5 Reasons Your Avoidant Ex Is Still Thinking About You (Even If They Don’t Show It)

[@tomachibald]

Wow, the timing of me seeing this video is perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, i found the love of my life, and because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistake and did all i could to make sure i got her back

[@linamoon-mi7wd]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.

[@tomachibald]

I feel your pain , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.

[@linamoon-mi7wd]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?

[@tomachibald]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@linamoon-mi7wd]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@MegaAlsf]

You are not dating potential you are dating a person that shows up love that message

[@tarkov_6]

Problem being they show you their potential as being reality until its too late

[@alaia-awakened]

Just want to take a moment to applaud your for healing your avoidant style. That’s not easy and I really respect it. Love from an FA in healing

[@1224polo]

I could forgive her for discarding me like trash in the most cruel way possible without any reasons. Without any empathy and remorse. I could forgive her because i know she did it because of her fears, not to hurt me. Her fears became stronger than her love to me. But there is only one thing what is causing that i will not take her back: she would dump me again sooner or later.

[@RancidPetals23]

your correct! mine did this 4 times..

[@1224polo]

@@RancidPetals23 mine did it five 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@RancidPetals23]

@ omg! I've been in no contact for 2 months, I don't think he will come back it's been so long now! I know my worth now, I'm better than that to be thrown away like a piece of garbage.. 🗑️

[@SecretMarsupial]

@@RancidPetals23 You are better than that. Theres someone out there surely waiting for all the love you have to give. Let your cups overflow together.

[@warrior100girl]

we all deserve better. I currently only want her as friends. But as a gf? not really.

[@desertangelfish140]

He keeps coming back like a hungry cat but saying he only wants friendship. He has many other females as friends. I'm not interested in being a part of his harem.

[@wizardofaus2985]

I know. This is my husband... not that I've seen him much in 2 years.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

Exactly! No way I’m sticking around to bump up his ego while none of my needs get met.

[@lovepeace8918]

look in the mirror honey, that is why he is not interested in making you his only one. Sorry but your not under 25 and a 10.

[@cottoncandyflaps4347]

@@lovepeace8918that was a rude comment. And are you assuming that he is under 25 and a 10? He may be fat and 50 with a receding hairline and saggy balls for all you know. Men need to stay in their lane and stop chasing women that they have no chance with.

[@pdezardain]

All these points make sense after avoidant breakup: positive memories resurface (songs, places), they long for the lost closeness, the uniqueness of the connection hits them and they see you thrive without them while they stay in the prison of their own making. These lead to your idea of "unfinished business and the story is still alive." After 6 months of total silence, my broken-up with avoidant sent a nice letter with news telling me about places that triggered sadness because of me. Ended the note by saying "I hope to see you in 2025." Looks like a case of unfinished business--thank you, Alexis :)

[@marguskiis7711]

Women can write it but they are already with another man anyway.

[@SecretMarsupial]

@@marguskiis7711 11 years. Discarded and replaced in under 4 weeks.

[@olliedemianchik2408]

Oh god, yeah 😒 had a couple of those kind of ‘1000 word essay’ letters too 🤦‍♀️ on three separate occasions. He still left. 🤡. Listen, when the logic kicks in- there’s nothing you could have done about it- they’re unhinged, and they’re not worth it.

[@AngiePyott]

Thanks Alexis. I always seem to get the right video at the right time to keep me on the right path. Happy New Year ❤

[@Musicisthelanguageoflove]

Avoidents do seem to have big difficulties with actioning in reality the situation they say with words they want.

[@Stanyer80]

You are spot on, I'm fed up of the one way investment train. Keep up the good work with your youtubing and happy new year

[@guywithahelmet9597]

100% wrong. Our story is over. Any unfinished business will remain as such. After 10 months, there is absolutely zero potential. We gotta take the L sometimes. Best thing is to just move on.

[@AlphonseG-p2z]

Facts and let them see they lost you because they didn’t take the time to seriously work on their selves. There’s so many wonderful people in the world to be suiting someone who hasn’t healed their inner child.

[@k.molloy5503]

@@AlphonseG-p2z Very true but I was listening to doctors and diagnosed Narcissist with NPD and they say most have avoidant attachment styles. I really believe these people are not just avoidant but have NPD because they are very selfish people just like narcs.

[@brennam954]

Exactly. And if they have "unfinished business" with you, guess what? They have unfinished business with all of their exes. You are special only because of your scarcity not because they deeply value you as a person.

[@msstaciamc]

This made me feel so much better…ty 🖤

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.

[@Adakataba]

It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?

[@Adakataba]

His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Adakataba]

he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤

[@JEffigy]

Dude that's great and all...but wow it's traumatic when they lie about what you did to them in order to isolate and distance you and keep you separated from friends... Honestly those lies are getting me to a suicidal ideation place in and experiencing an incredible amount of pain for me!

[@AlexisFriedlander]

Stay strong. You know your truth. If they decide to chose immature or toxic manoeuvers, it's your decision to reject this. Because you are better than that. This is not a reflection of who you are. (as you said they made up lies)

[@JEffigy]

@AlexisFriedlander thanks Alex... it's such a painful situation and I believe she has PDA, and recovering from trauma, as am I.

[@aliciabankes451]

Been broken up 5 months and no contact for one week after the break up. We were together for 3 years. I haven't heard a peep from him. It still hurts more than it should.

[@marguskiis7711]

You should find another man, then he will write soon.

[@SecretMarsupial]

@@marguskiis7711 No thats the quickest way to make sure they will never have a functional relationship again. Terrible advice.

[@lythsian]

Terrible suggestion​@@marguskiis7711

[@ericarodriguez786]

Good video.

[@0annonymous]

As long as they do this, you'll never know Another thing to consider is they can bury themselves in their work, specifically work that deals directly with the public Someone has a limousine business And they're always on call, always busy trying to juggle business with personal life Remember, SOMETIMES avoidants MAY be hiding in of these Industries! Not everyone who discovers and avoidant is necessarily anxious Some were raised in quarantine and are actually used to space Sometimes Move had all the hard knocks in your younger years, only for what you learned to become strength in your older years Not everyone will be anxious, (SOME are actually HEALTHY) In my particular case, I didn't know my ex was an avoidant because I don't usually deal with those kinds of people If you DON'T normally deal with these kinds of people, you'll miss the signs because you WON'T KNOW WHAT to look for

[@TheNoCommentGuy]

Unfortunately you are the outlier almost all avoidants don’t self reflect that’s why we lump them with narcissists.

[@PatODonnell-gk9sx]

Happy New Year, and thank you for your wise and wonderful words! 🎉

[@audreydarling9193]

What when they go straight into another relationship after discarding u

[@marguskiis7711]

Womn do it.

[@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529]

@@marguskiis7711 And so do men!

[@randonlee]

You explained this so clearly.. This is the first video that's helping me understand all of this. Thank you.

[@galinakurdova8761]

Thanks Alexis, this was lovely. And Happy New Year !

[@JerichoFrequency]

Thank you, such wisdom 🙏🏼

[@matt8038]

my ex walked out on me after my card declined at dinner due to a fraud alert. She never spoke to me again. Never responded to my texts yet didn't block me either. It's been 5 months. Very hurtful. I was a good guy and I know that her past partners cheated on her and got physical with her. I loved her, encouraged her and supported her. Flowers by her bedside and a special pillow for her bad back for when she stayed over. She confessed deep love for me but yet never really contributed to anything. The lack of closure was so painful. I wish I could hear from her, even if it was just a goodbye. I gave a lot and I don't understand the hurtful actions that I received in return.

[@Mark-zm1gd]

Thanks. This helped.

[@starinthesky8663]

I remember in the past i was avoidant, but now im anxious attachment style and idk my partner changed now she is avoidant or it was beginning of relationship she dosent show off . She act really rude to me disrespected really really hurting me afront strangers ... and next day she comes to me lets be friends. I told her first we fix problem. and i start to explain what she felt and whats going on her she said true true . But im feeling have no energy more to work for both of us i lost my everything as a human being inside me is burning like a hellfire we talked alot but at the end she told me see you later friend...

[@pedroleitao5102]

Disrespecting in front of strangers is something very typical of a narcissist! Those are much worst then Avoidants, runaway as fast as you can!

[@starinthesky8663]

​@@pedroleitao5102not stranger but she call it friends. That person ruined everything between us ... yes I should go away ...

[@Is_God_real]

Guys help, we started dating then made love the first time the second time i refused( i don't know why) but after we are all naked thats when i refused after romance... he was mad but didnt show after that day, he started acting cold but before he was so loving and good, he was the best but he started pulling away, i started chasing him but he stayed away, then he said we can only be friends.... i miss the good times what do i do??

[@AlexA-z6y]

Great video! Thanks

[@Smashking91]

What if it was only a 2 month situationship and I screwed up in some way. I ended up get ghosted 3 weeks after betraying trust (no it wasn’t cheating) which made her avoidant side appear. It felt like a slow fade imo instead of abruptly leaving

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

We don't think much into 2 months honestly. That's so early on that it's typically us just figuring out if it has potential to grow into anything. Your best bet is to say nothing and if she wants to reach out, she will.

[@RakeemDixon]

Which avoidants are you talking about. Fearful or dismissive. And mine seems to have just got on with her life without looking back. Been 9 months since the breakup. I made the mistake which lead to the break up.

[@bynariKode]

So the avoidant ex also thinks about all their other ex's

[@1300SL]

No, my ex is only thinking about her & her daughter like she did throughout our entire relationship. Couldn't give a crap about me, most selfish emotionally unavailable human I have ever had the displeasure of crossing paths with & Iam 100% certain all she can remember is the negatives from our 1.5 years together since I got blamed for everything wrong.

[@richardschubertjr5701]

These people are just atrocious cruel and do not care about you 1 little bit. Wake up!

[@ipeediarrhea]

your brain is just small and you don't understand trauma or have empathy. also you're not perfect either.

[@anisyapramesti6930]

What if he already has and posted a new girl after 3 months of no contact ?

[@AlexisFriedlander]

@@anisyapramesti6930 if he's in another relationship that's another story

[@anisyapramesti6930]

@AlexisFriedlander How is it? Is he still gonna comeback?

[@kylieburton8023]

Please help. I think I messed everything up. He got the idea that I was trying to push us together, but I was just trying to understand what happened. I broke up with him, then we resolved it, but I wasn't sure if he wanted space or if he had left me, so I was confused. I got him to meet up, and everything was good. He just said so many things that confused me. Before we were intimate, he told me that he was planning to come over on Saturday and talk, but he didn't want to communicate that. I told him I would have understood, but he took back what he told me. He got upset with me and thinks I am trying to push the relationship together, which I told him I wasn't. He didn't even want to kiss or hug me and left annoyed, so I don't know what to do.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Avoidants have deep wounds that others can unknowingly trigger. ❤

[@kylieburton8023]

​@The_Whimsical_Avoidant thankyou I appreciate this I just need to know as to whether I should just give up Or that there is still chance for him to reconsider I was hoping for the coach to reply as my anxiety is high

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

@@kylieburton8023 maybe he'll reply and give you an answer that will help you. ❤️ One thing that helps me get through situations like this is knowing that if two people are meant to be, it's impossible to keep them apart.

[@SecretMarsupial]

⁠@@kylieburton8023 I dont think this is someone who really appreciates you. He should be eager to rebuild your bond. As much as it hurts it might be better to put all your energy to moving on to someone who can appreciate the love you have to give. Let him lose you.

[@Harpersweets]

That's my biggest question. Does he even remember me??? It's been 4 1/2 months. We didn't end on bad terms, in fact he asked like 6 different ways can we talk in the future? But he was the one who wanted to part ways in the same convo. Now 4 1/2 months later, he's been blocking me somewhere new every few weeks. Snap like 2 months ago after I tried saying "hi can we talk?" Then two weeks ago he totally randomly blocked me on Twitter. I hadn't reached out at all and we NEVER even spoke on there. I guess he had to be thinking of me then at least. 😢 So now I'm just sitting here in no contact wondering what the hell...?

[@marguskiis7711]

Men go back if the woman finds another man.

[@SecretMarsupial]

@@marguskiis7711 No not usually. Finding another man will be repulsive and painful if they still care at all. A lot of guys wont go back once you’ve given yourself to someone else. He does mot want to be a follow up act.

[@marguskiis7711]

​@@SecretMarsupial This is the very interesting contra intuitive behaviour by men. They do not care of a woman if she is alone. But if she is with some man her attractiveness rises a lot.

[@petrabuschhausen3129]

He left me a year ago and removed me on FB about 6 weeks ago He said he knows my post where derected to him ..that was not the case I post about all kinds a stuff Yes at does hurts when they do this He regard me like I never existed i bagged for closure to give me the truth why or what did I do wrong? Nothing...it's mentally torture 😢 It's been a year and Iam still not over it it's the lack of closure not knowing 😢😢😢

[@marguskiis7711]

@@SecretMarsupial men are not intrigued by a lonely woman no one wants. They need feel jelousy.

[@carlhouseofoliver345]

💯 🔥🔥

[@rednvocal]

He says he loves our times tigether but can't commit to regular times! He says he won't be happier without ne in hus life, but will be happier uf he doesn't hurt me. He says he can see thst he is goung to hurt me bevause I will get sngrt with him and hsye him for not having time for me. His previous relationships turned nasty.

[@bennytoe557]

Would you recommend me sending my avoidant ex (who I still love, and we didn’t necessarily leave on bad terms) videos like these? Even this one? We broke up in nov 2024, no contact until new years when I sent her a few texts.

[@IlCanaleDegliEroi]

Hmm don't think it's a good idea, they would probably feel judged or feeling like it's coming from someone who puts himself above them. I suggest to bring attachment theory to their attention when talking about everyday stuff, something like "hey I saw this reel about...". Also I think that it's important that they aknowledge their attachment by themselves, so they can start their own healing process from a natural need and not from being forced.

[@AABTBS]

NO!! do not send those, especially not the ones talking to the dumpee and how to get ex back back and does ex miss me ,no way! Only if you will come back, and only deep into the connection when you both feel closeness, it is possible to bring the talk about attachment styles, in a very gentle general way, not as a diagnosys of the other person. That's my opinion.

[@patricepleasant4571]

No do not. They will find it offensive and think they're defective. It's not your job to fix them

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

Absolutely not. Take this time to self-reflect and heal. Stay silent.

[@BirdieHaze2207]

No!!!!! They will feel judged, shame, and it will make it worse! They don’t even know what avoidant attachment is.

[@cindyd3769]

❤thank you Alexis for all your work and care . Much gratitude from CA, USA. Your work truely helped me Tremendously🎉 Best of 2025 to you and yours. Everyone Follow him, share him subscribe and even join his group AND book a session. He's so correct and his experience is genuine. Good luck to All! ❤ ps. Yes my avoidant reached out this new years eve w/ small steps back to me, After I did What Alexis advised. ❤

[@chii1839]

what if they're the type to never have anymore connections to their ex's? she made it very clear she avoids having to meet them ever again.

[@audreydarling9193]

My ex he is the same.Has nothing to do with exs.

[@chii1839]

@audreydarling9193 she treated me like garbage after the breakup but an inkling of me still hope that she'll come back one day. 🥲

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

Women avoidants are pretty much done after a breakup, but it depends on how avoidant she is and what happened to cause the split.

[@chii1839]

@@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope I couldn't see a future with her since we had very different core values like children and family. She always seemed like she was half way through the door, and even gave me an ultimatum to choose between my family or having a child. I wanted to break it off amicably but she wanted none of it and it caused the break up to be quite messy. Made the mistake to keep chasing the avoidant and now I'm blocked off everything. That said she's somewhat self aware of her avoidant tendencies. So idk if that makes any difference. She used to still talk about her exes despite no more contacts.

[@Coping_in_Copeland_Cope]

@@chii1839 oh it's good that it ended then. Core values trumps any relationship. It's not like a silly difference like you like horror movies and she likes romance. Family and kids are serious things.

[@berrinlondon]

❤

[@aron4408]

Lol, it took 12:00 MINUTES to add "If you haven't done anything wrong" Viewers should stop assuming and blaming the "terrible" avoidant all the time.

[@sonjahorn2276]

you know, probably no one would be watching a video like this when they know they lost a relationship due to their own fault. And also probably you have never had to deal with an avoidant dicarding you out of the blue or else you would not write this. It is a traumatizing experience.

[@aron-jt2es]

​@@sonjahorn2276Constantly telling people Avoidants are the issue is not helpful. Look at every Avoidant based video, then look at the comments. Sure, maybe it makes them feel better in the moment, but it's not going to help them if they are also part of the problem - I'd bet most of the people watching these are anxiously attached people who absolve their own behaviour because "They are just hopeless romantics"

[@sonjahorn2276]

@@aron-jt2es I have honestly never seen any such comment. This is not about romaticism, it is about people who are really suffering because of what was done to them. Of course everyone has to check his own behaviour and see in which way he/she contributed to problems. But a severly avoidant partner does not need any problems or any external reasons for a break-up.

[@RaphaelTsavkkoGarcia]

What if you actually did something wrong that triggered your FA (ex) partner?

[@AlexisFriedlander]

then it's about leaving enough time for them to self regulate., and manage to repair according to her attachment wounds

[@marguskiis7711]

Women find another man soon, so no point to come back.

[@SecretMarsupial]

Half the time they “find” them before the breakup then use the first excuse that comes up (usually an argument) to end the relationship and slide off with the new guy.

[@pedroleitao5102]

It was hard for you to move on because you are not a beautiful woman! A beautiful dismissive avoidant woman get a new rebound even before ghost you and te phantom ex is always there sending messages in hope to reconnect, it's crazy!