6 Signs An Avoidant Partner Loves You

[@pdubs1408]

Most fucked up part is receiving most of these signs/ experiences and still getting discarded. Gut wrenching

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

Exactly

[@jackiel7726]

👍❤️‍🩹

[@djsaruto6552]

Facts

[@thespaniard977]

That's the risk brother their fear got the best of them and need to grow and heal it's in your favor brother she wasn't rdy for a real relationship so luck is on your safe

[@Cabbage_math]

Right there with you brother

[@CSG0103]

I would rather just attract a healthy and stable connection. The avoidant gets depressed after their partner leaves. Their partner gets depressed during the relationship.

[@jillian2596]

The last two sentences 🥺

[@patriciaobrien6600]

Perfectly stated! ❤

[@hubi8129]

It’s not like avoidants just start to not care. The avoidance itself is a coping mechanism developed by childhood trauma and it is hurtful. The avoidant fear of intimacy, conflicting feelings and self-hate felt during relationships is something that certainly can make you depressed and also hella anxious.

[@thatbobbiechick]

Well said !

[@777-h6n]

Omg!😂

[@Kattykat63]

Relationships are hard enough with day to day living, but to have to be thinking about what or how they'll react or not react at all, is incredibly draining. Trying to get them to open up and share their thoughts and feelings is like trying to open a can of soup with your teeth!

[@ketobodybuilder2482]

Or where they are when disappear

[@terig8974]

The same applies to being in a relationship with an anxiously attached person.

[@concettacafa2394]

Is like walking on eggshells the whole time

[@papakael8247]

Nailing Jello to the wall

[@reneewhittinghill3440]

RIGHT?! ✅️ Turning red and gritting their teeth... I'm fine. 😆

[@thepuzzlemaker3012]

Just walk away. There''s not enough life and mental sanity to stay and try to decipher every looney out there.

[@Portia620]

Yep! Not playing games! No consistency see ya! No time to be pulled and pushed around

[@jackiel7726]

👍💯❤️‍🩹

[@TodaysAudrey]

💯

[@sterntaler64]

Just did it. A "best friend" who keeps refusing to talk on the phone or meet for a simple coffee is no friend at all. I don't care anymore what childhood bs he needs to heal from.

[@777-h6n]

Exactly 😂

[@Louise-u3w]

Pfffff ... why should I. I want to be his girlfriend, not therapist. He should work on his issues, I am not wasting my time running after someone who does not really want a relationship.

[@VivaCohen]

Yeah, well I've been loved by a few avoidants and what I've learned after years of this and some therapy is that being loved by someone is not enough. And loving them is not enough. We're so preoccupied with worrying whether they love us. So what if they love you? There are a lot of people who would love you. The real question is, can they meet your needs? Can they express that love? Can they connect securely? Can they show you with their actions and words? And DAs usually can't because they haven't done the work on themselves yet. This is true for every insecure attachment type. And if you stay in a relationship with a DA who isn't working on their attachment style, you're going to sacrifice a lot. Your needs most likely won't be met. You might end up with a wrecked nervous system. The relationship will be one-sided. And they won't prioritize you because that's too risky for them. You won't have real intimacy and often-times not much clarity. It's easy to think that its worth it for love, but then consider the fact that there are people out there who are secure who would love you and who CAN give you all of these things.

[@reneewhittinghill3440]

Yes! Matthew Hussey talks about deciphering between how you feel about them vs how they make you feel. These are not the same.

[@anamuraro]

So funny how someone can deceive themselves to think that there's love in a "relationship" with someone who actually avoids love. You should learn with them and avoid their very type. I don't spend my empathy with unempathic people.

[@chocoborider87]

Although they are in fact incapable of empathy, I've noticed that they are capable of sympathy. They can't really put themselves in your shoes and feel what you are feeling. However, they can understand your situation and recognize that you are going through something difficult and have feelings of compassion or feel sorry for you. They are not monsters after all. Well, to be fair, I guess they are like half-monster half-human.

[@Dannaahragento]

That’s the problem. Empathy is understanding others situations and being able to feel and understand the other person. If you understand how all of us except the luck few who stable got where we are then the only right answer is more empathy. Once you develop feeling it’s a lot harder to walk away. I’m on the process of figuring if my wife is a narcissist or anxious advoidnt because I’m learning that they share a lot of the same traits. It’s all from childhood trauma

[@MM-pb8ik]

I’m so glad I found you. If I listen to all these random who say “how to know if a guy is interested in you or not” I’d be alone instead of enjoying my partner.

[@jsmithsemper4848]

Who’s your partner hun.

[@ggrace1133]

Run as fast as you can from an avoidant! Serious as a heart attack-RUN! Unless you’re an avoidant too. All others, read my virtual lips…do not get involved with an avoidant. The hurt, loneliness, unmet emotional connection, and misery never ends. Plus, you’ll always be to blame.

[@Tionaintown876]

I’m literally always to blame. The emotional connection I beg for will never be mine. It’s so hard when you love the person and want nothing more than for them to be better for you. I spend most of my time fantasizing about what we could have, not the defensive, hateful person I have

[@OnlyinHana]

Accurate. I just walked away from one of those

[@vick2255]

If you avoid me, you do not love me. And that is fine, I do not need love, but you should work on it only because being in a relationship because you need one but without actually wanting one denotes internal conflict, and THAT is a problem. Specially when you involve other people in it and refuse to acknowledge you have a problem nobody has the responsibility to fix, you but imply that you feel entitled to understanding and external psychological and emotional management from life partners when this is not their function at all, and when this is a too heavy load to place on their shoulders, and you know it since you would not have it on yours.

[@Dreamplandoradij]

We live together for 10 years now , i still cannot understand if he loves me . Rarely say anything about his feelings for me, rarely hugs, rarely intimate. Sometimes i feel like furniture

[@madeleineprice3556]

You should leave honey :( I understand this feeling

[@crystalperez1513]

Quality time and words of affirmation are a part of loving someone. Everyone deserves to recieve all the "love languages" in a healthy relationship no should wait or hold out for these adult children in hopes that these adults will grow up and learn compassion and empathy support and nurturing. Its humaning 101.

[@msscorpio14]

We were in a long distance relationship. We only traveled once for his bday. I never met his mother. He would take his phone everywhere. He always had an excuse for not being sexually intimate. We did move together. I moved out a month later.

[@tiffanyfowler7785]

Sad😢

[@tiffanyfowler7785]

Was he an avoidant or just an a**hole, sheesh

[@lisasunshine7654]

I had all of these, but he still grew distant 😢

[@rarab22]

That's because emotional distance is how they show they love you. So he def loves you. Distance is their love language and so is acts of service. If for some reason you want him...just neglect him...he will most likely fall in love. They romanticize distance. It's very sad really. Hope this helps!

[@tiffanyfowler7785]

😭😭😭 but quality time is my love language it’s hard to!

[@tiffanyfowler7785]

@@rarab22oopsie I didn’t tag you in the last message, but are you in a relationship with a partner like this

[@rarab22]

@@tiffanyfowler7785 same mine likes quality time too so long as I don't assert any concerns or needs...like ever. They love inauthentic peace.

[@M.M-t6u]

Why waste your precious love on someone who makes you feel like garbage and puts you on a never ending emotional rollercoaster??? Heal and remove yourself from egocentric vampires. It's not your responsibility to learn how to deal with their BS and waste your time with analysing their shitty behaviour. You deserve someone who makes your life easy and peaceful and not a living hell!!!

[@sterntaler64]

🎯 thank you 🙏🙏🙏😊

[@coraliepython1291]

Thank God someone said it! 🫠

[@pettynettie5514]

Exactly!!! I can't believe there are entire KZbin channels based on how to emotionally and psychologically destroy yourself. Deciphering and analyzing their intentions (where you could absolutely be WRONG, and unknowingly in the hands of a full-on sociopath!) is irresponsible advice. Believe what they show you. If the situation is confusing and emotionally chaotic - head for the door. You have no reason to expect anything different in the future from a person who's been operating this way literally their entire life. It works for them. Unfortunately, what works for them - is destructive to you. It's not a match. Move on.

[@LeanneGuitar]

PREACH 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[@saralynn699]

Your videos have been eye opening! For example, this weekend all I said to my partner (avoidant…I’m anxious lol) is “let me know how if I can help you babe” That very simple statement changed everything!!! Within 30 seconds he was asking my opionon.

[@millafin9469]

@saralynn I held on to the no contact rule strictly. After a couple of those, I did the "Give me your opinion". I now have a chatter box opening up and actually communicating and feeling safe. Amazing.

[@millafin9469]

Not perfect but lets wait and see.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for sharing your personal experience!

[@kasijune88]

Mine ran at those words. He thought it was a trap or something. He couldn't make sense out of it

[@beIETian]

​@@millafin9469how long did you hold no contact for ? And who reached out first ?

[@G0oNi.E]

DA's do not possess the emotional tools necessary to maintain a loving, healthy relationship. Who cares how serious they are.

[@petitcoeur-q6r]

Good to know - my avoidant doesn’t really love me. They never let me stay over (always an excuse at the last minute), never met their family. I now realise I’m just a short term fling and meant nothing to them. I guess I was only good when the pandemic was around and he was feeling bored and didn’t feel great about his appearance (he was obese) and now that is over and he’s lost a huge amount of weight, suddenly I’m no longer important to him anymore (he discarded me) and I’m not good enough for him anymore and wants to continue his life as if I never meant anything to them or existed. I’m trying to detaching myself from them. It’s hard and painful to do so. I need to let hope die. I will need to cut them out of my life forever and never let them back in whatsoever. I shouldn’t have been naive but it got the best of me.

[@jaelo7496]

You were a "place holder"

[@petitcoeur-q6r]

@@jaelo7496 yep realised that now. They used me. Now they have the audacity to crumb again. I’m not going back to that crap again.

[@tracyonyenwe6062]

Wow, Avoidant is the new term for players 😂. Okay good luck to anyone trying to wait around to see if they love you. Love is actions, not words. If someone says all the right things but consistently doesn't do all those things, they aren't serious.

[@jasomon2115]

But what do you call a player who is a woman? There's definitely more male avoidants out there. But these women are around. I just met one, actually. I'm AP in healing.

[@kokolatte825]

Not all avoidants are players. And players can have other attachment styles. It's almost like you missed the entire point attempting to conflate the information. Good luck

[@tracyonyenwe6062]

@@kokolatte825 to be fair, I can't say what's in another person's mind, and I don't have this "avoidant attachment" issue so I really can't relate to loving someone and avoiding them. I know people aren't simple as ABC so there are different issues people suffer from that make them act different, but I really hope they heal and I also hope some players aren't enabled by people thinking they are innocent and just "avoidant".

[@tracyonyenwe6062]

Maybe it's best for avoidant attachment and anxious attachment people to heal on their own and become healthy attachment before pursuing a relationship. It'll save their love interest the heart ache. I'll hate to hurt my person this way. Being single till you heal isn't a bad idea.

[@nadinma5560]

Wow, youre good! Although quality time and words of affirmation are things that personally I love/need to give and love to receive..

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Glad you like the video. Thank you for sharing.

[@nadinma5560]

​@@brianamacwilliam.attachment I wasn' t able to realize these patterns, and even more difficult to be able to express them in words. Now, I am able to be more conscious of so complex patterns that mix themselves, and drag me lost in overstimulation of intense feelings. Thank you. It is so eye-opening and gives opportunity to, self and other, understanding and accepting with compassion and love. And that can help bring clarity, peace and mindful change. For both parties, because for me both suffer either way, but all need love. Keep on the good work and thank you again. 🙏❤

[@Kinteresting]

Don’t hate on avoidants everyone.. we are people too. And sometimes even we get screwed over by other avoidants! So, welcome everyone.

[@blizzart9191]

Then go to therapy...

[@earlgrey2130]

Then do therapy. You damage others for life.

[@scottverge938]

While I can appreciate where you're coming from. You can heal that childhood trauma and thus become a better partner.

[@Eyedocsri]

Soo much of decoding and micromanagemebt to get what should be natural between two partners, when you want quality time or physical touch just ask it straight and you shoudl get it and if the partner wants us to pick up the trash just ask or wants to ve eoft alone just say it. Making it work with an avoidant partner drains you off your energy and destroys all other aspects of life like career, personal health, social life coz it takes too much to get them to meet your needs its like being with robot than nevers learns and you have to keep training it 😅

[@sylph99]

Great analogy!

[@OnlyinHana]

Intolerable

[@derekknight5156]

Hahaha dear lord these people gonna rapidly age their partners

[@donmarco0611]

??? We traveled together, lived with her parents, had her phone passcode with my birth date and still discarded me eventually

[@shehjadkushkiwala4199]

Yes it was all there in the honeymoon phase, then slowly faded

[@RosettaRedfeather]

He’s been testing me for years. I wonder when I’ll get the results.

[@777-h6n]

I think I’m under some testing. Omg😂

[@rachelannecreamer410]

If it's been years... Then you will not get any results. I'm sorry.

[@rungeon83]

yep words of affirmation being the lowest on the list! Wow did I feel that one Hahah

[@rarab22]

Yup giving me a compliment seemed like he was about to catch a stroke 😂

[@annewellmann8867]

Thank you, Briana! I really like your content and your soothing voice. ☺️ My question regarding this video: Are Avoidants known to be hyper- or hyposexual more often than the average person?

[@whiggygirl]

I wondered this also

[@millafin9469]

Hypo oe hyper????

[@777-h6n]

I think hyper. It’s all weird😂

[@whiggygirl]

@tl9055 yeah, the DA I was seeing has a really high sex drive

[@starchoo4616]

Cann't thrust them, insecure, fear, not direct , no express feeling waste of time be with typical this man

[@georgeelder8415]

Some of the sweetest girls are avoidant. You must have incredible patience with them, keep expectations low, and give it time and them space... She might be the best thing that ever happened to you!

[@jacob-2271]

This just sounds like Stockholm syndrome

[@stephanieg4950]

Is hyposexuality a thing in avoidants? Mine had all these signs but as soon as i receeded he never contacted me first. He said for sure we ll find time to spend in next 2 mths and never reached out. When i asked what has been his best memory in last 2 yrs he said, italy. Well, italy was a job/gig we worked. He was invited as main artist and i was invited as a guest. He told the host i was the best option for him, she cudnt have picked anyone better. But this was work, not about our relationship...it was all so bizarre. The whole relationship. So confusing. I chalked it up to trauma bond.

[@777-h6n]

They are weirdly hyper sexual but afraid of vulnerability and intimacy. Omg😂

[@tiffanyfowler7785]

Sorry about that sis, that was weird

[@ErikAdalbertvanNagel]

Lack of need quality time tells everything.

[@parabob2359]

Remind me why i would date avoidants? Screw all that, I'll date someone who isn't a wreck. 😂

[@777-h6n]

Yes😂

[@Tionaintown876]

You don’t control who you fall in love with. By the time you realize they’re an avoidant it may be too late

[@etcwhatever]

I can BE a bit of a wreck but Im not and avoidant. Thank God 😂

[@jasomon2115]

​@Tionaintown876 yes, and according to statistics 25% are dismissive avoidants, and 20% are fearful avoidants. And avoidants also look for anxious preoccupied people. So odds are against all of us single ppl.

[@OnlyinHana]

@@Tionaintown876 It’s hard to fall in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable so by the time I realized he was a dismissive avoidant I paused and tried to explain what’s lacking for me in the relationship only to be told that I was making up problems that did not exist. That sure made it easier to walk away. It’s unhealthy

[@rel0302]

According to you, my avoidant ex loved me very much, and I him. He still discarded me however, after two years 💔

[@javierlandry7246]

Wow that's time.

[@lilredheaded1]

Thank you for creating and sharing!

[@19katsandcounting]

How exhausting

[@noticeyourneighbor8649]

Wow. He really DOES love me

[@Mon-kf4hv]

Same thoughts here.. .now how to move forward after so much time between us, or when do we give up trying. Setting secure healthy boundaries helps when letting them calmly know we need more in order for this relationship to last. Ultimately it's up to them how much they're willing to break those rules for us. Taking a chance after bad experiences is a risk for all of us, some of us are just willing to take it because we believe it's worth the risk. If they don't, that tells us all we need to know.

[@TransformwithNadia]

Quality time is at the bottom of the list 😭 Found this out the hard way.

[@TheHighwinder]

Your avoidant partner won't be your partner for long, so none of this matters.

[@tiffanyfowler7785]

😔

[@TheNordicHunter]

I’m curious about this whole sex theory. My girlfriend who is going through perimenopause, never wants sex anymore. Says she has zero libido. If we do have sex, she always orgasms multiple times and enjoys it. But she doesn’t initiate it. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed when we talk about having sex and cries because she has no libido. So where’s my question? I guess I’m just wondering if there’s any way of knowing if this is all perimenopause or partially her maybe friend-zoning me, or just wanting to test me to see if sex is so important to me that I’d leave. It isn’t. I want her more than I want sex, but I also want sex because it’s a part of the bonding process. Just like holding hands or having deep conversations. And yes, we have had multiple vaccinations together with her family too. She just needs soooo much alone time that it makes me feel like she’s pulling away. I’m anxious if you can’t tell. lol.

[@millafin9469]

Use lifeflow for your dilems. It might be heloful. Goid luck.

[@millafin9469]

@nordickhunter, that is.

[@MadisonEstes]

It probably is all permimenopause. I also doubt she's having multiple orgasms every time she has sex with you. Most likely she is faking to make you happy and hoping you don't initiate again for awhile because you were satisfied you made her satisfied. Her sex drive may come back with time. I know it's frustrating, but try to keep being supportive. Maybe ask if she could talk to her doctor about medicine options for permimenopause. Sometimes sex will not feel as good because of changes to the body in addition to a lower sex drive. Get some warming lube, even if you don't use condoms use a ton of lube. And maybe introduce sex toys into the bedroom if she's okay with that idea. Vibrators and things like that might help. Also just talk to her about what you can do to make her life easier. That's one of the biggest turn ons for any woman. And try not to pressure her about sex because that's a turn off.

[@jackiel7726]

I just want to say When I went through menopause I had the same problem with the libido it was completely gone. It was an awful feeling for me because I couldn't do much about it and eventually my husband left me. ❤️‍🩹 She know she has a problem but she can't fix it So maybe if she goes to a doctor who can help her.

[@Sidera17]

Hey, I'm an FA who was hypersexual and started perimenopause young (late 30s). It's poorly understood by a lot of doctors, but being someone who was hypersexual and went to not really feeling in the mood at all, or even feeling "like a sexual person" anymore (I'm single and I notice there's a weurd way sex and dating is much less interesting all of a sudden, as well as even "dressing up to get the attention/valudation" or thinking about it as often). It's really scary how fast it happened, maybe in 2 years or so. I feel like soneone hijacked my brain and dialed down the sex. Would I still enjoy it if a partner initiated it and things were fun? Yes! But it's like I don't think to seek it. I can tell you this because I am a stranger, but if your gf is avoidant, she may be unable to or afraid to for fear of abandonment, or even the othe other type that feels they need to handle everything on their own. My change in drive and personality bugged me but is slowly shifting, but it might not bother your gf but she is afraid you and she may now have different needs. I hope some if this can help. There are special menopause doctors who can address it also if she is interested. (NAMS).

[@simonac688.]

Run run and donth look back 😎

[@madeleineprice3556]

Wow your end part was so true quality time and affirmations lowest on list 🙃

[@Buggzter-n-Gallade]

Funny thing, my love language is not affirmation but I need *some*. I need a decent amount of QT tho. My situationship-kindaSO has over the last WEEK specifically made sure he's upping those things when he sees I'm doubting myself. It's weird but very welcome. 🥰 He also JUST YESTERDAY opened up enough to say he still loves me and always will (long story /history starting 25 years ago when we were teens....) I let him know just before I was falling harder for him, but I hadn't yet said "ILY" to him. 🥰 I'm tickled pink that the suggestions from you and others are helping so well tho it's taking TIME and patience.

[@RoseSmell2005]

My gf is like this. I know she loves me and all. But she just can't express it :/ Not saying "i love you too" back, really? And when i asked her if she missed me after two days of no contact, she just replied "No" so bluntly.. 😭 Idk if I'll be able to tolerate it a month more, when she's promised she'll work on herself. Until then, she has exam prep so..

[@jamie-r2034]

Dude, seriously i did 10 years with my gf like that. The last few years especially have been hell. Non stop hot/cold, lovey/distant, no acts of love or compassion. If i was 10 extra mons getting home from work she would automatically think i was out with someone else. It was draining but i finally left. Its only been 3 days and i sleep so much better & have no anxieties. I didnt know this was even a thing until now & it makes so much sense

[@RoseSmell2005]

@@jamie-r2034 I'm glad to hear you feel better, pal Also, love yourself. It's important! Even though I'm still in contact with my now ex (we're just friends now), we're good friends, and I also try to love myself and encourage her to do the same. I do feel better now too haha Btw, best wishes to you! ❤️

[@madeleineprice3556]

@@RoseSmell2005you’re so sweet, I was in the same relationship as you are with your gf with my bf

[@sallysfavfarnick60]

Thank you!

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

You're welcome!

[@1224polo]

Who cares if they love? Their "love" is a joke. It's absolutely worthless. My avoidant loved me and I feel it. Then she moved from love to hate in one week with her ridiculous reasons. 2 years together, no arguments at all, sex out of this world, we were so happy together. All this time she was bottling up small ridiculous things not communicating her needs and what is bothering her. Suddenly exploded when I was on holiday with my son. She just left me a letter full of hate and resentment. They are extremely selfish egoists. Don't waste time on them. I am happy it was only two years not ten

[@rachelannecreamer410]

If you call her reasons; ridiculous... Maybe that is why she didn't feel safe enough to share them with you when she was with you. Being told your feelings are ridiculous is both diminishing and dismissive. Being told that by someone you love is destroying. She was protecting herself from you, whether she needed to or not is what you now must think about. Yes, she wasn't transparent or authentic or fully honest... But you must ask yourself how much you are partly responsible for those reactions in her behavior... And how much was her former trauma. Be as honest with yourself as you say you wanted her to be with you. Would you have listened to her reasons, or would you have made excuses and dismissed hers? Only you can answer that question. But answer it honestly.

[@1224polo]

@@rachelannecreamer410 kzbin.info/www/bejne/i4OWYZRparmgZs0

[@chocoborider87]

​@@rachelannecreamer410 I think you're exaggerating. People in relationships tell each other that their reasons are ridiculous all the time. No one is destroyed or leaves the relationship. They communicate further and negotiate. They reciprocate and it works out fine.

[@rachelannecreamer410]

@@chocoborider87 no. I'm not exaggerating. And you just dismissed my opinion that is based upon my own experiences that you didn't ask about. I was in a devaluing relationship just like he mentioned and I asked him about. How he described his relationship was exactly from my own personal experiences with men. You can only be authentic with someone if you trust yourself to stay safe... If you trust they will hold your boundaries. If as a woman, you have been conditioned to trust men to keep you safe, but that hasn't materialized and you are being devaluated... If you are like me... And possibly her, we watch... Our needs are what we model to others. We don't speak those needs because we have been shamed in the past for them ( I was "exaggerating" for example, that was shaming whether you meant it that way or not). But if those needs are not reciprocated in actions from the one we love. We eventually leave. It's called consideration and modeling the behavior we want to receive. He didn't model the behavior she evidently needed. And with his language here in the dialog... "Small Ridiculous things", "suddenly exploded"... He belittled her needs instead of meeting them. It doesn't matter if he thinks those needs are small or ridiculous. They were her needs. And he didn't even register them. It's the little things, not the big ones that create trust and respect in a woman's heart.

[@chocoborider87]

@@rachelannecreamer410 I'm not dismissing your opinion. If I were dismissing your opinion, I wouldn't even consider it. I'm saying you're exaggerating, which means that although I believe that your opinion may be partly engrained in truth, I ultimately think that you are representing his actions as being worse than they really were. Avoidants are the ones that don't know how to act in a relationship and mess things up for everyone. If she was an avoidant, she was probably in the wrong. Unfortunately, many avoidants never learn and spend their entire life jumping from relationship to relationship, never finding peace and never really understanding that they are the ones with a behavioral issue.

[@MapleLeaf_Citizen]

ha... this is insane... lol I see these as warning red flags this isn't someone I'd date

[@jessd956]

Almost in variably people who get into relationships with avoidants, do not notice the red flags at first because they are not predominant. Avoidants tend to be very different in the beginning of a relationship and by the time you start to see random concerns… It can be too late for many of us. Especially those of us who are open hearts, and tend to get into deeper relationships faster.

[@beIETian]

​@@jessd956this is so messed up! From now on I will request to do the attachment test before I open my heart to another Avoidant

[@djgirlbaddiehaddie8972]

I don’t know I love my partner and I understand his avoidance and I will continue to fight for his warm heart and the love that he did not receive as a child! He’s getting there and I’m proud of him!

[@neenehjin]

This is pretty accurate. For me. Because I am the avoidant. I do Acts of service, Physical touch, and gift giving. That's why LDR wont work for me. 😫

[@oilyskinguru]

My long distance boyfriend has introduced me to his family. But when I found out he cheated he started isolating me to his family. He still calls me everyday and still say I love you. We already travelled together. But I caught him only last January about the cheating and we haven't travelled yet since then. I feel like we are back to zero.

[@TheNordicHunter]

If he cheated, you should move on. You deserve better.

[@oilyskinguru]

@@TheNordicHunter I gave him another chance because we all deserve 2nd chances. If I caught him again. I will dump him.

[@jackiel7726]

​@@oilyskinguruThe second time around is going to be more painful. To get over it. Good luck These people don't change. ❤️‍🩹

[@madeleineprice3556]

I’m sorry honey but you shouldn’t stay with someone who violates boundaries like that

[@MsPangY]

I’m confuse with my baby daddy but he said we are friends and not a couple no more but still visit his kids and help take us to the store, Periodt! Wow! This means it’s over & it’s aight! He’s not good for me anyways!! 😢😮❤

[@sterntaler64]

A caring daddy is good for the kids. A loving and caring new partner is good for you 🍀❤️

[@MsPangY]

@statutcadre One min, he wants to be around us and one min; he's gone!! A REAL parent don't leave his kids alone to wonder what is wrong, PERIODT!! A man who leaves his kids with the mom is a NO GOOD MAN!!

[@MsPangY]

@@sterntaler64 I rather be a single parent with no new partner! In my culture, they just want me and not my kids so it's aight.. Imma have to suffer until the day I DIE!!!

[@Samaritan38]

Eh, maybe avoidants are made to be in long distance friendships. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@whiggygirl]

If those are their love languages, does this mean they are best to receive the same back? Mine showers me with thoughtful gifts. Will he appreciate gifts back? (I've not given him too many as he has a good income and at the moment I'm a sole working Mother (nurse) who struggles even buying food. He completely understands this but just want to understand how he best receives affection

[@Liza-Loves-You]

Something handmade maybe? 🙏✨

[@Kris-h5z]

Gifts is at the bottom of the list for me with words of affirmation and quality time ahead of it. I know I need my space, time to think alone, and quality time for/with myself also so like to be clear with my partner about my choice to invest my time and energy with them and what my intentions are.

[@MM-pb8ik]

This is nailing it so far for my partner and I. How long does it typically take for the gift giving? Mine has yet to give me a gift he got for me not long ago. A book. I can’t wait to get it. But it deff took him a while to want to give me a gift.

[@millafin9469]

I was wondering about the gift giving. I have received not a thing after two years; but he does not get ANYTHING from me either. Boundaries big time. Protect myself.

[@MadisonEstes]

​@@millafin9469Communicate it with him gently. He might not know you are wanting that. Also I'm curious...no gifts for birthday or Christmas? That's odd.

[@cecilyremy7899]

Such a waste of time. Dr. In clinical psychology, here.

[@marikamarakkas]

Trying to al the time read if someone might love you create a lot of insecurity. We can instead stay where we feel and know peaople loves us. Includong friends.. feel it.. get use to it.. heal.. continue to be with a partner that we feel love us ❤. Weer all created to be loved. In all relationships. Nothing strange. Keep on receeving love where it is❤

[@---nj7hl]

What is the difference between hypo and hyper?

[@madeleineprice3556]

Hyper meaning very sexually driven and hypo meaning not sexual (either hesitation or needs time before they make that intimacy)

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

Ugh… I recognized most of these. Sadly, I was never introduced to family or experienced travel with him. Acts of service, spending the night in a hotel (long distance) with phone set out and even shared/scrolled with me viewing, and baby steps to physical contact. 😢

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for commenting and sharing a bit of your personal experience 🙏❤️

[@nunya6346]

Mine booked a trip with me and backed out at the last minute 😢

[@Yryyyys]

He agreed to travel with me and introduced me to his family even though he was a bit reluctant a first, he enjoyed our vacation together and he was the one who initiated the introduction to his family without me having to nag too much. He shows he loves me in many ways, all 5 love languages. He did have rules around how much time he spent with me at the beginning and he did loosen them up little by little. But it's been 10 months now, I wanna move in together and he is farrrr from ready. He told me from the start that he goes very slow about everything and I think it's good cause I tend to jump head first so it was a good balance between my push and his pull. But I still feel unfulfilled, I would wanna spend more time together, it's only 1 or 2 nights per week, not enough for me. How do I express my needs without making him pull away?

[@arianagarcia22]

Ahhh careful with this one! Moving in with an avoidant who hasn’t done their inner work is so so bad for your nervous system. Right now you have WANTS needing to be fulfilled, but having NEEDS, the ones to function requiring accommodation will literally wear you down in the daily grind. The more you try to demand (control) for these that you NEED to function, the more the avoidant shuts off, where your wants also start getting ignored and stacking up, all leading to a very toxic loop!

[@Yryyyys]

@@arianagarcia22 hey I did not understand what you mean!

[@amandarogers3040]

What about when he wants to meet your kids, lets you meet his, occasionally text you, and ghosts you but doesn't call you?

[@melisandrethedragon6767]

My avoidant partner and I are looking at houses. I never met his family and that was mutual. I know too much about them and only one is a decent person. I tease him that he must be adopted! He definitely engages in acts of service.

[@rettipetiteriviere2367]

What backs up the priority list of the language of love and Labor ? What factors into that? I would think quality time is more at top

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

@@rettipetiteriviere2367 This is based on a survey that I did of 200 students, quality time is not usually high on the list for avoidant partners. Words of affirmation is at the bottom. More acts of service, gift giving, or physical intimacy towards the top. They feel smothered by too much time together.

[@lindablankenship91]

Mine gave me lots of quality time,

[@javierlandry7246]

but won't commit.

[@cristinamarrone8515]

So I am on the right path ❤

[@denisehoshor5298]

Quality time and words of affirmation are at the bottom of the list. Explain?

[@ketobodybuilder2482]

Only got half. So no contact , now she wants a serious talk.

[@wizardofaus2985]

Don't get any physical contact and i'm married to one.

[@wenlovesmsu8912]

How long have you been married? Without the physical intimacy? Just curious, Asking for a friend….yes, I’m the friend .

[@wizardofaus2985]

@wenlovesmsu8912 ummmmm I think I worked it out... 12 months PI, 12 months on and off, 5 years nothing.

[@taylort726]

What if he doesn’t lock his phone up in the safe because he doesn’t actually give a shit?

[@jillian2596]

My avoidant seemed high on quality time as a love language. I didn’t really notice acts of service, he wasn’t naturally very cuddly but quite generous in bed. Words of affirmation was definitely very low for him. He told me probably the second week we hung out that he’d had *multiple* women complain that he didn’t give enough compliments. I knew not to expect many compliments. He said basically if he was still making time to see me, he was still interested.

[@ddfirespirit]

I was thinking of my crush until the end, especially those love language, where i realised it's me. I'm an avoidant partner 🥴

[@Neya500]

Coulf you please do a video elaborating on each of these? Please

[@msphoenix269]

Pshhhh...none of this matters because in the end, they still play the games. "Love" is an action word.

[@jenniferldohn]

Depressing. Would rather be alone.

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

I'd stay single.

[@markcollins1012]

People with unrepentant avoidant attachment shouldn’t be in relationships.

[@placebo106]

What about when our families live in different countries? We live in a third country.

[@jackiel7726]

Is devastating what they do. ❤️‍🩹

[@douwe4254]

Any signs you missed? Yeah, they will likely still break up with you once or twice before you had enough yourself. They gotta heal first, before they enter a long term relationship and stick with it.

[@ladyofspa]

I think it's wacky to keep normalizing avoidant love.

[@annabeutlin2958]

I think also people with trauma that makes them avoid intimacy should be allowed to love within their opportunities. Being rejected as a child doesn't get better when being rejected as an adult.

[@jasomon2115]

​@@annabeutlin2958 all people with trauma are avoidants or anxious.

[@OnlyinHana]

Feels unhealthy

[@Portia620]

Sometimes meeting family should come later once you are introduced to their family! As a woman I’d prefer to met his family first. Nothing abnormal about that at all.

[@JETTSTACHI]

Or, just say no. Turn and run. Not worth it. Been there and you will become damaged because of it.

[@MysticPhx]

He did all those things and still left. Doesnt apply to a narcissist playing games.

[@user-gn4pk1qd2l]

I’m really trying to understand a certain avoidant person as someone who’s excellent with words of affirmation.

[@AAKochel]

Loads of labels and categorising. It depends on each case and how someone interprets each and every situation / behaviour

[@ЛичныйТелефон]

Sounds like promo of narcissism light version.

[@Portia620]

How do u know they have hypersexuality?

[@etcwhatever]

I wanted mutual flirting; seduction and cards on the table. Cant give less of a f about avoidants

[@greenfaery25]

So everything except family(none of us have met his family and there seems to be issues there) and the leaving but I had to leave before him and it was his place.

[@TodaysAudrey]

So quality time and words of affirmation means "he probably doesn't love you". Ok got it 👍

[@nikvh437]

I had all these and she still left

[@nieceypiecey100]

Oh good then my avoidant isn’t serious about me at all 😂😫😢

[@anonymousnation5235]

Okay.... My avoidant never saw a serious future with me.... Am gonna go cry my eyes out now. Bye bye

[@mikek7660]

Hmm

[@d1v1n1ti]

i can't figure out the 6, is there a comment that spells them out

[@MedusasSnakePit]

What about when they start off hypersexual towards you then act hyposexual???

[@nicoletasaranfir7104]

He did all this things for me in the begging of our relationship and left me saying that doesn’t have any feelings for me and after few moths moved on into new relationship but the fact which I can’t understand it’s that that girl it’s from same city as me and same prototype as me . Someone can explain me why to chose same partner unconscious

[@venuspsychicmasseuse]

😮

[@Portia620]

Non avoidances give acts of service and gift giving so are you saying this is all they do?

[@annmalone8208]

❤

[@ForrestMystic]

He did all that and still left