5 Things That Made Me Think I Could Be Autistic - Learning to be Autistic Episode 20!

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

I seem to be a bit unusual in that I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA I was autistic, hadn’t even considered it, didn’t believe it at first, and was only diagnosed (without being aware I was being even being assessed for autism) during 12 months when I just thought I was being treated for CPTSD. Now I look back and realise how obvious it was. It’s just that we thought autism required learning difficulties, but I excelled academically. So thought I would be super successful. Instead break down at 46 and discover I’m autistic af.

[@DanaAndersen]

The societal misunderstanding of autism strikes again! I'm sure you have been and will be successful though, it just doesn't always quite look how we might have expected it to while being told how well we're going to do!

[@dlesliejones]

Thanks Dana, for another story that brought up feelings and memories. I hope that young people now, won't go through the problems and forced repression of themselves. Even though I'm in my 60's, I identify more with young (recently diagnosed) people because I'm just now learning what it means to be autistic. I've always had the traits and struggles, but didn't understand I was autistic. I was bullied by siblings, students and teachers and I was really bored. I built an electric motor in 4th grade, by myself from plans in a book. But I got a zero because the teacher couldn't believe that I had made it. Then I had trouble at home for getting a bad grade. I learned very young that there wasn't any point in trying to explain myself, that I was fvcked no matter what. That's why your videos are wonderful. So someone else can see that their struggles are not unique, and that they're not alone. All the better to learn self acceptance for who they ARE, instead of exhausting themselves trying to be someone they're not.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Yes David. I experienced the same thing. I had hyperlexia and was accused of cheating. Bedsides the schoolwork being easy, it was the most confusing terrifying experience to be thrown into the washing machine of school, and tossed around, with no idea of why what was happening, was happening.

[@DanaAndersen]

Thank you for another lovely and thought provoking comment David! I remember having similar experiences in primary school when I was very young, but like you I very quickly realised there wasn't much point in trying to explain anything when I'd either not be listened to or understood, and then I just gave up trying too hard and kept my head down for the most part. I think quite often those of us who aren't neurotypical are able to relate to each other because we're finally finding other people who think in the same way we do, not often the same things, but in the same way, and its really quite magical and validating regardless of age!

[@shearerslegs]

I never thought I was autistic until I was thirty at which time I had spent more than half my life under the care of psychiatrists for depression with suicidal ideation and generalised anxiety disorder. I did an online quiz which put the idea in my head but I was immediately told that I was wrong by the people around me. I showed many of the traits you mentioned when younger but they were not well received by my family or peers so I got effectively bullied out of showing them. I wish they hadn’t, I once had a conversation with my Mam which ended with her in tears over the smell of bleach causing me pain. She had said she never realised that smells could cause me pain to an OT at which point I told her that I told her that bleach did and she kept saying that yes but she didn’t realise that until the doctor told her so, I said that I told her and this went on until she was crying and I swear I still don’t understand why I am supposed to believe that a stranger telling her something is possible should be more believable than her own daughter saying I am in pain. I had a very difficult child and young adulthood but I was very much made to feel I didn’t try hard enough. I’m a fair amount older than you and I understand that my psychiatrist’s would never have been educated in autism beyond the pure stereotypes and definitely not taught the differences that women face. I think that’s possibly getting better, my friend Becca who recently received her official diagnosis has just started a job as an autism assessor and I think that the more of us working in mental health the better. I just didn’t know enough about autism so it never entered my head and while I’m disappointed that none of the doctors I was in contact with knew more I was told by my GP that it’s always easy to see looking back after a diagnosis. I’m glad you were able to get a diagnosis younger than me and I am sorry you weren’t even younger because I imagine that makes it easier depending upon your family and how they approach it. Thanks for sharing your experiences again

[@DanaAndersen]

So many people seem to think we're just making it up or being dramatic until someone with some kind of educated background tells them we're not, it really sucks, but I guess its difficult to understand something that means nothing to you can be really painful or uncomfortable for someone else. Still now, the majority of medical professionals I come across don't know much about autism, and especially beyond the stereotypes. I feel incredibly lucky to have had the person I had for my assessment, I think there's a lot of other people that would have just seen the surface level and said it was anxiety, so I'm with you that the more of us with experience and knowledge in fields relating to our health, the better!

[@dancecommando]

Need strong flavours, hyper black coffee, straight whiskey, chillies and extreme spicy food. I think I have a hyposensitivity to food haha. Or perhaps the pain is a stim? Yet I did hate certain foods as a kid, I'd just forgotten because I forced (or someone else forced) me to get over them. Peas for example. I only tried mushy peas in the last so many years and it was ok. Might've added hot sauce to it tho.

[@jennasink8743]

For me it was the sensory issues. I am so incredibly sensitive to sound. I’ve had at least one sound-related meltdown at almost every place I’ve worked at, but when I started working in the pharmacy at Walgreens, suddenly I was getting sensory overload every single day and having multiple meltdowns at work. So that was what made me pull the trigger on getting my diagnosis. And then the more I’ve learned, the more traits I’ve discovered I have!

[@toni5543]

Hey Dana! i was 25 before i even considered autism when a doctor and a friend suggested it to me. now i look back, all my friends are neurodivergent too. thanks for the video- Audhdwomanwaits x

[@goblinodds]

whew this is really affirming, i've been feeling the impostor syndrome lately and this is all thoroughly relatable i think i was about 30 when i learned that when other people "don't like" a food they don't experience it as "this food seems to be poison" lolol

[@syryeiahlott5585]

I have that experience too. I am sure that I am autistic, because I did notice about myself. I had noticed my signs and symptoms that I'm sure that I have. I never knew about autism, nor did my family never told me about it, so I had to do research about it myself. All my life, I have felt different. I didn't feel fit in with my family and I do struggle trying to make friends. I didn't have a problem hanging with different people, but I do struggle keeping them. Sometimes, I do feel exhausted being around loud noises and loud voices, whether it's from my family or from other people. I did remember about interests is that my cousin did notice my symptom about it. She noticed that I mentioned the same interest over and over again. On my special interests, I do have them. One of them is strawberries. Strawberries are one of my favorite fruits. I have been eating them all the time ever since I was little. I didn't remember how old I was when I 1st eat strawberries before, so I did remember that I did ask my grandmother how old I was when I 1st eat strawberries, and she said that I was 7 years old. My interests do change when I have grown older. I used to love dolls as well. I used to play with different kinds of dolls, like Barbie Dolls, Liv Dolls, Monster High Dolls, and others. I also use to play with action figures too, because I did remember me and my mom use to go to Family Dollar all the time, and I always get the action figure toys. I am a picky eater, because there are certain types of textures and tastes in the food that I do not like. I remember in my childhood, my grandmother use to buy these Dora the Explorer yogurts. I didn't like them, because the yogurt wasn't liquid smooth type of yogurt. It was jelly-Ish like, and I didn't want to eat it at all, so she gave it to my cousin instead, and I got mad about it. I don't know why but it's just strange that I got mad when she gave it to my cousin, when I didn't like the yogurt, but I did remember that. Also, I am a disliker of coconut, onions, and watermelons. I don't like them because both the texture and the taste. Instead of boiled eggs, I always choose scrambled eggs. I only like sliced cheese on grilled cheese, but I don't like slice cheese on my other meals. Sometimes, I do struggle with social cues, like the struggles that I have when it comes to school assignment instructions. Ex: When a teacher gives the class the instructions on the essay assignment that I don't understand, sometimes, I have to raise my hand, and ask them if they can say it specifically so that I can understand what they are saying, or I have to write it down, so that I can understand clearly of what they are saying. I am more of a person who always write things down on paper first, before I would type it on computer, because it is really easy for me to know what they are asking me to do.

[@annestone5940]

I love your messages. I teach and have a spectrum students in each class. I do enjoy quirkiness. It is a stress reliever to help and really make a difference. I just don't know how to breach their walls of insecurity to help autistic students faster.

[@FirstmaninRome]

Yeah, the crying meltdowns at the end of the day were a shock starting at 13, i really didnt think autism, and thought depression. Had a weird routine, I would still be do it in the car after work to alanis Morrisette if i didnt give up on Hard industrial maintenance jobs, but yeah ot was weird in highschool.

[@DanaAndersen]

It took me forever to connect it to meltdowns and being autistic, and though it sucks you've been through the same thing, I'm really glad its not just me!

[@FirstmaninRome]

@@DanaAndersen Also, something i having heard anyone mention is i would have a lind of emotional-romantic narrative, or a few of them that i woild repeat with nightly meltdowns in my teen years. The meltdowns were i guess kinda therapeutic, though i just thought i must be the weirdest person in the world.

[@gmlpc7132]

I certainly had similar characteristics to the ones you describe Dana. However like others on this thread I grew up at a time when autism was never mentioned and generally there was little or no awareness of psychological conditions. There would have been some people diagnosed with autism but only those who were severely disabled non-verbal children who went to special schools. Kids like me were just considered "peculiar", "weird", "difficult", "rude", etc. I knew I was different but didn't understand why until I heard and read about Asperger's Syndrome many years later. That was a diagnosis that was certainly not used when I was young and anyone with AS would have just been lumped into the "weird" category. If I were young now I'd almost certainly be diagnosed with autism and maybe other things as well as there is so much more awareness of these conditions. While that could certainly have helped (more so when I entered adulthood and started to really struggle) I do wonder if it might also have led to lower expectations and that is always a risk when a child receives a diagnosis of autism or other learning disabilities.

[@DanaAndersen]

Awareness of autism is definitely getting better, but even growing up in the 2010's with an autistic brother I was often labeled rude and weird, though also 'gifted' and with 'high potential', so an odd mix! I think the expectations of what autistic kids will be able to achieve/do is so weirdly varied, especially depending on diagnosis. So many parents seem to think their child will never be able to do anything, and as you say that's bound to lead to lower expectations both from the person and those around them, but my older brother had a diagnosis of Aspergers, so in contrast he was expected to excel with computers and math, while being given huge allowances for behavioural issues. Definitely a fascinating area of discussion!

[@gmlpc7132]

@@DanaAndersen That's a very good point that sometimes a diagnosis may lead to very high expectations based on stereotypes of autists being talented at maths, computing and science. While that may help those who are talented in those areas it can create problems for the many autists whose talents and interests lie elsewhere. They may even struggle to be diagnosed because it might be assumed that all autists are maths and science experts. In terms of achievement and expectations overall I think so much depends on those around the autistic person, especially teachers and parents. There can be particular problems if teachers / schools have low expectations and while some parents (and students) can challenge them and get better treatment others will lack the means or confidence to do so.

[@spilkafurtseva1918]

You are hilarious. You could be a comedian tbh. I lol’d several times in this vid. Bravo.

[@DanaAndersen]

Thank you but this is honestly the last thing I need haha, I think I'm so funny until I'm actually around people and realise no one else is laughing!