5 Signs of Disorganized, Anxious or Avoidant Attachment

[@DocSnipes]

👌More videos can be found on this topic at: kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswjSvwE8zV5YPISXOHgkH5I5&si=0YM6L9M7iZoG8d9K ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

[@rosettesionne9139]

Disorganized attachment is the result of unpredictability and inconsistencies in relationships which is also one core element of narcissistic abuse. When the person you love or depends on seems to care one day and reject you the next, smile with you one day and insult you one moment later, says they will protect you but are the first to wear you down and attack your sanity. So naturally you end up believing that relationships are unpredictable and that it is worthless to trust others since they will eventually deceive you at the end but a part of you still crave for a committed relationship hence despite not having trust in others you still keep people at arms length due to fear of abandonment.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Amen. You said this perfectly.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@Portia620]

But does this occur with the children that weren’t be raided and put down. The mother was but the children were just neglected at times by one parent and also abused by that same parent but the parent that was home the whole time is blamed for all of it which that parent had PTSD

[@Portia620]

How about being fearful of lies and deceit does that count as this as well

[@ania4683]

​​@@Portia620 My mother was a stay at home mom who was preoccupied by my alcoholic father. I developed a disorganised attachment style, so yes, it is very possible,even though the parent is physically available. The problem is the neglect and abuse that the child gets.

[@Gemisnotmyname]

i used to feel shame for my attachment style but now i see it with compassion. i see it as we are abused animals just scared things will go bad again. we need time to feel safe again

[@DocSnipes]

You are right. Here are some videos on creating secure attachment: kzbin.infosearch?query=secureattachment

[@themacocko6311]

Cool poem

[@deborah8788]

I cannot begin to explain how challenging it is living with disorganised attachment. It makes it almost impossible to have a romantic relationship because of the terror that comes with getting close to another person. When you’ve been abused by the people who are supposed to love and protect you, it’s so hard to feel safe when in close proximity of another person. It’s so unfair that the scars continue to hurt way beyond the childhood injury. I keep trying but it’s hard not to just give up :(

[@Naan795]

We need to rely more on the greater love, the source, and not depend on others to be loved. Self esteem, Self worth, Self validation, Self love, Self soothing

[@Naan795]

We need to rely more on the greater love, the source, and not depend on others to be loved. Self esteem, Self worth, Self validation, Self love, Self soothing. You can do this.

[@rosieleat6868]

I hear ya! I can’t believe how accurate this talk is . I wish I’d heard it years ago - I didn’t know what the hell was going on I just thought I was pathetic and over sensitive. I have always chosen men who are unavailable in one way or another. I only realised I was doing this a couple of years ago. I am going to stay single for a while - romantic relationships just mess me up too much .

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

I so feel you on this. You are not alone. Don’t give up. You are worth fighting for..but you must fight against the bad programming of your childhood.🙏🏻 I’m working on this, too. It’s not easy but I keep telling myself it’s better than staying where I am.💞

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry you are going through that. I appreciate you watching.

[@Indielizard711]

This is my kind of attachment disguised as secure attachment. I’m introverted so the clingyness manifests itself internally. I had/have the mentality of do it before they do it, so I sabotaged a lot of relationships back in my day. I can be loving and stable and drop you the next day and never speak to you again.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. How will you start building secure attachment? Here are some videos on that: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@aminahshentour8002]

That’s me… I dropped all of my best friends.. except one who has very clear boundaries so I never doubt my friendship with her..

[@sunbeam9222]

That's very honest on your part, thank you and what happened in my last relationship. He loved me deeply the day before, we were planning a trip abroad together, and so many other things, everything was well and the next day, massive U-turn over a text not sent on time which made him decide I did not care about them ( I was just very busy with work and my sick mother) he lashed out and that was it. Gone. Never spoke again. That was 6 months ago. I don't blame them, I know they can't help it but pretty traumatizing at the time.

[@Sunshine26762]

I’m starting to think this is also my attachment style. I tend to sabotage relationships and end things way too early if I feel like something has gone wrong.

[@babeyeahsweetie]

@@DocSnipesthe link doesn't direct to a video but the channel home page 🙏

[@moonv6648]

I thought I had avoidant style until I came across this video. Everything makes sense now, had a good cry looking back at my childhood memories. Thank you

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=attachment

[@MaryMary-sn7hh]

Me too! I cried too, it was like I was handed a mirror to look at my dysfunction 🫣😫😫😫😫

[@mshiferaw]

It's crazy, I thought the same. But evertime I listen in detail about how DA feels or acts it seemed to miss the part where I do have longing for closeness, I do communicate but I feel so rejected when my PA partner doesn't seem to meet them and I jump to conclusions that they are rejecting me. If I said parts of my need then why can't you meet them???? U must not care!!! It's a war inside. I go so cold to not hurt from it. Almost everything triggers me to push away. So yes I'm inside disorganized and outside dismissive. Oh it's actually good I'm getting names and labels. There got to be a solution cuz my 12 year marriage can't go on the same as it has, I'm setting bad examples for my beautiful kids. I have a good husband but between fault finding and constantly emotionally and physically hiding in my shell it won't be long before we are completely out of love and hate each other.

[@BrendaColin-v7g]

I always thought I was secure but I am until it gets deeper and until I notice a pattern change. Then I start to overthink and over explain. I am impulsive and tend to end things before they do etc. being ina relationship with a narcissistic man didn’t help at all… it just reiterated a lot of my abandonment issues. Ugh. Working really hard to reduce my anxiety in relationships but It’s hard

[@avataranonymous]

I put you on a pedestal when I am without you, but when I am with you, I only see you in disgust.

[@miaduana]

Funny it's the reverse for me. Out of sight out of mind. But when you're here let me breath your air. Sounds like the start of a great poem.

[@lsohweldfab6575]

Oh wow, nail on the head!

[@Flyingskwrl]

Holy shit yes

[@Owlet..]

The disgust thing is more common with CPTSD rather than FA.

[@Gemisnotmyname]

HAHA spot on !

[@Jen-ke3eh]

I am realizing it’s how I interpreted my parents own issues. They would build me up but tear me down.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry your parents did that to you and I appreciate you watching the video.What tips from the video will you start using to develop secure attachment?

[@athenafreya2509]

It’s also called Fearful avoidant

[@ticketforepic4429]

A word of advice: Resist the urge to become a recluse. It's easier in the short term, but you can absolutely forget how to socialize and connect. It's not like riding a bike.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for sharing that advice-it’s incredibly valuable. It’s true that isolating yourself can feel like a way to protect yourself from the pain and uncertainty that comes with disorganized attachment, but in the long term, it often deepens the sense of disconnection and loneliness. Socializing and connecting are skills, and like any skill, they can weaken if we don’t use them regularly. While it may feel safer to retreat, healing often happens in relationships and connections with others. Even small steps, like reaching out to a trusted friend or joining supportive communities, can make a big difference. It’s important to remember that we’re wired for connection, and with patience and effort, those social muscles can be strengthened again. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from it. Also, if you’re curious to learn more about this topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.

[@sadie9386]

My mother drew a line around herself and her other children. I was not allowed to cross that line. My grandmother did the same. I have spent my life on the outside looking in, longing for what others have but terrified and angry and avoiding it all.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching

[@00ddub]

12 years of being called out and publicly humiliated as a failure on a weekly basis in the public school system due to my learning disability that no one knew how to deal with back in the 70’s and 80’s, and my own parents denial of my struggles, that was the biggest contributor to my Disorganized Attachment style.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@missvintage704]

omg,is it possible to get a disorganized attachment because of that? I got my adhd diagnosis only now in my 20s and I struggled A LOT during childhood and school years.I have a similar experience with my parents and the school system.I think i have a fearfull avoidant attachment style aka disorganized, symptoms and signs are there, my experience with friendships and romantic relationships are there ,but what is confusing me is that my family NEVER WAS disfunctional,i grew up with both parents, there was no phisical abuse, no addictions, no drugs, nothing like that. It just doesnt make sense. Even my therapist concluded that mayority of my trauma stems from school and bullying, not from the family. Does anyone have any idea?

[@HillbillyYEEHAA]

School should 💯 be tailored to every child and thier needs. I was treated horrifically in school too. The worst thing was they knew about my abusive homelife

[@adollyforsue5985]

@@missvintage704 I think school plays a huge role and often gets overlooked. I was bullied at school, and support from my "friends" was inconsistent, so even now, I tend to keep people at arm's length and can't fully trust them. We're also at school for what, 8 hours a day? That's a LOT. So, it would only make sense that school would have a huge effect, too.

[@ieyona]

Anxious avoidant attachment style describes me so well. I hope I can work past these challenges and develop meaningful relationships. Getting close to someone scares me and triggers so many emotions that make me want to run and hide. 😓😔🥺

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos that might help at: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@CloverJ_Mermaid]

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

[@lupitaorta2716]

I think u will, I'm here cause a have met a great guy but lots of times I have almost ended things for fear of being rejected but he notice and lures me back in, I have expressed him how much times I feel so overwhelmed and how a can't deal with estres cause I feel the need to do something impulsive and just throw all away I also express how I think he will change any minute and not be kind to me, he got surprised and sad, I'm here cause I needed to know what was wrong with me, why I always have a neh overwhelming sensation, It hit hard I feel everything just make sense know that I know this I kind of feel stupid I always blame myself and I struggle to know who I am, but now I feel beter my parents abandoned us several time at age 6 and 8 and we stayed with a neighbor some months later on in middle school my mom was unstable my dad doesn't show his emotions or steps in to care for us and our emotions and just my sister has been more like a mom to me since little

[@QuilaGee]

❤

[@JBgoodiebag]

Me too. Currently in love and falling more in love and it’s hard to let loose

[@grindsaur]

Boundary setting ≠ Rejection 😮 That’s a mind blower… obvious when said out loud, but not really until then.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video. If you’re interested in video on building secure attachment, you can find them at: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@grindsaur]

@@DocSnipes Thanks, I’ll give it a look, and thank you for making good and clear content.

[@JadeJaysen]

Not enough people talk about this attachment style, so I appreciate you taking the time to discuss it. Would love some info on how to deal with someone with this attachment style

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching, Jade! Awesome question, by the way. Here are the videos on building secure attachment: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@TheRockStar04261999]

As sad as it is, this describes me to a T especially the parenting styles with my parents having a very chaotic, dysfunctional marriage. Interestingly enough, while I have a bunch of the fears you describe (fear of abandonment, intimacy, rejection) I am grateful that I have been able to make good friends that I can open up to. Now to work on processing everything properly and healing so that I can move forward and become a better man for whoever my future girlfriend/wife will be, thank you

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@sawyerbass4661]

I think the reason this comes from chaotic households must be that, when someone else in the household flips from relatively nice to blackmail or insults, you'd have to react by doing the same, or practically begging for them to reconsider without guarantees. I remember when I was a kid, my brother would steal my teddy bear and use it as blackmail at random times. I remember doing both multiple times. I remember my mom hand-waving away concerns when she was on the phone, screaming at my siblings for the same thing other times, and not even noticing others. This makes a lot of sense.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. What is your favorite tip from the video?

[@Photik]

It's learned behavior that you responded in the same way you were treated. Going forward, how do you resolve situations when people act out on you?

[@Chelle_Vibes]

Since healed from this variety of attachment style, yet watching this video makes me incredibly angry at my parents. I'm doing my best not to blame them, but the fact they made me feel afraid and hated in my own home can't escape me.

[@ElwynnForest]

I am a parent that uses this style on my children. Part of it has to do with not wanting the child in the first place

[@SPSHSP]

This was great, I’ve only heard of a few theories regarding the development of disorganized attachment, and this is the first time I heard the examples you provided, which completely resonate with my childhood, expected to excel academically, but then I remember in elementary school, having to make my science fair project, but having no help nor guidance only to come up with a project last minute and it be a complete flop. Funny enough, one of the science fairs where I didn’t get any ribbon I think my parents noted my disappointment, and then, when we walked by it again, there was an honorable mention ribbon but I’m pretty sure they coordinated that. Report cards were always lukewarm because I would never achieve straight A’s, and I struggle with math, which my mom loves, and every time I went to her for help she would quickly get upset and say “I don’t understand how you’re not understanding, I’m so good at math!!” as expected, I stopped going to her lol

[@catherineaubert2098]

Exactly the same with The science fair projects, she never would help me, or even ask about it. Never asked me if I did my homework just was only concerned about my conduct grades for which I would be severely in trouble if they were bad.

[@annmarygarcia1321]

I remember those projects. "It's your assignment and if I help that's just cheating. I know the kids win and their parents do a lot of the work. It's just a good lesson for you to learn in life. " I sure learned it, never reach out for help because it's my responsibility.

[@혼패리음]

Are u me hahah. I had such a similar experience its choking me inside reading this

[@Sunwolfy]

Thank you very much for this video. My boyfriend is of this attachment style (I know about his past and it's exactly as you've described). I have unknowingly been giving him what he needs to help in healing and he's starting to make friends and enjoy the company of others without feeling suspicious of them. Watching this is also helpful for me to know what to do if he does go into dysregulation (they are quite infrequent now and don't last long). We both have our own issues but we're able to work together and make a great team. This gives me hope that this relationship could last quite a long time.

[@DocSnipes]

So welcome! I appreciate you watching

[@finsterthecat]

How did you help him?

[@Sunwolfy]

@@finsterthecat I give him his space when he's dyregulating. He needs time to ground himself again. I don't let it get to me and maintain emotional stability and present for him a secure attachment so that he feels safe and secure.

[@Anotherguy1st]

Your boyfriend is a lucky man. I wish I could find a loving partner too, I just have to keep trying I guess.

[@zmbsoul]

your boyfriend is blessed to say the least. i’m happy to hear that you’re doing this for him.

[@linak1909]

Thank you for creating helpful comntent. There aren't many videos out there that explain what steps can be taken to overcome this. On a side note, to all people with disorganized attachemnt out there... hug and love. It's so hard for us, isn't it? Let's do our best to recover!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

[@phoenix_rising1375]

Mine was due to inconsistency...I never knew what behaviors or which times I would be loved, comforted and accepted or shamed, scolded and punished. It created a deep distrust in basically everyone I meet. The most damaging part though is the distrust in myself. I want so badly to be able to trust and be vulnerable but I don't trust my own judgement due to choosing the wrong people to let into my life.

[@DocSnipes]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds incredibly challenging. Disorganized attachment can deeply affect relationships and self-trust, making it hard to feel secure and confident in your choices. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and the impact of your experiences. Please use my AI allceus.com/AskDocSnipes to find out how you can start exploring these feelings and develop healthier patterns. Please feel free to share what you found most useful from the video and remember, it’s a gradual process, seeking support is a significant and positive first step. You deserve to feel secure and confident in your relationships and choices.

[@brittanygonda2217]

I am an anxious attached with avoidant tendencies, coming out of a short term relationship with someone who is primarily avoidant, displaying disorganized, diagnosed with BPD. The relationship ended suddenly and was initiated by my former partner while they were highly intoxicated. In the aftermath, and while researching my own attachment tendencies (because it always takes two), I came across this video. I knew about some of the specific, impactful childhood events from my former partner's life that molded their attachment style, and I certainly experienced my own. I believe both sets of parents were doing their best however this doesn't negate from the lasting pain it caused both of us, each near 40 in age. The knowledge shared here has created a lot more empathy for both my former partner and myself; yet the struggle to deviate from old conditioning is real, even with an awareness.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video. I appreciate your kind words. It takes some time to heal and to build secure attachment. What steps will you take to start creating secure attachment with yourself and others?

[@celestmcgonagill5288]

This explains so much! Thank you for this information! When I was six my sister, who was almost four, was killed in a beach accident. Based on stories I’ve heard from other relatives about what they heard my parents say to me after my sister’s death I’ve come to understand more of what that event did to me.

[@SUNNofODIN]

This is it. I've been exploring the attachment styles and some of them fit in some ways but not another, nothing until now was a slam dunk as to "this is where you currently are in your attachment style." This was good to hear, I don't know how to describe it but I feel understood? At some level it feels easier to work on now, more energy in a way. Watching this video addressed much of the "no one understands the big picture of how I behave, I'm exhausted trying to understand it myself let alone explain it to others"

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. Here are the videos on developing secure attachment: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@JacquelineRadcliffe]

My level of anxious-avoidance in dating = meeting people, feeling inconsistency in their words vs behaviour, and then blocking/ghosting them. This all makes sense, especially since my mum has BPD, this video made me emotional. Thank you for the information.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. Thanks for watching

[@JasminesRosesAndTulips]

I think I might be this cause I really wanna be in a relationship I love love! But like whenever I'm In a relationship I become very codependent and I also care so much about this person needs rather then my own and put on a facade to please them and I also never talk about my emotions cause I'm afraid to

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@starlight055]

I love how the secure attachment is the most "best"/safe but probably also the least found in people. 💀

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=attachment

[@GreasyBaconMan]

It’s 50/50 in people.

[@BuddylonB]

haha sometimes I jokingly curse those lucky enough to be secure attached. Must be nice. I'm joking though, of course. I hope everyone can heal and be secure and happy

[@DorothyOpati]

Actually most people are secure It is the most popular attachment

[@starlight055]

@@DorothyOpati is it?? 🙀

[@KBinturong]

I am starting a relationship. It's crazy how often I tell myself : "it's over, it won't work". I know now not to act upon thoses tought but gosh, it is exhausting. And yesterday I did express my need and I feel scared to be abanndoned because of this. Because I was too harsh. Idk. And at the same time I feel I can't really talk about how I feel because I would look like the crazy girl with issue (which I am to be honnest). I have to reassure myself : it's not because you cross someone that they don't like you anymore. And it's ok not to have straight away reassurance after this. The hypervigilante state make everything a sign that he is pissed off and he would not longer be interested. And guess what ? It's a long distance relationship T_T (but I guess it's ok in the end)

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video and for sharing. I am sorry about that. When you tell yourself “It’s over, it won’t work.”, try writing down facts, concrete evidence for and against your belief. Try watching the videos on building secure attachment: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@rosieleat6868]

this feels so familiar

[@bigsistarot5505]

I am terrified about how relatable this is to my past.. oh my..

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. What tips from the video will you use to create secure attachment?

[@GriffinWulf]

I feel so lucky to have a spouse who was patient and spent years 'courting' me until I finally felt comfortable enough to open up and enjoy any kind of intimacy without becoming prickly

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@fringbabyross4718]

I was seeing an FA attached woman. It was so beautiful I’m the beginning. I thought she was one day going to be my wife. Then suddenly she was like a deer in the headlights. Wouldn’t hold hands, felt uncomfortable kissing, etc… stopped returning messages. Then when I’d go to walk away she’d come back around. Said I was the nicest guy she ever knew and I deserved better…and hurt everyone she cared about. She always seemed heartbroken about the last guy that disappeared on her whom she said was narcissistic. Pushes me away then I find her dating profile. Absolutely crushed and devastated. Was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in my life. I just never truly had her.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. Here’s the video on Healing after a breakup: kzbin.info/www/bejne/boC9lYetm8dlg80

[@NoName-zb1gm]

I didn't go that far with the woman I liked from Church. I never would have bothered if I didn't see her on a dating site. Now I've invested a few years trying to win her over and now wonder if I should just give up. It's like they don't want the nice guy they want the thrill of the chase but they can't settle down into a loving relationship.

[@coco-051]

Thank you @fringbabyross4718 - this is just like my experience. Beautiful honeymoon stage only for him to flip a switch all of the sudden. My partner also got on the dating app, shortly after displaying affection. He was also an FA.

[@bunny8352]

It's true, I hate being consoled, finally a video that explains why. Now at least I'm at peace

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for watching. Here are some videos on developing secure attachment: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@storysplinters9458]

Thank you for the video! Even though I already knew this is my attachment style, it's almost eerie how accurate the descriptions and causes are. I've never been in a relationship, I rarely develop romantic feelings and when I do, it's usually aimed at people who are unavailable which, considering these protective mechanisms, makes a lot of sense. I've been to therapy and I've been journaling a lot. I also struggle to make genuine friends but I'm making an effort. It's really frustrating to crave connection but not being able to achieve it.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. If you’re interested in longer videos on the subject, you can find more at: kzbin.infosearch?query=attachment

[@shortiedeleon14]

this is so me. i’m trying so hard to heal this!! 😭

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. You can find videos on creating secure attachment at: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@pxe1857]

I really appreciate that you included the interventions - it’s easy to watch these and feel helpless

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for your kind words-I’m glad you found the interventions helpful. It’s true, learning about attachment styles can feel overwhelming at first, especially if you recognize those patterns in yourself or your relationships. Including interventions is so important because it’s empowering to know that change is possible and that there are concrete steps you can take to build healthier, more secure connections. If you found the video helpful, please consider sharing it-it might give someone else the hope and tools they need to begin their own journey toward healing. Is there a particular intervention that resonated with you the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts and explore what works best for you or others navigating similar challenges!

[@vanessahidalgo3206]

Thank you for these videos! I always learn so much, and they even serve as a way to self regulate!

[@DocSnipes]

I am very grateful for your support

[@JR-dt9ie]

Thank you, Doc Snipes. Been me for over 55 yrs, just finding out what makes me tick. I've decided to learn, adapt & enjoy the journey 💝

[@DocSnipes]

So welcome. I appreciate you watching

[@tinydanceryoutube]

I cared for 2 alcoholic parents who were functional by day and unpredictable by night. I had siblings to care for. The violence was awful. I never felt safe but couldn't let my siblings know. I went to extremes by hiding my brother in an upstairs bathroom while dad beat mom. Sometimes I had to call the police so mom could get medical attention. Dad always got out and threatened to kill whoever called the police. I haven't been able to identify a feeling let alone a thought want or need my whole life. I sucks at relationships. So I stopped trusting myself and don't go there. It's lonely and I dream of what heaven will be like. I hate myself & my life .

[@ania4683]

I feel so sorry to read your comment. Maybe try to get some therapy. It's so devastating to read you hate yourself while you're probably a pretty cool person in reality. Much love from me to you ❤

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I truly appreciate you watching.

[@finsterthecat]

Sorry what you went through. My husband had 2 alcoholic parents and since I met him at 16 I witness the dysfunction. I too had a dysfunctional family as my mother was a narcissist and there was almost daily physical abuse. I get your anger. I hope you don’t give up on your on journey to healing and self love. I am 57 and still it is a daily chore to get beyond the abuse I received as a child. One of the reasons why I watched this video. To understand myself better. Anger can be healing especially if you were not allowed to express it as a child.

[@LCpanini]

I am so sorry for what happened to you 💖 I hope you’re able to heal, therapy does wonders.

[@quentindaniels7460]

Im geniunely sorry, Victoria. It brings me to tears read it, namely the last two sentences, because I can relate so clearly to your pain.

[@twillsJKZ]

Is there hope for this attachment style to ever have a healthy loving relationship? I’m 28 years old and wondering if there’s any point? It’s incredibly confusing for me and the person I’m in the relationship with. It’s like there’s 2 people living inside of me which can flip around at the turn of a switch, with an inability to understand how I actually feel about someone. It’s like; I really want to be with you but I also don’t want a relationship, but I crave intimacy, but get away from me you’re getting to close. Or I show affection and then get affection back, on one level It meets my needs of receiving love and on another level it gives me the ick. It’s fucked, I crave stability and a consistent consistency. I usually end the relationship because I don’t want to put the other person through it, it’s unfair in them. It’s grim

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for watching. Yes, there’s hope. I have many videos on the KZbin channel on creating secure attachment. The mnemonic for it is CRAVES: You can find the videos on creating secure attachment at: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure Please let me know what you think about it.

[@ML-ku9bn]

Thank you so much for that video it turned out to be much more helpful and eye-opening than I thought. Now I am 100% sure of my partner's attachment style and it gives me tools to react in more appropriate ways. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips from the video will you use first to start building secure attachment.

[@ML-ku9bn]

@@DocSnipes for now I'm kind of considering how I try to get into a difficult conversation with him usually and understand why it's working out in such terrible ways. So for now I think I will take some extra time to process all the information and connect the dots somehow. And then listen one more time. But what struck me the most is how much suffering and insecurity there still are behind his behavior. So I think that will help me not taking it personally, and so now I see how my behavior of not talking anymore or ignoring him triggered his insecurities. That's not much yet, but hopefully, overtime I'll feel safer and better with that. And that's thanks to this video 🙏❤️

[@asiaisreal7302]

Once I found out that my Mom didn’t love me, because she is a jealous hater who doesn’t want to see anyone thrive and my Dad is a drug addict who is completely self serving. Narcissist child father, Sibling abandonment because of Foster Care. It’s done for me. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown when someone shows signs of liking me. I am so used to not being loved and supported it’s no point now.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching

[@melanierouge588]

I had that rude epiphany 2 years ago and I’m still “spiraling up and out” on the nervous breakdown, unfortunately my best friend 10 years left me bc of my raw nerves. I hope you get all the resources you need when you need them

[@cmc7507]

If someone looks at me lovingly, it scares the crap out of me. I immediately look the other way and get away from them. But I am comfortable with the fake psychos. 🙃 At least I have realized it.

[@TheSwiftie467]

I have disorganized attachment, my mom was physically gone because she was always drunk. Somewhat emotionally there, but my father was physically there but emotionally absent.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that. What tips from the video will you use to create secure attachment? Video you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@Vikinka]

Thank you for putting the effort and time into such an educational video!

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@thikraalharbi7201]

This video made an impactful change in me and helped me understand myself. Thank you so much for your valuable content.

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful both to be of service and for your support. My Clones can help you do a deeper dive at DocSnipes.com/clones

[@NotInMYName_AntiZionistJew]

Thank you so much for this video. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I had no clue I had this, just couldn’t figure out if I was fearful avoidant or anxiously attached. But this really fits. My mother was a Jekyll/Hyde. I was both fearful of being emotionally hurt by her and alternately suffocated by her excessive neediness.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. I am sorry about your mother being Jelyll/Hyde

[@christyler8954]

Doctor all of your videos have really helped. Getting ready to take my CADC 2 test here in Oregon.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re welcome! Thanks for watching!

[@ozztenn]

Glad I found your videos. I watched a autoimmune/ mood disorder video and it was incredible. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us.

[@DocSnipes]

You are welcome! Thank you for watching!

[@annayra6458]

my dad would hit my mom and then apologize to me and tell me he loved me and tried to hug me. I remember being so disgusted by his hyprocrite affection. It's the same disgust I feel when someone shows affection to me physically or by words. I feel like they are apologizing for something I don't know they have done

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I am sorry it shaped your life like that.

[@EclecticCoach]

This was my childhood been doing lots of healing and growing around this Thank you for the video

[@FirstNameLastName-oe9hi]

I am an anxious preoccupied and fearful-avoidant as well...when my anxious preoccupied attachment activates, I get over share, being very honest and open with that person from the start but the bad side is I get anxious, I get anxiety, I overthink, I vomit, I delete messages and the best part is that I know how to kill my attachment for that person and then my fearful-avoidant attachment activates and I become aloof, don't want a relationship with you, okay in casual dating you and don’t care if you are in my life or not and won’t get jealous at all, won’t get hurt I’m a mess!

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. For more information on how to create a secure attachment, to get answers from my videos, or to easily find them in the video library, please feel free to use AllCEUs.com/AskDocSnipes

[@sumaiyasalman7163]

Wow. I must be hella sensitive to tear up at this informative video. Cherry on top, I had a full blown discussion with my therapist on an anxious avoidant attachment style.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for sharing!

[@agr8cutr]

TWNs= Thoughts, Wants and Needs for those not familiar with the acronym

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

[@salinahawxhurst9294]

I just came across your video and I've never felt so understood in my life! I'm watching your other videos now and I am learning so much! 🙏

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. If you’re interested in videos on a certain topic, please feel free to ask :)

[@salinahawxhurst9294]

@@DocSnipes thank you so much! I've been absorbing all your stuff since yesterday! I'm seriously so grateful for your content :) just the right time to help my continued growth into knowing myself.

[@judeannethecandorchannel2153]

Very good! I don't my emotions swinging quite this wide. I don't go flat. And I don't *seriously* break up without a lot of reflection. But when I used to join my boyfriend to spend half the week with him, after a lot of preparation, and he'd kick me out 3 hours later, I'd say, "Okay then we have to break up. This is Intolerable. My mother is schizophrenic and goes off her meds and becomes aggressive, even violent. I specifically remember when I was probably 4 she slapped me while she was dissociated, then apologized. But you can't take that back. It creates a primal sense of uncertainty. (She may have BPD, as I've discussed with her psychiatrist.) So now I have social anxiety and the man I love and I have struggled tremendously to stay together in a healthy way. At present we're in contact but living apart, because there was escalating violence in the relationship. We're both extremely romantic, love to bond, until we come into conflict, then escalations and break ups. I now think we probably both have disorganized attachment. (In "How We Love" we would both be deemed too have a Vascilator love style. The same back and forth through opposites. I think we both have some capacity to feel stably, very happily attached and in love. But it breaks down, sometimes horribly. Once his home became my primary residence we fell back into our Toxic dynamic and I had to leave, which is a huge financial drain. All of which is just to say: When you grow up in chaotic circumstances, you also end up suffering through your own dysfunction. And then you have to take care of a mentally ill parent, when you never achieved emotional and financial stability yourself. It can be a nightmare. But knowing what's happening and why is very clarifying and that helps! Thank you. 🥰⚘️

[@Katpotter3000]

This is so well done! Thank you for this content!!

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@stellasoares8780]

Wow! Thank you for this video. I’m in tears.

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome! I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video

[@stellasoares8780]

@@DocSnipes Do you have any videos on how to navigate a relationship between 2 disorganized?

[@ElwynnForest]

Thabk you Doc Snipes. This was sooooo informative, you have no idea! 🤷 It helped me figure out what is wrong with my 8-yr old.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome! If you found the video helpful, please feel free to share it with others who might benefit. Also, you can find more indepth info at DocSnipes.com/Clones.

[@oscar610]

Just discovered your channel today, i feel the info very relatable to my feelings, really feel unmotivated to do important stuff, i hope things get better..

[@DocSnipes]

Welcome to the channel, Oscar. I am so glad you are here. I am grateful to be of help. Thank you so much for watching. What is your favorite tip from the video?

[@edgreen8140]

As Diana Diamond states can not classify or combo preoccupied/ fearful avoidant. Often don't explain their needs but may use actions or various words to try to get needs met. Possible cognitive distortions. Emotional phobics who want attachment. Chaos which occured during childhood is sometimes acted out in adulthood. Attachment can be changed but one must put in the work. The individual if an adult can use interventions w a therapist.

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=attachment

[@mohibquadri4053]

Superb ! Doc how to tackle inaction habit which keeps us stuck in analysis paralysis..

[@AndrewFromNewHampshire]

This video described me perfectly, both the good and the bad. I had to cringe a bit as it felt like a mirror being held up to me, but I am going to rewatch it to let it all sink in. I think my growing up with ADHD and Dyslexia in a world that understood neither (I am 59) probably made connecting with others harder for me, but up until last year I assumed that my seemingly inconsistent attachment style was a character flaw, and not a legitimate MH concern. I still struggle with feelings that there is something inherently wrong with me, but I now think I might benefit from some sort of therapy. Thank you for your very clear explanation.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. Thanks for watching

[@ripley7t429]

Imagine having this with CPTSD and being married to a BPD wife. I have been discarded for the last 7 years emotionally and physically. Just a wallet and a housekeeper. She will now move on to the next person and she has decided to live the lifestyle of BDSM. Good luck to the folks looking for a stable person that can consent to that, because they are in for a surprise. Just sad seeing 30 plus years disappear. Codependency is a real suck. Thing is the last 7 years seemed comfortable and familiar due to the childhood trauma. Sometimes things work out for the best. We both have our 50/50 blame in this. We have tried several times to fix things. One of us is in treatment, the other denial that they have any issues. I will at least get myself well.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. If you’re interested in videos on cPTSD, you can find more of them at: kzbin.infosearch?query=cptsd

[@bestsellingbeatdown9162]

So glad I found this. When researching attachment styles, I always found them to be too one dimensional and black and white. My periods of detachment are heavily influenced by my anxiety, so the concept of avoidance and anxiety being mutually exclusive was confusing to me to say the least. edit: I remember how proud of myself I was, that I had the uncanny ability to completely cut people out of my life if I felt they crossed the line and wronged me. Retrospectively, I was reinforcing my avoidant behavior, rather than confronting the issues. I would trick myself into thinking I was secure by holding everything at arms length, waiting to drop it, no looking back. If I was ready to let go at any moment, then the thing had no power over me.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for sharing this-it’s so insightful, and I think a lot of people can relate to that struggle between detachment and anxiety. It’s common for people to confuse avoidance with strength or security, but as you pointed out, it's often a protective mechanism to avoid confronting the deeper fears of vulnerability or rejection. The ability to cut people off can feel empowering in the moment, but over time, it can lead to isolation and make it harder to build truly secure connections. It's great that you're reflecting on this now. Becoming aware of these patterns is such a huge step toward changing them. Have you noticed any shifts in how you approach relationships since recognizing this pattern in yourself?

[@AriD2385]

Thanks!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much for the support! It is greatly appreciated! 😀😀

[@ere4449]

I'm 44, and finally figuring out this is me. My mom is a CN and that was my childhood. I have a lot of work to do!

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for sharing that-it’s powerful to reach this point of self-awareness. Realizing how early relationships, especially with a parent who may have had narcissistic traits, can shape our attachment style is a big step. It’s completely natural to feel like there’s a lot to unpack, but remember, healing and growth are possible at any age. By understanding these patterns, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to break old cycles and build healthier, more secure connections moving forward. Taking this journey one step at a time, perhaps with the support of a therapist who understands attachment work, can make the process more manageable and affirming. Be kind to yourself-you’ve already made so much progress just by reaching this awareness. Is there a specific goal or change you’d like to focus on in this journey? Sometimes having a starting point can help make the work ahead feel a bit more tangible.

[@judyn6639]

Spot on. Thanks, mom!

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@finsterthecat]

Wow when she said holding you while yelling at you flashed me back to getting comforted after a beating by my mother.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching

[@luzianamejia5535]

What the heck. I literally cried while hearing this cause I felt so seen. Even though I never get sensitive while listening to facts. I couldn't stop seeing me in this one

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching my video. It sounds like hearing about disorganized attachment was a powerful experience for you. It's completely normal to feel emotional when something resonates deeply with your own experiences. Disorganized attachment can be a difficult topic, especially when it mirrors your own feelings and struggles. Feeling seen and understood can bring a lot of emotions to the surface. It's a sign that you're recognizing and validating your own experiences, which is an important step in healing and growth. Please feel free to use my AI to find out more about disorganized attachment and tips to cope with it allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Also, if you feel comfortable, please share what information resonates with you the most. Additionally, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you explore these feelings further.

[@fahima6186]

Thank you Doc we really need to understand all these stuff 👍

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching.

[@TheMagician86]

Just the title sounds like me. We'll see! 👍

[@kathyadair8552]

LOL Me, too.

[@ckomarec]

Thanks!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome! I appreciate your donation! Your support is invaluable, helping me sustain content creation. Your contribution is essential and has a profound impact. Thank you! 🙏❤️

[@MarieAK]

Do not stop asking for help! Keep making space for others to be there for you, that being said; do not ask for help from those who openly show you that you can NOT ask them for help. One mistake I made was consistently making space for emotionally unavailable people and then shaming myself for trying or using this to reaffirm that I was too much. It’s a lie, you are not too much. Some are battling their own issues, it’s not personal, they just can’t be that safe space for you

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for sharing this-it’s such a powerful reminder. It’s true, finding the right people to ask for support can make a huge difference. Sometimes, we end up turning to those who aren’t able to meet our needs, and it can feel like a reflection of our own worth, but it’s not. Recognizing this and choosing to seek support from those who can truly be there for us is a big step in healing. I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. What helped you realize the importance of finding the right people to lean on during tough times?

[@brittanycrawford6432]

Omg you’re right and I’m crying 😢

[@DocSnipes]

I am glad the video was meaningful for you. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@MKSouthernStar]

This makes so much sense.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@meesh1002]

Probably the best explanation of this. Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

You're very welcome!

[@sofiasaviranta5640]

stress response so mangled I got fibromyalgia.. mid thirties got diagnosed and then recently got given cocodemaol to try to help.. and.. yeah it was cool to feel no acute or chronic pain first time in over a decade, very reassuring that Im not lazy, making it up to get attention or to avoid responsibility etc.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching and for sharing.

[@azamlaleh]

Dr Snipes first of all thank you for providing these lectures, I really appreciate it. 💫Could you also introduce books (fiction or non-fiction) that you think would help in further understanding these topics.? Thank you so much 🙏❤️

[@ljmotivate4u680]

Wow thanks for your teaching. Spot on 👌

[@DocSnipes]

So welcome. Thanks for watching.

[@idajj.1625]

Awesome content!!!! THANK YOU DOCTOR!!!!!

[@DocSnipes]

So welcome! Thank you for watching.

[@tinyblondekelly]

This was so informative, thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. I’d love to hear what you found most helpful from the video-your feedback is invaluable. If you’re interested in more tips on this topic or want to explore my full video library, feel free to use my Ai: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.

[@jamisonlamkin5576]

Yep I 100% have disorganized anxious avoidant attachment, how does one go about making friendships to help with this?

[@theunknown6034]

This question! I need the answer to!!! I absolutely understand how that feels

[@jamisonlamkin5576]

@@theunknown6034 I know right?! The struggle is real!

[@nickandrews2255]

Thank you! I’ve been looking for a video on anxious and avoidance. Always find videos on one or the other but I get both symptoms was wondering if it was bpd

[@Hizsoo]

It's called fearful attachment elsewhere. It has like 3 names.

[@DocSnipes]

So welcome. I appreciate you watching.

[@annmarygarcia1321]

I searched for love. I got married 7 times. I'm so ashamed. And I know that no one decent could ever want me being such a failure. I have now moved to being alone...really alone. I have no friends and I do not even date. The only one I talk to on any deep level is my sister. My daughter just seems to scold me. And my mother....I was thinking she was getting dementia, until just recently, realizing she had always been this way. The hurt, the gaslighting, the way I was never enough, and the guilt, oh that's being put on stronger and stronger now. I'm just starting my journey to healing. Blessings to you in your journey.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. You can watch the videos on 10 Weeks to Love and Abundance at kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswjEdFfb1zR3jZqnJdBSxOQF&si=389raLJIzu_891LD

[@annmarygarcia1321]

@@DocSnipes Thank you so very much!

[@im19ice3]

thank you so much doc, your videos are always so clear and kindly worded, its appreciated

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video

[@simev500]

8:57 Is the Sensation part of the the Distress Tolerance Skills set not the same as the Thought part, and what would be an example of 'jolting' away from an overwhelming feeling to a controllable mind set? 12:15 What was said here is tough love and at the same time, it's reclaiming and acknowledging our own previously neglected needs. Thanks

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for such a thoughtful and reflective comment! You’re absolutely right-distress tolerance skills often involve separating the sensation part from the thought part. Sensation refers to the physical feelings in the body that come with distress, like a racing heart or tightness in the chest, while thoughts involve the narratives or judgments we attach to those sensations, such as “I can’t handle this” or “This will never get better.” Differentiating the two helps us focus on what we can manage in the moment rather than getting lost in overwhelming thoughts. An example of “jolting” away from an overwhelming feeling to a more controllable mindset could be using an ice pack on your neck or splashing cold water on your face to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. This interrupts the heightened emotional state and gives your brain a moment to reset, allowing you to regain control and shift your focus to something more manageable, like grounding exercises or problem-solving. I’m so glad you found the message to be a balance of tough love and reclaiming your needs-that’s exactly the goal! If you found the video helpful, please consider sharing it-it might resonate with others on their journey of self-awareness and healing. Have you tried any specific distress tolerance skills or grounding techniques that work well for you? Sharing your experience might help others find strategies that resonate with them! For more on this topic, visit DocSnipes.com/clones where you can ask questions, discover tips, and explore my video library.

[@GeorgeTheIdiotINC]

I definitely have some kind of attachment issues, I get way to overanalysing over shit and come across too strong or send to many messages where I try to make a connection when I notice a pull back and then the opposite if someone shows genuine interest in me almost automatically calming up and being nice but keeping them at arms length. but I have very kind and supportive parents who genuinely were not neglectful or emotionally unavailable in any way and almost all of the explanations for these attachment issues seem to suggest it must be the way our parents raised us

[@DocSnipes]

It sounds like you’re doing some deep reflection on your attachment patterns, and that’s a big step towards understanding yourself better. While attachment styles can be influenced by our early experiences with caregivers, they aren’t solely determined by them. Other factors, like past relationships, personal experiences, and even temperament, can also shape how we relate to others. Sometimes, even subtle differences in how we perceived certain situations growing up can make a big impact on how we attach in relationships. Have you noticed any specific experiences or relationships outside of your childhood that might have influenced how you respond in close relationships? Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.

[@BLUE_FLUFF]

My parents werent too chaotic but i never knew when they’d care about me. Sometimes it seems like they care, sometimes it seems like they dont. It almost feels like im too much responsibility, just trying to communicate my needs. Even now, my mom will just look at her phone when shes talking, my dad will ignore me in the morning but tell me anything negative he feels is important. They only want to talk about what they care about and when I talk about what I care about it feels intense. They invalidated my autism, they invalidated my feelings, my depression I used to have. It makes me so mad that nobody cares and nobody cared till like this year. I met actually good people and went to therapy and ive healed a lot. I still have a long way to go but I realized that knowing my attachment style is key to finding healing, and im learning to stand for who I am.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Here are the videos on healing the inner child: kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswgVOtjLkRAokOvt7ox3eldU&si=8VIY6N09yvuxq-eD

[@iliaderojorosso408]

You depicted my childhood 😢

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about your childhood and I appreciate you watching the video. Here is the video on healing the wounded inner child. Please tell me what you think about it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f3ytgaemlrODaKM

[@kestrlfalc]

Lord. 7 minutes in ..... just learning

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@marryjane1684]

I've been listening to avoidant and anxious attachment theories and Im like I'm kinda both , this here u are explaining my whole personality it's creepy , except I don't think it's from my childhood because I had a very patient grandmother who never yelled !!!!

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for watching the video. I am sorry you’re struggling with disorganized attachment. How will you start developing secure attachment? Here are some videos to help out with that: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@a..r.9341]

Thank you.Dr Snipes

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching

[@summersalix]

Is this style more common in those whom are neuro divergent (asd, aspergers, adhd...)?

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you so much for watching. Not in all cases. How are you planning to create secure attachment?

[@Sky10811]

great video!

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@user-rs2zh8gy4x]

I absolutely want to be held or comforted when I'm disregulated, that's usually the biggest reason I become disregulated, perceived rejection. But the holding doesn't do enough to calm the storm.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for sharing this-it’s such an honest and insightful reflection. Wanting to be held or comforted when you’re dysregulated is a natural response; we’re wired to seek connection and safety when we feel vulnerable. Perceived rejection can amplify those feelings, creating a cycle where the need for reassurance feels urgent, but even when it’s met, it doesn’t fully soothe the emotional storm. This often happens because the dysregulation stems not just from the present moment but also from deeper, unresolved attachment wounds or unmet needs. While external comfort like being held can help, lasting relief often comes from learning to self-soothe and reframe those internal messages of rejection. Techniques like grounding exercises, mindfulness, or self-compassion practices can help you regulate in the moment while also working on the underlying patterns. If this video resonated with you, please consider sharing it to help others better understand their attachment patterns. For more in-depth tools and resources, visit DocSnipes.com/Clones.

[@joanna538]

You’re the best therapist out there. Do you do individual sessions? I’m in the UK 🇬🇧

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching!

[@QuilaGee]

Someone hugged me the other day and I’m not a hugger. They hugged me for a long time and I was so painful. I couldn’t breathe. It had a panic attack 😢

[@Lexi_Con]

Thanks Dr. Snipes! I think I'm an HSP... That considered: Idk if I suffered true abuse or neglect, but my parents both had dysfunctional childhoods (in very different ways) & seemed to adopt their own parents' child-rearing styles, as I presume most people naturally do. Could the old school "tough love" be considered rejection in some cases? Could the old fashioned "Do as I say" & "Because I said so" (combined with scolding, criticism, & lack of discussion or active listening/validation, etc) be factors in this attachment style or personality type? Dismissiveness, condescension & other NPD abuse existed, also. Understanding root causes helps, but I'm trying to figure out how to heal & get out of a bad rut & nothing seems to work, despite meds that help me function (for the most part). I have very little motivation... & ADD, depression/anxiety, financial & transportation issues make things worse. 50 yrs old & tired of life this way. Not really a life. Lack of decent Drs another problem.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re welcome. Sorry you are going through that. I appreciate you watching!

[@nathanmorgan3647]

Right there with you. 46, never had any sort of successful relationship. Live alone now. Parents from dysfunctional homes. Dad probably considered verbally abusive, passive and distant unless you got on his nerves. Do as I say cuz I said so was the parenting style for both. Your own emotions, thoughts and feelings never counted for anything, or was at least a far second place in importance. Just now finding this info and much of what you described sounds all too familiar. Right down to the wondering if it's even worth trying at this point heading into the downhill slope.

[@RachelPetersen2372]

Do you believe there are some people that have too much damage to repair. I'm the proof of that I have tried. I want to be not too much. I want to be anyone else but me. . I can't handle the pain I feel. I'm debilitated. Your show helps me understand more specifically the cause and effect . How I expierience things and how others do is very different and I am perplexed. Anyways thanks

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@oc2538]

I have a feeling I was raised in this manner, I did go to therapy for 7 months but I couldn't connect with my therapist. I minimized things so I would not be am inconvenience and often felt like I was being a whiny brat. I have children and desperately want to get better cus I often behave the way my parents did. I always apologise when I am not regulated and don't want my children to be around me when I feel overwhelmed but that isn't obviously an option.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you're carrying a lot of awareness and responsibility for how you show up for your children, which is already a powerful step toward breaking old patterns. First, it's really common for people to minimize their experiences, especially if they’ve been raised in environments where their needs weren’t fully recognized or met. This can make it hard to connect in therapy, as you mentioned. It's important to remember that therapy should be a safe space where you're free to express your feelings without fear of being a burden. If you didn’t feel connected with your previous therapist, it might be worth considering trying again with someone who specializes in attachment issues and with whom you feel more comfortable. When it comes to parenting, apologizing and acknowledging when you’re not regulated is actually a really healthy step. It shows your children that it’s okay to be imperfect, and it models accountability and self-awareness. However, I understand the frustration when emotions become overwhelming and you're trying to protect your children from those moments. A key part of healing from attachment wounds is working on emotional regulation strategies-so you can manage those overwhelming moments in ways that feel more grounded. This could involve practices like mindfulness, grounding techniques, or even exploring different therapeutic approaches that help you work through those triggers in real-time. It can take time, but by doing this work, you're already creating a more secure environment for your children, even if it doesn’t feel perfect. Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Reaching out for support, whether through therapy, parenting groups, or self-regulation resources, can be incredibly helpful as you continue your healing journey. It’s clear you care deeply for your children, and that dedication is already making a difference.