5 Signs of a Narcissistic Personality

[@Creetopia19]

My point of view did not matter to my ex-husband. He made decisions based on his needs daily, and compromising was super rare. Any sort of decision-making was purely his. He wanted power and control over me every single day-what I do, what I say, who my friends are, and when I can spend time with them. He would get enraged. Communicating couldn't happen. He wouldn't listen or understand my perspective at all. Instead, he wanted me to feel guilty and responsible for all disagreements or arguments. The nasty names and violence were happening daily, and I was blamed for his behavior. Omg, he needed my attention constantly; it was exhausting. Pretty sure if Dr. Julie Gottman met my ex-husband, she would diagnose him with NPD. I've been in therapy since the divorce, and it's been helpful for me. If anyone is going through this, know that you aren't alone, and you aren't the crazy one. Thank you for this, Dr. Julie Gottman.

[@IsabelSmith31]

I think this is the most clinically accurate description of NPD i have found on youtube. Just my opinion

[@rebaseymour1810]

Thank you for this. I was married 20 years. I tried so hard to make it work. The deception and lies in dating is another one. I’m divorced now and picking up the pieces. I almost destroyed myself to save us. I was a slave but expected to stay invisible. I was called a fucking bitch more than I love you. I read every book you wrote. Applied the suggestions. I improved as a person. My marriage didn’t. I’m interested to know how many people with NPD are also addicts. My spouse was a sex addict. I was his drug. The sexual objection almost destroyed me. I just wanted to be loved, honored and cherished.

[@fauvecorrigan1233]

People aren't talking enough about addictive issues in their relationships. It's rife and a huge reason people stay due to the codependency it creates.

[@imahorseygal1]

My NPD husband is a sex and p*** addict as well.

[@FoodFreedomUSA]

My ex sounds very similar. Except his sex addiction was to p0rn and pr0stitutes. 12 years. I finally left. The soul damage to Me was insufferable. He was never guilty, never apologized, I was expected to shut up, never contradict him and never notice his flaws. And he was randomly violent, verbally and physically. I feel so much better being away from him.

[@ChicanaHistorian]

I was married to someone like this for 16 years. He was violent with both words and physical actions. His anger was used as a tool of control and I have a fawn trauma response. It was a match made in hell. I still feel mood shifts in my current (not narcissist) partner and immediately move into fix it mode. It’s hard to stop. The effects of a narcissist mess with you long after they’re gone.

[@KalinaKrencheva]

Sometimes narcissists ( some of them) can sympathize with you and understand your problem if it isn't connected in any aspect with him and if he ( she) has been in the same situation and has felt badly. These are the two conditions for this to happen. If he didn't experience the same, however, he wouldn't sympathize with you.

[@imahorseygal1]

For the last 6 years I have been studying npd, reading, watching videos, engaging in Instagram accounts regarding people who suffer from NPD abuse and I just want to say that this video was so on point and so concise and just really summed up everything that I've educated myself with over the last several years. Unfortunately I'm married to someone with NPD and he fits this video to a T. All five points. Thank you, Julie, for posting this excellent video. I hope it helps many people. I also hope and pray that one day I can get out of my abusive marriage.

[@ismailozerozgul508]

Essentially, if you pierce their veil of grandiosity, their shield, if you become your own person with autonomy and agency (free will), they see this as a deep betrayal. This might not make sense to you, but the reason is this: In their mind, you exist as a fixed version of yourself, as an internal voice or image that must stay consistent. You exist only as a messenger and affirmation of their own hallucinations, not as your own person. And once you show your own personality or reveal it to them, it creates anxiety, the fear of abandonment in them. That's why they belittle and abandon you; fundamentally to avoid being rejected and to escape their own sense of abandonment.

[@almondmilksoda]

I always wondered about this; why the narcissist gets so dysregulated when someone who used to be a consistent source of (often traumatized) narcissistic supply heals, begins asserting themselves, and starts individuating. This makes a lot of sense. It's like the crabs in a bucket analogy... they don't want to suffer alone, so better if you stay down and suffer with them. Ugh.

[@Baconmissfit]

"I can't control how you feel"

[@lakelady7793]

I've heard this one along with your just a better person than me

[@alexandraruberti9070]

@@lakelady7793this

[@jeanb.2152]

Thank you. This information is very helpful.

[@Kiwiwanderer]

100% Julie has nailed it. I was married to a drunk but he wasn’t a narcissist. My 2nd partner was a narcissist. I’d take a drunk anytime.

[@eniggma9353]

very very concise.

[@alexrcanez]

It really hurts that after 15 months of relationship, seeing my former girlfriend enraged after revealing the truth, stonewalling out of a whim, disrespecting myself and my daughter, blaming me... God, it is so painful to realize that I was in a relationship with a narcissist, nearly being gaslighted and accused on a daily basis. Now, after the initial grief, and expressing my own pain, she flipped and minimized my feelings, yet accusing me at this point and becoming passive-aggressive, drawing attention... really, as objectively as I can, it really hurts. I Feel so bad for not seeing that and even exposing my daughter to her own daughter's abusive behavior at 7 years of age! Everyone, please be careful. It hurts and it's hard to set boundaries. But even if the person flips and becomes enraged, that tells a lot about the future of the relationship: insults, accusations, gaslighting, then love and gift bombing as to minimize the impact only to relapse.

[@ChrystalSafariRoy]

I prefer the term Narcissistic Behaviors, not people. I've also seen Thinking Distortions with this group of behaviors, as well as double standards for their behaviors and everyone else in the family.

[@ekaterinasergeyeva453]

This is one source that I can really trust. And she started exactly right. Too much name calling around, everyone is a narcissist and an abuser

[@DZ-rf9fh]

Noticed when people use the term "Narcissist" they mean someone on the spectrum for this distructive / disfunctional Narcissism. A.K.A. Narcissistic Abuse.

[@mona_ahv]

❤❤perfect

[@nikigreer8320]

Hello Dr Gottman, my daughter has bordeline traits ( per her therapist). Some of the traits of the narcissist seem to be similar, like getting mad when she isn't the center of attention. How can I help her see that others matter as much?

[@fauvecorrigan1233]

You can't change her. She has to change herself. You can try sending her to a specialist, but you can't do it.

[@ceecee6378]

Borderline is highly treatable and she can overcome it. Look up Dr Daniel Fox on KZbin. He’s a specialist and has written many books and articles on it. Contact him on his website. DBT and Mentalizing (there are books on them also) will get her there. Learning them yourself will help tremendously, too. Hugs

[@factitiously]

That's great information! Thanks!​@@ceecee6378

[@imahorseygal1]

I'd also like to add that my NPD husband lies more than anybody I've ever met. He tells more lies than the truth

[@dominiknewfolder2196]

Is he feeling safe enough to tell you the truth? Impossible 😂

[@sueboychuk4923]

How would you describe a passive narcissist?

[@sathanightbreese5336]

I have brought this up in my current relationship and my partner dismisses my point of view and tells me her councilor has tested her and she is not narcistic . Is this something that can be hidden ?

[@kuhniberti]

I don't like this categorizing of people. You put someone in a 'disorder' box and that's it. Would I call my ex a narcissist? No, as that makes me actually as bad as I see her. She probably calls me the same with her girl friends. Yes, she had a lot of these traits, but not all the time, and also others. A lot of insecurity and fear of abandonment. And I had my own problems that kept the entire dynamic going for years. Our deficiencies fit together like puzzle pieces. Anyway, what everybody coming really close to her agrees on is that she's characterized by extremely aggressive and toxic behaviour. So that is not just my opinion on her, but of her own family, her exes etc ... anyone actually encountering her who 1. Had to reach an agreement with her on whatever, and 2. Whom she believed was not too powerful that becoming aggressive might be risky. Why this lengthy comment? Because if you come out of a relationship with such a person, what is the story to tell future romantic partners or the rest of the world? 'She was a narcissist!' is cheap, lazy and self-righteous. It is a judgment, a verdict, and not a description. Let us decribe other persons as honestly as possible, reflect your own role, and then have others form their own opinion.

[@leigh3230]

Sounds familiar to me, unfortunately

[@JJJJJVVVVVLLLLL]

❤

[@MarinaM-o6p]

Miss GOTMAN ….you nailed it ! You are describing a lot of men in US . Lundy BANCROFT has many books on DV .

[@elizabethporter358]

Autism ? Developmental narcissism? It’s hard .

[@dominiknewfolder2196]

I had enough of this "narcissistic" genre. It's nothing else than "he/she doesn't care about MY needs". People complaining about partner being narcissist are highly narcissistic themselves. There's no sign of discussion about spouse's needs, which is cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Isn't mutual caring about each other the most important part of successful relationship? Look at hunters of narcissism. They are talking only about their unmeet needs and partner flaws. Good luck with that. It's how majority of women behaves. I wasn't able to find any discussion about man needs on female channels. Only me, me, me, my need, my unmeet needs etc. 😂