5 Steps to Speak Up Confidently When You Don't Know How To | Assertive Communication

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Learning how to speak up for yourself in a way that people will listen to and respect can be challenging. So often we fear speaking up because we don't want to upset anyone, rock the boat, create tension or awkwardness in the relationship or because we don't want it to turn into conflict or a fight.
Becoming a great communication and issue resolver is about learning how to say what you want to say, and cleaning up your thoughts and feelings before you address the issue in order to keep the communication clear and classy.
When we approach touchy issues with the goal of creating more connection or clarity in the relationship instead of needing to blame or be right, things will go so much better, and in this talk, I give you 5 steps to help you do so.
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ABOUT JULIA:
Julia Kristina, MA, is a speaker, teacher, master therapist and mental wealth coach who helps smart, highly sensitive, heart centred humans get past anxiety, stress, and self-doubt so they can have better: Better relationships, a better life and feel better about themselves.
Through her membership program, The Shift Society, she helps people identify their deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that are keeping them stuck and struggling, and then teaches them how to take charge of their minds and emotions so they can thrive in all areas of their lives.
Julia’s expertise has been featured in Inc magazine, Psych Central, Mind Body Green and numerous other publications, podcasts and television outlets. She has also given talks in front of audiences of hundreds on stages across North America. Videos on her KZbin channel have been watched more than 15 million times and she has built a community of over 375,000 people across social media platforms. When she’s not helping her clients and students increase their emotional intelligence and mental strength, she’s out on some kind of adventure with her three children in Vancouver, Canada.
Visit Julia Kristina's website: juliakristina....

[@StrongBalloonChris]

As a soft speaker trying to be more expressive, I confidently wish everyone a Happy New Year a month early, bow to Juila in thanks, and send a hug to anyone who needs one :) ❤

[@juliakristinamah]

Thank you for your well wishes Chris - same to you!

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Yep definitely 💯

[@chrisdigitalartist]

Thanks, Julia! Senior Shifter Chris is here! What a great video on assertive communication skills. I know I have grown in this aera and yet still have some growth to do with particular people in my life. I do think family members are the hardest to approach and bring up things or set boundaries. Something I am still trying to do and realizing that they may not respect my boundaries. Here are my notes: 5 STEPS: Thanks, Julia, for your KZbin video, 5 Steps to Speaking Up Confidently When You Feel You Can’t. What a create video on assertive communication skills. I know I have grown in this aera and yet still have some growth to do with particular people in my life. I do think family members are the hardest to approach and bring up things or set boundaries. Something I am still trying to do and realizing that they may not respect my boundaries. Here are my notes: 5 STEPS: 1. Reflect on what you learned in childhood. What happened when you tried to communicate a want, need or a preference or an idea that was different than the people in charge (Parents, teacher or older siblings). If you were put down or ridiculed when speaking up, you will most likely fear doing so now. It felt terrible as a result. 2. Get clear on what you want to say and how you want to say it: Rehearse, speak up and express what your wants, needs and preferences are using boundaries and clean, clear, classy and confident communication. This helps to have a healthy, helpful and productive conversation. 3. Keeping our emotions in check (Clean up your thoughts and feelings on it): Take a step back and regulate your emotions. You can say anything and be effective in that communication when you are coming from a place of a true desire to resolve the issue and bring harmony and connection in the relationship. 4. Understand the capacity of the person you are dealing with, what they can handle and not handle (Adjust communication accordingly): Consider what this person is available for and not available for. Is this person open to communication? 5. Understand and accept there will likely be consequences for speaking up (And prepare for those consequences): We may have to hurt someone to prevent us from harming them. We may say something, and the other person may not like it and it doesn't feel good for them and they are having a reaction. You can work on that initial hurt vs. you not speaking up and bottling up your emotions that lead to bitterness, resentment, anger and lashing out in passive aggressive or aggressive ways that can cause a lot more overall harm in the relationship that can be a lot more difficult to repair.

[@erikalarsson]

Socity and Bosses its tuff

[@lesliengo8347]

Yes, family members can be difficult to speak up against. It is also difficult to speak up against employers and bosses as they can fire us for saying something we want to address, leading to other issues. However, don't let that stop us from speaking up as our concerns matter and if they cannot handle addressing concerns, that's on them.

[@chrisdigitalartist]

@@lesliengo8347 Yes so true!

[@Scorpio.Iamher.]

II grew up in a large family with ten siblings, making me the youngest at number 10. Because my brothers and sisters were significantly older than I was, I spent much of my childhood with my nieces and nephews instead. As a result, I had little opportunity to communicate with my siblings about the challenges and questions I faced as a teenager. My father typically left my mother to address my needs, but she was quite traditional and strict, often closed off to my desires and concerns. In contrast, my sisters shared a close bond with her, enjoying activities like shopping, playing bingo, and gossiping-all of which I was excluded from due to being considered too young. To give you a clearer picture of our family dynamic, my oldest sister is 18 years older than I am, and the next sibling up is my brother, who is four years older. Consequently, whenever I tried to contribute ideas or express myself, I was often ignored or shut down, as they viewed me as inexperienced. As an adult, this has made it challenging for me to communicate effectively with others, especially in positions of authority. I often worry about how I will be perceived, whether I will seem foolish, or if my thoughts will even be taken seriously.

[@SOGSouljah]

Julia, great advice!! You look extremely beautiful in this video 😍

[@chrismcevoy2503]

It’s good to be here Julia.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I’m going to work on understanding the capacity of the person I’m communicating with and what they can and can’t handle Julia.

[@johnm.castillo3163]

Loved this. I definitely could relate to the whole needs being ignored when asking for help and how as an adult it turns into "what's the point nobody cares why bother?" Mentality which unfortunately has dire consequences for us who are trying to grow in our relationship world, and our career world and in family life. I assume people are too busy taking alcare of themselves because that's the kind of dad we had. It's complicated but I think unlearning has helped. When we grow up in a kind of world for so long we think it's normal until we realize it was unhealthy. Thank you.

[@sunnydaze9644]

Thank you. I'm going to sign up for your master class because I know I need the tools to speak clear and classy without blame or being to harsh. There's been a lot of blocked pain with family that's coming to the surface and has made me feel angry, resentful and hurt.

[@jderekito]

Needed this one today. My lifeline journey apparently

[@cristinaferrero]

From Italy: thank you, you, very clear and complete!

[@juliakristinamah]

Grazie mille Cristina.

[@joannlamothe6640]

I really can relate to this as I grew up in a household where if you speak up you got in trouble. Now as an adult I have anxiety about speaking up and I just don't say anything. How do you get over the anxiety of speaking up?

[@lesliengo8347]

You can ask what do I fear when I speak up and is that relevant to my life now? If you fear being judged, how likely will [insert person] judge you? And if they do, how do you want to respond? Know that speaking up is everyone's right and if they cannot respect that, consider if you want to be with this person or work for this company.

[@Tmcsinger91]

I can relate to this ❤

[@Rogi8me]

Great Video, watched a couple of them before and the lessons stick with me

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes! Sometimes it takes a few listens. I see you doing the work.

[@melyndafrazer1962]

Hi Julia, Melynda is here, thank you for these videos and this one is fabulous!! ❤

[@juliakristinamah]

You're so welcome. Glad you're here, Shifter.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

We all want to speak and feel heard.❤

[@jennifergrebe7602]

Glad I found these videos

[@ellenmargrethelarsen80]

Thank you so much Julia😊

[@DespoinaGelastopoulou-iz1uo]

Love you!!!❤❤❤ Wonderful as always!!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for being her and for being you. I appreciate you.

[@Marekcatholic]

Thank you Julia, for the wonderful video! I, along with many others, have this issue relevant in my life. Good news for me is Im getting better with it. but its going into these uncomfortable places that create the most growth but doesnt make it easy to do in the moment. :)

[@jamesmurphy3219]

This video really resonated with me and opened my eyes. Thank you

[@juliakristinamah]

Glad to hear it James - thanks for being here.

[@joanneorwell9680]

You are so brilliant and explain everything so clearly. Thank you so much ⭐️⭐️⭐️

[@juliakristinamah]

That means a lot Joanne. Thanks for taking the time to say so.

[@ymoy8635]

Love this video & the way it is presented. It's more simple to follow with the steps you highlight in the beginning and in the closing of the video. Steps 4 & 5 are especially helpful to me to prepare myself before the talk. Thank you Julia !!

[@juliakristinamah]

You're so welcome. Really glad you found this one helpful.

[@robertduran3842]

Highly appreciate you & your work. Love your brain Ms. Julia. 🤓most your Video's are right on time for me as if a GOD send, thanks so much. Clean, Clear, Classy, Confident, Communication. Easier for me to remember if I think of it as the 5C's. Have a Blessed Day.

[@juliakristinamah]

Glad it connected! Thanks Robert.

[@sharonsantoro9008]

So glad to hear from you again

[@shweetiepetina1563]

Love this. Good classy clear content. Thank you for you.

[@queenv4340]

I love this

[@AaronBuhler-q8b]

Thanks for this , Julia, I always love your information, real stuff.

[@fawziabulhan2658]

Julia thank you so much for these videos! Also thanks to my mom for always sending me these types of video's because its her way of helping me understand myself better even though we dont always get along haha. As someone who is very sensitive and emotionally weak in a way. I've aways struggled at communicating exactly how i feel, especially to toxic relatives its even harder especially when they are African. They just don't understand the concept of boundaries apparently. When i do i speak up, im being "disrespectful" and they are always right. I'm also really frickin sick of the words "freedom of speech" being used just to defend themselves. Bish no there is a limit to what you can say especially if its to hurt the person. The amount of times I've had to sit through mentally draining conversations because i didnt want to be seen as argumentative! Is infuriating, especially when you're the eldest daughter. Its like I dont have the right to speak up wtf!

[@daisyrowaro44]

Very helpful thank you

[@teleshyam26]

Really nice video! i was wondering if i could help you edit your videos and make them more engaging as well as create short content out of them.🙂🙃

[@lesliengo8347]

I notice my father is not really open to having discussions on issues I want to addesss. He says things like "don't worry about it." He also can get reactive and take it personally because his self-esteem is low. I have a better understanding of why I am having trouble bringing up issues within my family. Also, we may face more severe consequences with certain people when we speak up. For example, a boss or employer firing us for speaking up. However, don't let that discourage you from speaking up as it is their job to listen and respect employee concerns. If they can't, they should not be a boss or employer.

[@erikalarsson]

Hi Julia were in shift society are you learning clean classy and productiv ?

[@juliakristinamah]

In the core lessons you'll learn how to clean up your thoughts and feeling when you're feeling triggered, upset or distressed. From there it will be a lot easier to communicate from that more grounded, relaxed state.

[@pegc9889]

Looking back, I wish that I had spoken up to someone; but fear of her jumping down my throat and accusing me of unfairly judging her prevented me. I shouldn't have feared the consequences.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

Sometimes my family didn’t care what I had to say Julia.

[@Nina-ur3ld]

Can you make a video about handling teasing and put downs? I am sensitive bevause i was bullied. So for me it is not funny when people make jokes on my expense

[@danjohnson8138]

Thank you for another great video..... I remember when i was a young kid my dad got death threats it the mail so ge started carrying a gun. My neighbor was a really cool guy that as i kid was a hero of mine, he babysat my brothers and i. He borrowed my dads gun and shot himself . Not long after my dad went to a VA rehab center awhile then my parents got divorced... every time i asked school psychologist to talk he always said he didn't have time for me ...... ... sonetimes id get very sad and cry and tell my mom it felt like no one loved me.( i couldn't describe depression good as a child 🤷) but all shed ever say is dont start with your no one loves me bullshit 😢. I want to be better for my kids then adults were for me.

[@shweetiepetina1563]

Yes, this. And, give your inner kid self a hug and tell yourself what you needed to hear from your parents. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@danjohnson8138]

@@shweetiepetina1563 Thank you 😇💜

[@Mary-n4w4i]

I'm a cleaner I'm not allowed to speak up apparently!!😂

[@lisagindt2149]

Hello everyone. I am back again.

[@edwardboyle1381]

Absolutely everything I hear Julia say perfectly describes how I feel now and felt and experienced my whole life.