5 Strange Texting Habits Of Narcissists | Thais Gibson Dating Tips & Narcissist Texts

Join PDS for free with our 7-day free trial
university.per...
The Key Pillars Necessary to Create a Secure Relationship
university.per...
In this video, I talk about 5 strange texting habits of narcissists and what to look out for when dating.
Have you experienced "love-bombing" from a narcissist, and if so, how did you identify those habits?
---
// Take This Attachment Quiz //
attachment.per...
// Social Media Links //
Instagram - personaldevelopment_school
Facebook - / 461389461257253
TikTok - / thaisgibson
LinkedIn - / thepersonaldevelopment...
Podcast - pod.link/14785...
---
Never miss a life-changing lesson from Thais Gibson and the Personal Development School by hitting the subscribe button here - / @thepersonaldevelopmen...
I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!
This channel is designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
---
#NarcissistTexts #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #WhatIsLoveBombing
---

[@ashleyb.8217]

I watched this video and did not feel triggered although I have lived through this experience. Thank you so much for being a tool in my arsenal on my healing journey Thais and Team.🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're very welcome :)

[@cornwallismorgan874]

Two words that absolutely DO NOT belong in a healthy relationship are power and control. If either (or both) of these words come out of their mouth in regards to the relationship, RUN. Run away and never return. Took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out.

[@howtosober]

A word on Thais' compassion for narcissists: Be compassionate if you want to, but from a verrrry large distance. You *cannot* fix the narcissist, help them heal, or love them into treating you better. Demonstrating how you want to be treated on them *will not* teach them anything. Trying to bring all your new healthy relationship skills, boundaries, and communication skills to a narcissist and waiting for it to make a difference is absolutely futile. Just don't. If you're stuck coparenting with a narcissist, or have one in your family or workplace, go Low Contact with them and practice the Grey Rock method as much as you can. If you can get them out of your life, do so, and remain No Contact with them- as in for life. Don't get sucked in by their occasional moments of seeming self-awareness or expect them to have some sort of awakening as a result of your giving to them. *Other great channels on narcissism are The Little Shaman, Patrick Teahan, Dr. Ramani, HG Tudor/Knowing the Narcissist, Sam Vaknin.* Victims of parental or family narcissism will benefit from *Crappy Childhood Fairy, Alan Robarge, Heidi Priebe.* You don't have to spend months down a rabbit hole obsessing over Cluster-B spectrum disorders and NPD, and paint them as the new supervillians looking to ruin your life, but it is worthwhile to understand that narcissism is a *personality disorder* not simply a bunch of unlikeable behaviors due to attachment trauma. It is *not* fixable. And an additional note to *anyone that hangs out in yoga, 12-step recovery or spiritual circles, spiritual narcissism IS a thing.* Be very wary when someone appears to have all the answers to your greatest spiritual dilemmas. People looking for deep, vulnerable answers to life's big questions are the spiritual narcissist's favorite supply. Often, they can say all the right-sounding things and seem to have the understanding you are looking for, until you spend enough time under their mentorship to see the mask slipping. Terms you might want to know if you are trying to free or protect yourself from narcissists (most importantly, heal yourself and you won't be susceptible!): The narcissistic cycle of abuse: 1) love bombing/idealization 2) devaluation 3) silent treatment/stonewalling/emotional blackmail 4) discard Strategies of narcissistic abuse: 1) blameshifting 2) projection 3) triangulation 4) hoovering 5) flying monkeys 6) word salad If you're wondering why *DAs* so often seem like narcissists in relationships, it's because most of their deactivating and protest behaviors are nearly identical. Additionally, they have next to zero emotional bandwidth, and definitely no bandwidth for anyone else's emotions but their own. The motivations are totally different, as is the pathology. One is a personality disorder (cannot be fixed), the other is a maladaptive attachment strategy (can be fixed). But if you're dealing with an *unhealed DA that isn't doing the work,* it's helpful to view the relationship with them similarly to how you would view staying with a narcissist in order to motivate you to get out. The end result for the partner is essentially the same, and there is no upside to trying to work it out. (A healed DA is merely a securely-attached person now, so this is obviously only about unhealed DAs.)

[@ColleenBarlow]

Thanks!!!

[@ColleenBarlow]

Extremely helpful information. Thanks

[@howtosober]

@@ColleenBarlow You're welcome, thanks for the sub! I'll have new content on my channel soon.

[@howtosober]

@Zou bisou bisou Mine was a 12-step sponsor. However it happens, it sucks. But how fortunate we are to have found such great resources to heal ourselves so we never fall for that shit again!

[@jdub99]

This!! 🙌 Yes, spiritual narcissism is real! Many prey on the vulnerable in tarot communities and I personally know one with his own channel here on YT!

[@FrankM]

5:22 Texting habit #1: In the early stages, narcissists will text all the time. 6:00 Texting habit #2: Then begin the period of intermittent reinforcement. 4:49 Texting habit #3: Sometimes to make you feel ignored. The narcissist ignores questions and comments. Ignores vulnerability. 9:34 Texting habit #4: Narcissist does something to elicit an emotional response and then leaves you hanging. 12:03 Texting habit #5: Random derogatory remarks. Bonus: 11:43 Real control comes from learning to control ourselves. Learning to have control over our own state, emotions, thinking, behaviors, and how we communicate.

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@Christopher.W]

Amen. Narcissists are deeply wounded people. AND that doesn't mean we tolerate or enable their narcissistic behavior.

[@cloudslady3400]

Yeeeeah that point of ignoring you on purpose is so spot on!…she always embarrassed me pretending like she didn’t hear me…like I literally talk and she will go do something else as if I don’t even exist!…I thought I was overreacting…but damn that is what it wassss!…😭

[@anoovimarwah3737]

Can you do a video on the difference between dismissive avoidant and covert narcissist

[@Catend]

Or fearful avoidant and covert narcissist. Both can be hot and cold and share many other similarities such as insecurity etc.

[@noahhh329]

i don't think it's wrong to point out that narcissists are also deeply wounded people. there's a video on the subject floating around somewhere here on youtube whose thumbnail shows what i can only describe as a demon or an alien or some other humanoid something removing a mask and looking at the viewer. i hate that thumbnail. i think it's dangerous to reduce people to villain (or hero) roles in the cast of characters that make up our lives, especially because we all have narcissistic tendencies, and our behaviors-intentions notwithstanding-can be received or interpreted a number of ways. anyway, all that being said...another video topic might be the difference (if any) between the narcissistic behavior described here and the back and forth between drawing close and getting distance that avoidant attachment styles so often demonstrate. because on the receiving end, it's hard to distinguish.

[@That_Handle]

👀🔥👏☝️👆 Looking for the same coverage. Upvoting👍

[@cloudslady3400]

As a fearful avoidant myself…I know the difference between narcissistic personality and fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant attachment styles…fearful avoidant don’t love bomb at the beginning !…ever they are so closed on themselves they won’t make an overwhelming compliments…second fearful avoidants have a big need for emotional depth so it’s really rare to see them as shallow people like narcissists…if you get close to a fearful avoidant they may push you away but won’t hurt you on purpose…you can feel that the place they are coming from is pain…they care too much…but with narcissists the place they are coming from is ego!…they will never be vulnerable to you…on the other hand fearful avoidants will ask deep questions try to know you better…

[@cloudslady3400]

I had a narcissistic friend…as a fearful avoidant…she almost attacked me with intimacy…sent really unbelievable texts said she loved me after two days of knowing each other…then…she made me feel like I made everything up…like it was all in my imagination…she treated me like I worth nothing…I tried for once to ask her deep questions cause I wanted depth…and she shut me down so badly even though all I did was asking her about her dreams…she is a terrible listener doesn’t listen to anyone or empathize with anyone…a really empty person…fearful avoidants on the other hand are really good listeners…they don’t try to be the center of attention all the time…also fearful avoidants struggle with guilt…so it’s really rare to see them keep hurting you on purpose…

[@cornwallismorgan874]

Agreed. We're taught to devalue people in so many ways.

[@alanajoyal]

After watching this I’m wondering if narcissism isn’t just another attachment style?

[@anothercat9600]

Thank you! So they actually provide some suffering (= emotional work, emotional investment) already at the Lovebombing stage, in taking up most of our time with constant textmessages and meetings. Because without the emotional/physical investment there will be no addiction. Before we invest we are not so attracted yet. Once at the lovebombing stage a guy paid and arranged for me to go to his city, an 8 hour train ride. I realize now that the payment was this: During the journey he texted me every five minutes. Different wownderful things worded. Me texting back, etc. I got a bit tired. but as soon as I arrived he waited by the station, flowers etc. He was constantly, constantly there all the time, before I reached devaluing stage, when he withdrew, and I painfully longed for the lovebombing stage. Our brain produces a lot of cortisol when the narcissist withdraws. Gives immense withdrawal pain. Hopefully we learn to be more cautious, vetting, evaluating new ppl. As one becomes more secure, there will hopefully be much fewer lovebombers around.

[@Catend]

Can you do a video on the differences between a fearful avoidant and a covert/vulnerable narcissist? They seem to share many similarities such as both can be hot and cold, insecure, like constant reassurance/validation, social anxiety, avoidance of emotional intimacy, have a higher than average number of sexual partners, etc. I realize their motivations may differ, but it would be nice if there were signs that could be observed from a 3rd party rather than self-reported.

[@roshalllambert]

I love that Thais has compassion for everyone including the Narcissist!!

[@hiham7525]

For the longest time, I thought I was talking with someone who was dismissive avoidant, but turns out they were a covert narcissist. this really tells me more of their texting habits, and this 5/5 happened with the person i was talking to

[@DD-jb1lq]

Probably the most misunderstood personality disorder. It's very complicated and there are different types of narccists. I sometimes also hear people labeling someone as a narcissist even though they might not be one. But wow eye opening to learn about these texting patterns. I take from this video that Narccists always have an agenda. Nothing is a natural moment.

[@destinyalanna]

Can you tell us the difference between an FA and narcissist because this kind of sounds like FA behaviors as well

[@ColleenBarlow]

And also the DA angle, please

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Hi Destiny. I believe people who run narcissistic patterns are FAs for sure. I believe a narcissist is a really strong FA, but I'm not totally sure.

[@eggs3015]

I was thinking the exact same thing! I think the major difference is that FA react out of fear and validation (fear of not being good enough, fear of abandonment) whereas narcissist do things for adoration and control.

[@destinyalanna]

I know as an FA our empathy is very strong where we don’t have emotional boundaries with people and take on other peoples emotions and we spread ourselves thin to help others and be there for them and drain ourselves in the process that’s not really a Narcissistic quality but the text definitely sound like someone I was dating who I thought was also an FA so now I’m questioning how could you know the motive behind the texts 😂

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

@@destinyalanna I think it's good for people here to know that an FA is not a bad person. Just a person who doesn't have emotional awareness or boundaries in a secure way :)

[@sirrantsalott]

Hi Thais I’ve been on and off watching your channel since a few years ago, even left some choice comments (before my healing began) and I wanted to say that your video production, and audience subscribers has increased tenfold. I am impressed by your consistency and integrity. We can all learn something from you, not just by your videos, but also by the growth of your channel. I don’t know you personally but from one human to another, I am really of proud of you.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you! That means a lot :)

[@saraachir2051]

You nailed it!

[@Vollbio3]

There's another explanation for love bombing from a psychologist: They have issues categorizing emotions. So they simulate a space of love and say to themselves. "I do love stuff, so what i feel must be love". So it's about the narcissist?! The love bombing also induces a dissociative, trans-like state in the target.

[@tammy6452]

Is this why I am on both sides of the fence? And have not figured out yet. And finally enough room from where I have been and where I am now to see my own addictive patterns.

[@Mahrimae]

I would like to know more about the difference between an FA - especially with dismissive tendencies and a narcissist.

[@D_B6]

Excellent!

[@That_Handle]

What causes a person with such traits to recharacterize the same exact event involving their ex differently to their brother/family versus their [limerence object] and then seek control of a narrative in the likes of ~[a red table] discussion, Facebook posts, Instagram, etc.? Why the efforts at selecting ~[milieu participants] and crafting ~[triangulation] among people?

[@alainpatry]

Personally, my AP side likes being love bombed! And to some degree my secure side too, for better or worse. 🤪

[@jodihill3416]

Mine too. I've found that I have high level gift giving and physical touch love languages in both give and receive which puts me in the prime zone. Boundaries make the difference! If they're on that sociopathic spectrum then they turn to fight and rage quick or they just ghost. I've had successful connections when we have conversations around behaviors up front. I'm so grateful for thais' work so I can have these successful friendships and partnership.

[@rsamuels6969]

Me too 😅😅 Alain! Until my FA Side kicks in and I get annoyed. Working on balance (and communication)!

[@ColleenBarlow]

I agree. There is no high so great as when a pro Love Bomber focuses on you. I can see boundaries will help, but in the end, I'm thinking that any such relationship might meet these needs for the amazing love feelings from the love bombing; but still I'm afraid that kind of relationship just will never be healthy and therefore never be a good thing. I wish it wasn't so.

[@archerwalker]

I used to be AP in the past, and I loved being love bombed 🤦🏽‍♀️ now being more Secure, it's such a turn off/red flag for me.

[@rsamuels6969]

@@archerwalker I’d love to ask- how do you tell the difference when someone is just being nice and interested in a relationship vs they are love bombing? What would be some major signs of this for you? I’m an FA that has been historically attracted to DA’s so I’m not sure what normal is?

[@Asalmon879]

I’m SICK lol experienced ALL these things!!! I’m shook.

[@NA-ud6qm]

How do you figure out the difference between love bombing vs honeymoon stage? Also, how do you determine if your partner has a high anxious attachment style vs Narcissism? Reason I ask Q2 is because I read a paper where there was a correlation between Negative Attribution Bias and Anxious Attachment styles. And, I'm wondering if that was why my ex associated me with those negative attributes because she may have an anxious attachment style.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

I don't know if you've heard of her, but Dr. Ramani is the world's leading expert on narcissism and has a ton of content, including what love-bombing is and isn't. As for the difference in attachment vs narcissism, narcissists lack empathy. An anxiously attached person is motivated out of anxiety and fear, and behaves inappropriately as a result. But a narcissist operates out of manipulation and self-interest.

[@alexischristian4004]

Most likely a dismissive avoidant or a fearful avoidant here on KZbin & also Tik Tok has some of the most eye opening information on this &topics like it.

[@Vollbio3]

Something feels off.. exactly :)

[@bettinacousineau4817]

Important things, thanks.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're very welcome Bettina!

[@mariarose417]

I have a question. Are narcs overly sexual in their early texts?

[@dave4138]

I don't know that narcissists are these wounded, hurt, insecure, people. Many/most are just socio/psychopaths that feel nothing except the desire to take everything they can emotionally, or otherwise, from someone.

[@vee3687]

I've jut realized that there are so many videos of how to avoid and evade narcissists (not that your content is one of them) but just wanted to request that as a professional, would you give ways of trying to help them. Because having personally known someone that i woould conider very much narcissistic, and knowing their background, i wonder if their childhood traumas also may have pushed them to that kind of self preservation, especially now that i understand attachment styles a little better. Maybe they too were in such emotionally traumatizing situations that they became not only emotionally cynical of everyone but likewise created a persona to adapt themselves to society while still protecting their inner child. Am not a professional by any means, just a random thought.

[@patrycjamochocka1810]

Hey Thais, how does this different from a Fearful Avoidant who is not aware of their own boundaries, over gives and then withdraws to take care of their own needs?

[@edgreen8140]

Left on read. Control

[@AlohaMichaelDaly]

I get a lot of sound advise from Thais and team but I’m often confused with what’s she’s saying. For one thing, as compared to dating coaches, I always think she’s the master at excusing bad behaviour. Most coaches see bad behaviours as red flags. But Thais explains these actions as outcomes of Attachment Style. She even says Dismissive Avoidants can make good partners. Yet they shut down and go no contact, be entitled, lack empathy, no accountability, non-reciprocal with gifts, compliments favours and can be cruel: the exact behaviors of the narcissist!! I’ve read the comments from former partners of DAs and they are extremely frustrated, tired, bitter and they end up leaving the DA. I’m shocked The Prersonal Development School has done a segment on narcissists and that they havent given them an excuse or free pass. Although Thais makes the point that they are extremely traumatized - yes, agreed, so no, Im not ticked off Thais being controversial: but I am frustrated that the difference between narcissism and avoidant styles is not addressed when clearly they have many of the same poor behaviours and share the root childhood trauma. Thais says of the narcissist relationship “work on yourself to get out of it” and of DA relationship “you can help fix it” But if they demonstrate all the same causes and outcomes, what’s the difference? Are DAs narcissists or not? Is one incurable and the other curable or are we just getting feed confusion here?

[@littleentn7387]

Narcissists can have any form of attachment really (but probably not very often secure). Some DAs will be narcissists, some will not. Narcissism is an incurable personality disorder. Yes, many narcs have a lot of trauma (which can trigger personality disorders of various types) - but so do many wonderful people who do not cause harm to others. A person with an insecure attachment of any type, but without narcissistic personality disorder, can through therapy and ideally a relationship with a securely attached person, move towards a secure attachment. I am anxiously attached, and used to score only around 25-30% secure on some of the adult tests. After some time in therapy and being with a partner who is securely attached, I'm now above 50% secure. Still a way to go, but it's changing. Narcs are cruel at their core, that's the reality. They are also highly damaged. They will never admit to being broken in any way, at least not for more than a moment. And they cannot be fixed, no matter how big the consequences of their actions are, or how big incentives they are given. I was raised by a narcissistic parent, who was also raised by a narcissist. Some who are raised by narcs, will end up narcs too - there seems to be both a genetic factor and environmental factor, but myself and my siblings are not narcissists. Then I got into a relationship with a narcissist (he reminded me of my parent!) and it nearly destroyed me. 4 years free now.

[@Nirosha101]

She does say time and again that it doesn’t matter what attachment trauma (DA etc) your partner comes from, the real determining factor is whether or not they are willing to participate in the work with you. So if it’s a DA that doesn’t meet you halfway even after you’ve communicated to them in a kind way and there’s absolutely no movement of the needle in the positive direction, she always says it’s best to move on from a dynamic like that.

[@alexischristian4004]

They say narcissists don't believe or even understand empathy so that may be the biggest difference but I think they are most likely the same depending on how the child was raised. Or the trauma they were out through in their relationships in life.

[@alexischristian4004]

But therapists and counselors say narcissists can't be healed and they will only be manipulative in any situation. They can't change themselves out the way they say things they can re train the brain to wait and respond later after thinking on it but most Drs or psychiatrist or counselors will not even except a narcissist due to this being such a massive factor in who they are with anybody no matter the circumstances its all about EGO & they don't want to look like the horrible person in any situation. Also on another note only 2% of men don't cheat let that simmer women& men who date guys to just think about that. So many generational problems passed on and the new ways of relationships with polyamory and being in open Relationships and also mental health issues and the trauma passed on in the wound. It's just horrible. A mans 🥜 also has trauma from him and every partner b4u that he messed with and there traumas and curses and Karma attached just so much bad it's hard to heal and have any type of healthy relationships these days. B🥰👑🧠🫀😊 take care

[@spikygreen]

As someone whose partner is a pretty strong DA (leaning FA), I agree with Thais that DAs can be great partners. My partner is caring and empathetic. Yes, it took almost a year for us to get to the point where bringing up needs, discussing how we can improve our relationship, etc., has become normalized, doesn't overwhelm him or leads to a shutdown anymore. And there is still room for growth for us (especially as I am a former FA/AP, fairly secure by now, but still I thrive on deep conversation, vulnerability, and such). Still, it never ceases to amaze me how well my partner responds when I communicate my needs in a specific, fair, and non-threatening way. He doesn't get defensive, and he puts in the effort. We've been growing so much together. With DAs, the main challenge is their fear of vulnerability and a lack of modeling, not knowing how to connect, how to do the whole relationship thing and feeling learned helplessness around it. So yeah, the other partner has to gently and patiently communicate to the DA about how they like to be treated, but it is totally possible to develop a fairly satisfying, peaceful relationship with a DA over time. One of my exes was narcissistic, and that's an entirely different story. I'd communicate factually, logically, vulnerably, whatever.. the person just couldn't take in what I had to say if it contradicted or confronted him in any way. He'd always get super defensive, more interested in proving his point than in trying to see where I am coming from. I do agree that DAs and narcissists have some overlap in terms of unpalatable behaviours. For example, both can struggle with expressing empathy. But a DA can learn how to express it in a way that feels good to their partner and to overcomd their fears of vulnerability, whereas a narcissist would have to learn to FEEL empathy first. The latter is a much greater ask, especially from a selfish narcissist.