5 Mindsets to be Confident & Well-Liked

[@teddyburberry]

“Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.” Well and concisely put.

[@jedhraley]

@@santioliva learn to cope

[@a_nikak]

For me it's not a problem at all, criticism, insults and all of that, the problem is I'm bad at taking criticism from someone, who i do really care about

[@areyousrsrightneowbro]

what if you are bad at discerning who to take advice from

[@onwards.and.upwards]

1. Don’t focus on your appearance, but rather on making the people around you feel good about themselves 2. Live according to your values 3. If you feel nervous or awkward and you’re scared that other people are noticing, act like they aren’t noticing or don’t care. (Act like it’s normal to be a little awkward, shy, or nervous). 4. Put in the work and aim for the top. Don’t let people who don’t even know you or what you’re capable of, tell you that you don’t have a chance at achieving something you want. 5. Stop caring what other people think about you. Remember if you try to please everyone, you will never be anyone.

[@frederickrueger7861]

Also: "Do not accept criticism from people you wouldn't accept advice from."

[@ianbuttery8693]

Time ... nothing brings confidence than the nuanced understanding of the experience of life. It enables you to access what life drops on your doorstep.

[@sunbeam9222]

Haha I find number 3 so important and true. Whenever I practice that my nervousness dissipate. I tell myself there is a reason I show shyness or nervousness and it's actually ok, the moment I accept that part and decide to be comfortable with it, it decreases greatly.

[@justanotherupscaspirant8837]

I think the MOST important skill here is to pick the right people. So many people focus on "bettering themselves", being nice to others, being attentive, etc. And while that's not wrong at all, it also won't work for everyone. You can be as nice and polite as you like to the wrong PPL and they'll take that opportunity to walk all over you. I think she herself said in another video that "if i don't tolerate that behaviour from myself, i won't tolerate it from anyone else" and that stuck more than anything else. Pick the right ppl

[@ailurii]

1. The most attractive trait a person can have is confidence. 2. When you put an excessive amount of work into your appearance, you come off as insecure. Why would you need to wear a ball gown to school if you’re going to a ball later that week? 3. Make people feel special. Ask yourself: “What is unique/interesting about this person?” 4. Say just a little bit more than you need to be. 5. Emanate warmth. Smile with your eyes, not with your mouth. 6. Make use of (appropriate) touch to make people feel closer. 7. Speak in a gentle, calm, soft voice. 8. Make people laugh. 9. Make a list of your values, evaluate how you’ve been living by them, and fix the things you haven’t been living up to.

[@alanamontero4743]

"The only way to completely avoid criticism is to dig yourself into a bunker, to not interact with anyone, to not come up with any original ideas, to not go for your dreams, to not say or do anything. What way to live is that?" Terrible and soul-destroying. I can confirm through personal experience. Biggest regret of my life. Criticism, even dealing with hordes of internet trolls on a daily basis, is better than the outcome of living your life like this. Don't do it to yourself.

[@avaprod.8622]

so true!!

[@thatgui88]

That's what I'm doing right now work night shift and taking online classes. Great life so far hahah

[@40shreyaroy89]

I feel like even if you do all of those things someone will criticise you for not being more outgoing or something. Never being criticised is such an unrealistic thing

[@mollof7893]

Same :/

[@leonama6876]

Then they criticize you because you are not around.😂

[@natalyaa3514]

For me, being respected is more important than being liked

[@pretty948]

Yeah

[@oponomo]

Hell no! being liked is so much better... That's how people genuinely treat you to the best of their efforts. Also, it is impossible to enjoy someone you don't respect, so if someone like you they can't not feel respect for you. (how they treat you might be poor, but that comes to their manners and education).

[@rhahavyb]

@@oponomo I find when people "like me" but they don't have respect for me, the "like" isn't genuine at all..

[@videoerxxx1230]

better in life to be more liked than respected, more job opportunities, more connections etc.. Respect is earned and u can do so by being a good citizen, being well-liked is another skill level that's harder to master

[@ygmjphpoaifbmidhkmg]

Fear + love from others = respect

[@sammarks9146]

I've found that admitting I'm nervous makes people instantly sympathetic and supportive. We've all been nervous, and unless you give them a reason to actually dislike you, they're going to support you.

[@sakshyahegde7247]

Hey Anna could you please touch on the topic of over sharing maybe to your friends or you date.

[@pretty948]

Yess

[@JudyKapow]

Yes please. I find myself oversharing a lot and it bites me in the butt.

[@grassgeese3916]

1. Learn to identify when you have the urge to share something. 2. Decide how strict you want to be. What kinds of things do i want to share? and with whom? and what kinds of things do i want to keep off-limits? 3. Learn to journal! I prefer paper because i write slower, and going slow helps me to relax 4. Learn to notice in the moment, when you have the urge to share something, which you already decided you should keep it off-limits. 5. Intervention. Instead of sharing it, do something else. You could change the subject, end convo, make mental note to journal asap.. just a few ideas. It's up to u to learn what works for u. 6. Bite the bullet cuz changing is hard. Yr gonna have to repeat these steps over and over and over again. Until you have trained yourself. Do your best everybody

[@lunaryear9938]

This !!!

[@Michevell]

Hehe guilty

[@joogee3978]

ah love the RED! eye catching color, perfect for a video about confidence :)

[@michellelam5268]

i agree so much when ana said to own our awkwardness. in hs, a lot of ppl told me that they rly admired my confidence and i think the one tip id give is to push urself out of ur bubble. whenever i did presentations in middle school, i got rly shy and awkward but in hs, i managed to overcome that. i love presentations and i feel comfortable talking in front of large crowds. i also think showing some awkward moments here and there is perfectly normal! it makes us appear more human when we can fully be ourselves and not try to put on a facade of perfection all the time.

[@lianxie5582]

100% agree!

[@venusinlogos]

Just discovered your channel, you are so incredibly articulate and structured and such a good speaker! Seriously. It is so refreshing to find a KZbinr that is so good at talking in an engaging way.

[@nicoleonfeels]

Confidence is something I have to continuously work on. Definitely putting this in the tool box 🙏🏽

[@vidhanmehta9960]

"Don't care what others people think about you." - 🔥 Stoic wisdom at it's core.

[@Sarah-tr8wp]

this is just so good for me :( this video is actually helping me. i havent had a real meal in 5 days, extremely depressed, i only work, go home and rot until midnight, wake up at 5:30, go to work and the same day goes on and on. looking for values and act made me feel like i wasnt procrastinating today. thank you so much ana, this actually helped me. feeling grateful rn. hope i can get better

[@clocks54]

Hope you're doing well

[@kianaw.8096]

take care of yourself

[@Sarah-tr8wp]

thanks guys ❤️ i just baked a nice cake and it's tasty

[@augustusmaximus11]

@@Sarah-tr8wp I've had depression and sugar made it worse. Especially added sugars like in sweets and so on. And gained weight too.

[@cristinafabian23]

Hope you had a great day today ❤️😭

[@katherinekama8753]

Your point about letting your connection with others come from a place of authenticity instead of just charming people/manipulating them to feel good about themselves really resonates! I'm from Washington and live here as well, Seattle is amazing!

[@PrestoJacobson]

Agreed! Also...How so? I wanna move, but don't know if I would just be a barista/tender.

[@12ealDealOfficial]

This channel has grown on me. Much, not all, of this advice could apply to anyone. Specific to women watching this channel, I'd like to add what I still think is more important (in descending order of importance). I've dealt with the public in customer service as a barista for 10+ years while I finished my own BA, and I'm willing to bet with more than a thousand unique women who've each informed this perspective. 1) *Stand up straight* Roll your shoulders back and correct your posture. Instantly, you will seem healthier, more engaging, and more confident. This works regardless of your body type. Wealthy families from cultures all around the world make sure their children learn good posture for a reason. 2) *Don't wear pajamas and hoodies all the time* I know it's comfortable, but it doesn't appear confident. In fact, hoodies and pajama bottoms are the first indicator I see that someone lacks self-esteem, confidence, and maturity. It may seem empowering to wear what you feel most comfortable in without the expectations of others as a factor, but remember that many of us had sisters growing up. That's all I'll say. 3) *Avoid glottalization and speaking lazily/ carelessly* Successful people typically speak with articulation and a particular inflection that people enjoy listening to. If you don't know what I mean, search for a video called "Why do girls have creaky voices?" by iHeart Media about glottalization. I actually prefer a video called "The Vocal Fry Epidemic" by Abby Normal because it's funnier. If you want to appear more confident, don't be lazy with how you speak. Again, prestigious private schools around the world incorporate speech and vocal etiquette as part of the curriculum because well-spoken, pleasant sounding people are more successful. Speaking without lapsing into a smoker's rasp is tricky for women who hit adolescence after 2010, probably more so than refraining from using "like," "just," "because of the fact," and "kinda" all the time, but it WILL make you appear more confident. Standing up straight, dressing like an adult, and speaking with poise and articulation will instantly elevate your appearance of confidence. Instantly.

[@imlauragr]

The things that I will implement are 1. Share a bit more information than usual and 2. Live more according to my values (I have to work more on having fun jaja and not be so workaholic) You do such a good work Ana! Thanks :)

[@laurenkeane3168]

this is actually extremely helpful. i recently was diagnosed on the spectrum and have a hard time holding conversations and being confident. that’s barely scratching the surface of it, of course but i’ve noticed i struggle with being myself because i’m so wrapped up in how other people think of me. in turn i think this might be off putting to others and makes them uncomfortable because i’m not comfortable with myself. i don’t know though, that’s what my intuition tells me and that’s what i solely rely on since i can’t pick up on social cues very well.

[@raylaughlan5324]

I’m very mildly autistic and so is my boyfriend, and what you said is 100% correct. We both worked on paying attention to what the other person was saying and asking them questions, making them feel seen and understood, rather than always talking about ourselves and trying to be accepted out of insecurity. You have to genuinely change your mindset to care about others more, but it starts with the action of every time you have a conversation, consciously force yourself to ask more questions and listen when they talk so you can ask follow ups and then tell stories that are specifically related to what they said about themself. That’s how you really connect with someone, and people love sharing about themselves :)

[@Hannah-hn6ot]

Anna I love the integration of shadow work into your advice. It’s awesome to see someone in mental health genuinely caring for the spirit ❤️

[@Re3ponsive]

"Often, people who can do, don't because they're afraid of what people that can't do will say about them doing.” - Trevor Noah

[@maddievic2]

Hey Dr Ana! Truly love your videos and look up to you. During the “live in accordance with your values”, you mention identifying a handful of core values that resognate with who you are and what you are prioritizing in this stage of life. I’d love to see a more in-depth video about how to do this, and some examples of core values, as well as their implications or uses when cultivating relationships.

[@breakthrou_]

So good! I'm working on my confidence and committing to following my dreams. I've struggled with indecision, perfectionism, procrastination, depression, etc... You reminded me that I can learn and gain the appropriate experience, and I should always aim for the top.

[@avaprod.8622]

great tips! I tend to take myself and situations so seriously because of perfectionism and dont allow myself to have a social faux-pas from time to time. Its true that if you’re awkward others will sense that awkwardness and vice versa, theres no hiding it. Now I’m trying to loosen up and just be more goofy

[@earth_safari]

Thanks!

[@AnaPsychology]

Thank you!

[@jmfs3497]

I'm getting ready to leave my house and walk down to a music venue. I'm not sure I will go inside yet. The plan is to simply make the effort to walk down and sit on a bench for around 30-45 minutes and chat with any acquaintances that swing by. I have been staying home a lot over the last couple of years in order to avoid drinking. I want to be comfortable simply being present in my own skin without feeling the need to mingle or mask, etc.

[@drebugsita]

Especially appreciate "Put in the work, then aim for the top" around 19:00. All of this is like the pep talk I wish I could get from my mom, older sister, etc. Thank you, really needed this!

[@d2xr]

your videos are a GODSEND wish I knew all this when I was 18.

[@Lil-lt8np]

Loved this video. The part where you talked about "aim to the top" resonated with me a lot. I tend to give up on opportunities before even trying, but I'm working on it. Thanks for your work Ana!

[@jcnot9712]

15:59 girl what? I laughed so hard when you brought up Italians out of nowhere 😂

[@defariase]

Dr. Ana - I'm a big fan and absolutely love all your videos. I learn a lot about myself every time I watch them. Thank you for sharing. Cheers!

[@jacobnava2705]

Wow, this videos is full incredible knowledge, my brain just absorbed every bit of it. Thank you!!!

[@moonkoral1009]

Haven’t even watched the video but acceptance is SO important.

[@eli7527]

This channel is helping me a lot, thank you!

[@katherineliriano6164]

Mindest number 3 is certaintly helpful as I am too awkward in real life. And well, sometimes I get flashbacks about my past awkward moments and feel like dying all over again. It is much better to think I am not that special and that everybody is a little bit awkward

[@lovebender]

This was an amazing video. You are very beautiful and I love the way you explain all of these concepts. I can feel my mental health getting a lot better. I loved how you talked about not letting others who don't know me well decide what I am capable of. I also liked how you mentioned that I should not be taking criticism from people that I wouldn't be taking advice from. Thank you so much Ana! :D

[@aliceland992]

I really like your channel because you are honest and to the point. Thank you for creating all these content for those who are seeking help and insight!

[@sinajafarzadeh9577]

Thanks Dr. Ana. I just looked up the list of values from ACT and it's such a fascinating topic to delve into. tbh, I don't think I know my values or leave my life with a set of clear and concrete values but rather some vague instinctual moral compass. knowing your value is definitely a good step toward improving yourself.

[@magnushultqvist]

Good video, I really need to work on this and find values. So far having fun and not lying is my values so far. My parents always said. Aim low there must be something you can accomplish. But after listening to you I will aim higher.

[@libera7161]

18:06 this reminds of my teacher. I was bullied in school and she was very mean to me and said that she knows exactly what kind of person I am and that I am spoiled. I was actually far away from spoiled. She didn't know how I was treated at home. I was badly bullied from the other kids and that's why I changed school, but the system brought me back and when I was in directors office, the teacher said to me, I should not cry, no one is going to believe me as if I were fake crying. I was genuinely upset because I was bullied there and I didn't want to go back. People assume things about you, even though they don't know you. Looking back the only explanation for the bad treatment I got must be racism. I'm a POC.

[@vin_rouge180]

excuse me, what's POC? thanks

[@johnjohnson3681]

@@vin_rouge180 It's short for 'Penis or Cock'. You can choose which one, it doesn't really make a difference in this situation.

[@bobina77777]

@@vin_rouge180 person of colour

[@vin_rouge180]

@@bobina77777 thank you

[@samco63]

Such a great video. I went for a career change into real estate, and was told time and time and time again not to do it. “You’re not a salesperson, you’re too quiet”, “it’s a tough industry, you won’t make money” and on it went. I did do it, and I was the top of my cohort and got the most listings… I didn’t keep at it unfortunately, due to other circumstances (I went for a low Tier agency that didn’t pay their staff enough to live and had targets 4x harder than other agencies - because people told me not to go for the top agencies). I wasted too much time chasing my tail in this unethical agency, but I should’ve gone for the top agencies as I’d still be doing well now.

[@rebekahnewman3876]

I love your videos. A lot of hard truths. I consider watching your content part of my self care habits. Self care is about confronting yourself when needed! Thank you for helping me mature into the individual I want to be

[@admirbarucija2018]

I’m so happy to see this after work, confidence is one of the things I’ve been working on during my sessions!! Hope you’re doing great ❤️

[@peipeixi]

These are all accurate points. It's just that some people are naturally gifted with these traits and behaviour. I would also like to be confident and well-liked but apparently I come off as a try-hard when I implement some traits or behaviour in my daily life. I want it to be organic as much as possible so I tend to not try at all. It's quite a dilemma.

[@MiguelThinks]

I love the approach of making others feel special. The worst thing I hate seeing in a person (for any gender/sex) is the type who loves to draw attention to themselves, instead of giving other voices a space. I feel this is very unattractive, and I prefer hanging with a person who is the opposite, and I find that attractive, even with other men as a heterosexual.

[@KlaraL-_-]

This was such a good video! I find that I already have this mindset, but it was interesting to hear everything compiled like this and to hear what you have to say about it.

[@よろしく-u5l]

For me I just try to think of people as not being more valuable than me just because they have certain traits. I also try to think of myself that way, that I’m not more valuable as a person because I have this or this. Or less valuable because I don’t have this or that. It’s hard to do. But for me that’s been how I’m able to help my self esteem. I just try to think that people are people.

[@yusufbayraktaroglu9450]

you talk like this, i listen you till i die

[@db2ez]

“If we tried to please everyone, we would never be anyone” damn thats a quote right there 🙏🏼

[@iStalkAlot]

your videos rock and it's so encouraging to see a young woman that is so articulate and academically successful, because i definitely find myself feeling a bit reserved or doubtful of my intelligence in academic settings ... not sure if this is a weird thing to say im just like YAY not an old guy telling me stuff for once

[@marciafab7]

Ana, I am so proud of you. Thank you for your content. It has helped me so much by making me more mindful to be my best self.

[@lavienueve]

notes for myself !! The most attractive skill is confidence. You can come up as insecure if you out too much attention/effort to your appearance.

[@lavienueve]

Attraction is really about magnetism.

[@lavienueve]

Mirror people's body language. Also, repeat the last word they say, if you have no idea to say. Eminate warmth. Sime with your eyes !!

[@sofia8574]

“Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@DrPhilGoode]

Was that directed at me?? 😡🤣

[@Tswizzle_sizzle]

I am a teacher and going in I knew educating/safety were primary roles but a third equally large role is the relationships I form with colleagues.

[@lesliebalneg4938]

Thank you for these tips! ❤ I also want to comment on your look, you look so fabulous..very beautiful..😊

[@PourYourArtOut]

So well delivered, as usual 🤍

[@musicianwren9248]

Best advice ever 18:12 thank you for this video!

[@userysl]

Thank you for this video. Your channel has been so amazing and I really appreciate your perspective.

[@sherlinsequeira2379]

You my inspo. Lots of love and thank you for helping everyone better themselves🥺🥺🥺🥺🖤

[@sararebghi18]

Bună, doream să îți spun că admir enorm modalitatea prin care te exprimi, respectiv acuratețea pe care o ai atunci când prezinți un subiect😁. Videoclipurile tale sunt foarte educative și mă ajută să mă înțeleg,dar și să fiu cu mult mai prezentă cu oamenii.Continuă sa faci cea ce faci!👍🏻

[@lastnamefirstname6035]

Ana, from the bottom of my heart: Thank you so much for your video's! I really want to work on myself, especially confidence as I know it will help me everywhere in life. You always give an example and even a little exercise to try it out. You're video's always help me understand so much more about me and the people around me. Once more: Thank you!

[@ThatgirlINTP]

Great video! Congrats on the soon-to-be 100k...almost there! ;) If I may, I have some video content suggestions that could be useful to you(or i would like to bingewatch anyway, hehe): -Psychology and religion (maybe discussing a Jungian approach) -How to break up with a friend who is deppressed or unstable -How /when to aknowledge things are good enough (yes , we talk a lot about self betterment, but i think contentement is also much needed and a lot less discussed subject) -How to define 'selfcare' for yourself and your specific needs -Tips for receiving and giving compliments -The psychology of petowners that over-humanize their pets? (Im talking about people that treat pets in a very childlidke fashion, dressing them up and giving them overly humanlike qualities despite dogs for instance were once wolves and have animal needs...) -A psycholgical perspective of the 'female gaze'/ The role colective archetypes play on the societal expectations placed on women (channels like wit and folly have already covered this but from a film-theory perspective). -Your thoughts on the 16 pesonalitiy test or MBTI types Feel free to use (or not use), as you please :) Thanks, Ana!

[@jamilabrownie]

This is all really solid advice that goes beyond the obvious. Thank you!

[@timeabg]

You're making me realize the urgency of working on my confidence. Oh, also - can you be the princess of Romania? It would suit you darrrrnnn well.

[@Eames00]

Very sound advice

[@Chilly901]

Can't wait til you hit 100k am excited!

[@evadeeden2446]

The four people who disliked were the only ppl who took it too personally

[@leobeoleobeo1885]

Honestly I love the content, lately been feeling like I've been in my own head since stuff is going on, and I think its affecting my mental and social life. Thank you for the content

[@elenalechuga3656]

these sorts of videos are so necessary💖thank you so much Ana. I'm so grateful I've found your channel💖

[@omerpasa3328]

7:55 this is very hard to stop if you got used to it, because this all people in my üni calls me pervert...

[@bethanygreen1239]

I noticed that I only wear makeup to work when I’m feeling insecure (mostly due to hormonal acne)

[@CapeEniEer]

this is a very timely video, but also, gotta love Ana's aesthetic!

[@qibocreature1355]

Maybe you could do A video on how to cope with trichotillomania, body dysmorphia and sensory issues , these are just things I have to deal with at the moment xx ur videos always make me happy

[@kyliejack1341]

This is the best!! I need to see what my values are and if I am living according to them! 🤍 love your videos

[@Cowface]

Points 3 and 5 were very therapeutic for me to hear, so thank you

[@andrewhipsky8915]

you do such a good job!

[@audreybain7032]

Love listening to your voice and your tips! Keep the awesome videos coming, they've really helped me look at my own issues from a different perspective.

[@ilenemack]

Well said. Helpful and amazing video. Yes to thicker skin!

[@cre8gnr8nrg]

My confidence comes and goes so I’m always working on myself. People seem to like me and I don’t know why. I’m easy on the eyes So that helps. I’m also a bit of a goofball so I’m not as threatening with my physical size being above average (lots of gym) I’ve been told I have a good heart but I also embrace my dark side so I’ve also scared the shit out of people at times to. Basically I’d say I’m an introvert that many think I’m an extrovert but this past year has changed me and it’s not for the better. Lol oh well. :)

[@kimmyp7124]

needed this today for my job interview - thank you!

[@nurpurmakhan3316]

How'd it go?

[@otakumultifandom]

I love your mindset tips and just this entire video in general. Loved what your father said to you too!

[@iwasbornunderwater]

Heeey Ana 🙋‍♀️ I'm ready 🍷 Congrats on reaching 100K because I mean...it's done.

[@sara_razzle]

I wish I would've been able to watch this video when I was in high school 😅

[@moonlightgirl4685]

wow it's like u read my mind. These days I really wanna gain confidence:) i'm working hard on it. Hope you're video will help! Thank u.

[@sabrinagoddess_]

one of the best videos I’ve ever watched ❤️

[@janes.project]

Woahhh Ana, this video of yours is just mind-blowing to me. Thanks for sharing

[@jasonleetaiwan]

Thanks for this video Ana.

[@christopher6060]

Thank you. Have a wonderful weekend ❤️

[@dorabalogh3127]

Really good practical tips, with great explanations! You are a gem:)

[@yoana.ivanova]

Truly fantastic video! I think I'm going to save it and rewatch it occasionally.

[@coco-gv4nr]

Hey Ana! I love your videos, I watch your channel almost everyday. One thing I wish you would do more is add headnote sentences on the screen, so I can screenshot them for later to write them down and recall them when I need to. Just like you did in some clips of this video. Thank you have a wonderful day

[@timeabg]

This is one of your best videos yet, so useful, and you delivered it wonderfully

[@pretty948]

I feel like I'm quite confident but I don't show it as much around people I know (schoool) because I feel like people might think I'm being a wannabe because I'm not exactly attractive and I have a narrative in my head that says I should only be as confident as I look.

[@mr_noodler]

This channel is awesome! I've watched so many of these videos that you'd think I am a weirdo lol

[@dyaniosea1515]

hey ana! you could make a video about various manipulation tactics and how to deal with them if someone is using it on you or you are the one using them, but not aware of it :)

[@fh8344]

Love your videos! Also, PLEASE SHOW YOUR CAT! 🥺❤️

[@买了明天d]

confidence is very important

[@whenyousmileismiletoo5419]

one thing i just cant fake is small talk. i want to have friends but it feels like I'm giving in to the norm and not being myself

[@noway7555]

Thank you Ana for your channel.

[@MultiSenhor]

I am taking notes so that I can do exactly the opposite, but it turns out I had mostly figured it all out.

[@alinazia7599]

I never really comment but I love this channel so much! So insightful and you truly come across so well. Some of these points are in the book ‘How to make friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie which is a great read relating to this topic if anyone is interested!