he did, he’d leave the pile there! I’d have to finish and do it better 😒

[@GC09Summer]

he actually called me a slave 😢

[@TaraRaeRising]

ONE MILLION PERCENT right on the money! As usual 😉🥰

[@drsmtnithyapalaniswamy6954]

Exactly

[@karnalsunita90]

100% true👌

[@sab7270]

Ex narc loved doing back garden not front I did that ... his escape he was always busy to help with anything else...

[@Arrtists]

Oh my gosh. They’ll do some chores. And then point to that as proof they do help out all the while failing to realize chores are perpetual. There’s always laundry. Always dishes. Always food to cook. Always places to clean that get lived in and dirty. Life. They don’t get it

[@Arrtists]

Rather than just doing things that need to get done and living in cohesion, it’s “I did that last time. I did that before.” Sounds adolescent to me

[@stephanniekotalik9339]

My narc husband puts more effort into watching porn than the relationship.

[@Maria__57]

This should be one of the most important thing..for leaving a narc..withhout looking back..Total lack of respect..& then they that are pigs want from the wife the same dirtiness..the pigpen belongs to them.. That's the narc natural habitat...

[@sickofcrap8992]

🙌

[@savezelda]

@@stephanniekotalik9339 that leads to demons

[@monicarai1497]

I was so relieved when I finally divorced and move to a whole completely different country. For the first time in my life I felt free. Amen 🙏🙏🙏

[@user-lt3yb4fm6q]

Spot on!!

[@mathisp8795]

He kept his mother with him throughout life .... They are not two people They are one .. Both of them tortured me to Keep the house clean kitchen clean Dust free house Bath room clean Vessels clean Respecting mother in law Respect my mother Respect my mother .... Dedicate all your service to my mother ... He always bring friends guests strangers ...someone to home always I have to cook for them I have to keep the house clean He used to talk with them laugh with them eat with them and sleep with them ....etc House is like a lodging I have to please everyone by taking care of them ...absolutely mad stupid people

[@SoliSono]

Tough relationship or marriage. They are toxic 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤

[@ericalbright7210]

Christine Albright "SPOT ON"💖!... "THANK YOU "💖!... "+"!..."💖"!...

[@lynshively5980]

Mine does this to then act like he now deserves sex. Does anything expects praise and " pay ". Constant pressure when he's home for sex. So sick of it.

[@MissNancy]

They're a Blister ... they show up after the work is done.

[@savezelda]

Genius

[@narcabusecoach]

Rightly Said

[@fancypinkg]

With the “ I was going to do it”

[@AshniKashyap-kd4mg]

for the longest time, i thought being magnetic was something you either had or didn’t. i used to watch others shine while i felt stuck. then i found Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it made me realize it’s all about the vibe you give off. chapter 3 especially changed the way i carry myself-it’s such a powerful shift.

[@MR-ly4xt]

He refused to do the finances, so I had to do them, but he would accuse me of cheating him out of money! I would then show him proof that I didn't and he would sulkily say sorry.

[@azya5994]

O Cmon Danish. If I am not earning and taking care of home chores and kids, it is believed that atleast I SHOULD be doing these jobs because I am not earning. If I am doing work whole day then what a big deal, he is also working full time outside. Did I ever helped him in earning? No, never. Then how am I eligible for asking help at home. I cannot enjoy his hard earned money by not doing home chores. Till this it's fine but even who work 5 days a week have 2 days off lying in bed watching tv and eating, nothing else. But a homemaker never ever have a day off and you are talking about asking for help in home chores? 🙂 How could I ask? I have no right. I stay at home and I do nothing in the eyes of others. Still their home is running, on its own?

[@language-n-learning]

This is not gender or relationship specific. It could apply to men, women, spouses, roommates, colleagues (on projects), etc. But I would add that if a husband and wife have agreed to traditional roles (the man works and provides and the woman takes care of the house, the woman takes care of the children while he's working, the man takes care of the yard and cars), then the wife should not be complaining about her man not doing housework.

[@robinholz7858]

Very rare these days. In my experience, 11:10 the woman has a full time job at home and in tbe workplace - exhausting. My first husband said he'd do half the housework before we got married AND spent over 10 years in school getting a PhD. He also never got a decent job after graduation. He wouldn't look for jobs outside his area because they were "beneath him." I carried nearly all the weight for the family.

[@language-n-learning]

@@robinholz7858 That's sad. But the best family dynamics are the traditional roles. Women are happiest at home, and men are happiest working, providing and protecting. "Female independence and equality" was a trick to break up the home and double the number of tax payers.

[@rajveergurjar9457]

if you’ve ever felt like no one notices you, trust me, i get it. i felt like that for years, trying all the confidence hacks and advice out there. but nothing clicked until i read Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki. there’s something about chapter 3-it’s like the missing puzzle piece i didn’t know i needed.

[@BelqisBellaNasseri]

This is my ex

[@ThakorAnand-zk9oc]

ever feel like you’re the one no one notices, no matter what you do? i’ve been there. i tried all the advice out there, but nothing stuck until i read Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki. the insights in chapter 3 blew my mind-it taught me how to let my energy do the talking before i even say a word.

[@laxmidhurve8857]

i was just like you, wondering why some people effortlessly draw attention while i felt invisible. nothing i tried seemed to work. then i came across Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it completely shifted my perspective. the way chapter 3 explains energy and presence? it’s like unlocking the secret to being noticed.

[@tonetonre5092]

☯️

[@Arrtists]

Rather than just doing things that need to get done and living in cohesion, it’s “I did that last time. I did that before.” Sounds adolescent to me