5 Protest Behaviors of the Avoidant that Ruin Relationships 🚧💔

[@sophiafara5997]

1. Stonewalling to avoid conflict. This prevents resolution of conflicts and distance is kept. 2. Withdrawing when feeling emotionally overwhelmed, whether it's due to something in avoidant's life or feeling rushed in a relationship. 3. Blame, deflect, and flaw-find to avoid vulnerability 4. Numbing out, soothing thru external comforts (food, alcohol, TV, video games) 5. Leave relationships prematurely. Feelings, emotions, connection make avoidants feel vulnerable.

[@robbo3132]

I just want to say that 1) you have a great communication style....lots of rapid facts, relaxed and succinct .......and 2) through your videos I appreciate my ex more...there was so much more effort going on than I appreciated.....she was trying more than I ever realised and I wish I knew your channel a year ago...thanks for all your illumination ❤

[@PatODonnell-gk9sx]

What signs do you think you missed? I struggle sometimes to see their efforts

[@EwanGilmour]

@@PatODonnell-gk9sx what to us is a small effort is actually a mighty effort on their part.

[@robinwilliams9860]

I had just went through a bad break up with a dismissive avoidant who did all these tactics. It helps me to listen to you to find a forgiveness in my heart toward him to know the reasons why he did what he did is helpful. It’s been two months. I don’t want to reconnect with him, but should I share this with him or is that over stepping.

[@padraigfarrell2413]

Nope it will not help you, I've tried believe me . If he connected to you then after some weeks you could share once they are gone let them go and wait for them to return which may or may not happen. I am in similar dynamic ❤

[@kwl189]

No. You don’t want to reconnect with him by your own admission so don’t. If he reaches out to you then after a period of time its worth sharing this with him when you know he is secure with your break up and state of relationship as ex partners. That way you stay secure in where you are but also open the opportunity for him to educate and adjust his own actions going forward.

[@robertadcox8419]

Both comments are excellent advice.

[@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g]

I like this term "protest behaviors," as this is a good description. The one that stood out for me was when people try to rush the relationship too quickly. Yeah, that can be overwhelming cuz it's almost like someone trying to "hard sell" me. In fact, I remember this one of my exes wanted to get serious after three weeks (and three dates). I realize now it was a control mechanism, but at the time it still felt overwhelming because she was pushing so hard for a commitment. Of course, this was when I was in my mid 20s, so I just went for it. Great video!

[@alaia-awakened]

One that really gets me is them cutting off the conversation IMMEDIATELY if you mention something “negative”. It’s like they need complete control of the conversation and you can only talk about things that interest them and are in some way validating them. It’s exhausting.

[@stickyslugs]

Mirror

[@kalaikealohi4361]

Or change the subject immediately if you mention feelings or emotions and or exclusivity etc

[@padraigfarrell2413]

So true especially when it is by text, I let her go and then revert when she comes back which for me is usually 3 days

[@MilesIncognito]

How hard can it possibly be to have a script just remove every comment with the words "Magnetic Aura"?!? Who do we have to talk to about this?

[@atmodlee]

Where are the avoidant apologists at?

[@RahulSharma-dp2cg]

@WrittenMysteries😂😂😂

[@slick_Ric]

other side of the same coin as the anxious crybabies 😅

[@SummitMan165]

Very good episode !

[@lisalyons5381]

I am dealing with a man who does all 5 of these which can trigger my FA. I can’t find a way to bridge this stuff with him. He needs to do the healing So I just fall silent. We are not really in a relationship as we live mikes apart but I have known him over 30 years. He is so inconsistent but he says he tells me things he doesn’t tell anyone else. I do know some of his childhood when he feels safe to share and I fill in the pierces as I also grew up with a narcissistic mother so I know what he is talking about. I have had many years of therapy to become more secure and see my stuff. He even deflects right away after telling me some thing about his childhood and says some brig like it’s ok we all have stuff. And I’m like - please don’t take my compassion away for that hurt child within you. I now fall silent because when he reaches out it’s like a week to 3 weeks have gone by.

[@harry-james-books]

Also known as: How to tip-toe around someone utterly self-centered who has the self-awareness of a gatepost, so you put off the day they discard you for a bit longer. Just get out already. Walk away. There are plenty of normal healthy people out there who will enjoy being in relationships with you

[@harry-james-books]

@@kristidin1983 I went to two professionals on behalf of an FA who thought they should stay as they were and not get help. Both pronounced me to be 100% Secure AS. That's normal. As is expecting someone you've been with over a year to show up. As is learning from the experience, and not wanting others to unwittingly go through the same shredder as you went through. It's called having emotional intelligence and empathy, and that you can only ad hom says far more about you than anything else.

[@kalaikealohi4361]

​@@kristidin1983found the triggered avoident lmfao.

[@harry-james-books]

@@kristidin1983 Go away you silly woman

[@felipesaavedra8819]

Hello I need advice from anyone I would really appreciate it. I just got broken up with a day ago by a fearfully avoidant and I want to increase the chances of us going back together and keep our no contact so they can realize their feelings but her birthday is in 7 days and I have her presents already how should I give her her presents with a card? No card? Should I leave them at the porch? Hand it to her and leave? what would be best any input would be greatly appreciated.

[@tonypearce4473]

I think you should keep it until you both agree to see each other no contact means no contact.

[@RahulSharma-dp2cg]

No contact !!! I actually went through the same... i went to her home to wish her and give presents I already had for her bday... felt like things are in control but it just lasted a few days... then she pulled away again... the cycle continued... for months! Seriously exhausted me emotionally and mentally... I wish i had walked away sooner !

[@padraigfarrell2413]

No contact is no contact it maybe a protest test from her to see if you will chase her for her birthday. It's a manipulation, stay away from her and see how she handles the situation and remember if someone is unaware of their arrangement style and is not working on understanding why they act the way they do there is no future possible

[@AWA89r]

Stay away from them period!

[@bundlewade]

That’s the best advice. It’s not worth all the emotional wreck they cause.

[@myunfilteredtruths3338]

I agree it just isn't worth it....and I say this to anyone dealing with someone with a dysfunctional and toxic attachment style .....basically anyone that does not have a secure attachment style. It is not the other person's responsibility to put up with you and your problems because THEY ARE YOUR PROBLEMS. We are not signing up to be someone's therapist when we date or pursue an romantic relationship. I strongly recommend people , LEAVE....focus on yourself and healing....and focus on the people who show up for you the way you need them to be.

[@VeryImportantPerson1234]

I don't understand why they're called "protest behaviors" in avoidants. I thought that was a term for the manipulative tactics anxiously attached people used to "protest" perceived neglect and get a change in their partner's behavior. In avoidants, they don't seem to be seeking change from their partners; they just want to be left alone. So I don't see how the term fits.

[@davinmallory]

Neither of them are done to manipulate. Anxious people feel the other person isn't there for them and they try to be secure and insist on their boundaries, but are terrified to find their partner confirms their suspicions of lack of concern. At most this can be called testing behavior. And yes it's immature and insecure behavior However what avoidants do is no better. They stonewall to manage their own anxious feelings that stem from their lack of conflict resolution skills. They create and hide behind a false mask of pride and independence to mask their own inadequacies. Running away, quitting, devaluing others, these are all protest behaviors. The avoidant is the kid who takes their ball and leaves to play by themselves, pretending they are happier inside, too proud to go back. The anxious is the one who threatens to take the ball and go home, but crumbles when nobody cares.

[@MilesIncognito]

same confusion here. I understand protest behaviors as provocations, to jab at your partner over something that is bothering you. I mean, "flaw finding" was one I've used (I'm a DA). Feeling criticized and in return I would start to point out all the things SHE was doing wrong. But stonewalling/withdrawing was largely a defensive freeze response - using it as a weapon is more of a narc move, not a DA. OK, maybe as a young man I can think of some "numbing" instances that were like "F--- you, I'm going to just get wasted with my friends", and I did it to piss her off. But that was a long time ago, a different life.

[@VeryImportantPerson1234]

@@davinmallory eh, I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure a lot of the anxious person's protest behavior is done to manipulate. The goal is to provoke their partner into reassuring them and I can't see how that's not manipulative. A non-manipulative tactic would be to simply ask directly for reassurance.

[@davinmallory]

@@VeryImportantPerson1234 It's like a trust fall. They want reassurance but they want to believe that their partner will do it of their own accord. However, being that it doesn't come naturally to their partner, they probe the extent of their concern by testing the partner and watching the reaction. They want to see their partner has a similar degree of attachment that they do, contradicting the signs they actually see. And this behavior erodes trust over time because it quickly escalates to frequent threats to leave the relationship. Yes, it would be better to communicate needs and leave confidently if they are not met. But what they are doing is not manipulation, their partner is simply unable or unwilling to meet their needs, and the anxious partner is in denial about the fact and trying to disprove it to themselves and their partner.

[@davinmallory]

@@VeryImportantPerson1234 Not sure why my reply keeps getting deleted but basically the anxious person is in denial about their partner. They want them to BE different, not to force them to change.

[@svetikchum6988]

My da doesn't talk to me

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

Same for FA who lean DA? In that case, which advice do we follow, for FA or DA??? 🚨PDS I wish u would respond. This is an EXCELLENT question!

[@yazvangamingyt8836]

i remember this one time i felt like no matter what i did, people just didn’t notice me. i tried everything-confidence boosters, social tips, you name it-but nothing seemed to work. then i found this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it completely shifted how i saw myself. it’s not just about being noticed; it’s about understanding the energy you project. honestly, this book made all the difference for me. if you’ve ever felt invisible, you need to read it.

[@rohangamar2627]

one night i was scrolling through my phone, feeling like i’d never figure out why some people just seem so magnetic. then i came across this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and something about it caught my attention. reading it was like turning on a light in a dark room. it’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not; it’s about unlocking the energy you already have. trust me, this book is worth every page

[@subratokonai407]

i remember feeling like i was always the one fading into the background while others stood out effortlessly. it was frustrating and made me doubt myself a lot. then i came across this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it showed me things i’d never even considered. it’s not just a self-help book; it’s like a guide to understanding your own energy and using it to connect with people. if you’ve ever felt like you’re not seen, this book might change everything.

[@123oplon]

there was a time when i kept wondering why some people seemed to naturally draw others in while i was just…there. no matter what i tried, i couldn’t figure out how they did it. then someone mentioned the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and i decided to check it out. the way it explains how your aura affects everything around you? it blew me away. it’s like having a secret code to unlock your magnetic energy. this book is a game-changer.

[@partik422]

i used to think being magnetic was just about looks or confidence, but i couldn’t have been more wrong. i read this book called Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it totally changed my perspective. it breaks down the energy and mindset behind true attraction in a way that just makes sense. once i started applying what it taught, i noticed people reacting to me differently almost instantly. it’s seriously worth a read.

[@rebekahhawkins1318]

Can you address the differences between Narcissist and avoidant. It’s become apparent to me (via life experience) a Covert Narc will have Dismissive avoidant actions with more detrimental manipulations and emotionally shattering effects… basically all Narcs are avoidant but not all avoidant a are Narcs. I even tried to point my ex into the “he was an avoidant” as not to tell him hat he really was and to be nice… but finally not only did I have to get really honest and say: NPD will always win out over any other emotion… because and causes NO REAL EMOTIONS. DA actually have care… DA do not love bomb and then withdraw… they don’t ask you to move in, let’s build a future, stop working umm care for you, then turn the table and ghost you daily until someone is present

[@ramaniyaalladi8400]

one night i was scrolling through my phone, feeling like i’d never figure out why some people just seem so magnetic. then i came across this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and something about it caught my attention. reading it was like turning on a light in a dark room. it’s not about pretending to be someone you’re not; it’s about unlocking the energy you already have. trust me, this book is worth every page

[@GurpreetSingh-qi9nt]

there was a time when i kept wondering why some people seemed to naturally draw others in while i was just…there. no matter what i tried, i couldn’t figure out how they did it. then someone mentioned the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and i decided to check it out. the way it explains how your aura affects everything around you? it blew me away. it’s like having a secret code to unlock your magnetic energy. this book is a game-changer.

[@meenakunwardevrameena6482]

i remember feeling like i was always the one fading into the background while others stood out effortlessly. it was frustrating and made me doubt myself a lot. then i came across this book, Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it showed me things i’d never even considered. it’s not just a self-help book; it’s like a guide to understanding your own energy and using it to connect with people. if you’ve ever felt like you’re not seen, this book might change everything.

[@agfofficoal512]

i used to think being magnetic was just about looks or confidence, but i couldn’t have been more wrong. i read this book called Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and it totally changed my perspective. it breaks down the energy and mindset behind true attraction in a way that just makes sense. once i started applying what it taught, i noticed people reacting to me differently almost instantly. it’s seriously worth a read.