Dealing with Avoidant Men

[@ipekdogan211]

This woman truly changed my life and outlook on relationships not only romantic but all interpersonal dynamics. I followed her advice on manifesting your dreamlife in 3 months and in less than 3 months I went from not being able to leave the bed crying after a breakup to landing my dream job and reaching my lifelong dream of moving to Europe. Thank you thank you thank you a thousand times. You’re the big sister every 20 something girl needs

[@Yas-wc3mi]

She’s tooo good. Always so real and raw!! What we need!

[@anosheym4566]

WOW! so inspirational :))

[@katalinmcewan]

That’s beautiful! So happy for you!

[@0blbe1]

this gave me a lot of hope. congrats on everything!!

[@Messiahandmaster]

We fall in love with people who validate our beliefs about ourselves. If you think you are worthy of love, you will fall for people who give you love. If you think you are not worthy of love, you will fall in love with avoidants.

[@the_agate_gate3782]

Tips for dating an avoidant: Just don’t.

[@pretaporterp]

💯

[@afrofaeries]

Waiting for marriage can help weed out SO many of these avoidant men. They have a long timeframe to opt out if they can’t handle their “biological urges”.

[@DaintyAbby]

PREACH.

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

Seriously?

[@meetandinspire]

"Please be precious with yourself like you would if you were your own best friend or your own child or your own pet. We look after our pets very well. Look after yourself like your your own chihuahua"

[@deffox6326]

The easiest way to deal with avoidant men is to avoid them 🤣

[@DavidPuddy2024]

Avoidant women are just as bad. RUN away fast

[@katalinmcewan]

Glad you added this. I was going to say the same. Avoid the avoidant at all cost. I’m SA and it was an utterly horrific experience. Way worse than any narc I had ever encountered! I have read this so many times as well. People would rather take a narc than an avoidant. 🥴 Obviously, you want neither. Run for your life!

[@Silverrainn16]

Exactly My ex left me, and I avoided him, and in one week he was like « whyyy »

[@seymanisan]

True!!

[@NatalieArmstrong-b5n]

😂😂😂😂

[@DevilFrog61]

A man here: when I was 21 I was wildly unavailable, avoidant, insecure, closed off, etc. I am now 27 and have achieved a level of success and fulfillment to where I am ready to settle down with a good woman. That’s all there is to it. People are simply READY or NOT ready to be serious. You don’t need to overthink it all. Toxic people may be good people 5 years from now…but it’s not your job to wait for them. Find people who are ready and avoid those who aren’t. Simple. And if you aren’t ready, don’t be a POS…don’t date anyone

[@de3207]

Yeah the material security work have been done but what about the emotional part ? They for sure are partly linked but definitely not only. But only future relationships will give you the tone so... Let's see I guess 😺

[@DevilFrog61]

@@de3207 they’re the same thing, is what I’m trying to say. The emotional part for men is largely due to the material reality they’re in. If they’re broke, or never hit the gym and are noticeably weak, or can’t lead bc they’ve never been in a leadership position before, for example. This is going to dramatically hurt their confidence and ability to open up in a relationship. The insecurity will prevent them. Bc deep down a man (a decent one at least) knows that his job is to protect and provide for his girl. If he knows he’s in no position to do that for you, then he feels unworthy of your love. There’s NO amount of “processing emotions” and thinking about it that is going to change that physical reality for men. For women this is totally different. Y’all can just delude yourselves and do mental judo to cope with your emotional problems, and that’s a super power y’all have lol. For men, our self worth and mental health is directly tied to results.

[@de3207]

Okay I agree for a big part of what you said but if a part of self material security (maybe less but far from zero) has to be done for women for many valuable reasons, I suppose the same about emotions have to be done (proportionally) for men. I'm french and I try not to use translation to express my opinion so sorry for my light "argument" 😂 But you got many valide points !

[@DevilFrog61]

@@de3207 French? That’s awesome. On a side note, I’m praying that you guys save your beautiful culture from all the third-world migrants that have invaded your country. Much love from America 🇺🇸♥️🇫🇷

[@de3207]

@@DevilFrog61Here is the part where, as a half- "third- world migrant" I definetly can't join your point of view 🫤

[@LillybethLilyLeah]

Your regular videos coming out these past few weeks have been a life saver Margarita, thank you, thank you. I've listened to the Golden Retriever/Black Cat video numerous times to steady myself in knowing my worth and self control in being the chasee. To me, you are the best at what you do!

[@itme7297]

Spat my coffee out at "brother ew" 😂😂😂 you're too funny

[@Milioem]

She has the funniest “plug-ins”. Just sneaks them in😂

[@Mimitea123]

Me too i was like “wtf” did she really just say that 😂😂😂

[@AA-xh8pk]

Omg same I guess she must have seen the original meme

[@SiyasangaSebe]

Isn't she juuust 😂

[@Lulu96Digit]

Follow up question to the avoidant segment in this video - I’m more anxiously (possibly disorganised) attached and my partner is somewhat secure with avoidant tendencies. I’m aware of my issues and have tried to work on them, while in a long distance relationship for 3 years. My partner spends around half his time with me and half back home switching every 6-18 weeks. I have been trying to be more secure, self soothing and detached, however it usually for me ends up swinging so far the other way from anxious, I actually become hyper-independent and also hyperfixate on the lack of energy and “love” from my boyfriend. I end up becoming very resentful, only able to focus on the negative feelings and essentially convince myself that all he does is hurt me and that i’m not asking for too much, i’m just asking the wrong person, that I should dump him and move on. This happens pretty much every time he goes home and gets lazy with putting effort into the relationship or gets focused on a work project. However, when things are good i’m really happy, we have a great friendship, and I’ve considered moving 5000 miles to be with him. We’re currently in what feels like an irreconcilable low and I don’t know what to do anymore. :(

[@cindi947]

I can relate. It’s difficult and the long distance sure doesn’t help. All we can do is try to enjoy our own life, occupy yourself with your own interests and activities (doesn’t matter how small they might seem as long as they’re enjoyable to you!), spending time with your friends etc. Whenever you guys talk, be as fun and lighthearted as possible - I know that’s hard sometimes when you have stress and concerns, but just try girl. Ldr for 3 years is no joke and you have done a good job so far sustaining it.

[@cinnimini204]

You need to find a way to deal with your insecure attachment style. I have the same tendency, to become hyper-independent, especially when there is distance. Usually it is to protect myself from being hurt.. as you are unable to perform control the same way with the distance as without the distance. That’s why it’s nice once you are together. You can let go, because you feel in control. In the end though, hyper independence is not a stand-above-all or secure way of attaching, it is a way to deal with the unbearable uncontrollability of the situation.. You can start working on it. But keeping yourself busy will not do it. It’s vital to have your own life, but you have to learn to be secure even if it’s very quiet around you, these are the most vulnerable moments. Good luck for your relationship 💖

[@zhhhhhhh]

You two are not compatible in the end, especially with emotional needs and lifestyle. You both have wildly opposite emotional needs and it does not sound like he is interested in giving up his travel / away lifestyle anytime soon. It doesn’t sound like you two want the same things regarding lifestyle. Deep inside, you are likely resentful because you know you are forcing yourself to sacrifice your needs to accommodate him, while he is not willing to do the same.

[@georgiak4367]

Margarita, you are a godsend. Been going through a real tough situation lately and your videos have been the only source of calm. Your videos around this topic mean more than I can express in words. Just thank you ❤

[@pmebd]

Really a source of calm and a heads-up for women

[@yuliyay3612]

Fear of them leaving is not in you. You are afraid because you dont trust this specific person. You probably had a lot of guys who were into you but you werent so much into them. Were you afraid they will leave? You didnt care if they did. So find out why you are still interested in people who cause you anxiety.

[@Dhibdic]

How to deal with avoidant men: The block button

[@keylo2473]

Agree, no other way, no relationships

[@mgn1621]

Lol….truth

[@pudding4eva101]

same that's what i thought. how to deal w avoidant men: don't!

[@ShopgirlNY182]

That analogy of the pint glass and the shot glass is brilliant. I never thought of it like that but totally makes sense. I needed a lot of energy being an anxious attachment and he didn’t need much being an avoidant but I didn’t even know about this until after we broke up a few weeks ago. I read the book you suggested “Attached” in one weekend that book was so eye opening. Thank you so much for your knowledge and sharing it with us Margarita! ❤

[@GoddessLaurel]

Thank you, great information, I love your style of coaching 😊

[@goldengirl3806]

there is also disorganized and fearful avoidant attachment styles

[@ShopgirlNY182]

Some of these things are some of the same things Matthew Hussey recommends as well and you both are some of my favorite relationship and life coaches. I’m so thankful I found you here on YT.

[@rebeccaly]

Margarita your regular uploads are getting me through some hard weeks. Thank youuuu so much ❤❤❤

[@Notfearjustexcitement]

10:53 yesss the vampirism of it!!

[@smith00775]

You have such a strong mother nature, I admire your work and the protective energy you put out there for us ❤

[@XOChristianaNicole]

Goodness gracious. There must be somethin’ in the air, ‘cause I have been dealing with an avoidant, the last two weeks (well, and over 15yrs) - and all my favorite KZbinr’s have been putting out videos, specifically, on dealing with avoidant people. Thank you.

[@heyitseug]

What has helped? I also have an avoidant partner and people are so harsh in the comments. It’s always “don’t deal with them” “leave”

[@sliwka0781]

Margarita, you are such an inspiration! I have been binge-watching your videos lately and just pre-ordered your audiobook. Kudos to you for completing the recording process while attending to the needs of your lovely baby daughter.❤

[@sandrar6986]

My first ever relationship was so toxic and tormenting, I read as much as I could to educate myself because the only explanation I could come up with is that I was absolute shit at picking the right men. I had a good run, but now I’ve been slowly but surely falling in love and losing my mind! I come to your channel to remember who I am, who I want to be and to remember how to control my emotions. Thank you, you are amazing❤️

[@andreatorluemke4982]

“Listen baby…”. Love you!

[@Inhalingbeauty777]

This goddes doesn’t even need makeup ❤️‍🔥😮

[@Notfearjustexcitement]

And neither do you!!!

[@Itswhitneyxxo]

Margarita omg! The question about jealously towards the childs mom was almost an argument/conversation I was going to start today about something that grabbed my attention yesterday. Now I just want to go for a run because that was wrong of me to even have it cross my mind. And I definitely have to be mature for the kids because he’s worth it. I really am being immature but it’s crazy that it was one of the questions😮 I guess I needed to hear that!

[@ayo_k32]

Do you also have kids? How old are you? Take these things into consideration. If you don’t have kids, ask yourself if you really want a man who already has them. I only say that because I was with a man who had kids and I thought I would be okay with that situation but I discovered that I really want to be the first & only woman he had kids with.

[@Itswhitneyxxo]

@@ayo_k32 I’m 27 I don’t have any, but he has 2 with the same woman. It’s just getting more serious between us and I see how hard this really is. You’re right I’m really trying, he’s great though! But I don’t like not being first.. and I understand that I’m not. I just may need some time to think!

[@cup_o_TMarie]

It’s not wrong for it to just cross your mind love…That’s shaming yourself & all your feelings are there to send you a message. The key that helps me is to not automatically believe everything I think or feel as absolutely true. I become curious without shaming myself to notice my thoughts & feelings…especially if there is a pattern with them. This is what a good coach, therapist etc can help you with. If we shame ourselves simply for our brain coming up with stuff, we’re adding another layer of emotion (shame) that will generally block the ability to allow the moment to be there, be curious & process. This is how this stuff can get stuck within us & even go so far as to create things like anxiety disorders. I’m still doing all this work myself & I heard myself in your statement. I hope this can be of some help. 🤍🙏💫

[@orscha6126]

Love is nice. But make sure you are not taking on any extra responsibility before you are being made his wife and its worth for you as well. Have a timeline, and see how it goes. You mentioned its hard for him… But never disregard your own needs, feelings either , he also needs to worry how hard it is for You! For women 5 yrs wasted are much more important, than 5 yrs to a guy. He has all that experience already that you did not, so for him having a young understanding partner is a jackpot, but for you ? You have all the rights wanting things , experiences as well. Invest into yourself, make sure can have options if needed to . Also, he needs to take care of you as well, and his actions should show that he is counting you into his life, you are not left out just to keep the smile. He must behave the way, that you sure, that your unity is also very important to him !

[@Itswhitneyxxo]

@@orscha6126 thank you so much for your response I needed to hear that. I will definitely stick to my timeline regardless of what his plans are I have to remember my needs. I’ve already made that mistake once and I don’t have time to waste.

[@TaruJL]

your videos always come to me as a message from the universe or something bc I’ve been really struggling with my anxious attachment recently (which has gotten worse bc I recently experienced a traumatic event) and my actions are really pushing my spouse away 😭😭 I really love learning about attachment styles bc they make me realise that people are not inherently bad if they are for example anxious or avoidant. I shall take embodying secure attachment as a part of my healing journey ❤️

[@naamahabraham6809]

Thank you for bringing who you are to this platform ♥️ Could you please upload a video about maintaining feminine energy in friendships?

[@Marina.cm.]

You’re an amazing woman, thank you for sharing your knowledge.

[@TheMsOShow]

Honey, you have given me the most proper ass kicking today with your truths! I watched about 6 videos and all hit home and left me like “damnnnnn I got ALOT of work to still do!” However, I absolutely LOVE your delivery, it’s “matter of fact” but it’s still “girlfriend” if that makes sense. Thank you for all of the great gems. I am an anxious attachment and my fiancé (well I blurted out recently I can’t do this anymore….sooooo) is an avoidant but these videos have truly been helpful!

[@MissusAlex]

Margarita you are truly amazing. I wish you were making videos when I was a teenage girl wondering why my perverted boyfriend didn’t treat me well. 🤨 I fell into 2-3 bad relationships before finding my husband. If I had your knowledge, I would’ve been spared a lot of heartache. You teach women such valuable lessons- lessons my mom probably tried to teach me but it didn’t stick 😂 You frame it in a way we can understand… in a way that’s modern yet traditional. I don’t know how you do it, but you are spot on! You are the godmother I never had 🥰 if I ever have a daughter, I will keep your rules in mind. Every woman could benefit from hearing your words. Thank you 🙏 can’t wait to see more!

[@elenavargas7764]

I love this format! You answering questions in real time ❤

[@Nikkidani92]

You are THE best! I love watching and listening. I feel so understood in this amazing community of feminine energy babes!! And I love the Q&A! Keep them coming girl ❤🎉

[@allychar7316]

I always learn something from your videos and this q and a style was definitely interesting.

[@karenrquinn6200]

Love the question and answer format. Hoping that you'll do more. Thank you for all your great advice!

[@NatalieArmstrong-b5n]

Brilliant ad always !!! I Jsut love your way of explaining things !!! It resonates with me so much I’m def anxious attachment and def dealing with an avoidant that yes I have wondered if a narcassist for years It’s very hard to tell ! But I can only change myself and I really need to work on my out of control emotions and licking at everything and and up ruining it ! So hard lol 😅 But you are so helpful with this. !!! Thank you ❤

[@mermaid78]

Thinking you may have encountered narcisists,can you make a video on that too...Relationships with narcissists!!!!!

[@ploypatra6907]

i love your energy a lot Margarita. You're like a big sister that I always wanna have. Thanks the universe or anything guide me to watch your vdos. Hope you have a great abundance life. with love and kindness. From your fan in Thailand

[@Silver_060]

I love these videos I find myself coming back to them to "self soothe". Please can you film a video on marriage and how to not keep having petty fights and arguments. I'm hitting my year mark and I just find myself clashing with him constantly because are egos are butting heads. Also how do I self soothe?? I feel like my emotions are always related to how he's feeling and one minute he's fine the next he becomes moody and I find myself being affected easily. I'd also love a video on dealing with anger and frustration

[@Yas-wc3mi]

I love this ep and style ! Covering soooo much 👌

[@DaraZaneScully]

Margarita this was so fun and good. Love all your insights.

[@MissChayBella]

I loved this style Q&A! thank you for sharing Margarita!

[@cappygurl]

I pre-ordered your audio book. Looking forward to it.

[@edadoxx]

This anxious and avoidant example is exactly what I am going through right now. And I understand everything you said and its 100% true. But I always ask myself, does an avoidant person need another avoidant person to feel understood? And the anxious person another anxious one so they both shower each other with love and attachment? Or is the goal only to be secure..because often I feel like avoidant people do not want to become secure because they think their way is the only right one…they seem „confident“ much more than the anxious person..

[@RominaAlvarez-yq9fp]

Margarita: “Be your own chihuahua” *woof* 🫡🐶

[@kelly.nicole]

Margarita can you please make a video explaining the difference between avoidants and narcissists because they are extremely similar.

[@work-in-progress]

yes this!! It's so confusing

[@Moe90ies]

Not at all. I’m avoidant as a female, I always sabotage before a relationship can start, but I always explain why I can’t be with the person. I never disappear on people or ghost. Some can avoid the talk because you don’t want to hurt them, still sabotage the relationship, but will never be abusive. It’s the abuse that is the difference. All narcissists are avoidants though! But not all avoidants are narcissists.

[@emilierose-biche]

They are not similar. People just overdiagnois narcissist.

[@somethinggood9267]

They especially have a similar effect on the psyche of someone who is anxious attachment. Like basically dealing with a narcissist and dealing with an avoidant affects our brain in the same way.

[@eskliz]

exactly

[@mmademozel]

How to differentiate between a narcissist & an avoidant?

[@nathalie8497]

Do we really need to ?

[@HoneybeeHearts52]

Ahahahaha your first 4mins alone is cracking me up 😂

[@conradsmithlacsina4166]

I like this style of q&a

[@CeciledeLuire]

very good format also this one- take care!

[@rubipalacios5436]

Just get yourself someone who’s NOT avoidant. This is too much work. I’d rather find someone who’s a lover/giver just like me.

[@samriddhibarnwal2058]

Oh that is too hard in today's world. Gentlemen are so hard to find these days ugh

[@katalinmcewan]

Avoid the avoidant at all cost. It’s an investment with zero return. Super damaging also.

[@bellalove13]

Love this Q and A! Much love from Texas!❤

[@ronda9317]

New sub to your channel, I am in the US I would love your book, but I do not have a kindle, is there another way to receive your book? Thank you my friend. Ps. I am 53 and have been divorced since 2009, stayed home raised my girls now starting over and trying to live and feel like I did not waste my life and time on someone who did not love or want me, and trying not to have anxiety on trying to make up for all my loss years with someone I thought I would have a family and life long future partner, did not go the way planned. Thank you for giving me hope.

[@kaitstaley3888]

Loved the Q&A!

[@kristinolan7240]

You are wonderful! Thank you for these videos 🎉🎉❤🎉🎉

[@fashionspy96]

This format is great

[@AnnaL-ku9yw]

Just finished listening with my podcast subscriber. Loved it!!

[@felisha1986]

Elated to find your channel! New subscriber on deck! 🎉❤

[@003angeli]

Thanks Margarita as always. How about how to deal with Golden retriever energy and take advantage of that? Like deal with men that chase 😗

[@Meraluv77]

Honestly love your videos , I learn too much ❤❤

[@minniebear1658]

your latest tik toks about black cat energy, you speak of.. can you put them into your KZbin shorts? Thanks!

[@mezzymoon3343]

Thank you so much !!!!!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@mentalgardenparty1483]

Thankful for you woman! 🐈‍⬛

[@Zfaith_fitness_detox]

I absolutely cringe at it. Personally, that’s something that should never be done. If you’re married, cool, but if not, nope. No ring, no commitment, no texts like that. To me, it’s a dignity issue. Flirting without giving it all is best.

[@JanetDragamore]

What if you were the black cat in the beginning and then you bf started saying I'm not going to chase you and now he wants you to chase him but is an avoidant and doesn't want you to smother him? It makes no sense to me. But when I say I'm about to leave the relationship then he wants to chase. But within the relationship he says "I'm not going to chase you, if you wanna leave just leave" but you're bringing things up so they can be fixed before it gets to the "I'm leaving" point

[@pinaypride4784]

I can’t wait to finish your audio book! ❤

[@Loveandpeace20]

Lovedddd this style 💗💗💗🙏

[@kiran4970]

Heyy @Margarita.Nazarenko Can you please please please make a video for disorganized attachment style people????? 😗🥺 That's me, my attachment style has turned out to be Disorganized and I don't know what to do ? Or how to change that to secure attachment style..? 😶

[@Anna-ei9ng]

Why was he unavailable and avoidant with me for two years to point of my nervous system completely rewiring (ticked all the boxes of emotional unavailability) 6 months later is now in a very serious committed relationship? - wasn’t anxious prior to

[@YanaWanderlust.]

It's because he was avoiding YOU, but he is not a proper avoidant person

[@evolvingbutterfly]

I would love to hear your perspective on women that can’t be in their divine feminine “have an exciting life” because of health issues, etc. You say a lot to be obsessed with yourself and be busy but how do we navigate this if we aren’t able to do that quite in that way for whatever reason.

[@AlishaBaxla-c4c]

Omg this is what I wanted today

[@zohraanwar5386]

This was awesome! Thank you. X

[@hamnahjujara3035]

Truly life changing ❤

[@Blahcvgfg]

You are the best. Thank you as always for the truth

[@martinapfaar7902]

Thank you for your podcast. I am in a LDR relationship. He is younger and yes he is still a bit emotional available. Traumatized! I am trying to get secure but how on earth do you deal with an avoidant who says he wants to marry you and he has deep moments when he speaks about his inner thoughts. He says I am the first ever who made it to his heart. I was happy and positive. He said he will be doing better when he will come to me and marry me! I told him he has to start now to heal. What do I do with a man I love but he can come and hide when he pleases online and is hurt when confronted with my questions . I do not always want to walk on eggshells all the time. He is afraid I will leave him and he apologizes . He is gotten a little bit better. But oh I have not all the time of this world. I do not doubt his love but he needs help and I do not know what to do anymore.😢

[@ikramkm8781]

Love your content ❤

[@cece9770]

The handkerchief and holding of the jacket are directly taken from Matthew Hussey.

[@thatraccoonqueen]

"...then ...that's between you and God." *Smashes the like button!* Absolutely!

[@Zarramusic]

Brother eww 😂😂😂. Was hilarious

[@aztradescrypto]

Needed this thank you ❤

[@kmt4739]

Thank you! 💜🙏

[@ikramkm8781]

Can you please make a video about what to do if a boyfriend ghosted me without any reason even more things was very good

[@agneslaufer9579]

Leave him alone, no second chances , even when he calls back. Focus on self-love. Trust me they always come back .I'm 43

[@evadebruijn]

​@@agneslaufer9579 they always come back indeed, not to stay, but to pull the same stunt twice (or how many times you let them)

[@surbhi58]

Did she say "ladies and germs" ???? In the beginning of the video 😭😭

[@bambina011]

She is so cool❤

[@user-xf2wg5re8j]

came right in time

[@YanaWanderlust.]

The best decisions on how to deal with an avoidant man I've found myself: just give it up, let it go, go away, block them, ect🌚🗝️

[@andreatorluemke4982]

Margarita!❤❤

[@DavidPuddy2024]

which type of avoidant? fearful vs dismissive, BIG difference. Dismissives could not care less about their partner's emotional needs, they're indifferent

[@xcamilachica]

Love your videos ❤

[@unvaccinatedmensclub]

Love your content Margarita, and I’m a Man.

[@blackhairedfake]

You look very lean and skinny. Glowing!

[@moniland]

what does it mean if my avoidant ex who broke up with me out of stress, blocked me, (because i asked for quality time with him after not being able to see him for 2 weeks, (we were in an LDR, no voice/video calls because he was 'busy.') and 3 weeks later, he unblocked me and didn't reach out to me? since he was the one who dumped me, i know i shouldn't be the one to reach out to him...

[@angelinavitaleco9640]

Loved it

[@grupiebug]

You’re the besttttt

[@CanLatinchick]

My boyfriend is friends with two of his ex girlfriends both of whom he claims cheated on him. Is this a red flag? I find it odd. My ex boyfriends wouldn't be friends with me 😂

[@banditadas5290]

So if a guy ghost you and meeage you after 1 or 2 week that he's missing you or how are you.... How to reply him??

[@Im____ltm]

So grateful for you, Margarita!! 🙏🏾

[@osml2.0]

Love this

[@lorarau1255]

"Look after yourself like you're~your own chiwawa!"

[@lovelychica111]

Ladies and Germs!! 😂😂