5 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Life

[@sprouts]

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[@aslanlovett4059]

Change your woke thumbnail.

[@lyntex001]

I have a question, can parents be authoritarian AND neglectful?

[@sprouts]

@@lyntex001 sure.

[@Wsp307]

@@aslanlovett4059how the huzz is it woke

[@plol4738]

"If you didn't come from a good family, make sure a good family comes out from you." ♥

[@piccolomair]

that's kind of how it works, and also the opposite - like kids who had everything provided for them tend to be terrible parents (since parenting can be a challenge and they aren't used to the effort) Shitty parents often yield better parents because they learn everything NOT to do. I think the saying is that the most important thing a parent can do is just try. You can't know all the answers, you can't be prepared for every situation, you're going to be flawed in some ways - but if you try your best to do what's right - in the end that will shine through. my dad an I didn't have the best relationship - nothing sinister or evil, just couldn't see eye to eye growing up. His definition of my greatness differed from my own. We still don't really see eye to eye but 35 years later i can look back at what he did, where he failed and where he succeeded...i turned out to be a decent human being i feel - so whatever he did, it wasn't all for naught. Kids are our seeds - we wont know how tall the plant will grow and what fruit it will yield, maybe not in our lifetime. We could do everything right and that plant may still whither due to the conditions of the environment - and vice versa. All we can ever really do is just try.

[@jaimeguerrero2697]

Easier said then done. If you parents neglected and abused you growing up. That way of thinking is embedded in your coding. So in turn you are more likely to treat your own child in such a manner.

[@enlightened759]

Seems very hard mission

[@JohnDoe-vi1im]

@@piccolomair Words of wisdom

[@Ibrahim164]

If you didn’t come from a good family, then don’t get married. If living alone is too difficult for you and you do end up getting married, then either use 100% effective methods of birth control, 100% of the time, or get a vasectomy. That way, you won’t end up having any children of your own, and you will be a lot less likely to pass your own inherited family dysfunction on to the next generation. I know that this sounds like a really harsh approach, but given the lack of adequate psychotherapy for adult children of dysfunctional families that would enable them to finally recover, it’s the only approach that is 100% guaranteed to finally break the multi-generational cycle of abuse. It’s either that, or you’ll need to answer to God regarding how badly you f***ed up your own children’s lives, even though you never intended to do that to them.

[@danielaaguilar6330]

How about the “parent that constantly switches parenting styles depending on how they feel and confuse their children to the point of causing severe mental illness in them”

[@saumyapandey7253]

😂😂😂

[@averagelurker8072]

DEADASS THOO OMG

[@OmegaFire11]

That’s not a style that’s just narcissistic manipulation

[@tobiasfilms8825]

@@OmegaFire11 i'd say it's rather parents that are insecure about their style.

[@OmegaFire11]

@@tobiasfilms8825 absolutely not. Narcissist people have a habit of constantly changing the way they treat people randomly, and it forces their victims into a constate state of panic where they’re always trying to guess so they can stay ahead and avoid punishment. I’ve seen it, it’s incredibly damaging to children. If you’re insecure in your parenting you don’t swing wildly from “do whatever you want kiddo, it’s cool” to “I’m going to beat you for sneezing at the dinner table,” that’s psychological abuse

[@heatherann4390]

Its hard when 2 parents have different parenting styles for the same child and dont agree. Should talk about how u were raised before having children together.

[@nouraa.9958]

relateable.

[@Sinonia]

U know, people often agree theoretically when they want something from each other. They even don't know yet that they weren't honest because they didn't know the impact of a REAL child in their lives. The problem is that no matter how hard you wish you would be an authoritative parent, the styles u learned from your parents will remain your first habits and from that point on u will learn the hardest way to deal with self-trust and discipline and love and obedience and every day routines and so on and so on. I was talking quite wise about parenting when I wasn't a parent yet. Now, I keep my mouth shot and my eyes wide open.

[@MarcoBonechi]

I disagree. The difference in style is what allows the child to see through the content and the presentation.

[@DoctorReyesArt]

Part of it I think is essential, since masculine energy and feminine energy are so different, they both have their advantages and disadvantages. You average male is more practical and will exert more discipline on to their kids. While your average female is more emotional but understanding and far better and nurturing her kids. Their differences is what will help balance their relationship with their kids. In essence they will keep each other in check.

[@trackee2024]

I think it's helpful in my relationship with my spouse and 4 kids (6 years-old and younger). I have a tendency to withdraw (I had neglectful and authoritarian / abusive parents), so I work really hard to be present for my kids, but I get overwhelmed. My husband just had neglectful parents who were mostly good people and is more apt to give and want more love because of it. When I feel like I don't have anymore to give to the kids, he keeps going. He's the heart of our house and makes me a better mom every day.

[@CrystalKlear876]

Authoritative is the best one. Balance between love and discipline. That’s how we build securely attached children. The others is how we produced children with avoidant, fearful avoidant or anxious children.

[@luriddream]

Yeah but half an hour screen time is literally nothing, one sweet every week on a specific day is also nothing. Life is not just about improving yourself but enjoying it. Limiting everything in a very specific and strict manner will just turn the kid into an empty robot. I think setting more realistic daily and weekly chores and responsibilities then giving them the freedom to choose when or in which order or how fast they want to do those is much more beneficial. So long as they dont forget their responsibilities it is better they arrenge their day and choose whatever they want to do and whenever they want to do it, helps more with sense of responsibilty as well.

[@CrystalKlear876]

@ you basically agreed with me. A balanced life is a happy life

[@thecutlemon8101]

Facts

[@rhysrail]

But as with any authority it depends how it’s done, the rules should have reason behind them

[@CrystalKlear876]

@ I am speaking from someone who taught for 8 years. Always had perfect scoring on classroom management and relationship building during observation. Also in every friend group being the one everyone runs too for advice and how to communicate to a partner, love one or friend

[@thedummyaccount]

*"As an adult, she doesn't know what she really wants"* I feel attacked.

[@genzeldanecastro3255]

Same

[@mintchocoo3571]

@Dummy Account even though I'm not a adult yet I have the same issue, learning what I actually want is a hard thing to consider beacuse of how many obstacles I have to face during the process getting what i want,I hope u have a clear goal at the future, u too @Genzel Dane Castro

[@khuxiong4589]

@@mintchocoo3571 yes I can understand I remember when I was younger and people would ask or tell me "you didn't tell me what you wanted or that we are going now. You suggested it but you didn't say let's go now so I didn't know. Why don't you just say what you want instead of just saying 'can we go soon' or instead of just saying 'oh idk you guys can pick' it's annoying" But I always grew up feeling like I never had an option because when I wanted to be me, it would be considered "wrong. If you don't do what I say, you are a horrible child" It made me realize how different I was to those who were able to easily just make their own decisions and say they wanted something whereas I always just didn't know. Today Im doing better at making my own decisions but still I notice I'm very indecisive and I don't know what I want sometimes.

[@justwaterweight2712]

same

[@blacklotusv18]

Likewise

[@drrandom2639]

“If Sara cries, she’s told to stop.” What about parents who hit their kid for wanting ice cream, then when the kid cries, they hit the kid again telling him not to cry, making him cry even harder? It’s an endless cycle of pain till the child becomes boxed in and develops a resistance to pain. Edit: Removed "Asian" because y'all experience this too

[@sherina3663]

God this is true

[@aiswaryajain6315]

So true......although my parents werent like that....alot of kids around me suffered this way

[@aimeekelly4121]

Really? All Asian parents do that ? Just Asian parents ? Wow I wasn't aware of that . Thank you for educating me .

[@drrandom2639]

@@aimeekelly4121 Not all, but a lot of them do. I didnt use the word 'all' anyway.

[@ForteExpresso]

It gives immunity against pain,good for future isn't it? When your own parents treat you this way you don't get hurt by the outsiders. 😂 (That's how I convince myself against scrutiny) And since they also listen to our concerns related to the topics they care about (education,jobs friendships etc) - we also don't start hating the world and accept the reality.( Not like the Japanese Hikikomoro teens)

[@harmenbreedeveld8026]

Ahhh yes, my parents were a mix of authoritarian and neglectful. A very tough combination, I am struggling with the impact to this day, and I am 44. I have been working on myself for years, and I am now in therapy. It is slow going. But I am going.

[@jambangpamungkas]

So are mine. Now I ended up as an unhappy and insecure adult with trust issues who still doesn't know what he wants in life. I know my parents love me with all they can. And I know parenting is difficult. Now I'm afraid of becoming a parent myself. Anyway, kudos for you for being so brave to heal yourself! So happy for you! Take it slow my friend.

[@harmenbreedeveld8026]

​@@jambangpamungkas Hi S, thank you so much for responding. When you wrote this I reconized myself so much: "I ended up as an unhappy and insecure adult with trust issues who still doesn't know what he wants in life." In my case the love my parents could give was very limited. Especially in the emotional and personal plane. In crucial ways they did not and could not see me, know me, or be there for me in ways that I needed when I was a child and a young adult. It is difficult to grow up with such a background, because it is lonely. Know that I root for you, hard. You deserve love and happiness in your life. Know also that there are many people out there like us. We are not alone.

[@AiRbaL2000]

Same here, my parents gave me basic needs but never cared what i really wanted, i developed high emotions and insane imagination which i take advantage to this day in my pursue of art, however the lack of love and understanding has impacted me to seek from friends but sometimes those friends aren't always there and it can be very frustrating, I'm trying my best and hope to make it out alive.

[@notyourtype5329]

Same 💀

[@harmenbreedeveld8026]

@@AiRbaL2000 Hi Airbatt, thank you for writing and for sharing some of your experiences. I am so happy to hear that you have an outlet in your art, and I would love to see some of it, if possible? As for trying your best, keep doing that. I and we do the same. Together. Take care, and keep going. You're worth it.

[@Hello-Parents333]

My parents were authoritative. I m a doctor now. My one brother scientist and another brother in police force... Even today the best part of my life is my childhood. It was so peaceful. And i have overcome many problems in life on myself and some encouragement from my parents.

[@Nutella27Rimi]

My parents are authoritative and I will be a doctor soon (hope)

[@DAXWARS]

My parents were authoritative but I am an asshole who ruines my life on my own. Ever since I was given responsibilities, I failed and failed . I wish I had never been born​@Nutella27Rimi

[@7own878]

No matter what kind of parent you had. It left you broken in some way. Something was missing. When you have siblings your privacy and autonomy might have taken some hits. When you had none it are your social skills. When you have a parent that tells you always what to do you never learned how to think for yourself. When your parent never told you what to do you might need to find out what others think and learn how to listen to their needs too, so you can get along better. No matter where you lived. There are things in the world you haven't experienced at your place. Like you might have never experienced being free and doing arts or handcraft when you lived in a city or you never experienced how to have an academic lifestyle when you lived in the country side. That's why you should take some time after you got out of your childhood to find yourself and to find the parts of you you never knew you lacked. Then you can take over the sail for the rest of your life.

[@ara9906]

Such an underrated comment.

[@corrijackson]

Thats life .. nothing and no one is perfect ..

[@realexo-lforever4591]

When you live with a manipulated narcissistic parents it's a another case

[@babycakes2277]

Best

[@russelldelatorre3301]

Well said!!

[@connie27100]

I grew up with an authoritarian parents. It took me a long time to realise I had people pleasing tendancies with a lack of boundaries that made me prone to being bullied. Also lack of self worth in general didn't help matters. Lots of talk therapy for 3 years now and I'm learning to reparent myself. Even if I don't have children I know I can self soothe now when experiencing difficult emotions.

[@foxylady5]

same

[@Question.com1]

Same with me

[@saadiaahmed6617]

Well same here and this video and your story made me realize what a damaged childhood I've had, as a result of harsh authority imposed by my aunt and general neglect. Trust issues, people pleasing attitudes, low self esteem, indecissiveness and lack of boundaries are traits and signs I've only begun to see in my self. I don't know how to heal from them.

[@mikeexits]

@@saadiaahmed6617 You'll find Daniel Mackler's videos very helpful in regards to this. Much love and I wish you the best.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

I feel you, Connie. I am in this same place.🥹🫶🏻🙏🏻

[@sahithya3780]

The problem with most parents of teens is that they expect us to mature up and act like adults when they treat us like kids, needing full control over our life. It's honestly so frustrating

[@doublev4409]

Ikr? Damn, I've never felt this understood before.

[@sahithya3780]

@@doublev4409 I can totally understand you because I live in a family where i am the one who get cussed at for my brother's and my dad's wrongdoing. Life sucks.

[@doublev4409]

@@sahithya3780 me too. I'm the stepdaughter. Yay for me!! 🥳🥳

[@doublev4409]

@@sahithya3780 and also, we have a gender discrimination in my family, so my brother's the prince, and me and my younger sis are his slaves. I'm the only one who refuses to be, so I'm beaten more than my sis (she rebels less than me). Honestly, can't even tell if it is being a stepdaughter or just me rebelling more. But yeah, one thing's true : life does suck.

[@sahithya3780]

I'm so sorry to hear that... But I know you are a strong person and can get through this😘

[@Blaze07091]

My dad is very strict, demands absolute obedience in certain things, extremely involved. Sounds bad but he’s also courageous enough to be hold accountable for- he listens, he learns, improvise and improve. He had a simple policy when I was just a teen- he wanted me to try, to give it all. The result didn’t matter much. Yes, he would be happy to see me get good grades, but he also understood when I did not as long as I tried. He had the ability to accept one’s limit, he understood it’s good to be strict and to discipline your child but not strict enough that you break your child. I love both of my parents of course, but I will always be very, very grateful of the way my dad brought me up. The discipline he instilled in me, mindset of accepting failure and comeback bigger. He was, is and always will be my superman.

[@renia1833]

My stepdad had the “Abuse/fear solves every problem “ And my mom has the “I’m just going to act like nothing happened “ parenting styles 😅

[@massimo6767]

I feel you

[@kaiiiiiiii123]

I feel you

[@gloriali8632]

I hope you are okay. Please know you deserve love too :)

[@emilia4516]

My dad had the first one, and my mom was also the second but also sometimes fought with my dad because of his parenting style

[@krblss2800]

Same here bud. But my stepdad left and my mom is still neglectful

[@Shaezi11aGames]

As a child of an authoritarian mother and neglectful father, it’s been an uphill battle but now that I’m expecting a child I am attempting to educate myself so I can be a better person and a good parent.

[@annamanafe4809]

we're on the exact same page!! wishing you good health and pregnancy!

[@sidedashh]

L

[@humbleisme2381]

Congratulations! Parenting is hard, but you will learn patience and everything essential with time. Just be the parent you wish you had, that always helped with reactions towards certain situations.

[@ahmedsamy8406]

Your child will be lucky to have mom like you ready to spend time to make him better person even b4 he is born ...

[@livetwice7702]

What has been the effects if you don’t mind me asking because I have this dynamic the other way round , an authoritarian father and neglectful mother and I’ve struggled for years

[@GabrielleTollerson]

my parents were neglectful..now I'm just a people pleaser who clings onto people who show me any little bit of attention for dear life..it's MISERABLE.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Well, here I am for my daily cling rations 😉

[@lucasoliveiradejesusjesus6193]

Get over It, most of our lives won't be perfect, but we can't surrender by It. Good luck to you, and I hope you have a friend always by your side.

[@lucasoliveiradejesusjesus6193]

@@larajanebousseau1431 what should I said bro? Don't worry, everything will work out?

[@lucasoliveiradejesusjesus6193]

@@larajanebousseau1431 You think that was brutal? I mean, English isn't my native language, so It problably spelled more hard than I think.

[@michelepascoe6068]

We can learn better habits. Good videos by The Crappy Childhood Fairy and book by Susan Forward, "Mothers who can't love". Peace and courage to you. You can go on to live a happy life x

[@BillyWright-xg6ig]

I’ve been struggling with how to balance technology and faith in our home, and ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ provided some amazing insights that we’ve already started using

[@PinkJojo770]

Not everyone here is super into religion Karen.

[@diving.deep.]

👐🏽 What are you guys doing differently?

[@1sttperson]

Maybe don't project your ideology onto your children. Tell them the truth, that know one really knows if god exists or what happens after we die. He may be real he may not. Let them decide if god is right for them.

[@HanifaUwitonze]

​@@PinkJojo770you don't represent everyone either. No-one has voted for you.

[@HanifaUwitonze]

​@@1sttpersonperhaps you should also let him or her educate the way they want .

[@Sowta]

You want to be a good parent there is only one rule to me : EXPLAIN. Explain your childs what you want, why you want it. Why it's good for them. Show them, the world, the study, the diseases, the dangers. That works. It really does.

[@tomkelly8827]

At what point do you let them figure out their own questions then?

[@woerterfall]

I know parents who explain every little thing. It can be bad, too, because the child can‘t process so many words. But the dose makes the poison. While you try to avoid one mistake, you’ll make another one you haven‘t even thought of! 🤷‍♀️🙄😄

[@mariannakravchuk8894]

How many teenager have you raised up to be sure, that it works?

[@jackgreenearth452]

Yes

[@aurora8749]

I do that but I still don't always feel like a good parent.

[@nuramaliaathifahazmi372]

How is it possible for my parents to be authoritarian, authoritative AND neglectful at the same time?? They don't let me decide for my own self, yet expect me to make my own choices and be independent in life, AND at the same time completely disacknowledge how I feel about the decisions they make. I am an indecisive ambivert who is emotionally a wreck.

[@AvantiGiridharan]

As I was writing the script, I discovered that a lot of parents are mixtures!

[@simranrachel7929]

I am totally similar to you , thanks for putting all the things into words ,i am bad at expression 😂

[@michelepascoe6068]

Learn about narcissism. Dr Les Carter does good videos, also Dr Ramani. Peace and courage to you.

[@spetsnatzlegion3366]

Parenting centrism

[@animetsuki2593]

Mee too

[@itsarali]

Anyone else out there with snowplow parents who feels guilty all the time? Man, it feels like I should have turned out better and more independent because my parents were so helpful and supportive compared to the other types here. I mean, I’m so lucky and privileged yet I can’t do anything right. I’m sure people with worse parents all made better of themselves lol.

[@yesterdaywasADTR]

I feel that way too. I feel like I should be more independent and I always feel guilty all the time.

[@sprouts]

Very interesting 🤔

[@PORT.design]

My parents are probably between 3 and 5. You definitely can feel guilty and embarrassed about having mental health issues. The media usually depicts people who seek therapy as having some kind of trauma growing up, but there are plenty of people who grew up with loving parents and still struggle with mental health. I think this disconnect can really do a number on people who feel like they need help but don't want to look like they are "looking a gift horse in the mouth" with their privileged experiences.

[@aimeekelly4121]

I think a lot more influences out sense of self and esteem etc. School , peer groups , media , the greater community society etc . All those things influence how we grow up I think . I mean most kids spend more time at school and with friends than they do with their parents . After the age of 5 anyway

[@sashagarval276]

Same here, I feel like I didn't have any big problems at home unlike most of my friends, I grew up with both of my parents, they were very supportive and it was horrible when my mother found out I was on medication for the social anxiety that I developped over the years. At the time I felt like a failure, and so did my mother, it broke my heart, but we're better now.

[@arpitsh1111]

Every form of parenting is a childhood experience, that has to be overcome by the child and realised as soon as possible. This maturity is needed for humanity to grow and mature.

[@imastoopidnerd5090]

My parents would never let me do chores and stuff as a kid or taught me how to do basic things and when I got older they yelled at me and stuff for not being able to do basic things

[@fiestyfox2207]

That's kinda how my husbands parents were. They told me that it's stupid to teach my son how to do basic things like handling money/bills, filing taxes, fixing things around the house, making appointments, etc as a child but they get mad when my husband (their child, 22 years old) can't do those things? Like duh, you thought it was stupid to teach him those things and now I have to do it myself 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@fiestyfox2207]

They believe it's stupid because they were helicopter parents (literally constantly with him, even when he had cross country practice they waited at the school for 2 hours) and just did everything for him. He was definitely insecure about making his own decisions and being away from his mom/me for the first 2 years after he moved out of their house. I've since broken him out of his shell and he's been way more independent and has made some wonderful choices.

[@juliannehannes11]

@@fiestyfox2207 I wish a man would do that for me but then again a romantic partner taking such an exhausting task of being my aide and hands on guide to adulthood would surely kill the romance and it would make me feel stupid like a charity project to take pity on, there can be no equality when one is the knowegable teacher and the other a naive student in need of guidance. What does he do for you in return? Please tell me he puts in the same effort for you. People pay professional organizers and hands on tutors thousands upon thousands to do what you're doing for him. Is he worth the thousands upon thousands dollars of taxing tabor you provide him for free? Be careful, you don't want to be a mother replacement and be too busy uplifting him to independance that you forget to uplift yourself. Also it is not your job to raise him and it is very very very easy to fall into the role of selfless enabler. Lastly and most important, you teaching him to be an adult will feel so incruciatingly infantilizing to him that he will certainly use you to mature himself and in time will dump you the very second he gains confidence and independance because no one wants to be a patronized fixer upper project let alone a 22yr-old manboy. Please put yourself first, you're 22, I promise you, you can do better and deserve better, don't drag yourself down into such demanding relationship so soon, wait until you're at least 25. 22yr-old man boys are not worth it and they are psychologically, biologically, and socially wired not to commit unless it's convienient and easy and will bail most especially if they have ex helicopter parents. Believe me, please god, believe me, please don't throw your life away for a 22yr-old boy who can't take care of himself, it will end badly.

[@fiestyfox2207]

@@juliannehannes11 it's fine really, we've been happily married for 4 years (together for 6) with a 3 year old son. I'm more annoyed that his parents think it wasn't important to teach life skills but now we can do taxes together just fine! (: I love him a lot and he works hard. (He mentioned going back to school and I said hell yeah, now we're almost a year in and he's going to be an aircraft mechanic, I couldn't be more proud of who he's becoming!) I appreciate the concern, most people wouldn't really care about some stranger on the internet complaining about their helicopter in laws. 😂

[@joonieluv5918]

My mum doesn't let me touch anything, my brother runs all the errands and then she yells at me that I don't know anything.

[@aemia6153]

Coming from an abusive household, I fear having a child. I'm scared I'll lose my temper or worse traumatized my kid like my parents did. Kudos to parents who are giving their kids a loving environment and room for growth.

[@fiestyfox2207]

The fact that that scares you is a promising sign. You're already better than they were.

[@danieldehlin67]

The fact that you are thinking about these things and trying to educate yourself about them is what will make all the difference if you decide to have children. You are not the dysfunction. Life is a long learning. When you make mistakes based on your "programming", you just have to forgive yourself, learn from the mistakes and change your ways for the better. I bet that's what your parents weren't able to do, sadly. Mine neither. Give yourself some recognition that you have come as far as you have. You are not your parents. Your choices will differ from theirs. As will your life's many outcomes.

[@lovermodelovermode8411]

hey you just lo=ike me

[@lovermodelovermode8411]

same

[@TippyPuddles]

You'll do fine. I came from a family of screamers and never did that to my child. You're already on it.

[@DocMaggie]

My brother is 10 years younger than me and I've seen him grow up under the "over-involved" parenting style. He couldn't do a single thing on it's own, not even remembering what's for homework, until he was about 13 years old. And now, at 16, he's at the top of his class (and probably school), declines any offered help from the parents, and plans on being a scientist. He spends all of his vacation working on projects and reading books. Of course he plays videogames and hangs out with his friends from time to time, but most of the time, he just plans on becoming someone significant. While this video might seem logically true - it, as everything, only works in specific cases in reality.

[@doublev4409]

It works on my brother tho, he is 13 and doesn't know where the kitchen is lol. Ofc he is served food in a platter to his bed so why would he. And trust me, there are no signs of improvement, he likes to bully my sister to do his work, who, btw, is older than him.

[@yashny]

@@doublev4409 ohh I've come across a boy like this too. Everything served on a platter by his mummy. He was around 23 at the time and I'm not sure if he is still being taken care of by his mummy. She does everything including cleaning up after him

[@doublev4409]

@@yashny you're prolly from the future and the guy you've seen is my brother 🙄😒

[@مريمءالاء]

Means,, your younger brother has a brain, good 👍🏻... And idk hows my lil bro huh

[@مريمءالاء]

@@doublev4409 same here

[@garyw3070]

It really depends on the child. Some kids/teens need more attention and guidance, while others are more independent or self-motivated. Even throughout their lives, these needs change over time. As a parent, we should be mindful of these needs and adjust accordingly, but also allowing them to fail on occasion to prepare them for the challenges of life.

[@lucywoomy]

Btw I want to add something. Allowing failure is not the same thing as causing failure. Idk if I use the correct words but I know people whose parents are mean to them and stuff like that “to prepare for life because life isn’t easy so they have to be ready”. Your role as a parent isn’t to punch your kid in their feelings just because it might happen later in life. It’s to allow them to explore and reassure them when they fail, and let them start over if they want to. Bringing a child down to “prepare them” won’t do much good. You’re just making the child miserable and they will trust you less.

[@VoidAlien]

@@lucywoomy damn thats what happened to me

[@MarxBoiii]

​@unknown 2k22 Nah im good

[@Cornstarchrr]

like me; i have severe panic disorder, so my mom leaves me alone, its not neglectful, its not letting me who whatever i want, whenever i want; its coping with intense fear so i dont have to live with it. but my mom understands everyone will have fears, thats normal i just hate people who say "your mom sounds neglectful" or "your mom probably lets you do whatever you want, whenever you want; youll be a karen when your older"

[@PurpleFlames87]

I agree

[@melzerzvlogz6027]

My parents were helicopter parents and I've always known that. I never learned to do things the hard way and they always did everything for me. That's why when I moved out I decided to move to another state simply because if I was close to home I knew my parents would come in and do everything for me and I wanted to learn how to be self-sufficient for once and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

[@Daniel-wz3yv]

Me having a reality shock when i had to learn how to live on my own as an adult after living as a coddled person lol.

[@juleswifey6003]

I attempted to get away from my parents but they guilt tripped me and manipulated me into staying. I regret it everyday

[@halloweellahere7602]

​@@juleswifey6003 but can't you change it now? How old are you?

[@Mike604]

@@halloweellahere7602 easier said than done

[@Yeettube2777]

I'm a teen that has the same thought process. But, the course of my future did change 4 me bc I just talked with my parent an we made an agreement that once the situation is safe enough I'll be allowed to be completely sufficient and I was met with love and support for expressing my need so now I'm fine and everything is cool beans

[@borabangtan8471]

The problem with 'most' unsuccessful parent-child relationships is that they see 'starting a family' and 'giving birth to a child' as a "duty" and "responsibility" than making that decision when you are actually ready for it and are doing it out of love, not responsibility or duty.

[@lilifreechannel414]

They should learn how to become parents and have estbility before making children, otherwise it's irresponsible.

[@ChannelMath]

@@lilifreechannel414 and also, they should actually WANT a child. I think most parents just assume they do because it's "natural", or others convince them. They don't really ask themselves

[@Alley00Cat]

Nailed it

[@TheRamblingSoul]

Well said 👍

[@ghost.ink.]

It's just what everyone's taught, and therefore expected of, to do these days.

[@RimaEln]

Balance is key in absolutely everything in life.

[@GrnXnham]

My wife has been a teacher for 28 years. She has seen an evolution of parents over that time. The number of permissive, neglectful, and helicopter parents have increased dramatically over the years. Meanwhile the number of authoritative and authoritarian parents have decreased. This has made the job of teaching more and more difficult because children of permissive, neglectful, and helicopter parents are more difficult to deal with in a classroom setting as opposed to children of the other two parent types.

[@danpro4519]

It goes even beyond the classroom. All these kids will be "running" society soon.

[@earlnoli]

it will be fun to see everyone wants to be a leader but no one to lead 😂😂 As a person between GenX and Millennials - they say we got it the best - Xenials. We dont have helicopter parents but we did understand authoritative figures. So it is a healthy blend of ingenuity, perseverance and following rules while breaking some that does not matter. Most definitely not communist 😂 unless those that have been affected by indoctrination of leftist ideals. In our time we just need to combat religious ideology. Now religion is down but communism is up - the "you owe me because i exists" society. 😅

[@Daniela-pr7rz]

Why would I want to teach my child to be obediant? That is not in her interest but governnent's interest.

[@GrnXnham]

@@Daniela-pr7rz Children need to be taught to obey their parents first of all and government second. Rules come from parents. Rules are set by parents to protect children. Children are immature and don't always know what is best for them. Parents should know better than their children and should teach their children to obey them. Children who do not obey their parents will get into more trouble than those who don't. Laws are enforced by government. A child who doesn't obey laws will find themselves in jail eventually. So, yes, a child needs to be taught to be obedient. If you don't teach your child to be obedient, prepare to have your house run by your child and eventually your child will have problems with the law. I can't believe I actually have to state the obvious.🙄

[@RockSprites]

As a fellow teacher, I can also confirm this. Many of my peers who have been doing this for 2-3 decades have seen parents becoming far more negligent. It's not even that they don't love their kids, it's that they don't know how to PARENT them. How to interact and communicate with them. How to share a love of learning and growth with them. They want them to do well in school, but don't model this in their own homes.

[@alianar.d.8724]

My parents are definitely the first mixed with the second type. They were laidback in chores but they just wanted me to be responsible. And well it seems fine to want your kid to be a capable human being, but they literally pampered me as a child. And then when suddenly I hit my pre-teen years, they want me to be super responsible without even allowing me to get experience or even teach me. They also randomly blow up and act angry and agitated towards me which makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them, which causes me to fear them. I hate crying in front of them or even telling them about my problems with suicidal ideation since they'll just tell me to pray to god or to just stop being a coward. I can't ever talk back or explain my perspective to them because they do not listen. Sorry it turned to a vent. I'm just a 13 year old who wants a therapist, but can't get one. If someone reads this, I hope your home life is better than mine

[@angelas5099]

Hey there! Religious parents can often ignore mental health issues and imagine their children to be clay they want to shape, rather than actual human beings. Try writing down in a diary how you feel, both good days and bad. I used to be suicidal too but never could tell my parents because they'd just say "suicide is for cowards and is a sin according to the bible". Talk to a close friend or relative about what is bothering you if you trust them enough. Or vent here, I will get a notification when you reply to me. Never ever believe that you are unwanted by everyone. I used to think I was worthless and no one loves me, they just loved my performance in school. As I grew up I realized that was not true. Parents sometimes just have their own troubles they hide from kids and teens, even from their grown-up children! And even if nobody loves you a lot right now, someday you would be loved so much by many, be it a lover, spouse, your child and maybe a future best friend! Someday you might be a famous writer, actor, scientist, anything you want! So stay strong and keep moving forward, you can do it! :)

[@rndsaneo2172]

So sorry to hear this is your circumstances right now; I was also in a dark place between 13-17 years old. Depressed, suicidal, lonely. But something inside always told there was “hope” so I held on... I’m here almost 10 years later, and I’m so glad I did hold on. Things are better now, and surprisingly, my “family” life (parents & siblings) is not any better, maybe it’s worse. But my own perspective, and my own life, is brighter now. I don’t mean to throw cliches at you, I’ve been where you are, but when you are ready; do pray to Jesus and ask him to help free your mind from all the darkness. He can. He did for me. He will for You too. 🙏

[@PsychicIsaacs]

Sweetie, please don't kill yourself. And please don't let your overly religious parents ruin your view of God. I was constantly bullied, all the way through school and couldn't talk to my parents about it. I loved them and they loved me, and they were really good parents, but there was a roadblock with regards to this one issue-schoolyard bullying. These days, I'm 46. I met a loving husband and had 2 sons and five wonderful years of marriage, before my husband died suddenly, of a heart attack. I had to raise my sons alone, but now they are 18 and 20 and are fine young men. God has always been with me, meaning Jesus Christ, I have walked His path for me, but have tried to not be overly religious. I have seen the damage that religion has done to other people's children, and it breaks my heart. As for me, I just go about my day, meditating and being aware that there is a God in Heaven that made me, loves me, died for me, and rose to life again, for me. And I do my best to be the sort of person He'd want me to be. I endeavour to have an attitude of respect and care for my fellow humans, and for Nature and the plants and animals around me, (I am a farmer), and I figure that's about what God requires, rather than following five hundred tiny little rules, that ultimately have no meaning. Because of this, my sons still love me and talk with me, I know that they love me, and I love them as well. But they are men now, and have their own lives. I am there to help if they need me, but I have to let them be free. In closing, I know it's rough for you, but please try to understand, your parents probably really do love you, they just don't know any better. It's probably how they were raised, and they honestly think they are doing the best thing by you. You can see they are wrong, but hating them won't solve anything, it will just make you have a bitter heart and a sour nature. Just grow to be the "You" that God intended you to be, which is a beautiful young lady with a compassionate and understanding nature. Of course there will be conflict with them, as you go through your teens, and you will have to grow apart from them (they'll hate this) but if you maintain that firm, yet gracious and compassionate attitude, everything will be okay, in the end. God Bless, and I wish you All the Best!

[@kayak118]

If you've got a phone you've got access to online help. I think there's an app called better help. I don't know how it would work for you being that youre underage. Don't give up, and remember you're never alone.

[@loredanaduca5121]

Wow, my parents are the same except for the religious part as neither they nor I believe in God. They also pampered me like crazy as a child and were overprotective and overinvolved in my school projects, but when I got to my teens they magically expected me to do a bunch of chores in the house and to become independent and responsible. Of course, that didn't happen... And they just constantly blew up at me and screamed like degenerates instead of being patient and giving me positive feedback when I did things right. I am 18 now and our relationship is still kinda toxic, but they are good providers and through the years I have found ways to deescalate their anger and communicate with them. What's most important tho is that you realize that if your parents yell a lot and blow up for minor things it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself and think that you are inadequate. It just means that your parents are emotionally immature and petty. Try keeping your cool when they are like that, or at least outwardly, you're entitled to be fuming inside and despise them at that moment. Don't try to argue with them at that moment, they won't be thinking rationally. Perhaps you could write in a notebook, or a blog with a password for more privacy, about what they did and how you feel about it and what you would've liked to tell them while they were yelling and insulting you. Then, sort out through your more rational thoughts and points that you could share with them when they seem to be in a good mood, preferably a Saturday or Sunday morning as a lot of parents are very irritable in the evening when they come from work. Also, try finding out on the Internet what numbers you can call to talk to someone and at least vent. Maybe you have a youth center in your area? Anyway, you are not alone in your struggles and everything you feel is totally justified. Stay safe!

[@train_xc]

It is wonderful to grow up with loving authoritative parents. I took it for granted , but started to appreciate it in my mid 20s. And my appreciation grew every single day. Almost all my friends have a great childhood, and it gave me a tunnel vision. But growing up, I saw how harsh childhood could be. I now feel for them and hope they stay strong.

[@lindakarlsson7348]

The authoritative style is the best. All the other 4 styles are bad, just in different ways. Too strict or no rules at all. Over protective or neglectful. Love, lead and guide. That´s how to raise a child. It´s not always easy, but better than the other styles.

[@Prachin_Vidya]

😭 Thank you

[@WLakey]

A year ago my parents always limit my time playing games, and prove me if i did something wrong and correct it. I used to hate it, but when i growed up, i finally understood that my parents wants the best for me. After I reach 14 years old, now my parents put all the trust on me that i can do my homework properly and use my time wisely, but they still guiding me to right way, so i don't get lost. I'm so gratefull that my parents always cares about me😊

[@krparica]

Not once in this video is acknowledged existence of two parens having different parenting styles from each other. Analyzing only 5 instead of all 25 possible combinations is certainly much easier task, but leaves the analysis utterly incomplete

[@alexiz0013]

Very true. For instance, me and my sibling grew up with an insincere, neglectful and occasionally (toxicly?) permissive dad but a hopeful, authoritative mom who ended up driven stressed and authoritarian at times to maintain order while we kept wishing for our dad's genuine attention (that is until we gave up on that as teens, but the effects still remained, and I think that parental split is what drove me and my sibling's ways of seeing and reacting to life farther apart than our natural differences alone). Of course, there are also examples of parents with different parenting styles managing to work well - given they both care enough!

[@renatamelo1139]

Yesss. My mom was over-involved and athoritative (sometimes authoritarian) and my father was neglectful and permissive. I wonder if my mom was too strict sometimes just trying to "balance" this as my father was so "i dont care". They also fighted a lot and one of the reasons was exactly disagreements on how to deal with the kids in specific moments. Anyway its interesting to think about the role each parent has and the relation between them and how that affects the children

[@dcb1138]

Exactly !!!! I’m pretty authoritarian and my Wife is #3. Works for us. We “good cop, bad cop” our children and it works out great. Both our girls are loving and great kids compared to their brat peers. Helicopter and neglectful parents along with spoiling them is the worst !! Like my nephew. … spoiled shit is gonna be a serial killer someday

[@KarrieDreammind5]

Obviously! This is just a general outline of the biggest & most 'extreme' groups. No one is stating that every single set of parents in the world fits perfectly into one of these categories. Real life is obviously more nuanced than this. But this certainly helps us set a guideline parameter when trying to understand a situation better.

[@CutieMoli]

wait you guys get two parents????

[@HOODLAW]

I have four children, ranging in ages from 5 to 17. Their personalities dictate which parenting style I use. My oldest was able to make a sandwich by herself with no help, and then clean up any mess she had made at age 4, while my 3rd child is 8 and is just now able to make his own meals. Not that we make them prepare their own meals, but we do encourage them to try. My 1st and 4th children were potty trained in a fraction of the time that it took the two middle children. My stern tone works really well when disciplining three of them, but one of them becomes so terrified that he begins shaking in fear. Two of them go out of their way to help around the house while the other two expect to be treated like royalty. This list of examples can go on forever..... My point is, there is no right way to parent children, they are all different. You just have to find which method works better and try to stick with it. However, I don't agree with neglect, it's just wrong on all levels!!

[@anthonykhan1676]

It's best they take a personality test, and Big 5 is best. Not MBTI because their functions probably aren't fully developed.

[@Gaga682]

It seems like working with a public full of different people needing different approach while society treats us all the same. No wonder we call society broken and unfullfilling.

[@Dragondude30]

Universally authoritative parenting (NOT Authoritarian) is the best parenting even statistically speaking. Being able to give your kids discipline but a combination of empathy, freedom and privacy is essential. One things for sure hitting your kids Is NOT a good idea in any kind of parenting.

[@latifahcheatam]

Well said 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@evelanpatton]

The fact that you are AWARE enough to notice each child’s individual needs for boundaries & support is AWESOME! Also, I notice you didn’t argue the limitations of your own parents, but maturely access your inner strength as it aligns with each individual child is really telling about who you are as a person & as a parent. It’s rare to find healthy, integrated individuals, who observe their environment & respond in strength accordingly, while acknowledging they are not alone, their actions effect- therefore the they are affective in their interpersonal relationships, with others & with self. We need less “blankets of blame” & more awareness & use of our intuition- for happiness of self & healthy community to think for themselves. I’m guessing your children witness each child is unique & you are aware of who they “be”! How lucky they are to have you & your available “listening”/observing who they are as well☸️🆔⚛️☯️💟☮️🕉💞

[@leah3450]

I grew up with very trusting and understanding parents. I am 23 years old and to this day my father always tells me to make smart decisions and to “remember everything he ever taught me” if I am in a bad situation. I had my freedoms, I never betrayed their trust because I knew how much it meant to them. They raised me to be independent and to have my own life, but I knew their rules and expectations. My man, 25, grew up with very authoritarian parents. Very strict. Expected respect and obedience. He was punished for disobeying. His parents had ridiculously high expectations for him his whole life and made him feel awful for not meeting expectations. And to this day they are very overly involved in his life and still try to control him and judge our relationship. He grew up with low self esteem, resentment, rebellion, aggressive, and is now a recovering addict.

[@b7076-y7x]

Is he an Asian?

[@kunalkashelani585]

Your man basically described me too, except for the addiction part..

[@roleat]

Find a man more like yourself. Addicts rarely change.

[@leah3450]

@@roleat rarely, but yes they still do

[@antipathyw]

@@roleat This is insensitive and discouraging to those who do want change and are trying their best. Many become addicts due to circumstances and end up relying on things that are unhealthy because it’s the only thing making them feel better. Change is rare, but it’s not impossible.

[@Obv1tzNahla]

My parents are very different in some ways but they both are authoritative and I’m very grateful to have them ❤

[@mrAtari42]

I would call myself an authoritative parent and I have raised 2 adult daughters, mostly without their mother. One of my daughters gave me a very interesting book to read by Philippa Perry: "The book you wish your parents had read". It gave me some additional insights in good parenting. As I have understood it, raising children is not about the style of parenting, it's about the outcome! Individual children, need individual approaches, as long as you get the desired outcome. And the outcome is described by Philippa Perry as the following, what children should be able to in the long run: 1. Communicate 2. Regulate emotions 3. Form healthy relationships 4. Think critically 5. Take responsibility I really love this approach and if there are young parents out there, go and read this book. You won't regret it.

[@sprouts]

Thank you for sharing! The book sounds interesting.

[@WMNofGod247]

My parents (especially mother) is absolutely authorative. I am a 14 year old girl, I strongly believe that I am mature and my parents gave raised my very well. I wish to parent almost exactly like mine when I have kids.

[@TheBlobik]

@@WMNofGod247 Don't want to attack you or anything, but I would say that a person gets mature once their kids are 14 (or some other age, maybe even later). For me when my children where born it was a whole new chapter, like a part of life and yourself that remains sealed behind the door until you cross that treshold.

[@hippityhop99]

One of the best books on parenting!

[@asithch]

How can they miss the most common type - the abusive, psycho parenting style ??

[@dialexnunes]

That's not called "parenting"

[@AvantiGiridharan]

Hi. Thanks for your input. While writing the script we were going through the different styles. The abusive one isn't an actual style in parental archives. And since I'm not an expert in the issues of parental abuse, we thought it best to save it for another video.

[@madsteeez]

I was also wondering whether the 2d space they present has a "shadow side" when you flip it.. similar to shadow figures of arche types. Like tyrant is to king etc..

[@AvantiGiridharan]

@Hunter because I command the planet and bend it to my will 🤣 just kidding.

[@rizkiramadhan9266]

*least common

[@h.davies5140]

I am very grateful that I came from a loving and supportive family, and my heart goes out to anyone that had a difficult childhood. You’re so strong.

[@belikzer]

🙏

[@Yeettube2777]

Oh yes love an support is so important I can't believe how many households overlook it blessings to you all take care

[@PIZZAGOLDXD]

my parents are a mix of all so its too overwheming

[@abstraqtphilosophy7357]

Oh sht up. Do you need an award?

[@midori.matcha]

If only we were so lucky to be raised by consistently authoritative parents and be turned into understanding, responsible, sane adults

[@gyeomibear]

I love my family and parents. I'm still a teenager, but I learned so much about the world from my parents and they are very loving. They never put pressure on me, but they never let me be too free or reckless with my decisions. Ill be forever grateful for them

[@theboombody]

Finally a positive comment. I had great parents too.

[@LotusQueen-cv9tz]

My parents too (especially my mom). I sometimes hated her because of their strictness, but she always did it for my good. Im so grateful to have her.

[@catyaya2261]

I love my parents too. They have expectations - like every parent, but don’t put too much pressure on me to comply with them. I’m allowed to set my own goals, pursue my own interests and do whatever I want to (as long as it is reasonable) ❤

[@Prachin_Vidya]

Good one

[@nasercartoon6067]

Someone on the internet with good relationship with their parents? I found a unicorn

[@brandonkohler6677]

So thankful that I had authoritative parents! Freedom within limits = real life.

[@antoninpawlik6684]

lame

[@pillrat]

Likewise

[@targashsensei7900]

@@antoninpawlik6684 what??? why?

[@angrydragonslayer]

"as much authority as necessary, as much freedom as possible" is such a simple phrase with so much meaning

[@antoninpawlik6684]

@@targashsensei7900 just basic

[@LaviniaCS18]

Thank you all for your kind comments of support. I had to delete this comment because it was very personal and I would like to keep a bit of control on who gets to read it, hopefully, nobody from my family. Thank you all, so much, it brought me a lot of peace reading your comments. Edit: the original comment was about neglectful parenting.

[@sprouts]

Thanks so much for sharing this! 🙏😌

[@Nabamyopu]

You're strong person. At least I can say that after reading till the end.

[@lastgaminggt7828]

If I was in your situation I wouldn't reconnect with my parent's after all you're not obliged to be their daughter and you definitely aren't their ''retirement plan''.

[@markmaurer6370]

That sounds rough. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing. Your story was well written and very moving. Before I'd realized it I'd read the whole thing. I'm so glad you shared this with us, you're such an amazing person, and I think you should be proud of yourself.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Well, I love you Lavinia.

[@JuicyBurger29]

4:46 I sure hope she’s not gonna open a fountain to the Dark World

[@slightlycoolcube2514]

This truly was our Delta.. rune..

[@leafy_in_a_car4565]

Nora Dreemurr

[@andruism7]

Something of a combination of Authoritarian and Dismissive in my family... my brother and I both recognize that my family 'doesn't do emotions'. When I realized I had depression, neither of my parents seemed to have an interest in helping, even when I reached out for help. Also never felt able to connect with the people I cared about, something I am still dealing with today. What a cheerful comment this turned out to be!

[@AP-jz1eh]

im sorry. it's really hard when you have no one to talk to, someone you can trust

[@doublev4409]

Same. My stepdad is an authoritarian and dismissive. Dunno if that is just him being the stepdad or not. Cuz he always says he doesn't differentiate...but he's clearly tryna manipulate me when out of the three children he has I'm the only one who's starved unless I do what he says (the rest two are his own kids).

[@souvik43209]

My mom was authoritarian and dad was neglectful sometimes authoritarian.Trust me that's the worst of parenting someone can have where both are authoritarian or one is authoritarian and the other is neglectful

[@musiclearner6799]

Sameee

[@yournightmare7197]

Our case is very similar

[@rougeoiseau]

parents should take classes about raising children before they decide to have a kid

[@pterodactylthing3173]

Yes

[@kinyacat5919]

I think school teaches u that. Idk prob not.

[@WhiteKoneko]

Honestly there are even now some people that shouldn't have kids. Then there are those that would make wonderful parents but due to things like infertility, illness, ect. they aren't able to have that family they want. I should know I have some friends in my local support group that have gone through countless options including trying/considering adoption but never worked out. :'(

[@WhiteKoneko]

@@kinyacat5919 They don't. But there are countless books and support groups on the subject. :)

[@slenderman-tz6tm]

I agree I’m pregnant now and I’m learning as much as I can I don’t want to be anything like my mother I have a scar on my neck because she tried to kill me when she was high I was in highschool

[@jdb8104]

The fact that they chose ASIAN family for the AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS THO HAHAHAHAJA

[@imanepink]

Either that or a BAME family 😂 (white people can be Authoritarian too).

[@Y0kAiS]

Black parents can be too. So it really does depend.

[@Kyle-jb7dc]

tiger mom influenced this most likely. . . idk the frequency of that in asian cultures relative to others. but that tends to stick out. .

[@BernhardKohli]

biased video

[@katelyn4976]

@@Y0kAiS every single type of race can..

[@Flyingdutchy33]

I had loving parents which granted me absolute and total freedom. As a kid aged

[@Wojciech-xl2ci]

Sounds like permissive parenting, but cooler

[@djfreem6881]

My dad was authoritative and my mom was an authoritarian. Between the two, I’d say he was the better parent; if he told me I needed to do something, I did it. At the same time, there were chances to explain why I thought: rules, instructions, or situations were unfair and I was able to explain that to him and get feedback on why he agreed or disagreed and how that would affect xyz going forward

[@juleswifey6003]

Smart man

[@SEM75008]

Mine was the oppozsite...

[@KristinaSandnes]

My parents were the authoritiative ones and I've had a very good childhood. I've always been independent because they made me feel safe doing things alone, but they were always there if I needed a helping hand. 💕 I'm gonna do the same with my daughter. I want her to always feel safe and know that I'll show up for her and support her.

[@souvik43209]

My mom was authoritarian and dad was neglectful sometimes authoritarian.Trust me that's the worst of parenting someone can have where both are authoritarian or one is authoritarian and the other is neglectful

[@bestoffers283]

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[@Reddoc4890]

i come from like a strict household and i plan to do the same try to make their life a bit easier

[@w140]

As a parent I can’t side myself on either ends. My parenting style is always explain everything, my motto I say to him every time “actions lead to consequences”. If he cries because he’s upset - I’m all supportive and calming him down. If he cries because he don’t want to do his homework - I’m strict and explain how doing homework is the gym for your brain and if you’re against it - you’re being against of yourself becoming better, while playing games is fun, you’re contributing into your failing and hardship further along the road. My main key is to explain in every little detail, how his homework that is being done today is contributing into his future and vice versa. When he becomes lazy I let him and just say “action leads to consequences”. I never refuse him anything without proper explanation why in most accessible and simple terms. My main goal is to ignite his self education and pursuit of becoming better in anything valuable. I support every his initiatives on curiosity. Never lie to him, if I give my word always make sure it’s done. One thing I can say for sure it’s a great and hard work everyday. I had to explain same thing a 100 times and being consistent with that is most difficult part. I never speak from authority, but only from logical explanations. Outcomes at his current 7yo: - still hates homework, but not happy when he does it sloppy, so he tries to make it better - learned to do his homework by himself with appropriate quality - still sometimes try to cut some corners. And I happy for that, cutting corners involves smartness of whether what could be done quickly and what should be done with careful consideration - switched from playing Roblox to creating levels for it and asked to get him special classes for programming, which he attends now - learned English at freely speaking/writing level. Besides knowing Kazakh(we’re from KZ), Kazakh and Russian - despises TikTok and can distinguish useful content from stupid

[@theaverageitaliandon998]

You’re doing a great job with your boy, I hope one day he’ll understand that. You’re making the world a better place.

[@notfunnydidntlaugh68]

I hope that your parenting goes well, you're doing a good job.

[@EE-us9we]

Yo if he hates Tik Tok u are already doing a amazing job.

[@THATBrokeAroSpecWallet]

The tiktok one is already a certified y e s moment.

[@silverlorian6258]

I answer, because I did the „explain everything appropriately so the child can understand the reasoning“ as well. I like the outcome very much, my son is 25 now. However, one has to be prepared for endless, and I mean ENDLESS discussions especially when the child has another opinion of what they like to do at any given moment - once they get the concept. And we are equals in that right to explain our reasoning, that‘s not one-way! So from early on I also got explained in detail why and how things should be dealt with differently and a lot of stuff took a lot, A LOT of time and patience. With some rules that didn’t apply, like „Don’t run into the street“, strictest authoritarian whenever it was about life and death. While I like the result, as I said before, I love it and him in fact, the „explain the reasoning in detail“ gives you a child and teenager that will explain their reasoning in detail. ;) All the time, because I did it all the time, right? :D Is exhausting at times, I tell you…

[@joker_g7337]

In the 1990th, I attended a communication workshop. The teacher said something very similar. Same 5 kind of parents, just named differently. Depending on how the parent acted, the child could react either negatively or positively e.g. authoritarian parent -> either negative = rebel child -> or positive = adapted child. Here you say that the child will only react one way and omit the positive way. Also, the 3rd parent was named the "adult" back then. It only has a neutral reaction, which was also called "adult". But only in theory can you expect your child to answer like an adult. Children are driven by emotions. It works with anybody really, not just with children. Using a balance of those 5 ways, a lot of patience and control of one's own emotions is the way you show your child/employees/... how to become a balanced and emotionally stable adult.

[@AvantiGiridharan]

Thank you so much for letting me write this Sprouts! Honoured to have scripted this video.

[@sprouts]

Thank you Avanti! It was a pleasure to work with you on this one 🙏

[@velerina2017]

You did?

[@banugi9400]

Congratulations

[@AvantiGiridharan]

@@velerina2017 yes I wrote this video. Scroll down to the credits section and you'll see my name.

[@AvantiGiridharan]

@@banugi9400 thank you

[@angelas5099]

I feel teachers and babysitters cause part of the issues too, since young kids of working parents see their parents only for a small part of their day.

[@MarcoBonechi]

Exactly with parents that both have careers they are by default neglectful. Someone else is doing the parenting

[@notepadplusplus4923]

I agree, both my parents are working. I only come to them when I need something, I don't even ask them anything if I want something.

[@lunron9548]

Honestly, I liked my babysitters and teachers way more.

[@angelas5099]

@Dirty Towel We don't have good old age care in developing nations. Look up birth rates in countries with good old age healthcare. Good old age heath = few kids. Poorer people always have multiple kids because atleast one of them will be successful enough in life to survive to adulthood and take care of his or her old parents. Poor and middle class people can give their kids a good childhood with good food and clothes only if both parents work. Median salary in my city (a very big one) must be around ₹15k for a young person in their 20s. Preschools here ask people to fork out as much as ₹60k a year (in a high quality preschool though, so on the pricier end), like my cousin had to pay a couple of years ago. You do the math. I bet you are from a first world country, where old people are taken care of and people have more disposable income.

[@AvantiGiridharan]

Great point!!!!

[@WinkBlinkNod]

My parents were both different blends of authoritarian and neglectful. My mom being mostly authoritarian, being very controlling when I needed freedom and neglectful when I need guidance and affection. Her only means of communication was yelling. My dad was mostly neglectful, with bouts of authoritarian when conflicts arose. As a result, I’m now an anxious, depressed person who can never make a decision and has trouble forming relationships. Thanks a lot, Mom and Dad. EDIT: People! I am not "playing the victim". I was a victim of a certain kind of childhood. I said I was anxious and depressed. I didn't say I let those two things keep me from living my life or trying to improve myself. I have learned to manage my anxiety and depression but they will never go away. I will always live with them. I didn't say that I refuse to make decisions or that I let others make them for me. I meant that it's very difficult to make decisions because I'm always afraid to make the wrong one. It's hard, but I keep doing it and try to be more confident. BUT IT'S STILL HARD. I didn't say I don't have relationships or friends. I said I HAVE TROUBLE doing it. Discovering why you are the way you are and why you struggle with certain things and being able to definitively say "This is why" IS NOT the same thing as letting the negative parts of your upbringing stop you from living a meaningful life and then blaming someone else for the fact that you haven't done anything about it. You all really need to read and stop jumping to conclusions.

[@bulanelul]

Please, for the love of GOD don't impose this mindset of the victim on yourself. I had exactly the same parents(authoritarian and neglectful) and I had this type of thinking(I'm a victim) for most of my youth. Did it help me in any way? Course not! We can chose who we are, despite of our upbringing. I am not going to blame others for the way I live my life. You could try also. Love

[@anamaganda9352]

Yes, your parents have probably contributed to your situation, but it is not all their fault, and blaming them would not help you. I may suggest that you should accept what had hay and realized that everything that had happened is a learning opportunity to become a better person. When you accept what had happened and don't feel victimized you will empowered to do what it is you want to do. For me personally I don't blame others for what had happened to me. I do realized that I have to work on myself and that I should be patient with myself and appreciate and acknowledge my efforts to become a better me despite all the set backs of my past

[@anamaganda9352]

@@jpineapple9495 ?

[@mustanggt5713]

All kids need parents but not all deserve to be parents .

[@Pigeon6295]

@@bulanelulmost times it doesn't. Genetics largely determines your behaviors as well. If that's the case, your own personality won't deviate far from your family, no matter how much you try

[@DollarStorePanda]

As a parent, I feel some styles can mix and intertwine. This video made me see that I'm somewhere between Authoritative and Over-Involved. Where I enact strict rules toward self-dependence, but am also involved in every aspect of my child's life and play since I share custody with his mother and spend as much time as possible with my son. He has little time where he isn't with me and often times interactions with other children are "one-off" or social instances where my son won't see or interact with those same children again. I feel my son won't be able to make meaningful bonds with other children.

[@the.fremen]

as someone who grew up with authoritarian parents.. its true i wonder a lot about what i really want to do and its so frustrating that i cant really come up with an answer. i make it my life's mission to give my kids a better experience growing up. being on either end of each spectrum is never the answer

[@u.a.perfectace7786]

Still trying to figure out want I want to do myself. Feels like every time i focus on that particular subject, it's just this mental and emotional void with no answers. It's like there is something missing and no matter how hard you think about it, the answers rarely come to you if at all.

[@shreyahalder4502]

Same here.. Been struggling with what I want for a past couple of years

[@yandrifadli]

There's also the most fundamental parenting style: *The beat-em-up style* , which occasionally beat the child to unload their emotions, sometimes even performing a 20-hit or 40-hit combo a la street fighter And also, don't forget to *FINISH HIM!* with some religious bullshit that all kids must always listen and obey their parents at all times without question

[@AvantiGiridharan]

I've gotten a lot of comments saying that I should've included that while writing this video. However the problem is that neither baumrind nor parenting archives count that as an actual style. Furthermore since I'm not an expert on abuse, I thought it best to leave it to the experts

[@Aihoshino24]

@@AvantiGiridharan hi

[@AvantiGiridharan]

@@Aihoshino24 hi there ❤️

[@VirjScarlett]

I even remembered kneeling with salt on the floor while my hands are hanging sideways as punishment. It was horrible.

[@ashelton]

My moms "FINISH HIM" move: forcing me to give hugs and kisses, say "You are the best mom in the world! I love you!" after physical punishment with emotional/mental abuse sprinkled in. Had to be said convincingly as well, or wed start back at the ass whoopin, degrading, and then MORE of those if any tears were sprung.

[@yourwatch8506]

Great video! Unfortunately, people nowadays often forget the essence of parenting; it's supposed to be a fun and healthy relationship.

[@sprouts]

Yes! Very true! 🙏

[@AvantiGiridharan]

Yes! That's why I thought that this video might be an effective one

[@banugi9400]

You are right

[@davipenha]

Well, its not like is easy to be parent. Specially with all the chaos of west society

[@AvantiGiridharan]

@@davipenha true

[@RichardP943]

I was born in a permissive neglected family then sent to an authoritarian+authoritative cousins family. They helped me develop a sense of duty, patience and humility. I could not thank them enough for the person I am today. In today’s digital world, i think authoritarian and authoritative parenting is required to keep the upcoming generation in check.

[@marig.1536]

i'm an authoritative parent who came from two mostly permissive, borderline over-involved parents. my parents were very kind to me and treated my siblings and i well, and genuinely listened to us when we had concerns, troubles, etc. but growing into adulthood was extremely challenging. i had very few boundaries and pretty much always got what i wanted as a kid, which is something i still struggle with to this day, especially in my romantic relationship... sharing, compromising, interdependence, self-reliance, etc were not part of my vocabulary. my husband, bless his heart, still calls me a princess to this day (and has since the first day we met lol). cleaning up after myself was a challenge bc my mom always cleaned up after me, my dad always washed my car and took it for servicing, both always paid for everything even when i started making my own money the list goes on... they didn't raise me for the real world. once i found out i was pregnant, i knew i wanted to raise kids in a household that was super loving and supportive, but where healthy boundaries existed. my kids are only 4yo and embarrassingly enough they're already far more independent, self-disciplined and focused than i was in my early 20s lol.

[@llll7460]

But please express him your love. I am 18 and for others,I am the most independent person but within I am really struggling as my parents were not expressive. I have defeated social anxiety on my own thankfully. I love my parents but they were cause of my social anxiety disorder and maladaptive day dreaming. But I will never tell them bcoz I don't want them to hate themself. I know they really love me but I struggle to make good connection with them.

[@zeth526]

parent: I want the best for my child also that parent: *proceeds to make that child's life miserable*

[@cas1652]

Miserable could mean a lot but literally the core issue of parenting (and living) is that the things that feel good right now are not the same things that are good long term. Ice cream feels good now, spinach is good long term.

[@Daniela-pr7rz]

This us why parenting is the hardest job in the world.

[@kaelkirkby9191]

@@cas1652 ice cream flavoured spinach

[@retardedmaelstrom6495]

i never get how parents can love a child and make them suffer as much as possible

[@donluz827]

Lol try being a parent. I try harder at my job as a dad than anything else in my life and I feel like I’m constantly messing up. It’s easy to judge parents when you’re not one

[@maritzah.4039]

One of my parents was “Authoritative” and the other was “Over-Involved” 🤪 I still believe they were great parents because they truly loved me , supported me, and just wanted the best for me❤️ I love them

[@guillervz]

I got the same type. I can't complain! :D

[@ardenwinchester3433]

I got the exact same but with a touch of neglect on both sides, they love me to death but I still depend on my mother for most daily tasks at 17 so something clearly went wrong lol

[@holi2027]

I want my son to say this about me !! I do my best I love my baby

[@IllidanSturmgrimmDeusVult]

@@holi2027 does he have a father? I see you are a black woman. Are you a single mom?

[@watermelgurlie10yearsago51]

@@IllidanSturmgrimmDeusVult ew don’t be such a weirdo lol

[@funnymomentsent.5131]

Shout out to all the parents doing inner work I love you. ❤️

[@mariofreak850]

I'm disheartened to read the comments for most of you all, everybody deserves a loving parent.

[@Katemorgan1015]

Anyone watching this who is not a parent doesn't actually understand how hard parenting is! I had a rough childhood and now overcompensate and am a snow plow/helicopter mom to try to give my child everything I didn't have. I know it isn't right, but it's subconscious. Most people tend to parent based on their own childhood experiences. To parent takes real effort and real insight. It takes concious effort and the ability to admit you're wrong. It's sometimes tears on the parents part as you realize you handled that wrong. Just the other day, I had to conciously catch and stop myself when my daughter didn't win a prize at softball... I felt horrible and almost took her to the store to buy her something. I stopped myself, but it wasn't easy. I felt horrible inside (even though I shouldn't have). She has to learn she can't always win. She does have to face disappointment (much to my dismay). Parenting does not come with an instruction manual! I took all the classes and even have a degree in psychology, but we ALL deal with subconscious behaviors that are difficult to overcome. I just hope she knows I wake up every day and honestly do my best. ❤

[@calmmorningdew]

It’s great that you are trying your best, and that’s all we can all do. The results are not in our hands, but our intentions and efforts are. May your children be appreciative of your efforts and have a beautiful relationship with you.

[@SVEVelsen]

I've heard it said (and mostly believe) that it's a 'generational seesaw': You go all-in on what you lacked the most as a kid. My parents were too loose, accomodating and accepting (grew up in the hippy age themselves) and it was before schools cared about bullying. So I had a LOT of that, and eventually fell in with a cult that contrary to the lawlessness of life at school had an answer and authority for everything, that in turn ruined my life until I fully overcame it. The bullying and having to overcome that without support ensured that I'm a fierce fighter and I don't back down even if it's harmful for me. I never look for trouble, but if someone starts it, I'm entitled to end it and the consequences are theirs. Which is great for getting commendations for bravery and such, but less ideal in civilian conflict situations where 'How much do they escalate up, because I don't back down?' limits the number of directions a situation can go. My daughter's three, heading on four now and the daycare's already tentatively asked my she socked a misbehaving boy over the head with a toy car. Surely not because I specifically instructed her that if someone hits you and doesn't stop when you tell them to: Hit them back and keep going until they have had enough. 🤔 Is it pacifistic? Naah. Ideal? Don't know. But I do know that generationally-seesawing from a hippy-raised pushover turned into a bully-breaking plank-swinging 'don't funk with me I funk back' maniac, into what my daughter learns from me now is a heck of an improvement. ...And possibly in 30 years or so I'll have to listen to my grandchildren being a bit of a pushover and discuss it with my daughters why they're raising them like that. 😆

[@PatientSqueaky]

I think there's really no "one way to parent" but there's definitely ways you shouldn't parent. I just hope in future parenting will be seen as more of a something you have to put hard work into instead of the fantasy most people paint it. Yes, you will make happy memories but that comes at a cost. As long as people know what they're getting into and don't sugarcoat it I think things will go great (Also I hope you and your daughter will have a lovely relationship, I hope you know about the hardships that will come once she enters middle school and I hope you both can work through it)

[@eldurazno5761]

​@holomurphy22 she literally admits to the way she feels not being right, she knows it shouldn't be and she tries to make it like that but her brain is screaming that it is. The lady has mental health issues and is actively and consciously trying to heal and allow her child to grow into a functional adult. Will the kid notice? Maybe. But that kid will also, even if not soon, realize that their mom was doing it for them even if she was weird about it when it happened

[@randoonyt308]

My mum's a mix b/w an authoritative parent and an over-involved parent and my dad's a Neglectful parent... I always felt like my mum had tried to fill in the responsibilities of my dad. It's not like he's not in the picture, he's here and he lives with us but it always seems like he never wanted to be involved in my personal life. My mom's the only one who talks to me throughout the day, always keeping me busy and I can talk to her ab school drama and my honest feelings easily and we go out together every once a month while I don't even remember the last time I played a board game with my dad My lil brother was born a bit slow, to say the least, but we all love him. I and my mum try to give him 2 hours a day one hour alone with him and one together. He's really hyperactive and loves my dad sooo much. My dad however doesn't like to spend time with him at all. We have a rule that no phones on the dinner table and everyone follows it except for my dad. If I ever call him out, he'd get mad and take his plate inside I remember always making bday and mothers and fathers day cards for my parents like almost every year and while my mom would keep them in her wallet or hang them up on her office cubicle wall my dad just loses them and I would find them somewhere in the house just laying down Once he used one of the cards I gave him to write down info while on a call to give to someone and I didn't mind that tbh but what he did next just broke my heart... he tore the piece where he was writing and gave it to the person and when I told him that it was the card he legit said this "Ohh... ok"

[@calmmorningdew]

I’m sorry to hear that and it’s very merciful and respectful of you to still try to be understanding of your dad. I hope your father will be more caring and also merciful towards his children. And I hope you in turn will have a beautiful relationship with your children.

[@ositahok]

My mom attempted to be 3, but was so unable to control her emotions that ended up being 1 and when she noticed, she tried to compensate with 5. As a result, I was a confused mess, never knowing if it was ok to speak up or not, mostly opting out of giving my opinion until it was too late. Then of course shed say, "why didnt you say so before? you know I always encourage your opinion." Yeah, right. Now that I'm all grown up and living away, I've learned to notice those impulses of keeping quiet, to reflect ot the consequences of both speaking up or not saying anything, and make more informed decisions.

[@A_n_y_t_i_m_e]

Literally talked with a female friend yesterday about her emotions, she's 20 (I'm a lot older), and she said "I feel like I wasn't born in this world, I don't know who I am and what I want".

[@jhsofficialbluray4573]

Can you describe her thoughts more , I will like to hear

[@A_n_y_t_i_m_e]

@@jhsofficialbluray4573 Haven't talked to her since then on this subject (primary conversation is too long and complex for a yt comment), but I'll quote one thing she said to me not so long ago:"I feel completely shattered" and it's clearly visible. It looks like childhood CPTSD to me, emotionally she doesn't have extreme ups and downs and she's not dramatic, but clear sadness and emptiness is more than visible + she displays people pleasing tendencies and dependency issues. We'll talk again soon.

[@jhsofficialbluray4573]

@@A_n_y_t_i_m_e thanks for taking your time to respond . i also have lots of problems just finding people with same problem but didn't find yet

[@llll7460]

@@jhsofficialbluray4573 I want to hear you and I can share my story too.

[@jhsofficialbluray4573]

@@llll7460 do you have a discord that will be great to be friend with you

[@pcapcom5283]

I've always thought that the true meaning of being a parent is that they should never be heroes to their children, they should be guides & mentors.

[@wendywhoisit1819]

And when the child is adult then friends as well ☺️

[@mavsuper]

I don’t think that’s a choice. Kids just see their parents that way

[@matthewr3986]

Disagree to some extent. I think parents should be their children's "first" heroes but not there only.

[@Rootsofgrace]

I was raised in a neglectful/permissive home. My parents were the perfect example of what I wish to never be. Breaking the cycle is so hard, but possible! I think the hardest thing for someone who comes from those circumstances is allowing yourself to have the insight that what happened was wrong and its a choice to do better for your kids. I had a terrible childhood, but my children are having a wonderful childhood. My inner child is continuously being healed from the Mom I have grown to be.

[@annediss8706]

That's a beautiful comment- the last part about your inner child healing. I am lucky that my parents are terrific, a nice mix of authoritative and permissive, and i'm trying to do the same for my kids, while noting the things I didn't love about my childhood and gaining in understanding about my parents. I like this sense of self-knowledge, acceptance and maybe even improvement.

[@MrAllysonn]

❤❤❤❤❤ thank you for sharing this.

[@whateverdude123]

"I had a terrible childhood, but my children are having a wonderful childhood." This could have been my own words, and I truly believe they are true, in your case as well as mine. We strive to give our kids the best start to life we can possibly provide, and that is as much as any parent can really do. Yet I can not help but worry, that we may just end up making different mistakes as parents ourselves. And 30 years down the line, despite us doing our best right now and believing we were doing everything right... our children, now parents themselves, could be saying the same thing; "I had a terrible childhood, but my children are having a wonderful childhood."

[@honestlyihateu1065]

It was hard for you to trust people? I was raised in a neglecful home too,and i would like to know about someone that has more experience in life. Sorry if i bother you,have a good day miss.

[@Rootsofgrace]

@@whateverdude123 I suppose it’s hard for people to admit their faults. I do know I am not failing my children however. My childhood was filled with s*xual abuse, mental and physical abuse, downright neglect, I was never taken to the dentists and when I finally got my own health insurance I have 19 cavities and 7 root canals. My Mom was a drug addict and her boyfriend was an alcoholic. My Dad committed suicide. I know my children may not agree with the way I do things - for instance they are not allowed on the internet though they do play some video games. They are annoyed they aren’t allowed to play Roblox. But being annoyed about something and suffering are two entirely different things. My husband and I give our children every opportunity - it’s the way he was raised and I’m so grateful to see first hand how that can play out. It doesn’t mean our kids will be immune to life but they’ll have a better chance. I don’t regret it but it does hurt that I don’t have a relationship with my families. I tried for a long time and finally my husband and I decided that all it brought was pain to my life. If I didn’t have children I may not have made that choice, but I will do anything for them to have a better life than I did and protect them!

[@shivamsolanke4660]

My parents were mix of Permissive and Neglectful. They gave me whatever I wanted but did not really pay any attention to my progress. A lot of time I felt lonely and miserable, because I did not get validation from parents nor learn to put hard work to achieve life goals.

[@IsoraBEinfinity]

There's another parenting problem where you feel more attached to one parent but not the other one because they have different styles and they both end up making you confused too... : (

[@Isabel-sr8ep]

Relatable

[@reneepuvvada]

Common. In therapy they assume you are closer to one parent than another. I would say this is more common than not.

[@maya07_11]

me too

[@anunimus_2706]

And then the less liked parent guilt trips you about it constantly

[@kittytoebeans77]

@@anunimus_2706 true

[@funny-video-YouTube-channel]

Very true. #5 is called single child syndrome. Micro managing parents grow fearful and weak childhood personalities, who are living the fears and concerns of their parents later in life.

[@OHYS]

I am an only child and this is absurd! I am not fearful or weak in the slightest. My mum is very loving and set no real boundaries, and we argue and discuss things like adults

[@Moviexplainerjhingu]

@@OHYS you are quite lucky for this cause nor every parent is like that. Even though my parents are the same too but, not my friend's so.... not eveynody is so lucky like us. Ig

[@greenbanana1001]

Not true I’m an only child and I was neglected

[@mchobbit2951]

I am a 31 year old only child. My mum is now my best friend. I was never micro managed. I was the kind of kid who always spoke her mind, nowhere near "fearful" and "weak". I liked what I liked and openly admitted to it even when I was bullied for not conforming. We cannot generalize like that. There are children that come from families with 2 or 3 children that have micro managing parents and "weak" and "fearful" children whose parents aren't to blame for it.

[@nathaliarodrigues2269]

It's true. My mother was like this.

[@ascia158]

My parents were neglectful. They only care about themselves and their problems. Dad was very emotionless and harsh. He never showed us affection or love. In fact he try to show us the opposite. Mom was very careless about us. As a result of that I have a very low self-esteem and no confidence at all.

[@naji_moarmy6808]

Me too :(

[@spoorthi_k]

Me as well

[@Little_Italy768]

Bingo. Stay strong.

[@michaelterrell5061]

I am so sorry to hear this.

[@anonymous891]

I usually dont share much of personal expericen on comments usually but this is an interesting video so have to share this one- I grew up in india so my culture definitely is very different from american or any other western culture so does parenting style changes. Here beating ur kid is quite common (usually by hand, and i am excluding the fact that some parents definitely will abuse their kids not sying they wont). Both my parents are well educated and my father being the stricter one at home used to be extra careful in scolding me or give a good slap on arms (his hands were rough) when i did anything wrong. Its Usually if i disrespect elders or do stuffs that typically may cause harm or loss for others. The advantage of it is that i grew up to be pretty decent kid not just bcs he was strict but my father knew when to be soft too and also everytime he beated me very few minutes off me sobbing he used to come by and soothe me. What this did was balance soft and strong kind of nature in me too. But the problem with this method was i started lying as i grew up bcs i was so afraid of his beating or scolding. But what i absolutely love about his parenting is he gradually as i grew up became more and more softer once i reached teenage he barely scolded me ever infact supported me at every life decision i took and merely corrected me whenever i went wrong. Just wanted to share that i think handling teenage by parents decides almost everything about their future so one has to be extra careful regarding that!!

[@carolinefortney3978]

I had permissive and my mom was my “best friend.” I ended up on hard drugs and troubling through school. I am sober now and Authoritative with my kids and they are great!

[@legacybuilder9664]

I'm so happy for you to be sober and doing well with your children.

[@tifthetif6567]

You are a great parent then!

[@man_5i]

4:43 to stop feeling unworthy of love, she tries not to feel anything at all;; nothing has been more relatable than this line for me

[@BeastlyBubu]

I think the best parenting style is a nice balance of authoritative and loving/free. First of all set boundaries and don't let your kid do whatever, but don't be physco and always getting on your kid when something isn't done. Also be loving and understanding and let your kid be free for once,let them do stuff themselves sometimes and overcome challenges. Also give them some privacy sometimes especially as they grow older. I think that's the best.

[@Thinkingisdead]

To myself, my parents are Authoritative, but without the listening part. They have a good parenting style but can't adapt at all and refuse to listen or change to anything, making things pretty moral but often illogical. To my middle sister, they act similar but randomly change from a little more dismissive to involved, this makes her a respectful responsible person but she is lazy, unmotivated, and plain bored. Constantly sleeping in until 1pm, and not doing anything with herself. And to my youngest sibling, they are completely different, permissive and way over-involved. They get angry when the youngest is lazy, constantly extremely grumpy, rude, and disrespectful for no reason. (which I don't know how they tolerate this person is a remorseless psychopath) They throw insults at MY parents, sit around throwing whatever they feel like anywhere, and get mad telling anyone saying anything to shut up, then being very pleasant and weirdly nice for a solid 10 minutes before going back. I try to explain to them it's because they never do anything themself and is never disciplined or taught a lesson, but they always insist they know what they are doing and prevent me from conversing with them, as if the youngest is some specimen not to be tampered with, that they have to fix. (They won't) A little bit of a rant a vent out of confusion but this is also me confirming that this is EXACTLY why I think this video is a 1000% accurate on parenting.

[@Momster1000]

I work in education and believe me, every teacher can tell which child was raised by lazy or neglectful parents. Usually within a few weeks of school starting.

[@musiclearner6799]

After reading this comment I understood how my tutor could easily pinpoint that I was emotionally neglected by my mom ( she's a sweetheart but because of her depression she couldn't be a perfect parent but ik she did her best to raise me)

[@RyanisAJerkingJunkie]

if thats the case why didn't any of my teachers ever ask me what was going on at home instead of just either not caring or blaming me for my behavior, or just being annoyed with me because i was so different

[@Pixiuchu]

@@RyanisAJerkingJunkie lol, relatable. Every single one of my teachers were awesome and I love them all, but there is one teacher in primary school that just... was a huge asshole. No respect whatsoever. Never asking anything about my situation, never considering I might have issues. Nah she just made me cry a lot. I struggle to understand why she was everyone's favourite teacher in my class. In comparison there's only one other teacher I had some issues with, but she's still awesome compared to that woman. Also depends on class; she was very strict in economics class, but was much more open and sweet in religious education lol.

[@blue7609]

@@Pixiuchu that's horrible >:( I cant stand teachers like that. I had this neighbour who was also a teacher at my school. She didn't seem to like me because sometimes me and my siblings were a bit noisy when we played in the garden. She would often single me out and pull me out of the classroom to complain about things that happened outside of school. One time I was like 9 or 10 during a school talent show and I was sitting at the back watching when I started crying, this same teacher pulled me out of the hall, sat me on the steps and told me off for being an attention seeker and causing a fuss over nothing. I wish she had asked me if I was okay :(

[@blue7609]

Bella I disagree because I was raised by a physically and emotionally abusive mum but I was still a very friendly girl during school and my mum is also great at acting and always acts like a different person in front of others. It would have been very difficult for the teachers to realise what goes on behind the scenes and that's the case for a lot of families. Plus the way a kid acts is sometimes because of the parents but that isn't the case with everyone, it depends on the person

[@Krelian89]

My parents were authoritarian with a spark of neglect, i was lucky to have the best bro and sis because we built a strong relationship. Gotta admit i had a hard time to choose a career, my parents wanted i should become a teacher like them, but at the end i choose to be a programmer.

[@ttttg5302]

Programmer is a very necessary job nowadays, they shall be satisfied

[@danidan4565]

Great choice

[@ttttg5302]

@@danidan4565 yes

[@nickwilson3499]

I’m lucky, my dad wanted me to be a programmer because he said that’s where the money is, and I naturally came to pursue that on.

[@milicavasovic96]

My parent treated me the same way and I also went to be programmer. Coincidence? I think not

[@321sarahbob]

My mom is mostly authoritative with a tiny bit of over-involved, while my dad is a mix of 1/5th authoritarian, 1/5th authoritative, 2/5th neglectful and 1/5th over-involved. I'm quiet the little cocktail lol.

[@andreavelasquez94]

Wow, your description fits my parents really well! I wouldn't change them for anything

[@321sarahbob]

@@andreavelasquez94 I know what you mean! They have their flaws but I cannot imagine them any other way :)

[@taytayshaniqua.8686]

What’s the difference between authoritarian and authoritative?

[@cristiang4774]

@@taytayshaniqua.8686 tive

[@kingsagenda]

Dad was authoritarian (also busive). Mom was helicopter. I struggle with making decisions on my own, trying new things, and creating personal boundaries so I'm a people pleaser, have poor self image, poor relationship skills, I rarely finish things I start for fear of success, a workaholic, and I seek validation from everyone in order to feel good about myself.

[@sprouts]

Thanks for sharing!

[@tausifchowdhury8180]

1:25 "if sara talks back she gets a timeout" Every Latin, Indian and Asian parents:*slapsthe shiznit out of their children*

[@tansi5106]

ikr.

[@laizacalolot413]

Indians are asians.

[@tansi5106]

@@laizacalolot413 lol yesss maine bhi abhi note kiya isne indians and asians alag likha xD

[@SL-my4fg]

@@laizacalolot413 let it go bro/ sis. It's unique to have own identity. They say indian to allthe south east asian nation. And asian to middle and eastern asian. They don't differentiate between continent but the difference is according to habit , culture and facial/body type.

[@octogonSmuggler]

@@laizacalolot413 No. They are Indian. India is a sub-continent. It's technically apart of the Middle East, but since its so big it's classified as it's own area.

[@bobdobalina8910]

Styles of Parenting 1 Authoritarian Parents Child grows up not knowing what they want and are generally sad and unhappy 2 Permissive Parents Child is inconsiderate and has no limits 3 Authoritative Parents Child is well adjusted, uses Critical Thinking, Common Sense and Facts 4 Neglecting Parents Child has a negative image of herself, is insecure 5 Over Involved Parents Child lack perseverance and has problem solving issues

[@57thorns]

And with the way everything is worded, it is clear that Authoritive Parenting is the only way. Does this mean you treat every child the same way? Absolutely not, it means the parents listen and watch and allow each kid to develop according to their own potential. It means that they are prepared to handle dangerous or bad tendencies firmly (without resorting to physical violence or mental abuse). The hard part is that one kid need strict rules while another can be given (seemingly) complete freedom. This parenting "style" is more about growing mutual trust and respect than anything else.

[@MikeB-nn4nh]

I am definitely a mix of the 1+5 child, while growing in to a #3 adult with baggage of the previous the longer it’s been since last seeing them 😅

[@57thorns]

@@jiedongng7985 You are wrong. The words do not mean what you think they mean. Authoritarian means that the rules are arbitrary. They require blind obedience. That is what fosters insecurity, because there is no way to know what rule pops up next. An example is a guard at a concentration camp, with absolute right to do whatever they want to their victims. Authoritative meanwhile means someone with knowledge, rules are based on facts and experience. Such as an authoritative source of knowledge in a field, like a manual. You would have known this if you actually watched the video without falling asleep.

[@jiedongng7985]

@@dainagrn7030 why do you categorize people..your parents were your parents..it's hard to say if they were like this or like that...probably a bit of both.

[@Daniel-kj8kj]

As a parent, I find myself in a complex situation. I believe that each stage of a child's life necessitates a specific parenting approach. However, it's crucial to consider the child's mood and health before responding to external influences. Currently, I lean more towards authoritative parenting. Initially, I was between authoritarian and neglectful parenting due to excessive work and poor sleep management. Eventually, I recognized the negative effects and made an effort to correct myself and focus more on my family. Every child needs a tailored parenting style-some are easygoing and easy to interact with, while others are choleric or highly active, requiring more patience, wisdom, and firmness. Those who easily judge parents are usually children and adults without children. Don't victimize yourself; instead, try to find a solution for your current situation and improve. This is the only way to succeed.

[@darkin1484]

Best parenting style is the one that adapts. No child is the same and every child requires a unique approach. If you have only one approach you fail as a parent and mentor for your child. #1 most important thing tho is to know how to talk and listen. Communication is above all.

[@Track2002]

Fr some children die before they turn 20 because they know that’s what they want and we have to respect that

[@aaron5508]

I feel le there's clearly a correct parenting style by how the data is presented here. As an authoritative parent myself, I can say the downside is that I'm exhausted and rarely have time for my own interests. It's a very hands on style that requires lots of input and sacrifice to make it work.

[@davida.7967]

My wife came from authoritarian, I came from a passive/neglect household... We raised both our kids authoritative.. They turned out awesome.

[@musiclearner6799]

I appreciate it

[@kyleroberts1276]

Doubtful. Authoritarian has proven to be the least successful parenting style. Let a stranger judge. Parents will be the first to say their kids are awesome. I'm willing to bet they aren't.

[@davida.7967]

@@kyleroberts1276 Read my post slower. I didn't say that I raised my children "Authoritarian"... I said "Authoritative" Totally different. And if you are trying to say "Authoritive" is bad. Then please provide a resource. This is how communication issues happen.

[@Dragondude30]

@@davida.7967 I feel like they should really change the names of “authoritarian” and “authoritative”. It causes too much confusion.

[@davida.7967]

@@Dragondude30 I 100% agree... it should be called the "Encourage/Supportive" type. Or something similar.

[@DojKim]

1:21 : "she is sent to the corner for time-out" with Asian illustration. We don't have time-outs, but time for straight up smacks to the face

[@soryu__]

I miss that smack to the face time.

[@moondog7694]

But an article on the UNZ website says Asians are second only to he brews for agreeing with spanking.

[@Ashley-ro4xz]

Aye you’re not alone. Latinos feel that pain 🤌🏼

[@zeppkfw]

😂😂😂

[@kittykitkat4968]

Most Asian families have small houses, no place for a time out When I came to Australia than heard about giving kids time out, so we did

[@leo-or4ef]

when I was a kid I was bullied in school so much by girls and boys due to me being very quiet and shy., now coming home my mother was very strict and often abuse me, I still think that I feel unsafe around humans sometimes so I became more introverted as I grew older. somehow I see through people and their bullshit.

[@bigsmoke3662]

dam u good now tho? Also i bet your a great human being dont ever discriminate ur self!

[@fenrir834]

what a looser

[@kushwanthsai49]

What abuse you got from her? Can you sepcify?

[@leo-or4ef]

@@bigsmoke3662 thanks im good now

[@leo-or4ef]

@@fenrir834 thanks!

[@trixfox45]

I guess in general Authoritative parenting is the closest to what my parents did. When there was conflict though talking wasn't an option ,I wouldn't get heard and I always had to apologise ,didn't matter if I was in the wrong or not. So even now I struggle on resolving conflict, talking about my emotions and resolving things in peace because I never got taught those things. I usually always escalate before conflict can be resolved ,it's what I got taught, my parents do the same. My mom was also always very overprotective of me ,so I became very sheltered. Around 16 I learned to cook basic things and how to use a knife. I have social anxiety because from young on i got taught to not trust strangers and even if I don't I will die. Also ,the older I got the more things turned into more neglectful parenting. Yes there were still some rules ,which I broke. But I never felt important ,especially because of physical and mental health problems being ignored over the years.

[@matowdengjr8421]

I was raised by authoritarian and neglectful family, having my mom divorced and I was thrown into extended family without having time with my dad for first 12years of life. It is hard dealing with it at my adult age.

[@huyphucmai2661]

I feel kinda lucky that my parents pretty much lay on the authoritative spectrum, and I certainly am confident in myself and others.

[@arianeponicelli9115]

@@souvik43209 idk if you saw the video but it's the best one out of these 5 types

[@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr]

@@arianeponicelli9115 No, authoritative was the best. Authoritarian and neglectful are the worst types. It’s not good to be overbearing. Too controlling so much so that your kids suppress their emotions and grow up to not know what they want. It’s not good to make your kids anxious and not confident in themselves. I know for me that parenting style also caused me to be secretive. I didn’t tell my mom anything even when I should’ve. I didn’t go to her with my problems until it was too late or she found me out herself. I kinda hate her to an extent because of her parenting style.

[@athanasiosp.]

My father to be specific is a mix of authoritative and over-involved. I grew up full free to make choices, express myself, not feeling any bad amount of pressure but always within boundaries not crossing to not caring at all and being free to do whatever I wanted no matter what. At the same time he mincromanaged a lot of stuff and helped with everything even the smallest things from making a salad to help me buy clothes. This help gave me more free time and relaxation but made me a bit more dependent than I would like to be. However I still believe this mix is the best one for a parent and a child. You are involved in everything together in a fun way. It is a relationship of friends but with also rules and boundaries that everyone should have. There kind be problems if you over-involve or if you loosen up the rules a lot but with some balance it's the best scenario.

[@ASSassINS111111]

same with me!

[@Krstna6]

Im glad you are happy with the way you were raised. Your explanation here is exactly why people saying there is only one good way to parent drives me crazy. There are books out there about attachment parenting and all the negative issues it can lead to. This could make a parent feel like they're not really supposed to help or play with their child but instead sit back and observe, let the child learn and play on their own. Ive heard people even go so far as to call a parent that helps a child onto a jungle gym at the park a "helicopter" parent. We need to stop putting so much emphasis on what NOT to do, because then people are too afraid to even come close that, and instead talk more about what TO do, which is implementing a healthy balance of the styles. Extreme opinions on the "right" and "wrong" ways to parent leads to too much judgment.

[@athanasiosp.]

@@Krstna6 Of course in life and a lot of topics there is not one correct answer like it is a quiz. It is something complicated, viewed in a lot of ways and perceived differently by every parent and every child. However even if there is no correct answer/way to raise a child you can still personally think that something is better. As you said maybe leaving your child to explore and play alone is good but in my opinion and in the way that I grew up and saw others growing up I do not agree that this way can be effective in the same way. I cannot accept for example the totally do whatever you want parents or the if you dont bring an A+ everyday from school you die parents.

[@sriku1000]

A calming video on how bad parents are made kzbin.info/www/bejne/r4PUY6ePo9WahZI

[@gallivantingsprt]

It's not just mom and dad. My grandma taught me self esteem, my uncle was a cautionary tale of a wasted talent, my grandpa taught me high standards of responsibility. "It takes a village to raise a child"

[@prettiermoon]

i'm lucky to have grown up with "authoritative" parents (although they are divorced they both are like that). i feel like that one is best for a child.

[@EverlastGX]

I think so

[@imanepink]

@ yeah.

[@zeppkfw]

My stepdad is authoritative with a bit of caring under the ice. He's dutiful but helps me out whenever I need help. My mom is very caring and a bit too involved but I try to be more independent. I think it balances out. I can see myself being successful in the long run

[@retardedmaelstrom6495]

no you idiot, i would say your unlucky personally i think all the parenting styles here sound like bad ones tho i do think authoritative is better than all the parenting styles but it is still bad even if its better than the rest of the bads

[@prettiermoon]

@@retardedmaelstrom6495 i- you don't have to call me an idiot gosh

[@DeX9O2]

As a father of 2, most parents are not just one type. Almost every parent I know wants to be a good mother or father. Life is hard and unscripted. My wife and I try to balance everything out with our kiddos. I will tell you this, you will fail. But that's okay. Because you are learning right along with your children. What I can advise that seems to work without fail is to listen to them and explain everything. Also, remember their age. My son is 3 and sometimes is so clever I completely forget his age. Kids are a lot smarter than one thinks. My last piece of advice is to forgive yourself. Sometimes we as parents are harder on ourselves than anyone else. Just my 2 cents on this journey called parenthood.

[@Rob_Pap]

"Explain everything" and over and over and over and over and over

[@acharyahardika]

Perfect!👍👍

[@thegummiphone]

I see a lot of my self in both Authoritative and Neglectful. The neglect wasn’t necessarily out of bad intentions but my parents got divorced and as a result my mom worked all the time and didn’t have time anymore to acknowledge or praise accomplishments. Both of my parents however were the authoritative type and so I have a mixed bag here of being well rounded, strong, and confident while simultaneously not being able to form any romantic relationships and feeling like my work isn’t good enough when it really is.

[@ezriquinn6706]

Same my parents both have very demanding jobs, the neglect is just a fact of life

[@Daniel-wz3yv]

This is why i don't want to have children, my parents divorced and my mom was always out working until late and because of that she unintentionally neglected me for my whole childhood + teenage years, she did try to compensate for the lack of attention and affection by giving me anything i wanted but that just made me spoiled and it was a reality shock when i had to grow up, of course i don't really blame her cause she had to earn money somehow and she gave me a great and stable life in general. One thing that bothered me though was how i never learned how to do anything because i had no one to teach me and when i was younger my mother wouldn't let me do it at all, i had to learn all at once when i started living as an adult (cooking/cleaning and all that adult stuff lol), i also grew up to be very detached and cold around others, not that i'm not sociable or can't have relationships but i just have a hard time truly connecting with other people and feeling more empathy for them.

[@lizzytroy9503]

I have/had Authoritative Helicopter Parents. Micromanaging, approval needed at every turn, discipline for the slightest reasons, and heavy expectations. I am now an overachiever who struggles to find hobbies and projects that I won't drop 2-3 weeks. My parents also refused to let me be a kid, go to parties (including homecoming), have friends at the house, etc, which has led to my extreme social anxiety and fear of meeting new people. But according to them, I turned out just fine!